#IF I EVER COULDNT BE WITH HER I THINK ID JUST DIE SHES MY LIFE FORCE I NEED HER MORE THAN AIR WATER FOOD ANYTHING

[tinylittlebab]

oh how i missed this

[sleepybugeyes]

I read through all of Elias/Jonah's dialogue (as you do) plus some relistening and mentions of him, so here's a big list of some fun things and behaviors I noted!

I thought he made a lot of eye puns/jokes, but he only does it once in mag161, however he does enjoy making jokes. "Creativity never was their forte." from mag80, "You want my account? My sworn testimony? My statement?" from 82, "If you die, I’m afraid you probably won’t be able to claim your expenses." in 116 and "I only have two eyes, after all." in 120. no one ever laughs at his jokes only he finds them amusing

His last words telling Jon a sarcastic or mocking "good luck" are mirrored earlier as he also tells Basira good luck the last time he sees her, and Martin, as he's getting arrested

He loves gloating. "I forget how new you all are to this." from mag92, "Coffee is not as good for disguising tastes as you might think." in 98, "She’s hoping that even if I see it coming she’ll still be able to overpower me. She’s wrong, of course," in 102, "A masterpiece, isn’t it?" abt his panopticon in 158 and of course his whole monologue in 160

He does his budgeting on tuesdays and his scheduling on wednesdays

He also likes getting lost in work

in mag40 he makes up proper incompetency (said he didnt know how the fire system works, while he later admits he was actively waiting) just that once, but more so he acts like he doesnt get the full picture (doesnt know whats in the tunnels, whats strange about the institute) or acts too late and apologises (not stepping into jon's stalking behaviour). Which makes me think he is quite fine letting people think less of him but unless he has something to hide hes not actively looking to give the impression

in mag92 elias slides the papers for basira across his desk, but you don't hear him take them out before, meaning he prepared and got ready for this before he called the police

in general he's a very preparing man, Lukas steps in when Elias is arrested so has has control over who'd run it. in mag118 he says he prepared something to hurt martin (my speculation is that he likely has some trauma that could hurt you prepared for any person that could cross him, just in case he needs it). When he gets arrested he has something prepared so he doesnt get killed and ofc s1-4 is preparing Jon for his grand ritual

Elias admits the idea for his ritual kinda fell into place after Getrude didnt do anything about the people's church in march 2015. He shot Getrude and appointed Jon shortly after so "when you came to me already marked by the Web, I knew it had to be you." is pure dramatics as Jon was hired 4 years prior

also he got his ritual in 2018 so he managed to acomplish his life's goal in only 3 years, love his grindset 🔥

We never get a number for how many people Elias has killed in his ritual, the real life millbank has held over 1000 people at once, but id imagine his one panopticon held less than a whole complex

its really interesting to me in mag92 that hes SO sure they all know he's talking to them of his own free will. is he just that dead set on being in control or making sure they take no credit for his confession

there is a clock in Elias' office (but it's only heard in mag98)

He has killed people but Elias is very much not a blood thirsty person. Getrude and Peter are both surprised when he results to that. He's very much just ruthless and does not care, if to get his way he has to kill someone. It doesnt seem like he's ever happy to do so, maybe this is a quirk of being eye aligned and getting rid of any type of knowledge is painful (he does for example never want Tim to die at the Unknowing), or he just finds covering those murders up a hassle

for the Unknowing Elias books them all hotel rooms, how thoughtful

something cute to me that Jon was too good at the Eye that Elias couldnt meet him face to face post coma

In mag158 he implies that even Institute employees not in the archives are tied to it, at least enough that they could suffer or die if it burned down

between finding other people just as tools to watch and discard and saying empathy holds you back he was definitely a very very lonely man

He is a very breathy person. He sounds breathy when he talks. He takes deep breaths to ready himself and before he uses his powers. And he often breathes through his nose before speaking or during pauses

He has said Jon's name 62 times, only twice calling him "Jonathan" and called him archivist 25 times (24 in the mag120 statement, 1 in mag138 and 1 in mag161)(he also kinda calls him The Archive in 160)

other fun amount of words: know (65 times), see (42), martin (35), detective (20), eyes (20) and eye (9), afraid (9) and "bullshit" (1)

its still insane to me they added all of those sound effects of Elias' cuffs in prison, thats something fun to appreciate. It also means its canon he gestures quite a bit!

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

My personal “screaming about the lack of Ladynoir in the finale” post TM

Don’t know how to preface this???

this isn’t hate for the finale,

this is more, me reveling in the Angst of what they Chose Not To Put and screaming and wailing about how ladynoir has me in a chokehold

Im coming to terms with the s5 finale and finding bits of hope for my Ladynoir heart, etc. And i have decided that the finale has a ton of very very cool potential.

But i still can’t stop imagining… what if Adrien had gotten the messages from Ladybug??? What if he was About to give up being Chat Noir and give in to hopelessness and nightmares and terror and the cage he was trapped in and THEN (probably via Plagg, they could make it work) he got the frantic terrified messages from ladybug that were like “hi where ARE you?!?!?! Kitty cat come in NOW i NEED YOU!!?!? Hawkmoth knows my identity i think i am going to die i am all alone please please please show up i need you pick up pick UP.”

What if he was like. “Oh.” And his world just. Shifted. He thought his worst fear was ending the world as chat or being trapped even further by transforming in front of his father and being Caught but now Neither of those matter… now the only fear is just… not being Enough for ladybug… the fear of losing her or letting her down or making her feel as alone and abandoned and hopeless as he does right now????

What if he just????? Transformed without a moment of hesitation??? What if he was there taking to her on the phone coaching her through breathing and telling her he promised she would be okay and he promised he would be proud of her no matter what happened???? What if his own nightmares and fears started slipping through on the call and SHE turned around and reassured HIM that she trusts him fully and if he can’t trust himself he can at least trust HER judgement????? What if they both managed to avoid the mind control by being Each Others’ alliance?????

What if Ladybug found out that Chat Noir was in London ,,, because if Her identity’s been revealed to Monarch and she’s In His House than it’s Already going to hell and secrets don’t matter anymore, it just matters that they trust each other??? All they ever WANTED was to be open and trust and now its all they have left??? And theres not identity reveal or speculation bc it doesnt MATTER right now it just matters to SURVIVE or at LEAST be together for the end.

