#IM SO MAD BC I HAD WAY MORE
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me as a kid: i have all these problems
every adult around me: you're not old enough to know what's wrong with you, you're fine
me as an adult: i still have all these problems
my doctors after i finally got the opportunity to choose them myself: oh my fucking god why have you never gotten help for all these problems. you should have seen me 10 years ago
#problems i have finally gotten help for that i was told i was not old enough to know about:#AMPS (was told it was anxiety and then when i kept coming back they said it was fibro Quite Literally just to get me to shut up)#(like the doc i just saw literally said 'they diagnose fibromyalgia here when they dont know what the problem is but dont feel like testing)#multiple food allergies (was also told the stomach pain and vomiting was anxiety)#seborrheic dermatitis (i was told 'youre just stressed thats why you have a rash')#(which- if im so stressed my skin is literally dying MAYBE I STILL NEED HELP?????????)#autism and adhd (my father knew! but refused to get me assessed bc if i dont have a diagnosis theres no problem right :)#anxiety disorder (oh so when I'm in pain i DO have anxiety but when i say i have anxiety I'm overreacting okay)#dyscalculia and possibly dyslexia ('you just need to try harder' I've asked for a tutor five times)#some of my doctors don't actually believe me about some of these problems BECAUSE i have no records from when i was a kid#they're like 'it just popped up at 18? seems suspicious......' like I WASN'T ALLOWED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR'S UNTIL THEN#there's definitely more but I'm still mad abt it#i might not be in a wheelchair Almost All The Time if i had gotten help BEFORE i lost half the feeling in my legs#i KNEW the fibro was a BS diagnosis#i tried to get assessed for autism at 16 and was told i have schizotypal personality disorder instead with literally zero testing#like my psych just refused to allow me to get tested for autism she was like 'no you have spd i Just Know'#same psych that said there was zero way i had anything like DID because my symptoms didn't present Exactly like the Only other#patient at the clinic with DID. i want to note that that was a 14 year old boy still being actively abused#and i was a 20 year old who was in a safe environment and had distanced myself from my abusers and stressors
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Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.
They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)
It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.
And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc
(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.
I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"
No.
I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?
No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didnāt give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.
That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you donāt see Steve and Buckyās relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)
Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.
Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!
I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif
"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER
Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.
It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.
So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.
**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))
or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.
But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"
Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.
The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.
"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.
Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.
#oh boy here we go again#im once again SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#anti endgame#anti marvel#i wrote this on twt originally#im really pissed off still#and so so tired#steve rogers#I donāt count X men bc the fucking timeline is more complicated than my brain can process rn#also werenāt they dead too?#idk I canāt remember atm#and I havenāt watched the movies in ages#the thing is I feel cheated bc they fucked up Steve and Buckys relationship specifically#and I canāt accept that and I really cant see Sam and Bucky suddenly being buddy buddy with each other either so TFAWS is a NO for me#also a notp noe bc people LOVE to hate on Steve and shit on him while they write stuff#also why I donāt believe anything Marvel says about having gay characters#if they really cared about representation or shit they would have assumed Steve was gay or at least bisexual or Buckysexual#but they queerbaited the shit out of the promos to give us that big fuck you in the end#and THEY KNEW they fucked up with CATWS because they went from theyre best friends to theyre kinda codependent in like an unhealthy amount#I mean assume in the other tag in a shit we fucked up ok well heās this now kinda way#if you think about it Steve and Bucky are the almostonly characters that could be canonically gay or bi in the MCU (deadpool doesnāt count)#because they donāt have significant relationships with other people and even less with women#maybe Natasha? but they paired her with Bruceā¦ when he has a relationship with Betty#THEY SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT AND BLAMED US#basically they got mad at us and broke their own toy bc they had a tantrum#so fuck you russo brothers#fuck you mcu#To the Tony isnāt straight crowdā¦ they paired him with women only in MCU if I remember correctly#and yes I cant see Sam and Bucky as a couple#not sorry and if you ship them great! But i wont interact and not going to follow you bc i really canāt tolerate thst ship
