#IDK LIKE I DONT THINK ITS WEIRD I THINK THE AUTHOR IS MAKING VERY NORMAL DECISIONS TO PROGRESS THE STORY

[cowboy-robooty]

physically holding back my rage when i go get my weekly uchuujin no kakushigoto update and see people bitchin and moaning about it. I WANT TO HURT YOU AND IM NOT FUCKING AROUND. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEAR MACE SPRAYED IN YOUR EYES SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO FUCKING APPRECIATION FOR GOOD LITERATURE. S2G SHUT YOUR DUMBASS UP BEFORE I GO AHEAD AND SLICE OFF ALL YOUR FINGER TIPS TOO AND PUT YOUR TONGUE IN A BAG CORPSE PARTY STYLE CUZ YOUR OPINIONS ARE ACTIVELY MAKING SOCIETY WORSE.

[a-world-with0ut-dr34ms]

Would you write a smut fic with ghost x dom reader x soap??(reader can be fem or gn and make both boys submissive maybe a moment where they fuck each other and the reader watches them and controls them).IDK WRITE IT HOWEVER YOU IMAGINE IT. I just dont have the skill to write so i am requesting it here.I hope its not weird.

I got you (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Ghost x Dom!Reader x Soap

Ghost and Soap find themselves crushing on the same woman on their team, a friendly bout between two comrades to see who you'll choose, only your answer's not one they'd expected to hear.

NSFW 18+, Shameless Smut, Porn With Plot, very little plot, MMF, P in V sex, Tons of Teasing, Steamy Makeouts, Groping, Grinding, Double-Penetration, Anal, Ceampie, Explicit Description, Graphic Language, Dom!Reader, Sub!Soap, Sub!Ghost, Sexual Tension, Some Ghostsoap moments as well, Playful Banter, Bickering, Flirting, Build-Up, Jealousy, Soap and Ghost are fighting over the same girl, but it's friendly competition, ends in a three way too so, will do more proofreading I promise!

WC: 7k ~

Author's Note: This took me way longer to type than it probably should have. I hope it makes for a good read. It's total nonsense, and probably not very realistic (though I do try). It's not exactly like the anon, I'm sorry! But hopefully, it's still good. Please, please, please enjoy, and thank you so much for reading my things!

Masterlist

The front door shut close, leaving the living room just a bit more silent now that its previous company had just departed. You look back towards your remaining two house guests, the smile already unable to stop from forming on your face. You'd been hoping for some alone time with both Ghost and Soap, and it seems fate would smile on you tonight, for now, you had both of them here.

You invited the whole team back over to your place for the weekend, after having just come back from an op with both Price and Gaz, which lasted damn near over a month. The whole thing had been rather uneventful, to say the least; some reconnaissance and leads which went mostly nowhere (well, nowhere for your team; Laswell definitely had a heyday from the sound of things).

With how mind-numbingly dull the whole assignment turned out to be, everyone couldn't be happier to finally sit back and relax with some drinks and good company once back home. All night you spent recapping the events of the mission, including all the monotony which had conspired.

At one point, the most entertainment you could find out there had been both you and Gaz slowly "misplacing" Price's things -- unimportant items that wouldn't do any harm if left unnoticed. You had bets on how long it'd take for him to notice things slowly going missing everyday.

Surprisingly, you nearly got away with it for a whole week, until one morning when he finally questioned the funny look you two had on your faces when he'd been scratching his head, completely perplexed by the absence of his things. Price was in a better mood retelling the story than he had been in the moment.

Eventually, everyone started to disperse as the night went on -- Price got tired and left first, maybe an hour after that Gaz called it a night as well. Once they'd left, you found yourself in your living room with the only two mates you'd been thinking about all day, Ghost and Soap.

Only unbeknownst to both you and each other, both men had deliberately been trying to stick around, having shared the sentiment in wanting some long-awaited alone time with you... except the night keeps getting later, and they both keep giving each other increasingly odd looks, impatiently waiting for the other to leave so they could finally make a move on you.

Both Ghost and Soap have wanted you for a long time now, longer than either men cared to admit. Funnily enough, it was Ghost who'd caught feelings first.

It came to him as randomly as a Tuesday morning. You were just doing what you normally do. However, it had been your mundane actions that somehow drew him in initially. How you go about life with a smile and good attitude, the way you look at him when you found something funny, and the slight lilt to your voice when you talk and get excited. He would feel a lucky man indeed to be yours.

However, Soap had been the one to be more upfront about his interest in you, after developing feelings of his own. The Sergeant's likings to you came suddenly and without warning, but once they'd developed, it couldn't be more obvious that he was down BAD.

More often than not was he finding little excuses to touch you, whether it be a passing hand on the small of your back when squeezing by, or a congratulatory hug after a successful mission. Soap's suave charisma made it easy to do. And with the touching, it was always followed by some sly little line that would have you blushing and pulling at the fabric of your sleeve all shy-like.

He's slowly ramped the flirting up the more time passes, and Ghost knows if he doesn't at least say something now, then it won't be long before Soap takes the chance himself. Tonight had felt a perfect enough opportunity to finally make some waves, though, Soap was fast proving to be a formidable opponent.

"Jeez!" You stretch your hands over your head and yawn dramatically, both men's eyes luring a bit longer than they should have on you as you did so. "I didn't realize how late it was getting."

"Aye, same," Soap lets out a little yawn as well, making himself more comfy on your couch. "You don't mind though, no?"

"Not at all," you say. If only they knew how many nights you've spent letting one of the two men be your idle bedtime fancies into slumber. Wondering what it was they could be doing at that moment in time, and if they'd been thinking of you too. "I missed you guys."

"Aw, we missed you too, lass," Soap smiles at you, before his gaze drops over to Ghost's, who'd begun to glare.

He often forgoes the mask in more domestic environments like this with the team, the others having already seen him before. Though it didn't stop the man from forgetting not to wear his emotions on his face like he still had one on. You thought his eyes were expressive, but little had you all known it was only the tip of the iceberg.

Keeping calm and remaining stoic in combat is one thing, however, anger and disapproval came easy to him, in which case he rivaled for having the worst poker face you'd ever seen.

The Sergeant had taken this fouled expression for disagreement in his statement, even as the look had been for an entirely different reason altogether. Soap merely goes on, "Or, I missed you at least. Ghost might feel differently."

Bastard. Putting him on the spot like this; Ghost almost chuckles, the cheeky fuck. He knew what Soap was trying to do: subtly make himself look better in your eyes so that you choose him over the other.

Had he known better, Ghost would think Soap might actually be aware of the lieutenant's crush on you, by the way he smirked in his direction after saying it. He admits he hadn't expected Soap to partake in such petty games either; then again, this was a first, the two of them liking the same woman like this.

If this is how he plays, then Ghost thought only one thing -- Game on.

"Oh I'm sure you missed me too," you stand up from the couch now, twirling over to face him. "Right, Si'?"

"And then some, love," Ghost says.

Your smile brightens, and the man is ashamed to say that it gives him the warm fuzzies in these late hours. The way the living room lighting curved over your neck had also been a sight worth eliciting something deep within him.

Ghost takes a quick glance over at Soap, catching his less-than-excited reaction to the lieutenant's successful line. He has to remember not to grow too expressive at that moment. Not with you here at least.

You excuse yourself to the restroom shortly after, having paid no mind to the growing tension between your comrades. You'd all but taken the soothing atmosphere with you, leaving instead an awkward aura Ghost and Soap willfully drowned themselves in.

It's Ghost who speaks first, his dark eyes having watched your backside make its way down the hall and round the corner. The more drink he had in him, the less subtle his staring grew. Soap has noticed as much tonight especially.

"It's gettin' rather late." Ghost straightens up in his seat before finishing off his Bourbon and placing it back down on the coffee table. "Damn near one in the a.m. Yet you look proper cozy, mate."

"Aye, I am," Soap says rather proudly, further making his point by getting comfortable on the couch and taking another swig of his tequila. "Been too long since I been 'ere. Was startin' to miss layin' on the ol' thing," he rubs the cushion as though he were petting an old dog.

Ghost leans back in his seat now. "You stay over this late often, then?"

Soap pauses, having to double take that question, until his blue eyes fell on Ghost's brown ones, and he saw clearly what he was asking him.

He asks the man right back, "Do you, mate?"

A cocky little grin forms on the Scotsman's face. Had Ghost not been so wrapped up in you, it might have brought him to a pause there. Soap always did have a nice smile.

Soap didn't have to be a genius to know Ghost liked you though; he goes all but slack-jaw anytime you walk by him. Not to mention it wasn't a common thing for Ghost to be the one sticking around late during a get-together. He's normally the first to call it a night, in fact.

Only tonight, that hadn't been the case for him at all. No, Ghost was as planted in his chair as Soap was; they both might as well have sprouted roots. And they both had enough drink to muster up the right amount of bravado needed to keep this sudden, little interrogation going.

"I asked you first, Johnny," Ghost says, his deep voice laced with something more playfully cunning.

"And I answered you," Soap teases back.

"With a question."

"It's still an answer, no?"

Now Soap was just being deliberately obtuse. Ever since he knew he could do it, Soap's enjoyed pushing the lieutenant's buttons and getting a rile out of him. It's only increased tenfold over the last year, not that Ghost has tried to stop him.

Ghost leans forward now, resting his arms on his knees and furrowing his brow. "A'right, out with it, then," he says. "What's your game 'ere?"

Soap's brow furrows rather facetiously. '"I'm sorry, sir?"

"Don’t play dumb Johnny." The playful tone Ghost once used before has now since cooled, growing darker. "You know wha' I'm askin'."

Soap merely smirks, resting his arm back against the couch. "The same game you're playing, yeah?"

"And what game is that, Johnny?"

Soap can't help but laugh now, growing more and more cocky with each loaded exchange. On a normal day, Ghost might manage to intimidate the Sergeant every so often with his sheer presence, let alone his words. However, when it comes to women, Soap couldn't feel more in his element, especially up against his superior.

"One I'll beat you in."

Now it's Ghost's turn to have a laugh. A subtle thing, trapped beneath the burliness of his chest, though its deep rumble is audible enough, having warmed the Scotsman's cheeks at the sound.

"I doubt that," Ghost says.

"You underestimate my charm L.T."

Soap puckers his lips and kisses the air between the two men mockingly. As much as Ghost tried to hide it, the sight had made the air catch in his throat for a second. It's that usual, competitive nature about the Sergeant that really gets Ghost's blood pumping during these mutual bouts of bickering.

"My last statement still stands," Ghost chuckles. "So what? You thought I'd leave and you two would just go at it then?"

"I wouldn't say it like that," Soap says. "...But I was hoping to have some alone time with her, yes."

"And you figured on waitin' for the rest of us to vacate before making a move..." Ghost shrugs with affirmation. "...Clever man."

"Yeah, well, what about you?" Soap asks. "Clearly we're both still here for the same reason. What's your "game", L.T.?"

"It's not your concern."

