#IMAGINE Leia C.

[artesubjetividade]

IMAGINE, Leia C.

Céu na Terra, 2023

O céu vai cair, 2023

Sonho, 2023

Série Quando?

“Céu na terra”, “O céu vai cair” e “Sonho” integram série intitulada “Quando?”, a qual pretende fazer ressoar reflexões acerca dos conceitos de antropoceno e gaia, como os externados em 2014 no colóquio Os Mil Nomes de Gaia: do Antropoceno à Idade da Terra, concebido por Déborah Danowski (Departamento de Filosofia PUC-Rio / CNPq), Eduardo Viveiros de Castro (PPGAS do Museu Nacional, UFRJ / CNPq) e Bruno Latour (Sciences-Po, Paris). Afinal, aonde nos leva a consciência da insignificância da existência da humanidade em nosso planeta em relação ao conjunto do universo?

"[Antropoceno] designaria um novo tempo, ou antes um novo conceito e uma nova experiência da temporalidade, nos quais a diferença de magnitude entre a escala da história humana e as escalas cronológicas da biologia e das ciências geofísicas diminuiu dramaticamente, senão mesmo tendeu a se inverter, com o “ambiente” mudando mais depressa que a “sociedade” e o futuro próximo se tornando, com isso, cada vez mais imprevisível e ominoso." "[Gaia] nomearia uma nova maneira de ocupar e de imaginar o espaço, chamando a atenção para o fato de que nosso mundo, a Terra, tornado, de um lado, subitamente exíguo e frágil, e, de outro lado, suscetível e implacável, assumiu a aparência de uma Potência ameaçadora que evoca aquelas divindades indiferentes, imprevisíveis e incompreensíveis de nosso passado arcaico. Imprevisibilidade, incompreensibilidade, sensação de pânico diante da perda do controle, e talvez mesmo de perda da esperança: eis o que são certamente desafios inéditos para a orgulhosa segurança intelectual e o destemido otimismo histórico da modernidade."

Diante das evidentes mudanças climáticas que vemos recrudescer em forte aceleração na Terra, o que fazemos? Satisfazemo-nos com as catástrofes e seus desfechos exibidos por Hollywood? Quais os caminhos a trilhar? Partiremos todos para outros planetas? A passeio, ou de mudança?

Vestígios apresentados nas imagens poderiam atuar como convite a nos perceber, em espelho, entrelaçados com o céu e a terra, repercutindo embates advindos desse encontro; reforçados, ainda mais, por assombros como os revelados pelo xamã yanomami David Kopenawa especialmente no capítulo “O ouro canibal” em “A queda do céu”.

"O solo, que não é nada grosso, vai começar a rachar.  A chuva não vai mais parar de cair e as águas vão começar a transbordar de suas rachaduras.  Então, muitos de nós serão lançados à escuridão do mundo subterrâneo e se afogarão nas águas de seu grande rio, Moto uri u.  Escavando tanto, os brancos vão acabar arrancando as raízes do céu, que também são sustentadas pelo metal de Omama.  Então ele vai se romper novamente e seremos aniquilados, até o último.  Esses pensamentos me atormentam muito.  Por isso levo em mim as palavras de Omama para defender nossa floresta.  Os brancos não pensam nessas coisas.  Se o fizessem, não arrancariam da terra tudo o que podem, sem se preocupar.  É para acabar com isso que quero fazer com que eles ouçam as palavras que os xapiri me deram no tempo do sonho." (KOPENAWA; ALBERT, 2015, p. 361)

Ao mesmo tempo, seria possível apenas contemplar as imagens? Aonde será que elas nos levam?

Referências:

KOPENAWA, Davi;  ALBERT, Bruce. “O Ouro Canibal”, In: A Queda do Céu: Palavras de um xamã yanomami.  Tradução de Beatriz Perrone-Moisés; prefácio de Eduardo Viveiros de Castro.  São Paulo:  Companhia das Letras, 2015.

UNIVERSIDADE FEDERAL DO RIO DE JANEIRO, PPGAS do Museu Nacional; PONTIFÍCIA UNIVERSIDADE CATÓLICA, Departamento de Filosofia. Os Mil Nomes de Gaia:  Do Antropoceno à Idade da Terra.  In: Colóquio Internacional, 2014, Rio de Janeiro:  Casa de Rui Barbosa.  Disponível em: <https://osmilnomesdegaia.eco.br/sobre/>. Acesso em:  1 dez. 2023.

[ladystoneboobs]

i present: small and non-verbal but very funny star wars moments:

ep. V: the empire strikes back--the millenium falcon achieves hyperspeed again, despite the imperials' best plans to the contrary. admiral piett and his men are terrified of vader's reaction, all trying to stay out of his path. but he's still too busy brooding on his loss of luke to even force-choke anyone. that's how thrown off he was by his newly-mutilated son running away from him!

the sole exception to this collective terror being this guy, so intent on his own important work, that he doesn't even notice his scary boss until darth vader has walked right past him.

ep. III: revenge of the sith--padme's droids somehow getting her unconscious body back on her ship.

in the novelisation, r2-d2 just drags her up the ramp with his gadgetry, but in the script it's c-3po who carried her up bridal style. which would be impossible to film when 3po could barely manage to move around under his own weight. what makes it really funny for me is that there was no need for any of this. why not just have obi-wan pick her up as he's hurrying outta there after failing to kill her husband? i mean, it's surely not good to be lying out in the open on a volcanic world with poisonous gases, but it wouldn't be good for obi-wan running around out there either, and this lady was about to have broken heart as her only known cause of death. when has science ever held back star wars? and i can't imagine that being dragged by wires from artoo or dropped every few steps by threepio could've been too good for her body either. just makes for an absurd little (offscreen) background detail amid the tragedy of the end of padme's life, imho.

ep. IV: a new hope--obi-wan vanishing into thin air when struck down and vader's (very understandable) bafflement afterward.

by this point in the second screencap, luke is shooting at him in retaliation and the stormtroopers are all shooting back at luke, but anakin is still dealing with this unprecendented vanishing and busy searching for any corporeal remains of obi-wan kenobi with his boot. "where did you go, my old master? how could this happen? i wasn't done fighting with you yet."

ep. V: the empire strikes back--vader inviting lando calrissian, chewbacca, han solo, and princess leia to share a meal with him and boba fett, before taking chewie, han, and leia prisoner and torturing han.

i think a lot of people must assume there was no actual meal, but it's not like vader had to go to all that trouble in the first place of setting out an entire banquet table with proper containers and utensils. just because that was lando's pretext to bring them to vader does not necessitate actually having a table set. darth vader could have had them led into any other room with boba fett and stormtroopers waiting to just arrest them right away. instead, as we can see in the second screencap, (over lando's shoulder and leia's bun), vader did sit down at the head of the table, waiting for his prey to join him. and i swear, in one of the earlier drafts of empire's screenplay there is actually a scene showing their awkward meal together. or rather, han and leia being served food and drinks while darth vader just sits there, watching evilly, explaining his great villainous plan to use them to trap luke. it's like dr. evil making austin and vanessa sit down at his table in the first austin powers movie. darth vader really did always live for drama

ep. VI: return of the jedi--leia telling han that she loves luke, but not that way. he's her brother, silly! as if this is something they all knew all along, with zero follow-up explanation. you can just see han wordlessly processing this bombshell of brand new information through his facial expressions alone. (this lasts so long that i wouldn't even count it were it not likely overshadowed by everything else in the ending of rotj.)

wh-what did you say? your brother? since when?

wait-wait-wait. i've seen you mouth kissing luke right in front of me before. i'm so confused now.

just what kind of weirdo family have i gotten myself mixed up with here?

oh, well, she's only kissing me now. that's good enough, i guess. maybe?

hey, as long as you do love me and luke in different ways ...

i don't know much about families, but i've heard they all have their weird traditions. so who am i to judge you, babe? as long as we're together now, that's all that matters.

[streetfarterturdstrike]

Everyday I thank the gods fighting games aren’t popular so I don’t have to deal with the mandom mass hate smearing Chun Li because she pulled a gun on Ken

[cdroloisms]

always absolutely fucking hilarious when sbiers in their self-righteous need to assert themselves as better than everyone else in the same way they've done since 2020 even when they're apparently 'out of the fandom' and consider the whole thing cringe and dead (skill issue, methinks) go all um acktually no one cared abt any of the lore except for c!sbi. like well for one thing i don't know of a c!sbi personally speaking i'd like for you to point out to me where character sleepy boys inc ever like, existed, because it certainly wasn't in any dream smp i watched like is there even a single moment where the four of them interact together alone??? and secondly, it's always reeeeeeally obvious when they mean this as a diss on The Other Side Of The Fandom (read, dream team and co) when two-thirds of the dream team just did nawt have any interest in being part of the 'main characters' in the first place and would much rather do their own thing and roleplay in ways that wouldn't get picked apart for ages on twitter dot com, and the other member of the dream team played a character so integral to the lore that even c!inniters will often name him before they name their own goddamn guy because they cannot keep his name out of their mouths (see, the meme i saw like literally just yesterday that boiled down to me, after learning the dream smp lore: i need to kill c!dream). like bro yall are c!inniters you're not fooling anyone you think that the entire story revolves around this one teenager being abused and then completely ignore the months of abuse that was shown on screen for us before exile. "c!sbi" like cmon now guys the ao3 pages are like, right there, we all know who ends up being the villain for ur sbi fanfic that has its foundations in a dynamic that literally never existed in canon.

like "no one cared about anyone's lore except for wilbur and tommy--" well yes they were in fact some of the main fucking characters. imagine someone going up to you and going "well no one cared about the lore in the star wars original trilogy except for luke and leia" like damn really?? (now imagine this same person trying to convince you that darth vader's role was unimportant, actually.) like yeah the dream smp involved a lot of separate storylines and each of those storylines might've had their own "main cast" of characters but i'm also not blind bro, the story that started at the start of the fucking server and the start of the fucking lore was ABSOLUTELY the "wilbur-dream-tommy" triangle that is, in fact, the story that the l'manburg revolution was built on and the story that remains the throughline literally until tommy and dream have their confrontation with a nuke coming down over their heads, something that the characters themselves acknowledge with the repetition of the idea of tommy and tubbo against dream. LIKE ALKJSDFKJSADF yeah bro there were main characters in the tommy-dream-wilbur story an that's also the story that people tended to be invested in in the beginning, to the point where even other self-contained stories in the dream smp absolutely referenced and emulated it (cough cough, las nevadas). like, why are we acting like it's at all groundbreaking for people to be invested in THEEE fucking story the one that first started to exist because at the time basically no one else was part of The Roleplaying Trio and then slowly got padded out and developed as the server developed more and more into the lore server?

and it's the fact that none of these people, too, would deny that they care about ex. c!schlatt in manberg, right, or c!quackity in relation to c!wilbur's deal, etc etc whatever. like breaking news you gaf about The Story as a dream smp fan wow am i supposed to be like, surprised. do you want a medal. LIKE LKJASDJF

[your-unfriendlyghost]

you think any of the guys in the s.e. hinton-verse would be into star wars?? I feel like johnny def would, steve at first pretends to hate it but would stand in the living room in that arms-crossed-dad-way while someone is watching and end up being super into it, potentially unpopular opinion but pony would Not be a fan of any sci-fi shit, it feels too easy to mention m&m but I mean c’mon lmao 😭😭 but idk!! dump your thoughts if you’re interested ksjsksjd

Yeah definitely! Star Wars comes out in the ‘77, ig, I think they allude to it in “Tex” (Jamie says smth abt “the smuggler” in the the movie she saw being hot, n the only film w/ a smuggler in it that came out then that I know of is “A New Hope”), so by the time The Outsiders greasers see it, they’re in their mid-late 20s? Idk I’m not gonna think hard abt the timeline lol

-Johnny would automatically like it, b/c it’s fast paced and fun and just a good time.

-Dally would probably be a Han Solo fan but ya couldn’t pay him to admit it out loud. But he high key wants to be Harrison Ford. -Cherry would 100% like Leia I think! She’d go into Star Wars thinking it’s a silly kid movie but she’d end up really liking it

-You’re right, I think Pony’s a sci-fi hater. He’d like Star Wars for the uniqueness (for the time lol lord knows the market’s oversaturated nowadays), but he wouldn’t be particularly eager to see the next films unless he’s going with Johnny or Cherry or some other friend. He just can’t imagine wanting to be someplace so…alien, even if it’s just in your imagination?? (Idk that’s why I don’t usually /love/ sci fi, so)

-Soda would go nuts about the ships. If he’d been a little kid when he first saw it, he’d have totally collected little starship toys (totally not projecting or anything) He’d get bored during the slower parts, but he’d get real into the fight scenes

-Steve would dislike Luke Skywalker because he reminds him of Ponyboy. But he’d love the starships like Soda, and he’d like Han Solo like Dally. He’d act like he’s too cool to like it, but he also is one of the first ones in line to get tickets when “Empire” comes out a few years later. He’d definitely prefer American Graffiti tho over Star Wars- more hot rods, more drag racing, more good music (btw John, the greaser in AG, and the little girl, Carol, are like 70% Steve and Ponyboy to me lol)

-Darry would think it’s a kid film, but he’d end up liking it okay

-Two-Bit would think it’s cool, but he’d also be kinda drunk and not sure how much of it was actually in the film and how much of it was just him being buzzed. Leia would low-key remind him of Marcia, although that could just be because they’re both hot brunettes with sharp tongues. Marcia would adore the comparison

-M&M strikes me as a sci fi enjoyer so I bet he’d become a Star Wars nerd. The only thing I guess he wouldn’t be keen on is the war part seeing as he’s a hippie n all. But ig the point of Star Wars is…ending the war and achieving peace, so that seems in line w/ his beliefs? Idk my Ma’s a former hippie and she always dug Star Wars so I think it’s fine lol

May rb w/ more characters later, idk!

