#I've really got to find a word other than 'fun' to describe my writing

[drdemonprince]

I remember a while back you did a fun ask game where people sent in kinks and you rated how good an investment they are and it keeps popping into my mind because of how chill you were about kinks that even kinky people tend to view really negatively in the sense of ethics. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to *feel* chill in terms of my own kink ethics. I intellectually believe that fantasies can’t be immoral and that kink with other adults is moral as long as there is consent (and appropriate risk awareness).

But I am still pretty triggered on the topic when it comes up. Eg, earlier a friend told me they are cutting someone they love off for being friends with someone who “sexualizes trauma”. And yeah, that is definitely where some of my darker kinks come from—though not all. They’re entitled to that opinion and action of course! But hearing all the things they said against this person triggered me, making me feel like I’m dangerous and that it is wrong of me to interact with them going forward even though this isn’t a topic I would discuss with them anyway. Until writing this I hadn’t even considered if they are still a person I *want* to interact with given this. Though I’m sort of unclear on whether it is actually wrong of me to interact with them still.

I am working with my therapist on this. And I know it will take some time to work through. I was just wondering if you had any words of wisdom on the topic.

My thoughts are that if I had a friend who cut people off for having problematic (or in this case, just like, unsettling?) kinks, I would not feel safe around that friend. It would seem to me that they were judgemental, moralizing, and had a completely different viewpoint on how the world operated than I did, and that sooner or later they would demonize me for things I thought, fantasized about, felt, and so on. I might have sympathy if the person was a trauma survivor early in their recovery, as it's quite common for people to think in very dogmatic, black-and-white ways about morality in order to protect themselves and to be highly reactive to perceived threat. But their feelings of safety are their own business to guard over, and mine are mine, and I just wouldn't be able to get along very intimately with someone like that. I'd have to give them a wide berth until they started to get over it, if they got over it.

Recently, a friend of mine was completely ostracized from their local queer community simply for writing a piece that touched on a taboo fantasy -- a taboo fantasy they had concocted as a way to cope with some really gnarly early childhood abuse. They lost performance gigs and friends, had hate campaigns erected against them, had mobs of people threatening all their remaining friends and colleages, all based on a rumor about a piece that they never even got to perform anywhere because someone had heard it was about a taboo subject and even the IDEA of what it might be made them uncomfortable, and so they assumed my friend was condoning abuse when they were literally just describing what had already happened to them and how they found healing from it. Shit like this sucks, and it comes down most heavily against queer people, especially trans femmes, and I've seen the fear mongering ruin enough lives that I try to steer really clear of it.

My life has been so blessed by inclusion of people with really intense, taboo, stigmatized kinks into my life. I was afraid to even breathe a word of my hypnosis fetish to anybody until I was in my late 20s, because I thought it was so freakish and evil. and now I routinely talk with people about really animalistic feral fantasies, harkness rule violating monsterfucking, rape play, necro fantasies, abdl, age regression, incest roleplaying, blood, eating bodily fluids, and everything else that freaks people out but harms no living being. Even when it's not my stuff, even when it's something I might personally find a little squicky to actually be in the room with, it makes me feel seen, safe, and free to express the depths within me. I think surrounding yourself with more people like that or just consuming their stories can help a lot. And trying to find some mental distance from the people who do fear monger and get triggered. They have their reasons for feeling as they do. But that doesn't mean we have to align with their values or actions.

[marlynnofmany]

Thanks to everybody who signed up for Patreon yesterday! We're gonna go some fun places together.

[arcadia-of-pluto]

Twist of Fate; Chapter Five

Pairings; LADS OT4 x reader

Word count; 3,000

Themes; isekai, eventual smut

Rating; 18+ for swearing and some mature context

Notes; As always, horrible described combat scenes. Also, a reminder for the text emojis, 💜 is Rafayel and 🩷 is Y/n

Also, I will be working on other stories and oneshots in the future! I just want to get this story rolling and then I'll begin writing other things.

Prev || Next

Masterlist

A few days later, Rafayel finally shoots you a text.

💜 :’miss bodyguard im in need of ur services’

💜:’theres a specific material I need to finish my artwork and only U can help me find it!’

Finally the message you were waiting for. You take a deep breath before sending your message back.

🩷 :’I'll have you know, I've been charging you half the usual price for my services. This better be worth it.’

💜 :’aww dont be like that! Come on over Ill tell you the details when yuo get here.’

You get dressed and head out, saying goodbye to Estelle on your way out.

Once at Whitesand Bay, you step into Rafayel's art studio and, of course, he's on the floor. You already know what's going to happen but you step forward regardless and put a finger to his nose to make sure he's breathing. “Rafayel?” you say, confused at how he was texting you one moment and now he's asleep. You look around the studio, noticing paint cans scattered all across the floor and unfinished paintings with the word ‘Lemuria’ written in the corner.

You go to tap his shoulder and he catches your wrist, causing you to jump in surprise and knock over a dirty water cup which bleeds onto a nearby canvas, revealing an ocean sunset. “Oh hey, you got here sooner than I anticipated.” Rafayel sits up and lets go of your wrist before holding his hand out, “Pull me up?” He tilts his head to the side with a smile. You sigh, shaking your head as you take his hand, but he has other plans and tugs you down with him.

“Rafayel!” you angrily groan as your knees hit the floor, your hand landing in a puddle of baby pink paint next to his head. “Are you crazy?” You ask, anger evident in your tone as you met his eyes from above him. “Mmh, only a little. Anyway, now that we're more comfortable, I need your help getting something.” He rests his hands underneath his head, making himself comfortable.

You roll your eyes and push your body up with one hand so you’re sitting next to him. “And you decided that was the perfect position to ask your question?” You raise a brow, shooting a pointed look at the baby pink paint on your palm. “I get it, it's not a good look. Let me take you out first,” Rafayel chuckles before saying, “Go wash your hand off, we can go to a café or something and talk.”

Once at the café, you sip on your drink as he explains what he's looking for is called a coral stone. He's painted with it before and he needs some more. It’s apparently a really important material for his next painting. “Look I-” But Rafayel shushes you, holding a finger to his lips as he spots something behind you. “There's someone here.”

“Is it someone from the N109 Zone? Why are they targeting you anyways? It makes no sense.” You scratch your head, annoyed at all of the interruptions, and he looks away for a moment, “I… refused to paint something for a big shot and, I guess, I pissed him off.” He shrugs before turning his head to look back at you, “Look, I know you said you want to get into the N109 Zone, so how about we work together, yeah?”

“I've been pretty busy these days…so I'll think about it.” You run a hand through your hair and then tap on the table with your nails. “Should we bait this guy out and see what he wants?” “Sounds fun, Miss hunter.” Rafayel smiles, before you both get up when a group of highschoolers are exiting the cafe and go straight down an alley where you ambush the guy.

He says he's a reporter and that a man who Rafayel sold a painting to died and the reporter was wondering if somehow Rafayel's paintings had killed the man. If you remember correctly, this was the same man who had a mermaid skeleton on display in his home so…maybe this is good riddance. Wait- or did Rafayel really kill that man because he had a lemurian skeleton in his home?

You both end up letting the man go but, before you do, Rafayel breaks his camera and you head back to Whitesand Bay together to look at the sunset. “Look, you don't have to say anything..Just come to the pier tomorrow at 10 if you're willing to go with me. And don't forget your promise.”

“What promise?” You tease before you reply quickly before he gets pouty, “I remember, don't worry.” It was the promise to be his bodyguard. “But if you do come tomorrow…I have an idea on how to get into the N109 Zone. The Nest is an information hub so we could…bait out Onychinus.” Rafayel turns to look at you and tilts his head to the side. “Sound good? I'll pull some strings and get you a Hunting day invitation, anything else you do after that is on you though.”

“You'll just have to show me how to be bait.” You say before you nod your head in agreement. “Deal.” You shake hands and go home to get up bright and early tomorrow.

You stretch your arms up in the air and yawn as you walk across the pier on Whitesand Bay. As you rub your tired eyes, you notice a tall man, that wasn’t Rafayel, standing on the pier. “Oh, hey Mr. Thomas.” You greet Rafayel's manager, who was a tired looking man. “Just call me Thomas. You know…I've never seen Rafayel this excited before! He's been like this since you've been around.”

“Oh really now?” You raise a brow, laughing before Rafayel steps in-between you both. “So you ready for our dangerous mission?” You ask and Thomas peeks around Rafayel with a look of shock on his face, “Wait, I thought you said this was a date!”

After this, the two of you hunker down into the small boat and begin to row toward the island in the distance. “Why couldn't you have gotten a motorboat?” You groan, tilting your head back as you aid Rafayel in rowing the rickety wooden boat. “Zayne said sun exposure to my scar may make it worse.”

“Zayne?” Rafayel raises a brow and scoffs, “on a first name basis with someone other than me?”

You pause, before internally cringing at your slip up. You throw a hand up in the air as you speak, trying to calm his dramatics. “He's my doctor. I've known him for a few years, remember?” You look away from him, not wanting to talk too much on that subject since you weren't sure what would happen.

“Hmm…Well, since you didn't ask yesterday or today, we're heading to Hat Island.” Rafayel says after a few moments of silence with a pout on his lips. “That one island that's riddled with wanderers? The one that everyone is told specifically not to go to?” You question before scoffing, “Huh, maybe I should charge you more.” “Don't be like that, cutie. The protocores from the wanderers here would be great to use as paint. Oh and the coralstone..it's said to be from Lemuria so that's why my paintings with it have illusion properties.” He decides to provide some exposition and you try to row a bit faster. “Anyways, you can't have all of the protocores, I have to submit some to the Hunter's association.” You grumble and the artist in front of you grabs your hand that's rowing. “Slow down, you're gonna make me seasick.”

After about thirty minutes of rowing, the island was finally close but it seemed like the boat was slowly falling apart. “Should we swim the rest of the way?” You worriedly ask, not fully confident in your swimming capabilities, since you can only doggy paddle and not actually swim. “And mess up my suit?” Rafayel retorts and you roll your eyes, “It's better than staying in a sinking boat.”

“Fine, we'll swim once we're closer.” The purple haired man reluctantly agrees as he notices more water seeping into the boat. “The boat will probably be fully submerged by then,” You comment, but continue rowing nonetheless.

Once on the island, you check your watch. “Hmm, it seems like the biggest fluctuation is on the other side of the island.” You say as you wring the water out of your hair. “We'll probably be here the whole day.”

You decide to shoot a quick text to Xavier, asking if he'll feed Estelle dinner tonight and then send another to Zayne, asking if he can reschedule your doctor's appointment for the day after tomorrow. “Alright, let's get going.” You start walking but pause as you notice Rafayel isn't following and has a pout on his lips. “What's wrong now?” You sigh and tilt your head to the side with your hand on your hip.

“You were texting other men with me right next to you.” He hmphs and crosses his arms over his chest. “Relax, Raf,” you roll your eyes with a smile, “I was asking my doctor to reschedule my appointment and my neighbor to feed my pet.”

“You got a pet?” The artist was suddenly interested, but you shushed him as you heard a twig snap nearby.

“Relax cutie, there's nothing around-” Rafayel suddenly lets out a yelp and hides behind you. “It's a monster!” He peeks over your shoulder and you let out a small laugh as you spot a small orange cat. “It's a baby! Come here, baby.” You crouch down and hold your hand out with a smile.

“A baby? That's an evil creature with razor sharp teeth and claws.” Rafayel hugs himself and shivers as he tries to stay far away from the little kitten.

“He's harmless.” You say as you hold your hand out toward it and the cat stood there with wide eyes before the fur on his back bristles and he hisses at you before taking a swipe at your hand. The man next to you moves forward and his hand gets scratched instead as he grabs yours to make sure you were unharmed. “Ouch- see I told you it was evil. I'm gonna die now that it scratched me!”

