#I've never actually been to any of those fyi

[vidavalor]

Ah, I remembered!

My question was: what are your thoughts on Crowley saying ‘I lost my best friend’ when he’s directly talking to Aziraphale’s non-corporate ghost in season 1? I always thought that line was strange. Is it that he can’t say ‘I lost you directly’ because others might be listening?

Hi @procrastiel ooh, nice! I *love* this scene so I'm super happy to share an opinion on it. Thank you. :)

Meta on the meanings behind what they call each other, what they intentionally *don't* call each other, how they actually said they loved each other and came up with a shorthand for it in 1941, and why they still don't just use those damn words already...

This goes everywhere, just FYI lol. I think I started with "no nightingales" and took a scenic route through 1600, 1941 and bits of S2 before coming back to the scene you asked about but I've been told it makes sense. Thanks for indulging me. :)

There are certain things that Crowley & Aziraphale feel that they can't call one another and can't say to one another directly. It's not just because they could be overheard if they're in public, though that's always a concern. They don't say them when they're alone, either.

It's because it hurts too much.

They've always tried to be optimistic about surviving Armageddon and being able to be together somehow but they're terrified that they won't and the odds, in their minds, aren't great, being that it's the whole will of God and all. As a result, they've lived their whole relationship expecting it to end in tragedy. They could both live for all of time, forced apart by Heaven and Hell. One of them could die and leave the other alone for eternity with nothing but the memory of the other. Meanwhile, in the now? It's not a great situation, either.

They can't really be together. They are together but not openly and they can't promise each other everything and they absolutely would if they could. Heaven and Hell could literally murder them if they got caught together so they have to be careful and keep it a secret. This means that even as the human world they live in opens up and starts to change to a point that queer humans like them are living more open lives with one another, Crowley and Aziraphale still cannot at this stage in the story.

So, it all becomes then an unspoken question of: what would make this easier? (As if it could ever really be made easier?) They don't wish to cause each other any additional pain. What would make it easier, they think, is if they don't say certain things so that what they can't have now or what might be lost to them in the future is and will be easier to bear.

This is delusional but they're doing it anyway because it gives them some measure of control over things they can't totally control.

They think it is easier to deal with not being able to be together if they just never say directly aloud what they are in terms that are surface-level undeniable. They speak in a coded language with one another and they say all the things in those words. But the doublespeak gives them some cover. Not to ever deny any of it but it softens the edges of it.

It's also because they live with the fact that they can't fully be together but they also both are fundamentally optimists and want to think that maybe, someday, they could find a way to have what they want to have with one another. That's also why they don't say the things fully. A part of them thinks that if they just don't right now and they wait until some time comes when it seems like they could have a life together, then they still get to have those moments. They're almost saving some of it for a life they hope they get to have but aren't sure if they will.

As a result, they are romantic as all fuck towards one another but they don't use words like romance or love aloud. If they do find they have to talk about it, they've shorthanded it in a way that they both understand because it's based on their past together. We already can see bits of it uncoded-- nightingales, dining at the Ritz-- but there are more than that that we can see if we deep dive a bit here so let's do that...

What's evident in the scene in 2.06 wherein Crowley decides to try to abandon the doublespeak is how deeply ingrained this way of speaking is for both of them. Also, how they don't abandon it when they're alone (the 1967 scene also illustrates this.) Crowley actually reverts back to their doublespeak *three sentences* into his proposal. He doesn't get much further than establishing that they've both been on this planet for a long time before he starts evoking coded messaging. He flicks his hands between them during the "you and me" line in a way that is echoing how Aziraphale gestured at him to mean "couple" in 1941. He winds up using coded language all over the place, peaking with the "no nightingales" moment that is actually coded language twice over because of "nightingales" being their word for romance and the asking Aziraphale to listen for birds evoking the Job minisode and the moment in the courtyard when they came up with the doublespeak.

Part of why Crowley can't get through the proposal without it is because he doesn't want to do it like this. Both the doublespeak and the idea of someday loosening it a bit mean things to them. They like their private language. Maggie and Nina are not exactly correct in assuming that they never say how they really feel. They're not wrong, either, but they're not fully right. Crowley and Aziraphale do talk. They just do it in a way that hurts them less because they can't bear to hurt each other because they're batshit crazy in love with each other. Maggie and Nina are correct in saying that Crowley and Aziraphale don't say how they truly feel if saying how you truly feel means using traditional language but they are wrong to say that they don't express these feelings at all because we have literally been watching them do so this entire time.

Notice how Crowley, even risking more with breaking their code in 2.06, still doesn't say some things. Amazing how he said all of that and he didn't say I love you, isn't it? He could have. He is, in what else he's saying, but the words they don't say are still there on the table. Aziraphale, later in the scene, almost does. He almost does because he is a mess over the situation and he wants to give Crowley something but then he doesn't and he spits out a self-aware I forgive you instead. That horrid, complicated version of it that he's used before and is code they both kind of hate. He's angry that this is all happening the way it's happening because it's taking some of the things they leave unsaid for hopeful, better days and it's saying them in a less than ideal moment.

That they both leave out that I love you, though, is the most I love you thing they could have possibly done.

They think it will be easier to not be free to be together and unafraid in the present-- and to maybe lose one another in the future, if they eventually have to-- if they pretend they're not a team or a group of the two of them and one way to do that is to never say words like the one we were all silently screaming at Crowley to say in that scene in 2.06 lol: "couple."

Are they a couple? Yes. Are they lovers? Yes. Are they partners, the term Nina used? Yes. Do they refer to their relationship using any of the terms in this paragraph? Oh God no...

That is why Crowley freaks out when Nina tries to get him to use uncoded, normal, human person language to help her understand what Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship is. She calls them partners and this is Crowley:

We're in agreement with Nina then when she responds with:

Nina isn't wrong here. She's just from a different world than Crowley. Nina lives in a world like ours in the year 2023 and she's puzzling Crowley and Aziraphale out through that filter. She doesn't know at this point that they are an angel and a demon who could be murdered by Heaven/Hell for being together. Her best rationale for why she's never seen Crowley and Aziraphale in her cafe together and didn't know until this week that the bookseller has a fella is her theory that Crowley is married and that he and Aziraphale are having an affair. To her, it explains why they've got chemistry for days but they're secretive. Crowley denies that-- defending Aziraphale's honor like the good old fashioned lover boy he is :)-- but the reason why he quickly denied that he and Aziraphale are partners, even if they absolutely are, is twofold. They are used to hiding it, it's dangerous for them to get caught out, and he probably feels uncomfortable with the idea of telling someone what they are exactly without talking with Aziraphale about it first-- that's all one reason.

The other reason is that he and Aziraphale don't use that word. It's not that it's an inaccurate one; it's probably the most accurate one, actually. They have a word, as we'll see, but partners isn't it because partners is the same thing as a couple and these are embargoed words to them. They don't use those phrases, even if that's what this is, just as they don't say I love you because if they don't call it love directly, they'll never lose that love, in their minds. If they don't know what it's like to hear the other say it, they don't ever have to bear the pain of never hearing it again. Better to hold those words back and only use them if they ever can somehow really be fully, openly together without fear. If Crowley doesn't use those words with Aziraphale, then he's not about to use them with the Coffee Shop Human he's only just recently met.

Along these same lines, they refrain from traditionally romantic terms of endearment on the surface. No my love, no darling, no sweetheart. Angel was there at the start and it stays because while it's always really angel (romantic), it's also angel (species/occupational), so it works well enough with their code. But its equivalent in reverse is Crowley. It's intimate, in the sense that only Crowley and Aziraphale know what it means. Only they were there in Job's courtyard. That's the coded layer of it-- it's Crowley's name to everyone else on the surface but it's that and a pet name to Aziraphale. It's why Aziraphale just calls him that constantly. Crowley changed his name to something only Aziraphale also really understands, making the use of it by Aziraphale then a way of expressing affection. When Nina asks them both separately about their relationship, both Crowley and Aziraphale actually revert to using what they call one another in an effort to explain it, even though they know that it doesn't translate fully in human terms without more words. Crowley says Aziraphale is an angel he knows; Aziraphale says:

Ironically? They are actually making it all *more* intimate by speaking in their own, private, coded language. They can't give each other everything but this they can, right? The language is their own, little world and not being able to explain their relationship to humans that well in 2023 doesn't mean they don't know what they mean to one another, which is more important. Since they can't make each other promises of forever that they can't keep and they can't have a life in the present that they'd choose for themselves, something they can do is use their little language to be sweet towards one another and they do. By having to work a little harder at conveying meaning through doublespeak, they wind up with something ironically actually at least as romantic as the traditional words, if not more so.

Anyone can call a lover darling and it can be lovely but can just anyone make my dear fellow romantic? Aziraphale can. This one was all him. He loved standing there in front of a dozen deadly human soldiers in the Kingdom of Wessex in 597 A.D., getting away with a pet name under the guise of stealing the "old sport"-style of male, moneyed, British speak and turning it romantic. This scene is great with the pet names because it opens with Aziraphale being a bit of a tease with "is that you under there, Crawley?" which he only does so that Crowley will roll his eyes and correct him. Aziraphale loves that Crowley changed his name to something coded between them based off of the moment they started their doublespeak. It was very romantic and this scene shows that Aziraphale sometimes, in earlier days, would call Crowley the old name just to get Crowley to correct him, which is all just a coded way of getting Crowley to say that, yes, he still feels the same way and yes, he still wants Aziraphale to call him that. This same scene, a few sentences later, then has Aziraphale's my DEAR fellow-- heavy emphasis on the 'dear'-- which is then answering Crowley's admission by just skipping any and all of Crowley's names entirely lol and calling The Black Knight my dear in front of a bunch of bloodthirsty soldiers and mercenaries.

The my [] fellow is perfect in their little language because of how it sounds all "I say, old chap!" on the surface but contains words that are romantic to them in their doublespeak. It's intentional that it's *not* "old chap" or "old sport" that they appropriated for their own purposes, it's my [] fellow. Fellow as in human, which is how they see their relationship (because it is) and that's something that comes up when Crowley uses a variant of this in 1941, which we'll get to in a second. My adds an intimate element to it of admitting that they are each other's in whatever ways they can be.

Aziraphale, like we said a moment ago, will sometimes sauce Crowley with the pet names a little and he does in S1 when he calls Anathema my dear when reassuring her in a scene in which he and Crowley are having a playful coded argument over Crowley's driving. Aziraphale miracles a bike rack onto the back of The Bentley and unnecessarily codes the word "bicycle" ("a perfectly normal velocipede"), smirking when Crowley grumbles "bicycle" at him. It's joking with him a bit at the lunacy of their little language *in* their little language. (Crowley playing back during this sequence is also calling Aziraphale angel (romantic) in front of Anathema, which was also a strategic decision to signal to her that he might look like a murder hornet but he's really just long-suffering gone on the sunshine-y one. Very we're just an old gay married couple, hen. We won't hurt you. in tone.) Anyway, Aziraphale using my dear with Anathema-- and his little smirks towards Crowley around it-- was really just underlining the way he uses my DEAR fellow with Crowley by using the same core phrase with a human in normal, uncoded, human conversation.

Other than this and the big one we're going to get to, there are really only two other things we've seen them use to refer to one another. In S1's Eleven Years Ago/2008, there's the moment when Crowley and Aziraphale have arrived back at the bookshop and Aziraphale is flirting with Crowley and says this, tongue firmly in cheek:

I mentioned this in another post about the wall slam in Tadfield but this is a very much intentionally blasphemous specific sexual request that is more at home in the sex meta post you all have me working on lol but for the purposes of this conversation, "foul fiend" is Bible for "wicked demon", so this is Aziraphale just kind of flirtily, jokingly calling Crowley a wicked demon in the one area in life where Crowley would probably happily own that description lol. It also has the other layer of humor in it in that Crowley calls Aziraphale angel (romantic) all the time, more often than he uses Aziraphale's actual name, and you'd think he wouldn't want to because Heaven hasn't exactly done right by Crowley and he's not especially fond of it. By calling Aziraphale angel with love behind the meaning of it, he's calling Aziraphale a good angel. He's saying that Aziraphale is what an angel is *supposed*to be, something that Aziraphale struggles with. It's both sweet and reassuring at the same time. As a result, Aziraphale has never just started calling Crowley "demon" for the same reasons-- he thinks if being a demon is being demonic and truly evil, then Crowley is a terrible demon because he's a lovely person. He is, however, positively wicked in bed, and Aziraphale likes to mock their whole situation with blasphemous Bible innuendo when requesting a little hellfire.

