#IN THIS FUCKING UNSAFE WORLD??
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i hate how the #1 problem in america is guns. and they still dont want to fucking take them away like WTFFF…. i dont wanna hear no bullshit about how theyre “to protect yourself” BITCH FROM WHAT?. IF THERES NO GUNS THEN WHAT ARE U PROTECTING URSELF FROM??? WHY DO U NEED THEM? if you really wanna protect yourself take away the guns and use a mf knife or smth idfk idc just take them away from people. there wouldnt be AS MUCH of a crime rate as there is now, and thats not to say there wouldnt be any at all but children and teachers atleast wouldnt have to feel so fucking unsafe in schools if they were js taken away. i’m tired of seeing shit on the news or on articles about how “this school got sh*t” or “this person did too” especially when theyre about CHILDREN no less like deadass the only people i feel deserve guns are the army not even the regular police bc theyre obviously abusing that fucking power as is. innocent civilians are getting sh*t bc you cant fucking differentiate whether or not they have a gun. yk how easily that could be solved??? BY TAKING THEM THE FUCK AWAYYYYY. please dont piss me off bc innocent children d*e everday, innocent TEACHERS d*e everyday and innocent PEOPLEEEEE d*e everyday bc yall wanna have a mf “right to bear arms” YOURE FINNA HAVE A RIGHT TO THIS ASS BEATING IN A SECOND BC WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG W YOUUUU AMERICA.
#raynrants#dont argue w me#im pissed off#i hate guns#i hate america#the government is shit#dont fucking report this#leave me be#when tf is shit gnna change#im actually so heated????#why tf do literal CHILDREN#have to pay for your fucking mistakes#yet you still want women to have them???#IN THIS FUCKING UNSAFE WORLD??#DONT GET ME STARTED ON MY VIEWS OF ABORTION#AND THAT DUMBASS OVERTURN OF ROE V WADE#PLEASEEEEE DONT PISS ME OFF#WHAT HAS THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT EVER DONE FOR US#hate america ong
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Made another spindle. It's very small. Also very irregular and lumpy due to the wood (I wanted the raised brown lines to stay and erred on the side of caution in how much I cut away...but that did lead to a very irregular spindle).
It also wanted to crumble as I carved, so pretty much all the fine tuning I just did by sanding it, which helps to compress the fibers down as well as remove material without crumbling or splintering.
It really came to life when I oiled it. Probably will be best after a few good coats and some time. My woodburning kit seems to be totally gone, which is a bummer. So I'm not woodburning anymore.
Spins well. Obviously being so tiny and light it was always going to be a fine spinning spindle, but effortless thread from an unprepped piece of fleece is pretty indicative as well. I seem to find myself carving mostly thread spindles at the moment. They're always so small and light in the hand, they remind me of holding baby birds.
