#ILL WATCH THESE ASAP EHE

[superman86to99]

Adventures of Superman #511 (April 1994)

Superman returns to Metropolis after the events of "Bizarro's World" and finds that... there's no Metropolis. It's completely gone. Did someone pull a Coast City on it? Is Brainiac back to his Pre-Crisis city-stealing ways? Superman flies down to take a closer look at the nothignness, only for the buildings to suddenly re-appear right in front of him, making him clumsily crash into one. And right in front of some hot ‘90s babes, too. How embarrassing.

Turns out Metropolis wasn't gone: Superman's powers are so out of control (as seen in recent months) that he didn't realize his X-Ray vision was making him see through the entire city. Superman tries to rescue the people falling off that building with the old "air cushion" trick, but he ends up creating a mini-tornado and injures more people. When Maggie Sawyer and the Special Crimes Unit show up to find out who's been going around destroying buildings and injuring pedestrians, Superman volunteers to be arrested for everyone’s safety, but Maggie is like "eh, let's just pretend this didn't happen... this time."

She does encourage Superman to go get his condition checked out by a specialist ASAP (which, come to think of it, he should have done weeks ago). Superman goes to Professor Hamilton, who determines that his internal solar battery has gone out of whack and is making him absorb too much energy after being exposed to some sort of kryptonite-like substance. And when was the last time Superman encountered kryptonite? At the end of "Reign of the Supermen," when a big blast of it passed through the Eradicator first and instantly gave Superman his powers back. "A bit of foreshadowing," as the Professor says.

According to Hamilton, Superman's powers will keep increasing until his body can't contain them anymore and, I guess, explode. The Professor does suggest a possible solution: taking Superman's excess energy and giving it to those sick Underworld clones who have been dying off all over Metropolis (as part of that OTHER long-ass storyline we've been seeing recently). Superman likes the idea but decides that a massive government agency would be better equipped to make it happen than some ex-con in a run down building (sorry, Hambone), so he flies over to Project Cadmus to tell them about it.

Like two minutes after Superman arrives at Cadmus, the place is attacked by some Underworlders who believe Cadmus created the illness that's killing them. Superman and the Guardian team up to stop the clones, but it isn't a terribly long fight, since the Underworlders are dropping off like flies. Very big flies.

Meanwhile, we find out that LexCorp is currently being attacked by OTHER clones and Lex Luthor Jr. is trapped inside. Lex sends a televised message blaming Cadmus for the attack and promising to "deal" with them "once and for all." In other words: WAR. TO BE CONTINUED!

Plotline-Watch:

Of course, those clones attacking LexCorp weren't sent by Cadmus, they were sent by the mad scientist living UNDER Cadmus, Dabney Donovan. Earlier in the issue, Dabney snooped into a heated Zoom call between Lex Jr. and Cadmus' Director Westfield where the latter refused to join forces to cure the Clone Plague, because he thinks Lex would just steal their tech. Lex indignantly accuses Westfield of putting lives at stake (meaning HIS life specifically, since he secretly lives in a clone body). Dabney worries that Lex might attack Cadmus and thus endanger his own operation, so he... attacks Lex and makes it look like it was Cadmus? They don't call him "mad" for nothing.

Westfield's comment about Kryptonian DNA is obviously a reference to Cadmus' troubles attempting to clone Superman after his death, which resulted in them giving up and creating Superboy. Incidentally, Superman asks Guardian how Superboy is doing, given the whole “clones dying” thing (the Newsboy Legion kids are in pretty bad shape), and Guardian just says he's "been through a lot lately." In other words: buy his solo series if you want to know if he's dying too, kids!

Back to Lex, he instructs Dr. Happersen (still wearing bandages over his head after Bizarro burned him) to contact the Underworlders, presumably with nefarious purposes. In the same scene, we learn that Lex has a virus in LexCorp computers that alerts him to any mention of his name. And guess who happens to be using a LexCorp computer to write an article about how Lex murdered his personal trainer?

We've been following Lois Lane's investigation into the Sasha Green murder for a while, but I'm a little confused about the "father" part above. Does that mean Lois knows Lex Jr. is Lex Sr.? When did she find out? Did she put two and two together after learning clones are getting sick and seeing Lex all frail last issue?

Don Sparrow points out: "As far as I know, this issue's billboard is the first appearance of Whitty Banter, the David Letterman of the DCU. It's a confusing look, though, as he seems to be a blonde, musclebound Billy Batson lookalike, with John Lennon glasses, so apart from having a talk show, he doesn’t greatly resemble any real world hosts. (A quick look into it indicates Banter’s first in-person appearance is a few years later, in Superman #117. He also appears in Man of Steel #67, where the Letterman connection is made more explicit, though Banter’s face doesn’t appear in either issue.)” As we pointed out on Twitter, there was also a reference to Whitty in the letters page for Adventures #511, in answer to a letter praising his real life counterpart, colorist Glenn Whitmore.

Patreon-Watch:

This post was sneak peek’d at patreon.com/superman86to99 earlier this month! Shout out to patrons Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, and Bol; we are the Dabney Donovans leeching off of your Cadmus. We’ve been slacking on the exclusive Patreon material lately (other than the sneak peeks) but we hope to have more to show you in the next year, including more Elseworlds reviews and out-of-continuity stuff.

But right now: more Don Sparrow, under the jump!

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow​):

We start with the cover, and it’s a very good one, with a grim Superman and Guardian ready for battle.  Perhaps a little generic, and lacking in background, but it’s just a great drawing of the protectors of Metropolis, even if it doesn’t give much of a hint to the actual story.  Inside the book we are greeted almost immediately by the real reason people check in on this blog each and every week: wall to wall ass.  Superman crashes through a skyscraper Zack Snyder style while a diverse group of sunbathers look on.  This is fairly racy for a code book from 1994, so it’s worth a mention.

I love Barry Kitson’s art (even if the Jim Lee-style hatching is a bit overpowering at this time) so it’s a challenge to narrow down outstanding panels, because it’s all pretty great.  But the drawing of Maggie Sawyer in full tactical gear is a highlight, as her boots, body suit, and armour all appear to have a different surface texture.  Great stuff.  There is lots of laboratory scenes in this issue, from Professor Hamilton’s studio apartment to Project Cadmus, and all the technical equipment and wires look appropriately high-tech.

As the only action scene (Superman and Guardian battle a dying and apparently nameless Underworlder) unfolds, the image of Guardian shielding himself from an energy blast is well drawn and well coloured.

That scene is as close to we get to excitement in this story, which was definitely one of the less eventful issues I can remember.  It moves the ongoing “B” stories (Superman is overpowered, Lois is investigating Sasha Green, the clones are all dying) without having much of an “A” story.  Still there’s always forward motion in this era, setting up for the next big thing.

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

The idea that Lex is monitoring Lois Lane, and is in turn being monitored  by Dabney Donovan is a trippy one, especially if we add in the layer that we, as readers are monitoring them all.  One small detail I’d like to highlight here is that Dabney Donovan refers to himself while he  monologues, which is quite helpful to new readers, who might be  thinking, “who is this guy, and why isn’t he fighting a blue hedgehog?”

Speaking of DCU analogues, apparently one of their daytime dramas is called Secret Hospital which sounds a lot more exclusive than our General Hospital.

I do love that for all his many sins, Lex II is about to be brought down by journalism, rather than superheroic fisticuffs.

The attacking Underworlder (if he got named, I missed it) seems like a riff on the Incredible Hulk, referring to the Cadmus agents he’s fighting as “puny soldiers”.

Slightly amusing to me that the Underworlder attacker refers to Newsboys and Superboy as “dogs on a leash”, when Cadmus once had their own strike team flat out called the Bloodhounds (who are currently chilling with Doctor Stratos in the “never seen again” lounge). [Max: Actually, someone let us know recently that Doctor Stratos DID appear again in a Roger Stern Superman novel in the 2000s, to my shock... What if the Bloodhounds also have a novel we never learned of? Or an entire YA book series? It’s possible.]

[bbarican]

november 22, 2022; 8:17 pm - life updates

hi tumblr! its been a minute; tinamad talaga ako today pero it wasnt a totally unproductive day either and before i do end up working properly ulit, i just want to talk about everything thats on my mind lately para lang talaga i dont keep carrying all of my thoughts around especially since i have alot to work on for the rest of the year:

first of all, how is it almost december? parang kahapon lang, kinakabahan ako mag take ng board exam tapos ngayon ang dami ko nang inaasikaso sa work

im really excited for december kasi you all know by now na im super duper festive but then again i really wanna get work out of my way muna talaga kaya im pushing myself to finish everything asap para by the official holiday season, all im thinking about is my family

yesterday, first time ko mag mrt pauwi (kind of) kasi my brother has f2f classes the whole week so instead of me having to be picked up from alabang pa or pasig, eh di nag mrt ako going to taft kasi nga mas malapit sa brother ko and para isang byahe nalang for our driver!

on thursday though, ang goal ko is sa vito cruz bumaba talaga kasi yun talaga yung tapat na station ng benilde para hindi na mapapadpad yung driver namin sa edsa

something exciting is in store for us at work that might happen this thursday and friday pero need lang talaga namin kulitin boss namin kasi siya lang may alam ng details; fingers crossed na matuloy talaga kasi its such an exciting thing

first time ko ulit mag bungalow in a really long time and na realize ko na its now turned into the cafe na mas maaappreciate mo talaga if you only go there around 1-2 a month; dati kasi talagang umaabot na i go there 3-4 times a month so maybe thats why it ended up being so boring for me for a bit

i really wanna wake up early tomorrow and just have the most productive day

i also do not have a choice kasi some of the things i need towork on are due on thursday so i want to atleast have my boss check it and approve it tomorrow palang

i also want to drink a shit ton of green tea kasi my period is always making me feel so bloated; atleast delight always helps, ive been in and out of the bathroom today for so many times and its a good thing actually kasi i feel like its been a minute since ive let go of all this waste

speaking of period - ang weird kasi yung agwat ng period ko is only 2 weeks so ibig sabihin i got my period 2 this month already so yeah i think thats a sign to go back to my obgyn and just get checked again for my pcos kasi first time lang nangyari yun

other than that, i think im gonna start on some work tonight but if not, ill just spend the rest of the night watching tiktoks and then tomorrow gigising nalang talaga ako ng maaga to work on everything and to also clean and organize my room and things

i hope you guys are doing okay! super duper konting tiis nalang, christmas break na! im so so so excited for my well-deserved break

[goldentsum]

for straight hentai i would recommend

- kiss hug 2

- xl joushi

- Anata wa Watashi no Mono: Do S Kanojo to Do M Kareshi 1

- Amai Choubatsu: Watashi wa Kanshu Sen'you Pet Season 1 (you may or may not like this one depending on ur taste)

*rubs hands together like a fuckboi or a mosquito* aha ha ha ~ 

[lesbianbending-moved]

Hello!!! So online school has started over here and I have small question for you. How do you deal with the looming fear of falling behind? I don't know if other people feel like this, but I just wanted to ask. I don't even know if you still go to school, but thanks for you blog!! It gets me through things!

aw tysm for sending this!! 🥺🥺 don’t worry, literally everyone is adjusting to online school rn and it’s a learning curve for everyone! i’m still in school, i’m going to graduate a bit early this spring with my ba in political science so here are my tips as someone who went from revolving their whole life around classes to gaining a much healthier and sustainable relationship w school

go to every single class unless absolutely necessary! these days especially it is so easy to skip a zoom class when the teacher says that attendance isn’t mandatory, but this is the quickest way to fall behind (even if you don’t realize it). i recommend only skipping class if you are genuinely ill or if you need a mental health day (not just you’re tired and don’t want to go to class, but you genuinely need a day to restart). 