The other thing to briefly mention before we get into the friend discussion is a scene not long after the one we just talked about, when they're both smashed in the bookshop in S1. When he's drunk and attempting to say "bouillabaisse", Crowley gets distracted staring at Aziraphale for a moment and calls him baby before going back to his attempts at saying a word (in French, their romance language, per S2) and we get the "fish stew-- anyway!" segue back into the rest of the scene. Aziraphale was too drunk to notice enough to react so this opens up the question of whether or not the rules can get slightly more lax in bed. Does Crowley call Aziraphale baby in more intimate moments or does he just want to and it slipped out when he was drunk? It's a fairly normal phrase so it both would and would not be a surprise either way but it's still something of a question mark by the end of S2.

But there's one thing that they use that pertains to your question from the Discorporated!Aziraphale scene (told you we'd start to get here eventually lol) and that's how they use the word friend.

The rules of their language apply-- what is said on the surface is what one of the meanings of what they are saying is. It has to be what it sounds like on the surface to also be a coded thing. Aziraphale is Aziraphale's name and angel is what he is and Crowley is the name Crowley chose for himself. That angel and Crowley have hidden meanings-- that angel is given a tone that turns it from referring to Aziraphale by his species and more into angel (romantic); that Crowley is the name everyone calls Crowley now-- from angels to demons to humans alike-- but only Aziraphale knows that it's an in-joke referencing Crowley having to playact at being demonic and evil to hide his truer, sweeter nature... this is what makes these terms acceptable in their mutual language. My [] fellow is then also meeting the rules of the language because of the humor of taking a non-romantic phrase and using it for this romance of theirs that they don't refer to as one. It sounds like a perfect common thing for British men of any kind of relationship to use in conversation on the surface but it's romantic to them underneath.

So when they say friend, by their own rules of this language, it has to first contain the surface meaning. It has to be true on that level to reoccur in their language. So 'friend' does mean 'friend' in a friendship sense. They are friends. They are good friends-- best friends. Using the word is an admittance that they are each other's closest friends, which is both lovely in its own right and healthy in a romantic relationship. You want to be friends with your romantic partner. It doesn't mean you can't have other friends, of course, but if you're not friends with your partner, it's not really going to be a terribly satisfying relationship and since that is what they are-- the longest-running of long-term relationships lol-- that they are friends is important and a good thing. It's also a big deal for them to admit to it, since they are actually *supposed* to be mortal enemies. Their whole enemies-to-lovers thing never really got off the ground because they adored each other on sight but that they're friends despite the danger and the conflicts is a big thing in its own right.

But that's not the *only* meaning of friend to them, so let's look at how they evolved that bit of their language.

From what we've seen so far, it started in 1600 in The Globe Theatre scene with this:

In 1600, Burbage drops some human, queer coding into the secret language. Friend, the way Burbage is using it, is something that's actually implying lover. The surface word is technically related to friendship but the tone changes the meaning of friendship in this context to be that of a sexual relationship. Burbage's tone implies that he thinks Crowley and Aziraphale are fucking (which Crowley, laughing, silently agrees with is obvious, since he's been ignoring Burbage in favor of buzzing around Aziraphale and clearly trying to flirt his way into his bed).

Burbage is pissed that these two-- who, as we know, are basically the entire audience-- have been ignoring his monologue in favor of flirting with each other so when Aziraphale tries at a modicum of politeness (that somehow is even bitchier subtly than Burbage lol-- "I love all the... talking" is the best he can come up with), Burbage slings back by trying to drag Crowley into it by calling him Aziraphale's friend, with that loaded tone that makes the question really: 'and what does your lover think?'

Aziraphale gets the innuendo-- he's not exactly a novice at this in 1600-- but his immediate response is just to panic at the idea of anyone noticing him and Crowley together and, as Aziraphale does when stressed, he lies in increasingly absurd levels of untruth. (See also: the scene with Shax in The Bentley in S2, when he spirals up into ludicrously claiming to *not even know who Gabriel is* in an effort to say that he has nothing to do with his disappearance.)

Crowley is bemused by Aziraphale's increasingly desperate attempts to deny what is abundantly obvious to everyone around them and by Burbage's attempt to make a thing out of them to try to assuage his bruised ego. He chooses a little violence with this particularly amusing bit of go fuck yourself, you insecure little twerp:

Anyway lol what this scene then does is give us a moment in the story wherein we see them in a situation where friend (loaded) is defined as friend used euphemistically for lover and they both know it. This isn't coding they came up with but that they will wind up appropriating from the humans around them and repurposing for themselves, though they won't for awhile still to come yet.

What's worth noting here is that friend (loaded) in this human code is euphemistic for a pretty wide array of loaded friend relationships. There's no separation in it for friends with benefits versus someone you're seeing but aren't comfortable admitting that versus someone you've been with for awhile versus the person that is basically your secret spouse, etc.. All of these things are friend (loaded) in human code because the main purpose of it is to identify a pair of people who are involved as such without directly saying so on the surface, even if it's implied heavily via tone.

So what happens when Crowley and Aziraphale eventually decide to repurpose it for themselves?

They've got to be clear on what it means. They'll need to define it more specifically amongst themselves in order to use it.

For awhile still after 1600, they just aren't defining their relationship. They don't need friend (loaded) because they have things they call each other, right? They've got angel and Crowley and my dear fellow and the like. They're not usually around a lot of other humans together that are going to do what Burbage did and try to force a definition of it. (This changes, as we know, in the modern era-- especially S2-- but back in the day, it was true for them.) As a result, they've never had to define this and that's absolutely fucking perfect, as far as they're concerned.

Not defining this? Lovely. Yes. More of that. Makes the fact that they can't just call each other my love hurt a lot less, they're convinced. It helps now for sure and it'll make it less painful if they lose each other. They totally will not at all continue to spend thousands of years wondering what it would sound like if they said the things. They don't each have fourteen million fantasies about being able to use the traditional words and how they'd do it-- absolutely not lol. *Not* using the traditional words isn't at all making both the allure of those words-- and the ones they *do* use-- hotter and more romantic or anything. Not in the slightest...

So then we eventually get the Holy Water Arc, right, and in the middle of that scene, we see them run into a definition problem. In 1862, what actually causes them to fight isn't the holy water request. It's Aziraphale giving it all a word and that word being "fraternizing." First rule of We Don't Say It Club is that we don't say it... but it's also that if you're going to say a word that means the two of you and what you have, maybe don't use the one that Heaven would-- the one that means 'socializing with the enemy.' In Aziraphale's defense, they're both a mess and half-broken up in this scene and there's more going on it than we're going to get into here but the point is that suddenly not having a word caused big drama and caused the whole holy water conversation to de-evolve into an argument that broke them up for the eleven or so minutes that they can stay broken up.

But they still hadn't really resolved the whole holy water argument debacle by 1941, even if there is evidence in the show that they saw one another between 1862 and 1941, and the reason why they haven't is because holy water is irretrievably linked to defining what they are.

Crowley asking for it meant they had to consider what they are to one another and talk about it and 1862 proved their language didn't have words for that at the time. There is a level of panic to it because the request contains a certain level of acknowledgement about how they feel about each other. Aziraphale jumps onto holy water being a suicide pill not just because he's terribly worried that that's why a visibly anxious and depressed Crowley wants it but because if it's not what Crowley wants it for, then Crowley is saying he wants it for defense and whose defense, right? Not just his own, potentially. It's very much saying that he wants it to protect not just himself but Aziraphale from Hell and now we're talking about Crowley being willing to risk the wrath of Hell and maybe get himself killed trying to protect Aziraphale from harm and now, we're closer than ever to that I love you under the surface and they panic and they avoid it for 80 some odd years entirely until World War II...

...and then we arrive at The Blitz in 1941. We are now a scant one hundred years or so until 6,000 years being up since the creation of Earth and Armageddon was always going to happen in "*about* 6,000 years" so, for all they know, this is it... and Crowley in 1600 told you how he feels about sad endings:

So while rescuing Aziraphale is nothing new, Crowley turned up in 1941 with the intent of making a better ending, in case they had now found themselves at the start of the end of the world. They were almost out of time either way and he didn't want it all to end without them having said the things but also they didn't know *for sure* if this was it... and they still can't be together if it isn't... so Crowley can't just show up and be like so, angel, I've been meaning to tell you in the actual words for the last six millennia-- I'm madly in love with you. He has to find a way to do it in their language of doublespeak. And so, here's Crowley using friend (loaded) in front of the Nazis in 1941:

By using my friend in the church, Crowley is then actually euphemistically calling Aziraphale my lover by calling back to The Globe Theatre and stealing the human coded term that Burbage used. Crowley does not care what the Nazis think. The comment isn't for them; it's for Aziraphale. So is letting Aziraphale find out about his first name, which is also calling back to The Globe Theatre. ("Anthony", pronounced "Antony", as in Shakespeare's 'Antony and Cleopatra', the play in which Shakespeare put the love poetry he stole that Crowley wrote for Aziraphale.) So is referencing the unguarded holy water in the church, which is then trying to talk about it a little by connecting it to this romantic grand gesture here and acknowledging why they panicked over it all those years ago. It's all saying I'm in love with you in their little language in the best way Crowley can in this moment.

But what did we say about friend (loaded)? We said they have to define it, right?

Because it can mean different things. Crowley isn't wrong to use it and Aziraphale understands it the way he does in the church. He understands it to euphemistically refer to them as lovers, which they are. It's just that all of this combined with Crowley saving the books then makes Aziraphale realize that it's one thing to say my friend (loaded) but if you say it and then there's holy water referencing and then there's more of the Shakespeare scene in there with Anthony and the little "you don't like it?" pout and then there's the entered a church for you and... you put all of that together with little demonic miracle of my own and saving the books...

...and Aziraphale realizes that Crowley is taking the thing that they always were-- my friend (loaded)-- and using it in the middle of saying that he's in love with him.

Crowley is trying to give it a word.

The word he's using meets all their language rules. It's from a moment in their past. It has a true surface meaning and a loaded undertone and subtext for days. He's not asking Aziraphale to use it. He's not saying the actual thing, as that would be breaking their rules, but he is absolutely saying it in their language.

He's not asking Aziraphale for it in return. He's just saying that this could all be over soon and he needed Aziraphale to know and in some ways, it's an apology of sorts. He's sorry they fought. He's sorry they lost years over it. He's sorry for the pain of it. He was in love, you see. The sex while pining got to be a lot. All of this got to be a lot. You get it now right, Aziraphale? Yes? Good. Lift home...

The phrase my friend (loaded) takes on a different meaning after Crowley saves the books and after their conversation inside and outside The Bentley. That's the point of the two "shut up"s-- the one from Part 1 and the one right after it where Part 2 picks up. Why have this conversation twice? Because it's actually two different conversations.

The first one outside The Bentley is Aziraphale in a love stupor, just telling Crowley that saving the books was a nice thing and Crowley responding with a half-effort "shut up" while he cleans his glasses. It's the only scene in the entire series to date in which Crowley is cleaning his glasses and he is in this moment to give Aziraphale his eyes for a moment. But The Blitz, Part 2 shows us this again... and then gives us the scene in The Bentley with what starts out sounding like the same conversation on the surface to start. It is, though, not the same conversation *under* the surface...

