#IM STILL MOURNING HER OMFG

[heavensincarnate1111]

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zoe nightshade mood board

🌌🦌🏹🏛️🕊️🪬

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[eldrith]

i literally just thought abt this ajehbsha but like what if the reader was jace's bethrothed that was "killed" by the greens during the dance, but was actually captured and brainwashed her to be an assasin ksjwbsna

think of it somewhat like bucky barnes

safe flight on ur trip!:)

BABE YOUR MIND…. also i haven't seen the marvel movies in ages so im kinda going off what i can recall . and i took this in a bit of a diff direction i hope thats ok but i love this i could write a whole fucking book about this omfg. your mind is beautiful id love to keep it in a jar warnings: mentions of torture, death, assassinations, angst, allusions to smut if you squint, targcest bc its implied you are aegon's sister/of valyrian blood, brief allusion to suicidal thoughts, fluff mostly at the end and is a bit canon divergent. and yes i know this is 3.1k words but it's still a headcanon ok. its just a great concept

you and jacaerys are betrothed when you are young.

despite this, you remain close; shy smiles, kind whispers and youthful awkwardness that blossoms into a strong, devoted friendship. you're to be queen - and he, king. indeed you study for your future duties side by side, with prideful grins - and along the way, you find time for yourselves.

in youth, it is in teaching jacaerys to sew and read tarot, painting, or maybe even showing him the game you used to play with your brothers; it is in him teaching you to wield a sword, studying high valyrian together, him showing you how to climb the castle's ramparts, and inviting you along with he and luke to throw stones at the sea.

as you grow old, it is in jacaerys giving you rides on vermax, dancing with him any chance you can, exploring nature - mountains with caves and tall waterfalls that he pulls you under with feverish kisses, finding ways to sneak to each other's chambers; it is in you kissing his cheek and teasing him when his face grows pink, bringing lucerys along with the two of you when you begin to sneak out of the castle, in sharing too many cups of wine and stumbling to your quarters, in hands weaving through each other's hair.

it is nice.

but then, the war.

things are as okay as they can be for a while- duty is a blessing and a curse for you both. tensions mount. jacaerys feels like everything is falling apart, but he has you; his best friend, his lover, his favorite person in the entirety of the seven kingdoms. you cry with each other, train with each other, sneak off when things become too intense in court. you begin to whisper about a secret wedding, a traditional valyrian one; intimate, quiet.

he just wants to call you his wife, and you just want to call him your husband. but duty has a way of interfering with even the sweetest plans.

the evening jace leaves to treat at winterfell, you clasp a chain round his neck, one you strung your favorite ring through; a keepsake, perhaps. or as he likes to think, a reminder of you during the cold nights in the north.

despite it all, things are okay.

until he loses you.

you are killed with your dragon, defending a crucial line of passage for their men; vhagar and aemond are the last ones to see you as your dragon spirals beyond a hill, wings singed and aflame. you vanish.

jace is overwhelmed with grief.

the news comes just as he's beginning to find himself in a new world - a world without his younger brother - and he, an empty pit of grief and despair, isolates himself from others. consumed by sorrow and rage, his emotions spiral out of control - snapping, yelling, unable to contain his emotions even at council.

his days are marked by a deep mourning that he's unsure will ever be mended. life continues in its droll capacity - the war rages on, and jace becomes more bitter, and more like his great uncle daemon. bloodthirsty, demanding revenge.

and then, you return from the dead.

the day you come back to him is rainy and drowsy. he had foolishly, or in a bout of grief, not noticed the sounds of dragon overhead the caste; a dragon whose screech he had not heard in many moons.

his mother is the one to find him - alone, staring at the hearth in his quarters, eyes filmed with the glossy haze of sorrow.

rhaenyra's face is ghostly, sickly - and he grows immediately concerned as he sees her expression, rising to grasp her arms. "mother, are you well?"

he is shocked when he hears her whisper out: "she's alive."

his worry for his mother vanishes, blinded by her words. you. you're...

and despite being ordered to remain, his legs carry him out - to you. his mother's own footfalls follow behind him, her voice begging. he does not listen, even when she warns him - there is something that isn't right.

when he finally finds you he's elated, heart nearly stopping when your eyes meet.

but there's something missing.

when he takes you into his arms, you're cold; barely blinking, you are not who you used to be.

his own tears distort his vision as he cups your face, pressing a kiss to your full lips - and perhaps that is why he does not notice the sullen, empty look on your face. but he feels it in the way your lips do not kiss back.

jace tries to ignore it, at first.

as you are nursed back to physical health, you avoid telling the court of the truth. all that is revealed is the harrowing tale of your mangled body, put back together by the maester in the red keep; your mutilated dragon, whose health was dangled over your head by your own brother, the one whose head bears a crown that is not his.

you do not speak of your time, but the nightmares you wake from, screaming your throat raw, speak for themselves.

you heal.

you begin to show some signs of humanity after the initial shock subsides; and when you begin to seek his touch, he is glad for that semblance of what you used to have.

but it isn't the same.

you flinch at the slightest movements; your face, once expressive and joyful, is rarely lax of the straight, icy stare you send mostly towards walls. he knows he must be patient; you've endured something he could not imagine - but he cannot help his unease.

you do not speak as you used to - lapse in memory, seemingly unfamiliar with jacaerys; as if you did not grow up together, running down halls, whispering secrets, notching each other’s heights in the frame of your chamber’s threshold.

he can't help when he begins to turn away from your lips, avoiding the mechanical feeling of your mouth upon his, the coldness of your eyes when you attempt to unlace his tunic.

he feels as though it is a different person that tries to kiss him each time. he grows incredibly lonely.

in time, he is suspicious of you. you're... different. during conversations, you forget important details, you cannot recall milestones or memories you used to cherish.

the way your palm fits oddly into his, the way you no longer brush his hair back when it falls into his eyes. you call him jacaerys, or your grace - that, indeed, is the first seed planted in the suspicion of his mind. always jacaerys, never jace - and when he asks you what you do with all the time you spend alone in your chambers, you lock up as if mute.

when performing certain duties around the queen, your eyes would slide to odd objects, or pay close attention to cupbearers and how the queen enjoys her wine.

and he begins tracking your walks when you think you're alone: he discovers you sending ravens with a cloak pulled low over your head, visiting odd alleys in town and disappearing into the lower bowels of peculiar shoppes.

jace goes to daemon, of all people - daemon, first. he knows his stepfather's reputation—ruthless, cunning, and fiercely protective; if anyone can help him discern the truth, it's him. "something is not right," he tells him, worried daemon would somehow turn it into something it's not.

even worse, though, is that daemon is quick to agree. and when jace tells his mother, she confesses her own concern.

"that isn't her," his voice warbled when he tells his mother - lip, trembling, tears tracking down his cheeks as she pulls him into her embrace, her own fear poorly concealed.

when it finally happens, it is a shock to his entire body.

a mere word; murmured, off-hand at a council you happened to be attending - of which you often no longer attended, your trauma and recovery from the kidnapping having sequestered you to your quarters most days.

"Usurper," he'd said.

and then your head had snapped up.

a change in your face - as if no longer human, you’d leapt, ripping out a dagger that had been concealed in your bodice.

and then you'd lunged at him; slicing like a hound rabid for a piece of meat.

he does not remember much besides his reaction: striking you across the cheek and disarming you- kicking hard, your body being thrown to the stone. four swords at your throat. daemon holding you down with a look of disbelief at your heaving frame.

you were relentless, ready to kill - but you are too small, and the rest too many.

a stinging pain, throbbing at his neck as he watches you in shock.

but that was not you - a statue, some sleeping beast that'd been awoken in your tortured brain at the trigger of such a word. it had nearly been worse than when you'd died.

brainwashed, maester gerardys tells them.

it is not until after you have been thrown into the cells below and a bandage sealed around jace's neck.

the blade was one of green and black hilt; intended, likely, for the queen herself - in hopes that she'd have been the first one to utter the word.

likely, maester gerardys says, you were led to believe you'd been abandoned by them, and subsequently tortured for all the time you'd been held at the red keep.

and of course, there was the threat of further maiming your dragon, perhaps, or other similar threats - and physical torture, if the scars on your body are anything to go by; this twists a raw agony in jace's gut and he has to shut his eyes to ward off the thought of you, in pain.

it is a miracle you did not lose your head for nearly slitting the throat of the crown prince; he contests while still lying abed with the open slice of red across his throat, relieved when his mother informs him you are still among the living. she is a merciful queen.

he does not weep until he is alone that night.

breaking the brainwashing is the hardest part.

nights, falling asleep in his brothers or his mother's quarters where your screams of anguish or anger could not be heard - days walking past your heavily guarded chamber to reach his own, swallowing thick as he imagines you on the other side.

isolation is key, he's been told, but it makes it so much worse.

it takes so long that jacaerys nearly forgets what your voice sounds like, how your eyes shine in the sun. he forgets how your smile, beautiful and uneven, makes his heart flip; the taste of your lips, the cadence of your voice.

he even finds himself praying to the seven for the first time since he was just a babe.

slowly, as you begin to heal, you are permitted to see others. he is not allowed, nor is his mother - daemon first, then baela and rhaena with their grandmother. servants and maids.

he begins to hear you again. walking past the chambers which lie near his own, he'd hear your voice, conversing quietly with maester gerardys. when he dozes off over a strategy tome at his desk, he is jolted awake by your gentle, haunting humming; a tune he used to love.

his mother tells him it is not healthy to keep it in.

but he cannot bring himself to speak of it.

shame, pain, anguish, embarrassment - heartbreak. he has grieved you twice over, seen you become a ghost. he has lost you and lost you again.

herbs, potions, guided discussions and meditations. solitary confinement, exposure to the word - all of this, and you begin to shed the skin of whatever person they had made you into.

he pretends that he does not endure nightmares of that day every time his eyes close - of the glint of your knife, the soulless stare of your eyes. the swelling bruise on your cheek - in the shape of his own fist.

there is a thin scar, a puckered pink line of fresh skin across the apple of his throat the next time he sees you.

it's an accident; he walks past just as a maid leaves your chambers, and he naturally glances over. your eyes meet him, hair wet and fresh from bathing; wide as a sweet doe, pain and regret laced through your gaze. "jace."

his throat is tight when he hears your voice - gentle, laced with remorse. jace, you'd called him. he hides the tears in his eyes when he continues briskly past your chambers. he thinks about you ceaselessly the rest of the day.

he's told you do not sleep. you eat only when it becomes impossible not to, you cannot make meaningful eye contact nor hold steady conversations without breaking down in guilt. it eats away at him.

but as you begin to show signs of improvement, jacaerys is finally allowed to visit.

they're brief, supervised; he brings paintings, books, and anything they believe could help stimulate your memory of life before your change. he tries to ignore the sting of pain when you barely meet his gaze, voice stuttering, hands shaking.

you’re still not you; flickering eyes, quiet voice. but soon, after moons of quiet conversation, stunted by the armored guards standing between you and observing your every move, it changes.

little by little, he sees glimpses of you again. you laugh like you used to. you recount stories of your shared youth - with a grin, you remember the day he'd fallen from an apple tree trying to pick you a fruit, and you'd had to snap his arm into correct place.

you brush flecks of dust and lint from his shoulder with shy looks, you share the books you’ve been reading; one day, you ask him to braid your hair - a task you'd taught him in youth. you fall asleep when he's halfway through.

and yes, there are bad days - days where your grief and guilt eat your stomach and you refuse to even look him in the eye; when you sob into your hands and curl yourself on the chaise longue and jace is stuck, heartbroken, watching you push him away.

you do not forgive yourself, you will not let him forgive you - but you soon let him hold you, and you soon begin to hold him back with a desperate grip.

it takes a while for jace to accept help.

but soon, he undergoes his own healing process; he knows he must reconcile the grief of losing you with the joy of having you back, albeit changed.

eventually, he speaks openly with you about the death of lucerys and about your own assumed death as well. you stroke his hair when he cries into your chest, you kiss his nose and cheeks to rid the tracks of tears.

during quieter moments, you find solace in each other's presence. you walk together in the gardens, hand in hand, your steps in sync as you talk about the future; you sit by the hearth in the evenings, your heads close as you share whispered conversations and stolen glances.

you broach the subject one stormy day, your beautiful hair loose and whipping around your head.

he watches your mind churn behind those eyes, the ones that have regained their expressive nature - the eyes he's loved since before he knew such a word.