get in contact with the instructor if you have any questions or if you do fall behind! even today i realized that i missed a homework assignment that i just didn’t see on the course page. i immediately emailed the professor, explained what happened, and got it worked out asap! profs rn are very understanding, and even if they say ‘sorry, no late work accepted’, then at least you still tried and they know that you cared enough to get in contact w them instead of just being like eh whatever.

develop a routine! nothing crazy, just enough to give your brain some structure. even if you don’t feel like you like structure, the human brain thrives off of routine. for example: i know that i get really sleepy in the mid afternoons after my classes, so i make sure that i chunk off that time as my rest time and consistently do my homework around 4-5pm. personally, i thrive off of more structure, so i tend to plan my whole day into chunks like that, but i would say just having 1-2 consistent time slots where you know, no matter what, that you have to do something then that helps you navigate the rest of your day as stress-free as possible!

write everything out in a calendar/planner! all of your assignments, exams, essays, etc., write it all out! it gives you perspective of what the whole semester will look like and makes everything seem a bit less scary

find something in your free time that motivates you in your school work. it could be following study blogs, watching legally blonde or gilmore girls, creating a study playlist, or watching video essays in a subject you’re learning about! it’s kind of weirdly fun to work on my political science knowledge and do research for my shitty atla politics essays, but still! i’m connecting something i love (atla) to what i may need to understand on a deeper level in my day to day life (international politics)

if you consistently deal with anxiety, mental illness, physical illness, or anything that can impede on your school work in a big way, make a consistent effort to start and finish assignments early. if you know you have a huge essay due in a month, try to get started on it asap. things like what i listed above can (and will) flare up at inopportune times and the last thing you need to deal with at those times is the stress of a paper. 

do your readings. seriously. especially if they are in your major (if you’re in university) do. the. readings. 

develop a (semi) healthy lifestyle! i’m not gonna tell you to work out or become a health nut or anything like that, but starting with a) eating every three hours, b) going to bed at a decent time, c) ensuring you go outside every day, and d) eating the nutrients your body needs will change your life. if you’re on tumblr theres like a 60% chance that you don’t have healthy sleeping habits (i’ve been there) but seriously, all those factors will reduce your anxiety IMMENSELY. i’m not being dramatic. the difference between having a panic attack over an essay and having a relatively good day can be a good night’s sleep. also, so many people don’t realize that their diet just doesn’t give them the nutrients they need (myself included)... accidentally forgetting to eat any protein for a couple of days genuinely turned me into an evil version of myself and now that i’m much more conscious that i eat what my body needs, my anxiety has gone way down

do not revolve your entire life around school. this is the most important one for me. my freshman year i spent all of my free time studying, working, and staying up all night doing my readings because that was what i thought was necessary. i thought that if i didn’t feel like i was going to die from stress then i just didn’t care enough, and this is the complete opposite of what you want to do. this mindset literally broke me and i had to completely break down and reconstruct my relationship with my academics. if you feel so frustrated that you want to cry, take a break for an hour. try not to study for longer than 30-45min at a time. set a time where you just put your books away and go watch a movie or go to bed. not only will this help your performance in class but it will help your health in the long run, trust me!

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

Write It Down

strawberryfields-forever said: Ok so I absolutely LOVE your writing!! I was wondering if you could another roger Taylor Imagine where the reader gets really drunk and ends up at Rogers Place and he takes care of them and then she ends up confessing her feelings and you can take it from there? Please and thank you! Xxx

(a/n: i’m SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I CAN NEVER HELP MYSELF FUCK also this layout might be fucked when i first post it but i’ll try to fix it ASAP)

“Roger, it’s barely midnight, you’ve got to be fucking with me!” you complained, nearly tripping over yourself as he pulled you out of the pub and away from the guy who you’d just been chatting with. “Just one more pint!”

Roger ignored your incessant complaining as he got out onto the sidewalk, the pub door swinging shut behind you, and he began to look for a cab. Cursing at the lack of cars around, he quickly realized there was no way you were making it all the way back to your flat, not tonight. “My place, then,” he mumbled, letting go of your wrist to wrap his arm around your waist, starting to lead you towards his flat that was just over 7 blocks away.

“My flat is the other way!” you protested, almost being dead weight against his side as he used all of his strength to guide you down the street. “Where are we going, you silly goose?” you laughed, leaning even more on him and making him chuckle at how sloshed you were.

Despite your embarrassing situation, you were quite enjoying Roger’s arm around you. Of course, you were using all of your willpower left to keep your mouth shut, because even in your inebriated state, you knew this was not the time to clue Roger in on your little crush.

“Goose? Is that what you think of me?” he teased, helping you across the street and flipping off a car that honked at you both. “We’re going to my place, you can sleep there.”

“OoooOooOh,” you drew out, wiggling your eyebrows. “I get to go to the goose’s nest tonight!”

“My God,” he laughed, trying not to drop you as he continued to lead the way down the sidewalk, your arm wrapping loosely around his shoulder.

As he walked the 7 long blocks with you, you blabbered on and on about the guy at the bar. He had to hear about how he was an old friend from primary, and how he’d bought you drinks and asked if you’d been to a late night chips place down the road. You said you told him you hadn’t, so he offered to take you but you didn’t want to leave, and that’s about the time the “big boss Roger” showed up to end the fun.

As you walked up to the tower block Roger was living in with Brian and Freddie, you sighed dramatically and leaned your head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I tried to make you stay longer,” you mumbled, slurring your words quite a bit, but Roger already knew how to decipher your drunken ramblings. You loved that about him. In fact, there were quite a few more things you loved about him that you hadn’t told him before. It was a pity you’d become such close friends, because you reckoned that was the only thing preventing you from telling Roger how you felt about him.

He chuckled and shook his head as you both approached the stairs, Roger wondering to himself how he’d get you up to the 4th floor. “Hey, let’s crawl up the stairs, that’d be fun, right?” he suggested, hoping you’d take to the idea. You groaned before starting to crawl up them, knowing the alternative was being carried and that would kill Roger before you got to the 2nd floor.

Roger followed, snickering a bit at the state of you, but encouraged you all the way to his floor, where you decided to lay down. “Rog, I’m beat,” you complained, pressing a hand against your head and closing your eyes. “I think I’m going to sleep here.”

“No, no, Y/N, don’t be a drama queen, that’s Fred’s job,” he ordered, grabbing ahold of your hand and pulling you up to what could be considered a standing position. Throwing your arm over his shoulder, he managed to drag you down to his flat as you apologized for trying to sleep. He then unlocked the door kicked it open gently, calling out for his roommates.

You decided to join in. “Freddieeeee,” you sang, your eyes still halfway closed and heavily lidded as you laughed at how terrible you sounded. “Briaaaann, come out, come out, wherever you are!”

Roger carefully sat you down on the sofa, patting your head gently before heading off to their rooms to find them empty. They must have decided to stay longer at the pub than they had originally planned, which made Roger groan softly. He was alone in getting your drunk ass to bed.

“Looks like it’s just you and me,” he said as he came back into the front room, where you’d managed to pull off your shoes and sprawl out on the couch. Your heart fluttered as you realized you were truly alone with Roger, and anything could happen. Jesus, I must be really drunk if I’m thinking we’re going to do anything but go to sleep tonight, you thought. “Let’s get a glass of water in you, eh?”

You nodded once, smiling lopsidedly up at him before closing your eyes and humming to yourself. As Roger grabbed a glass of water and some Tylenol for you, he heard you start to quietly sing off-key, then suddenly, you stopped. After a pause, you called out to him. “Rog, come sing your harmony, you bastard!”

You then began to sing Doing All Right unbearably loud, Roger trying to shush you and try not to laugh as he reminded you of the upstairs neighbor who hated how loud they were. As if on cue, the upstairs neighbor stomped on the floor, which made you shut up and look at Roger with an impish grin. He looked adorable tonight, and you hated yourself for noting that. He was supposed to be your best friend and confidant, and now here you were wondering why you hadn’t made out with him already.

As you admired him, he couldn’t help but grin back at you. Shaking his head, he helped you sit up, handing you the water and Tylenol before sitting next to you and pulling his shoes off. You gratefully took the pills and water, then sat the glass on the nightstand next to you before laying down again, sprawling over Roger’s lap and making him raise an eyebrow at you. “I’m sorry for being loud,” you practically whispered, running a hand over your face before giving him a guilty look. “I promise I’ll be good now.”

“You’re awfully apologetic tonight,” he remarked, relaxing back against the couch and spreading one arm out along the back while the other hand rested on your stomach lightly. “How come you never want to apologize to me when you’re not a shitfaced mess?!”

“Oh, fuck off and die,” you automatically replied, reaching out to smack his chest playfully. As soon as you did it, your jaw dropped and you began apologizing profusely, becoming a babbling mess again.

He began to shush you again, laughing in between shushes and finally resorting to putting a hand over your mouth. Quieting again, Roger gave it a moment before moving his hand to play with a strand of your hair instead. “I think it’s time you went to bed, sweetheart.”

“No, I’m finnne!” you swore, though your drooping eyelids told him otherwise. He gave you a look, which made you whine and roll off his lap, crawling to the floor and starting to make your way towards his bedroom. “You’re such a bully,” you whined as you slowly crawled your way down the hallway, Roger following close behind and rolling his eyes.

“Do you want to sleep on the floor tonight?” he warned, which made you crawl faster and scramble into his bed when you got to his room. “That’s what I thought.”

“I’m sorry, Rog, I didn’t mean it,” you whined, crawling under his covers and peeking out at him as he started to get ready for bed. “Thank you for taking care of me tonight,” you added, wanting to get back on his good side. “I really ‘preciate it, honestly. You’re the best.”

“That’s my job,” he reassured, pulling off his shirt and tossing it in his dirty laundry as you watched him. You admired his remarkably slender build that contradicted somewhat with his status as a drummer. He didn’t have any remarkably prominent muscles on him, but he was still toned, and though his hair was longer, he didn’t seem too feminine to you in the dim light that was coming through his blinds from the city lights outside. Though, would it matter if he did look feminine? You found yourself thinking that Roger was attractive to you in any state, drunk or sober, angry or happy, mean or nice, any way, any day.

“You’re my faaavorite, Roggie,” you said affectionately, overwhelmed with admiration for him all of a sudden.

Roger laughed at that, glancing back at you before going over to his closet. “I’d bloody hope so.”

“You don’t have to take care of me, like this, you know?” you mumbled, still watching him as he searched for some pajama pants in his piles of clothes. “I know I can be a bit much, and you’re soooo fucking wonderful for putting up with me,” you continued on, Roger smirking at that. He found a pair of pajama pants, which he started switching into, so you looked at the ceiling out of courtesy and started to close your eyes. “I mean it, Rog. You’re the best, you treat me wayyyyy too well. There’s nothing keeping you here-”

“Well, it’s my flat,” he interjected, making you open your eyes again and shoot him a dirty look. “I’m sorry, go on about how I’m the best,” he laughed, starting to crawl into bed with you and making you scoot over as he laid on his side next to you, watching you expectantly with his head propped up on one hand. You were suddenly nervous, Roger no closer than he’d ever been to you before. You’d slept in the same bed before, but you’d never felt so much love for him all at once while in such close proximity. Unable to filter yourself, you continued.