[monsterblogging]

There's definitely a compelling story happening in Attack of the Clones. Anakin scans as a young man who has reached the absolute end of his rope from years of people telling him to practice spiritual bypassing instead of giving him true emotional and psychological support. It's very telling that the minute he's alone with Padme, he starts dumping his grievances with Obi-Wan on her. It's not really surprising that he falls for her so fast and secretly marries her; he is just that starved for human connection.

We can also see that Anakin has internalized a kind of toxic perfectionism. After Anakin kills the Tuskens in a rage, Padme tells him "To be angry is to be human," Anakin responds with "I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this."

Better than feeling angry.

And then he internalizes the guilt for Shmi's death, because somehow, Anakin has come to learn that it's all his fault, always.

The moment that broke my heart the most - the moment that made me cry - was when Padme agreed to go to Tatooine with him and he apologized. Imagine how traumatized you have to be to feel like you need to apologize when someone acts supportive when you want to go and rescue your mother.

This is also very interesting to me because there's something incredibly honest happening here: the way Anakin behaves really is what happens when someone internalizes the kind of stuff Obi-Wan and Yoda were teaching Luke in the OT. While watching the OT I was kinda horrified at how bad their teachings often were. ("Do or do not, there is no try" is the kind of thing that will absolutely fuck you up.) Anakin as depicted in this movie is basically just what happens when you bring a kid up on this stuff. (This isn't something that will only just fuck you up if you're mentally ill or traumatized, either; if you're mentally healthy, it will sooner or later traumatize you and make you mentally ill.)

Lucas is also pretty decent at pulling together political plots. I know a lot of people didn't the prequel trilogy's more political angle back in the day, but like... honestly, if we're going to let the man do anything, this is what we should let him do. Oh, and Jedi detective stories; pretty much everything that was Obi-Wan tracking down Kamino was good.

Unfortunately the movie has its problems; the whole thing of the Tuskens kidnapping Shmi is rooted in IRL anti-Native racism. The dialog and direction also could have been better in places (same problem as TPM where a good part of the dialog sounds unnatural).

I also think Padme's writing could have used help, too. Just as ESB never really made me understand why Leia wanted to smonch Han, AotC never really made me understand why Padme wanted Anakin so bad. Both stories feel to me like they're written from the assumption that women will just fall in love with conventionally attractive men in their vicinity.

And then there's that thing where Lucas seems to think battle scenes need comic relief, and... I dunno, maybe there's some people who like it, but I find it incredibly jarring to have this crucial fight scene interrupted by slapstick jokes. Jedi are getting killed, and C-3PO is complaining "this is such a drag!" while his head is literally getting dragged across the ground.

Finally, I actually think moving to CG was a reasonable choice for the prequel trilogy. No, the CG aliens don't look "realistic," but neither do the puppets and the animatronics in the OT, and it's evident that CG allowed for a much greater range of motion in nonhuman characters. I think both methods have advantages and disadvantages, and for what the PT wanted to do? I think CG was the right choice. IMO, the only place it really looks bad is where Lucas decided to insert a bunch of CG into the OT, because the looks don't match, and each one ultimately makes the flaws of the other stand out more.

[polutrope]

Ahh, sorry things have been rough lately! I'm v curious now to know per yr Amrod & Amras post re. why Amrod hates Nerdanel in your headcanon!

Thank you <3 Oh ho ho, rubbing my hands together at any opportunity to share my deranged Amrod headcanons.

First off, you must know that I'm a Lightly Toasted Amrod truther. If anyone reading is encountering this term for the first time, it's a canon divergence / conflation of canons where Amrod is burned at Losgar but survives.

I think you have read Who By Fire? Anyway that's the fic where I've featured this Amrod most prominently, and he does speak of his Nerdanel hatred there, but the wherefores are left rather murky.

I didn't come up with this myself, but some time ago I read some things here and there about how your mother giving you the name Doomed has got to feel Some Kind of Way. Especially when your father says [luke and leia meme] "You mean Exalted?" "..." "You mean Exalted, right?" And she's just like, "No. But whatever you say, dear." (And Feanor seems like the kind of dad to tell his sons about this conversation, which is also Some Kind of Thing. Such a functional family!)

But Nerdanel didn't specify which twin she meant! you say. True, she did not! But I headcanon Amrod having a real Victim complex (wonder who could have modelled that for him!?), crying for attention (fairly -- he doesn't get it), so it suits his self-narrative perfectly to claim this name for himself. Resentfully.

Is he Nerdanel's "favourite"? Well, she sure worries about him. Worries and worries and worries, always asks him where he's going, what he's doing, how he's feeling, is everything okay dear?? She isn't like this with any of her other children, not even his identical twin. As even a casual parenting observer will tell you, such worrying leads to more acting out and even less open communication. (Of course, she's like this because, well, she didn't name one of her twins Doomed for a lark. She really did foresee a dark fate for one of them.) I'm sure you can imagine how this spirals into a very unhealthy mother-son dynamic.

But Amrod was on the ship to return to her! you say. Well, I have a divergent headcanon about why he was on the ship that I don't want to spoil because it's an important point in Who By Fire, but a more canon-compliant reason I've considered is that, for all he resented her, he knew she was the only person who might be able to bring Feanor back from the brink. From Amrod's perspective, she abandoned them, and he intends to go back and drag her to Middle-earth to fix what she did. (Let me be very clear that I do not hold this opinion about Nerdanel. Amrod does -- and I think, sadly, most of her sons feel similarly, at least at first.)

It is my favourite pastime to find ways to make Amrod the most unhinged Feanorian. It's a high bar (thx C&C), but I'm working on it.

[reachexceedinggrasp]

Have you seen the recent Adam driver interview re: redeemed Ben solo never being part of the original plans? Apparently JJs idea as pitched to Adam was 'reverse Vader' who begins the trilogy all uncertain and vulnerable and becomes super evil by the third film 😂 considering the mess that was duel of the fates, I'm not surprised. Adam said he was still 'focused' on JJs original arc even though it changed over shooting. Which is baffling to me, because even in TFA you can't seriously believe this character could go stone cold uber sinister. It's terrible how so many good things in the sequel trilogy are there in spite of tptb, not because of them!

I haven't and honestly at this point I don't even want to hear anything else about what a complete fucking shitshow of stupidity and sociopathy this whole production was.

The idea that TFA isn't setting up a redemption is so absurd to me that I'm not even going to entertain it. I don't believe that even JJ is that incompetent, and his commentary plus TROS indicates that he did absolutely understand that Ben must be reclaimed despite his total disregard for the themes and message of SW. So whatever Adam was talking about, I don't know, and I'm not going to listen to this interview to try to figure it out because I'm tired. Maybe he's referring to the earliest ideas where Kylo Ren wasn't the same person as Han and Leia's child?

But in that case I just cannot imagine why they wanted to cast him in that role.

Leaving aside that the entire concept of a 'reverse Vader' is the stupidest shit I've ever heard, because that was a) literally the prequel trilogy, b) antithetical to SW as anything other than a prelude to a subsequent redemption, and c) SO FUCKING BORING. I know this isn't the first time Adam has mentioned this, but it only sounds more stupid the more clear he makes it that they mean 'the opposite of the ending of RotJ'. Which is just 'the ending of every fucking American action movie fucking ever'. Like putting a 'spin' on Vader by having him NOT REDEEM HIMSELF is just called 'being like everyone else' and 'taking away literally the most compelling thing about Vader'.

I need these boring, unimaginative HACKS to fuck off. Like, the idea that JJ's pitch for TFA was 'worse, more boring, less visually creative, less meaingful, more shallow remake of ANH but also we will ruin the heart and soul of the story and make it like all the libertarian slop it literally existed in order to stand against'.

LIKE JAIL FOR THIS MAN. JAIL!

I saw someone say that it's also come out that the reylo connection was Kasdan's idea, which I feel vindicated by bc I've been saying I bet it was forever. But again, JJ was on board for it and knew what he was doing with the imagery in TFA. He is not so incompetent that he didn't understand he was creating romantic subtext. And text.

But like, I'm just so done with these fucking people. That ANYONE at that company much less apparently EVERYONE?? thought it was remotely acceptable to use SW to tell the story of any character whatsoever who was humanised and sympathetic and relatable to children falling into darkness and becoming ''''''irredeemable'''''' MUCH LESS the LAST SKYWALKER, the HOPE AND HAPPY ENDING OF ROTJ, HAN AND LEIA'S LOVE, PADMÉ'S LOVE, the atonement and reconciliation of Darth Vader is just FUCKING BANANAPANTS to me.

George Lucas should fight these people in an alley.

[cross-my-heartt]

I planned to make one big post about Kenobi but I think I'll have to tackle that show bit by bit.

Normally I focus on how they mishandled Obi-Wan, however that show did so much damage to other characters as well. Like Lea for example. A show that was meant to develop and expand on her character fumbled a big part of what made her so great, all in an attempt to replicate a tried-and-failed formula of shaming a deadbeat protagonist out of their depression and I don't think I'll ever forgive them for that.

Because if you look at what they did to Lea for the sake of a contrived plot, it takes away so much from her story. Lea was never meant to be the damsel in distress. Neither was her struggle against the Empire meant to be some kind of response to a scary personal experience she had with the bad guys as a child.

To me, Leia was always meant to be a character raised in power and privilege, who chose to use that power to fight for the defenseless instead of protecting herself. Her position as a princess meant that she could have had a comfortable existence cooperating with the Empire or even getting more privilege in exchange for lending it to them.

Instead she chose to take up the fight. The position we find her in at the beginning of ANH isn't that of a damsel but someone who has repeatedly challenged the Empire and used all the means at her disposal to undermine them, to the point of being unable to escape the repercussions any longer.

What I'm getting at is that Leia always had power and was supposed to be safe from the Empire (because canonically even Palpatine could only do so much against the Senate, as evidenced by the fact that he only dissolved it completely when the DS was complete). But she willingly threw that safety away in order to fight for those who needed it.

Compare that choice to that of someone who has personally suffered at the hands of the Empire and witnessed how corrupt they are as a child. Suddenly it becomes much less impactful.

And do you know who else made the same difficult choice of swapping privilege for justice? Leia's mother. That was the whole point.

Luke grew up defenseless in the desert until the Force gave him the opportunity to shape his own fate, as well as that of the Galaxy, just like his father. Padme grew up a queen and politician who could have ignored the hardships of others for her own sake but chose to wield her privilege to fight for them. (The only time she allowed herself to be selfish, to have something for herself, was in her relationship with Anakin which is another great theme for a separate post.)

Again, that is much more different from someone who has a personal motive for fighting the Empire instead of taking up arms because of other people's suffering. You could argue that show canon Leia could be motivated by both but that's still not as impactful as a personal choice no matter how you look at it.

Another thing the show does to undermine Leia's position of privilege is make her the victim of bullies and put her legitimacy under question. Which is such a superfluous element to begin with in addition to further undermining what I've already talked about. It gives her story more of that 'underdog knows what it's like to be oppressed and fights back' angle that distorts the original purpose of her character.

I know it's hard nowadays to imagine a person of privilege standing up for the underprivileged out of the goodness of their heart. Yet I hate how we stubbornly keep forgetting just how central the idea of hope was to Lucas' stories. We might not see it in our world, in fact we're so allergic to the idea that we've begun to pounce on every seemingly privileged character or group of characters in an attempt to prove that they're somehow corrupt (ie what the Acolyte tried and failed to do with the jedi). But I don't understand why people are content with being so cynical as to erase the legacy of characters like Padme, Bail, Leia, Chuchi and even the jedi order.

Yes, you can have characters in power who fight for the right things. Because you can have anything you want in a story about hope which is meant to teach you something.

In summary, I prefer a Leia who didn't have a firsthand negative experience with the Empire. I much rather one who empathized with the people the Empire oppressed, slowly adopted her father's values and mission of her own accord and in doing so unwittingly followed in her mother's footsteps. At the end of the day, that's a far more meaningful character to me.

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

Written in the Stars: Chapter XV - The Princess and the Smuggler

Chapter Summary: Luke and Leia come of age. It's time to decide which path each of them wants to follow. After that, they enter adulthood. But you and Anakin are still there for them and support them whenever they need it. You're there when they're in danger. You're there when they fall in love. Years pass. You all live your lives. And at some point, you come to a decision yourself. What happens during that years? And what does your decision means for your family?

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker/Reader, Axe Woves/Original Female Character, Leia Skywalker/Han Solo, Luke Skywalker/Mara Jade

Characters: Anakin Skywalker, Reader, Luke Skywalker, Leia Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, C-3PO, Ahsoka Tano, Axe Woves, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Satine Kryze

Word Count: 7464

A/N: The gif is not mine. Enjoy!

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

@marrymonrich

@wonderland2425

@chelseyyouraverageluigi

@thehufflepuffavenger1

@drinix

@astro-kitty-launch

@nikiloveshayden

Some time before their eighteen birthday, Luke and Leia come to your office in the afternoon. You smile at them and set aside your datapad. They walk to you and kiss your cheeks.

'Where's dad?' your son asks.

'At a security meeting,' you answer. 'Apparently there was an assassination attempt on me today. I'm fine, he was stopped in time. But he got too close, so my security needs to be upgraded. Again.'

'Shouldn't you be on that meeting as well?' your daughter asks. They both look at you with worry. You have many enemies in the galaxies. They're sure they don't know how many times they tried to kill you. Maybe you don't even know that.

'No, your father is going to handle it much better than I am,' you deny. 'He takes my safety way more seriously than I am.'

