#I've tried multiple times to write stuff for this and it's never quite come out like I want

[waitineedaname]

thought I should collect my vague fma/mp100 thoughts here to make it easier to have them all in one place !

basic plot/character stuff

ed and al are both talented young psychics who got their powers when they were pretty young. ed got his powers around the time their dad (a CRAZY powerful psychic) left, and al got his shortly after their mom died :(

they thought they could use their powers to bring their mom back as a spirit, but it went. very bad. instead, an evil spirit took advantage of them and started fucking Eating Their Life Forces. al freaked out and astral projected out of panic, but his entire body was consumed so now he's. stuck like that. ed managed to exorcise the spirit, but not until after his arm and leg are devoured too

their motivation is to get rid of evil spirits that take advantage of people and hurt them like this, which is what takes them to roy mustang's door

roy mustang is a fake psychic pretending to have pyrokinesis (he just has a flamethrower behind his desk) because I think that's funny. he's running an exorcism business like spirits and such, except he has a larger crew -- mostly his friends he can call up to do odd jobs for him, like fixing the leaky pipes that make noises that make people think their house is haunted or whatever. he's also the only exorcism business that's willing to hire a teenager, so that's how the elrics end up working for him

in addition to mustang's crew of non-psychics, he also has hughes, who is tragically a ghost. there is definitely some tragic back story here that I'm still working on hashing out, but they've kind of come to terms about it now. he still haunts his family, who know he's there, and he agrees to help out mustang with Actual Spirit Issues when the elrics are unavailable

the elrics' quest to deal with manipulative evil spirits leads them to encounter the sins, who are all very powerful evil spirits. one of the first ones they deal with is greed, who they mostly exorcise, but he manages to just barely survive, dimple style. he's looking for ways to bring himself back up to full power

enter: ling yao, recently awakened psychic who is also looking for ways to become more powerful. he keeps over-exerting his psychic powers and exhausting himself, which is how the elrics come across him mostly unconscious. he's very excited to meet another esper, but he makes the mistake of asking why al doesn't possess ed, since he knows that can enhance someone's psychic powers. the elrics are both Very Sensitive about that kind of topic and tell him to fuck Right Off

bad idea, because then he goes and finds a spirit of his own. both he and greed approach their mutually beneficial consensual possession situation for self-serving reasons. both of them look at each other and think "yeah I can definitely manipulate this guy into making me more powerful" [fast forward a couple months to when they've become Extremely attached to each other] oopsies

lan fan is a telepath. ling did not know this, so he tried to act soooo normal about being possessed around her. that didn't work for long, jackass! she got so fucking angry with him when she heard a literal devil on his shoulder, and even though ling stopped her from destroying greed, that evil spirit is on THIN ICE.

scar's family was killed in a psychic terrorist incident (think kimblee if he was part of claw). he's one of those really late bloomer espers -- it wasn't until this traumatic event that his psychic powers awoke, and he hates them because of the link to the event. now he's on his vengeance based quest, going after psychics that abuse their powers

things I'm still working out the details for

mustang was involved in some high profile fuck-up. kind of like separation arc reigen except uhhh people Died. hughes was likely one of those people. no one has enough proof to outright prove he did it, but he is definitely linked to the event, especially because he was a pretty public psychic figure at the time. in reality, it was the fault of the sins, but it's harder to find evidence when it was evil spirits doing it

olivier + the rest of briggs are an anti-psychic terrorism government agency (kinda like joseph) and initially scar is one of their targets, but they end up recruiting him bc they have a common goal

eventually scar starts working at spirits and such (olivier's assignment so he can keep an eye on mustang) but he fucking hates it. oh my god I cannot emphasize how much he hates it. imagine reigen serizawa and mob at spirits and such except none of them can stand each other. that's mustang, scar, and ed having to work together.

mei is also a psychic! she kind of latches onto both scar and alphonse (separately) because she needs some help killing someone. they have very different reactions to this.

the someone she's trying to kill is father, a super powerful psychic who's been orchestrating much of the psychic terrorism, as well as directing the sins. he's like if toichiro had a specialty for spirit wrangling like matsuo

miscellaneous au details

ed and al's auras (and al's spirit form) are mostly gold, ed's leaning more coppery and al's more of a green-gold. ed's kind of has the look of fire crackling around him. ling's aura is a blend of red and purple and has a kind of watercolor/bruise look. it's more vibrant and has more purple when greed is possessing him. mei's is mostly pink with some red.

mob psycho spirits range from completely abstract to mostly humanoid and frequently have multiple forms in between. hughes looks mostly humanoid most of the time, but can go simplified and silly when gushing about his family. al has a more powerful form that looks like the full suit of armor but he doesn't like using it very often, so most of the time he's a long blob that's just kind of armor shaped (like when the armor is simplified for silly moments). greed at full power looked like the ultimate shield, after being weakened he looks more like a dimple-like blob that resembles the face in ling's mindscape. when possessing ling and both of them are using their powers, ling gets lines on his face like on the ultimate shield (like dimple's cheek spots!)

other spirits: pride looks how you'd expect. horrible shadow spirit. envy bodysnatches a lot. wrath has been possessing a politician for Literal Decades. it's no good. I'm not sure about the other sins

people's feelings on possession range from the elrics (Fuck No), to hughes and mustang (if necessary to get a job done), to greedling (they like it like this actually)

the rockbells aren't psychics but they live kinda adjacent to the psychic world bc theyre family friends with the elrics + hohenheim, so they know more than most about psychic powers

[soaps-mohawk]

I'm going to be honest

I'm having a genuinely hard time making this post. I've been fighting with it for a couple weeks now, but I think it's time I finally make it.

I'm not having fun on this blog anymore.

It sounds bad, but honestly, it kind of is.

I think a lot of it started from the very beginning with the precedence and expectations I put on myself. I've always tried to respond to every comment I get. Even from the beginning. It's just a polite thing to do since those who leave comments took the time to write out what they think of my fic, even if it's just a keysmash. I've always felt the need to thank those who leave comments or reblog my writing or (now that tumblr has it) replied to my fics. It worked fine before because none of my fics were particularly popular. Even my most popular fic (at that time) didn't get as much attention as CRCB has. I've never had a "big blog" before, nor a fic as popular as CRCB has gotten.

It was fine at first, responding to everyone, engaging with everyone. I was riding that high of omg so many people are reading and enjoying my fic! I've never had anything quite like this before.

Now...it just feels more like a chore. I set this precedence on this blog that I respond to everyone and I know a lot of people have said that they're surprised I responded to them and to everyone, and now I'm getting why a lot of writers don't. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've just been robotically saying the same thing over and over trying to respond to people now. I used to love seeing asks in my inbox and reblogs and replies but now? All I feel is dread because I have to respond to all of those.

Turning anon off was a big help. It lessened the sheer volume of asks I was getting a day. And while I do feel bad for all of my anons who prefer to stay anons, with everything that happened (the multiple incidents) with anon that kind of started to suck the joy out of everything. That paired with the obsessive need to constantly have my inbox cleared and make sure everyone gets a response...I can understand now too why big blogs will have 200+ asks in their inbox. It's hard and it's exhausting and I'm burning out.

First it was the fic that was burning me out. Things have gone on far longer than I planned and I just wasn't prepared for this fic to go on and for a while there it was dragging. I'll admit that. If I could go back, I'd speed up a few things, but it's done, it's posted there's no going back. I kind of hoped I would have the mental capacity to upload more than once a week too, but I just couldn't. I still can't.

I've come to dread posting chapters because I know I'm going to have to reply and respond to everyone. The only thing keeping me posting is the fact that we're in the part of the story I've been excited about since the beginning and also because I keep leaving everyone on cliffhangers and I love torturing y'all with all of them.

So that being said, this is in no way to shame anyone for interacting with me, anyone leaving comments or replies or sending asks. Don't feel bad about doing it please. I appreciate all of you that have engaged with me and it really means so much to me. Honestly, earlier this year, if I didn't have this fic and everyone on this blog, I might not have made it to now. It's been a really rough year and it's still going to be into next year. It's just getting to the point where I need a break.

I've needed a break for a long time. I thought taking days off the blog would help, and it did for a couple of weeks, but now even on the days I'm supposed to be on the blog and engaging, I just find myself queueing stuff up and just being offline most of the day still.

I'm tired. That's the best reason I can give. I'm tired and burned out on life and I'm tired and burned out on this blog.

So...I think I need a break. I need to not keep responding to every single reply and reblog every chapter. I need to not force myself to answer every ask right away, no matter how much I want to. I feel bad, but I know everyone would rather have me here and enjoying the blog than forcing myself to interact to the point where I'm dreading it and just robotically repeating myself over and over with every reply and answer and comment.

I won't be pausing the fic, I won't be not uploading. I'll still be posting chapters, I just might not be interacting as much as I have been. It's just putting such a mental strain on me still, even with anon off, even with days off. And with things getting busier for me, it's going to be too much to try and deal with irl stuff and write and try to be super active on the blog. There's going to come a point where I have to sacrifice the writing or the blog and I'd rather sacrifice the blog to keep myself sane, and also to keep trying to finally get this fic done. I love this fic, don't get me wrong, but I'm just burning out.

I'm already burned out in a lot of ways.

I was planning kinktober this year but honestly I'm considering not doing it because I know interaction is going to be insane and it's going to be a lot to keep up on. Plus trying to write that many fics is hard and I'm not sure I have the ability to do it. I have a few done but now I'm just like...is that something I want to do on top of irl stuff and CRCB.

There's just no joy in it anymore. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I put the pressure on myself, I held myself to that standard for this long despite the fact I knew it was draining me. I've tried to push through when I should have prioritized myself. I feel so guilty not responding to everyone. I feel so guilty being a day or two late responding to everyone.

I want to be here and interacting and responding to things but I just can't bring myself to anymore. It's no one's fault, and this is not a drag on anyone, or an attempt to make anyone feel bad or guilty for interacting or sending asks or anything. I'm just airing out the truth and saying what I need to say because I feel like I've been so robotic and lifeless with my responses these last couple weeks and I feel like I need to explain why. It's nothing anyone has done. It's my fault. It's 100% my fault.