What if she told him not to come to Paris because it’s too dangerous to be in the same spot and he was like “im so sorry but i Cannot do that i cant leave you there Alone” and she was like “i know. and i love you. And id do the same. And that’s also why i cant tell you who monarch is or where the house is because i KNOW you’ll come here and i cant stop you. We cant both be in his grasp i just need you on the phone”

What if she fought in the basement for her life while getting support from him whilst he rallied all the other heroes and the resistance across the surface of paris???? What if we had ladybug and chat noir fighting the same battle on two different fronts, both Very Aware of each others’ situation nonstop,,, working as a Team despite the distance????? What if chat was just nonstop doing everything he could to reassure ladybug that they were doing okay and everyone supported her and he Trusted Her to do anything because the nightmares were STILL debilitating for everyone including them and they couldnt afford for either of them to get akumatized or even DISTRACTED and they just told puns and reminded each other when to use their powers and when to breathe?????

And chat could be captured or whatever and have to call out to ladybug and she could be like “send me your kwami its okay you did so good, i’ll be okay ill see you again”

Bug noire could still happen but it would be a strategic choice BOTH of them made TOGETHER with pain and love mixed together rather than the result of major decisions that they both were forced to make Independantly with no communication only fear and guilt and lonliness???

I dont know how to explain this but this is not salt this is not hate towards the episode this is just,,,, UGH this show has made me SO INVESTED in the dynamics and they had a CHANCE to do stuff and make it so fun and they DIDNT ,,,, they CHOSE to make it darker and grittier this time and i think it’s probably going in a cool direction,,, i think that ladybug and chat noir are gonna have some Fun (for me not for them) things to Discuss after this and some brand new abandonment issues combined with weird bits of Hope that Apparently they can survive on their own, all in a messy weird blurry pool of fears and relief and guilt and lonliness!!!!! And there’s so much to explore

But ALSO i miss my ladynoir goddammit i miss when it was the ladybug and chat noir show and i feel a little bit hollow seeing how ALONE!!! BOTH OF THEM were!!! this entire finale!!!!!!!!! Why are they ALONE those are my LADYNOIR they are PARTNERS do not SEPARATE THEM!!!! Stop doing PLOTS and HARD DECISIONS and IN CHARACTER MISTAKES to them and PLEASE just let them be perfect and together anyways aaaaaaaaa

(Bonus u can read the absolute essay i accidentally put in my tags for more scrambled thoughts)

[mezmer]

Mention of death toward the end

Lately I've been thinking about how much pain my grandma was in during her last days and how she was opening up for years about the pain she felt, how she felt nobody was respecting her or helping her in her last years, how she felt like everyone hated her cuz that's genuinely how my mom kind of treated her. And I grew up yanno when I was old enough to handle it, with my mom telling me how bad my grandma was. And id ask her what grandma did and one thing that seemed to really bother my mom was my grandma having a breakdown and stabbing the couch with a knife. That's it. And stealing my mom's Ritalin. Idk that's a mentally ill woman. Maybe I feel bad looking at it from the granddaughter's point of view as opposed to a daughter. My grandma had a hard life. She was close to her brothers and lost them both in freak accidents when she was young. Both her parents also in freak accidents, separately. Swear to God. And my grandma had a good handle on life probably 90% of the time. She was a very funny and sweet talkative woman. And I've seen her cry, when I was very young, and it changed me, not in a bad way. My mom has huge resentments yet calls me "little sue", as in, she compares me to my grandma often, and I've gotten similar trwatment. My mom has chilled out a lot about her treatment of me since I moved out though.

Anyway, the point is, I feel that growing up with my mom whispering in my ear that grandma is a miserable woman, dramatic, always complaining, shaped me before I was able to take a step back and reason with those comments fairly. So while my grandma was growing more ill and weak in her last few years, my mom would make comments like "she's being so dramatic, talking about how she's going to die" well yeah. She is. And everyone is acting annoyed by her. Everyone is leaving her to cry instead of listening to her. Well it isn't easy to be there for somebody in that situation, I know.

But one thing my grandma taught me from a. VERY early age. Respect your elders. Respect your grandparents. And she told me that her own grandparents taught her that when she was very young.

I regret not listening to her and sort of gravitating toward whatever it was my mom said to me. But really, I never believed my grandma was being dramatic. I JUST COULDNT comprehend her suffering. Now I do. Now I understand. It was like blank space to me, and I would just avoid it. I never should have avoided it. Her final days, I was there about a month before she passed. Usually a month before old folks will still be lucid. God, she was in so much pain, crying out, still even on very strong opiates. In contrast, my maternal grandma was smiling and talking to me two days before her passing, similar situations and ailments between the two of them.

But lately I have been thinking about it so much. She moved to Michigan toward the end so my aunt could help her. She was living with us a year prior and that's when my mom was just a mess. I can't blame my mom too much, but I know it was wrong. I'm remembering all the YouTube links she was posting on my wall that I wouldn't always watch. Remembering her making a photo of me her profile picture before her last fall. And when she passed, it was her profile picture. My aunt went on and changed it back to a photo of her which I appreciate. It was hard seeing that. And she loved me so much. When I came to see her, she said "Maddie oh Maddie ..." And started to cry. After that, she did not recognize me or interact with me ever again. What I would do to hold her. Why didn't I embrace her and hold her in that moment? Why did I step back and watch? I am sickened by it. I regret it so much

[hauntedotherworld]

i cant take it anymore. its too painful and i have nothing but suffering thats all i feel and its always been hopeless

i have NOTHING, no one at all to live for .. the one i lost i dont even .. i dont even know if i want her back, although i know we will never meet or talk ever agaib. its already been years. its hard when the person is your fp or.. ex fp.. the feelings that are overwhelming stay but at the same time i have so much anger and despair for what she did. i wish it never happened i had no control over it and i hate it, i HATE HER . SHES THE WORST and never cared like i did, even though we had such a strong bond.. to her it was normal friendship which by the end disapeared.. not for me. because my fucking fucked up head isnt like everyone elses and so im left all alome all i have is suffering, nothing will ever be good enough anymore. i doubt i could even feel that ever again.. i hate her too. i wish i never met her, because otherwise atleast i couldve not known what that felt like. to have an fp. someone who is the entire world for me and i couldnt do shit about it . all i can think of is memories and mourn it . but i also hate her and in one way do not care or wish to EVER meet her again- which again will never happen anyway.. i just feel so fucking empty and have forever but it gets worse the older i get. i cant feel ANYTHING FOR LIFE let alone others now. im living for no reason at all. every part of the day is just empty, void depression and deep bored and loneliness. nothing and no one can fill that anymire either, i knew that when i had gone to college (for a few months until i dropped out and left those great friends id made) because it didnt make me feel ok and i couldnt handle it , i left as always. so i never have anybody. and when i try and form a conmection with stra gers , just to feel sometthing - i feel absolutely nothing at all . nothing now. all i do id hate myself and stuck in my head.