There's a reason why Aziraphale says a second time that saving the books was a nice thing. They're now in The Bentley, which is a little more private, and Aziraphale can't let this drop because he needs to know for sure what Crowley is saying with this and if Crowley's sure he wants to be saying what it seems like he's saying. This is basically Aziraphale's version of Crowley's "are you sure? are you sure you're sure?" in the magic shop later on. Aziraphale knows Crowley just said he's in love with him but Aziraphale also knows *Crowley*, right?

He's been with Crowley for a long time. He knows him very well. He knows that Crowley is anxious and emotional and hopelessly romantic and that the world is literally ending around them as they're driving through bombs raining down over London and part of Aziraphale is thinking of the fact that even in this seemingly apocalyptic Armageddon that could be starting here, Crowley was coded in what he just did. He left the traditional words on the table. He said the things in their language and that is, in some ways, even more romantic, but he's left them the things they leave out of hope for a better future, just in case. There's a caution to that and while Aziraphale appreciates the caution, he also can sense that Crowley was nervous about doing this. He is a little concerned that Crowley's going to have said he loved him and then regret it and pull away from him again and Aziraphale can't do the first bit of the Holy Water Arc all over again. He's really wanting to start to move into a lighter era here lol. He also really wants to be sure that he's understanding what Crowley is saying entirely.

And he wants to hear it again.

If Crowley isn't going to shut down on him entirely now, Aziraphale very much liked all of this and would like more of it but he first has to be sure he knows for sure what Crowley means and he can't just ask directly or he's both saying the things they leave unsaid and he'd be undoing Crowley's effort so he has to find a way to ask without directly asking and in such a way that an already sensitive about all of this Crowley won't take offense or be embarrassed and that gives them a way back from this if Crowley shows signs that he feels like he might have gone too far.

So Aziraphale offers Crowley an out.

He tells him again that it was such a nice thing Crowley did for him. He means this and it was a nice thing but this is also saying that he heard that I'm in love with you that Crowley was saying by saving his books and that he liked hearing it, that it was nice, that it was okay that Crowley did that, but that it's also okay if he feels like he made a mistake with it.

Crowley's response to again being told that it was nice is to again tell Aziraphale to "shut up", this one a bit more emphatically than he did outside The Bentley a few moments before. It's unclear to what extent this language, at this time, is sexualized, but by 2019/S1, this back and forth of Aziraphale calling Crowley "nice" and Crowley responding with some bite is a self-parodic sex game that they're playing in Tadfield.

Much of what happens in Tadfield is playing on other parts of their story-- think about the paintball bit with the gun but now with knowledge of The Bullet Catch in The Blitz, Part 2-- and there is a big difference in the ways Aziraphale calls Crowley "nice" in 1941 and in 2019. In Tadfield in 2019, Aziraphale is literally smirking in a way that implies that this is a little game they play and he's saying a series of things that he knows will prompt this intentionally outsized reaction from Crowley, who is playing it with him. The game is likely tied *to* this bit of 1941 that we see in The Blitz, Part 2 in S2, in that it's referencing it a bit (if very obviously going in a different direction lol), but also because Aziraphale's phrasing and tone in 1941 is not smirking. It's softer and quieter and not designed, through their language, to prompt a certain response out of Crowley. It's not yet a sex game, it's still a kind of conversation they've had in the past that will serve as inspiration for said sex game in the future.

While it's a bit unclear if a version of this already existed in 1941 or if 1941 is part of the evolution to what it becomes by 2019, there's a tone to it in The Bentley in 1941 that says that, at the least, Crowley suspects that Aziraphale is trying to lure him towards sex by calling him nice and that's reinforced by the next thing Aziraphale says, which continues it, but is also doing so to provide Crowley with an out to his confession of love, in case Crowley wants to take it.

Aziraphale's out comes in the form of offering him sex, which is absolutely what this is:

Oh, gee, Aziraphale, whatever could you do in this moment here in The Bentley? You aren't at all telling him you'd do literally anything he says he wants right now, right here, in his damn car, are you?

But while Aziraphale would so absolutely yes because lawd, 1941 Crowley is sldjwkejele... look at what he's *really* saying as well...

What he's saying here is we can pretend you just did all of that for sex, if you want to. I know you didn't and you know you didn't but we are good at pretending and if you're silently having an anxiety attack behind your glasses over there, we don't have do this...

Crowley's response?

The quiet "forget it, will you?"

Meaning: I don't want to take it back. I'm in love with you. I wanted to say it. I meant to say it. Everything might be going to go pear-shaped and I wanted to have said it somehow. I don't need you to say it. I don't know what I expected but I also maybe kinda didn't want the response to be 'aww, you're sweet... do you want a blowjob?' so maybe let's just drop this. We're going to never speak of this again now. Moving onto spreading the demon drink...

Crowley turns down Aziraphale's offer to make it about sex and, in doing so, Crowley says indisputably that it's about love. If he had taken up Aziraphale's offer in that moment, then it would have been agreeing to pretend that he's never said he's in love with Aziraphale and to instead pretend that the romantic-looking things were all an effort to get into Aziraphale's pants. When he turns down sex, Aziraphale smiles softly because, to him, *this* is then really the moment that Crowley said he loves him.

Aziraphale knows for sure now what Crowley was saying and my friend (loaded) now has a definition between them that means the whole deal. Since Crowley said the thing that meant lovers euphemistically as part of saying he's in love with him, then my friend (loaded) is now forever part of the night during The Blitz in 1941 when Crowley said he was in love with him, which means that they can't use any version of friend (loaded) with each other without that being part of it. Friend (loaded) always meant lovers (sexual partners) but now it also means lovers (romantic partners) as well. It's not that they just suddenly became romantic partners because it's been a romance all along but now they're acknowledging it in a way they can't go back from and they do so by giving what they are to one another a word in their secret language.

Aziraphale then wants to return the feeling. Crowley is saying that he doesn't need him to by telling him to forget it about it and wanting to move on from it but Aziraphale can't accept that. Crowley might be right-- this could be it-- and like Aziraphale's going to let Crowley potentially soon go to his grave without telling him he's not alone in how he feels. That's not happening. However you think the events happened to give Aziraphale the opportunity to rescue Crowley from the wrath of Mrs. H-- divine fate, Aziraphale miracling the bottles broken, The Bentley shipping it and helping Aziraphale, all of the above, etc..-- he gets the chance not ten minutes later and he takes it... and, of course, what does he use?

My good friend (loaded af lol).

They've already just redefined my friend (loaded) by this point, so to turn around and use it is to tell Crowley I feel the same way. I love you, too. This is Crowley's change in expression in reaction in that above gif. It's one thing when Aziraphale volunteers to help-- that is sweet and Crowley's all eyebrows raised in intrigued surprise. His whole expression then slips from that into being stunned when he hears my good friend and he realizes that Aziraphale is now grand gesturing *him*. He's realizing that the bit in the car really was just an offer of an out, not just that plus Aziraphale saying he was uncomfortable with what Crowley had said and needing it to stay a lot more hidden beneath a cover of sex. It was Aziraphale needing to be sure he understood and needing to be sure that Crowley was sure he wanted to make this change in how they are but now that he's sure on those things, Aziraphale is actually all in for it.

Worth mentioning that my good friend (loaded) is a mashup of my friend and my dear fellow, which makes it extra sweet. Just as Crowley started this by calling back to The Globe Theatre by using my friend (loaded), Aziraphale is calling back to the my dear fellow rhythm of what he's called Crowley for centuries. It says I love you and every 'my dear fellow' was not just fondness but an 'I love you', if you didn't already know. I've loved you forever.

It's also quite literally calling Crowley 'good', which is not something that he really believes about himself but is something Aziraphale believes about him. His good friend, as in close friend, but also his good friend, as in good person. He also does nothing to discourage Mrs. H's inevitable understanding that he and Crowley are a couple. He gestures between them to indicate it. He uses my good friend in such a way that it's just the same thing queer humans of the time would have said to someone low-risk (a theatre person) in London during WW2. It's completely inverted from his response to Burbage in a different theatre in 1600, in the moment this whole friend thing became a thing for them, which is also intentional. It's telling Crowley he understood all the things Crowley was saying in the church and he feels them, too.

Then, there's this, once they're back the bookshop:

Here, we're acknowledging what friends means now by pausing and emphasizing it. "That's what friends are for" is not a phrase that would require the pause and the tone on friends if friendship was all "friends" meant to them. It's not now and this is acknowledging that.

Note Crowley's little lip twitch/almost-sad-smile at what Aziraphale is saying. It's agreement. It's assent. This is them confirming that they understand what the other is saying and giving this new word a home in their language.

This is then what they call each other now when they need to talk about it and it's my friend on the surface and it's my love underneath.

There's a sadness to it. How nice it would be to just be able to say it... It's also a moment of realizing that they aren't sure they can use this word all the time. It's good to have a word and a shared understanding of what it means and they have no desire to take back these confessions of love here but while it's lovely to have said this now, it's also a bit heartbreaking.

Aziraphale's heartbreak, his little Crowley move of putting on his (transparent lol) glasses, his brave smile, and then how quickly they both transition from this conversation into The West End, The West End and I'm a lonely G.I... and The farthing *has vanished*! It shows you how accustomed they are to burying the pain under trying to live in the moment for one another.

A few moments after this, Aziraphale will be showing Crowley some of his human magic tricks in preparation for performing on stage and when they get to the point where Aziraphale is telling Crowley about Goldstone's Magic Shop, he then tells him that it's not for him because it's "for professional conjurers only."

This is somewhat unintentional metaphor on Aziraphale's part that Crowley then acknowledges and turns into coded language in his response. Aziraphale's love of human magic is metaphorical for his love of humanity and living in a way as to indulge his humanity in a way that angels have been taught not to do. The reason why Aziraphale's love of magic is this metaphor and not, say, his love of books or music or food, is because all of the other things that Aziraphale likes about the human experiences can be dismissed by him as relating to understanding the human experience *so as to be a better angel.* He's really not a student of humanity just to learn how to better guide them. He admits to Adam in front of Crowley in S1 that he thinks that humans are the ones who get it when he tells him that he hoped Adam would be good and worried he'd be evil but that he's something better than either of those-- he's human incarnate. Aziraphale can justify most of his indulgences as being related to learning human ways to relate to them to help them-- food, books (his home and his book collection can be justified as necessary cover for his angelic embassy), music, etc.... but the love of human magic?

Aziraphale just loves it. It's for him. It's his hobby. He thinks it's a little selfish and probably a lot unbecoming of an angel. He'd completely just want this for a job and he's not supposed to want a job other than to be an angel, which is supposed to be the bestest job imaginable lol. What kind of angel wants a silly human job? What kind of angel with actual magical powers is obsessed with human magic? Aziraphale is. He's endlessly fascinated. It makes him happy. It brings him joy. It's the part of living as a human that he's done in such a way that it's just for him and in such a way that it conflicts a bit with his role as an angel. The only other way Aziraphale loves like this, in this human way? The only other thing he studies at to be a better human over being a better angel?

Crowley.

So when Aziraphale says that he can't go to Goldstone's because it's "for professional conjurers only", Crowley knows that what Aziraphale is really saying is that the shop is "for actual humans only". He knows Aziraphale is admitting that he's sometimes insecure about his ability to be human because of how his humanity is tied to being an angel. Crowley knows that they're talking about Aziraphale and his human magic love on one level but that they're also talking about them and their relationship on another level. This is Aziraphale saying that he loves human magic with a passion but he's not sure he's as good as it as he could be or as he wants to be because maybe he doesn't know everything about being a human in the way that the "professional conjurers"-- humans-- know... and everything we just said he's unsure about with relation to human magic is also how he feels sometimes about loving Crowley.

This conversation is happening in an overlapping way with their friend confessions and Crowley hears that Aziraphale is saying in there that he loves Crowley with a passion but he's not always sure that he's studied enough, that he knows enough, about being human to be what Crowley deserves. He would love to go to this magic shop but he's afraid that it's not meant for him. He struggles, as Crowley already knows, with how he's not supposed to want it but oh he wants and he can't help but love magic and he can't help but love Crowley... all of which prompts Crowley to reassure him, using a now-familiar bit of their language:

"You, my Nefertiti-fooling fellow, are about to perform on the West End stage. If that doesn't make you a 'professional conjurer'... I don't know what does."