Things have just gotten to be too much and it's my fault for forcing myself to be so active. The social battery has dropped into the negatives. I'm not a social person. I can only handle so much interaction and I've pushed so far beyond that, that things have gotten to this point. I want to be here and I want to have fun and I want to use this as an escape but I just don't feel that way about it anymore. It's a chore for me, a job, something I feel like I have to do and it's my fault that I feel that way. It's my own standards and expectations I set on myself, and my expectations on what I think my followers want and deserve and now I feel like I've gone on too long like this that I can't change things without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them in favor of others because I know there's writers out there that do that. They only respond to a certain group and ignore others that comment and reblog. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm doing that to them and that's now led me to here.

I'm forcing it and I'm tired.

It's been hard these last few weeks. The life has just been draining and draining continuously. The joy and the love I have for this blog and my followers and the interactions and the fic. The last anon bullshit that happened was just kind of the last nail in the coffin so to speak. The straw that broke the camel's back. Things stopped being fun. It made me feel bad (and not in the guilty way, though that was a part of it) and I'm honestly just over it. I'm over the blog, I'm over interacting, I'm over life at this point. August is a hard month for me and every year it seems to get worse and worse. A lot of it is unrelated to anything online and I was going to make a post about it but honestly I just don't want to. Those that know, know. Those that don't...it doesn't matter.

I'm getting annoyed by the blog, I'm getting annoyed every time I look in my notifications and see an ask or a reply or a comment. I'm getting annoyed by some of my followers and that's not fair to you. Everyone always talks about how nice and kind and patient I am when I'm really not. I'm not the person I present myself to be on this blog, the way I mask myself so I can present myself as being a normal, kind human being. The mask is coming off because I'm so tired I can't keep it up anymore. It's happening here and it's happening in real life. I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm angry at a lot of things and the last thing I want is to start taking it out on my followers. You don't deserve that, especially when it's not your fault, it's nothing any of you have done. It's all me.

It's not you, it's me.

So for the sake of not burning this whole thing to the ground, I'm going to take a break. I'm not replying to everyone, I'm not responding to every reblog, I won't reply to every ask I get right away, if at all because sometimes I just don't have anything to say in response and I need to learn that's okay. It's nothing against you. It's not aimed at anyone specifically, I'm just trying to put myself first and stop things from escalating. I need a break and I'm going to do something selfish and I'm going to take it.

Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Don't apologize because you think you might have contributed to this because you didn't. It is no one's fault but my own.

I'm the one that needs to apologize to all of you because I've just not been myself because I've been forcing myself to be someone I'm not. I've been very unfair to a lot of people over the last seven months that this blog has been active and I've held a precedent that is not sustainable in the long run and made everyone believe that I was capable of maintaining that kind of interaction when I'm not.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been putting everyone through this. I'm sorry I've been so detached and robotic and ingenuine. I'm sorry I led everyone to believe I'm someone I'm not. I'm sorry I've dragged this on this long that it's gotten to the point that I have to make this post.

I considered just disappearing but that wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to put you through that, so I'm pouring all of my thoughts out and making you read through this fucking novel of a post. If you've made it this far, then congrats I guess. Gold metals to you who bothered reading this far.

Anyway, all of that aside, I'll still be posting chapters. I'll have them scheduled and I'll probably come on and add links places to keep things current. I'll respond and reply and answer asks when I feel like it. You don't have to stop sending them, but just don't expect them to be responded to right away anymore. I'll probably still be here reblogging things I want and doing things when I feel like it.

I just need a few weeks to myself. Time I don't have to care about the blog at all and keeping up with it. Anon will remain off for the sake of keeping asshole trolls away, and also so I don't open tumblr and have 200 asks in my inbox after a week. Sorry to my anons but it's just the way it needs to be right now. Maybe once this break is over and I've dealt with irl stuff, I'll consider putting it back on. I just can't after everything I dealt with recently on anon.

It'll be the same on Ao3, for those that follow here and read there. Comments will probably sit for a while. They won't be answered right away anymore unless I get the energy to burn through them. Even then I won't try to answer them all at once like I did this last weekend.

I'll try to reblog something every day so y'all know I'm alright. I don't want y'all to panic and it's not fair to put you through that, especially those that might not see this or bother reading it. Those that follow simply for the fic and nothing else. I'm here, I'm just not...here.

This week's chapter is in the queue to be posted tomorrow as usual. Chapters will still come out as planned since I'm not stopping writing, just taking a break from the blog itself.

Thank you those of you who stuck through to the end here. I appreciate all of you so much. You have no idea. I'm sorry I let things get to this point and I'm sorry to anyone that I've gotten rude or snappy with because I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. I'm sorry to anyone that got a robotic, repeated response to something they were probably excited to share. I'm sorry I've been so unfair to everyone and I hope you can forgive me.

Take care and I'll talk to everyone when I have the energy to.

[mythicmanuscripts]

hello!!! love your blog!!

Could you talk about what intense subdrop is like with Aegon, Aemond, and Jace? like what makes them drop, and what happened/how it went the first time it happened in front of the reader? with lots of soft aftercare? thank you!!!

Of course I can anon! Absolutely. So I definitely have spoken vaguely about subdrop with all of the main three but I don't think I've ever sort of just given overviews of it? So for each of them I'm gonna write a bit about what I think their general triggers for subdrop would be and what they'd need, etc cause then I think we can have a really nice groundwork to discuss some of the stuff further. So let me know if any of these thoughts inspire you! Or you can always apply them to an AU as well.

I'm also happy to share or hear thoughts about other characters for this as well :)) Anyway, there's some non-graphic NSFW content in this answer so if that's not your think then feel free to scroll on by otherwise, enjoy!

AEMOND:

So with Aemond I think he'd only experience subdrop a few months into your relationship, when you've already had sex multiple times and he's already showing his submissive side quite a bit. I think it would only start then because until he reached that level of comfort he always had his walls up?

Even though you were praising him and commanding him and giving him aftercare, he still stayed guarded. Make no mistake, he loved every single moment with you, but despite knowing that his brain still takes longer to catch up to the fact that he's actually allowed to properly let go. As a result, you get lulled into a false sense of security where it seems like the only aftercare Aemond wants is for you to help clean him up and dress him and cuddle a little bit. He was always up and about within an hour after the scene had ended. But this wasn't because he was fully recovered, this was because he had never let himself fall fully into you and so had less to recover from.

It's when you finally does start to do that when this arises. I think the trigger event for him fully lowering all his walls might actually be when you start to indulge him in non-sexual submission? You have him kneel while you read to him, watch him from the bed while he folds your laundry, etc. It's the praise and safety he feels in those moments that allows him to give himself fully later.

He drops hard after the first time he stopped trying to hide. You noticed a difference of course, he was much louder than before, much clingier too. He's just so expressive. Of course you praise him for it, telling him how pretty he looks and sounds like this.

But then the scene is over and you immediately get up to begin drawing a bath for him. When you return with the bucket he's curled up in bed, crying softly to himself.

Needless to say, a much more involved routine is created after that moment. But even with that, subdrop is something he never really grows out of? Doesn't matter how much he loves you and how perfect the aftercare routine is, the bottom line is that he's used to always being on high alert and sometimes he's going to drop when he has to come back from finally giving up that responsibility.

AEGON:

Aegon is another one that just lives to please. Before you he would try to please his mother and father and the whole bloody kingdom, but from the moment he feels the satisfaction of knowing you are pleased with him.... well none of the others matter anymore.

Of course you love that about him, and you always make sure to give him both enough commands and praise. But Aegon's problem is that he doesn't only want to please you, he also wants and arguably needs your attention and time? That's where his conflict comes from. He never ever wants to be a nuisance to you, but despite that desire he still needs to be kissed and held and comforted, and of course he also needs to be dommed.

He tries to balance those two needs but if one must be chosen over the other then he will always choose to serve and please before he chooses the attention. This is a recipe for disaster of course, especially because it forms a very vicious cycle where he needs you more because he's so unsettled because he hasn't pleased you but not having pleased you only makes him need the comfort worse and so it goes.

The solution to this isn't to try and strike a balance between domming him and commanding him, but rather to just stop the cycle completely? There's nothing that turns Aegon's mind off more than when you take over fully and he just does as you say.

Now when you start to see the signs, start to see him looking for things to do with you, hovering over thresholds of doors uncertain if he should come in and spend time with you, then you act. You actually have to be very firm with him, tell him that you're the one in charge so he doesn't get to decide what you do with him. That coupled with staying at his side for a few days sorts him out, at least for a while anyway.

JACAERYS:

His subdrops tend to have one of two main triggers. Firstly, and most obviously, is when he cums and can't do anything else. He gets better at lasting longer and feeling less sensitive afterwards, but there will always be times where his orgasm takes the wind right out of him and he's left unable to do more than just whine and grab your hand. He always feels so guilty, especially at the start when you're still getting used to being able to tell what stimulation will send him over the edge too quick. He feels like a complete failure and that tends to trigger a drop most times, which unfortunately you can't really mitigate the risk of because he's just wired like that.

The only way to comfort him is to promise him that you will let him please you once he's recovered? He won't allow himself to have your comfort until you've told him exactly what he can do to you once he's recovered.

The second trigger is actually something happening outside of your relationship? Jace can't separate those two parts of himself. When he feels he hasn't lived up to his responsibilities as prince then he carries that feeling into the bedroom, and no amount of love and praise can get him out of that headspace. You've tried simply telling him that you won't dom him that night and you can either have vanilla sex or do no more than cuddle but this backfires because he sees it as another rejection.

At first you had no idea how to lower the chances of that trigger for subdrop because you can't change his duties to his mother and the realm and you certainly can't talk him out of scening at all without making it much worse. The only thing that helps is when you give him very detailed instructions for very easy tasks. You watch him closely as he makes the bed or folds the clothes or takes out and repacks the bookshelves, etc. It's always tasks that are very easy but that's the point, the point of the command is so that Jace can do something 100% correctly and receive praise for it.

[azurbright]

So this is my Grumbo, creative writing assignment for my course. My teacher liked it, and I got many compliments from my peers. It's based on another Grumbo short story I made for this class. Generally, though, you should be able to gather what's going on.