'Well, that is true,' the Prince agrees. 'How long will it take?'

'They've just started, so I imagine he'll be back in the evening,' you answer. 'Why? Is something the matter?'

They exchange a look. You straighten up, serious and attentive.

'We know there is still some time before our birthday and the coronation,' Leia starts. 'But Luke is going on a mission tomorrow and no one knows when he may be back and if I'm going to be here then.'

'So, we talked and came to a decision,' Luke says. 'But first of all, we want to thank you for being so supportive. You and dad. You never tried to influence us in any way. You never told us what would you like for our futures. You left it all to us. Even if we wanted to be someone else than a Jedi or a ruler of Luth. We are really grateful for that.'

'For years we both were worried that we both may decide on the same thing,' your daughter says. 'And while we read in the Book of Laws that we could co-rule-'

'You read,' your son puts in. She rolls her eyes but nods.

'The problem would be if we both wanted to be a Jedi or simply none of us wanted to be a king or queen,' she continues.

'It would be less stressful if you had another baby,' he interrupts her again and frowns. 'Why didn't you have another baby? It's not like you… never had sex… after you had us.'

'I thought neither of us wants to talk about our parents having sex,' she hisses, blushing. But when you are quiet, they both look at each other, confused. You are smiling sadly.

'As you know, when I was pregnant with you, Palpatine poisoned me,' you start and they both nod. 'Thanks to your Uncle Hawk and the Force, we all survived it and months later you were born perfectly healthy and strong with the Force. But after your birth, during an examination… the doctors discovered… that the poison did some damage to my body. I wasn't able to carry more children.'

'We're so sorry,' Leia says after a moment, stunned. You shake your head.

'It's not your fault and it's quite all right,' you say, smile and take their hands. 'We have you. You're more than we could have hoped for.'

'But didn't you want more children?' Luke asks.

'What did I just say?' you chuckle. 'You're more than enough. We have each other, we have you. We were and are happy with that. We wouldn't say "no" to more children, but while we were shocked by the news and… maybe a bit sad… we didn't despair. Anakin didn't blame me, wasn't angry nor he wanted to leave me.'

'You were afraid of that,' your daughter realizes quickly. You nod.

'When he found out about my worries, he made it perfectly clear he's all right with how things are,' you say.

'Say no more,' she quickly says and you laugh. 'But I have to know this… Did you tell anyone?'

'A few people,' you answer. 'Obi-Wan and Lanash among them. They were sadder about it than we were. But the truth is… we never actually thought about kids. When it turned out I was pregnant with you two, we were surprised. But also happy. However, children weren't a must in our relationship. We were happy to have each other. But when you did come along, we were both incredibly happy.'

'But you weren't sad not to have more, because all you needed was each other,' Luke says, nodding in understanding. 'And us.'

'Exactly,' you confirm, nodding. 'Now, back to the reason you're here for.'

'Right,' he says and clears his throat. 'Anyway, when we sat down to talk, it turned out we needn't had to worry.'

'Because we want different things,' Leia explains. They both straighten up. You look at them closely, your heart beating fast.

'I want to continue my training and become a Jedi Knight,' your son says. 'I feel… alive when I'm on missions or simply training. And I love you, I love our people, but I have never learnt to enjoy our lessons in the palace. And the thought of actually being a ruler terrifies me. I'm sorry, mom.'

'Don't be,' you say, shaking your head, and turn your head to your daughter.

'I would like to become your successor,' she says. 'You were right when you told me I'm going to become more responsible with age. With time, I started to enjoy the lessons, my duties as a princess. I enjoy my Jedi training and Aunt Ahsoka is a great master. But… I feel I can help people more as a queen. I care for the galaxy, but I feel more connected to the people of Luth. I want to serve them in the first place.'

They both look at you, gauging your reaction. You smile.

'You don't look surprised,' Luke says. 'You expected what we're going to choose?'

'I'm your mother,' you say, looking at them softly. 'I've been with you all your lives. I can tell when you really get into something. I've noticed how your eyes light up every time Obi-Wan told you that you have a mission, Luke. And I saw how much you are in your element when you help us during the Council meetings, Leia.'

'Did dad notice that as well?' Leia asks.

'Of course,' you confirm. 'And he also felt it in the Force. So. I can only ask you this. Are you sure about this?'

'Yes,' they both say at the same time.

'There's still time for you to change your mind,' you assure them. 'But if that doesn't happen, then I want you to know I accept your choices. I'll be happy to teach you everything I know, Leia, and I'll be watching you become a Jedi Knight with pride, Luke. Your father will feel the same.'

'Thanks, mom,' your son says after a moment. They both go to hug you. You smile and return the embrace.

'You're the best mom ever,' Leia says and kisses your cheek. You chuckle.

'Oh, I don't know,' you chuckle. 'I have a tough competition with your grandmothers.'

'We're not saying they weren't amazing mothers,' your son says. 'But we know you are the best mother we could have had.'

'Okay, that's enough,' you say and sniff, your eyes shining. 'Or you're going to make me cry.'

'We'll let you work,' your daughter says. 'I just have one more question. Can I still be a padawan, even though I know I won't become a Jedi Knight?'

'Like I said, there's still time to make a different choice,' you say. 'So, of course you can continue your training. But I'm afraid that after the coronation there will be no time for that. The crowned heir has more duties and responsibilities.'

'It's all right,' she says with a smile. 'I just want to continue for a bit longer. I don't want to pursue it further.'

You nod. They kiss your cheeks again and leave you alone. You sigh and rest against your chair. For a moment you just sit there, thinking about the future of your children.

Like you predicted, Anakin returns in the evening. You're already in bed, relaxing with a book. He looks exhausted.

'Come here,' you say, putting the book away, and open your arms. He gladly falls into your embrace. He sighs as you start combing his hair.

'You're going to be much safer now,' he says. 'But it was nerve-wrecking. I hope we won't have to tighten it up again soon.'

'How about you stop thinking about threats for me for today?' you ask. 'I have news for you. Luke and Leia made their decision.'

'And they told you without me?' he asks, pouting.

'They were disappointed you weren't there as well,' you explain. 'But you know Luke has a mission tomorrow and we expected you to come late. Which you did.'

'I know, I know. But your safety is my priority. Along with your happiness. And our children safety and happiness. Anyway, were we right?'

'Yes. After their birthday, Luke is going to become a Jedi like you and Leia will become the crowned heir.'

'And people were fearing there will be a lot of arguing, changing minds etc. Ha. As if we hadn't already known Luke is going to be a Jedi Knight when he made his lightsaber. Or Leia a queen when she volunteered to help families after that fire.'

'I know, right? We know our kids. Who are going to be adults soon. I don't want that.'

'Yeah, me neither. But you know what? They still aren't, so I'm going to give them so much fatherly love now that they throw me out.'

He gets up and hurries to the door. You laugh. He turns and winks at you.

'I'm mostly going to tell them I support their decision,' he says.

'Prepare tissues,' you say. 'They're going to say you're the best dad ever.'

'Hardly,' he chuckles and leaves. But it turns out you were right, they say exactly that and when he returns, he breaks down in tears. Thankfully, you have tissues prepared.

*

The day of the twins' eighteen birthday arrives. The preparations for the birthday ball are in full swing. You get a moment of break when a Jedi ship lands on the landing platform. A moment later grinning Luke runs down it.

'You made it,' Leia says, smiling.

'As if I was going to miss your big day,' he chuckles, hugging her.

'It's your birthday too,' she huffs.

'I meant tomorrow,' he says and wriggles his eyebrows at her. 'You know, the coronation?'

'We both know you're here for the grand ball in your honor.'

'You hurt me. But… you're not wrong.'

'The Jedi are supposed to be humble.'

'I am. But I'm also a prince.'

'Enough,' you stop their bickering. Your son grins and runs to you. He hugs you and kisses your cheek. You immediately grab his face. You look him over. Satisfied, you pat him and allow him to go and greet his father.

At the same time Obi-Wan finally joins you. He smiles and chuckles when Leia hurries to hug him. Then, he huffs, when you almost tackle him.

'I missed you too,' he says. You grin at him.

'How was the mission?' you ask.

'Well enough,' he answers. 'I prefer our missions much more after the war. More peaceful. But we had some fight. Luke was satisfied.'

'Did I tell you how much I'm happy that you're his master?' Anakin asks, as he joins you to hug Kenobi.

'At least once every time we talk,' his friend answers. 'And did I tell you how glad I am he has [Y/N]'s patience and temperament?'

'At least twice whenever we talk,' Skywalker answers. You all laugh and then head inside. Luke and Leia are teasing each other all the way. But it's clear they're both happy they're reunited. While only today Leia officially left the Jedi Order, she's returned from her mission a few days ago, so it's been some time since they last saw each other.

In the evening there's a grand ball. All your friends and important people are there, including the Chancellor Mon Mothma. You all have a great time, free of any kidnappings and assassination attempts. You celebrate your children's birthday and their coming of age happily and among people you all love. Everything goes perfectly and the twins are very satisfied with how everything went.

The next day is the coronation. No one except for the Jedi knows who is going to be crowned as the heir to the throne. You know people were betting. You can't wait to see who lost and who won. But more importantly, you can't wait for all of that to be over. Because you hate posh parties.

Luke and Leia enter the throne room together. Both to mess more with people and because they both want to be a part of this ceremony. They stop in front of you and stare at you for a moment. Then, your son squeezes his sister's hand and goes to take a place beside his father. You hear sighs and some groans. You ignore them and take a vow from your daughter. You hesitate before placing the crown on her head. You remember when your father placed it on you for the first time. Your eyes glisten. You force a smile and crown your daughter.

'Rise, Leia [L/N]-Skywalker,' you say, taking a step back, 'the crown princess of Luth!'

Your daughter stands up and turns. People rise and pick up the chant. She smiles, embarrassed. You, Anakin and Luke join her and together you go to the balcony to show her to the people. The crowd cheers and waves. She chuckles and waves back. You smile slightly. Skywalker takes your hand in his.

'He's very proud of you,' he says quietly into your ear. You look at him, surprised. He smiles. You smile back, sniff and nod. You rest your head on his shoulder and he kisses the top of your head. You don't care it's public. You need it. You miss your father and you need comfort.

There's another party. You want to leave it early, but you stay for Leia. You support her and tell her everything your father did all those years ago. It just makes your longing bigger but you press on. And at night, you fall asleep before your husband even gets close to the bed.

The next day, you're woken by someone shaking your arm. You open one eye and you see Anakin's concerned face.

'I'm fine,' you mumble.

'It's not about that,' he says and winces. You sit up and look at him with suspicion.

'What happened?' you demand. He sighs.

'Leia has been kidnapped,' he reveals. You stare at him. You blink. Then again.

'What? Why? Who? Where?' you ask and run a hand down your face.

'Leia's been kidnapped,' he answers. 'Probably because of the coronation. We don't know yet. We have a lead… which Luke is currently following.'

You freeze. You look at him with wide eyes.

'What?!' you snap.

'He was worried, angry, impatient and ran off before we realized,' he explains and sighs. 'And we all thought he's patient like you.'

'No, when it comes to saving people, he takes after you, while Leia takes after me,' you argue. 'He gets angry and rushes to the rescue, while she prefers to plan things first.'

'Huh,' he hums. 'You're right.'

'Now, I'd like to know how long have you known she's gone,' you demand, crossing your arms. He gives you a sheepish smile.

'Well… a few hours,' he answers and your eye ticks. 'I wanted you to rest! You've been working yourself to the death for the past month and… yesterday was also exhausting emotionally. So, we wanted to take care of everything and let you rest. But now Luke is gone too, so I figured you're going to kill me if we don't tell you.

'You were right,' you growl and get out of bed. You throw on your dressing gown and leave the bedroom. Outside Helen, C-3PO and Lanash are waiting.

'I wanted to wake you, Your Majesty,' your maid says and glances nervously at the Senator. 'But I'm terrified of Lady Woves.'

'She's smart,' your best friend says with a smile. You send her a glare and leave your chambers. They all and run after you, panicked.

'You can't walk around the palace dressed like that, Your Majesty!' C-3PO protests.

'Yes, only I'm allowed to see you like that!' Skywalker agrees and others give him a look. 'And the people who help you get dressed. And our children. But you get my point!'

'Yes,' you answer and swirl around to send him a glare. 'Consider this your punishment for not waking me up.'

You turn around and march into the Council Room. Your Ministers and a few Jedi, including Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, are there. They all raise their eyebrows at the state of your undress.

'Where are they?' you demand.

'Princess Leia is aboard a destroyer,' Juando answers. You stare at him.

'Seriously?!' you ask. 'How long is it going to take us to get rid of all the people of that piece of bantha shit?!'

Everyone stares at you with wide eyes. Obi-Wan gives Anakin a look. He gulps.

'Prince Luke is aboard one of the starships, heading toward her,' Juando goes on.

'Nope, he's just crashed,' Hawk says, staring at his datapad. Fear seizes your heart.

'Where?' you demand. Your bodyguard reads the intel… then snorts. He glances at Skywalker.

'Tatooine,' he answers. Ahsoka, Lanash and Obi-Wan snort and quickly cover it with coughs. Your husband groans.

'Well, send someone there immediately,' you order. 'And when the team that is after the destroyer gets within reach of it, tell them to pass the message from me whoever is in charge. The message is this: You have one hour to return the Princess safely or I'll head there and kick your asses.'

You turn and leave, slamming the door shut behind you. Silence fills the room.

'So… is she more pissed at them or us?' Ahsoka finally asks.

'It's hard to say,' Lanash answers. 'But I hope they have a common sense. Because if we let her and Anakin loose on them, it's going to be a slaughter. There will be no one left to interrogate.'