"i would have killed you." it's a whisper into the wind. "and yet, you saved my life."

your voice is not grateful - to his horror, it is pained - as if you believe such repentance could only be achieved through greeting the stranger.

he shakes his head, "it was not you who did it." but you've heard it countless times, and you still find it hard to accept - guilt swims in your beautiful eyes.

"i love you." he whispers it.

tears drop from your eyes as you look at him. "why?"

eventually, the fog clears fully.

you remember the details of your manipulation, the torture, the indoctrinating, the conditioning. you confess it all to queen rhaenyra and the dragonstone court - voice shaking and body bent with shame, you apologize for your weakness. jace has to look away when you begin to cry, when you beg for forgiveness, for another chance.

it is given without hesitance.

one evening, you sit by the fire with him.

something upon him catches your eye; with a tentative reach, your fingers brush his chest. jace looks down, breath catching as he realizes what you've found; gently, you pull the necklace from his tunic - a ring upon it, untarnished. your smile is sad, sorrowful - "you kept it," you whisper.

he can only nod, eyes never leaving yours. "i never took it off."

it is that night you tell him about a dream you had; you were both young again, carefree and in love. his eyes glisten with unshed tears just as yours do, and he takes your hand, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. "we'll get there," he promises, his voice unwavering. you both believe it.

you come back to him in ways he doesn't expect.

longing glances, eyes holding on his lips when he speaks to you - short teases that release your sharp tongue and quick wit. you are given some old duties back. kept to the castle, you mostly held draw efforts from within, but he can see the fire in your eyes return as the guilt subsides.

when the word usurper is accidentally used in conversation, eyes still flicker to you. there will remain wariness - conscious or not - for the rest of your days. but you prove yourself loyal and trustworthy, and you soon begin to forgive yourself.

nights you spend in jace's arms, fingers brushing against the scar you'd given him. tears are replaced with soft kisses upon lips, and eventually upon flushed, sweat-laced skin.

he is terrified each time you ride into battle - even when he and vermax are alongside you.

perhaps it is a weakness - to worry so, during a war; he cannot help it. but to his relief, you always come out unscathed, as does he - and you always slide off the wing of your dragon and pull him to you, murmuring into his neck, soothing over his back with your palm once you return.

you love him, and you tell him as much any chance you get. you begin to stop wincing when he tells you he loves you, too.

you still wake sometimes with a hoarse throat, but now you are soothed back to sleep when jace, bleary eyed and heart pounding, crawls into your bed alongside you. your cries turn into soft puffs of breath as he braids your hair until you fall asleep.

you still sometimes flinch when someone raises a hand, jace sometimes watches with wariness when he sees you wielding a knife.

but eventually the war ends.

you and jace marry.

a traditional, valyrian one; dragonglass sliced into lips, palms. a kiss that tastes of metal, of loyalty, of love. you whisper the words to each other, no echo of ghosts nor fear in your minds.

one flesh, one heart, one soul. now and forever.

you become prince and princess of dragonstone, first in line for the succession to the iron throne.

you show to be just rulers; fair and kind, strong willed and bright. ceaselessly, fiercely in love.

your firstborn son is named lucerys.

he has jace's eyes and your hair. you sing him the song jace remembers you humming those days after you came back to them - and when the queen visits to give her congratulations and to meet her grandbabe, the heir to the heir, she calls you daughter.

the scar upon his neck fades away, until you can scarcely trace it with your finger as he pulls you to him in the late hours of eve, wrapped in furs and the soft flicker of candlelight.

you do not hear the word usurper again.

requests open, or talk to me <3 taglist/mutuals; @bitchydragonparadisee @lukehughes43 @rhea-ripley @jottositto @chloe-petrichors @softspiderling @dipperscavern

[ja3yun]

if this seems tone deaf w everything going on rn w that weirdo then im so so sorry but omfg i just finished "I'm a virgin, not a murderer" and im so crushed and sad and wtf wtf wtffff

i'll admit i've been putting off the finale bc i spoiled myself by going into the comments first and seeing ppl mourning bc they died 😭 but i just couldn't get this fic outta my head and i finally gathered myself and finish it and jfc i feel like i just got stabbed right through the heart

this is a testament to your writing, i went through so many emotions while simultaneously admiring the way u've added so much depth to their characters and relationship, like the feeling of always being on edge intertwined so naturally w the tender moments are so so so skillfully written. u've put ur heart and mind into this and i can see that in every worddd

I SO BADLY WANTED THEM TO BE HAPPYYYY 😭😭😭 idk if this has been asked before but was there any other endings in mind? like ik there's probably no way this won't end w/o the mc getting locked up and don't get me wrong despite them dying i still love the tragedy of the og ending, it ties their whole journey together in such a bittersweet way.

also god HEESEUNGGGGG 😭 he has no business having so much man written by a woman energy, jfc this heeseung is the only man i'd fall in love w irl like that's my babyyy 💔 anw he has been the most satisfying character growth i've read in a fic in a While, how he's so easily led by her in the beginning to then taking the initiative to... y'know 🥲

and i love love how much spine the mc has, the walls she's put up and the rough life she's been dealt with makes her so vulnerable and raw when heeseung just shows her pure kindness, the way she's so excited to explore an abandoned amusement park.... ik that feeling 🥲

i've kinda been ignoring it so far but jfc the smuutttt, toe curling, clawing up the walls, shaking, crying, trembling, i've been brought to heaven. no seriously the way u captured pure lust to raw passionate love making— im taking notes and studying, it's so perfectly paced and described like ur genuinely one of the best writers on here and i can't say that enough

anw im so sorry this got kinda too long but i can't help to write paragraphs to my fav writers of how much i've enjoyed their work, i cannot explain how grateful i am to have read such great fics for free like fr u are a saint, and i'll end this off w saying thank u and i'll genuinely love anything u wrote 🫶

listen i will ALWAYS take iavnam appreciation 🩷 that fic really let me explore character development and focus on the relationship and icl i'm so proud of it :(( thank you for reading it and taking the time to leave a message like this !!

there was three endings i had in mind (not including this one) which i don't think i've told anyone?? these are the rough ideas i had

they would escape on the boat and live happily ever after. a bit basic but a cute ending.

heeseung sacrifices himself, gets locked up, and yn gets on the boat and leaves him behind even though she desperately doesn't want to. i had an epilogue in mind that just detailed their letters to one another.

yn pushes heeseung off the cliff and flee. NOW DONT LOOK AT ME W THIS ONE OKAY i thought it would be a fun twist. she never really liked him, just needed him as a scapegoat if they ever did get caught.

i think the ending i chose was the best one icl but maybe the fleeing together one would have been cute too

[imomnba-x07]

Tales of the Jedi

My god I have so many thought I’m ganna go in order of episodes as I cry my way through writing this

Episode 1: Ahsoka is a fucking prodigy and you can see how even at such a young age that the beleifs of her parents and people still carried with her throughout her young life and how they stuck with her throughout her adult hood. She believed in the goodness in life, the cycle of death, the connection to everything around her. Yes those are beliefs also taught by the Jedi, but her parents taught her that first.

Episode 2: seeing Dooku with qui gon was so much more heartbreaking than I thought it would be. They make you empathize with dooku in such a way where all he wants is the best for people who can’t defend themselves. And hun hearing how the people have lost faith in the Jedi and the justice system entirely. How this starts dooku’s belief that the Jedi aren’t doing enough to help the people. And the symbology of the clouds every-time dooku slightly sways to the dark side MY GOD. And how that symbolism comes back when he mourns the death of qui gon by the tree of the temple.

Episode 3: immediately we see the stark contrast between Dooku and Mace. How their ideologies might differ but they still hold a lot of respect for one another. What makes me absolutely Farrell is the trust Mace put in Dooku, even if he didn’t agree with is methods. He trusted him as a fellow Jedi and look where that got him. His friend betrayed the council and everyone he loved, and it’s probably not something Mace saw coming. Mace has always been someone who followed the councils ideals to the T which is why they chose to reward him at the end of the episode. Dooku on the other hand, is rash and chooses to forge his own path rather than constantly aligning with the council, even if it means repercussions. You know who else was exactly like that? Anakin. You know who didn’t trust Anakin? Mace. IM EATING MY CARPET

Episode 4: NOBODY FUCKING MOVE THEY JUST CONFIRMED THAT YADDLE SPEAKS NORMALLY AND THAT YODA IS ACTUALLY A FUCKING WEIRDO. THAT LITTLE ATTENTION SEEKING WHORE JUST SPEAKS WEIRD TO FUCK WITH PEOPLE AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. (Also the fear, guilt, and regret in Dookus eyes as he fights and kills Yaddle has put me in a grave. He was manipulated just as Anakin was and it hurts so much to watch.)

Episode 5: I’ve never cried so much so quickly at Star Wars before what the fuck. Jail Dave. Immediately. I hate so much that Anakin accidentally saved her life. I hate so much that all he wanted to do was protect her, and he ended up accidentally protecting her from himself. And to have Jessie knock her out the first time?? The same Jessie who later tries to kill her?? The same one she couldn’t save, no matter how much she and Rex tried??? The whole thing only started off as a challenge anyways but Anakin became stricter with it, probably not knowing why this feels so incredibly vital, so vital that he kept pushing it on her for years and he just didn’t know why. And how Rex throughout the episode slowly gets on board with the training because he feels it’s necessary even though he doesn’t know why. They didn’t know WHY.