“Kill the dramatics, Raf.” You say with a laugh and you grab his hand to look at it. “It's barely even bleeding…Do you need me to kiss it better?” You tease and Rafayel raises an eyebrow with a mischievous smile playing across his lips. “Oh, would you now? I'll only feel better if you kiss me- I mean, my hand.” “Are you sure?” You muse before leaning forward to press your lips against it, keeping eye contact with the man before he gets too flustered and looks away.

“That's enough.” He clears his throat, pulling his hand out of your grasp as his ear tips turned crimson. “Let's get a move on and we might be able to leave before the sun sets.”

Once you both get to the other side of the island, the sun is already low in the sky and said sky is beginning to turn orange. “So much for leaving before sunset.” You sigh, kicking your feet as you walk along the beach before your watch beeps. “A wanderer?” You pull up the map, confused. “But where-” “There.” Rafayel points toward the ocean, “Looks like it's gonna pop up soon.”

From the readings on your watch, this was going to be a big wanderer. Hopefully the fight won't be too difficult.

The large, blue bird-like creature rises from the ocean and you take your guns out of their holster. “It's oddly pretty.” You comment before the bird lets out a shrill noise and flaps its wings shooting out blue feathers that embed themselves into the ground.

You roll out of the way, landing on one knee and you fire a few bullets into the creature. “Rafayel,” You shout and he gets the idea. He runs over and you take one of his daggers, flipping it between your fingers as he takes your second gun. You launch yourself into the creature with Rafayel's knife, still charged with his fire evol, digging into the bird's chest and you drop down through the air. Rafayel’s dagger cuts the wanderer from chest to belly but once you get its feet, it kicks you into the water.

Rafayel grabs his weapon in one hand as you fall and then catches you as well, one arm around your waist as water swells around you both. If his evol is fire, how is he using water?

The cut on his cheek heals and you can't seem to stay conscious to see him finish off the wanderer. Instead, you feel yourself sinking deeper and deeper into the murky depths. A feeling of nostalgia washes over you as you feel a panic spread through your chest. You seemed…terrified of drowning but you have never been afraid of water before. Trauma doesn’t suddenly form so where did it come from? You want to cry for help but the moment you open your mouth, salty water fills up your throat and your body forces you to try and breathe. “Help me..” A memory almost resurfaces in your mind, but it’s put to a pause whenever you notice a faint red mark appear on Rafayel’s chest. Why wasn’t he coming to help you?

Though as your consciousness finally begins to fade, you could've sworn you saw Rafayel hesitate to save you. Then, the next moment, he's swimming toward you with a fishy tail? Whatever, it's probably just you hallucinating- is what you'd think if you didn't have any prior knowledge. You already knew Rafayel was lemurian, which is just a fancy way to say mermaid. He was from Lemuria, think of it like Atlantis but it's always been underwater. It was a city lost to time with Rafayel being one of the only inhabitants left, save for the other few people who escaped to land.

The next time you open your eyes, you're back on the beach next to a small fire. Your head was resting on Rafayel's thigh with his coat over your shivering body. You blink a few times before rubbing your eyes as you sit up and put your arms through his coat to wear it properly. It's dark out, you assume a few hours have passed since fighting that bird wanderer. You glance over at the artist and tilt your head to the side. “You…nevermind.” You shake your head before instead saying, “Did you get what you needed?”

“Ah, the bird dropped a pretty little protocore.” He holds the blue gemstone between his fingers as he shows it off, “annnd I also found some coral stones while you were out.” He puts the protocore away before pulling out a rectangular card. He hands it to you with his index finger and thumb. “Here.” “Is this..?” You take the card from him and open it up.

Invitation to Hunting Day. D-3

“Ah, so it's three days from now.” You unknowingly let out a sigh of relief and Rafayel raises a brow, “Are you scared now, cutie?” “Not really. I'm just reluctant to trust you.” You hmph, crossing your arms over your chest. “I saw how you hesitated to save me.”

“You saw but-” He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “I didn't hesitate…I just hadn't killed the wanderer yet.” He looks away and clears his throat before slightly glancing back at you, “Did you…see anything else?”

“I did but…we'll talk about it later. It doesn't seem appropriate right now.” You say before you sneeze and wrap your arms around your waist. You hear a familiar hiss and you turn to look in the direction of the noise. “Oh, the baby is back.” Your face looks brighter compared to a few seconds ago. This time, the kitty lets you pick him up. “You are such a cutie.” You rub your face against his fur before kissing him on the head. You can hear Rafayel scoff beside you and grumble under his breath, “I can't believe I'm jealous of such a vile creature.”

“What was that?” You ask, turning your head to look at him. Your cheek still pressing against the kitty's soft fur.

“Nothing.” He clears his throat. “Thomas should be here momentarily with a boat and then we can finally go home. Are you going to take that creature with you? You shouldn't show it affection if you're just going to leave it behind and forget about it.”

You let out a heavy sigh. You know exactly what Rafayel means when he says that, even if he assumes you don't. He's putting himself in the cat's shoes- um, paws.

“Raf…” You press your lips together and pat his shoulder as you stand up so he can't see your face. “I'm not going to leave you.” Your hand squeezes his shoulder as you hold the cat to your chest. “I'm taking him with me..maybe my neighbor will want him and I'll still be able to see him all the time so…I won't forget about him either.”

Rafayel makes a noise in the back of his throat. You're not sure if it's from surprise or if he was overwhelmed with emotions, but he stands up and wraps his arms around you from behind, resting his forehead against your shoulder. “Just let me…stay like this for a minute, yeah?”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, this was the closest you've been to any of the male characters- to your friends, you could say. You take a deep breath before nodding, “Take as long as you need, I'm not going anywhere.” Rafayel's grip around your waist tightens and the two of you stay like that until the spotlight from the nearing boat lights both of you up, and Thomas brings you both back to the mainland.

---------------------------------------------------

You know, I just realized that I said I would update every weekend buuuttt I never said how many times I would update 😎 Twice. Probably twice. I feel bad since most chapters, until later on, will be 2-3k words so posting two chapters gives yall at least 6k to read and that makes me feel better. Anyways, hope you enjoy and be prepared we're getting closer and closer to Sylus!

[wyn-n-tonic]

Books by Black Authors for Black History Month!

I wanted to share a list of books I love and books that I'm looking forward to reading that are by Black authors in acknowledgement of Black History Month. I feel like a lot of my fellow readers (especially my fellow white readers) always go into a, kind of, reading slump in February and I don't know if that's because the month of January is just ten years long that February feels like a hangover or if it's because they feel the desire to read books by Black authors but then the majority of what is marketed is usually books that are steeped in trauma or nonfiction books. And, like, yeah, nonfiction books are so important but when they're the only kind of book marketed it can make finding the other kinds of books that much harder but I believe that if you read the fun books and the happy books and the fantasy books it will make you want to seek out the nonfiction resources. I'm blabbering so long story short, I thought I would make a little list to do some of the legwork for my fellow readers to find stories that they can check out.

I used GoodReads links (and one StoryGraph) link, you can choose who to purchase from yourself (although I will suggest BookShop.org as your purchase does go towards indie bookstores, I also really like the Libby App which is just your library and it works with your Kindle/Nook/Kobo/iPad). All authors that I have included in this are American or have strong ties to the USA which is why I did not include authors such as Bolu Babalola, Talia Hibbert, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie but I do highly recommend checking them out if you haven't because they do write gorgeously.

Kennedy Ryan has an extensive backlog and beautiful writing, beautiful prose. She had a book called Before I Let Go (Skyland #1) come out in November 2022, it is a second chance romance between a married couple. It has been on my shelf forever, the cover is beautiful and I've heard nothing but truthfully incredible things. I have listened to snippets of the audiobook but keep putting off getting the actual audiobook because Kennedy is the kind of author I want to read the grammar, syntax, wording of everything from. This book actually got optioned to be adapted into a television show and there's a second Skyland book coming out in March called This Could Be Us that has the ARC readers going wild.

Jasmine Guillory is one of my favorite authors. She is a Bay Area native and has a law degree from Stanford. Not only do I think that she writes beautifully but I cannot even describe to you the way that I kick my little feet and twirl my hair. I feel like my favorite of hers changes. Up until a few weeks ago, I would've told you that Olivia Monroe in Party of Two was my favorite Jasmine girly but I listened to Royal Holiday to kick off my reading for January and Vivian Forest is such a beautiful character. She's a 56 year old Black woman who is a veteran social worker who thinks it's too late for her on several fronts and then she gets swept off her feet while on a vacation with her daughter AND THE ROYAL FAMILY. What?! I also think that Jasmine writes, like.... character appropriate sex scenes if that makes sense. Like, Vivian's scenes are more reserved than Olivia's were, Vivian's more closed door than Olivia's were. She also has a Beauty and the Beast inspired book called By The Book and I kept texting my friend the entire way through and then made her buy a copy so she could text me right back with all her thoughts. Amazing. I love her.

You want cozy fantasy romance with monsters and happy Black women being loved by their hot monster lovers? Kimberly Lemming has GOT YOU COVERED.

Plugging my new author friend P.J. Leigh and her book Olawu. She actually responded to my request for some indie author recs on Threads and sent me a copy of Olawu that will be here on Friday and I'm so excited. She describes it as: "Set in precolonial East Africa with romance, action, sisterhood, found family, and a feisty but flawed female lead." I cannot wait to dig into this one.

Another author who messaged me is indie author Quiana Glide. Her bio is that she is an unabashed fangirl and her books feature pregnancy trope, cosplay, professional wrestlers and cafe owners solving murders. Her books sound fucking great and they are available on Kindle Unlimited for my KU girlies (gender neutral).

Celestine Martin messaged me as well and she writes paranormal romance with Black witches, emo mermen and fae princes. I tripped over myself running to my Libby app to place a hold on the audiobook.

25 to Love! by Joye Johnson is another one available on Kindle Unlimited for my KU girlies (gender neutral). The synopsis is: "TV's hottest dating show is '25 to Love!'. To nab a guy from her past, Lola signs on as the token girl of color. All's fair in love and ratings--can a week on TV get Lola closer to the one that got away?" You know what I love? Second chance romances, besties, that's right.

Splinter by Jasper Hyde was another I was recommended. Jasper writes paranormal, LGBTQ+ books. Jasper Hyde is a pen name for Georgina Kiersten who also goes by Rian Fox. The pen name denotes the subgenre that they write. Georgina does go by they/them pronouns and writes plus sized rep and neurodivergent rep too.

Kelly Cain. That's it. That's the tweet. THE EVERHEART BROTHERS SERIES????? If you know anything about me, you know that I have a hearing issue and so I've used audiobooks before but I never really clicked with them or got the hype. Turns out I had boring ass narrators (look I did the audio version of a lot of nonfiction books I had to read about old dead white guys in college so of course I had that feeling). THE EVERHEART BROTHERS AUDIOBOOKS ARE WHAT CHANGED ME. Deanna Anthony, the narrator, is so engaging and I didn't feel like I was listening to an audiobook, I felt like I was sitting across the table at brunch having a gossip session with my bestie. If you read it and you didn't like it, that's fine, but I didn't lie to you and enjoyment of art is subjective but also you're wrong and argue with a wall.

I've been seeing a lot of talk lately about Pride & Protest by Nikki Payne. This is a Pride & Prejudice and one of the reviews says, "If you ever wanted P&P to feel more like watching a swoony, steamy episode of Insecure, this is the book for you."

Currently, I am reading You Made a Fool of Death With Your Beauty by Akwaeke Emezi. It deals with themes of grief and romance and also bisexual representation. Absolutely beautiful prose. Akwaeke is Nigerian and has been in the USA since college. They are non-binary and go by they/them pronouns.

