#IT SUCKS BC. LIKE. it doesnt LOOK broken and the only thing wrong with it is that its stuck Only Right Clicking AND I DONT KNOW WHY

[sundewa]

stylus continues to not work o<-<

yahoo

[thesoupinursocks]

Part Two

stupid little things that i hc for hjp

-his favorite kind of music is 90s R&B bc thats what he grew up with, he absolutely cannot stand wixen music no matter how hard he trys

-he HATES pizza. hates it.

-he got bullied into getting a new pair of glasses when he got older bc his old one finally got broken beyond repair and when he got the new prescription he just kept stairing at trees and saying "oh my godric mione theres like actual leaves on the trees. like i can see every individual one."

-his favorite icecream is strawberry cheesecake, but a close second is cookie dough

-he has this really big sweatshirt he shrinks to carry around in his pocket werever he goes bc its so usefull when he gets cold

-talking abt getting cold, this mf is FREEZING 24/7. not a warm bone in his body. his teeth r chattering in 40° weather and his fingers turn blue if hes outside too long.

-he is slightly deaf in his right ear, partially from the killing curse messing with him, and also bc he fell down the stairs when he was like 4 and smashed his frontal lobe on the linoleum floor, and it never healed right.

-his favorite animals are snakes (obvi) and sometimes he goes to muggle pet shops to go talk to them bc he gets so sad that there locked in a glass cage and cant get out

-he has really bad blood circulation and when he sits criss cross his legs will go numb and when he trys to walk it off he looks like an idiot and his friends laugh at him

-pravati and padma and still friends with him and will invite him to hang out so they can paint his nails and try to fix his hair

-he was always tanner then alot of the kids at privit drive, bc he wasnt white, but he never got out much in the summers bc he wasn't allowed to so he always looked more pasty than he should have. the summer after the war he spent so much time outside and he tanned so much that when get went back for 8th year minerva thought he was james for a second

-he loves making friendship bracelets for people but hes so bad at them because of how shaky his hands are but everyone he gifts one too never complains.

-he has a necklace with the sirius star constellation

-he bought a magic ring that shows the moon and what phase it is the moment he looks at it, because he can never seem to keep track of it for the life of him and he wants to be able to for remus

-sometimes when he wakes up his hair does weird things so he grabs a pair of sissors and hacks off the bits that stick out bc "it will grow back hermione it really doesnt matter that much"

-he helped the twins pull a prank on ron so that every cup he drank out of for two weeks would flip itself upside down into his lap. ron eventually just started drinking with a straw though

-he and hermione lie to ron about muggle things all the time because its fucking hilarious to see him believe anything they say.

-he stole a street cat that was wandering around his flat one time bc it bothered him that it didnt have a home, and he named it "shitass" because it was the loudest and most annoying cat harry had ever met.

-he is expected to be late to class by most of his teachers. when he shows up on time it's like an actual surprise

-his full name is actually Haris James Potter and he had no clue until when remus was repremanding him and said his full name and he was like "..who?"

-harry has extensive knowledge on periods because of how much hermione complains about hers

-he only drinks his coffee black but he puts a shit load of honey into his tea

-he has a hard time differentiating his left from his right

-he sucks at spelling. actually once spelt his own name wrong on a assignments and snape graded him down for it.

[nonclassyparty]

THE FUCKING REALISATION SHE HAD ABT HER HAVING BEEN IN YEOSANGS PLACE TWO YEARS AGO BLEW MY MIND, I SHIT YOU NOT, I GOT UP AND HAD TO PULL OUT MY PENCIL AND A PIECE OF PAPER TO MAP OUT THIS SHIT TO VISUALISE IT BECAUSE MY MIND WAS TOO OVERWHELMED AHAJSKDJ

glad to see fellow oc apologists !! like y/n bb girl *i* understand you, how abt WE get married rn 💍🧎‍♀️

and i am baffled by how everyone, her included, are siding with wooyoung instead of mingi in this parallel situation (ik she hasnt forgiven woo or anything, im talking abt the *positions* of mingi and woo in the parallel) because even though what mingi did and said was shitty af and her feelings are valid especially towards mingi not mentioning the thing at all after all this time, i still think choosing to date and be on the side of the person who has said awful things about your BEST FRIEND and never apologised for any of it is more hurtful than anything.

ofc wooyoung falling for yeosang is totally valid and like she said, it hurts like hell but you can get over it because you want the best for your best friend. but the problem isnt just wooyoung not bringing it up, he feels shitty for doing this too, but to LIE and thus hurt her when she straight up asked abt it, knowing she’s been continuously hurt by her loved ones throughout her life and woo being her only piece of family rn is insaneeeee to me. like she aint just a casual friend of yours, THATS YOUR MFKING BEST FRIEND !!

but for me, all of that is *nothing* compared to him attacking her for being broken and acting on her feelings after finding all of this out on her own, instead of being on her side apologising and being there for her when her heart breaks. like bro, we are asking the BARE MINIMUM from you woo 😭 like i get it she doesnt like the person you are dating but now is NOT the time to be protective over your partner in this situation ?? or am i even more mentally ill than i thought for seeing this whole situation this way 😭😭 ?

akjfdkghfghdfghdkfghdf waittttttttttt

okay so what you said about how she's siding with wy as well thats TEA!!!! bc it is wrong, she knows its not right (obviously since she's the one in pain rn like she knows it sucks and that wy was a little shit for that) but theres still that envious little part of her that was like "damn i wish mingi fought that hard for ME" bc deep down she's not faulting mingi for not choosing her bc she understands, she understood then and she especially understands now but she's still resenting him for it especially now after seeing wooyoung (who is like HER PERSON) fight with her just to stay with ys. its just a very human thing to do, we all want to be that someone's first choice 😭

as for the whole attacking her ordeal, WELL...let's look at it from wy's perspective a little bit. he cares about ys a lot and ys is as vulnerable and delicate as she is maybe even more than her actually. so wy's first instinct was to protect him now HEAR ME OUT... wy was obviously aware that yn would be upset by this and he was scared that ys would get the brunt of it. and also imagine ys just standing there while yn rages at him while wy is just apologizing to her, that would suck for yeosang, your partner begging to be forgiven by the person currently hurling insults at you? 😭 so wy always wanted to avoid that, he wanted to tell her on his own time at his own pace but then it happened unexpectedly and everything just went out of his control. so the moment yn even tried to be nasty towards ys, wy had to stop it and he did it by being nasty to her instead and he def fucked up with that but its a tricky situation for all of them really because wooyoung cares about both of these people. yn is his best friend but yeosang is his boyfriend and it was hard to get out of it without one of them ending up hurt😭

[mythiccheroacademia]

Hey!! Could we please get more sugar daddy fics with a black reader ofc 😋 idk if you've done shoto already but that'd be nice or hawks and deku💕

A/N: “wrist on glitter, waist on thinner, imma show you how to bag a eight-figure nigga” 👅💋 I enjoyed this way too much

All characters are 18+

Warnings: it got a lil spicy so imma put the line 

Todoroki Shouto:

this mf has money to burn 

we all know todoroki came out the womb w cash from his hair to his ass 

he’s on some “yes, jeff bezos knows me” type shit so if you’re tryna end up with someone that’s gonna possibly buy you a house, he’s your guy 

he slid into your dms after you posted a pic with your skin moisturized and glistening under golden hour and your body had him wanting to run laps 

he had been plottin on you for a min but never got the motivation to do something about it until then

he’s a no strings attached type of sugar daddy

todoroki is a big name even outside of hero work and he’s well aware of all the people that have tried to use him. so instead of letting that happen, he’s decided to do things on his own terms 

when yall first started talking, he questioned you like this was managerial position at apple 💀 

best believe he ran an in-depth background check and made you sign an NDA 💀💀💀

he was a tough one

but you passed w flying colors and y’all settled on an arrangement

you have a weekly allowance that hits your bank account every saturday with some bonuses that he’ll give you depending on how the week goes

todoroki isnt needy nor is he one to be all up in your business 

it’s actually weird in an endearing kind of way? 

he only wants to have conversations with you 

i mean, dont get me wrong, he’s up for anything you are

todoroki would be a liar if he said he never ended some nights with a picture of you and a hand down his pants 

but that’s not what he’s mainly looking for 

you figure out very quickly that shouto just wants someone to talk to 

he’ll randomly hit up your phone and have a 30 min convo about something like the weather or hero politics, and then he’ll dip

next thing you know, you got $1000 in your cashapp

you kind of panicked bc like...wtf? 

your dumb ass messaged him: “did you mean to send $1000?”

sis, dont put a question mark where God put a period

him: “Yes.”

and that was the end of that

you dont question anymore

he’s not doting in any kind of way, and sometimes you lowkey think he forgets about you, but you still get your allowance 

doesn’t send a lot of gifts unless you explicitly state you want something

he doesnt text back a lot, but he tried to respond when he can

but i do see him liking it when you send him mundane things you do throughout your day, like pics of cookies you baked, or a cool plant you saw at home depot

and he enjoys the times you and him end up just trashing his father for nearly an hour. expect to find flowers, with some expensive ass coats or something at your door the next morning 

he really fucks w your laid back vibe 

sometimes he forgets you guys arent really supposed to be friends 

Takami Kiego (Hawks):

this is not hawks’ first time being a sugar daddy

he’s hot, rich, and one of the most eligible bachelor’s in japan with a life that prevents him from having anything too serious

so, long story short, he’s a veteran at this 

he used to be the type to reach out to instagram baddies but he had a couple bad run-ins and decided to stick with the official sites because it was a lot more secure on both ends 

the funny thing was, you set up your account a long time ago as a joke. though at one point, you did take it seriously, but you came in contact with a lot of super creepy men that sexualized you for your skin and ethnicity. 

you were tired of the “chocolate king/queen” and “amazonian god/dess” comments,so you took a break. you didnt have much activity since

so imagine youre surprise when the #2 hero hit your line talking about some 

“Hey~ I’ll get straight to the point. I think you’re beautiful and I’d like to talk with you about an arrangement” 

you thought this was a fake account, but after he chatting for a little and sending some pictures, you knew he was the real deal 

hawks is your standard tit-for-tat transaction sugar daddy

he’s the type to hit you up at night with a “how ya doing, dove? got any pics for me?”

he’s good about his respect ad won’t do anything out of line

it’s the bare minimum, be he doesnt fetishize you so that’s always nice 

however, he does make you call him daddy, sir, etc. whether it’s through text, call, or when y’all get together for...reasons

ngl his dicc game is fire

he might ghost you for a week or so but he’ll always come back with a nice check to make up for it 

just be careful about catching feelings bc he’s so fucking smooth. he makes you feel like you’ve got his heart, but dont fall for that shit

if you think you can “change him” or fuflfil whatever wattpad romance fantasy lives in your head, he is not your guy. you better get on w your life before you get your heart broken

he’s here to suck, fuck, send pics, do a little phone call here n there, send some money, and go 

if you’re not with all that, you might as well dip 

but if you’re cool with that, rest assured, you’re gonna be living your best mf life with this man in your wallet 

and good news, you might not be his only, but you are his favorite

there’s just something about you that’s got him giving you a few extra thousand than he normally does 

he doesnt take his sugar babies on proper dates bc he’s gotta stay away from media outlets, but he will invite you to his office for a “lunch break”

if you ever surprise him with a cute but sexy hawks cosplay, you won’t have to work for two whole weeks bc you cant walk  

overall, he’s a good sugar daddy. defintely good for your pockets and any other non-romantic desires you want fulfilled

Mirodirya Izuku:  

the way you two met and came to this arrangement was more or less an accident

the life of the number one pro-hero was lonely and stressful 

he’s tried to dip his toes in the water here and there, but it never worked out because not many people could deal with the fact that he’d always put hero work first

he was teetering on the edge of signing up for one of those sugar daddy/baby websites until he met you at some cafe he passed by 

it’s cliche really. you were his server and, honestly? he was hooked on day one 

he watched you intently as you pranced around in your cute uniform. he couldnt stop admiring your brown skin and eyes and how cute your hair was. you spoke with such enthusiasm and cheerfulness that he couldnt help but swoon. and it didn’t hurt that you were very easy on the eyes

he listened to you as you went on a spiel about how college was a fortune and how you stayed up last night for a project bc you had to pick up extra shifts

that’s when he made his decision

by the time the hero is out of the door, you collected the reciept and almost fainted when you realized he left you a $500 tip and his personal number 

“i enjoyed talking to you today and i hope we can continue that...here’s something small to help with your bills. and i hope this isnt too forward but you’re very beautiful. stay safe. deku.”

and what did you do that night?

you called his ass right back

you were nervous as hell bc you still couldnt believe this was real, but after talking on the phone with him for two hours, an arrangement was set

midoriya is the most gentlemen like sugar daddy out there 

you wake up to good morning texts and a few hundred in your bank account almost every two days 

he goes crazy over your insta posts. and if you wear something green? expect a bonus

takes you out shopping unprovoked 

izuku: “are you busy? i saw you were having a rough week and was wondering if you wanted to go to that new outlet mall downtown”

you: 🏃🏾‍♀️💨  

you most certainly had homework due that night but what tf you look like missing out on that offer? 

it’s after so many “dates” that deku realizes that he prefers hanging around you more than he should but he doesnt wanna ruin anything so he keeps that underwraps 

he’s the idiot that goes into this thinking he won’t fall in love

deku defintely has some dirty thoughts about you but he doesnt try to bring it up unless you do first

if you’re comfortable with anything nsfw, you gone see a whole different side to izuku

he’s a giver, giver, giver, but when he recieves, he just about loses it

send him “innocent” pics of yourself matched with a string of filthy texts and he’ll combust 

when you send him pics of yourself in deku-themed lingre, he deadass sends you a whole black card with your name on it as a thank you

you guys get very comfortable with each other very quickly

soon enough, DA’s start turning into y/n stayng over for a week 

you both realize this relatiosnhip runs a lot deeper than an arrangement when he accidentally let it slip that he told his mom about you 

he’s profusely apologizing but you shut him up with a kiss and tell him that you’ve kinda caught feelings yourself 

your next conversation works out well for the both of you 

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[numbaoneflaya]

You can count on me to pull up with a thousand of questions sbdhdh. A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ; A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ; A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ; A9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ;

A3.Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

Shawty got that stockholm syndrome in a way. She is…. Sometimes aware of it, though she wouldn't call it that any more. Maybe at first in the basement she was more aware, but now that she can come and go she thinks its a thing of the past. tries not to dwell on it. Kind of in a “well its literally not that bad its kind of fun its kind of romantic were just quirky <3” way, will get mad if someone insists she has stockholm or that the relationship is fucked. Will get enraged and upset on Vincent's behalf, probably cry and yell at you.