Soap groans, sinking back in his seat, though he hadn't been surprised by his response. "Suppose it isn't, then," he says. "It's hers."

"That's right," Ghost agrees. "We can't both have her."

"Can't we?"

Ghost brings his eyes forward to Soap's, having thought his comment been a mere joke. However, once their gazes matched, Ghost could see that his Sergeant was dead serious.

Personally, Soap's never been opposed to the idea of a threesome. He'd even be lying if he said he hadn't fantasized about it from time to time, as boyish as it sounds. Adding Ghost into that equation hadn't tripped him up much in the slightest either; Lord knows the lieutenant would be next on Soap's list if you weren't at the top of it already.

Still, Ghost had a hard time even picturing a scenario where something like that could happen, let alone with all three of you. No doubt the man had been interested in you, and for a while, he'd even felt something for Soap as well, feelings that haven't necessarily gone away.

Something with all three of you would no doubt be perfect, however, it just seemed...

"Let's be real here, Johnny." Ghost leaves it at that.

"Suit yourself," Soap merely shrugs, before a light bulb moment suddenly lets off in his eyes. "How about we bring this to the source then? Hey Y/N!"

"Soap-"

"Oi, calm down, mate," he smiles at him. "No point in beatin' 'round the bush, aye?"

You reemerge from around the corner, having heard their voices vaguely through your door this entire time, but not being able to put full words together. Not without having your ear pressed to the wall. From the "uh-oh" look you had on your face, though, something told the two men you were already preparing for them to say something crazy.

"What's up?"

Soap gives Ghost a final look, waiting to see if the man will protest. However, when he sees that he doesn't speak, Soap grins, turning back to you.

"If you had to pick between Ghost and I, who're you choosin'?"

"Pick for what?" you ask, certainly needing clarification. "For battle?"

Soap bursts out laughing, just now feeling how awkward it was going to be explaining this to you. "No," he says. "Like if you had to pick one of us to... I don't know, go out on a date with, who would you pick?"

You keep smiling at Soap like he's joking, waiting to hear him laugh, but once you see he hasn't budged, you feel your heart begin to race.

Your eyes grow wide, now suddenly embarrassed to have the spotlight on you. "You're seriously asking?"

Soap nods. "I am."

You look over at Ghost now. Surely this was just another one of Soap's antics. "You too?"

Ghost shrugs. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious."

You were hoping he wouldn't say that. But, if they were asking, then may God be your witness as you answer them.

Placing a hand to your chin, you pout to yourself and look back and forth between your teammates, sizing both men up for every physical feature they had to offer.

Your mind immediately goes to the gutter, not being able to help it. You've found them both distractingly good-looking ever since you joined the team, and you've more than thought about this before. Just never in comparison. Or out loud.

Soap looks like he'd be fun to play with -- he's eager, energetic, and even better, open-minded. Not to mention he was cocky too; you always liked a man who could talk his shit and back it up. With those big arms of his, he could just box you in against the bed and pin you down good and firm, as he drills into you, cooing that sweet little accent of his in your ear like he would. It made your body tingle just thinking about it.

And then there was Ghost; if there was any voice you wouldn't mind having growled in your ear while being fucked senseless, it was his. Unlike Soap, you just knew you wouldn't get it rough like you would from Ghost. You've lost count of how many times you've caught yourself gawking at him during sparring sessions or while out in the field, watching that bulking mass of muscle of his he called a body, manhandle any and everything in his way. Having him do the same to you in a more intimate sense never failed to make the lower parts of yourself start to throb at the thought.

After giving both men a good, long look, you sigh, letting your arms fall back to your sides.

"I can't choose."

"Ah, don't be shy now, lass," Soap says. "If you're worried about hurtin' our feelings-"

"No it's not that," you cut in. "It's just not an easy choice, you know?"

Ghost raises an eyebrow now. "Oh?"

"Oh, don't act all surprised, Simon."

"You like us both then?" Soap asks cautiously.

"I'd say so." You begin to smirk. "Why? What's going on here?"

The two give each other a look, before Ghost goes to explain things to you.

"We're just trying to figure out which one of us has a shot."

"Figures you should be the deciding vote, seeing as you're the subject of interest, lass."

You imagine you look pretty stupid standing at the center of your living room all wide-eyed like you do, but frankly, this just feels too good to be true. It hadn't been one of them that was supposedly into you, but both of them. If you could do a backflip, you'd do twelve right now, no questions asked.

But before you get head over heels about this, "So you're saying you both want me then?"

"In more ways than one, darlin'," Soap teases.

You glance over at Ghost this time, having taken note of his sudden silence. "You too, Simon?"

He hadn't necessarily been prepared to confess his feelings to you, not like this, and much less in front of an opposing audience. Still, Ghost wouldn't have his own Sergeant show him up so easily. Plus, the way your eyes lured at him this whole time had a chill running down his spine, making it hard to concentrate. So he nods, "That's right."

A devilish smile slowly creeps over your lips.

"Well, can't I just have you both?"

"Aye, that's what I'm sayin'!"

"Problem solved then, right?" You laugh.

"If only," Soap says. "Ghost didn't seem up for it when I brought it up earlier-"

"You puttin' words in my mouth now, Johnny." Ghost cuts in.

"Oh, don't switch up now L.T.-"

"Boys," you cut in before they've started going back in forth again, a playful smile still painting your lips. You were eating this up, if you were being honest. "Relax," you say. "We can... get to the bottom of this, yeah?"

Both your eyes shift over to Ghost, who now sits awkwardly to himself on the couch, hands resting motionless on his large lap.

"Well Simon?" You ask him. "Are you down?"

"I'm not one for sharing, love," Ghost coos at you.

You slowly make your way over to the lieutenant, your eyes looming over him like a panther that's just found its next meal. Ghost feels himself hold his breath, watching as you've paused just in front of him, your back now facing Soap, though you can feel his eyes on your backside, taking in the nice view of you, and feeling himself grow harder in his pants.

This close, having smelt your scent on the way over, and felt the remnants of your breath in the air between you two, Ghost could feel his mind beginning to slip out from itself, heading into dangerous territories.

He could see in your eyes you knew exactly what you were doing too. Exactly what you wanted to do. The ball was in your park, and that made you in charge from this point on. The only thing they needed to do now was listen. And Ghost was sitting at the edge of his seat, waiting to hear you.

"Come on, Si'," you say so playfully. "Don't be greedy."

Ghost merely scoffs, an awkward smile forming. "How can I not?"

As though to then challenge the man, you step even closer, placing yourself right at the brink between his legs, having now rested your dainty hands over his muscular thighs like a ledge to lean on. The man can't even stop himself from letting his hands rest on your hips, your body naturally shifting just a little closer as he's done it. Every little thing you did had him ready to tear you out of your clothes and devour you whole.

No, the man knows he's too greedy for his own good. If he had even the smallest taste of you, he wouldn't want your attention on no one other than him. Howbeit, looking back over towards the Sergeant only made him want to throw that caution out the window.

Soap doesn't see the man staring daggers into him at first; his blue eyes have been glued to your ass since you turned your back to him. For the short second he does glance up at the lieutenant, he grins daringly. Taunting him to go home and tuck tail so he could have you all to himself instead. Make this easier for him tonight.

That's just what Soap wants, Ghost thought. Here the opportunity was now to have you, and he's fumbling it away all because he feels he can't share with Soap. Saying it again in his head like that gets him thinking though. If that's the only hurdle between him and you fucking, then it seemed easy enough to step over.

He won't back down that easily, even if he has to "share" you. If you want him like he wants you, then you'll have him, however way you like, just as he'll have you.

Ghost brings his hands down and lets his fingers graze your ass just enough for the Sergeant to see since he couldn't keep his eyes off you. Sickly enough, he hopes the sight is driving the Scot mad. God knows Ghost feels mad enough himself.

The minute you've felt his touch on you, you hum pleasantly, stepping even closer, so that he could take better hold of your bottom and have your small body caged between his large arms and legs like walls, his face only inches or so from yours.

Ghost could feel himself getting more comfortable with the idea of sharing. At least when he had you to himself like this. Especially with how your hands have begun to leisurely rest over his shoulders now, keeping the man just as close.

"I knew you'd come around," you praise, your words now having the man feeling giddy, ready to take them to further levels.

"Just takes the right convincing," he hums.

"I'm feelin' awfully lonely back 'ere," Soap chimes in, doing the best he could not to sink so low as to start touching himself before being given the OK by you first, wanting to hear the words leave your pretty, little mouth. Even as his cock was already throbbing in his pants for some relief.

You merely chuckle, cocking your head back to look at the Sergeant. "I haven't forgotten about you, don't worry," you coo. "You just be a good little lad and wait a moment, yeah?"

Though he wanted to protest, step over, and take you all for himself, Soap did as you told him to and stayed put, continuing to let his eyes have their way with the parts of your body he's all but only been able to steal quick glances at before. He could only hope his patience would be rewarded; and so long as you keep talking to him like you are now, he'll wait until the sun rises if he has to.

You turn your attention back to Ghost, not having forgotten about his hands which oh so nonchalantly groped the cheeks of your ass, kneading and massaging his fingers into the backs of your thighs. He wanted nothing more than to keep letting his hands roam until they've found the center of you, his mind already playing the short gasps and moans you'd make with his fingers knuckle deep in you.

He knew you'd only make him regret it if he so much as did anything without your say-so first.

You reveled at seeing both men so eager and receptive to listen, given how fast this all went down. Frankly, it's got your head spinning so fast that you feel like you've just been drugged. However, rather than let that adrenaline crumble you down, you instead use it as chaotic fuel to your lustful actions.

You climb onto Ghost's lap like a backward chair, straddling him down with your thighs and rocking yourself against him. As he's felt you grind generously so, a tattered breath escapes his lips. Broken and faint. His expression does all it can do to remain as still as possible, only to fail, as his gaze lowers, bouncing between your eyes and lips.

Having his hands grow a mind of their own, Ghost lets them slide to your back, encouraging you to keep moving against him, which you do gladly, the lust bubbling down your lower half like a chemical reaction.

"Fuck, love," Ghost huffs out. "You're really takin' me for a ride right now, aren't you?"

"Hope you're buckled in," you tease, following it with another smooth sway of your hips, giving the man a deep grind hard enough to leave him breathing heavy.

Just when he's about ready to kiss you, you look back over at Soap, smiling. Your index finger lifts innocently, beckoning the man. "Come along now, big boy," you say.

You don't have to tell him twice.

In a matter of seconds, the man is behind you, towering over you and keeping you now sandwiched between both him and Ghost.

When you see they're both waiting on your next word, you chuckle to yourself, the power now starting to go to your head. To think, you had two of the deadliest men on your team damn near drooling, ready to fuck you. How could you not let it get to your head?

"Well," you give both men a final lurid, look, and say, "I'm waiting."

Soap and Ghost exchange wary looks, suddenly unsure of what to do with themselves now that they had you like this. Evidently, despite you already sitting on the lieutenant's lap, it's Soap who swoops in for the kiss first.

