#ICSY anon

[morning-star-joy]

🌼 hi

(your ashwah and icsy fan 💜)

HIIII MY DEAR 💜💜💜 I hope you are well!! (the vibes got fancy up in here ooooo)

[youareinlove]

Is I can see you about JM or JG?

i think neither, although JM is the popular read between the two. i'm pretty sure it's the same muse as mine (it follows the same premise of meeting someone and imagining a whole relationship with them, but the less wholesome version)

[taylortruther]

i don't mean this @ any specific anon but i definitely think there's a way of talking about taylor (and anyone we don't know, or even do know, and especially celebrities) like she's a fictional character where you can trace their actions and history from point a to b to c, but that just isn't how life is. we don't always make decisions that Make Sense, or that are rooted in things. sometimes we just do stuff, and we can color it later in therapy or in writing and introspection and with the context we have through more life lived, but idk.

i don't know how else to describe it but for a personal experience, i didn't properly know i liked girls until i was relatively old and some good ole denial through my late teens, but i can look back and say, huh, that makes sense! that sure colored my friendships with certain girls! but no one else can make those connections for me? just like taylor can make retrospective connections, such as in wcs versus icsy. both can and do exist.

and i think because taylor writes to diaristically, people feel like they're actually reading her thoughts from her diary, but our opinions and relationships change. she felt she and jake were soulmates for a time, and maybe once a year she gets drunk and thinks of him and might even write a song about it. that doesn't mean they're actually soulmates (if you even believe in that, and i think taylor toys with this a lot because it's Pretty to think there's an invisible string, but she's a mastermind, but she wants to change the prophecy). i think we are too quick to draw direct lines when it's more like... you know those word clouds for brainstorming? we are made up of so many conflicting ideas and experiences. i don't think i'm expressing myself very well so rant over also hope you're having a good start to your week rae!

the word cloud image is so apt. and i agree, our experiences and emotions and whatnot aren't math equations where you can say a + b = c. they're not static, they change with us, they can be hard to articulate because words are imperfect.

[spade-riddles]

Re: "The wait is over" anon. If they aren't a troll, my guess is the Slut! mv is coming this weekend. There were rumors about it and the champagne glass emoji reminds me of the "clink, clink" line at the beginning. Plus Taylor premiered her last two videos literally onstage at concerts-- Karma in NYC/NJ I think, and ICSY in KC? She's performing in Argentina starting tomorrow. TK may or may not show up but it's clear she wants people paying attention to SOMETHING this weekend.

FWIW: I did notice that I received the 👆original 🥂 THE WAIT IS OVER anon minutes after BM posted those pics with the same 🥂 emoji.

[this-daydream-is-dangerous-13]

Someone said.. now that she put these songs out that’s a nail on the coffin for them.

And the reason she didn’t release them earlier to keep the door open. That makes me sad 😩

I am no prognosticator, Anon, and I have no expectation that they’ll ever give it another go. That is 100% up to them.

But if these were the songs that almost made the album, then it makes sense that she’d want to release them so we could see everything that was simmering at the time. She was in love. She was heartbroken. She was jealous. And she was piiiiiissed, especially that his dalliances were all over the media and HE wasn’t shamed for it (and hers had to be in the dark). She wouldn’t let anyone see the messiness behind the controlled facade in the original release. But we suspected there was mess (god bless Blondie, she goes for it in love) and now we have proof.

I do not think that the sentiments, or that she wrote about them, are or would be a surprise to H.

And maybe it is a giant long con, a less direct. way to tell us that they are never, ever, ever getting back together. But she let ICSY (likely about JM) out of the SN vault as well as Electric Touch (probably about JG, based on the 2010 copyright date). She was proud of those songs (which flew in the face of her good-girl image when she wrote them, especially ICSY), but it doesn’t mean she still felt those feelings. I don’t think she was trying to signal to JM that she wanted to hook up in 2023, especially after WCS!

So: we know she was affected. All those “one month in December 2012” doubters now have additional evidence it was more. Blondie can be nasty to the people who broke her heart and she uses music to “get it off her chest” like her Mom suggests in NTWDT. She vented about H in song. And the songs about sex? She had written many long before Rep, and she wants to let us know that too.