Episode 6: still crying. Bail trying his hardest to there for Ahsoka, making sure she’s safe. He is the true unsung hero of Star Wars he does so much and just doesn’t want to loose anyone else. “She was my freind” as a Ahsoka’s voice breaks omfg she’s lost so many people she just wanted the chance to say goodbye to ONE of them because she never got to do that with Obi Wan or Anakin.

I AM ON THE FLOOR

[ficsandfandom]

Love in a time of the Zombie Apocalypse by rizzlewrites

I put this one off for a while but it’s SO GOOD OMFG!!!

basically: a world after the war, overrun by zombies, muggle and wizarding worlds aware of each other and, in some cases, collaborating. harry and hermione, part of Project Christmas- an initiative to create a cure before the USA drop nukes on them- break Draco Malfoy out of top security prison and enlist his help. problem? malfoy’s a sociopathic wild card who people can’t pin down, ron’s basically comatose and dickheads exist- even in a zombie apocalypse!

(this is as i read so might be a bit disjointed- enjoy!!)

1. DRACO MALFOY OMFG!!! the way he’s written is just AMAZING! and omfg the dramione tension is top tier!!!! literally closed my screen like 10 times in the first four chapters srsly.

2. blaise zabini is the actual loml and if i dies i will cry. also, i love draco from draco pov bc then there’s justices decisions. scared he’s gna hurt ppl i like tho💔💔

3. i’m upset. this fic is a damn rollercoaster and i’m not built for this. the worldbuilding in this is amazing btw- so fun to read. and characters who r rlly easy to get invested if<33

unfortunately also quite realistic in some ways, which means i stay upset🤩🤩 which is less great but oh well ig i read to feel anyway so. i’ll take it. doubt there’s gonna be fluff in this one smh.

(not done yet but recommend already)

4. i love this!!! there is some fluff btw and such a good balance of realism and romance and it’s just amazing to read <333

5. i hate it. i hate everything. and everyone. i am grieving. mourning. and it’s unfair. JUST ONCE. JUST ONCE I WANF A HAPPY ENDING FOR *specific character* AND I NEVER GET IT I AM TIRED. and in shock. didn’t even get to cry. unfair.

6. ok now i’m more emotionally stable hers smth else i love abt the fic- the morality and duality of characters. hard to be a ‘good person’ in the middle of an apocalypse. but the shades of grey of each character, and how far is too far depending on the person is written so well.

also how much they change like so many characters i just didn’t like that i’m now severely emotionally attached to!!!

breaking points are also really interesting and i love how even tho a load of them are tagged as BAMFs, they also FEEL real? idk i’m not deep enough but basically: feelings and morals? written rlly thought provokingly. and thoughts have been provoked xx

6. THE OC SIDE CHARACTERS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH YOU DONT UNDERSTAND PLS READ SO YOU KNOW THEM TOO THEYRE AMAZING.

(still not done but it’s been like a day spare me i’ve been busy)

7. i cannot express how much i love the ‘dark father figure to a kid who dgaf’ trope. it is elite and i love it!!

8. EVERYONE THINKS IM ASLEEP WHEN IM IN MY BED TRYING NOT TO SCREAM ONFG THIS IS SMTH I DID NOT EXPECT WTAF

9. breaking points<33

10. icba to keep updating like this but basically:

it’s amazing, i love it, please go read it x

(lil side note bc i’m so HAPPY: IM SO SO PROUD OMG!!!! like ik many fics kinda deal with the trauma and stuff but this one just shot it out of the WATER kinda wish there was more focus on hermione’s issues but even those are still dealt with throughout so i can’t rlly complains but omg DRACO<333)

this fic cannot get more perfect omg i got a title drop!!!!

[delcakoo]

HEY KOOBEAR IM SO SORRY I HAVENT BEEN TALKING TO YOU THE OAST 3 DAYS :((( I missed you sm 💗💗💗☹️☹️☹️😘😘😘😘🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍

we….. FINALLY MOVED IN!! I HAVE MY OWN BEDROOM!! We didn’t decorate it yet, I have a futon for a bed lol we’re waiting until prime day and thanksgiving for the deals. Saving money isn’t a habit it’s a LIFESTYLE 🥵 but I didn’t have internet for 3 days I was absolutely gonna go feral. I couldn’t listen to enha for so long I started hearing d-d intro randomly 😟😟 but whateva. I have a google mini and it serves as a scrumptious head banging jump upping move yo body speaker quality and I have drunk dazed playing on rn. BEST TITTLE TRACK FIGHT ME 🫵🫵👊👊💪💪🤬🤬💥💥‼️‼️

But like right tomorrow we’re leaving for India so I can’t talk to you for a month :(((( I’ll miss ur writings sm

Also my friend invited me to her awesome epic ass Halloween party BUT I CANT GO. SOBBING OSMBDJSND. HER PARTIES ARE ALWAYS SO FUN AND I LOVE DRESSING UP.

Also the new concert has me raving curling my toes punching the wall stabbing my gut crying tears head aching like I’m actually sad. THEM SINGING SHOUT OUT MY COMFORT SONG. Playing I need the light and shout out on my loud ass speaker rn it just feels right

But on the bright side she has a thanksgiving party, Christmas party OMG CHRISTMAS. AOMANDKW LYES, YES YES. THAT INE KPOP COVER OF ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMASS BLESSING FOR MY EARS OMFG. BLASTING THAT SHIT ATTEH CHRISTMASS PARTY OMGMGMGMG

Also an Amazon india you can get so much makeup for cheap it’s like 😲😲😫😫😡😡🫵🫵 GIVE RIGHT NKW DKAMDKWMD a lip tint for 44 dollars here is like 13 ish dollars on Amazon India like dayum 😱😱🤭🤭 also not to brag but I got 3 properties of dirt soil and brick in my name in India 🤩🤩 a house, an apartment complex, and a mansion mhmhmnmjm when I literally came from the womb I was gifted with gold. Ain’t ever accepting no less from a partner. My standards are sky high so either be anyone from enhypen or treat me like a queen or just don’t bother. I say all this acting like I’d pull anyone 😍😍‼️‼️💪💪

Speaking of pulling people my hot ass cute ass pretty ass scrumptious ass friend didn’t :(((( she liked some guy who wears highlighter shirts (get rid of them 4eva) and he was kinda ugly ngl but my queen deserves better idc he just wasn’t the one. But basically I had gym and then German after and I saw my queen in the hallways and she was like “WAIT HES IN UR GYM?!” And I said “yeah and in my German tew” and she was like “PLSPLSPLSPLSLKSOLSLS ASK HIM IF HE LIKES ANYBODH BE DISCREET ABT IT” and I was gonna ask him bc me and my friend were walking and he and some guy (NAMED JAY 😱😱😟😟🥺🥺) were walking and jay was like “yo are (kuma’s queen) and you going to the Halloween dance” and he was like “nah bro” and jay was like “well (kuma’s queen) likes you imagine” and I was just quietly listening to them talk ish abt her and it broke my heart :( BUT TLEAST WE KNOW HE AINT IT MY QUEEN DESERVES HER KING FRL if he ain’t taking her out I will she deserves the world omg

Sorry for so many paragraphs I would’ve cut this inbetween 3 days but no internet ☹️ HYD MLOVE MDEAR MDARLING I HOPE UR HAVING A GOOD DAY BBG 😘😘💗💗‼️‼️😍😍

AHHHHH KUMIE WUMIE HIHIHI MY LOVE, I MISSED U SM TOO :((((

WTF WTF WTFTWTETFTWR KUMA I LITERALLY FINISHED WRITING THE ENHA WHEN YOU’RE ON YOUR PERIOD THAT YOU REQUESTED HOLD ONNNN AHAISN. OKAY YKNOW WHAY IM GONNA POST IT IN A FEW MINUTES SO YOU CAN READ IT BECAUSE IT WAS LITERALLY FOR YOU and plus im on my period rn it sucks GRAHHHH OKAY JUST WAIT

AJSJSHKDNDH IM SO HAPGY FOR YOU, THATS A SHAME YOU HAVE TO WAIT TO DECORSTE BUT ITLL BE WORTH IT!! AND SO TRUE DRUNK DAZED IS THE BEDT TITLE TRACK I’LL FIGHT WITH HOU 🔥🔥‼️‼️✊✊✊

DONT SPEAK TO ME AB THE CPNCERT OKAY. IM STILL MOURNING AND SCREAMING AND PRETENDING IT DIDNT HAPPEN ❤️

DAMN WTF WHY DOED UR FRIEND HAVE SO MANY PARTIES 😭 THATD GOOD U CAN ATTEND THE OTHER ONES AND OMFG YOU KNOW THAT COVER????? BRO 100% AGREE ITS A LITERAL EARGASM WENDYS VOICE IS INSANE, AND BANGCHANS HARMONY HAD ME CRYINGJGNG I LISTEN TO THAT COVER RELIGIOUSLG I WISH IT WAS ON SPOTIFY 😭😭😭✊✊

DAMN WTF.. I WANNA GO NOW GIRL GET A SHIT TON OF STUFF AND MAKE SURE TO DO A HAUL FOR ME OKAY ‼️‼️‼️

UM YES YOURF RIEND DESERVES BETTER.. NOT THE HIGHLIGHTER SHIRT 🧍 AND OMG JAY?? jaY ENHYPEN GOES TO UR SCHOOL REAL?? 👁👁

EDIT: I JUST REALISED I READ THIS A DAY LATE AND NOW UR IN INDIA 😭😭😭 IM SOBBING IM CRYJGNFH IM SO SORRY KUMA NOOO MY LOVE, OKAY I’LL POST IT RN ANYWAY IN UR HONOR 😭😭😭😭💖💖💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️

[sab-teraa]

Time to watch Son Yaz! SPOILER ALERT 🚨

• EMEL 🥺💓💓💓 what a aunt + woman

• OH MY GOD. IVE BEEN SAYINGG THIS SINCE SEASON ONE BUT DAMN SONER IS FINE AF 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵😍😍

• smh the rocket gang look so good in their new fits … but at what cost huh??? Did fox give Ozans wardrobe budget to these 3 😔😔 my mans Ozan is wearing the same outfit every ep

• eray sending AKGUN videos of yagmur 🥺🥺

• uncle didn’t take his pressure pills and y’all are making him run like this. I WILL FJGHT YOU

• okay .., so the person selim-AKGUN killed is AKGUNs brother?? I forgot his name lol

• selim I understand the need to grieve your wife …. But you abandoned your kids 💔💔

• lmaoooo … the summary said that selim broke this lady’s heart … yet selim doesn’t know who she is 😭😭😭 this is so embarrassing

• naz looks so pretty! I’m loving her looks in this ep. I really hated her fashion last season

• naz … I too would be smiling like that if I had a man like soner 😍😍🥵

• SONER 🔥🔥🔥 FINALLY A MAN THAT COMMUNICATES

• sis are you trying to seduce selim?? Pls I gotta deal with Cagla … pls don’t be Cagla 2.0

• YAGMUR SEEING SELIM 😭😭😭😭😭😭 the way she said baba TEARS

• PLS YAGMUR BEGGING SELIM TO STAY OMG IM CRYINNNN

• AKGUN is such a dummy sometimes 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

• this episode is so so good SO SO GOOOD

• Altai 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

• NOT ALTAI DRINKING AND DRIVING NOOOOOO HE IS STILL A BABY IN MY EYES I CANT HE IS MOURNING

• Altai has changed so much … I can’t blame him … this is so heartbreaking … I really really hope they are getting him help??