A22. Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?

I intended her to be fairly average, maybe kind of cute. It's generally the way she dresses/acts in public that draws attention, not her looks. I tend to make most of my ocs on the average scale besides a select few.

C5. Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

Good question…. Jillys morals are pretty simple- always be kind and nice, murder and hurting other people is bad, and you shouldnt lie. She sticks to those pretty strictly herself despite the situations she gets put in, often to her own detriment. But she doesn't always put a stop to those behaviors from the people she surrounds herself with, so she's sort of accomplice to bad acts of violence just by not snitching. So somewhat situational? She tries not to think about it.

D3. How comfortable are they with the idea of death?

Not comfortable! She hadn't seen a lot of it before her early twenties and was always sort of sheltered. dead fish are flushed down the toilet bcs they go to the ocean to live again, right? Thought cows and such all died of old age peacefully before they were made into burgers until she was like… twelve. 💀Won't kill mice and other critters despite her prey drive bcs she would feel too bad. And this is just for animal death, she's much more uncomfortable with human death. Also a thing she tries to ignore.

F3. Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?

God no. She hates small spaces unless she's hiding in them and tiny homes have no room for all the shit she stashes! No room for zoomies, or climbing on the furniture, or wrestling around on the floor. It would be filled with junk within a week.

A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ;

A18. Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

He's never had much to be jealous of, as he's never really been over involved in romantic relationships. They were usually mutually beneficial and somewhat clinical in nature. Hes also pretty sure of himself and his value as an asset and lover. If he finds someone who peaks his interest and they become an item though, he might get jealous if he catches them flirting with other people. Hell be peeved at first but know flirtation in business has its value, so to make himself feel better might flirt with someone else while they are nearby. Make a game of it, see who wins.

A23. Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?

Appearances are crucial to him and spends a lot of time and money making sure he looks his best. He needs to appear above the rabble and impenetrable, dressing well and having immaculate posture and an air of both grace and otherworldliness.

B9. What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Definitely not one to find fart jokes funny. Very rarely laughs genuinely or full heartedly, he keeps all his expressions of emotion close to his chest. Sharp sardonic wit is appealing to him in the right circumstances, even a jab directed at himself can make him chuckle if it's well formed enough. Irony almost always gets him, even if its dark irony or gallows humor. Bit of a hard nut to crack. Would laugh enough that hed have to cover his mouth with his hand if he were to see Felix fall face first into mud, though. More often than not you can tell he finds something amusing by a gleam in his eyes and a slight squint.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

Well he used to have a real moral code :/. Now I mean…. The ends justify the means. By any means necessary. He considers his family's needs first, then the good of the world, then any individual in the world. Has ordered executions of entire families, had babies stolen and sent away, sent armies to certain death knowing full well they would all die, commanded individuals be tortured for information, sacrificed many in what he considers to be a game of chess where he is the player and others are the pawns. He finds senseless violence and savagery to be unforgivable, but if violence has a sense and purpose to employ it, then he will do so.

H2. Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

Nirn tends to be a very thoughtful and attentive person in general, just for the wrong reasons lmaoooo. But with a lover? He's going to be utilizing that to show them how much he cares and using his powers for good. Mention you like a certain fabric while shopping one time and then complain your favorite tunic has a wine stain in it several months later, he's going to be taking your measurements for a new one in your preferred material without a moment's notice. Very keen on picking up moods, expressions and tone. Also has a very good memory. He doesn't really think about it but gifts are how he shows his love. Also a great attentive listener.

A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ;

A5. Are they good at handling change in their life?

I would say so, yeah. Shes been used to things constantly changing since she was little and has had little to no control on outside influences. Shes also not one to over think about the past and lament, shes more of a one foot in front of the other, the only time is the present kind of gal. Of course large changes like becoming a warden were a bit more severe, but shes mostly able to think in the present as long as she has immediate problems to deal with.

B9.What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Slapstick is always gonna make her laugh as long as nobody gets seriously hurt, even if its her own ass tripping into a tree. Not a fan of scare pranks, 0/10 recommend trying to scare Thurwen. You will end up with a broken nose at best and an angry elf. Likes puns, but she's the one to groan at them and try and hide the grin spreading across her face. Gallows humor but only if its her in the gallows, otherwise doesn't find it funny at all. If a little kid calls someone a fartcicle she will be tears in the eyes giggling, which is hard when your warden commander and everyone looks toward you to be serious and mature gyshsdhdfsghsd.

C8. Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?

She definitely holds herself to moral ideals and is very hard on herself, but has realistic moral expectations for others. She can understand self serving and people only wanting to survive and she will only give people a little bit of shit for it, no one's perfect. But then she expects herself to be perfect and berates herself constantly for not living up to the hero of ferelden warden commander ideals.

D1. How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?

Atheist ever since her mom died when she was a kid, but now Shes in a weird mixed state ever since the urn of sacred ashes where shes like. fuck the maker, but Andraste is cool I guess. So respects/believes in the power of Andraste while thinking the maker is a piece of shit and the chantry sucks ass. Even she doesnt know what she really believes, but she did see the ghosts of Andrastes disciples and Shartan, used her ashes as healing salve, killed an old god, etc. So shes been in a weird place recently, crisis of faith/non faith pretty continual.

I5. Are they a good cook?

I mean…. She can cook basics. Shes been feeding herself and the alienage kids since she was old enough to walk so she knows how to get protein and make things edible. Does it taste good? Probably not. She didnt see her first spice till she was 17 years old, but she can skin a rabbit in seven seconds.

LA9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A9. Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

She tries to excuse bad behavior of herself or others a lot, yeah fgdgdsfhdhs. Mostly she doesnt have to make excuses for herself because she can wholeheartedly be like “yeah i fucked up but whatever im sexy and large and awesome and everyone loves me 🙄whatever baby” and when other people fuck up shes pretty sympathetic even though they are not as large nor as sexy. Shes very used to forgiving and excusing herself its totally alien to her when she really fucks up and is suddenly like wait… valkya…. Did bad?? What is this feeling. Shame?? Guilt?? IMPOSSIBLE.

A13. Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?

She hates those giant bugs in morrowind and valenwood a whole fucking lot but I wouldnt exactly place it as a phobia. Those huge mosquitoes and haorvers got no respect but she really hates the morrowind bugs ever since they knocked her over and jumped her while she was pants down peeing drunk as hell in the sand :/ never forgave. Never forgot.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

She was raised in a healthy household that tought the basics, prety much “harming others needlessly, stealing, torture, rape, dessecrating the dead, being selfish and not doing right by others, etc etc all basic bad things” are her morals. Her morality is basically treat others how you want to be treated. And if they treat you badly, then have fun beating the shit out of them to show everyone else not to fuck with you. Its a pretty nordic morality in that way. Her morality is also since she was ‘blessed’ with being so large and strong, that she has to also look out for the little guy who cant protect themselves. So If someone treats them how valkya wouldn't want to be treated, then beat the shit out of the person harming them to show them the little guys got backup. Her parents raised her to be a hero and thats p much how she sees herself, which has its benefits and its fuckin problems.

E8. What’s one of your OC’s biggest regrets?

Fucking up Dem and Dariens relationship for sure dude :/ valkya always gonna be sulking over that one. She doesnt regret becoming a vestige, even though it would have made her so much happier not to be because it ended up saving so many people and the world. She regrets not spending more time with Naryu, regrets always having other life saving business she had to run off to, regrets not cherishing the time they had together. Regrets not telling Lyris how she feels, either. Regrets not being able to save as many people as she should have, regrets she wasnt stronger in coldharbor and didnt break out herself. But she tries not to think about it <3

G6. Do they have any favorite childhood memories?

When she was seven she once spent two months training to hold her breath underwater, because her cousin always held it longer and won the gold bet. She trained for hours almost drowning in the river until she could comfortably hold it for up to three minutes. During the next holiday when they all got together again the competitions were on and they both went under- her cousin won, holding their breath for four more minutes before they decided to come up. This was the first lesson she learned that shocked her world view- you always need to know your opponents capabilities. (after she lost 26 gold in the bets, her mother later had to inform her that her cousin was an argonian.)

[anxietysroomsupport]

Tonight me and my friend said bye bc it's summer and she wont be able to talk to me anymore since school ended and the only way we were able to contact each other were through emails when school was in session bc her parents are very abusive. Fuck. I know I'm gonna talk to her after summer but that's a really long time. I know she doesnt depend on me to keep her confidence up but I left for 5 days and she started believing the terrible shit they say about her 1/2

2/2 and I jsut cant imagine all that they're gonna do and say to her over two months. I feel so powerless sand I dont mean to make this about me bc it's her who is in such a shitty situation but I cant do anything to stop them from making her feel that way she does. I want to consentually kidnap her and hide her in my room forever. I fuckign hate her parents so much. She believes all of the bullshit they tell her and she cant see how much of an amazing person she is 2/3

3/3 how can a person treat another person so amazing and outstanding like her the way they do? I cant believe its gonna be over 2 months until I get to talk to her again. So many things can happen. Again I dont mean to make this all about me and I'm sorry that that's what I'm doing but I really need to rant. And all the shit they put her through she tries to justify it because they love her. But they dont. They're doing what they're doing for their own selfish reason 3/4

4/4 and I wish I could make her see that. She knows what her parents are doing is wrong but i dont think she has a full grasp on that yknow. If i ever see her parents i swear I'm gonna fuckign deck them both when she's safe. And i dont blame her btw. Her parents are manipulative shits and it isnt her fault that she gives in to what they're saying but it's not right. And all of this bc shes bi. They were abusive before but now it's so much worse 4/5

5/5 and people try and justify abuse by saying homosexuality is wrong as if this isnt happening to an actual fuckign person (I knwo abuse isnt just happening to queers but it is in this situation). Shes liek a literal prisoner there. She has to be with someone at all times of the day and she isnt allowed in her room. The only she allowed to be alone is the bathroom and changing. I honestly dont know how shes gonna survive (sorry I'm writing a lot) 5/6

6/6 she said she wont commit suicide and I trust her but I cant entirely rule it out so if she makes it through these two months without human contact except for her abusive parents and her passive siblings who just dont care then I think she's going to be so broken the next time I get to talk to her. I mean jsut hearing the things they say to her over and over again for months and not having anybody you can talk to who shares the opposite opinion then she's gonna believe it.

7/7 (last one sorry) and it seems like nobody on this piece of shit earth cares at all. Nobody seems to realize that this is happening to fuckign kids?? Who are supposed to be happy and do stupid stuff without fearing for your safety (not that her dating a girl or being bi is stupid but if they spot even the tiniest imperfect they make her seem like shes a worthless misbehaving shit even tho shes the complete opposite). Nobody cares that this is an actual human person and it fucking sucks

Hi Anon,

No apologies necessary, it’s clear you really care about your friend.  And you’re absolutely correct, it’s not right what they’re doing to her no matter what her orientation is.  

If computers are out, it might be time to go analogue.  See if you can write her letters, and send them to her house, or if her parents wouldn’t like that either, send them to a friendly neighbor’s house for her to pick up when she can.  If you’ve been to her house before, you might be able to look up the address by recalling the route and finding the house on google maps.  

If you get the address, you can have anything sent over there.  You might not know if letters or packages ever reached her until school starts back up, so if you end up sending anything, understand that you’re basically sending it into the ether. 

Do her parents have a house phone?  Even if they monitor her calls, you would at least be able to hear how she’s doing in general.  Phone books like the Yellow Pages keep lists of everyone with a landline, unless they select to be private.  

Depending on what level of abuse you know for sure has happened, you might be able to call Child Protective Services on her parents (or your country’s equivalent if you’re outside the U.S.).  Use this tool with caution: if the situation isn’t bad enough for her to be immediately taken out of the house, then she would have to stay with parents who knew someone had called CPS.  CPS investigates every report they get and often send a social worker to the house to verify if any reports are true.  If they found evidence of abuse, they could potentially remove her from the home, although that is typically only in very extreme cases.  

If none of those routes are possible, all you can be is wait and be ready for when she comes back.  You can look up things that help abuse survivors so you’re ready but, ultimately, her health and safety is not your responsibility.  You are not responsible if something happens to her.  It won’t be your job to help her recover if she does come back in a bad mindset.  Only give what you feel comfortable giving of yourself, and remember to take care of yourself, too.  Your friend is very lucky to have someone like you looking out for her.  