I only had 200-300 words per entry, with a 5 entry maximum, so that's why they're so short. For everyone who said they wanted to see it.

@oso-bigback64 @raylaismad @not-a-boot @crispycheeto364 @a-sociopath-do-your-research @endaisgayandtrans @auseryoumayknow @ghost-er-toast-er

Blog entry number 1: Day one

Many months ago I began my search for the key to immortality. Although I have yet to find it, I am sure that I am going to get there soon. Nobody has done what I have been able to do, technological advances have not come as far as this yet. Today, a boy fell from the sky, he claims his name is Grian, he has yet to indulge me in where he has come from but I will inform once I become aware. As of now I have brought him back to my lab and we’ve begun testing. He doesn’t seem to feel any pain at all once so ever. He claims not to be immortal but something does seem off. Only time will tell. We got along easy, I don’t mind having the company around, he's a bit of a pessimist but I can make it work. Later today I plan on taking him out to town, he says he hasn’t had a meal in days which simply just can’t be good for him. Now, however, I am in my office whilst he naps on my couch, writing this entry here. The testing went well, his blood and hair samples are currently in the lab, I am awaiting results. What I do know now though is he seems to be sprouting these sort of purple feathers along his back. When I asked him about them he didn't know. Will do more research on those.

Blog entry number 2: Day fourteen

Today, I have a lot to say. I have made a technological breakthrough. The feathers were the answer, the stem of these feathers that come from him hold a sort of liquid, the chemical compound is something that I have never seen before. It's simply extraordinary. Grian has opened up to me more, he's talked about the sort of tortures the Watchers put him through. When I asked him what a Watchet was he also wasn’t quite sure. They claim to be gods, but he believes that they are something so much worse. I have tried to find books and papers about them but they seem to be mostly mythological creatures that random people have written about. Grian looked over the books with me but he doesn’t think most of the information is correct. I've claimed him as my patient, and I believe he has claimed me as a sort of patient as well. He refuses to sleep unless I do. I believe it's just the kindness he carries with him, he's less pessimistic than I had originally gathered but he had just fallen from the sky after being held captive for an unknown amount of time. All that being said, he continues to stay in the lab seeing as he doesnt have any family, or doesn’t remember. He doesn’t even necessarily think he's from this world. Which, opens up the idea of multiple dimensions, exciting stuff for a man like me really. Once again I will report back soon with more information.

Blog entry number 3: Day thirty

Something strange has started to happen, perhaps it's due to the stress but Grian seems to be strangely concerned about it. The fronts of my hair have begun to grey out, nothing too serious, I feel perfectly fine. It's probably because I’ve been working too hard. On another note, I think I’ve figured it out. Grians DNA from the feathers mixed with the chemical compounds of CH4 and CHN2OPS, must be injected through the skin directly into the vein. I believe it is possible I have found it. A test subject is all I really need, I’ve sent Grian out to find and catch rats to test on. He's found one, and it hasn’t died yet. Thinking about it now, I don’t know why I made immortal rats. Ignoring work, Grian and I have been getting closer, I think we must be connected somehow. For someone like me, a scientist that is, it is surprising for many to hear that I believe in a predetermined destiny, and that destiny has brought Grian to me for quite a few reasons I don’t think I’m ready to disclose yet. Not to him, or whoever is reading this blog here. Besides, I need to do more research and distractions aren’t necessary.

Blog entry number 4: Day sixty

I’m starting to fear that the greying isn’t normal. It has spread from the beginnings of my hair to the very roots and all over. I feel older somehow, my bones feel lighter? Grian says he does not truly believe I am okay and has begged me many times to stop my work. But how can I stop now? When I have already come this far? I know the immortality shot works and I can just give it to myself, the first human test subject. He says he's worried about me, about what will happen. He claims that the Watchers are punishing him, through me. Although, I’m not sure why they would do that because I haven’t even known him for long but maybe it ties back into the whole fate thing. I am a little bit worried about how this is all affecting Grian, especially because he hasn’t been talking much, I’m sure he's just feeling a bit under the weather. Right? Today though, I think something happened between us. I'm not an experienced person but there was a moment where everything felt okay, we were just sitting together, me on my stool, and him in his small chair in the corner. He's found a way underneath my skin. I’d be lying if I said I want him to leave. I have thoroughly enjoyed his company more than I’ve ever enjoyed someone else's company. I'd usually consider myself a loner but I don’t want to be alone again. I think he feels similarly, I think that's why he's so worried about the greying. I don’t know.

Blog entry number 5: Day eighty-seven

I was supposed to die today. I should’ve listened to him, I really should have. Science isn't meant to mess with the laws of nature. People die and I've passed my prime in a short time. As of a few minutes ago my body was roughly around the age of seventy-five or so. Grian is gone now, he traded his life for mine. I can’t even thank him. He came here just to bid me goodbye, and through the crack in the door I caught sight of the Watcher, it was beautiful in a sick kind of way. I'm young again, I’ll die one day but not now. For the rest of my life I’ll be mourning somebody who fell out of the sky, and anybody could hardly believe me. All I can keep thinking is about how I shouldn’t have done this, I was so insistent, and wrong, and right at the same time. I did figure it out but the cost was what mattered. I’m back to being alone, I caught a glimpse of my appearance in the mirror. My hair is back to dark, it doesn’t feel real. Even running my fingers through the thick hairs on my head. I’m stressed, I want to forget this all. Every last second.

[doyouknowbtsswag]

Hiii, hruuuu i loved your chishiya fic and wanted to request a chishiya imagine/oneshot where he tries to fluster YOU but it backfires and he gets flustered and embarrased and shy (unnecessary detail but the reader is also rlly quiet and is good at manipulating and stuff like that)

Also, no rush, hope ur gonna write this and hope your doing well, eating,drinking and sleeping well, love youuu byeee<33

Playboy |Chishiya|

I am so sorry it’s been so long since this was requested hopefully you like it😭

The sound of loud party music and people messing around could be heard miles away. The people around me to hyper for their own good and the alcohol they were drinking wasn't helping. I awkwardly sat on one of the sun chairs annoyed at the current outfit I was wearing if it counts as one. The stupid bikini I had to wear that showed off almost everything on my body. I saw a guy coming over near the group of people in front of me ready to attack them with water. I quickly got up from the chair and wandered around to find somewhere water-free which was inside. I cringed walking past the bar filled with people drunk out of their minds and doing the most vulgar things that belonged in private. I walked faster through the halls not wanting to take the risk of bumping into Niragi. I internally gagged at the thought of him in general. I stayed by myself the whole time I've been in borderland not wanting to cling to someone and then lose them. I opted on going up to the roof knowing no one would party up there. The breeze countered the stuffy feeling downstairs. The smell of alcohol and smoke leaving my nose and having a fresh smell. I leaned against the railing looking out to the sea. I smiled thinking about what my life will be like after Borderland and I don't intend on dying anytime soon.

I play the game as if it was Chess. I collect my allies as if they're my pawns once I don't need them I knock them off the board. The day I ended up here was bittersweet. I need a reliable pawn so I can make my way up to one day get rid of the people in my way to beat the game and one of the people who are in my way so far is that bastard Niragi and the militants who are nothing but assholes. Once that happens I'll get them in my clutch and knock them off my board and make sure they shatter. I groaned in annoyance hearing the door open thinking two people were up here to hook up.

"I didn't see you come up here," a girl said as I glanced over my shoulder.

"I've been up here" I shrugged in an unbothered tone. "It's a nice spot" I turned around to see who it was.

"I can't blame you," the familiar face said. I've seen her multiple times and played a game or two with her.

Perfect pawn

"What's your name again? We've played quite a few games together It's funny we've never exchanged names" I gave a fake smile.

"Kuina"

"Oh, I've never seen him before," I said casually nodding to the mysterious guy.

"Chishiya," He said giving an unbothered grin.

Another pawn

"Nice to meet you," I said a little pissed at his perfect grin that matched his face perfectly.

I walked a bit closer so I wasn't so far from the pair but I stood at a comfortable distance from them. However, the blonde seemed amused by the interaction.

"So what brings you up here?" I asked watching and listening to them carefully.

"Why should we tell you?" Chishiya said with his hands in his pockets.

He's confident

"Just wondering since I'm planning on staying up here" I crossed my arms.

"You will eventually so don't worry about it"

Stop with the smug smile

"Maybe I will or maybe I won't" I shrugged.

"So Y/n how've you been?" Kuina asked derailing the topic.

"I've been fine just hanging around" I shrugged. "Not much to do"

"Your right about that"

"Not much of a party girl huh?" The blonde piped in as if he wanted to piss me off.

"Not really I'm not interested in getting wasted when I have to play games to survive wouldn't be smart would it?"

"Your right about that" He moved his head to the side chuckling. "You just look like a party girl"

"Oh really?" I uncrossed my arms. "How so?"

"Your swimsuit and the way you have your hair"

Is he trying to flirt with me or catch me off guard?

"So we're going by looks"

"Maybe," He said confidently.

I walked closer to him till we were shoulder to shoulder.

"Then I guess you look like a playboy" I whispered in his ear. "Thanks for the compliment earlier by the way”

I didn't have to look at his face to see his cheeks tinted red. The way his body tensed up told me I won the silent confidence battle.

"I'll leave you two to talk about whatever you need to talk about" I walked to the roof door to get back down. I waved goodbye seeing Kuina's confused look and Chishiya's mouth wide open. "Oh and don't die" I winked and grinned walking downstairs.

[lemonandlime22]

Yandere sibling!Dorm Leaders

Pt 1 Riddle Rosehearts (older sibling!reader)

Warning(s): cussing, yandere shit, unhealthy behavior, this shits only good for fiction irl this is no fuckin good obv

Word Count: 1k

A/N: I've been reading a lot of yandere stuff lately and I've been wanting to try it out too. Any constructive criticism would be very much appreciated, cause this is my first my writing any yandere type stuff. Also, tysm to @lorkai for the inspo help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Riddle Rosehearts

When the two of you were young, you were always the one to comfort him after any unwarranted punishments, and were often blamed for his mistakes by your mother. You'd be lying if you said that you were never bitter or jealous about this miss treatment, but you pushed it down in favor of the relief that your baby brother didn't have to be put through what you did.