“I meant, like, I’m just me and that’s alright, I guess, but there’s no reason for you to stick around and take all my bullshit like you do. Like, you’re not my boyfriend or anything,” you rambled, both you and Roger not sure where you were going with this. The alcohol still coursing through your body propelled you, however, and you kept talking. “But I’on’t know, I always thought you’d end up my boyfriend, as much as you put up with me, but I’ve pretty much just given up that idea. You keep sticking around anyways, honestly kind of scamming yourself, you are,” you admitted, avoiding eye contact with Roger and instead looking at his collarbones as you played with the duvet nervously. You knew you’d started to say too much, but your stupid feelings wouldn’t stop coming out because you were so nervous and Roger being right there made you even more nervous.

“You thought we’d end up dating?” Roger asked, no hint of emotion in his voice to suggest he leaned either way on the issue. He was asking more for a clarification, which made you even more shaky as you tried to compose a response that wasn’t horridly revealing. However, that worked out about as well as it could, considering the amount of alcohol you’d consumed before leaving the bar.

“I guess, yeah,” you mumbled, still afraid to look up at him. “Fred’s always teasing me about when you’re going to ask me out, so I guess after a certain point… I didn’t mind the idea of it anymore?” The last part of the sentence came out as more of a question, and you squeezed your eyes shut, mentally smacking yourself for sounding so terrified. Fuck it. I’m already this far gone, why not just let it all out? “No,no, no, not I guess. I know I don’t mind the idea anymore. Actually, I’m a bit bummed you still haven’t asked me out. What’s with that?”

“Very subtle, Y/N,” Roger teased, reaching up to replace a stray hair that had fallen into your face. “Fred’s been bothering you about me, has he? I’ll have to tell him off tomorrow.”

“Oh, please don’t!” you begged, quickly looking up at him with a desperate look in your eyes. “He’ll know that I told you that I fancy you and then I’ll never hear the end of it!”

“Well, now there’s news,” Roger commented, a blush creeping on to your cheeks as you realized how stupidly you’d just told him how you felt about him. Shit, you’ve done it now, Y/N. “You never said you fancy me, love, not until just now. What’s with that?”

“Oh, forget it,” you groaned hopelessly, rolling over to face away from him and pulling the covers over your head. The room felt like it was spinning as you laid there in the dark, and you took a few deep breaths to calm down. “Forget I even said that, I’m sloshed and don’t know what I’m doing.”

Roger began to laugh, tugging the covers back down and booing you. “Oh, boo you, I was just taking the piss. Look at me, I’m sorry! I won’t do it again.” You reluctantly rolled back over, giving him the stink eye as you kept the covers pulled up to your shoulders, trying to hide as much vulnerability as possible. “Now, back to the asking you out thing, when did Fred start to bother you about this?”

You wracked your brain, struggling to pull memories through the muddle of alcohol and embarrassment, but you finally recalled at least an approximate date and managed to choke it out. “A couple months ago, maybe?”

“Damn! He was supposed to keep his mouth shut,” Roger cursed, mainly to himself. “Also, you’ve been taking this from him for two whole months?”

“Yeah,” you admitted reluctantly, sounding ashamed. Then, your brain latched on to what he said before, and starting racing as you tried to figure out what he’d meant. “Freddie was supposed to keep his mouth shut about what?” you pried, suddenly propping your head up on one hand too.

Roger chuckled, then shook his head and laid down on his back, his eyes lazily tracing around the ceiling as he answered nonchalantly. “Well, if you must know, I told him I’d been thinking about asking you out a couple months ago, when we were recording one night. But I’d honestly been having so much fun and going out with you anyways these last few months, I didn’t even think about it anymore. I thought he’d zipped it, but that worked about as well as I should have expected… Lead singers, they have such big mouths.”

Your face broke out into a wide grin as you processed what he was saying. “God, I better be sober enough now to remember this in the morning,” you murmured, rubbing your eyes to stop the room from spinning and hardly believing what had just went down.

“I’ll convince you it was a dream,” Roger taunted, looking over at you only to receive more stink eye from you.

“I’m going to write it down right now so I don’t forget,” you stated, climbing over him and out of the bed in a determined fashion, Roger trying to grab you to keep you from leaving but failing. You clumsily made your way over to his desk and grabbed a pencil and his journal that he wrote songs in, flipping through the pages to find an empty one while Roger untangled himself from the duvet that you’d gotten him wrapped up in.

“Hey, don’t read that!” he exclaimed, nearly falling off the bed as he tried to scramble over to you, so you ran out of the room, nearly slipping in the hallway as you made your way to the bathroom and locked yourself in. Roger got there two seconds too late, banging on the door as you leaned against the other side, knowing the lock wouldn’t hold long if he had a key. “Are you mad, Y/N? Give me my song book!”

You ignored him, figuring he genuinely didn’t want you to remember what he’d confessed, and kept going through the pages. On your quest to find an empty one, something caught your eye as you flipped through quickly, and you stopped. Going back, you realized that it was your name that had gotten your attention, and you got back to the page to find a song titled after you.

Curiosity got the best of you and you started reading his scribblings as best as you could. You realized it was a love song, and your heart soared as you smiled wider than you figured you ever had. Roger liked you as much as you fancied him, and now you had proof.

You heard Roger start to unlock the door with a key so you unlocked it anyways, swinging it open to find a disheveled Roger. His hair was unkempt, the duvet still caught around his foot, and he was looking at you wildly as he tried to rationalize what to do next. You were just smiling at him, his song book still open to the page you were just reading, and you held it up to show him. 

Visibly deflating, he snatched the song book from you and put a hand on your upper back, pushing you firmly but gently in the direction of his room like you were a small child in trouble for getting out of bed past bedtime.

“I didn’t write that,” he lied lamely, just making you giggle and laugh as you entered his room, crawling back into his bed. “It was… Brian. Yeah, Brian borrowed my journal and wrote that about you! Right weirdo, he is. I don’t write that mushy crud like him and Deacy.”

He leaned on his desk with one hand to reach down and unwrap the duvet from his ankle, and when he looked back up at you, you were still grinning and giggling at him. He sighed, mainly at himself, and came back over to the bed, tossing the duvet over you before reluctantly crawling back into bed with you and laying on his back, staring at the ceiling.

“Whatever you say, Rog,” you finally replied, Roger groaning softly as he refused to recognize he was on the embarrassing side of things now. However, when you curled up against his side and draped your arm loosely over his stomach, he didn’t push you away. 

In fact, as you drifted off peacefully, he even smiled a bit and wrapped an arm around you protectively, drifting off himself as he realized that, no matter how embarrassing, he’d finally gotten what he’d wanted after all this time – you.

[osmw1]

Crowbar Nurse   Chapter 3 — In a World with No Rescue

It felt great to let loose and slay a horde of zombies again. Though as refreshing as that was, I couldn’t help but feel guilty as well. They were formerly people after all. It made me question what gives me the right to kill them.

… ugh, I’ve never even considered any of this when I game. Having blood on my hands is mentally rougher than I thought…

Heaving a sigh, I stood the assault rifle up against the wall then sat on one of the dining chairs… one that the old man wasn’t. I know I’m in a game, but I’m still not about to sit in the old man’s seat.

Still, why is this even happening…? Because my phone glitched…?

Thoughts ran through my head as I was trying to figure out my situation. It was then I noticed the desk to the side… the key was on the desk, just as I remembered reading about on the walkthrough site.

Might as well take it.

Kiryū looked understandably bewildered as he watched me take the key.

“Umm, hey… Sera? What’s that key do?” “It’s super useful and since I don’t have a pocket… would you please hang on to it? Anyway, what did you mean by that? Sera?”

I looked up at Kiryū. He looked back at me with a troubled expression. He knows my name, even though I’m sure we’ve just met.

“… I’m not sure if you realize it yet, but right now, physically, you’re Sera Harvey, the protagonist of Dead Man’s Conflict 2.” “Are you for real?” “I swear. I’ve never played any zombie games before, but I’ve seen this series at the game show in Tokyo before.” “… that’s… very surprising…”

As stupid as I may have sounded, I had no other words but those. Subconsciously, I began looking at my hands… and then my feet.

My long, fair legs were peeking through the bottom of an adorable green sundress. My hair was in a shade of dark bluish black. And tipping my small, slender hands were my fingernails in pink.

… this is definitely not my own body. This body belonged to the beauty who contrasted the deplorable battlefield of Confi City, the stealthy one-man army of Dead Man’s Conflict—Sera Harvey.

“… I’m Sera…”

I shook my head in denial as I finally realized who I was.

“What the heck happened to me…”

The truth was sickening, troubling. This situation was all too ridiculous. Kiryū, as if he understood how I felt, began his explanation.

“From what I can tell, you’re just an average Joe who got dragged from the real world to this side.” “… that’s what it seems like. I swear, I was just a rookie nurse working free overtime in a sweatshop they called a hospital… Kiryū, this is some sort of a dream, right…?”

This would be strange topic if I were in a dream, but I still had to ask… I still needed that small glimmer of false hope for consolation.

“… it’d be nice if it were a dream.”

Kiryū shrugged as he spoke, sounding just like a doctor giving a patient bad diagnosis. He continued with a heavy heart and gently broke the news to me.

“… but I don’t think this is simply a dream. I don’t know how else to describe it, but we’re inexplicably trapped in this world.” “No…” “I feel you. It’s hard to accept. But have you ever been dog-tired and out of breath in a dream before?”

I couldn’t help but shake my head and answer with no.

“… I haven’t had a dream like… that… I suppose. Isn’t this a little too unrealistic though? Zombies only exist in fiction. The concept of the reanimated dead just doesn’t make sense. It goes against the laws of physics. They show all signs of being dead, you know? And how can they produce any adenosine triphosphate to move? I don’t even know how I got here in the first place… to this world…”

I was at my wits’ end by now.

—I opened a door to another universe by working overtime and getting my phone hacked.

No one would believe that. It’d make more sense if it were just a dream. Or maybe I’m in some sort of web novel. They say the hit genre right now is about getting reborn into a game world. Even my brother mentioned he was into that sort of novels and anime. I felt more and more ill as I think about all of this. To begin with, I was on the brink of death at work up until moments ago.

“… real life blows. Were you working overtime too?”

Perhaps he could sense my mental state, Kiryū forced a small smile and began to sympathize. His words seemed a little cool yet gentle. I slowly looked up at him. Kiryū looked as shallow as he did handsome, but the way he spoke was more than genuine.

“Me too. Just now—rather, hours ago, I was stuck at work debugging with the whole team.” “… what’s that?” “You play a game thoroughly to make sure that it’s free of any bugs. It’s a time-consuming process in which gotta play the game over and over again. People from other departments would get on your case and check in with you too. I really thought I was gonna kick the bucket. Then, before I knew it, I got trapped in this ridiculous world.” “I see…” “… I guess I should apologize too. I might look like a real stud, but inside, I’m really an old fart. I’m just like you, from the real world. Except that I’m a 30-year-old software engineer working for a game dev company.”

I let out a slight giggle in spite of myself. At first, I assumed he was a little too serious and awkward, but he’s actually quite kind.

“You can’t call yourself an old fart yet when you’re just 30.” “I appreciate that, but you’ll feel it too when you turn 30. People younger than you will make fun of you for everything, so you gotta be prepared for it.” “Hah, that sounds rough… oh, by the way, do you know who your character is?” “Kiryū Sōichirō, right? I’ve, uhh… seen it at the game show.” “Oh, so you do know!”