'Maybe it would be better if Luke gets there first,' Axe, who's there as well, suggests, and gets looks from everyone. 'What?'

'Darling, he has their genes,' his wife says. 'It would be exactly the same.'

*

Turns out Luke does reach the destroyer first. He hires someone to fly him there and save his sister. They do that and with the help of your ships (when they finally get there) they destroy the destroyer (he he) and take some prisoners. Then, they return home.

'That is a beautiful ship,' Anakin says, staring at the ship of your son's new friend with admiration. 'Where did he get that? Can I get one? Please?'

'Sure, if you find out where they sell them,' you answer, shrugging. 'And if the price is reasonable.'

'I'm a king, can't I buy something expensive once in a while?' he asks. You give him a look and he falls silent.

The ships land. The ramp lowers. You see a man, a Wookie and your children. The man stares at you and Skywalker.

'You weren't kidding,' he says to your son. He gives him a look and he falls silent.

'Leia,' you say and hurry to hug your daughter.

'I'm fine, mom,' she assures you, but hugs you back. 'I want to know, though. Is it going to be like that now?'

'Pretty much,' you sigh. 'But you're well prepared. You had a Jedi training, self-defense training with Uncle Axe… And you have a bunch of people ready to rescue you.'

'I did most of the rescuing,' she says, annoyed. You chuckle and let her go. You turn to Luke, while your father hugs her. He smiles sheepishly. You sigh, exasperated, and hug him.

'I'm not mad,' you say. 'Well, not at you. Your father flew to rescue me without permission once as well.'

'Who are you angry with, then?' he asks, curious. You glare at your husband and friends.

'Ah, I see,' he says and chuckles. You pull away and look at your guests. The man and Wookie walk to you.

'Mom, Dad, meet Han Solo and Chewbacca,' your son introduces them. Then, he huffs, as his father hugs him.

'Your Majesties,' the man says, bowing. His friend does the same, greeting you in his language. You smile and force them to straighten up.

'You brought our children back to us,' you say and shake your head. 'There's no need for formalities. Thank you.'

'Um, you're welcome, You-' Han says but stops himself. You smile. He clears his throat.

'It was nothing,' he says. 'Glad I could help. Also, I was promised money, so.'

'Oh, you could have waited a bit longer,' Leia scoffs, crossing her arms. He turns to her, his hands on his hips.

'Well, I don't want your parents to think I want your hand in return,' he says. She glares at him.

'As if that would ever happen,' she scoffs. You resist a smile.

'Are you going to stay?' you ask. They both look at you, blinking.

'What?' Anakin asks beside you, confused as well. You smile.

'For dinner,' you say. 'As a thank you.'

'Oh! Yeah, sure,' he says. 'I mean, I'd be honored.'

'Wonderful,' you say, grab Skywalker's arm and force him to come with you. He gives you a confused look.

'What are you doing?' he asks.

'Me?' you ask innocently. 'Absolutely nothing.'

The dinner goes very well. Everyone takes a quick liking to Han. Except for Leia and Anakin. They're the only ones that bid him goodbye with grumpy faces.

'You know, you could have been nicer to him,' you point out as you watch Solo's ship, the Millennial Falcon, fly away. 'He did save your life.'

'I did most of the saving,' she huffs. 'Besides, you heard him. He did it for the money Luke promised him.'

'He didn't take them,' you reveal with a smile. She freezes. She looks at you with wide eyes.

'What?' she asks. You look at her.

'He didn't take the money,' you repeat, turn on your heal and go away. She stays rooted to the spot for quite some time.

It's not the last time any of you see Han and Chewie. They keep showing up every once in a while, for one reason or another. They come across Luke and help him out, Leia meets them when she's on a diplomatic mission, you bump into them when you're visiting a friend, Anakin discovers them when they go to the same illegal race. Some of you are thrilled (you and Luke) about his constant presence in your lives, some are not (Anakin and Leia).

But with time, your daughter only pretends she's not happy to see him. And one time, finally, she kisses his cheek goodbye. You're satisfied. Your husband is horrified.

'This isn't a kind of a man we want for her,' he tells you in your bedroom, pacing. 'I mean… he's a smuggler!'

'You don't want,' you correct him. 'I've been rooting for them since day one.'

'Why?' he demands, looking at you with betrayal. You give him a look.

'He's handsome,' you say and he scoffs. 'He's an excellent pilot. Despite what he says, he's a hero. He has a great sense of humor and… he sees her for who she is.'

'Wait a moment,' he says, frowning, then looks at you with horror. 'He sounds a bit like me.'

'She admires you,' you say, shrugging. 'It's no wonder she felt attraction to the man who reminds her of you. And before you say anything, that's why she was so mean to him, because she didn't like it. That and she believed him to be selfish. But! She has feelings for him because of who he is. Not because he reminds her of you.'

'There are feelings now?' he asks, dismayed. You chuckle and walk to him.

'I know she's your little girl,' you say and cup his face. 'But she's a grown woman now.'

'So is Luke,' he points out. 'I don't see him falling in love yet.'

'Are you kidding me or were you so focused on our daughter you missed our son staring longingly at Mara?' you ask, annoyed. His eyes go wide.

'Mara? Bail and Breha's Mara?' he asks. You groan and hit him with a pillow. Repeatedly.

One day Anakin's nightmares come true and Leia declares she kissed Han. And now they're going to try a relationship. After that Han comes to visit and get to know you. Your husband is not exactly welcoming.

'I don't think he likes me,' Solo says to you, after your daughter, annoyed with her father's behavior, drags him away to argue with him. You smile.

'Let him fly your ship,' you suggest. He looks at you, confused.

'And he will like me?' he asks with disbelief. 'Just like that?'

'Who's been married to him for years?' you ask. His shivers.

'You, thankfully,' he answers.

'You're dating his daughter,' you remind him. 'She has half of his genes.'

'And the other ones are yours, which I'm not complaining about,' he says, smiling charmingly.

'Careful, my husband is a jealous one,' you scold him gently. 'And seriously, every time you land, he stares at your ship longingly. Let him fly it and he'll be your best friend. After Chewie.'

'Okay,' he says, doubtful. But he gives is a try. When they come back from a trip, they're both laughing, their arms around each other. Leia stares at it with wide eyes. You with a smile.

'You should invite your boyfriend more often,' Anakin says to your daughter, as he passes her. 'He's fun to have around.'

'What just happened?' she asks, stunned. 'Dad? Dad!'

She runs after him. You chuckle and look at approaching Han. He looks at you with gratitude.

'That worked,' he says. 'I think we're friends now. He gave me a scary talk, you know, "if you hurt my daughter…" but we had fun. And… he's an amazing pilot.'

'I know,' you chuckle. 'And now you know to never doubt women from our family.'

'Never,' he promises. You wink at him and follow your family.

In the evening, Anakin tells you all about the flight, excited. You stare at him, with a wide smile on your face.

'What?' he asks, when he notices your expression.

'I love listening to you talking about things that bring you joy,' you explain. He smirks.

'How about you listen to me talking about how much I love you?' he suggests, walking to you slowly. Your heart skips a beat.

'How are you doing that?' you ask. He looms over you.

'What?' he murmurs.

'Make me feel like a teenager crushing hard on a boy,' you whisper. He leans to your ear.

'I'm your husband,' he whispers and takes your lips with his. Needless to say, you go to sleep late that night.

*

After some time, Han proposes to Leia. Surprisingly, he does that on the same day Luke proposes to Mara. So, you have one big engagement party. While the party is in full swing, you find your son on the veranda, alone.

'What is it?' you ask. He forces a smile. But then sighs.

'Right, I can't fool you,' he says. 'I… I just feel everyone is more excited about Han and Leia getting married. I mean, I know she's the crown heir and all that, but… I can't help but feel a bit jealous.'

'The truth is…' you say, sitting down next to him, '… not many people know details about your romance with Mara. While Han and Leia have had a rocky relationship from the start. She complained about him non-stop. People were betting on them. While you? You and Mara were arguing, competing, sure. But except a few times you were quiet about your relationship. Plus, your father liked her already. He complained about Han as well all the time. Everyone was sure he's going to protest. But. Everyone is extremely happy for you, as well. They just also know they can't tease you. It won't work on you. But Leia? She gets frustrated as Anakin and they find it cute.'

'Their mistake,' he huffs and you nod. 'Thanks, mom. For that and… for not giving up.'

You give him a confused look. He smiles and takes your hands in his.

'If you gave up on your love, me and Leia wouldn't be here,' he says. 'And I wouldn't be able to marry Mara. You gave hope and love to all the Jedi.'

'Don't forget about your father, he takes the credit for that, too,' you remind him.

'Dad couldn't have forced you to give it a try,' he says, shaking his head. 'It was your decision to give it a chance that changed everything. You made Master Yoda change the code.'

You smile at him with tears in your eyes. You hug him and he embraces you tightly.

'I'm happy for you both,' you whisper. 'But remember, you're both always be my little babies.'

'I know, mom,' he chuckles. 'We both do.'

Your children don't have a wedding together. Leia finds out about Luke's feelings and insists for him to have his own special day. He agrees but insists on her getting married first. Before the day comes, Anakin goes to talk to Han.

'I'm sure you know what comes with marrying my daughter,' he says as they stroll along the desert of Tatooine.

'You mean becoming a king?' Solo asks and winces. 'I'm not thrilled about it… but I love Leia. I don't care what I must do to stay by her side. I'm ready for anything.'

'No, you're not,' Skywalker says, shaking his head. 'Being a king, serving the people of Luth… it's not something you can be ready for. But you're ready to give it your all, that's for sure. Now, I'm going to tell you a secret. The secret how I managed not to go insane or run away when I felt fed up.'

The smuggler looks at him eagerly. The King puts his hands on his arms.

'The smile of the woman you love,' he says and receives a confused look. 'Everything is worth it. For that smile. When you're fed up, think of her smile. Think of her. Remember you love her. If she's fed up, bring that smile on her face. Because, you may do everything you love but you're never going to be happy if she's not by your side. Not anymore. Because you got to know love, how she feels in your arm. Nothing ever beats that.'

Han thinks for a long moment. Finally, he nods. Anakin smiles. His future son-in-law doesn't exactly understand that. But he will soon.

On the day of the wedding, Skywalker waits for Leia to arrive to lead her to the altar. When she does, he stares at her with a smile and tears in her eyes. But she looks scared.

'What's wrong, honey?' he asks, caressing her cheek.

'Dad… how did you know?' she asks after a moment.

'How did I know what?' he asks.

'That you love mom,' she answers and looks at him. 'That mom is the one.'

'Don't you think it's a bit too late for that question?' he asks confused. She looks at him pleadingly.

'Just answer the question,' she asks. 'Please.'

'All right,' he sighs. 'I knew it when I found out she free my mother. And she did that for me. She wasn't in love with me yet then or at least she didn't realize it yet, but she did something so selfless and kind and good. I knew no other woman could possibly compare.'

'So… if I had something similar with Han… it's not a childish crush?' she asks. 'It's real?'

'Look into your heart,' he says softly. 'It knows what's true.'

She thinks for a moment. Finally, she looks up with a smile.

'Can you get me inside, so I could get married?' she asks.

'I really want to refuse,' he asks and she laughs. 'But above all, I want you to be happy.'

'Thank you, dad,' she says and kisses his cheek. 'For everything. You are my rock. You will always be.'

'Stop, I hoped I'll start crying when you exchange your vows,' he says, his voice breaking. She chuckles and takes a step back. She nods, letting him know she's ready.

A moment later he leads her to the altar. Han is speechless when she sees her. And remains like that even when Anakin passes Leia to him, then takes his seat beside you. Thankfully, he regains his voice when he has to speak.

And just like that, your daughter is married. The reception comes and goes. Along with it leaves your little girl. On her honeymoon. And the greatest adventure of her life.

Luke gets married a month later. You and Leia make sure his wedding is just as grand. Mara is led to the altar by proud Bail. Everyone is crying at the vows and after them (you can swear Master Yoda as well). During the reception, your husband takes his son for a talk.

'I hope you learnt you how to treat your wife,' he says. Luke gives him a confused look. Anakin sighs.

'Haven't you watched how I treat your mother?' he asks, exasperated.

'Oh! Yes, of course,' the young Jedi answers and smiles. 'I hope to be at least half as good to Mara as you are to mom.'

'I would tell you to be better but that's impossible,' the King says. The Prince laughs.

'That is true,' he agrees. 'Your love to mom is legendary. And hers for you. I'm proud to be the fruit of that love. And I hope I'm doing right by your legacy.'

'You are a far better Jedi than I ever was,' his father assures him. Luke smiles bashfully at him. Anakin clasps his shoulder.

'Now, go to your wife and tell her you love her,' he says. 'Tell her that often. When she expects it and when she doesn't. And when you argue. Especially when you argue. Because while arguments are a part of life, you must remember what matters the most. The person you love.'

'Thanks, dad,' his son says after a beat and hugs him. 'For everything.'

'You're very welcome,' the King says, his throat tight. The Prince pulls away and leaves. A moment later you take his place.

'So… our children are married,' you say, coming to your husband. 'They have their own families. What are we going to do now?'

'Our jobs, love each other, maybe save the galaxy again,' he suggests. 'We can't kill Tarkin, since Leia got to him on her honeymoon, but I'm sure there's someone else. There's always someone else. But I still can't believe she killed Tarkin.'

'I can,' you say, smiling. 'She's my daughter.'

'I'm the violent one,' he chuckles.

'But I have my moments,' you remind him. 'Remember how I shot Palpatine?'

'Well, not exactly, as I was falling at the time. So, I didn't see that.'