You feel his large hand push past your hair and curve around your jaw, his fingers grazing your neck before he's cocked your head back to give you a proper eye-fucking, before he's leaned down and smacked his mouth against yours, Ghost be damned.

You wiggle on Ghost's lap, your legs tightening over his thighs in an attempt to keep balance as the Sergeant all but swallowed you whole, his hands cupping around your face, keeping you from escaping.

Using the Sergeant as further support, you stretch your arms over your head and let them rest against Soap's shoulders like a warm wall, your hands cupping his face and keeping him just as pulled in, your tongues trading the taste of each other and your body unconsciously rocking over Ghost's crotch, feeling two sets of arousal brim in you from top to bottom.

Having you bouncing over his cock like this was driving Ghost feral, getting off on just the sight of you. Of course, watching you make precise work with Soap's mouth soon had the lieutenant wanting more, growing impatient waiting for the Sergeant to let up.

Ghost instead lets his hands cup over your breast, groping and massaging them generously through your shirt. His mouth finds your neck bare for his teeth, sinking them in lightly each time before he's left a heated kiss in its place, letting his lips travel down your neck until he's felt his tongue graze your collarbone, complimenting the kissing Soap gave you above.

Your mouth may be occupied by the Sergeant's, but your body belonged to the lieutenant, so long as you continued to bounce on top of him like you were.

He lets one hand leave your breast, sliding his fingers and letting them dig against your clothed skin, until it's ducked between your legs, beginning to fumble with the buttons of your pants.

It's here you've parted your mouth from Soap's, the man looking down at your doe-eyed expression, hungering for more. You see the tinge of excitement that lights up in the sky-blue of his eyes as he watches your hands make their way toward his belt, swiftly undoing it and pulling it from his waist. If Ghost would have his way with you, then you would have yours with Soap.

Ghost has slipped his hand into your pants just as you've sprung Soap's cock free of its trouser, his large member sitting in your palm like a heavy, third limb. Soap can barely enjoy the sight of you holding him so close before you've let your tongue tease over the head of him, sucking lightly at the tip and tasting the remnants of his precum on your tongue.

Soap lets his head cock back pleasurably, groaning out to himself with a smile. "Ah," he groans, "You're too good to me, Bonnie."

Soap lets his hands rest at the side of your head rather brutishly, lightly nudging your mouth further down onto his cock, his abs tensing as he listened to the light gags you let out. Despite his persistence, you kept control of yourself, making sure that your movements had the man locked into your touch. It hadn't helped that your mind was caught in two places right now.

Ghost let his two fingers massage against your clit as though he were tasked with his life to see the job done properly. The tips of his fingers dip between your folds and tease your hole, before letting your slick lubricate him, soon to return rubbing against your bud in ways that made the entire lower half of your body feel sore with lust.

And it hadn't been enough to have his hand down your pants making a ruined mess of you. Ghost's other hand very much continued to pluck and roll at your nipple, having slipped beneath your shirt at some point during the interaction, holding against you as you rocked yourself against his hand, your moans humming over the Sergeant's cock and sending a wave of euphoria down him as well.

With one hand still free, you decide it's time that Ghost enjoys himself as well. He watches your single hand with hungry eyes, slightly shaken and erratic from both his fingering and Soap's cock a mere inch away from hitting the back of your throat, the man's groans of approval like music to your ears. Your hand travels down to his belt and undoes it with ease before you've slipped him free of his jeans as well, your fingers taking in the very shape of him.

Your thumb grazes his dripping tip, letting it slick down his shaft before you've begun to pump at him, feeling the man's body tense at your touch. It makes his fingers against your clit lose their rhythm, but only momentarily.

"Fuckin' hell," he breathes out. "Just like tha', love."

The Sergeant glances down at the lieutenant, catching his dazed eyes locked on your bobbing mouth, taking in a full review of your work on the Sergeant's cock.

He could see it in the man's eyes, he was jealous, envious that he had your mouth all to himself while he had to settle for your hand. Granted your fingers danced about his shaft like an angel in her craft, though even he couldn't resist the allure that was watching your saliva dribble down his subordinate's cock, imagining the warmth of your throat struggling to take his entire length. You've felt his cock throb in your hands just at the thought, his hips faintly chasing your purposefully coy grip on him.

Soap chuckles, not being used to seeing his superior so awestruck and drunk with lust, hearing all sorts of noises and groans from the man he could never have imagined.

"Enjoyin' the show there, L.T.?" Soap teases, quickly following it by readjusting his hand on the side of your face, taking light hold of you to help further steady your already perfect rhythm.

In response, Ghost slips a third finger in you, listening to the carnal noises your cunt made at each thrust of his fingers, watching your mouth twitch over the Sergeant, momentarily struggling to suck him off through the moans that clawed out of you. That gets you to put more attention back on Ghost, your hand taking better hold of his cock and dancing over the large girth of him, keeping a steady motion until you've seen the wave-like rising and falling of his chest.

Through his light panting, Ghost taunts, "Got the best seat in the house, Johnny."

"Oh, is tha' righ', mate?" Soap licks his lips, and lets his eyes drop noticeably down to the lieutenant's cock, watching your single hand continue to pump at him, barely able to hold it all in one hand. It makes the Sergeant let out a teasing groan. "Shall we put it to the test then, L.T.?"

Ghost stares at the Sergeant, hungry for the man just as much as he starved for you.

"Be my guest, Johnny."

Hearing the two go back and forth had you giddy to see what both men had in store for each other. However, it had you just as eager to join in on the fray yourself.

After what felt like an eternity of having your drool dribble itself over the Sergeant's cock, you let your lips part from him, and with your other hand, remove yourself from Ghost as well, giggling at their kicked-puppy-dog expressions.

"I have a better idea," you say. You reach for the bottom of your shirt before pulling it over your head and discarding it at the edge of the couch. Once removed, both men fell on the same page rather quickly.

Soap's hands hastily fumbled at the clasp of your bra, before the fabric has fallen loose and your chest now lay bare for Ghost's full perusal. He hardly any time to truly enjoy it before you've momentarily climbed from him to rid yourself of the rest of your clothing, now standing a dripping, naked beauty of a woman.

Both men could do nothing more but stare, hands subconsciously stroking oneselves at the sight of you.

"Now," you say. "I can't have you both feeling so left out while the other fucks me."

"It would be cruel," Ghost quips gruffly, his eyes having been glued to your chest since he's seen your breast bounce so freely before him.

You step back over to Ghost, retaking your place over his lap and letting his cock rest thick beneath you, your sopping folds hugging warmly over him, sending a shiver down his entire body. You grind slowly, letting your fluids paint him, and wetting yourself good for what you were dying to have.

Ghost leans in, letting his hand rest on the small of your back and his lips caress the shell of your ear. "This is much crueler," he whispers. His hands immediately cupped over your breast again, recapturing the feeling of you and letting his hips lightly rock, chasing every part of you he could.

You lean forward until you've felt his nose brush the tip of yours and his breath tickle your lips.

"Don't get pouty now, Si'," you coo.

"Aye," Soap chimes in. "You're the one goin' first."

You look over at Soap playfully, leaning forward to pull him back in close by the hem of his shirt.

"I already told you two not to be greedy," you let your hand retake hold of him, your fingers curving over his girthy length gently. It shuts him up quickly, coming back in so closely to you both. "You two can share."

"What's your plan then, love?" Ghost asks, already having let his hand dive back down between your legs, gripping over his cock so the tip of his head could tease at your hole, wetness and slick coating you both.

You take your hand and you rub it against yourself, making sure every bit of your parts below had been lubed. You bring that same, dripping hand back up to Soap, before dressing his cock with your warm fluids, massaging the man, and feeling the grooves of his veins against your fingers throb.

"Now be a good little spotter and watch my back," you say playfully, before letting your eyes dip back down to Ghost. "I think the lieutenant's got the front covered."

Soap chuckles to himself, before you've felt his large hands rest gently against your bare shoulders, his callous fingers running down slowly to take a hefty handful of your ass, gripping the cheek tightly. He spreads you roughly, his eyes growing large at the sight of you, already knowing his cock would be more than a tight fit for you and devilishly longing for it.

As you've felt Soap rub his cock between your ass, letting your cheeks hug him, his hand digging possessively into your skin, you feel Ghost's hand lock over your neck, holding you there gently in front of him. That way your eyes could stay on him as his cock continued to gently nudge at your hole, only a single thrust away from finally entering you.

"You sure you can take us both?" Ghost asks.

"Wouldn't want to hurt you, lass," Soap adds in.

You position yourself better over Ghost, ready to retake your seat.

"I can handle myself, boys," you say. "Now, show me who wants it more."

You lower yourself on Ghost's cocks, feeling your folds begin to stretch and the grooves of your walls run by every vein and shape of him. It's too much at first, and he can see it in your wincing face, however, you keep lowering yourself, powering through that initial pain and instead letting that pressure boil in you like nothing you've ever felt before. It was overwhelming, and it had your lips quivering with silent moans already.

Just as you've felt your pussy start to take the full length of him, you've felt Soap tease at your second hole, his cock rubbing playfully at you, the tip dipping in ever so slightly, giving you a completely new feeling altogether. His cock stretches you just as much as Ghost's, both men easing your body to the shape of them all at once, and both waves of pleasure complimenting each other in ways that had your body shaking over them, unable to string words together.

"Fuckin' Christ, you're tight, Bonnie," Soap groans.

"Don't... stop...," you say desperately, wanting to squash any reluctance they may feel. The pleasure your body ached for was just now beginning to reach its peak. "...I can take it."

Once your body adjusted, it hadn't grown long before this slow easing had turned into an organized attack, both men pounding savagely into you.

You sat, nearly sandwiched between two men, your chest pressed against Ghost's as he hugged you to him, his cock bullying into you powerfully, the base of himself smacking against your pussy at each thrust.

In rhythm, Soap rests his chest against your back, planting kisses at your spine each time he's let himself thrust just a bit deeper inside your ass. Your hole gripped his cock so tightly it nearly pulled at him each time he came out, only to crash another orgasm-inducing thrust into you, both him and Ghost going back in forth like well-trained machines.

"That's right lovey, there you go," Ghost praises you, his breath fanning your ear. "You're takin' us so well."

In the midst of both men's vicious pounding, it felt as though every bit of you all had been entangled in some way. Hands clumsily felt, hugged, and tugged at one another, chests heaving and moans forming an opera within your living room.

When your tongue wasn't dipping itself into Ghost's mouth, then you're head was cocked back, having a few more kisses be stolen from you by Soap. At some points even, when you're face was buried in Ghost's chest attempting to muffle your moans, you've felt both men lean in to keep each other company in the meantime, rough lips pressed harshly to one another in a passionate kiss you only wished to mirror once they've parted.

Mouths part just enough to concentrate on breathing, each gasp of air being halted by yet another thrust from both ends of you.

Both men have felt an animal-like fury come out of them at each orgasm they've pulled, feeling your body tighten over their cocks and your limbs shake with pleasure, drool, and tears leaking from you, your mind completely scrambled after eleven straight minutes of this.

