#IM TIRED OF MASKING
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Yo. How TF do I gently yet firmly tell my (haven't listened to me on this yet) friends (who fucking hell I haven't hung out with them in person for 2 years FOR A REASON?) that for me to go out with them it can't just be me who masks? Like. For their safety, for mine, for other people's????????????
Like I want to hang out, I want to be supportive and be there for my friends but they make it real fucking hard when they don't do the fucking same??
Like I'm fucking terrified for them. I'm terrified for them, I'm terrified for me, and I'm terrified that if I push masking, or better masking, that I'm going to lose them. And in that case have I already lost them?
#masking#covid#covid isnt over#covid is airborne#wear a fucking mask#i miss them so fucking much but istf i cant EVEN with they way they've blown me off on this again and again and again and again#like 'i love you but fuck you' yknow? like grow tf up and wake tf up the fucking pandemic isnt over because you're tired of masking!#IM TIRED OF MASKING#that doesn't mean i'm just going to stop when IT'S ABOUT HEALTH AND FUCKING SAFETY
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Hi, feel free to take my new uquiz to discover what kind of vampire you are!
#NO IM NOT TALKING ABOUT CHESS THE MUSICAL I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT IS. I AM TALKING ABOUT THE ANCIENT BOARD GAME:CHESS#uquiz#vampires#twilight#because let's be honest there are a fair few references#and maybe this is my twilight quiz which has been in my drafts for nearly a year!#and i was tired of it sitting there#maybe!#quiz#werewolves#mention#you can get human in this im really sorry#it's a bit of a mean result#oh if anyone has an actual picture of the vampire that killed dean winchester please send it along#i could not find it with a cursory google search but i rememeber he wore a clown mask#so maybe one of those guys is the guy?
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can't trust the words behind the fangs 🐍🎭 a doodle with my take on his mask :3c
#sampo koski#sampo#honkai star rail#hsr fanart#hsr#hsr sampo#eats him like a starved man#the snake fangs and the poison drips ugh pls i love idsgjfdhkjdg#its unfinished in so many places but idc anymore TAKE HE#WOE SAMPO UPON YE IM TIRED#he's probably going to have like a full face mask but the half mask is nice#like u can still see his mouth but you cant trust what he says#and then his eyes are covered in that forever laugh giggle eye expression#the poison drips and gems from his fangs and tears#laughing? crying? who knows!#im kissing and punching him violently#schedules this at 2am eodfhkjdhjdhgkfh
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What is this dude's problem???? Just kidding I like him :)
#kirby#magolor#taranza#ooof ranzas colors bug me#used an OLD drawing as a color pallet#ill draw him again soon#i have responsivikitys#im too tired to fix that#I LOVE TARANZA MASK!!!!#good night i'm tired
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blue but to the two hands mv bcuz i saw it and was like holy shit thats so blue.. he would do that he should have that. drawing him in his own racing gear consumed my mind. hes taking pics w some of his backup dancers afterwards
#i was so into this idea i even painted a background. i HATE drawing backgrounds#had to get it out lol#my art#ocs#furry#anthro#lion#saber tooth tiger#tiger#doberman#dog#canine#wolf#not sure abt the guy on the ground lol i guess wolfdog smth#suggestive#i was gonna do some redraws w specific shots from the music video but im tired and my back hurts lol#racing suit#motorcycle gear#racing gear#bisexual#bi man#the dobermans helmet looking like a pup mask.. thumbs up#i added ears and snouts to the helmets this time . for u guys
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SCOURGE SUNDAY 015/???