'Oh, no, that was my second greatest moment!'

'What was the first?'

'Snatching the Chosen One as my husband.'

He laughs and takes you in his arms. You sigh and snuggle into him with a satisfied smile.

'Sometimes I wish I could have you all to myself,' he murmurs. Your smile falls. You hug him tighter.

'I'm sorry,' you whisper. He pulls away and grabs your chin. He forces you to look up.

'I don't mind,' he says. 'I love you and our life. I wouldn't change it for anything. But… you could take me on a trip soon.'

'On Tatooine?' you tease him. He scoffs at you. You laugh and kiss him. Long and hard. He responds in kind. You moan and press against him.

When C-3PO and R2-D2 find you a few minutes later, they quickly retreat and take positions to stand guard, so no one would interrupt you. As they usually do. And what no everyone knows… that is an often occurrence. Because your love never changed.

*

One day, Leia and Han argue. They go their separate ways, very angry with each other. You give your daughter some time to cool off, then go and find her.

'Hey,' you say as you enter her room. She's tapping furiously on her datapad.

'Hi,' she mumbles. You take a seat opposite to her desk.

'I heard you and Han arguing,' you say after a beat. She looks at you.

'We'll get through it,' she says after a pause. 'Don't worry. We can manage our marriage.  We must do it.'

'Leia-' you start.

'Is dad having a conversation with Han right now?' she asks.

'We didn't plan it, but knowing your father he probably is,' you admit and smile sadly. 'He probably tells him how women in our family are selfless and never ask for anything. How we carry the lives of many on our shoulders.'

'Yeah, that sounds like dad,' she says quietly, looking down. You stare at her.

'Go with him,' you say. She looks at you, surprised.

'I can't,' she denies. 'There's so much to do-'

'We'll manage,' you interrupt her. 'Just like one day you will. But now… now you don't have as much obligations, duties, dead-lines… Go. Go and enjoy your life. Spend time with Han, just him and you. Explore. Have adventures. Live.'

She stares at you, stunned. You don't even realize you're crying.

'Mom… what's wrong?' she asks and takes your hands in hers. You swallow your tears.

'Years ago, your father gave up his life for me,' you say. 'I know he's been happy. But he chose me over the life of a Jedi. A life of being a king of a planet, while he could have been in any place in the galaxy. I love him for it… but I know he gave up so much for me, while I-'

'Mom, you gave him so much,' she interrupts you, squeezing your hands. 'He doesn't regret it. He's very happy. He keeps saying that.'

You smile at her. This time you squeeze her hands.

'Go,' you urge her. 'Do what you want to do. While you still can.'

You let go of her hands and stand up. She watches you go, stunned. And a little sad.

But she takes your advice. When Han comes to her after his conversation with Anakin, during which he's told exactly what you suspected, and wants to apologize, she suggests a trip around the galaxy. An adventure. He's shocked but quickly becomes ecstatic. They set off the next morning.

They have adventures. Sometimes on their own, sometimes with Chewie, sometimes with Luke, sometimes with Mara, sometimes with them all. They're happy and very much in love. Of course, they come back and help you and learn. But then they're off again. And it goes on for some time.

Until they show up and inform you they're expecting a baby. Luke and Mara, who are present during this announcement, burst out laughing. Turns out they are as well.

'Do you always have to do everything at the same time?' Satine, who's visiting, asks, stunned.

'Welcome to our life,' Anakin says, sipping his tea. 'More cookies?'

Mara gives birth first. She and Luke have a beautiful little daughter.

'Hello, Lana,' your son says, staring at his girl with love. He looks up and looks at Lanash.

'I hope it's okay,' he says sheepishly. She stares at him, stunned. She remembers, of course, that this is how he called her when he was little. But she didn't expect…

'Darling, no, don't,' Axe says, panicked. But it's too late and she starts wailing, touched. Their daughter and Leia's best friend, Sari, smiles and winks at Mara.

Not long after your daughter gives birth to a boy. Han is as much mesmerized by it as Luke was. And your husband.

'What are you going to call him, Princess?' C-3PO asks.

'Ben,' she answers, looking at Obi-Wan. It's his turn to be stunned. Soon his eyes become glassy. Anakin puts an arm around his shoulders.

'Now look what you did,' he says. 'You got Obi-Wan emotional. I'm so proud of you.'

You all laugh. You look at the baby and sigh.

'We have grandchildren,' you say. 'I feel old.'

'You're not old,' everyone says at once. You jump, surprised by how in sync they are.

'Should I be worried?' you ask. Skywalker chuckles and kisses your cheek.

'Just enjoy the fact we have babies to spoil and not to raise,' he says.

'Your mother wasn't spoiling our kids, she was helping us raise them,' you point out.

'But Creeg was,' he points out. This effectively shuts you up.

When Lana and Ben are one year old, you come to Leia. She calls for tea for you two and you watch the setting sun.

'So, what do you want to talk about?' she asks. You're quiet for a moment.

'I want to ask you something,' you say finally. 'It's not easy. I feel it's a bit selfish. But I don't want to do it only for myself.'

'Now you have me intrigued,' she says. 'I can't remember the last time you were selfish.'

'I want to do what your father did for me,' you say and she frowns. 'I want to give up my life for him. Not literally!'

'I should hope so,' she says, scared. 'Then what do you mean, though?'

You stare at her. She feels more scared with every second.

'I want to abdicate,' you reveal. Her jaw hits the floor.

'You… want…to abdicate,' she repeats. 'You. You're the las person I'd expect that from. Well, you or Aunt Satine.'

'I know, I know,' you huff. She exhales shakily.

'I understand you,' she says. 'I really do. And I find it romantic. But… I'm not ready.'

'Darling, you never will be,' you say. 'Not really. But you can do it. You're my daughter. If I could do it, so can you. And I was younger than you when I become the queen. Not much, but still. And you will have me to advise you.'

'Is it about your fear of dying young again?' she asks, worried. You roll your eyes.

'That is not going to happen anymore,' you say. 'I'm not young anymore.'

'You're not old either. There's no need for you to abdicate.'

'Oh, but there is. You're young, idealistic, full of fresh ideas. You haven't noticed it, but you're the one that takes the lead in the Council Room. You're the one suggesting the best ideas. And it's been like that for some time. Only because of that I dare to ask this of you.'

'Mom-'

'I love your father very much. And he loves me. He's been supporting me so much. But I know being a king is not something he wanted. So, now, I want to give him something he wants. We're finally at peace. Palpatine's supporters are gone. We can rest and give the controls to the younger generation, while having an adventure while we still can.'

'You're not old.'

'But we're getting there.'

You stand up. You smile at her and kiss her ceased forehead.

'Think about it,' you say. 'Talk about it with Han. I don't want to pressure you. If neither of you feels ready for it, then it's fine. Don't do it just because you want to do something for me or your father. Do it only if you know you're ready for this challenge.'

'You just said I'll never be ready,' she points out. You laugh.

'I said you'll never be ready to be a queen,' you correct her. 'For a challenge of trying to be one… you are.'

'Does dad know?' she asks. You shake your head.

'No and he can't know,' you answer. 'Promise you won't tell him about this conversation.'

'I promise,' she murmurs. 'But it's going to be hard. I can't lie to him.'

'Oh, I know,' you laugh. 'He does, too. He used that when you were little a lot.'

'I remember,' she murmurs unhappily. You smile at her again. She watches you go, troubled.

'By the Force…' she whispers. 'What am I supposed to do now?'

A/N: This was supposed to be the last chapter and I was going to have a beautiful buckle with chapters' titles. But my brain decided otherwise.

Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could. Seriously, even if it's just to leave a thumb up. Every bit of feedback keeps me motivated.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60214684/chapters/156627223

[1dpreferencesbr]

Imagine com Zayn Malik

A chance to Change.

n/a: Eu amei fazer esse pedido, ele demorou alguns dias para ficar pronto e eu espero de todo coração que vocês gostem!

AVISO: Esse imagine contém menção á uso do drogas ilícitas e pode causar gatilhos em algumas pessoas. Se esse é um assunto sensível para você, por favor, não leia. Tenho certeza de que tem muitos outros imagines por aqui que irão lhe agradar!

Masterlist

Contagem de palavras: 3,096

Fechei os olhos com força, sentindo as lágrimas grossas escorrerem quentes pelas minha bochechas, seguindo o mesmo caminho marcado por aquelas que eu já havia derramado ao longo dos dias. O som ritmado tocava alto, retumbando pelo ambiente, preenchendo toda a sala muito clara do consultório. 

— O bebê está perfeitamente saudável, S/N. — A médica disse me dando um sorriso confortador, enquanto me estendia algumas toalhas de papel para limpar o gel em minha barriga ainda não crescida. — Você está entrando na oitava semana. Vou lhe dar um encaminhamento para um obstetra, ele vai avaliar mais minuciosamente e passar os cuidados necessários nesse início de gestação. 

Apertei a alça da bolsa entre os dedos, tentando ainda digerir a notícia de que seria mãe. Me dirigi para a recepção do hospital com a receita de algumas vitaminas, torcendo para sair daquele lugar o mais rápido possível. A enfermeira que me atendeu avisou que voltaria em um minuto. Peguei meu celular, cogitando ligar para o meu ex. Zayn precisava saber que teria um filho, ele tinha esse direito. 

Mas antes que eu tomasse qualquer decisão, um corpo se chocou de leve contra o meu. A voz feminina com o sotaque carregado falava em desespero com a recepcionista. 

— Trisha. — Chamei baixinho. Minha ex sogra se virou, o rosto coberto por lágrimas, sem me dar chance para dizer qualquer coisa, ela me apertou em seus braços. — Está tudo bem, o que aconteceu? — Falei apertando de volta. 

— S/N/C? — Ainda abraçando a mulher, estendi um braço para pegar o pacote de papel da mão da enfermeira, agradecendo em seguida. 

— Você está doente, querida? — Perguntou observando o pacote.

— Não, são apenas algumas vitaminas. — A tranquilizei. Durante os anos de relacionamento com seu filho, Trisha me tratava da mesma forma que as filhas, sempre disposta a me dar conselhos e carinho quando precisava. — Mas e você, o que está fazendo aqui? 

— Estávamos preocupados, Zayn não entrava em contato fazia alguns dias. Safaa e o marido foram até o apartamento e o encontraram desacordado. — Ela disse em um lamento, fazendo meu coração doer dentro do peito. 

Depois de conseguir a informação de qual o quarto do filho, Trisha me arrastou pela mão até lá. Eu não queria entrar, a lembrança do término recente ainda estava muito nítida, dolorida demais. 

Entrei no apartamento sentindo um cheiro forte de maconha e cigarro. Estava tudo silencioso, e eu imaginei que Zayn havia aproveitado minha viagem de trabalho para fumar até não aguentar mais. Tirei meus tênis e coloquei no pequeno armário no Hall de entrada, e me dirigi para a sala de estar. Zayn estava jogado no sofá, sem camisa e com os olhos fechados, ressoando de leve. O cômodo estava uma zona. Haviam embalagens de comida para todo o canto, bitucas de cigarro, o tapete claro tinha uma mancha amarelada bem no meio. Meu coração vacilou quando vi as diversas carreiras de pó branco na mesinha de centro, formadas ao lado de um cartão de crédito.

— Zayn! — Gritei, fazendo com que ele acordasse em um salto. 

— Não precisa gritar, porra. — Resmungou. 

— Que merda é essa? — O moreno ignorou a minha pergunta, voltando a se recostar no sofá de couro preto. — Eu estou falando com você! 

— Não fode, S/N. — Retrucou sem paciência. Era sempre assim quando ele usava aquilo. Zayn deixava de ser o cara carinhoso por quem eu me apaixonara cinco anos atrás. Se tornava um homem rude, que era cruel com as palavras e as ações. Olhei para os lados, encontrando uma garrafa de vodca pela metade, sem pestanejar, despejei o líquido na mesa, destruindo a droga. — Você tá louca, caralho? — Ele gritou, levantando rápido e segurando o meu braço. 

— Você disse que tinha parado! — Acusei. 

— Eu parei! Foi coisa de festa, S/N. — Bufou, olhando para o lugar onde antes estava aquilo que destruía o homem que eu amava. 

— Mentiroso. — Zayn abriu um sorriso irônico, aquela era a sua arma sempre que estava drogado. — Você é um idiota. 

— Então vai embora, caralho! — Gritou soltando o meu braço. — Pega toda a sua merda e some! — Se jogou no sofá. 

— É o que você quer? Não vai ter volta, Zayn. É a última vez. — Falei tentando manter minha voz firme, mesmo com as lágrimas teimando em se formarem nos meus olhos. 

— O que você está fazendo aqui ainda? Some! — Ele gritou. 

E eu fui. Levando apenas algumas mudas de roupa em uma mochila velha, sentindo o coração despedaçado dentro do peito. Por muitas vezes tentei ajudar Zayn com o vício, nos últimos meses ele parecia progredir e eu fui para a primeira viagem de trabalho sem ele. Um erro. Um erro que Zayn pagaria sozinho, porque eu cansei.

Alguns dias depois Zayn tentou me ligar, eu o ignorei. Ele enviava centenas de mensagens por dia, que me dilaceravam, pedindo desculpas, dizendo que me amava. 

Mas eu precisava seguir em frente, precisava viver também. A vida que Zayn escolheu não afetava apenas a ele. Eu me sentia exausta em precisar cuidá-lo, estava sempre apreensiva quando precisava sair mesmo que por alguns minutos. Isso não é vida. 

— Trisha, acho melhor eu ir embora. — Falei quando chegamos na frente da porta branca.

— Querida, ele vai gostar de vê-la. — Disse dando um sorriso mais calmo. 