You found out about Trey and Chenya long before you mother did. Riddle cried and begged you not to tell your mother, to which you assured him that you would keep his secret no matter what. At the time, you believed this was a sign that he wouldn't turn out like your mother and in your excitement and relief you shared all of the secrets you had hid for years even giving him some pointers on where to hide things and convincing lies to tell. You thought these would have been an amazing bounding moments for the both of you to cherish.

But then Riddle was caught... You tried to convince your mother that it was your idea, you introduced the boys, you helped hide it for do long (which was only partly un true) but it only worked to give you a worse punishment then him.

After this incident, he started to turn into a miniature version of your mother, with the love of absorbed rules and anger issues. This of course drove quite the wedge in your relationship. As you got older your formulated somewhat of a plan, you would focus on your studies as much as possible, then try and get into a prestigious boarding school, and while there save as much money as you can so once you graduated you don't have to go back and can start a life far away from your mother and her control.

Now, Riddle had always admired you for your intelligence and bravery to stand up to your mother, whether for him or yourself, and he wanted to protect you just as you had always protected him. As Riddle grew older that strong admiration for you and want to protect you, and mixed with his belief of rules being of utmost importance, it grew into something nasty as time went on.

Riddle had heard you mention your plan when he walked past your room while you were on the phone with a friend. Once he knew you were up to something he was determined to find out what it was. After a few days of eavesdropping on your conversations, he was able to put together enough pieces of information to understand what you were doing. To say he was distraught would be an understatement, but he quickly composed himself in favor of making a plan to keep you here. With him. Your precious baby brother.

He played the waiting game for his plan to work perfectly, he waited right unit just weeks before your scheduled leave for school. That evening he knocked on his mother's study door,

"Who is it?" His mother asked through the door, in her ever-cold and rigged tone.

"It is Riddle, Mother. I have some things I must inform you of." Riddle replied, his heart racing in his chest as he awaited her response. Deep down he knew exactly that what he was about to do was horridly wrong, but he had assured himself multiple times that it was for your own good. But what made his heart pound so hard in panic was the thought that you would hate him for this. That you would refuse to speak to him, look at him, or even be near him. The mere thought made him feel like he was going to fall to his knees in tears right then and there. He couldn't live without the love and care that you had always given-

"Alright, come in." After what felt like an eternity, his mother responded, stopping him from spiraling deeper into his thoughts. He took a deep breath, pushing away his worries down as he opened the door.

'They'll understand, this is for their own good...'

Riddle's heart squeezed in pain and sympathy as he stood next to his mother while she yelled at you. But he couldn't help but feel just a twinge of satisfaction at the thought of the betrayal you must feel, that your own brother told every one of your secrets that you told him all those years ago and just maybe a little more for good measure. He wanted you to know the pain he felt when he found out you were going to leave him.

From then on, you weren't allowed to damn near anything, at least not alone, and that included school. She didn't allow you to go to any boarding school and she personally oversaw the rest of your schooling. You weren't even allowed to leave the house alone, which was something that took years of goodwill and trust to earn from your mother.

After that, you were far more distant from your brother, which eventually turned into coldness. Anytime he entered a room, you would leave it, if he tried to talk to you, you would either walk away or glare at him. All of Riddle's fears had come true, you hate him. He couldn't help but sob to himself in his room after you had glared at him for the first time. After almost an hour of sobbing into his pillow, he managed to calm himself down with a technique you taught him years ago, how ironic., he tried to think of this logically, you were a teenager, teenagers are notorious for overreacting because of hormones, yeah.. that must be it... you would get over this soon... he's sure of it...

Riddle would later learn to understand you more, after a certain redheaded freshman challenges him for Houseworden. He would understand why you did the things you did, and how big of a mistake he had made. He'd do anything to make up for it and keep you by his side...

Anything...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[rose-tea-and-strawberries]

The way you write Deuce is just, *chef's kiss* i love it. it absolutely lives in my head rent-free.

So much so that i saw this tiktok of a pigeon sprinting with a leaf to gently put it on top of his mate sitting in her nest, and my first thought was, 'that's them. That's Deuce/MC. 💕💕'

Here's the video but i understand if you're hesistant to click on random links. I do hope you have a nice day btw ^ ^)

(https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8DbBeDw/)

AAAHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!

No but seriously Deuce 'his gaze softened' Spade is so loving and deserves so much love like I literally can't even explain.

First of all, that video is everything and it’s so Deuce coded I can’t even. Another animal couple I see would be this:

But, don't get me wrong, I would just like to go on the record and say that I've been watching a lot of dog videos and Deuce is 100% a dog: he's sweet, loyal, supportive, loving, protective - the complete package (though his eyes are much cuter). Just saying that he (and Jack) would be at the top of Crewel's list for approved boyfriends.

I mean as deranged as I am for him, I swear I can quit any time (I say as I stuff my shaking hands into my pockets and send multiple pictures of him flying out of my pocket)

He’s a perfect gentleman despite not being raised as one - and no I don’t mean in the literal sense, actual queen Mama Spade definitely raised her son to be chivalrous and kind and respectful to everyone. I mean he wasn’t raised to be a quintessential refined nobleman like Riddle or Malleus or Vil. He’s the only son of a single mother and as far as we know only his maternal grandmother is around (we don’t know if his father left or is dead but I subscribe to the headcanon that he was a jerk that left when Deuce’s mum was pregnant) so he’s never had an older male relative to look up to. Yet he still has all the traits that you’d see in Austen male leads - he's serious and straightforward, sort of soft spoken, he'll restrain his emotions, he's gentle (at most times), he canonically loves sappy romances, he’s got a strong moral compass and he has this sort of soft touch-starved vibe that I can't really explain.

But he's this sweet, considerate wholesome guy who gives it his all in everything despite his background and personality of an adrenaline-fuelled teenage boy. And he's very realistically (and very endearingly) a teenage boy: he's a troublemaker, he's rough around the edges, he makes mistakes even when his heart is in the right place, there are times where he can be slow on the uptake, he's aggressive, he thinks more with his fists and instincts and feelings than with his head, he's emotional and will lash out if he sees injustice, he's not afraid to use dirty tactics, he was literally in a gang, he's impulsive and reckless and literally itching for a fight. But he’s still as much of a man of honour as Mr Darcy or Captain Wentworth. And e's so loving and he's so sincere and he tries so hard I just-

(I want to kiss him on the mouth)

I just think it's really sweet that the same guy who could violently beat up like five guys bigger than him without a thought would instantly turn into a blushing puddle if you so much as held his hand and follow you around with a wide eyed awestruck look like a lost puppy or baby duckling.

I love to say that the reader is his salvation, his angel, his light and it comes from his inner shame at his past. Yes, he's bettering himself to atone for all the hurt his mother went through but he also really wants to prove to be someone worthy of being at your side. You're his apricity and he loves you more than anything.

He’s very sword and shield coded (though, I’d say he’s less of a shield and more of a sword - Jack seems to fit the shield motif more to me). He's very honour bound and duty driven and he gives me the vibes of those loyal knights you get in period stories.

And I guess that's what appeals to me. Bad boys are literally my least favourite trope in modern fiction and I get irked at practically every broody, angsty 'I hate the world' male love interest I come across (usually because the good boy second ml is so much better but my sister says that red flags are much more interesting than boring green flags so...). But Deuce, my man, my deuce box. He's a (former) bad boy that ticks all of the green flag boxes. He's not a bad boy with a hidden soft side, he's a soft boy with a (not-so-hidden) bad side.

He's not rude and snarky, he's kind and respectful. He doesn't have a problem with authority or hate his parents, one of his main character traits is his healthy love for his mother and he has a high opinion of his upperclassmen and the adults around him and he takes his studies seriously even when he's not good at them. He doesn't hide behind an arrogant facade, he's genuine and sincere to everyone he meets. Yes, he has an innate attraction for violence but instead of acting on it, he spends his time sating his love for adrenaline by speeding along on his magical wheel and joining the most athletic club in the school. He wouldn't tease you for your interests, you could spend hours babbling about your rock collection and he'd be completely rapt.

He's like the perfect dichotomy of the bad boy trope and the wholesome cinnamon roll good boy trope. Like one second he and you are engaged in the 'no you're cuter' or 'no you hang up' cycle on the phone and the next second your arms are wrapped around his torso and your wearing his leather jacket as he does the akira slide on his magical wheel.

Anyway I could go on for ages but instead have Deuce Vibes tumblr text post:

(Censored by moi)

P.S. I’ve been watching a lot of Ace edits and like 😳🥰 that boy ❤️ People make so many jokes about Malleus not getting invited to the meeting where the Disney executives explain twst is not an otome game but like Ace got the invitation and glanced at it for 0.345 seconds before ripping it into shreds, tossing the pieces into a blender, throwing the blender into a fire and then nuking the fireplace.

[yunjardi]

where the hell is jardi???

tw: self h*rm, su*cide, a bit of graphic description/imagery, things of that nature. by all means, you don't have to read this; i just wanted to be open about why i've been away from writing for nearly a year now

get ready because it's an absolute yap fest

hello, my lovelies

i feel kinda scared to post something like this because i never want to worry anyone or bring the mood down, but i feel like i need to open up in order to fully be able to come back to writing.

this is stuff that i've been struggling with since i was quite young (probably about 10), so i tend to downplay it because i always tell myself that i need to "get over it" or "just be strong" or that i'm pinning these emotions onto myself.

but this past year and a half, it's been a steady decline.

i swore to myself that i would reach out for help if i needed it, but i just couldn't find it in me to do it. i felt weak, pathetic, and scared. i didn't want anyone to see me the way that i see myself. i continued to act normal in order to mask all the negative emotions that i was experiencing, but that only made things more difficult.

it was at that point that i started to hurt myself again after so long.

