#I've made a bit of progress on the price

[trashburgersblair]

Because I'm working on my hanged man rusts price I've been listening to hnoc on repeat.

And "the hermit". My god "The Hermit".

Everytime without fail I need to stop what I'm doing as Jonny describes Galahad's sacrifice. It just. It paints such a vivid picture in my mind. A clear shot of Galahad, faith in hand, walking up while the turrets rain hell upon him.

Every time.

[rewind-redux]

New Experiments - Harley Sawyer/Reader

The halls were dark and reeked of coppery blood, the scents of metal, toys, and blood blending into a suffocating fog. What few papers explaining what had happened in this hell were crumpled in your bag, along with the occasional VHS tape that you managed to find. You were on your way to confront The Doctor, the monster you've read about behind the experiments, now an experiment himself. His voice rang in your head, that rough metallic tone echoing the last words he'd said to you before you’d continued on.

"An intriguing specimen, with no obvious reason to come down into the pits of playtime co." You glanced at the TVs lining the walls, the box frames enclosing the already small hallway, making you feel much more... fragile. God knows what you'll find when you get to the man behind the torture. If he's even a man anymore.

"Even the ground beneath your feet..." The Doctor's voice sang out from behind you, roughly pushing you to the trapdoor. You grabbed his hand at the last second, taking him down with you. Or.. what sounded like him.

Your eyes adjust to the dim room, being met with a robotic body covered in a torn shawl, and a TV for a head that flickered with different images and videos. You pushed yourself back against a fence, the metal rattling loudly in the silence.

"...Harley Sawyer?" Your voice was a bit shakier than you would have liked, but at least the words came out.

The machine's head tilted slightly, as if examining you. "How... interesting. I've seen how you understand that the price of progress is insignificant. I watched you snuff out that little life for the sake of reaching me. You dragged me down into my own trap. And yet, now that you've reached your goal... you don’t seize it. Are the lies finally wearing off? Have you come to your senses about that doll?" He stayed where he was, not moving towards you like one would wait for a puppy to come to them so as to not scare them off.

You inhaled deeply, trying to regain your senses, the stress of being in Playtime Co exhausting you now that you were no longer under immediate threat. ...You didn't even feel like this in safe haven.

"It's a mystery how Playtime managed to ignore such an intriguing mind, such a.. promising one. You understand how things work. How to succeed. You would have made for a stimulating experiment." You looked up at him, the remorseless, ruthless doctor. The doctor that.. could actually do something, keep the burden off your shoulders, unlike the toys you've been carrying through this hell.

You sighed, leaning against the fence. "Why... why should I trust you?" You could feel your body trusting him, relaxing under his analytical gaze.

"If I wanted you dead, you wouldn't have even made it this far into Playtime. 1170 would have made quick work of you."

‘Huggy Wuggy’. You thought to yourself. You've had so many close calls, almost dying every room you stepped in, and yet-

"And what an exceptional case you are, making it all the way to me. Even the most promising toys never made it very far, but you. You would have been the most successful, if only Playtime had recognized it." Your eyes trailed up his metallic body, his eye trained on you, filled with anger and... grief.

"But now it can't." You looked back up at his body as you said it, taking in what he'd become.

"Not anymore. Those.. fools decided to take away my achievements, my abilities. They gave up a vital asset because of their own ego, took over my experiments as if they were their own. They stole my experiments, my ideas, and confined me into this body." You could picture the scowl he would have if he had a face, the anger that would've been so easily seen.

You didn't really know what to say. What was there to say? This man, this... genius, broken down into an amalgamation of metal and dismembered flesh suspended indefinitely. You can't help but feel sympathy for him.

"But you," You glance up at him, his eye still locked onto your body. "You could've been my success. My magnum opus. You could have shown everyone that I was right." His metallic body stepped closer, the whirring of his mechanisms quiet. Soothing, even.

"You didn't deserve this." The words came out before you could process them, the tone… soft.

Sawyer paused, the TV screen flickering as if in thought. No one talked to him like that. He's never been spoken to as if he was a child. But.. you weren't wrong. He didn't deserve it, he knew that more than anyone. His voice became less rough. "No, but they were too scared of my creations, of what I could do. They were fools for thinking doing this would stop me. And now they're gone." The bitterness came back at the last sentence, his eye narrowing.

You stood, pulling yourself up using the chain link fence you had leaned against. He wasn't that tall anymore, and looked... human. Wires and metal and TV static, yet he was still the man you read about. He was still a man.

The silence dragged out, neither of you daring to speak and break it, seeming so fragile yet so needed. A break. That's what you both needed. 

Eventually, Sawyer spoke up, shaking off his feelings, his tone returning to the clinical one you knew. “What do you gain from coming back? Why come back at all?” 

You… couldn’t really answer that. Why did you come back? It’s not like you knew any of these toys personally. It’s not like you knew the directors at all. “...I’m not entirely sure, myself.”

He hummed, a bit disappointed. “And here I thought you came back with a reason I could dissect. No matter. What matters is you’re here now. And I get to have my stimulation, instead of waiting for those inadequate toys to wander where they’re not supposed to.” He stepped closer, examining you. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen a body, much less done a vivisection.” 

You held your ground, not wanting to show that his words made you feel a bit queasy. His hand reached out, feeling your neck and pulse.

“110 beats per minute. You’re scared of this, aren’t you? Your blood pressure feels higher as well.” His hand clamped around your neck, tilting your head up so he could take a closer look at your face. “Your pupils are dilated, most likely from adrenaline and how dark it is. Your respiration rate is higher than average, but not that high. You’re trying to keep yourself calm. Box breathing, yes?” 

You swallowed, feeling vulnerable. He was pointing out everything about your emotional state and your body, nevermind the fact his hand could easily snap your neck in a flash. 

His hand was cold, the contrast ever so noticeable on your warm neck. “You would have made for a successful bigger body. Perhaps a Huggy Wuggy, or a CatNap. Perhaps a completely new toy. Your body would have been easy to change into it.” His hand glided down to your chest, pressing into it. “Strong bones. Maybe it would have been a pain for you to start the process, not that it matters.” 

Your breath hitched, blood rushing to your face as Sawyer pressed into your chest. Thank God it was dark.

“Ah. A reaction. Fear? Anger?” He pressed harder, your back now up against the chain link fence. You could feel the heat on your face, your ears burning as you took a breath. “You’re not going to answer? Do I have to pull the words out of you?” His fingertips dug into your skin, leaving red marks behind. 

A small noise slipped out of your throat, barely getting out before you took another shaky breath to calm yourself. 

“Maybe you won’t be immediately discarded after all. You have such stimulating reactions.” His hand dug in again, and this time you grabbed his wrist to stop his fingers from breaking your skin. 

“Stop-...” He surprisingly pulled away, giving you a moment to compose yourself. At least, that’s what you told yourself. 

“It’s easy to get under your skin isn’t it? Just as easily as you slipped under mine?” The thought made you flush red, visible in the dim light. He pulled you closer again, examining your face. “Extremely easy. In more ways than one, I see.” His hand tightened on your throat, enough to feel it, but not enough to be painful. 

“Sawyer…” You couldn’t tell if what came out of your mouth was a groan of pain or pleasure, or maybe a mix of both. Your hands grasped at his shawl, weakly pulling at it. Gods, you felt so pathetic, but so… needy. It’d been so long since you’ve felt any positive emotions, so long since you’ve felt even remotely relaxed. Maybe Sawyer felt the same way, being trapped in that form, stressed about no direction to go, no purpose in existing other than to spite those who made him what he is now.

He gave a short chuckle, finding your position amusing. This was a game to him, a chance to find and create reactions to stimulate his clinical mind. His hand dropped to your waist, feeling around your skin in a detached, almost professional way, if you hadn’t known he was a sociopathic doctor. 

“Your body is much warmer than everything else down here. No wonder the toys find you so easily.” He pressed his hand into your stomach, eliciting a grunt from you. “Sensitive here? Not at all surprising, the human body is typically more sensitive around vulnerable places, such as your stomach or neck.” You could feel your body heating up, even warmer than before. You cursed softly under your breath, shifting a bit to get more comfortable.

“Where else?” He glanced up at your words, humming in thought. 

“Where else is the human body sensitive, or where else are you sensitive?” You closed your eyes, trying to gather your thoughts to answer him. Your mind felt clouded in a haze of fear and need, thoughts coming by sluggishly.

“Where else am I?” You almost panted out the words, the air you were breathing in not feeling like it was enough.

“For that, I would have to test it. Feel every part of you, what makes you tick, what makes you grimace, and what makes you squirm.” You could hear the anticipation in his voice, the way he viewed you as a new toy to pick apart and analyze what was left behind afterwards. You glanced down at his metallic hand hovering over your neck, the joints almost shaking as he waited for your acceptance. It surprised you that he would even consider thinking about whether or not you accepted.

“I don’t think it’d be very comfortable to do that against a chain link fence.” He looked over your shoulder at the fence, tilting his head.

“I don’t need comfort in this body, the surroundings are trivial.” You sighed. Right, self absorbed mad scientist. 

“I do. I’m still a human, remember? My body isn’t as forgiving with rough surfaces as yours is.” He thought about it for a second, watching you.

“You won’t find a… comfortable place in Playtime. It wasn’t built for your comfort.” You huffed, but shook the annoyance off. He was right in a way, it wasn’t exactly the most inviting place to be at. 

’Ironic.’ Before your thought could continue, his hand pulled you out to a better lit place. You couldn’t control the way your hand immediately grasped onto his, the urge to intertwine your fingers with his coming to the forefront of your mind. He let go as you reached the room where his brain was contained, looming over you like an omniscient being. Well, not that he wasn’t, in his own way.

“Now, get on the table and I’ll start.” You climbed up, laying on your back, the metal cool and hard beneath you.

“Why’d you choose here?” He stood over you, hands poised. He paused when you asked that, humming to himself in thought.

“It works the same as any other nervous system. The closer you are to the brain, the more sensations are felt. The more they can be analyzed and dissected.” You inhaled, relaxing on the table as the soft red glow of the machine reflected off Sawyer’s mechanical body.

His hand started by moving across your face, examining the way it looked and twitched. It went to your hair, feeling the strands. 

“A lot different than the toys you’re used to, huh?” He looked down at your eyes as you whispered that, as if part of you didn't want him to hear your words.

“Yes, the toys… their fur is more like plastic, some have a combination. But they're all more… animal like than human. The same can be said for their… cognitive functions.” His hand went to your ear, tracing around the outside with a surprisingly delicate touch.

“You’ve got a… delicate hand for a…” You faltered. For a machine? For a sociopathic insane mad doctor? 

“I wasn’t a surgeon for no reason. How do you think my experiments always came out so well? How they were perfect? The… cognitive side of those experiments is on the other doctors. They let their pathetic emotions get in the way of progress. See how my creations turned out? 1170, 1222, 1188, 1166? Loyal to only me, how they were supposed to be. I did what the others couldn't stomach. Emotions meant more to them than progress.” His hand gripped your throat, his anger being taken out on you.

“Saw-” You could barely choke out his name, his hand tight. He glanced down and eased his grip.

“Apologies. Wouldn't want my new… test to fall short, now would we?” His thumb rubbed your neck, the cold metal warming up from the contact with your skin. A groan escaped from your lips, Sawyer pressing gently on your throat to feel the vibrations. 

His hand slowly made its way to your collarbone, where he flicked the collar of your shirt. “Clothes… always in the way.” He briskly unbuttoned your shirt and pulled you to a sitting position. “If you could not be a limp body that would be useful.” He pulled the shirt off, and you moved your arms to help this time. The air was slightly cold against your skin, goosebumps raising on your arms. “How… fragile. You can't even weather the air of a factory. That needs to be fixed.” He traced your chest and arms, rubbing a circle around your nipple. “No evolutionary purpose for men to keep these… you'd think for how complex biology is, it would try to be better.” The cool metal of his thumb circled around your nipple, sending heat straight to your face.

His hand moved again, tracing your stomach where your organs sat. “I keep the digestive system in the toys, it makes for a more… challenging procedure. And it makes them hungry, which in turn keeps them loyal to their feeder. The rest of the systems have no use in the toys, other than the nervous system.”

“And you don't have any systems.” He glanced up, slightly surprised at your comment.

“...No. I have lungs, a heart, and a brain. I do commend the efficiency of it, since there's no need for food or air. It makes me practically immortal, almost perfect. The way it was done though…” He trailed off, his hand twitching. 

“...I'm sorry for what happened. It.. sounds terrible to go through.” You didn't really know what else to say, this wasn't exactly a common occurrence. 

“I don't need nor want your pity,” His hand gripped your waist, pulling you forward to him. “You shouldn't be saying anything about what happened to me, unless you caused it. And if you’d caused it, you would be in a much worse state than what any of Playtime Co is in.” His eye stared into yours, seething with rage and grief of what had been taken from him.

He quickly collected himself, going back to the analytical side you'd known him to be. His hand stopped at your pant line with a scoff. A chuckle came out of your mouth as you reached down to help. 

“Never taken someone's pants off before?” You watched his screen as it flickered static for a moment. 

“Yes, I have. All bodies need to be completely naked when it comes to vivisections and turning them into toys.” He helped roughly, clearly not used to his patients being awake when it came to undressing them.

“Didn't mean it like that, Doctor.” He glanced up at you.

“Be clear about what you mean. None of this guessing nonsense, you're wasting my time.” He tossed your pants to the side, then pulled down your underwear in a clinical, detached manner.

“Fine. I'm assuming you've never taken someone's pants off for sex before.” He paused at that, placing the underwear with your pile of discarded clothes.

“No, I have not. I have much better things to do than get in relationships and mess around like a high school boy.” You chuckled, the statement sounding odd coming from Sawyer. He glared at you, then dipped his hand lower, tracing your thighs. His thumb gently brushed against your inner thigh, where your artery lay. 

The realization that Sawyer could kill you within seconds resurfaced from the haze of your mind. You were sitting naked on a table, with a mechanical body of an insane doctor looming above you. His hand poised over your artery, able to strike in moments if he wanted.

As he continued his exam, you realized he was too engrossed in the “test” as he'd called it, to even think of killing you. You could see the concentration in his eye, it flicking up and down, taking in every part of you. His hands moved to your calves, then back up as he mapped out your blood vessels in his head. 

Your breathing was heavier, your heart rate fast. As his hand reached between your legs, your leg jerked, trying to close them. Sawyer said nothing, but used his other hand to push your legs apart and keep them that way. He slowly, agonizingly traced around your privates, his fingertips freezing against it. You couldn't help the twitch of your hips as he almost reached it, the flush in your face darkening. The hand holding your legs moved to hold down your hips, his screen flickering as he watched your reactions.

“I can see you're getting impatient, with your… uncontrolled movements. Perhaps we should control them, no?” Both of his hands pinned down your hips before you could respond, the metal digging into your skin. Your hips reacted, instinctively bucking against his hold. He watched and pressed down harder, drawing another reaction and a small noise from you.

You could see in his eye as something clicked. Humanity was so close for him, however disgusting it was. The feeling that he could be human again, if only in his head. This… emotion he was pulling out of you, this pleasure... this was the first time in years that he felt even remotely close to his old self. To being human. And he craved it, the ability to move around, experiment, to be his old self. He needed it.

He clamped a hand over your mouth as he pushed a finger in, not giving you any time to adjust to the new sensations before he started stretching you. He clearly knew what he was doing, but in a studied clinical manner, as if following instructions from a book. His eye was trained on where you two met, watching your body's reactions to the intrusion. He hated it. But it was all he had left to feel human, this disgusting pointless act. He slowly added another finger, the metal cold and desperate as it thrusted in and out. A low groan escaped your lips, sawyers eye quickly looking up to see your face, your expressions. 

His hand clamped harder on your mouth, muffling the noises you made. He added a third, the stretch painful due to the lack of preparation he’d given you.

“Harley- ngh.. fuck.. slow down..” He glanced back up at your face, his emotions unreadable. It was unsettling, how silent he was, but you supposed it was his clinical side taking over, logging each and every reaction you made. He barely slowed down, just enough for you to stop complaining. His metal fingers curled in different ways, prodding and testing to see if you’d react to it. He was rewarded with grunts and groans that slipped from your mouth, muffled from the hand pressing into it.