I also cannot end this list without mentioning Memphis by Tara M. Stringfellow. This follows three generations of a southern Black family in the neighborhood of Douglass in Memphis, TN (I was born a couple miles away in Raleigh) . Now, this book does have quite a few trigger warnings that I won't put here but I do encourage you to READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS before you purchase this book as it does deal with some pretty heavy subject matter.

I'm also going to end this by saying to keep an eye out for anything done by my best friend, the person who I have shared so many amazing, beautiful, life changing experiences with ALL OVER THE WORLD for the last fourteen years: Isana Skeete (Isana does not use pronouns). If you look at the GoodReads account for Isana that I linked, you'll see lists made with recommendations of books with queer POC rep and asexuality representation.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Kinou Nani tabeta. aka My Heart is Full aka I suck at titles

Let me just say before anything else. This is not a recap or a review. This is me feeling the need to write down my feelings because they are pouring out of me. This is more a personal note than anything else so skip it if that's not your thing.

I always watch this show on saturday mornings, with my coffee and breakfast, because it gives me a boost for the weekend. And I wanted to postpone the final episode as much as possible but I just couldn't. I gave in.

Second FYI. This will probably be incoherent and a mess because that's how I feel. Also, this fucking menopause (surgical, don't give me too many extra years) is really making a mess of my emotional state this week, so I'm all over the place. Also I might've had some wine. Also this may be a bit long. I think that's it.

How I got here

So, I've loved cinema since I was like 7. (yeah I'm going really back in time) Because my mom like films, she dragged to the cinema even when I was way too young for whatever was on. [ Fun Side note- The first film that I saw in the cinema was Bram Stoker's Dracula, when I was like 6, and my mum got into an argument with the cinema employee because" I am her mother, and I'll decide what she can or can't watch"and so I did watch it.]

So I always loved watching films, talking about them and eventually went to uni to learn how to make them. During that time, I went through a phase (which happened to a couple other people in my school) where I kinda got emotionally detached from the stories. I could only see the camera angles, the lighting, the editing, etc.

When I was done with uni, and had decided that editing was my favourite thing I started doing a bit of work in editing, mostly online stuff and a couple of ads in London, and 3 years later I was done. Obviously there were life factors and health factors that contributed to this, but still I left it all behind.

Then, I quickly went back to being able to watch stories with all the emotions.

Let's skip forward to present day.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? feel in my lap by way of my very first BL. Seven Days. I watched those films and went through all the emotions and needed more. More of that serotonin please.

So I got in research mode and that's when I found this wonderful world of BL and eventually this show.

Now, a little bit more about me, just in case you aren't sick of me talking about myself. I'm not a jolly person. If you asked anyone that knows me irl, they would describe me as someone who always thinks the sky is falling. However, I also love a lot of things deeply, and when it comes to things that I can't find a word big enough for it I call it magic. So I'll use it here.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? is magic.

If this show was a meal then the absolutely right ingredients were found, they were put in the hands of the best cooks and everything was prepared with love and care. This show that I love, was put together by people who love it, and couldn't not make it. This is what I believe. It's my kind of faith.

I've seen so many shows, I've loved so many of them, a lot of them touched me deeply. But only a few touched me this way.

When there is love in something, real care and empathy in the making of something, you can feel it, I believe. And I feel it so much watching this show. I get emotional just writing this.

I wish I could thank every single person that made this show possible. And we could argue all day about the quality of a show, its actors, writers or directors. I could argue why my favourite show is better than your favourite show, and why your show is more important than my show, and why that show failed and another succeeded. I will not argue about the importance of this show and my faith is unshakable.

Maybe because I love food so much and in my life my love filled moments were always around food, I connected at first with Kenji, because his reactions to food resemble mine. But this season Shiro stole my heart and soul. His quiet but profound way of loving Kenji made cry more than any sad scene ever could. And onions and chicken thighs will forever have deeper meaning in my kitchen. These two characters are so well written and so well acted, the words are so layered and so meaningful, that it's a miracle to me that it exists and that I got to watch it.

I'm sure other people will write much better posts about this show, and will probably be better (at a hell of a lot more on point) at writing about all the amazing things that this show has done. But I'm an emotional wreck and I could only write from a personal place today.

I'll be rewatching this show in it's entirety soon, because the evolution of these characters, Shiro specially, was such a joy to witness.

If you read this far, thank you. 💜

[blueberry-pride]

Sing Me A Melody

Centurion Follower Event Special (March 1-25) Warnings: N/A Request: Hi, can I request about mc/Yuu loves to sing and rook and mallues write a poem about how they admire their songs ^^ (I really like poems and singing I think it'll be Soo cute ✨)

Berry: So I accidentally messed up with the original one in my inbox TvT hopefully this still finds its way to that anon because I actually really like this idea <3 Haven't written poems in a while but it was fun getting back into it!

"To what do my sharp ears have the chance of hearing?" He chuckled as he peaks from afar. Standing still, blending into the woods as he watches (Y/N) as the light dance through their skin, their voice echoing through the trees, leaves gently falling down like rose petals around them which has the hunter enraptured.

Would spend the next few days, trying to find your voice once more. Planning out his schedule just so he could spend just a little time to watch you in your moment.

Watches from afar as to not scare and interrupt your singing but just couldn't help himself singing a lonely duet for a while. Be it singing along with you or adding his own verses. He often finds himself to be in a more lovesick mood, humming and swooning (Vil and Epel are giving him the side-eye)

To describe his style of poems, I think he'd write like hundreds or even thousands (you can't stop a man who is this passionate) and they all vary depending on the song you chose to sing that day. Very sweet, charming and passionate for your eyes only.

You'd come across these poems as Rook would have them in a sort of scavenger hunt. Easy to find and navigate but loves the thrill of it when you realize it'll lead you to the place you'd often sing at. There, you'd find him, smiling softly with a single red rose in hand. Would you care for a duet (Y/N)?

My words, my pen, and my heart could not do you justice

But by the stars above,

Your voice, your melody and your presence…

is your dialect, a showcase of love

I may know and speak a many from far and near

But you, mon amour'

You speak in a language that only my heart can hear

Through you, I see beauty, I see your grandeur

My pen, Your Melody, My heart to your presence

May we sing together in our decadence

No matter what we may speak, no matter what is sung

Our ballad will go onward as the day is still young

"I've heard countless melodies and ballads for my kingdom, and for my honor..." He thought to himself but he couldn't stop his feet from walking towards the familiar voice near Ramshackle. "But never have I been struck down like lightning by a melody as soft and gentle as rain."

The Fae prince was already poetic and smitten from the first time he heard your voice and each time he watches from afar, he grows even more fonder of you. Would often just stop in the middle of what he's doing if he hears you humming from across the hallway. (Don't make him shush you)

Whenever he doesn't know the song your singing, he'd go to Lilia or even others for help on the matter. (A very funny scene is him bothering Leona about it as well if he' catches sight of the lion's in the vicinity). Similar to Rook, he's also the type to hum to himself as he goes about his usual walks at night or around the dorm. All while his dorm is curious to what got their dorm leader so enamored by a love song..

His style of poems has quite the difference in comparison to Rook's. Malleus' are what I believe to be honest, sentimental with a all the love showered into each verse. Devotion and sincerity in its purest form all while sprinkled with ornate words that are only fitting for such a Fae of his caliber.

I see this story befitting of a secret admirer trope. Malleus would be the type to send poems night after night, happily watching from a far just to see you smile upon reading them. He'd leave it by your doorstep up until You'd come back earlier than expected to accidentally catch him in the act.

"Well isn't this quite a predicament we're in child of man."

The stars don't hold a candle

in comparison to how radiant you are tonight

The darkness, where I've lived for long and alone

Yet your sweet words, The heart in your song felt like home

How I feel for you can be the making of a story

Path of thorns, wall of flames, or even if I was pierced by ivory

No matter, lull me to sleep with your symphony

And I shall let it be

Of shadows, of storms and curses I master

All to hear your melody, my symphony

Give us a serenade as I waltz you to our Happily Ever After

[briannysey]

Getting Started Reading Poetry in "Free Verse"

So @gunkbreaker asked me for recommendations on where to get started for reading stuff in free verse. I'm a poet who mostly learned, wrote, and read what I could through the internet and in open mics, and only recently have started to get a classical education on this. So I've got some thoughts, but take everything I say with a grain of salt (other than my recommendations, they're good).

Using a read-more b/c this is gonna be a long-ass post.

So a lot of my kind of ambient poetry education came through reading stuff that I purchased from bookstores, hearing folks at open mics, and most especially from listening to spoken word stuff on Youtube (shoutouts to Button Poetry for keeping my creative spirit alive from 2014-2022 before I returned to school). I was often derisive towards established meter and verse like iambic pentameter because I carried the foolish belief that this limited what a poet could write about and keep a poet from writing "real poetry" not that I had a coherent conception of what "real poetry" even would be.

Anyways I'm over that. Something my current mentor has been trying to nail into my head is that there are three major types of form when it comes to poetry: Received Form, Created Form, and Found Form. Received Form is any already established or created form that comes to a poet and will be the most common source of established schemes for meter, rhyme, syllable count, line length, etc... (Sidenote: part of the reason that I was derisive towards Received Form is because I am kind of metrically blind & deaf, and really struggle to identify it let alone use it) Created Form could not have any of these, or could have just a few, or no restrictions on all. It's just a form that you have fashioned for yourself and didn't exist before you started in it. A lot of stuff that could be considered "Free Verse" will fall into this category. Then there's Found Form which is like, a journal entry as a poem, or a grocery store receipt as a poem, or a spelling bee as a poem. They're things that you find in the world that you change and adapt into a poem, and there's some incredible fucking poetry written in Found Form.

Quick side note: Free Verse kind of came around with modernist literature and poets. It mostly just means poetry that lacks established meter, rhyme, or other limitations. But as my mentor has often said "All poetry has forms. It might just be less traditional or take more expansive language to describe."

Anywho, I'm just gonna y'all with a TL;DR of the recced poets then I'll go into recommending specific works and why I think the poets are great for this form. We've got

Sarah Kay

Jun Jordan

Mary Oliver

TS Eliot

Hanif Abdurraqib

So let's dig in:

Sarah Kay

Free verse is interesting in that sometimes when a poem is in some sort of received form like an iambic pentametered sonnet or a haiku these forms aren’t readily apparent when spoken aloud. Sarah Kay’s work is often freely available to the public only through audio. She does a lot of readings, if you want to read the text of her poetry you typically have to purchase a collection. I’ve linked some examples of her work here. She does take on a little of “the voice” that spoken word poets sometimes get made fun of for. Her poetry is typically wildly and powerfully earnest which I think helps dispel some reservations folks might otherwise have for that. From what I understand her work right now is very focused on educating folks on poetry and finding ways to connect students to poetry through spoken word poetry. It’s an approach that will often ignore or totally drop more classical verse as it finds ways to meet new poets and poetry appreciators where they’re at.

https://poets.org/poem/house-no-doors

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OemkJy0y0b0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdLmHCwciCY

June Jordan

June Jordan has many great examples of work that exists outside of received form. If you’re looking for a poet who built on the vibrant traditions of the Harlem Renaissance, a poet whose poetry and work was activism and advocacy then June Jordan is a great place to start. Jordan was also a huge proponent for using Black/African American English in poetry.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/161359/poem-for-siddhartha-gautama-of-the-shakyas-the-original-buddha

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/161358/resolution-1003

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/161360/you-came-with-shells

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/161357/poem-about-my-rights-651df23f84683 (CW for frank and heavy discussion of sexual violence in this piece)

Mary Oliver

Mary Oliver is having a bit of a moment in pop culture. “Wild Geese” gets TikTok edits and readings of it are set to joyous montages of peoples’ lives. Which is fair, the poem is just that good. It straight up changed the way I think about and approach my identity and paved the way for me to crack my egg and transition.