"what's one cut gonna do?" is what i remember asking myself when i let the blade sink into me.

i felt disappointed at myself for a split second before i felt the "bliss" of emotions being let out as i let myself bleed. i began to remember why i used to do it but simultaneously began to wonder why i stopped in the first place when it felt so relieving.

after that, hurting myself became a regular thought in my head, something that i craved almost. i could feel myself slipping away with every cut i made on my body, but i kept fooling myself into thinking that it would make me feel better. at the back of my mind, i knew it was a temporary solution, but i just couldn't stop.

i felt like i let the few people in my life who care about me down even though they had no idea for the longest time that i had let myself slip back into that horrible habit of that i was struggling in the first place.

i couldn't get my thoughts to stop. i felt like i was being eaten alive by my own brain. i wanted so badly to feel okay again- i didn't even need to feel 'good,' i just wanted to feel okay even if it was just for a short moment.

but i truly saw no end to the war zone that my mind became, and i thought that the only way i could control it is to seize it from being able to happen again.

i remember so vividly how my body felt once i downed an unknown amount of pills: like i was about to reach freedom. i felt a numbness inside me that's indescribable.

i ended up passing out and waking up in a puddle of sweat, still in my bed where i had taken the pills in the first place.

i remember sobbing into my pillow about the fact that i had failed at taking my own life for the fourth time.

feelings of worthlessness turned into anger, and anger turned to numbness. i felt like a shell of myself again, and it was killing me. at that point, i didn't want to feel anything anymore.

just days after the most recent attempt, i tried again.

i couldn't even feel myself swallowing the pills at this point; i had gotten used to the feeling. i passed out again, but when i woke up i was sweating, lightheaded, vomiting, i couldn't stand on my own, i could barely move at all. i was in this condition for days after my attempt, and it only made me feel worse.

i knew that i deserved every bit of pain that i went through because i did it to myself and i'm the only one to blame, but i desperately wanted a way out.

i unfortunately turned back to hurting myself again because i thought that was the only way.

one cut turned into multiple, and i felt pathetic all over again.

i was ashamed of what i let myself become, and i was even more ashamed of the fact that i couldn't even bring myself to ask for help when i so desperately needed it.

i feel relieved having written this, and i can say that i'm beginning to feel a bit better.

yes, i unfortunately still find myself experiencing urges to hurt myself, but i'm getting better at coping and distracting myself. if on the off chance i end up giving in to my urges, i learned to forgive myself, reminding myself that setbacks happen and it isn't the end of the world. i'm navigating through this slowly but surely, and that's all that matters.

if any one of you are experiencing anything like this, please don't be afraid to message me or ask for help. please don't feel like you need to go through this alone.

and for the people who actually read all of this, thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart for taking time out of your day to listen. i love you and i mean that wholeheartedly.

and those of you who've been here since the beginning, i love you too. thank you for sticking with me through everything despite the fact that i haven't posted in ages. it makes me smile knowing that you all are still here.

just in case no one has told you today: you're doing great, and i'm proud of you. <3

love u,

-jardi

[fitzrove]

Shamelessly stolen from seeing it on someone else's blog... Create a fanfic tropes tier list

Here's mine:

Some thoughts under the cut xD

All of these come with the caveat that it has to be well-written, basically. The older I get the less patience I have for stuff that's low-effort or just not to my taste hshhd. However, I see the tiers as something where I can pretty easily be convinced to read fic with tier S tropes, whereas getting me to enjoy a tier D fic would be difficult... Anyway, comments on individual tropes:

pwp - The best kind is where it's unapologetic kinky sex but a somewhat plausible scenario that's deeply in-character (or at least tries to be) >:))

a/b/o - This is a very very mixed bag for me... Contrary to what many people say, I don't actually enjoy plotty longfics (or the idea of reading longfics) talking about the societal aspects/worldbuilding implications of it. Also, the more focus there is on um... animal traits.... the less into it I am HFDHFHHJ. BUT I've sometimes liked the work of mandarin language todolf oneshot fanfic writers on ao3... I have no idea what the fuck is going on half of the time because google translate is imperfect, but those sure are some Fics with Stuff Happening in them xDD my favourite ones are rudolf x stephanie ones though because they're pretty much the only rudolf x stephanie femdom fics out there.........

soulmate au - I know this is super controversial for how it portrays relationships, but I actually find it okay :D When I read them I always interpret it as taking place in a much more deterministic world than our own... and I actually think that pure angst fics about the premise are rather interesting too. But I do think it has to be done quite well to work!

Royalty au - I'm such a whore about historical research so this has the potential to really irritate me xDD And for my current main fandom activities it's redundant... But idk, it's fine I think.

Fluff - This is one I've changed my mind on quite a bit over the years, namely in terms of actually kind of disliking pure fluff nowadays. I really prefer hurt/comfort and other fics where there are some stakes at play, or fics where the "fluff" is actually straight up emotional abuse HSDHDSHDHFSH (it's ok you can say todolf<33). It's just a lot more exciting to have setup + payoff vs pure fluff. I don't really experience the urge to read fluff fic as a response to the original media being emotionally charged/sad, I want fix-it fics to start from the standpoint of that negative emotion and have ups and downs before getting to the happy ending!

Crossover - hate crossovers where characters from multiple unrelated media interact, do sometimes enjoy crossovers where characters from y are in the universe of x (or experience a phenomenon from x). I mean, I've written a tdv au ahshshsh so I can't complain too much xD

Pregnancy fic, baby fic - no. This is a very hard if not impossible sell for me. I've written a longfic where the main characters have kids during it, but I never focused on the pregnancy and baby parts per se. I just don't like it haha

High school au, fairytale au, college au, coffee shop au, amnesia fic - I do NOT understand the appeal of any of these lmao

Humor, crack fic - Has to be done really well to work and most of the time it just doesn't for me ajdjjsjd. Humor is so personal and individual, and a conscious attempt to be funny as the main point of a fic falls flat so easily...... I like witty writing, but crack fic per se doesn't work for me unless it's crack treaten extremely seriously (implausible tropes and scenarios can be fun!! Buuut I do have pretty high standards for suspension of disbelief hshsdjdj. So it needs a lot of work put into it basically)

[theoxenfree]

cort!! hope you've been doing well <3

this is really random but i remember you posted somewhere on your old blog you were reading this thing between us by gus moreno and i just finished it recently and was wondering about your thoughts!

finally answering this, sen! literally just finished the book after slamming it out in like a day.

first and foremost:

overall rating ⭐⭐⭐.5/5

fucked up rating 💀💀💀.8/5

MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS

overall, I think it was an interesting read and a fascinating take on the whole "possession" trope while integrating the inescapability of technology, grief, and struggles with cultural identity. those themes came thru consistently and potently throughout the entire story and I'm glad for that.

interestingly, I'm actually really delighted to have a protagonist like Thiago bc he never really grows from his experiences—only dissolves deeper into his grief and struggles, still blames himself, and I think his story was really the exploration of the opposite side of grief. usually, we read novels where the protagonists overcome their grief or, at the very least, learn to accept their lives as they were by the end—thiago just sort of continually spirals throughout the entire thing and sort of relents to the fact that he's going to die no matter what he does

I don't have a lot to say in regards to the cultural identity stuff bc it isn't something I can relate to on any level—but, moreno made sure this was a pretty significant focal point throughout the story, albeit quite spotty, and other reviewers don't seem pleased with the route he went with it.

I've read some people think moreno just spent a whole lot of time trashing mexican culture than anything else, but I do think that his idea was to write about a character who came from a "hard" background, who grew up knowing nothing besides that, and never really was given the opportunity to fully escape that. sure, vera is there, and he loves her, but I feel like a big point moreno tried to make was not only the significance of having vera come from a "easy" background (both parents, never having to struggle), but to have them culturally similar to sort of... idk really drive home that Thiago holds some sort of internal resentment towards her for that, and that he could never view himself as anything other than less than.

I could be completely wrong, but that's just sort of how I ended up interpreting it. some reviewers definitely didn't approach it critically, but even tho it was done poorly in some places, moreno really tried to give the cultural identity stuff complexity and I can respect the attempt there.

uhhhh

man, I am too tired to try to theorize about what the fuck was happening half of the time in the novel, but I do think: 1) this was more than a demon, but an interdimensional entity trying to make itself "real". 2) why it was trapped in a itza I have no fucking clue 3) probably the scenes of the beach and the table were easily the creepiest scenes in the book

it's fascinating bc Thiago does a pretty good job doing everything "right". he resists. he avoids. he runs. he destroyed the itza. tried to destroy the wall. tried to do the rituals that diane suggested. he's a lot more mentally robust of a character than he was aware of it and it took MULTIPLE deaths and possessions to finally get him to fully surrender; whereas he spent the entire novel believing that he was the weak one compared to vera.

one thing I'm thinking about is that this is technically a psychological horror—there are numerous times throughout the story where reality shifts, you're not sure of your head or your ass, and what the hell is going on. I think that's partially bc moreno may not be too familiar writing those sorts of things, bc I was confused more times than not BUT

in the beginning when thiago first met the cook at that diner, he drank the milkshake and it seemed to me that the diner actually existed. just like the possessions of brimley and jacobson actually existed, but, like, idk it makes me wonder how much was actually hallucinated vs real idk

gore was plentiful, somewhat gratuitous, but not really detailed enough to make me squeamish so it's whatever. tho, not-brimley's zipper mouth of teeth and Jacobson's eel eyes definitely put unique images in my head that are gonna hang around for a while. I really digged how moreno described the cook's real body bc as being fibrous, viscous, like some sort of bug covered in something—i think. it sounds and feels like it'd be gross and unnatural.

moreno's descriptive language was quite good imo. his imagery never really fell flat and he had this way of creating very specific, saturated images in your head that I really respect and is probably one of the biggest things I took away from his writing style. that imagery definitely did most of the heavy lifting for the story bc w/o it, the writing would've kinda just... a pissed off, grieving man whining the entire time.

one thing I did find jarring was how direct he could be with some details e.g. the scene where Jacobson throws Thiago into the grave and, like, hits him with the shovel and basically scalps him—it's so point blank that I'm like ?????

like, cool. I get it, but ???????

as a writer, I understand not everything deserves a paragraph of description to make it effective, but some elements could've been expanded imo

hands on hips

the ending was pretty bleak and it was meant to be bc this is, ultimately, a man who's been chased down to the point of being physically, emotionally, and psychologically exhausted and has completely surrendered by the end with a dim smolder left to fuck with cook just as a final 🖕🏻. fitting.

