#IM LITERALLY DISGUSTING ABOUT THEM I AM DISGUSTING
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someone needs to stop me from watching taiwanese dramas because I can’t keep flooding my system with adrenaline like this
#IM LITERALLY DISGUSTING ABOUT THEM I AM DISGUSTING#taiwanese dramas#this is being prompted by me being half into the first episode of#plus minus#ciara watches plus minus
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NOW I HEAR YOUR VOICE EVERYTIME THAT I THINK I’M NOT ENOUGH
#but literally like#that’s exactly what happens now#AND I FANTASIZE ABOUT A TIME YOU’RE A LITTLE FUCKING SORRY#LIKE???? is there NO guilt?!?! i have to live with the grief and you get to be fucking happy#‘i deserved to move on’ ‘you think it was easy to move on’ IDGAF you still moved on??????#YOU ONCE CALLED ME FOREVER NOW YOU STILL CAN’T CALL ME BACK#the FUCK happened to loving me always????????? through thick and thin???? i never stopped fucking loving you despite what i was going thru!!#all i feel now is fucking shame and disgust for myself because didn’t i fucking say?????? didn’t i fucking say you were gonna leave me again#and you swore you never would again!! then wtf happened!!!#you couldn’t handle my trust issues with you and i just know you hated me for not getting over them#i literally can never trust anyone ever again i am never trusting anybody with my fucking heart again EVER i can’t do it anymore#AND I JUST CANT IMAGINE HOW YOU COULD BE SO OKAY NOW THAT IM GONE#literally you’re fucking okay and in fucking LOVE with SOMEONE ELSE i am literally fucking NOTHING to you anymore#you always have and will ALWAYS find love in and with someone else and i never will again#the possibility of being with someone again literally disgusts me i am not doing it ever again#‘you’ll find someone else eventually’ i am NOT like YOU who always finds someone else i literally have NEVER found anyone else since you#i am literally and have never been enough and you don’t care#v#belle speaks
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being passionate about bugs is so fucking depressing i cant even mention them half the time without getting viscerally negative or disgusted responses it genuinely makes me miserable even trying to bring them up
#i was just at a conservatory i like and was saying i was sad that they have seemingly zero research into the insects there or#any information regarding the populations or importance to these recreated biomes within the gardens#and i was met with 'ok well bugs are disgusting and nobody likes them so idk why youre upset lol. you are in the minority'#im literally talking about the bare fucking minimum here like bumblebees or ladybugs even#god idk man im not asking everybody to fall in love with them like i am but just have the tiniest amount of respect or care for the things#that keep our planet alive#i miss studying entomology at university it was nice being surrounded by other people who care
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my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant
#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're#*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :((((#no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying#in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3#anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast#was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer#and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest.#earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went#*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫'#and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical#like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs#and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs#but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit#let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3#and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down#the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me#if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like#the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures#like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh#like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall#not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me#trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :)))))))#like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks#But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333#like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj#you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33#but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday#but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!
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i cant fucking stand her oh my GOD
#ramblings#i cleaned up the entire fucking kitchen while shes eating her dinner that we were suppoed to do together#and she promises. she PROMISES that she will clean up the TINY FUCKING PILE of things that i left for her to do#literally like 5 things#she cleans up one of them#and then makes more of a mess.#that i have to clean up.#and then when i ask her why she didnt i wasnt even rude#she acts like its my fault. and im the bad person#and shes so fucking condescnedngin oh my god she acts exactly like every bully ive ever fucking had#and then lies to our dad that she totally definitely cleaned it up 🥰as i am in the middle of cleaning it up#will i get an apology? hell the fuck no!! but she ill probably knock on my door in 5 minues to tell me about her FUCKING ice skating#I DONT GIVE A FUCK OH MY GOD#this seems so petty but its stuff like this every day#you guys dont udnerstand the way she talks to me#the way she acts#she wont touch anything ive touched she looks at me like im disgusting#im not disgusting am i disgusting i swear im not#ive asked my parents ive asked my friends they say im not gross and dusgusting and unheygenic what am i donig wrong why does she think this#whywhwywhwywhwywhwy#why does she hate me so much#i hate myself so much#every time i interact with her it makes me hate myself