Letting his guard down a little, Kiryū laughed with me. He looked like the world’s hottest playboy, but I’d be no better if I said that out loud. We’re both adults who are sick and tired of their jobs, but we certainly don’t look the part.

“I’m glad you’re smiling again. I wouldn’t know what would happen to me if I hadn’t found you too.” “… what do you mean? Were you with someone else?” “Yeah.”

His smile faded into a frown.

“… I found you as I watched my friend get eaten by zombies.” “Like, in a cutscene?” “No… he was a real person. He lost his cool and tried to clear a horde with his bare hands.” “That’s such a movie cliché…” “I don’t get it either. He was saying we’re not going to be rescued anyway… I guess he was at his limits couldn’t handle it anymore.”

Kiryū looked down at the ground and heaved a sigh.

“… please, be strong. For me. We’ll think of some way to safely break out of this world. We can do this together. So please, promise me…”

As his voice trails off, I looked down at the ground and felt a wave of anxiety building up in my chest.

—is he saying we might die in here like his friend…?

But what did he mean that he wasn’t going to be rescued? Does he know something we don’t…?

Silence fell in the bloody, musty room. … then, I remembered something very important and I grabbed the assault rifle. Shit. Christ. This is bad. We can’t afford to be just sitting here.

“—Sera, wait! Let’s talk about this some more!” “There’s lots I want to say too, but I just recalled something really important. In this game, we’re in danger until we reach a safehouse.” “… we’re in danger?”

Kiryū now looked very serious.

“… you mean, they’ll keep spawning and respawning, coming at us?” “That’s exactly it.”

I’m glad that Kiryū, being a game dev, quickly understood what I’m talking about, but I can’t rejoice yet.

“The longer we stay at a location, the more enemies will spawn.” “Ugh. That sounds like the whole world is gonna get laggy… but I get what you mean. It’ll be dangerous if we stay here any longer. We’ve gotta keep moving so they don’t form too big of a horde…” “That’s right. We should head to a safehouse ASAP. But, before that…”

I stopped in the middle of my sentence to rack my brain. There was so much we should be doing.

—what are the locations of this game like?

Are there any places where I can’t return?

Are there any key items that I should get before I leave?

 “… before we head to the safehouse, there are two things we have to recover.”

I walked towards the exit as I explained things to him.

“First, I need to pick up the ‘smartphone’ I dropped earlier. Second is the ‘Vital Watch’ that gets dropped in the beginning of this level.” “Vital Watch?”

Kiryū followed behind me.

“It’s critical to our safety that we get that watch. Have you… never played any DMC game before?”

He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders no.

“They say you can do whatever you want in these zombie killers, but they aren’t my thing.” “I see. In that case… umm, the Vital Watch looks like an Apple Watch.” “I see.” “It’s a gadget that… how should I explain this? In short, it’s kinda like a status screen that you can wear around your wrist.”

I grabbed my left wrist with my fingers to demonstrate to Kiryū.

“It fits right around here, and it displays your vital stats, the currently time, and other basic info like that. DMC3 holds your hands throughout the game so that it’s easy to get into it. I think we should be able to find it in this world too.” “I see… diagetic UI, eh?”

Kiryū nodded along as if he completely understood me.

“It sounds like we should definitely get our hands on that Vital Watch. … but your phone? Is it really worth the risk it to get it back?” “Definitely. It was because my phone glitched up that I got sent to this world. It’s very likely a key item, don’t you think?” “Your phone glitched…?” “I’ll tell you the details once we get moving. We can’t sit and chat here anyway.”

He seemed really interested about what happened to my phone.

“In any case, we should definitely go back to get it. We must. I just have to post these pictures online, y’know?” “… what was that?” “Nothing at all. You’re hearing things.” “No shit?”

I digressed but brushed it off with a clap of my hands.

“Well, that’s not important right now. We should get hurrying though! Oh, and where’s your phone?” “Oh. I don’t have it with me.”

Kiryū scratched the back of his head and shrugged his shoulders again.

“I fell asleep at my desk… and when I woke up, I was lying face-up in this world. My phone is probably still on my desk at work.” “Alright, then for now, let’s go retrieve my phone.” “Gotcha.” “Then, we’ll go get the Vital Watch.” “Yep.”

—and so, that was our plan.

First, the phone. Then, the watch.

… the Vital Watch should have dropped after the first section of the game… it should be our first item. Right now, though, we’re at the end of the first locale—Downtown. That means we’ll have to backtrack through the stage.

—… “we’re not going to be rescued anyway”…

That phrase kept coursing through my mind. Nothing but bad feelings welled up in my chest as I looked downwards.

… but now’s not the time to get all depressed.

If we stay here any longer, the game is going to spawn too many zombies. I shook off my anxiety and I tried to cheer up both Kiryū and myself.

“We don’t know anything about our situation, nor do we know anything about how to get back to our world… but let’s keep playing this game. That’s all we can do.”

■Sera

Sera is a rookie nurse whose real name is unknown. Also, a bright and cheerful wild child. She grew up with her brothers—one older and one younger, both two years apar from her. From her grade school days and up till year one of university, she had been obssessed with zombie games. Now, she is suffering the consequences.

contents: /ch001/ /ch002/ /ch003/ /next/

(leave me a tip on Patreon?)

[ourmanifestoisfun]

4x03 Episode Thoughts

All right! New episode review, kind of late, whoops!

As always, a ton of stuff happened, but first and foremost:

CALLED THAT THERE WOULD BE A WEDDING!

...did not expect it to be this soon, but that’s the show. Now onwards!

So it’s just gonna be the last line of the theme song that will change. Interesting!

I thought for sure they would change the Rebecca montage.

Tapeworms are serious business. Yech.

I had such a hard time watching the Whitefeather (sorry, MountainTop) scenes. augksflgjdkshfdjks

Darryl pls come back. That’s gonna help a lot

JIM! I’ve always loved him, and everything about his number is so freaking perfect, not just as a parody, but with the pink suit, the dancing and the beat. It’s so catchy. God, I loved all of that and I hope he keeps showing up. Also: he has a last name! Something Hector still doesn’t have.

Things Hector now has: health insurance and a marriage certificate.

Hector is married. 

Let me emphasize this: “Pull Out Hector” is married!

And still no last name.

Honestly, him and Heather getting married at the courthouse on their lunch break. That is very them. 

But I also love that Hector has been thinking about getting married for some time, and Heather deciding that they will have a true wedding is just super sweet and she looked so beautiful in her dress. That was just a lovely sequence, when the doors opened to reveal her standing there.

Him tearing up when Father Brah hands him the tux. Oh my heart.

Of course Valencia is determined to plan their wedding

“I just care about Hector and his happiness. Right, I can’t say that with a straight face.” Oh Valencia

Also that they needed a hot couple on their website.

“Some people should legally not be allowed to get married.” Oh Valencia

Bethhhhhh

Are they gonna be next? :D

Josh and Rebecca’s dynamic this whole episode actually made me very happy. Having Rebecca acknowledge everything she has ever done to him was wrong is super necessary.

Truthfully, one thing I’ve missed since season 1 is having Josh/Rebecca encouraging each other, and it’s so nice that it’s now in earnest, with everything out on the table.

“Ha. Once I loved you” oh Rebecca. I mean, it’s true, but still. You are a snob.

And Josh is doing so well! I’m so happy that therapy is already having benefits for him to be reflective and find out what he wants from life. 

I still found it kind of endearing that he tried to learn about art history for his date.

I was so annoyed at that girl for calling him crazy for being in therapy

...Though the bit about Hector’s mom playing a larger role in his life is interesting. Glad Dr Akopian is doing good work.

...Is he wearing Hector’s old sweatshirt at the end there?

Speaking of, I like that Dr Akopian seems to be having better sessions with Rebecca, that aren’t hair-tearingly bad.

I’m torn in regards to Rebecca opening a pretzel shop. They have used pretzels as a motif throughout the series, and it almost seems the same as chasing Josh Chan cross-country.

...except, on the other hand, she does work there for a little bit, and tries out different flavors, and finds out she likes doing it. So there is more thought being put into this venture already.

And she is still volunteering at the women’s prison. I’d be more eh about this switch if she didn’t still have that. Because she is good at law and does get a sense of accomplishment from it.

That being said, the montage of her complaining about work is pretty extensive...

And they made it explicit that Rebecca isn’t destiny-oriented anymore, so this is a known and considered choice that she is making, for good or ill.

Basically, while I think this will probably be fulfilling for her, it feels a little more like a stepping stone than an endpoint for her, careerwise. So we shall see.

“Our Twisted Fate” was pretty damn weird. But I enjoyed it!

I would not have known that it was a Simon and Garfunkel parody if I hadn’t heard the “Sound of Silence” cover by Disturbed a couple of months ago and went looking for the original.

Weird is normal for this show, anyways

Loved the callback with the blue dress and blazer, and how the cut and materials have changed.

I can’t wait to see the costume writeups after the show has wrapped.

Dude, Nathaniel. You are not okay. At all. 

They were not kidding when they said that he was going to be in a mental place like Season One Rebecca

Please crash and burn quickly so that you can be on your own path to happiness ASAP, because this hurts my heart.

One thing I really don’t want is for CEB!Nathaniel to last throughout all of season 4. I do want him to also understand what he’s looking for to be happy, and I do think the showrunners will have him in a better place overall by the end, I really do want to see more episodes of him getting therapy than just crashing and flailing.

I am at that stage with this show where I kind of want to smoosh everyone together and tell them to all be friends and just be happy.

[jasonvtodd]

For the fandows asks: the runaways, lost

[ send me a fandom ] 

LOST

who i will protect at all costs: charlie

who deserves better: juliET

who was killed off too early: ^^^^^^^^^^ also charlie but juliet first and foremost

who i used to hate but now i love: ana lucia (i didnt hate her but i didnt really like her character the first time i watched it but after rewatching it, being gayer and thinking more about her.. ohohoho love)

who i used to love but now i hate: fucking michael. that bitch.

who needs to be killed off asap: ^^^^

who is unfairly hated: ana lucia probably cuz ppl dumb but otherwise idk i wasnt rlly in the fandom when it was airing 

who is unfairly loved: ^^^

who needs to sort out their priorities: michael lmao. punkass bitch. also sawyer. like. boy i love you, faults as you may have... but like... kate aint good for you and you aint good for her

who needs a hug: sayid

who needs to get out of their current relationship: the jack x kate x sawyer triangle just needed to stop tbh

who the writers love: no idea

who needs a better storyline: more!! ana lucia content pls!!

who has an amazing redemption arc: hm... idk i guess??

who is hot af: naomi, ana, juliet, kate

who belongs in jail: sawyer probably lmao

who needs to be revived from the dead: j u l i e t (even tho they all dead in the end but yaknow)

THE RUNAWAYS

who i will protect at all costs: chase!!!!!

who deserves better: chase

who was killed off too early: eh

who i used to hate but now i love: chase lmaooo. s1 i really didnt care much for him but after s2 i came out with a new fave white boy

who i used to love but now i hate: i didnt love love gert hardcore but i did like her but then in s2 i just... didnt like... how a lot of things went down with her and how she treated chase

who needs to be killed off asap: not asap, and i dont really care that much either way... and ill probably be labeled a bad gay for saying so but... unpopular opinion is that i really cant stand karolina ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

who is unfairly hated: chase. dont get me started on how shitty they all treated him in s2. like!!! hear the man out maybe!! actually give him the benefit of the doubt instead of being so ready to attack him!!

who is unfairly loved: karolina lmao. also gert. also unpopular opinion but  🙈

who needs to sort out their priorities: lmao all of them really

who needs a hug: c h a s e

who needs to get out of their current relationship: ....... chase

who the writers love: karolina

who needs a better storyline: chase (drinking game: take a shot for every answer i give that is chase)

who has an amazing redemption arc: take a shot mates

who is hot af: annd another drink

who belongs in jail: all of the parents

who needs to be revived from the dead: eh

[tamiddyinyourcity]

2:12am, Monday, December 23rd of 2019.