She wanted these songs out, no matter what her feelings have or haven’t been since 2014 and/or when she finalized the TV album tracks. She’s proud of them (as well she should be because they are amazing).

Thanks for the ask!

[chickawah23]

Hi there,

What nights where recorded in LA for the tour movie? And what where the surprise songs for each one?

Hello there, anon. The first 3 nights in LA were recorded. The surprise songs were as follows:

8/3 ICSY g

8/3 Maroon p

8/4 Our Song g

8/4 YAIL p

8/5 DBATC g

8/5 YOYOK p

Each should link to a prior post with the performances. And check the tag I made specifically to see the surprise song performance I collected from tiktok.

[whatiwillsay]

Hey, I’m the “maroon was for the tour doc anon from yesterday. Her playing “Our Song” last night made me even more sure that the LA surprise song choices aren’t that deep (I don’t think any of them have been tbh). She played Maroon for Midnights promo, ICSY for SNTV promo, and Our Song so she has a debut song in the movie. I would also bet that she plays Tim McGraw again before the LA run is over, probably on the last night.

I also wanted to say I agree with the anon that said we are getting more than two surprise song in the film. They are filming fans outside which makes me think it’s going to be more of a documentary than a traditional concert film. Which does throw a bit of a wrench in my theory because I can’t see her not filming the Euro/Asia dates for a doc, so it’s probably not coming out till after the tour. Probably next holiday season.

i appreciate all your thoughts!

[emkayoh]

Swiftie Anon once again! Do you have a favorite vault track off SN TV? Obvi ICSY is quickly becoming iconic. I’m kind of screaming/crying/throwing up over Timeless tho. Would love your takes!

That is a GOOD question! I'm having a hard time picking an absolute favorite because I feel like every time I listen another one gets stuck in my head!

But I think I would say Electric Touch / Castles Crumbling / I Can See You are among my faves. And Foolish One is probably my least fave... not that I DON'T like it but it's just not on par with the others for me.

Castles Crumbling, When Emma Falls In Love, and Timeless are SO Speak Now to me. The romanticism, the fantasy and storybook imagery, the youthful naivety... I love them. Castles Crumbling makes me emotional knowing that Taylor had those fears of her reputation crashing down from that early on and thinking her career was over, and look at her now. :' ) It reminded me of Nothing New... she's always so terrified she's reached her peak and she's going to start falling... but she always comes back again bigger than ever and it's just so nostalgic to hear this song about what she was worried about with her career 13 years ago and seeing where she is now. Like wow, girl, you did it.

I loved/hated listening to Innocent 13 years later when Taylor is now a year older than Kanye was when he jumped on stage and knowing all the history that went down with them. Just absolutely insane... little did she know that would NOT be the last song she wrote about him and the other songs would not be so forgiving.

[inyri]

I was wondering why you and your partner chosen ivf over adoption? I have heard many stories of why a couple chose adoption over ivf, but next to nothing on the opposite choice. As someone who never wants to have kids (I am happy to be an aunt when the time comes, but do not want my own), I have been curious. If this is too personal or you simply don’t want to answer, I completely accept and respect that; I just thought I might ask. Thank you! 😊

That’s a great question.

My husband and I had pretty much always been in agreement that we wanted kids at some point, and after we got married (9.5 years ago) we had initially held off as I got through medical school and residency due to the work hours and stress involved. When we got to a point where we felt like we were ready- well, shortly after that he got sick and ended up having his liver transplant. All told we tried the old-fashioned way, off and on due to his health, for about four years. I had done some initial testing about 3 years ago when it became apparent things weren’t going to plan, but we had waited for a while after that to give his health an opportunity to stabilize (which it has).

(cut for length)

Our choices are very much IVF vs adoption. My husband is adopted, actually- I’m not privy to his adoptive mother’s health history but neither she nor either of her sisters were ever able to have biological children- and that did play into our decision process. He’s always been a little bit conflicted about his adoption, particularly when it comes to whether or not to try to learn more: the state in which his adoption took place was closed-case at the time and he’d have to petition the court to open his record. Given the number of children who need homes, it’s surprisingly difficult (and expensive- the average cost of adoption in the USA is about $30,000 with foster care/DCFS being the exception) to adopt. In addition, we’re at a point in my career process where adoption would, frankly, be logistically difficult. We both moved around a lot as children, including abroad, and we’d like to share that experience with our own child(ren). But the adoption process takes time- a lot of time, in some cases- and our plans would likely not work in our favor as prospective adoptive parents. 