Tentei argumentar, mas a porta foi aberta por dentro. O pai e as irmãs de Zayn estavam presentes, e ele estava ao fundo, deitado na cama hospitalar. 

Nas poucas semanas que passaram desde o nosso fim, era possível perceber que Zayn havia perdido uma quantidade considerável de peso. Sua pele estava pálida, as olheiras fundas abaixo dos olhos e haviam alguns ferimentos em seus braços. Senti meu coração apertar com aquela cena, não parecia nem a sombra do homem devastador que conheci anos atrás. Ao ver a movimentação, Zayn ergueu os olhos castanhos, fixando-os em mim. Um sorriso fraco se formou nos lábios ressecados. 

Me aproximei um pouco, parando ao lado da cama, sentindo um nó enorme se formar em minha garganta e uma vontade de chorar incontrolável. 

— Oi. — A voz de geralmente era melodiosa machucou os meus ouvidos e o meu coração. Ele estava rouco, e pela careta que fez imaginei que sua garganta estivesse seca. Peguei a garrafa de água no móvel atrás de mim, enfiei um canudo e estendi em sua direção. Zayn tomou longos goles, fazendo uma cara de satisfação logo em seguida. — Obrigado. — Sua voz soou um pouquinho melhor. 

— O que aconteceu com você? — Perguntei com sincera preocupação. Mesmo muito decepcionada com as escolhas dele, o amor que sentia por aquele homem era forte demais. Zayn deu um longo suspiro. 

— Vocês podem nos deixar a sós? — Perguntou à família. Enquanto eles saíam, puxei uma cadeira para sentar ao lado da cama, ainda sentindo meu coração apertado dentro do peito. — Foi a minha mãe que te chamou? 

— Não, a encontrei na recepção. Estava tendo uma consulta. — O olhar cansado passou de receoso para preocupado em uma fração de segundo. Zayn tomou uma das minhas mãos entre as suas, deixando a que estava com o acesso do soro por cima.

— Você está doente? 

—  Não. O que aconteceu, Zayn? 

— Eu fiz merda de novo, foi isso que aconteceu. — Apertou minha mão entre seus dedos, a culpa escancarada nos olhos enormes. — Eu vou sumir por um tempo…

— O quê? E a sua família? — Perguntei desesperada. 

— Eles vão ficar melhor sem mim. — Desviou os olhos dos meus. — Todo mundo vai. Não tem mais sentido ficar aqui, eu só vou machucar aqueles que eu amo.

— Zayn, olha pra mim. — Pedi, mas ele não o fez. Me levantei, sentando ao seu lado na cama, soltei a mão das suas e segurei seu rosto, obrigando-o a me olhar. — Eu preciso de você aqui. Não vou conseguir sem você.

— Você vai ficar melhor sem mim, S/N. 

— Nós precisamos de você, Zayn.

— Nós quem? — Ele estava irredutível. Não era daquele jeito que eu queria contar, em um quarto de hospital com ele naquele estado. Mas se Zayn queria sumir no mundo, deveria fazer isso ciente de que uma semente nossa brotou. Segurei a mão que estava com o acesso, encostando-a em minha barriga. As sobrancelhas desenhadas se ergueram, Zayn abriu a boca sugando o ar com força, e o rosto que já estava pálido ficou ainda mais branco. — Desde quando? 

— Oito semanas. Descobri hoje. Por isso estava no hospital. — Admiti. 

Zayn me encarou por alguns segundos, sem dizer nada. A máquina ligada ao seu corpo apitava alto, demonstrando que sua pulsação estava alta. Tentei me levantar, achando que tinha sido uma péssima ideia contar naquele momento, mas ele me puxou de volta, me abraçando com força. O moreno escondeu o rosto entre meu ombro e o pescoço, soltando alguns soluços em seguida.

— Me desculpa, amor. — Sussurrou. — Eu sou um idiota. 

— Você pode melhorar, Zayn. Você precisa melhorar, se não por você, por esse bebê. — Me afastei um pouquinho, secando seu rosto com os dedos. — Você precisa lutar contra isso, não pode desistir. 

— Eu vou tentar. — Ergueu a mão, tocando minha bochecha tão molhada quanto a dele.

— Você tem que conseguir. Quero que você seja o pai que esse bebê merece, mas você precisa estar saudável, Zayn. Eu sei que você pode fazer isso. 

— Sempre quis ser pai. — Ele confessou, abrindo um sorriso sincero. 

— E vai ser o melhor, tenho certeza. — Ele se aproximou um pouquinho, aproximando o rosto do meu, quando seus lábios estavam a ponto de tocar os meus, com dor desviei, fazendo com que se chocassem com a minha bochecha. — A nossa situação não mudou. Pelo menos não enquanto não houver mudança. — O sorriso se desfez, e a tristeza se fez presente. — Eu te amo, isso não muda tão fácil. Mas não posso pensar só em mim. — Pousei a mão sobre a de Zayn, que ainda estava em minha barriga. — Precisamos de certezas agora, Zayn. Não quero magoar você, mas preciso pensar no bem do nosso filho.

— O que seria melhor pra ele que os pais juntos? 

— Os dois pais saudáveis. — Falei com firmeza. — Tudo que eu quero é criar essa criança com você, mas só quando eu ver que realmente mudou.

— Vai me afastar? 

— Não. Mas por enquanto estamos separados. — Zayn soltou um suspiro sofrido, um soluço. Era uma situação horrível, mas a realidade de não sermos só nós dois mais era avassaladora. Peguei meu celular na bolsa, colocando para tocar o áudio do coraçãozinho que eu havia gravado durante a consulta. — Foque nisso aqui para melhorar, Zayn. É o coração do seu filho batendo. Melhore por ele, lute por ele e seja o pai que ele merece. — Implorei. 

💕

Os meses que corriam pareciam não terminar. No dia da alta do hospital Zayn decidiu se internar em uma clínica de reabilitação, e até então as visitas estavam sendo negadas pelos médicos.

Arrumei o vestido na barriga já crescida, seria o primeiro encontro com Zayn depois de quase quatro meses. Nos falávamos por chamadas telefônicas quando permitido e ele recebia notícias sobre a gestação. 

Estava nervosa, sentia a pulsação muito acelerada e transpirava demais. O jardim da clínica era florido e eu já estava há uns bons minutos esperando por ele. 

Não consegui conter o sorriso quando vi Zayn vindo em minha direção pelo gramado. Ele parecia melhor, o cabelo raspado, vestindo um jeans solto e uma camiseta de banda. Assim que me enxergou, correu em minha direção, me tomando em um abraço.

— Meu deus… — Sussurrou. — Você está… — Me afastou um pouco, ainda em seus braços, olhando para a barriga pontuda.

— Enorme. — Finalizei.

— Eu ia deixar linda. — Revirou os olhos.

Zayn me ajudou a sentar no banco novamente, e por alguns minutos ficamos em silêncio enquanto ele acariciava a minha barriga e nós observamos a paisagem calma da clínica. 

— Eu tenho uma surpresa pra você. — Me lembrei. O moreno me olhava com curiosidade enquanto eu pegava o envelope da bolsa, retirando as pequenas fotos que havia revelado do ultrassom para que ele guardasse. Zayn sorriu para a imagem borrada, como se fosse algo precioso, enchendo meu coração de um calor gostoso.

— E esse aí? — Perguntou apontando para o envelope lacrado em minha mão.

— É o resultado do exame de sexagem fetal. 

— E o que é? 

— Eu não sei. Esperei para abrir com você. — Lágrimas se formaram no canto dos olhos castanhos, molhando os cílios compridos. Estendi o papel para Zayn, que abriu com animação, encarando o resultado por algum tempo. — E então? — Perguntei nervosa, com medo de o exame ter dado errado.

— É um menino. Vamos ter um garotinho. — Zayn sussurrou, me puxando para um abraço apertado. 

Por alguns segundos, ficamos nos braços um do outro, nos olhando com os olhos marejados e uma alegria que não cabia no peito. Senti o par de lábios quentes tocar nos meus, por apenas alguns segundos antes de receber um sorriso deslumbrante. 

— Zayn. — Falei baixo, tentando me afastar, mas ele me prendeu ainda mais, mas sem apertar minha barriga.

— Eu sei, não está na hora. É apenas uma forma de comemorar, é assim que eu quero me lembrar desse momento um dia. Você nos meus braços, nosso garoto chutando forte e um beijo na sua boca como comemoração. Não estou pedindo mais do que isso. — Eu sabia muito bem que Zayn estava sendo sincero, e talvez fossem os hormônios da gravidez, que já estavam me dominando. Mas ergui meu rosto, deixando um beijo casto em sua boca desenhada. Eu também queria que aquela fosse a forma de recordar desse momento. 

Após aquele dia, Zayn passou a ter direito de uma visita a cada quinze dias, que eu ia religiosamente, ansiosa para vê-lo, para abraçá-lo, sentir seu cheiro e ter a certeza de que estava cada vez melhor. 

Era um processo complicado, os médicos informaram que as crises de abstinência diminuíram drasticamente, e que ele sabia se controlar quando aconteciam. Na semana em que entrei oficialmente no terceiro trimestre de gestação, Zayn ganhou alta. 

— Vai voltar para o apartamento? — Perguntei sentada ao seu lado, enquanto o moreno sorria radiante para a festa de boas vindas que os pais faziam para comemorar. 

— Não. Acho que não quero ficar sozinho ainda, talvez fique aqui. Mamãe falou que meu quarto está disponível. — Sorriu. 

— Sabe… Eu estava pensando em pedir para uma das minhas amigas ficar comigo. Está um pouco difícil fazer algumas coisas com essa barriga e… 

— Está me convidando para morar com você? — Perguntou com uma expressão surpresa.

— Só se você quiser. — Sorri sentindo meu rosto aquecer. Zayn abriu um sorriso tão grande que era possível ver cada um dos dentes branquinhos, me puxando para um abraço apertado. 

— É tudo que eu quero, ficar perto até nosso garoto chegar.

🤰

Eu estava prestes a surtar. Zayn não me deixava sequer pegar em um garfo para comer. O bebê chegaria a qualquer momento, o que o fazia ficar cada vez mais nervoso, me deixando apreensiva de como ele lidaria com aquilo. 

Estava deitava quando senti a cama se molhar, joguei a coberta para o lado, observando o líquido que escapava de mim. Gritei o nome de Zayn algumas vezes, entrando em total desespero quando não fui respondida. 

NÃO. NÃO. NÃO. NÃO!

Desci da cama com dificuldade, indo atrás do meu celular na sala. A sensação de alívio me preencheu quando o vi ali, sentado no tapete, com as pernas cruzadas e de fones. Estava meditando. Segurei seu ombro, fazendo que despertasse um susto. Quando viu minha situação, o pavor o dominou. Zayn corria pela casa, dizendo coisas sem nenhum sentido, porém seguindo o plano de parto. Pegou as malas de maternidade, ligou para a família e finalmente as chaves do carro. 

Anthony chegou às duas e meia da manhã, um bebê gordinho e forte. Com uma cabeleira morena e olhos adornados por cílios muito compridos. A cara do pai. Zayn só faltava dançar de felicidade, depois de me agradecer mais vezes do que eu poderia contar. A felicidade me inundava, mas o orgulho que eu sentia do pai do meu filho era latente. Em situações de estresse o antigo Zayn recorria á qualquer coisa que pudesse inalar o fumar, o novo Zayn sentava com seus fones e meditava. 

— Zayn. — Chamei baixinho enquanto ele ninava o bebê enrolado em seu colo. Em passos cautelosos para não acordá-lo, Zayn sentou ao meu lado na cama. 

— Ele é tão lindo. — Disse pela milésima vez. 

— É sim. — Suspirei. — Preciso dizer uma coisa. — Sua atenção se focou em mim. — Eu estou muito orgulhosa. Você lidou com tudo muito bem. — O moreno fechou um pouco o sorriso, um tom de vermelho atingindo suas bochechas. — Então, se você ainda quiser…

— Eu quero! — Me interrompeu, falando um pouquinho mais alto, o que fez Anthony reclamar. — Eu quero. — Repetiu baixinho. — Obrigado por me dar uma chance. 

— Você mereceu. — Me curvei, ainda sentindo um pouquinho de dor, para selar os lábios do meu amor. 

💖

— Anthony S/ Malik! Você vai derrubar a sua irmã! — Gritei para o garoto de quase oito anos que corria no jardim, carregando em seus braços a irmãzinha de dois. Os dois fugiam do Golden que latia feliz e eu os observava pela janela da cozinha. 

— Deixe eles queimarem energia. — Senti um beijinho na parte de trás do meu ombro, antes de um par de braços muito tatuados me apertarem. — Assim a gente faz mais um hoje. 

— Não vamos fazer mais nenhum! — Decretei, sentindo seu peito tremer contra minhas costas quando ele começou a rir. Me virei, para abraçar meu marido pelo pescoço. — Mas podemos praticar. — Provoquei, recebendo um beijo longo como resposta. Zayn me apertou ainda mais em seus braços. 

— Eu te amo. 

— Também amo você, Z. — Rocei meu nariz no seu, em um carinho. 

— Não vou cansar nunca de agradecer a chance que você me deu. 

— Você não precisa fazer isso, fez por merecer, babe.

— Eu sei. Mas você poderia ter desistido. — Acariciou minhas costas com os polegares.

— Eu nunca desistiria de você, sabe disso. 

Zayn abriu a boca, talvez para dizer mais alguma coisa, porém nosso clima foi quebrado pelos dois pestinhas que nos gritavam, chamando para participar da brincadeira. Com um sorriso sapeca, igual ao que os filhos herdaram, Zayn saiu correndo em direção a eles, causando gritarias e gargalhadas gostosas de ouvir. Era uma família barulhenta, às vezes me davam vontade de ter surtos de gritos, mas eram perfeitos. 