What's got me feeling suicidal today?:

Having to be the one to bring up topics my (ex/now boyfriend again) couldn't bring up himself. Sure it lead to us deciding to see eachother again, but jesus......... cool, i gotta convince people that dating me is a plausible option?

Hearing that my ex only said he was "unsure of seeing other people yet", since he was gonna finish the sentence off with "but i probably should, and stop seeing you, otherwise i wont get over things and actually move on now that im 100% sure the relationship is over for us".... But I asked him a question and cut him off before he finished the sentence and didnt even hear the rest. Not the best to hear that my ex was on Tinder, (Tinder, really?,) but.... eh, gross.

Watching the ASAP Rocky sex tape video got him hard and ready for a round 2, but he quickly got flaccid when during sex, I asked him to tell him what he found sexy about me.... Cool, so big wiggly white girl booty cheeks arouses you, but not the naked girl who JUST got back in your life.... (to be fair, it was also the refractory period, but..... the silence definitely was a hit to the self esteem there.....)

He did eventually say, "Tamia, I find you super sexy!", out of nowhere in otherwise blissful cuddling after that.... thats chill. I did need to hear it...........

Anyway.

Things went okay.

Feeling upset.

Reflecting on a previous relationship during the hardest point in my life a few years back.....

Feeling terrible for falling for a lovebombing douchebag.

Feeling terrible about not cutting him off the first time he ghosted me.... or the second.

Feeling terrible about my retaliation to its terrible ending; both what i did in response, and how it still just never phased him.

And just feeling worse all around.

Making a cathartic or humor video about a sad ending to a relationship just for it to result in the snowglobe i was making leaking all over the place, the video to be depressing, and all of it just reminding me how much i wanted to die from that fucker doing the most unnecessary shit to me when i was already struggling like fucking hell.....

I can't talk to my boyfriend about this, not for awhile at least. Hes got a lot of work, and i dont really want to face another instance of "aww that sucks" when describing elements of underage prostitution, craigslist perverts, and overall using love to escape an abusive family and just ending up worse for wear when the fucker had left me high and dry for nothing.....

And the guy who hurt me is in college and with a rich ass family, while im.....

Not.

And im gonna spend christmas alone.

And after that, who knows?

Ill probably end up forcing myself to move out and ending up homeless or some shit.

Just.....

Fuck.

I genuinely hope Maxwell fucking dies.

Just..... the way he hurt me was too fucking much.

I just hate it.

I fucking hate ut so much

[ahiddenpath]

Nanowrimo Week 1 Update

Hey all!  The end of today marks the first week of Nanowrimo!  The benchmark for today is 11,667 words total.  Yikes!  

There’s a progress update and a snipped of my draft below the cut ;)

Okay, first: some housekeeping.  My old Nanowrimo word Count Blog Widget done broke on me!  I’m guessing there’s an external image issue or some kind of bandwith issue due to Nanowrimo usage?  I switched to a simple HTML tag that doesn’t rely on external images.  It doesn’t look as nice, but it works, and that is more important, lol.  Here’s the HTML to add to your bloggy:

<strong>Nanowrimo Counter 2017:</strong>

<img src="http://picometer.writertopia.com/words=11131&target=50000">

Just change 11131 to your total word count, and you’re done!  So easy :D

Okay!  So, my progress!

My current word total is... 12,774!  Which means I’m about 25% done and 1,100 words ahead, so I’m doing alright.  One concern is that I think I’m going to run out of outline about 15 days into nanowrimo, so I have to put effort into outlining the last few chapters of Seeking Resonance ASAP, lol!!!  Otherwise I’mma hit a wall in a week or so, oh noooo!

Crap, what happens next?  I have no idea, lol!  XD XD XD  WHO’S DRIVING THIS THING?!

So far, the writing has been alright.  It hasn’t been flowing super well, but it hasn’t been a tooth-pulling nightmare, either.  This is a terrible rough draft, but that’s normal for Nanowrimo (and honestly, normal in general).  It’ll shine up just fine later.

If you’re interested, he’s a raw excerpt from Nanowrimo Week One!  SO MANY ADVERBS, lol XD  Tentative title:  In Which Koushiro is Hazed by Children and a Grandma.

Although he had never been to Eimi’s market, her descriptions and an online search had led him here without difficulty.  Admittedly, he had expected more than a stretch of stalls lining either side of a cobbled street.  It seemed so quaint and sleepy, hardly worth her almost daily visits.

But this is what Eimi-san likes.  Koushiro approached the end stall, feeling oddly out of place.  The closest thing he had seen to an open air market was news stands and street food vendors pushed too close together in Tokyo, and those were flashier and louder.  Instead of a middle age man screaming into the passing crowd, he encountered an old woman dozing in a chair behind the cart.  Colorful vegetables were stacked in wooden crates tipped towards the street, a rainbow display of food.

Sweat beads that had formed during the walk merged into droplets that slid down his forehead.  Koushiro was so focused on finding food Eimi usually purchased at her market that he hadn’t considered what to buy.  He tried to think of what she had served him in the past, but quickly realized that, even with the ingredients, he wouldn’t know how to make it.

Chicken noodle soup.  They say that’s good for recovering, right?  But what goes into that?  Carrots?  Onions?  Perhaps a salad would be simpler…  He checked the lettuce stock and was alarmed to find that the old woman carried multiple varieties.  There’s more than one type of lettuce?!

So great was his panic that Koushiro failed to hear the approach of pattering feet.  When a high voice shouted, “Aegis!”, he jumped forward, and the crates rattled when he hit the cart.  The old woman stirred, straightened, and stared at her customer.

“Ah, good afternoon,” Koushiro said.  He tried to smile at the old woman, but most of his attention was the children swarming at knee level.  Three kids, a girl and two boys, had materialized, forming a fairy ring around Aegis.  Koushiro tensed when the girl threw her arms around the dog, but Aegis sat quietly and wagged his tail.  He relaxed, reassured that Aegis wouldn’t jump and accidentally knock the children over.  

The taller boy stood on tiptoe to see the old woman over the cart.  “Baba, look!  It’s Aegis!  Why do you have Aegis, mister?  Where is Eimi-oneesan?”

The old woman blinked, then leaned forward.  “Eh?  Is it Aegis, Minoru?  I can’t see over the cart.”

“It’s Aegis, it’s Aegis!” the girl cried.  “Pretty Aegis!  We missed you!  Good doggy!”  

Koushiro stepped back, unsure of how to behave.  His classes were usually offered to students pursuing higher degrees, and he hadn’t interacted with a child since he was one, himself.  Although they had different faces, these three seemed identical at a glance.  They painted an idyllic picture of children enjoying summer in the countryside: denim shorts, tee shirts, sneakers, tanned skin, messy hair, and the occasional dirt smudge.

The children continued to love on Aegis, which frankly looked like harassment from Koushiro’s perspective, but the old woman was focused on him.  Koushiro cleared his throat and said, “Um, pardon me, but do you know Anami Eimi?  I’m doing some shopping for her, but I’m afraid I forgot to request a list.”

She stared at him for a long moment before answering.  “Yes, we all know Eimi-chan.  She’s visited our market most days for years.  We were looking forward to seeing her again after her tour, but she never came.  We were going to send Minoru over in a few days to check on her if she didn’t stop by.  Is everything alright?”

“Um…”  Was it his imagination, or were the other vendors watching this exchange?  Koushiro gave himself a tiny shake and forced himself to look at the woman addressing him.  “I’m afraid Eimi-san took ill a few days ago.”

Minoru stopped mid-pat and whirled around.  “Eimi-oneesan is sick?!” he shouted.  Koushiro’s mouth twitched into a grimace that he quickly straightened. 

The old woman sighed and cupped her cheek.  “Oh, the poor dear.  There aren’t any colds going around…”

“What’s wrong?!” Minoru demanded.  “Will she get better?  Can I visit?”

“Um-”  If Koushiro inched back any further, he’d be standing in front of the next cart.  What was he supposed to say?  While Eimi would find Minoru’s concern endearing, Koushiro doubted that exposure to a loud, energetic child would be welcome at the moment.  “I’m afraid she isn’t well enough for visitors.  Eimi-san was in the hospital, but she’s discharged and on bed rest now.”

The boy’s dark eyes went wide and wild.  “Eimi-oneesan was in the hospital?!”

Why does he feel the need to parrot me at screaming volume?  “Y-yes, but she’s recovering.  She needs some quiet and good food, which is why I’m here.”  He smiled at the vendor, hoping he didn’t look as overwhelmed as he felt.  He must have failed, because she slid from her chair to her feet and walked around the cart.

While the children fussed, Minoru over Eimi and the younger two over Aegis, the old woman approached and tugged the handle of one of Koushiro’s cloth bags.  He surrendered it and watched as she packed it with vegetables.  “Like I said,” she began, “Eimi-chan has come here most days for years.  Minoru walks Aegis when she’s away on short trips.  We all know her…”

She placed a few carrots on top of the growing stack of vegetables, then paused.  Although this woman was a stranger, Koushiro was instantly wary of that mischievous smile.  “Or at least, we thought we did.  Who knew she had such a cute boyfriend?!  Good for her!  But really, making a young lady walk back and forth alone every day, goodness!  You’re supposed to escort her!  Honestly, we were all trying to set her up!  You had better take good care of her while she’s sick, understood?  My oldest grandson is quite handsome, you know!”

Koushiro lifted his hands and moved them in flustered motions, but he was too shocked to string together a vocal denial.  “Hey!” Minoru cried.  “I’m not the oldest!”

His grandmother tittered and patted the boy’s head.  “I’m afraid Eimi-chan is too old for you.  Akio is about the right age.”

“Nuh uh!  I’m ten!”  Minoru stomped his foot and jabbed his thumb against his chest.  “That’s double digits!  I bet Eimi-oneesan isn’t that much older!  Akio-oniichan is waaaaaaay too old!”

“Oh, my.”  The old woman grinned at Koushiro and shook her head.  “Regardless, it seems we old ladies don’t need to play matchmaker after all.”

Koushiro’s frozen tongue finally came unstuck.  “T-that’s not-  I’m afraid-  Eimi-san and I aren’t-  We’re friends.”  He assumed this would appease everyone, especially Minoru, but the boy stomped his foot more violently.

“What!  Why not!  If I were bigger, I would date Eimi-oneesan and take care of her!”

“Oh dear, oh dear.”  The old lady tipped her head to the side, but Koushiro recognized the glint of mischief in her eyes.  “Hush, Minoru, don’t scold the poor man.  I didn’t mean to put you on the spot, dear.  Here, please take these.”

Okay, so that’s it!  I’ll check in again next week!  Please cheer me on, and thanks for reading! 

[o0yoongifreckles0o]

92 statements

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people!

(if i tag you, no pressure at all to do this!)

Okay so I was tagged by @blkguk (tysm!)

THE LAST...

1. Drink- water

2. Phone call- my grandma

3. Text- group chat with my 2 little sisters

4. Song you listened to-  bts not today

5. Time you cried- the other night while watching gay proposal compilation videos

HAVE YOU...