(I will fully admit that I don’t know if I would be capable of adopting an older child out of the foster care system. I have many pediatric patients who are either still in the DCFS system or were adopted out of it, and so many of them have staggering developmental or mental health issues… I give their adoptive parents all the credit in the world for voluntarily taking that responsibility on themselves. But I’m not sure that I could do it. I suppose that’s selfish of me, but…)

Much as I complain about the frustrations of the IVF process, I’d like to have a biological child. That might sound selfish, too and it probably is a little bit, so I won’t make excuses for it. It is what it is. Many women don’t find pregnancy and childbirth to be something they want to experience, of course, whether or not they’d like to be mothers, and to discount their role as a mother to an adoptive child because they weren’t themselves pregnant is the worst kind of biological reductionism… and the process itself isn’t particularly pleasant, so especially for infertile women or NB people or anyone who’d need reproductive help for whatever reason, I certainly wouldn’t fault anyone who looks at weeks of injections and surgical procedures and says you know, I think I’ll pass. Other women might like to give birth to a child, but aren’t able to do so for reasons of physical or mental health. I’m fortunate on that front. I do, to be candid, have anxiety, but it tends to have fairly particular triggers and the process of IVF hasn’t been one beyond the logistics.

For us, the finances actually pushed us toward IVF. We live in a state that requires infertility coverage through employer-provided insurance (a minority in the US- only 15 states have this). I think we’ll still end up paying about $7,000 out of pocket between drug costs and deductibles- a fact that makes me rather jealous of my aggressively fertile friends as one can only hear oh, but we weren’t even really trying! so many times without wanting to put one’s head through a wall- but the cost of going entirely out of pocket would probably be well upward of $25,000. I’ve got a pretty good chance of this working, all things considered. I’m relatively young by infertility standards and our particular issue’s nearly 100% male factor. Assuming the embryos grow well (we’re using a procedure called ICSI- intracytoplasmic sperm injection- which directly injects the sperm into the egg, improving our chances there… again, covered by our insurance) I’ve got about a 50-50 shot with each transferred embryo. 

If I were older, or had health factors of my own where the odds of success were much less… I think we’d have leaned more toward adoption. I know couples who’ve spent a hundred thousand dollars on multiple IVF cycles, only to end in failure every time. That’s hard to fathom. So if this doesn’t work… we’ll see, I suppose.

I hope that sort of answers your question, anon, and I don’t mind at all answering- one of the nice things about this platform is that I can be candid and relatively anonymous at the same time, and as a doctor myself I think there’s a lot of advantage to being able to have open discussions about these kinds of issues!

[morning-star-joy]

HIIII AGAIN LOVELY!!

same anon here as the i can see you/ASHWAH analysis!

first of all thank you for responding!! and i was thinking more about what scenes from ASHWAH are i can see you coded and my god for the line “i can see you up against the wall with me” = the scene in hope’s nursery where he literally traps her against the wall right before tommy walks in?!!!! the scene right before tommy comes by readers house to drop off coffee 👀pls that is so them coded too. ooo and “pass me a note saying meet me tonight” = EVERY TIME JOEL SAYS TONIGHT!! “they keep watchful eyes on us” = dina and maria watching them ever time!! I can’t stop associating this song with them send help!! 😩

oo and when i first read it on ao3 (before i found you on tumblr and the playlist you created) i couldn’t stop thinking about this story and call it what you want. it’s literally my favorite song and it just fits so perfectly it was like magic 💜✨ this made ASHWAH joel my comfort joel 🥹

anyways sorry for all the rambling lol i’m very much in a spiral and doing literary analysis of ashwah and taylor songs instead of working on assignments but love youuuuu can’t wait for more ashwah drabbles!!! 💜

OMG HI AGAIN MY DEAR!!!! I wish I could tell you how absolutely overjoyed your I Can See You/ASHWAH analysis has made me, I am quite literally giggling kicking my feet and I cannot be stopped as long as you're being so incredibly thoughtful and sweet.