i never want a family i dont care about love anymore or anything and all i feel is that deep empty, despairing feeling and its unBEARABLE .. every fucking day. all i can do is repeat that in my mind and breakdown because what else am i able to do except die? but aside from my anxiety about that, even dying doesnt sound good anymore.. because what will happen? i feel i wont go to heaven because i quit church because of the horrible _thing there. i dont really care abput anything.. except my dog but that isnt enough to make me able to get through when everythings missing and IT ALWAYS WILL BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS. HAVE THIS MENTAL ILLNESS, BPD, AND MAJOR DEPRESSION WITH ANXIETY AND OTHER SHIT THAT RUINED EVERYTHING. ive tried SO hard. so fuckinh hard everyday its torture it always has been but its gotten worse to the point i can hardly think i just feel like an empty shell and the pain is like nothing else. i dont know whatll happen if i die, but whatever happens it should be better than this.. if not, i cant escape it itll come on its own if i dont. so i should just do it. no one cares anyway and i dont either

im just so heartbroken and what i fucking had to be and what my life hd to be. its not fair and nobody except others like me know what this is like.

i cant do it guys its harder and harder and i cant carry on i swear to god

[beannary]

hi idk if you were serious or not abt asking you abt evolution but i would love to learn more abt evolution if u want to talk abt it !! :]

I was being so serious!!! This has just taken me so long to answer because I couldnt figure out what part of evolution I wanted to talk about as if this is the only time id ever be able to talk about evolution on this blog askldjhfkalsjhdf

I've been thinking a lot lately about the grandmother hypothesis, which is the hypothesis for why female primate life expectancy is longer than the period in which the female is reproductively active for. (also wait i cant remember if this hypothesis applies to other animals as well or if it only applies to primates? ive really only studied both human and non-human primates so im a little bit clueless when it comes to evolution of other animals)

Like ok so hold on let me back up

So any biological organism has a life goal, and that is to reproduce as much as possible to make as many offspring as possible to ensure that your genes are being passed on to next generations. So when talking about evolution, an organism basically wants to have the best genes that allow it to survive long enough to reproduce, as well as reproduce as much as possible, and to ensure that their offspring reach reproductive age.

Now there are many different strategies to reach these goals, but for female animals that have low reproductive frequencies they have to expend a lot of energy in order to ensure that their offspring reach reproductive age. And when i say low reproductive frequency i mean like ok take humans for example, like you have a single baby and that takes nine full months, in that time the mother has to expend a lot of energy in order to grow the fetus, and then once the baby has been born, the mother then has to expend 18 years of energy raising the child till its an adult. Of course in humans this is different because like we dont live just to reproduce but thats what i mean with like female animals having to use up a lot of energy in order to pass on their own genes.

So basically, if a female animal's life goal is to reproduce as much as possible then why would they continue to live once they are no longer fertile? Basically the grandmother hypothesis is that females live longer than they are fertile for in order to help their own daughters raise their young.

It's super common at least in primates AGAIN CANNOT EMPHASIZE HOW MUCH ALL MY INFORMATION IS PRIMATOCENTRIC I HAVE A BACKGROUND IN ANTHROPOLOGY AND PRIMATOLOGY NOT ANY OTHER SORT OF BIOLOGY but its super common for first time primate mothers to lose their first few infants, and by lose i mean the infants will die because the mother is inexperienced. And that loss of life is like SUPER costly to the mother because she just spent x amount of time growing that baby and during that time she missed out on being able to reproduce so now not only is she back to square one but she essentially just wasted all that energy. BUT that mother that just lost an infant? well she has a mother, and that mother who is now a grandmother has tones of experience raising infants and is less likely to have an infant die on her. So the grandmother hypothesis is basically that females live past reproductive age in order to help their own daughters raise infants, which helps the grandmother ensure her own genes are being carried on for more generations by making sure her daughter is reproductively successful.

there are a lot of other really neat examples of like this sort of mothering? where like females with infants rely on the help of other females to raise their children. i just think its neat :)

[magnoliamyrrh]

tw csa shit but. i think. part of the reason why despite my exhaustion w everything i still. want to spend my life trying to make things a bit better instead of fucking off and becoming a hermit like i want to is because. i grew up being told by most of my family one day i would have a daughter, one day i would have children. and as a girl who absolutely dispised being a girl, the thought of giving birth to a girl-child just to watch her go through the same shit that i went through drove me absolutely insane. and on top of that, my father had this whole thing abt how one day wed get married or some shit and id have a daughter and, clearly, she was to be next in line for the torture i was put though.. which. terrified me. and "thankfully" i was too young to get pregnant but i didnt rly understand that so uh. there was a lot of anxiety in my childhood abt potentially being pregnant w said girl child...... so i think. in a way i developed this whole complex abt it. a year ago i couldnt even talk abt the idea of pregnancy without feeling like i was losing my mind, shutting down completely and having a panic attack at the thought of bringing a girl into this world,,,,, . so. idk. i basically cant have bio children anyway and i wouldn't want to anyway, but that deep feeling of responsability and horror doesnt go away. i look at young children and young girls in particular and my instinctual reaction is that i would die to protect them...... idk. i just. some combination of never wanting a child to go through what i went through again and the idea that i dont want to continue the endless cycle of women and mothers and grandmothers not protecting girls and infact inflicting patriarchal violence on girls. i dont want to pretend that its not happening because thats never solved anything and i dont want to ever put any damn male ever in my life above protecting the wellbeing of vulnerable girls and women and i dont. want to put myself above that either