Good luck.

-Miss Fay

[velvetvent]

i logged into tumblr and realized the internet has changed a lot since i started and i have feelings about it,, these are those feelings. aka a love letter to the days when a fanfic about milk was the biggest thing on this god forsaken website

being chronically online for a decade sucks bc you get nostalgia for the worst times of the internet, like tumblr back in the 2010′s, or the days when we’d go on chatroulette for fun. and all the random kik groupchats. like yeah my trauma is literally from that entire era but also tumblr hasnt hit the same since and i haven’t gotten the excitement of my internet friends finally replying to me or the thrill of being able to video respond to a youtube video since. And nothing really hits the same anymore. Like back then it was adults fucking with kids and yeah it was wrong but it’s not like it doesn’t happen now. It’s all dirtier and cleaner at the same time. More ad-friendly content but there’s still just as much trafficking and toxicity as there always has been, if not more. Youtube is still there but there’s adsense now that everyone has to try and navigate and pc culture exists which is fine but cancel culture is rampant and tiring at this point. And everybody is constantly filtered, but the filters change your face shape now. It’s not just a sepia tone or dog ears anymore, now you get jaw surgery and botox and eyeliner and lashes and an entirely different nose without even asking; plus the sepia tone. But there’s hardly a sepia tone without the automatic photoshop anymore. There’s not anywhere that’s safe anymore. There never was, but I felt safer as an extremely young minor in these vile online spaces back in the day than I ever used to. Yes i was groomed and abused and talked to awful, disgusting people. But i also had a chat of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. I met the best of people and the worst, and it all felt like a huge fever dream that only i had access to. It took me places I would’ve never been able to see. I’m too poor to go to Australia, or the UK, or Cali, or Texas, or France. I’m cultured so differently because I was raised by the internet and by people across the world. They shaped me. I eat timtams because of a very close friend group and significant other; i know about games because of them; my music taste. You name it, someone from across the world probably influenced me to like it in 2012 and i never looked back. But now it all feels so foreign. Somewhere we all used to fit in isin’t a sanctuary anymore. We aren’t free to post the cringe like we used to, we aren’t free to not use filters, we have to be trendy to impress the algorithm and interact with others but if you’re not family friendly you’ll be suppressed too. And in a world of oppression and suppression the last thing we need is the restricted internet that we have now. But i dont think what we had would be a good solution either. But i miss those days. My husband was never online growing up outside of xbox chats and he doesnt share the same sentiments towards it as i do. i still romantisize this shit; we were all broken kids but we were able to keep each other alive. Now if somebody uses a word to identify with they’re relentlessly made fun of; yall dont remember fuckin otherkin? jfc. 

[anarchy-in-the-pre-k]

absolutely pissed at a few friends i know dont go on tumblr. 

dont know anyone to talk to bc im down to two friends in my life so unless i want to lose them too then i guess i just have to scream into the void of anonymous blogging. ive had an crazy pathological FOMO for almost as long as i can remember. ive felt like an old old man since i was 15. all i can think about every day of my goddamn life is the passing of time and how my youth has been wasted in circumstances/a time and place where theres no cool counterculture/art for art’s sake/anything meaningful and social. im 20 now and ive been feeling like my best years are behind me for years. college is a nightmare. ive lost every friend ive had except for two and im not even entirely sure why. nobody wants to do anything. there are old friends in town, im always surrounded by old friends, but none of them leave the house. i dont want to live in a world where the only people in my life are friends from high school who blow me off every night for their millionth round of league of legends and my genuinely insane alcoholic dad who just goes on crazy rants that make me want to kill hiim and then myself. this is a crazy way to live. i cant move out. even if i could, id be miserable having a landlord/being a wage slave again. my god, all i want is the barest amount of social interaction that doesnt make me want to die. i cant believe ive never been to a crazy party, that almost all the friends ive ever had never wanted to do anything but sit around and play video games.

but onto what’s bothering me today. met up with the two friends i have left. known them for a while but we didnt use to be as close. they’re the closest to “interesting” or countercultural/artistic friends ive ever had, but they see all of that as mostly behind them. im incredibly resentful of not being “let in” on some of the more crazy times they had when we were growing up, but i can usually manage those feelings. today, they were just reminiscing about this secret spot in the woods they used to have wild parties at during high school. the way they described it made it seem like every stupid youthful experience that i’ve ever wanted. huge gatherings getting broken up by cops, a small pond for diving in from a gigantic vandalized cliff. glow sticks tied in trees for when it gets dark. ive known about this place forever, and ive always asked everyone to show it to me. i asked for years and years and years and nobody took the fucking 2 hours out of their lives to satisfy my curiosity. now i just have to sit there and listen to them talk about it like its the greatest thing that ever happened to them, so many life-changing experiences. so many true and completely authentic celebrations of being young and irresponsible. everything i always wanted, i begged them over and over to show me when we were all younger and they never found the time. now, they just talk about it, and i sit there, visually super uncomfortable, i tell them im annoyed that they never got around to taking me there- they dont take criticism well at all. they try to be polite, but they just want me to quit complaining. after the most hyperbolic shit you can imagine coming out of their mouths about this glorious place that shaped their young lives, i immediately hear a “oh, you wouldnt have liked it anyway, logan” just to shut me up. i didnt say anything to them for the rest of the day.

I know how crazy I sound, I dont care. I know there’s something wrong with me in the way i glorify those kinds of memories, how badly i want times like that to come back, but they know that about me too, and it was almost as if that whole conversation was designed specifically to torture me. it was like they took my deep-rooted, extremely sensitive pathological FOMO and said absolutely every combination of words that would set it off. i felt like some kind of incredibly cruel joke was being played on me at certain points. they went on for like 20 minutes. i think im really getting sick of this friend group, but if idecide to take a break from them, then ill be down to 0 friends. 0 friends and my only human interaction will be with my insane, narcissistic, racist, violent dad, who’s just looking for an excuse to kick me out of the house anyway.

I hate the kind of person i am now. I hate having this much hate in me. I know that absolutely nothing in this environment is doing any favors for me mentally, but i cant think of anything else to do. I say that now, even as I type it, I dont feel any better. there is nothing cathartic about this. I can say it over and over again “I dont know what to do now” but that doesnt change the fact that when im done making this post, i will have to keep living this. i have no power to change my life. there are no new friends to be had. i dont know how to meet women beyond dating apps, and staying on them makes me miserable. i have no other relatives to complain about my dad to. i have no other friends i can complain about these two to. all i do is list my problems in my head with nothing productive to be done even after identifying my problems. I know that so much of it is “just me”, but my environment is forcing all the worst parts of me to come out over and over. im horribly, incredibly lonely, but i hate everyone i come to interact with. i dont know if theres any hope for it to ever be otherwise for me. i thought i would use isolation, especially during quarantine, to make some money and prove my worth to myself as an artist. ive had my stories published bought by a few magazines now and i still feel horribly empty. i feel too world weary to even imagine myself having a positive relationship/friendship with anyone ever again. im just so tired of every single person that i meet. im tired of everyone, and the most amount of pleasure afforded to me is sitcom reruns and fast food. the safest, most conformist material pleasures that there are. i hate my own melodrama, i hate that i care this much about small thinngs, i hate that theres something so deeply wrong with my psyche that im this crazed by the mention of a punk hangout spot that nobody ever showed me when i was younger, but i am going to live the rest of my life resenting that everyone around me only wanted to game, and nobody ever wanted to go to the shady/weird spots of the woods with me. how can i have missed my chance to childishly self indulgence, only to come out a whining adolescent still? how can i still be such a kid while missing what it felt like to be a kid? i dont know. ive always felt this way, but its only been especially bad for the last 3ish years. if it keeps going like this i dont know what ill do. again, no catharsis. again, there is nothing healing about my writing this. life sucks at every moment and then, somehow, i decide to keep living. im going to build a ted shed soon i think

[nieloxychen]

time to ramble abt a weird and super real feeling dream i had that ill now try to make a story and multiple ocs out of

important: takes part across several worlds with one single connecting character. most of the ocs exist in the last, most recent world (that main oc tries his fucking best to stay in bc its actually not a complete dumpster fire)

main oc is tito (he/him, they/them, it/its on occasion)

world 0 - 

doesnt remember much

his origin

died in a car(?) crash somewhere in a desert next to a broken down rv

world 1 -

 wakes up semi corporeal somewhere in a desert next to a broken down rv

something bad (not defined yet) happened and a young woman is hiding in the rv from the sth bad that happened

shes looking fr her sister

tito cant help but help her out and they look for her together since 2 is better than 1

she has been looknig for help for a while

no one has been willing to since she thinks her sister is in the middle of the bad thing

(also the big city. lots of gross stuff everywhere, lots of ppl trying to murder)

no one wants to go there

they go together and nearly die a lot

both get infected w a strange illness

shes geting better, hes slowly dying

they find the sister (why she was there idk yet) and tito basicly sacrifices themself so the sisters can escape the bad thing

badly wounded he crawls away into an alley and breaks down next to some trash cans

(just remembered that somewhere in this world there was like a hill made of grey bodies all weaved together and like tunnels in there and the arms were moving and shit what)

colour here were mostly grey and brown

world 2 -

wakes up in an alley next to some trash

hears music, its a festival!! 

he goes to check it out, its a sports thing w like speed and stuff! 

seems like a nice place right? wrong. 

that sport is forced, loser gets sacrificed to big weird monster thing

 kind of a hunger games situation happens, he offers himself up so a parent isnt seperated from a child (just cant not help, its a bad decision and they get that but they just *clenches fist* hero comlpex a bit)

obviously looses, he doesnt fucking know the sport, what did he expect? 

BUT the infection from world 1 did sth to him? (superpowers kinda, has no clue what anything is or does) 

hes still affected by it somehow and is able to escape the ppl leading him to the monster thing to eat

finds out they picked a rando instead and feels bad

tries to save the rando

figures out monster thing is basicly a big fungus that uses ppl to carry spores 

-> the infection he carries infects a spore carries and they die immediatly

quick plan: infect fungus w a disease it is completly unkonw to

doesnt work, spore carriers actually are connected to fungus, its building anti-bodies

he dies in the sewers trying to escape the ppl feeding the fungus.

world 3 - 

wakes up in the sewers

THERS WERE-PPL!! dont change into any specific animal, but tend to have a favourite

theyre kinda nice, help them out, give them food 

they accidentally get infected through shenanigans (it was very non-specific in the dream yo)

tries to figure out both infection based power systems here, quicker to get the were-thing since ppl aroung them actually know what that is. everything else is just weird to everyone

also - possibility of first infection evolving through each world change? didnt notice powers in world 1, only some in world 2, more here?

BUT also very little time to try and figure shit out till now

very chill for a while, hopes they can settle down and maybe not die maybe

SURPRISE children are getting kidnapped!!

by who?? to where? why??? no fucking clue!!

so tito goes to help bc thats just what theydo by now fuck

gets captured, basicly forced to do what kidnappers want w threat of children getting killed (im just gonna say they were able to do them damage for a while before the kidnappers figured out who he is/ a weakness. there was no reason anywhere)

they find a hole in the command chain, go out in a blaze of glory, all the kidnappers are gone (as far as they know)

theyre also very dead and bleed out in the middle of a field

world 4 - 

HOLY SHIT WHAT IS HAPPENING

flying vampires, flesh-goo ppl (idk, the pic i remember was a lady changing into a black-greyish flesh-goo to climb up 90° walls in a seond), theres slenderman maybe????? all kinda sorta want to kill tito for the reason of...

well there has to be a reason he keeps waking up in different worlds right?

but hes not super good at thinking and they dont stop to explain it so??

arent just trying to kill him though, theres also some old man theyre going after

helps the old man, is the grandchild (adopted) of some immortal lady

she is very thankful and gives him the gift of 3 very specific magic powers of his choosing (theyre like marbles and he has to pick 3)

1. Open any door anywhere (doesnt need to be connected) and just wish to go to a place (the more specific the better)

2. Change anything he wants to into a small marble though sheer will power. has to concentrate to keep the shape

3. basicly featherfall but more controlled. actually, more like steven universe floating powers

by now the first infection is basicly a magic system of its own but its all very instinct based. poor tito has no fucning clue

the colour here were very bright, lots of flowers and sunshine and stuff

and just a fucking slenderman flying behing dream-me, blasting through houses and trees and shit?

dies after being chased by flying slender-vampire and goo lady (wasnt fighting back bc they were proctecting sth? idk what though) in like an abandoned farmhouse

world 5 -

wakes up in farmhouse, theres a person!

ocs here we go

person is helke. shes nice but kind of scary sometimes. its mostly a joke for her though

she helps him get used to the world

his powers are by now vry fucking op. but there are SO many powers here too and she fills him in

silver minds: can sense things like weapons if theyre being carried w the intent to harm them or someone they want to look out for. can redirect them against their users, or just stop them alltogether. somewhat staticy voice when stressed, very cold to the touch. born this way

schalks: completly immune to mind intrusion based powers. somewhat of a pack mentality. cannot be located if they dont want to be, very selective in what contact they want. group together for social contact, and also: need contact to eachother bc they need to share excess energy between eachother or they kinda implode. infection based, 2 schalks can have schalk bbys but not often

werewolves: ya only wolves. helke is one! grow up in packs, but adults tend to seperate from larger packs to form their own. can change whenever, super strong always, also fast when changed. just really like raw meat yk? born this way, packs can be made up from basicly anything

more im gonna add, but these i remember. not including the names

basicly helke wants to start a pack and invites him to stay since she doesnt like being alone and wants to help, and ofc he wants to help her

they meet another young werewolf (i think. big fighty and a beard. might be sth else at some point) and he joins them. this is nikola

they meet a young girl, whos a silver mind and kinda running away from home bc bad home life. her names rita.