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#lol i remember when i was friends/sort of romantically involved with someone who meant the world to me many years ago#whenever we would text i would always avoid being near mirrors or cover parts of my face#or try to picture myself as someone else while speaking with them because i felt so severely not good enough and not worthy and gross#and disgusting lol lmao and that’s the main reason why we didn’t even date and why everything basically fell apart#i will never see myself as good enough even while in someone’s presence i have to dissociate myself from who i am and pretend im not me#in order to get through a conversation this is what destroyed my first relationship#everything is always so chaotic because i’ll never truly see myself as good enough and im not.#and it’s crazy because i’ve been heavily reassured on this but it’s something that’s so incredibly hard to work through#the first poem i wrote while i was involved with another person awhile back. It was literally about how i felt like i had to look away#from them because no way in hell i’m allowed to be seen with them. like look at me#😂😂
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oh girl what the fuck
#so....i have investigated to the best of my abilities and i am still thoroughly lost so thats that#but what?? literally so much transpired ok so firstly soobin flipped seunghan off with his toes like what....#SEUNGHAN WAS KICKED OUT OF RIIZE FOR SMOKING..... R U KIDDING ME LMFAO THATS SO?????#PLEASE he was doing normal dumb teenager things u should see the people in my college and literally every other college here#why do people drag any sort of celebrity for making normal human decisions#like yes it isn't good for you no shit it isn't but im sure he's mentally sane enough to know that#people who smoke are AWARE of the fact its not good for them trust me i have friends who are well aware#the consequences are on every single pack like they know#bro got kicked out for something literally millions of other people do like what kpoppies are insane and sm is stupid#secondly....i don't even know how to address the made in abyss scandal like it seems so messy what even#let me be so clear here if this allegations are true then i am absolutely disgusted and cannot even fathom what the fuck is happening#like woozi taeyong everyone what#but from what i have seen... and PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKE THIS AS ME DEFENDING ANYONE I AM SIMPLY STATING WHAT I HAVE SEEN ON TWITTER DOT COM#the copy that taeyong had of that manga was the censored version#does this help no not really but i don't really know enough about this situation i will look into it as much as i can i just have no TIME#ive also seen that all of them have been cleared??? so thats also something we should take into consideration i suppose#and the manga/anime is advertised as gore/horror etc ofc this does not excuse its contents literally what the fuck is that author on#but i have to state how entirely hypocritical it is to judge someone based off the media they consume because i know damn well#that a lot of people consume very fucked up content like dark fiction is a thing have yall seen the ya novels nowadays#that does not make the person who consumes it condone it...bc its fiction#at the end of the day these are men i dont trust them as delusional as i may portray myself on this hellsite#also i saw a tweet ab someone on twitter saying bc taeyong reads beserk and that is also a manga with incredibly dark themes he must be#fucked up#firstly a lot of manga/anime have dark themes but thats not the point#a LOT of people around the world have read that manga (im literally not talking ab taeyong here i promise)#literally people i know have#they KNOW how fucked up it is they dont recommend it to anyone and literally say read it at your own risk its fucked up#it does not mean they directly condone the shit that goes on in the manga they have quite the opposite stance actually#(beserk is also the nunber 1 rated manga of all time i know this my ex doesn't shut up ab it and neither does one of my best friends)#anyway i dont know much about this yet so i will look into it more; had no idea what was happening until five mins ago but literally wtf ma
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writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.
#tw suicide#tw suicidal ideation#tw sh#personal#puddleglum hours#tried writing poetry and the very act of trying made me desperately want to harm. i think i'll break my streak today. all the things have#been so bad today. not so much the individual things as they all stack up together. almost the worst most constant dysphoria ive ever#experienced. coincided with eating new stuff which was scary. weighed myself yesterday on dad's recommendation and found out i *believed*#id gained like more than double what i *did*. feel so disgustingly fat and heavy tho why can't i just stop eating. why is everyone#prolonging my existence. serious question. this includes myself. whats the good. im tired but not. and oh so disgusted with myself.#weak. stupid. failing. only a fool talks like this. oh but don't worry im safe. safe enough anyhow. oh look nothing's real that explains#something. but i am safe. aint me as gonna commit suicide today. don't worry about me. im ignorin my friend who's worried about me bc she#has her own struggles. im not gonna ad to them at this point. selfish enough i am already. ive been choking on disgust all day even through#my jubilation over reaching a fourteen day streak. funny i literally don't care now. gonna break it. unless i'm too coward to do otherwise.#i ought. i ought to do other things too. i don't know how long i can keep on going like this. pray for me.