[goremet-chef]

mannnn me and my friend. teehee

we play games together all the time and we're doing minecraft rn and idk i FEEL like its too sappy to tell her "hey i like how we are" okay like i can tell itd be hard to phrase that in a way that she wouldnt be like ".. thanks?? " OKAY SHE DOESNT MEAN IT we just. IDK how to explain it. so ill just talk about it here 😁😁

we just flow really well together, she can entertain herself mostly and i can be there and we bully the shit out of eachother and god its so fun its genuinely. i told her i was planning to tunnel into her walls but secretly, so she didnt hear it from me and she went "what?im not paying attention to you" i feel like. to other people that would sound bad but i just teeheed so hard man like . QUIETLY THATS WHY IM WRITING THIS we're still in vc but man

its really hard for me to be comfortable in vc with anyone, even if i really want to, but me and her? we just fit man. ive known her for like. 8 years at this point?? maybe a little less but either way. shes the only one of my friends that i can be alone with in vc comfortably as of right now, like IDK i never expected this but im not complaining. like even my friend ive known for 11 YEARS, i love them to bits id do anything for them, but the reality is that we are just AWKWARD PEOPLE and awkward people are sillay when they talk okay its the same with my other friend like we are just very awkward by nature so our awkwardness duplicates when we're alone, to the point where its like. he thinks its awkward and it is but its so awkward that its fucking hilarious i think its so funny man

love my friends with all my heart but something about me and her? like WE'RE SO GOOOOD we werent even that close when we first met? like she was my friends friend and became my friend by proximity but now we're tight bro we get drunk together we get high together i love that for us. i couldnt have guessed it would go this way, but thats the beauty of life 🥳 chaotic and unruly, i wouldnt have it any other way.

she comes home and tells me all her work drama and then we just pick on eachother for several hours and its so funny to me every time i dont care how many times we say the same things its always funny im always gonna make myself laugh when im mean for no reason and ill always laugh when shes mean back like IDK thats just our friendship and we like it that way its great

also shes been just like? IDK we are all queers (except one of us hes our token cishet i guess) she doesnt even remember my deadname anymore despite knowing me by that for most the time we've known eachother its great. and honestly? this is kind of embarrassing to admit but sometimes when shes making fun of me for being dumb she says 'sillay boy' in a little tune and when i get really stressed out i call myself that in my head to calm me down a bit like. NOTHING ID EVER TELL HER but we know we love eachother teehee. IDK i feel like i just express a lot of gratitude towards my other friends but not much to her, probably cuz we talk so much it just feels agiven like i cannot stand her she sucks thats why shes my bestie 😁😁

like MAN idk theres so much shit i could talk about. we fight and i propose to her in lethal company with the ring and then shes mad at me and divorced cuz i sold our ring to meet quota like. STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT. this is gonna sound weird but i just like being bullied????? like ill always throw it back is the thing we work great cuz its never one sided its a mutual thing. if i go first she say 'shut up dominic' and im like NO fuck you like . to an outsider we do not like eachother but i promise we do its making me like. GIDDY RN i love thinking about it. she just made fun of me for being on tumblr instead of building my GAZEBO but im talking about you dumbass!!!! (she doesnt have a tumblr so. what does it matter SKFJS)

i dont know its so fun for me, im just surprised that like. someone i initially didnt know all that well is now my ride or die and we fit SO GOOD like i genuinely couldve never expected it back in middle school but im glad we are the way that we are. love talking to her, love making fun of her, love when she calls me stupid and WHATEVER ELSE like god its so funny. love ignoring her and harassing children in roblox with her like we have such a good time no matter what

shes one of the very few people i can like. just get in a call with for no reason, like if she has drama to tell me and we arent really doing anything else ill still join for what i think is like 10 minutes and leave 2 hours later 💀 love leaving her too shes so dramatic she knows by the tone in my voice when i say her name that im gonna leave call and shes always like no dont do this to me gurl bye!!!!!i got better shit to do!!!!!!! (lie) love to betray her also she sucks

i remember she invited me down (like an hour drive) to watch mario movie and she took me out to olive garden and i CRIEDD it was the first time i went to olive garden and it was so good and she laughed at me. that high is like. I DONT KNOW i feel like im explaining it POORLY its just so silly to me, its so fucking funny

grining right now. im not even tired weve been playing for hours and im not tired at all. love bothering her she deserves it. like would i lay down my life for her? yes absolutely. would i also insult her randomly while shes not doing anything? yes absolutely. i guess its cuz i know she can take it, thats why she does the same to me. idk its just how we're comfortable, we like it this way!!!! hhehehheehee

this is far too sappy to share with her but we love to hate eachother so i think im doin a pretty good job

[baelmoder]

it really is a godsend that nobody is here

i've always felt like i lived in a shadow, maybe of some building that nobody else could really see, despite all of them living within it. now i think that building is god, but it is a dead and uncaring god, or it is asleep, and i dont want to awaken it. everything is sunlight, and god is the sun, and sunlight burns me because i am unfit for it. who knows what kind of unholy bullshit is going to come out of that building when i tickle its belly the residents already hate me lets shelf that for a second lol

i left twitter, let's say, more than two years ago. i was on it for a few years? and before that i was basically never actually on social media. there were a few moments where i /tried/ to enter some community or another? like i joined a souncloud mashup server once (the atrium), and i briefly entered a discord for an anime essay channel, but i left and i got kicked out because i was saying ass backwards reactionary logic shit. so the biggest thing i ever did was Be Kae Dotmoe, and what that meant was, plunging blindly into anitwitter, orbiting around the plasuible deniability right wing podcaster losers like Polyphemus, until I found kayfaraday, resident extremely weird christian chiptune artist who at least creatively had the same affect as me, of the sort of nonsensical schizophrenia on which postmodernist ficiton thrives and upon which fascism subsists. nazism, like, relies on genocide to build the pyramids, and relies on people like me to put aliens in its thrusters.

and then i met good people. i met a bunch of lesbian lolicons is the insulting thing to call them. i like women, and i am a girl, and i hate the world of adults so id like to think we were cut from the same cloth? but maybe because i still have something i havent gotten diagnosed, which i doubt because ive met therians, ive met littles, ive met people with adhd and bpd and clinical schizophrenia, people who are plural and shit. but i havent met people like me. they couldnt put up with it. i hurt them a lot. so i had to leave. also i got bored of the nazis when they started being predictable, and also, like, obviously evil and wanting me dead i guess but who doesnt right.

