#IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO SAY and i want someone to explain it to me so i can stop picking. at. it.

[pinkyqily]

ONLY YOURS - JUJU WATKINS X READER

Summary: Because of recent speculation, online, it makes you rethink your relationship with juju.

Warning: cursing, angst to fluff, reader bluffing, miscommunication from r

Author's note: this fic was requested by @atditsitzjt and I hope you enjoy reading this, we love Otto in this house, I just needed someone who juju is close to build up fic tension.

feedbacks are always welcome and happy readings readers 💐

To be honest, you had no reason to think that juju would cheat on you.

But overthinking is a bitch and that how you and juju found yourself in this messy position in you're relationship.

It all started with when you saw a comment about how juju is always with Otto and doesn't she have a girlfriend to go to.

That comment didn't bother you at all until the sudden change of your algorithm.

You started seeing post of people shipping them together, pictures that looked way too intimate.

how they are always together from practice to hanging outside of campus together.

You felt like your heart got twisted and toyed with. You waited until she would come over to your place to try and bring it up, not wanting to jump into conclusion yet wanting to give her the benefit of doubt.

Juju came around, and she could tell something was wrong, but she didn't want to push your buttons after the long day she had.

You both enjoyed each other company, but the sense of lingering tension was obviously in the air and if anyone was to enter the room they would most likely feel suffocated.

You were laying on your girlfriend as she scrolled through her phone on Instagram.

But you couldn't keep quite anymore and got off her, she looked at you a confused.

you cleared your throat to speak.

"So you and Otto hang out with each other a lot." You started with.

"Yeah, she's my best friend, you know that." She said.

"You guys are really close for best friend".

"What point are you trying to make?". She said, looking irritated.

"I'm gonna be straight with you, Juju are you cheatin-. Before you could finish you heard her cut you off. "Don't you finish that sentence, what made you come to this." The way she reacted caught you off guard.

"Oh, I'm sorry that my supposed girlfriend loves hanging out with her best friend more than her actual gf, that it has the internet speculating if you guys are dating".

"You have to be serious, you're getting your claims from delusional people on the internet?". She said looking really hurt by the not so accusation you put against her.

"Yeah because they make more sense than whatever your fucking saying juju".

"What can't you understand she's my best friend just because we're always together, means nothing to me." You heard her say, she tired grabbing your hands but you simply moved back creating more space between the two of you.

"But it does to me do you ever think about how I would feel huh, you don't see me always hanging out with my best friend like that". You told her getting upset that she couldn't understand your point of view.

"One she's been with me since day one, she works with the team too, so of course we're always gonna be at the same place two just because we're always together means nothing to me". She explained to you. Grabbing both your hands as she continued speaking

"You're my girlfriend, not her, the person I love and adore you make me feel all sorts of things when we're together."

You felt a little shakend, she was someone who was always straight foward but doesn't to pushy with it. You had nothing to say to her they only thing you could do was leave the living room.

where you both we're staying so you could get some air.

You felt like a huge asshole for doubting her. What type of partner accuses there significant other, onto of that you use the internet as some type of excuses just because of your insecurities instead of communicating with her.

Oh you felt bad, after what felt likes hours but was only a few minutes you went back inside after staying outside. Juju was just how you left her, she was sitting on the arm of the couch fidgeting with her fingers.

You stood in front of her, but there was still the lack of distance between two of you.

You started by saying

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have accused you like that I don't know what wrong with me everything people were saying just got to me". You told her.

"I'm not gonna lie, your accusations hurt me, especially when you know I would never do you like that." She said, pulling you closer as she laid her head on your shoulder.

After your conversation with her that night, you expected her not to stay over like she normally does but she did.

You're both laying down in bed you couldn't fall asleep yet.

"Baby, I just wanted you to know I'm really sorry, and I feel so stupid thinking about it." You said, thinking she fell asleep.

"It okay, just go back to bed mhm". You heard her say as she pulled you closer by your waist.

"Goodnight, I love you." You said to her as you slowly able to fall asleep and be at peace without your mind playing tricks on you.

"I love you too." She said her arms stil wrapped around your body.

[the-stove-is-divorced]

Wishing your skull some cushions and an ice pack, I am shaking Powerplex in my head to keep my sanity intact. Powerplex, save me, Powerplex SAVE MEEEE

I didn't even realize we swapped the SUF thread, lol, truly immaculate on our part. Every thread is the other thread, continuous and looping, at this point. Jasper and Steven make me so fucking ill. She really would conquer galaxies in his name, why aren't I your liege, your knight, your solider, your commander gifting orders in your name, gleefully violence, victorious, and would take it heart he isn't, you know them SO WELLLLLL UGHHHHH. Steven refusing to touch this with a ten foot pole, like please just drink smoothies with me and watch the sunset. Please. Can we not, today?

I'm screaming, Nolan suddenly becomes SO eager about college because Mark can be a journalist, oh my goodness. He figures how to apply for colleges suddenly, fuck scholarships, Nolan will send Mark to college himself, even colonization is put on pause because spite filled hobbies are all consuming lol. Peter and Aunt May hanging out with Mark and Debbie would be everything to me, omg, I NEEEEED IT. I can't quite think of any specific dynamics for them, but I feel May and Debbie would be friends at the very least, and Mark wouldn't mind helping around, though I can see Peter feeling very weird about his new Petty ass Nemsis's kid around the house lol. Like what kind of emotional manipulation fuckery is Nolan up to and why is his kid in it? Mark having to explain he doesn't mean anything by his Dad despite his Dad actively antagonizing Peter would be so funny to me, like, yeah explain whatever the fuck your Dad is doing.

OMNI-MAN WAS FRAMED WOULD GO CRAZY OMG. I literally GASPED at JJ and Powerplex, omg, JJ screaming about how finally, someone to actually doing something about that Invincible brat, or something.

Powerplex opening the season would've had me losing my shit in hype. And honestly, that'd be such a solid framing for the season, I have no idea why they didn't mess with the order so it actually flowed well, they had a solid s1, it was cohesive, what are we doing now??? Like, Mark holding back after he killed a guy would make PERFECT sense! Cecil having the ammo about future!Mark leaving a tyrant in charge giving credit to his concerns, while Mark has the very same ammo about GDA incidentally making a whole new villain, LIKE IT COULD HAVE WORKED BEAUTIFULLY. Now they both have solid points! Now there's a buildup on both sides, souring the respective dynamic on both sides.

Oliver opening about what he remembers and thinks, and having Debbie counter about her opinion on Nolan would've been GREAT! POV'S! Counter POV'S! WHY THE FUCK DON'T WE GET DEBBIE'S OPINION??? Like, okay, if we're going to have Debbie raising Oliver, which fuck that noise oh my god, please can we not, Mark is so single teen Dad coded, please, it'd give him even more issues, I'd never wanted to throw a child at someone so inexperienced, knowing it'd make him worse/not better.

If we're gonna have Oliver, and I feel like I can outright enjoy brat, low empathy Oliver, because that is interesting to explore! That's such a fun twist on a concept of a young hero! Like, it's a young, eager hero who fundamentally has to learn how to empathize, which only demonstrates how Nolan and Vitrum Empire, do not have do the shit they do, if they just bothered to care about others. Oliver has so much potential to be compelling, not only on his own, but compared to others, and AGAIN, if he used to say something about Debbie and Mark! Let him view Nolan harshly because Debbie does, and he picks up on it! The lost potential for Oliver will always make me violently ill, I'll be dry heaving on the pavement at the very thought. You rob me??? You rob me of the arc of a super powered child learning to care about not killing people, that a three going on twelve year old can learn something an entire empire refuse to????? JAIL. FUCKING JAIL. The potential for Oliver learn restraint while Mark is consumed by the very thought of killing others, the contrast of Mark's guilt + desperation and Oliver's apathy + annoyance, how they could be two extremes that need to strike a balance!

Like, again, excellent points here because why should Debbie's dating history go from nearly colonizing asshole, certified supervillain, to the blandest man who needs to be coddled. Like, if she must date, give her someone more interesting? Or, better yet, let her have fucking friends?

AND YES THANK YOU? I am so fucking bewildered Debbie not mean to him. We have Mark shouting at Oliver, fucking stumbling on even explaining why killing is wrong, and I am screaming NO, you have Debbie be screaming, shouting, disappointment so palpable it fucking stings. She would see Nolan in him and be repulsed, maybe even guilty so, and Oliver notices. Like, yes, she shouldn't be mean to him, he doesn't deserve that, but she should be able to think about she also shouldn't have to raise Nolan's affair baby, because she doesn't deserve that either. Let her sit in a boiling resentment, leaking in sharp remarks and little patience, that fucking explodes when Oliver is a pro-murdering child. I know in my soul Mark would spoil that child, at least I find it interesting to explain Oliver being a brat is by Mark spoiling the shit outta Oliver, guilt driven because gimme guilt magnet Mark back, while Debbie is more distant or resentful. LIKE IT IS DESERVED. IT WOULD BE DRAMA. IT WOULD BE INTERESTING. IT WOULD GIVE HER SOMETHING. LIKE GODDAMN WHY IS SHE SO COOL WITH THIS??????