Her poetry is very often devoid of received form, and is notable for almost always consisting of heavy imagery from nature. She took frequent walks in nature and drew on this for her work. I’d argue that she wrote so frequently and heavily with nature imagery that once you read enough of her work you can start to parse the images and metaphors as not usually being about the presented subject itself, but as a vehicle for discussing personal or social issues and phenomena. Which isn’t a very bold claim, but Oliver wrote a lot and when you read enough of her work you really can start to read and understand subjects that are very far from the nature she portrays.

I have a collection of her works that I keep on my nightstand, and when I don’t have other readings I’m working through I try to read a couple poems from it. I’m gonna be honest that experience of reading her poetry by lamplight is an almost religious one for me. I cannot sing Oliver’s praises highly enough.

T.S. Eliot

I can’t speak to too much of Eliot’s work. I know he’s often regarded as part of the first wave of “Free-Verse” poetry. The Wasteland is definitely worth reading on vibes alone, but especially knowing that you’re looking for poetry outside of established meter, rhythm, and rhyme schemes, if you wanted to start with one of the first, most famous, and classical examples then The Wasteland can be a great place for that.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/47311/the-waste-land

Hanif Abdurraqib

The poem here linked at muzzlemagazine is a great example of how the form of a poem might not be easily available to listeners. The way a poem is spoken is often transformative, and an adaptation even on the part of the poet between the written piece and the spoken piece. The link here has both Abdurraqib’s audio and his written poem so you can see and hear some of the differences between the two.

https://www.muzzlemagazine.com/hanif-abdurraqib.html

Abdurraqib has been hugely influential on my work. His work is titanic in scope and thought, and honestly I think after he’s gone the poets and historians of tomorrow are gonna struggle to understand just how awesome and powerful his poetry is.

A lot of ink’s been spilled (especially by Abdurraqib himself) over the importance of importance of Carly Rae Jepsen and the Minnesota Timberwolves to Abdurraqib. I think he writes honestly and with a powerful dignity about topics that other poets and writers might fear to explore or worse: topics that other writers might feel are beneath them.

https://poetrysociety.org/poems-essays/in-their-own-words/hanif-willis-abdurraqib-on-ode-to-kanye-west-in-two-parts-ending-in-a-chain-of-mothers-rising-from-the-river

https://www.splitthisrock.org/poetry-database/poem/i-dont-know-any-longer-why-the-flags-are-at-half-staff

I’m gonna give a special shout out to Abdurraqib’s “And What Good Will Your Vanity Be When The Rapture Comes.” When I speak about poetry that changed me, this one is it. I listened to this piece and said “Fuck I want to write half as good as this” and it kept me writing and reading poetry through some of the hardest points in my life. A lot of Abdurraqib’s work, I feel, is transcendental. Its work that through image, metaphor, and content becomes surreal and transformative.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZxsRiKJje8

Honestly if you get one takeaway from this essay please let it be “Read Abdurraqib, no one is doing it like him.”

[astranite]

Here's a few questions lmao

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

20. What’s a favourite title for a fic you’ve written?

27. Is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? Why?

Thank you!!!

3. Edges of the Universe is definitely my favourite fic because it explores both John and Scott's relationship and who John is and how that is interwoven with being autistic. All of my neurodivergent Tracies fics have a special place in my heart because even though in my head they always are I love exploring it on a textual level. Though I actually love all of my fics for their own reasons!!

5. Hmmm I am often trying to write all the ideas I am having but some are fun just to play with and imagine! For a very random one I've got some ideas for a crack treated seriously body swap trope fic mostly because giving them each other's strengths and weaknesses quite literally has the capacity to be interesting for characterisation. I might write up some notes to post if people were interested but its not something id write as a fully fleshed out fic. Though I do enjoy a plot-device mad science we dont explain makes things happen presmise!

6. So many fics I love!!! There is Suffering in Silence by @janetm74 which has John and always gives me emotions, Nowhere Else by @silverstarfics because its scott and john and my birthday fic and i adore it, Trochilidae by @idontknowreallywhy for ADHD Scott that I am very fond of, and Sweet Chariot by @edutainer2022 particularly CH2 Puzzles for a beautifully described cuddle pile.

10. It would probably be that my fic of John and Virgil got more of a reaction of many people enjoying it than I expected as its not really a combination i have seen very often (but if anyone has any recs!!!).

20. Two titles of note are Protective is an Emotion because that encapsulates the core of the fic in John protecting Virgil, and Respite (Spun Glass and Golden Light) because of both poetic and metaphoric reasons. Though I occasionally use song lyrics or single words, I enjoy finding the right set of words for titles particularly in a phrase.

27. Again probably that would be Edges of the Universe most as it is very close to my heart, intensely emotional and personal from the experiences it is drawn from and I'm very proud of it.

[pseudowho]

Hihiii Haitch!

Okay, first of all, I would like to say that I’m absolutely in love with your writing. The way you write Nanami is just✨✨

And I was on the fence about watching jjk because of the numerous spoilers I had encountered. But all your fics and my lil (read major) crush on nanami finally made me come around to watch it, I’m on s1e6 rn (I’ll just blissfully ignore the teensy detail I know about what happens to nanami and my other fav characters while watching it…hehe😭)

So onwards to my questions :

1) How does writing come to you? Does it feel like that urgent spidey senses tingling moment and the next thing you know your fingers are flying across the keyboard like a woman possessed…or does it feel like this distant feeling, that slowly grows and you let it simmer fully before you formulate it into words?

2) what song or word do you think immaculately describes Mr haitch?

3) Do you derive your real feelings while writing? Like the feelings that you feel in that particular moment, does it affect it somehow? Have you ever written something that has made you feel very exposed in an emotional way?

4) lastly I’ll add a fun fact : Did you know that in India, marriages are taken so seriously and especially arranged marriages, that there is a very well developed legit business solely centered around finding perfect matches for you. So your family essentially contracts an agency that finds matches for you , based on your requirements and it has levels to it.

The families of the to be bride and groom, use the agency as a mediator to contact each other. The agency also runs background checks. You have to pay a yearly subscription fee for it. And if you want to marry your child outside your tax bracket (into a wealthier family to put it bluntly) you can join the premium membership, where you pay double, only to get a chance to get meetings with their high profile clients. (Yes I know how shallow this is…)

Hellooooo! I am so sorry for the pain you will soon endure. Please know that if I could hold your hand through it, I would.

I'm so glad they made a TV series about that weird JJK Bad Timeline AU. It was a great way to explore all of the things that could have happened to the characters we love, but didn't. Really creative. 10/10. So glad they got the Good Timeline in reality.

Both of those actually! My drabbles, especially my husband!Nanami and Papamin drabbles are very much the former. My longer fics that I header, gently form in my head over a number of days, maturing slowly.

Melancholy Hill by Gorillaz: Up on Melancholy Hill/ Sits a manatee/ Just looking out for the day/ When you're close to me/ When you're close to meWell you can't get what you want/ But you can get me/ So let's set out to sea, love/ 'Cause you are my medicine/ When you're close to me/ When you're close to me

AND... Absent by Sylosis:

I'm no saint I've no virtue I wish I could feel that you hurt too But it's so dark I can't tell god from the devil I'm just absent More than ever

I surrender I'm incomplete I've had all I can take So take me in pieces

3. I'm very good at making myself feel exactly how I need to feel, for the purpose of writing. I'm also very good at making other people feel how I need them to feel, good and bad. So I find it easy to recreate emotions in fics. It's freaky and I'm sorry. I also separate myself from that very well, sort of hovering above it as I write it. Nothing that makes me feel exposed would ever be written down on my blog, because that's purely for a couple of select people to witness.

4. I did know this! I've cared for lots of Indian couples having babies, and as such I'm rather well-versed in cultural traditions. I'm always fascinated by peoples' love and marriage stories, so listen with great interest when they share things like this. Thank you for also sharing the information. It sounds cut-throat!

Thank you so much for the wonderful Inbox. I really enjoyed answering it!

Love as always,

-- Haitch xxx

[kindahoping4forever]

Blood Moon Lit // Ashton Irwin

Hello! Thank you to everyone who continues to engage with my masterlist and ask about my writing even though the fics have slowed down again - even as a writer, I somehow can't find the words to describe how encouraging it is. It's because of that encouragement that I've got a new fic for you today! I've been working on some longer form stuff (partly to blame for my absence) and since those projects are gonna take some time, I thought it'd be fun to sneak in a quick, light piece to tide us all over. The lunar eclipse that took place last week (sadly rained out in LA) provided a burst of inspiration and I ran with it!

As always thank you to @cal-puddies, it's more apparent than ever that I don't know how to do this without her lol

Warnings: Friends to lovers!Ash, an overabundance of flirty banter, an obnoxious amount of references to Ash's beard. A conversation about weed. Protected first time sex.Just some classic fluffy smut vibes.

Word Count: 6585

Masterlist // Ko-Fi linked above

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated!

“You know, according to the Farmer’s Almanac---”

“How many times do I have to tell you that’s an absurd way to begin a sentence?”

Ashton tosses a crumpled up napkin in your direction, good-natured glare on his face. “If you’re gonna invite yourself over to my house to watch the eclipse, it’s only fair that you listen to my moon anecdotes.”

“Alternate perspective: if you’re going to be offering up moon anecdotes to a captive audience, you should spice up your presentation. You’re a professional entertainer, Ash, you should understand.”

You cackle watching your friend’s face twist and contort as he struggles not to laugh at your ribbing. He scratches at his beard, aggravated and amused, and you can’t help but smile. He’s so expressive, you love getting a reaction out of him.

“Next time, you can throw your own damn eclipse party, I don’t care how lame the view at your apartment is,” he declares, knocking on the kitchen island for emphasis.

You shrug, “Lucky for me, the next lunar eclipse isn’t until 2025, so I’ve got time to find some better digs.”

“I’ve got time to find better friends,” he mutters under his breath, giggling at the sound of your offended gasp. Apparently he loves getting a reaction out of you as well.

You pout, “Aww, if you didn’t want me here, would you really have gone to this much trouble?” You hug his broad shoulders, cozying up to him, smiling at how he seems to melt against you. You gesture at the spread of snacks on the tray in front of you. “Crescent sandwiches, moon pies, Mars bars, Milky Ways…”

“Not a lot of moon specific snacks out there, had to extend the theme to the entire solar system,” he chuckles, nudging you with a pack of Starburst, gesturing for you to follow him outside.

It’s not that you invited yourself over to Ash’s tonight, it’s just that when you complained how obscured the view is at your place and he responded by mentioning how much he loves watching the moon from his garden every night… Well, that sounds like an invitation, now doesn’t it?

You trail behind him as he sets the food on a table in the backyard and pulls two bottled waters out of a nearby cooler, handing one to you.

You grab a sandwich off the tray. “Do you want to finish your almanac anecdote, buddy?” You ask sweetly as you settle in, laying across the patio couch he’s set up.  

Distracted, he pats the pockets of the button down shirt he’s wearing. “You’re only being nice to me now because I’m feeding you," he sighs.

“Well, yeah, that’s the key to most positive interactions with me. We’ve known each other for how long and you’re just realizing this?” You crack, grabbing the lighter out of your shorts pocket and tossing it to him.

Ashton snorts at your joke and bends down to light the candles on the table. You may be friends but you’re also human and can't resist noticing how well his jeans fit him, especially when pulled tight across his ass like they are right now. The sound of him dropping the lighter back onto the table stirs you from your thoughts and you tune back into the conversation.

“...So that’s why some cultures advise people not to eat during an eclipse,” he shares proudly, sitting in a chair across from you.