a mask of my own face. id wear tht
#scourge wc#warriors#warrior cats#scourge warriors#wc scourge#scourge#scourge warrior cats#bloodclan#scourge sunday#i will be honest i am saving this in my draftz at 2am aftr franticly finishing it so uhhh he got a bit rushed at the end. rip#the mask waz gonna be a lot more like. halloween originally n thn the sktch just kinda started going towardz rubber doll n i accepted this#it did come abt bcuz the lemon demon song is in my scourge playlist lol not sure why but im like no this is a scourge song actually#im right i think#ok im actually so fucking tired i actually work in the morning tomorrow so uhhhh yeah see u. later.#whn im actually at work n posting this from my draftz lmfaoo
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these sketches are all inspired by @miribalis fanfiction "Managerial Liberties" where Adam stays at the hotel (spoiler - he is not happy and he is still stupid) [and please everyone who sees this post also has to read "Bedtime Rituals to Try out Before the Next Angelic War" so we can scream in each other's faces how INSANELY good both fanfictions are]
#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin hotel adam#hazbin hotel sketch#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel niffty#i think i broke every bone in my body trying to come up with a design for adam without his mask#there are not enough references#dont question his horns (which look different in the fanfiction btw but im too stupid and tired)#the positioning is QUESTIONABLE#the sketches of him and niffty are just my thoughts what might happen in the next chapter#will they give him a suit? or will they force him to wear an even bigger potato sack?#my theory is that they just hate him because they all have to be furries and he still is just some random white guy#the JOY I FELT WHEN I SAW THAT BUDINCA POSTED A NEW HAZBIN FANFICTION ON AO3#cannot be explained#i want to draw something for bedtime rituals so badly#my art
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“I can’t help anyone…”
An analysis of Kieran and how it relates to his most controversial scene.
Warning for Indigo Disk DLC spoilers ahead
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Greetings! I’ve made it no secret that, despite what some people think of him, I am very fond of Kieran Pokémon’s little emo ass. As a result, when perusing the tags I’ve been bombarded with a lot of very… questionable takes regarding his personality and character, which I simply do not agree with. In particular, I’ve seen a lot of interpretations of a specific scene that I don’t think get at the heart of the story and have some fundamental misunderstandings of the subtextual clues we’re given about how Kieran and Carmine were raised, and I wanted to take the opportunity to present my own interpretations and how I have come to understand this young boy’s complex journey to self acceptance.
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This scene, right here, has been the source of many specific complaints I’ve seen regarding Kieran’s character. I’ve seen people saying that his actions here make him a bully, that he’s shaming a fellow student for having troubles at home, and generally is an unpleasant, entitled person. And while I think there’s definitely some truth to those points (and they make him all the more interesting…) I don’t think a lot of these people are thinking about what this scene is really trying to tell us.
Yes, it’s showing the player that Kieran has changed since we last saw him. That his shy, kind demeanor has been supplanted by a stark cruelty that was hinted at in the end of Teal Mask, and that we have reason to fear and fear for him. However. I would argue that it also serves to tell us more about what Kieran himself has dealt with as a student at Blueberry academy. Specifically...
Kieran’s struggle with identity and self worth.
From the earliest segments of Teal Mask, we get strong indications that Kieran has quite the inferiority complex. Worse still, said feelings are reinforced by the people around him, knowingly or not. Here, when Carmine tells us that Kieran's "nearly as strong as she is", we know she simply means to compliment us in her own Carmine-ish way. However, purposefully or not, it reinforces Kieran's idea as someone who is always, at best, almost good enough. Almost as strong as his sister. Never as or more.
He tells the player that he'll hang back, not wanting to get in our way. With no prior prompting, either. How many times has he been made to feel that he was a burden? I adore Carmine, but one of her most pressing flaws is her struggle to make Kieran feel loved and wanted. Which, is actually pretty normal between siblings as she herself is a child. But still, given how much Kieran clearly loves and respects her, her words hold a lot of weight. And it's only Carmine who we get to see treat Kieran this way. While it's possible it's coming almost entirely from her, I'll discuss later why I think it may be more complicated than that. For now, though, it's clear that Kieran himself thinks very lowly of his abilities and would rather stay out of people's way, lest they berate him for perceived inadequacies.
He's had problematic behavior modeled for him by Carmine.
Here, too, we see how Carmine's treatment of him reinforced some very negative ideas of interpersonal conflict and resolution. All throughout Teal Mask, Carmine is telling him to shut up and be quiet, and does what she thinks is best for him without consideration for how it may make him feel. No physical violence, but emotional abuse is abuse all the same. While we know that she was ultimately trying to do what was best for him, and had very good reasons for keeping secrets, its undeniable that the words she used only further reinforced the idea that the strong will push around the weak, and that they have no need for anyone who falls behind in some way.