Like have Mark and Debbie's CONTRASTING reactions show and impact Oliver, so he SAYS something about them, while also having his own thing going on. Have Oliver realize Debbie is sharp, and open about how she dislikes Nolan, how rightly fucking betrayed she feels, insulted and wounded, while Mark is quiet, or even romanticizing Nolan, cherry picking stories to share, because he's not ready to unpack everything Nolan has done, let alone that he was used like a battering ram, or so proven to be EASILY replaceable. Have Mark grab onto the good parts of Nolan like a fucking life line, because he is not ready to think about what he went through, while also avoiding trying to be like him. And then have Debbie be angry and resentful, and also guilty but shows in a completely different way, maybe she's more external, she bites back at Cecil/GDA, like you said in another post, why didn't you guys figure out what he was going to do? While Mark is conflicted, contradictory, he's blaming himself and closing his eyes. Have Debbie be casually reckless and bold, with a bitterness or sharpness that Oliver picks up, so if he's a little sharp mouthed prick, it comes from somewhere and says something about her.

I've told you, I can go off about Oliver for hours, because he is GREAT OPPORTUNITY that they actively spit on AND FOR FUCKING WHAT. He can say something about Debbie, about Mark, about the whole fucking Empire + Nolan, but NO. FUCK ME I GUESS. Thinking about powerplex to calm me down and it's not working, I will join you in bashing head against wall. hnghhhhhhhh.

Begging Invincible saved the budget and will be fun. Like, please. Guys please. PLEASE. I am once again asking for episode 6, 7, 8 to save me, spare my sanity, have mercy.

DEBBIE AND POWER PLEX WOULD GO CRAZY. You see I have Mark Grayson in my mind at all times, and unsurprisingly, I see nothing else but my pookie of the year. BUT THIS IS GOLD. Like, it can tie into so much we've talked about too. her being pissed someone screaming asshole interrupted an important moment of mourning, of remembering such a wretched day just to blame her fucking son, not even Nolan, plus for having the audacity to ruin this, and knowing Cecil can't let her get hurt and the fact she's casually reckless anyway, marches fucking forward and shouts at him. Nolan Grayson, Omni-Man was her husband and she isn't threatening people about it, she lost everything, had it ripped away from her, pummeled into the ground six feet under, life shot in the fucking chest and she had to keep going, but do you see her throwing the most ridiculous tantrum you've ever seen? If it gets recorded somehow, that's how other villains know Debbie Grayson was Omni-Man's husband, GDA/Cecil stop the news from spreading too far, but it trickles down the grape vine until villainous partners/exes know, and boom, My Exe Tried To Take Over the World Club invites! I just want it so bad. Or maybe Art tells her about it, mister hero/villain/vigilante network, IDK I WANT IT.

Let Debbie be mean. Let her be bitter and bold and resentful and guilty and angry, LET HER BEEEEE. LET HER SNAP AND BE RECKLESS AND BE FOUL. Like yes, let her be a fucking menace, certified, verified, Problem, there's powerful people in her corner, and a gray morality Debbie would be incredible! I'm due for a re-watch, proper, and not seeing the Mark and Nolan battle again for the 238928392th time lol, but her telling him to make choices he can live with is EPIC. It's swerves around that power-responsibly mindset, and says do what you want to do, and can live with. Whatever that is. Truly let us get a sequel to that conversation!!! How does it change!!!

Eve business thing just gave me more questions. Like, girl, first of all you can print yourself some money if you wanted to, you can make gold, you could make diamonds, expensive products, and sell that, and be set for life. But, so skipping out the GDA does have consequences and the consequence are not getting paid then, no? Why not??? Say that?? Earlier??? ALSO YEAH? How are they qualified for any government contracts? That's a government contract. Like, truly let them have to job through hoops to even get it! Job interviews, professionalism, and exhausting tasks to get there, or even apply. Outright have him be rejected for shaky public image. Mark make decisions challenge. Mark what do you want to do??

TRULY WHERE IS MY CHARACTER DRAMA? Where's my character conflict, that's compelling? Where's Debbie, the real one, idk who this new lady is? Also why the fuck is Rae quitting? Why isn't that Kate? Like what the fuck. Why ISN'T that Kate's thing, and she goes to see her brother and tell him she quit, and that's when we learn about him? Also, GDA using you is again a conversation for Mark to have! Stick Mark in that convo oh my goood. Heck, have Mark overhear or have that kind of convo before or after Cecil confrontation, to give further ammo for the conflict, or stop him from regretting it if he does!

Truly why are we ignoring the fact she actually quit and let EVERYONE, apparently including her brother, think she was dead? Is that not crazy???? WHERE'S THE DRAMA IN THIS? WHEREEEEEE.

Powerplex save me, episode 6 save meeeee (╥﹏╥) What happened to my shooooow.

While I'm not too familiar with the DCU- your batfam meta posts are intiguing- so in transfering some of the broader strokes from them- I think you tackling a 'Mark isn't Nolan's biological son' fic would be fascinating. Sort of a step to the side of the 'what if Mark never got his powers' fic that sometimes pop up in the fandom

OOOOOO chewing on this currently, hm, the much a distinct flavor of exactly what you’re talking about, but the potential for more family drama depending on WHO knows. Does Mark know?? Is he waiting every day only to be crushed? Does he confused non-Debbie features with Nolan’s? I suppose I’m not the most enthusiastic about non-power AUs, but I think there’s something very fun to explore about Mark having to settle with, if he knows all his life, he will never have powers? I think the trajectory of his dreams will obviously shift, I can see him still having that distinct fatherly idolization, but perhaps embraces being useful to the GDA? Cecil’s number one intern—only intern—curtesy of nepotism, ha! There is something tickling me about Mark taking the Robin Route/Role for the Teen Team in terms of having no powers, just insane skills, BUT there’s something way more delicious about intern Mark when s1e01 happens and Mark tries snooping around to find out the truth about what happened to his Dad.

I wonder if, with Mark having a whole another father, if they’re more or less distant relationship, depending on WHEN Nolan entered Mark’s life? Like if Debbie met Nolan later for this, or just for fun, they dated once, separated (Mark being born during then), then they happened to stumble into each others lives again and Mark’s already been born, anywhere from tween to teenager so there’s a gap in how close they are. I feel like one important aspect of the whole Family Drama is how close they’re supposed to be, a functional, loving family turned upside down? So I wonder what more distance does. I wonder how Nolan copes when his family is entirely human and he can’t project onto Mark.

I love thinking about these, omg.

[restinpeacesensei]

suggesting something,,

[rorokisser]

I JUST REWATCHED PIWON MOVIE AND I HAVE THINGS TO SAY

[randomnameless]

Do you feel like the fandom has a sort of bigotry of low expectations attitude towards Almyra? Like Rhea is literally satan for not teaching Cyril to read (even though she didn't know he couldn't) but Almyra, where he lived during the time in his life where most kids are learning to read, doesn't get any flack for not educating it's children. And that's on top of treating the whole "ignoring the orphans you create in your raids for funzies until you can use them in your raids for funzies" as not a big deal at best and something Cyril needs to get over so he can embrace his Almyran heritage at worst.

Hm...

I didn't interact with khalidstan side of the fandom, a friend gave me a few links and I clicked, blinked, and they immediately returned lol.

Almyra in fandom in general is... a short summary of what Fodlan's issue is, and the need to use copious amounts of headcanons or to project real life events on the two lines given because 10k years of lore means we still don't know the name of Claude's dad or why the fuck he isn't stopping the raids.

And in a way, I can't really say it's undeserved, to project so much, because we all like to see something new, and something "not often seen" in jrpgs, Almyra's aesthetic was so heavily inspired by real world locations, so of course people wanted to know more about it than about "random medieval european land #8854" and...

Well. The game doesn't say a lot about Almyra, it is mentionned about, someone you are supposed to see as a protagonist with knowledge about this land says some good stuff about it and... that's it!

(at least it wasn't the utter disappointment Hyzante was in TS, because that's another can of worms, but given the "aethetic" picked for the ultra religious people who justify everything by their religion that is actually false and controlled by an old fart using a puppet, and who also enslaves people, and has no redeeming quality bar its last survivor being a Mother (tm) who apparently knows some medicine - let's say this portrayal would have fit well with the early 2000s depictions of a certain religion and its followers in the real world).