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Finding out that "cat scratch fever" is a real thing and not just a metaphor in a song while googling why I've got muscle/joint pain radiating from my shoulder to my fingers after getting scratched and bit a lot by my new kitten and then realizing that my lymph node is swollen
#'more common from kittens and cats with fleas' bruh ALL kittens have fleas š#she doesnt have them anymore but she definitely did when we first got her. like a lot of them. poor baby#its also saying that one of the main symptoms is red swelling around the scratch that doesnt go away#but like. im allergic to cats so thats normal for me š how am i even supposed to tell#i had to look up how to find a lymph node but im pretty sure i found it and im pretty sure its swollen#like i can feel a lump where its supposed to be on this side but not on the other side. and it hurts to touch it#trying to go to sleep now but there is no way to lay thats comfortable š#maybe its nothing and itll go away. or maybe its an allergy thing#but if i seriously got 'scratched by a kitten' disease bc i didnt know it was possible im gonna be so mad#that shouldnt be allowed to be a thing. @ god i have some notes#rambling
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the way i rewatch any part of rottmnt and once again come away from canon leo wondering where the actual heck are people getting thisĀ āoohhhh he only thinks heās good for self sacrifice or as a tool, he has absolutely zero self worth whatsoeverā instead of the canon version whoās kind of a manipulative lil stinker and KNOWS he has stuff to bring to the table but isnāt sure how to be Seen
itās not that he thinks heās worthless or not wanted. i fuckin promise you that about rise leo. he does not seriously think he is unloved or unwanted or ~one mistake away from being dropped by his own family~ or whatever
what he IS is rejection-sensitive in the way that makes any time he fails feel like the end of the world to HIM (setting aside that time he messed up and it did literally trigger the near-apocalypse and near deaths of him and his family lol), so heād rather not try than risk messing up
#rottmnt#if i woobified raph the way ppl do leo itd be likeĀ 3k word essay on how#idk#the ms cuddles prank was actually extremely cruel and insensitive and CLEARLY why raph had so many trust issues#esp w his dad laughing at him etc etc etc etc like#i dont get it i really dont!!!!#like even as far as the movie goes raph kinda. suffered.... more. yk.#im not big on suffering olympics but like.#raph also self sacrificed and got physically beat up in the big alien fight#AND tortured AND mutated AND mind probed AND controlled into hurting his own family#raph literally starts the movie trying to explain to leo how it is HIS JOB to keep their whole family safe and ready for the next struggle#his entire finale arc is about how tied into the identity of protector and carrying them all he really is and how bad that is on him#fandom makes me so mad when the canon material itself i always enjoy and want to pick apart even for leo#(who frankly im burnt out on! bc of the overwhelming attention he always gets!)
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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the sheer volume of titans tower aus are the most baffling thing to me because fic fandom treats it like this Core Event that his entire life is oriented aroundā¦ they always treat tim like heās a newbie who just picked up a bo staff five minutes ago when that couldnāt be further from the truth. heās existed for over a decade at that point. heās had over a hundred issues of a solo, not even touching his appearances anywhere else. in universe, heās been robin for at least 3-4 years. he had AN ENTIRE OTHER TEAM whoās series ran for three years and had comics wide crossovers twice. he was enlisted in a war. heās time traveled. heās been to apocalips. heās not a little baby whoās in too deep that kidās been to space.
#tim drake#sorry i canāt get over the space thing. the real badge of superherodom in my opinion is GOING TO FUCKING SPACE#thatās not normal!!!! not everyone gets to do that!!!! even mkst superheroes donāt do that!!! much less MULTIPLE TIMES#he coowned a entire ass spaceship for a while even. imagine talking to a fourteen year old who had been an astronaut. do you see where im#coming from.#this is not be being supportive of the equally frustrating other end of the spectrum where they make him ridiculously hyper competent#and flanderized in the exact opposite direction. the whole point of tim is that he is (allegedly) The Normal One who CHOSE to become a hero#bc he sincerely believed he could help people and that they deserved it. the tragic backstorying came later. he is just a guy.#however he is the FURTHEST from a baby like half of TTAU fic writes him as. ESPECIALLY by the time the actual damn event rolls around#go read teen titans 2003 no. 29 i swear the world is so much more interesting than fanfic makes you believe#textāØ#dc stuff#batfam#not that that issue is particularly good. iām just saying. the way fanon treats it as a Keystone Event is WEIRD#< draft clearing jay here. i was weirdly mad about this but i stand by it#posting time i guess
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oh lol i forgot to post this robit sketches! because i have one (1) bit and im sure as hell gonna commit to it apparently