I felt pretty neutral about it tbh. not particularly impressed. not really able to say it was awful. it was kinda just "eh, that works, I guess. nebulous as hell, but whatever"

and, yeah!!! it was an okay book that was pretty easy to read and shred thru. not really making any of my lists for outstanding literature, but worth the time if you wanna read something sort of gory, highly atmospheric

what are your thoughts?????

[midnightstargazer]

I'm curious about💧&🌈 from the weather ask game

💧Rain - What's the most emotional scene you've ever written?

The scene from the last chapter of To the Dark Lord where Regulus drinks the potion in the cave.

It comes after an entire ~40K words of him growing increasingly disillusioned, struggling with a guilty conscience, and eventually snapping - but even at that point, he's still oddly naive, or maybe just not being entirely honest with himself. When he drinks the potion, he's confronted with the harsh reality of the horrible things he's done, all at once. And it really sort of breaks him, but also gives him a sort of clarity he didn't have before.

And then, when the Inferi are dragging him under, when he's just moments from dying, he realizes that's not what he wanted at all. In this interpretation, he went to the cave intending to die there - but as he's drowning, he regrets it, and wants so badly to live.

This is a canon compliant fic. He dies just after. 😭

I've written fics that involve Regulus drinking the potion multiple times since then. I've never gone this in depth with it, in terms of what the actual experience of drinking it would be like and trying to convey the emotions he's feeling. I don't think I could do it again, because it absolutely broke my heart to write.

🌈 Rainbow - What do you think makes your story unique / stand out?

I've written quite a few, but one thing I hope I've managed that applies to most of them is complex morality. The characters I write about the most are not straightforwardly good or bad people - I like morally gray characters, I like trying to see things from the POV of characters that aren't the heroes, I like redemption arcs, and I like situations that bring out a different side to someone than what you'd expect.

Just a few examples:

In I Hope You're Happy, Mary Macdonald chooses not to join the Order when her friends do. It's not a very heroic decision, is it? But on the other hand, she knows that she would be a liability and that "all my friends are doing it" isn't the right reason - there's a conversation between her and Peter Pettigrew where I tried to imply that maybe they're in a similar place, and maybe he would've done better to make the choice she did.

What Is Right and What Is Easy is Marietta-centric, also featuring a few of the Lightning Era Slytherins. None of them are good people, they all made stupid mistakes and did things that were selfish, cowardly, or even cruel. But they're also young adults trying to move on from the bad choices they made as teenagers.

In A Little Bird Told Me, Regulus was, until the end of the first war, a loyal Death Eater. But he's softened a lot since then, and when Voldemort comes back, his first priority is to protect his family - which by this point consists mainly of people who are better off without Voldemort. He's probably the most heroic version of Regulus I've ever written, but also the darkest - it gets really complicated, because at what point does doing the right thing in the present outweigh actions in the past that can never be undone?

I like writing stuff like this where the morality is not clear black-and-white, and the POV character is not necessarily a good person. And I think that's one of the things that stands out in a majority of my fics.

WIP Weather Ask Game

[chericherixo]

hey could you make a Draco fic where he's arranged to be married to Astoria or someone by his parents, but he's always liked y/n? And maybe Astoria actually likes Draco but he's never really liked her romantically?

Thank you!!!

(I don't know how you feel about Draco personally but he's still one of my favs because I grew too attached <3 also wouldn't be upset if this turned to smut hehehedfhdajhfjfsf).

I love this!! Draco is still in my top three and I'll never get over him after 2020 :)) So, after writing and brainstorming a little bit, I've decided to do multiple parts so I can flesh out the story a bit more. This first one is a little angsty but it'll get better soon.

-------------------

She's Yours, You're Mine part one [angst]

Draco x Fem!Reader

Draco is arranged to marry Astoria, but all he's ever wanted is you.

Words: 886 Contains: blood status shaming, slight unrequited love, longing, sad, depression, mentions of not eating

Notes: all characters are 18+, reader's house is not specified yet.

The wind whipped the snow outside harshly, hitting the library window before blowing a different direction. Draco attempted to trace them with his eyes, but they were gone too quickly. He had no reaction though, just a blank stare out into the cold.

Everything had felt cold recently. His manor: cold. The library: cold. His parents: cold. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time something felt comforting to him, the only warmth coming from his coffee mug which seemed to have cooled slightly as well.

In a few months, Draco would be married off to Astoria Greengrass, someone he'd known since childhood. He cared for her, of course, but he saw her as a sister more than anything. The hardest part came whenever he saw how Astoria would light up when she saw him; how he quickly became her object of affection and love. It made him sick, knowing that deep inside, he'd never feel the same way she felt.

He had eyes on someone else. You. You'd walk by in your perfectly matching outfits, or the skirt you wore sometimes that would have a wrinkle you'd try to brush out during the course of the day. He'd take note of the way you styled your hair on different days, how your mood changed with the grades you got, and how you'd spend countless hours in the library, late at night, trying to catch up or study for a test the next day. He noticed it all.

The most infuriating thing was whenever you had a new boyfriend. He knew what they wanted from you, and could only hope you saw that too. He watched as you cycled through each one, your normal cheerful appearance only faltering slightly the day after, then you were back to normal.

He'd only spoken to you a handful of times, mostly during class. They all came off as rude interactions, where he teased you or made a comment about your boy of the week. He felt extremely guilty when he'd see your demeanor change after a conversation with him, and he'd quietly find an empty hallway to cry in. He was a mess.

"You alright mate?" Blaise asked, tapping him on his shoulder, snapping him out of his trance. He glanced at the grandfather clock behind Blaise and realized he'd been spacing out for nearly an hour. "Shit- I gotta go, I'll see you later-" Draco quickly gathered his stuff and rushed past Blaise, determined to get out of the library as quickly as possible.

He knew you'd be in there soon, locking down for one of your many study sessions, and if he started talking to you for any reason, he didn't want to risk making you feel bad.

But, as he tried to rush out, he bumped into someone. You, of course.

"I'm sorry- Draco?"

"Shit- I'm sorry y/n. Are you okay?"

You laughed lightly, "Yea, yea, I'm fine. Are you okay?"

He looked scared, "I'm fine, I'm fine, I just- I'm sorry." He quickly walked away, seeming quite shaken up. You looked after him concerned, you'd never seen him in such distress, especially over something so little.

You turned to walk into the library but saw a book on the ground; one that he had dropped. You sighed to yourself, annoyed to find yourself intrigued by Draco's edge. You picked up his book and walked in his direction.

You walked down the long corridor and knew you were close when you heard sniffling around the corner. You braced yourself and peaked around.

Draco had his head in his hands, with his tie loosened. A twinge of pain shot through you at the sight of him. You had no idea why he was crying, or why he looked deprived of both nutrients and sleep, but you wanted to comfort him. "Dra-" You were cut off by Astoria rushing around the other corner. "Baby! I've been looking for you everywhere, are you crying again?"

Again? Draco looked in your direction, acknowledging your presence before you slipped back around the corner. Astoria didn't seem to take notice and just handed him a tissue from her pocket. "You have to stop watching those tragic romance movies. You know they never end well and yet you still put yourself through them. At least we'll never end like that, right baby?"

Clearly, she was oblivious, or Draco had lied to her enough times that she didn't suspect anything. Or maybe she knew why but refused to admit it to herself. It would jeopardize her own emotions too much.

You could hear them walking away, and you looked down at the ground and took a deep breath. You didn't want to think about your own feelings for Draco, romantic or otherwise, as it just wasn't probable. He was in a committed relationship with Astoria, and above all else, she was a pureblood. You were not. No magic could ever change that, and all you'd heard through your time at Hogwarts was that stupid, degrading word. 'Mudblood'

But seeing him that way, so vulnerable, too distressed to wait to get back to the privacy of his own dorm, urged you to help him, and hold him when he cried.

Too distracted by your own thoughts to study, you walked back to your own dorm.

---------

:2

[carewyncromwell]

"Consider yourself at home! Consider yourself one of the family! We've taken to you so strong, It's clear we're going to get along!"

~"Consider Yourself" from Oliver!

x~x~x~x

Behold! Here I issue a prompt to fellow HPHM players -- write a post featuring at least one (1) letter either received or sent by Molly Weasley about your MC, whether one sent by or to Bill, Charlie, Percy, or another one of her kids! If you accept this challenge, please consider tagging me so I and others can learn a bit more about your kid's relationship with our favorite ginger family! ❤️💛🩵💚

x~x~x~x

Molly Weasley was a very doting mother. Although it was understandably quite difficult to pay all seven of her children equal amounts of attention, that didn't mean she didn't try very hard to be active in all of their lives or that she didn't insist that her kids who were away at Hogwarts write to her frequently. The child who was best at keeping in touch with Molly was her oldest, Bill, but after Charlie started attending school, he wrote home relatively frequently too, thanks in large part to Bill reminding him to do so.

One of Charlie's longest letters that first year ended up being one Molly kept long after the fact. At first the Weasley matriarch kept it solely for her own reference, in case she needed to write a stern letter to Albus Dumbledore herself, but she later kept it as a memento of the very first time she ever heard the name of the girl who would become her two oldest sons' closest friend.