Meaning:

You, my human-passing man, are so good at this that you fooled the Ancient Egyptian Queen. You're about to perform your human magic on stage-- to make yourself vulnerable in a way that scares humans. You are always willing to take risks like that and try something new and learn more about being human and that makes you human. It's human to not totally know how to be human, I think. You're doing all of this tonight because you love me. It doesn't matter if you're a good magician or not. This love of ours is human and you're very good at it. You love me very well. If loving me doesn't make you a 'professional conjurer'... I don't know what does.

Crowley uses my [] fellow to emphasize my friend (loaded) by using the term of endearment that Aziraphale himself started that has human connotations to make the point that their love makes them human and to tell Aziraphale that he's very good at their love.

Aziraphale, understandably melting over that:

And then? They just keep using my friend. For decades. Through S2.

What makes it work for so long is the fact that it's human-coded in origin so if they run into a situation where they need to refer to one another like this, they can use it and it doesn't get a lot of questions. After the partners scene with Nina, Crowley uses my friend without thinking twice about it, telling her that she'll be safe in the bookshop because "my friend would never let anything happen to you." Nina already gets that they're friend (loaded) and she doesn't know what using friend means to them because only they know about 1941 but it's a phrase that they can use with the outside world if they need to but that mostly stays between them because only they know that, in their language, my friend = my love.

So when Crowley says I lost my best friend in the Discorporated!Aziraphale scene in S1, he means that he lost his best friend but he *also* really means I lost the love of my life.

The first thing my best friend means is just the actual, uncoded definition-- what the words really mean as they are. Aziraphale is Crowley's best friend. Whatever else they are to one another, they've always been that. The idea that he'd have to go through the end of the world and whatever came after without his best friend devastated him. In a lot of ways, it's sweeter than saying anything else, even if they weren't in a public space, because it's saying that what he'd miss the most is just having his partner in crime in life. The other layer of it is the coded layer. Since they are a couple that uses my friend in an euphemistic way for my love, then Crowley's my best friend in 2019 is the same thing as Aziraphale's my good friend was in 1941. It is my best friend on the surface and it is that but it's also my love beneath it.

This scene is also then the same thing in meaning:

And by S1's present of 2019, they're at a point of using it in an argument, which provides them the means to talk in a way they didn't have in 1862. Yeah, they have their dramatic little breakup spats but this is actually a marked improvement over where they were before the holy water mess. So now watch this bit of the bandstand again here below for the friend (loaded)...

Remember that Aziraphale lies increasing bits of absurdity when stressed and that Crowley knows that. He dismisses what Aziraphale says with that "you doooo" when Aziraphale tries the *utterly ridiculous* "I don't even like you" lol. They're both panicked about the end of the world here in Ineffable Divorce: Round One and Crowley's trying to get them to run away again, which is a terrible idea, but in the process of suggesting it, Crowley is calling them friends (now eternally loaded, as we just spent this meta proving lol) and...

...*how long* have they been friends does he say?

So, how long have they been in love, per their language, per Crowley in the bandstand scene?

Six thousand years.

Since the start.

Vavoom. Sorted. :)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being truthful with my husband's coworker?

I (23f) have a husband (25m) who is very close with his coworkers. They come over to our house a lot for DND, holidays, etc.

One of his coworkers, N (27m) and I were close. N is very charismatic and flirts with EVERYONE. My husband legitimately did not care, I've even showed him me and N's texts before which look the same as my husband and N's- yes some flirting but nothing actually serious. Most of it is joking

Well, N started dating someone they all work with, J. I had never met J, I have 0 clue her age. The first time we met, I tried to be inviting as there isn't a lot of girls around except those of us that are married or who already are coworkers. She seemed shy, maybe a bit socially awkward.

Then the second time, I caught her pointing at me and whispering to her best guy friend and they both started laughing. It felt like I was in high school, but I ignored it. N had been out of the room. This was at MY house.

We've met a handful of times since, and by a handful I mean literally 5 times. Every time she does not say a word to me. I've tried talking to her and she'll blankly stare at me. So I've stopped. If she doesn't want to be friends that is her choice.

Except my husband caught her vagueposting about me on social media. N doesn't have social media fyi. She basically posted the exact outfit I was wearing, something that happened, and then put "what a dumb situation caused by someone stupid, but at least the outfit was cute". She also replied to a comment saying i was flirting with her man and a homewrecker, which is why I brought up how N is because he is like that with EVERYONE. So I haven't liked her since because, sure she can be upset with N and me joking and "flirting" even if N is like that with every coworker and even my husband, but to post about me and call me stupid just seemed petty and rude

I asked N if she was uncomfortable with our interactions, because J had me blocked on social media and I couldn't ask her, and N said she shouldn't be because he treats me no different then anyone else.

Well, any group hang outs she doesn't come to. There is always an excuse, and I dont even want to invite her because of what she said about me. Except for DND which I am not a part of (I do enjoy it, but the way they play is so fast paced and im dyslexic and not good at math, I have a better time watching then playing so I do other things while they play, it also gives my husband time to enjoy a hobby he likes alone). Anytime J is over for DND she ignores me or whispers to her guy friend when I'm around. N is still N, flirting with everyone (me, my husband, the guy who plays an orc, J, etc.). I dont even think he is intentionally flirting i think he is just very charismatic and some stuff he says can be taken that way

Well most recently N invited us to his house so me and my husband went. J came home started talking to everyone there and then saw us and went to her room (N, J, and two other people live together). She didn't come back out the entire time me and my husband were there, but I found out later she came out once we were gone.

N texted me asking my opinion of J. I was truthful and said, and I quote "Well she seems smart and she is pretty, but I don't really know her. I don't think she likes me, which to each their own. I wish she was a bit more polite about things when she is at my house. Cant really speak on someone i dont know except that shes a bit cold and not who i had thought you would be with.. Otherwise, as long as your happy, what does my opinion matter?" To which N replied "so you have a bigger opinion" and then blocked me.

My husband agrees with me but N is his best friend, they haven't discussed it at work. I have seen J recently, we ran into each other at a store, and she called me a bitch (I guess N told her what I said). AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[gemini-sensei]

With the GirlCock!Tory and LaRusso!Reader, what if after a few months of them graduating and the two are still dating and messing around, Reader actually gets pregnant? And the family finds out?

Girlcock!Tory x Chubby!LaRusso!Reader

Part One | Part Two ○ Fem!Reader

CW: slight smut, blowjobs, secret relationships, pregnancy and symptoms, nondescript but mentioned vomiting, pet name: babe, breeding kink, a tad bit unhinged. A/N: in this, Reader goes to college, just fyi. Also, Sam and Reader attend different colleges, bare with me on that one lol. (unedited)

I've been putting this off for no good reason

○ After graduation, Reader and Tory keeps their relationship a secret. There's barely any conversation about whether they will tell Reader's family, just going with the motions of transitioning out of high school and into the real world. Tory has no issue with it, used to the hard work that goes into busy workdays and long hours. Reader has it cushy and relaxed at home with her parents and siblings, but Tory finds herself never wanting Reader to lift a finger.

○ Their little relationship is a lot of Reader coming up to Tory's job just to see her. She left the house telling her parents that she was going to see some friends, have an adventure before college starts in autumn, but really she's sneaking away to go see Tory, who flirts with her relentlessly the whole time she's there. At first, she wanted to act like Reader was too much of a distraction and be mad about it, but couldn't hold up that front for long.

○ When she goes on break, she and Reader sneak off to Reader's car to have a quickie. Sometimes it's just a bj that has Tory rolling her eyes into the back of her head. Those are the times she really shoves Reader's head down on her cock and makes her gag on it as she comes down her throat. Other times, they have a quick fuck in the backseat where Reader has to ride her because if they get caught, Tory could get fired. The thrill adds to Tory's high in all honesty.

○ As summer goes on, Reader finds herself at Tory's place a lot more. If she stayed the night, she hangs out while Tory gets ready in the morning or she'll wake up a little earlier and make breakfast for her. Days off, they spend the whole day together - either staying in bed or watching TV.

○ At night, Tory loves having Reader in her bed. She secretly loves the cuddles Reader gives, holding her curvy body close. There's no way she'll ever actually admit to it, but it's her favorite part of the day.

○ When it comes time to go to college, Reader moves out of her parents' house and into a little apartment not far from school. It isn't too long of a drive from the Valley to the school, but her parents didn't want her to "waste time driving." They pay for the place so she can focus on school, and that's fine, but she's lonely. The first weekend, she invites Tory over to "help her unpack" but all they end up doing is packing Reader full of cum.

○ Tory loves driving down to see Reader because it's way more private for them. They don't have to worry about getting caught or someone from her family interrupting them. Sure, the thrill of sneaking around was fun, but as their relationship continues, Tory finds herself not wanting to hide anymore. She just wants to be with Reader.

○ A few weeks into the first semester, Reader starts feeling under the weather. She gets up and goes to class, but by the end of the day she's unbearably tired. Then she starts getting dizzy spells and nausea. She made the mistake of complaining about it to Sam because her sister drove all the way from her college to Reader's. Reader has to tell Tory not to come see her even though the only person she wants to see at that time is Tory.

○ Sam comes to take care of her sister, but as soon as she finds Reader dry heaving over the toilet, she hates where this looks like it's going. She eases into the idea; she asks if Reader's been to any parties and if she's met anybody and Reader tells her no and of course not. Answers like that make Sam confused and suspicious. However, she doesn't accuse her of lying and just suggests that she take a pregnancy test.

○ She holds Reader as they wait for the test to come back and when they see that it's positive, Sam has to ask her why she's lying about seeing someone. Reader doesn't want to answer, but that just makes her sister even more worried.

"If you just hooked up with someone, that's okay," she tells Reader, holding her worried and sweet sister. She tries to keep her calm, but in reality, Sam is the one close to freaking out. "You just have to tell me what happened." "No offense, Sam, but it's none of your business right now," Reader tells her, wanting nothing more than Tory there with her in this moment.

○ They spend the weekend finding a good doctor nearby and Monday confirming the pregnancy at a little doctor's office. Sam assures Reader the entire time that she has options, but Reader isn't listening. She's just going over what she's going to tell her girlfriend - hardworking, unstoppable Tory. Sure, Tory's breeding kink is prevalent in their sex lives, but is it just a kink? She knows they'd have to talk about it, but Sam will have to be gone before that can happen.

○ Before Sam finally leaves, Reader makes her swear not to tell their parents and Sam tells her that she won't. Then, like the wind, she's gone and Reader can only hope Sam keeps her mouth shut.

○ She's not that shy little girl she once was. She's a full fledged college student now, so she didn't need her sister or parents nosing around in her personal life all the time. However, she doesn't know what to do. She's supposed to be focused on school, not having a baby. On top of that, though she is an adult, she's still young and worried about what her parents are going to think. It's a lot of complex layers that amount to a lot of weight on her shoulders.

○ The next weekend Tory comes to see her, she sits her down immediately because she's too nervous to even try to act like nothing's up. She keeps it simple and short:

"I'm pregnant," Reader says. She started off by looking at Tory, but quickly looks down at her lap and pulls out the pregnancy test. She hands it over before Tory can get a word out and doesn't say anything else. Tory takes the test and looks at it, kind of stunned. However, that is quickly overpowered by the immense sense of pride she feels over it. Her breeding kink is blazing and everything is just telling her how great this is. So she puts the test aside and lifts Reader's head to make her look up at her. "Babe... this is all I've ever wanted with you," she tells her. Reader gets a little flushed, feeling like they're in high school again when Tory would go out of her way to make her feel so flustered. However, she bounces back with, "Well, actually, this all started with you wanting to make my life Hell." It makes Tory laugh and hug her close, squeeze her tight to her chest and give her a quick peck. "Yeah, yeah, hold that over my head, why don't you?"