#rolling with difficulty#art I made#'shut your up' is a verbatim quote from an ex classmate i just thought it was funny#i dont think it was intentional i think he was just so angry that Words Failed on him#anyway im absolutely not keeping that maxim design. god i fucking hate clothing design *so* much#austin: 'hes a gold plated mechanite dressed in blue and grey robes' me trying to figure out colour placement: 'what FUCK'#i had one (1) good idea and that was 'skeleton shaped robit' and every other part of that design went to hell apparently#bc all the other mechanites we've had were either like... flesh..? shaped?? like that sorta silhouette (basically most of the old crew)#or more mechanical/geometric (vr-la's designs and like.. k-lb? i guess? if that counts)#so. therefore. bone shaped mechanite. also if i was gonna try that concept on anyone it may as well be maxim if you think about it#idk i thought it would be interesting. and also undertale was my first fandom so uh#ANYWAY. MOVING ON FROM THAT THOUGHT.#this started as a 2am intrusive thought of like#'we (artists in the discord) keep joking abt how k-lb would be a nightmare to draw but like.. how hard is it really'#anyway as you can probably expect. famous last words#i mean genuinely mad respect to noir but i think i said to one of my friends when i showed them this sketch#'i mean this in the nicest way possible but you can just tell he was designed for an audio only storytelling format' LMAO#if anyone is unwise enough to attempt this (so basically @ my future self lmao)#do the lineart and colouring for the wires in front of the inner electricity skeleton (???) and the ones behind it on SEPARATE LAYERS#drew the wires all together then the electricity and had to painstakingly go over the electricity with an eraser it was a fucking nightmare
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wait do you have a fav boys character yet ?
i really like butcher but i feel like that's a basic answer and also the wrong answer. in another world id like frenchie but i can't get over how much i hate the actor. I love maeve theres never a moment she's on screen where im thinking get this woman outta here she's always entertaining to me. i like starlight but (and this is probably a bit nasty to say) there's smth a little uncanny valley about her sometimes where when she's talking im not listening but staring at her face trying to see what features throwing me off. I hate ashley but the actress played an insufferable character in jessica jones too and I really appreciate her ability to play The Most annoying woman you know.
centrist answer i like them all (except stormfront. hated her before i even knew she was a nazi. she was on insta live and i was waiting for her to explode and die) but my fave would have to be butcher bc i find im rooting for him the most and constantly justifying his actions. but sometimes karl urbans accent pisses me off. also black noir but he doesn't Do anything so it's hard to have him as a fave bc he's barely there.
#avds.got.mail#kieran tag#ik men like soldier boy so ill wait to see him do some evil disgusting horrendous thing that would make most ppl go ew he sucks but make#cis men ages 18-35 go wow hes soo cool#i like kimiko too but i dont think im allowed to say shes my fave when sometimes when shes like i dont want to be a weapon anymore :( im#mad at her and thinking get over it. i like mm but hes kinda this mother hen character and i dont rly tend to favour characters who are the#rational voice of reason like can we please get some conflict here#hughies whatever. i rly like his dad though lets go simon pegg#in the 7: homelander sucks. i find a train fun but his athlete storyline wasnt compelling to me personally bc the more i thought about it#the more i thought his superpower sucks. despite it all i find the deep kinda fun. i like that hes a scientologist.#didnt like transparent. was meh about lamplighter. didnt like whats his name sonicboom?? had a personal vendetta against that hijabi supe#we saw for like 2 seconds girl what are you doing there !!!!!! why are you playing into the diversity market !!!!#like edgar but in the way everyone likes giancarlo esposito's characters#nadia is whatever she was always meh to me even as a background character but i rly love the idea of having the superpower to explode#peoples heads with your mind i cant help but think of the xmen and think about if there was a mutant with the ability to explode heads with#their mind and that was their only ability and what a hard fucking sell that would be for xavier#(ive never read the xmen comics and have only seen some of the movies so i like to imagine charles xavier as lilo in the lilo and stitch#cartoon where every episode she would find an experiment with a unique function to destroy and would have to find it a home where it could#help instead. like yeah this experiment fattens people up and eats them lets put him in a resturant or smth#but with mutants#this mutant makes ice lets send him to a fridge company. this mutant explodes heads lets.... erm.#)
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just recently watched this is us with my college friends