they invite her to join the pack, which she does and pack rules are kinda big so after proving themselves as reasonably good guardians for her shes officially adopted

she runs into a lonely (very lonely, kinda dying) schalk who lost contact to their group and the pack help them find their group.

their name is an

the group becomes kinda part of the pack, but the rest of the schalk group isnt a fan of big groups of ppl, so the 4 schalks and the 4-pack live in different locations

now /someone/ notices tito like how goop-slener-vamp did in world 4 and tries to capture tito (who was hanging out w rita while that happened.

thank fuck for marble magic, so rita is safe, tito can flee to the schalks (take us somewhere safe)

an turns tito into a schalk, so he wont be found anymore so now he has to kind of move between the 2 camps a lot

on their way to and fro they meet another kid called jacko (also running away, wont say why). is taken into the pack after more safety precautions

hes just a lil human, no magic nothing 

thats the story ig

tito - (he/they/it), roughly 25 (time is weird) not good at thinking, wants to be nice, wants to help, very op, kinda whimsical, very sweet person. DOES NOT WANT TO DIE AGAIN it sucks just want to be happy and make others happ, protective big sibling, everyone is their baby sib

helke - (she/her), 27 wants to help and have a big family/pack, big jokester, tries to be scary, only strangers will believe that, great at handywork and making every sort of meat food. also hunting. lumberjack vibe, chills w nikola, sports w tito, gmaes w kids

nikola - (he/him), 24 chill weed vibe. big fan of cleaning, lock your door if you dont want him to do your laundry. big into birdwatching. somehow in a pack w very intense or op folk which he finds a bit intimidating. doesnt realise hes also big intimidating. has gotten into 3 fights in his life but they were SCARY af, safe zone for tito, fun zone w tito

rita - (she/her), 15 good girl, can be kinda scary, very competetive, VERY COMPETATIVE, will draw hearts on your cast and help you and stuff, after having broken your arm, close w helke and tito

jacko - (he/him), 11 good boy, v shy, v opinionated. would have a blog if older. tried to make one but fled after 1 bad interaction. had to talk abt that a lot to understand it. arts n crafts boy, also climbing, looks up to nikola a lot

an - (they/them), 26 very quiet, thinks theyre right p much always, wants the best for everyone, but not super great at respecting ppls wishes. needs sense knocked into them every now and then. tries very hard. fails. plyam w leena and karim, not good w nikola

leena (she/them), 25, big into animals, big into food, big into random interest of the week. looses interest quickly though

karim (he/him), 26, big art, the one braincell between all the schalks (including tito bc omg BOY), draws creepy things on trees to fuck w ppl, prankster fuck

essek (he/they) 24, fashion and food, loudest of the schalks, goes into the city to get neccessities and general stuff, kinda crushing on tito, sib of karim

in general, the pack is very close. even an and nikola, but theyre kinda cold since an turned tito (tito is ok w it, nikola is big mad an didnt give tito an option, big fight 3, very fucking scary). but they do love eachother a lot, what ive noted were just the stand outs.

same w the schalks, theyre very close but i havent had any of these long enough to get a super good feel on the relationships between eeryone

but i love them already

[ifuckatex]

BURNING TIME ✐ SKATE

TAGGING → Kate Rutherford & Skylar Puckerman

TIME FRAME → August 19th, 2017

LOCATION → Detroit on the Beach

GENERAL NOTES → Kate & Skylar have a bonfire and get rid of the past. Lowkey not done bc i am lame.

Skylar was glad that they were out of Lima, since it was a drag and everything started to suck. Between Parker and DJ, she was growing tired of the same old cheesy ass love shit. Though, she did hope that they were broken up when they got back in town, but she couldnt roll her eyes hard enough when she saw Parker's cheesy ass Instagram post about him her home. "Give me a break." She muttered as she grabbed her box of things and walked to the beach. She was glad it was only 71 degrees out, since she couldnt handle the heat all that much.

Kate after everything that had happened with Dani and Santana, the young woman needed to get the hell out of dodge. She was lucky to have a friend like Skylar who was always ready to go, heading out to Detroit after renting a room through her parents' time share. She sighed glancing at the bandage that covered her knew tattoo before grabbing a few of her things and heading out to the beach to get this bonfire started. "Are you burning some things too, sweet pea?" She asked, looking over at her friend with a smile and setting her things down so she could start the fire in one of the barrels they had specifically for the bonfires.

Skylar nodded as she heard Kate with a smile and placed the box down next to the barrel. "Yep, mostly the pictures of DJ and I, along with the mixtape that I created. I dropped off his hoodies at his and Parker's apartment." She rolled her eyes, knowing that she was able to show her disgust towards the couple and glanced down at her new tattoo, glad that they had gotten matching tattoos. "You know, I don't get it. He's the one who cheated, yet, he comes out smelling like roses and gets a new girlfriend after the affair happened. Me? Nothing except getting shit on." She knew that she had a lot of built up anger on the subject, which was fair but she couldnt understand why was painted as the bad guy. "Granted, yes. Its nice seeing that they're happy but don't have to tell the fucking internet about it." She sighed as she brushed her hair away from her face and looked at Kate. "Im sorry, we should be focusing on you, not me and my problems."

Kate smiled softly, knowing it would be good for them both to get rid of things. It would be a fresh start for each of them and that's exactly what they needed in order to move on in life. "Because sometimes things just work out for people even when it's not exactly fair. I think people mistake your anger for something else so they don't get to see the side of you that I do and that automatically makes someone a bad guy. It's stupid but it's how it is." She glanced at her friend then. "Do you still have feelings for him, Sky? Be honest with yourself and with me." She murmured before glancing at the picture in her hand and digging through her bag for the other things she could burn. "It's okay. I don't want to think about it to be honest. I don't get why it hurts so much because it was one date and one that didn't happen because she picked someone else right after but it sucks." She shrugged her shoulders. "I think it's because she was the first one I put myself on the line for after Jaxon so it just felt like a kick to the face."

Skylar grabbed one of the pictures of them and glanced over at Kate as she spoke, swallowed some before she glanced down at the picture. "Yeah, he turned his life around but like." She bit down on her bottom lip and let out a shaky breath. "I have some feelings but mostly anger and hate a..and I just want to see him miserable because he deserves to be miserable. Not fucking happy with Parker, especially Parker. Of all people, talk about a big I told you so moment when he posted that picture of them." She closed her eyes and looked at her. "Im sorry K, I know she's your friend too." She grabbed the mixtape and placed it onto the picture. "It does, because you literally shouldnt do it and.." She opened up her mouth and closed it when she heard her friend. "I was about to say something about that, actually. You made yourself vulnerable and she doesnt need your hurt or your tears."

Kate nodded in understanding, knowing how important he was to her. It was hard to let go of someone who meant a lot to you even when they hurt you in the long run. "And I can understand that. He hurt you, badly. And I can't imagine how it feels to have him end up with someone everyone seems to say he was going to end up with. I wish I was hear back then so I could have protected you from that pain." She licked her lips before clearing her throat. "She is my friend and she is just an unfortunate part of the story but I think we both know it's not her fault. He is the one that cheated and him only. But that doesn't mean you're not allowed to be angry about things. Just don't let it hold you back from whatever might make you happy in the future. Like fuck him for hurting you but also fuck him because he doesn't deserve to have this kind of hold over you." She reached out to grab her hand and hold it in her own. "I did. I let myself be very vulnerable and it bit me in the ass so yeah, it hurts. And yeah it hurts even more because she's still flirting blatantly where I can see it but what can I do?" She unfolded the sketch of Dani she had made before tossing it into the fire. "But this will be the first step to letting go of that sucky feeling. Like you said, she doesn't need or deserve my hurt or my tears."

Skylar gave her a small smile and shook her head. "It hurts, a lot and me too, but you're here now. That's all it matters." She replied and listened to Kate, knowing that she shouldnt be angry towards Parker, it wasnt her fault that he cheated on her. "I know its not her fault, I mean. Im sure she ripped him a new one when she found out. Since she's pretty scary when she's angry." She licked her lips as she nodded and felt her grab her hand. "You're right." She replied as she tossed the two things into the fire and glanced over at her. "Tell the bitch off? If you want me to do it, I'd be more than happy to do it." She watched her unfold the sketch and watched it end up in the fire. "Exactly, neither of them do because we're badass bitches and we're tough as hell."

Kate shifted over to wrap an arm around Skylar's shoulders, hugging her close and offering a smile in return. "Oh, I have no doubt that she did. Because no matter what, she'll call someone out if they did something wrong. It's just who she is." She watched her friend toss the picture and the mixtape into the fire, knowing that getting rid of it all would help. She was already starting to feel lighter. "If I was meaner, maybe. But she doesn't owe me anything and at least she didn't try to purposefully hurt me you know." She pulled out an envelope full of pictures she hadn't ever been able to look at after she had awoken in the hospital after the last time with Jaxon, pulling one out and taking in a shaky breath. "We are. And that is why I know we're going to be okay. No matter what happens, no more pain if we can help it." She swallowed hard and threw the entire envelope into the fire, shaking as she did so.

Skylar nodded slightly. "Yeah, she's been like since Ive known her." She whispered softly. She wrapped her arm around her middle and glanced over at her, feeling better now. She slowly nodded as she talked, knowing that she shouldnt have wronged her best friend. "True, but still. She still led you on." She rubbed her back, pressed a kiss against her head as she felt her shake. "Exactly, and if we get hurt again, then I guess we can come back here and do it again." She grabbed the rest of the pictures of DJ and her into the fire. "We're gonna be alright."

Kate was glad to have Skylar with her, knowing there was only a few people who knew what she was truly going through- what she had been through. "Well, it's too late to back track now. I should have just left it alone the second she started flirting with Santana. But it's done now. I've deleted her number and thrown away the paper that had it to begin with." She murmured, thankful for the support as she let everything from the past few days and past few years go. "You're right. This can be our spot." She sighed a little, nodding her head in agreement and looking up at Skylar then. "We are. And we're going to have an amazing semester, fuck whoever thinks they can ruin that. I am going to try to be more...open to letting people in and so are you. " She nudged her then with a grin before grabbing the bags she had brought down. "I figured besides the alcohol, we could be like little kids again and make s'mores."

Skylar frowned when she heard her and glanced over at her. "It happens, okay and you're right. We need to start looking towards the future and try to overcome this." She replied and nodded. "Yeah and anytime we need to escape. Come here and take our anger out on something." She smiled as she looked back at Kate, nodded along and grinned when she nudged her. "I agree. No more dealing with closing off people." She raised an eyebrow as she looked at the bag. "Have I told you that I love you?"

Kate "Definitely anytime we need an escape." Kate grinned even wider before shaking her head. "Not today you haven't. I love you too and I figured you'd be happy about it though." She pulled out a box of graham crackers and handed it off before grabbing the marshmallows and chocolate. "Thank you for coming all the way out here with me and getting the tattoo, and just everything." She smiled softly. "Thank you for being you really."

Skylar "And we're going to take Hannah with us, too." Skylar wrapped an arm around her shoulders and let out a sigh. "Oh, well then." She grabbed some graham crackers and nodded as she placed the box onto the ground. "You're welcome." She kissed her cheek and shrugged a bit. "You're welcome."

Kate nodded her head. "I know she was excited to be able to come with us so we'll definitely have to take another one just so she can come with. Hopefully it won't be too awkward with the whole Dani situation." She rested her head on Skylar's shoulder. "Okay, Maui. Let's make some s'mores and get the real party started." She teased, pulling out some skewers to start making their s'mores and putting on together on a stick for Skylar to hold over the fire. "For milady."

Skylar "It won't, she's not her sister." Skylar replied as she glanced at Kate and rubbed her shoulder as she pressed a kiss against her head once more. "Sounds good to me." She dropped her arm from around her and smiled when she grabbed the stick from her. "Thank you milady."

[custompotato]

(My first one! Ahhh! Im So excited!) Thank you, @lovelylangst, for tagging me!

Rules: Write 92 truths about yourself then tag 25 people (I dont have 25 people But imma try anyway!!!)

Long ass post.

LAST… [1] drink: Coffee [2] phone call:My mom [3] text message: Sent? My mom. Received?  One of my WoW friends (whom i love) [4] song you listened to: She Keeps Me Up, by Nickleback. [5] time you cried: Last night.

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: I dont think so.  [7] been cheated on: Probably tbh [8] kissed someone and regretted it: Nope. [9] lost someone special: Do... Do pets count?  [10] been depressed: Yes, but I’m getting a lot of help from the fambam  [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope!! Dont drink too much, and I cant remember the last time I threw up involuntarily.

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: [12] Dark Blue [13] Orange  [14] Red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: Yup! And I’m so, so happy! I love them! [16] fallen out of love: I can’t say I’ve ever romantically *loved* someone, just kinda liked them, and that’s still going strong so. [17] laughed until you cried: ...We do not mention that night. [18] found out someone was talking about you: In what way? Like. meanly? Nicely? I dont think anyone would tbh I kinda suck [19] met someone who changed you: Read: The Fambam.  [20] found out who your true friends are: Uhhhh. Nothing like... Super cataclysmic clued me in?  [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: ... I dont think so? My memory of time is pretty shit tbh.