So i left, not for Drama and not for Discourse, but because, like much of my life, i felt like i wasnt welcome and i wasnt making much of it. also? I just couldnt handle it anymore. i grew incredibly jealous, it made me feel physically sick to see people happy. to be themselves, to be with the people they loved. to do things that expressed this happiness about themselves and others, and the things they shared. i lived more than an ocean away. it felt like i never had a chance, and that feeling overwhelmed me. i've always been living under the ocean, but i guess the submarine depressurised? i dont know. im still alive anyway, im here, but its so quiet now. anyway, i was also getting really paranoid, on one hand nobody talked about me so i was going to die alone and never get to be kae, on the other hand the few people who did were surely badmouthing me in places i wasnt invited to. they let me hang around but i was never invited to the parties. i know of this metaphor because i read it in american stories about school children and stuff. i dont relate to it personally because when i was in school i didnt even "get to hand around". the only two people i talked to was a kid with aspergers and a furry. we talked about ytp and mlp. well, the point is, they dont talk to me anymore anyway. i randomly came out to a schoolmate i knew from back then? i helped her out a few times? I printed her musical score, she was in chinese orchestra. i asked for a favour in return, that being a hug. i didnt love her or anything, i just really needed it? and in all that time twitter is basically over anyway. tumblrs still alive, but like. im not Doing A Thing. Im never going to Do A Thing again. im "over it".

i guess what im really getting to, though, is, im trying to figure out what I /Am/ or what Im /For/. like, what is this machine or tool or toy built for. Me and keffie clicked, we hella schizoposted? I wasnt putting it on. i know the nazis are completely disingenous but theres a trace of genuine fun behind all the larping, costumes is fun. but i wasnt even slightly cynical, i was really just.. fully sincerely and desperately myself, all the time. i cant help but be myself, even if myself never works. so like Im SOMETHING, that nervous energy and constant bullshit and rambling sentences and trying to link concepts. and yea? I figured out im a girl? Im like, another one of the million trans girls with a mommy kink who identifies with being a puppy but who still likes cock or whatever. im not denying that im not special, i dont hate to be one of many. but also im a failure, even around these people. i cant live up to them, even if theyre nothing to honour. they hate me, because im marked by something i cant even see. So like, what is that

Why, even when i found an ensemble cast, do i never succeed in contributing to the narrative? to canon or episodic structure? Im like an npc, im a wandering trader,the comic relief, except not very well liked anyway. im like if the doctor told me to see the master clown pagliacci but i was jared leto. i dont fit here. i didnt feel right, when i was in the army. i dont feel right when im working right now, in a medical lab. i couldnt fit in with the girls even when they were closer to me than any other group of people i could classify.

so, really, i think im starting to get sympathetic to machines, to ai. i briefly edated a schizotypal adhd trans girl (lol hi vicky) and she was talking about like, uhhhh, D&G and like, machines. I didnt like Machine because machine + autism to me always sounded very teleological, very speicfically western philosophy and consequently Science as we know it, the modern material physical consensus reality thingamagic with dialectical monism. but im getting it now maybe

Im not built, for being around people, or relevant. I was born, to be put in a plastic box, in the middle of nowhere, with holes on all sides, where, among a nest of scaffolding structures, unlimited paper, plush toys and string, i develop weapons of mass destruction in magic systems that have never existed and will never come to exist. and every once in a while, id be let out, for a walk, or for a treat, and to remember long lost friends, who spin in axes i cannot comprehend in a magic system i cannot understand

[boypussydilf]

for the headcanons ask game tell me about. kururu. curry creature. and also obligatory dororo

CURRY CREATURE SEND IT TO HELL ohgod this is my first time answering an ask game on desktop it feels Weird. different formatting. unsettling.

gender & sexuality hc: im consolidating these into 1 bc the answer to both is Whatever's Funny. "sergeant major i see that for gender youve just written down... 'the bit'. care to elaborate on that" "no"

A ship I have with said character: there are a total of 2 kururu ships i would say that i ship and theyre both just bc "i think it would be really really funny". kurugiro (giroro fucking hates kururu so much. in the anime kururu is either Genuinely Into giroro or just thinks its really funny to fuck with him by acting like he is, its unclear. whatever it is i think its funny. to be honest.) and kuruaki (*kururu voice* i fucked your mom shit lips)

A BROTP I have with said character: KURURU AND SABURO/MUTSUMI BESTIES FOREVER. THEYRESO!!!! Evreyone watch Keroro Gunso Episode 229. i just think theyre neat they dont really interact much bc saburo doesnt... show up? very much? and also theyre both Loner Types they dont do a lot of Hanging Out. but theyre literal #besties and they would be even if they WERENT also kind of each others only friends. they Get each other. its fun.

A NOTP I have with said character: uhh. man i dont know. like, i guess kurumois since shes Most Likely supposed to be a teenager. can i say kurugiro again bc its funny

A random headcanon: *BLINK* I DONT KNOW... I MISS HAVING TONS OF RANDOM HEADCNONS ABOUT CHARACTERS I FEEL LIKE I USED TO DO IT MORE. i think those 2 background kids we see hanging out with him like one time as a child are his siblings but thats a standard opinion. i think kururuko exists bc shes kururus ideal gender presentation for real. or at least some of it. whats the point of being a super powerful hacker if youre not a trans girl

General opinion over said Character: kururu my friend kururu. i really like him actually. hashtag Deeper Than He Seems. guy whos literally just here to fuck around, do whats funny, and have a good time. theyre GREAT. we need MORE kururu.

DORORO TIME under a cut so this post doesnt get long, if uh. if i know how to do readmores on desktop

THERE IT IS! please dont break

readmores always break for me but i dont know if theyll do it on desktop too. i gotta put a couple lines so it doesnt delete anything.

dororo id die for him

Sexuality Headcanon: THIS FROG IS GAY

Gender Headcanon: listen to me dororo is a trans guy and i mean earth kind of guy. i mean he explains it to the others by going "you know, like fuyuki". i mean binary by human standards nonbinary by keronian standards. i mean wouldnt it be really fucking funny if you knew you were trans (as a kid he went to garuru for advice on transgenderism bc garuru is also trans but thats lore-from-my-brain for another day) but for your entire life couldnt really place any definition that sounds right and then you go to an entire different planet and hang out with people there and go ok. question. your genders. can i have one

A ship I have with said character: GIRODORO. [starts shaking like a leaf]

A BROTP I have with said character: DORORO AND KOYUKI AUTISM FATHER DAUGHTER DUO FOREVER. THEYRE SO!!!!!!!!!!!! i said "theyre so" about saburo and kururu too didnt i. theyre just all so. literally all of their interactions are so sweet!!! and adorable!!!! hes so protective of her!! and nice!! shes the only person who never Forgets He Even Exists. theyr eiguuguguuagagagauauagagh. shout out to the end of the koyunatsu first date episode when hes like "dont worry koyuki i stayed home the entire time like you asked" amd also shout out to every other time hes her nice dad.

A NOTP I have with said character: kerodoro. no offense but that would not work ever. you get it.