So for this new and "exotic" (i fucking hate that word) country, of course people wanted to know more... and when the "more" showed that IS didn't move from the Kaga era with Persia = Verdane, well.

Some people, who really wanted to be invested in Almyra (maybe projecting a lot about it) were disappointed, and had to basically create fanon!Almyra from the few breadcrumbs we got - ending with the "Almyra is wonderful and #didnothingwrong, Fodlan BaD and Syrup must embrace his Almyran identity as Khalid's bby bro!" - canon events can be ignored!

And, as headcanon/fanon, okaay, this can work, I mean, it's not because people make sandwiches with mayo, eggs and cucumbers that I have to eat it, you know? Some people eat those kinds of sandwiches, I don't, don't like, don't read, etc etc.

But then, removing the fandom's tendency to headcanon and, well, be a fandom, in FE Fodlan itself we have... Claude.

And the way the games treat Claude, imo, ultimately fuels those headcanons.

Rather, not only Claude, but more specifically, his views about Fodlan, Almyra and the supposed reasons why they can't get along.

As I posted way too many times in the last 4 years, Claude will - for a reason I suspect is tied to Hresvelg Grey and the red herring called Rhea - never interact with the Almyrans attacking for shit'n'giggles in Hilda'n'Cyril's paralogue. He will not talk about House Goneril's habit to, uh, "take orphans left on the battlefield" with them.

But it's an issue with the Fodlan games in general, you can have an elephant in the room, or a giant dragon, if it goes against the narrative a certain character pushes, that elephant will be ignored, like, the lord won't even have 1 line about it.

The game took time to code Claude having line about random pirates "dirtying" Almyra's good name by pretending to be Almyran pirates to, just, steal stuff - but it didn't took time to code Claude maybe tell to the random peon leading the raid of the week to stop the fuck out - and I ultimately don't think it was a foresight.

Claude will tell you the reason why Almyra isn't well seen nor accepted in Fodlan is because of the Church or the faith Rhea preaches (since in VW Billy will still be head of the church), because the faith Rhea preaches apparently encourages isolationism, xenophobia, etc etc...

And nowhere in the game(s) will someone tell him that, uh, no, the faith Rhea preached welcomes people of all faiths and origins (Cyril sort of does, but this support is optional when Claude will always say the same thing at the beginning, middle and end of his route(s)), or how people do not welcome Almyrans with open arms because of their habit to raid their lands every sunday (re : lack of reaction in the Hilda'n'Cyril support) - Hell, in Nopes, it's Lorenz, not Claude, who tells Almyrans that they shouldn't pillage the cities they are invading (re : the elephant in the room, Lorenz adresses it though, even if it's played for funsies).

So if Claude says Almyra is the second coming of paradise on earth, and the game never bothers to correct him or have him learn, react and reconsider his earlier opinions, why should the fandom bother? Claude is a protagonist and can be the Lord, so of course whatever he says - even in passing, is true!

Coupled with the projection/fanon/headcanon issue of earlier and you have fanon!Almyra - where Syrup needs to ditch the woman who gave him meals and a roof and basic care to return to his "almyran" origins even if in Almyra he was treated like fodder and had "no reason to live".

Why?

Because said woman is a certain fandom's projection on the catholic church + the game(s) need a red herring + Hresvelg Grey + Claude said so and the game(s) never confronts him so it sort of works.

I think, back when I still had faith in redshit, I tried to argue to someone who said "obviously Almyra has more advanced medicine bcs trust me bro" with something like "in a world where singing 2 "Ave Sothis" can heal a fractured arm, what the fuck is advanced medicine?" Ditto for the more advanced ships because they have canons, we're in the Fire Emblem series, who gives a fuck about a canon if you have a mage with long range magic on the other side ? Ask FE4, people can summon meteors - do you really think a "canon" is advanced technology in an universe with magic? (unless we make a difference between magic and technology but it's all sort of pointless, some place isn't more backwards than the other if it uses different methods to reach the same results?).

----

Then, let's not kid ourselves, Almyra, just like everything in Fodlan, has been used by the fandom to demonise Rhea, because Rhea BaD since she's the fandom projected version of Pope Francis and Supreme Leader + Claude think she's the reason why Fodlan sucks.

So with the "Rhea is satan because she never taught Cyril, who kept that information hidden, how to read, but the Gonerils are somehow A-ok despite not teaching him too - granted they also forgot to give him food so at least they're consistent in how they completely don't give a fuck about him" -

I also read the "Rhea is evil because she only saved 1 Almyran Child from House Goneril, but again, House Goneril isn't evil for, uh, keeping more than 1 Almyran child needing to be saved" -

And Nopes gave us the best "Rhea is evil incarnated because she doesn't tell Cyril to run away when people want to slaughter her, unlike what she did for her blood relatives, so it's actually Rhea's fault that Claude had to use Cyril as an archery practice dummy!".

If Rhea must be bad, then everything she stands against must be Good! And that includes the people she bought a fort to defend against!

Tl;Dr : some part of the fandom idealisation of Almyra comes frmo 1/projection

2/Khalid said so and the game(s) never force him to reconsider

3/Rhea BaD (this one is a bit of a cheat, since it can be used to explain 95% of the various discourses that happened in this fandom since its creation!)

[orchideae]

I have so very much to catch up on, my sincerest apologies, seriously— there's been mental madness going on behind the scenes, including this weekend. Please, let December be the month where normality starts and stays.

And on a more IC note, I often talk about solitude and isolation (and its origins in a very specific kind of loneliness) that is chosen and accepted, but I don't know if I ever talk about what that looks like exactly, and why, quite frankly, it's a little... for lack of a better word, concerning. Do me a favor, if you're in Genshin, turn your clock to nighttime, then go out into any of the cities, villages, camps, footholds and look up, no matter the nation you're in. How many characters are able to do that, and see a night sky that is nothing but void of any and all bounds and limitations? How many of them see that endless array of stars that illuminate it, and how many feel the cool fresh air that tickles their skin? For many, they can leave the four walls that house them, and experience that sight and sensation, because all of us to an extent, crave that. And honestly, so can Yelan— but she also, if not more often so, chooses to see something else. And the unusual concept of choosing that, is a driving force to my decisions for her and why I deem them so incredibly important: it's about the state of mind, it's about the mental that drives her.

On many days and nights especially, this is what she sees, and this is only if she doesn't descend further into the Chasm (which we know that she does), closer to the Abyss and to the Celestial nail itself that rests at its heart. And yes, it is beautiful in its own way, a pathway illuminated by the light of the moon and the nail, but it's also a cruel reminder of just how far the surface, and humans that live there (that she is by all accounts a part of, of course), are. But then, when she returns her gaze to the ground, her surroundings are void of light and dare I say, void of hope. The Chasm isn't just one of the places where you can get the closest to the Abyss, but it also consists of ruins of more than just one civilization. We see glimpses of Khaenri'ah (which we explore more closely through Dain's quest), but we know there is 'fauna' down there, even deeper, that is referenced as belonging to an even more ancient civilization that predated it. The Chasm is surrounded by reminders of death, ruin, and in that, it feels as if it's the direct foil of the world above it. The Chasm was almost the end of Liyue five-hundred years ago during the fall of Khaenri'ah, just as it had, apparently, once been to a civilization before it (please remember, the impact of the meteorite/fallen star that created the Chasm occurred roughly 6000 years ago), and its creatures wouldn't have stopped at its borders. The Chasm is the engulfing darkness in direct opposition to the light of life overhead, and the hope that humanity holds in the palms of its hands. It's dark, it's grim, and it's cold in more ways than one (See one, two, three, four).

And this place is a choice that Yelan makes to venture to and stay in, yes, yet calling it a choice is where it gets so interesting. Once upon a time, long before she got her vision, she was part of a team that surveyed the surroundings of the Chasm, and like many others before them that have descended into it, all members of this team, excluding her, died. The circumstances aren't clear, but following Yelan's line to Ning, I'm lead to believe that the Chasm's surroundings, which are all rather clearly threats to non-vision holders in specific (which Yelan also was at the time), were directly responsible for their demise. I'll note my hypothesis on what could have happened to them in a different post in the future, as I don't want to go far off-topic, but despite having likely witnessed what occurred to them, seeing the ruins of the Chasm, the threat of the Abyss and barely understanding what the Abyss even is, she continues to venture down there because the possibility of what could happen to the people of Liyue, is more important than her own existence and/or survival. And this bears even more weight following the events of Perilous Trail part 2, where she witnessed just how much the Chasm is capable of. Is this walking engima of a woman also drawn to equal or greater mystery than herself, much like a moth to a flame? I think that's part of it, but I definitely think it's infinitely more multi-layered.