6. Dated someone twice- nope

7. Kissed someone and regretted it- yepyepyep 

8. Been cheated on- yep. a couple of times. 

9. Lost someone special- yes

10. Been depressed- bitch when am i not depressed

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up- ...yes *shivers* i will never touch rum or coconut vodka ever again

LIST 3 FAV COLORS:

12. pastel pink

13. mint green

14...any other shade of pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU...

15. Made any new friends- yes and she is a wonderful angel (sammie ily)

16. Fallen out of love- yes.

17. Laughed until you cried- yes thanks to several bts crack videos

18. Found our someone was talking about you- yep.

19. Met someone who changed you- *blushes* yeah...

20. Found our who your friends are- yes i’ve decided to really only keep a couple of people close to me.

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list- ...my ex when we were still together 

GENERAL

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life- all of them

23. Any pets- my little baby kitty her name is naho and i love her more than anything else in the entire universe

24. Do you want to change your name- no that’s too much work

25. What did you do for your last birthday- my sister took me to the aquarium and to get a tattoo she is the best

26. What time did you wake up- like 12:30

27. What were you doing at midnight last night- waking up from a very ill timed nap

28. Name something you cannot wait for- bts comeback oh yeeeaah 

29. When was the last time you saw your mom- a few weeks ago before I moved out of state

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life- um definitely no social anxiety wow imagine the things i could accomplish

31. What are you listening to right now- i like it (bts)

32. Have you ever talked to a person named tom- yes the manager of a book store i just applied to

33. Something that is getting on your nerves- the first thing that popped into my head was game of thrones. that show is trying to kill me.

34. Most visited website- tumblr and youtube

35. Moles- uuum let me check one on my face one on my thigh and a couple on my arms wow you learn something new every day

36. Marks- stretch marks also do freckles count bc i have a whole bunch of those

37. Childhood dream- to be happy when i grew up

38. Hair color- naturally red but dyed pastel pink

39. Long or short hair- short

40. Do you have a crush on someone- yes and she is wonderful.

41. What do you like about yourself- my eyes

42. Piercings- nose ring and snakebites

43. Blood type- no idea

44. Nickname- dia

45. Single- yep

46. Zodiac- virgo

47. Pronouns- she/her

48. Favorite tv show- got, avatar the last airbender, buffy, the office, your lie in april, toradora (how tf am i supposed to choose one)

49. Tattoos- i’ve got 10 and i need mooooooore

50. Right or left handed- right

51. Surgery- no

52. Piercings- yes

53. Sport- no thank u

54. Vacation- Japan

55. Pair of trainers- black converse high tops

MORE GENERAL

56. Eating- i just had some bomb ass cookies

57. Drinking- water i am boring

58. I’m about to go- boop my cat’s nose

59. Waiting for- my life to stop feeling like a complete mess

60. Want- more tattoos asap

61. Get married- yes please someday i am a hopeless romantic 

62. Career- ha that’s funny

WHICH IS BETTER

63. Hugs or kisses- both i refuse to choose they are both fantastic

64. Lips or eyes- eyes

65. Shorter or taller- short people are so cute i can’t

66. Older or younger- ...i don’t know

67. Nice arms or nice stomach- eh it doesn’t really matter

68. Hookup or relationship- relationship 

69. Troublemaker or hesitant- hesitant as fuck

HAVE YOU EVER

70. Kissed a stranger- nope

71. Drank hard liquor- yes

72. Lost contacts or glasses- i don’t use either perfect vision bitch

73. Turned someone down- yeah only this one guy in my history class no one else has ever been interested 

74. Sex on the first date- no i haven’t 

75. Broken someone’s heart- yes, recently. it’s awful.

76. Had your heart broken- yes. dirty cheating lying scumbag piece of shit. hooooooooooo boy am i still angry about that one.

77. Been arrested- no

78. Cried when someone died- yes.

79. Fallen for a friend- yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...

80. Yourself- sure why not

81. Miracles- no

82. Love at first sight- no (i may be a hopeless romantic but i am also cynical as heck) 

83. Santa claus- yes he is real fight me

84. Kiss on the first date- yes

85. Angels- i was going to say no but then i thought about park jimin.

OTHER

86. Favorite animals- otters and sloths

87. Important albums- magical mystery tour (the beatles), the white album (the beatles), let it be (the beatles), suburbia (troye sivan), wings (bts), dark and wild (bts), skool luv affair (bts), young forever (bts), demon days (the gorillaz), back to black (amy winehouse)

88. Favorite books- a man called ove, harry potter, series of unfortunate events, a tree grows in brooklyn, coraline, night, the golden compass, ready player one, the hobbit, misery

89. Introvert or extrovert- introvert

90. Current best friend’s name- sammie

91. Eye color- green

92. Favorite movies- princess mononoke, ponyo, howl’s moving castle, spirited away, anything studio ghibli, moana, pulp fiction, kill bill

i tag @sammiebombastic @o0taesboxsmile0o @gayhoseoks @agust-d-bts @slapmon @mozzakarp @maritheweird @hobiimportantbusiness @hoseokslegsandjiminsthighs @naplikeyoongi @cheekmoops @luckilykelsey @parasitekinn @ghosttypejoon

@becausefuckyouuthatswhy @cinnaminnimonster

[skiasurveys]

love surveyyy

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? take a guess.

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? i am currently. first time.

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?  the one i am currently in is the longest which is right now 1 year and 3 months <3

4: Have you ever changed for someone? Yeah and i have for the good and also for the bad.

5: How is your relationship with your ex?  i dont talk to any of them anymore. I deleted their numbers and have deleted them off social medias, i somehow still have them on snapchat..

6: Have you ever been cheated on? not that i know of

7: Have you ever cheated? NO

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?i would only do that if i didnt believe what the others said. but most likely i wouldnt lol

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship?  trust and companionship 

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? serious

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?  no i think breaks are just a code word for breaking up and wanting to fuck other people 

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?  if by definition of hook up you mean fucking, no i havet ever hooked up with someone. I only have sex with someone im dating.

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? dating someone i didnt like but only doing it because i thought i should and everyone liked the guy. smh.

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? kids shouldnt be having sex..

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?  im bias cause my boyfriend is 6.5 years older than me but im over 18 and so its not really weird then. but i dont like huge age gaps. as long as youre both legal adults and theyre not like 18 and 36 than whatevs.

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? nah

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? yah i think so. if you talk to them everyday maybe. but i think you need to do more than just texting. Like video chats but idk i think its kind of hard. i can see it happening if you met online and then eventually met irl but just thru via internet nah. idk i just feel like physical relationships are better than none. thats me though.

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? cheating and drugs. and lying about hardcore shit.

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? when you stop feeling things for them, stop caring. or if you can see that its going no where. or if you just know they are not good for you.

20: Are you currently in a relationship? yep. 1 year and 3 months.

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? eh. if youre mature  i guess. but someone you were super in love with..then you end it..can be hard to stay “friends” without someone still hoping they can work it out. Maybe like where you talk and are mature but not friends. im sure anyone whose mature can talk to an ex without it  being weird. unless you broke up for diff reasons.

22: Do you think people should date their friends? yeah sure

23: How many relationships have you had?  4 including the one i am in. 

24: Do you think love can last forever?  i do

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?  no

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?  no. unless it was a super good reason..with proof. but im 20 i dont really care what they have to say about my relationships. Unless its to help me. (eg. hes abusive/etc)

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?  Only date someone you actually like.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?  trust and lots of effort and communication. You have to be the type of person to handle that stuff though. i cant do it 

29: What do you notice first about another person? how they treat me and how they smile.

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? straight

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?  no. Obvs something hardcore like sociopath or psychopath would be a deal breaker but 

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? yea

33: Do you want to get married one day? one day

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?  dumb. i love my boyfriend and we want to be together forever but shit happens and also i just find it kind of stupid. Unless they like died and you wanted a memory of them i guess.

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?   no

36: Are you still a virgin? no

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? both are equal to me.

38: Do you enjoy love films? yeah they can be good. it depends though i hate stupid troupes ( eg. nerd girl dates hot boy. nerd boy gets hot girl. )

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? yea

40: Have you ever had a valentine? yes. and actually in my last relationship he dumped me on valentines day after spending about 70 dollars on me! lmao. Oh well it was a short relationship and looking back at it i laugh lmao. thank god im not dating him anymore.

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?  going out somewhere..having fun and enjoying eachother. doesnt even have to spend a lot of money either. 

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”? no

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? both. I am not gonna choose my man over my friends but i will not choose them over my boyfriend. If he needed me asap i would go to him, and vice versa if they needed me i would go to them. I need a balance of friends and my boyfriend. 

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? yeah very actually 

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? no

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”?  nope.

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?dont have one lol

48: What’s your favorite love song?  there is a lot of them.

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? yeah. oh well shit happens. i always feel bad but sometimes you cant be with someone or you dont want to be with them.

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? n/a

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? this is a dumb question. a poor nice guy. lmao

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?  i think so. yet im really dumb with my own stuff. its that whole heart over mind. mind over heart. of course i can tel my friend to dump her bf if hes being stupid cus im not romantically involved but with me and my relationship issues its diff.

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? yeah. i gt jealous even now when im with my bf, especially couples who are super good with eachother. and girls who are independent and not jealous cus im always jealous.

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?  eh. my boyfriend doesnt have it on there but its not like he hides our relationship. i dont think its overly important. unless youre hiding it.

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? overly attached. i think.

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? no.

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? suicide is never silly.

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? sub.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? no

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? stupid.

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family? depends on the situation. <--- same

62: How do you define “cheating”? if you have to hide it, youre cheating.

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? no. just dont brag about it or be like “damn they fck better than you” this hasnt happened to me but i know if it did i would be angry lol

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?  yeah. i dont want my boyfriend to spend money on me because he thinks he has too.

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? yes

[aliceellablog]

Can’t really think of a title for this one... awks...

Hello blog readery people :) So it’s Saturday afternoon and I’m not gonna lie I’m in a bit of a weird mood, kind of an in-between mood… am I happy? Meh… am I sad? Meh… I don’t even know anymore…. I can tell you one thing though, I have been SO EMOSH!!! - I am in the process of coming off my antidepressants which I’ve been on for 14 years and it’s naaaaat been easy. I’ve cried freakin’ rivers, ok, probably puddles- but hey theres a lot of water in a puddle!! - and I have also laughed like, a lot. It’s like I can feel everything so much deeper than before, and I’m still not sure if I am doing the ‘right’ thing or not…. it’s like, do I keep taking a chemical that affects my brain and dulls all my feelings a bit and makes it harder to cry... or do I FEEL everything but maybe get some of the highs back too?!?! Time will tell eh!!

So my last two weeks has been pretty good I guess :) Can’t complain too much… although I’m sure that’s basically what I’m about to do! ;) I’ve had a few great writing sessions beginning of the week including one with Reece who is mega awesome!! We wrote and recorded a topline for a proper coooool song- thing is, we were both so sure we nailed it, and it’s a song I’ve had stuck in my head ever since and feel it’s SO strong, but we didn’t get the bloody cut did we!!! :( 

It’s such a shit industry, where you just constantly do your best work and put hours and days and weeks (sometimes years!) into songs and send them off to usually not even get a response, or to get a ‘no’, and then you’ve just gotta pick yourself right back up and do it over again, and again until one day (please for the love of god) you get a yes! And even then I’ve had ‘yes’s back which then haven’t actually happened…. It’s cool though I’m sure we will use what we wrote on another song but it’s just that constant rejection that makes you doubt if you’re any good or if you should bother again- but of course I do! I have to! Even when it’s a ‘no’ I love writing songs more than anything and am pretty damn determined!!!!