This scene in particular is fascinating, as we get to see first hand the kind of dynamic that pushed his feelings of inadequacy towards the breaking point. Here, after the player and Carmine run into Ogerpon for the first time, he thinks her weird behavior is because they were making fun of him. It's already sad that he would jump to that conclusion, but then Carmine smiles through his entire dialogue and says nothing. No reassurance, no denial, nothing. Kieran walked away from this conversation thinking that his sister and his new friend were talking about how much they dislike him. Speaking from personal experience, constantly feeling like people are talking about you behind your back at a young age can lead to you becoming brutally honest in a maladaptive way, and it can lead to people thinking you're cruel and unkind because you refuse to keep your thoughts to yourself.
Generational trauma, neurodivergence and cycles of abuse.
Here is where we leave screenshot land for a bit and I talk more about things that I suspect to be true, but cannot ultimately prove. However, I ask that you bear with me here and consider what may be going on above the heads of the child protagonists in a children's video game. (After all, if some people can write whole essays comparing Kieran's behavior to some very serious real-world events... I think I am within my right here!)
Kieran and Carmine, to me, match very strongly with the idea that they came from a bad home life. I don't necessarily mean their grandparents, as they seem nice enough (though flawed), but instead that their parents, whoever they were, contributed substantially to their strained relationship and problematic behavior. This post may seem very Carmine-negative, but I actually do not blame her for what she's done, not really. I do think that she has the agency and experience to take responsibility for how she's treated her brother, but I also think that it is something that was modeled for her by her parents, caretakers and teachers. I think it's very important to keep in mind in all conversations about these two that negative behaviors like these rarely manifest out of the ether. When I see child characters acting this way, I think less "wow, what horrible people!" and more "who in your life is modeling this kind of behavior for you?"
Full disclosure: I am an older sister myself, and my younger sister is very close to me in age in the same way that I see Carmine and Kieran as being. I see a lot of myself in her, which is why I deeply understand her frame of mind in everything here. Being expected to be the emotionally mature one in a sibling dynamic is difficult when you're so close in age, and it can lead to a lot of frustration as you feel like you're made to grow up too fast while your younger sibling is shielded from responsibility. It also doesn't help if the adults in your life model a lot of negative behavior, especially power dynamics, and if you have any sort of neurodivergency.
Speaking of... I wholeheartedly agree with the interpretations of the siblings having some combination of autism, ADHD, BPD or several other potential conditions. I won't go into depth, but without question there's something going on with them that's both untreated and misunderstood by those around them. Which, makes a lot of sense considering where they come from. Kitakami is a small nation, mostly agriculture based, and Carmine in particular is very resistant to the idea of it becoming a tourist destination for wealthier countries. They may not have the resources and infrastructure, along with cultural awareness, to properly diagnose and treat certain mental health conditions. Kieran doesn't even have a phone!
Something I don't see mentioned often is how Kieran and Carmine being at Blueberry is more than likely a very isolating experience for both. Being at a prestigious school in Poke-America, when coming from rural Poke-Japan, must've been a very difficult transition. Given that it doesn't seem like ANY of the adults in their lives are interested in their mental and physical well-being, I can only imagine that exacerbated their already existing issues. Not to mention that the culture of BB seems to be overly concerned with strength in battles, it's no wonder that both children's worst traits were made to fester over time.
Entitlement and disenfranchisement
Okay, enough of that. Back to screenshots. Here I want to talk about how some people interpret Kieran as being bratty and entitled, and while I don't necessarily disagree, I think with the context of everything previously laid out in this post that it's a lot deeper than simple entitlement. We know, from his own words, that all he wants is acceptance, independence, and meaningful human connections. To him, that comes in the form of strong pokemon (acceptance at the academy), going anywhere he wants (feeling empowered and self-confident), and being able to make friends with "anyone". Any friends at all, really.