Mostly, I think that this plays into the heart of what Fontaine has shown us that 'hydro' seems to represent: it's not merely a sense of responsibility (and/or justice) or selflessness, but a semblance of self-sacrifice either during the duration of one's life or at its end, either literally or figuratively. But keeping that in mind, what I really want to shine a spotlight on, is what kind of self-sacrifice seems to be the case with Yelan, and the way in which she seems to not just be at peace with it, but has truly accepted it almost as something akin to normality. And more importantly, note how this isn't normal behavior. An acceptance of solitude in such depressing surroundings is incredibly saddening, because it's not something that we ever crave by any means or should ever come to crave. Any regular individual, even most vision-holders surely, would find what she does insane to some extent. And yet, she walks the depths of the Chasm, of all places, with a similar routine as a Millelith guard patrols the outskirts of the harbor. Regardless of her clear reason for it— god, I have difficulty explaining what I'm trying to say; how does someone get to a point where they no longer do something so depressing out of necessity, but because it's... normal? That's her. The Chasm isn't... as eerie to her as it is to others, even if she knows better than most what these surroundings are; the Chasm it isn't as dangerous, even if she knows that it is and it's why she's there in the first place, to her as it is to others. Perhaps it's simply an acceptance that regardless of its dangers, that her fate lies in those depths as it did for her ancestors, that the Chasm's ruins will include her own legacy one day. But again, how does one come to terms with that? How do you come to make the decision that you will sacrifice yourself for others, especially when it means resigning yourself to a place like the Chasm, a place that is home to a pathway to the Abyss, which inherently holds the power to drive mortals to madness and death. Many wouldn't do this, or rather, many couldn't do this, not until they had no other choice and even then, think of Boyang, and even Bosacius, granted the latter had lost his mind by then. And that's where I think she's unique, because she technically has a choice, unlike individuals like Xiao whose... direct 'responsibility' and contract it is to do what he does. She could walk away tomorrow if she willed it, but she doesn't. Yes, responsibility plays into it, but the Chasm really hits differently when you tie it into that.

Now, I do need to note that I firmly stand against any believe that she a death wish or is thoroughly depressed. She isn't going down there over and over because she seeks an end to her life in some way or because she believes her life to be worthless. Quite the contrary, actually, and one could argue that the reasoning for that lies with her survivor's guilt. But all in all, before I get sidetracked again: Yelan embraces solitude to a rather extreme extent, and yet she doesn't seem to harbor a dissociation from the rest of humanity or dislike of it, but she does seem to place a firm line between non-allogenes and herself (and others who hold a vision). But what I mean with embracing solitude, is that while she is social, and she understands the laws and diplomacy of social behavior, she isn't one to always engage in it, simply because many don't seem to quite... share her headspace.

[winter-spark]

I notice that even though Citron's my fave, I spend more time here talking about Orange and Navel.

I think it's fear of being wrong.

[fakecrfan]

I know most people on here don't like to go to the gym because you're all gay nerds. I like to go to the gym. For the purpose of understanding this post please try to imagine that you, too, enjoy going to the gym so that you can empathize with my point here.

Anyway, so imagine you are going to the gym. You're pumped about the concept of getting some muscle on you. Plus, the gym has this "lift weights every day!" challenge with a feasible plan to slowly and safely increase the amount of weight you can lift by the end of the month. Cool!

So anyway you go there, and you're having a good time. But then you notice something. Some people are coming in with these guys in shirts that say LIFT FOR HIRE. You're curious, and you notice over time that some people are actually paying these guys to come in and do the lifting challenge for them.

"Huh," you say to your mega hot, muscled gym buddy. "That's so weird. What's in it for the people paying these guys?"

"Dunno," says your friend, mid bicep curl.

"Um, actually!" says the gym owner. "Some people are disabled, so the only way they can lift weights it to pay LIFT FOR HIRE, inc."

"But wait," you say. "They still aren't lifting the weights though? Paying someone else to lift for you doesn't mean you've lifted the weights."

The gym owner gasps. "How could you SAY that?"

"Because... it's true?" you say. "Uh, if you pay guys to lift your weights, that's probably really good for the guys you are paying. But it's not going to develop your ability to lift at all. Your muscles aren't going to grow, you're just going to lose money and get no results."

"That's ABLEIST," they say. "How DARE you! Some people are LITERALLY paralyzed, did you think of that?"

"Well, yeah, some people are, and that means definitionally they can't lift weights," you explain. "And paying someone else doesn't change that. Maybe if they wanted to like, move something in their house it would make total sense to hire these guys! But if you hire them to do your workout you get nothing, because the purpose of a workout is personal development. I'm not morally condemning people who do it, but it seems like a waste of money when this event is, again, about improving one's personal abilities."

"This is absolutely DISGUSTING, CLASSIST rhetoric!" the gym owner roars, and then turns to one of the LIFT FOR HIRE guys, "Pay no attention this disgusting person, dear sponsor, we support your business and we totally want you to keep funding our gym!"

"Sponsor?" says your hot muscled friend who was way too busy actually doing their workout and getting gains to engage in dumb discourse. "Oh, now it makes sense."

"Shut up, you don't understand our love!" says the gym owner, before sloppily making out with a LIFT FOR HIRE guy in front of you.

Anyway, that's what learning about the whole AI nanowrimo controversy was like for me.

[celibibratty]

i'll never understand the urge that men/machos have to insist on this wude ending🙄

[mcmansionhell]

new jersey "19th century" "eclecticism"

It's always funny to me when new wealth tries to imitate old wealth, but in a very specific way: by trying to reproduce old ways of building that are no longer viable via mass produced building materials and contractors who are better than average but still not quite in the legion of the bespoke. It's rarely the case that houses are fully "custom" these days -- the amalgamation of all the different parts in a new formation is the "customization" at work. As we can see in this example, this is a truth that is often covered up by excessive decorating.

This 5 bedroom, 6.5 bathroom house, built in 1997 (shocker) will run you an extremely reasonable $3.5 million big ones, but I say extremely reasonable because it wants to be a $10 million house but doesn't quite get there - after all, it's made with drywall. The architectural style is not really anything in particular -- though the front entrance would like to recall the Tudors. Really it is trying to emulate an existing pastiche style, namely the eclecticism of the 19th century. It also doesn't do this well.

No stately manor is complete without dueling staircases. Also, I don't know how to explain it, but every room in this house longs to be a bathroom. Or a powder room. A really big one. It's probably the floor, and the wallpaper. This is just the appetizer for the main attraction:

Jules Verne larping is so rare in McMansion Hell that you have to commend them for trying. I'm kind of obsessed.

This room is so important to me. It's like if an Olin Mills (dating myself here) set was an entire room. A sense of watching someone in one's own house, performing "dinner." Also I would slay as the swan knight, I have to say, so I get it.

What happened to baskets hanging from the ceiling and powder blue walls and porcelain lined up on the picture rail?

I have seen columns terminating into soffits that would make Scamozzi cry.

In Big America bathing and lavishing is a spectator sport.

Ok, again, the palette of this house is basically The Polar Express mixed with a very bizarre hotel lobby.

The chimney hole is sending me because that does appear to be a working chimney. Like, can you see the smoke come out? Who knows!

Anyway, happy Thanksgiving to everyone, and I'm especially thankful to the folks who sponsor me on Patreon! If you want to see more scenes from this house, that's the place to do it!

If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams.

Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar! Student loans just started back up!

[punkitt-is-here]

Hi, I'm genuinely looking for an explanation here and not looking for an argument /srs

Can you explain how calling a transfem a TERF for spreading ideology that I genuinely assumed was included in the definition of TERFism is othering ? Not to be that guy, but I'm autistic and I'm having a very hard time connecting the points you're making, and I genuinely want to learn and understand what you're saying /gen

Again, I do hope this doesn't come off as hostile, I am genuinely trying to learn and understand better, and I want to be able to fix misconceptions about what a TERF is in my own mind, and I haven't seen anyone bring this point up before /gen

You absolutely do not have to answer this, but I hope you have a fabulous rest of your day, and I do apologize for what I said, as it wasn't necessary for me to comment on the situation.