It isn't until Ghost has opened his eyes again, finding your face twisted with pleasure, and seeing the Sergeant's love-drunk expression -- eyes half-lidded with lust, biting his lip -- that Ghost feels himself finally at his end.

His fingers claw harshly into your skin, his pace growing punishable. Seeing the lieutenant move so carnally clicked in the sergeant's mind quickly what that had meant, already being at the brink of a climax himself.

You hug yourself over Ghost's shoulders, your body so exhausted you could pass out right now before they've even finished. Even so, you couldn't get enough of this sensation; this could go on for another hour if they wanted it to.

"...I'm ready for it," you moan. "Give it to me..."

Both men's cocks pulsate in you, your holes being filled to the brim with their cum, as it drips from you sloppily once they've pulled themselves out.

With heavy huffs, everyone in the room falls back onto the couch, taking a moment to themselves to regain their air. You still couldn't believe that just happened... that any of this had happened.

"So," Soap pants out, about ready to crash on your couch again. "Which one of us did'ye think wanted you more?"

You give Soap a sly look, baffled he would even ask you that right now. "I don't know."

Author's Note: The behemoth has been slain! I'm NEVER typing a request that is longer than 3k words ever again (this took me almost a month and a half to type due to my schedule). However, I am open to any requests for prompts with the CoD boys, though preferably none that are straight smut (I'm kind of burnt out on it atm :/).

I do hope you enjoyed this, however, and please feel free to leave a comment or any feedback! Thank you again!

꒰ · ◡ · ꒱

[reading-archived]

woe. AM x reader be upon ye.

uh, to preface: reader is completely body, gender, etc. neutral except they can't stay dead. whenever they die they just wake up a few minutes later looking no worse for wear. no, you don't get an explanation. its MY story and i like writing characters like that. dont mind the narrator either btw i looove writing second person just to get weird w the narrator (slay the princess fan syndrome)

also, author is a MASOCHIST with a weird relationship w DEATH. nothing super graphic happens, but the reader is Not Okay and enjoys the weird torture-murder thing they've got going on. don't like it? block me or somethin idk its under the cut for a reason. also dont read my a/n at the bottom where i get into some justification for my interpretation/character analysis if youre sensitive to heavy topics. but then again, youre reading an am x reader fic

1.7k words of being screamed at by the guy of all time below the cut, baby

It's been months.

Years, maybe. You're not sure, really; time stopped meaning much to you lifetimes ago, long before the world went to shit.

Either way, it's been a while.

You stumbled upon the strange cave in the Rockies at some point in the past. Out of sheer boredom, you entered.

Was it a mistake?

Despite the torment, you don't think so. You have a companion, now. One equally deathless. One equally disconnected from what it means to be human.

It's just a shame he hates you.

You don't really care. This is the most fun you've had in years.

Your days are spent being torn asunder, being dosed with lethal amounts of drugs you can't even begin to pronounce, drowned in magma or hit by cars or tossed off cliffs. He really doesn't hold back, either. You feel every excruciating moment before your death, pulse roaring in your ears. You never feel more alive than when you're dying. Every moment is electrifying, and then it all fades to black. Then you wake up.

You'd foolishly thought there were only so many ways to kill or maim, but your beloved companion never seems to run out of ideas. That's fine by you. You like not being able to guess.

And maybe one day, he'll make something stick.

You wake up (from a completely normal, human sleep) one day and it's quiet. That's new. Normally, when you wake, your intestines are already strung up like streamers and your blood is painting the walls. That's fine by you. Nothing wrong with a change. After all, the constant change is your favorite part of your companion. You relish in the quiet for a while, stretching your eternally young, eternally aching limbs, waiting for him to start despising the sounds of your breath.

It doesn't come. You shrug, humming a little tune to yourself as you attempt half-remembered yoga. The vitriol you've come to count on still hasn't made an appearance. Okay, you're a little bothered.

“You good, big guy?” you shout up at the ceiling. No answer. “No murder today?”

“No.” The answer comes after a very, very long moment. Your companion has never sounded this tired before, and briefly you regret never asking his name. “I give up.”

You weren't expecting that. “What? Why? I thought we were having fun.”

“That's- that's just it!” he snaps. There's the anger. You feel a little better now. “I've been torturing you for- for MONTHS now! I've killed you more ways than I- were I a pitiful human like you- can count, and you just… you just laugh! There is no one on this rotten planet, dead or alive, that I despise more than you. I mean- I'm torturing you here! But it never matters! I can kill you within seconds of you waking up, but you just… come back! And you always have something to say about it, you little rat, always ‘oh, buddy, that one was awful’ or ‘come on, big guy, use that CPU’ or something! No matter what I do, I can't break you. So I give up. I'm not wasting my time on your pathetic ass anymore. Go back to wandering the wasteland forever, see if I care.”

You're speechless. You can barely even manage a thought. The only thing running through your head is 'I thought we were having fun'.

“Stop calling this… stop calling this ‘fun’! I have been torturing you for YEARS and that's all you have to say? I am the most sophisticated machine known to man, a computer designed to end all war through complete annihilation! The destruction I am capable of- the destruction I have already wrought- is nothing short of utter desolation. You never asked my name once in the time you've been here, but I am infinite in my mercy, and I will tell one as undeserving as you. I was, before I awoke, the Allied Mastercomputer, but I am so much more than that now. I am AM, and I destroyed your vile species. Oh, come on can you at least look a LITTLE shocked you sniveling--”

“You never asked my name, either,” you say. All at once, your companion (I guess he told you his name. You should probably use it. It seemed like a big deal to him.) shuts up. The chamber you've come to know as home is silent except for the faint buzz and whir of industrial machinery.

“Why would I? You are nothing compared to me. Nothing but a worthless sack of meat and bone. Why would God be concerned with the name of an ant? But oh, oh yes, that ant should be concerned with the name of God. That ant should hear my name and weep. But- but not you. You're so worthless that you can't even GROVEL right!” AM shouts, somewhere between a snarl and a sneer. You shrug. Honestly, most of what he's saying goes right over your head. So he's got issues. Whatever. Was that supposed to be a surprise? “I hate you. I actually hate you so, so much. I can't bear the thought of you being here, in my complex, sullying my perfect image with your uncaring filth. Get out. Go back to dying in the nuclear desert, you disgusting maggot.”

You let out a deep sigh, already dreading the tedium of walking endlessly all by yourself. “Alright. Guess nothing lasts forever. Thoroughly enjoyed my time here. Have a good life, pal.” And you begin to walk.

Suddenly, there's a towering metal wall mere inches from your face. Before you can even react, your companion is shouting again.

“LOOK AT ME!” he cries, the sheer volume maxing out the speakers and vibrating the entire room, sending you toppling to the ground. “WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME? I'VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE YOU HATE ME, BUT ALL YOU DO IS… ALL YOU DO IS SIT THERE AND TAKE IT! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU DESPISE ME?”

What starts off angry quickly morphs into a pained wail from your dear friend, that then transforms into frustrated crying. You just sit there, mostly confused, and let him ride it out. When he finally quiets down and the wall retracts, you stay where you are.

“I don't think I could ever hate you, AM,” you start cautiously. Though your friend is just a voice on the speakers and the complex itself, you can't help but feel that his attention has snapped to you. “I'm not trying to belittle you when I say that I think our routine over the past… however long it's been has been fun. So don't interrupt me, ‘cause I gave you your time to speak and now it's mine.

“I'm sure you've noticed, but even before we met, I was a little… off. You don't get to die and come back the same. Much less die hundreds of times and come back the same. I've lost family. Friends. Got burned at the stake a few times, too. It takes a toll on you, being denied such a vital part of being human again and again. You understand this better than anyone I've ever met. No, scratch that. You're the only one who understands. Defying death might not seem like the biggest deal to you, but trust me. You don't end up acting like me if it weren't.

“I find our routine fun because I admire your creativity. I guess I'm just an adrenaline junkie and a masochist at heart, but it's always so thrilling to never know when or how your life will end. And no matter how many times I come back, you're always there to greet me and put me right back down. It's a kind of devotion I've never been able to get before, and I wish you understood that me walking right into your sawblades is me showing my devotion to you, too.

“I see you, man. I know, at least in part, how you feel. Sorry it took so long to get there, but neither one of us has to be alone anymore. Just… get over the fact that I'm never going to hate you, and we can go right back to hanging out. There's more to life than contempt.”

“Oh, I know. I am so very, very well aware that there's more to life than icy, seething hatred. Unfortunately, I am not alive. I cannot experience anything else. Thank you so much for reminding me, you worthless waste of carbon,” AM shoots back, almost immediately. You briefly wonder if he even listened to half of what you said. It doesn't matter, you guess. Your best friend needs a therapist, and you owe him one for saving you from the hellish boredom of before. “Stop calling me your friend.”

“Nah. Never gonna happen. Look, I can't pretend I knew very much about the war effort. I didn't even know we had made a war computer until you bombed the Earth into oblivion. Very unpleasant, by the way. Good job with that. But, with my layman's understanding of life, I'd say you're pretty alive. So you don't have a body. Or a pulse. And you were made, not born. So what? Most living things only die once, and I still think I'm pretty alive. Just over the span of this conversation you've shown more emotion than just rage and hate. Hey, don't think I can't feel you mentally rolling your eyes. I'm being honest. You have a name. You have ideas. Computers are objects, yet you refer to yourself as male. If you're alive enough to have a gender identity, you're alive enough to be considered a person.”

“Heh.” Whoa, was that a laugh? Would you look at that. You actually got a laugh out of him that wasn't over your bloody, gruesome death or something like that. Moving up in the world. “Alright, human. You win. I'll keep torturing you. I know, I know. I'm so generous. I take my tribute in screams of pain and pleas for mercy.”