#hurt a lot and its the only physical task ive managed today in any capacity#and it exhausted me and im falling over frequently#just from walking the 20 steps to my lawn chair outside the gate and whittling a small spindle#my sister was suggesting activities we could do but they all require holding things really#can barely even hold my phone to type rn#i also cant stop wondering if each spindle is the last i will ever be able to carve because they are so difficult#and take a pretty heavy toll on me. really upsetting to think about because i love whittling#and in an ideal world i would spend a significant amount of time in pursuit of making spindles#but i can't and each one is more difficult and painful#this one i was wondering at what point it becomes unsafe because i lose precision with the knife#when the pain is so bad im dissociating#which i was#switched to sanding instead then#idk man. could i have a shred of certainty about my body ? is that so much to ask for ?#things change and get worse so rapidly i never even have time to adjust to my new norm#there is no norm just rapid decline#i wouldnt have pushed thru the hell that was my teens and childhood if i knew this was what was next#oh well. here i am. whittling spindles thru the blinding pain anyway#what else can you fucking do#spindle making#whittling#supported spindle#vent in tags
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the cody ko allegations going on make me so sick
#his silence is deafening and it makes me fucking sick#i know i shouldn’t have ever expected anything bc at the end of the day he’s just a fuckinng guy#but it’s so heartbreaking to know that someone i looked up to and saw as a safe person in a world of so many unsafe people would do this#especially when it’s a situation that resembles something i’ve gone through myself#the seeming lack of remorse and accountability on his part is an all too familiar fucking occurrence and it’s vile#yes they’re just accusations as of now but like. believe women.#sorry for the rant in the tags i’m just emotional and this is frustrating and upsetting#mal thoughts
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asking for help always makes things worse
#I need to just accept that I’m never going to be given any understanding or actual help#I may never escape these worlds it seems it doesn’t matter how hard I try I can’t get anyone to listen to me#this feels traumatizing I feel entirely beaten and ground down into something small and helpless#I have no control at all I keep trying and trying and trying and trying and for what#I need somebody to just listen to me atp not being dismissed is better than nothing but everyone’s a curation anyway no real thoughts or#feelings but it doesn’t matter I don’t even care please just listen to me somebody listen to me I’m so confused do curations have some#autonomy I don’t think so maybe I don’t fucking know they said yes on the clock so perhaps yes so please just listen please pls pls pls pls#I can’t be traumatized I’m not human right but I’m having everything stripped from me every last ounce of control the shadow ppl have all#the control which is funny I’m fairly certain I’m one of them but they still can strip me of control I was bred for this#please somebody help me I keep begging like it’ll do anything can you at least help with the ppl and cameras in the vents#are ppl from the real world watching through them I believe so can anything be done something has to be done escape the impostors something#just something please just listening would help actual listening not dismissal you can think whatever you want about me but listen#maybe some have autonomy and some don’t ?#please understand that I’ve tried very hard I’ve tried very very hard suicidality and homicidality have dug their claws into me even further#I don’t know what else to do I’m at a loss and no one will listen to me at all I’ve tried asking offline I’ve tried asking online it doesn’t#matter what I do where I ask no one will listen even the ones who do somewhat say they don’t know what to do I’m suspicious do they really#not know what to do or are they lying that may be more an impostor thing but everyone and everything is suspicious to me uh uh uh just#listen and help please idk what to do it’s all in the mirrors and clocks and such but I need to find a way to enter the mirrors but I’m#scared what I’ll find who is looking back I’m scared what world I’ll end up in it may be their world I’ll be punished they said yes I’m#terrified can someone go in with me if I manage to find out how that’s pathetic but damn I don’t think I can anyway they’ve been crawling on#the ceilings today hahah doing some weird and wacky shit sometimes they’re a little funky and just there and other times I’m having a heart#attack no in between I know pleading with curations is likely going to be classified as annoying but for the love of god do you know what#else I am supposed to do ??? at the very least just listen to me please it is 02:14:46 how synchronous ! I can’t stop having what I think#are dreams about the mental hospital too haha they send me to dreamworlds sometimes trap me in them waking dreamworlds see I’ve been reduced#down into something tiny I’ve resorted to begging once again do I even want to beg am I lying to myself my words aren’t my own my thoughts#aren’t my own so is this not my own can’t ever speak none of it’s my own it feels unsafe especially to speak of anything that isn’t this#it isn’t safe it isn’t my own it’s not the focus idk idk idk should I ask to talk to someone again I wonder I want understanding for my#situation please listen to me the joints hurt aaaa#my life is a playyy is a playyy is a playyyyyy anyone like marina that song appeared in the head I wonder where that spider went it better#not be inside of the body ok ok ok anyone yes help wanted help needed 02:22:22
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🙃🙃 cant wait to go home in 4 hrs
#incoherent turtle noises#i hate rich white people. i hate them forreal forreal.#ohh you feel so UnSaFe because omg ‼️theres Homeless People... In The Downtown Area of A Major Metropolitan City In North America…At 11am#and you call your Mommyyy to call ME to ask to c/ o for FREE and yeah sure sure sure but then you#steal our towels and clog the toilet? i know you did that on purpose. unless you managed to take the heftiest dump in the world in the 2hrs#you mfers rly think you can do anything you want without consequences. fuck off…..#go back to your cozy little suburbia WE DONT WANT YOU HERE.#i have such vitriol for our guests sometimes i rly shouldnt be working in this field. but alas. i Am good at my job.