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: All but like. 4. [23] do you have any pets: 54: 3 dogs, 8 cats, 3 goats(babies incoming), 12 ducks, 24 chickens, 2 pigs, 1 snake, 1 goose [24] do you want to change your name: Not to anything specific?? I just like using alias [25] what did you do for your last birthday: Do people celebrate those? ;;;; haha... ha. Im a lonely, old gremlin. [26] what time did you wake up: 6:53 [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping. [28] name something you cannot wait for: S3 of Voltron, more wonderful angst of any of my favorite characters, happiness without worry, being 18 so i can do shit, retirement, bedtime. [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: 3 seconds ago when I looked over to make sure she didnt know I was on Tumblr. [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: My insecurites and general disgust and hatred for life. [31] what are you listening to right now: One of the freaking chickens laying eggs outside. And the pig playing with her food toy.  [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ... Prob, tbh, but I dont know their names. Only their groceries. [33] something that is getting on your nerves: My family [34] most visited website: Tumblr/Ao3 [35] elementary: Coal Creek [36] high school: (i dont understand the context.) What year im in? last. One i go to? Connections Academy. Favorite year? Junior [37] college: I do intend on going? To Aims [38] hair color: Natural? Brown. Current? Brown with the underside a dark red(really pretty red) [39] long or short hair: Long <3  [40] do you have a crush on someone: No comment... *sweatdrops* [41] what do you like about yourself: Uh... Um... I am the reincarnation of Happy Bunny, as said by my coworker. [42] piercings: A helix. I want my tongue done though [43]blood type: Hell if i know. Red. Prob... kinda salty-sweet, for you vamps out there. I dont taste good but youre welcome to try.  [44] nickname: Carrie/Path [45] relationship status: Single. [46] zodiac sign: Virgo.  [47] pronouns:She/her [48] fav tv show: Too many to list, but current is Voltron [49] tattoos: I wanna get one. Several, really. [50] right or left hand: Right

FIRST… [51] surgery: Idk, maybe? Prob not though.  [52] piercing: Ears [53] best friend: Irl? Ruby/Bo. Online? the Fambam in its entirety. [54] sport: To do? Ick. To watch? Basketball, i guess Favorites to watch/read about: tennis, basketball [55] vacation: Vegas, 7th Grade [56] pair of trainers: Those are shoes right?

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: Nothing! [58] drinking: Nothing! [59] i’m about to: Finish this up, read some langst, and go to work! [60] listening to: Nothing, rn  [61] waiting for: Happiness. And my later doom. Screw work. [62] want: Happiness. And a nap.  [63] get married: Only for tax benefits [64] career: Divorce Lawyer! (dreams of little girls, right?)

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: both. Fight me.  [66] lips or eyes: Eyes, because they dont mock me verbally. Also i can actually draw them so. [67] shorter or taller: I like tall people. I wish I were short.  [68] older or younger: Should I care??? As long as I’m not breaking laws, well. [70] nice arms or nice stomach: Stomach. And arms. Crush me against your nice stomach with your nice arms. [71] sensitive or loud: I am loud to cover up my sensitivity [72] hook up or relationship: ... depends tbh. If i were more confident in my body i would totally lean to hook up though. But also, cuddles are nice? I want cuddles. [73] troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant. I am the most timid potato.

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? Nope! [75] drank hard liquor? Yup! [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? Dont remind me. [77] turned someone down: Yup! [78] sex on first date? Haha. Me? Sex? (im not confident enough for sex. also. No dates) [79] broken someone’s heart? ....If i think really hard and ignore the part of me saying noone could love me like that, I actually... Have? Several times? FML IM SORRY SIT!  [80] had your own heart broken? You cant break what I have already crushed! Haha! [81] been arrested? Almost, but not really.  [82] cried when someone died? Do pets/videogame characters count?? [83] fallen for a friend? ... No comment. (looks away shiftily)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? I thought we established the extreme no-ness of this? [85] miracles? Why should I? They’ll never benefit me. [86] love at first sight? Lust, yes. Love? Doesnt exist. [87] Santa Claus? No. [88] kiss on the first date? Who is the date with?  [89] angels? Nope!

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: Ruby/Bo/Ro/Entirety of Fambam [91] eye color: Brown [92] favorite movie: uhh... Kung Fu Panda 2 I guess.

Tagged peoples:

@moriatake @hubbletuff @redmullets @strifingkind @ghost-toaster @vivelavoltron @rubatosisopossum @kaxpha (you dont know me but I love you) @appsa @baked-mashed-potato @daddyshiro @aquabutterfly @demiquaver @lance-lance-revolution hnnnn how many more to go idont want to just tag random people ahh plz dont hate me, @bext-k because. youre like a queen. we need to know things. @lolygothica bc youre pretty much the reason i have tumblr thank you for all your fake fb posts and texts ilysm, @moroseconcept @prince-lance-of-altea cant wait for the Secret Circle au, ily for that, @sniperlance bc im running out of people and ily too even if we never talked before, @the-blue-artemis at this point half the people here i know from their langst. pretty sure im doing this wrong is it supposed to be just mutuals?!?! okay im done its not 25 people but i cant.. figure out... who else. (Please dont hate me T-T)

[jess-oh]

reflection

hey journal,

im not fine. but im trying to be. or at least trying to pretend that im fine. 

im surprisingly good at pretending im fine when im not. the reality is, i still feel so miserable. i tried to just drown my sorrows away in the form of food and YouTube videos and i am left feeling just as empty as I did on Saturday. Listening to, “I’m Fine” over and over and over has allowed me to at least try and convince myself that im fine. 

i am upset with Amanda but it’s not because of anything she did wrong so i dont want to tell her why. im trying to protect the people i care about. i know im being irrational and just overthinking all of this and i just need to solve it and get over it to preserve my image and be of the utmost help for other people.

i dont want to tell jason how im feeling bc im worried he’ll just get mad and i know ive been too reliant on him in the past and i feel bad that i wasnt able to help him in the same way. i was sad he got more letters than me in his journal? well hes also just a better person than me. a part of me feels like i deserve the same amount, if not more letters than him because i put so much more effort into movement than he did. he never came out to the bible studies or prayer meetings and missed a whole bunch of sundays and i did my best to come out to every sunday and saturday and have been active on tuesdays. i feel like i do and sacrifice so much for movement but in the end, it doesnt even matter.

i feel really broken and i dont know why.

but ultimately, i know jason did better than me. bc he actually genuinely cared. i was just trying to prove i was worth something. i didnt act out of care. i acted out of pride. and people knew. their job isnt to reach out to me and give me a pat on the back for all the things ive done. their job has been to receive and act naturally in accordance with how God wants them to live. and i havent encouraged them. ive judged them. did i even do anything worthwhile this past year besides just leeching off other people? was i just a shitty person entirely?

im fine.

even when jason did feel down in the dumps, he still did care for them. i didnt. i just pushed people away.

i tried to be transparent and open and for what?

i think it encouraged joyce to speak up a couple times maybe. and i am glad david prayed for me. but as a whole, did i really ever do anything meaningful or worthwhile? or was it just all for show to make myself feel better.

i feel like im losing amanda.

i dont want her to feel bad for me or reach out to me just because she can. i want to actually be loved and cared for and i dont believe she does feel that way towards me anymore. i feel like ive been left behind. again.

and i know this was never her intention and i do genuinely want her to be happy which is why im journaling about all this instead of telling her how i feel. because i dont want her to feel guilty for the choices she made and i do genuinely want her to be happy. i know that she has been quietly suffering for a long time now and i do really want her to get better and if she is encouraged and challenged to do that through Johnathan, then so be it. I would rather she get help, even if it isnt from me. i do really care for her and love her and i want to write her and the rest of the MAST members a letter soon but i cant think super clearly right now.

i just keep beating myself up over and over and over for the things that i couldve done better. i couldve been a better friend. i couldve been more open. more attentive. more caring. more understanding. more open-minded. but i didnt.

and i guess the only thing to do from here is move on and look forward and figure out what i can do better.

i want to know what i can do better and the areas in which i fell short but im also so scared of finding out bc i already hate myself so much anyway and being told what i failed at would only add to this already heavy burden.

im fine.

i also just feel really bad because i feel like im taking such a huge step back by pushing people away and isolating myself. i know i have grown a lot this past year and i have been able to become more trusting of those around me and it has been really nice to know that i am cared for and loved by others. and in acting like how i am now, im worried pjosh and other people wont be proud of me anymore or the ways that i have grown.

have i even really grown at all? or was i always just forcing myself to make a different choice but now im just reverting back to how i naturally handle things? i dont want to disappoint them. i dont want to seem like a failure.

and God, i want to rely on you. I really do. But I can’t. Because at the end of the day, as much as I want to believe you and trust you and your pain, I really can’t understand why you’ve let me be in and put me through so much suffering and for so long. What did I do to deserve so much misery? I can’t handle it on my own anymore. I really can’t. It’s consuming me from the inside out.

i really want to call amanda and just clear everything up with her and be honest with her but i also dont want to hurt her. i know i can be too open and share too much and i dont want people to think something is mentally wrong with me bc that just means people will always look at me differently and pity me and never actually see me as human and i dont want that. 

when i asked amanda what we should do with our small group and proposed hanging out in evanston instead, i was hesitant to ask at all because i knew what the “right” move to make was and wasnt sure if we should just opt for the easier route so more people could come.

and i was worried she would just say it’d be better for more people to come so we should just all meet in evanston instead. i was surprised when she actually mentioned how the original agreement was to meet in chinatown so thats what she wanted to do. and with that, i pushed for chinatown again and was thoroughly surprised when david actually decided to come through and travel with us. and i was really happy we all got to spend that time together. it was only once and i was so discouraged everyone bailed last minute. but the fact seoyeon and david did come was really heartwarming and encouraging to me. and it was for her too. our kids are growing up.

im also salty that a good handful of our members wished for more small group outings. which, i understand. but, i feel like theyre discrediting the fact that amanda and i really tried to plan outings but things fell apart bc of their schedules a lot of the time. whether it was bc people backed out last minute or we couldnt find a time when we were all free or people half hearted committed but flaked out when the time actually came closer and didnt took it as seriously. i get that other groups, especially p. josh’s, had more hangouts and i am genuinely happy for them. and maybe our group wanted to have more fun times like that. 

was i just too serious this past year? and i didnt have as much fun as amanda? i always perceived her non-seriousness as a bad thing bc i thought she was just using it as a front to cover how much pain she was actually in. when she cried with me and actually shared her fears and insecurities, i felt how genuine that was. her normal “fake” personality didnt seem genuine to me. but maybe i was wrong. she does seem genuinely happy now. and im happy for her too. 

i know i have a big mouth and have spoken when it wasnt my place to and i am getting better at managing it. i just didnt realize shutting my mouth would hurt me so much.

everytime jason has given me one of these “talks” on what i can work on, i end up feeling more hurt than challenged to do better. and i am actively trying to work on everything he told me to do and i know he told me out of a place of care. but now i just feel so paranoid that i am constantly being judged and messing up in ways that im not even aware of. and it sucks.

but i also dont want jason to not tell me ways i can improve bc i do genuinely want to know and how to grow and get better.

i had the opportunity to go to northwestern and hangout with familiar people again yesterday but i didnt go. because i was afraid of seeing amanda and johnathan there. and i was afraid of feeling left out.

even though i didnt know anyone on the softball team and i was the only college student there, it was so much easier for me to be happy with them. i made friends and i didnt care what i said or how i was being perceived. i just did my best to boost our team’s morale and cheer everyone on and that made me feel genuinely better. even if it was just for a few hours. i didnt care how i acted and chances are, i wouldnt interact or even see them ever again. or at least not for a while. but with the college kids, i dont understand why it’s so hard for me to be real with them. i am so much more afraid of being judged and gossiped about bc i know i have to keep working with them and i will see them again the next sunday. or the next. or the next. or the next.

i got along really with songbee the other day and being friends with her makes me feel like im betraying jason bc i know he doesnt get along with her very well.

i got along really well with jennie lee the other day. why is it so much easier for me to get along with adults? anyway,

we got along really well and i definitely want to keep in contact with her and get to know her better. we joked around a lot and it was fun!

maybe thats why i get along better with the adults. because i have such a surface level friendship with all of them. but with movement, ive been open and vulnerable and i actually have more to lose so im more afraid to be myself.

hm.

but yeah, i just hung out with jenny chang’s family after and i really valued our time together and how much they take care of me. they feel like my picture perfect family that i never had growing up. they’re what i always imagined a family should look like. but mine never fit that description.

[survivorelara]

Episode #7: “Bon Appetite Bitch” - Dani

Merge time baby, this is where the game starts. My first job is to figure out who flipped in that last tribal, I'm betting on Loris, but if it's John I'd probably understand as well. Regardless it's disappointing because as far as "OG Tribe Lines" it's now 5v5v2, which sucks.

I think I've likely got an ok position at the moment, the real move is trying to make sure I've got an in with a lot of people, and to make sure I find myself in the majority.

Here's hoping my first tribal council doesn't turn out to be my last due to social misplays.