○ Following such a conversation, Reader and Tory had celebratory sex. Instead of the hard and rough sex they usually have though, Tory took things slow and gentle with Reader. Worshipped her body and made her feel good, but that didn't mean her breeding kink didn't still shine through... "Just have to make sure you're really pregnant." "What's one more?" "Trust me, babe, this isn't the gonna be the last time I breed this tight, fat cunt of yours.

○ As time goes on, they decide to tell her parents of course. They can't hide a pregnancy and a baby from them, plus Sam already knows. She just doesn't know that it's Tory that Reader has been seeing. It's a lot to tell them, so they put it off a while.

○ Come winter break, Reader can't get out of going back to the Valley like she did for fall break. So she packs a bag with her maternity clothes, tosses toiletries and her prenatal meds in while she holds her little bump, and ensures she packs an extra pair of comfy shoes. Tory comes to drive her, puts her bag in the car and holds her hand the entire way there.

○ When they pull up to the LaRusso house, everyone sees the car but is too busy to notice that it isn't Reader's car. Sam comes to the door to greet her sister, intercepting since she's the only one who know's Reader is pregnant, but before she can greet her she's shocked by Tory's presence.

"Reader, what is she doing here?" Sam asks, as if Tory isn't standing right there. Reader gives a little smile and holds up her and Tory's joined hands. "She's my girlfriend, Sam... and the mother of my child." Sam is frozen in the doorway, to the point Amanda has to come out see what's going on. "Sam, is everything okay?" she asks, but is quickly made speechless what she sees her other daughter at the door with Sam's rival and a hand on her belly. All she can let out is an, "Oh my."

○ Amanda regains her self faster than Sam and invites the couple in, telling Reader that they can go get settled upstairs. They scurry off, Tory trying not to laugh as they escape to Reader's old room before her father can see them. Tory drops Reader's bag and they sit on the bed. Tory has to pepper Reader's face with kisses to calm her nerves, rubbing her belly soon after. She knows Reader has been worries about what her family will think.

○ There's a knock at the door and Anthony pokes his head on. When he sees them fussing over Reader's belly, he says, "Damn, I thought Sam would be the one knocked up in college."

"Anthony!" Reader seethes, embarrassed by his words. Tory just laughs at him. "What are you doing here?" "I live here. Plus, I heard mom and Sam whispering to each other and had to come see if what they were talking about was true." Anthony walks in like he owns the place, shutting the door for some privacy at least. It still makes Reader roll her eyes because he's still the same as ever. He looks between them and asks, "So did you two have a threesome or something?" Tory doesn't shy away from giving him the answer. "No, I fucked your sister with my big dick." "Ha ha," he lets out humorlessly, but when he sees the cocky look on Tory's face, he deadpans. "Wait, you have a dick?"

○ When it's time to walk downstairs, Tory holds Reader's hand the whole time. They first go to Amanda and Sam, explaining some of their relationship and how Reader got that pretty little bump. They don't give them all the details of course, glossing over the parts where Tory used to bully Reader. Sam hasn't forgotten those days and wants to say something about it, but their mom stops her from bringing it up.

○ Then Daniel walks in and he greets Tory, trying not to be so put off by her presence. He got some of the details from his wife, so he's just trying to act civil since Sam is spiraling. However, all that goes out the window when he hugs Reader and feels the new bump protruding from her abdomen. He pulls away, holding her shoulders, and looks at her with a "please tell me that's not what I think it is" look and she just smiles at him.

"Surprise," she says, a little weary.

○ Daniel almost faints, but manages to stay upright as he starts barreling questions at his daughter and her girlfriend. It's a little overwhelming, but when he asks "how did this even happen?" Anthony walks by and nonchalantly says, "Tory's cock, obviously."

○ Meltdown mode activated. Not because Tory has a cock, but because Daniel never needed to know that. Daniel would have lived blissfully if he never knew his daughter was having sex with anyone. Amanda has to walk him out of the room and tell him to calm down because he's only going to stress out their pregnant daughter.

○ While they're out of the room, Reader gets held by Tory, who tells her that went a lot better than she expected. She kisses Reader's head and keeps her nerves at bay, ignoring everyone else in the room. Sam bares witness to the seemingly 180 shift that's been made, seeing Tory be so gentle with her sister as opposed to the rough and mean treatment that occurred before. She's suddenly not so opposed to the idea of Tory and her sister after all.

○ But neither Reader or Tory care what's going on around them. They have each other and that's enough for them. Tory's taken care of herself more often than not and the last few months, she's been taking care of Reader and their growing little one in her belly, so she's not worried about getting support from anywhere else.

○ However, it's a warm welcome when Reader's parents come back in to tell them that they're happy for them. They still need to get used to the fact that their daughter is even dating anyone, let alone pregnant. But after most of the shock wears off, they know they're getting a two new additions to their family and that's something worth celebrating for the holidays.

[antispopausandstuff]

Your blog is still updating? The show ended in 2020. There's been a whole pandemic in that time. Haven't you graduated? Don't you do anything fun?

blah blah blah blah blah, you're not the first, you won't be the last.

content warning for trauma dumping, since this person is oh so kind and curious. /s

most of the reason i'm keeping this account active is for fun, fyi. you probably don't see it that way, but i really don't care. what may be completely pointless to you can be entertaining or engaging for someone else.

not that it's any of your business, but i actually haven't been able to do a lot of the things i've wanted to do since i was kid, due to a shit ton of family issues, including an abusive relationship that is currently going through the process of divorce, that were beyond my control and my inability to regulate myself after being depressed for practically my whole life.

and one of those, unfortunately, is me graduating late. i'm still going to school and trying my best to get a GED, in case i want to go to college in the future.

i was arguably forced to be a hermit because of bullying by my peers for shit i didn't understand, for shit i didn't even do, because i had no idea i was neurodivergent, dealing with internalized racism, and was trying to figure out exactly what and who the fuck i was up until i was 16-17 years old, and by that point, i had been out of school for a long time for a bunch of other reasons.

but guess what? even in all that time, i still found a lot i enjoyed doing, such as creating ( drawing, writing, making videos, etc. ), engaging in family activities, experimenting with my gender and gender expression, communicating with my online friends, playing video games, watching tv shows and movies that are a comfort zone for me and engaging in newer content every once in a while, etc.

you sound like a self-righteous asshole who thinks you know better than i do because all you see is me making anti content for a show that ended 4 years ago, as if people still aren't praising it and acting like it was the end all, be all of queer representation, as if people still aren't threatening others lives on purpose over this show, as if people still aren't harassing and bullying and doxxing and mocking others on purpose over this show.

this account wasn't for you and it's never gonna be for you.

this account is for me, my mutuals, my friends, and everyone else.

if you have a problem with that, get the fuck off my page and stop making bullshit assumptions based off nothing. matter of fact, stop being a bitch and leave people the fuck alone.

to all my mutuals, friends, and others who engage in my content willingly and with love, thank you for your time and patience.

[evilwickedme]

Top 10 worst Bruce dad moments?

So here's the thing. I'm not actually like. That well versed in the comics yet? Again like. Only been here for about six months. But I'll do my best anyway

10. Firing Dick

HE FIRED DICK FROM BEING ROBIN. THE NICKNAME HIS MOTHER GAVE HIM. THEN GAVE SAID NICKNAME TO ANOTHER CHILD. WHAT THE FUCK.

9. Steph as Robin

Honestly everything about this is a mess. I've only read a few pages from this arc but Tim quitting being Robin was a really difficult decision and Bruce's response was to give the job to Tim's sort-of-ex girlfriend and then treat her like crap. I believe it's canonically cause she reminded him too much of Jason, but that might just be the fandom's reading of the subtext; either way, if the shoe fits...

8. Telling Damian if he was there, Alfred wouldn't have died

What the FUCK, Bruce, that is your SON. COMFORT HIM FOR THE LOSS OF HIS GRANDFATHER

7. Robin!Tim in general

Listen intentional or not Tim is written as a character that has very much internalized needing to be useful being more important than anything else. His parents simply prioritize work over him point blank - his dad doesn't even remember his birthday, for God's sake - and Bruce simply like. Does not help with this. If anything he takes advantage of it. Tim needs to be loved unconditionally, like, STAT, like, that would fix 70% of his identity issues kinda STAT, and I'm not sure he's ever felt that with Bruce

6. Free space: any time he's hit one of his children that I don't know about

I once reblogged a post that detailed every time he hit Dick but that's long gone into the ether now, I can't find it. Anyway there's no excuse to hit your child. Don't fucking do it. They shouldn't hit you, either, doesn't make it ok for you to do if they've done it fyi. Batman can do non violent solutions, we know this, so fucking use those on your children.

5. Reviving the joker

I believe Dick isn't necessarily mad about not having murdered a man basically in cold blood, but I am. What the fuck, Bruce. You tried to kill him twice, you really wanna tell me you don't understand the urge and NEED to kill him??? And then you BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE??? Again. As I've said. What the FUCK

4. Killing Dick and sending him off to Spyral

Actually Dick shouldn't ever forgive Bruce for anything he's ever done to him ever. Have you seen the panels where they have this argument? His family GRIEVES him and for what!!!! For WHAT

(I understand Grayson itself is actually great I wouldn't know I haven't read it. Doesn't make what Bruce did okay tho. I'm also not sure I trust the positive reviews it's written by Tim Seeley and Tom King like......)

3. RHatO Rebirth #25

Penguin didn't fucking die. He didn't get shot in the face with a real bullet. You don't beat your son half to death to the point where he needs to be RESCUED from you - actually no need to qualify that sentence with the intended "over something that didn't actually happen", you simply don't beat your son half to death, should be a no brainer and YET

2. UTRH end scene

Heartbreaking. We all know at this point. Batarang to the throat. Chooses the Joker over Jason. It's enough to make a fully grown (25 next month) man (eh) cry (I mean. Yeah)

1. INTENTIONALLY TRIGGERING JASON

See here for the ask where I talked about this (and which is presumably the ask that led to this anon). Taking Jason to Ethiopia with no warning when he's cooperating anyway just to intentionally trigger him in order to try to get Damian back to life when you never did anything like that for Jason? Holy fucking shit, you know? Just betrayal after betrayal after betrayal

Anyway I'm sure this list is missing some major moments and I'd love to know what I forgot about or, more likely, simply don't know about! I love a well written good dad!Bruce fic but lbr that's just not what he's like in canon. Calling him a mixed bag as a father figure is an understatement

[koolades-world]

alright so, quick idea regarding reopening requests! please read more if you're interested in making a requests :) yapping and some probably scuffed math ahead just fyi lol. if you've made one while requests have been closed, please read this too!

i've been thinking about it, and as soon as I get down to a manageable amount, i'd implement this system. right now, i have 77? i think which is a lot but much better than it was before. i believe i started with about 120 something. considering that, i don't think it would go into action until november. if i reopen them in november, if i make a request post everyday and am keeping up with spellbound secrets, i would have 12 requests left, which seems like a good number to reopen on. that's only if i don't go on a reduced posting schedule, and if i solely make posts based on requests. fall term begins in about a week for me, so i'll be getting busier with schoolwork and may not have as much time as i do now. i also love to write things that make me happy, and as well as making posts for holidays, which would mean more requests gone unwritten.

so i'm thinking for the first week of every month, they'll be open. they wouldn't close until midnight of the seventh day or until i hit 30. i hope it never gets to that point, but i figured it would be good to add a cap. this number may change either if i feel like it needs to be raised or lowered. then i'd shut them, work on what i received. rinse and repeat for the next month. it ensure my inbox isn't too full, and that you get your request done in about a month! of course, when we get closer to reopening them, i'll make another post and update my pinned :)

i'm not sure how many other people have been having this problem, but i've been noticing that things i know have been in my inbox aren't there when i haven't touched them, requests will duplicate themselves, or they'll be in an order that they definitely weren't in before. i think it had to do with the fact that i have so many items in my inbox. of course, these issues resolve themselves, but there's no set time for when they'll return to normal. i don't think anything has vanished for good, but i have no way of knowing. i don't want any requests to slip through the cracks. if i accidently do one that was duplicated, it just further delays requests that actually need to be done.

this is the reason i've been deleting requests that have been made while i've had them closed. i hate to sound rude, but it's not too hard to read my pinned post especially when the text for my inbox is "read pinned post" or something along those lines. i even made it simpler to see that requests were closed by not having it under a read more and bolding it. it hasn't been easy to just straight up delete them, but they're just further adding to the number of items in my inbox, which i'm trying to reduce and may be contributing to much earlier requests having issues that i talked about above. i also didn't want to go back on what i said. if i do it for one person, i have to do it for everyone which just isn't fair. if you're one of these people, hey! thanks for reading this. know i'm not mad or upset with you but just ask that you please check if requests are open or not next time :)

just wanted to give a heads up! sorry it's taking so long, but i'm sure you guys understand. if i'm in a good mood and have time, i might double up some days to help cut back on those leftover requests and get them done sooner. thanks for reading! this was way longer than i thought it was going to be haha

have a wonderful day <333

[nydescynt]

There is no Emergency Room for Teeth

(At least in the US - if another country does have a 24/7 Dental ER let me know so I can begin the immigration process to a clearly-superior healthcare system.)