Mum -- You'll never BELIEVE what happened at school today! I'm just about to breathe fire about it, I'm so angry!! Okay, so you remember Ben Copper, right? He's my Muggle-born dormmate, the one who's afraid of everything. Well, lately he's been getting bullied really bad by this one girl in Slytherin named Merula Snyde. I reckon she was just being nasty because the winter holidays are coming up and all of her usual bullying targets will be going home soon, but she decided to go out of her way to corner Ben in the Courtyard today, yelling all sorts of rotten stuff at him at the top of her lungs and just refusing to let him walk away. Ben told Jae, Corey, and me afterwards a bit more of what was said, since I didn't hear all of it, but Merula said Ben didn't belong here at school with "real" wizards and called him a loser and a scaredy cat who didn't belong in Gryffindor because all he does is run away! She even called him a Mudblood, Mum! Multiple times! Fortunately right around the time Jae and I showed up, someone decided to put a stop to it. Her name's Carewyn Cromwell -- she's another Slytherin in my year, but a much nicer one than Merula. (She's Jacob Cromwell's sister, do you remember him? Bill said you and Dad read about him in the Prophet a while back, right after he disappeared.) Anyhow, Carewyn went right up to Merula and told her to leave Ben alone, and when Merula used the Knockback Jinx on Ben, Carewyn helped him up and then laid Merula out right good, saying that she was the real "loser," not Ben, and calling her a pathetic, mean-spirited bully. That really made Merula mad -- I've never seen her face so purple! So Merula tried to pick a fight with Carewyn, and Carewyn tried to just walk away with Ben, only for Merula to attack Carewyn from behind! She knocked her down face-first into the ground, with no warning! It was just dirty, Mum! But Carewyn, she was so cool, she just took some Wiggenweld Potion out of her sweater, drank enough to heal herself, and then chucked the bottle right at Merula's head like she was at the Dueling Club! (It missed, but it still gave Merula a good scare!) Then when Merula tried to attack her again, Carewyn dodged her spell and took her out with a single Disarming Charm! It was so cool! Oh, but here's what made me mad, Mum -- afterward, Professor Snape took FIFTY POINTS away from both Carewyn and Merula for "causing a scene" and said that he'd send them both along to Dumbledore for further punishment! Yeah! When it was OBVIOUSLY all Merula's doing and Carewyn was only defending herself and Ben! I checked on Ben afterward, and he looked close to tears. He's terrified that Carewyn's going to be expelled, all because she was trying to protect him. I told him no way Dumbledore would do that, but Snape was so furious, I wouldn't put it past him to lie through his ugly yellow teeth about the whole thing and get Carewyn expelled anyway! I know that's what he really wants -- everyone knows Snape hates Carewyn because of what her brother did, even though she honestly seems like a pretty cool person and a really good friend! Dumbledore won't be back until tomorrow, but I'm going to go up to his office as soon as he's back and tell him all about what happened -- there's no way he can expel Carewyn for what she did! She was brave and in the right, and she should've won points for standing up for Ben, instead of losing any! She would've, if she'd been in Gryffindor! It's not fair!! I'll write again after talking to Dumbledore...he'd better not listen to a word Snape says!! Love to you, Dad, and PFGRG -- Charlie

Fortunately Carewyn was not punished further, so Molly never had to send that additional letter to Dumbledore she'd been considering. She ended up revisiting this old letter of Charlie's again, though, when that following winter, Bill sent her another letter.

Dear Mum, The holidays are finally here! Hagrid brought in the Christmas tree yesterday, and now Flitwick is setting about trimming it with magical icicles. Still not as great as our tree at home, though -- I can't wait to get home and help you and Dad decorate it... Charlie and I are doing fine. Charlie's been kept busy with Quidditch practice; I would've thought with him only just having joined the team, the captain might take it a little easier on him -- you know, give him time to get settled and learn the ropes -- but I guess the Quidditch scene is really fast-paced. Charlie even said that they can't afford to coddle him too much, since Gryffindor's next match will be immediately after winter break. As for me, I'm keeping my grades up and earning house points as best I can. Madame Pince gave me ten points the other day for helping some first-years with their Transfiguration homework in the library, and later in the week, McGonagall gave me ten more for it herself! Do you remember Carewyn Cromwell? She's Jacob Cromwell's sister, and a Slytherin in Charlie's year. She came up to talk to me the other day on the Training Grounds and asked me for help with the Fire-Making Spell. She seems like a pretty nice girl! I'm really glad she seems okay after what happened to her brother, but I can tell she really misses him -- I kind of thought she'd have to, when I first heard about it, but I'm glad she doesn't seem to resent him at all. She says that she and Jacob were really close -- apparently it was only ever just them and their mum, since Carewyn's dad left when she was really little -- so I can't imagine Jacob would've left his family on purpose. I really hope Carewyn's able to find out what happened to him. And I hope at some point I'll get to introduce her to you and Dad too! Carewyn grew up largely in the Muggle World since her dad was a Muggle, so she knows a lot about Muggle stuff -- she was telling me about some of her favorite Muggle musicians the other day, and she suggested that you might like a Muggle named Barbra Streisand, since you like Celestina Warbeck. She also said that if Dad's interested in learning more about Muggles, she could put him in touch with her mum -- she's a Magical Historian, but she's also pretty good with Muggle history too. Oh yeah, I almost forgot -- Carewyn's mad good at dueling. I challenged her to a friendly one, just to help gauge her level and maybe give her some pointers, and she not only dodged all my spells, but took me out with a Disarming Charm so strong she knocked me right off my feet! Sure, maybe I was a little worried about going too hard on her, but I was NOT expecting that! It's a good thing that we get on -- I would not like to be on the wrong side of her! I love you all so much! Give Ron and Ginny extra big hugs for me. Charlie and I will touch base again before we set off for home next week. See you soon! Bill

Molly would soon read quite a few more letters from both Bill and Charlie that mentioned Carewyn (or "Carey," as they soon took to calling her). Once Charlie started his third year, he became closer friends with Carewyn through Quidditch friendlies, so he often brought Carewyn up whenever he wrote anything about Hogwarts's Quidditch Cup.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot -- Carey's hoping to go out for the Slytherin team! One of Slytherin's Chasers got knocked off her broom by Erika Rath during a not-so-friendly friendly match against Ravenclaw's team, and she's so bad-off she probably won't be healed in time for the match against Hufflepuff, so Carey reached out to Slytherin's Star Chaser Skye Parkin, and now Parkin's helping her train for an upcoming tryout! I don't think Carey's as excited about a Parkin training her as I would be, but she said she's grateful for her help. She said she prefers training with me and Andre, though, since we don't make her try to mount any jinxed brooms!!

Meanwhile Bill's letters would express much more concern for Carewyn's emotional well-being, not unlike how he wrote about Charlie.

The Slytherin VS Hufflepuff Quidditch match is set for Friday. I've been worried about Carey -- there's a rumor going around school that she had a meltdown after one of Slytherin's practices, which is very out of character for her. Carey's much more the type to try to put on a brave face and not let anyone see she's scared or hurting. Even so, Carey has been very quiet this entire week...even if she says she's fine, I can tell something's bothering her. I've been trying to walk with her in the halls more, to keep any more obnoxious Hufflepuffs off her back.

Charlie and Bill's letters' subject matter and tone overlapped in December 1986. When Carewyn's mother, Lane Cromwell, was forced to spend the winter holidays abroad away from her daughter, both Weasley boys were beside themselves.

Speaking of Carey, Mum, you won't believe this -- Carey's mum is stuck out of the country on this trip for the Ministry, doing research on house elf history, and now Carey's going to have to stay stuck at school for the holidays! She's trying to act like she's not upset about it, but I don't see how she can't be! Carey loves Christmas! She's been singing carols all season...

It's the most outrageous thing, Mum. I know the Ministry of Magic's assignment is important, and I know it's an important opportunity for Carey's mother...but Carey's family isn't big like ours. Carey told me as far back as she can remember, it was always just her, Jacob, and her mum, even before her dad left. With Jacob missing, her mum is all Carey has. I know they're close, and I know being apart from her mother is hard for her -- from what Rowan's told me, Carey's mum has so much difficulty being around people that Carey and Jacob used to stay at home with her rather than try to make any friends when they were kids, just to keep her company. To be apart from her mum during Christmas, of all times...I know it has to be just eating Carey up inside, Mum. Even Merula (who I still think is upset about spending the holidays alone) is doing better because I doubt she's expecting any kind of special gathering for Christmas. Knowing Carey, she's probably been silently looking forward to spending Christmas with her mother all year. And now she's left silently mourning the fact that she won't.

Molly herself even ended up expressing quite a bit of upset in her own letters back to Charlie and Bill --

What a poor, sweet girl! You're absolutely right, Charlie, she most certainly can't be okay, under such circumstances! You tell your brother to find a way to bring her on back here to the Burrow, if he can...

Bill -- bring Carewyn back to the Burrow with you. Your father and I want her here with us. Merula Snyde too, if you can -- the poor thing shouldn't have to spend a holiday alone either.

That Christmas ended up being when Molly and Arthur first met Carewyn, and they both liked her at once. Not only did Carewyn get on very well with Bill and Charlie, but she was a very polite guest who readily volunteered to help with chores and had a faint "Mama Bear" quality that could remind anyone a bit of Molly. Arthur couldn't help but tease his wife just a little about it. @department-shoe-stud

"Red hair, short stature, mothering...Molly dear, did we have another daughter and I just never noticed?"

Not that Molly would've minded. That Christmas pretty much solidified her thought process that Carewyn would make a perfect Weasley, if either Bill or Charlie ever decided to pursue her romantically. (They never did.)

One thing Bill conveniently neglected to tell Molly about was how Carewyn and he had become friends largely because they'd teamed up to deal with the Cursed Vaults. Bill did acknowledge the curses unleashed on the school by the Cursed Vaults now and again in his letters home, since he knew Charlie had already written to their parents about them beforehand, but he didn't tell Molly that Carewyn and he had broken the curses on the Ice, Fear, and Forest Vaults with help from some of Carewyn's other friends. And Bill's reasoning proved to be rather sound, because as it turned out, when Molly eventually found out the summer before his seventh year, she was not happy. It was just about the only time Bill's siblings could remember Molly ever having shouted at him.

"William...Arthur...Weasley...have you gone COMPLETELY 'round the bend?! Abusing your Prefect powers -- sneaking into forbidden areas of the school -- aggravating curses that the professors themselves have struggled to get a hold of -- and all while dragging both Carewyn and Charlie along after you, when they haven't even PASSED THEIR OWLS YET?! You are grounded for the rest of the summer for a START, William Weasley, AND IF YOU OR CAREWYN EVEN THINK OF GOING AFTER ANOTHER CURSED VAULT, I'LL GROUND YOU EVEN AFTER YOUR GRADUATION!"

Bill didn't listen to his mother. But in his defense, Carewyn was going to do anything if it meant saving her brother Jacob, and there was no way Bill was going to let her run into that kind of danger alone. And neither was Charlie, when he ended up in the position to help found the Circle of Khanna with Carewyn, Bill, Merula, and Ben to avenge the death of their fallen friend, Rowan Khanna.