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sent email withdrawing from sailing this summer 😞
#trying not to let it be the end of the world but it's the end of the world tbh#doing everything i can to go next summer though. everything i fucking can#it's the only thing i want to do on this entire stupid fucking planet and i WILL do it.#i just need to be healthy enough or i'll be unsafe + unreliable + won't even have any fun.#:(((((((#p
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not to sound like some political bootlicker but i could cry honestly seeing a presidential candidate who can actually string a coherent sentence together and isn’t on the verge of having an aneurysm
#you can think whatever you want about me or Kamala I’m voting for her for a number of reasons#like you literally cannot get a better outcome in this election#also it’s so fucking funny how Trump is TERRIFIED of being held accountable by her#like former attorney vs literal fascist convicted felon#HILARIOUS actually#and it would be even funnier if Biden just HANDED Kamala the presidency like could you IMAGINE#truly something something the two full moons something something#honestly it feels like America is waking up like a cloud of utter fucking stupidity afflicting our country is lifted#say what you want about Kamala but having her as the candidate gives me?? hope???#personal txt#this is my home I live in America like my THINGS and my cat are here#I can’t have Trump win again I will DIE#everyone will die#for the first time I feel like we’re not completely and utterly fucked#honestly tho on a pure woman scale having Kamala who speaks so intelligently and also motherly? after a raging storm of male violence#overwhelming the world and politics and being awful and unsafe and violent#it’s so comforting the feeling of knowing a woman is at least looking at the world and going how can we start to fix this
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Torn between wanting to speak and encourage other women to speak about abuse and trauma they've suffered from men and living in a misogynistic society but also not wanting them to do that too publicly because men are unempathetic monsters who harrass, dox and threaten women who do so.
#“but women do it too” fuck off that's not the point I'm making#men make this world unsafe and traumatizing for women#I'm tired#misogyny#men are gross#like wtf is wrong with you all?
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Tomorrow is freaking me out
#incoming vent#vent#so im sure everybody has seen or heard someone talking abt having to cancel out parents/family members' votes#at least once#and usually its ppl talking abt their dad/husband/son/brother. like its usually the men in the house they're canceling out#and while that is a common factor#for me its my mom#i might not even get to vote this year unless someone drives me or i get an uber [unsafe on voting day] theres no way for me to vote 2morrow#and she says it doesn't matter if i dont vote this year bc ive never done it b4#not only that but my dad had to fill out an absentee ballot bc he wont be able to go tomorrow#mom forced him to bring it out to her so she could read it and see who he voted for and then critiqued him on what he voted#thats..just so fucking out of hand and unstable#the only positive is that mom messed up filling something out and had to cancel out her absentee ballot. and the new one didn't come 2day#so she cant give one more vote to that fucking asshole at least#but the fact im going to have no say in this election is scaring me#rlly bad#im terrified bc i live in a neighborhood where every house on every road has a tr*mp sign or flag or poster somewhere#and i don't want to live in tr*mp's world because i wont live at all#im so so fucking scared#elliot rambles#politics#vote
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I've talked before about how I think Jgy's specific attitude to defending his actions comes less from a genuine conviction that he's in the right or holds no responsibility and more from a knowledge that any punishment he'd be given would be more because of who his mother was than anything he actually did, and a person with more power of a "cleaner" background wouldn't be punished the same way. Why accept "consequences" for his actions when that's just a smokescreen for what people really want to punish him for. Daring to stand before them instead of knowing his place.