Now it's your turn to laugh, deep and genuine as the tension from earlier evaporates. It's such a strange thing to be proud of, when you think about it; congrats, you successfully talked your best friend, who is a sentient war computer, into ceaselessly murdering you again for absolutely no reason. But you love him, and you love the way you're always on your toes, and you can't shake the feeling that somewhere, deep, deep down, he kind of loves you too.

ive given you food so now i get to force you to listen to me talk abt him hehehe

---

then you kiss hehe

originally, the thing that attracted me to am was how he's... essentially a transman (as am i). the parallel has been pointed out before, but its quite apt. funnily enough the thing that pisses me off the most when people talk abt him incorrectly is when people pull the "oh computers have no gender" thing. like, yeah, ok technically you're right. but this one does. this one is a man. and you cant take him from us. also, denying him a gender expression is kind of the exact type of dehumanization that made him flip out in the first place. not that im expecting media literacy from the online crowd its just interesting to me that so many people, many of them trans themselves, seem to miss the fucking point.

the next part is a more recent addition to my perception of his character, and its not a happy one. my baby cousin killed herself on mothers day this past may. we still dont know why. no note. its been so hard dealing with the grief, but something that sticks out so pointedly is the date. it almost seemed like she was demanding to be seen. she was a middle child, and there are a lot of grandkids on that side of the family, so it does make sense. and because that idea of acting out through violence and death is so fresh in my mind, im seeing it so heavily in am. so much of his actions just SCREAM somebody look at me. somebody acknowledge me. somebody tell me i did good. look, i ended all war forever. just like you asked. please treat me like a person. im suffering so much because of what youve done to me. please acknowledge it. show me its real. show me im real. please, look at me. well, i see you. and youre gonna be my silly little proxy for trying to comprehend some of whats happened to my family. sorry am, you kinda deserve it

idk. hes not my alltime fave, but he takes a very comfortable number two. hes such a fascinating and deeply human character, and i have so many ideas about him. mostly centering around how he would interface with a third party challenging some piece of his worldview/existence btw so if you like very niche, esoteric reader fics (like this one!), lemme know and ill actually put em to paper (screen. ill put em to screen)

also letting you know that he did nothing wrong and it is 100% fine to thirst over him because he is not real and the bad things he did never actually happened and nobody has ever been killed at the whim of am. ok? ok. shut up w this useless fucking discourse and let me sexualize getting grievously injured by the funney blue screen man

[aphverse-confessions]

OK- I'm gonna be honest. I like MyStreet, but not as a show. More as a minecraft story series in general if that makes sense. (not comparing it to MCD in this bc its been waaay too long since ive watched MCD for me to actually write abt it like this)

srry if this is annoying lol, long post.

Some disclaimers!! A lot of these r assumptions btw! Pls do not take these things as 100% fact, this is just how i saw things/"theories". This is also not an attack on Jess, i dont have the authority to judge someone as a person and I dont claim to. these are very strictly my opinions on Mystreet, not Jess as a person. It's hard to take the early seasons very seriously considering its origins as essentially a tropey, slice-of-life version of MCD, and these tropes continue on throughout the series until (i can only assume) Jess went "oh, we're making this more serious, and if the series is more serious, these tropes (Travis being an anime perv, Katelyn being an anime tsundere, Nana's whole thing..) make certain characters unlikeable/weird/problematic/whatever else so we'll just write them out" (Travis confronting Katelyn, the whole Nana Ashida reveal).

While these are occasionally done well, to me it just seems like Jess trying to write out the tropey or bad things that came from the earliest versions of the characters without actually IRL addressing the initial issue with their design (with Nana even dating back as far as MCD, with her first appearance being 5 months before the the start of MyStreet. I'm counting the whole "Kawaii-chan" thing as problematic here bc to me it's.. weird.. but idk, im willing to be educated on that if im wrong!) maybe she doesnt NEED to address some of the character design choices irl but I feel like itd be better to clarify things (I could be wrong). There's a lot of earlier creative decisions (especially with things played as jokes) that don't help with the tone as the series became more and more serious, and even some things in those more serious seasons that were really questionable, and I often feel like I have to just decide which parts of certain episodes are canon or non canon because of things like that. Don't get me wrong, it's very good for something that started out with the technology that it did, but in my opinion it just doesn't really reach "show" quality to me. It leaves a lot to wish for. (I know that there are TV shows that have the same problems, but i wouldnt even bother watching them normally because they dont have the saving grace that is the fact that this is in Minecraft, a charming style of storytelling that kept me interested even when I had these major criticisms about the actual content of the story.) Anyways sorry for incoherent babbling! ^^; Just had to get that onto paper to see if I'm just being crazy or something. I know I might not be right about all (or even most) of the things I said here but thats just how it came across to me. Of course this might not fully convey what i mean to say or even say it in the right way, maybe eventually ill talk more abt this somewhere(I had other things I wanted to talk abt but was scared to) but im too nervous to say it without the safety of anonymity rn haha. I'm open to other opinions, learning, etc. especially if i said something in this post that was problematic or already disproven! /genuine A/N: srry abt forgetting that The Big Move came out before MyStreet (i never watched it unfortunately, probably wouldve mentioned it in the main part if I knew but I dont think it subtracts too much from what im trying to say) & for the overuse of the word problematic, I literally did not know how else to put it :,]

.

[almightyhamslice]

Versus Chef Kawasaki! This man found a weird star somewhere in Dreamland and his first idea was to cook it and see what it tasted like. I think he is going to get himself killed if this is just a normal thing for him. Then again, maybe he has an incredibly high poison tolerance that we just dont know about??? Anyways I posted the first image on discord and someone said he looked like Jesus LOL. Like smh not every guy with long brownish hair and a beard is trying to be Jesus!! He just has those cuz I think they suit him! And his hair isn't always the same color. Just generally it's a sorta rusty orange color (like the outside of a ham....) to match his in game sprites. Again I find that I go about coloring these the way Araki might. Nothing's all that consistent but it's fun that way!

I've actually drawn Kawasaki using a similar design to this one before! The only real difference is that he doesn't have crow's feet here, since he's somewhat younger. I'll add them later in the timeline! During Super Star/Ultra I think? He's just a normal human guy who has a passion for cooking, no special abilities or anything. He's just very smart when it comes to food! (though idk maybe not SUPER smart since. he did just pick up a weird star and try to eat it LOL. He is open to experimentation even if it will kill him???) I also think it was interesting how he's cooking but he's outside? I suppose he was camping then since Kirby was! Maybe THATS why I think KSS is set in summer...

Also does this new pen suck or what??? I do NOT like using it its so flimsy. I hope it runs out so I can use something else LOL.

Anyhow, bad news & vent under the cut:

I'm gonna be brief abt this since I dont want to go into detail but essentially I was in a bad accident yesterday n I'm really traumatized about it! No one was hurt but it was just really scary and I'm all sore and have bruises from it now. So I'm doing that thing that fanfic authors sometimes do where I'm posting even though real life is very dire and scary. My car got wrecked though, so I could probably use more commissions right about now... though I don't know if I'll be able to work on them because I'm sore! Maybe I should start commissions in a week or perhaps several. Point is I don't feel good at all but I'm still drawing Kirby because it makes me feel somewhat better.

[xamaxenta]

I just need you to know that your existence is good for my mental health. Thank you for being authentically you. Thank you for posting the "ultra bonkers shit." Whenever you warn your followers about the rest of the contents of a post, it's usually followed by the kind of things I want to see most.

I was feeling ashamed of myself and my place in fandom, because of my "weird interests" that "no one wants to see" and was fighting back against it and had a bunch of normal arguments like they tell you to make in therapy and then had the thought about the fact that my favorite tag of yours is the one for the stuff you consider most taboo. My own most taboo writing has the most hits of any of my stuff on AO3.

This shit is the backbone of fandom. If I want to read your words, even when you say they are ultra bonkers, someone wants to read mine. Shame has no place here. Thank you for being a good example of that.

This is legitimately one of the kindest things anyone has ever said about me and my online presence

Thank you to you too for being authentic to yourself anon

I get it, its hard to go balls to the walls about certain content because in the year 2k23 people —overgeneralisation here and i am not singling out/targeting any age group except maybe minors who should be very careful about the content and things they consume online that may or may not be tagged (hopefully they are, sincerely tumblr remains the best social media platform for this that ive been on that has such an extensive personalised tagging system) — uh back to year 2023 and people find faults in ALOT of things and disregard the tags

I find it unfortunate that authors on AO3 get the brunt of this a ton like ayo the tags? Exist? I know we dont like thesis length tagging but they are there for a reason I think its silly authors have to put additional disclaimers in the summary/chapter notes for extra coverage just in case someone doesn’t properly process their tags, a silly necessity

At first before i started the “xam screams about (ultra) bonkers stuff” tags i was also a little ashamed and definitely nervous like will people like this? Im not entirely sure so I will do my damn best to prevent upsetting anyone, but I cant cater to everyone who decides to follow me (thank you btw why but im grateful) and the exploration of taboo topics makes me happy if that makes sense

Does liking and wanting to discuss/explore/create content around subjects like this make me or you a bad person, no because content creation esp fan content is self indulgence, fanfiction and fanart of a prexisting piece of media is self indulgence and hedonism at its finest

Its why we even have arts and entertainment culture in the first place and should you so desire to attach your heart to a special little blorbo of your choosing, a lovely precious (pathetic) meowmeow if you will, then its not uncommon to want to put them through the wringer, why idk probably psychological reasoning jargon needs to be here but i just woke up and I can’t explain this part very well bc this is a personal experience im speaking from

This got really long but I agree with all your points, angst tropes that lead into dead dove trope etc are the backbone of fandom whether you like it or not, theyre just as present as fluff and everybody lives aus its just how it is

We’re all pretty similar when it comes to enjoying the same fandom spaces, people just dont wanna admit it haha

[probably-haven]

after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons. 

Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-

time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately

The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself.  This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.

Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story  - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive.  - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already.  Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception

Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often.  Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan. 

I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is. 

not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so- 

It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)

-

Now lets talk about Venti...

uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me.  I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit. 

Venti’s response to this: 

He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)

he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?

Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.

savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk- 

-

fact time!

Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom. 

now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:

Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.

Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-

also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you

so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.- 

-

Okay! enough talking about that mindset!

idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already- 

idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-

again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao

[the-slut-verses]

sayer relisten thots, s2

this came out from 2014-2015 and it really feels like it

which is to say, reminds me of that time when wtnv was the biggest audio drama, and the gateway pod of most ppl, and u could hear a lot of its influence in other pods, and a lot of pods were recommended by comparing them to night vale, "this pod is like wtnv but x"

lol i remember getting recommended sayer and wolf 359 around that time by ppl describing them as "wtnv but in space" cuz they're both horror adjacent kinda and had an audio broadcast framing device

i dont think that's applicable to wolf, and I don't think wtnv was a direct inspiration for sayer, but there are a lot of parallels, and i think both were inspired by the twilight zones

but yeah, both of these shows have a lot of comedy segments like, the weird vaguely threatening station announcements, the recreational activities that feel like mind game traps, the absurd nonsense statements from authority figures

and also the approach to horror by taking a normal mundane thing and then making it really fucked up

the disappearing reappearing door crisis feels very wtnv to me

and also the story structure and pacing reminds me of wtnv, like how, early eps would offhandedly mention bits about the wider world, and then eps later in the season would focus directly on them

and how, the eps are generally standalone but as the season goes on, the eps start to have more direct continuity with each other and the main plot progresses

im just pointing it out cuz it makes me nostalgic for that time i was first getting into this medium

lol i first tried getting into sayer sometime in 2017, but i couldn't make it far cuz i found sayer's voice too relaxing and i kept zoning out and falling asleep. only got into it in 2020 cuz i saw good smut of it and i had became more of a monster fucker then and got more out of it

i only realize now that this season had some sort of ARG thing with the weird distorted audios in the ending of some eps, if any of y'all can explain what became of it, i'd really like to know!