We merged woo, my streak of never dying premerge continues :D. However, it does feel like an early merge. There's still 12 people left, I have a strong feeling someone ain't gonna make the jury... 👀

I just noticed im the only Aquarius left woot woot. Game wise, hello, it's merge. I'm finally messaging  people, introducing myself and what not. I'll check in later to list all of the people that don't like me, but for now let's go into this hoping that I'm charismatic

Ok sooooo...... tribal did NOT go as planned but it still was good because I could’ve gone easily but drew t saved my ass because I saved his last week. we love good karma. Roxy literally forgived me without asking her to and we have merged so I don’t feel that at risk anymore. :) I just gotta keep talking to everyone so my name doesn’t get raised.

oh lord. You know idk what I’m gonna do yet Because I don’t want to work with pre friends but i don’t necessarily like my tribe either So that leaves me with loris Idk I’ll figure it out

For now, I'll do a hot or not and comments Roxy- NOT. I have to talk to her almost continuously or else she'll think we aren't allies and vote me out. (not that we are allies rn but still) Ci'ere- DECENT. He's nice but replies are sporadic and idk if he wants to work with me. Loris- HOT AS FUCK. my #1 right now, he's p cool <3 John - STEAMING? He is so nice and so cute but he seems close to purple drew. Purple Drew - LUKE WARM. Love the dude, but I am semi trying to avoid pre game friendships. Little Mix Drew- STRAIGHT FIRE. only bc of LM. in reality, more SEMI WARM. it may turn out that each side has a little mix supporter? Drachus - WHO TF KNOWS. I cannot tell if this man is playing me or not. He tells me he can't vote him out, but is that true? We havent been to tribal and he seems to be lying to me about how much he knows. If he really doesnt know all that... he seems like someone I can maybe work with. We've been loyal to the end for each other before. Just keep in mind- I'm not playing for 8th. Emma- queen? She's inactive but a great number for me. We tell each other stuff and she's just precious. Kori- challenge threat, and someone who I want to be my shield. Dani- shes so inactive bruh like what even Dylan- also inactive.

so its 5 revati, 4 auva, 3 zosma. Zosma and Auva have 2 a piece of people who I loved pregame and would consider working with. So who knows? I have a double majority, so lets not be surprised when I'm first out.

Well, I THINK I'm in an ok-ish spot. I've talked with a LOT of people, IDEALLY the next one gone is Sam just so that I can get Dani more on my side and make it clear that I wanna work with her.

I'm a little salty Altager didn't beat the basic tribe name of Orion... but I'll get over it... eventually...

In other news, I ate a burger today... it was adequate.

MERGE BABIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm elated to make the merge AND get to name the tribe! Like that's fucking sickening! I'm excited to see what the merge holds for me because that was a rocky pre-merge phase. Like obviously I wasted my idol, blah blah. And like I was an emotional mess like the entire way through. It sucks being the one that has to blindside people and like break hearts- but in the end, that's the way it is. I just love that I'm getting to play IN THE MERGE. Like I rarely ever do that because I am too much of a physical threat (in most ORGs) to be allowed into the merge. So I'm super glad that I get to play in the merge and I just have to put myself in a mindset where I can be carefree and not let the stress of the pre-merge weigh me down!

Well, The challenge went pretty well I think, not sure if I won or not though, we'll see.

I'm getting frustrated with Ci'ere though. Everytime we talk they take hours to respond, even when they initiate the conversation, and I respond within 4 minutes. My patience is definitely getting tested.

Well, I didn't win the challenge, I was closeish, got all the right constellations. I just kinda, didn't math correctly in calculating my Tiebreaker number... not sure what I even did to reach that number anymore.

Regardless, I just gotta keep the target off of me, get a feel for what others are thinking, and go from there. Ideally Sam or Ci'ere since Dylan who I'm still not a fan of won.

Ci'ere has been making a bit more effort with me, which has me a bit suspicious, so Sam is ideal just to make it clear to Dani that I DO wanna work with her.

What do people do when they merge? Like this concept is so foreign to me that this laziness is actually nice. Its peaceful and serene. Like my god. If this is the case, why the fuck do I not try to make the merge more often? Honestly, this revelation is so beautiful, I may ugly cry just thinking about it!

ok no offense but the conflict between dani and ci'ere seems literally so beyond fake i can't even comprehend it. maybe im wrong but like it feels so planned, like dan's funeral or smth.

also ci'ere just like formally asked to work with me which was really sweet so hi. they also spilled some tea about roxy/drew/drew2.0 and how theyve been working together without me so. yoinks. glad i won immunity because i wouldve been so lost

Man i'm finna make that bitch dani leave, im working my ass off to save ciere and get her outta here since she's HELLBENT on getting us out. No no, you don't do that. Hope you enjoy merge boot and hopefully just missing out on jury :)

So yeah, the main name floating around has been ci'ere. But the thing is, I've been talking with people and dani seems disposable to a lot of people. So i'm tryna convince the people i'm close with to vote her out instead of ci'ere. Because here's the thing, if dani survives until next vote and ci'ere leaves, she's going to be after me. What i'm saying to my crew is that if ci'ere survives, he'll be with us while dani isn't close with like anyone, she just talks to throw names out cuz she sucks at this game. so like, if people really want ci'ere out, it'd be so much easier to simply blindside him next vote if we wanted, because he'd feel so safe. Esp since im 95% sure one of those 2 have an idol, so i'm gonna try my best to either flush it from ci'ere, or blindside the fuck outta dani sending her home packing with it

suprise bitches after a boring pre merge i am actually playing the game i just need to see which side everyone is on i may use my idol to have my side be on control i could probably be first merge boot before i play yikes! also me and loris are powerful... he has the legacy advantage his mind omg

I hate this cast. Yell at me for a short confessional if ya gotta.

Deadass probably setting myself up for failure this vote with going after dani so hard but fuck it idc, didn't have a chance to get rid of her after louise had left and she told toby to get the fuck outta here, and now I do and she's going and hopefully joins him in the vl :) toby this one's for you homie, miss ya lots <3

W e l l, things have went left here at the Orion camp 😄 I woke up to Andrea & Loris letting me know that Auva 2.0 was after me & that I should play an idol if I had one. Apparently the Auvacados are getting bad vibes from me? However, Dani was the one that made a move against y’all so why am I getting getting ya knickers in a bunch? I previously started laying down the groundwork to have people turn on Miss Dani, but I decided to toss that plan out the window. Last night, Loris told me that John Coffey was the Revati that flipped last round and it’s because he’s friends with Drew H. I’m certain that the Drews, Roxy, & John have an alliance that finalized right before the merge. So that needs to be broken up right away. I went to Dylan, an OG Auva, to let him know that his old tribemates said he was on the outs and they made an alliance with Louise, Dani, & I. He seems to be interested in voting with me, and if he isn’t, then he’s a flop.

Sam called me “babe” earlier & I really cannot with this flirting strategy, but I’m not opposed to it! I guess I would consider him my final 2, but I’d say he’s playing well so I might need to cut him before that hehe.

I don’t like this back and forth running around nonsense, so I’m laying it all out on the table. I exposed the Auvacado 2.0 alliance. I hinted that I have an idol that I really don’t want to use, but I probably will just in case they think I’m bluffing & people don’t target me in the future for it. Apparently this caused people to start scrambling which I’ll have you know is my favorite type of egg. Deviled eggs are good af too 😈

Sam says that we shouldn’t go for Roxy because he has an in with Drew T. & that we should keep Dani the target because she threw out our name. Dani says that John & Kori threw out my name to her. Do I believe her? Not exactly. In the tribe chat when I asked Dani to vote for Roxy, she says that she likes her & would rather do someone else. This is a mess. So right now it’s looking like myself, Sam, Andrea, Loris, Emma, Dylan & Drew T.?

Why is everyone always going after me what the shit. Its drew t and h fault im like their fuckin scategost I jk I love them but im so annoyed why is the fall out if the shit theyfor do, gets blamed on ne when I havent dine anything loll fuck off

I love u drews tho

I knew going into the merge that I wanted Ciere out sooner rather than later; and when an alliance with Dani and kori was formed I thought I’d be able to get him out right away. Dylan won immunity which is awesome because he’s easily my favorite right now. Idk what it is about him but we just vibe really well right now. I’m not sure where I stand with old revati other than kori who asked me to be his final 2 the other day. I’m a wannabe puppet master and nobody was taking my bait to vote ciere. Well it seemed like they were until little rat decides to announce that I had an alliance with the Drew’s and Roxy. I went telling everyone the chat is barely even active and we voted together once. As of now the majority is seeming to want Dani and Kori isn’t answering aoooo idk who I’m voting for I kinda still want to do ciere cause I swore to Dani I wouldn’t vote for her, but I also don’t like her attitude all that much tonight. Same old Dani from unifinished business, but I actually was going to have her back. I’m a mess!!!!!!!!111

WELL BITCH I MIGHT BE GOING. These motherfuckers REALLY want me gone huh? WELL IM NOT GOING OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT. Roxy will rue this day. ROXY WILL RUE IT. She just fucked over her whole damn alliance.

Dani is voted out 9-2-1.

[yeont4n]

Answer all!!

here we fuckn goooooooooo

we are bulletproof: if you could be any superhero, who would you be and why?

u kno that 1 girl from sky high whose only power was shapeshifting into a hamster? her. no reason

no more dream: if you woke up tomorrow to be incredibly famous, how would you react?

id go check my mailbox to collect all my free promotional gifts and then prolly fake my own death

i like it: if you could reverse any moment in your life, what would that moment be? 

there’s 1 thing but im not rlly gonna expose myself like tht on here smh

n.o: biggest pet peeve?

loud chewing/loud eating,,,,,,

we on: how do you deal with people who don’t like you?

i dont deal wit it lmfao it’s not my business who likes me n who doesn’t unless someone’s being particularly vocal about it:// in that case i’d prolly jus laugh about it

if i ruled the world: what would you do if you found out that you were an heir to a wealthy kingdom?

lmfao. idk tbh prolly decide which breed of dog i wanted to be known for loving

coffee: what’s your coffee order?

i dont order coffee often buh somethin w a lot of sugar.

cypher pt. 1: if you had to be part of a kpop group, what position would you want to be (i.e. leader, visual, lead vocal, dancer, rapper, maknae, etc.)

maknae i guess? how about staff

rise of bangtan: when and how did you get into the king and legends, also known as bangtan sonyeondan?

i saw a video of yoongi performing intro:nevermind in like 2015 n was :o ! buh never looked into it. in 2016 i saw the fire and bst dance practice vids and was like :0!??? but again, never looked into it. then finally spring day/not today mvs dropped n i FINALLY looked into who these boys were n jus fell down an ever spiraling rabbit hole.. now we here

satoori rap: what does home mean to you?

a feeling. i mean i have a few physical manifestations of the concept of home: my town, my school, my house. things i can return to. but really it’s a feeling isn’t it?? safety, familiarity, comfort, fondness

boy in luv: when you are interested in someone (romantically, sexually, etc.), does your behavior change?

yeah probably altho i dnt have many data points to go over rn

just one day: who would you want to spend the last day of your life with?

yall expectin me 2 say bts buh id want 2 be wit my friends n family . bts can b there 2 if they want

tomorrow: goal that you would like to achieve within the next year?

get into..... college.....

cypher pt. 2: one thing about yourself you wish people would appreciate more?

i never express appreciation n all that verbally thru words or physically thru touch buh i have my own ways of showin tht i care n i guess it dont count if i dont communicate explicitly like: hey ilu ! . what happened to actions speak louder than words smh

spine breaker: what is your weakness when it comes to spending money?

makeup!!!!!!!!!! >

jump: favorite childhood memory?

getting my dog tina!!!!

miss right: what is your ideal ‘type’?

physically i tend 2 like the boyish types likkee think taehyung inu era i guess. boy next door vibes; ive never rlly been into the macho build or the preppy, neat look, or the rough around the edges, angsty shithead badboy exterior model like i like my boys S.O.F.T.! puppy-ish!

personality wise i guess jusssss idk i’m gonna copy n paste a list of qualities i look 4 in a partner that i wrote for a different ask game a while back: Sense of humor, openmindedness, compassion, reliability, ability 2 communicate directly/emotional maturity, ambition/drive/work ethic, etc.

i like it pt. 2: dream date? 

yall prolly expecting me to say smthn like staying in n watching movies n eating junk but i’d prolly wanna go out n do smthn ngl. not a movie where u can hardly even speak or a dinner date where u feel trapped n stiff buh smthn fun n mildly competitive n engaging ??????? although jus chillin dont sound so terrible either

danger: have you ever had a near-death experience?

kinda not really it was on hampton beach n i had an allergic reaction but i wasnt on death’s door or nuthn

war of hormone: most embarrassing moment?

i bled thru my fucking pants in like 7th grade n it got on the chair! it was bad lol i was jus talking about this w my friend n she was like “yeah i remember that haha:)” shut up caitlin

hip hop lover: three songs that are meaningful to you?

moonlight sonata, ballade no. 1 in g minor, bts’ entire discography ties for 3rd

let me know: are you good at keeping secrets?

no lmfao . keeping my own, sure.

rain: most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

some words that have never been used to describe me, grace: spontaneous, easy going, flexible. the most impulsive thing i’ve done is prolly take a random sidestreet omw home just for the heck of it lol

cypher pt. 3: favorite outfit to wear?

cute jeans w a belt, a crop top. white adidas. i like dresses too tho!! n i really like layered clothes (a mock turtle neck under a slip dress or like a pinstripe button up under a babydoll fit blouse. i jus think it’s fuckin adorable)

blanket kick: longest time you’ve spent lying in bed (sleeping or not)? 

prolly 2 or 3 days

24/7 = heaven: what are you most looking forward to?

fuck i rlly dk . doesnt that suck??

look here: do you have any hidden talents?

i can burp on command lmfaoofdj

second grade: proudest accomplishment?

dont ask me this if u dnt want to be made uncomfortable by how genuinely unproud of myself i am lol

i need u: are you in love?

wit k*m t*aehy*ng? yeah.

hold me tight: does physical contact comfort you?

no........... maybe i havent found the right person but it’s not my cup of tea generally speaking

love is not over: ever had your heart broken?

no but now i know what i can look forward to haha

dead leaves: how loyal are you?

im rlly loyal if that commitment is mutual. w my family i’m ride or die i’ll fuck anyone up who comes for my asshole brother idc!!!!!!!!!

move: last time you cried?

cant remember,, i dnt cry much. prolly watching reply 1988 when bo ra and her dad were exchanging letters on her wedding day.

butterfly: most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

his name looks similar to my url thats the only hint im giving

run: do you like traveling? if so, where? what’s your dream vacation?

i dnt really like travelling tbh but i do wanna go back to korea one day. not necessarily as a tourist but as a diasporic korean person myself

ma city: if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

idk. i cant imagine not living in the states tbh but i also cant say i love it here either

baepsae: do you vote and/or keep up with politics?

i can’t vote but i’m in my school’s youth vote committee which runs debates for local elections and registration drives at the end of the year. i kept up with politics a lot more last year but after the election i jus got 2 bitter. i know what’s going on but only sort of surface level smh

dope: what did you want to be when you were younger? how does it compare to what you want to be now?

i wanted to be a teacher lmfao and i wanted to commute to college n save $$ bc i was a practical little fucker even when i was 6. these days i’m not that interested in teaching bc a) i’d be objectively bad at it and b) i was a classroom mentor for elementary schools and... realized i can’t work w kids tht small every damn day i’d rlly snap

fire: are you a spontaneous person?

no~

save me: your favorite place on earth?

rn??? m y bed

young forever: what is one movie from your childhood that you will always treasure?

august rush lol

boys with fun: you’re going on a roadtrip with seven other people– dead, alive, fictional, real, famous, or not. who are they, and why?

really......... seven other people:)? guess.

converse high: how many pairs of shoes do you own?