Yeah totally! Okay, I got a lot of this from Ibram X. Kendi's "How to be Antiracist"* where he talks about describing "racist" as an identity means that hardly anyone is going to ever "identify" with it, even if they are a racist. It's much more helpful to talk about actions being racist or anti-racist. Someone committing racist acts speaks far more to the vulnerability of anyone to cause harm, rather than it being something ONLY reserved for someone with the identity of "racist". For example, Clarence Thomas, a black man, has done untold amounts of harm to the black population in the US. If we subscribe to the "oh, (X) can't be racist, they are (a minority)" train of thought, it means people are less likely to understand that Clarence Thomas commits racist acts. In the same way, describing yourself as an anti-racist is not enough, as it can let people be comfortable with racist actions because they think "oh, I'm an anti-racist, I can't commit acts of racial harm." That's why it's more helpful to describe acts as racist and anti-racist rather than framing them as identities.

In a similar way, describing someone as the label of "TERF" can have a similar effect. Because it's specifically a label centered around being anti-trans, transgender people of all kinds will easily assume they cannot be transphobic, because the label of TERF is ideologically opposed to their existence. It invites ridicule rather than introspection. By saying actions can be transphobic, I think it helps a lot more because it's easier to understand that trans people can be transphobic. For example, Blaire White is right there. Despite being a trans woman, she is actively doing transphobic acts. By calling out an action as transphobic rather than describing someone as a "TERF", it helps fight back against the idea that being trans means you cannot be transphobic. For a super duper simple example, I can step on my dogs tail, but it doesn't mean I hate dogs, it means I committed an act of harm against my dog. Describing me as a dog-hater when I LOVE dogs would invite ridicule more than it would a tendency to watch my step when my dog is in the house. I hope this makes sense!

*I'm not trying to say the Black and Trans experience is exactly the same, just that like any oppressed group, there is a lot of overlap in tactics and thinking, especially for people who are Black and Trans. Reading about other groups can really give you a ton of helpful insight on how to work within your own identity!

[problematicraccoon]

when people say "ignore the 3D" i always noticed how they just didn't elaborate, and for a long time that frustrated me to the point where i would avoid practicing loa because i didn't understand it and not one person would explain it in a way that made sense to me. im the type of person that needs things spelled out in a more detailed, realistic way, while most posts talkng about loa and manifestation are more abstract and conceptual. im not saying this is a bad thing, its just a different way to explain the law that makes sense to some but not to others.

so, now that i finally understand loa, im gonna explain it in a way that i wish someone would have done for me lmao

ignoring the 3D doesnt mean to stop living in your cr, to stop functioning and shut down, ignoring all responsibilities. it means to look at the outer world and accept it as the reality your PAST thoughts created. your PAST assumptions. reality has a bit of a delay for a lot of people (not all, but i've seen a great majority of people talk about how they struggle with it), in the sense that when affirming that they have their dream life or they've shifted, its not instantaneous like a lot of posts say it should be.

this delay reminds me of how light takes time to reach the earth. there are stars that are so far away from us, that when we look at them, we're seeing them YEARS in the past, probably centuries. the light of our own sun takes 8 minutes to reach us. when we see the sun, we're seeing what it looked like 8 minutes ago. there is a delay in what you see, but that doesn't mean that what you WANT to see isnt coming.

ignoring the 3D simply means that you see the reality around you, and you calmly accept that it's what your PREVIOUS assumptions created, and you continue to focus on affirming. intrusive thoughts going "but where is it? why isnt it here yet????" IGNORE THEM. shake your head like an etch a sketch and persist in affirming. live in the end, as in assume you already have it, and act as such.

ignore the 3D as in realizing that reality is created by you and your dominant subconscious thoughts, and is waaaaayyyyyyy more malleable than you first thought. nothing is set in stone, reality is fluid and ever changing.

[wellhalesbells]

Feb 2025 update - all I've loved, hated, lost interest in, etc.

Keeping: Absolutely sticking with the English Teacher and High Potential - the popcorniness of this popcorn show just gets better and better (as does Kaitlin Olson). St. Denis Medical, I'm currently caught up and while it's not amazing, it hits at about the same enjoyment level of Superstore (they share a creator). A Man on the Inside was such a kind silly and Stephanie Beatriz absolutely stole every scene she was in (her episode was my favorite!).

Dropping: Murder in a Small Town, I watched two episodes and it's a miss for me. The only draw to this was Kristin Kreuk, who I haven't seen on my television since probably 2005 (I stopped watching Smallville in season four or five-ish) and she is still just as charming as she was then. (Also.... she somehow looks exactly the same???) Beyond just the actress, the character was great too. I loved that essentially the first thing she says upon finding out her online date is a cop is, "I'm sure there are good cops too but..." I appreciate even the nod to the zeitgeist because other shows certainly ignore the fuck out of it. It's not enough but at least it's something. I love that when she's essentially dragged into the case against her will, she looks up her responsibility in the library (she's a librarian!), finds out she has no actual legal reason to disclose what she knows, struggles with the choice, and actually weighs moral vs legal. Even if what she knows is probably exculpatory in some way, is it justice? If she were the show (and the show wasn't so fucking sloppy), I would probably still be watching it.

A note on the sloppiness: The dialogue in this is so freaking odd. It feels like between each call and response, no matter who the characters are, there are about two lines that have been edited out so the conversations don't quite line up. It's jarring and awkward as hell. There are also just regular small continuity errors (in the first episode, protag walks into Kreuk's work - they've been on two dates, he has never been there before, he does not know her coworkers and she has only recently told her best friend that this is a potential thing, says, "Where is she?" to a woman at the desk he has never met before and she immediately knows who he is, who he means by 'she,' and points him after her. Uh, no. So much needed to be established that hasn't been for just that slight, almost no dialogue exchange). Add in that the clue-gathering is done in Sherlockian-style (aka you've watched it before, been bored by it before) and it's not well enough hidden from the audience so that it feels like a eureka moment as much as it feels like a duh one, and in the first episode there's only ever one actual suspect... they have other leads but don't..... check any of them out and our only suspect becomes our main suspect when our protagonist has a coincidental date at his house. AHEM. The second episode isn't much better and again the suspect is just kind of... there but not through police work as much as people not involved in the case going: hey, you should know this/do this/go there, no reason, just casual chatting. And since the only thing I found compelling about the show was the ethical dilemma experienced by a side character that is not likely to ever repeat........ yeah, not for me.

Canceled (but I Still Have Thoughts™): I watched How to Die Alone and while I never really liked it, I got to episode four and couldn't stop, I had to see how it turned out. It was a really interesting series because, while I didn't necessarily like Mel, I was rooting so hard for her. She was doing the (very messy) work of trying to become a better version of herself. There was the requisite backsliding and false starts you would expect on that too, which were frustrating but realistic. I also really liked her fight with Rory (her codependent bestie) because we see it from her side entirely and she uses genuine emotion and therapy speak and she seems right but when Rory fires back, it doesn't give two-dimensional villain, it's his actual issues that have built up on his side of the relationship that are just as legitimate and factual. Neither one of them is wrong and they've both let the things that bother them about the other person build up and up and up without talking about it so that now it seems like these things you once accepted have always been horrible things the other person has done, when that's just not true. Really great writing if occasionally cringe situations that don't appeal to me (she still has feelings for her ex - whom she dumped - and who is getting married in a few months' time is the major one but even the way that resolves is dealt with so gorgeously). It did get canceled but there's only one unresolved and basically totally new plotline - it's the jumping off point for the season two it won't get - and I have no problem just dropping it 'cause the rest is wrapped (and it definitely would've led to yet more cringe situations). Surprised me and made me think, glad I watched it, also Shaun and DeShawn were the background besties we deserve. Teacup was interesting but I can definitely see why it got canceled; none of the characters were as compelling as the story and the story was just getting started so there were way more questions than answers and that really only works when there's heartbeat to the show you want to come back to. I don't really know why it wasn't there - there was a lot of meat and backstory to the characters and many of the actors were seasoned (especially Yvonne Strahovski, if she can make me give a single fuck about Serena then, yeah, lady's talented) - but whatever that spark is? It was missing. It did make me want to read the book though! Stuff was wild.

Still Very Much on My List: Grotesquerie, Penelope, Interior Chinatown (most excited to get to this one ngl as I have since read the book and loved it), Disclaimer

On the Fence About: Twilight of the Gods (same reasons as before), The Franchise (it got canceled so.... I already know its fate, what if I get attached???), Sweetpea (I read the book and.... I did not like the main character; it clearly wanted me to think she was funny but, like, she wasn't? Soooo. Sometimes that gets smoothed over in the adaptation though?? Also it did get a season two so???), The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh (same reasons as before), The Madness (I knew nothing about this show aside from Colman Domingo but now that I've seen the trailer for it.... it just seems so unpleasant! lol).