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i feel like i'm going crazy because my friends literally don't fucking care like at all. i was speaking to one of them today and when i was done she was just like "yeah it's horrible. anyway!" like bitch tf do you mean anyway??? fucking do something???? if you can see that it's horrible fucking do something, anything at all!!! but she won't because she doesn't fucking care. and another friend, who i also haven't heard a goddamn peep out of, but i know has been watching my many many stories on what's going on in palestine and the MANY protests and events here just posted pics of her like. chilling having fun at a cute wee coffee shop less than 10 minutes away from where the march was. she was right there and she didn't go because she wanted coffee. because that is what's important to her and i'm a shit person for thinking that's disgusting. how can you be so detached and deluded? it's not because they don't know what's happening i'm TELLING them what's happening they're actively choosing not to get involved and not to care, because it doesn't personally impact them enough
#i know i KNOW they aren't the real enemy here but i am so fucking disgusted#by them and everyone like them#how DARE they#how DARE they do fucking NOTHING and then still sit around all preachy and superior whenever i get “emotional”#i confronted the 2nd one abt it and her response was literally “darling calm down” and then tried to hold my hand#and pull me off to talk about like. anime#fuck off fuck OFF#how can they brush all this away with a wave of a hand#likhow do you swipe past a video of a gazan woman at a protest talking about 23 members of her immediate family are dead and begging#the world to listen and the people to speak up#and them be like damn :/ doesn't affect me though!#you know what i should post about! coffee!#i don't know how to make them care#i feel crazy because im not even asking them to like go shouting in the streets or do anything difficult. just do SOMETHING#so many posts about coffee not one about palestine#the moral integrety of a dead rat
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btw if you are so repulsed by sex that you cant be normal about people saying they're trying to get pregnant (a very normal thing to do) or being around a pregnant person, you should talk to a therapist about it i think
#even if youre asexual it isnt normal or healthy to see a pregnant person or hear about a couple trying to conceive#something that can be incredibly stressful and difficult for them#and get disgusted and repulsed bc 'ew sex'#go to therapy!!! dont normalize being that repulsed by the idea of other people's sex lives!#some of the replies on that post about being normal about pregnant people that i reblogged are. unhinged#you people are. unwell.#i am also fairly sex repulsed due to trauma. i have fairly severe tokophobia as well#but im working on that with a therapist (and on my own)#because it isnt healthy to be disgusted by literally one of the most normal things in the world#do you know that you were most likely created because your parents had sex? wow#dove talks
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[parasocial bestie] sorry i got passionate. it may or may not b them in ur post but thats my automatic thought.
anyway wanna hear that i had zhongli xiao went to fishing once it was crazy i was thinking abt them Finding Solace thrugh another personal brainrot i have where xiao gets thru pretty rouch repercussions from the chasm and now chasm crew AND zhongli gets involved in his recovery its sad it hurts like shit that xiao contemplates more abt his existence to Keep Living and the chasm crew emphasizes that thru different perspectives and zhongli pops in and out for narrative purposes thats got him even more Mixed and they had a Necessary talk for the story. a talk that xiao finally breaks. i think. yeahgh. they reconcile they find a Little peace esp for xiao who finally mourns properly abt bosacius' loss and zhongli is there to comfort him and i break everysay thinking abt that brainrot i thinj and like
Anyway zhongli gets stupidly giddy with the lil progress theyre having and then outta nowhere afrer xiao is Okay he invites him to go fishing. the dude does Not Get it. is that a lumine influence or is he actually succumbing into karmic insanity he doesnt know but he follows the Geo Archon Definitely Not Fisherman to the marsh thats got fishes and just waits. for an hour probably sitting with a fishing rod waiting in silence he feels stupider by the minute but doesnt wanna point that to zhongli. turns out they forgot the worm bait and the Scrutinization the Seriousness they both have to stick the worm onto the hook is a detail all details i have there makes me crazy. anwyay even with the bait it takes another hour. zhongli goes ok fuck it then Remember when bonanus used to do this (goes knee deep into the lake, sleeves up pants rolled) and guess what the very formal very elegant funeral consultant reverts into a feral uncle just catching fish witg his hands and XIAO DOESNT FUCKING GET ITTT like shishou my lord mr zhongli why are you doing that