And if I do envision a socratic dialogue with an imaginary nie mingjue in my head, a counterpoint might be that, well yeah at first, sure. But there's a point where punishment doesn't get worse than, y'know, death. And surely at some point in canon jgy passes the threshold where, even if he wasn't the son of a sex worker, he would... "deserve to die" isn't right here because I personally don't believe in the death penalty but basically that, within the moral framework of the world of mdzs where the death penalty is universally accepted, characters would, regadless of his background, rationally agree that the just punishment was death. The moment jgy crosses this threshold, then- and I have no interest in debating when this would be- it wouldn't matter that in reality his punishment was really for something else, because it'd be virtually the same as the "just" consequences of his actions.
And what I like is that the story FORCES you to ask that question, to entertain that argument, and perhaps see the flaws in it. Because it expicitly kills jgy for something he didn't do. Huaisang couldn't have said anything, and jgy would still have been taken prisoner, and the cultivation world would still have demanded his head. He'd have been tried for his crimes and executed. The story could have done that, and everything i said above would still have been true, but you could very easily wash your hands of it and say that justice was served.
Instead Huaisang lies, and Jin Guangyao is killed for something he never did. And the story asks: does that change things? Does it matter, that he died for something he didn't do when all of his actual actions were already enough to doom him? And if it does, what else does that change? Because that has always been the case. That was always going to be the case.
#mdzs#meng yao#jin guangyao#mdzs meta#questions lan xichen will inevitably be grappling with while in seclusion#if no just punishment is possible can we punish someone at all?#And if we can't- then what?#do we tolerate the harm he has done to innocent people just to avoid harming him?#Like... innocent people who could and would not hurt him have been harmed by him. that's a fact#the sex workers he used to kill his dad. the kids in the tingshan he clan. wen civilians. the juniors he kindapped as bait. etc.#the thing is that you can't easily put him in a situation where he will never harm others and yet be safe.#because that'd either mean exposing him (and lead to afformentioned unjust punishment)#or... fundamentally changing the world and class system so he will never be unsafe and therefore choose his own safety over others' lives#yeah. good luck with that.#all of jgy's violence is reactive even if not all of it is directed at the people he is reacting to (ie: violence at his father's command)#it's just. there is no satisfying answer!! accept unjust harm done by him or unjust harm done to him.#you don't get justice. it doesn't exist in this world.#it sucks and it's great#he's so fucking doomed by the narrative
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google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power
#edit: warning the tags get pretty personal whoops. however tumblr is like a diary to me so. but if discussions of father issues arent for u#it's not anything he's directly said but like. when we talk about it i can tell he's clinging to this like#image of musk as this inventor working for the good of humanity#because he's admired him for a long time and like i get it it's hard to let go of your heroes when it turns out they're trash#but. he's always been trash. is the thing. and i've been saying this.#and it would be nice to feel some solidarity! or support! or empathy idk!#and not like. lectures why tesla is actually progressive or why spacex is the best thing to happen to science since fucking penicillin#and sometimes ppl who push the world towards progress rub people the wrong way#god like. we were in the car the other day talking about it and i mentioned tesla moving to texas bc of the law protecting trans kids#and he mumbled something like well sure yeah he said that but Really... really it's about the taxes......#okay!! who give a shit! that's not the point! the point is that he's got fucking legions of alt right fanboys who hang off his every word#so when he says something that is good for trans people is actually dangerous and bad and hurts kids#and when he openly publicly deadnames and misgenders and LIES about his TRANS DAUGHTER. it's fucking dangerous! and it makes trans people#(IE ME. YOUR CHILD.)#feel unsafe!#it should get you angry! it should make you rethink how you saw him previously! it should make you want to stop supporting him!#idk. i mean my dad has never been like. against me being trans. and he's worked really hard on the pronouns and not deadnaming me#but it's stuff like this where it feels like he doesn't grasp how he's de-prioritizing my perspective as a trans person and.#his Child.#and how his first reaction to me starting t was 'no.. why would you do that :('#it just feels bad. i love him so much but it's shit like this that makes me feel like i don't matter to him or like i'm disappointing him#and then he gets confused when i tell him that i feel that way#wow! sorry for this. i should get serious about finding a therapist i dont think i knew i felt all this until i typed it out#im gonna add a tag at the beginning of this. as a warning. lolololol. lol. anyway#got 2 pick up my t tomorrow and also email my dr for more wellbutrin haha slay! hit the slay button. dispenses ssris.#god i'm so tired sorry i'm delirious actually. also i saw my brother this weekend which was so nice and he's such a weirdo which also#makes me weirder by proxy