#tbqh i found it kinda boring š#the louis clips were so not enough#ive watched some clips online prior to actually watching it (for the first time might i add)#one of my friends had a cousin who was crazyyy ab 1d so she dragged her out to the cinema to go watch it when it came out and in 3d lol š#the 3d schtick is so funny 2 me lmao š#my friend recalls freaking out in the movie theater bc she was a major niall fan at the time. she said 3d niall was so close 2 her face lol#anyway. ab how i watched some clips online prior#i was actually waiting for the louis n his sisters part or the one where he visits his school or smth#my friends.... they literally don't know a thing ab louis personality-wise so they didn't really get much from it#UGH i should download aotv and make them watch it that was way more interesting (but idk? smth about it feels like it's made for fans only?#but... i'll suggest it the next time we get together šš¼#anyw back to my review.#simon cowell's face was a jumpscare what can i say. it was so evil how nicole scherzinger was just. completely written off#im from the future i Know things#<- and like. about this. i felt kinda bad being cynical about the movie when i know my friend is Still an ot5 at heart#i think i broke her 13-year old heart a little š#it's so weird how the movie keeps singling out zayn about him getting kicked out or him talking solo music etc kskdj. feels v pointed Lol#they really just documented the 1d-mania & madness they ensued huh.... i think 2 of my friends (bts fans) weren't as impressed LOL š#they kinda flamed their performances and stage outfits which is. yeah i agree. kpop idols do WAY more than just.... that (1d) kskskd#i guess i'll make them watch the extra clips next time (o haven't seen all the clips yet i think)#OH and š why was martin scorsese in the film that was hilarious#didn't have a lot of realness to it. is what i thought of the film. yeah. this is(N'T) us āš½š#maybe... i am too much of a hater#i liked... the... um. it's hard to highlight things i liked ab the film when im Not a 1d fan š like im a louie ONLY idgaf ab 1d š#the part ab louis audition.... im sorry babie the editors did u dirty but it was so funny........š#<- though i imagine it solidified people's (wrong) opinions about him :/
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obsessed with how clearly terfy weird bitches on here will say shit when called out for saying terf shit like "um well ACTUALLY maybe you think i sound like a terf because you identify normal feminists as terfs?? š¤"
and then make absolutely no effort not to use transmisogynistic rhetoric and say weird shit that very very obviously is transphobia, like using terms like "trans rights activists" and "trans identified" and think they're so sneaky and nobody notices?
yeah i don't support all women. some of you bitches are terminally stupid
#crow.txt#like what kind of stupid ass gotcha. you are actively setting any real feminism movements back#way to go genius. youre fucking annoying#mfs think because they dont actively put terf/radfem in their bio or use those tags flagrantly that some of us cant read otherwise#truly the dumbest cunts on earth. like actually for real. embarrassing#i wish the term terf would silence yall im sick of hearing anything you bitches ever say#it hasnt lately but every time someone saying some weird terf shit had followed me im like girl are you lost? gtfo.#*hasnt happened lately im not fixing that#got mad in the shower bc i remembered seeing a post like this like 12 hrs ago and its still on my nerves#like at least be honest with yourself and stop lying and wasting anyones time more than you have to#how are you gonna be so vile and not own up to it. dont you think weve got like trans cooties dont you want everyone to block you. go on
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there was a post i just saw like a disney post and op had the fucking audacity the gall the sheer nerve to call oliver and company one of disneys scrap movies and im feeling so incredibly violent over this
#i had a whole rant in the tags but decided to spare op my wrath#so im saying it here instead#or not bc i dont remember what i said#but fucking hell#calling oliver and company a scrap movie#like what the fuck#im so offended like actually i dont give a shit abt disney but that movie is my baby#thats honest to god my fave movie ever#and youre gonna call it SCRAP?#i dont even know on what basis it was called that like maybe it was like on revenue or like box office ratings i dont know how movies work o#or how op labeled it#but im offended on all accounts either way#and the post was like. stop remaking the god movies (lion king for example) and remake the scrap movies instead#LIKE THAT MAKES ME FEEL EVEN MORE VIOLENT#i need to bash someones head in#im exploding ops head with my mind#its not that serious but im mad abt it anyways#iits 230 am and im so mad it got me eide awake#i need to rewatch to make myself feel better#like its literally about a little baby cat in a giant scary new world and learning and exploring and found family#like come on what the fuck#IT HAS GEORGETTE!!!!!!! LIKE COME ON GUYS#what the hell#ive wanted to eat that like cookie dough chocolate chip looking ass goop jenny fed olover my entire life#IT HAS WHY SHOULD I WORRY IN IT PLEASSSEE#it has the best songs ever please im begging#ITS GOT JENNY!!#fucking hell i cant deal with this rn#go watch oliver and company#michi tag
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heol
#unrelated its ltr not even what i linked but chasing time - azealia.. Dontttt omg ts is so facking good who made that beat!!!!!!!!!!#ANW. if breakaway is minhui then this is yijun. mayb the single ver more than true romance ver actually.. it js sounds more raw#i rly wanna talk abt why he hates jaehee#bc iāve yapped abt minhui and talked abt DY/JY sort-of parallels in replies somewhere i found it the other day#and ik the āhe doesnāt fitā is what's been written (in pieces + that yt rundown i think) but likee it goes deeper than that#im gnna struggle to put it into words properly but im talking to myself so i can not make sense as much as i want thanks#ok. so he goes on and on abt how jaehee ruined BS bec he ādidnāt fitā into the four that they were without him but. heās lowk projecting#he joined JG in 2016 - jiyeol mai hyeonmin and KOHEN were all there before him. jyās in ā08 mi + kh in 2010 + hm 2011#they chucked their whole childhoods away for jg - and in reward they were meant to be jgās first boygroup#they ltr wouldāve debuted in 2013 if it wasnāt for hyojoo being like hey! this is kinda weird lol! a 17 yo two 15 yos + a 13 yo is weird!