12??? 3 are the same black heel lmfao n a lot i havent worn in years but i still technically own them. i rlly b wearing the same 4 pairs in a cycle n 1 rotten bleach stained soggy mess for work shoes.

whalien 52: weirdest thing that has ever happened to you? alternatively, weirdest dream you’ve ever had?

weirdest dream i ever had was way too long to type out n had way too many references to people in my personal life to ever be interesting lmao

house of cards: when was the last time you felt sexy?

HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAHHAAH?????????????????

boy meets evil: have you ever committed a crime? if so, what was it? alternatively, what is the worst thing you have ever done?

does speeding count smh.

blood, sweat, & tears: kinkiest kink you have?

rolling eyes emoji. pass!

begin: who are you most grateful for in your life?

my parents!

lie: biggest fear?

real talk? failure. abandonment but i’m adopted, how cliche. also bugs

stigma: would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of your death?

date of death bc if i knew the cause but not have any indication of when it’d hit me, i’d be a paranoid agoraphobic wreck for the rest of my life

first love: do you believe in soulmates?

yes but i also believe you can have more than one! and that soulmates aren’t exclusively romantic

reflection: if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

get ur fucking bangs cut

mama: are you good at giving advice?

yeah i think so

awake: if you had to be a flower, which flower would you be?

lazy daisy

lost: how good are you with directions? do you get lost easily?

horrible horrible horrible. directionally challenged. i can’t even find my way to the fucking grocery store down the road on my own. if i ever missed an exit on the highway you’d never hear from me again, i could never find my way back without a gps. i’m dead serious

cypher pt. 4: what do you do to treat yourself or relax?

take a bath or a long long shower. eat smthn warm, drink tea, do a face mask, change my sheets n snuggle up watchin a drama or movie or playin sims

am i wrong: you wake up one morning in the hospital, knowing only your name and a single memory from your life. what is that memory?

wtf how do i answer this lmfao how wud i know lol

21st century girls: do you prefer texting, calling, or video chatting?

texting! calling if it’s a long story though

2!3!: your favorite thing about bangtan?

their modesty and grace ! they’re a true underdog success story >

spring day: who do you miss right now?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

not today: what are your procrastinating right now?

math summer work smh

wings: on airplanes, do you prefer the window seat, the middle seat, or the aisle seat?

window seat!

you never walk alone: how many people do you trust with your life?

4?

[survivor-hosts]

Ep. #2: “One Woman Hall of Fun House Mirrors” - Drew

The tribes were given the music video immunity challenge. Jinsei planned out a story to go with their song and what each person will do whereas Naicha didnt seem to care much.  Jinsei obviously won.  After the results, a plan was made by Jessy and Drew to blindside MJ while MJ was trying to convince Jessy to blindside Drew. Meanwhile, Regan being uber paranoid and started freaking out in the tribe chat and telling people she is going to vote for them and making up fake advantages.  This lead everyone to change their votes to take out Regan as she was too much of a liability.  Jessy still voted for MJ even though she knew Regan was going.

update: im here but rip to my perfect game cause catherine randomized her vote

Cat: I don’t use sugar she’s cursed I’m using Christy I won with her also cat: gets voted out first I’m disappointed to see cat go first. I was really excited to play a game with her for the first time ever and I just wish there was something I could have done to help her.

Can’t wait to be second boot

[2:30:43 PM] Austin Trevino: Ok!! I’m trying to scroll back right now and catch myself up but Skype isn’t showing like half of the messages for some reason. Did we decide on an idea? [2:31:13 PM] Sam: we’re doing something LGBT+ related since it’s pride month omg the trumpie is shaking

[2017-06-12 4:08:53 AM] Jessy: this is actually crazy [2017-06-12 4:08:58 AM] Jessy: IS NO ONE GONNA DO ANYTHING?????????????????????????? [2017-06-12 4:08:59 AM] Jessy: BKLMASDFKLMASFKLMDFKLSDAFMS [2017-06-12 4:08:59 AM] Jessy: LIKE [2017-06-12 4:09:01 AM] Jessy: KLJSKLJSSKLMSKLMSKMLSKM [2017-06-12 4:09:19 AM] Jessy: THERES LEGIT GONNA BE NO VIDEO [2017-06-12 4:09:19 AM] Jessy: SLKJSLKJSKLJS [2017-06-12 4:09:22 AM] Jessy: BC THESE PPL ARE SO LAZY [2017-06-12 4:09:26 AM] Jessy: OR THEYRE JUST THROWING [2017-06-12 4:09:27 AM] Jessy: BKLMSADFLKDS [2017-06-12 4:10:51 AM] Jessy: LEGIT ITS LIKE [2017-06-12 4:10:53 AM] Jessy: SICKENING FOR ME [2017-06-12 4:10:54 AM] Jessy: TO DO NOTHING [2017-06-12 4:10:56 AM] Jessy: KLBMASKLDMDFSAMKL [2017-06-12 4:10:59 AM] Jessy: I WANNA YELL AT EVERYONE AND JUST GET TO WORK [2017-06-12 4:11:01 AM] Jessy: ME: U DO THIS! [2017-06-12 4:11:04 AM] Jessy: ME: GET THIS PROP! [2017-06-12 4:13:47 AM] Jessy: ugh it makes me mad [2017-06-12 4:13:48 AM] Jessy: KLBMASDFKDSMA [2017-06-12 7:59:26 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For me, this season is about Redemption. I just learned that Connah is looking to break his pre-merge curse he’s adapted to over the past few seasons played, so instantly I need to jump on that connection and form some sort of understanding between us in order to prevent him from going after me. I feel like this creates a whole lot of trust, and when the time comes where I’ll need it most I’ll be damn sure to use my allies to my advantage in securing votes. The thing with Connah is that he’s viewed as our tribe’s local Inactive. The time zone thing really does hurt his game because of my tribe consisting of sleepy old schoolers. Me, the insomniac that I am, can use this to my advantage by being Connah’s go-to for info and reliance. The problem for me though is looking back to Bhutan, where the last time I trusted someone in a different country voted me out @F5… *eyes Max*

It’s Day 4. 4 days since the game started and I’m not in game-mode yet. It’s probably because it’s been a long time since I played a main but even then, in Generations I wasn’t in game-mode at all. I may be too comfortable or I’m not on guard but I haven’t had that “spark” yet. I have no alliances yet, I’ve talked game to no one. Is this new schools Tumblr Survivor? Things are just…slow? Now I’m not sure if everyone is just feeling things out or I’m already in the minority but I just feels so detached from the game. Catherine has been voted out FIRST and that should give me motivation to do better but I didn’t feel anything. I think what made me feel so detached in games is that in the past year, I’ve played two orgs on Facebook. I didn’t mesh well with people there at all and basically became emotionless and indifferent. That in turn led me into FTC and Final 4 respectively. I’m trying to do the same thing and I thought this is Tumblr where my ORG life started I should have connections or know everyone, should be hard but it actually isn’t. People usually label me as a non-threat until late into the game but I have to be careful because I have friends on my tribe and the other tribe but if I can somehow manage to convince everyone I’m not a threat and will be helpful to them I could pull this off for the third time and make it to FTC. That’s my game plan. As for my relationships in this tribe, I’m friends with Connor for about a year. It’s almost common knowledge since we hosted 4 games together but in the event that people don’t we’re both trying to be distant to one another in the tribe chat. The next person I’m closest to (minus Connor ofc) is probably Jessy but we haven’t talked game yet. I’m still kinda feeling things out. I don’t know how to end this confessional PS I have 4 outdated video confessionals because I can’t upload them BECAUSE NO INTERNET !!! FUTURE JOSH REMEMBER THIS MOMENT AFTER THE GAME IS OVER AND HOW YOU FELT THIS CLOSE TO SUING THE INTERNET COMPANY

Catherine deserves all the good things in the world by the way. She’s an angel. Please let the Phoenix Idol be the Arabia twist.

Okay but in all seriousness, can I tell you how scary it was to see my name come up last night… like Catherine made no effort to communicate with anyone so she can’t say “no ones talking to me” when she doesn’t do the same. Communication is a two way street, you get what you put into any conversation. Idk I just find her to be very hypocritical and don’t really feel bad that she was the first boot. I really want to push for a David/Andrew/Myself alliance, but for the moment I am worried that David and Sam are close and he would spill the beans. I feel like Sam is pretty well rounded in this tribe and that kinda worries me, but I can’t do anything about it so early you know?? But I think I have something solid with Andrew, I feel like Austin trusts me, and I have the Amulet of Abduction in my possession. If things go south, I think I have the tools needed to reverse the car and drive north. Now thinking about it, maybe Catherine voting me out was a good thing because the other tribe could possibly think I’m in the minority and save me for the next round. Who knows honestly, but one could hope. I really have no idea what could happen and I think my paranoia at that tribal during the live call has people questioning me. However, I did contribute a lot to this challenge and I think that puts me in good graces. I suggested the LGBT theme in celebration of Pride Month, which got us going somewhere with our video. I really hope we win mainly because I think our challenge idea is so cute, and if the judges don’t see that then they got something wrong with them. Heres to hoping we win this challenge so I have one peaceful night of sleep

omg austin writing #lovetrumpshate on his sign… me: *blurs it out in the video* i hate that i have to be on a tribe with a trumpie… i just hate it so much… it sucks that i actually get along with him? godt

me when we win this music video challenge

so yeah if we don’t win this challenge it’s plain homophobia

So basically the last vote was super easy except our tribe literally doesnt talk….Sam and I had to get the ball rolling which is weird for me because I never take part in that but I guess im like the leader of the tribe or something (Not really) Im really good with Sam like I think we are going to be a solid 2 going into a swap. Im good with Andrew and Lydia and Austin as well. Sam and I want to get an alliance chat of those people + Scott going so that we can have majority and no one feels left out and we can vote out Connor if needed. The music video we will hopefully and and then I wont have to worry about getting 15th! 

[13/06/2017, 10:21:03 AM] Josh: I can talk when I get to my desk! I’m driving atm [13/06/2017, 10:23:14 AM] Regan: Okay thanks lmk [13/06/2017, 10:37:35 AM] Regan: you drive slow

A plan to blindside Drew has been made but I’m not sure if it wise. On one side, Drew is a huge threat and he’s on everyone’s good side, but if we’re swapping tomorrow it’s not ideal to have a broken tribe. Only me, Jessy, MJ and Regan know about this and it’s enough to send Drew home but that would leave Connor and Allison out of the loop. I’m more concerned about burning the bridge I have with Connor that’s why I’m gonna try and pull off a unanimous vote. Or at least a 5-2 vote. I need Connor’s trust and more importantly it’s only the first tribal we’re going and I’m already hiding things from Connor. I’m at a dilemma. My vote seems to be the deciding factor if we keep Regan or not. We still have a lot of time to think about the vote and I think it’s better to have a full on discussion together with MJ and Jessy and see what we’re gonna do. For right now I’m gonna feel out Connor and see what he thinks of possibly blindsiding Drew.