“Interesting,” you respond breezily, giggling as he sticks his tongue out at you, clearly able to tell you weren’t paying attention.

“Listen, I don’t see you attempting any trivia to pass the fuckin’ time,” he snarks. 

“I didn’t know there was gonna be a pop quiz, dude,” you gripe. “Besides, why are you worried about filling time anyways? If you went to the trouble of themed snacks, I know there's no way you didn't slap together a playlist."

"Ah, I have been perceived," he admits with a grin and with a few swipes of his phone, "The Killing Moon" by Echo and the Bunnymen begins pouring from the speakers just outside the house.

The eclipse begins just after midnight and the full visibility - and accompanying "blood moon" coloring - isn't due for almost another two and a half hours so the two of you vibe, snack and banter for a while, occasionally peering up at the sky and commenting on if you think the moon looks different yet or not. 

After about an hour, Ash disappears inside for a few minutes and returns holding two cups of steaming hot coffee, the pink blanket from his living room couch slung over his shoulder.

"How'd you know?" You coo, beaming up at him as he spreads the soft material over your legs.

"Because I know you," he laughs, watching as you warm your hands on the mug he just handed you. "Offered you sweats to come out here, you refused and still spent the entire time trying to yank that hoodie - which I expect back by the way - over your legs."

You defend your choice, "I like the cool air on my legs!" 

"Why is that such a girly thing? The oversized hoodie with the tiniest shorts? Like are you hot or cold? Pick one."

"Says the man who went inside to get his cozy jacket and yet hasn't thought of buttoning his shirt."

"Maybe I like the cool air on my chest," he mimics you with a twinkle in his eye.

"Oh, is that why your nips always look ready to cut glass?"

He nearly spills his coffee laughing. "You been checkin' out my nips, baby?"

"Nah, just conscious of sharp hazards and when I should be wearing protective eyewear," you joke, ignoring the flush you involuntarily feel when he casually calls you 'baby' like that.

Ashton giggles gleefully as he turns his attention to the sky. "These clouds are making it hard to tell what's supposed to be there, eclipse-wise," he complains. He crosses over to your couch and in one easy motion, lifts your legs up and places them in his lap as he sits down. He points, "That right there? That's moving, right? Must be a cloud. But what's that next to it?"

If you're being honest, you can't see what he's talking about too well from this angle but you're not sure you're ready to move and give up the feeling of his legs warming yours, of his hands subconsciously drumming on the blanket covering you. You like feeling him close. 

"I mean… you can still kinda see light through it so it's probably cloud, yeah?" You reach for your phone to check the weather. "Damn, why is there so much coverage though, didn't you say it's not supposed to rain until the morning?"

"Yeah not ‘til like 5 or 6," he answers. He squeezes your legs. "By the way, if it starts before that, you're staying here. I don't like you driving home in the middle of the night and in a storm."

"Whatever you say, Dad." 

He scoffs, face coloring ever so slightly. “Excuse me for caring about you staying safe.”

He looks damn good when he’s embarrassed and you decide you’d like to see more. “Sorry, you’re right. Whatever you say… Daddy?”

“Oh, fuck off,” he laughs, a little too loud, a little too hard. Cheeks now an adorable shade of pink, he playfully shoves your legs off his lap. “Get outta here,” he adds for good measure.

“Rude,” you accuse, grinning as you catch yourself before you fall off the couch, adjusting your position to sit next to him. 

You steal a glance over at him as he looks upwards again: his curls messy from laying around, shirt askew and exposing a generous amount of chest, chest you know to be warm and solid and full of hair that tickles your face every time he pulls you into a hug when he’s wearing a shirt like that. He looks nice. Comfortable. Comforting. You want him closer and you’re contemplating how to achieve that when he suddenly gets up from his seat.

The disappointment that runs through you is mercifully temporary as Ash drags the cooler over in front of the couch to use as an ottoman. He plops down next to you again and stretches out, putting his feet up, sighing in satisfaction. You do the same and use the opportunity to toss the end of your blanket over him, scooting closer so that you’ll both fit under it. You rest your head on his shoulder and he doesn’t seem to mind, just like you don’t mind the designs his fingers begin tracing on your knee.

“Can I ask something?” Your voice breaks the silence. The designs stop. Interesting.

“Depends,” he says wryly. He seems nervous. You like it.

You throw him a curveball. “Are we not smoking tonight?”

He snorts, nudging your knees with his. “Take over my garden, eat my snacks, now you want my weed?”

“See, I’d argue that having someone over to literally just stare at the moon for hours implies drug use is on the agenda,” you muse. “I’d argue that Ashton Irwin having someone over to his house in general implies there’d at least be an offer.”

He pokes your side as a means of protest and you squeal in response. “Truth be told, I thought about putting a couple joints on the table but I didn’t want you falling asleep before the big show even started,” he explains, mischief dancing in his eyes.

You drop your jaw in exaggerated offense. “That’s never---”

“Your birthday, my birthday, select dinner parties, two weeks ago when we watched that movie… that one time I think we were watching the Olympics…”

“OK, OK, I get it… Jesus,” you concede, amused at how much he’s enjoying calling you out like this. “Listen, maybe if you didn’t smoke fuckin’ industrial strength weed…”

“Maybe if you’d bring your own stash every once in a while instead of just mooching off mine,” he zings back, squeezing your thigh to make sure you know he’s kidding. He lets you pout for a few beats before he adds in a notably softer voice, “I actually did go to the shop the other day and picked up some of that hybrid you told me you liked. Maybe if this goddamn moon ever does what it’s supposed to do, I’ll break out with it.” 

You offer him a fond smile. “Ya ol’ softie,” you tease, ruffling his hair. Your logic brain tries to convince you it was because you wanted to annoy him but the impulsive part of you suspects you just really wanted to touch him for some reason. 

In a move that appears to surprise even himself, Ashton closes his eyes and contentedly leans into your touch. He attempts to course correct by peering at the sky and observing, “The moon’s definitely gotten darker… but that storm really looks like it’s moving in quicker than they said it would, there’s even more clouds than before.”

“Gonna be such a waste if we can’t even see the blood moon after all this,” you comment.

“Ouch, I’m having fun hanging out with you too,” he cracks, nudging you with his knees again. You don’t think his body has been out of contact with yours since he sat back down. Interesting. 

You bump his shoulders with yours. “So fucking sensitive,” you laugh, shaking your head. “Like I probably wouldn’t have been hanging here tonight anyways.”

“That’s true,” he agrees. “You’d definitely already be asleep on my couch by now.”

“Oh my god, Ash, I do not pass out here that often!”

“Why’d you think I served you a giant cup of coffee at 1 AM?” 

“You’re actually the worst person I know, congratulations.”

“Just figure you took the whole ‘make yourself at home’ thing a bit too literally.”

You turn to stare daggers at him and the resulting burst of laughter he lets out is so intense it echoes into the night.

“As if I'd be able to fall asleep out here anyways, I’m fucking freezing,” you grumble. He takes a breath to respond but you cut him off. “And I know it’s my fault for not borrowing the sweatpants, we’re all aware, the media will be calling for comment in the morning.”

His laughter continues and though you’re committed to your performance as a pitiful, mocked guest, watching him react to your plight is so endearing, you’re having a hard time keeping a straight face yourself.

He finally stops long enough to gasp out some breaths and wipe his eyes. “Aww, I’m sorry, baby,” he says, somewhat sincerely, though you can still detect a faint chuckle in his voice. He tries again. “You’re still cold, though, for real?”

“Yeah, dude, the temperature’s had to have dropped at least ten degrees since we’ve been out here.”

You’ve barely gotten through half of your sentence before Ash is pulling your body closer, laying your head on his chest, tucking you inside his jacket and wrapping his arms around you. “How’s that?” He asks, vigorously rubbing your arm.

“Um…” Your mind is blank and suddenly you swear you’ve never had a thought in your life, the concept of language is entirely outside of your grasp. All you know is you wanted him close and now Ashton is literally all around you. You take a deep breath to reset your mind but it only makes things worse, he smells incredible.

He reads your stammering negatively and starts rambling, "I thought about setting up that little fire pit for us but I didn't want to light things up too much and take away from the view." He continues fussing over you, holding you tighter. "I could see if I can do it real quick…"

“No, Ash… it’s fine, I’m fine,” you quickly insist, unwilling to give up this embrace for any reason. Trying to play it cool, you quip, “Plus it’s getting late, can’t have me getting too cozy, anyways.”

Your humorous sidestep provides enough of a misdirect and the two of you lay in comfortable silence for a bit. It’s long enough for you to finally relax into him and start thinking about how nice and natural this feels, how you kind of want him on you like this all the time, how you’re not sure if you’ve ever felt this warm and content or if you’ll ever feel this way again. 

Unfortunately it’s also long enough for you to start overthinking things and now you’re wondering if he can feel how fast your heart is beating, if he’s noticed all the subtle breaths you’ve been forcing yourself to take. You pause. OK, his heart feels like it’s beating pretty fast too. Wait. Really? Shit, thinking about his heart beating fast is making yours beat even faster now. The fuck?

He’s not… you’re not… right? You’re obviously aware that Ashton is an attractive man. Super charming. Thoughtful. Caring. And yeah, you get along great. He understands you, listens to you, confides in you. Sure, you have chemistry. All friends do, don’t they? 

He senses that something’s up with you and you swear you’ve never felt anything as intense as his hand squeezing your shoulder as he quietly asks, “You OK?”

You look up at him… since when is he this gorgeous? The sleepy smile on his face, creating deep dimples in his cheeks and friendly crinkles around his eyes, eyes filled with equal parts curiosity and concern for what’s going on with you. The dark beard on his face draws attention to his perfectly pink lips, lips that he nervously licks and catches between his teeth while he waits to hear what you have to say. Lips that you’re definitely staring at now. Lips that you’ve never given this much intentional thought to. Ashton’s lips. Fuck.

“Yeah, yeah, all good,” you nod, tearing your eyes away from his suddenly irresistible features. Desperate to distract yourself from your thoughts, you ask, “Got any more moon anecdotes for us?”

“Pfftt, why? So you can make fun of me some more?” He replies pitifully, jutting out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout.

Those goddamn lips. Fuck.

"It was a genuine question!” You sit up and train your eyes on the clouds, figuring it’s best not to look at the man sitting next to you until you figure out exactly what your brain is doing. “Might as well learn something while we wait.”

He giggles, “Ah, ‘might as well.’ My favorite conversation prompt!” You jab at him and he giggles harder. “I dunno, what kind of anecdotes do you want? You clearly thought my almanac shit was lame.”

You laugh, “Because it matters so much what I think?” The tiny shrug he gives in response gives you a butterfly feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your brain needs a channel change ASAP. “Give me some of your hippie dippie anecdotes. Like, we know why the moon is doing this but what does it mean?” 

Ash grins. “You’re still making fun of me but I’ll allow it.” He purses his lips and strokes his beard while he thinks of what topic to present to you. “Well… you know all eclipses can be considered symbolic, spiritual events.”

“Sure, everyone knows that.”

He squints, unsure whether or not you’re being serious but unphased regardless. “But did you know that emotionally a lunar eclipse is about three times more powerful than a solar one?”

“Oh?”

“You seriously want to know?” He asks, looking you over in a way you’re assuming is meant to be playfully skeptical but makes you feel flushed nonetheless.

Your laughs blend together as you elbow his side. “Yes, you weirdo! You’ve been trying all night to tell me about the moon, now’s your shot!”

He begins explaining this theory, animatedly detailing bits of ancient mythology for context. You listen with genuine intent but you also find yourself focusing on the way he’s talking to you, the excitement behind his eyes as he shares his knowledge, how he uses his hands to punctuate his ideas. Have his hands always been so large and attention grabbing? You try to zero in on his words but unfortunately, that brings you back to his lips, which are wrapping around every word he says in the most inviting way.