Decided Not to Touch: A Very Royal Scandal, Poppa's House

Surprise Addition: Didn't know about The Pitt but, as of right now, it's the show I drop everything to watch as soon as possible. I like Noah Wyle a lot (I didn't watch all of ER - or even most of ER - but the amount of ER I watched.... a lot of that had to do with him [and Maura Tierney *coughs*]) and his character in this is just so good. He's so kind, even when he disagrees, even when he's chastising, even when he's being pecked at and harried relentlessly and his calmness and kindness trickles down to everyone around him. You can see that there are certain characters where that is not their base personality (Langdon, in particular. I think he would be a whole different doctor tbqh if he'd had a different teacher) but they were taught by this teacher, and they can't do it as naturally as he can but the instinct is still to mimic. It's only five episodes (six tonight!) into what, I think, is a fifteen episode season but it's building up characters, relationships, and tension so satisfyingly so far.

Totally Unrelated Backdated Rec: I finally watched Poker Face and I recommend it so hard. It's a procedural-ish show but it's hard on the ish. I love the way Charlie gets involved in the cases (though it is at some points odd she doesn't turn to look straight at the camera like: a disturbing amount of people die around me) and how radically different they all are. The episodes feel like mini self-contained movies feeding into a larger universe. The actors are big names, the locations are all wildly different (the one in the isolated cabin in the snowstorm was a fuuuuun locale), the mysteries are intriguing and well thought-out, and Charlie is easy to root for. Lotta fun and I hope there'll be new episodes at some point but it doesn't need them, I just desperately want them. My understanding is it was renewed for season 2 ages back, it's just taken forever to make it happen so *fingers crossed*

Okay, so, new shows I've picked this fall are English Teacher (which entirely has to do with it being a Brian Jordan Alvarez joint and The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo remains one of the best things ever. I love it so far and Markie steals every scene he's in) and High Potential (which I am literally only watching for Kaitlin Olson, though Judy Reyes was a lovely surprise! It's a not-so-great premise and it is another cop show [blech] but Kaitlin Olson is freaking wonderful in it and it is a popcorn show so..... either it'll really click and it'll be on forever or it won't and it'll die in its first season. We shall see. Every time I try to make a prediction on which procedural show will last, I am always wrong lol).

Other ones I'm planning to check out are How to Die Alone (I have never seen Natasha Rothwell in something - Insecure or Love, Simon - and not thought: more, MORE so I really need to get to this one. Especially since she's not just the star but also the creator), Murder in a Small Town (I completely get why true crime podcasts/shows would be so bingeable but I also can't help but feel gross indulging in them so fictional ones should be perfect for me. Like, I really like books that have true crime podcasts in them so this show will hopefully scratch that itch, right? Not to say that this has a true crime podcast in it but that should be the vibe, yeah? And I'm willing to get further away from it because Bodkin was honestly such a disappointment for me), Penelope (Mark Duplass is pretty much the whole draw here, I like the stuff he does but the description is so bleh so I keep forgetting about it) and Grotesquerie (honestly this is because I always try to get in on a Ryan Murphy show on the ground floor because almost every time I find them, there are 80,000 episodes and everyone is telling you it's shit anyway, lol. I also have no problem dropping his shows if they're terrible - I don't even think I made it out of the first season of Glee and I know I only got as far as I did because of Jane Lynch. Plus, Niecey Nash! I follow my Reno 911! people around, I can't help myself). I am completely on the fence about A Very Royal Scandal (as mentioned, I don't like rooting around through real people's trauma and the only draw to this is Michael Sheen). Oh and maybe Twilight of the Gods (I want someone else to watch this and tell me if it's at all worthwhile or if it's too bro-y for words because sometimes.... *coughs*).

Ones that aren't out yet but that I'm definitely gonna poke at: Teacup (a James Wan horror show? Yes, please!), Disclaimer (this sounds bonkers and Cate Blanchett and Kevin Kline? Okay fine, I'm in.), St. Denis Medical (some of my favorite comic actors and I like Abbott Elementary, okay, so if people keep wanting to apply that formula elsewhere? I'm for it!), Interior Chinatown (sounds like it could be cool as hell), The Franchise (if we have to keep doing superheores, at least we're switching up the premise for them), Sweetpea (there's just nothing about this that doesn't appeal to me, lol), maybe The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh (I liked Fresh Off the Boat a lot, the problem is all the descriptions make it sound like it's just that show but with an Indian family now and I don't know if I liked it enough to watch it again, y'know?), A Man on the Inside (Mike Schur, Ted Danson, Stephanie Beatriz? You couldn't keep me away from this if you tried), and The Madness (it's all for Colman Domingo, act surprised). Maybe Poppa's House (I love Damon Wayans, Jr., but I have a massive hate hard-on for CBS shows, they feel so soulless to me and everything contributes to that. The laugh tracks, the lighting, the acting, etc.).

So this is partly for me to keep track of shows that I want to watch/aren't out yet and partly because I have an ad blocker, I don't watch anything that can give me commercials, and this is the only social media I'm on so if you've heard of something that sounds cool (or you've checked out one of the ones on my list and are like: well you could watch that or just stab a pencil in your eye instead...) let me know!

[deadtired-highkeyenergetic]

Cold Jealousy

I am back once again with more Silco brain rot. Feeding all of you who need the content as well as myself.

Summary: Who knew jealousy was all it took for to have your first kiss with Silco?

He hates the coiling in his stomach that arises whenever you laugh at something a patron says. It sickens him, seeing you lean in so close to another man, your lips moving as you say something and then smile, causing the table to burst into laughter. He knows you're simply close friends with them, after all they are your childhood friends, people who grew up with you, so of course you'd act overly familiar with them but he can't stop his chest from tightening, his fingers twitching.

The nib of his pen pierces through the page he was writing on and he scowls angrily at the mess, trying to drown out your voice but it's intoxicating, a melody that snatches his attention away from the numbers in his notebook. Your laughter is like a drug, leaving him wanting more every time he hears it, and the thought that it's someone else eliciting it drives him insane.

"You alright there?" Vander slides him a glass of scotch, worry clear gentle grey eyes.

"I'm fine," Silco spits back, a little harsher than intended. Of course Vander would notice something was off, Vander knew him way too well. He turns back to his notebook, trying to suppress the whispers that begin to cloud his mind and stares at the numbers, willing them into his brain.

"You know they only have eyes for you right? They don't look at anyone the same way they look at you." Vander glances over at the table where you're currently playing a game of cards, and from the looks of it, losing.

"I know," Silco scowls, stabbing the page with his pen. Vander simply huffs and turns to attend to the customer who just pulled up at the counter. Silco rolls his eyes and closes the notebook, he's done for the night. There's no way he can continue concentrating when you laugh like that, when butterflies flutter in his chest and turn to stone as he remembers you're not laughing at something he said or did.

"I'm going to get some air," he grunts, slipping out the back door.

Out of habit, he makes his way to the rooftop, sitting at his usual spot and looks out at the sprawling underground city beneath. Neon lights flash from various stores like stars, illuminating figures as people walk past but the silhouettes disappear just as quickly, fading back into obscurity. It's the same pattern every night, he's memorised some of the figures already, knows the habits of certain individuals, and has noted the important ones. He spots the lady with twin brown hair buns who frequents the brothel opposite, the two enforcers who always sneak into the nearby drug store during their nightly patrol and nearly misses the sound of your footsteps.

"Hey." You take your seat next to him.

"Y/N." He barely spares you a glance before looking back at the city below. The night wind whistles through the air, sending shivers through his body and he curls up, hugging his knees to his chest. Dammit, he forgot his coat. The air here is chillier at this time of the year, being so far away from the hustle and bustle of the city's nightlife, but it brings a sense of peace that he treasures, especially when it's with you. Tonight, it just feels cold, probably from his lack of a coat, but there's a numbness he can't explain.

The clink of glass snaps him out of his thoughts and he glances up to see you produce a bottle of wine as well as two glasses.

"Sorry, I couldn't swipe a bottle of scotch so I grabbed the next best thing before anyone could catch me," you smile at him and pop the bottle open. The red liquid sloshes in the glass as you fill it up and hand it to him, "peace offering?"

He wrinkles his nose but takes the glass anyways, mumbling a thank you before letting the liquid slide down his throat. It doesn't have the same burn as scotch does, but there's still a pool of warmth that sits in his belly, although it does little to alleviate the chill he feels.

You smile and pour a glass for yourself, taking a sip, following the direction of his eyes. Silco swirls the red liquid around in his glass, biting his lip. The silence is awkward, but he won't be the first to break it, his pride won't let him. Fortunately, you shift closer to him and shrug your jacket off, wrapping it around his shoulders.

"Don't catch a cold on me."