and hes like TRY THIS KIDDO ITS SO FUN as he gets slapped in the face with jumping fish. xiao gets in but a lot more soaked cus hwo cares abt his outfit in the water bro hes anemo. then hahahwhrshhehehehehe uh oh xiao gets fish slapped next and guess whst happens zhongli goes full on guizhong to splash more water at him xiao gets SO SUSPRISED BUT HESITANT SO ZL SPLASHES MORE and gets absolute destroyed when xiao made up his mind getting over respecting him as his lord to a mere friend of his level. they splish sploosh splash water wars it was fun it was hAPPY theyre both smiling squealing xiao has almost never done this before neither did zhongli but he's seen how parents get to be playful with their little kids and xiao is No Little Kid but he wants to take the chance to introduce a little fun to xiao anwyay even if it gets them Soaked as Hell and theyre dumping themselvws under the water kicking it to their faces coughing when their noses get filled too much of it THEY STILL CHASE THE JUMPING FISHES TOO that rlly spices up the whole scene bcno one forgets theyre Supposed to get fish but theyre doing it caveman style and THEN THERES A HUGEASS FISH JUMPING OUT AND XIAO IMPULSIVELT JUMPS FOR IT but gets carried down into the water zhongli was like XIAO NO and plucking him out bc xiao doesnt let the big fish go AND IS STILL HOLDING IT it keeps slapping his face getting them both even wetter when zhongli lifts them both above the surface xiao gets irritated likr STOP FUCKING MOVING HE KARATE CHOPS IT DEAD so anyway thats how verr goldet gets there absolutely horrified at zhongli xiao standing at the reception soaked to the core and the former was holding an abnormally big fish and the latter going "do u have any spare clothes and towels? also we'd like to give this to yanxiao as thanks" and the inn staff has a nice buffet of a big ass fish grill while zhongli xiao chills in their room drying and doing lil comfy dad son things (explodes into a million pieces)
crying shaking bawling sobbing i dont even know what to SAY i love every single little thing about this dear LORD. this is so fucking perfect the time spent waiting the Forgetting the concentration before zhongli finally says fuck it we ball. THE TWO OF THE GETTING SLAPPED... THE WATER FIGHT.......... im genuinely going to fucking explode oh my God. this is everythign to me. they are everything to me.
thinking so hard about xiao chasm repercussions now ive thought about it short term (obviously) but never really long term......... eyes Wide Fawking Open right now ESPECIALLY with both the full crew And zhongli being involved in his recovery mgngnfgmmnfnmgmnfnmfnm god. God.
#parasocial bestie tag#the post was because i cried a little over the end of nilou's story quest#and like its not reconciliation or anything but Something About It made me so.#vs the thought of literally any mother child relationship EVER making me so -_- let ALONE them fixing it#i am soooooooo sick of forgiveness and love you see it CONSTANTLY in broken mother child relationships#with the dad you at least SOMETIMES get him being deadbeat and awful and useless and he gets fucked up or dies or something#but you never see that same energy with mothers#its FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!! give moms the same energy let them be unforgivable let them be selfish and disgusting let them Fucking Die#too much inequality in the mommy issues & daddy issues circle im telling u#when does a mom get beat to death with a baseball bat. when does a mom get exposed as pure fucking evil. huh. when.#unrelated to anything I Should Write The Chasm Bit In This Fic Now Actually#maybe ill do that#hopefully ill do that#its been so long......... <- has literally been like a week or two tops
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I am. So sad and angry about Everything. I needed to just watch a LOT of videos of cats being cats to soothe my soul
I just hate every job and I hate how much time they take up of your life and I especially hate how they all ask waaaay too much of you and they keep asking and they pressure you to upsell and make the company more and more money but why??? What did company ever do for me other than the literal bare minimum of paying me shitty wages?? They can't even grant me this stupid request to drop 2 DAYS because that way their stupid numbers don't add up or some made up shit. I couldn't even call in sick when I was unwell/overworked because APPARENTLY I already upped my limit of three paid sick days in a 6 month period..... AND on top of that I have a stupid review coming up where I have to recite all my stupid "accomplishments" of upselling shit to make this stupid company even more money and they not only have like 9 different categories but they also ask you to give them 3 examples in these 9 categories all of which sound vaguely similar like commercialism or however the FUCK you spell that stupid word and I am. Just so tired. Instead of enjoying my weekend off I am dreading doing my usual 4 days on 1 day off 4 days on 1 day off 2 days on 2 days off schedule and fuming about them taking 4 to 6 weeks to think over my request to drop 2 FREAKING DAYS.