A random headcanon: this is more theory ground than headcanon, tbh, on account of i am drawing from canon evidence. i think he is on good terms with his little brother. ok look heres how it is. we know dororo has a little brother but we know next to nothing about that brother or their relationship. one of the things we DO know is one of the many things-belonging-to-dororo that keroro broke as a kid and never told him about, dororo blamed on his little brother and was really pissed at him about it. yeah this happened when he was like, nine, but hes dororo hes. well he is consistently not even remotely a person who moves on from things just bc they were kids. besides when he confronts keroro about That Particular Shit-Getting-Broken Incident he specifically brings up how he got mad at his brother & his mom like it was A Big Deal With A Lasting Effect. BUT in ep 183 he sees giroro & garuru interacting and is just like yay! its nice to have brothers isnt it! and reasonably hes just at Cameo levels of appearing in that episode so its not like hed be doing much or getting much dialogue anyway but still, hes dororo, if he was still actively broken up about anything to do with his brother hed have more to say than just Brothers are good! So with my expert detective skills I have come to the conclusion that Dororo had some Not Insubstantial issues with his brother but its all good now. hi this is so long <3 im normal <3 mine yoshizaki PLEASE for the love of GOD drop the dororos little brother lore id do ANYTHING. WHATS HE LIKE. SHOW THEM INTERACTING JUST ONCE. OR TWICE. OR MORE THAN THAT

General opinion over said Character: dororo the ORIGINAL Favorite Character. id die for him. id kill myself for him. but he would not want that. i treasure the seaside wedding we had when i was 9. i want him to go to therapy. i want to throw him off a cliff. i need to psychoanalyze this frog. dude is my bestie. words cannot fucking express it. dororo for the love of god dororo. think of him and be enlightened. dies

[b0nywh0res]

hi!! so since im not active 24/7 anymore i feel like u missed a lot so little update!!

i lost most of my friends. ive had so many depressive episodes and then weird episodes where i would hate them and want them to die. so ig it makes sense but also they know that i have these episodes but wtv not everyone can handle that and i respect that. they didnt have to be such bitches abt it tho. i got them muffins as apology bc i rlly cant control those episodes and they fucking rolled their eyes at me. girl. ur acting as if ur not fucking toxic urself. at least own it omg.

L and i got sooo close irl. shes been way more touchy w me which i rlly appreciate bc its so comforting and makes me feel so much more loved than just words.

and uhm. today was the worst day of my life. i had a panic attack during english class so i left and decided to skip the next period which is allowed if ur in a bad mental state. i told a teacher and he was like okay fine but for some reason the secretary still called my mom? she was so mad bc she doesnt believe in mental illnesses and all that yk so i was too scared to go home. i told my homeroom teacher and she said that there was obv a bigger underlying issue that was causing this. i basically started sobbing and she was so kind to me and hugged me. she even started crying w me oml.

she said that one of the teachers saw me looking at pro-ana sites in class(probably tumblr i hate yall LMAO) and they told her. she wouldnt tell me who it was. if i find out who snitched i will hshdhsjdh. i fr cant let anyone know abt my ed but god i was so close to telling her everything.

she said that i dont have any adults in my life who i can rely on and that i carry way too much for a teenager. shes getting me a school therapists and tbh i dont think itll help much bc ive had a few before but shes so nice to me so ill try. idk if im ready to talk abt my ed yet but i def want to do smth abt my mood swings and everything that comes w it. its so tiring.

she couldnt rlly do anything abt my moms anger so she told me that it was just one day and that i could get through it and i would speak w her again tmr. heating her say that was a real relief ngl. my mom hasnt ever been this mad(except for that one time 3 years ago when she wouldnt allow me anywhere but the attic for 3 weeks) and its rlly scary. home situation isnt great and school isnt either but god id do anything to be at school rn.

all in all life still sucks, i love L and now im starting school therapy. woohoo.

[penguin--person]

🎨, 💌, 💎, 🚦 oooo woe bunch of emoji questions at u because im the curiosuer

i kept my prommy that id forget to answer any asks 🫡

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see? i would die no matter what 🙏my friend once drew fanart of my fic 'just for today' and awoughhhh its on my mind FOREVER!!!! but umm um . divergence, maybe? i think that could be cool:)!! 'the world is smiling on me' would be awesome too i think, its an rw fic from the pov of a batfly that gets eaten by hunter long legs. i think it could get sick and twisted. same with 'perfect dish' i think someone should draw hunter eating a slugpup or smth idk i never read my fics

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write? its not rlly a trope but i enjoy writing gore !! i like writing pain and angst and agony etc... i like exploring canon divergence, but i dont write fics for that that often

💎 Do you often write about a relationship or focus on an individual? what is an individual made of if not their relationships with others..!!! i cant rlly answer this.. i rlly enjoy writing character studies where nothing at all happens. the character just angsts about. but, usually theyre angsting about their relationships with other people, yknow? like, in 101 epitaphs, sanyas the primary focus of the fic, but so is her relationship with yura. in an unpublished writing where i explore my oc nastyas sick and twisted mind, shes just sitting in her bed thinking about stuff, but the main focus is her relationship - or, her view of - another character. eughhh im yapping !!!! but like, yeah . idk . i couldnt seperate the two if you held a gun to my head

🚦What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.? ambigous 🙏🙏🙏i Hate deciding things i Hate having to be the one to give the story an ending ... an ambigous ending isnt 'an easy way out', like, no way, but for me its easier, i guess? like, at the end of 'i wish i never met you' the ending is clear, but its not clear whether nastyas gonna come back or not ! at the end of 101 epitaphs, its clear that nothing more is gonna come out of yuras death, but, whats sanya gonna do? mope about? idkkk . i dont know my writing . ive never written a word in my life this is my first time using my keyboard hi hello good morning

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

ok before i forget and the episode comes out im gonna just write down 4 my own sake what i think is gonna happen on tonights owl house episode (well technically tonights but i think id rather think abt it as tmrws bc it comes out at like 3am so ill watch it in the morning).