He snorts in response, tugging your jacket tighter around himself. It smells nice, smells like you with a hint of his cigar's smoke. He can pick out the scent of wine, the smell of the soap you use to wash the jacket, the remnants of Piltover's smell from your afternoon stint and a small smile makes its way onto his face as he remembers the way you threw yourself at him, clutching a bag of freshly baked bread, laughing as you yelled at him to run for his life. The pool of warmth resting in his belly spreads to the rest of his body, sending tingles up his spine as he buries his face into the jacket's fabric. The fabric is worn but still maintains a certain level of softness, and it feels as nice as it smells.

He watches as you finish your glass and exchange it for the bottle, remembering his own unfinished glass and takes another sip. Scotch was still the best drink, a shame you didn't manage to filch a bottle of it. You down half the bottle in one go, sighing in satisfaction and gesture at his glass.

"You don't have to force yourself to finish it, you know?"

He scowls, and finishes the rest of his wine, all the while staring right at you. "As if I'll let you have any of mine."

You laugh, and he finds that your laughter sounds better when it's because of something he said than when it's because of something someone else said, besides, there's the added bonus of giddiness that fills him. He smiles, for the first time tonight and sets the glass down next to yours. The awkwardness has been broken, much to his relief and he feels as though he can breathe easier.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" You gesture towards the myriad of lights. "Piltover's lights can't compare to this."

"That's because most of their lights are the same colour," he snorts, "but yes…it is beautiful."

You beam, taking another swig from the bottle and set the bottle down, leaning back on your hands. The night breeze ruffles through your hair, playing with its strands and Silco watches as a couple of strands fall between your eyes, causing you to huff and puff at it until it falls off your face. The next gust of wind is stronger and you shiver, shifting closer to him. He shakes his head and throws the left half of your jacket over your shoulders so it covers the both of you.

"Don't you catch a cold on me either."

"Thank you for sharing my jacket." You roll your eyes, nudging his shoulder with your own. He nudges you back, the back and forth going on for a while until the jacket slips off your shoulder and he leans over to pull it back on. Electricity crackles from where his skin brushes against yours and he feels his heart leap into his throat when he looks up at you, realising how close the two of you are.

Sure, the both of you know how the other feels, knows the unspoken truth but continue to dance around each other, fearful of what acknowledging the feeling would bring, but tonight just feels right. He feels your hand intertwine with his and he leans in, throat bobbing as he swallows hard. You lean in as well and your lips meet for the first time.

The feeling is addicting, Silco quickly learns. The way your lips lock with his perfectly, the way you lean in as his fingers run through your hair, the way your free arm wraps around his waist, pulling him closer, all of this makes him wish this moment will never end. Unfortunately, the both of you need to breathe and so he reluctantly parts from you, pressing his forehead against yours. It feels natural, to feel your warmth, to hold you underneath your jacket, and from the way you're looking at him with such adoration in your eyes, you feel the same way.

It doesn't need to be said, nothing needs to be said, the only thing he needs to do is close the gap once more and taste the wine on your lips, savouring the sweetness of it all. This is the one time he will admit that wine tastes good, but he still prefers scotch.

Your hand gently cups his cheek and he finds himself leaning into the touch. Your thumb runs over his skin, brushing along his cheekbone and he sighs, surrendering to your warmth. A small smile graces your lips and he can't help but smile back, although his smile is rather lazy.

"We should head back before Vander has to come and haul us away," you murmur and Silco reluctantly extracts himself from your touch.

"And before he closes the bar up so that we don't have to wash the glasses." He picks said glasses up, nudging the empty bottle towards you. "You are still going to throw the bottle away, I'm not touching that."

"Why? You were so eager to touch my saliva just moments ago," you tease, mirth decorating your features.

"I'm not about to deny you your responsibilities." He ducks out of the way as you try to shove the empty bottle into his arms, quickly making his way back into the bar before you can succeed in making your problem his. He hears your annoyed shouts behind him and laughs, sliding into the bar's counter.

Vander raises an eyebrow as Silco places the glasses in the sink and darts off, then shakes his head as you come barreling in, demanding that Silco help you as payment for the wine he drank. He grabs the both of you by your collars and drops you both at the sink. "I believe washing everything in the sink will suffice as payment for the bottle of wine."

You groan when you see the amount of empty cups in the sink and Silco laughs, turning on the water tap. At least you're trapped in this with him, the washing should go by faster.

As the both of you hunch over the sink, you give him a little nudge with your elbow. "Next time, if you're jealous, just step in. I'll leave with you, I promise."

"Jealous?" He splutters. "I wasn't jealous!"

"Sure you weren't, Mr 'angrily stabs an innocent piece of paper with his pen'. Keep trying."

He huffs, turning his attention back to the glass he's currently wiping dry. "I wasn't jealous."

"Yeah yeah, keep telling yourself that. I doubt that changes facts though."

"Nobody said that was a fact."

You lightly punch him in the shoulder with your damp fist and he mock glares at you, smacking your arm with the drying cloth but can't stop the smile that's forming on his face.

"Don't ever doubt yourself," you say softly. "You mean everything to me."

And you mean everything to me too.

[mugglebornmarvelite]

Sunshine in His Shadows

Paring: Avenger! Bucky Barnes x Avenger! Fem! Reader (Grumpy x Sunshine)

Summary: When Bucky withdraws into himself one night, you’re determined to remind him that his past doesn't define him and he doesn’t have to carry his burdens alone.

Word Count: Roughly 1.8k

Warnings: Fluff, hurt/comfort, light angst, mentions of his trauma and anxiety

Author’s Note: You can never go wrong with fluff and a bit of angst. And, I already have an idea for a lighthearted part 2 

Part 2: Teddy Bear Bucky

Also, I added a taglist form!

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Divider by: @strangergraphics 

The compound was quiet at night, except for the occasional creak of floorboards as you wandered the halls. You found Bucky sitting alone in the kitchen. His was tense; you could tell by how his metal hand clenched into a fist as if he were holding something invisible but heavy. 

You hesitated at the doorway, unsure whether to intrude. But you didn’t want him to feel alone, not when you could at least offer warmth.

“Hey,” you said softly, stepping closer. “You didn’t go out either, huh?”

Bucky glanced at you briefly, his blue eyes shadowed by something deeper than being tired. He didn’t respond; he just gave a quiet nod before turning his gaze back to the window. When he didn’t tell you to get lost, you took that as permission to sit beside him.

For a while, there was silence. Comfortable but heavy. 

You wanted to break it but didn’t want to push too hard before Bucky closed up again. Finally, after gathering your courage, you spoke, your voice as gentle as the night breeze.

“Bucky, um, you never talk about your past.”

Bucky tensed further, his jaw clenching tightly. You noticed how his breathing changed, becoming shallower as if the very mention of his past dragged him underwater.

“I just, I want to understand you better,” you added carefully, your voice barely a whisper. “Not what I hear from others. I want to know you.”

There was a sharp flicker of something in his eyes, maybe pain or even fear. He stood up with his back to you, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t,” he muttered, his voice low. “It’s not something someone like you should hear. You’re too good for that darkness.”

Your heart ached. 

He was trying to protect you from himself. 

You stood, stepping toward him, your hand reaching out. Your fingers brushed against his metal arm, and he stiffened, though he didn’t pull away.

“Bucky,” you whispered, barely above a breath. “But you’re not that person anymore. You’re our Bucky. You’re my Bucky.”

That was all it took. 

His head lowered, his eyes closing as if to shut out the flood of emotions threatening to spill over. He tried to say something but stopped, his throat tight.

“I don’t…” His voice broke, and he took a step back, needing space. He literally had to walk away before he started crying because you, his sunshine, had said it with such genuineness, with such unwavering faith in him, that it shattered the walls he’d spent years building.

You didn’t follow him. You knew Bucky well enough by now to understand that he needed time. But it didn’t stop you from calling after him, your voice like a balm to his wounds. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

An hour later, he found you in the living room, curled up on the couch with a blanket around your shoulders. You were lost in thought, and when you noticed him standing there, you offered a small, sweet smile.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” you said softly. “I just care about you.”

Bucky sat down beside you. His expression was guarded, but the guilt in his eyes was unmistakable. He didn’t know how to explain what he felt. It didn’t make sense how someone like you, all warmth and light, could look at someone like him and see something worth loving.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I don’t want to lose this. You. I don’t deserve this.”

You reached out, your hand slipping into his, fingers threading through his calloused ones. “You’re not going to lose me, Bucky. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’ll be a pest till the day I die.”

He let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. For the first time in what felt like forever, he believed it might be true, that maybe he wasn’t beyond saving. 

In that quiet moment, with your hand in his and the weight of his past still heavy but not so suffocating, Bucky felt something stir inside him.