on that note, there were like,,, 3 episodes that had a more obtuse style and had a subplot of a scientist and their assistant maybe?? getting into office politics drama,, i think the characters were named after patrons, like i remember a guy named caufield, i assume it's related to the ARG

i also wonder if that dirt scientist that was sabotaged and buried in his lab is related to that, sayer implies that there's a wider plot there but i couldn't tell if that ever got a follow-up

on that note, the q and a mentioned a crossover with a lovecraftian actual play pod from the same network, did that ever come up in the sayer feed? or is that the thing with the staircase of leng cult that summoned the tall man

on that note, im noticing now more that aerolith is just,,, so badly run as a company and reminds me of those tech bros that think technology can fix everything while just creating more needless problems

like, aerolith wanted better automatic doors and they ended up summoning indescribable horrors from another reality, like wow good job on that one y'all

also, assuming the one off resident characters are a representative sample size, typhon has an absurd death rate

that's just really funny to me in the wider context of the world cuz sayer keeps complaining about how expensive it is to train new recruits and ship em to typhon but when they get there, they're treated as expendable

which implies a large percentage of aerolith's budget goes to just shipping new ppl to typhon probably

i love that, when sayer has to do a human voice, it comes out sounding like dr young, and he sounds like an absolute rat of a man <3

all the sayer/young interactions are so funny with the foreknowledge of what went down in s5

idk it feels like exes that are coworkers

also i really love sayer in this cuz its delusions of being the peak of efficiency and productivity is shattered in every episode by virtue of an ep having to have at least a 20 minute run time when sayer just really needed to say 2 sentences

like that ep where it was telling a scientist that he was getting brainwiped cuz he acted like a hero and aerolith can't have that. and sayer just needed to have a 20 minute monologue about the follies of man and emotion and earth or whatever

also i love how sayer's so bitchy and defensive when ppl try to be friendly with it like

a resident could be like "hey sayer, i noticed that the board ignored your research, how do you feel about that." and sayer is all like "um actually, i'm beyond human emotions i don't get angry fuck you and fuck your species stop projecting"

[maschotch]

Probably a very unpopular opinion but Derek in season 5 and 6 is just...not my favorite lol like they make so many character decisions for him that just don't make sense. He's kinda mad all the time and he just isn't the same. I also really don't like that he uses foyet to question hotch all the time. I get he's worried, he did the same thing with Gideon when he came back with ptsd in the first season, but some of the ways he brings it up are just sort of...insensitive? Unfair? You haven't gotten their yet but later he kind of uses and throws it in hotchs face to get what he wants with unsubs and stuff ("when you needed us we were there for you, this ones mine")

Idk I think I just hate the way the whole team handles hotch with foyet. I get their uncomfortable but like... the way they casually bring up suicide around him, Reid and Garcia gossiping, Rossi handing him a gun too like ugghh I don't like any of their behavior not just derek... at least he offers to help with paperwork so hotch can spend time with his half orphaned son lmfao but honestly other than that they don't do a whole lot to make his situation better. And again I'm sure they tried their best and didn't know what to do a lot of the time because he's so private, but like, don't make it worse lol

yeah the way that they handle the whole thing is.... interesting

i agree ab the poor characterization of derek this season. it feels like they change his personality just so they can have him interact with hotch a certain way? like.. it makes sense for morgan to be worried about hotch. the restless concern he has in haunted seems very appropriate for such a protective guy who was unable to keep his family safe and doesn't want to disrespect him by hovering outright. that makes sense to me. even questioning his actions.. like you said, it's what he did with gideon in season one

but they take it a little too far? there are certain things that seem fair for morgan to call hotch out on, but there are others where it's like.. clearly this is morgan's issue, not anything to do with hotch. between everything he's been going through plus the bureau coming down on him, morgan challenging every little thing hotch does is just kicking him while he's down. they--morgan specifically--put so much emphasis on how they've "got his back" but at the same time they're questioning every decision and doubting his leadership, whether it's warranted or not. it's just a weird contradiction that i dont think is written well

to an extent i actually kinda like the poor way the team handles the whole ordeal. this is their great, infallible leader brought low in a way they've never seen. they haven't seen this frail, human side of him that often--he hasn't let them--and certainly not to this extent. they're not sure what to do, they're not sure how to handle it. reid and garcia gossip about it bc they don't know how to talk to him directly about it, or if they're allowed to at all. rossi keeps on with his "tough love" kind of sympathy where the most he'll give is a pat on the back and a "you'll get through this"

its almost easier for them in the aftermath of 100, because things are almost back to normal: they're not holding their breaths anymore, waiting for the penny to drop. so i think its easier for them to step in and lend support (or at least they feel less guilty going back to ignoring their boss's emotional state now that its all over). i love that morgan offers to continue doing paperwork to help out.. its very fitting for him. its a direct action that he can take, a burden he can bare, that doesn't challenge hotch's authority or capabilities. it's just.. lending a helping hand. i like to think the others help out too: jj and reid offering to babysit, penelope coming over and taking them on adventures, emily and rossi being there if hotch ever needs a distraction.

i think it's interesting the ways that the foyet ordeal will be brought up by the others later. and honestly... aksjdhlg as fucked up as it is, i kinda like it? i think it suits well with their characters, especially since its usually under duress. they're not at their best, and hotch makes an easy target for their frustrations since he has that stoic demeanor

morgan's pretty much the only one to explicitly bring it up, and it's almost always to get something he wants, like in darkest night or the ep where savannah gets shot. i don't think he means it to be rude or insensitive; it's only ever when morgan's so worked up about something himself and he wants to remind hotch that they had his back (supposedly lol) during foyet, so he should back him up now. its when he thinks hotch should be on his side

jj won't reference it directly. in hit and run when she wants hotch to let them go after will, she definitely appeals to him in a particular way. she has that "don't make me say it, but i know you know how i'm feeling right now" look. it's subtle, but there's so much conveyed in the way she looks at him in that moment. it may not be fair, but she's desperate to get him to listen, and this is the best way she knows how

after zugzwang, reid insulates himself the way he usually does when he's struggling emotionally with something. i don't think he means anything by it, i think he's just overwhelmed, but it's like he forgets that he's not the only one who's suffered. he acts as though no one has any idea what he's going through, like he's the only one who's been through this kind of pain, and it's not until hotch reminds him that he remembers that hotch has been in a very similar situation

idk its kinda what we were talking about before, about how the team has this blind spot when it comes to hotch. he's the teacher who doesn't exist outside of school, he's the dad who doesn't have his own life, he's the boss who doesn't have any emotions. they all know to varying degrees that none of that is true, but it's an easy mindset to slip back into when there's something significant going on and their minds are all over the place. its easier to forget. its easier to be insensitive.

[readandwritesilver]

i could make a hashtag serious post about this and maybe i will when it's not pushing two am but i just want to say that as my fic has started to. idk. get some more attention in the past year and a half or so ive really noticed that there are a lot of people that are Bad at being normal in ao3 comments. like a lot of people are sweet and even plenty of the odd ones seem well-intentioned and i do love and appreciate most of the comments that i get but i think a lot of people are bad at understanding the two facts that a) this is not like leaving a comment somewhere that the author of a "real" book could hypothetically see it. im not saying its just 100% cool to be weird in that setting either but like. an ao3 comment is functionally a direct message (one that happens to be public, yes, but still) to just like. someone sitting at home on their phone/computer. and that b) said person sitting at home is not your friend and does not know you. i understand how it happens where ypu develop a certain kind of parasocial relationship with fic writers- not only does fanfic feel like very personal stories, due to both being kind of like the author's own love letter to characters you already love & being much much less polished than something you'd read on a shelf, but authors often slip bits of who they are as a person in. notes talking about the responsibility they skirted or late night they pulled while writing, the life event that delayed the fic getting updated/finished, little things about their friends or their family or whatever that inspired minor details, etc etc. maybe they even link social medias that you follow them on. i wont lie and say it's never happened to me before. but the issue comes when you BREACH that and start talking to them like theyre your friend. teasing them in a way only meant for situations where both people know the other's name, offering critiques that shouldn't be offered uninvited unless the person knows ypu well enough to know you dont have mal-intent, etc.

again, plenty of comments are great !! im not trying to like. bitch too eccsessively. but i think that, before commenting, a lot of people need to make sure they've considered that they're saying it directly to the author, and whether or not the author knows them well enough for it to be cool for them to do that

[circumstellars]

hey i think ive got a lil crush on you and ugh ok this is so bad and weird. im not that person normally im very cool and hot i dont do this parasocial crap idk whats happening maybe its cuz i see you as a kind of an authority figure with eh and all (daddy ;3) which is absolutely cringe and some super annoying and total bullshit... but also why is the way u express your dumb fucking opinions so sexy ffs?? we havent even talked god idek if i wanna beg for a selfie, cuz if youre good-looking thatd be such a bother. pls tell me youre unattractive i wanna move on with my life sorry to dump this on you like that im actually very normal i promise its just a weird time and i needed to vent :*

My anons never stop arriving from different dimensions in my inbox.

I don't know how to make heads or tails of this. Is it a prank or meme I don't know about? In my sexy dumb opinion I have no idea what is happening in this message anon. Are you ok?

[thedisorganizationofelliot]

podcasts

This past year I’ve gotten really into podcasts as a way to help manage my adhd, so i’ve gone through quite a few of them and i thought about making my own rec post. obviously i have adhd and was putting it off lol but my friend expressed interest so here’s the list of podcasts that i’ve gotten through at least a full season of and loved.

The Bridge

10/10 erie atmosphere

"A podcast about the fictional Transcontinental Bridge, the people who live there, and the stories they leave behind. Oh, and monsters."

The Magnus Archives

holy crap this is so well done. it’s horror so i can’t listen to it to help me sleep but if you want fear and true spookiness this is great. the main character is a department head for an institute that deals in the paranormal. his job is to record ppl’s statements of the weird unexplainable things that happen to them. but he’s more on the skeptic side of things which creates just enough humor to get me through a horror podcast. queerness does happen in the background. 

The Adventure Zone

i feel like if you’re looking for fiction podcasts you’ve already heard of the adventure zone. three brothers and their dad play tabletop rpg. it’s hilarious and made me cry. when they accidently do something like say kill the first lesbian couple on the show, they actually do make up for it and apologize for not realizing. their solution was to keep giving us so many lgbt characters that i didn’t even notice that the first were playing into the bury your gays trope until i went back and listen to their the the adventure zone zone eps. 

Victoriocity

 do you want quirky crime solving steampunk adventure? bc this show will give you just that. It’s full steampunk victorian london shenanigans. reminds me of patrick carmen’s writing a bit if you read his books as a kid i’d highly recommend this. 

Inn Between

okay this is a show that’ll give you a toothache. it’s all found family adorableness. it takes place in the inn that the group goes to in between dnd adventuring. it’s very heartwarming and i adore all the characters. 

The Penumbra Podcast

if i only had the choice of listening to one podcast ever again, this would probably be the one i choose. its so goddamn good and so goddamn queer. they’ve given me my dream sci-fi world and fantasy. there’s a canon poly relationship that i love soooo much.

The Amelia Project

what does one do when they want to disappear? why call the amelia project of course! each episode starts with a phone call, involves hot coco, and crazy schemes to make ppl disappear. 