While his "I worked so hard, and for what?! I STILL lost in the end!" can feel petulant and whiny, it also cuts deep for anyone who has grown up without. I think it's very important to note that Kieran is at precisely the age when systemic inequalities really start to weigh on someone, and before the brain and life experiences are developed enough to handle it in a healthy way. While some cope better than others, for many around this age the weight of knowing that there are people out there who simply have more than you ever will not by any sort of effort or triumph, but rather than the dumb luck of birth into a wealthy, privileged setting... well, it can be crushing.
It's something most grow out of, but for a kid like Kieran, who was so obsessed with the story of a genuine injustice (Ogerpon vs. the 'loyal' three), is it any wonder that he would react this way? The player is a particularly extreme example, of course, as protagonist powers are some real bullshit. Coming to terms with the fact that the system has failed him, but he can still achieve great things and become a person he can be proud of, is something that will probably only come with time and wisdom as it does for most of us. In the interim, though, petty teenage tantrums are to be more or less expected.
Feeling powerless.
In case you think I'm extrapolating far too much, I think it's important to note that, after the severe shock that was Terapagos breaking out of its own ball, Kieran reinforces all of these ideas himself. Here, when Carmine is begging him to help you, he refuses not because of hatred of you but rather his own self-doubt and loathing. Which, ultimately, has always been the core of everything Kieran has done up to this point in Indigo Disk's plot. He believed so strongly that if only he could become stronger, then he could prove to everyone, and more importantly himself, that he was worthy of taking up space and achieving his own dreams. But it's here, when everything truly comes crashing down around him, that the facade slips and shows Kieran as he truly is- a little boy who feels helpless in his current circumstances.
I've seen people say that when he cries after becoming determined to help you defeat Terapagos, it's out of jealousy or anger. However, I couldn't disagree more. The light returning to his eyes shows, in my view, that Kieran feels hope for the first time since he had his dreams crushed back in Teal Mask. That, even though he feels powerless, even though he's hurt people and hurt himself, he's still wanted. That he can do something meaningful, even if it's just cleaning up the mess he helped to make. (Briar don't think I've forgotten about you. You're the most culpable in this situation given you're the only adult- but I digress.)
In conclusion.
He bapy.
No but really, what does all of this even mean? I think going back and reading the conversation at the start of the post, especially if you were initially put off by it, with the context outlined here changes a lot about how one can interpret Kieran's behavior. Note that I am not trying to justify anything he said or did, but rather point out that this fictional child has some serious, unresolved issues that deserve time and thought turned towards them, especially in the way that they reflect real-world individuals and systems. Ultimately, if you want my opinion I think Kieran would be a pretty nasty person to know in real life if I was in school still, but you know what? So was I at his age. And so were most people, if I'm being honest. But that doesn't tarnish a person forever. All of life isn't high school, even though Kieran- or you, reading this right now- may feel like it is. He has a lot of growing up to do, but that's life. And in the meantime, he sure is one hell of an interesting character to follow.
#polly speaks#polly writes#pokemon#pokemon scarlet and violet#indigo disk#indigo disk spoilers#teal mask#pokemon kieran#rival kieran#pokemon carmine#kieran posting#character analysis#tw bullying#tw abuse#ask to tag#im tired. anyway im going grocy shopping anyone want anything from tjs
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btw i made a jester outfit for halloween. and because i love to daydream, naturally i have been thinking of myself as a tiny jester. and because i love fearplay, it generally involves a giant king or knight chasing me down at some point. but the thing is, this outfit has 20+ jingle bells attached to it. i straight sound like christmas when i walk. so if i were to be chased down by a giant, it’d be to the tune of VERY loud nonstop jingling, which is. so fucking funny to picture. terrified and fighting for my life but i’m just like *JINGLE* *JINGLE* *JINGLE* *JINGLE-*
#g/t#this costume fucking killed me#i crocheted a top/hat/gloves#thrifted a masquerade mask and some boots#i painted the boots and added details w foam clay#i made bell earrings :) it all looks so so good#but im so TIRED ive been crocheting SO MUCH
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#i just realized i think part of why ive felt so extra isolated lately is because i dont have any in person autistic friends#or even acquaintances#and im just. im masking all the time#so ive been drowning it out by reading on my phone (including at work between tasks)#but god. im so fucking tired of feeling alienated from my coworkers and not understanding why they all seem to click together and I don't#even the guy who started way after me and has been gone for a month!! even he gets more casual conversation than me#and i just dont understand why. im trying so hard every day and its not working#and before anyone tells me to stop trying and just “be myself” or some shit. unless youre autistic i dont want to hear it#you dont know what its like!!! unless it's with other autistic people being myself Always makes things worse socially#im just. im tired and im lonely and i miss my old friends
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Dead Tired Honey Swamp
Shout out to @deuces-stone-cold-style for the nightgown inspo!