#yj was late as HELLLL 2the party. he wouldve been left as a trainee while JY MI KH HM debuted as 9ANTHER if it wasnt 4 The Kohen Mai Thing#aka they started messing around in like 2014 while jy pretended he wasnt abt to crash out and hm had to listen to jy trying not2 crash out#then it got real bad like august 2016 and all of a sudden they HATEDD eo they couldnt even b in the same room#(aka. kh wanted him mi wanted jy and said Lollll i hate u die)#all in all: kh kicked off debut team. spot opens up for yijun right as he enters the company. heās not cut out for ts at all#he was lonely back home and now heās lonely here and now apparently heās in a debut team with 3 guys who know eo and he wants to die#hyeonmin like smiles at him like ONCE during practice and he latches on fastttt this leech ššš tries to worm his way in via hm#spoiler! it only half works theres sand under his skin he hates it all heās not meant for them he needs a gun#it gets better over the years and jy + mi sorting their shit out & cutting off kh completely makes yj feel wayy more secure#and then they debut even if it is after yoonhaeās literal death. and then jaehee comes in like Hiii i like to act and colour ^_^#HE WNATS TO DIEE ITS HIM ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!! cant even bear to look at him#like the walls are UP heās not letting himself become kohen. and when jh tries to get close to min - ltr exactly like he did.......#ITS NEVER BEEN MORE BONSOVERRRR#so there. heās mean and hates him and wants him dead for that. Yayyyy#kh has def said some nasttyyyyy shit to yj too ijbol like mind you he didnt leave jg until jy did! THIS YEAR!#the song. is abt himself. him to him in the mirror. to kohen. to jaehee. heās mad at shit thatās never happened and heās never gonna stop#the āwhy did you fall for meā though.. thatās him to min like#he feels like heās conned him into it - bec the first couple months he only rly was around him to try and get into the inner circle#and then he fell in Lol. Gay#āyouāre not there / youāre just an echoā is def towards hm after 2020 when him and mai left too ouhhhhh throws up
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i went to a con over the weekend and bought a bunch of stuff from a rock shop. love going to cons in this area bc it's like 25% fandom junk (and i dont rlly watch anime), 50% arts and crafts, and another 25% JUST for funko pops hdhfhd
already showed you Apple :]
also got this lil tree
some mushrooms to go with my bigger mushroom that i got at a different convention from different people jdgfkh
and... ROCK PIG !! he is wonderful and also very heavy
also bag update! got the heart pin at the con, everything else has just been added/moved/etc overtime lol. need to space it out better but im tired of stabbing myself so it's fine for now
also ark got me a beetle :D
#that is all i got at the con btw š#was hoping i'd see some splatoon stuff but this was the smallest con they've had yet#next con should be a bit more interesting#but i greatly enjoyed the rocks#i know ppl are wary of rock decorations like this bc they might be fake but#tbh i just like the way the look so i dont rlly care lmao#if my rock pig is actually made of Unknown Material that's okay š#the heart pin is the only one i didnt pick up at the rock booth#subtlest aro pin ever ššš IM SO MAD THEY HAD A REALLY NICE RAINBOW PIN#BUT NO IM 23 AND STILL FORCED TO BE IN A GLASS CLOSET JHDKFJK#mom i know we both know can we just get it over with already š#also got to meet some exiled queer family down there and catch up talking YAYYYY their youngest added us on discord jdhdhk#it was so fucking refreshing. i thought the only other one in my family died... had no idea that was why we didnt talk to them anymore#anyways that's how my life has been sorry for the continued absence tjere's a lot hapwning rn š#and by a lot i mean nothing but i stay exhausted hdhfkj it's just been. [static] ya know#chat
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#vent#vent post#cw negative#Sevenās Public Diary#wish i wasnāt so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#iām so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i donāt like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but itās like my body was fucking built for that or something#i donāt like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didnāt need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didnāt get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap wouldāve been fine and i wouldāve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and iāll either give in and attempt to take a ānapā and itāll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or iāll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and iāll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i donāt know how much longer theyāre gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think thatād like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. iām addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc itās all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnessesā symptoms#like a soft reset.#and itās the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) thatās enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
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Getting ready for bed now. Ended up taking no nap. Realized that I have gotten about 4 hours of sleep over the past 58 hours. Which is not recommended.