He spoke up, his tone back to normal, talking more to himself than to you. “How submissive you’ve become… expected, really. All you need is the right treatment, which would be more successful with locking you up in those padded rooms. How do you think I was able to create and control all of those toys so easily? Though I do prefer a… faster approach, such as isolation and torture. Something like this… It would take quite a long time for the patient to become fully submissive, and for all of the wrong reasons too. The patient would become a pet, not an asset. Completely worthless.” He continued with the movements as he talked, not making any move to slow down or pull away. 

You could feel yourself getting closer to release, your mind in a pleasurable haze as you closed your eyes. He noticed and slowed down, dragging the pleasure out more. A low whine escaped your mouth, almost turning into a moan. Your hips bucked forward, searching for more friction, to finally climax. He moved his hand from your mouth and pushed your hips down, thrusting his fingers hard into you, curling them inside. You could barely even choke out a noise, the abruptness too intense to react to. He continued at a rough and fast pace, eventually adding a fourth finger, stretching your already sore hole even further. You couldn’t help but grind into it, the feeling desperately needed after such a long time of pent up stress. 

He watched your reaction as you climaxed, the flush that enveloped your face, the sweat that glistened on your forehead, the shakiness in your legs and arms, the rapid rise and fall of your chest from your panting breaths. He continued to thrust his fingers in and out, making you ride it out, adding to the sensations he was causing you. He logged every reaction and every simple movement as you laid back limply on the table. 

“It seems I was right. Yet again. What an interesting specimen you are. But.. don’t think I’m done with you yet. There’s still plenty more to test. After all, I haven’t seen anything like you in years. It’s only fitting I keep you for my own… enjoyment, if you will.” He pulled his hands away, wiping them off on his shawl. “Now get dressed. I’m getting awfully tired of looking at you being so… pathetic. It’s disgusting.” He didn’t even bother to toss you your clothes, instead just standing there watching you as you struggled on shaky legs to stand on your own two feet. You eventually managed to pull on your clothes, your shaky hands barely able to button your shirt. You were still breathing heavily, taking large breaths to calm your racing heart. 

He started walking away, expecting you to follow, and follow you did. “Now… what to make of you…? I’m sure the Prototype would… love to get his filthy hands on you, but… let’s keep my secret for now, yes? He may control the board, but that doesn’t mean he controls the pieces, only the rules. And there’s nothing against… holding out on a potential subject for him. As long as you eventually end up in his grasp, I’m keeping you for my own scientific purposes for now. He never gave a time limit either, so that means you’ll be mine indefinitely, until I tire of your presence.” He paused in thought, stopping in his tracks.

“Unless…” You felt goosebumps raise on your arms. You didn’t like the tone of his voice, the way he stopped as if realizing something exceedingly substantial. “I could do what no one else could, with you. I could finally make a scientific breakthrough that no one could ignore. The other heads would be shamed and put in their place, after stealing my work and humiliating me like that.” He turned around, facing you. “...And all I’d need is you.”

[velvetures]

Hi!!! I saw your post about taking some requests so I thought that I'll give it a shot. If it's possible, could you maybe do a Captain Price one? I haven't seen a story about him yet on your page, so I hope that this request can finally add one to your masterlist.

So here it goes: A Price x virgin!reader one. I feel like he's the type of guy to be really gentle and slow when he realizes that the reader is inexperienced, mostly due to his calm and caring nature. But once they start to get comfy, he'll get kind of rough in some way? And aftercare, I just know that this man would be an expert at it. Would help in washing them up in a tub or even cooking them a meal after. I could see that he's also a sucker for cuddles and just being close to them in general.

So yeah, I really hope that you'll consider this request and possibly write something out of it. If not, that's totally okay!!

Side note: I just wanted to say that I love your stories and that it brings me comfort, too:))

I Knew, Sweetheart

A/N: I'm so sorry this is so fucking looonngg!! I just couldn't get it right and I ended up going for "better is more" in the hopes that it'll hide the god-awful writing. :( Anyways, please don't burn me at the stake. It's my first Price fic, and I've still not got his voice or character dialed in. Summary: Reader is Price's gf, and while they've been together for a little while... sex hasn't come up. Nor the fact that the reader is a virgin!. Reader goes about bringing it up a little unconventionally, and things progress. T/W: virgin!reader, fem-reader, NS/FW 18+ ONLY, p-in-v sex, fingering, unprotected sex (don't do that IRL), established relationship, a little bit of an age-difference?, cursing?, first-time anxiety?, aftercare, probably missed something else. proofreading is for people w/ friends of which I have none.

John Price set himself apart from most of the men that he often worked alongside when it came to matters of his personal life and the ways in which he operated. A lot of people would often make jokes, saying it was nothing more than his being an “old man” who couldn’t adjust to the newer ways of life. But fuck, he wasn’t that old when it came right down to it, and yes he liked going along with the traditional ways specifically when it came to relationships, at least when he had the chance to. He’d been a lot younger at one point, not seeing how detrimental his actions could’ve been affecting the women he associated with or spent a few hours in bed with just to leave without another word sent their way.

Captain Price knew he’d made many mistakes when the heart was involved. He threw away a lot of advice he’d been given growing up -some good and some bad- all because he thought he knew better or had enough intelligence to figure it out as he went. Much of that changed when he started realizing that he wasn’t fulfilled in the slightest. For a few years, he was bitter over the emptiness. Not understanding where it came from or how the fuck he could get rid of it. Unraveling layer after layer like a frayed pair of jeans, John kept questioning how he’d come so far just to be that alone. Praying his mistakes hadn’t destroyed his chances of finding a little sliver of humanity outside of his work to motivate him. Keep him sane in the most bitter of hours, and soft when everything and everyone else around him kept adding brick after brick into never-ending, emotionless walls.

Then you showed up out of nowhere, sitting on a barstool in one of the pubs he frequented when he had some time away from his work. Close to home and nowhere near busy enough to call a bar or club; John immediately thought you looked like you’d taken a wrong turn and wound up in an old man’s hangout. It took him a few hours of watching out of the corner of his eye to finally weigh the options of being shot down, or possibly making something out of a whole lot of nothing. His offering to buy you a drink led to taking a few puffs off of his cigar outside. From there he learned just about everything about you within the first few weeks of seeing you or calling here and there.

You liked to talk, a lot. Something John was thankful for since he developed a bad habit of just staring at your pretty face instead of listening like he knew too. Fuck it made him feel ten years younger. And that was something else that made your relationship feel unusual to the Captain. More than six years in age difference didn’t sound all that significant on paper. Yet it was more interesting than either of you thought it would be initially. Aside from just simple pop culture references and enjoyment of music and other low-stakes things, your lives were on different paces. John was stable… at least as stable as his work allowed for. While you’d finally got the job you’d been dreaming of, and hadn’t been working for a full year when you met him. Everything all together challenged John, and you as well, with figuring out what you wanted from each other. How you planned -or wanted to- go about making that happen. And if being serious was something that you shared an interest in.

A few months of going on dates and John walking you home was traded for him sharing half the dresser drawers in his bedroom with you. He was gone nearly all of the time, which put a damper on things but he liked having peace of mind that you were safe and in his home. Besides, it was a short drive from his house to your work and you could stop paying half your paychecks on rent and start saving it up for anything you really wanted. At least… anything John hadn’t already bought or given you. Well… there was one thing John hadn’t given you. And it began gnawing at your mind harder and harder every time he went away for a mission and came home without the slightest inclination to do more than give you a kiss.

John Price still hadn’t asked or hinted at wanting to have sex with you.

At first, you thought it was refreshing. Seeing a man old enough and patient to understand that sex wasn’t just given but earned. Yet every time you thought there would be a moment after a date or a ‘welcome home reunion’ where he’d finally bring up the topic, your expectations fell short. Plenty of excuses floated around your brain, including the more rational ones: he was just very respectful. While others were much more self-conscious and saddening: he was getting it somewhere else, or he could see that you weren’t experienced. The age-old struggle of being a virgin past the age of eighteen.

Too old for half the population, and far too young and inexperienced for the others. Sheltered didn’t describe you. You had toys and knew how to give head as well as having been on the receiving end. But going “all the way” eluded you by some miracle or curse. Looking at John in comparison to yourself was just as attractive as it was intimidating. You knew better than to think he didn’t know his way around the bedroom. He was just too smooth. Far beyond any man, you attempted a relationship previously. You wanted to think he respected you, but at the same time, waiting for much longer for him to make a move just felt like another eternity you lacked the patience and confidence to endure. So after a long night of overthinking and wondering how you could even go about bringing it up, you made a decision that when he got back home from his latest mission, you’d be the one to bring it up.

God your hands were sweating. He was supposed to have been home two hours ago and there was still no sign of his truck in the driveway or a single message from him on the phone you had gripped between your damp palms. Everything had been just fine all day, until the sun began to set over the hillside in the backyard, leaving you less than six hours away from John coming through the door. Worried didn’t even begin to explain how your stomach was tied in knots with a low burning fire in your throat. John had been nothing short of perfect -save for being gone so often- and you knew there wasn’t a single reason for you to be so overwhelmed at the mere thought of being an adult and asking him to have sex with you. Of course… You made up your mind to omit that you’d never done it before and just hoped the Captain would be too preoccupied with something else to notice.

Noticing the details quickly got turned around on you when the front door creaked open on its hinges and you hadn’t the slightest clue that John was standing halfway through the threshold with bags slung over his back and a small look of curiosity on his face. His pretty little thing, sitting on the couch with her arms wrapped around her bent knees and a deep stare somewhere far away from the both of them. He had to admit it wasn’t the first time he had caught you sitting with your eyes “comfortable” as you liked to call it; however, it was the first time he’d seen you wearing something quite that lacy for no damn good reason before.

Some kind of black, strappy, and frilly little number. It hardly left anything to the imagination, and John had to force himself not to go into deep thought about how you’d even got into the thing without instructions. It made your figure that much more eye-catching, and after staring at nothing but rain and mud for two weeks you were a sight for sore eyes. Even a Captain had to admit his biggest weaknesses to overcome himself and improve, but he wasn’t sure in that second if he could ever overcome -much less forget- how divine you looked. Honestly, he didn’t even know you owned it to begin with. But by the way, you kept spinning your phone in your hand, he had the vague gut feeling that you had something on your mind. A little more than dinner or fussing over the possible injuries he could’ve sustained while gone.

“Waiting on someone?” He asked lowly, trying his best not to startle you too much. Right away your eyes locked on his and widened. Almost like a little rabbit cornered by a fox and no hole to scurry into. He watched a flash of sudden panic overtake you and how quickly you reached for one of the throw blankets at the end of the couch to hide behind. Price chewed his tongue, forcing himself not to smirk at you at the moment. Wanting so badly to tease you a little bit for looking so sexy in that bodysuit, but acting nothing short of the little shy church girl getting kissed on the cheek for the first time.

“J-John,” Your voice sputters on his name a bit, forcing a smile to his face. He couldn’t help it after being away for this long without the chance to hear you even over the phone for a few minutes. “You’re home a little late.”

He nods, guilty. “Delayed flight. Weather kept us from movin’ out on time.”

Careful, he dropped his bags off at the front door without the slightest concern about how long they’d sit there. More important things were swirling around in his head. Trying to decipher if you were planning something and just backed out, or if you just needed a little bit of coaxing to not be so shy. Hostage negotiation wasn’t something he thought would ever come in handy when it came to interacting with you, yet John found himself rounding around the chairs on the other side of the living room from you, and planning each step he made to ensure he didn’t spook you. That lingerie wasn’t for nothing, and he desperately needed to know what you planned on doing with it.

He licked his lips, taking a steadying breath. “What’s under the blanket, sweetheart?”

You swallowed thickly, “N-nothing… I thought - I hoped it’d look nice,” Fumbling pathetically for an excuse, you finally spit one out all under the very soft and lightly amused eyes of one John Price. “It doesn’t fit.” The second it left your lips, you internally cursed yourself.

John’s eyebrows raised, instantly grabbing onto that loose thread and pulling on it. “I’m sure you’re wrong about that…” He came closer, standing just in front of you on the couch with his hands on his hips. “Come on, why don’t you let me have a look? I’ll give you a second opinion.” His words made your heart stutter, and you weakly shook your head in response.

“I should just return it.” You mutter, scooting over to the side of him and attempting to sneak off with your protective blanket.

You’re not even close to getting away from John when he chuckles, one arm curling around your shoulders and the other getting a firm grip on the material you’re hiding under. Naturally, you don’t exactly fight to get away. But a furious blush breaks out over your cheeks and neck, feeling the preverbal trap tightened around your throat. He’s turning around and sitting down on the couch with a nonnegotiable silent order for you to take a seat straddling his lap. That alone is enough to drive you up a wall with anxious feelings. Not that you’d never sat on his lap before -actually it was quite common- but under these circumstances, there was a lot more than just a little bit of heat passing between the both of you. Very slowly, John found the edge of the blanket and slipped a hand under, searching out for your skin and eventually landing on a little bit of the lacy material stretching in a high cut over your hip. You can actually see his eyes darken, tracing along the hemline and mentally picturing what was under his fingers. Touch alone was making you squirm, avoiding eye contact and trying to keep quiet so as not to embarrass yourself even more than you already felt.

“Oh, sweetheart… fits like a fuckin’ glove.” He whispers lowly, hand palming your asscheek and toying with the thin little string that disappeared into the cleft.

“It’d be a shame for you to get all dressed up… go through all this trouble… then not let me see your hard work.” His voice lulled slow and steady, swaying your fears just enough for you to feel your head nod up and down a couple of times before letting the blanket fall off your shoulders and pool on Price’s lap. The front of the bodysuit had been well-hidden up until now, with you sitting so lady-like in his lap. But the thin straps just crossing around your tits and holding them up without a single stitch of material covering them totally, John thought he’d been shot right through the chest. Between the innocent look in your eyes, and that damned outfit making you appear about as sinful as hell, he couldn’t keep from letting out a low growl and squeezing your ass just hard enough to make you gasp.

“This is what you were trying to hide?” His breathlessness couldn’t be masked, nor could the frequent shift in his eyes between your practically bare chest and eyes. John chuckled, hands drifting towards your hips and up to rest on each side of your ribs. Pushing your tits together just a little bit, almost bewitched by the sight of you like that on his lap. “Oh, you’re such a pretty girl…” He muttered, almost to himself.

Shifting in his lap, you tried to keep your growing arousal and nervousness under control. Each touch set you on fire, and with John moving this slow you couldn’t be sure you’d live long enough to see another day. It was too good feeling a man actually appreciated a woman in front of him. Not just finding the small bits and pieces he preferred and overlooking the rest. You knew being nervous was natural, but the more John rubbed and soothed, it was getting harder and harder not to whine or ask him for just a little bit more to satiate you. Right away, John’s eyes darted up to you, and something you couldn’t quite describe flashed through his eyes just long enough for him to lip his lips and sit up a little straighter, pulling you to sit straddling just one of his thighs.

“I think I know what you want, sweetheart.” He smiled so damn affectionately that it made your heart jump. “But just so I know… why don’t you go ahead and tell me, that way I don’t miss anything. I don’t like to disappoint.” Toying with the zipper of his sweater, you suck in a nervous breath to steady your nerves.

“I want you to, have sex with me.” You hardly whisper the second part, still drawing your own attention towards anything minute that could serve as a focal point with your body shaking so badly.

“Hmm…” His thoughtful hum sends shivers up your spine, and the feeling of his hands massaging your hips makes it hard to breathe. “So I was right,” A smile crosses his face. “Well then, how about you go ahead and take care of this.” He growls a little, his fingers slowly tracing over the barely-there strip of fabric covering your core, already soaking wet with your arousal. Your little moan slips out before you can even try to cover your mouth, and John’s fingers slip away like he was purposefully trying to be mean and deny you a taste of relief.

“John, please…” You whimper, hands resting on his shoulders hoping he’ll take mercy on you.