#monster high#monster high fanart#monster high g1#honey swamp#dead tired#finished this a couple days ago but couldnt post it#cuz my laptop battery decided it had had enough and finally went caput on me#i have a replacement coming within a i cant really draw until then and im super bummed about it#anyway this drawing was funny#i kinda hated it but thought if i could just add some color that it would help#and it did i love her#shes one of my most detailed mh designs so drawing her is always a doozy#i wanna design a dt wydowna to match because they are ghoulfriends#also sorry the nightgown isnt that accurate to the actual reference#i dont think honey is particularly a lace ghoulie which is why i went with the wispy plant fringe#and i really dont like drawing floral patterns i just used the csp presets 🥲#i know the dt dolls come with little accessories but she gets a blankie#and i couldnt fit the sleep mask because i refused to get rid of the bow on her bonnet#id in alt#my art#sabz art
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the girls 2
i did the dark riders too, why not. erissa is not here because my brain stopped at nihili during the emo justin quests
i went a bit more free handed this time, some choices are only for fun. as always, unneeded design explanation in the tags
part 1
#sso#ssoblr#star stable online#i wanted to keep the old hoods but also let them have their own distinct looks#so i did the next best thing - masks#for sabine i did an unholy amalgamation of a equestrian jacket and a vague military uniform#and her helmet is inspired by red hood#sabine got turned from a stuck up equestrian girl to a butch biker for some reason#so i wanted to convey a “serious woman with a mean streak” vibe#she kept her makeup that i turned red instead of lilac#jessica is less “draco malfoy” and more “im going to cut your tires when you're not looking”#and for her mask i decided to do something akin to a gas mask because why not#katya's outfit is merged from her old jacket and the dress thing#shes spiky. she reminds me of icicles#and her mask is a skull thing because of her “ice witch” affiliation#sabine looks like a power ranger. good for her#silverart
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various drawings
#ocarina of time#loz oot#majora's mask#loz mm#oot link#happy mask salesman#my art#im having feelings about these games again. and also i want to give the happy mask salesman a hug every time i see him#also picturing oot link with a permanent scowl. he's so tired#oh i forgor#loz navi
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i dont know how to caption this, thank you @lorebird and @anothersmoldragon for the inspiration
#my art#promethea#xolakaal#cinder#walter#jack#cinder is so sick of xola’s shit#shes like the parent that walks in on you doing dumb shit and theyre so tired they dont even say anything#i used to be against drawing masked jackie with a visible eye but im kind of coming around to it since nev did it#i like when its blank and harder to read but hes cute white a visible eye#* with not white wtf
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lando nostalgia 63/? • Portuguese GP 2020 • P13
#lando norris#lando nostalgia#mclaren unboxed#portugeuse gp 2020#the mask covering his mouth is so cruel and unusual and im tired of it#thanks to henrik for filming both his back and his crotch lmao like ok!
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KICKS DOWN DOORS AND EATS WALL
hai uh can you draw saw noob pls
OH GOD WHA-
EVAPORATES
NO WAIT, COME BACK- HUH???
other versions under cut!!!
#the robloxia: until dawn#the robloxia until dawn#tr:ud#trud#sawnoob#sawnoob tr:ud#tr:ud sawnoob#saw noob#saw noob tr:ud#II FORGOT HIS UHMM#HIS GAS MASK#im too tired to add it anyw#ay..#HEHE#requestsssss!!
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