• nah everyone begging selim not to leave again pls 😭😭😭

• I JUST KNOW THAT THESE ARE OZANS OUTFITS ON ERAY. IM READY TO RELEASE MY INNER KAREN AND WRITE A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER TO FOX

• cemre and soner look like twins omg

• wait wtf can’t Cihan marry this lady instead?

• NOT THIS UNCLE ASKING SONER IF HE IS LOVE WITH A WOMAN HE JUST MET 😭😭 COMMON SENSE YOK

• Burak is gonna be my new fave sad m*fia boy huh 😔 he spoke horribly to soner tho

• AKGUN AND YAGMUR FEELING EACH OTHERS PRESENCE BEFORE SEEING EACH OTHER OMFG I CANT I CANT 💔

• NOT THE JAIL SCENE AGAIN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔

• my girl yagmur is a ride or die! 🔥🔥🔥

• the more I watch how women like esra + yagmur handle themselves … the more I hope I never experience heartbreak. I don’t think I could ever be as strong as them …. Ever

• AKGUN crying 😩😭

• Burak I’m so confused bro … wtf are you beating up AKGUN lol?? I’m so confused

• nah … Burak is crazy CRAZY 😳

• I can’t deal with Altai begging for his mum … I’m crying so much

• Cihan is tryna emotionally manipulate soner 🙄🙄🙄🙄 mans gave you a kidney … WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROK HIM I HATE THIS

• akguns dad is my fave 🤣🤣🤣🤣 uncle said send him to jail pls I love him

• LMAO SONERS ENGAGEMENT PARTY IS A MILLION TIMES BETTER THAN CAGLA-OZANS WEDDING 🤣🤣🤣 pls wtf is Ami budget 😭🤣

• OOOOOOOF Soner WHAT A GROOOOOM 😍😍😍. This is the first time I’ve seen a groom look better than the bride (his fiancé is beautiful btw) but his look is just 😩🥵

• lmaoooo cemres reaction when AKGUN walked in 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

• THE WAY SELIM GOT UP 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I CANT WITH THIS MAN 🤣🤣🤣

• THAT PROPOSAL 🥺💗💗💗💗💗 also Naz’s ring is BEAUTIFUL! Sooooooo my vibe

[dylanhawth]

[ LORENZO ZURZOLO, CISMAN, HE/HIM ] shh ! DYLAN HAWTHORNE, the TWENTY year old SECOND year ANTHROPOLOGY major from HARTFORD, CT is known as a TOURMALINE  around here. HE was invited to join because HE PUBLISHED A COLLECTION OF SHORT STORIES ANONYMOUSLY THAT GARNERED A BIT OF FOLLOWING AND RECENTLY STEPPED FORWARD AS THE AUTHOR, and now, they’re here to stay. HE reminds me of THE NERVOUSNESS OF A FIRST KISS, LEAVING SECRET MESSAGES IN LIBRARY BOOKS, DRIVING AIMLESSLY WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED DOWN ON A WARM SUMMER NIGHT WHILE THE RADIO HUMS A PLAYLIST CURATED FOR YOU BY YOUR BEST FRIEND.

[ big ass bio ] | [ connections ] | [ pinterest ] | [ playlist ] 

ooc. 

omfg hello. i can’t tell you how excited and happy i am to be here. i was too nervous to apply for the last three months but i decided to stop being a Coward and just try. im SO happy to be here, it’s the highlight of my week tbh lmao. anyway i am mar, she/her, 24, est. i live in nyc and all i do is visit the planetarium and cry. i’m so fucking bad at these so im just gonna LIST things and hope you get the vibe. i am a pisces sun, scorpio moon. i prob have a napoleon complex a little bit lmao. my favorite social media site is goodreads and i get rlly sad when my friends rate books i love poorly dfljskdfs. i can touch my tongue to my nose. i eat a lot of persimmons. i have a favorite rock at my local park that i visit a lot. idk dfskjls. i’m v friendly tho so pls hmu. i send a lot of memes, and love making meme edits for the chars so im rlly sorry in advance if you guys hate that. 

01.      basics.

NAME.   dylan h. hawthorne. ALIASES. dyl, hawth.   AGE.  twenty. HOMETOWN. hartford, ct. GENDER.  cismale. PRONOUNS.   he/him.

 02.      appearance.

EYES.   green. HAIR.   brown. HEIGHT.   6”0 BUILD.   lean. BIRTHMARKS   /   BURNS   /   SCARS.   a birthmark the shape of australia on his left thigh. TATTOOS.   n/a. PIERCINGS.   n/a.

03.      habits.

ALCOHOL   ?  socially. SMOKING   ?  socially. HABITS.  fidgets in chairs. cracks knuckles and back often. nervous laughter. chewing on pencils. talking to his plants. dogearing books. staring off into space and applying chapstick for a prolonged period of time. getting overly competitive about boardgames. stress cleaning. carries a book in his bag always. night owl. incredibly impatient when the internet is slow. creature of habit when it comes to menus, orders the same shit over and over again. LIKES.   feeding the ducks at the local pond. the smell of the earth after a rainstorm. the way music sounds coming from another room. kissing. watering his plants. inside jokes. making wishes in fountains. discussing a recently finished book with someone. making handmade cards for friends on their birthday. fireworks. coming of age films. packages wrapped in twine. jogs. the way friday nights feels when you’re with someone you love. the feeling you get leaving the movie theatre. DISLIKES.   being late. having too many coins on him. coffee with no sugar. when people speak loudly in the library. doing laundry. handshakes with too much squeeze. receiving voicemails. untidiness. golf. charles dickens. lectures with no student input. hot weather. confrontation. being caught in a lie. losing his umbrella. people who cheat during games. rainboots. bad table manners. humidity.

04.      personality.

MYERS-BRIGGS.   infp. ENNEAGRAM. the helper. ZODIAC.   pisces. TEMPERAMENT.   melancholic. ALIGNMENT.   neutral good. ARCHETYPE.   the lover. POSITIVE.   empathetic. sensitive. intelligent. charismatic. easygoing. gentle. loyal. passionate. romantic. humble. supportive. gregarious. playful. diligent. NEGATIVE.   deceitful. gullible. finicky. naive. obsessive. perfectionistic. secretive. timid. possessive. weak-willed. indecisive. cynical. indulgent. summary: basically, dylan is a love starved, people pleasing nervous wreck. big ass nerd who wants to be everyones friend, wants to be liked SO BAD. very charming and charismatic, comes off as fairly confident and comfortable at first. is able to make everyone feel loved and like they’re the most important person in the world, however lacks a backbone. is both romeo and juliet, and just as dumb as both of them too. 

05.      hc’s.

dylan was a football player in high school, believe it or not. he was rather good at it too, which is sort of jarring considering his pacifistic nature. however, he DID land on someone incorrectly at some point during his senior year, and broke their wrist. he quickly abandoned the sport altogether because of how guilty he felt. 

touched on this briefly but dylan really… loves indiana jones lmao. like, it’s quite ironic given his absolutely inability to be a badass, and lack of suaveness. however, he admires indy’s lust for adventure. he also was obsessed with the mummy as a kid. both of these were incredible sources in his very irrational decision to sudden anthropology. however, he does really love and admire anthropology. his favorite ethnography is the spirit catches you and you fall down, which makes him cry like a little bitch every time he even thinks about it. 

he’s the second oldest, but he is also baby. he is SUCH a big momma’s boy. he misses his mom so much. he writes to her often, and of course calls her even more. despite being six-foot tall, he still goes home and rests his head on his mother's lap, falls asleep as she runs her fingers through his hair. he often tries to find native english plants and flowers to press, and mail back to his mother in the form of bookmarks. has nEVER STEPPED ON A CRACK IN HIS LIFE, BABY.

just leaves a shit ton of notes in books in the library. some are riddles, some are poetry, some are commentary on the book, some are doodles. just depends on how he’s feeling for that book. he doesn’t tell anyone he does it, but he’s waiting for someone to connect the dots with his handwriting and writing style. 

speaking of plants, his room is basically a big greenhouse. he has so many plants, and takes serious care of them all. he has a little humidifier in his space for them, marks down when he waters what plants, and has a label maker to label them all with a name. they are all named after shakespeare characters. 

dyl is a doodler, so much so that he contributes to the school paper as a cartoonist. his cartoons are usually just random thoughts he has, but sometimes they get political and he works marxism into them. (this man loves marx.) 

[ suicide implied tw, death mention tw ] he dresses like a victorian boy in love with his roommate who has recently died of scarlet fever and in his mourning, plans to disappear in the bog by the school by mysterious circumstances and become a ghost that haunts the college with his lover. like lots of gray and slacks and ties ands ties and sweaters, lol. also he has glasses that he never wears because he can never find them! catch him squinting in your classroom because he can’t see SHIT. too shy to ask you for your notes though, doesn’t wanna inconvenience you! but when he’s Out on the Town®, he fucking wears like, tacky patterned shirts that are expensive but ugly. someone please help him. 

all about fun socks! he loves owning socks that have dumb little images on them. if you get him a pair of fun socks, he’d absolutely go nuts. his entire week: made. 

he leaves his roommate limericks when he senses they are sad. tapes em to the bathroom mirror or leaves them in the fridge. also loves buying people presents. tiny ones. like haunted looking things from second hand stores, or your favorite chocolate. also is the sort of friend that has EVERYTHING in his bag, in case someone cuts themselves or has a headache. can be a bit of a mom himself. it’s the little things, y’know? 

prob still in his emo phase. listens to way too mcr to not be lmao.

eco-friendly king, will not stand for you not recycling. 

if you will allow him, he will attempt to have a secret handshake with you. he’s a child. is dying for someone to memorize the parent trap handshake and indulge him. 

cannot sit still in a chair. fidgets an excessive amount, the bobbing of his knee and the squirming around. it just never ends. 

bi. that’s the hc.

he’s a little bit in love with everyone he meets if you couldn’t tell, and it’s fucking disastrous. 

he is based loosely off: patroclus ( the song of achilles ), ponyboy curtis ( the outsiders ), laurie laurence ( little women ), eduardo saverin ( the social network ), remus lupin ( hp ), oliver marks ( if we were villains. ) 

( @opalsmedia​ )

[alex-fucking-dempsey]

SPOILERS FOR 13 REASONS WHY SEASON 4 EPISODE 1: WINTER BREAK

i was high almost the whole time this is a reaction ig sjsjsjs

Clay is narratating baby boy

Who tf died?