He just shifts down to rest against the couch a little more and bounces his knee a few times, sending jolts of extreme sensation right up your clit into your lower stomach. You didn’t get it at first… what he wanted you to do. But now you did, and John almost grinned when he saw the realization, followed by the shy look you gave him. Encouragement was needed, and he was more than happy to deliver. Slowly rocking your hips back and forth along his pants, purposefully having settled you on the side that his thigh-holster was strapped to, adding two extra ridges that instantly began working to overstimulate you. It was too good, and not enough. Pushing your inhibitions just a little further out of focus and forcing you to really focus on how nothing more than his thigh was getting you to a release quicker than any toy or trick you’d tried on yourself. Impeccable alone, it was his low voice right in your ear that made everything outside of John Price holding you on his lap disappear.

“Doin’ so good, sweetheart…”

“Making me feel bad for not helping sooner… If I would’ve known how needy you were.”

“That’s it, love. Keep going, want you to let go. Right on my lap, then I’ll take care of you.”

His lips suffocated your moans and whimpers, swallowing each little pleasure and claiming it as his own. John hadn’t taken his time like this in years, but damn it was special seeing you -his pretty little thing- so needy and whining his name. So sensitive to the texture of his cargos that he was actually wondering if you could withstand something more… purposeful. God, he hoped you could. He wanted to tase you so bad after feeling just how wet you were. Fuck, even the dark khaki color of his pants was getting darker with each little jerk and grind of your hips. Thighs twitching and clenching around him like you couldn’t get the right angle, and were slowly getting more pathetically and innocently frustrated. He needed you hungry though… wanted to ensure that this was done properly. And if it meant withholding from you just enough to make sure you were desperate, he’d bite back every urge he had to give you everything right away.

John knew right away that you were a virgin. Either by just his ability to read people or by the way that you didn’t particularly use sex appeal to draw him in right when you first met. You weren’t innocent of how you looked though, and always dressed and acted much to the benefit of being seen as the valuable woman Price always believed you to be. Yet it didn’t escape his curiosity as to how you’d been able to slip through the grasps of so many disrespectful and predatory men who would’ve done anything to have taken their chance at you. Fuck, he was thankful beyond belief. He hated thinking that you could’ve needed to experience pain or discomfort at any point… but he never asked you simply out of respect and the knowledge that at some point the topic would come up. Only, it didn’t come to fruition quite like he expected. In fact, he never imagined that you’d had your first orgasm with him riding his thigh while sitting on the couch in his house. He wouldn’t change it for a goddamn thing, though.

In the moment, he’d wanted nothing more than to hear you. After hearing so many little whines and pleas for his help, he knew you’d sound so beautiful. But his own intentions fell to desire when he crashed his lips to yours, taking those cries of pleasure for himself. There would be plenty more to come for him to bask in the sound of. The first one though? He needed it. It was his to taste and keep forever. Alongside the taste of your pleasure, he relished in your shaking legs and the harsh bite of your nails digging into his shoulders hard enough to feel through two shirts. He felt your desperation just as deeply as his own, and while his cock straining against his zipper was not totally lost to his attention, John could easily stave off his own needs to make sure you were satiated just as thoroughly as deserved for coming on his pants like the good little things you always were.

“Good girl… You did so good for me, sweetheart.” His rough voice rumbled against your ear as his kissed you softly.

Petting your hair and rubbing his other hand down your quivering thigh. As much as he wanted to keep you right here and not disturb your come-down, he wanted you in bed. Needed to see you laid out like he pictured when jerking his cock after weeks of pent-up stress needed a release. Fuck he wanted to take you slow in his bed and wake up in the morning with you wrapped around him and the smell of sex on the sheets. Before you could really even catch your breath, John had you spread out on the bed with him staring down at you almost astonished. You were just as affected, seeing the heavy outline of his dick parallel to his zipper and ending just at his belt. His eyes caught your lingering, and he chuckled, biting his tongue with his back teeth before squeezing himself and shrugging like it wasn’t the hottest thing you’d ever seen him do. The little gasp you let out only gave him that much more confidence to keep teasing you as much as he’d been.

Slowly, painfully, stripping off one piece of clothing at a time and letting it drop to the floor. Eyes locked on yours like he was getting off to how you reacted to each little inch of skin that was bared to you. If you didn’t know better, you would’ve thought he enjoyed all of the attention on him. When in reality, he was just mesmerized by how in awe you were of him, looking like a war-torn soldier with his scars and hardened body. You were holding your breath for the moment he pushed his underwear down off his hips, standing downright predatory with his fist tight around the base of his thick and glistening cock. If you ever had a moment of hesitation about doing this with John, they dissolved in that single moment. Because your next movement was to reach your hands out, wiggling your fingers for him to come closer.

“What would you like?” He asks, coming to stand at the foot of the bed just out of your reach.

“You.” You answer a little plainly, making him chuckle.

“Not quite specific enough, sweetheart.” His eyes drop to your body hugged in that black outfit and he bites at his cheek. “But as much as I love you in that, I’d like to see you take it off.” A very easy request. Had it not been for your inability to reach the little snap at the back that kept you tied into all of the lace and straps. So, you very politely raised up and sat on your knees with your back to John and gave him the sweetest look you could manage.

“Give me hand, Captain?”

He nearly ripped the fucking thing off.

The moment he had your seduction tactic of clothing balled up in his fist, he felt the first little surge of his common sense holding him back a little bit. Base instinct screamed for him to sink into you as quickly as possible. But feeling your hands rub over his chest and your shy little kisses to his neck reminded him of circumstance. Pinned against your belly, his cock twitched in response to your teeth grazing accidentally over his collarbone. You were about to whisper an apology when John wrapped a hand around your throat to tilt your head up and suck hard just under your jaw. He liked when you did that… The thought gave you a little bolt of satisfaction. One that progressed into your hands sliding down his stomach until your fingers curled around his thick shaft, earning a warning sound of a moan deep in his chest.

“So fuckin’ soft…” He murmured against your shoulder, kissing it hotly and slowly rocking his hips against your hands. Teasing himself. Edging closer to try and raise a little bit of resistance so he wouldn’t spill his load on the bed long before he was damn well ready. Your silky little hands spreading his arousal over his length only lasted for a few minutes before John was pulling you away with heaving breaths and a flush breaking out over his cheeks.

“Too much?” You ask a little giggly when he lays you back and crawls up to kneel between your spread legs.

His reaction is one of raised eyebrows and a devilish kind of smile that makes you feel like you just made a little too accurate of a joke to be laughing. John gives you a little warning ‘tsk tsk’, shaking his head like he could try and hide the lust and affection swirling in his dark eyes at the sight of you giggling, and all spread out for him like a five-course meal the Queen of England couldn’t afford to buy. A wiser man might’ve believed himself worthy of you, enough that his dirty hands could touch you and try to give you pleasure in the way they assumed to know best. Yet John leaned over you with the knowledge that he was one of the most unworthy men on the planet, and you had so much grace and love inside of you that it didn’t matter. One little touch and you could cleanse him of every blood stain he’d not been able to clean or sinful act of revenge he couldn’t resist committing. Above all else, you’d decided in all your innocence of the world that you trusted him with your body as much as you’d already handed over your heart and mind.

John kissed you. Hard. With everything he had to offer in return for the invaluable

With that, he’s, hauling you up against him. He wants you laying right on top of him so he can sleep soundly with you right against him. He’s very quick to give you more praise and ask again if you’re feeling okay mentally and physically. You mention feeling just a little insecure, despite all of his very purposeful care throughout the whole process, but Price won’t have it.

Right away he’s kissing you softly, hands rubbing over your back and butt affectionately. Letting you know just how special he feels that you trusted him, as well as just how lucky he was to find someone like you in the first place. Holding the back of your head and gently cradling you against his lips; Tongue licking into your mouth and groaning softly when you mirror his movements, even going far enough to nip at his tongue. Using that same little hint of him enjoying your teeth on him. Just like before, you’re met with another warning sound of a growl, and John is pulling back and moving his head between your legs with a careful watch on your reaction.

“Can’t wait any longer, sweetheart.” He kissed your inner thigh sweetly. “Please let me taste your sweet little pussy.”

His words shock your body, and your head falls back with the little bit of erotic pleads overwhelming you. God, it was making you drip onto the sheets feeling him so close yet waiting for your answer. Pathetically, you couldn’t get the word ‘yes’ out of your mouth for a few long minutes. Just enough time for him to lovingly suck bruises onto your inner thighs and mean you scream out his name, squirming under his hands to try and get some real relief.

John takes pity on you, stopping long enough to let you catch your breath. “Come on pretty girl. Just say the word… I’ll make you feel so fuckin’ good.”

“Yes, yes, yes… please. I need more!” Your airy pleas fall like angel’s trumpets on his ears, as his mouth descends hungrily onto your cunt.

Licking through your slick folds and growling your own name back against your core with the sweet and alkaline flavor. Your hips buck up and you cry out, feeling his tongue lash over your clit for the first time and right away he’s got one forearm over your hips to hold them steady with the other hand held tight with his fingers intertwined with yours. His mustache tickles against your skin and you can feel him resting his head against your thigh, almost like he’s getting comfortable for an extended stay with his tongue in your cunt.

Another orgasm is ripped from you without warning less than ten minutes into John’s unyielding assault on your sensitive clit. And it’s this time that John ensures your thighs can’t wrap around his head for the sole purpose of hearing your loud and raw scream of his name. Blissed out, and shaking once again, John smiles against your pussy; Lapping up any remaining release he’d missed mere seconds before and feeling the dull pressure of your heels digging into his back.

“God, you’re so good for me sweetheart,” His praise blows cool air over your folds and you jerk a little, whining when you feel his lips return back down to you. Slowly, teasingly, he began all over again just as he did the first time.

It takes a couple seconds for you to realize he doesn’t plan on stopping. But when you do, crying for him to stop when he begins using his thumb to tease your clit while his tongue fucks slowly in and out of your clenching hole. John almost laughs, darkly and amused with your little cries and moans. Feeding off of your pleasure just to give it right back to you in the direct motivation of making you come on his tongue and fingers this time.

“F-fuck - John! Sh-shit,” Your stuttered voice falls into an unabashed groan when he teases his finger at your entrance, and slowly slides it deep into your fluttering pussy, squeezing around it tightly. Hungry for more, and weeping with each small curl of the digit hitting on your upper wall.

Your eyes roll back, and you attempt to push John’s head back to try and ease the stimulation, just to feel his hand holding you back and in place. It’s maddening, feeling so good that it’s almost bringing tears to your eyes, having already come twice -more than you typically gave yourself- and no sign of him letting you escape.

God, John was pushing you to the boundary of everything you knew about your own body, as well as giving you the first, raw, experience of just how good sex could be. Lifting your head up just to try and get a small glance at him, you catch the sight of his eyes, fiery and intense looking right back up at you with your own come soaking his mustache and the entire lower half of his handsome face. You clench around his digit again, being pushed that much closer to the edge just at the visual alone.

Your third release came as quickly as the first two, this time resulting in the delicious stretch of John’s three fingers pumping in and out of your cunt, literally slurping up your release; Almost dragging it out of you like he couldn’t stand the thought of not swallowing every drop. He whispered your name so gently as he came to rest on his forearms overtop of you, kissing your forehead with his wet lips and feeling his hair stick against your sweaty forehead.

“Sweetheart…” his tone had softened to the smallest whisper you’d ever heard from him. “Are you sure you want this? We can stop here if you’d like.”

Opening your eyes to see his handsome face and the slight of his hair in a total mess, you knew getting away with not mentioning your lack of experience was impossible. Your John… wasn’t nearly as unobservant as you’d wanted him to be. Without more than a tired little smile, you nodded. Raising your head weakly just far enough to kiss him gently, tasting yourself against your lips and feeling the slight quiver of his breath.

“Please, I want this. I want you John.”

Initially, no matter how much he’d taken care to prep you there was still a deep stretch as his thick cock began slowly entering you. Sweetly, he worked you through each little discomfort, giving you kiss after kiss and running his hands through your hair. Distracting from the little sting that had never been present with your toys, and praising you until his hips pressed flush against yours.

“Fuucckkk yes,” Price couldn’t hold back the loud groan as he looked down to see your pretty little cunt taking every last inch of his dick and squeezing so hard he could barely think straight.

“Takin’ my cock so good… Such a pretty girl, my good little thing…” His murmurs and curses slowly devolved the further you progressed.

Your body slowly adjusted to the intrusion and the gentle thrusts John made the moment you began squirming and pleading with him to move through your little hiccups. The unusual feeling of John moving inside of you slowly began to coax moans and praise from your mouth every time the crown of his cock rubbed deep against a swollen, textured, spot inside of you that built up pressure so quickly that you needed to wrap your legs around his hips to keep them from shaking uncontrollably. Each stroke got harder and harder, with John eventually pounding his cock deep inside of you, moaning and using one arm to wrap around your waist to hold your lower body still so he could bring both of you closer.

“J-John…” Your voice jolted with each snap of his hips as you tried to warn him.

Feeling that familiar yet almost destructive power of another climax rushing through your lower body. Convinced you didn’t have enough left in you to come again, you felt tears pricking your eyes, overwhelmed with immense pleasure skyrocketing you towards a final orgasm you kept denying until John’s fingers reached between you and expertly began rubbing tight circles around your clit, violently tossing you into whited-out vision, and muted hearing.

Above you, John found his own release and shared it at the same time as yours. Fisting the bedsheets to keep from grabbing ahold of you too tightly and bruising you; his cock getting squeezed so tightly from your climax that it was almost painful to stay seated inside of you. With so little arm strength left, he fell nearly full-weight on top of you and only propped himself up by his elbows to keep from suffocating you.

Utterly wrecked, and feeling more than you’d ever experienced more than you’d felt in your life, it took minutes before you could open your eyes and actually have enough of the mental capacity to realize that John was gently stroking your head, kissing your forehead and your nose, and holding you tightly to him as the strong muscle jerks and twitches in your body began to die out.

“You here with me?” Low and comforting, you smile dazedly with your eyes heavy and trying to focus on him.

You merely nod your head yes and give what you assumed was a ‘mhmmm’ but might’ve sounded more like a small animal being choked or drowned. Naturally, John’s lips spread into a very happy and amused smile, cupping your cheek with his hand and pressing a kiss to your lips softly.

“Come on, sweetheart…” John whispered, pulling your head up to his chest and gently easing himself out of you with a low sigh.

You’re once again lifted up and whisked away, this time, into the bathroom just off to the side of the bedroom where John carefully sits you down on the edge of the bathtub and starts running hot water with the lights dimmed low. Certain he’s got everything for your bath within your reach and the water is high enough for you to really sink down into in and relax, he gives you a soft kiss and promises to return after just a couple minutes.

He returns before you even work up the desire to wash your hair, and immediately takes over the task of getting you cleaned up himself. In between the lulls of soaps, and conditioners, John will pose quiet questions, asking how you’re feeling and wanting to know if there was anything that hurt you physically or was bothering you mentally. His care was intense and very personal, giving you much more confidence and comfort after having such a draining experience. Of course, you felt fantastic throughout, but when he asked if you were tired, there was a feeling that he already knew you were and expected you to tell him how he could best support you.

Other than letting your head rest against his chest. Leaving not one inch of your body neglected, from your face to your feet. Throughout the process you watch through sleepy eyes, seeing a very peaceful sort of look on his face while soaping you up and helping you rinse off and step out of the slippery bathtub into a warm towel you could only assume he’d thrown in the dryer just for your comfort.

Holding the towel around yourself, you peck him on the lips and smile, too tired to really say anything of real value. However, you’re certain John understands by the way his arms wrap you up and hold you tight to his bare chest while running his fingers through your wet hair, helping get out some of the little tangles your conditioner couldn’t quite take care of alone.

“I love you, John. More than anything.”

He drops a kiss on top of your head, rocking your weights back and forth in the dimmed light of the bathroom. Admiring your little form in the darkened silhouette of his much larger one.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

“You’re my best friend.”

He chuckles, finding that so very endearing.

“You’re mine too.”

yeah... the "you're my best friend" part, me and my husband do that <3 so.... that's a thing.

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

Is there anything support the populat interpretation that old valriya and valryians in general are more feminist, and progressive than the rest in Asoiaf?

Anon, thank you! I've been wanting to address this for awhile, so I'm going to actually answer this really fully, with as many receipts as I can provide (this ended up being more of an essay than I intended, but hopefully it helps)

I think there's in fact plenty of evidence to suggest that Valyria and the Valyrians in general were anything but progressive. Valyria was an expansive empire with a robust slave trade that practiced incest based on the idea of blood supremacy/blood purity. All of these things are absolutely antithetical to progressivism. There is no way any empire practicing slavery can ever be called progressive. Now, the Targaryens of Dragonstone have since given up the practice of slavery, but they certainly still believe in the supremacy of Valyrian blood.