We've all seen the reminders to brush your teeth on here, and wondered 'Okay but what's the worst case scenario here? I hate tooth cleanings and fillings, and I've been fine so far, even if that one tooth does seem to be a little off'.

Admittedly, it's easy to think avoidance is a winning strategy because in almost all other areas of health, if shit REALLY hits the fan at any hour of the day, you can go to the ER. They'll at least be able to get you some painkillers (if it hurts) & start trying to figure out what's wrong. It sucks if that happens at 3 AM, and you might wait while they help other worse-off people, and it can be expensive and stressful, but it's still possible to get some help eventually.

THAT IS NOT THE CASE FOR TEETH. Emergency rooms don't deal in teeth; the best they can do is pull the damaged tooth. (Replacing a single completely missing tooth later would cost about $3-4k, fyi.)

So if, let's say, your tooth randomly starts radiating excruciating pain at 10 PM on a Thursday - there is nothing anyone can do.*

The best case scenario at this point is to have an existing relationship with a local dentist. They should be able to get you in for an emergency visit the following day to determine what's wrong, prescribe you antibiotics/pain meds, and otherwise make the waiting period until you can get fixed up as comfortable as possible.

This is why it's crucial to have a dentist you go to for cleanings - both to avoid emergencies, and because in an emergency most walk-in dental clinics WILL NOT give you pain meds.

No, those 'emergency dentists' you may have seen and vaguely mentally equated to ERs aren't actually open 24/7**; and even when they are open, their primary role is to refer you somewhere else. I was referred on a Friday and just got my procedure done this Wednesday.

All healthcare is important, but I really cannot overstate that even if you rely on mostly "ignore it until something goes wrong", get regular dental care. And if anyone else has a bad tooth/teeth and is thinking "well, that's great but I'm already screwed" - it is never too late!! Every stage before this point, if I had gotten treatment, would've been cheaper & less painful. I missed 4 days of work - scheduling the root canal before I was in pain would've taken 1 day & avoided a week of hell. Getting a filling before it got too bad would've taken 2 hours and saved hundreds of dollars.

There are also payment plans, and most dentists/endodontists are VERY up front about expense because they know how hit-or-miss dental insurance can be. Several dentists I looked at had special pseudo-insurance policies that covered 2 cleanings & an emergency visit for like, $50 yearly. If you need help finding care, DM and I am happy to research, because I'd love to help even one person avoid the week I just had!

*If this unfortunately happens to you, ask your doc or research how to SAFELY layer ibuprofen and acetaminophen together. DO NOT drink alcohol when doing this you WILL fuck your liver.

**I assume some very large cities such as NY or LA may actually have 24/7 dentistry available, but this happened to me in the 14th largest city in the US so like. You're probably fucked.

[xenon-demon]

WIP Weekend! 🖋️

So I've been tagged in various WIP games this week by @stobinesque @penny00dreadful and @steves-strapcollection - thank you all Very Much for the tags!! <3 (even if the tags were because I am an Enabler Of Fic, I recognise my true calling is to be a hype man and writing is my side gig lmao)

Anyway I have a reasonably free weekend this weekend and a BURNING DESIRE to get something ao3-ready. Also FYI these rules are a slightly modified version of the ones Sam (penny00dreadful) is using, because I am using the "Fuck It We Ball" approach and cobbling together all the various WIP games into something that will work for me.

🎆 Rules 🎆

In a reblog (or new post w/ rules attached), post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to post!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can’t share from (for example, an event fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

That’s it! You can invite others to join in, or just post. If you tag me in your post, I will send you an ask request!

I am listing my WIP names as a poll; the poll will run for 24 hours and at the end I'll do the maths on how many votes each WIP received. I'll then set a goal to write 100 words per vote* for each WIP, and make a post of the vote breakdown for accountability! (*I may change this to be more than 100 words per vote if I don't get many votes in total.)

Snippet from "steve overstimulation projection manifesto" (SOPM) under the cut!

So yeah. Eddie can’t handle sudden change, big deal.

Steve can, for the most part; he's a lot more adaptable. No, Steve's weakness is people.

It took Eddie a while to realize it, and even then, he didn't truly understand until after they'd started dating. After all, how could the former King of Hawkins High possibly find socializing difficult? Eddie remembers all those bitter glances he used to shoot King Steve's way, jealous of how effortlessly he commanded the court of public opinion - not that he'd ever admit to it. But then Steve fell from grace, underwent more character growth than Eddie thought one man was capable of, and now Eddie knows the truth: uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. (Eddie is forever in debt to his freshman year English teacher for pointing him in the direction of the battered copy of the Complete Works of Shakespeare in Hawkins Public Library. If only poor Mr Collins knew Eddie was only interested so he could use it as inspiration for D&D campaigns.)

Steve is absolutely charismatic; he knows how to tell people exactly what they want to hear, or make them feel special in a way that keeps them coming back for more. The catch is it's an intentional act. It's a mask that Steve used to be terrified he could never take off, as he mournfully confessed to Eddie one night while sharing a joint in the trailer. As it turns out, Steve just needed better friends; with Robin, with the kids, with Eddie, he finds it so easy to just be himself. He doesn't have to censor himself or fret over what image he's presenting to the world, and can instead relax and actually enjoy the company. Steve's joked around with Eddie before that it's actually kind of good for their relationship that Steve used to have to try so hard - he knows how to flirt without even consciously thinking about it. What Steve doesn't know is that he could go into graphic detail about the shape of his toenails and Eddie would still be listening with hearts in his eyes.

—————

And now some tags, both for visibility and as an invitation to join in if you'd like to/aren't already doing a writing game for the weekend! <3

@sailing-through-hawkins @onirislanding @inairbinad @eriquin @scarcrossdlvrs @patchworkgargoyle

[absolutebl]

Hello! As always, you're awesome. The Awesomest even.

In several of my rabbit hole spirals through your blog posts I have clicked on links that lead to me a "URL not found" screen with your former @ you-had-me-at-bl name and Icon. Do you know if these post's are gone gone? (e.g. have you deleted them, do they no longer exist because you changed things or do you still have links, it's just that I'm looking at very old posts where the links understandably don't work).

In particular I've been trying to find and bookmark all your episode by episode watches (trash watch or otherwise) for me to come back to as I work my way through Thai BL (because the one's I have read as I watched are extremely entertaining). Several of the older shows links have lead me to this screen. Most recently I clicked on TT2 episode by episode recap which lead me to finally asking about it.

Totally fine if they're just gone obvs but thought there was no harm in asking :)

(If you do have the links and are happy to share I will be going on a long spiral to find broken links I want to read just FYI).

Thank you for the kindness!

Yeah Tumblr backend code is a NIGHTMARE. Piece of advice, never change your handle.

You have two options,

you can ask me for the specific blog post (because I keep a somewhat substantial link chain record) or

you can hop off Tumblr to google and Google "AbsoluteBL + some string of keywords you're looking for.

Honestly, if I lose a thing I wrote that is what I do.

Sorry can't be more helpful, but at least this blog is publicly searchable?

The TT2 trash watch ia here:

But I did pull a meta post of all the tash watches. If any of those links don't work let me know I can try going in and fixing them. (Tumblr doesn't always let me update old blog posts.)

The hard code on this site is insane.

[puck-the-devil]

Let me introduce myself~

Hello and welcome! My name is Puck. But as the saying goes, 'if you speak of the devil, he will come', so if you'd rather not summon me by accident, call me Robin Goodfellow.

I've been around a long time; enough to have been labeled as a fairy (most commonly and the term I tend to stick to), sprite, jester, hobgoblin, satyr, fallen angel, demon, devil, and any number of other things since I'm pretty well-known in human folklore.

Most of you who know me from more recent times may remember my role in William Shakespeare's play, A Midsummer Night's Dream. Those of you familiar with even more recent pop culture may recognize me from a number of other places such as shows (like Disney's Gargoyles) or books (like The Sisters Grimm).

Or maybe you've never even heard of me at all. That's perfectly fine! I'm just pleased that you're visiting. It gets pretty lonely for a bored immortal like myself in constant search of entertainment and interesting company.

For that reason, I will interact with pretty much any and all canons, AUs, OCs, and multiverses. So feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer! Or, of course, simply feel free to speak your mind. Maybe even make a wish or two~ As a warning, I do tend to enjoy causing a little mischief when I'm especially bored. This can involve shapeshifting into others to impersonate them and the use of magic spells that may or may not end up working as intended. It's generally just all in good fun and harmless, though, and I'm usually willing to clean up whatever messes I make, so don't fret.

Well...so long as you don't somehow manage to get on my bad side. A fairy's spite is not something to be taken lightly, but I've got a sunny disposition and a decent sense of humor, so actually angering me takes some effort. I'm pretty easygoing and friendly in general, so don't be afraid to reach out. I'm sure we'll get along fine! ((OOC: I am very rarely out of character on this account, but just as an FYI, this writer/roleplayer is 21+. For the most part, I imagine the majority of my posts and interactions will be safe for general audiences. If more mature topics end up being discussed in posts, I will do my best to tag them accordingly, but I'm still trying to figure out a system for tags, so please bear with me. I'll probably update this post as I think of more things to add later. Thanks for stopping by!))

[team-heavenly]

Chapter 21: Part 2

If you've read Part 1, welcome and please proceed! If you haven't, what're you doing here? Click here to start from the beginning!

And who else should we run into but our friendly duo? Here at the *checks notes* ...Bad Jungle?! Are you kidding me?

This is one of those things that's a little too on the nose to be believable. But I swear this is legit!

We actually did manage to get through the dungeon first try. Now if it had been the Nonsensical Castle on the other hand-

No I'm not letting that go, it was literally Hell.

Teresa: "...Hey, don't you think it's weird they both skirted around the center of the path just now?"

Andrea: "No? Why would that be weir-"

AH!! WE'VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED!!

*cue Wilhelm Scream and owie-ow-ow sounds*

...Deepest of apologies for the deep-fried text on this one. I'm afraid it wasn't exactly salvageable. And as if things couldn't get any worse...

THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S YA BOIIIII!!

*rumbling noise*

...Someone just dun goofed.

Southern Beedrill, I love you so much. Welcome back, pal :')

To his credit, though... Totodile takes it and runs with it, demonstrating his commitment to The Bit.

This would be absolutely terrifying if we were unevolved Pokémon without an AoE move. But... you know :D

Although something truly baffling happens when we transition to the battle:

UHHH, TOTODILE?! IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANNA TELL US??

He was genuinely a rock type and everything! I'm honestly at a loss. I've never seen this happen before, and I have no explanation for it.

Also, here's proof this place is called the Bad Jungle. If you even care.