Mid week I had a few meetings with some people I have been potentially thinking of working with - I think they went pretty well, but again I am never quite sure wether to mention my health or just cross that bridge if and when…. I usually just see what the vibe is and on this occasion the guy I met with actually told me all about his health issues so I went for it! You never know who is suffering what and we seemed to bond over this so that was good!

I had a few admin days and days of resting but then had a mega awesome night on the Thursday! A good friend of mine who works in publishing invited me down to ‘Fekky’s album listening party- he is a well known rapper signed to Universal & Island Records and it was an industry event so I had to go!!! I had all the usual worries… will there be a queue to get in, will there be anywhere to sit, what if I feel too ill and have to go home bla bla bla, but all worked out SO well!! I got a bus all the way there (massive win for me legs!!) and then the night went without a hitch. I met so many great industry people and got lots of email addresses!!! I have of course done all me follow up emails and really hope something comes of it! It was also great to meet Fekky and hear the album- not totally the kind of music I am ‘into’ but genuinely really enjoyed it :) And great to catch up with Ben too! GOOD PEOPLES!!

The next day was a rest day and then in the evening it was one of my best friend Katie’s birthday dinner. I felt so shite. I’d almost cancelled a few times but pulled it together and was sure I could get through it, but for me it basically sucked balls. I’d been in tears because I’d felt so unwell all day and on the way there but was not going to turn up crying at someone elses birthday thang!! (Even I wouldn’t do that ;)  So I got there and I smiled. I really tried to smile lots, but when people asked me how I was I had to change the subject as I literally couldn’t talk about anything to do with me without bursting into tears. MAJOR AWKWARD. 

My best friends who I live with were all there and all I wanted to do was tell them how gutted I was feeling and collapse in a heap on the floor and cry my eyes out - and I really do mean gutted- heartbroken- I get into this place of utter despair quite quickly, as though my life is completely over and not worth living and that I just can’t do it anymore, and like no-one understands. I think it was brought on because I’d had such a great night the night before and made all these great contacts and then had woken up feeling so ill that I was in bed / on the sofa all day, and so it was like, what’s the point of me even going to that event and networking if I can’t even really function the day after - how am I meant to live the lifestyle of a singer / songwriter when I have to rest all the bloody time - ok so just writing that sentence has made me well up….  I just can’t put into words how much I want to be well enough to follow my dream and work at it every day. I know I should be grateful that I managed to go to that event in the first place…. But it’s just not enough. Ugh, anyway… I got through the dinner part of it but then had to leave. They were drinking and having fun and it was like being on a diet sat with ALL the cakes in-front of you. 

I could’t sit and watch them- I’m sure this sounds so bitter- ofcourse I am so glad that Katie had a lovely birthday and of course I want my friends to all be happy but I obviously have major jealousy issues!!! So I said my goodbyes and they were all very sweet to me and I left. As soon as I got out of the door I phoned my poor mum and sobbed down the phone. I could hardly breathe I had been holding it in for so long! I had a complete crying panic attack at kings cross station but luckily mumma bear was on the end of the phone to make everything that little bit better. I spoke to her and my wonderful step dad for about half an hour and they kind of got me to just focus on one thing at a time, like getting home, getting to bed, and what I had to do the next day…. Which just so happened to be a gig day- probably also why I felt so panicked about everything!!

The next day was like I say, gig day- The only money I have coming in at the moment is function gigs, so weddings, birthday parties, cooperate events etc and I really do love them….. but never really feel well enough to enjoy them!! However, this one went pretty well! I took my lil’ gigging stool with me as my legs just get too painful if I stand up on stage the whole time. And what with a mix of determination and adrenaline I got through the gig. 

Then the Sunday was spent in bed all day - I couldn’t even get out of bed to pee until about 4pm…which probably aint good for ya!! Sorry…. TMI!!! But I was SHATTERED… so ordered takeaway and did utter nothing all day :) - At least I felt like I’d done something to deserve this rest though :)

The next week was again a mixture of resting days and meetings, oh and a Crohns flare up I think…. I know I only really talk about my M.E. on here, but I guess I should try and be a bit more open about my Crohns… my bowels certainly are ;) (see what I did there) hahaha… but Yea, I’m not gonna go into too much detail don’t worry… but last week really did have a fair few ‘moments’ where I really fucking hated my silly silly body and what very random situations it had gotten me into….. I had a little op a few months ago and am getting all the results etc next week when I see my Crohns specialist… so fingers and legs crossed she can help!! I’m sure I’ll let ya know ;)

Then I went home to Sussex these last few days to see my cat, mum and stepdad (in that order!! Haha - JOKING) and go to the dreaded dentist!! Ahhhh!!! - it actually went ok but I do have to have a filling (woi oi) in a few weeks so I will be bloody terrified then!!  Is ANYONE ok about going to the dentist? Please do tell me…..nah didn’t’t think so!!

Right… I’m gonna go and paint flamingos on my nails now - as you do! Oh I haven’t mentioned it yet- tomorrow is our yearly house party so I am sooooo looking forward to it! I am praying to the M.E. gods that I am well enough to enjoy it at least for a bit!! So I’ll tell you all the #clubtropicana (party theme) goss next time!! Let’s see if I can get away with having one drink!! Maybe even two! Ah!

- Please do feel free to get in touch if you want to- I will reply ASAP and LOVE hearing from you guys! You are all wonderful and having this support network means a lot :) We can get through all these shitty times together right?? Right!! ;) xxx Mwa xxx

[shadowlandwalker]

Tag!

Tagged by: @catgotyourtongu3 1. do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Yep 2. who did you last say “i love you” to?
My mom I think? 3. do you regret anything?
Lol yeah lots of things 4. are you insecure?
Yeah I think so lol 5. what is your relationship status?
In a relationship 6 .how do you want to die?
Honestly I don't really know. I don't want to go quickly because then no one else has time to say goodbye and I know that can like really hurt people and shit? But then I don't particularly want to die of a long term illness either. I guess as long as it's not Alzheimer's or dementia or some shit like that I'd be ok with whatever lol. 7. what did you last eat?
Waffles 8. played any sports?
lol nope thanks asthma. Badminton recreationally though. 9. do you bite your nails?
If i break it and the edge is all rough sometimes I will just to make it smooth but I don’t obsessively or anything (copying catgotyourtongu3's response because this is exactly me) 10. when was your last physical fight? 
A couple months ago? 11. do you like someone?
Alan <3 12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours?
Nope. The longest I've gone being awake has been 23 hours and 45 minutes. Cuz I took a 15 minute power nap before my 8am Chem exam :D 13. do you hate anyone at the moment?
Eh not really. Just not too happy with a couple people who are making Alan's life difficult, but I wouldn't say I hate them. 14. do you miss someone?
@catgotyourtongu3 even though we just saw each other (I'm so glad you feel the same way tbh :'( ) 15. have any pets?
My beeb <3 (my dog Ellie) and some sleeping butterflies but they're not really pets I guess lol 16. how exactly are you feeling at the moment?
Very unmotivated but that's typical 17. ever made out in the bathroom?
Heck yeah 18. are you scared of spiders?
Big ones, but like those small bathroom spiders that mind their own business are fine and all 19. would you go back in time if given the chance?
Heck yeah. Honestly I probably wouldn't be able to accomplish anything too big, but I'd at least try to prevent my grandpa from dying. 20. last place you made out with someone?
In his (Alan's) bed 21. what are your plans for this weekend?
Working, working, and more working :( but maybe some runescape or something before work at least 22. do you want kids? how many?
Yes definitely one, possibly two. 23. do you have piercings? how many?
Just single earrings 24. what is/are your best subjects?
accounting, math, chemistry, catholic theology I guess? 25. do you miss anyone from your past?
Pretty much all of my grade school friends. I know we're still friends and we see each other every year but I really wish we were closer :( 26. what are you craving rn?
Beer (always), chocolate milk, and harvest moon but I can't motivate myself to play :( 27. have you ever broken someones heart?
lol whoops sorry Miguel 28. have you ever been cheated on?
Hopefully not (at least Alan hasn't lol) 29. have you ever made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
Yep and I feel like shit for doing it but oh well 30. whats irritating rn?
My constant state of being unmotivated and my fear of asking for another day off to have a party with my grade school friends. And not being able to see Alan very often. 31. does someone love you?
Yeah lots of people apparently 32. what is your favorite color?
Orange! 33. do you have trust issues?
Yeah definitely. It's a problem, but I've started working on it. 34. who/what was your last dream about?
So I can't really remember my most recent ones but I had one last week where my parents and friends were trying to convince Todd Rundgren that I wasn't too young to date him. He turned me down though and I cried a lot lol 35. who was the last person you cried in front of?
My mom 36. do you give out second chances too easily?
Oh yeah definitely, but oh well. 37. is it easier to forgive or forget?
For me it's definitely easier to forgive. But I'll remember that shit until the day I die probably lol 38. is this year the best year of your life?
Nope definitely not. But so far it's not as bad as last year I'd say. 39. how old were you when you had your first kiss?
Ooo dang well idk how old this blog is because I made it the day I had my first kiss lol. So idk maybe like 16? 40. have you ever walked outside completely naked?
I used to like pee outside when I was little and went swimming, but idk if that counts? (i guess i don't get to know what 41-50 was lol) 51. favorite food? 
Honestly bread and butter because it's amazing and I wish I could solely live off of that. 52. do you believe everything happens for a reason?
I wouldn't say things happen necessarily for a reason, but I can see how almost everything has a good side and a bad side to it. I don't really consider the good side to be the "reason" it happened though. 53. what was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Ate some cashews and watched some naruto episodes to try and catch up lol 54. is cheating ever okay?
Nope 55. are you mean?
Not to most people. But I'm probably mean to my mom and Alan too often. 56. have you ever been in a fist fight?
Kind of? It was more of a wrestle I guess. 57. do you believe in true love?
So I don't really know what the definition of true love is or anything, but I believe it's possible for two people to be completely in love with each other. Like I can see Alan's imperfections, and he can see mine, but somehow we're still like perfect for each other and we both love each other completely. 58. favorite weather?
Warm, but still cool enough that I can wear jeans and a long sleeve shirt or a T shirt and a sweatshirt. Really sunny, with lots of clouds but not a cloudy day. 59. do you like the snow? Yeah, I just don't like the ice on the roads that comes with it. 60. do you wanna get married?
Yes definitely. 61. is it cute when a girl/boy calls you baby?
Kind of? I don't really care for it a lot, but since he doesn't call me that all the time it's kind of cute. 62. what makes you happy? Animals (farm animals in particular), Alan, pigs, spending a lazy day at home with my family, being with my friends, sleepovers, fall festivals, Dan Fogelberg's music, Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel because that never fails to make me happy for some reason, games like stardew valley and harvest moon, beer, Christmas in general. 65. your bff of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
I start dating him asap and find out he's even more amazing than I could have ever imagined <3 66. do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
Alan and that's about it. I have lots of guy friends, but I don't really act completely myself around anyone but like 4 people. 67. who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
Alan 68. who is the last person you had a deep conversation with?
@catgotyourtongu3 cuz we're not surface thinkers :P 69. do you believe in soulmates?
I kind of do, but I also believe that people can become soul mates? Idk I feel like that defeats the whole purpose, but sometimes things just happen and people who were perfect for each other break up, but then they still find other people who are perfect for them? I just think it's extremely rare to find someone who is perfect for you. 70. is there anyone you’d die for?
Anyone in my immediate family, Alan, Mackenzie, and probably most of my close friends. Not to sound heroic or anything, but I'd like to think (because I know I could possibly be a chicken shit when the time comes) I would die for anyone as long as I knew my family would be ok without me. I like living, but I know dying is a huge fear for some people so I'd be ok taking their place. I would just be worried about my family being able to make it emotionally and financially. (Oh wow listen to miss selfless over here). Tagging: Anyone who wants to do this! Because I don't really want to tag anyone in this lol