In an effort to remove the visual conundrum of Ashton entirely, you lay against him again. Without breaking his train of thought, he recalibrates, arms coming back to gently cradle you, voice dropping to a softer tone. “...So it’s basically like you’re getting all the effects from a full moon and an eclipse all at once,” he summarizes. 

“Oh, I guess I never thought of it like that before,” you think out loud. You smile because you practically hear him buzzing at your interest. “Both of those events are already centered around transformation, so combined that’s a lot of energy being put towards change.”

“Mmm hmm. And this one’s a blood moon too, which also fits that theme.”

“I thought a blood moon was more like… destruction. Chaos. That’s why those tattoos of yours make so much sense,” you tease.

He cackles loudly. “Can’t give a guy a break for one second!” You look up to flash him an innocent smile and he affectionately rolls his eyes before going back to the conversation. “It can mean those things. But I’d say those are forms of change, right? And it can also symbolize rebirth, which is change.”

“True.”

He’s quiet for a moment before he launches into his next idea. “I really like how it all works together to form a bigger conversation about exploration, evolution.” He waits for the inquisitive glance he knows is coming from you and when you deliver, he continues. “So a full moon is full so that’s an opportunity to think on what you’re grateful for, the fullness in your life, right? But you can also use those feelings to set your intentions by the full moon, what you want your next phase to contain. Evolution.”

“OK…” You nod.

Fuck.

“And then an eclipse is a harbinger for change… could be an ending, could be a beginning.”

“Could be both,” you point out.

He squeezes you encouragingly. “Exactly! And then the blood moon is interesting because it’s, you know, refracted sunlight - literally light shining through the darkness. So that’s connected to intentions hidden below the surface…” He pauses long enough that you look up to see why he stopped talking and he locks eyes with you. “Evolving something you maybe thought you were already content with… or exploring wants and desires you didn’t even know were there.”

You trust your face to remain neutral while your mind races. Evolving something? Exploring wants and desires? It’s all a bit too on the nose… maybe you’re reading too much into things, looking for excuses to be feeling the way you’re feeling, thinking what you’re thinking. But the way he looked at you when he said that… you’ve never been smoldered at before but hey, apparently every aspect of tonight’s moon is super gung ho about new experiences so why not?

Ash holds your gaze, looking at you somehow both patiently and expectantly as he waits for the conversation to continue. Your logic brain and your impulse brain have differing ideas on what an appropriate response would be so you buy yourself some time. 

"I mean… I think there's definitely something to all that but it also seems like a good opportunity for people to be reckless and then just blame it on the moon if it doesn't go the way they wanted."

Soft smile on his face, he shrugs. “I don’t know if it really matters to be honest, whether it’s an actual influence or just helps you frame your perceptions differently? Maybe that safety net of ‘the moon made me do it’ gives people the courage they need to act on feelings they felt they couldn’t otherwise.” His eyes stay fixed on you while he speaks. “Doesn’t make their actions any less valid. Inspiration is still inspiration.”

Fuck. 

He definitely just snuck a peek at your lips.

Fuck.

Logic brain and impulse brain are arguing louder than ever… but curiosity brain decides to drown them both out and you find yourself coyly replying, “Well then… are you feeling inspired tonight, Ash?”

The corners of his mouth curl into something more teasing than a smile but softer than a smirk. His fingers brush along your jaw before hooking under your chin to tilt your head towards him. 

Fuck. This is really happening.

You're not sure what's louder: the voice in your head screaming excited obscenities at you, your shallow, shuddered breathing or your heartbeat pounding in your ears.

You lean in to meet Ashton halfway and his lips finally brush against yours. Those lips. Ashton’s lips. They're softer than you expected and sweet, still faintly tasting of the desserts you shared earlier. His lips are undemanding, applying gentle pressure, moving slowly, unrushed. The kiss is commanding but cautious. Persuasive but respectful. Simultaneously a screaming exclamation and a tentative question, both eagerly awaiting your response.

You expect your brain to be bombarding you with a million questions and concerns but you're stunned to hear… nothing. No racing thoughts, no self-conscious reprimands. Your mind has suddenly found peace, content to be exploring… whatever this is.

You eventually break apart and he studies your face, clearly trying to gauge your reaction to this unexpected territory. Your brain doesn’t offer up any coherent thoughts, let alone words to say, so you pull him back in, opting to let your lips silently share with him how you’re feeling. He lets out a satisfied hum against you, reciprocating your energy and your mouths move together frantically, your skin tingling both from excitement and from the friction of his beard.

Without even realizing you're moving, your hands tangle in his curls, pulling him closer as your tongue swipes over his lips, seeking permission to deepen the kiss. His hands settle on the back of your neck, thumbs lightly stroking your cheeks as he accepts your invitation to finally kiss you with the full force of his passion. 

The next time you break for air, you waste no time in adjusting the blanket so that you have room to straddle his lap. He delightedly chuckles your name as you settle on top of him.

“This feels like one of those reckless things you were talking about,” he teases, running his hands up and down your sides.

“Mmm hmm,” you lilt, leaning in to peck along his jaw on your way to tongue at his earring, an idea you’ve been fixated on for most of the evening. 

He groans deliciously as you catch the tiny hoop between your teeth, giving it a light tug before you move your attention back to his lips. “Do we need to take a beat and think this through?” He asks before capturing your face between his hands and planting his most heated series of kisses yet.

You shiver at the way he caresses your cheeks, at the realization that his hands are large enough to cover basically your entire face; Ashton assumes you’re trembling from the cold and pulls away to reposition the blanket around your shoulders. “Oh, this is clearly a huge mistake,” you answer, tone unconcerned as you run your fingers through the chest hair peeking out from his shirt.

He giggles, ticklish at your touch, as he brings you back in. “Definitely in ‘ruining the friendship’ territory,” he laments with a grin. 

“Irreparable damage being done,” you agree, smiling back, closing the space between you. The kisses seem to increase in intensity each time you break apart and come together again and you soon hear yourself murmuring at the feeling of his hands giving your ass a light squeeze. You roll your hips in response and can’t help whimpering again when you find him half hard beneath you. Ash. Hard for you.

You never considered yourself a greedy person but the more you make out with Ash, the more you’re fascinated by it. It’s satisfying, it’s electrifying, it’s… Ash. You want to feel everything he has to offer, you want to feel him everywhere, you want to feel overwhelmed by him. More. You just need to feel more. More of Ash.

“Do you care?” He asks, gently tugging your hair back so he can nip at your neck.

“About destroying our relationship?” You joke breathily as his beard scratches at your tender skin. You grind in his lap a little more and the groan he gives you in return makes you feel lightheaded. “The better question is: if we’re gonna do something foolish, how stupid do we want to be?”

Ashton bucks his hips against you and you moan, louder than you mean to. He licks his lips hungrily before replying, “I mean… I have no problem admitting I’m having some pretty dumbass thoughts tonight.”

“Just tonight?” You giggle, squealing as he playfully tosses you onto the couch to lay on your back, slotting himself between your legs. His mouth attaches to your neck again while his hands slip under the hem of your sweatshirt, fingertips chilly against your skin, a pleasantly surprised hum escaping him when he grazes your bare breast. “Wanted to be comfy,” you shrug, arching your back to encourage him to keep touching you. 

His large hands wander on your body, unlocking a newfound level of desire for you and the urgency with which you kiss him is a testament to that. You writhe under him, mewling at the way his hardness feels against you. He grins against your lips, hand traveling down to play with the hem of your shorts. “I know my answer but how stupid do you want to be?”

You watch him closely as you guide him under your shorts, pressing his hand to your clothed center, letting him feel the heat between your legs, the wet spot that’s been forming since he sat down next to you. He meets your challenge and pushes your panties aside; he curses under his breath as he drags his fingers through your arousal, swirling light circles on your clit, all while maintaining eye contact with you.

“Mmm… Ash…”

“Yeah? Like that?” He rasps, clearly affected by watching you react to his touch.

You nod, gently pressing on his hand to receive slightly more pressure. Your head spins at how intimate it is to look directly into his eyes as he pleasures you, to feel so completely seen as you moan for him. It’s got you feeling needy and you pull him back up to your lips, seeking more connection with him.

His teeth nip at your bottom lip, fingers still teasing when he breaks the kiss, groaning into your mouth, “So wet.” He raises his fingers to his mouth, noisily sucking his fingers clean. You pant beneath him, restless, and he asks in an earnest, strained voice, “Tell me what you want, baby.”

It’s a simple request and yet one of the hottest things you’ve ever heard. “Wanna be so… so fuckin’ stupid with you.” You reach to palm him through his jeans. "Think you can run inside and grab a condom before we talk some sense into ourselves?"

Ash grins as he plants an impassioned kiss on you before taking off for the house. You make the couch more comfortable, putting a pillow for your head at one end and spreading the blanket out at the other, ready for you to crawl under. You're shimmying out of your shorts and underwear when he reappears, protection in hand.

"Afraid I was gonna change my mind that quickly?" You joke, wincing at the cold air on your naked bottom half as you toss your clothes aside.

He snorts and gestures to the room you entered the patio from. "I had some condoms in the den, so."

"Oh my god, are you one of those guys that keeps condoms in every room of the house 'just in case'?" You smirk at him as you lay back down. You take his slightly exasperated sigh as your answer and you can't fight the urge to tease further, coughing out a quiet, "Whore."

"And yet I'm not the one pantsless in some dude's backyard at 2 AM," he teases back, lightly slapping your ass as he covers you with the blanket. 

He sits at the end of the couch, helping you get situated before stripping himself. You love the spontaneity of the situation but you have to admit you wish you could see him better; your imagination is going wild as the late night darkness seems to amplify the smack of his cock hitting his stomach, the hiss he lets out as he strokes himself before rolling the condom on.

You hold the blanket open for him to climb inside and on top of you again. He smiles softly at you, offering a slow kiss as one hand slips under your sweater again, the other between your legs. His tongue teases yours, licking into your mouth with precision while his fingers play over your clit and you start to wonder what it’d be like to feel his tongue on your pussy instead, his beard scraping against your inner thighs, your fingers tangled in his hair, pushing and pulling to where you need him most.

The fantasy elicits a moan from you and Ashton takes that as a prompt. He asks quietly, “Ready?" You nod, pecking at his lips once more as you feel his tip nudging at your entrance. He begins to push in and your groans mix together in a sensual harmony.

“Oh… holy fuck, Ash,” you sputter, gripping at his shoulders as he continues to slide in. Everything about Ash is big so you can’t say you’re surprised but the stretch you’re feeling is unlike anything you’ve experienced and you’re immediately craving more.

He pauses to check in with you. “You alright?”

“Mmm hmm,” you exhale, playing with the curls at the back of his neck. You crack, “Lotta things about your personality are just suddenly making a lot of sense right now.”

He giggles and rolls his eyes. “You really making digs at me while I’m inside you?”

“You know I like to keep you humble.”

He bottoms out and you moan together; he leans down, his beard tickling you as he sucks a mark onto your neck. You trace along the seam of his jacket, appreciating the moment to adjust, until you start to get impatient and try rocking yourself against him.

You feel him smile against your skin. “Easy,” he rasps, holding your hips still as he slowly starts to move inside you.

“Oh my god, that was sexy… don’t be sexy, that’s too confusing for me,” you ramble playfully.

He laughs loudly. “‘Don’t be sexy?’ We’re literally having sex.”

“I know but like… it’s us. Don’t you think it’s weird for it to be this hot?”

“No?” He replies with a hint of incredulity. He curses under his breath as he increases his pace a little. “Haven’t you ever thought about this before?”

“Not really?” You think out loud, noting that he almost looks disappointed at your admission. “I mean it’s probably crossed my mind in an abstract sense but not in a ‘that’s something I actively want to happen, that’s something that could happen’ sense.”