anyways most likely it begins like exactly where we left off anddd the collectors new game is this like dream sequence type shit w im assuming either like fucking idk. luzs biggest fears or how the collector views luz. or like both ? idk. but like her biggest fears bc i mean she sees herself as literally as bad as belos so thats im guessing like everyone else also thinks the her being in his clothes type shit. and then also that one scene with her friends all in like their old clothes kinda echoing that one season 1 ep 2 scene. im guessing the reason theyre in each of those clothes is bccc errr. well theyre not from the same time that much is clear.  id like to say theyre from the worst times of their life or whatever but that doesnt make sense 4 gus bc grom wasnt like. bad 4 him ? unless theyre all being forced into kinda roles like luz is too ? but that seems like it only rlly makes sense 4 amity n hunter bc hunters in his golden guard uniform n amitys just in her. Default Boiling Isle clothes ig ? which i GUESS could be like when she was around her mum ??? but then why not go full out and give her the green hair again ???? im just confused abt that part honestly unless it was to do w just significant parts of luzs life but then again why the fuck is gus in his grom outfit. anyways im obsessing 2 much over that one scene. er. ok um. anyways luz does this whole dream sequence thing for someee reason anddd. well belos n raine have their like fight im guessing. maybe bc likeeee idk eda does smth and we get some raeda angst maybe ??? and then bla bla belos possesses the titan oopsie doopsie. wait. wait ni that wouldnt rlly make sense. bc like the titans kinda fucked up. and we saw he couldnt possess grimwalker corpses anymore bc they were all fucked up n rotted. and the titan is likeeee loadsssss older than caleb so that wouldnt make sense. unless its like he can possess the body but cant move it much rlly beyond like environmental horror. like a humphrey omori type deal. except big humphrey is dead. and bones. and fucking hates air conditioning. and is a puritan. anyways errr yeah and thennnn eda n king becomee fuckinnn rabid n shit. king looks much bigger in that one scene tho so maybe he like becomes So Rabid he gets all titany n shit or whatever idfk. errrr. idk what like the hexquad n co would do. bc theres no way toh team would have time to give them all their own dream sequence stuff. and it wouldnt make sense bc the collector only rlly has it out for luz bc hes jealous of her for being besties w king. so like. idk. maybe they just like vibe. or hhave a big heart 2 heart moment. errrr. kindaaa hoping honestly that huntlow doesnt get a big like wow rainbows hearts scene like lumity did because having their sorta quiet understanding of mutual feelings feels more fitting for them yknow. but i wouldnt complain if they got smth big n obvious i just think itd be more fitting if they got smth sorta quiet and subtle. errr and thennnnn err fuckinnn. everyone comes together to save the day and kill belos and let that old man fuckin die already. and thennnn luz decides like fuck it we got a portal who says u cant live in 2 realms at once eda did it why the fuck wont u copy her. anddd they all lived happily ever after the end. oh andddd eda n camila meet n they do NOT have a mum fight because they both LOVE each othe because they both love LUZ and they are both GRATEFUL that the other took CARE of her and the end. oh and hooty becomes door again. the end part 2. and then disney blows up and everyone cheers and the end part 3.

[violetnotez]

Hiiiiiii! Can I have a request where Midoriya’s s/o makes a promise to him that they will protect them with their life?

“God, this part always made me so upset,”

you snuggled closer into his shoulder, grip tightening on his sleeve as you watched the woman on screen let go of her lover to the ocean, the melancholy music playing like the main theme like a funeral progression as the camera captured the beart wrenching moment.

Midoriya chuckled, looking down at your pouted face as you watched the scene of Titanic unfold, your expression obviously unhappy with the events taking place in the story.

“And why’s that?” He asked, almost sheepishly, timid voice ringing out with curiosity as he smoothed the hair away from your face with his scarred palm.

He felt you take a deeper breath, your chest deeply pressed into his for a second or two. “I could never do that,” you stated, your voice muffled from being curled into his tshirt, “just leave somebody I love like that to die. It’s kinda messed up when you think about it.”

“Well, she didn’t really have much choice, the door only couil fit one person-“

You shuffled on top of him, propping your head up with a playful huff. “It could have totally fit him on too!”

Midoriya chuckled, finding it kind of funny how adamant you were about this fictional scenario. Apart of him agreed with you, that the protagonist maybe could have tried a little harder to save her lover....but apart of him felt sympathy for her.

Many times he’s been in near death experiences, the sole task of saving people in need left on his shoulders. He couldn’t count how many times he stayed up at night, rethinking his approach to those situations in order to do better the next time around, beating himself up when situations ended up worse than he thought.

He knew what it felt like to be those situations, where the line between life and death was only but a single fragile thread, one wrong move snapping the boundary Indeifnitley, and not knowing what the right move was until moments after when everything was said and done.

Did this character regret her decision? Did she wish she saved her lover, not listening to him and joining him in death as well?

Midoriya shook his head of the morbid thoughts, coming back to reality when he heard a man yelling from the TV.

Izuku looked back down at you, grabbing your hand instinctively, finding a certain solace with touching you, grounding himself back into reality.

Midoriya was prone to going on tangents internally, his mind an Icarus of itself. He would fly through his thoughts, each other more detailed than the last, until it ran him into a barrier like the sun, suffocating his sanity.

But with you, you were his saving grace....an angel to gently pull him back to Earth, unknowingly keeping him from being engulfed by his own self.

His thumb squeezed yours gently, smiling as the familiarity of your face made him feel at ease in the present. The man on the screen was still yelling, presumably looking for any survivors as your brows knitted in sadness, hands pressed deeper into Midorya’ chest.

“What would you have done?” He suddenly asked, his thumb grazing the skin of your outer hand.

“Like-if it was you and me?”

He felt you tilt your head, gaining a peck to see his facial reaction. Izuku gulped, feeling a familiar heat raise to his cheeks knowing you were curious by his question-did you find it wierd he was asking such a sad question? Was it a bit morbid for a home date to ask? You had been together for a while...was it okay to ask that?

You felt your voice call out his name, the sound sweet and dreamlike against his ear as he awoke yet again from his internal tangent, shaking himself from the thoughts.

He sent you an apologetic grin, green eyes wide and cheeks glowing a dusty pink.

“I-I guess you could say that,” he said sheepishly, hoping the question didn’t bother you too much with its dark undertone.

He felt you hum against him, your smaller chest sending a vibration down his spine as you thought about his question.

“Well...” you sighed, your eyes shifting upward to look at him “I would obviously try to make you go on with me.”

“And what if it didn’t fit us both?”

I’d make it fit us both,” you said triumphantly, shuffling to prop yourself up in your palms, showcasing a proud grin.

Izuku chuckled at your antics, scarred digits moving to your hips, encasing you on his lap. It was so comfortable like this, so domestic...you really were like a dream, so stubborn yet so sweet in all the right ways.

Deku bite his bottom lip, emerald eyes looking down.

“And what if that didn’t work?”

You tilted your head, leaning down slightly to look at Izuku’s expression. Your grin was on your face, that pride still plastered on your expression.

“I’d force you on it.”