And I'll see the argument, well what's wrong with believing your blood is special if your blood really is special and magic? Which is just-- if anyone catches themselves thinking this, and you sincerely believe that GRRM intended to create a magically superior master race of hot blondes who deserve to rule over all other backwards races by virtue of their superior breeding which is reinforced through brother-sister incest, and you've convinced yourself this represents progressive values, then you might want to step away from the computer for a bit and do a bit of self reflection.

And remember-- what is special about this special blood? It gives the bearers the ability to wield sentient weapons of mass destruction. It's also likely, according to the most popular theories, the result of blood magic involving human sacrifice. So there is a terrible price to pay for this so-called supremacy. Would any of us line up to be sacrificed to the Fourteen Flames so that the Valyrians can have nukes?

And if you are tempted by the idea that a woman who rides a dragon must inherently have some sort of power-- that is true. A woman who rides a dragon is more powerful than a woman who does not ride a dragon, and in some cases, more powerful than a man who does not ride a dragon, but that does not make her more powerful than a man who also rides a dragon. Dragonriding remained a carefully guarded privilege, and Targaryen women who might otherwise become dragonriders were routinely denied the privilege (despite the oft repeated "you cannot steal a dragon," when Saera Targaryen attempted to claim a dragon from the dragonpit, she was thrown into a cell for the attempted "theft,"words used by Jaehaerys). The dragonkeepers were established explicitly to keep anyone, even those of Targaryen blood, from taking them without permission. Any "liberation" that she has achieved is an illusion. What she has gained is the ability to enact violence upon others who are less privileged, and this ability does not save her from being the victim of gender based violence herself.

Politically speaking, it is also true that Valyria was a "freehold," in that they did not have a hereditary monarchy, but instead had a political structure akin to Ancient Athens (which was itself democratic, but not at all progressive or feminist). Landholding citizens could vote on laws and on temporary leaders, Archons. Were any of the lords freeholder women? We don't know. If we take Volantis as an example, the free city that seems to consider itself the successor to Valyria, the party of merchants, the elephants, had several female leaders three hundred years ago, but the party of the aristocracy, the tigers, the party made up of Valyrian Old Blood nobility, has never had a female leader. Lys, the other free city, is known for it's pleasure houses, which mainly employ women kidnapped into sexual slavery (as well as some young men). It is ruled by a group of magisters, who are chosen from among the wealthiest and noblest men in the city, not women. There does not seem to be a tradition of female leadership among Valyrians, and that's reflected by Aegon I himself, who becomes king, rather than his older sister-wife, Visenya. And although there have been girls named heir, temporarily, among the pre-Dance Targaryens, none were named heir above a trueborn brother aside from Rhaenyra, a choice that sparked a civil war. In this sense, the Targaryens are no different from the rest of Westeros.

As for feminism or sexual liberation, there's just no evidence to support it. We know that polygamy was not common, but it was also not entirely unheard of, but incest, to keep the bloodlines "pure," was common. Incest and polygamy are certainly sexual taboos, both in the real world and in Westeros, that the Valyrians violated, but the violation of sexual taboos is not automatically sexually liberated or feminist. Polygamy, when it is exclusively practiced by men and polyandry is forbidden (and we have no examples of Valyrian women taking multiple husbands, outside of fanfic), is often abusive to young women. Incest leads to an erosion of family relationships and abusive grooming situations are inevitable. King Jaehaerys' daughters are an excellent case study, and the stories of Saera and Viserra are particularly heartbreaking. Both women were punished severely for "sexual liberation," Viserra for getting drunk and slipping into her brother Baelon's bed at age fifteen, in an attempt to avoid an unwanted marriage to an old man. She was not punished because she was sister attempting to sleep with a brother, but because she was the wrong sister. Her mother, the queen had already chosen another sister for Baelon, and believed her own teenage daughter was seducing her brother for nefarious reasons. As a sister, Viserra should have been able to look to her brother for protection, but as the product of an incestuous family, Viserra could only conceive of that protection in terms of giving herself over to him sexually.

Beyond that, sexual slavery was also common in ancient Valyria, a practice that persisted in Lys and Volantis, with women (and young men) trafficked from other conquered and raided nations. Any culture that is built on a foundation of slavery and which considers sexual slavery to be normal and permissible, is a culture of normalized rape. Not feminist, not progressive.

I think we get the picture! so where did this idea that Valyrians are more progressive come from? I think there are two reasons. One, the fandom has a bit of a tendency to imagine Valyrians and their traditions in opposition to Westerosi Sevenism, and if Sevenism is fantasy Catholicism, and the fantasy Catholics also hate the Valyrian ways, they must hate them because those annoying uptight religious freaks just hate everything fun and cool, right? They hate revealing clothing, hate pornographic tapestries, hate sex outside of marriage, hate bastards. So being on Sevenism's shit-list must be a mark of honor, a sign of progressive values? But it's such a surface level reading, and a real misunderstanding of the medieval Catholic church, and a conflating of that church with the later Puritan values that many of us in the Anglosphere associate with being "devout." For most of European history, the Catholic church was simply The Church, and the church was, ironically, where you would find the material actions which most closely align with modern progressive values. The church cared for lepers, provided educations for women, took care of orphans, and fed the poor. In GRRM's world, which is admittedly more secular than the actual medieval world, Sevenism nevertheless has basically the same function, feeding the poor instead of, you know, enslaving them.

Finally, I blame the shows. While Valyrians weren't a progressive culture, Daenerys Targaryen herself held relatively progressive individual values by a medieval metric. She is a slavery abolitionist, she elevates women within her ranks, and she takes control of her own sexuality (after breaking free from her Targaryen brother). But Daenerys wasn't raised as a Targaryen. She grew up an orphan in exile, hearing stories of her illustrious ancestors from her brother, who of the two did absorb a bit of that culture, and is not coincidentally, fucked up, abusive, and misogynistic. He feels a sexual ownership over his sister, arranges a marriage for her, and even after her marriage, feels entitled to make decisions on her behalf. It is only after breaking away from Viserys that Dany comes into her own values. Having once been a mere object without agency of her own, she determines to save others from that fate and becomes an abolitionist. But because Game of Thrones gave viewers very little exposure to Targaryens aside from Daenerys, House Targaryen, in the eyes of most show watchers, is most closely associated with Dany and her freedom-fighter values. And as for Rhaenyra in House of the Dragon, being a female heir does not make her feminist or progressive, although it is tempting to view her that way when she is juxtaposed against Aegon II. Her "sexual liberation" was a lesson given to her by her uncle Daemon, a man who had an express interest in "liberating" her so that she would sleep with him, it was not a value she was raised with. In fact, she was very nearly disinherited for it, and was forced into a marriage with a gay man as a result of said "liberation." She had no interest in changing succession laws to allow absolute primogeniture, no interest in changing laws or norms around bastardy despite having bastards; she simply viewed herself as an exception. Rhaenyra's entire justification for her claim is not the desire to uplift women, bring peace and stability to Westeros, or even to keep her brother off the throne, it is simply that she believes she deserves it because her father is the king and he told her she could have it, despite all tradition and norms, and in spite of the near certain succession crisis it will cause. Whether she is right or wrong, absolutism is not progressive.

And let me just say, none of this means that you can't enjoy the Valyrians or think that they're fun or be a fan of house Targaryen. This insistence that Targaryens are the progressive, feminist (read: morally good) house seems by connected to the need of some fans to make their favorite characters unproblematic. If the Valyrians are "bad," does that make you a bad person for enjoying them? Of course not. But let's stop the moral grandstanding about the "feminist" and "progressive" Valyrians in a series that is an analogue for medieval feudalism. Neither of those things can exist under the systems in place in Westeros, nor could they have existed in the slavery based empire of conquest that was old Valyria.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

THE HUNDRED LINE: LAST DEFENSE ACADEMY - Journal #12: Route 4 - "TRUE" ROUTE DAY 33-58 [MASSIVE SPOILERS]

//After I finished the Conspiracy Route of the game, I kept playing down the supposed "main" route of the game, without hitting any endings in particular.

//I do feel like I am just on the verge of one, so I will most likely cover that ending in my next journal. However, for this one specifically, I will be going back to the old format for these, covering it day by day, and breaking down my thoughts and feelings on each event that happens.

//Because trust me, there is...A...LOT!

//We get some CRITICAL revelations and new information in SPADES in this segment, and covering this many days, when I would normally do around 10, means this post has the potential to be quite long, so I'm going to try and abridge my experience and break it down as plainly as possible in the points where I need to.

//...Strap in I guess, and as per usual...

DO NOT READ THE REST OF THIS POST IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED/SEEN THE HUNDRED LINE: LAST DEFENSE ACADEMY. I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT VERY SPECIFIC PLOT POINTS AND MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE GAME.

//So let's get into it...

DAY 33:

//So to recap where we last left off, we completed the Conspiracy Route, which kicks off with a critical decision that is made in this battle.

//After the UFB defeats V'ehxness, she employs a gambit that involves kidnapping Kurara and Gaku, so she may absorb them to heal herself and replenish her Hemoanima. In the timeline that I played through previously, the path diverged after I saved Kurara, and left Gaku to die.

//However, in order to stick to the true beaten path, we need to save Gaku. So with a heavy heart, I went back to Day 33 afterwards, and decided to let Gaku get absorbed by V'ehxness.

//Well...I say "heavy heart." But I mostly mean that I'll miss Kurara. I certainly won't miss the Conspiracy Route.

//One thing that did annoy me here is that even though I've already done this fight in full, and despite how there's a critical decision at the end if it, this is the only time the game hasn't given me the prompt to skip the fight.

//Granted, it's probably BECAUSE of the decision at the end, but again, this is easily fixed if you just have a WAVE skip feature. Get on that, TooKyo.

//Anyway, Kurara gets absorbed, and I hate V'ehxness with a burning passion.

//Seriously, the more I see of V'ehxness, the more I dislike her. Not because I think she's a poorly written villain or anything. In fact, I quite like the idea of there being a character in one of these games who is just pure evil. But this narrative structure is a bit of a double-edged sword to be honest.

//On the one hand, this portrayal of a supremely strong and unyielding force of evil serves to further themes of war, loss, and the high price of resistance. It presents a more realistically tragic picture of struggle, challenging the conventional heroic fantasy of effortless victory.

//Because let's be real. The idea of the heroes ALWAYS coming out on top against their enemies in a game that is about the horrors of war is VERY unrealistic. The fact that only a few characters died in the original timeline, and most of them were offscreen, was in line with the idea of a video game. But this part of the story now feels like it could be happening in a real life scenario, where we are forced to watch our friends die as we slowly sink deeper into pain, knowing we can't fucking beat this threat.

//However, this approach, for me at least, becomes very narratively unsatisfying from how often it happens. Having a villain like V'ehxness runs the risk of making the game seem pointless when she consistently invalidates the effort by taking back control, reviving herself, or invalidating hard-won victories.

//If every strategic success is undone, and each emotional investment leads only to greater loss, the game can veer into narrative stagnation, where progress is illusory. Which undermines not only the tension, but...you know...the whole CONCEPT of the game?

//If the result is always the same—V'ehxness wins and someone dies—then the stakes lose their significance.

//But...hey, that's something I'm gonna have to get used to. I just hate her and needed to rant.

//You know, the funny thing is, at this point I was wondering if Takumi maybe had the power to jump back in time again, even if he didn't retain his memories. It doesn't make any sense to me that he could only do something like that once when he didn't lose the UFB's power.

//It didn't make an awful lot of sense to me that he didn't try for a better ending, but I guess that's player choice at the end of the day, since most of these endings are kind of independent of each other regardless.

//I bring this up because I recently watched a horror movie called Happy Death Day for the first time, and it reminded me of that.

//For those who don't know, Happy Death Day is a black comedy slasher film that is, in short, Scream meets Groundhog Day.

//The story follows Tree Gelbman (Yes, her name is Tree; it's short for Theresa), a college student who is murdered on her birthday, only to wake up and relive the same day over and over again. Each time she is killed, the loop resets, and she retains her memories, allowing her to gradually uncover clues about her killer's identity, so she uses each iteration to not only survive but also to become a better person, confronting her own past and relationships.

//Which felt like a really uncanny movie to watch, since I imagine Takumi doing the same thing with his timelines, going back to rectify his mistakes.

DAY 34:

//Like at the beginning of the Conspiracy route, Day 34 starts off with Sirei giving everyone the super energy drink.

//Bro is built different, lol.

//Anyway, this scene doesn't change too much from how it was in the previous route, except for two major differences.

//One: Gaku is here instead of Kurara, for obvious reasons.

//And Two: Nozomi is not present, also for obvious reasons.

DAY 35:

//Oh, so THAT'S where this sprite comes from!

//I remember seeing it in the demo files, and was thinking "How is Kako gonna secretly turn out to be some sort of horndog." And then the kinky group sex line from the demo didn't really reassure me on that.

//But no, she's not horny, she's just drunk.

//It is funny seeing the Tsukumo twins looking all high and dumb next to each other.

//Not much to report on, only that the gang have apparently been drinking all night, and I get Free Time again...Not that I can SPEND it on anything.

//Honestly, I was running a bit low on materials after all the upgrades and gifts and shit I was doing, but because everyone is drinking their depression away, and Nozomi is too caught up over Kurara's death, Hiruko and Eva are the only two who can come with me on expeditions, and that's not really worth the trouble in my opinion.

//The problem is there is very little else I can do in this Free Time because of that. Getting the resources I need to upgrade my kit, tools, and bonds using gifts isn't possible when basically everyone in my team is indisposed.

//So my only choice is to either sleep through the day, or do the VR missions, so I did the latter.

DAY 36:

//This whole next segment of the story gave me some tense feelings.

//For starters, Hiruko’s behavior is starting to mirror Takumi’s from earlier, right after he was knocked out by Sirei. She’s now putting total, unquestioning trust in Sirei, almost like she’s been rewired to follow him blindly.

//When Takumi finally brings up the secret she once uncovered about the war (the one she tried to reveal in the original timeline before Eito killed her) she doesn't seem to have any idea what he's talking about.

Which strongly suggests that, just like with Takumi, Sirei may have tampered with her memories too.

//I really hope this doesn't mean we need to go to ANOTHER route to find out what she was talking about.

//The silver lining is that Hiruko herself seems to sense something is off. There’s a flicker of awareness in her that gives hope.

//I can't help but laugh about how I immediately found Sirei endearing, but now that he's getting the chance to actually, you know, be a character, I REALLY don't like him. I'll talk more about this near the conclusion of this post, but this isn't the first sign of bullshittery we get from him.

//But while that confrontation brews in the background, we’ve got another urgent matter: cheering up Nozomi. She’s been through a lot lately, and Takumi’s determined to do something meaningful for her.

//The plan is to build her a telescope, so Takumi and Eva gear up for another crucial expedition, this time to gather the rare materials needed for it.

//Unfortunately, the rest of the team is still recovering or otherwise unavailable, leaving only Eva and Hiruko able to accompany him, like I said before.

DAY 37:

//Fortunately, this issue does get resolved the next day, as everyone manages to recover from their slumps, except Nozomi, which I guess is to be expected.

//Am I the only one who noticed that Nozomi is unavailable more than any other character in this game is on frequent occassion? There's always some sort of reason in each timeline that prevents you from hanging out with her or taking her out on expeditions.

//Anyway, Takumi gives her the telescope, and the two stargaze. Leading to a very soft moment between the two.

//I love these moments with these two. They're easily my two favourite characters in this game, and their interactions are so familiar and wholesome, and it's always the best part of whatever bad situation we end up in.

//For some reason, I feel more connected to them than I have any of Kodaka's protagonist pairs. And yes, I do mean Naegiri, Hinananami, and the Training Trio.

//I love those characters and their dynamics, don't get it twisted. But these two together are just the best and most wholesome.

//Maybe it's because Takumi and Nozomi are more Uchikoshi-coded though, like Junpei and Akane from 999.

//Anyway, the good times can't last because, as expected, Nozomi suddenly starts experiencing rejection symptoms again.