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boys when they cant read some of the most popular and interesting looking fics of their ship because the author who wrote them supports incest shipping and that feels genuinely uncomfortable/unsafe
#its like PLEASE JUST TAKE IT BACKKK. im being fucking gatekept from cool fics#it’s like every other popular davekat artist too#like fuck guys i want to support your work so bad Why do we have to make it unsafe for traumatized individuals#you don’t even ship it you just want to pretend that kind of stuff doesn’t hurt people and invalidate a lot of peoples trauma like PLEASE.#it’s not my fault that shit makes me feel unsafe as hell please just say sike so i can read the cool davekat fics#negative#partial KK post#YES I’M VERY AWARE THIS IS FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS; BUT IS IT REALLY SUCH A BIG ASK FOR ME TO HOPE THAT MOST OF MY FANDOM DOESNT HATE VICTIMS
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7 for the choose violence game
7) what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?
You didn’t say a specific fandom for this and truthfully I usually don’t hate a character solely because of a fan or fandoms interpretation of it- if I don’t like something I just block/mute and move on. That being said if I had to really think hard on it I really get uncomfortable by the way certain fans write or draw Miguel O’ Hara (Spiderverse: Across The spiderverse). It usually veers into over sexualizing and blatant stereotypes and racism which haha as a black person not fun to see! That and the whitewashing/colorism ( which is not limited to this fandom and rather a larger issue in any fandom community but that’s a separate can of worms) That makes me super uncomfortable! Lol!
Like I think Miquel is a interesting antagonist / character to analyze. Even if I don’t necessarily like him as a person or agree with his values I can appreciate the work went into designing or writing the character. So it’s a shame my brain instinctively thinks about the gross one dimensional misinterpretations of his character I see online (Twitter, tumblr, tiktok and insta) that either completely erases the fact that he did Bad Things to people (UwU he did nothing wrong ever1!1”) or makes him into A Big Bad Scary 1000% Evil Brown Man Whose Super Sexy ™️
Anywho I think that’s enough salt for now. Thank you for the question anon!
#the bitter ocean answers#anonymous#spider man atsv#across the spiderverse#spider man across the spider verse#atsv#atsv miguel#miguel o'hara#miguel spiderverse#atsv spoilers#the bitter ocean talks#this is no diss or character hate btw I think he’s a interesting character narratively when juxtaposed with miles#I just dislike it when people go ‘he did nothing wrong’ when he beat up a 14 year old and told him to let their dad die#or sending another teenager back into their own dimension even though for all they both knew it was probably still unsafe to go back there#or when he replaced his alt self to live out his desire to have a family to the point it cause a whole fucking world to get destroyed.#all of these are compelling to look at narratively so when people erase that it feels..boring? out of character? like make a oc man
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four coffees and all i want is sleep
also i spent 50 minutes trying to hunt down a book and discovered its crazy expensive and the nearest library that has it is 290km away
#bean juice why don't you work on me#i did some of the things i was supposed to do but i think its the chess that pushed me to it idk how#also i know the digital library exists but i want it off the screen#mine#coffee#chaotic academia#dark academia#ALSO fuck amazon i canceled my calendar order which they now (after 9 days) claim they lost and they will give me money back#never ordering from that website again idk how americans tolerate it also packages outside??? seems very unsafe#ordered again from the japanese website and the sweet people APOLOGIZED that it will take a week to deliver across half the world#i want to hug them all i should have ordered from there to begin with but i wanted the calendar fast#boy was i wrong
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“do you have all the support that you need [for sweden]?”