This fight wasn't too bad, actually! One Rare Fossil was all we needed to knock out Tropius, and Blizzard took down almost everyone else. Mewtwo needed an extra hit, but that was no problem. Really, the worst part was facing down the Suddenly-Aron Guildmaster... It went something like this:

Andrea: *repeatedly using Octazooka* Teresa: *repeatedly using Mud Slap and dropping accuracy* Aron: *keeps hitting us anyway and brings both HP bars down to red* Team Heavenly: *has no healing items and begins to nervously sweat*

Thankfully, he finally began missing when it mattered and we triumphed!

"Let's skedaddle, boys!"

"Well, they're certainly good at... skedaddling."

Sureee Linoone, go ahead and play the innocence card! I'm looking right through you 👁👁

And that's putting it mildly.

FYI: I'm skipping over the whole "Teresa using the Dimensional Scream because this treasure box seems sketch and could be a trap" thing because it's... not really necessary to the story.

...Annnnd here's the cincher. *shakes ten-year-old me for being too dumb to have all doubt expelled at this reveal* Gosh, we've managed to hit 30 images already, so I suppose let's move on to Part 3. I liked it better when I just crammed in as many photos as I could...

[millerflintstone]

(a submission from @wormholeprophet ) FYI it seems like DeSantis didn’t kidnap that kid and the kid talked extensively about shooting up his school and stab people to his peers online? I’ve seen a lot of retractions from people who were reblogging this story recently.

I'm not crazy about the header the OP of that post, @moonfrosttheelf , used. I just reblogged with the most recent tweet from Rebekah Jones at the time. I did not think that reblog of mine would go anywhere since the only posts I share that gain any popularity are those of my cat.

Anyway ...

Her kid was arrested. That is true. If I was the mother of an autistic teen, and this happened to me, would I use the term 'kidnap'? Unsure. I don't have kids on purpose and can't speak to that.

It seems her son is back home with her.

Things do seem fishy with how all this went down.

Here's the link to the Miami Herald article about this situation. What the Yahoo article you submitted to my account, @wormholeprophet , doesn't talk about is what I've bolded below:

The boy was interviewed by sheriff’s deputies on March 23 and shown the memes, which he acknowledged sharing, the report said. The youth is not being named to protect his privacy.

One meme — part of a viral series — pictures a brain with intrusive thoughts about grabbing an officer’s gun, knowing that the result could be fatal. “Every time I see school security,” the boy wrote when he sent the meme, according to the warrant.

Authorities say he also posted another meme described in the warrant as “an individual with a shaved head holding a Hi-C drink. The message on the meme was “I’m feeling so silly I might shoot up a building full of people.”

He told the deputies at the time he had no plans to do anything, they noted in the report. A deputy told his parents it seemed like a “teenager” thing before leaving without making an arrest, a video of the exchange showed. Deputies did not question him about the more disturbing social media posts attributed to him in this week’s arrest report.

It’s unclear whether the deputies were aware of the messages, which were uncovered by a warrant to search his Snapchat account. The messages listed in the warrant involved threats of violence, including attacks on schoolchildren.

Feb. 9: “I want to shoot up the school.”

Feb. 12: “If I get a gun I’m gonna shoot up hnms lol” — an apparent reference to Holley Navarre Middle School, which the youth had previously attended.

Feb. 12: “I always keep a knife on me so maybe I’ll just stab ppl.”

Feb. 12: “…I have no hope in getting better, so why not kill the losers at school.”

An unredacted version of the warrant, obtained by the Herald, shows the threatening messages were sent by a username that was different than the one Jones’ son used to send the memes.

The document does not say how authorities determined both usernames are linked to the same account. The redacted version circulated by authorities does not reveal that there were two different usernames involved.

Jones provided a screenshot of her son’s account, which showed he changed to his current username in January, before the threats were made. She said he has never used the handle associated with the threatening messages.

Is the other username actually her kid or is it a plant? I don't know. Is this kid truly troubled and a danger? I also do not know.

I'd be interested in reading the unredacted warrant myself because the Yahoo article is very loosey-goosey with how they phrase things, specifically this - "The teenager told one of his friends that he planned to shoot up the school the Thursday before Spring Break but there were too many things going on so he postponed it until March 31."

Is there additional proof to back this up? Is the character of this friend on hyper focus like it is for Rebekah Jones? How much of this statement from the "friend" is speculation and how much is verifiable? Is the message from the account Jones is saying is not her kid's account?

I do wonder about the raid that was performed on their house by Florida agents when he was 11. I wonder how that act and having guns possibly pointed at him then at such a young age affected him. It seems he's gone through additional trauma, according to Jones's post on substack [x]

As for the raid, here's a link to what I'm talking about, if you are not aware [x]

[hussyknee]

hi! would you happen to know any communities (tumblr, discored, something along those lines) for people with autoimmune disorders? not like a i hope we all get better toxic positivity thing because we arent going to get better and neither a place that kinda sends you into a spiral ig? i'm looking for a community where i would be able to share my struggles with people, listen to theirs, and ultimately just exchange tips on how to make life better for ourselves.

Hi. I just usually followed the #chronic illness, #ableism, #cripplepunk, #disability, #spoonie tags and also @thebibliosphere and @naamahdarling. @compassionatereminders is a general sort of positivity blog by a disabled person, I also follow @cbspoons

To be honest, nearly all my mutuals are disabled and mentally ill in some way so I've never felt the need to go out and actually find anybody? 🤔 I've stopped actively following the disability tags on here a while ago because I was so angry and depressed that seeing other disabled people in the same boat started to depress me more. And if I want info on something specific I just search the tag on here. Goldmine of info I swear.

If you want information however, you really can't beat Disability Twitter. It hasn't gone anywhere, Muskapocalypse notwithstanding, and it's been a huge convergence point for information sharing and advocacy for Long Covid in the West. Iman Barbarin would be your starting point, she's @crutchesandspice on Tumblr but more active on Twitter. The Fat Doctor is also an essential follow (except their tweets are protected so they have to approve your follow request) and so is Kivan Bay. Honestly there's a huuuge overlap between Trans Twitter, Fat Liberation and Disability Twitter because they all come under the disability justice umbrella. Downside as always is that it's all very US-UK-focused.

You can follow me too if you like (Inflammatory Bowel Disease, chronic fatigue, arthritis, bipolar, salad bar of mental illness), but fair warning, I am extremely suicidally depressed rn, even though I've been getting a lot of help finally. I put all my downspirals under a cut and tag the shit out of those posts, but this blog might not be the best for your own mental health just fyi. 😬

Followers feel free to add any blogs you can think of!

[monitorchakas]

343 Guilty Spark Mega Fan Girl DUMP

Hi welcome to my trash takes that started sometime before 2007 and has continued well into the future

Fyi: I will talk spoilers without warning for both forerunner saga and rion forge trilogy

Part 1- Bungie Era

Yes I loved 343 Guilty Spark before he got any of his big character development. I'm a huge fan of scifi robots I was also obsessing over portal and hal 9000 around this time. I defend hal 9000 too lmao read the books to find out why

He's round hes cute hes really just following protocol ok leave him alone.

I VIVIDLY remember my highschool friend being like BUT WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM??? and me responding :

I've always been in love with the "mystery of the forerunners" especially in Halo 1 where we are just walking around this ancient beautiful place with 0 knowledge of it. Guilty Spark has always been the one connection we have to forerunners and that makes him awesome.

even before 343 industries made those (absolutely perfect amazing) terminals we knew that Guilty Spark had been alone for 101,217 years on a ring, he witnessed everyone who was susceptible to the flood die as planned.

Halo 3 Era we learn all he knows is his halo ring because his makers limited his knowledge to only about his ring thru

compartmentalization

(which is clever mention at the end of primordium. I know bungie didn't intend it, I don't care still think it's neat) (halo 3 the ark cutscene)

He's always been interesting to me, he never meant to be evil, he's just programmed to be the way he is. He literally doesn't know any better

"Protocol dictated my response"

"Now I have only one function to help you reclaimer as I always should have done"

"The installation was my responsibility"

"I take no pleasure in doing what must be done"

P.S. I've watched the halo 1-3 cutscenes so many times that I can recite some of them word for word. Lmao

I legit made a cardboard foam version of Guilty Spark during this era (and tim dadabo saw pictures of it online!!!) Also wore a Guilty Spark dog tag to school for many days. It was confused a few times with Wheatley and sometimes I just let people think it was Wheatley lmao.

Also NO JOKE First time I played the library (I was in middle school mind you) had a dream about walking around in the library (empty of flood) and finding a broken little guilty spark. Weird takeaway but Im convinced the universe was foreshadowing my blorbo obsession lmao

Around this time I made a Master Chief costume out of cardboard and got my helmet signed by Steve Downes. I was around 15yrs old, this was literally the greatest thing to happen to little me

Part 2- Forerunner Saga

I really didn't expect my beloved blorbo bleebus the one skrunkly mofo that everyone else seemed to hate to get content past Halo 3's Saddest Anime Ending. Yet here we are!

Prelude: the halo 3 terminals. I definitely printed the transcript out and read them in class instead of actually paying attention in school lol I remember being obsessed with Mendicant Bias. Funny that he'd later be involved in killing Chakas...

Jan 4, 2011, 2 days before my bday, 1 day after my best friend's bday, Halo Cryptum was released. During the time before this day I was major hyped about this book. I was caught up with all previous halo books, I wanted the mysterious forerunner lore, and best of all here is the chance to get some lore of my favorite Guilty Spark.

I remember preordering this book without paying the extra amount to get it signed. I remember being very confused as to why I'd pay to have a book signed before I had read it. I'll regret this for the rest of my life.....

I absolutely adored Cryptum. I love adventure books and the beginning half is just so amazing and special!!! I remember being slightly disappointed that Guilty Spark never showed up (lol to my knowledge at the time) but the book was SO GREAT that I didn't even care. Also Chakas name was so funny at the time I had recently seen "shaka when the walls fell" - Star Trek TNG

I started stalking when the next book in the forerunner trilogy would release because I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO CHAKAS RISER AND BORNSTELLAR MY POOR BABIES also hopefully Guilty Spark will show up?? Haha!! I remember someone asked 343i in some panel if Guilty Spark had any lore in the forerunner trilogy and they responded something along the lines "we have something big planned for him but we can't elaborate"

Needless to say my hype was astronomical

Later that year GUILTY SPARK CRASHED COMICON!!! HALO CEA (my favorite halo game) REMAKE WITH TERMINALS!!!! SCREAMING AGCTJCDYUC!!!

I watched this video about 101,217 times:

Also hey!! Primordium is releasing Jan 3, 2012 on my best friend's bday!!!

A Great Time For Guilty Spark fan like me

I watched the first few terminals in early Dec then went on vacation and had to finish the rest later which unbeknownst to me worked nicely because this meant Id be reading Primordium and watching the halo cea terminals side by side which made me suspicious of the chakas/guilty spark connection because

Guilty Spark in the library and the maw terminal speaks VERY FONDLY of the Librarian, and Chakas also just speaks very FONDLY of her thru most of the book. Plus Chakas is revealed to be a monitor at the beginning of the book so I definitely was thinking THATS SUS!!!!

Going back to Dec I remember reading the preview first chapter of primordium on vacation at the top floor of my grandma's house by stealing neighbors internet and I don't know why I remember this so vividly I must have really enjoyed this moment

When Primordium released I spent the entire book going "Is Guilty Spark Chakas? No it can't be thats stupid" because reasons explained above and also every time a monitor would show up id think "uhh Guilty Spark???" Thought the same of Genemender lol.

Also forgot to mention: I was at first very upset that they had killed my boy Chakas like what the heck they mean saying he's a monitor How Dare They??? LOWKEY STILL UPSET

FUN FACT: I WAS 18 YEARS OLD WHEN PRIMORDIUM RELEASED

I remember being like WOW CHAKAS IS around the same age as me!!!! Which just makes his death ever more tragic.

I've said it before I'll say it again, even before the Guilty Spark reveal, I genuinely enjoyed Primordium. I like adventure books and I like character development. Walking around aimlessly on a halo ring by characters Im already in love with from the previous book is great. Also Gamelpar.... he's so absolutely great.