So we won the challenge and we did that, the judges just knew not to be homophobic. But honesty the other tribes vid was not that good so we had this shit down. I think Regan is going and thank god because apparently she was trying to kidnap me and im like please get out before you ruin me thanks. I love Matt Summers so much also because we had a little tea session and it was juicy. he told me about the Regan stuff and I told him about why we voted out Cat seaux I hope if theres a swap we are good

Oh okay the game’s starting now huh. I’m sorry in advance, dear readers, this is gonna be lengthy as fuck, I really should’ve done a Meet the People confessional the first week but I got lazy so here we are! So first and foremost, I’d like to personally thank Steffen for messaging me after immunity results like WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT MUSIC VIDEO because we know, babe. We know. Dramatic little fuck, ilysm. ANYWAY my ass is making some interesting mistakes! We’re gonna break this lil confessional section into three segments because it’s how I’m processing my thoughts: All Stars, Congo, and Pacific Islands. 1.        When I first walked into this tribe, my first thought was “OH look, three All Stars kids! Well that can’t happen!” and then they turn out to be…….the only…….people…………I talk to???????? dkjlshlkfjhgKJHFLKJSHD kill me now honestly. So now this is the crew I’m accidentally rolling with for at least this first vote. MJ gave me a call on like night two like “I wanna work with you until the end, I think we could go really really far together and it’s not something people would see coming” and I’m like WHEW this probably means I’m not first boot huh. Like okay if by some miracle or twist of fate, I’m actually capable of making FTC here, I’m not going with no damn MJ, but realistically who says no to an F2? Jessy is a fucking angel, and the only person who will semi-reliably reach out and just say hey, which I’m not sure I’ve ever done with her. Actually, because this is reminding me, I’m gonna go do that right now! … kk now that that’s done. She’s a sweetheart, I don’t ever want to do anything against her or without her. Like I will if I have to, don’t you worry about that, but it would hurt. And then Matt Summers who I’ve talked to like twice since the season started because he’s always busy but like they were real conversations, it wasn’t even anything game-related, we like poured our hearts out to each other. And now he’s been kidnapped so he’s not on the table anyway. But like honestly truthfully, these All Star kids are the good eggs of the beach, I could actually see working with them for a while (cut to Connor and Josh and Allison’s confessionals saying the same thing because they’ve gotten the same calls and the same messages and I’m actually just that easy to manipulate). 2.        Okay, Congo. Congo is a side season I won a million years ago. Hosted by Connor, Josh, and Cat. So when they all popped up here, two of them on my tribe, best believe I was SCREAMING. And it was cute until I realized the main season history that Cat and Josh had and how that wouldn’t last. And sure enough, Miss Cat was the first to die and that wasn’t completely unexpected but damn why these bitches have to take my secret pair beware??? We literally saw Moana together in theaters, I’d have thrown away my entire game for her. But this boot is probably a better case scenario because now fewer people are looking at Josh and Connor, they lost their footing on the other tribe and are just in general softer more passive people, at least outwardly. Everyone knows they’re connected, Josh hosted Connor in Palawan and they did Arabia together, but I don’t know that I’m exactly linked with them, which is great right now because if we can manage to work together on a lower radar for a while, it could end up being very very helpful in getting things together moving forward in new tribe configurations. 3.        Oh Pacific Islands…….a mess. This is Regan and Allison. Allison is an interesting case because on the one hand I love her, she’s one of my favorite hosts, I’ve been hosted by her in three Pacific Islands games before, she’s a lot of fun. But she knows how I play these days. She and Andrew actually did a cast assessment for PI Johto, which was Heroes vs Villains, and some of the things they said were spot-on but not things I want out. Allison talks about how she wishes I’d been cast on the villains tribe because I’m like secretly cutthroat as fuck, willing to stab literally anyone in the back, may not be seen as a villain but has very villainous characteristics. And Andrew is like Drew is super hard to read, you can have an image in your head of Drew’s game and who he’s aligned with and you could be completely wrong and then suddenly you’re the one working with him and making moves, but it’s never shady. And like true but fuck. So like Allison knowing this much about my game, having hosted me through to the finale episode three times, seen me win one and get player of the season once, is a bit of a scary concept because I’m LIVING for the fact that I’m mostly an unknown entity to these people, like MJ and Matt might know bits of my record and stories from Kait or being in VLs or whatever but so few of them have seen me play and I’m ready to not be nearly as known. And then Regan is just being……..whew. Imagine messaging everyone 20 seconds after the challenge ended, like actually everyone, schedule calls with them, literally tell someone on call that you’re leaving to go talk to someone else instead, frantically messaging the tribe chat like “I know I’m the easy choice” “I just want to beat my best placement” like babe we all do, this is a returning season and only two of these flops have won, we’re all hungry to at least better ourselves. She’s been rubbing people the wrong way, especially Connor and MJ. I don’t think anyone except Allison would lift a finger to save her. BUT HERE’S THE THING, THEY MIGHT NOT HAVE TO. Regan. Got. A. Vote. Stealer. From the idol map. Which is apparently a thing! So in this tribe of seven, literally all she needs to stay is me and Allison and her vote stealer. I mean granted, she doesn’t have me and I don’t think she knows that yet, but it’s a nice concept, very cute. Like I’m not going to stick my neck out for her on literally the first vote when if we don’t swap and Matt comes back, everything could quickly fall apart for me. Plus another layer. I have the map now. And Regan is the only one who knows that it’s even a POSSIBILITY that I might. She didn’t EXACTLY tell me so even she might not realize it. She was trying to be vague like “It’s on the blog, it’s super obvious but not something you’d ever think to search for, like what specifically would you be looking for” so I tried board, then grid, then map and BAM. So I make my very first search and find a vote negator!! Oh do I already have big dreams for this little baby This place could be a fucking gold mine for me moving forward, if no one knows that I have it and I never have to expose that I do until it’s time. I was never a captain, I never got a clue, who would look at poor little Drew for any sort of power? Regan, that’s who, who knows if she’d even guess that I did figure it out after all, I never told her I did, but she knows what she told me. Which is why she absolutely has to leave now because she’s the only one who could know. Now I have a way to test the loyalty of whoever becomes captain next, and at least for the moment, of accumulating wealth without anyone knowing. Part of me wants to go for broke and ask Regan what places she’s already searched but I’m not pushing my luck and forcing her to realize that I made it to the map. That’s on her to figure out. I don’t know where I’m going from here, Trevor said it would be beneficial to be on Skype after tribal tonight, which probably means a swap. Which sucks a little because I have a pretty good connection with everyone here right now, I fit into all three of the groups listed above, I think I might actually end up in alliance chats with all three by the time tribal rolls around. But I’ll find new friends if I have to. I’m a lot more confident in my ability since the last time I did a main season, and I’m finally in a season where I can potentially be looked over and befriended as a number and might not have to fight quite as hard to dodge the immediate threat edit. I’m nowhere near the passive player I used to be. Who knows if I’ll win this season, but I was not proud of my performance in Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, so it’s time to have a main season experience I can look back on and say I did that. This vote negator and I are gonna go find some friends and get down to business!

[2017-06-12 5:52:25 PM] Jessy: ughhh [2017-06-12 5:52:28 PM] Jessy: i hate this [2017-06-12 5:52:38 PM] Jessy: keeping regan is better on THIS tribe [2017-06-12 5:52:49 PM] Jessy: but im just giving away three free allies to sam and lydia [2017-06-12 8:06:55 PM] Jessy: I love Regan but like I can totally picture being in trouble with her, Matt and Allison if we were to make this move. Making enemies out of Drew, Josh, Connor and MJ is literally so fucking scary but I don’t want to regret this later on thinking that I should have made the move so that this season wouldn’t end with a winner like Sam, Lydia or MJ. But I also don’t want to be one of those players who only make “big moves” just for the flashiness of it. [2017-06-12 9:47:46 PM] Jessy: okay U know what? [2017-06-12 9:48:00 PM] Jessy: I completely understand the logic Matt implied [2017-06-12 9:48:13 PM] Jessy: but here’s the thing. OPPORTUNITY! [2017-06-12 9:48:35 PM] Jessy: By voting out Regan I’m accepting a position at the bottom of an alliance that not only has numbers on my tribe but the other tribe as well [2017-06-12 9:48:53 PM] Jessy: So yes it does make enemies of the other tribe, but the opportunity I have rn is to take out the person that connects them [2017-06-12 9:48:58 PM] Jessy: the head of the snake. [2017-06-12 9:49:21 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: wheres your confessional

Anyways scratch all this bc Regan is targeting me apparently so she’s DONE.

last night lydia and i agreed that we should make a 4 with connor and scott and try to take out austin cause david suggest a 4 between me, austin, him and andrew right before the cat vote but now david is including me, andrew, scoot and lydia in an alliance YIKES G2G!!!!!!

Scratch that it looks like we’re voting Regan again

So the first tribal council was pretty successful aside from the fact that Connor was left out of the loop. But honestly I’m over that. I’ve been talking to him a little more lately and same with Lydia so trying to keep those social connections up! I would give a more extensive recap but essentially the challenge went fine except for a marker fiasco where a new purple marker fresh out the box exploded all over my table…..anyway! Scott and I have been getting closer and he’s really cool tbh. He told me today that I’m his #1 and that he wants to go through everything in this game with me “at his side” and I’m like alrighty! Hope he’s not saying that to anyone else lmao. In terms of other people, David and I have been good and Sam and I have on and off convos - sometimes involving strategy and other times not. Lydia and Connor I’ll talk to here and there but not about strategy. And then there’s the fun Forced Austin Convos™… Okay I ain’t gonna be mean like the conversations I have with him are genuine but also never go anywhere? Like I guess we have each other’s backs which is fine. I’m just waiting for him to really REALLY strike something with me but he doesn’t which I guess is fine because I don’t trust him and therefore wanna vote him out. The big development of the day though was David and I got an alliance going. I basically just cracked open a cold one with the boy and said let’s talk an alliance and before I knew it he was getting Sam I was getting Scott and Sam was getting Lydia. This is also good for me getting close to Lydia btw! Keeping that in mind. Also David wanted Lydia and I wanted Scott but my messages fucked up so we ended up getting both of them? Which is fine… I think. We were going for a 4 person alliance but I’ll work with 5 the best I can. I just needed Scott to be involved. That was a top priority. So now the other tribe’s tribal is tonight and from all the completely expected game related shit Matt has talked on Regan - she’s going home. BUT. This is a main season. Ya never know what wackadoodle-Dan shit is gonna happen.

[1:15:02 AM] Jessy: THIS TRIBE IS SO CRACKEDT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [1:17:00 AM] Jessy: MJ IS SENDING MIXED SIGNALS! [1:17:02 AM] Jessy: LIKE SIS! [7:45:09 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: What’s happening [7:45:13 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Make a confessional

things are… confusing yet also very straight forward. the vote was pretty clean cut on being regan, then things.. well, they happened. regan told drew that she heard her name from mj (mj i think???) and then she was like BUT i heard your name from mj. so drew messaged me like ‘what is the happen’ and i was like, well, i have never heard your name so thats probably not happening. regan told drew that she has a vote stealer and is going to try and take mj’s vote and vote for mj, but frankly the vote steal probably isnt real. i have a good thing going with allison, i like her a lot and i really hope to work with her deep into this game. im hoping to pull together an alliance of myself, josh, mj, drew, and allison and then a counter one? with everyone else. that would leave me in the middle which is where i play games best. im just hoping regan goes. i know she would be an easy shield down the road, but theres just no clear target going into this vote, and especially with her having a vote steal, taking her out with it and seeing if it’s something that exists will be very beneficial in the long run.

So I really am happy that we ended up winning the immunity challenge. Beforehand I was so scared cause we lost the first immunity and I didn’t want to go back to tribal after receiving a vote at the last one. Plus I don’t know who they would have kidnapped which really scared me. Lydia and I also discussed who we should end up kidnapping outside of the tribe. She was really worried about her relationship with Matt Summers and their previous game history, so she felt it was best to kidnap him. I personally didn’t give a fuck so I just went with it. Even though if we kidnapped Regan, it would have easily changed their tribe dynamic since Matt confirmed that she was an easy vote. I kinda wish he would have like actually given info on the dynamics so I could know who to abduct if we end up never swapping. Also, I’m low key surprised that Regan told the other tribe I had a final 2 with her mainly cause I don’t and know that she’s bad for my game being here. She also told them she wouldn’t take me to the end, which really has me thinking I’m a huge threat on their side. Personally, I think there are more fish to fry on my tribe over myself, so I hope I don’t go home anytime soon. Lydia also told me she talked to Connah and he seems to have a fire lit under him because he’s more motivated now. Which I’m happy about cause he did a phenomenal job on our video. If the tribes do stay the same and we lose again, I would personally like to see Austin go over Connah. Lydia and I compared notes on how Austin’s conversations come across as very fake and in genuine, and like hes only talking to us through a game perspective. I just find Austin to be fishy. Today, Sam told me that Lydia and I would be approached by Andrew and David about an alliance. And she even told us that she has a separate alliance with just Andrew and David. I’m actually happy she told me this mainly because now I have info against her for down the road. Andrew approached me moments later about it and I acted like I had just heard this. So I got added to an alliance with Andrew/David/Sam/Myself called the Pure Four. I’m happy that this alliance was made cause it was the alliance that I wanted, but right now I just feel very suspicious if that makes sense. I think the smartest thing for my game is to lay low until the moment is right. Who knows if that will happen though mainly cause if I use the Amulet of Abduction premerge, it makes me a pretty big target going into the merge. It sucks cause I want to tell Andrew so I can further our trust but I can’t tell him without exposing the Three Muskequeers (Sam/Lydia/Myself) and why Lydia was chosen to be captain was to help our alliance. So right now I just need to lay low and hope that Regan didn’t completely ruin my reputation on the other tribe

I swear to god, Regan is like a one woman hall of funhouse mirrors and all we’re trying to do is walk a straight line.

So IDK IM GETTING VOTED OUT AN DIM FREAKING. ITS ME OR MJ ME OR MJ I HATE LIFE