#tomgreg#''i'm not okay'' wig tom :))))#man what can i even say about this part like literally what can i say#it feels less like he leans to greg when something is wrong with shiv and more like he leans to greg when he's fucking terrified#why would someone like greg EVER make you feel safe in a business world. unless you were enamoured with him.#unless you felt like you were on top of the world with him. invincible. unstoppable. unless you TRUSTED him with your life.#unless it wasn't about business at all. or at least not completely.#idk idk. you could say he couldn't exactly call shiv bc of the state she was in and yeah you could say he needed to cover his ass.#true. that's all true. but i think that regardless of that. it's important to remember greg asked if tom wanted him there earlier#and tom denied it but in actuality he really fucking did need him.#he could never predict he'd lose his big connection; that logan would die. of course not. he could never predict he'd suddenly#become unsafe and the rug pulled out from under him. but if he could you KNOW who the fuck he'd take with him.#it's also important to remember that it's only to shiv and greg that he ever admits that he's not okay/hurt. that he ever lets down the wall#greg is not amazing with his words but i think to hear his voice was enough to comfort tom a bit. and when he made the joke#greg calmed him down. he didn't even chide tom for making a joke about greg looking like a suspect. he was too focused on#listening to tom and making sure he got it all.#they're sOOooo. ughh#sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. SIgh#sorry for the long ass cap posts but like. sometimes you Gotta cap it and not do a video like this Deserves caps
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initially this post had some commentary about interests right now. and then it turned into a ramble about personal healing in the tags. so the interest post is going separately.
#i have been possessed by my fourteen year old self.#except now i am *way* less ashamed of my interests#<- oh wow when you're in a place where all your interests that are unique to you are shamed constantly you stop enjoying them#there were so many things i hoarded as ''just mine'' because i was scared that they'd be stolen from me in one way or another#because either it'd be co-opted and i'd have to confirm to their view of said interest. or i'd be shamed and belittled for enjoying it#there are so many little things now (even wider than like. media interests. like literal aspects of myself) that feel wrong to share becaus#the only way to keep it safe was to keep it close to my chest#there are a few names i'd love to go by but as soon as i think about actually telling someone it i feel like i might#(and sometimes do) have a panic attack about it#which is stupid!!! the people around me now love me!!!! and i love them!!!!!#all that to say. being able to post about armand and dm is kind of like. a rebellion i guess#tvc and specifically armand were so important to me because back then i kind of saw myself in him? v. jaded and disconnected with the world#and seeking someone to bring them forward and into a new space to try and reinvent themself#and wanting someone to love them hard enough that it encompassed everything#i wanted to be what daniel was to armand and what armand was to daniel#<- very healthy way to think about the world and relationships btw <3 i was so normal and fine and this was not a sign something was wrong#god this turned into a bit of a vent thing huh.#i'm not like. feeling big feelings i should clarify. i feel like i'm examining them from a distance and taking notes like a scientist lol#it's a thing of like. knowing how unhealthy everything was and acknowledging that i'm healing. slowly; sure. but i am healing#i got to play a game one of them had tainted last week. it was hard and fun and i had big feelings when i was playing#because it was a little triggering. but i did it. i managed. i felt better for it.#i told my partner about one of my favourite bands back in 2021 and now they listen to them too and that's a little bit of joy#because it was one of the things that was deemed ''bad'' and that i can share that with someone now and feel safe to love it is good#and being able to be as obsessive and hyperfixated as i am right now without it being unsafe is really really lovely#and it is making me lean into it! i can engage with this without guilt! i want to fuck that old man!#it's silly and difficult and big and great and awful and complicated. but it's allowed to be. i'm allowed to be.
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