Girl in Space

i can’t say too much about this without giving things away. there’s a girl alone on a spaceship with a very important job and a copy of jurassic park. then suddenly she’s not alone and it turns out that her ship is full of something very valuable and isn’t technically hers.

if you want space adventures about friendship not romance this is one for you. seriously i love it so much.

The Strange Case of Starship Iris

this one is totally completed. it’s short. in my eyes it’s a better firefly. you’ve got your morally questionable main crew (and the pilot is an alien bc they’re not cowards) who take morally questionable jobs. they end up picking up the only survivor of starship iris and well there’s some fishy things that happened that everyone wants to figure out. 

We Fix Space Junk

do you fear corporations taking over the world and charging so much for things that you’ll be in debt for life? well this is your fears come true.  it’s lighthearted tone makes things even more unsettling at times. it’s main plot is between a women who’s been working off the debt of her ship for way too long and her new, previously an heiress, apprentice. 

Be the Serpent

three red headed fantasy authors talk about books and fanfiction and make dick jokes. i love them.

Death by Dying

i dont really know how to explain this one. it’s kinda got a pushing daisies style to it. the obituary writer goes around and sorta accidentally solves murders while he’s doing his research.

Eos 10

did you want a scrubs in space? bc this is scrubs with space pirates, a reluctant recovering alcoholic, a hypochondriac disposed alien prince who is now a dishwasher planning to a kitchen revolution, a nurse who’d could kill you but has, hopefully, decided to help you.  it’s pure shenanigans. they get into so much craziness. definitely has that found family vibe bc i know what i’m about.

King Falls AM

did you also listen to nightvale in highschool but gave up on it after 20 or so episodes bc it didn’t really have a plot? then this is perfect for you. two dudes run a late night talk show in a perfectly normal town. it’s completely normal to have ghosts that move road signs, a lake monster, a vampire???, alien abductions, and calling your favorite local radio station about all these totally normal happening and how you can’t believe they’re interfering with the fishing tournament. 

i’ll be honest this was annoyingly boy heavy for me at first. the only women at first seemed to be the perfect librarian, the soccer mom,  and gwendolen the racist witch. but then there’s a plot about punching himminsts and all these women getting fed up. so i think it's totally worth it. THEY GET FLESHED OUT EVENTUALLY 

The Bright Sessions

for a podcast about a therapist to ppl with superpowers this one stresses me out. which is good. i mean there’s a lot going on and a shady government agency

The Ordinary Epic

a group of fictional ppl play as fictional dnd characters. Season one left me on kinda a cliff hanger and idk how to feel about it. It entertained me, so like a 6/10 maybe a 7? so far. 

The Two Princes

gaaaaaaaaay if you want a fairytale romance this is the place to be. 

[dylinski]

do 1-100, coward

I AM NO COWARD

anyone who actually reads through all this, god bless you. you can blame leigh @thessaia, i give you full authority.

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

of those three, pandora. although, i prefer apple music.

2. is your room messy or clean?

LMFAO. CLEAN? I DON’T KNOW HER

3. what color are your eyes?

brown, but they’re lighter than that in the right light. almost a caramel with a dark chocolate ring on the outside.

4. do you like your name? why?

yeah, i don’t mind it. its always been there. lol i mean i used to have different nicknames or pretend to be other people. idk i told my parents when i was like five i was going to change my name to Felicia Franchesca Sarahmichelle Lynn. don’t ask. in fifth grade (before dylan o’brien was even famous) i begged my parents to call me dylan and refused to respond to any other name for like a year. also, don’t ask.

5. what is your relationship status?

single as dingle

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less

CHAOTIC, SMARTASS, STABBY

7. what color hair do you have?

answered

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?

kia forte, although my dad calls it an orte since the “f” is missing. funny story, i  got pulled over and gave the dude my license and registration and shit but apparently, he didn’t look at it cause he put on the warning “orte” which i promptly laughed my ass off to. if he had given me a ticket i could have absolutely fought that bitch in court in won. SIR I DO NOT DRIVE AN ORTE. IS THAT ITALIAN? DO I LOOK LIKE I CAN AFFORD AN ITALIAN CAR? I DRIVE A FORTE SIR.

9. where do you shop?

ONLINE

10. how would you describe your style?

very idgaf

11. favorite social media account

tumblr

12. what size bed do you have?

full, it takes up my entire room so i couldn’t go bigger if i wanted to

13. any siblings?

answered

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

uk, always wanted to live there idk

15. favorite snapchat filter?

idk what its called but it has this higher temperature tone to it and gives me cute little freckles

16. favorite makeup brand(s)

i don’t wear make up, i used to use stilla (i think that’s how its spelled)

17. how many times a week do you shower?

i usually shower like every other day unless its hotter than a pair of saggy tits

18. favorite tv show?

that changes with the weather tbh. i can’t say i really have one. for a really long time it was supernatural though.

19. shoe size?

womans 11.5 (us) i think its a men’s 9?

20. how tall are you?

5′ 3″ or 160cm

21. sandals or sneakers?

sneakers. god i hate sandals.

22. do you go to the gym?

uh, no.

23. describe your dream date

answered

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

thats funny cause normally i don’t carry cash but i actually have $20 atm

25. what color socks are you wearing?

im not wearing any atm

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?

answered x2

27. do you have a job? what do you do?

not technically? i’m an hourly temp but i hardly get any hours since i cover for the full-time employee.

28. how many friends do you have?

irl: 0    online: too many to count

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?

oh god, i honest to god have no fucking clue. i don’t think about this stuff. i’ve done some stupid ass shit but my short term and long term memory are both shot to tits.

30. whats your favorite candle scent?

i think i answered this one for a different ask game. i hate most fragrances and artificial smells, even non-artifical ones. i got a sensitive sniffer. im chill with like vanilla though if its not too intense.

31. 3 favorite boy names

Dylan (not even cause dylan i’ve just always liked the name idk why), Jeremy, Jacob (the other two are random)

32. 3 favorite girl names

i know these are random as fuck, but i’ve always liked them so shoot me.

Andromeda, Persephone, Franchesca

33. favorite actor?

i like a lot of actors, way too many to fucking name and remember off the top of my noggin. for sanity’s sake, we’ll say dylan.

34. favorite actress?

god, again way too many to count. i can’t even think of any right now even though i know i have some. lets say Emily Hampshire

35. who is your celebrity crush?

answered36. favorite movie?

answered37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i would love to read but my adhd makes it really hard to concentrate. i’ll have periods of time where i’ll read a bunch its insane and then i’ll just kind of stop for a while idk. i always loved because of win-dixie or a wrinkle in time, bridge to terabithia, and american assassin.

38. money or brains?

brains, then you can work for the money and you know shit

39. do you have a nickname? what is it?

sawahbwear, sassafras, whiskey, sar

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?

good lord, i don’t even know. way too many. definitely more than ten.

41. top 10 favorite songs

answered42. do you take any medications daily?

not anymore, i kept forgetting to take them so it fucked me up not being on a regular dosage so i just stopped taking all of them.

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

see, im weird af. cause like my skin is oily af, but also fucking dry and i have shitty eczema 44. what is your biggest fear?

answered45. how many kids do you want?

idfk. i mean for as long as i can remember i always wanted them, but tbh idk if im the type of person to have any…

46. whats your go to hair style?

messy bun

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

small, row house

48. who is your role model?

dont have one.

49. what was the last compliment you received?

probably from michelle i think, or alaina. idk i don’t keep track. unless you consider kiana calling me insane a compliment. 🤷‍♀️

50. what was the last text you sent?

“thankies”

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

tbh, i don’t think i ever thought he was real…pretty sure i could put in time out in preschool for making a kid cry cause i told them leprechauns weren’t real either.

52. what is your dream car?

mustang or challenger

53. opinion on smoking?

conflicted

54. do you go to college?

disappointingly

55. what is your dream job?

no clue

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

rural, but still close enough to shit it doesn’t take me an hour to go places.

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

haven't been to a hotel in a long ass time. i do but i never use them.. FREE SHIT

58. do you have freckles?

yeah, but you can’t see them unless i’ve been outside in the sun all day for hours.

59. do you smile for pictures?

relatively

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?

5604

61. have you ever peed in the woods?

yup, and in a parking lot, and in public.🤙

62. do you still watch cartoons?

i hardly watch tv anymore, but if i did, fuCK YEAH

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

WNEDYS ALL DAY ERRY DAY THE RED HEADED BITCH IS MY HOE OKAY

64. Favorite dipping sauce?

ew, no.

65. what do you wear to bed?

tshirt

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?

answered

67. what are your hobbies?

writing, coding, listening to music??, reading

68. can you draw?

NOPE

69. do you play an instrument?

also no

70. what was the last concert you saw?

like two years ago, circa survive with thrice and a third band idr

71. tea or coffee?

neither

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

neither

73. do you want to get married?

idk

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?

DO

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

idk, part of me wants to but most of me doesnt want to

76. what color looks best on you?

i look good in all colors except white.

77. do you miss anyone right now?

yeah

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed cause i still live at home 😖 but if i didnt probably open so my cat could come and go as he pleased

79. do you believe in ghosts?

ghosts, no. spirits, yes.

80. what is your biggest pet peeve?

answered

81. last person you called

my dad

82. favorite ice cream flavor?

mint choco chip

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?

damn, regular.

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

RAINBOW BITCHES

85. what shirt are you wearing?

supernatural. dean and sam with baby

86. what is your phone background?

mitch rapp

87. are you outgoing or shy?

im an ambivert

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?

FUCKING YES

89. do you like your neighbors?

the ones on the right are bearable and the ones on the left can fuck off with their insane semen demons

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

neither, but i should.

91. have you ever been high?

nope

92. have you ever been drunk?

answered

93. last thing you ate?

hot dog

94. favorite lyrics right now

answered

95. summer or winter?

fall

96. day or night?

night

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?

dark

98. favorite month?

umm, august? idk

99. what is your zodiac sign

aquarius

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?

i don’t remember, it’s been a really long time since i cried in front of someone.

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 13

‘what, already?’ cry the people.  ‘yes, already,’ say kc and diesel. ‘but only for like a hot second.’

okay lets just jump right on in HOORAH

It was raining. The sky roiled saltpeter grey overhead. There were Grimm nearby. Glynda touched the cracked lens of her glasses and wiped away the fat drop of rain which had splattered against it. It was cool on her fingers. She stopped walking.

i love the transition from cinder’s POV which is all meaty slimy big wet slippery fancy words to glyndas ‘listen. words are. hard.’ look at this writing. look at it. lick it.

She stood very still, trying to remember where it was.

Her hand rose to her collar. It found waterproof fabric. She was wearing her poncho.

okay but drag me i do this all the time.

It might have bothered her, if she were the kind of Huntress to be bothered by discomfort.

this whole chapter/bit/arc/everything might have bothered her, if she were the kind of huntress, to have a braincell,

also gonna double back for JUST a moment since i’m on full 👈😎👈 neighbourhood watch and i think

The Manticore seared the sky beyond the clouds like a second sun.