I called it monty fucking lived I FUCKING *flips tables*

So winston shut the fuck up if alex fucking goes to jail 🔪🔪🔪

Monty is horrfying omfg also the way hes talking abt the racial system

period tell him clay

aYO WHAT THE FUCK CLAY??? Is monty alive???

Clay looks so good shut the fuck up everyone

Dylan Minette pls sir get in guts

Clay is going insane lowkey scared

I miss Ryan Shaver n Scott Reed, end post

CLAY PUT THE GLASS AWAY MF

clay is too pretty im-

i hope tyler is okay ;-;

They are dating iM IM SORRY????

i just realize wtf is sheri? Where has been😭

clay lowkey reminds of tony

Tyler :(

tyler and clays friendship>>>

"ass shoes" - jess

Shes MOVING????

"Clay-cray" "clazy" the way i wanna marry Jessica

The way im high as hell the monty illusions i hate em

Alex dad >>>>

The only cop i stan

quick break: black lives matter.

okay Tony serve the looks

Where has justin been

ZACH MY BOY I LITERALLY LOVE HIM

PLEASE SIR LET ME LOVE YOU

ohhhhh justin was OHHHH

Okay but im zach showing up eveeywhere high as hell

justin n clay >>>>

Matt >>>>

jess n justin >>>

god i love this show sm sm

WE BITCH WHO IS WE

tony = tylers mom

Zach n alex stay a million feet apart for no reason

wAIT THIS DUDE

did he replace scott where is scott fuck u

US??? BITCH YOUR NEW GO AWAY WHO IS US

cookies: stan

alex is so nervous

oMG TYLER N NEW GUY HAVE VEEN CHILLING

I love zachs vibes

AGAIN WHO TF IS WE ANI SHUT UP

oh new guys name is charlie sisjsj

oH MY

justin what ;-;

you know what you tell her honey :(

I feel you lowkey jess :(

mERRY CHIRSTMASSSSSS

oh no ;-;

iF ALEX IS BEIBG LINKED BACK TO THW MURDER BY THIS STUPID COP IMA MD RIOT

alex looks so good rn sir pls

everyone: alex dont say anything

alex: SO FUCK YOU-

why does bill looknso diifferent

winston: mourning over his bf :(

winston needs to stoo being weird

Justin n clay getting new phones so sweet

Clay looks so good in that pic ;-;

why does everyone look so goddamn goos in the season wtf

hEY QUICK MF QUESTION DOES CLAY FUCKING DIE 🔪

ani n jess would make good friends with Sheri :(

I am one of the few who does like ani ngl

Justin serves looks sir pls

i swear i lean toward women but yall 😭the men in this mf show

Clay quit being awkward

I want ani and jess to live together

she best see her mom every weekend

sHE SAID: HER CURFEW IS 5 MF 🔪

does ani not like clay????

Yall jess best not be starting a forest fire

I forgot ani and bryce were fucking

ani is thicc lowkey

Yall i have work im upset

Is that the same whisper sound from assassins creed

WTF JESS SEEING BRYCE SCARED ME JESUS

ayo what the fuck?

yes jessica you fucking tell him

wtf is metal detector gonna do bro

I hate boland anyways

wINSTON QUIT LOOKING SO MF SUS

Estella is so pretty

Who is she Jess??

What???

Im confused

Zach >>>>

zach breathes and im all "wow so hot"

is no one going to college???

wINSTON GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM TYLER 🔪🔪🔪🔪

you getting cut if you are mean to my boy

thank god for ani

Fuck winston this lil mf gives me the heebegeebes

justins going to college imnso proud

oh shit winston is fine tho

also wtf do you mean it can kill you ima mess this mf up

wHY DID JESS GO BACK WITH- ANI PLEASE SHUT UP

okay ani pls dont call clay out (she wants a knife to her face)

poor clay has to pretend hes okay for everyone else

Im tired of seeing monty beibg a creep

Ani: *whispers* clay no wait-

LEAVE ESTELLA ALONE PERIOD

fuck off yall bitches

yEAH CHARLIE YOU TELL HER

who the fuck ONG

RHATS MONTYS SISTER WTF

monty n hannah n bryce: haunts ppl

CLAY GO RUN UP ON THOSE MFS

yall mfs really wanna box HURT CLAY-

OMG CLAY IS SO HOT PUNCH THAT MF

ani n clay: know who killed bryce

Also ani: THEY DONT WANNA BELIEVE HE KILLED BRYCE

im sorry???

tell ani clay :(

wINSTON DONT FUCKING TOUCH TYLER I WILL WHOOP UR MF ASS 🔪🔪🔪🔪

zACH N ALEX ZACH N ALEX EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP

alex: worried abt alex

zach quit being mean to ur bf

zach is being so inconsiderate eat ass bro

HES GONNA TAKE ALEX OUT OKAY NVM I LOVE HIM

:( they still wont take them back annoying

justin dont-

Snitches get stitches end up in ditches qnd get no bitches bro you know the code

okay clay dont get all pissy bro

that was a weird transition

EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP IM LITERALLY I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES ITS SCOTT OH MY GOD MY BOY

i had no idea he was a senior why didnt they say that

oh ny god this explains the absence of ryan then ig but i miss scott more than anything ong

This confirms clays in love with scott i dont make the rules

LOOK AT HOW SWEET SCOTT IS BEING ONG EVERYONE I LOVE HIM FUCK

clays jeans >>>

i was expecting hannah tbh not ani

omg no clay :( u cant save everyone- it would have been more powerful coming from hannah lowkey disapointed

clay is finally getting help, proud

Clay looks so fine omg im sorry but he looks great

everyone in this seasn is looking so fine wtf

Winston is so pretty :(

he rlly liked monty my heart lowkey is broken

wHAT THE FUCK ZACH

the WAY ZAHC JUST SAVED ALEXS LIFE

WHAT THE FUCK

IM SO CONFUSED

HE JUST KISSED HIM

ZACH SHUT THE FUCK UP

no :(

Im going to sob

I have a feeling theyll kiss again and itll be on zachs volition

The anxiety i havfor alex

Also lowkey zach kissed back

the fucks i give ima write so many fics istg yall

brb ima go get high rq

they are gonna trace it all back to clay im so nervous

tyler best keep his mouth shut

Clay is so funny sjsjsjs hes so scarcastic like okay emo edge lord

season 2 is still superior i stand by that statement

[anewarise]

HDM final episode (8) commentary + things I love.

Spoilers from series and book ahead. Doing because I need to share my crazy emotions.

• HERE WE ARE, ITS THE END OF THE SEASON AND IM IN PAINFULL HYPE! :D

• That's a Gun. Uh.

• Stelmaria please, don't spoil things for the non-readers.

• Little Lyra...that smile so sweet. My Lyra, deserves better.

• "You don't want me here?" It sounds so little. As little as she is. As she feel. Lyra's relationship with Asriel is one of fear respect and...

• Proud ok they just say it.

• Oh Asriel be careful feels are dangerous uhuh. Really Asriel and Marisa were a couple for Strong Reasons. He's thinkkng about what could have been. He's not there. He has a mission and don't includes Lyra.

• ITS SILVERTONGUE

• OH MY HEARTH LYRA. "I didn't call myself a father?" YOU ASHOOLE you should have think first in that instead of getting someone PREGNANT. REALLY. UGH. *more angry noises*

• *angry noises as Marisa's daemon*

• Oh. She's scared of Asriel, the encounter, the highs?

• Low strike míster but he got her there. And defences are activated. Yes, look at that woman OWNS everyone.

• Fray Pavel you poor thing. Really? Not even a thank you? Dammit Boreal.

• THE enemy...Asriel, I still don't know how you reach that idea in the first place. You don't just...uuuff this men is so frjstrating sometimes (ALL THE TIME)

• Roger you beutiful being. You're the best. I love you. You are Smart and brillant. And lovely. And so good to Lyra...

• Boreal ohhhh snap.

• AY LORD. THEY'RE LAUGHING. NO...MY HEARTH SO CUTE...

• Omg Roger... "because we change each others lifes"

• And Im crying. Is oficial now. GREAT.

• Oh, NOW you want to talk.

• Oh....I remember Lyra's clases in Lyra's Jordan episode. Beutiful paraller.

• Asriel is surprised by Marisa caring. Well there is a long ride for that one surprise.

• He is so nervous talking to her. That's why he keep talking about dust. You don't fool me. Comfortable zone isn't it.

• "Nobody comes from nothing" Good one. You tried at best. Well done.

• Will is running on stress and anxiety. Run boy run.

• RUN GIRL RUN.

• IM CRYING AGAIN ROGEEEEER

• This family dont stop lying do they????!

• SHE HAS A GUN DON'T BELIEVE HER

• Marisa you're feels are showing again.

• But I have to say it: Marisa Coulter has become one of the best characters even. I love her a lot now. She has own the show from start to end.

• I KNOW WHERE WILL IS GOING. I have never...I don't know how I recognised a place I have just imagined from book but I did.

• Roger you kn- WHERES THE SURPRISE FOR LYRA?????!!!! OMFG OMG ASRIEL YOU AKJDKAJXIWKDK

• Marisa personal army.

• IOREK TAKE LYRA OUT THERE C'AMON

• Nooo NOOOO LEAVE HIM BE NOOO

• The music is killing me.

• The Ice bridge. A goodbye. Nothing will be the same.

• This imagery always makes me shivers. And the music and silence fit. Is perfect. Once she has cross it. There's no going back. For anything.

• AY THE SCREAMS. NO.

• NononoNO Ay NO!

I blaked out throught the rest of the episode but I express my thoughts:

• Marisa and Asriel scene is still surrealist for me. It has just the same dream feel as in the books. A child just died. Roger just died. But what do they care about that? They're adults. In a mission who they think is more important than one's little boy's life.....the most important and special boy in Lyra's life.

• Lyra deserves to watch that encounter but somehow I think is better this way. She is already traumatized and she doesn,t even know.

• Roger mourning somehow reveals how little Lyra really is. She doesn't know what to do. Where to go. Somehow, even if Pan is right about dust, the truth is that she is going to follow that path, lost and with fear, because she is so in shock that the better lie or the most surprising turnos of events sounds more rational that what just happen before her. She will catch the dream just formed and use it has a rock. Because she doesn't have anywhere to turn.

• Will coming throught the window was expected for me. Good paraller.

Anddddd thats it! There are so many many things I would like to say, but it's almost 3 a.m. and need my mund cleary for it.