AND. It's not like I can just LEAVE. FOR WHAT. THERE ARE LITERALLY NO JOBS AND THEYRE ALL SHIT ANYWAY AND CORPORATE GREED IS SUCKING TH4 LIFE OUT OF ME.
Anyway. Clearly the cat videos did not help.
#thoughts#lol also love how i just started calling it the company very murderbot of me#im just SO disillusioned with life right now#like i am SO tired and pissed off and its not even like there is any escape#to have a job is to have a manager who makes a substantially larger amount of money than you AND YET#they dont know how anything actually works because theyre never on the floor#and they keep pawning THEIR jobs that THEY get paid WAY more for on YOU#i dont wanna come up with new ideas for marketing thanks im getting paid to make coffee fuck off kindly#and no if your big idea that someone else came up with is a tiktok account of all things i aint helping with that#also#the sheer amount of food waste is DISGUSTING#BUT you are pressured to order/defrost more and more#only to push them on customers#i just#literally dont remember anything i like about this job right now and if they keep pushing me imma snap soob
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It’s just these fucking middle aged straight white men who have never had anyone disregard their opinions or question their stupid authority and nothing pisses them off more than someone they view as lesser just. Not cowering under their mighty fucking gaze. Having the audacity to not just grovel at their feet licking their shoes every time they speak. Daring to not believe every word they say as the inherent truth. They throw a fit and the mask comes right off, they yell and scream and hit and throw like a bunch of fucking toddlers because why aren’t you afraid, you’re supposed to be afraid of me :(
#the klock keeps ticking#im so tired#god fucking forbid we not worship them like the messiah#which is the best part about my dad when he does this is hes mega disgustingly religious and i 100% believe hes got a god complex#and hes in fact becoming a deacon now and his bible thumping fear mongering bullshit increases the more i dare to exist#in a way that he didnt get permission for didnt get his stamp of approval on#i mean this man has literally thrown temper tantrums telling me how stupid i am and how lowly i am under his control#just cuz i had the audacity to be bored when he gives pointless religious lecture number 45678#im gonna take every bible every rosary every shitty letter he writes every disgusting thing hes said about me and everyone else#and burn them and burn them and burn them
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the way that i feel so fucking old after saying this 🤣🤣🤣
#this high schooler at my job is like my unplanned brother and i can’t#everytime he says ‘rizz’ i lose a brain cell#and i should’ve never told him that bc he’ll do it on purpose now and he’s like ‘did your brain cell go away’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣#idk wtf he be sayin foreals#no clue#but it makes me irritated bc the lil girl he likes said something to him one time about how he talks to me all the time#it offend sme bc i don’t want anyone thinking i want to date a high schooler 🫠 but soemtimes people think im younger so hopefully it’s that🤦#i also don’t even think he likes me like that but knows better if he does so there is no problems here lmao#one of my coworkers calls him my ‘clinger’ 🤣🤣🤣 bc he is#they don’t know him tho like it is not like that#but I can see why they would think he likes me#he’ll literally come stand right at the front door of the liquor store and talk to me bc he can’t come in lmao#but like I said they don’t know what I know 🤣 he just doesn’t have much support at home#therefore here I am the big sister and he annoys tf outta me just like a fucking sibling#idk why people always have to make things into separate genders being into eachother#it’s not always like that#and every mfing time he says ‘yuh’#im gonna kill him fr it is disgusting#idk how any grown woman could lust for a high school boy 🤢🤧 I’m barely even grown and am appalled by them 🤣🤣💀💀
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its funny because the intrusive thought dreams make me so viscerally extremely uncomfortable that even in the dream i hate it so fucking much i literally try to get out of the situation it's put me in, yet im still obsessing over if this means it was something i liked or wanted because why else would that be the situation in the first place? even though that literally makes me want to cry
#losing my fucking mind i dont want to think about this anymore i hate it#i dont have any fucking control over those dreams happening its not fair . even the agency i have in them is used being freaked out and#disgusted and trying to make it stop.#i literally broke down in this one#and i am actually crying now from thinking about this too hard. lol#i need to forget about it but it made me so upset and felt real#girls when they already have problems differentiating dreams from reality and their brain does this to them for fun.#im literally going to hell
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two lonely friends | oscar piastri
paring: oscar piastri x journalist!reader
summary: lando norris has two lonely best friends. he gets an idea, why not set them up?
