#IM NOT CAPABLE OF LIKING THINGS NORMALLY

[milogoestogreendale]

guys i have very bad news. i started watching good omens and it is good

[heartorbit]

the star you've longed for

[rapidhighway]

"i cant take out the trash because what if something happens or what if i cant do it" <- regular thoughts of a normal guy

[nabaath-areng]

Sometimes I think to myself "actually maybe I'm exaggerating the terror I felt from being stalked", but then I remember that the person in question followed me and waited for me outside my school every day, tracked me down on every website I'd spent even the slightest time on, left physical letters in my mailbox, sent creepy as hell novel length messages on a near daily basis on FB. And then when I was living abroad and I answered the phone I told the caller to text me cause I couldn't hear, after which I had to read "I was saying that you would probably be VERY scared if you knew who's calling... hehe" with my own damn fucking eyes...

And then I'm like yknow what nevermind!!!! the fact that I'm still terrified of being perceived and seen in public not just IRL but also FFXIV might be understandable actually!!!

[eebie]

my friends choose the worst times to send me my old discord messages dude last night one of them sent the entire onceler x gloves fic I wrote when I was 15 ( that shit is actually BAD and I felt uncomfortable reading it again, idk how I didn't writing it ) and my buddy sees my expression so he reaches over and is like What are you looking at lol, starts reading it out loud and his smile slowly fades As does the funny voice he was doing until he just stops and hands my phone back. MORTIFYING

[loserelf]

maybe i do need to go to therapy bc its probably not good that ive been living on autopilot and the last 7 years went by so fast but also bc i was deliberatly Wanting the time to go by to put as much space between me and the events of 2017-2020 as possible all while somewhat knowing my young adulthood was slipping me by and now both my teenage years and my early 20s are gone and i still feel like my 19th birthday was yesterday yeesh!!

[skitskatdacat63]

Catie tell me about your fave art you’ve made this year in fandom and out of fandom!

Athyyyyyyy 🥹🥹🥹🥹 tysmmmmmmmmm 🥹🥹🥹

It was so late in the year, so there's regenency bias in a way, but I'm really proud of the stocking drawings and fic. I spend too much time commiserating over what I apparently *can't* draw and then my brain randomly is like, whoops you can actually!!! To be able to actually draw something with so much narrative AND write a fic along with it??? I appreciate this work a lot bcs its encouraged me so much, it proved I can in fact do something I though I wasn't really capable of. I've said before that I'd only really write a fic if I could add illustrations, so the fact I've actually accomplished that is so !! There's so many things in those pieces that I'm always hesitant to draw (furniture, dramatic lighting, narrative, posing, A FIC, etc), but now I've done it and I'm extremely hungry to draw/write more :D It's like it opened pandora's box in a way sdkjsl, with the way I've been planning lately(at least four fics LOL) I'm even gonna go so far as to put it in a place of honor here:

That being said, I'm still also really really proud of some other works from this year, such as:

Fernando Spanish GP poster(I look back at this one constantly, I'm very proud of it!! Especially the colors)

Boy King AU Anniversary art(gah, soooo much work and thought put into this, and I can't believe it's been more than a year since I made the AU and I'm still going!! This was the result of a bunch of lore I wrote every day, so I'm extremely grateful to that and this drawing, because it's made me actually feel prepared to draw/write...in my second year LOL)

Vettonso Matador Stabbing(gah the colors!! A lot of these I'm listing are very influential to me, and this one is too. One of those ones I'm surprised I could actually put on "paper" directly from my head. I missed drawing more brutal things too.)

Vettonso Catboys(HEHEHE!! This one sticks with me, it's just sooooo cute!!!! I'd like to draw more of them as cats hehe)

and as always, The Picrew(how did I do that this year??? The kind of project too that lets me know things that seem out of grasp are in fact doable!)

As for not fandom work, I'm really happy with all of these portraits. Maybe one day i'll get back to drawing narrative stuff for my ocs again, but idk, I'm always happy just drawing and refining them, as well as getting to share them!!! The hope is to one day draw good, refined portraits of all of them :D

[lemongogo]

hi

[jackass-jones]

Really into the episode of Ouran where this girl confesses her love to Mori but he doesn’t feel the same because he’s into Honey and the girl’s reaction is just like YIPPEE I LOVE YAOI THATS SO COOL FOR YOU YAY 🥰

[spacedlexi]

crying thinking about the ericson kids being like.. overly protective of clem post-amputation not because they think any less of her but because they just want to protect her the same way she protected them 😭

[aq2003]

so john smith is a character that ten "made up" (ie. the tardis generated him to fit the time period it picked). a fundamentally empty person that he can't control will do. someone that is missing the inherent parts of what makes ten himself, like not just his two hearts but things that truly deeply matter to him. things like not hurting anyone or not abandoning a companion or not being someone that teaches children how to shoot a weapon and fight in a war. human ten might show echoes of normal ten here or there like the art or the intelligence but their differences are rly kinda the point of the arc. multiple times human ten is given the opportunity to give himself up and sacrifice himself for those around him and it's only until the very, very last minute that he makes the decision that normal ten would've done in an instant. this isn't your normal amnesia storyline; ten temporarily erased himself from existence to give the family of blood a chance of dying peacefully, and replaced himself with someone else who wouldn't do that same thing; who is so ordinary and complacent and cishet and probably even likes the texture of pears

[tamagotchikgs]

the intense urge & need 2 do something self destructive

[undergoing-mitosis]

what in the star wars shit is this why is literally everyone related

[newfeeling77]

i’ve stopped going to therapy again partially bc i got a new therapist n i dont like her… and also bc im back on my bullshit of self driven therapy. bc im sick of going into an office n only walking out with a list of coping skills given to me that i already know bc ive been receiving psychiatric care for over a decade. like im capable of having a lot of realizations about my behavior on my own so why even bother. instead of telling me i should give myself a point system so i clean my room, id much rather attempt to figure out WHY i dont want to… so now i force myself to do the hard things and while im doing it i ask myself why is this so hard? why do i feel like im going to die when i have to put my laundry away? why am i scared of sitting down and painting or watching a movie alone? what is going on in my head thats causing me to feel insecure and vulnerable when im alone? and why am i scared of being vulnerable in general? and i find it much more constructive than melissa looking up marie kondo tips on google and assuming i have adhd bc i cant pick up after myself.

[floralovebot]

i think it's really funny when people look at Everything about riven and conclude that he just hates all rich people when his best friend is literally Rich Boy McGee

[phagodyke]

aouuugh my uterus......