Ash hooks one of your legs around his hip and you breathe out a tiny ohmygod at his next thrust that makes him smirk. “Interesting.”

“So I take it you’ve thought about this before?”

“Not in an ‘actively wanting it to happen’ way but more in a ‘that could definitely be fun’ way,” he shrugs. He grinds his hips into you and the friction on your clit causes you to whimper. “Gotta admit I have spent a bit of time wondering what that sound would be like.”

"Godddd why is that hot?" You whine, rolling your hips to match his movements. 

He half-chuckles, half-moans as you move together. "Hate to be the one to break it to you but… there's a possibility you might be attracted to me."

"No, that can't be it," you jokingly dismiss, pulling him down into a heated kiss.

You fuck back against him with greater force and he gasps your name. "Fuck…" He huffs, already sounding spent. "You feel… so fuckin' good around me… Takin’ it so well."

His praise goes straight to your core and you grab at his back, loving the way he feels on top of you but wishing you could feel his skin instead of his coat. Your brain suggests maybe next time but you push the thought aside.

"Never felt so full before," you admit with heavy breath. "God… can’t believe it feels this good. You’re making me feel so good, Ash.”

You wrap both your legs around his waist and the new angle instantly gets an audibly enthusiastic reaction from both of you. The shift allows him to drive into you faster, harder, deeper and Ash can tell from all your tiny whines, heated moans and revelatory sighs of his name that you’re well on your way to getting what you need.

“Love hearing you,” he groans, voice straining as he tries to keep control. “You make my name sound so good, baby.”

Your brain decides that hearing him call you ‘baby’ in this context is somehow the most erotic thing that’s ever happened and you give a long whimper as you slide your hand between your bodies to rub at your clit, chasing the orgasm you can feel sparking deep within. 

You feel him hesitate slightly, as if he’s wondering if he should help you out. “Keep… perfect… just like that,” you murmur, grabbing his ass, pulling him closer to you. “So… so close… oh god, Ash…”

“That’s so fucking hot, oh my god,” he pants, watching you touch yourself while he fucks you. “Working so hard for it, baby… gonna cum for me? Gonna let me feel it? Wanna feel it so bad, baby, wanna feel you cum.”

A strangled cry escapes your throat as your orgasm crests and you begin pulsing around him. You gasp and moan, the waves of pleasure washing over you again and again as he continues snapping his hips into you. You hear a variety of profanities followed by a long groan of your name before Ash’s hips stutter and he cums with a shout.

There’s a few solid beats where it’s clear neither of you know how to proceed, what the immediate afterglow should look like. He’s awkwardly hovering above you, head hanging down, arms slightly quivering as he fights the urge to collapse from exhaustion.

“Well, no reason to get shy now,” you declare, pulling him to lay on top of you, rubbing his back while he catches his breath.

He laughs warmly, allowing himself to settle for a minute before raising up and asking quietly, “Can I kiss you?”

It’s a silly question, considering you’re both still naked from the waist down, but for once, your instinct isn’t to make a joke.

You hold his face in your hands as you pull him in and the kiss you share is representative of the encounter you just shared: sweet, surprisingly erotic and appreciative of each other’s presence.

Smiles decorate both your faces as you break apart. He sits up and reaches for the stack of napkins on the table, handing you a few as he ties off the condom and wraps it in one. You’re almost done cleaning yourself up when you hear him chuckling to himself and look over to see him squinting at the sky. Before you get the chance to ask what he’s laughing at, you jump at the feeling of a stray raindrop landing on your thigh. 

“You’re kidding,” you gasp, taking a look at the sky yourself. “Where’d the fucking moon go?!”

He grins, standing to slip his pants on. “Can’t really be mad that we got distracted and missed the rise of the blood moon - seems like it was probably never visible to us because of these rain clouds.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you grumble, getting dressed so you can help Ash clean up the table. You think for a second and then laugh, “How long until you tell me what the rain symbolizes?”

Ashton giggles, playfully bumping into you as he grabs the blanket to take inside. “It’s not dissimilar from the eclipse, actually. Lots of introspection, mindfulness. Beginnings. Contrasts between light and darkness, the acknowledged and unspoken truths.”

“Soooo… what I’m hearing is we have an excuse for this to happen again,” you flirt as you head for the house.

You feel his eyes lingering on you before he springs into action, quickly catching up and opening the door for you. “Liked it that much, huh?” He teases. “Already ready for more?”

Ignoring the blush you feel spreading through you, you continue towards the kitchen. “I’m just saying, you already insisted I sleep over if the rain started, which it has,” you reason. You set the dishes down and spin around to face him. “And there are worse ways to spend our time.”

He nods, giving exaggerated consideration to your points as he inches closer to you. “Well… who are we to fight against nature?” He smirks, lifting you up onto the kitchen counter.

---------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading! I'm no longer in the habit of using a taglist so more than ever, these fics live and die by reblogs! If you enjoyed please consider sharing so it can circulate and be seen by other readers!

[optiwashere]

I absolutely adore the way you write Minthara as a dominant. I find the descriptions of how she derives her pleasure to be...honestly my words cant even begin to articulate it. You really do describe it best: that sort of black fire that lances through the body and mind. Despite my own limited experience, despite my own style being slightly different from hers, I feel oddly seen. Its strangely comforting, it touches something in my heart- something small and afraid. Maybe I was afraid of being rejected? Of the way i pull my own pleasure from people to be wrong, somehow? But the way you write her- her unabashed, shameless pride and self confidence...its inspiring. I feel aspired to carry myself the way she does, the way you write her. I feel oddly more confident in myself? Celebrated, somehow? I dont know. Maybe im just being a freak on the internet. Maybe I'm crossing some sort of boundary or line I dont know about, and if thats the case Im sorry. But I cant just sit here and pretend that the way you write about kink and sex doesnt heal something small and fractured in me. I cant pretend your work doesnt inspire me to pursue my own truths in my real world life? I dont know you, I dont know how you think or what your feelings are, but I just wanted to say thank you. Your writing soothes me. I look forward to whatever you wish to share next.

Heya anon! Don't worry one bit, this is an incredibly sweet message and it's always lovely to hear that you felt seen in something I wrote. So thank you for sharing this with me, it means a lot 💜

Writing Minthara's voice is a ton of fun, and she really lets me dig into a more intense, familiar headspace than many other characters I write. She has no shame, no uncertainty. She's supremely confident with hundreds of years to back it up. I'm always happy to write her when I've got that inspiration.

More importantly though: you should let that freak flag fly. Embrace it!

[loosesodamarble]

I know this is a lot but can I get 14 18 21 & 22 for Josele and 5 & 7 for Dusk and Dawn please? 🥺👉👈 Thank you!! 💖💖

Acacia~! Hi there again! Thank you for all the questions! Especially for Dawn and Dusk akjdshgiashritu! Yay! Lots of questions to answer for multiple ocs~!

..........

Josele Canty

14) What are your favorite music genres?

I mostly like old folk songs that I picked up from my mom and dad. My dad didn't know that many songs and none of them fit in with "normal" music, as far as I can tell. My mom knew songs that sound, well, more musical. I chalk that up to there being a musician in the family a few generations back.

I kinda know "classical" music. But that's just 'cause I like to dance to that kind of sound.

18) What’s the best way to cheer you up?

I cheer up the most when I spend time with my friends. The exact activity changes with whoever I hang out with, but as long as I'm with a friend, my day gets brighter.

I go out social dancing with Finral (he makes an excellent leader or follower, by the way). Gordon, Gauche, and Grey like to set up tea or coffee with lots of snacks to cheer me up. Noelle and Yami train with me to cheer me up. And when all the girls get together to cheer me up, it's basically a make over day for all of us.

21) Describe your ideal partner.

Hrm. I've never really been truly attracted to anyone other than Morgen or Nacht. I've fancied people in passing but... Nevermind.

If I had to put it into words, my ideal partner is someone who is kind to their very core. That kindness can be apparent or buried deep down, so long as it's there, I'm happy. They'd be someone who puts their best into what they do, even if they have to take time to find the will to do so. My ideal partner should be someone I've known for years and find incredibly easy to love, as in if I'm asked about my love for them, my answer is out the second the question is asked.

I guess ideally, my partner would be skilled enough to go hunting with me and neither Faust has been able to do that. But I honestly prefer Morgen and Nacht the way they are over any imagined perfect partner in my head.

22) What’s the easiest way to flirt with you?

O-oh? Well... Morgen and Nacht both have different pet names for me and all of them make my heart flutter a bit. Morgen calling me his "heart" was honestly the most romantic thing in the world. The sound of his voice and the look of his eyes when he said "my heart"... I miss those a lot... Nacht has lots of pet names for me too. "Darling," "my star," "my angel." He says them so sweetly that I just melt!

I guess another tactic to easily flirting with me is giving little kisses here and there. Long kisses are nice but the those quick pecks are playful and leave me wanting for more later~!

Dawn Faust

5) What is your favorite thing to do in your free time?

I train! Whether it's with magic or weapons, I like to make sure I'm at the top of my game! Sure it tires me out but a snack and a shower is enough to bounce me back! Besides, I like to think I look super cool when I train!

I especially love training with my friends and siblings! They've got some awesome spells and it's fun to see them improving too!

7) Who do you look up to?

Oh that's an easy question. I look up to Mother and Father are my main role models of course! I gotta be strong like Mother and I wanna be as clever as Father one day.

Ms. Charlotte, Ms. Noelle, and Ms. Mereoleona too. They're all brave and strong and amazing people who can't be stopped by anything at all! And though I don't really know Uncle Morgen, the fact that I have the same attribute kinda makes me feel like I should live up to the legacy he left behind (you know, minus the evil paladin stuff...)

Anyone who is cool and strong and nice is someone I think it worth looking up to honestly!

Dusk Faust

5) What is your favorite thing to do in your free time?

Read mostly. Fantasy novels, "writing for dummies" sorts of books, gaming rulebooks and modules...

And I write a bit too, but it's nothing special. My friends think the stories I come up with are good, but they're the one doing most of the work by being the heroes.

7) Who do you look up to?

I'd say that my biggest role model in life in Lord Fuegoleon Vermillion. He's a dignified man with strong morals. He's a lot more outspoken than I am but he doesn't have to raise his voice to command respect. I... Don't want to be in the spotlight him, not at all. But I would like to have his confidence one day...

Mrs. Adlai was apparently like me back in the day so I look up to her to reassure me that I won't be a coward forever.

I also look up to Uncle Morgen and the kindness that Mother and Father say he had.

And I guess... Father too. We weren't always close but... He's not good at showing he cares, like me. Still, he protects and loves those he cares about with all his might and even if his best isn't always enough, he tries. I... can't deny that he's a good man.

[captain-of-silvenar]

F, G, H, M, and S for the fanfic asks!!!! <3333

Hi Bishop! Thanks for the ask!

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

From Chapter 2 of First Impressions, referencing Yera wanting to go into the abandoned Raven Rock Mines:

“And what's to say the opposite? Maybe there is something lurking in the mines that caused it to close off and no one's been able to find out. Maybe just one last look around will be our luck instead.”

“Says someone who sounds like they want a cave-in. I thought you hired me to be a guide?” Teldryn asked.

“As you are, and I am putting my trust in you right now that you're the mer for the job and will keep me safe. So how is an old and empty mine anymore dangerous than a cave we'll explore later outside the Bulwark?”

He wasn't going to fall for this, this had to be a kind of test. His judgment couldn’t have been this wrong to tie himself to someone willing to go blindly - literally! - into an old mining shaft abandoned for nearly a century just for fun. No, he was putting his foot down like he's done before and holding his ground.