//Obviously, everyone knows about Nozomi's unique circumstances here, so Takumi goes to explain the problem to everyone, and that they need to raid an enemy base and have Nozomi absorb a Commander's hemoanima to cure her.

//This leads to honestly a pretty badass and just generally satisfying moment.

//Sirei refuses to allow Takumi to raid the base, because they need all hands on deck, and he can't afford to split the group. And of course, since Sirei has kind of bugged Takumi to make him subservient, Takumi begins to (be forced to) see the reason in Sirei's words. And the little shit clearly knows he's in control.

//At least he does for a moment.

//Takumi's love for his childhood friend finally overpowers the hold Sirei has on him, and if Sirei refuses to let him go, he will go by himself.

//Unfortunately for Sirei, the others don't accept this. Moko, Takemaru, and Yugamu agree to join him on the strike force, and Sirei is given no choice but to acquiesce.

DAY 40:

//Jumping ahead a little bit, because I don't have anything critical to report, but as we've done in previous timelines, we get to the Invader base, and fight.

//However, one thing that IS different this time is I actually had Nozomi use her healing ability on herself. As you know, in these rejection symptom fights, Nozomi starts the fight with two thirds of her health, and is chronically slowed. But I never used her own healing ability on herself to see if that cures it.

//Turns out it does, so why the fuck are we even bothering?

//Okay, I kid. I know that Nozomi is using the Hemoanima to heal herself, which would probably make the symptoms worse in canon. I just think it's funny that this illness can be resolved with the push of a button.

//Anyway, like in the other timelines where I did this fight, the Commander we battle against is Quenzelle, the Commander who flies in the air and drops eggs.

//Although, one thing I couldn't help but notice is Quenzelle doesn't really drop eggs in any of the fights against him other than his initial one. I wonder why they gave him that power, only for him to never use it.

//Overall though, we have a fairly easy fight.

//But it ends interestingly, with Quenzelle saying similar things to Eva and Addamaque. He implies that humans were the ones who attacked the Invaders first, which we do get more information on later, but more on that in a bit.

DAY 41:

//If we got back to the school to find the Invaders attack, I would have pissed my own ass. Fortunately, we're in the clear.

//Everyone heads off to get some rest, but Takumi and Nozomi hold back.

//We get yet another touching scene where these two lovebirds open up to each other, and it ends with, surprisingly, Takumi telling Nozomi about everything that happened between them.

//INCLUDING how Nozomi is supposedly his childhood friend Karua, after having her memories of their life being taken from her...supposedly.

//Like I said, I love these moments between these two...And this one is my favourite so far. Takumi finally seems to realize how much this whole thing is weighing on him, now that he's finally being open and honest about it. How much he misses Karua, and his home, and his normal life, and how he chose to put the burden of saving his friends on himself, while blaming himself for every point he failed.

//And Nozomi understanding this, even without the context is just... *chef's kiss.*

//What makes it even better is that the English Dub makes it so powerful. Jay Rincon and Leader Looi do an amazing job selling the pain and recognition feeling between these two characters.

//Unfortunately, this wholesome and heartwarming moment is ended on a low note.

//Nozomi talks more about her backstory in corrolation to Karua, after Takumi notes that the scar is the deciding factor as to what helped him recognize her in the end. But Nozomi claims that her mother also died in the car accident.

//This is a completely different story than she told before, where she explained her mother committed suicide after her research was halted.

//This is a pretty big deal, beacuse avenging her mother was the whole reason Nozomi is even here. So what gives?

DAY 42:

//Takumi suspects Sirei might have fiddled with Nozomi's memory too, which is not impossible. And the idea is reinforced when the guy starts being a gaslighting little shit when Takumi confronts him about it.

//Sirei instead implies that when Takumi jumped back in time, he actually jumped into a different universe where things were a bit different. Considering how varied some of these timelines are, I don't think this is necessarily wrong, but that...

//...combined with that fact that THIS happens makes me think he's just fucking around.

//I got genuine trauma from this, because I saw this kind of scene essentially non-stop in the Conspiracy route.

DAY 43:

//I genuinely take back everything good I said about Sirei by this point.

//The guy is gaslighting the hell out of me, and is lobotomizing not only Takumi, but everyone else, because he's so insecure, and feels so powerless to control the members of the SDU.

//It makes me wonder why he even bothered trying to ease us into fighting in the first place if he could just tinker with our memories and make us into entirely different people who become subservient with him.

//What's upsetting most is as the commanding officer, Sirei is responsible for helping humanity win this war, yet it feels like every time we've fucked up in the past, it is always his fault.

//The entire casual route was his fault, for instance. And it's only because of his shitty commandeering of the situations that we lost Kyoshika and Kurara in meaningless sacrifices.

//And the whole thing becomes even more uncomfortable and disgusting over the ensuing days.

DAY 44:

//Honestly speaking, had I not developed such an intense hatred for Sirei's actions over these past few days, I think I might have been able to stomach Day 44 to 46...But as it happens, this part of the game ended up being incredibly controversial, and I think I'm starting to understand why people were complaining about it.

//Effectively, what starts this off is Kako makes Eva eat something strange, and for a brief moment, it actually seemed to snap her out of the brainwashing Sirei inflicted on her.

//She starts screaming something about her sister, and it looks like she's about to relapse fully, when Sirei strides in and takes her out, as he does OFTEN in this second scenario.

//Which you hate to see. Especially given how much I've already grown to like Eva.

//This kickstarts a three-day sequence where Takumi is roped by Sirei and Nigou into re-brainwashing Eva to make her compliant again.

//Honestly, this whole situation is emotionally exhausting. I wish the game gave us a choice to let us say no to the idea of brainwashing her, but instead, it feels like we’re being railroaded into complicity.

//I mean get it. Takumi’s probably still under Sirei’s lingering influence, and maybe that’s part of the point. But it doesn’t make it any easier to stomach.

//At the very least, Takumi’s discomfort is obvious. He’s not okay with what’s happening, even if he can’t fully resist it yet. That small resistance in him is all we have to hold onto.

//And then it got…deeply uncomfortable. Because it's another roullette wheel game where you spin it, and whichever it lands on will be her new personality, until we get her back to "normal."

//The first time I did it, it landed on "Decadent." And...

//It got this...

//How the FUCK does "Decadent," mean HORNY!?

//Yeah, not gonna lie, I'm USED to Kodaka and Uchikoshi doing shit like this, but even for me, this was unsetelling and distressing.

//Anyway, it's a failure, so we try again tomorrow.

//On a brighter note, Nozomi reached Bond Rank 2 today. She’s still an absolute ray of sunshine, and honestly, we desperately needed that right now.

DAY 45:

//Despite all the shit that happens here, Day 45 actually starts off well.

//Gaku tried to recreate Kurara’s curry, and everyone eats it for breakfast that morning.

//Gaku doesn't get a lot of good moments after the initial time we see him step up to fight, and then I guess when he holds the festival to cheer Kako up and make up for making her upset.

//I don't hate Gaku, because he has his moments like this, and I like that he's still carrying the weight of being the one who survived when Kurara didn’t. Kind of shows that despite how much they hated each other, he does miss her.

//I was also a LITTLE happier, because when we brainwashed Eva again, THIS TIME the wheel landed on "violent." Which led to another one of these super angry breakdowns like the one in the Casual Route.

//Unfortunately, it doesn't last, but I WAS kind of hoping she'd break out and go on a rampage.

DAY 46:

//My heart bleeds for Shouma in moments like this.

//Throughout this arc, he's clearly been devastated by what Eva’s going through. You can tell he genuinely cares about her, and he just doesn’t know how to help. Watching someone you love fall apart while you’re powerless to stop it is like torture, I can imagine.

//The good news is we finally managed to "cure" her this time. She seems stable, at least for now. But even that is bittersweet, since, as Takumi says, this isn't really who she is.

//Nigou’s reaction is…a bit off-putting. He’s way too cheerful about Eva returning to her submissive state. I get that he’s relieved she’s not being harmed anymore, but his tone felt tone-deaf.

//She is still brainwashed, after all. But hey, I am also glad that we're not gonna kill or torture her any more.

DAY 47:

//Aw shit...Here we go again...!

//Yeah, I'm never gonna be a fan of THIS fight. Who knows how many more fucking times I'm gonna have to sit through it.

//This time around, we get to see Nigou in his human form during the hallucination. Which, in theory, should be fairly standard, but the moment he shows up, everyone in the dream starts threatening him on sight, which I think is really funny. Poor guy can’t catch a break, even in people’s dreams.

//Wow not even a reference, just straight up name-dropping the character.

//Also, Eva is here too, and in the dream sequence, she basically confirms that she is an alien. Though in the sequence the Artificial Satellite is her spaceship, so I'm not sure if that's meant to suggest something.

//The way this event pans out this time around is similar, but still different. So, apparently, due to her cryptoglobin being boosted, Turamtammi's power is now strong enough to the point where normal human ears cannot pick up the frequency of her music, which is why we all got corrupted anyway...

//Kiiiiiinda weird that this is only happening in this route and not any of the others where I've fought her?

//But just like last time, the UFB is able to resist the effects, and goes to save Takumi. Though we actually experience the game from his perspective for a little bit.

//I genuinely feel for UFB. The little guy just wants to be included.

//Well, THAT'S a hell of a statement.

//We end up in a huge battle again. Same setup as last time: facing off against Turamtammi and Nyewgank. But this time, I stuck around for the whole thing instead of fast-forwarding through it.

//But then…EITO shows up.

After we take down Nyewgank, Eito suddenly jumps in, siding with the Invaders, and of course, it's playing his wack-ass boss theme again.

//The more important thing though is, like before, Eito has unlocked the truth behind the war, or at least parts of it. And as he has a tendency to do, he's yapping during his boss fight.

//I was actually getting hyped for a proper showdown with him. Thought we’d get some intense back-and-forth…but nope. I obliterated him in a single hit. So so much for dramatic tension.

//After the fight, in typical Eito fashion, he pulls a wild move and absorbs both Turamtammi and Nyewgank before we can.

//Eito starts unraveling the whole mystery too. Not only does he essentially confirm that Sirei has been messing with the group's memories, he even makes a case that there’s no guarantee that the people we think we’re protecting are even on the Artificial Satellite anymore.

//He also explains that the reason he's siding with the Invaders is because his final plan is to absorb our Cryptoglobin, then allow himself to be consumed by V’ehxness to reach some twisted form of transcendence, and make her all-powerful so she'll kill us all.

//Not sure why he wouldn't try to do it the other way around honestly; let V'ehxness absorb the power then take it from her so that he can be the one to kill off humanity. But Eito is as Eito does I guess?

DAY 48:

//Seeing as UFB managed to save the group the previous day, Takumi goes to talk to Sirei again about letting him get on the squad. This time, we will get through to him.

//...Or not.

//FUCKING TRY HARDER TAKUMI! MY GOD!

//Takumi doesn't even have the excuse of being subservient to Sirei anymore! He's kind of moved past that, so now he's just pussying out!

//Speaking of which, luckily, the gang are starting to catch on to Sirei's antics. Obviously, no one is willing to accept this kind of idea coming from Eito of all people, but Tsubasa and Takemaru present physical proof that something fucky is happening.

//Takemaru keeps a journal/diary, and in it, he notes that he went to talk to Eva about something, which he has no memory of doing. He most likely heard something critical from her, and Sirei ended up erasing it from his mind.

//When the trio go to ask UFB about it, Takumi is so eager to get to the bottom of this, he almost lets himself get eaten by the Undying Flames in order to get his attention.

//Side note, the English Dub lines don't match with the English text. Not a big deal, but it's weird that this is the only time in the game so far that this has happened.

//Unfortunately, UFB doesn't have any idea about the process. But even though we don't get definitive answers about the memory tampering, the group agrees to discuss amongst themselves about letting UFB join the team.

DAY 49:

//Leading on from that, the group all gather in the cafeteria, and it's time to do something that we haven't done for a while now. The negotiation minigame.

//On Sirei of all people.

//There is actually some funny dialogue exchanges in this scene. Namely:

Gaku: H-Hey, if you guys shut me down like that, it makes me sound like a dick... Takumi (internally): You are kind of a dick.

Kako: Maybe if we figure out his weakness, we can negotiate.

Ima: What an annoying little mini game. I want no part of it. Gaku: We can just make Takumi do it. He's team leader. Takumi: I was already planning on it...But the least you could do is not say it like that...

//The interesting thing is throughout the day, we actually get multiple different gift ideas for Sirei, though I don't imagine any of them really work.

//The three gifts are a gun, a bottle of wine, and a globe. I gave him the wine bottle, and while it seemed like he was taking the bait, he ended up smashing it.

//As if he couldn't get any more annoying.

DAY 50:

//So, you might not remember, but in the original timeline, when we got to Day 50, Sirei suggested that he had a gift prepared for the rest of the group in the cafeteria. But obviously, because Sirei was dead by that point, we never got to see it.

//Now though, we do. But it turns out it was just a couple of dingy little badges.

//Classic bait-and-switch for these types of games.

//HOWEVER, the cafeteria meeting does yield interesting results.

//Largely the reason why Sirei refuses to let the UFB be part of the team is because in his eyes, he is not a living being, and doesn't deserve to be treated as such. He exists purely to be a weapon, and has no human rights.

//However, Nigou reveals that despite Sirei's words, the opposite is very much true. Because part of his duty has been to protect the UFB, and because they've spent so much time together, Sirei has so much familiarity with the child that he's come to view him as a sort of son, and cares about him more than he lets on.

//The reason he is so obstinate about this is because, as an AI, he doesn't want his own feelings to sabotage the mission.

//Nigou helps Takumi create a photo album made of memory banks shared between him and Sirei, and Takumi gifts it to the Commanding Officer, finally initiating the minigame.

//And...to be honest, I get that this is supposed to be a serious, passionate moment of depth for Sirei or whatever, but honestly, it just came across as really silly to me.

//The good news is that Sirei becomes willing to compromise, and asks Takumi to make a deal.

//To be honest, it's not a very good deal, but Takumi is willing to bend to it if it gives UFB the chance he needs to achieve his desire to have friends and classmates. Effectively, he says that if Takumi and the others agree to stop poking into the matter about their missing or manipulated memories, he'll try to pull some strings to make it happen.

//Takumi does tell Sirei to stop doing the memory manipulation though. Whether or not he will comply with that counteroffer remains to be seen.

DAY 52:

//The UFB arrives at Takumi's room and uses the door like a normal person, which somehow scares Takumi way more than the way he usually appears, which I think is funny.

//Anyway, Takumi takes the boy to the cafeteria to finally meet everyone properly, and they begin to introduce themselves.

//I don't remember if this was brought up before, because I genuinely don't remember, but apparently, when the Undying Flames boy fires off the final attack, his body will be burnt up by his own Undying Flames, and he will die.

//Granted, he DID die in other timelines. Like, I remember him doing so in the Retsnom Route when we used his final attack on V'ehxness. But I thought that was just him overusing his power and his avatar disappearing. The final attack does still kind of happen.

//Which is sad, and unfortunate that it took until Day 50 to finally turn Sirei's thinking about it around. Because now we only have 48 days or so to get to know this dude and become friends with him.

//We get another choice here, for Takumi to make a judgement call. Letting the boy join the team or not.

//Now, this is a weird choice considering the efforts we went through to actually get him to this point where he's meeting the others, and it feels too cold to turn him down. So I ultimately decided to let him on the squad.

//I guess the whole reason why is because if the boy joins the group, chances are our fights will get longer and harder, because we won't be as prepared defensively. Keeping him where he is means we'll be safer and more secure, but like...I couldn't do him like that.

//What's even better news is that now we're at this point, UFB finally gets a name, meaning I don't have to call him ghost boy or UFB anymore. And that name is...

//Honestly speaking, I expected the boys name to be Hie or Hono or something like that, since it's Japanese for fire or flame. But I did a google search, and this does kind of make sense.

//Shion in Japanese is spelled 志音, made from the kanji for "will/purpose" (志) and "sound" (音)

//So effectively, it's eluding to the fact that he is humanity's voice incarnate, since he's the reason we're going to win this war against the Invaders.

//Things seem to be looking up...but even with Shion on the squad now, things don't end to brightly.