Hope.

Bucky didn’t say anything at first. He just stared at your hand in his as if trying to memorize the way your smaller fingers fit perfectly between his. You gave his hand a little squeeze, encouraging him, grounding him. 

Slowly, he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and shifted closer to you until your shoulders brushed.

Then, without warning, he pulled you into a bear hug. His arms wrapped around you tightly, lifting you off the couch with ease. 

You let out a surprised squeal, then burst into laughter, your warm giggles filling the room like music. “Bucky!” you laughed, squirming in his grip, but not making any real effort to escape. “Put me down, you big grump!”

“Nope,” he muttered, the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. “You earned this, sunshine. Gotta make sure you don’t float away with all that sweetness.”

You laughed harder at his dorky joke, and Bucky felt something loosen inside him. Holding you like this, hearing your laughter, made him feel lighter in a way he didn’t fully understand yet.

Eventually, he sat back down with you still in his arms, refusing to let go. You shifted until you were comfortably nestled against his chest, your head resting on his shoulder. His heartbeat was steady beneath your ear, a calming rhythm that made you smile.

“You know,” you murmured, “for someone who pretends to be all grumpy and scary, you’re actually a giant teddy bear.”

Bucky snorted. “Don’t spread that around. I’ve got a reputation to maintain, sunshine.”

You grinned up at him, mischief dancing in your eyes. “Oh, you mean the reputation where you glare at everyone and grunt like a caveman?”

“Exactly,” he grumbled, though the corners of his mouth twitched. “I’ve worked hard on that, kid.”

You poked him in the chest. “I’m not a kid! I’m 22! An adult, thank you very much.”

“Sure, kid,” he said, smirking now. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

You pouted, which only made his smirk widen. He loved teasing you, loved the way you’d get all huffy and indignant, but never really mad. One of his favorite things about you was your ability to turn his grumpiness into something lighthearted.

“You’re a meanie,” you muttered, crossing your arms but leaning further into his warmth. He noticed and gently squeezed you, his metal fingers brushing against your side with surprising tenderness.

“Yeah, well,” he said quietly, his tone shifting to something softer, more sincere. “You’re not so bad yourself. Annoying, sure. But good.”

The words caught you off guard, and you turned to look at him. He wasn’t meeting your gaze, but the pink creeping up his neck told you everything. Bucky Barnes, the former Winter Soldier, your grumpy protector, was embarrassed.

A soft smile spread across your face. “Thanks, Bucky.”

“Don’t mention it,” he grumbled, still refusing to look at you. “Seriously. Don’t.”

There was a peaceful silence between you both before he asked about your day.

"Steve and Sam tried to teach me how to throw a shield today," you said, laughing at the memory. "I think I’m better off with a frisbee than that thing. I nearly took out a window when I threw it, and you should’ve seen their faces. I thought for sure they were going to cry." You chuckled again, shaking your head as you continued. "Then, Tony called me kiddo for the tenth time today. Like, does he even know my name anymore?"

Bucky couldn't help but smile at that, even if he didn't say anything. He was content to listen, his usual grumpy exterior slipping away with each little story you shared.

"Oh, and Clint swears he didn’t hide my favorite mug, but I know he did. I’ll bet anything he’s got it stashed somewhere just to mess with me." You sighed dramatically, leaning back against him, and Bucky could feel the warmth of your body settle into his.

He didn’t respond, not really needing to. There was something soothing about the sound of your voice, something soothing about you.

You made it so easy just to exist in the moment with no expectations or judgments. And for Bucky, that was everything.

Your voice continued, but the words blurred together as you rambled on. He wasn’t listening anymore; he was too focused on how your presence steadied him. A quiet, almost fond smirk tugged at his lips as he listened to your endless chatter. He didn’t mind it. If anything, he found himself savoring it. This was normal. This was simple. You were simple in the best way possible.

As you spoke, your words slowed, drifting into quieter murmurs, and your breath steadied as sleep took over. One moment, you were telling him about a joke you shared with Wanda earlier that day, and the next, you were asleep, your body sinking into him completely. Your head had slipped against the crook of his neck. You looked so peaceful, and he didn’t have the heart to wake you.

Bucky froze for a moment, unsure what to do. You were so relaxed, so completely at ease in his arms. He could feel your breath against his skin and hesitated for the first time in a long while. 

He muttered, his voice soft with a trace of disbelief. "Great. Now what, sunshine?" But there was no real annoyance there. Just a quiet acknowledgment that you’d stolen his peace in the best way possible.

Most nights, he would sleep on the floor, his back against something hard or leaning against the wall to keep his thoughts from overwhelming him. Touch was a foreign thing for him. But here you were, curled up against him like he was some sort of human teddy bear, and somehow, it didn’t feel uncomfortable. It felt okay—more than okay.

He carefully adjusted his position. He let out a quiet sigh, his head resting against the couch. Every instinct told him he should move, that he wouldn’t be able to sleep like this, but when he glanced down and saw the soft smile on your face even in sleep, something inside him softened.

He stayed perfectly still, letting the warmth of your body and the steady rhythm of your breathing lull him into something he rarely felt: calm. His eyes drifted shut, and for once, the memories didn’t come. There were no flashes of his past or haunting images of who he used to be. Just you, grounding him in a way nothing else ever had.

And for the first time in a long time, he didn’t wake up in the middle of the night, jolting up in a cold sweat or reaching for a weapon. 

He simply slept, wrapped in warmth, feeling something close to peace.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed!

If you'd like to be added to my taglist

Much love x

- Maeve

[juney-blues]

June Egbert is, and always has been incredibly fascinating to me because of just, how many factors have conspired to make Homestuck fans show their collective transmisogynistic asses.

The main character of Homestuck transitioning is a planned future plot point for the official continuation of homestuck, that was spoiled in advance by a fan making a joke about finding some toblerones Andrew Hussie the author of homestuck hid in a cave.

The current main writers of Homestuck: Beyond Canon have went on record in an AMA confirming that this was indeed always the plan, even before they took up the project.

In spite of these facts, the general consensus among certain homestuck fans seems to be that "June Egbert" is purely a headcanon for the original comic that was "made canon" by a "Toblerone Wish" (a concept that didn't even exist at the time)

For a variety of reasons, the "canonicity" of the postcanon official continuations of homestuck is a mattter of much debate, (though a debate that most homestuck fans seem to err on a side of "it's not canon at all in the slightest," something the writers have feelings on I'm sure.)

All of these factors combined leave the concept of "June Egbert" in a very nebulous place. It's assumed by most to just be an "ascended headcanon" that was shoehorned in, it's a spoiler so it hasn't happened yet in any official media, and the official media it will eventually happen in is regarded by some to be nothing more than glorified fanfic.

If someone is talking about June Egbert, and you don't like the concept of June Egbert, you have your pick of a million different excuses for why she's fake and gay and not worth discussing and bad writing and just the authors doing a gay dumbledore*, paying lip service to representation while actually doing nothing.

And of course, lots of people *don't* like June Egbert! Rather than being introduced as transfem from the start, she's in this nebulous position of discovery where people have to truly reckon with the idea of a "Pre-transition Trans Woman."

You can try to write off *some* of the backlash as transphobia, because obviously not everyone in this fandom is gonna be cool about trans people.

But there's no shortage of fans just dying to tell you about how much they like reading her as transmasc, or the idea of her being nonbinary or genderqueer or genderfluid, or literally anything besides a trans woman. And since they're fine with all those other interpretations, there's obviously no implicit biases driving their distaste for the concept! (if you want to try explaining the concept of "transmisogyny" to people like this you're braver than I.)

you can trust them when they say it's *just* a problem with whether or not it makes sense with the writing, or it just doesn't feel right somehow, or any of the thousands of excuses that this writing situation gives them to just Not Like It.

It's just, so interesting to me. There's not a lot of characters out there that get a trans arc in this way, that leaves room for open denialism and insistence that we have our trans cake and eat it too... Because Homestuck is a timeline spanning multiverse story, lots of people seem to want it to be an alternate timeline thing. Assuring us we can have this character share space with a non-transitioning version of herself and it won't be weird or imply gross things about trans people.

If you ask me it feels like a plotline that'd be really good for exploring some gender horror though, finding your true self and then being demoted to a footnote, an alternate version, because everyone around you likes your pre-transition self more....

Anyway I have no broader point beyond "hey look at this isn't this kinda weird. You don't get this kinda stuff often!"

*side note: it's a little ghoulish I think to compare "a future trans plot point that hasn't been given the chance to even happen yet, in an already famously queer piece of media, from a nonbinary author" to "some stupid shit done by the literal most famous transphobe of all time" but that's perhaps a discussion for later.