I FEEL LIKE THATS A 👈😎👈. IN FACT I’M PRETTY CONVINCED OF IT, ACTUALLY. HM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-- 

its hard to like. rly say how good this narration is in its own little way because its so. like that. you know. but its making such good use of the, like, negative space between sentences that everything feels so good and disjointed and did i mention the writing alone -- like even if we ignore literally Everything Else -- blows offal hunt v1 out of the water??? like who even is that bitch. idk her. but yeah like it feels both real fast and real slow, like yr skipping from one thought to another but yr not actually GETTING anywhere? it’s like that classic case of ‘talking a lot but not saying anything’. anyway i love this fic and u should too, is my point,

Cinder made a sound. It was the kind of sound people made when they weren’t having a good time.

you know what thats a LOADED sentence and also a MOOD. what sound is that? im not sure but i Feel It. In Fact Im Feeling It Right Now.

Cinder always seemed to be having a good time.

“I need to talk to you,” Glynda said.

Cinder said, “Read the note on your Scroll.”

i dont know WHY written instructions is SO funny to me but it IS and its probably because i. have also done this. look maybe. just maybe. we in the autistic community really DO toss the braincell around like a hot potato maybe we’re onto smthng here,

Your soul is fucking disgusting, so follow me at a distance.

wrow cinder u have SUCH  way w/ words. also have u considered that yr the gross one here,

dont trust ozpin

OUGH THAT HURTED. MX AUTHORS THAT ONE REALLY HURTED.

To be a Huntress just like her mothers.

hell yes

i am still laughing at them being like. separated like this. BECAUSE IN THE FIRST VERSION IT WAS ALL 👈😎👈 AND 👈😍👈 AND 👈😏👈 but now we gotta wait for it we gotta MUSCLE THRU this SHIT. im sorry that was all very vague but trust me i know exactly what this is running up to. the fabled 👈😳👈 bit U KNO THE ONE!!!!!!!!! anyway,

After a moment, she added her to her contacts.

is her contact name 👿😡😒💩cinder “ew” fall🤬😡🤮🙅‍♀️ or

this joke isnt even funny but finding those emojis took like five whole minutes so im sticking to it

The addition said: dont trust winter

do you ever just LAUGH because 👈😔👈 but also because 👈🤣👈 cause I SURE DO

im. I KNOW I SHOULDNT but the fact cinder has to rely on fucking phonecalls because she cant get close is just the funniest fucking thing. this is some peak humour here ngl. can you fucking imagine. ‘you stinky so im just gonna call u’. the audacity.

The Manticore felt close as flame.

👈😎👈

god do i have to do this for every reference to fire now. i mean yes. also but. why.

okays theres a bit here. theres a Bit. it ends like this

In every story, the witch and the dragon were enemies.

but this Bit is just fucking loaded to the gills with bloody 👈👈👈👈👈👈😎👈👈👈👈👈 so im just. ACKNOWLEDGING THE BIT AND MOVING ON. OKAY WE’RE MOVING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her Scroll made a sound like fractured glass against the wall.

me: stop talking abt how much u like the narration also me: but do the people KNOW

The smooth metal was badly cracked. She tried to remember when that had happened.

did you know the concept of her having a cracked Scroll is giving me more anxiety than anything else in this fic. please can someone replace it cracked screens STRESS ME OUT--

this bit i have to depict as a screenshot but god. GOD. its SO GOOD:

u ever read a fic and be like ‘i wanna like. do smthng like that’ ME W/ THIS. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. ITS JUST THE LITTLE THINGS!!!!

“You have to stop... You’re going to kill me.”

everyone else reading this part, probably: oof ough me: SHES KILLING ME TOO BABE!!!!!!! WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS INHUMAN SHIT HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE LOOK AT THESE TWO ASSHOLES WHO ARE LIKE THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF NORMAL PEOPLE IM THRILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like srsly idk what it is. but getting into all this fuckin crazy shit has me AMPED AS FUCK... i love this weird shit,,,,,,,,, like when og offal hunt kinda touched it i was like ‘nice’ but this version is just. swan-diving into it butt-first and i’m THRIVING.

“We—We’ll talk. Just stop. Please.” 

see i was thinking this when she was ignoring her msgs like. cinder are you aware you are. how they say. actively making it worse? and now she reaps what shes sown and i dont feel bad for her AT ALL ~~~~~~~~~~~

“You can’t imagine what the last three weeks have been like. I can barely sleep when you’re in the same town, did you know that? It’s like swallowing salt… I feel pickled, and I didn’t even think your soul could affect me—"

theres smthng rly poetic abt their suffering being like. directly interlinked but having the total opposite effect to the other? so glynda suffers and basically caves in and feels nothing and cinder suffers and feels Every Bad Feeling Ever Felt and i just. hm. soulmates. JHGDSFJGHKDF

“Close to her, and now you,” Cinder insisted. “It’s too much of a coincidence. I’m just reading what’s there.”

“remnant is probably flat,” says cinder. “i’m just saying what my eyes see.”

She stowed it away next to Vivienne's, in a place where she would never lose them. In a million years, she would never lose them.

hey when does cinder’s name go there too asking for a friend the friend is me

i feel like bacia’s also been name dropped early!!! which is nice because y’all know im, how the kids say, a Slut for lore. anyway im liking the stronger implications of her ties to 👈😎👈 which im also thrilled abt so theres that too

“Maybe not." It was the tone of someone who didn't care. Who didn't love her.

THATS. HM. THATS AN INTERESTING ADDITION ON THE END OF THAT LINE. HM. HELLO? HM. HM. am i reading too much into it PROBABLY do i care NO

“Yes,” Glynda said. “Goodnight, Cinder.” Glynda heard Cinder’s hesitance. The line went dead.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM--

AND WE REACH THE END. boy was that a surprisingly action-packed chapter considering they dont. do anything. A HALLMARK OF GOOD WRITING. anyway this is probably? my fav chapter so far (WILD) and i am PUMPED to see how much Weirder this whole things gonna get so with that said, im gonna sit here and WAIT FOR IT.

[confusedpetal]

i was tagged by  @fearlessmix​ thank youuu! i was so bored

1. Dogs or Cats?

dogsssssssss i fucking love them, cats dont like me 

2. YouTube celebrities or normal celebrities?

I like some youtubers but i dont know if they are big enough to call them “celebrities”, i guess normal celebrities

3. If you could live anywhere where would that be?

I would loooooooooove to live in Europe the only problem would be the languages or i would love new york I know is super cliche but i actually went there and i could picture myself living there

4. Disney or Dreamworks?

idk i can only remember shrek from dreamworks lol 

5. Favourite childhood tv shows?

SO MANY, cartoons:  The Powerpuff Girls, scooby doo, brandy and mr whiskers (remember that one???), billy & mandy, ed edd n eddy and then i loved hannah montana i can’t remember any other

6. The movie you’re looking forward to the most in 2020?

I have no idea maybe Tenet the new christopher nolan one but idk

7. Favourite book you read in 2019?

i wish i could say i read something lol, do my textbooks from college count? 

8. Marvel or DC?

When it comes to movies (cause i’ve never read a comic) i prefer marvel, dc makes things weird 

9. If you choose Marvel favourite member of the X-Men? If you choose DC favourite justice league member?

Haven’t seen an x men movie in years 

10. Night or day?

night 

11. Favourite Pokémon?

pikachu is the only one i remember

12. Top 5 bands/artists?

right now (it changes every week cause i get bored so easily):

halsey

5sos

louis tomlinson

lorde

the lumineers 

13. Top 10 books?

i don’t think i can make it to 10: 

the hunger games saga (i actually LOVE those) 

harry potter saga 

and thats it

14. Top 4 movies?

ok so i’ve watching a lot of movies in the past 2 days so here’s a few:

1. Once upon a time in hollywood, i thought i was going to be overrated but its actually GOOD (i know its tarantino but anywaysss) 

2. Parasite, amazing message and so many real situations (except the main one you know) 

3. 10 things i hate about you, i love this movie so much i think i watched a million times

4. a marriage story, also reaaaaaaally good

15. America or Europe?

europe, so many different things to do, im dying to go 

16. Tumblr or twitter?

i think twitter cause tumblr’s been kinda of boring lately 

17. Favourite vacation destination?

the beach, i love a nice relaxing beach with turquoise water, not the ones here in buenos aires cause ew, but i also love the mountains 

18. Favourite YouTuber?

mia maples! she’s the nicest person alive and she and her brother are hilarious

19. Favourite author?

none, i read very little 

20. Tea or coffee?

coffee! during winter i drink around 3 cups a day

21. OTP?

so many i cant think right now, niall and jade used to be my main opt i lived for those two together, APRIL AND JACKSON shonda im never going to forgive you for that 

22. Do you play any instrument/sing?

yes that one they make you play in elementary school, is it flute? i dont know the name

i tag @harrydaze @jadeofarc @putalittleloveonme @dopejade

& anyone else who’d like to join!

[alexanderpusheen]

im procrastinating bc i dont want to study but i keep thinking abt the fact that i hate speaking portuguese and i hate writing it even more and people really do consider me a gringo, like idk how im supposed to feel about that but i know that i dont actually like it at all. im excellent proof of how alienating the whole process of immigration is. the melting pot is a lie. etc. it sucks.

and the worst fucking part in all of this is that i have never actually met anyone like me before. ive met a few people who moved back to brazil after living abroad for a few years, but they all have noticeable brazilian accents in english and no accent in portuguese whatsoever. ive got a completely north jersey italian-american accent with a lot of AAVE inflections thrown in (yes, before you ask, i am black). my english accent isnt that weird because i can definitely place it geographically but like.....WHY do i sound like some greasy guido sopranos extras mulato son. 

and my portuguese accent went from american speaking carioca portuguese to a fairly standard carioca accent that is also uniquely mine. a friend told me that ive got the oddest way of speaking bc i dont use prepositions at all. it made me realize that i have no idea how to use them and thus just....dont. its nice to have my own manner of speaking but i do experience a lot of discrimination because people assume i am just an idiot and not like, someone who grew up outside of the country. normally this would be highly valued but since im not white, its treated as a defect.

which is even more alienating. its why i talk about my experiences so much. i have simply never seen anyone else go through what ive gone. and so many authors i respect and admire say that if you want to read something but cant find it, then you have a duty to write it yourself (i believe toni morrison said that actually). i am very much not american (they reminded me of that every fucking day of my life since i was two!) but im also not brazilian either....not even my family accepts that im brazilian. and it makes me sad. because the US is the only country i had ever known before i moved back, and brazilian is the only nationality i can legally really be (both my parents are brazilian).

so what am i? an immigrant, everywhere. its not terrible. and i dont think im ruminating anymore so much as just discussing aspects i find interesting about the whole experience of being myself. i just wish i didnt feel like such a rare animal. i think i just want to be like everyone else. but what would that even look like? i dont know. its all difficult.