//Takemaru doesn't take kindly to the deal Takumi made with Sirei. Obviously, Takumi doesn't like it too much either, but he only went with it because he had Shion's best interests in mind.

//Meaning Takemaru is most likely going to take matters into his own hands.

DAY 53:

//As was sort of to be expected, Takemaru didn't show up for the morning meeting, but neither did Gaku. Meaning the two of them were likely plotting something.

//That aside, Shion is now available during Free Time events. He can't be given gifts, and he's not in the report card, but he does have his own bonding events that can be unlocked through talking to him.

DAY 54:

//This kind of just continues on from the effects of the previous two days. Only that Yugamu starts acting a little bit sus now.

//This isn't part of the plot, but I spent some time with Kako today in the library, and there was a kind of sad event, which is pretty rare. In short, she was talking about ghosts, and said she wanted to see her parents again as ghosts.

//Speaking of Kako and her brother, she and Ima believe that Gaku is acting really on edge, even for him, and they believe that someone is goading him into believing what Eito said about everyone's families not being safe on the Artificial Satellite.

//Strange though, since there doesn't appear to be anyone outwardly having a reason to do so.

//And they really want to emphasize this because they play the same flashback sequence twice in quick succession? Like...yeah, game, I get it!

//Takumi, you've had HALF A WEEK to take the initiative! Just fucking do it! Stop stalling!

DAY 56:

//This day was quite possibly the most tense in the story so far.

//In the morning, Gaku somehow hijacks the school announcement system, and tells everyone he's going to force Sirei to contact the Artificial Satellite, no matter what it takes, and tells everyone to head to the Gym if they want answers.

//Everyone rushes over, but it doesn't go down well. Sirei is nowhere to be seen, and for some reason, without ANY proof, OR indication, Gaku, Takemaru, and Moko blame Takumi for siding with Sirei, and fucking ATTACK HIM and the others.

//This time though, it's not shitty writing that's to blame for the characters acting up for no reason. But we do get a cool sequence here before the fight, where we get a transformation sequence from GAKU'S perspective, IMMEDIATELY followed up by the same sequence from Takumi and his group.

//I wasn't expecting Gaku of all characters to have his own version of the cutscene. Eito and Nozomi did make sense, at least.

//Anyway, we get a fight here. It's not too difficult, especially because Moko, Gaku, and Takemaru ain't got nothing on Takumi's team which is himself, Nozomi, Hiruko, Tsubasa, and Shouma. With just three of them, they're very easily beatable.

//I like the idea of Takumi using his super powered Azure Blitz on them to get them to shut up though.

//ANYway, after being defeated, Takemaru and the others calm down, and the truth comes to light. As it so happens, Yugamu was taking advantage of their already tense feelings, then used drugged snacks to strengthen those feelings until they were sent spiralling into a pit of fear and doubt, which led to them attacking the others.

//All of this was to create the perfect distraction to allow Yugamu to capture Sirei and get answers out of him. And he's able to do so by performing surgery on himself and removing the bomb from inside his chest.

//The reason he did this is because Yugamu himself is concerned about Eito's words, and doesn't think it's wise to outright dismiss them. Especially since Sirei has been especially shady.

//He goes on to explain that he had a "loved one" back on the Artificial Satellite. Someone that he promised he would kill one day when not tied down by his family's work. And if there's any indication that that person may not still be alive, then he wants answers, if nothing else.

//Nigou and the others manage to persuade Yugamu to release Sirei by explaining that, even if Sirei wanted to contact the Artificial Satellite, the classified nature of his mission prevents him from doing so easily.

//Though Takumi eventually convinces Yugamu to let Sirei go, the assassin still demands answers. Sirei finally complies and reveals the truth.

//He explains that his entire existence is dedicated to fulfilling his mission. To do that, he needs not only the intelligence to follow his programming but also the flexibility to adapt to unexpected situations.

//As he puts it, his consciousness is shaped by "the will of humanity."

//To make the best possible decisions for the human race, Sirei has been programmed with simulations of humanity’s collective thought patterns. Every time he faces a choice, he runs these simulations to reach an unbiased outcome. In other words, he arrives at decisions by effectively running a virtual majority vote based on all of humanity’s perspectives.

//Since the mission is critical to humanity's future, it's only logical that it reflects the will of the species as a whole. And because the mission is classified, and he doesn’t have the luxury of asking each person individually, he relies on these internal simulations to determine the consensus.

//This process can take time, which is why he sometimes vanishes for long stretches. Additionally, to keep the mission free from individual bias, Sirei is unable to follow orders from any single person.

//Which is really interesting and also...

A LOAD OF CRAP!

//I'm sorry, I GET that humanity are not ever presented as being a righteous species in this story. But you CANNOT convince me that all of the terrible shit Sirei did is based around what the majority of the human race would do!

//If this is consistent throughout the different timelines, my suspension of disbelief will not account for an entire race of people thinking it's okay to:

Brainwash people, and in one outcome, to the point where one becomes disillusioned with reality.

Not allow ANY sort of contact with the characters and their homes.

Commit war crimes on these level (largely with Eva)

KIDNAP a bunch of LITERAL CHILDREN!

Make said children FIGHT in a WAR!

//And SO much more!

//What makes it even more stupid is quite LITERALLY in the same breath, Sirei and Nigou admit that the mission is confidential, and only a select few people on the Satellite know about it.

//THEN THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR!

//I GUARANTEE you that if humankind knew about what was going on, the results would be VERY different!

//OF COURSE humanity aren't allowing contact with the Artificial Satellite. Humanity don't even know we're FUCKING DOWN HERE!

//It's honestly infuriating that people can look at this and NOT see a very blatant problem with this system. It's not only nonsensical, but it's egrigiously self-destructive!

//Of course, I don't blame Takumi and the others for leaving things at that, because...how the fuck do you even RESPOND to something like that?

DAY 57:

//Alright then. THIS is the point where things start to get kinda nutty, so prepare yourselves.

//The next enemy attack happens today, and the Invaders are once again joined by Eito, but this time, the fight is a little bit different.

//But if there's one thing that's the same, it's that it's yet another Eito fight where the guy just does not stop talking throughout the whole thing. And this time, it's a back-and-forth with Sirei.

//Side note, just in case I forget to bring it up later, this is another part of the game where Sirei really kind of got on my nerves, because he doesn't justify himself AT ALL during this back and forth. Eito plants the ideas of doubt into everyone's heads about what he really found out about the war, and goes into detail explaining when and how he discovered it, even if he doesn't drop the whole truth immediately.

//And Sirei only responds by saying effectively "He's lying, shut up, fight."

//Does he WANT me to be on his side or not?

//Also, Eito does tell all the revelations he discovered during the fight, but it's hard to keep track of them all. He does give on major hint, where he mentions that Earth died a long time ago, and there's more to World Death than we know.

//The more important thing here is that this is a fight against Zen'ta, the commander who can copy people's appearance, and who did so to Moko in the original timeline. This time, however, she seems to do it for Eito, suggesting that the real Eito Aotsuki was killed and replaced with her.

//This is not the case. Eito is still in this fight; he's simply hidden among a mess of clones.

//In order to defeat them all swiftly, we use the same ability that was used previously at the end of the Retsnom Route with Shion putting all his power into a final explosion to take the enemies down.

//Which...is confusing.

//I know that Shion is effectively on the team now, but if I rememeber correctly, didn't using this attack kill him in that timeline? That, coupled with how this fight ends, should really have been the end of the guy.

//Speaking of flames and Ultimate Moves though, I've noticed that almost every time I've fought Eito after the initial final boss of Route 0, I've always unintentionally finished him off using Takumi's Azure Blitz.

//I think I'm gonna try and keep that trend going ;)

//But after Eito and Zen'ta are defeated, the final scene of this day is RIPE with plot twists.

//Firstly, much like he did to Turamtammi and Nyewgank, Eito absorbs Zen'ta before any of us have a chance to, but then V'ehxness shows up to absorb him, just like he planned for. But BEFORE he has a chance to, he tries to drop lore on the war, only for Sirei to suddenly dash down into the field, because he's desperate to cockblock the group from any of the answers.

//But in doing so, he almost gets taken out by Zen'ta, still holding together a form of Eito. But before Sirei can get merced, Nigou jumps in the way of the attack, and dies in his place.

//Which after everything I've had to suffer through with Nigou, the only thing that makes me sad is that Eva was made to watch a character who, in a odd and sketchy kind of way, did try to keep her safe.

//Like I said, after that, Eito absorbs Zen'ta, which heals all his injuries and fatigue, and then V'ehxness appears to absorb him. V'ehxness manages to get MOST of Eito's power, but before she can get all of it, Shion dive-bombs into the battlefield to rescue him.

//As a side twist, it's revealed in this moment that Eva is actually V'ehxness's sister.

//She really IS Mukuro, huh? Secret 16th party member, sister's with the megalomaniacal main villain, is originally an enemy to the party, etc. The list kinda just goes on.

//And as she...seems to have a habit of doing to be honest, V'ehxness decides to leave her final attack for later, so she can once again spend some time recovering from her injuries, and also to give Shion a chance to recover from his.

//This day ends with another choice, with Eito now at our mercy and somewhat crippled by V'ehxness - to either kill him or spare him, much like the first choice that was made after Takumi jumped back in time.

//As you can imagine, there is no way I am killing this fuck, no matter how much he might deserve it. Takumi justifies the reason being he doesn't want to kill another human being, but I personally just want to hear him finish what he was saying.

//And I don't give a damn what Sirei says. He can't be trusted any more than Eito can.

DAY 58:

//Everyone gathers in the courtyard the next morning to hear what Eito has to say, with Eva carrying around the destroyed carcass of Nigou, which makes me a little sad tbh.

//As expected, Sirei does basically EVERYTHING he possibly can to stop Eito from talking, endlessly nattering on about how everything Eito says is a lie, and when Eito finally starts dropping the truths, he even clams up and refuses to affirm what he says, which isn't earning him any brownie points.

//But thankfully, Shion interjects and blackmails Sirei at the right moment, saying he'll have the SDU members break into the defense room and kill him if he doesn't answer their questions, so Sirei is given no choice but to bend, leading to him and Eito finally dropping the big reveal...

//At least...the first one, because there seems to be even more to the story that I don't know yet.

//Mad respect for Shion though. I feel like ever since he's been getting more screen time, he's really become a great character.

//The major plot twist in this game centers around a single, crucial detail that was deliberately kept from the characters for these 158 days. When this truth is finally revealed, it completely reshapes our understanding of the story.

//That key detail...is that we are NOT on Planet Earth.

//Throughout the game, everyone believes the Tokyo Residential Complex is an underground shelter on Earth, built to shield the last remnants of humanity from the apocalyptic event known as World Death. Shion was supposedly sent to Earth to eliminate the Invaders—monsters thought to be Earth's final threat to humanity—while the rest of the Special Defense Unit protected him at the Last Defense Academy until the weapon could be deployed. Meanwhile, the remainder of the human population supposedly escaped the planet and relocated to an Artificial Satellite to avoid the fallout.

//But the reality is far more complex. While World Death DID trigger the war, Earth itself was destroyed long ago, ompletely devoid of life, and likely no longer even exists. The damage was catastrophic, far worse than the devastation seen outside the fire barrier.

//In fact, Sire's EXACT words are that Earth was "on the verge of exploding."

//In truth, humanity had spent generations constructing the Artificial Satellite as a means of leaving Earth entirely. THAT part, at least, remains true, but not in the way that everyone expected.

//The Exodus Project, which everyone believed was an evacuation plan to survive the war, was actually a mission to abandon the real Earth and find a new world for what was left of humanity. As it turns out, the Tokyo Residential Complex where the SDU lived has always been located on the Artificial Satellite. Meaning this is where we ACTUALLY were at the beginning of the game.

//During the Satellite’s construction, humanity also searched for a suitable replacement for Earth, and they eventually discovered one.

//This new planet, known as KXK-787, or as Eito and the Invaders refer to it...Futurum.

//Which is...a little on the nose, but hey, I'm not complaining.

//The planet is strikingly similar to Earth. It's in a life-supporting zone, covered mostly in water, and has all the right conditions for human habitation.

//That’s where we are now. Not Earth. Futurum.

//One of the main reasons so little is known about Earth within the Tokyo Residential Complex is because humanity left it behind centuries, possibly even millennia ago; long before Takumi and his friends were ever born. Sirei explains that the SDU weren’t told the truth because it was considered too abstract and disconnected from their reality, which would only confuse or destabilize them.

//Which I'm gonna have to call bullshit on, even if I do kind of get it? If you ask me, Hemoanima, Shion, the Invaders, World Death, and almost everything else that came before this is far more complicated and otherworldly than even space travel. At least sci-fi is a genre that's been confirmed to exist in this world. And yet those concepts are the one's that Sirei spends the least amount of time explaining, because understanding it any more than we do would be "pointless."

//As I've said before, there was also an underlying desire among some humans to bury the past and avoid facing the guilt of destroying their home world, but more critically, after humanity's departure from Earth, internal divisions began to form.

//Some factions believed humanity should return and face the consequences rather than flee. This ideological clash nearly led to civil war, prompting leaders to restrict access to knowledge about Earth and the Artificial Satellite. As a result, most civilians were left in the dark.

//I really appreciate this twist because we’ve already seen evidence of it! This idea is pretty much what the Conspiracy Route revolves around, with the Anti-Exodus faction and Gotou. It’s satisfying that the primary route reveals this later, giving us new insight and a clearer explanation for earlier events.

//Still, despite all the time, effort, and sacrifice poured into the Exodus Project and the journey to Futurum, humanity made a critical error: Futurum, while eerily similar to Earth, was already inhabited by an intelligent species. One with its own society, history, and belief systems.

//That species is V'ehxness and what we’ve come to know as the School Invaders. In actuality, they're their own species of intelligent lifeforms called "futurans." Not creations of World Death AT ALL.

//Initially, humans tried to communicate and negotiate with the futurans, but remember, the only reason Takumi and the others can even understand them now is because of the Hemoanima, which allows for some level of translation. Without that bridge, misunderstandings led to conflict, which escalated into full-scale war.

//The real challenge for humanity was that, while they held the technological edge, the futurans possessed a unique biological advantage. Occasionally, individuals were born with a rare type of blood that granted them immense power in combat, so overwhelming that even humanity’s most advanced weapons were rendered useless against them.

//You've probably already guessed it, but that special power is Hemoanima, or Cryptoglobin, which the Enemy Commander's have. That's why they're heralded as heroes in their culture.

//The Commanders; V'ehxness, Eva, and the others; are seen as divine champions by the futurans, chosen by the god they worship. Humanity’s advanced weaponry was completely ineffective against them, and for generations, people struggled to overcome these powerful defenders. No matter how much effort was put in, humans simply couldn’t overpower them or claim the planet.

//V’ehxness, while undoubtedly driven by her own dark motives and goals, stands apart from the rest of the Commanders. The others aren’t malicious; they’re simply defending their homeland, fighting for survival against what they perceive as an alien invasion...just as the SDU believed they were doing all along.

//The ruins outside the school aren’t the result of World Death. They were once vibrant cities filled with ordinary futurans. It was the battles fought when futurans were forced to protect themselves from human aggression that reduced them to rubble and forced evacuations.

//In summary, from the very beginning, humans and the members of the SDU are the REAL invaders. Humanity struck first, making the futurans view the SDU as extraterrestrial enemies bent on wiping them out and taking their world.

//And the SDU does NOT handle this revelation well.

//To his credit, Sirei doesn’t try to justify or deny humanity’s actions. He admits it’s a war of conquest, plain and simple, but insists it’s a war born out of necessity.

//The Artificial Satellite was never meant to be a permanent solution. Its systems are deteriorating, and its limited resources are running out. Over the years, the population has dwindled drastically, and humanity is quite literally running out of time.

//Sirei explains that he kept the truth from the SDU because the vast majority of people aboard the Artificial Satellite have no idea a war is even taking place, let alone that the SDU has been deployed on a mission to secure a future for the species. Only high-ranking officials in the government and military know.

//Because of fucking course they do.

//Life on the satellite is already confined and grim, so adding the burden of war would have pushed the population over the edge. The only public clue that anything is wrong is the emergency alert system in the TRC that warns of attacks.

//Then there’s the truth behind Last Defense Academy.