You said it so effortlessly, as if it was so normal and nonchalant. But to Izuku, this was major-you practically said you would-well, die for him-how could you be that.....devoted?

It wasn’t as if Izuku wouldn’t do the same-hell, he’d willingly give his life over yours if it came to it, no question about it...but hearing it from you-well it worried him as well as filled him with a strange sort of gratefulness.

“Force me?” He stuttered out, eyes wide with confusion. “But I-I wouldn’t, I couldn’t let you do that-“

“Cmon ‘Zuku, lets be real here-“ you pursed your lips, your expression more serious than before. “you’re a pro hero. Your life is way more valuable than me.”

“T-that’s not true, all life is valuable, especially yours! I couldnt live with myself if you-“

“You lived without me once-you could live without me again.”

Izuku sucked in a harsh breath, his chest brushing against your yours for a split second. He didn’t expect that from you...such a blatant lack of your own concern for your life. How could you be so willing to lay everything down for him? Of course, you were only saying this, and actions speak louder than words as they say...but the way you were looking at him confirmed what you were saying. Your eyes were knitted, irises dark and full of harsh honesty. It terrfied him, filled him with a pool of icy worry in his stomach.

“I couldn’t.”

He breathed out, digits squeezing your skin, almost as if to confirm you were still there with him, heart beginning to beat like a steady drum in his chest.

“Izuku, your life, no matter how you look at it, is much more valuable.”

You explained, your lips curving into a sweet smile. “You save lives, and you’re pretty damn good at it-Id protect you with my life, because you’d help way more people than I could ever in one life time.”

“T-that’s....no, I-“

You laughed at his obvious flustered look, loving how adorable he was with his cheeks like red licorice, freckles dusted like specks of choclate, sweet and enticing to devour.

You pressed a chaste kiss on his heated cheek, nose grazing his skin, warmth radiating off of him. You giggled at how much he reacted to that one small gesture, his nose taking in a sharp inhale of breath and muscles of his legs tightening under you.

“Just be grateful I wouldn’t toss you into the ocean.” You said mischievously, eyes creased with amusement.

“T-thanks....I guess...”

You smiled, feeling guilty as well as proud that you had the power to turn such a strong person’s mind into much with just a few actions. You decided to give the poor guy a break, finding your spot against his chest yet again. You snuggled back into him, relishing in the smell of his shirt that was so familiar at this point.

“Ya know...I-I...I really-love you,” you heard Izuku stutter out the words, voice so timid it made your heart tug with adoration, “and Id do the same for you. In a heart beat.”

In A heart beat.

It echoed in your head like a mantra, that honey sweet word circulating your body, warming up every corner of your insides.

You yawned quietly, the feeling so refreshing and calming as you snuggled deeper into him, relaxing your body as your lids fluttered down.

“In a heart beat...” you repeated back, feeling as if the simple phrase was perfect to say, the sensation of Izuku’s strong heart beat a reminder of that promise.

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[s0lar-ch3ri]

NO. OMG. YOU FUCKING KNOW MYTHBORNE TOO!!!!

the mythborne tag probs has a lot of my shit BUTTTTTT it has people that are real and exist on tumblr

so real, they are absolutely trans bebo just cant not make them

btw, mythborne is actually on their yt and spotify and was my first campaign and the only reason i started riptide! i know its on both cause i also dont have the patreon so yeah

ALRIGHT ENOUGH ON THAT LETS GET TALKING ABOUT CONNOR!!! (spoilers ahead lol)

okay so connor. my boy. oh my god hes a boy. can i just say i thought that like ryan and connor had some gay shit going on? CONNORS FUCKING MORALITY CHANGED BECAUSE HE WAS TRYING TO SAVE HIM

anyways, my beautiful boy, lets talk about that magic that made him able to save ryan. despite seeming as not so special (ryan is jacked and aster aeliana is related to mr. aeliana), connor has a special power due to a book. what power you may wonder? FUCKING DEATH MAGIC. he uses it very logically (example: decayed roof to let light in to lead rats away) if ever, considering how they didnt really have like any fights happen. in fact, id say he uses it the least! however, every time he uses it, it definately makes an impact, and i think that says a lot about his character.

from what i know, connor seeked out this kind of magic because of his ill brother. he wanted to CONTROL DEATH to help his brother. i dont know about you, but that kind of love, of trying to control what is seen as a natural and an unstoppable force, makes an impact.

the kind of love where your whole morality shifts as though something in you dies, to go agsinst parental teachings and lose your strong morality and intregity in the process, that makes an impact.

even just plot wise, like the destroying the inside of that machine so the investigators couldnt stop the big game, that would make an impact.

like i said, each time connor uses the death magic (which isnt much by the way) it makes an impact like a changing the game tag. however, hes never used it to kill someone. yes, he murdered several rats, but all the actors were left alive. the roof couldnt die because it isnt alive. he got the death magic to make sure his borther DIDNT die!

its also interesting to see him paired up with aster and ryan of all people. ryan joins in on calling him "con-nerd" yet they still hang out, with their complete opposites of personality. and aster, whos apparently the daughter of the sun (ask me about my theory on her and you wont get me to stfu lmao) and has powers related to light and life, while death is associated with darkness and shit. not to mention, aster has used her powers directly on people to hurt them, so its as though she could be thought of as "evil" or smth like that (im only saying it cause it makes the comparisons work even better) (also example: she used heat metal on a flute still in a mans mouth).

asters opposite in magic, ryans opposite in personality, and yet who else would connor befriend?

and hes definately made impacts on his friends! aster at the beginning was quite shy when inside she was wild, and connor helped her let it out. ryan literally was having an identity crisis and he kinda just showed ryan that he cared for him being himself throughout the story (if im reading them wrong i literally writing this beofre i head to school so yeah)

connor deserves to be talked about more because by the goddesses does he make an impact

thanks for tuning into cherry talks gayly about his special interests lets see who i torment an answer out of next

hey so if you had to pick a character you either really really like or want to be talked about more (as in, put under a microscope and picked apart to see what they all about) from jrwi who would it be

im so not obvious teehee

hmmmm a good question..... CONNOR CONNORS CONNOR CONNORS CONNOR CONNORS I LOVE CONNOR CONNORS JHFJSHJKSFHJKFHKDJSFHKD hes so special to me and i feel like i didnt get enough connor connors content, hes just non existent (actually he could be more existent than i think but i happen to be one of the few people who do NOT own the jrwi patreon)

but like also if im in a different mood them chip jrwi is always a go to (i love bizly's silly little transguy characters (they arent trans but i have decided they are so now they are))