Also realized upon taking them off that id been wearing my glasses for Most of the past 23 ish hours. Maybe closer to 22 hours (for shower and such). My ear kinda stung a lil when I took it off. Which made me realize how long I'd been wearing them but ALSO the fact that they HAVENT been hurting my ears in daily wear. For a while there, wearing them for too long would make my ears Hurt. Hell, I literally ended up getting scabs on my nose where they rested. But it seems like my body has been adjusting to them... it is accepting that we are a glasses wearer now... this is a marvelous realization
#speculation nation#and now im up in bed and im hanging out with june. who im still kind of mad at for clawing my thumb so bad this morning#(like SORRY i had to move u from my bed!!! instead of my normal tactic of annoying u so much u move urself. i didnt have the TIME!!)#at the same time tho she laid on my stomach for like half an hour while i was trying (and failing) to take a nap last night#which she almost never does. neither of them like sitting on me usually. so it felt...very special.#baby forgiven. also forgiven simply for being baby. June doesnt mean bad by it she's just easily startled & i moved her too quickly...#i was on the way to 20 mins late leaving for class tho i did NOT have the time to take it slow. sorry June.#(cant leave her on the bed when im not here bc the door stays shut so tally wont try to eat my plants when im not watching)#(usually i just smother June with love in the morning so she gets up by herself. Tally too. then i shut the door once theyre both out lol)#anyways i took a melatonin so hopefully TONIGHT after a day with no sleep and a day with half sleep i can actually sleep thru the night.#still mad that i laid down for 3.5 hours last night and couldnt sleep a wink. it was still rest but it could've been SLEEP!!!#whatever. 8 hours sleep here i come#(unfortunately not more than 8 hours bc i have to get up to do my readings. but 8 hours is still better than what ive Been getting lol)#(i'll... try to catch up on my sleep some more over the next few days...)#anyways goodnight š«”
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I can take them making the Crosby/Landra thing explicit (even when keeping it vague would have been very doable and truer to his own memoir) but him pushing her about what she actually was doing was annoying. The call we'll see next week is fine, but whining about it in a pub instead of just being like "haha pretty sure my badass former-roomate is a spy, crazy times we live in, ammirite?" rubbed me the wrong way.
#idk it hit me less as concerned friend/fwb and more 'as a man attached to you i need to know what you're doing so tell me'#which isn't the vibe from the real dude or the character so far#Croz a we know & love him would be like 'you'd tell me but you'd have to kill me? of course ma'am. btw thank you for paying attention to me#like im not happy about them making the relationship explicitly romantic or explicitly physical#I think he still considered it cheating in his own mind no matter what the circumstances#BUT that should objectively be the thing that irks me most#& it wasn't bc i was too busy being mad about the way they made him kinda demand her whereabouts#maybe that was just me but it had me riled up the entire episode#honestly woried it'll make nxt wk's phonecall feel less āwhoops so shes definitely unable to meet me for lunch ?ā and more āWHERES MY WOMAN#masters of the air#spoilers#harry crosby#shit i put the wrong name in the post#fuck it im not changing it now#they can pry 'Landra' out of my cold dead hands i guess#hbo war#MotA: Ep 7#MotA#sandra westgate#whoever the fuck that is (obligatory snarky tag)
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