Fortunately, after the Cursed Vaults were dealt with and R was defeated, Molly slowly cooled off about the whole affair. However displeased she was that her sons had engaged in something so dangerous, she was ultimately very proud of how brave they both had been. That doesn't mean Molly wasn't still a bit sad neither of them pursued Ministry work like Carewyn did. If nothing else, if Charlie was at the Ministry too, maybe he would have more of a chance to spend "alone time" with Carewyn and something more romantic could bloom! Or so Molly thought. This is why she was incredibly surprised when after the Second Wizarding War, Bill sent along this letter --

In other news, Carey has actually started dating! I'm surprised too. His name is Orion Amari -- I'm sure Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny have heard of him, since he's a Chaser for the Montrose Magpies, but he was Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team in those two matches Carey played in, back at school. I don't remember him that well aside from that, but I followed up with some old friends from school who remember him and they've all spoken well of him. I also broached the topic with Carey, and even though she was understated as always, she really wants me to meet him. I think she really likes him a lot.

To say Molly wasn't disappointed to learn Carewyn would not be marrying Charlie would be untrue. When Molly met Orion herself at the after-party for his and Carewyn's partnership ceremony, however, she had to admit, Carewyn looked so very happy in Orion's company. And well, being the OG Mama Bear, that's all Molly Weasley could really want for Bill and Charlie's best friend.

She did add a very pointed little postscript to a letter she sent along to Carewyn's mother Lane in December, though.

P.S. Thank you for the advice about Muggle dragon books. I may be eternally disappointed that Charlie never took the plunge with your dear Carewyn, but Arthur and I still want to get him a birthday gift nobody else would think of getting him.

[terapsina]

💘🕯️💌

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

Absolutely everything that's older than 2 or 3 years?

But more seriously, IDK maybe 2 Times a Story Trope Slipped Through Emma's Fingers (+1 Time Regina Made Sure It Didn't). I think it was my first attempt at 5+1 things fic but I kinda lost steam midway through so it became 2+1 things. I've always kinda regretted not adding more shenanigans.

I guess I would like to remake this fic and add 3 more tropes (and fix the ending, I've never been particularly happy with the ending).

Most of my other regrets deal with the perpetuity of my WIPs.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

This might be predictable but that's definitely She's Come Undone and Set Free.

It's been hard to write a on multiple fronts. First of all of course is the subject matter itself, shining the light on Elena and Caroline's trauma and trying to get the story to a place where they might start to heal was hard. And it hurt.

On the practical front it's also the hardest thing I've been writing because it's also the longest thing I've ever written.

And while writing it I was constantly surprised by where it lead me. Every time I sat down to write I knew stuff like "here Elena and Caroline have a heart to heart" or "here they're gonna tease Bonnie about Rebekah" but I never knew HOW those scenes would go or where the real meat of the scene would come in. And after I finished them I always had this feeling like... 'that scene would have gone an entirely different way if I had tried writing it last month'.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Okay. So I've still got no idea when I'll finish with it but I'm still really excited about doing the wrapup epilogue bits of She's Come Undone and Set Free.

Especially, the stuff I have planned Bonnie and Rebekah. (it's not ready for viewing but let's just say that I HATED how dirty they did Bonnie with that whole 'secretly dead for months' thing. So I'm going to see how things might have gone different with an Original in Bonnie's corner).

Other than that. Here's a sneak peek into the beginning of the epilogue (please be aware that it might change before posting though. And hasn't currently been combed for grammar mistakes).

Elijah was putting away the freshly dry cleaned suit he'd changed out of before returning to New Orleans - his mind judiciously on anything other than the woman whose fingers had wrinkled the fabric as she grasped the collar at the back of his neck - when his brother found him.

"I heard a strange little rumor." Klaus’s voice was full of thinly veiled curiosity.

"Did you?" he asked carelessly, not quite paying attention. "How fascinating."

"Whatever did Damon Salvatore do to piss you off, Elijah?"

Elijah’s movements halted momentarily as the muscles in his back seemed to pull into stone. He'd known of course that it was simply a matter of time before Niklaus was informed of the bounty he had placed on the whereabouts of the older Salvatore brother. He had simply hoped it would have taken longer than a day.

He exhaled silently under his breath, the only sign of irritation Elijah was willing to telegraph before answering. "He harmed someone I care a great deal about."

"And who might that be?" Niklaus asked.

Elijah chose not to answer.

[mcalhenwrites]

Hey there! I saw that you've taken down your work, I and I think how public or private a work is is always up to the author to decide, so not here to put pressure on you or anything. I just wanted to let you know that I've really enjoyed a lot of your works! And that I hope you keep writing, whether or not you choose to share or not! Best wishes to you

Hello! "I think how public or private a work is is always up to the author to decide, so not here to put pressure on you or anything." I appreciate this so very much, thank you. I know what it's like to see writing vanish (I've been reading fic for about 20 years now and can tell you that some of my favorite authors and fics are gone for good), but as a writer, I also get why people do it. The loss hurts, but authors have their reasons. And not always the same ones. In my case -and I'm about to get very personal here so feel free to back away quickly - I've been putting my work out on social media to total silence for years. It has to end. I have to learn that it isn't that great, that no one wants to share it with their friends or acknowledge that they enjoyed my work to anyone else. I've tried so many things to get word out, because I wanted to self-publish some of my stuff and make a living around my disabilities (I can't work, I can't even predict if I'm functional in 30 minutes much less consistently for entire days). The financial struggle didn't stop me from sharing works for free, but... Then my confidence kept taking a beating when I posted excerpts, links, etc. on multiple platforms. I don't even want to be online anymore and keep thinking I should delete. The only reason I don't is that it's a hassle to preserve my usernames if I do that. XD Anyway, I figure the flaw is the quality of my writing. I feel embarrassed that I think there's anything worth peddling. I'm trying to cut myself off from attempting in the future, since I always come back thinking I can do this again and it never works. :') I'm still working on my stories. People keep lecturing me that I should only ever write for myself, but I don't do exchanges or ask for votes and requests on what I should write next (nothing wrong with these things btw, it's okay to write for other people actually, I just don't), I have one original story that took off on AO3 (Seasons) and most people ditched it before they finished reading it, my writing was openly mocked in one fandom to the point I stopped posting, and I have posted original works online for 15 years to almost total silence. Who else but myself could I be writing for at that point? I love writing, so I can't see myself quitting it as long as I'm alive. Question is, how long can I do that in a world that doesn't want to help disabled people? I can't even get healthcare rn, they claim they can't verify my identity since I moved states. It's been a mess. And I need healthcare and further testing, because it turns out one of my doctors didn't even take proper notes when she diagnosed me as a child and I basically have to get re-diagnosed. Honestly, the pressure of all that is impacting my writing time, so I'm surprised I've managed to write over 5k since February started. ^^ Anyway, thank you. I wish things would get better. I just don't see it after over a decade of hard work. ;A;

[tellmewhatyouc]

fic writer year in review

i compiled this list of prompts to reflect on a year of fic writing/reading, and here's my own answers!

✨ the first fic you wrote/posted this year

beneath the stars, my first blade/huey fic! this was from when i had little jars of nu:c characters on paper and word prompts for brainstorming

✨ your most written fandom, character, and/or ship

fandom: nu: carnival character: quincy ship: blade & quincy

✨ the fic you had the most fun writing this year

not TECHNICALLY a fic but i have a nukani modern AU going in rp threads, we have a cast-wide polycule with a focus on quincy, kuya, blade, rei, and it's been SO FUN

✨ your most used tags

fluff, pre-canon, modern AU, friendship, angst (are we surprised)

✨ a time you tried something new (character ship, fandom, style, trope, etc)

i wrote for a handful of new fandoms: coffee talk, qsmp, genloss, and ordem paranormal! with genloss i tried a new genre in horror, which i never expected to enjoy TBH. also just juggling multiple fandoms at a time was never My Thing but i love it now i understand i've changed

✨ the fic you're most proud of this year

ummM i'm very proud of finishing not quite anointed but i did write most of it in 2022 so. maybe be not afraid bc it was waaay out of my comfort zone (hero/villain AU) and i did a lot of worldbuilding for it (that i wanna write more about later)

✨ if you track your writing in any way (words written, time spent writing, days you wrote something), share your stats!

will update this after new year's for my own reference but currently i'm at 124 hrs of writing time 💪 and 88k posted on ao3 apparently

✨ any challenges/events/etc you participated in this year (or your favorites if you don't want to list them all)

fandom rhythm volume 2 🌈

our first coffee talk fanweek, i didn't end up making anything for it but i did organize it

running the nu: carnival flash fic challenges has been fun even tho it's on a bit of a break rn

various exchanges/gift boxes on dreamwidth, those are lovely

multifandom match was crazy, i had so much fun and i'm so excited to do it again next time

i also reopened sweet & spicy bingo which has been a good time

there's probably more but those are the HIGHLIGHTS that come to mind

✨ the last fic you wrote/posted this year

it's gonna be my nukani secret santa fic i think! unless i get a burst of inspo after the 24th

✨ your writing goals(s) for next year

MAYBE finish i feel fine and make some progress on soft focus edits. otherwise the usual "write whatever i want"

✨ your favorite fandom/character/ship to read about

been Hella enjoying dsmp AU fics despite having watched like 15 mins of actual dsmp content and not knowing any of the lore, most of the stuff i've read is SBI-centric but i also love a good pumpkin duo moment

✨ your most searched tag(s)

probably just the general "medical" tag tbh

✨ the shortest fic you read this year

i like narsus's nukani drabbles, one of my faves is Momentum

✨ the longest fic you read this year

most definitely tommyinnit's clinic for supervillains at 188k, it had me at the Medical Themes and jumpstarted my love for hero/villain AUs

✨ a finished fic you enjoyed reading this year

pins and needles, would you believe that it's. a dsmp hospital AU. what's funny is i had no idea who quackity was when i first read this and now i'm a qsmp ho

✨ a wip you enjoyed reading this year

i have 2 in mind!

providence: another dsmp AU fic, but apocalyptic this time

til death do us in: it's so cool to see a fic inspired by my own and i've had a lovely time reading acelaw again