And first of all, I cried over you calling ASHWAH Joel your comfort Joel. I don't think I can describe how much that means to me, Joel is such a special character to me and for the way I wrote him to be a comfort to you is far more than a compliment, it's just something that has touched my soul, I am overjoyed, so thank you 💜💜💜

YOU'RE RIGHT!!! About those scenes being ICSY coded, idk why I never associated this song with them before?! Now I can't stop AHHHH!!!! The meet me tonight SCREAMING yes! And oh yeah Dina and Maria KNOW, they've always known haha!!

also UM IM GOING TO SOB because CIWYW is my favorite song of all fucking time!!!! for you to associate that song with them makes me SO HAPPY omgggg, it is a comfort song for me, it means so much so I'm just a very very happy Doni rn because of you, ty ilysm 😭💜😭

[miraculouspaon]

friendly anon here: how is your pregnancy going? are you excited? i'm excited for you! :)

Aww, thanks for asking, that’s so sweet

Pregnancy is going pretty well, all things considered! I finally got cleared to take triptans for migraines, so now those should go back to being more of a “one hour of discomfort” thing and less of a “three days of nonstop agony” thing. Nausea’s back, which is weird and annoying since I’m officially in the second trimester now, but it’s not too bad. Meanwhile, the baby’s doing great! And yes, I’m super excited. We actually had to go through IVF/ICSI to conceive so just getting to this point was quite the journey.

[taylortruther]

Also no way did 19 year old Taylor write ICSY and think she had a shot of actually putting it on Speak Now

That's why it wasn't on speak now anon 😭😭. She did write it, and then scrapped it. That's how making an album works.

not to reopen this can of worms but fr i'm kind of dying for this anon to come back and explain themselves now that people have explained that demos exist and taylor chooses not to release lots of songs for many reasons lmao

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Ok here are my hot vault takes: fearless is generally meh except for Mr. Perfectly Fine. Red, sorry Sarah, but Run is a snooze (red vault overall slaps tho). Speak now is generally quite meh, tho ICSY and foolish one are cute (my most controversial take is that I don’t like timeless). And 1989 is just banger banger banger, don’t think I didn’t see your slut slander anon!!! I shan’t stand for it!

"Run" my poor angel I'll never let them do this to you.

[morning-star-joy]

★ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. It's time to spread positivity ✨

hi doni 💜

MY LOVEEEEEEEEEEE hi 🥺💜 ily I miss you!!!! I am so happy to know you and grateful to have had so many amazing conversations with you, you're the best

[morning-star-joy]

Hiiiii Doni!! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Here’s the little tribute project I worked on for ASHWAH

ASHWAH is literally my comfort fic and I wanted to try and capture that feeling as well as the heart of the story. Hope you like it 💜🫶🏽

Thank you thank you for writing this wonderful story and sharing it with the world!! Love Youuuu

(~your ICSY anon) hehe

OH MY GODDDDDDDDD THIS IS SO STUNNING DJIAFJWEOIFJ!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA this brought tears of joy to my eyes, I'm gonna be grinning all day, all WEEK, this is so beautiful and perfectly captures the warmth of the series, which I'm not surprised about because you just get this story!! thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!

The middle row of pictures with the drink and the moon quote made me emotional af, and top right is one of my fave pics for ASHWAH Joel HOW DID YOU KNOW!?

I'm overwhelmed with happiness that this is your comfort fic, and I hope you know that you making this for me is a huge comfort to me, as are my conversations with you since you revealed you were my ICSY anon hehehe!!!! omw to make this my phone bg💜💜💜💜💜

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Hi Sarah it's excited about Nathan's misfortunes anon here (the man ran both twitter and Ticketmaster at different points he's definitely done some evil I will die on this hill) and lol yes I just got excited because I saw the friendship bracelet on his Twitter last weekend and jumped to conclusions my bad

djfahwjerher.

So we knew that he was going to three shows in L.A. and he disclosed he was at Thursday and Friday's show. Meaning he got "ICSY", "Maroon", "Our Song", and "YAIL".

I believe he is a big fan of "ICSY" (it was his first draft pick in the Speak Now draft episode) and his daughters really wanted "YAIL" so I'm sure he was happy about that as well. He also noted in the most recent Every Single Album episode he is going to closing night which I'm sure is going to be a crazy banana pantaloons show.

SO.

HARRUMPH.