“If you need me to spell it out for you, I will,” he started. “Who knows how long those walls have eroded away and are structurally unsound at this point. And if we ignore that, I'm sure all those nooks and crannies are filled with all sorts of skeever or whatever beasts crawled their way in from the outside. Should we get in a cave-in but survive then we’d have no way of getting back out on account of the fact there’s only one way inside. You can try to convince me, sera, but there is no way I am getting anywhere near those mines or Azura help me-”

* * *

"But mark my words, these mines hold a secret that could put Raven Rock back on the map."

I enjoyed writing this scene for a few reasons. The comedic timing of cutting way to Yera absolutely dragging Teldryn toward the mines was too good an opportunity to pass up.

And also it showed the kind of personality Yera has to the audience at the moment. Maybe reckless, maybe over confident, but self assured in her own worth to speak of it jokingly in the face of Teldryn giving actual advise about risks.

Plus it's funny to put characters in situations. Always put your characters in situations, it's for enrichment.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

I very much write out of order. I've tried writing from start to finish a lot in my life and I always get stuck and never get to the scene I want to write. So I just learned to skip right to the part I want to write the most and then backtrack to see if I can make it fit.

Most of the time I can, sometimes it just doesn't work but words written down are better than lost in your mind.

H: How would you describe your style?

I would say that I'm very scene orientated. I like to set the stage and describe the feeling of an area before jumping into it. I also do like a character focus perspective and how they interpret things through their own lens.

What might be overlooked by one character, another would latch onto and mentally describe it for the audience to understand what makes the character tick or gleeful.

I'm also always open to trying out different things and seeing how it works out. I've always written just for myself but I'm working on breaking out of it and sharing my work online, just to get a new experience.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

I might've spoken about it in the tags of another post, but I got this fic with a Maormer/Mermaid brewing in the back. Mermaids were my childhood obsession so I just revived it and now it's half of what I think of these days, haha.

Another is this really strange and angsty/whump fic I have between Yera and Miraak. Of a premise where he wins, absorbs her soul, and the consequences of eating another soul that eats other immortal souls. What happens when two of them are placed in one body? Bad things I'll tell you!

And one I do have published but hasn't been updated in a few years is The Telvanni Master fic on Ao3. It follows my character Lorana Alithar and how she is viewed by several characters with different degrees of familiarity. Writing a story about her, without ever having her speak as the main voice. Really fun!

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

Enemies to lovers; bodyguards to lovers; found family; star-crossed lovers; a lot of romantic tropes haha.

When it comes to fandom tropes, I'm actually not quite versed in them or I kind of ignore them. Comes with the territory of just sitting in your own writing and not really delving deep into the fandom territory.

But a good trope where a character has to self-reflect and evaluate themselves against new information is tasty and good to explore.

ask meme can be found here!

[authorhjk1]

Just wanted to drop some of my personal thoughts on probably why the 3 fics worked so well or even just for fics in general to gain more attention

First of all i think what's really important would be the idols/pairings, like it or not, some idols are obviously much more "preferable" or even "readable" compared to others, so choosing the right idol while might not a guarantee for success, it can definetly help people to be interested in reading the fic at all in the first place based entirely on who are the idols involved. Of course this will create a new problem where a certain idols would just be written for too often and from there it will come down entirely on how each writer play out the story...

Which lead to the second point which is how you describe the characters if it matches the somewhat general idea of what people think an idol attitude would be, whether calm, naughty, bratty, subby, dom etc., and sometimes even down to what particular part of the idol can become the highlight, say if it's a busty idol then some additional focus towards her breasts will always be nice, or if the idol have nice lower body, playing more around the thighs/ass or even foot will also be plus especially for certain readers but in general highlighting their particular body could really add a plus in how you describe the idols and how the scenes are going between them.

Last but obviously just as, if not the most important would be the overall plot and flow, how you build things up, playing with the pacing in between the scenes and finally creating either an amazing climax or even if you want maybe give it some twist just for the sake of it, either way a good buildup and pacing can really help people to stay interested in the overall plot and on top of that, attention to detail, how you describe some stuff or scene in a much more detailed way can also make the whole experience become more fun to read.

On top of that, what i realized also is that some writers usually excels in particular length of story. Some are really good in short fics 1k-2k words ish fics, some excels in medium ones ranged from 3k-6k ish, some even better when it comes to a really long stories be 10k+ to 20k+ ish, so it might also help if you as a writer can find where is your strength, because at the end of the day, lenghty fics may not always equals a quality fic and a short sprinter does not always mean it is lack in quality too.

Anyways i must say this is all entirely based on my personal preferences on how i see things and how a certain fic can be much more interesting than others, but of course everyone have their own taste in story, pacing, fav idols, etc., so i guess take it with a pinch of doubt if that's the right expression

To close it all, just wanted to say again, thank you for working hard on your fics, and can't wait to see what you got in store in the future.

Stay healthy and take care

Thank you for such an explicit answer!

I would say that I agree with you pretty much on everything.

There are specific idols that are presented more often than others, which would mean one could write more of those. Wonyoung for example. Although I do have to say that it does kinda become a little repetitive. Because, just like you mentioned, the idol's personality plays a big role as well. I have read so many Wonyoung stories in the last months, and while all have different settings and plots, all do seem somewhat similar. Which is just rooted in Wonyoung's personality. The pretty, confident princess vibe.

I do like diversity though, when it comes to whom I'm reading about. That's why I'm also writing about so many different idols. I originally started writing, because I wasn't always able to find what I wanted to read. Take Dreamcatcher or Fromis_9 for example. Sure, there are a lot of fics about them too, but compared to Twice or Blackpink it's just a handful.

Although I've also realized that, although someone is highly appreciated, there isn't much to read about them. IU comes to mind. I was so surprised when so many readers liked it. Mainly because there wasn't much IU out there. So I would say it does depend a lot on the idol, at least when you talk about single fics.

With stories though, I think the "success" is more linked to the writer and the plot. How many people like what's going on? What kinks? And also how long is it? I honestly have a hard time to read a 30k words fic, but that's just me.

Adding to that, the writer's style is just as important. From what I have noticed, correct me if I'm wrong, is that I myself tend to describe actions and the scenes more than feelings. Just because I think, once you know exactly what's going on, you know what the person, or you, would feel in this situation. I've read differently oriented fics too, but I sometimes feel like the feelings disrupt the flow a little. And feelings are personal too, so readers sometimes have a hard time to emphasize.

I will stop for now though, because I think I've rambled on long enough. Thank you very much for this detailed explanation.

The next stuff I've planned is probably gonna be a little more experimental. For any IU fans: the next interlude is reserved for you after many requests for the stay in Italy.

The small series I have in mind is a request, and a great idea, from someone on Wattpad. It's quite kinky, but I hope you guys will enjoy it.

Stay healthy!

[phdmama]

Getting to Know You Tag Game

My darling @romaine2424 tagged me in this, thank you pal!! xox

Three Ships: So many ships, so little time! But for me - Drarry (my OG, own my heart etc etc), Stucky (well really, ICaPD Stucky), and Sterek (aka a ship I adore and read a TON in but have never, you know, seen the source material)

First Ship: Larry - they'll always hold a big space in my heart (I do still read a bit and write there but I'm not as active in the fandom obvs), they're the first place where I started to get what fandom could be, what it could mean to me, and the first place I started writing!!

Last Song: right now I'm all Noah Kahan all the time. He just captures something so poignant for me about growing up in small town VT

I would leave if only I could find a reason I'm mean because I grew up in New England I got dreams, but I can't make myself believe them Spend the rest of my life with what could have been And I will die in the house that I grew up in I'm homesick

He's really brilliant

Last Movie: Barbie. The whole family + my son's boyfriend went to see it together and wow, I know I'm like the stereotypical target audience for this but it really hit me, especially The Speech™

Currently Reading: way, way, way too much hockey rpf. Also because I'm starting a new job on Monday (OH MY GOD I AM STARTING MONDAY), I'm reading stuff about Medicaid and evidence based treatment for substance abuse.

Currently Watching: I'm not a huge tv person these days? I've watched RWRB a few times. I've got a ton of different shows in flight, but nothing is really sticking right now.

Last Thing I Wrote: Wrong in all the Right Ways (Drarry, Explicit, ~3900 words) - written for the 2023 HD Wireless Fest, for Pink's Raise Your Glass. Just a fun little smutty romp haha

Currently Writing: Buddie - I'm not sure how to describe this fic other than multiverse meets Groundhog Day meets fate intervenes meets iOS updates break the world? I guess?

gonna tag a bunch of people here!

@ghostgeno @notthequiettype @ellelans @missanniewhimsy @bothquitecontent @shealynn88

[myopicry]

I've recently been thinking about online aesthetics (basically glorified trends imo) and how I've noticed that they're mostly - not completely, but still very noticeabley - "aimed" at women. I'm thinking of "clean girls" and "pilates princesses" and "mob wives" and even as far back as the late 2010s vsco or soft girl. I'm also thinking about big/popular aesthetics without the word "girl" in them, like cottage core for example (an aesthetic I'm often described to have and do enjoy without necessarily actively trying to incorporate it into my life). Sure, no one is stopping a guy from being cottage core, but they're so obviously more aimed at women. (ex: the makeup or feminine clothing often at the centre of some of these aesthetics (although I firmly believe clothes and makeup =/= gender/sexe), the overwhelming usage of pictures of young women in mood boards, the female demographic which interacts with the aesthetic by a huge margin etc)

I don't think it's a bad thing in itself, but we all know by now how often aesthetics have become very centered around consumerism and can encourage harmful beauty standards, so it's interesting to me how coincidentally these very aesthetics often target women and have mainly women engaging with them. Maybe some food for thought?

BTW, when I talk about aesthetics being "aimed at" women, I'm mostly talking about the ones with the word "girl" in them (ex clean girl) since it's literally in the name and those ones often are especially consumerism centered and tend to get big thanks to tiktok or Instagram beauty/fashion/lifestyle influencers. I don't believe that all aesthetics, or even most of them, are carefully designed and spread by malicious corporations or something to prey on women. But nonetheless there is still an undeniable target audience I believe.

~🪼

jellyfish anon I swear you are in my brain sometimes because as someone who has fallen down the aesthetics wiki rabbit hole and the gender wiki rabbit hole I do in fact think about this and know a little too much about the fact these extensive wikis exist at all lmao

honestly, this topic could absolutely be the start of a research paper, as I'm sure that the history of tying femininity/womanhood to consumerism has actually been a complex trend that reflects the changing social position of women as a class over time. something about the "performance" present in the gender stereotype associated with being female. something about how men are allowed to exist without thinking how they look to others, how women are more scrutinized for the way they present. something how women's identities are tied to appearances first. maybe even something on how social media exacerbates this by adding yet another layer. a digital one, to the performance. actually, this reminds me of an interesting sort of topic to ruminate on, the performative nature of femininity and how that changes the way we even think about ourselves and identity, how we are almost trained to present ourselves for others before thinking about what we actually want for ourselves! I remember when I was first really thinking about the topic of aesthetics and femininity, I really wished I could find more opinion/analysis on the topic more than just "this aesthetic is weird and here's why" or "all aesthetics are fine and that's good" because it is a very branching subject with so much scholarly potential, but the avenues where I got my research was primarily video essays (unfortunately) and those were pretty simplistic in analysis. this ask is a good reminder that I should revisit the search for that kind of thing now that I'm (hopefully) better at research and finding more diverse bodies of work discussing this kind of stuff. obscure medium blogs and wordpress sites here I come! I am also definitely going to chew on this subject a bit now that I'm reminded of it. maybe write something once I feel like I have more of a concrete thesis in mind to explore? very fun stuff though.

keep these asks coming not only are they well written but they are an amazing start to some social analysis and discussion! literally I have been deprived of my usual rambly overthinking in the last week so it is nice to find myself here once again :)