//The school is actually a disguised spacecraft, deployed from the satellite and doubling as a planet-killing weapon. Takumi and the others were placed aboard and sent to Futurum alongside Shion. When they landed, Shion ignited the Undying Flames around the building to shield it as he charged up the energy needed to activate the weapon.

//The reason it looks like a school is because Shion always wanted to attend one, and to live like a normal kid. And since he’s the cornerstone of humanity’s potential victory, they granted him that symbolic wish.

//It also helped that only young people around Shion’s age were physically compatible with Cryptoglobin transfusion, so the school concept made practical sense, too.

//On the topic of Hemoanima/Cryptoglobin, it originally came from Futurum. Only those with this unique blood could harm others who carried it. Desperate to turn the tide, humanity began experimenting with the substance until they were handed an opportunity they couldn’t ignore.

//A child was born on Futurum with unimaginable power. So much so that the futurans believed he was a divine figure, calling him "The Second Coming." In a horrific act of desperation, humanity kidnapped the boy.

//That child…was Shion.

//And this is arguably the darkest twist of all. Shion is a native futuran, abducted and used as a weapon to annihilate his own people and destroy the very planet he was born on. Also, his presence allowed human scientists to make rapid progress in Cryptoglobin research, ultimately enabling Takumi and the others to receive successful transfusions.

//Which brings us to the present: the SDU has landed on Futurum, accompanied by the kidnapped "Second Coming," with the express purpose of wiping out the native population and taking their world for themselves.

//Tragically, this war has raged for almost as long as it took for humanity to even discover Futurum. At this point, diplomacy is impossible. The SDU has already killed multiple revered Commanders, and absorbed their powers, meaning the damage is done.

//There’s no turning back now, for either race.

//This is an interesting thing Sirei says here that I want to draw attention to, since he uses it to kind of justify the case he makes for not only fighting a war of aggression against this innocent alien species, but also for lying to the SDU's members.

//He follows this up by adding that "righteousness belongs to the winner."

//Which is sad...and also kind of true.

//There's an old saying that "History is Written by Victors." It doesn't necessarily mean the same, but it's put in a similar context.

//I have admittedly mixed feelings on this justification, because while I do somewhat agree with it, I feel the need to point out that when you look at the humans and the futurans, the humans are shown to be FAR FAAAAR more destructive!

//Humanity's invasion of Futurum isn’t driven by malice, but by necessity. And yet, this desperation doesn’t absolve them, only deepening the tragedy. So far, humanity has:

Rendered their own home planet uninhabitable, then abandoned it.

Suppressed historical information about Earth and the Artificial Satellite to avoid accountability.

Initiated a war against Futurum; a habitable alien planet already home to an intelligent, INNOCENT species.

Destroyed most of said planet's surface over generations, rendering many innocent futurans homeless or dead.

Abducted a futuran child prophesied as The Second Coming, to use him as a living weapon.

Forced said child to power a world-ending weapon aimed at his own people and home planet.

Used said child's blood to develop a bioweapon program that empowered young people to kill the native population.

Sent them into battle as legitimate child soldiers without fully disclosing the ethical implications or reality of their mission.

Killed and absorbed the powers of revered futuran Commanders who were defending their home, effectively dismantling the spiritual and physical protectors of the planet.

//Meanwhile, the futurans:

Lived on the planet peacefully long before humanity’s arrival.

Were attacked for the legit only reason that the humans, while willing to go through the effort of spending generations building an escape ship, then another few generations fighting a war against them, were not willing to go through the basic effort of learning their language.

Defended their people and planet from invasion.

Revered their defenders as sacred, not militaristic like the humans did the SDU.

Were made to be the aggressors, even though they were the one's defending their home the whole time.

//if you think about it, the only one of the futurans that is in any way evil is V'ehxness. But that's because she has her own will to power that exists independent of the war she's fighting. She herself just wants to kill Shion and take his power.

//Even then, she too is just defending her home planet from humans.

//Also, the idea of their being no good and bad in this war isn't really real, because if you look at things from an outward perspective...The quote should really be "There is no good in war." Period.

//Legitimately, the only people who are innocent in this war are the SDU, and the other Commanders. The face of each side of this conflict are varying degrees of malicious and evil.

//The leader of the futurans, V’ehxness, is revered by her people as a divine protector, but beneath that venerated image lies a deeply corrupted figure. She’s responsible for murdering her own people, has abused her authority, and (as revealed in the current route that I am currently on) has committed heinous acts of child abuse and SO much more. Her crimes extend to attempted familicide, and perhaps most damning of all, betrayal of the very religion that her society is built on. Driven by a god complex, she sees herself not just as a savior, but as a divine being above reproach, violating the faith she once symbolized.

//On the human side, Sirei, the orchestrator of the entire SDU operation and the public face of the human campaign, represents a colder kind of villainy. While he claims to act in the name of survival, he is the architect of a war of conquest against a largely innocent species, and his list of atrocities includes manipulation and brainwashing, child exploitation, unethical scientific experimentation, and psychological torment of a futuran woman, Eva, as well as the rest of his own team, especially Shion. Yes, Sirei sees Shion as a sort of son since he's raised him for most of his life, but Shion is still being used as a living weapon. For Sirei, no act is too extreme if it serves the mission, but his "pragmatism" has long since crossed moral boundaries.

//And the threat doesn't stop with just these two figureheads. Eito, a third-party actor, is arguably even more dangerous. Unlike V’ehxness, who believes she is protecting her people, or Sirei, who believes he’s securing humanity’s future, Eito fights for no one but himself. His desire to exterminate humanity isn’t rooted in justice or defense; it’s driven by a pure lust for power and destruction. He’s already committed multiple atrocities of his own and represents a wildcard force of chaos that stands to push an already tragic war into absolute annihilation.

//I would even extend this implication to the other third parties we've met so far in the other routes; Retsnom and Gotou.

//I'll give Retsnom a bit of credit, since it is effectively just a wild animal at the end of the day, which kind of mirrors Darumi's own apathy for it's own existence, but this doesn't take away from the fact that it either kills or absorbs everyone in three of it's route's four endings.

//And then Gotou...Gotou is just a fucking asshole.

//In the end, while the war began as a desperate struggle for survival or a fight to protect one’s homeland, it's clear that those in power on both sides have become monsters in their own right, and innocent people with GOOD moral compasses don't get caught up in it.

//Anyway, I ranted about this long enough, but the conversation ends with Eito saying that what he said before about our loved ones not being on the Satellite was mostly just a bluff. He himself doesn't know for sure, but mentions that he thought it might be due to Sirei's memory tampering...

//...which unfortunately causes Eva to momentarily regress and murder Sirei again.

//As much as I have grown to dislike Sirei's means that definitely don't justify his ends, having him around, especially now that he's being forefront about everything and explaining his motives in full; seeing him just suddenly die was shocking and upsetting.

Conclusion:

//I wanted to stop it here, because frankly, I originally planned on having this lead on to the next few days up to Day 60. But I've decided to hold off until next time.

//Simply because the stuff that happens in the subsequent next part of the story ties pretty heavily with the next ending I got.

//And if you have any understanding of this game at all, you'll probably know which ending I got next.

//I don't really have anything left to say that I didn't already say to be honest. Just that the twists and turns in this story are getting hella intense, and slight spoiler alert, we're apparently not done yet.

//Before this, the one thing I failed to mention in my main recount is that after Eva kills Sirei, Shouma starts having a moment. He starts to struggle on the verge of remembering more about the group's time at Kamukura Hospital, and that's what's going to lead into I think the second half of this giant twist.

//And my beating heart can only imagine what that might be.

-Mod

[theinternetarchive]

have you any book recommendations

many! i like a lot of genres so here is a quick overview of my favorites. it really depends what you're looking for. i'll do a little summary of each book.

theory/philosophy

psychoanalytic film theory and the rules of the game by todd mcgowan – this is the ultimate beginner's guide to contemporary film theory. it will teach you the basics of lacanian psychoanalysis in easy terms and with real life explanations/examples. if you want to learn film theory, and you don't know where to start, absolutely start right here. you will not regret it

civilization and its discontents by freud – yes i am recommending this entirely seriously and in earnest. this book is great. freud, dying of cancer and disillusioned with the world, outlines the problems with contemporary society, namely his distaste for the way that technological progress has not been made in the name of human happiness, and in fact works against man's best interest, creating all the problems it claims to solve. relevant now more than ever.

nonfiction

bird by bird by anne lamott – this book is as much a writer's guide as it is a memoir as it is a how-to for life. lamott is witty and real, she's honest and somber and funny, she gives excellent advice, advice that has gotten me out of the depths several times. "perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. it will keep you cramped and insane your whole life."

novels

moby dick by herman melville – this may seem a strange rec as it's a classic that everyone knows, but not enough people put their time into moby dick. it's long winded, flourishing prose that i really never tire of. he makes some of the most poignant observations during the most insignificant of moments, this book is rich with philosophical meaning and absolutely must be read at some time in your life. it will make you reflect on life and death, mortality, love. also there's technically gay marriage in this book and it's from the 1860s.

the price of salt/carol by patricia highsmith – i'm sure many of you are familiar with the film and also know that it's a book, but i don't think many have read it and i must say, it is phenomenal. absolutely thrilling. a love story for the ages.

rebecca by daphne du maurier – everyone know the hitchcock film, but the book is better. hitchcock didn't even really respect rebecca, the novel or the film, but i think both are masterpieces. rebecca, the novel, is interior and dark. it is like the movie, but in my opinion it's more visceral, the writing is just so particular, i can't really put a word to it other than beautiful, even if that sounds like i'm simplifying a bit.

poetry

the complete works of arthur rimbaud tr. paul schmidt – the best rimbaud translation you can possibly get your hands on, all poems ordered chronologically along with letters and short biographical sections, giving you a real picture of rimbaud and his life. he is my favorite poet by miles, marrying the obscene, disgusting, perverse, and the beautiful to create revolutionary poetry. he is such a singular writer with such a particular voice, and schmidt perfectly captures his manic, confusing energy and tendency towards violence.

the selected poetry of ranier maria rilke – rilke is phenomenal, read his work, it is a must. this volume blows me away whenever i open it. i found myself enamored with rilke's work after reading the duino elegies (featured in this collection), and he never disappoints. there is something present and real about every poem i've read. he just had the way.

new and selected poems volume one by mary oliver – mary oliver needs no introduction, but this is my favorite volume of hers. if you're unfamiliar or just haven't read her yet and you want to start somewhere, it should be here.

[watermelondip]

transatlanticism | chapter one

masterlist ao3

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Series Description: The past, present, and plausible future. Knowing Steve in the in-between. Or, as you grow up in Hawkins, parallel to Steve's rich kid bubble, you fall out of favor with expectations, and end up abroad for the rest of highschool. In light of an abrupt return, you try to rekindle a friendship with someone you don't know anymore.

Tags: friends to lovers, friends with benefits, angst, severely poor communication.

⭑⭑⭑

steve harrington / reader Warnings: underage drinking, underage drug use. Words: 2.5k a/n: cross-posting chapters slowly onto tumblr. completed on ao3. sorry for errors. i'm a really shitty proofreader.

⭑⭑⭑

Once, when you were fifteen, you were a handful of puffs away from greening out on Steve Harrington's basement couch, draped inelegantly over the arm of it with your date's jacket tossed lazily over your lap, and a girl you hadn't spoken to in years (from out of state, somewhere in California, maybe) blabbering incoherently into your ear. Sophomore year was a living hell covered in tan pants and loose buttons on over-priced polo shirts. Your dad had been gone for months, your empty house was bigger than that nasty zit resting right in the middle of Steve's forehead, and parties like that one seemed like the best way to pretend like it was all the magical, maniacal film plot strangers often made it out to be, just for a little while.

"I've been thinking, you know," Steve started, swinging a heavy, beer-holding hand towards you, "I might not be a casual guy." He tilted, marginally less lost in it.

"Hm?" His head was blown up like a balloon, and the more he spoke the more it came out like a one of those incomprehensible opera songs, but low and rumbly, blowing egotistical utterances in your throbbing ears.

"I don't think i'm a casual guy," he repeated, leaning a bit closer, elbow resting on his crossed leg. He gestured a hand out at the gaggle of anonymous attendees, ignoring the furrow of the girl from California, who felt betrayed by your shifting attention. "I think I can be, like, real, you know? Realer than them." It seemed innately ironic when he spouted all that introspective shit as someone who rarely felt the comfort of inner honesty in average, sober situations. He laughed: "I don't know half of these people," he whispered.

"But they're not real?" His hand fell on your shoulder, and it felt like lava, radiating off into the air like a television glitch or a really weird, 3-D rainbow.

"No, no one here. All phonies." He gave the California girl a hesitant glance. "Where's, uh, blue shirt, shiny shoes?"

"Dan," you mumbled. "Dan," again, before pointing a finger at a figure huddled smoothly in the corner, chatting up a girl in a tacky turquoise get up. "Over there." His shiny shoes had been scuffed up by a messy dancer (you) and a spilled drink (you), but never lost their self-assured glimmer, not even when they were abandoned by the T.V. an hour later. "Jenny Summers," you identified, giving Steve a defeated shrug and sinking further in the couch. 

"Ah." He took a gulp of his drink, tilting up to the ceiling before crushing the cup in his hand and tossing it off somewhere to the side. "Don't die, yeah? Gonna be too fucked up to clean up your body tonight." He gave your shoulder a paternal sort of pat before disappearing into the unassuming crowd, leaving behind a familiar scent, one of cologne and party sweat, and a soft, aching couch cushion indent.

California girl continued her drunken tales, and as time progressed, you became more and more resentful; it was all starting to melt away. It was just such a shit party, such a shit year, and such a shit friend, that Steve guy was, at least according to Dan.

-

And he was just so happy with Nancy, which led to a lot of tossed letters and dumb, shallow conversations that made you just as not real as the people in his basement that night. First off, Junior year was even worse. Your dad got remarried after a few years of limbo, but of course she was horrid and of course she painted half the house those puke-worthy pastel shades that reminded you of the frilly dresses you would wear as a toddler. She hated you, almost like how Steve hated you, or started hating you, with all of the self-destructive ragers in the pool or the backyard or the basement or the living room or any other sensitive spot you could get your hands on in that big, empty house (just as empty as it was before, really). But he was nice, honestly, in this super respectful, sensible sort of way.

"Where's Nancy?" you slurred. He intercepted your next sip, snatching up the can from your ever-weakening grip as you fumbled your way backwards. Junior year was even worse, and it was another phony party, with phony, unreal people that Steve found himself swiftly usurping with his superior stance and expensive crewneck.

"Studying." Cold began to seep into the conversation, and you shuddered. "Something you should consider."

"I did consider it, and then I decided not to do it." You reached out futilely for your drink, flailing around a bit in his direction as he held it out behind him. "You're one to talk." You huffed yourself into a more resolved position, crossing your arms like a fussy kid. Steve furrowed just like the girl from California had, puzzled by your jolting reaction. You despised the way he sighed and shifted.

"Yeah, well at least I'm still presentable." He nudged your foot with his, pointing out it's stark lack of shoe compared to the other, and the reminder of the loss of your not-so-cheap heel only intensified the haze. 

"I lost it," you clarified, wobbling a bit on your clothed foot, "I was chased," you added on, hinting at a moment that you preferred not to recount (that night it had been Sam, who was nice enough but a bit too macho for your liking, and had been picking you and at tossing you around for a few hours before Steve showed up). 

"Chased?" He ran a clammy palm over his face, pulling down his skin a bit and making his eyes look all red and judgmental like your fathers often were. "Who the fuck was chasing you?"

"He was just messing around. That is what stupid kids like us do, isn't it? Mess around?" He looked at you like you might look at a crying baby in the middle of a grocery store. Something in his expression was tired.

"You're not a stupid kid." He placed your forbidden drink down beside him on the table. "You're just drunk." No longer playing the naive little game that was intertwined with your universe, he failed to make the words seem jovial. 

At fifteen and thirteen and twelve Steve was your most essential equal, the desperate lonely child, the kamikaze lover who only knew how to surround himself with fake people singing fake songs at fake functions until that nagging little ache left his chest. Now, ripe and old and rotting, you stood apart from his happiness, his quaint content. It severed you, the isolating realization that he no longer related, and no longer felt the need to compensate with liquid forget. There was envy there.