This journey has been...short somehow, bit totally worth it. It hasn't been perfect but you know? It has been good, and good enough for me. I think it have been treted carefull and made with love for the readers and love for the characters even! Im satisfied in a general scheme and I LOVE the actors and the characters management. I am really happy to have this unexpected gift that HDM is and to have share it with a lot of people who is around here, even if Im more the quite silent person who reblogs everything.

I can see the love everybody has, the emotions almost all share. Its wonderful. Its beutiful. Now its time to make it last just a little more ;)

[blookmallow]

lookerdewitt replied to your post “hmm i havent seen the original but it seems like samara is still...”

i havent seen the ring but ive noticed a lot of american remakes of japanese horrors tend to be.... weird abt it like i watched the beginning of the american grudge remake and the white protagonist was just so insenstivie that i turned it off. shes like, living in japan and at the beginning shes like... creepily watching a japanese family mourn at a cemetary with her white coworker and shes commenting abt how ritualistic and wierd the way japanese ppl mourn is

(like by burning incense and bringing gifts of food and shit even though it wont be eaten) and i was like lmao bitch im excited for the japanese demon to kill u. it was just weird bc it takes place in japan and the evil creatures are sitll japanese literally the only difference is the hero were rooting for is white? from the sounds of it the ring is better but it rly rubbed me the wrong way lmao

what the fuck omfg

i havent seen either version of the grudge yet but thats DEFINITELY fucked

other people....... have different mourning processes than me??????? HOW DISTURBING!!!!

also i got to the end and it was. very unclear but they found a birth certificate or something that seemed to imply samara wasn’t adopted after all but was born to a woman who had been repeatedly miscarrying and i guess they. said she was adopted bc her birth didnt make sense. or. something. i dont know 

also im still not sure if she was intended to be japanese for some reason (there were still japanese kanji or something in anna’s file but it was just like. briefly there without explanation) but the girl playing her was white so it looks like the. weirdness i thought was there was maybe not actually but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ still kinda poorly explained

the thing w/ the grudge sounds Absolutely A Mess though 

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale 3.16 Thoughts *Spoilers*

- TBH Hermione does have a point. After what happened to Midge in Carrie… you go for this musical? But whatever Cheryl wanted it and she’s going to get it because THAT’S MY FUCKING BABY OKAY

- THE OPENING IS KEVIN AND A SOLO THIS IS ALL I EVER NEEDED! Also why does his voice/this remind me of Winn from Supergirl???

- Why does the girl in the background look just like Midge??? That’s—

- What the fuck is that choreography tho sksksksks

- MY GIRL VERONICA ❤️❤️❤️ She’s so sad about her and Reggie breaking up catch me CRYING

- ARCHOSIE AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW BITCHHHHHHH

- I hate to admit that that tiny bughead peck was kinda c*te

- “Why did I hit him?” bitch… who? Also Reggie wondering why he’s a creep I’m—what? he’s changed wtf I don’t see how he’s a creep/why he was a douchebag but alright

- SWANGS ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ALSO I PAUSED AND ARCHIE LOOKS LIKE FRED IM CRYING

- “Are all of you this miserable?” well… yeah… they can never be kids because your bitch ass husband’s plot is being dragged on that it’s boring now so like… yeah… and now they’re being manipulated by a stupid ass tree so ummm

- “She was a real mess after her breakup with Toni” no 😭😭 but love that they literally broke them up just to base the musical around it like… seriously? lol alright at least I know they get back together because they’re the top and only few healthiest couples on the show so

- TONI AND THE POISONS.

- First off… Reggie shoving Fangs and calling him a geek…? Okay… BUT HIM SHOVING SWEET PEA INTO CHERYL BITCH!!!! Cher calling my boy a pervert I’m sad I want them to be boss ass bitch friends like that’s all I need!!

- OMG JORDAN’S VOICE “WHAT DID I EVER DO TO THEM?” literally just choke me bye

- Betty I get that you automatically hate his choice for making Evelyn co-director but uhhhh he directed the last one with Fangs so your sentence is plain wrong lol

- Poor baby Fangs, the trauma of Midge he never got to really address because last time he was accused of her murder and then almost killed himself so like he never had time to mourn I’m—lmao did Kevin just say no to that or like was he being like “no bitch we’re going to talk about Midge fuck your trauma”

- SP’s pettiness love it. “STRAIGHT” reggie neither you or Archie are straight but cool

- LET CHERYL SAY FUCK 2K19

- This is why they were all lying down? That’s… weird but okay. ALSO I hate agreeing with Betty that this entire thing was to recruit people into the farm :( it’s weird because mostly what Betty does is annoying but this season she’s been mostly okay.

- MY CHONI HEART JUST GOT SHOT

- BITCH SKSKSKS “ARE WE GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM?”

- SKSKSK WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR THAT HAIR WHIP SOUND EFFECT

- “SHUT UP TONI” MY—CHERYL JUST PUSHED HER NO

- Evelyn… leave SP’s solo alone :( he deserves this. HE’S LITERALLY A LEAD TOO

- Betty, one of the main’s in the play, is telling Evelyn this musical is for recruitment. Then why tf are you in it Betty

- FP being dismissive of Jughead and how much he cares about the trailer? Smells fishy… 

- Poor Veronica. like yeah her dad is a cunt but like it’s her parents… my poor baby

- So what if he knows? He’s doing illegal shit, it doesn’t fucking matter??? He’s such a whiny pissbaby

- SP BEING ALL CUTE AND SHIT. LMAO “YOU NEED A JELLO-O SHOT” SKSKS WE NEED MORE CUTE HAPPY SP PLEASE AND THANKS

- Veggie… is hot… I love them and want them back together :(

- oH NO SP SAW ARCHOSIE MY BOY IS SO SAD

- TONI AND THE POISONS YESSSSS

- whO THE FUCK IS SITTING IN THE TUB ALICE WAS ALMOST DROWNED IN

- VEGGIE. VERONICA LOOKS SO GOOD UGH I LOVE THEM. Stop with the “Endgame” not only because ew but because she’s said that to Archie and that may be… triggering.

- Did Evelyn just give Kevin a spiked brownie…

- Evelyn you sneaky bitch… I know this is what brings Kangs together but I didn’t want it like this!!!

- FANGS… wow an actual line that provides insight into his life? Mmhm

- That almost smile Fangs gave… was cute… but I’m not here for this recruitment.

- SP IS A PETTY BITCH SKSKSKS like that’s bad but like… shit I can’t wait for SP to rage and save his best friend from a stupid ass cult

- “That is what we in the theater call a breakthrough” um I assume you’ve never been in theater but also I don’t think that’s correct…

- ALSO ALL THIS BERONICA IS SO SWEET I MISS THEM. Still, though, Betty needs to apologize for all of the shit she’s done and said to Veronica

- “He’s a real class act, that Sweet Pea…” girl he has every right to be upset though. I mean he shouldn’t have outed your relationship. Also, the definition of “class act” is a person or thing displaying impressive and stylish excellence so like is that supposed to be an insult…?

- Reggie is so good ughhhhh 😻😻

- Evelyn go away you shady bitch. Also what’s the point of getting mad at Toni for wearing red? lol

- DEAD GIRL WALKING BITCHH I LOVE THIS. OH MY GOD PEACHES? THIS IS THE SCENE? SHE JUST CAME ONTO PEACHES. NOW SWEET PEA. THIS IS THE SCENE. Also Jordan’s voice… choke me! ALSO I love how he’s down with it though? Like I’m guessing this isn’t him and Toni’s first thing… but why are they doing this threesome on the stage lmaooooo

- SKSKKSKS PEACHES AND PEA (MMHM why does that sound nice… she beat him up nooo) LOOK AT EACH OTHER LIKE “THIS BITCH MADE US UNDRESS AND THEN LEAVES” like thank GOD because Choni but still

- NO ONE CAN TELL ME DIFFERENTLY, SP LIKES TO BE BOSSED AROUND. HE’S A SUBMISSIVE. The way Toni pointed and he just followed? He loves being bossed around bye my story Unholy is correct thank you and goodbye

- GOTTA ADMIT THE “can I borrow your camera?” WAS CUTE OKAY

- OH THIS IS WHERE KANGS GETS LIKE MARRIED LMAO I’ve wanted Kangs (less than Swangs yeah but whatever) BUT NOT LIKE THIS. ALSO DREW’S VOICE FUCK MEEEEE. the kiss 😭❤️ aLSO WOULDN’T IT BE EASIER TO TAKE A VIDEO BETTY LOL

- Archie practicing his moves looks so weird when it’s not on a punching bag or anything like—

- Archosie uwu THIS DUET FUCK ME UPPPPP THIS IS SO CUTE. JOSIE’S ABS FUCKKKK 

- Did Betty seriously think that her taking that picture would work??? Should’ve taken a video but mmhm

- How did Toni get in. I feel like Cheryl would have immediately taken her key. BUT ALSO THE HEATHER’S REFERENCE. AND CHONI. UGH CHERYL’S ABOUT TO CRY STOP STOP STOP!!! Literally this scene proves that Choni is the HEALTHIEST couple on this show like they ACTUALLY took time to talk through their shit (kinda, not the full thing but the start of it at least)

- Did… Jughead just call the Ghoulies/Serpents tonsils??????????

- “… the longing for what they’ve lost” *Swosie looks at one another KNOWING this bitch did this on purpose* COLE SINGING OMFG this really irks me that Bughead has actually been kinda cute on this episode? CHONI BITCH YES. NEVERMIND BUGHEAD GO AWAY I JUST WANT MY TWO QUEENS

- Also if this doesn’t include Swosie… why were they given the sheets and shit from Kevin and whatnot? This is evil. But this proves that Bughead COULD be cute and healthy if they weren’t these annoying little shit heads that they are now like let them be kids and normal and not shitty people… it’s not that hard.

- Betty… I was about to say that you telling him to not let his emotions get the best of him was actually a good idea but then you suggested burning down his fucking trailer. I get it, you’re a Blossom, but chill the fuck out. You ALMOST had a good idea and weren’t being stupid… but now you ruined it.

- Boo fucking hoo your wife tried to kill you Hiram

- So now that even Hiram says that there’s no family anymore… can he let her and Archie (bc come on that all can’t go away with some words and a handshake/mutual agreement) the fuck go? ALSO POOR VERONICA

- OH THIS IS THE SONG EVERYONE WAS PRAISING LAST NIGHT. CAMI IS SUCH A GREAT ACTOR WE LOVE AND STAN A QUEEN!!!

- First of all… SP saying hi to Evelyn… not sure how I feel about that. SECOND OF ALL FANGS IS THE CUTEST BYE

- THE BLOT THING IS SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

- Bughead really get off to violence and shit huh… that’s… weird. But sure.