[drawsmaddy]

1-47

1) I'd want to date someone at some point yeah2) My last hug took place at about 3:25 on Thursday3) I guess I can be a jealous person from time to time, it depends on my mood and the situation4) I am always tired, no joke5) I don't usually chew on straws6) I've never been called a tease, at least to my knowledge7) Yeah, I have stayed up for 48 hours straight, more times than I'd like to admit8) I am a real cry baby, I don't cry so easily in front of people unless I'm particularly scared/upset/angry, but in private I cry way too much haha9) Right now I should probably be revising for my English Language exam that I have tomorrow morning, oops10) I don't really know if I'm a heavy sleeper but I'd guess so?11) I think I could last in a relationship for 6 months, probably at least12) Yeah I am a bit mad at someone right now, but it's no big deal13) I'm not sure if I believe in love, since it's all just a bunch of impractical chemical reactions anyway but I'm not sure, you can't prove or disprove it so it could be real, idk14) My friend Ty makes me laugh no matter what, he always seems to know how to make me smile again no matter how bad I feel15) The last person I talked to was @artslip 😁16) I only kinda like a person but yeah I guess I get a bit nervous around them, but then again I'm pretty much always nervous haha17) I probably won't get married but I'm still young so who knows18) The last time I smiled was when I got a message from @artslip 😂😂19) Nah I don't think anyone romantically likes me, I don't really make good crush material 😂😂20) Eh, a little bit, it's not a proper crush but the girl next to me in chemistry is pretty damn cute hehe21) The first person I talked to today was probably my dad22) I feel most comfortable talking to @artslip about anything (sorry for tagging you so many times in this 😂😂)23) I am NOT looking forward to my exams tomorrow 😦😦24) I AM looking forward to seeing my friend tomorrow and getting a good luck hug before our exams25) Yeah, someone of the opposite sex told me they loved me (romantically) and meant it, but the circumstances weren't good to say the least, I really wasn't in a good place at the time26) I don't have an ex to see kissing another person, I've never dated anyone haha27) Nah I don't plan on moving out within the next year, I'm too young but I will be moving asap once I can28) Hmm, I'm probably not a very forgiving person, I am pretty bad when it comes to holding grudges :/29) I'd probably say I have 2 true friends30) I don't fall for people easily, I've only had one actual crush before and that was years ago31) Once again, I've never had an ex so no, I've never fallen for my ex's best friend32) The last thing I put in my mouth was a pencil became I'm disgusting and that's where I put them when I run out of hands to hold them with33) The last person I drove with (well really they drove me because I'm too young to drive yet) was my dad34) I stayed up until about 2 30am last night I think, I was just scrolling through this hell site and contemplating existence35) I would definitely move somewhere else if I could, it wouldn't change much for me tbh, I haven't got many friends at the school I go to, I think I'd only really miss one person from there. Apart from that, I'd miss being able to see @artslip in person as easily since we wouldn't live in the same village anymore, but I'd like to try living somewhere new, I just feel trapped where I am now36) The last person I took a picture of was myself (I know, what a teenager right?)37) I could easily live a day without TV, I don't watch it that often usually anyway38) The last time I was extremely disappointed was when none of my friends from school bothered to text me to ask if I was okay when I was off ill on Friday, god damn could I act anymore attention seeking haha?39) Three names I go by are Madison (rarely), Maddy (usually) and Mads (from time to time), also, I think my friend called me Buttercup once haha40) Nope, currently (and for the foreseeable future) I am very much single41) I don't watch romance movies so I don't have a favourite42) I don't really believe in soul-mates, since I don't really believe in souls, or anything vaguely supernatural, fantastical or religious for that matter, I know I'm sooo boring and cynical haha43) My current problem is trying to avoid having a panic attack over my upcoming exams haha44) Yeah I suppose I've had my heart broken a few times, never romantically though45) If it works then long distance relationships are fine by me46) I don't want any kids, like, at all, ever47) I've never told anyone that I liked them so I've never had a chance to find it difficultWow. Well that's all of them. I hope you enjoyed getting to know me on a weirdly deep and personal level haha

[ghoulleviathan]

quiet when i’m coming home

When is the next time you will take a shower/bath? Which one will you take? Probably a shower, and probably tomorrow.

Are you currently waiting on someone to do something for you/to you? Mark’s supposed to grab salsa, sour cream, and individual serving bags of doritos for Taco Night tomorrow, but that won’t be until he comes home.

As a child, did you ever get the chance to go to Disney World/Disneyland? Nope. We were poor.

What state do you live in? What’s the best aspect about this state? Pennsylvania. I honestly could probably say some of the history is pretty cool.

Are you someone who is really committed to politics in your area/country? Not overly so, but I’m attentive to current events.

When was the last time you fought with your significant other, if any? Hm. Probably yesterday or the day before that.

Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No and no.

When was the last time you were on a boat? Where did you travel on it? It’s been a hot minute. The last time I remember any boat travel was in 2009, when we rode a boat at Pearl Harbor to go see the USS Arizona.

Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? Today is over, but I had to take my son to the doctor earlier.

Does your family ever have any kind of weird traditions in your house? Drawing a blank, but probably. When is the next time you will attend a family reunion? Where will it be? We don’t really have reunions.

What would you consider your favorite movie from a different decade? Dirty Dancing or Labyrinth.

Do you ever take bubble baths only to relax yourself in some way? Yeah, sometimes.

Do you have any friends who act like they don’t know you in public? No? Those aren’t friends.

When was the last time you sick? What were you sick with and why? I was sick on Sunday morning due to some shit I ate on Saturday night.

Do you ever tend to pull off any random acts of kindness in public? Sometimes, yeah. If the opportunity presents itself.

Do the things you do normally have to have reasons behind them, or not? This is so vague. Tf.

What was the last job you had? Why are you not working that job anymore? I worked for the local Pizza Hut. I stopped working there due to the fact that I wasn’t receiving the pay I was promised, and despite the manager stating “it’ll come on the next check”, it never came. So I put my two weeks in and left. Do you like cereal? What would you consider your favorite kind of cereal? Yeah, sure. I’d have to say Frosted Flakes or Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Do you find your school to be loaded with hot guys or not so much? I’m in online classes. Don’t know shit about my classmates.

Do you like to watch gay guys’ fashion do’s & dont’s videos on YouTube? If you’re alluding to Jeffree Star’s makeup videos... yes.

What is the most visited website on your internet at this moment in time? Facebook, probably.

Do you like riding roller coasters when you go to any amusement park? Of course! That’s why I go.

Are you waiting for someone to get online on an IM program right now? Mark, kind of. I know he won’t be on until probably 1:30 or later though.

What would you consider the stupidest movie you’ve ever watched, ever? Freddy Got Fingered. Screw that movie.

Who did you last say I love you to? Why did you say it to this person? Mark, because he was leaving for work.

Are there any people you don’t like for your significant other to talk to? I mean, I’d prefer he keep his distance so he doesn’t go to jail.... so does he.

Have you ever forgotten your birthday? Did you soon figure it out? Nope.

When was the last time you held up a peace sign, if you’ve ever done that? I mean, I’ve held up two fingers for “two”, but as a peace sign? Been a hot minute unless I was being sarcastic, seeing as I wave like that if I’m in a semi-shit mood.

Would you walk ten miles just to see the person you like or love? I have a car. My car-spoiled ass is not WALKING ten miles when I have a perfectly fine car.

What, in your mind, would you consider to be the perfect boyfriend? We don’t have all day for that list, but at least: respectful, emotionally stable, and not a douche.

What is one thing most all guys do that tends to make you angry a lot? Scratch their balls in public like no one is looking... especially when they do it so obviously that your eyes just immediately go to them and what they’re doing. Like... be discreet or go to the bathroom please.

Would you beat up anyone at the moment, if you absolutely had the chance? Yes... but that’s a charge I’m not catching. Not worth it.

What color are the curtains in your room if you have any at the moment? Black. They’re black-out curtains, since Mark works nights.

Who last told a lie on you? Did anyone catch them? What happened? I’m legally not allowed to speak about it until it’s out of court.

What would you consider the best kind of food you, yourself could make? Walking taco salad. Bomb af.

Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? Not “get out of trouble” like he did what he’s in “trouble” for, but I’m helping his case to prove his innocence. Why? Because he’s fucking innocent.

Are you one of those people who don’t like children of any kind at all? I used to be, then I had my babies.

If you have a television in your room, what color is it? What brand? Used to, but it’s downstairs now that the one in the living room broke. It’s Toshiba or something, I believe.

When is the next time you’ll eat out and what do you think you’ll get? Hmm, not sure. Possibly this weekend, but I wouldn’t know what we’d eat.

Are you planning on going anywhere today? Where are you going exactly? You asked already.

When was the last time you rode a horse, if you’ve ever ridden one? When I was 6-7, I think.

Are you plotting anything at the moment? If so, is this plot against anyone If by plotting, you mean “building a case”, then sure.

Do you hate it when people show public displays of affection in your face? If they’re literally doing it in my face and being obnoxious about it, then yes. But I don’t mind normal, mild PDA. Like holding hands and quick kisses. Nothing wrong with that. <<< Yes. Same.

Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? Okay, so hear me out. If that friend is toxic af, they need to learn to cut that person off ASAP before that “friend” drags them down. So yeah, I’ve asked significant others to cut off really toxic friends, but it’s always been up to them to do so or not.

If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? We’ve all moved out other than my youngest sister, and none of them live with me.

Do you ever actually like going to Wal-Mart or is it regularly boring? Eh. I only go if I have to.

Do you have an iPod? What kind is it? iTouch, Nano, Classic, etc. No.

Do you own a computer that is a Mac or a PC? Why is this? PC, because I’m too poor to justify spending the money on a Mac.

Do you own any scarves? How many would you estimate yourself to have? Nope.

What kind of shoes are you planning on wearing today? Why is this? I wore sneakers because I wanted to.

Do you think it’s weird that some people actually shave their arms? I don’t care. That’s their prerogative.

Do you know anyone who has or has had any kind of mental illness/disorder? Yes.

Do you ever go to Blockbuster? How frequently would you say you go? Well let me rev up my time-travel machine!

Is your mother a stay-at-home mother or does she work somewhere? It was a mix. She worked for a while, then stayed at home. Then when my parents got divorced, she worked again for a while before she suddenly developed crippling anxiety & got disability (like her husband) and now doesn’t work at all. I don’t understand why she keeps paying for degrees if she’s unable to work anyway... like, save your damn money instead of wasting it.

What food would you just want to disappear off the face of the earth? Liver. Blech.

Do movies with super heroes intrigue you in any way? Why is this? Not “intrigue”, more like entertain.

Do you watch those late-night talk shows? What’s the best part about them? Not actively, but if a video comes across my timeline then I’ll watch it if it looks interesting.

Do you ever listen to music so you can actually change your emotion?

Doesn’t work, but sure.