Zayn seguiu os tratamentos pelos anos que se seguiram, sempre meditando e fazendo acompanhamento psicológico com frequência. Não fraquejou uma vez sequer, me dando uma sensação de orgulho impossível de descrever. Era um homem exemplar, o melhor pai que poderia ter escolhido para os meus filhos. O amor da minha vida, e para a minha vida.

Gostou do imagine e gostaria de dar um feedback? Ou então quer fazer um pedido? Me envie uma ask! Comentários são muito importantes e me fariam eternamente grata!

[artesubjetividade]

IMAGINE, Leia C.

Envolvimento, 2023

Resistência, 2023

Série Futuro do presente x Futuro do pretérito

“Envolvimento” e “Resistência” integram a série “Futuro do presente X Futuro do pretérito”. Trata-se se embates, de enfrentamentos; mas também de conexão, de união. De escolhas visando ao futuro. Versa acerca de desejos, de luta por sonhos, de combate a adversidades.

[deepbatched]

The Last Echoes | Obi-Wan Kenobi x Fem!Reader

Part 1 of ? » next part

warnings: none, obi-wan's pov, angst, not y/n (i used she/her instead) villain!reader (sometimes, she's not a sith, more like the gray revengeful character that we all grew to love), mentions of order 66 and death a.k.a. reader (and i supposedly didn’t find any warnings lol). this takes part in the series (idk if it counts as spoilers), but i’ll give little context in flashbacks. w/c: 3.3k.

Summary: On his way to rescue little princess Leia Organa, Obi-Wan Kenobi discovers not only he is one of the last Jedi who survived from the Old Republic as he tried to survive the Inquisitors, but the only lover left alive.

"I'd rather not to fight", her hair strings glowed, framing her face, sweet yet intimidating. Her lightsaber off, letting her arm rest tiredly in the side of her body, allowing herself to relax for once after hours of chasing.

Obi-Wan couldn't believe he found beauty in the gold of her eyes and peace in her intoxicating voice. He almost felt himself dreaming when hearing those words, like he was imagining it all. He pursued the ideal of a peaceful morning with the war being over, welcoming a bright future of service and duty.

Unlike her, who seemed to be drawn to self-destruction and making trouble where she went along with the separatists, now through it all, she could see the differences between them easily. But not today. Today they were the same at the sight of the sunrise, they could feel each other as they really were, no masks.

She paced slowly to be in front of him, to look directly through him, and see herself in the immensity of his blue eyes, to never forget what being gazed upon tenderness was about, and seek that part of herself that wanted peace of mind. He suddenly felt himself panting again though the fight had already been over not so long ago. It was a first time of surprises, a discovery of feelings more than words.

"A Sith who doesn’t want to fight?” He inquired out of curiosity, she disconnected her eyes from him to see the sky.

Now he wished he hadn’t said anything, but found himself incapable of withdrawing his stare.

“I’m not a Sith”, she chuckled, trailing his bold decision of words while taking notice of his lips than his eyes again.

The Sith rule says that if there is an apprentice, there will always be a master, but they were both apprentices who lost their masters, alone in the wild colliding constantly one another, caught in the webs of the Force like loose strings, waiting to be entangled by the other.

★★★

The sheer glow of the capsules were barely seen by his light blue eyes. He had definitely entered the wrong room, or at least that's what he wanted to believe, a room he wished he never in his life had to see. From the cold grayish green in the walls, the dirty floors in the corridor, some boxes all around, the more time he got in there, the more his heart was pounding in anxiety. After years of thinking the Jedi were only mercilessly chased and killed by the Empire had an actually more twisted outcome.

It didn’t matter how strong minded he tried to be, peace was long gone. His palms were cold and sweaty, his walking steady and cautious, his face stern as he witnessed the worst in the long way of Jedi fossils, kept hidden as war treasures, like their existence was a mere trophy for whomever had them there.

Tala's voice was a blurry whisper in the back of his mind while searching for the serene singing echo of his lover, a song the former Jedi heard at last, like a calling melody from the Force; a bond he hadn't felt in ten years. He saw their faces in the corridor, some recognizable, some unknown, and as slowly he began to think relief was getting near, that there was no way to be found, all of his hopeful thoughts escaped his mind.

Because, there she was.

He faltered on his way to meet what was left of her, his legs moved by his own, his memoirs full of her, reminding him of what her lovely face used to look like when she was alive. Obi-Wan Kenobi didn’t know about being a lover opposed to the custom beliefs of his negotiation skills, but he knew about Compassion, and learned to love his friends and some of his enemies by equal, and that included her.

She was not his biggest rivalry, or the most revengeful, yet it pleased him to always have someone around to fight with, someone he could constantly think of outside the Council even if he had to use the "I'm planning my next move" as an excuse when he knew well that wasn't true, he could love her freely only behind closed doors in his more private thoughts and show it to her whenever he let go of her after enduring a tough fight, as he always awaited the moment of an encounter to see her again.

When the Clone Wars ended even that was gone.

He felt no guilt in falling for her, never, but he felt regretful day-dreaming with a life he couldn't have, that he couldn't give. He tried to be faithful to the Code in every aspect, and he mastered his duty, still behind his reputation and recognition, he was just a man. On the other hand, he felt the weight of not being there for her when she needed him; the Jedi Order asked high sacrifices and giving up on love to deny attachments was one of them.

Obi-Wan could imagine with immeasurable pain her cries for help, calling him in hopes of his arrival to save her from the gaits of abyss. Though that never happened.

Or maybe she fought with all her might like she knew so well, trying to stay alive a little longer, to hold on to dear life so they could fight one last time, or not fight at all, just see each other again as much as Obi-Wan awaited. With teary eyes, he looked at the unclean and tarnished glass, the reflection of his face mixed with hers, her figure black and blue, wilt and unmoving, hardly a faint reminiscence of her past self and the long gone tales about her.

He still remembered when he heard stories about her afterwards their first duel.

"Did anything bad happen at the meeting? I thought everything went exactly as expected, Master" Ahsoka asked Anakin, worried by the state of Master Kenobi.

Usually Dex's dining was a place they could go and relax after long missions like the one already passed, yet Obi-Wan sat zoned out with a frown in his face as he lightly touched his beard looking as stressed as ever; figuring out how he could almost lose after this new human-looking woman. Not able to forget her infuriated eyes, her graceful battle movements and the venomous red of her lightsaber. He could think she was atrocious; but that wasn't in his mind.

He was puzzled indeed, on her heavy pull in the Force and his own overthinking.

"Don't worry, everything went just fine. He fought with someone we've never seen and she escaped, I must say I thought she was going to win." Anakin held a grin.

Ahsoka formed an understanding look, in contrast to the General's dazzled expression.

"You know about her, Anakin?" Obi-Wan was intrigued and uneasy, desperate to understand what he had got into.

"She's a former Jedi, born in one of the moons of Iego, if she's good or evil I can't say." The young Skywalker lifted his brow mischievously, curious in the attention drawn from his Master.

"Didn't she attack General Kenobi? She must be a Sith'' concluded Ahsoka, suspicious of the woman's mysterious nature.

"I'm not sure, she helped me with some droids before attacking Obi-Wan," Anakin remembered their brief encounter, "an enemy wouldn't do that, she might be some kind of retired avenger?"

"Your Padawan is right, Anakin. Her techniques reside on the Dark Side." From the way she was holding her saber, her destructive energy and her eyes, an almost imperceptible yellow glow which couldn’t be appreciated properly by far. “Revenge is not the Jedi way”. HIs blue eyes locked with his apprentice's brown ones, reminding him what the titles must be.

"But she's not with the Separatists," Anakin replied, "I've informed the Chancellor and he assured he had never heard of her before. They’re looking out for her, whatever side she is on, she is wanted now".

"We must be careful then, these are difficult times. We mustn't fall into temptation". His tone was calm and seemed authoritative, but on the inside, worry flowed unsteady like the waters of Naboo.

Who knew the great Jedi Master Kenobi would hold such deep emotions towards a woman, that he displayed two faces to the Order he dedicated his life to. Like a hypocrite, he did not follow his own advice, and was slowly tempted by her.

Back in the present time; would it make any difference apologizing about slander behind her back to her now corpse? Undo her death? Or, lastly, make amends for all the lost time?

At first it was disdain and despite. How could she dare to try to go against the Jedi Order after being taught the ways of the Force? Such hatred could only be held by the Dark Side, shattered souls were the only ones who sought revenge, and she was one of those, representing everything he was against. However, after some encounters outside battle, it transformed into interest and appreciation…

He remembered vividly the times he saw her wandering the lowest levels of Coruscant, not with superiority or spreading hate contrary to the customs of the Sith lords, Obi-Wan felt the unextinguished light within her when she helped the people living there who didn't fear her. Unnaturally, he didn't feel disgusted; he had given himself reassurance believing she wholeheartedly wanted to do good still after all the pain she might have caused, he hoped for a small amount of salvation from her wrong doings. Maybe it wasn't too late for her.

She was a carefree spirit, so different to everything he was taught, she had no duties, no compromises, no promises to make, not rules to follow rigorously or set an example to other younglings. Free of do's and don'ts, unlike him who bear liability tattooed on his skin.

The false Freedom that was offered to her from the Dark Side seemed to quickly corrupt —if not completely, then at least,— the better parts of her being.

Eventually, it was expected from him to kill her when the first signs of their rivalry surfaced, everyone feared she would take his life away in the middle of a war where they couldn't afford to lose more Jedi's. Obi-Wan could nearly sense himself again sitting in his chair at the Temple reunited with the Council, listening to master Yoda and master Windu rambling about how daunting and threatening this new enemy was.

Regardless of the order, he did not want to get rid of her. Not when her life could be different; and even then he couldn't realize he was mirroring himself over this antagonized creature.

For his reputation he was glad, and found a certain comfort of fame, not unjustified, he was known around the galaxy as an heroic Jedi Knight, now becoming a Master. Up until now, life seemed to be for him nothing more than battle bad guys and just adventures which he liked yet, meant everything in a literal sense.

He was a strong, well-mannered, skillful and loyal member of the Jedi Council, he was known as stoic and undoubted, still he held thoughts like this, about another life, another path. Ever since Satine, he wasn't certainly the same, he thought about what ifs? instead of what's next? The Duchess opened a door he could never close on his own, eventually someone held it open, unintended of course, but who raises in him all doubts again.

He saw other’s common reality, civilian people living clueless lives, aware of the war but not fighting it; loving and caring like breathing, no vigilance or vows of no attachments, feeling completely with no fear of losing themselves in hatred and wrath; the Force was a gift he learned to accept in exchange for love.

Obi-Wan Kenobi gave everything for the Jedi way, even before Satine, it was his choice to dedicate his life to a greater good, a purpose he didn't regret fulfilling as it was the only that he knew. Although he regretted the emotional damage those feelings provoked, after meeting his hedonistic beloved, he regretted not being able to have both.

Love and peace, attachment and duty, to hold both titles with the same pride. Jedi Master and husband.

Returning his mind where it has to, looking at her one last time, eyes wide open holding pure rage in her face, legs and arms in an attack position, made him think he has lost something again, perhaps her whole being as well. The chance to be different, to renounce one of the last pieces of his past after rescuing Leia and start that long search he didn’t begun ten years ago when the Jedi Order disappeared to restart his life.

The search had ended prior to beginning.

Again, in his way it was proven there was no awaiting love for him, only infinite sadness.

He wished he knew more about her, perhaps, of her other life, the one before all the turmoil and not only the single prism of her scars. Now she was like everything after the Jedi's, an intrusive thought of his old life; the living nightmare before going to sleep.

What would he give to fight her one last time? As in the ardent past that preceded them.

Oh— he could still savor the soft viper tongue of her beloved's words, cocky remarks dripping from her lips like the sweet nectar of a flower, the taste of her sugar-coated sarcasm, even her Force signature was like a field of sassy roses with sharp thorns. To him, she had this lovable side, one that showed in the rarest moments, the essential ones indeed; when malignant forces displayed to attack him, she transformed into a caring ally.

Like one of the last times he saw her.

"Hello there." She mocked Obi-Wan's greeting, like every time they saw each other.

Obi-Wan turned around to face her, admiring once again her features, her dusky skin, thin lips and big golden eyes covered in rough black eyeliner. She ignited her red lightsaber, posturing to defend herself. Obi-Wan mimicked her, his cyan one ready to dance against hers.

“Long time since the last I saw you”, with a sincere tone, waiting for her strike, Obi-Wan wished to just talk with her like two friends that loved the other like lovers do.

“Not long enough”, she attacked first, aware of the hesitant hold of Kenobi’s lightsaber in his hand.

She could see he didn’t want to really harm her. So she settled in the mood for play, like the thousand times before when their brutal encounters had been nothing more than child’s play, a lightsaber dance that lasted as long as the battalions around them were able to.

She liked to win, and just to tease him, from time to time she left Obi-Wan battle marks, at first it was her way to put a symbol on him, so that everyone would see that she had defeated him, over time they became violent kisses that would last burning his skin in the form of scars merely for him, so he could see her headstrong love impregnated in him like poison at every glance to his naked form in the mirror.

The noise of their lightsabers striking each other was quickly lost by their companions on the field and as they moved away from the rest of the opponents, their fight diminished in intensity, barely reducing to a couple of brushes until they reached the edge of a cliff. Obi-Wan thought it was the perfect moment to promise her another fight and let her go, there were enough witnesses of her arrival and their encounter, and they were already too far from the starting point, no one would suspect he set her free.