f1wags: y/n l/n, landos bestfriend was seen entering the monaco grand prix paddock today!
view comments below!
user1: OH BROTHER
user2: free my girl y/n 🗣️
user3: the day y/n stops getting referred to as “landos bestfriend” is the day i can REST
user4: landos bestfriend?? sorry i only know y/n l/n f1 journalist??
user5: y’all do this every race 🙄 OFC SHES THERE. THATS HER JOB.
user6: she’s such a moocher
user7: she’s literally there to do HER JOB?
user8: it’s crazy how after a year of oscar being in f1, we still haven’t gotten a y/n and oscar interaction ???
user9: y/n, our comfort outfit queen
ynandlandocontent: my favorite snippet of landos and y/ns interview 🧡
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user10: ugh them ☹️☹️
user11: literally just make out already
user12: the very best FRIENDS
user13: she’s so unprofessional 💀
user14: this wasn’t even part of the interview 😭 this was just a blooper 🙄
user15: OKAY BUT Y/N FINALLY GOT TO INTERVIEW OSCAR ???
user16: ugh i love them so much 😞
user17: lando and y/n shippers where??
user18: HERE 🙋♂️
oscarpastyupdates: y/n interviewing oscar today!
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user19: oscar “but um” piastri everyone!
user20: FINALLY SOME Y/N x OSCAR CONTENT!!
user23: why do i ship…
user24: they literally only talked once 😭😭
user23: okay let me BEEE
user25: guys did you see how hard he was blushing, or am i just crazy???
user26: they literally want each other SO BAD
user27: i can feel the tension through the screen
user28: ok so do i ship lando x y/n or oscar x y/n
— one day later !
ynupdates: queen y/n was seen out last night by multiple fans! she looks beautiful!
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user29: HELLOOO???? IS THAT NOT OSCAR
user30: ARE WE JUST GOING TO PRETEND THAT THAT IS NOT OSCAR PIASTRI???
user31: omg oscar stole landos girl
user32: landos girl???
user33: wait i like this
user34: i love how the caption doesn’t mention oscar at ALL
user35: let them cook 🔥🔥
user36: okay oscar i see you 👀
user37: i wonder how lando feels about this..
liked by charles_leclerx, yourusername, landonorris, and 673,928 others!
lando.jpg: happy birthday to my little sister! you’re ancient now 😞 here’s to many more birthdays together!
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user38: aw ☹️
user39: okay guys i’m crying
user40: lando ALWAYS eats with his birthday captions
user41: i wonder if landos ex’s had ever felt intimidated by y/n
user42: y/n has said that she has never not gotten along with landos gfs, so there’s that!
user43: okay now kiss
user44: i still ship idc
user45: her and lando ✅ her and oscar ❌
yourusername: ugh lando you love me so much, it’s disgusting
lando.jpg: i will take away your present.
yourusername: NO IM SORRY
liked by, mclaren, landonorris, oscarpiastri and 873,928 others!
yourusername: and who’s gonna pay attention to the redheads of the world?
pic credits: some kid named oscar??
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user46: OKAY OKAY OKAY
user47: ugh you look so good 😔
user48: OSCAR IN THE CAPTION ??? WE ARE SO BACK!!!
user49: happy birthday queen!!
user50: happy birthday 🧡🧡
user51: oscar and y/n hard launch when???
oscarpiastri: ME I’LL PAY ATTENTION TO THE REDHEADS OF THE WOLRD!!! I WILL!!
user52: okay oscar let’s calm down..
user53: oh he’s down bad
user54: who needs more confirmation then THIS??
liked by maxverstappen1, mclaren, landonorris, and 873,928 others!
oscarpiastri: happy birthday to my best friend, and the most beautiful lady in the world 🧡
view comments below!
landonorris: bestfriend?
landonorris: oh okay
landonorris: cool cool cool
landonorris: yeah that’s chill
landonorris: totally NOT going to brust out into tears rn
landonorris: hahaha
landonorris: that would be stupid
landonorris: cool cool cool
landonorris: okay okay okay
landonorris: i set you two up and you just completely forget about me huh
landonorris: wow i can’t believe this
landonorris; i’m going to die alone
landonorris; alone and sad
landonorris: FUCK YOU GUYS
user55: let’s all just move pass lando having a mental breakdown…
#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri x y/n#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri fluff#oscar piastri smau#oscar piastri social media au#f1 x female driver#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 smau#f1 social media au
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