Remember when people started using Salty as a term? Well I found that silly and slightly annoying so I started telling anyone who would use that word "WELL THE GODS PISS SALT THATS WHY SOME ANIMALS LIVE BETTER IN SALTWATER" Nobody around me understood and my explanations only caused more confusion and I still think thats hilarious.

Anyway book ending. I immediately recognized

COMPARTMENTALIZATION

Because this is legit my favorite Halo 3 Guilty Spark cutscene. He looks so absolutely adorable here. Look at him!! He does a twirl!! Cuteee!!!! AAAA!!

I definitely was very happy that my earlier suspicions were correct, but very sad that my boy's human life had ended. Such conflict, much sad.

Also HOLY SHIT HIM TAKING CONTROL OF THE RUBICON I LEGIT ENJOYED THAT ENDING WAY MORE THAN I SHOULD HAVE

Anyway I made this 343 Guilty Spark plush this year (2012) lol

So lets talk about primordium releasing in 2012 and renegades releasing in 2019. Do you know how long 7 years is to a nerd like me? Yes Silentium Continued part of the story, but holy shit getting spark back in the current halo timeline then waiting 7 years to continue

I begin to understand how guilty spark felt after the halo rings were fired just waiting alone for 100,000 years just like me waiting alone for 7 years gosh this is so corny lmao

Silentium was great my favorite part was when Monitor Chakas rescued Bornstellar and said the whole "chakas could have murdered you back on erde tyrene and he didn't" because you know BEST FRIENDS SO PRECIOUS

I have lots of fond memories of listening to the forerunner trilogy audio books during long car trips. One time we were on our way to take a ferry to an island and I jokingly went "I hope they are playing the right songs" to which my brother rolled his eyes (I was referencing the merse lol). I associate a lot of my adventures with halo audiobooks and its awesome.

I remember Halo 4 came out and I thought for sure we'd see Spark when we saw the Librarian

Lol Nope. Not mad, Halo 4 is a masterpiece and I will forever miss that era of halo especially now that we have the train wrecks that are 5 and 6.

When Halo 5 came out, I didn't buy the game. I watched the cutscenes on youtube, was horrified and didn't interact with halo for about a year or so. I fell behind on the halo books. I'm still behind.

I still occasionally stalked Guilty Spark's Halopedia for that possible Primordium sequel but this was much less often than before. I was very upset at what they did to our Cinnamon roll Cortana.

Part 3- Rion Forge Trilogy

So May 11 2019... I check Guilty Spark's halopedia page because hey I haven't done this in years what the heck

and I see the Armiger...

So after waiting 7 years. I finally got my book.... But Im almost 3 months late...

Needless to say I went that same day to Barnes and noble and bought the book. Started reading it and didn't get very far. I still had not read Smoke and Shadows so lol didn't make much sense. I couldn't find a local bookstore that had it so I got the digital copy. I hate digital copies.

I genuinely LOVED Smoke and Shadows I was very upset when they killed Cayde and its cool that Rion is Halo Wars Forge's daughter. Also FINALLY SOME EVIL SPACE CIA LORE. I hadn't enjoyed that since back when hunt the truth came out

On to Renegades: I was so genuinely excited for this book after 7 years, we got the sequel, And what a great sequel it was.

I love how organic and down to earth these books are. It's own style not something epic and out there like Greg Bear. It's the perfect place in time for Spark to regain touch with his own humanity.

I love the relationships of all the characters! I love watching them all forced interact with Spark whether they wanted to or not (Niko sure wanted to lol)

Gonna list some highlights from the book in no particular order:

When they went to Myer's Moon and Spark sat on top of a rock waiting for the right moment to shoot a fish out of the water. You don't understand. I grew up near the ocean, sitting on top of rocks waiting for an opportunity to catch a fish (which I later released)... this is absolutely great and so oddly close to me...

When Spark compared himself to Niko, where he said something along the lines of "the life and friendships stolen from me (chakas) since he was Niko's age when he became Spark. Also him wondering if his mom and sisters ever looked for him, if they thought he died in a knife fight. My brother is now near Chakas age. So that hits differently now...

When they got their stuff back from ONI and Spark snatched up Rion from falling and him later snatching up the siblings and lecturing them to be more careful!!

Spark going back to Erde Tyrene.... holy shit. I remember him asking to go back in Silentium...

Spark telling the librarian that "the greater good is merely an excuse for the strong to make decisions for the weak"

Them doing the ritual at the end and Spark letting go of his friends....pain...

This book was definitely very special to me. I'm really glad they put so much thought and love into this redemption arc. (Even though he didn't need redemption in my eyes lol)

I remember how EXCITED I WAS for Point of Light

I remember just doing the weirdest most EXCITED scream when I saw it announced. And I mentioned it before will repeat I legit was freaking out internally when buying this. I was legit stupid levels of excited. I remember vividly how I felt when buying this...

I loved the connections we got in point of light to forerunner trilogy. I said this before but for the sake of this post: To prepare for this book I had reread a month or so before the forerunner trilogy and the two Rion Forge books and that was so absolutely rewarding especially since..... poor Spark got sent back to Zeta halo by the librarian. What a great mom!! /s

Gonna list some highlights from the book in no particular order:

Spark's redesign for this book is not only lore accurate but he looks GREAT much better than renegades

Spark and Little Bit interacting. I wish we got more....

The as was before place or w/e where Spark liked to pretend he was still Chakas on earth

Going back to installation 07 was great (horrible for Spark) but great to read, the silent cartographer.... omg... why wasn't it in infinite...

There were a few moments where Spark was doing "cool ai stuff" like when he destroyed all of ONIs bugs and trackers

Spark's (brief) interactions with Veridity (lowkey mad we didn't see her in infinite

When Spark was explaining how Chakas (innocently) thought he could trick the primordial/mendicant bias and escape

The ending.... where Spark says goodbye to Rion as Chakas and does a smirk..

Fun Fact! At the beginning of this book Spark talks about how his mom says to not dip you toes in still water since there's crocodiles and I read this a few days before I had plans to go kayaking in a swamp with gators and I was already pretty spooked about it and this didn't help lol.

Anyway I could continue but I think this enough random incoherent babbling from me. If I forgot to add anything Ill reblog or something

Thanks for coming to my SparkTalk

Ill leave you with my custom figure of Spark ❤

Never forget that he's baby lol

[lady-byleth]

Quick info on the Tales of Symphonia Remaster:

I am absolutely stoked to be able to play it on a console I own, with a controller I'm used to and without performance issues on my end (PS4 version played on PS5 just FYI) BUT

It's just...so lazy. The graphics are okay and I feel like the combat goes more smoothly - tho granted that may be cuz I'm playing with a familiar system - but I don't see...any actual improvements on dialogue or mechanics that could've been put in.

Hell, at some points the dialogue is worse than before, not in quality but in that characters will say something while the game displays one speech bubble and when you go to the next one the voice over will repeat that exact same piece of dialogue again. This has never happened on my PC version, has happened a lot on this one, and it's frankly...annoying that such a dumb mistake is happening on a REMASTER

Not to mention they still can't let Zelos say "hunny" to Lloyd which, given its 2023, is really sad.

I haven't finished yet, just got back to Sylvarant so I'd say I'm past the halfway point by a bit but still have a good stretch ahead, but I remember that there were a lot of pronoun mixups for the soulmate scenes with Zelos in them, as well as a bunch of grammatical errors, and if those are still there then this is really just the same game smacked onto a different medium and as much as I love playing this again...

Idk yall, unless you actually plan to make improvements on a game...don't re-release it...

The remaster of Vesperia was good cuz it included the Japan exclusive content we never got in the west. That alone made it worthwhile. But if Bamco can't even remove their no-homo bullshit from 20 years ago then what even is the point, you know?

I love this game deeply and I am happy to own a physical copy that runs on a console I have readily available with no bugs that I've encountered but...*sigh* at least it isn't a full price game...

Really pissed about the "hunny" thing tho...it's been 20 years...god damn it...

[donpishya]

Your sketchbook doodles of Jackson are so cute! (⋆ˆ ³ ˆ)♥ how could I not make a request? I also love that Jacksons face is longer with the non-chibi drawings like in real life. Randolph is cute with his little reactions too UwU (you know he was actually Thomas Jefferson's cousin?)

It's crazy to think that, from the age of 13, Jackson would never truly be at 100% health for some reason or another. That means he managed to do all his crazy feats WHILE INCAPACITATED. Makes you wonder what a full-health Jackson could've pulled off. (ง'̀-'́)ง

After reading the comments now I just really want to see an Inugami Jackson with a karusu-tengu Sam Houston

ଘ( ᐢ •ﻌ•ᐢ)づ ,,𓆩(•◇ • )𓆪,,

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oh and fyi since someone asked about the Triumvirate, Henry Clay and Jackson first met at Burrs trial where Clay served as Burrs lawyer. He defended Burr during the trial but after the trial he spoke to Jefferson and decided Burr was actually guilty. Jackson saw this and was disgusted at Clay's seemingly disloyal flip-flop. Their relationship never improved hence.

Jackson feared Clay would betray the country's interest for his own personal-gain. Regardless of whether this was the case or not, it's clear Clay had a hungry eye on the presidency. Even John Quincy Adams found himself disgusted with Clays poorly-veiled ambition (in political cartoons Henry Clay was always depicted as a raccoon). c:>⁐̤ᕐᐷ

Calhoun and Jackson had a fairly amicable relationship up until Jackson's presidency when Calhouns wife stirred up the Peggy Eaton affair. Basically the ladies of Washington were interfering with politics, not because they cared about any political issues, but because they were obsessed with the poor social standing of the Secretary of State John Eatons wife Peggy.

Pressured by their wives, Jacksons cabinet members wanted John Eaton removed, not because THEY thought of HIM poorly, but because their wives thought of Peggy poorly. Jackson was outraged, he had nothing against women being politically involved, but he had a big problem that petty DC social standing and slanderous gossip was taking priority in the eyes of his Cabinet over actual qualifications. Hence the name 'Kitchen Cabinet'

This is a point where I think Jackson made the wrong move pushing the issue and should've let someone else handle the matter. Not because his points were invalid, but because the matter was way too personal for him to approach objectively. Even Jacksons daughter tried to tell him he was going too far but he wouldn't listen.

You have to remember he lost his one true love to similar slander, gossip, and defamation right at the same time he became president, so his wounds were still fresh and bleeding. I think in his eyes he felt that if he successfully defended Peggy, in some way it would be a though he was successfully defending his wife.

It's thanks to Van Burens cunning diplomacy that the matter ended amicably and Jackson moved on to more important issues, albeit a destroyed between Calhoun and Jackson's relationship. Their relationship would further worsen during the nullification crisis.

Thank you!!🥰💕💕

I've heard that Randolph wrote a letter to Jackson suggesting "Greek Love" to him, so that's why I made him jealous.🤭 If it's true, I wish I could read that letter...

Sometimes I pay attention to the details to get them closer to the real person. I'm happy you noticed!☺️

I actually knew he was cousins with Jefferson! I believe John Marshall was his cousin as well, I like how two of his cousins didn't like him😂

Yeah, it always makes me sad reading his biography when I see any mentions of his poor health... I never thought about him being healthy before! Thinking about it now it would have been very scary if he was...😅

I would love to see them as those Yokai's too!🥺

Oh... I did know Clay was Burr's lawyer, but I didn't know he thought Burr was guilty after everything... I'm sure he did know Jefferson was doing shady stuff on that trial...

Oh, ok now that art is kinda scary. 😂

Oh, the petticoat affair! I really didn't like this problem...I thought it was very unnecessary... But I guess that's what it means to live in a high political class...😮‍💨

I really liked Jackson on this for defending Peggy. But I absolutely agree with you, it was too personal and he couldn't handle it well... But at the same time I really feel for Jackson...😢

And absolutely the nullification crisis made their relationship far worse than ever...

Thank you for telling me about Jackson's relationship with Clay and Calhoun!🙏🏾✨

I understand more why he said the words when talking about the two regrets he had after leaving office!