- why is Betty wearing the crown sweater it looks so weird idk why and Jughead looks so out of place lol

- SWEET PEA GETTING INTO IT IN THE BACK SHITTTTTTT

- Oh this cult clap is creepy… why… that’s so weird stop. Also it’s not like other people to not join in on the clapping but alright

[steeledstark-blog]

some meta on sansa and arya and the evolution of their relationship through sansa's eyes?

@ofwintcrfell​ || send me stuff to meta || always accepting

Hi omg thank you so much for sending this in because look, Sansa & Arya is one dynamic I can just go on about for ages. I’ve been meaning to write this up and ew this is so long shjsgfjsf I am sorry.

 I would like to start this essay ( it literally is omfg ) with a quote, probably one MOST associated with them:

“You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you.”

& this always seemed to be applied to Arya’s end … but Sansa needed it just as much. She needed to realize that she needed her sister for strength, support, needed to RESPECT that Arya was not the perfect lady, that it didn’t mean that Arya just didn’t FIT into the narrative Sansa created for them. But I am getting ahead of myself, doing mini headers here to help organize myself better bc least organized hoe ever. see it under the cut bc fuck im getting this all out ok. 

CHILDHOOD

Look, Sansa was very much a perfectionist, so much of her childhood built on the assumptions she made on how life was supposed to be, everything fitting together nicely like in a song. Everything in her life, she tried to fit into songs and the social standards provided to her. She and Arya are very much Foils and so much tension from youth originates from Sansa, a lack of understanding that anyone wouldn’t devote their life to being liked, to making things easy for others. For being the perfect lady.

I don’t think things were really harsh between them back then though. Arya was annoying in her eyes, she was a pain and she was embarrassed by her, caring so much about what others think ( which really heightened in the pre-teen years ), but this quote, this one quote, really reflects how I think they had their moments. Moments which stuck with Sansa years later.

Things were simpler, they laughed and joked around, 

“She remembered a summer’s snow in Winterfell when Arya and Bran had ambushed her as she emerged from the keep one morning. They’d each had a dozen snowballs to hand, and she’d had none. Bran had been perched on the roof of the covered bridge, out of reach, but Sansa had chased Arya through the stables and around the kitchen until both of them were breathless. She might even have caught her, but she’d slipped on some ice. Her sister came back to see if she was hurt. When she said she wasn’t, Arya hit her in the face with another snowball, but Sansa grabbed her leg and pulled her down and was rubbing snow in her hair when Jory came along and pulled them apart, laughing.“ 

AND LOOK OK this is such a sisterly thing. To tease, to chase, but when things seem serious, make sure the other is okay and uninjured. When you are sure they are fine, fuckin attack them with snow, 

This pushes Sansa into embracing more of the fire which always seemed timid, meeting arya’s boldness, pulling her down, playfighting. Pulling out wolfish movements. They are laughing, this is a game to them,

This is the first instance of Arya bringing out the Stark in Sansa. And at the basis of Sansa needing her, it’s for the strength, for feeling like she can be brave too, that she can be Northern despite how people always says the South suits her. 

But then comes growing up more, and here I NEED to address something. Sansa bullied Arya. She said hurtful things, sometimes downright cruel, and it is constantly repeated in Arya’s POV chapters, clearly sticking with her. I love Sansa with all my heart but this treatment was NOT okay and it needs to be recognized. 

Why? Growing up, hormones, no adults really stopping her, Arya didn’t let it show how much the words cut. ( PSA not excusing Sansa here, she acted like most middle school girls act, my sister and I did the exact same to each other growing up at that age, we both regret it, and we both cannot tell you why, it’s that age - i know this may be a lazy excuse for it, but I really am stumped here ) 

But also after talking it out with people about sisters in general, is it a sister thing? bc i’ve heard from so many about sisters who did tease each other and it can get to that really hurtful point and yeah going to cut my ramble off here . . .

And then comes the direwolf situation, and its easiest for Sansa to place blame and frustrations on Arya, more than on the one she is convinced she can find love with and marry, more than the Queen who she admires, and most of all, it’s easier than the guilt of BLAMING HERSELF. Arya, is an unfair outlet to that, but still where she takes it out for a while.

KING’S LANDING

But you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone. Sansa didn’t. And over her time in King’s landing, she finds herself missing Arya. Finds herself constantly looking to see her. It’s not mentioned much in the books, I mean their associations has always been more mentioned in Arya’s POV chapters, but it’s here distance makes the heart stronger.

Sometimes, Sansa tries to meet eyes with the girl who is no longer there, meet eyes to be fed strength. She misses the rebellion, misses the free spirit. She believes Arya is dead and mourns her along with the rest of her household and her father.

But she can’t dwell too much, she needs to focus on survival. But this time she comes to appreciate her heritage more, regret the past, so much that she digs up what to regret and regrets it as well.

She dreams of her future, daydreams of it and when thinking of her children,

“sometimes there was even a girl who looked like arya.” perhaps showing an openness to who Arya was, an openness in her heart to try again, coming with maturing and realizing what is important. 

She dreams of seeing her family again, dreams of what she would change, and of course Arya is there. Arya, who had never deserved her blame or anger. Arya, who was different but that did not necessarily make her a bad bit in Sansa’s life. Arya, whose honest and true to self nature she much preferred to those around her.

Someone who would fight for her.

Someone, who she realized despite the cruel words exchanged, she would fight for now. 

But with Alayne Stone as a storyline as well, more of ‘ Sansa ’ is pushed down, and that includes her family, but still, Arya keeps surfacing, she cannot stop thinking about her sister.

And later on, moving into the show timeline beyond the books …

“summer is the time for squabbles” 

winter comes and the wolves come together

So upon a reunion, I imagine immediate warmth, lots of crying bc thought she was dead . .  

but a lot of uncertainty too because they are now different people, but there’s a chance actually getting to know each other? And it is something Sansa would look forward to, Approaching with an open heart.

There will be an appreciation for who she became, ( a show quote I stand by, calling Arya the strongest person she’s met, and not just by physical ability, but also emotionally and mentally ) Sansa would feel guilt for a child under appreciated and the pain she caused. And through the years she won’t stop apologizing even when told she was forgiven.

Actions would be taken to make things right between them. 

apologies, admiration, and solidarity. it is all I ask for with the future between them, and it is certain on Sansa’s end. She is never going to turn her back on family again.

And she will love Arya for all she is, and seek out the best ending for who they can become, together.

[ethospathoslogan]

Well what about friends that go to school with you? That's be fun to hang out with them again! Or some classes that you have fun in?

sneaky anon, u saw my post before i deleted it!!!

but

y e a h

abt,,, friends,,,, and everything else,,,

how do i put it

i go to a commuting school and i’m uhhhh actually really shit at making friends!!! and, listen, i’m not saying that i don’t have friends. i have two practical best friends from the swim team (we’re gonna ignore the fact that one of them is graduating this year). and i’m starting a club (i’ll get to that) so the three people that i’m starting it with are all super nice and i would consider one of them a friend.

and, like, with my two super close friends, i’m fine with bc i see them practically every day of the fall semester for swimming. so that’s fine. but with my other friends, i just get so super socially anxious going out with them? like, i was really socially anxious back in 8th/9th grade and i thought it just went away but turns out i just got comfortable with my old friend group and now all of them went away to college and i’m just here struggling to remember how to make friends and find the courage to go out with them omfg.

do you get what i’m saying??? idk if that made sense. basically, w/ the five friends i have (including two acquaintances), it’s very hard for me to go out with them bc i suddenly get super anxious. it’s easier with my two super close friends, bc we’re super close (as i’ve said), but even then there’s still this feeling of “oh my god what am i gonna say what are we gonna do what if they judge me”. and then with the others, i’m stuck in this “i want to be your friend and i want to be close but i feel like i’m low key drowning and i feel so awkward and i can’t help it”.

and then i’m taking 15 credits, which is the normal amount, but it doesn’t help with the fact that i am uhhhh dreading four out of five of my classes, and that one class that i am looking forward to is an online class (and my only english class) so i don’t even get a discussion. like, i’m taking two speech courses (ew x2), a math course (ew x1000), and an education class (idek if i really want to do education anymore) and i am dreading all of those. also, my education course requires 20 hrs of observation, so i have to fit that in. and then i’m taking a shakespeare course!!! with a professor that i love!!! except it’s an online course so i don’t even get the thrill of an in class discussion. also, it’s a 300 course and the professor, while i love her, is a tough grader.

and, idk if i’ve mentioned this, but i have held two 4.0s this year and, like, i know that it’s gonna drop and i also know i’m gonna have a complete absolute meltdown when it does bc my “””family bragging point””” has been that i have a 4.0 and am super smart and i feel super validated bc family members have legit called me to congratulate me on that and i :))) need that :))) bc i constantly feel :))) like i need to prove :))) my intelligence

and then i of course have swimming, which takes up 5/6 days of the week, two hours a day. except now i’ve heard that my coach wants us to do doubles, so i could end up swimming 4 hrs a day, five days a week, with either another practice on saturday or a swim meet. so not only do i have to work around that, i also have to make sure that i’m keeping my body healthy and getting sufficient rest, which hasn’t happened since uhhh december.

and then i have to figure out my work schedule. originally, i didn’t want to work night shifts bc they tire me out, except now it looks like those will be the only shifts i can take. and i need to work. i’m going to be 19yrs old, i can’t resort back to asking my parents for money like im 14 lmao. plus, i need money for my own lunches and simple pleasures and etc etc etc.

and then i’m starting a club with three of the five friends that i mentioned above. except, the thing is, i shouldn’t be starting a club with them. i have no time to do anything already. and now i am most likely going to be having to find ways to fit in club meetings and events while also working around work, sports, and observations. and i’m the secretary, which i thought was gonna be the easier position, except it turns out that i basically keep track of what everyone is doing at all times and i help hold the club together. so, if something goes wrong, it’s my fault. (:

the club is probably gonna be fine once i start, maybe, but i also love pessimism and it seems like, next semester, i’m gonna be one breath away from freaking out at all times bc i am so easily stressed it’s not even funny (it’s not, my hypochondria makes me worry abt it, but we’re not gonna talk abt that rn).

so, yeah, everything is a lot rn omg

basically, i am mourning the lose of my sanity and mental state bc things are gonna go to shit when september starts.

and, who knows, maybe i’m just freaking out!!! maybe i’m wrong and everything is gonna be fine. but let’s just map out a written out schedule

monday: classes straight through from 8am-12pm. swimming times- ???, work times-???

tuesday: this will have to be a day i do observations. online class. math class at 5pm. swimming times-???, work times-???

wednesday:classes straight through from 8am-12pm. swimming times- ???, work times-???

thursday: this will have to be a day i do observations. online class. math class at 5pm. swimming times-???, work times-???

friday: no classes, swim times-???, work times-???

*club meetings are either every other tuesday or every other thursday, will most likely conflict with swim

**i am not working five days a week, but i don’t even know what days i am working/can work in the first place

so, basically, to sum up this overextended ask, i feel my heart rate increase and my life span decline every time i think of fall semester. i am bad at making friends and basically will have no free time to do anything, so let’s hope this blog doesn’t suddenly run dry come september!!! ahaha!!!