Until…

She slipped from a rock. He took her hand and then her forearm, lifting her upper body to steady her steps and safe from the fall. He realized she was afraid of heights, and more than surprised or judgmental, he was endeared.

“For someone who jumps a lot, you seem afraid,” he pointed out mockingly at her reaction, both searching for her lightsaber on the ground.

She stayed silent as he inspected the edge of the cliff to check how mortal the fall would have been if he didn’t prevent it. He turned to see her look at the void so terrified, it didn’t produce any satisfaction or joy to see her in a state of trepidation.

“That was close,” breathlessly, she held onto Obi-Wan’s arms fearing to let go.

“Well, you could’ve just pushed me and we would be dead now,” he suggested to test a reaction out from her, her eyes lifted up to interlock with him, thinking he was out of his mind.

She didn’t think of really killing him, not now nor ever, she raised her brows surprised he would say that, but he proved already he wouldn’t do that to her. She composed her demeanor, getting far from his position, to not do something on impulse and not risk herself to slip and fall.

“Maybe I don’t want you completely dead, that would be my dead.” Her cheeks turned into flames, making her self-conscious of her own words. She was not used to being flirty in combat, she hid in aggression, though the feelings Kenobi aroused in her were foreign; she didn’t want to stop feeling them. "Because of the fall, don't get me wrong Kenobi", she justified.

Obi-Wan's reaction was just as neat as hers, a little smile appearing on his face, it was not in amusement.

He cared for her, enough to worry if she was safe wherever she was, to wonder what spending a day with her company must feel like or to talk past life threats or flirty tactics to distract one another. To share knowledge, to share feelings, to share the same space in existence.

His furrowed brow marked the start of some more teasing.

Strangely, she wasn't prepared for order 66 or its repercussions.

Because the very last time Obi-Wan saw her alive they were trying to save the other from the attack, he wanted to turn back time, to take her to Tatooine with him, to restart like she suggested too many times, to please every thought she shared through their bond about life together, but none of it was possible.

Even though he wanted to dedicate his life to her, finding her would have been his biggest obstacle. He made a promise to her, but he had a bigger vow.

Their dreams were impalpable, insane and improper from the moment of their conception, caught in the spectrum of imagination and destined to die in the back of their minds as if they were mere ideas. Crazy, never growing beyond their heads, ideas.

Although contrasting, the life of a Jedi and a Sith boiled down to the same thing, abandoning yourself to choose a life of service. Obi-Wan Kenobi was never a man who escaped from duty, and taking care of Padme and Anakin's children wasn't the exception. He was now voluntarily linked to the boy and his sister.

And her last doings, mysterious, kept with secrecy, remained unconcluded with the clash of the Order 66. So they did what they must and parted ways. Didn't matter how much it hurted them, if no one knew about what they had, they still could pretend they had nothing else to lose.

Notwithstanding the disaster, Obi-Wan Kenobi wasn't prepared to lose her too. He withdrew himself from the glass where the apparent corpse of his hedonistic beloved rested quietly, incapable of staring at it one second more, desperate to feel her. Duty wasn't over and he had to save Leia from the Inquisitors still.

Silently saying goodbye to his key piece, his last ray of fresh sunshine who's illusion served him to endure the burning suns of Tatooine, he caressed with his digits where her name was written in the keypad and stepped out of the tomb, unable to see the last wonder he had done to her. Her hidden vital signals — not traced by him blinded by his wounded emotions — and how her body became one with the Force finally disappearing in relative peace.

He set her free.

A/N: Hello there! ★ english is not my first language, so i apologize if i got anything wrong, i'll do my best to be more precise in the future. i wanted to share this before but didn't find the time to edit it and end it in a way i liked but realized it was going to be too long so i parted it in two. i hope you enjoy&lt;3, please like, comment and reblog if you wish to.

If you want to be tagged in a next part, like this post.

[booklovershouse]

Oiiii, booklovers!

A capa desse post ficou uma vibe meio "Crepúsculo" mas enfim 🤡

Nos outros meses eu reclamei que não tava lendo muito, né? Pois então, em novembro li sete livros - e agr cadê a coragem pra resenhar?

🌑 | Girafas e Açaí - Danielli Jesus (5★)

Júlia tem 13 anos e quer chamar seu crush pra tomar um açaí, mas não tem coragem suficiente. Então, um dia antes do passeio da escola para o zoológico, Júlia tem um sonho estranho com uma girafa expert em romances. E aí, será que ela vai conseguir chamá-lo para tomar um açaí?

Amei que esse livro me lembrou do fundamental. Tenho uma nostalgia enorme dessa época pq quando a pandemia começou eu estava no início do 7° ano e, quando terminou, tava com um pé no ensino médio. Saudades daqueles tempos que não voltam mais...

🌒 | Agnus Dei - Lyta Racielly (3,5★)

Hosannah nasceu em Yaacov e sempre soube que seria chamada para uma missão no Além-Reino. Quando o momento enfim chegou, Hosannah não sabia bem o que fazer, mas deu seu melhor.

Achei legalzinho, mas é bem mais voltado pro evangelismo do que uma história, história. Enfim, é ok.

🌓 | Morte no Nilo - Agatha Christie (4,5★)

Meu primeiro da Agatha Christie. E acho que posso afirmar que prefiro minha duplinha do 221b. Sherlock e Watson já ocupam um espaco muito grande no meu coração para serem superados a essa altura do campeonato.

Linnet Ridgeway, inteligente, bonita e rica (sim, eu amo essa frase de Emma kkkkkkk) casou-se com Simon Doyle, um "zé ninguém" e ex-noivo de sua melhor amiga, Jaqueline. Em sua lua de mel no Nilo, nem tudo são flores: Jackie segue o casal para todo lado e Linnet sente que corre perigo. Então, quando ela é encontrada morta em sua cabine, cabe a Poirot descobrir quem é o assassino.

Não posso fazer comentários sobre minhas impressões da história pq vai ser um spoiler gigantesco, mas talvez quem já leu entenda o que quero dizer. Me senti uma palhaça no final e não foi no bom sentido.

🌔 | Um Milhão de Dates Ruins - Isabela Borrelli (4★)

Já imaginou ficar presa no tempo tendo vários dates ruins?

Amanda não tem quase esperanças de encontrar sua "pessoa certa" para quebrar sua maldição e fazer o tempo voltar ao normal, ainda mais depois de ter vários dates bizarros. Mas a solução pode estar mais próxima do que ela imagina.

Entendi o que a autora quis passar, mas confesso que esperava um final melhor. Acho que é por isso que a nota no Skoob é meio baixa: tivemos nossas expectativas jogadas no lixo kkkkkkkkrying Mesmo assim, gostei da escrita e do estilo da autora.

🌕 | Grama de Vidro - Débora C. Eller (5★)

Eu tava louca pra ler mais alguma coisa da Débora depois de Apenas Mais um Conto em julho, então quase tive um ataque quando vi Grama de Vidro gratuito no Reforme seu Kindle kkkkkkkk

Madu e sua melhor amiga, Carol, estão indo para (mais um) show da Grass of Glass, banda pela qual Carol é apaixonada. No hotel - onde só tem gente podre de rica-, Madu acaba ficando amiga de um cara que conheceu enquanto cantava no banheiro, mas que nunca viu o rosto...como será que essa história vai terminar?

A escrita da Débora estava incrível como sempre, é esse tipo de livro que me faz amar a literatura nacional pq, nossa, é o puro suco do Brasil. Fora isso, me relembrou meus tempos de fã da 1D (One Direction). Foi nostálgico e ao mesmo tempo triste. Maaaas, eu simplesmente amei o nome da banda, achei genial! Tipo, ✨Grass of Glass✨

🌖 | Voz de Âmbar - Débora C. Eller (4,5★)

Esse aqui é um spin-off do livro anterior (o pov do mocinho de uma das cenas), então só leia depois do primeiro.

🌗 | Três Fatias de Amor - Ana Souza (3,5★)

Débora nunca imaginou que trabalharia como garçonete em sua pizzaria preferida, até espalhar currículos pela cidade e não receber nenhuma resposta positiva. Ela logo faz amizade com Mateus, um dos garçons da pizzaria e agora eles precisam lidar com os sentimentos que estão começando a surgir...

Na minha humilde opinião, esse caiu naquela velha reclamação que faço: a autora não soube quando parar. Acho que a história se estendeu demais, o que deixou meio entediante em alguns pontos. E confesso que não fui com a cara da Débora.

Enfim gnt, foi isso, sorry pelo post quilométrico kkkkkkkkk

Bjs e boas leiturasssss <333

[kitkatopinions]

Just thinking about how some Bumbleby fans insist their ship is superior to ships like Freezerburn and shouldn't be criticized because their ship is canon, and how they'll be like "Bumbleby is canon, Freezerburn never would've happened and you're delusional for thinking it."

A. It's a little like the "people say Rwby is a bad show, but it's actually popular" thing, where it's like, whether or not the ship is canon has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not the ship is good or well written or non-toxic or any of that.

B. I really do think that one reason why people think "mine is canon and yours isn't" is a convincing argument, or like a hurtful thing to say to people who ship a rival ship like Freezerburn or Blacksun is because of the anti-criticism push in the fandom and the villainization of rwde. Saying you want a different ship to be canon is skating really close to saying you think the writers shouldn't have done the thing that they did, after all. And meanwhile, the anti-criticism push in the fandom has resulted in this thing where 'it's canon' is meant to be kind of a last word on things, or 'it's what the writers wanted' or 'here's what the writers want us to think' is used like they're meant to be argument ending and undebatable. Because the fandom at large's anti-rwde expectations means that the writers are always supposed to be right and that the fans are just supposed to accept and like everything that the writers do or say with a smile. Like, the most you're allowed to say without getting labeled 'rwde' and therefore an evil, bad faith horrible person is 'that change wasn't what I personally would've wanted, but it's still great.' People get harassed and sent hate for saying that the writers make mistakes or shouldn't have done something they did. So of course some bees fans think that saying "well Bumbleby is canon and the writers never would've gone with Freezerburn" is going to make people feel badly or is going to make them rethink their own shipping preferences. Of course some bees fans feel better about their ship themselves simply because they can say it's what the writers wanted, so when they see a post about how a different ship had better development they can reassure themselves by sending the person messages telling them "that ship isn't canon and my ship is canon, hahaha."

C. The way the writers talk very much so implies that they're easily swayed by fandom opinion. For example, recently they were talking about Neo and how they essentially killed her off in the end and how they viewed her as irredeemable, but one reason they gave her a more sympathetic end and had her 'bow out' was because a lot of people liked her character a lot. And that isn't a one off occurrence. The writers often talk about how the audience reacts to things and how they've tried to work through audience complaints (badly, but that's a complaint for another post.) So, I'm supposed to believe that bumbleby becoming canon had absolutely nothing at all to do with it being the most popular ship in rwby (and again, popularity doesn't equal quality) and that if Freezerburn hadn't been more popular, they wouldn't have gone with it? I don't believe that. 'Planned from the beginning' or not, the writers carry things out or change things based on the fandom already, so idk why I should exalt bumbleby as the superior ship just because they're canon. Arkos is canon too, that doesn't mean I have to like Arkos or like it more than shipping Jaune with Ren and Nora or shipping Jaune with Neptune. Renora is canon too, that doesn't mean it's inherently superior to Sugar Rush and that there's nothing to complain about in how the writers wrote Ren and Nora's relationship. XD

I ship Han with Leia in Star Wars, I've liked them since I was a kid. Imagine if I went up to perfect strangers who shipped Han with Luke and was talking to people about wishing they'd gone with Han and Luke, and I was like "haha, the ship that I like is canon and yours isn't! Luke and Han was never gonna happen, you delusional idiot!" That'd be not only asshole behavior, but it'd also be totally irrelevant to the conversation and completely meaningless to the person who clearly already knows what ship is canon.

So yeah, tl;dr version of this is: Ships that are canon aren't inherently superior to ships that aren't canon. The writers are swayed by the fandom anyway, so it could've just as easily been freezerburn if it was more popular and popular doesn't mean good. The anti-rwde, anti-criticism stuff in the fandom is one big reason why these shipping wars even continue and why some bees fans feel so superior about their ship. And it's entirely irrelevant to discussions of quality to brag about a ship's canon status.

[mirdaniaa]

Tag game: tag 9 people you'd like to get to know better

I was tagged by @solinarimoon, thank you!

Last song: I can't remember exactly what it was but it was by Heilung because I needed to put my head in a pillow and scream

Currently watching: I'm rewatching Glee 😔

Three ships: I never know how to answer this one. I feel like. Everyone knows by now. and if you don't. anon is on.

Favorite color: purple 💜

Currently consuming: raspberry rose poppi my beloved

First Ship: the first ship i ever sought out fanfiction for was romione but i just remembered the time i got into a heated argument with my babysitter about leia ending up with luke because i a) was 5, b) had not yet seen rotj, and c) was a shameless liar, and i described in great detail the plot of a movie (that did not exist) where han died and they got married.

Relationship status: single and vocally unwilling to mingle, but the cashiers at my local 7-11 keep entering what I can only describe as a baffling competition for my affections. This is what I imagine it must have been like to be a maiden who has taken a vow of chastity only to have the knights in the realm ask to wear her favor when they joust. I will grant this token (discounts on my sparkling water), but to what end?

Last Movie: Unfortunately I think it was Promising Young Woman, which was quite honestly the worst movie I've ever seen

Currently working on: trying to get back into writing my novel - I took a longer break than I anticipated but I feel refreshed and ready to go

tagging @skatingthinandice, @purplesigebert, @abnerkrill, @gudvina, @imagineagreatadventure, @gablehood, @talesfromthecrypts, @garunsdottir, and @kingslionheart!