[fangirl6202]

I'm About To Listen To Dear Evan Hansen for the first time

Before starting, I'd like to state all I know about this musical;

• Someone has a cast?

• There's a dude named Evan

• Someone's dead??

• Wtf? Something about trees?

• Connor and Evan are an otp, I expect to ship it when I'm finished.

Ok, lets go!!

Anybody Have A Map?:

• It sounds like a mom is telling her kid to not be the weird kid at a new school...

•This Connor kid sounds like an asshole.... I like him already!

• Cynthia and Heidi have wicked harmonies just sayin'

Waving Through A Window:

• Wtf does driving have to do with anything???

• Ok this songs nice

• This is the good shit holy shit

For Forever:

• I'm only 50 seconds in right now, and I hope he's talking about him and Connor (or him and Evan? I can't differentiate the voices whoops)

• HE LOOKS AROUND AND SAYS TO ME THERES NO WHERE ELSE ID RATHER BE AND I SAY ME TOO

• THERES THE GAY SHIT I WANTED

• YEP. I SHIP IT.

• YEEEEEEEEEEET

• the song is gETTING CLIMATIC AND IM GETTING SCARED

• SHIT HE FELL

• "buddy"

• THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

Sincerely, Me:

• I THINK OF YOU EACH NIGHT SKJSZBKBZSKSJDKDHHXSJDG

• THIS TOOK SUCH A TURN OMFG

• WAIT WHO THE FUCK IS JARED

• SO WAIT. WHO SAID THE NIPPLE THING?!

• THIS JARED IS AWESOME OMFG

• *sends pictures of trees*

• This so catchy 😂

• NOT BECAUSE WE'RE GAY DSSJSSNSN

Requiem:

• CONFESSION - I've heard this song before (once) but I didn't understand any of it

• It starts out sounding really different compared to the other songs....

• Who tf is Zoe?

• OH ZOE IS CONNOR'S SISTER

• why does Connor's dad(?) sound good, that threw me off

• WAIT IS CONNOR DEAD?! WAHT.

If I Could Tell Her:

• I'm still mourning give me a minute

• Yeah, I'm going to assume Connor's dead cause they use past tense

• THIS IS SO PURE???

[amourete-blog1]

(( whaaat? a civil conversation??

tagging: @sugary-empress @hereticalsym69ls @auratimoris

begin log:

sugary-empress )(ey, I'm gonna go destroy t)(e Overseer, are you gonna come or do you too value Xant)(e's )(ig)( minded ideals over )(is ability to control )(is own mind?~ O)( wait, you blocked me, nebbermind~

aberrantcadenza ... Well, actually.

I'll. Yeah, I have some explaining to do. But I need to arrange something for Xanthe's safety so let me do that first? And uh. Then I'll answer that. Sorry to keep you waiting.

sugary-empress Sure fin, dear~

[[ And then Felide finished up this conversation we just saw ]]

aberrantcadenza Okay, now that that's done. Who is "the Overseer"?

sugary-empress ???~ Seriously?~ T)(e gill in Xant)(e's pan~

aberrantcadenza Oh, her? You know where she is?

sugary-empress S)(e may )(ave moved, if s)(e was really willing to give up )(er collection, but I can find )(er~ We were pretty close for a bit, I'm able to find people wit)( magic trickster s)(it if I'm familiar wit)( t)(e feel of t)(em~

aberrantcadenza You said "you too" - did you ask someone else about this?

sugary-empress Du)(, Corvin~ )(e seemed t)(e type to care, I suppose I overestimated )(im~

aberrantcadenza No... I don't think you overestimated him. We were also discussing killing her. How soon do you plan to go?

sugary-empress O)(, good, it must )(ave just been a me issue~ Per)(aps in a few nig)(ts, I'd prefer Xant)(e be better so I know s)(e isn't in t)(ere w)(en s)(e dies~ T)(at kind of fin can lead to possession, super unpleasant~

aberrantcadenza Jesus, I'll bet. My first priority is Xanthe and his health and stability. ... Fooor that reason. I'm not... saying no just yet. I need time to think. Saying yes would be going against him and uh. Considering he's my life mate, that's kind of a big deal. Give me time? I'll get back to you before then.

sugary-empress And mine as well~ Of course, I completely understand~ T)(ank you~ I'm so glad )(e found you again~

aberrantcadenza :?? You are?

sugary-empress Yea)(???????~ Dude )(e loves you SO muc)(~

aberrantcadenza Well, yes but... I didn't really think anyone else cared :'33 Except now that they have to deal with us being sappy at each other.

sugary-empress Anyone w)(o cares aboat )(im cares~ I've seen )(im missing you since )(e made a blog~ Lmao, sorry, I'm being all weird~

aberrantcadenza :oo Oh... No, it's alright. I'm just dealing with a lot right now, don't worry. Attention divided. ... For what it's worth, I'm glad to be back. And I'm sorry I blocked you without warning.

sugary-empress Mm~ It's not like I'm not used to it by now~

aberrantcadenza :((

sugary-empress I accept your apology~

aberrantcadenza Xanthe told me I wasn't ready to talk to you and I guess I should have listened. I got stressed and overwhelmed and I thought I'd just quietly step out. I'll be honest, though... I didn't intend to unblock you just yet? But we can call it a happy accident :'33

sugary-empress Xant)(e is usually rig)(t, it's annoying!~

aberrantcadenza Right??

sugary-empress O)(, I see~ (It's )(is one flaw)~

aberrantcadenza *Fuck.* I had intended to unblock you when I felt up to it, hopefully in the future, but... one of the wrigglers got to it first. I looked away for two seconds and they broke my blog. I actually can't block anyone now, apparently.

sugary-empress Oo)(, yikes~

aberrantcadenza But... the good news is, I'm finding from experience that I do feel a little better.

sugary-empress Got anyone worse t)(an me blocked?~ 38( T)(at is good, at least!~

aberrantcadenza Nah. Just someone else's matesprit that I didn't get along with... I don't plan on engaging him anytime soon. :PP I think we'll be just fine.

sugary-empress Good!~ By t)(e way, I know I'm way late, but I'm sorry for your loss~

aberrantcadenza :!! It's okay! I'm just... wow. I'm surprised you remembered. ... Thank you for the thought. Did you know her?

sugary-empress I didn't know )(er well, but I knew )(er and know t)(is site well enoug)( t)(at I doubt you got enoug)( condolences~ I saw a few celebratory posts~ T)(at doesn't feel good~

aberrantcadenza X(( The celebratory posts escaped my notice, but honestly, I never expected anyone to mourn.

aberrantcadenza She wasn't close to a lot of people. Really she said I was "different" than other trolls somehow... which leads me to believe I may have been the only one she tolerated. I was trying to help her see otherwise at the time of her death.

sugary-empress Mourning t)(e dead isn't a requirement to be a good person~ Compassion for t)(e survivors is~ Yes, I know~

aberrantcadenza :00 That's wise.

sugary-empress If you'd )(ad time, you would )(ave been to )(er w)(at Xant)(e was to me~ O)( yea)(, t)(at's w)(at t)(ey say aboat me, lol~ Wisdom out t)(e ass over )(ere~

aberrantcadenza You're honestly a breath of fresh air after the past few days I've had. Thank you... Even as little as it might seem. I was intending to help her the way Xanthe said he's been trying to help you, yeah. Just... that first step is a little hard.

sugary-empress O)(, well~ You're welcome~ I'm glad~ 38) All t)(e steps are )(ard, but getting one of us to care aboat one single troll is t)(e foot in t)(e door~ It's all down)(ill from t)(ere~

aberrantcadenza X33 Seems like it was a bit of a slow decline then, with Pangea... six perigees wasn't enough to do much at all.

sugary-empress It never is~ It took Xant)(e a squidillion sweeps plus Sparks magically making me a fucking mortal to do anyfin to me, and I'm still very~ You know~ (Gestures at all of me and my w)(ole blog)~

aberrantcadenza You two have known each other some time, then. :00 I always feel like I'm interrupting something when I talk to his longtime friends :'33 I didn't come to this site immediately, although we were resurrected not too far apart from each other.

sugary-empress My dear, we're t)(e ones w)(o were interrupting~ Fuck, I petnamed at you again, I'm so bad at not doing t)(at~

aberrantcadenza :00c No, it's... alright, actually. Thank you for remembering, but it's okay if you mess up.

sugary-empress Anyways, you guys were first, anyone w)(o doesn't get t)(at or is jealous is an enormous toolbag~ >You were SUPER jealous, but you're also well aware that you're an enormous toolbag.

aberrantcadenza I appreciate your saying so, but honestly jealousy is understandable X'33 What matters is what we do with it. I feel bad that he pined for so long. I'm glad he was able to open up to others, though...

sugary-empress T)(at's true!~ It's like t)(at dumb bulls)(it people say, w)(at you sink is )(ow you were raised, but w)(at you actually do is w)(o you actually are, or waterver~ Mm, yea)(~

aberrantcadenza "Wisdom out the ass" strikes again. X33

sugary-empress Omfg~ Yoar so muc)( fun to glub at~ 38)

aberrantcadenza You too! :33 Now that I'm like. You know, more prepared to actually socialize... I'm finding our confursations rather fintriguing!

sugary-empress Do tell me if I get to be too muc)(, I know I'm kind of a lot, in like, every way~

aberrantcadenza :00 ! And likewise, haha... I guess I'm okay now, but when I get heated I can be a little much :'33 Thank you for your clawnsidpurration.

sugary-empress It's also super fun to glub at a fellow pun ent)(usiast~ Clawnsidpurration is GR------EAT~

aberrantcadenza :DD ! I'm glad you think so! I like punning, just... haven't felt up to doing so much lately.

sugary-empress I sink we've all been t)(ere~

aberrantcadenza X'33 Yeah... But talking to you has catually lifted my spirits quite a bit. It's weird, but... nice.

sugary-empress I'm super glad I could kelp~

aberrantcadenza I've got to run and meet Nadaya now. But purrhaps we'll be glubbing again more in the future? :00

sugary-empress I wis)( I could do anyfin for Xant)(e, but I sink you guys )(ave it covered, as muc)( as anyfin can be done~ I'd like t)(at!~ Farewell~

aberrantcadenza We're doing our best, for sure. He's in good hands. Take care! :33

bonus ooc content for extra laughs, in the middle of the conversation re: pangea:

sugary-empress ((WAIT THAT DID HAPPEN AFTER CONDY WAS BLOCKED RIGHT)) aberrantcadenza (( YEAH YOU'RE GOOD sugary-empress ((I thought it was but if it wasn't then like "I know I'm late but I'm sorry for ur loss" "U didn't say anything when it happened" "Yeah I didn't care haha"))