"I'm not drunk," you insisted, making another move for your drink. He shoved you back by the shoulder, causing you stumble haphazardly into the table, jutting out a hand to stabilize yourself. "I have a high tolerance," you murmured, grimacing at his less than thoughtful attempts to sober you up. It was charming when you were young, charming when you lied through your teeth with a slur and a stumble, flirting with those hooded eyes, the ones you pulled out when you feared your own unwarranted stupidity. It wasn't charming now, not with your messy eyes, hooded in a way similar to that of high-at-noon trailer trash.

"The cops are going to shut this down, you know." He gestured to the masses, the squabbling children that rudely populated your house. You shrugged it off, manhandling a chip out of the bowl beside you and stuffing it into your mouth in this grotesque, in-your-face sort of way.

"My dad funds the cops. They love me." A crumb fell onto your chin, disrupting the faux elegance of your blue and pink makeup mush. Steve became suddenly forlorn.

"Right, because they all give a shit." He sighed, running a hand through his hair, pulling it incoherently down onto his forehead. "What's up, huh? You weren't at school yesterday." He took a step forward, maybe in the way that a foster parent would do it, tilting his head and trying his best to get at your level. He stuffed his hands the pocket of his dumb tan pants, right along with his dumb concern and dumb sympathy. 

"I went to the mall with Claire and Amy. We got matching handbags. Why do you care?" He scoffed. He nearly rolled his eyes.

"We're friends." He took a step, pulling a hand out of his pocket just to hold it out at his side like a steadfast politician. He coughed out a dry laugh. "We're friends?" he asked, raising his brow and letting his open mouth form a half smile in an expecting, exasperated way.

"'Course," you confirmed, diving for the forgotten can while he was still a step away from where he'd placed it. It became a kind of nonverbal argument, one that weaved its way, albeit vaguely, into all conversations after a certain indeterminable point, which sat somewhere between freshman year and the hellish influence of Nancy's picture perfect ingenue. "Of course we're friends," you repeated, pulling the drink back into your grip and stumbling backwards, away from Steve's discontent.

"You'll kill yourself," he accused, reaching back out for the drink, continuing the cyclical tug-of-war that kept him just a few feet away, seeable and touchable and smellable, if not for the scent of smoke that filled the room.

"No." You gulped down whatever was left. "No," you murmured, shaking your head and trying futilely to crush the can in your hand before resorting to a toss to the side and slip of your previously stable stance. "High tolerance," you reminded, wagging a wobbly finger at his scowl. A heavy gulp made its way from your throat to your stomach, infiltrating what would've been a mild hangover with whispers of swallowed puke and fainting spells; Steve remained wholly unimpressed.

After that, it didn't take much for him to leave. Maybe that was a sign of the times, or maybe that was Saturday. He always did his best to make it to church.

-

The phone cord was wrapped morbidly around your wrist; the conversation had just begun, and you were already far too wrapped up in it.

"England?"

"England. Barf, I know." You flopped down onto your back, the give of your pillow giving you a miniature dose of whiplash. You turned over, groaning into the fabric. "I don't wanna leave," you whispered, letting the phone fall from your ear and land lazily in front of you.

"I find that hard to believe." Steve presented himself as tonally ambiguous. He fluctuated between concern and nonchalance. The sentimentally of the friendship had weakened over the previous months, your familiarity toeing the line between close and acquainted often. "Remember your game show phase?" His voice came like a memory over the line. 

"I still think it should've been me instead of Vanna, but England will never be California, you know? The Brits are all so pale and bitter."

"Right, just like how everyone in Indiana is a corn-loving hick." 

"Everyone but me, yes." You sighed and shifted and sighed again. Dramatics were your current prayers; without pageantry, there was no comfort, and all walls fell easily down. "I don't wanna leave," you repeated, sinking further into your rumbled bedspread. You were itching for some sort of distant reassurance, but all Steve returned was a sliver of your somber outlook, an audible shrug, and a different distance, one that felt utterly isolating.

"Then don't," he suggested, light and unenthused. "I mean, can't you just tell your old man to fuck off? It's not like you're pregnant or strung out or something."

"You all of all people know that won't do anything." Sometimes it felt like Steve didn't have parents, and sometimes it felt like there wasn't really much of a Steve, but instead just some big, clay figure that was molded by two preoccupied and uncaring adults who refused to raise a kid the normal way. He of all people knew. 

"Yeah, well, acting like a baby won't do anything either." You could picture his frown. He'd been frowning at you since you were kids. His face changed, got bigger and wider and longer and wider and thinner and just got different, too, but not his frown. You felt stable when placed in the middle of his disappointment. When he talked down it was like a comfort. It always sent a wave of nostalgia through your gut. 

"It's a lost cause. I'm just reacting accordingly."

"It is what you say it is, I guess." You could feel it slipping, his liquid hands and his bleeding words. "I just think you're being a pushover, but whatever."

The looming threat of escalation haunted your subconscious. 

"What do you want me to do, Steve?" You could picture his frown. You could picture his head, his mind, his perception of wasted potential. You could picture just how much he wished you could see it how he did, changed and morphed and shifted just like he did. You could picture what he was picturing, picturing a girl he knew to be a tangible reminder of someone he didn't want to be anymore.

"Nothing. I don't want you to do anything."

-

He kissed you in a closest when you were fourteen. He did it again when you were fifteen, a few days after the party and the couch and the revelation. He kissed you and he said it was because you seemed sad, seemed down about a guy or a grade or something inconsequential. He kissed your cheek and your forehead and your lips really quick like it was a funny or you were just some sort of doll. 

"Doesn't mean anything, don't worry," he whispered. He held your face between his hands. "Smile? Please."

You closed your eyes and dreamt the seconds slower. He laughed. It was a good memory, one of the ones that you'd tell your English friends, the girls from the glorified barracks that they threw you in. You'd call him 'guy back home' and say he was just so perfect and sweet and handsome and everything, but he wasn't available, or he wasn't willing, or he just wasn't, and that was the end of it. Everyone wanted to see a picture, but you left them all in the big, empty Indiana house. He didn't belong in England; he couldn't be a part of you there.

You cut your hair, but it grew out again. You changed your clothes, but they all sort of looked the same. There was a guy named Rich that called you babe and drove you around in his fancy car, but it didn't last too long because it never lasted too long. Your dad hardly called. That was limbo, and you wrote lots more letters that you never sent. Steve always sounded the same on the phone, just a little happier or a little older.

Reformation was slow and entirely reversible. The flight back home was delayed, overpriced, and exhilarating.

[echoweaver]

Up for testing: Stat Standardizer

This mod takes a bit of explanation --

I've been running with Same Energy Gain for Every Bed for a long time because after the base game, almost every new bed is cloned from the same midrange bed, and otherwise traits are pretty random. But the game is really SUPPOSED to be about starting with cheap crap and working your way up. As I've gotten more and more into adding additional constraints to make my sims work for every luxury, the fact that there's no rational path to upgrade beds and appliances from low-quality to high-quality is really bothering me.

So, I mapped out the spread of bed/appliance stats related to price in the base game, where the progression made some kind of sense. Then I re-categorized all the other objects of that type based on how their price relates to that base game range. I also got deep into the buy mode catalog to make the catalog cards tell you which items count as "cheap" and give off the related moodlets (e.g. "Uneven Cooking", "Tastes Like Fridge", and something about bad sleep from a cheap bed). Catalog cards also tell you other traits of the item, such as what kind of freshness a fridge offers and whether a stove increases cooking speed.

Download for testing on MTS.

[serahlink]

‼️EMERGENCY COMMS OPEN 2025 - please read!‼️

Reblogs are greatly appreciated! Thank you.

Hi all, so sorry to have to make a commissions post for yet another year (this is the fourth one at this point since we've been homeless :( ) but the shelter we've been staying at the last several months has been only getting worse in treatment and a lot of people are being moved, and for us at this point it isn't really a matter of if we gotta go but when with everything going on, I'd like us to have funds at the ready to go to a motel since there's no other shelters around that both have transportation and take men and women. We got a bit saved up, around 120-50ish? But we need around 270 range as a starting point.

The shelter barely gives me time to work (aka they want us to do stuff for the shelter/mandatory groups) so during the day when I have to be out, I'll be able to make slow but efficient progress. I've been getting them out quick lately so hopefully that continues until I can go back to dedicating full time! Smaller commissions will probably take around 1-2 weeks while a much bigger one will take up to a month or shorter, I'm only given 4 hours to work other than the usual 24 or under so please bear with me :")) No refunds can be given out again due to our situation but I'll give updates and make changes where possible! I'm still drawing fantasy; Dragon Age, Baldurs Gate, and I've even done some for Mass Effect before! I've also done other fandoms; furries, dragons, modern/human ocs, etc! But if anything doesn't fit those lines, feel free to ask me about it if you're unsure! My only donts are excessive gore, nsfw (nonsexual nudity is ok!) and anything that falls into hate content or any of the philias if you catch my drift :")

If you have any questions or are interested, feel free to pm me here and let me know, and also if you'd like to donate directly, (no pressure, I understand and appreciate any reblogs/help we get!), just pm me and I'll send over the payment info :)) otherwise, thank y'all so much for the support and help you've shown us over the years, even now. It really means a lot that we've been able to make it this long and we wouldn't have gone so far if not for everyone who's been there and made that possible. Thank you so so much.

My prices are below!

~Prices~

Sketch (price depending on type of sketch) - base price of 15$

Sketch page - 15$ per sketch

Headshot - 30$ (+10$ if shaded)

Bust - 40$ (+10$ if shaded)

Expression Sheet (minimum of 3 heads per sheet, 10$+ per extra head) - 50$ (10$+ if shaded)

Half body - 65$ (+10$ if shaded)

Full body - 80$ (+15$ if shaded)

Couples Commission (a commission that includes two people) - 120$ (+15$ if shaded)

Group commissions (commission that includes more than two people, price dependant on the details) - 60 base price(one character, unshaded; each extra character is +75% to the original price) (40$+ if shaded) 

Paintings (price depending on the details) - 100$+

[riddlers-left-buttcheek]

Commission Advice? (pls help)

Hey heyy

I wanna start doing commissions, but I've never done it before, and have no idea where to start. So I thought I'd make this post and ask any artist, that would like to share how they go about commissions, for advice.

I've summed up some of the questions that came to mind below the cut. I would want to take requests outside of Tumblr as well, just fyi. I'm well aware that most of what I ask depends on the individual artist and their works, and that there won't be a single formula to follow - I'd just like to gain a bit of perspective and see how different people go about these things, so that I can get an idea for myself.

Any helpful links to other posts or websites on this topic are much appreciated 💚

Replies to this in DMs are fine too ☺️

Questions below ⬇️

Communication?

Do you text with the client entirely through Tumblr (etc.) DMs, or do you use a different platform (like Discord, WhatsApp)?

Pricing?

My biggest issue is how much to charge for an art piece. I know it depends on multiple factors, like what type of drawing it is, is it lineart only, is it in colour, etc. Then there's also taxes. I've looked at a couple artists, but the prices vary so widely, and I have no idea where to put myself on that spectrum. I also have a huge problem knowing my worth, which definitely doesn't help.

Payment?

Which payment method do you use? My first thought was PayPal, I also read that many people use Stripe (that I never heard of before my research). And when do you ask for the transaction to be made? I've seen 50% upfront, the other 50% once it's done a lot. Some say to not give the customer the finished piece until you've received 100% of the money.

Slots?

How do you decide on how many you have available? Do have a fixed number or just take requests until you think you can't take any more?

Time?

How long does it take you to finish a request? Again, I know it depends on many many things. A couple examples would already help a lot.

Updates? Previews?

Do you give the client in-between updates on your progress? Do you send a preview before sending the finished piece? I've read that, before sending the final file, you should always have the images in low quality and with a watermark over it.

Changes?

If the client is dissatisfied with the final piece, do you allow changes? If yes, how many, where do you draw the line? Do you charge extra? Also, what do you do if the client doesn't like the entire thing?

Licensing

I absolutely suck at this, my brain just doesn't want to comprehend legal language. So most I've read on this, I still don't fully understand, but probably because I've never put it to practice. Is there a specific type of licensing you use? What do you tell your client on what they can do, but more importantly, can't do, with the art you create for them?

Final files?

In which file format do you send the finished art piece to the client? I was thinking pdf, maybe jpg and png? Also, how do you send it? In DMs? Per email?

Scams?

Also one of the more important questions for me, since I get paranoid about these things easily (and turn out to be right most of the time). Any advice on scams? I've read Instagram is filled with them, and to best avoid requests over Insta alltogether. Any experiences you've had, anything I should definitely look out for?

Any other advice?

Anything at all. I'm probably definitely overthinking this and it's most likely really not that complicated, but I'm a very anxious, insecure and paranoid person. 🙈 So I'll take any and all advice I can get.

Thank you 🤗💚

[pumpkin-patch-chronicles]

Trevor's Blowup

By: PumpkinPatchChronicles

Trevor always wanted to be a powerhouse and did everything in his power to get there. Crazy hours at the gym, extreme diets, anything that'd help him get massive. He'd been going at it for close to two years now, but wasn't seeing the progress he wanted in his growth. One day while at the gym he met a new member who'd just started about a week prior. They mainly stayed out of each other's way (not out of rudeness or anything like that) unit it was time for Trevor to work on his pecs.

Trevor: "Hey, mind if I squeeze in a few reps?"

Newcomer: "Not at all man."

Trevor and the newcomer got about three sets in before the newcomer noticed that Trevor had a disappointed look on his face. Little did Trevor know that soon the conversation to pursue that notice would change his life forever.

Newcomer: "Hey, I noticed you look a bit down. Anything you wanna talk about?"

Trevor: "Oh, nah. It's just I've been working out for close to two years now and thought I'd see more results than this."

Newcomer: "No worries my guy, it takes time to get bulked regardless of what you do."

Trevor: "Yeah I know. It's just...I wish there was a way I could kinda - ya know...skip a few steps."

Trevor smiled nervously thinking he'd made a fool of himself, yet to the newcomer it was a ripe opportunity.

Newcomer: "Well, if you're serious about trying to get gains faster I might be able to help."

Trevor: "Nah man, I'm not looking to shoot up or anything like that."

Newcomer: "No no no no no no, it's not anything like that. Here, take a look at this and see if it peaks your interest."

Trevor was then handed a bottle that had a small label on it filled with a pink powder that vaguely smelled like Pepto. He looked at it puzzlingly and then began to inquire about what was just handed to him.

Trevor: "Sooo... is this like a protein powder or something?"

Newcomer: "Nah, nothing like you'd find over counter."

Trevor: "Is it dangerous, cause I'm not about that shi."

Newcomer: "It's not dangerous at all. Having said that, it does have some...unusual side effects."

Trevor: "Bruh, you just said this wasn't dangerous."

Newcomer: "It's not bro, I swear. It's just that sometimes the side effects catch people off guard. Sometimes people like it, sometimes they don't."

Trevor: "That sounds 100 sus, what do you mean "Sometimes people like it?!" How does anyone "like" a side effect??"

Newcomer: "Look man, you'll just have to try it our yourself or don't. You seemed super interested in getting results quicker, this will most deff guarantee that."

Still unsure Trevor examined the bottle some more, ultimately giving into his desire to be massive.

Trevor: "Ok man, so how much is this stuff anyway?"

Newcomer: "Don't worry about it, you take it and see if you like it. If you do and want more I'll give you a fair price on it, if you don't then you haven't lost anything."

Trevor took another hard look at the bottle in his hands, ultimately agreeing to try it out that night when he got home.

Newcomer: "Awesome man, and I promise you'll see instant results like you're wanting. Just don't overdo it."

With that both Trevor and the newcomer finished their workouts and headed their separate ways. Unbeknownst to Trevor, the newcomer hid around the corner and watched him drive off with the bottle, then smirked to himself and went his way assured he'd gotten Trevor to do exactly what was expected.

When Trevor got back to his apartment he set his gym bag on the ground and took the bottle he'd taken to the kitchen sink. He read the instructions to see exactly what he needed to do to make sure he'd see the results he wanted.

Trevor: "Lets see...take two scoops with water to see results within the first 72 hours. Do not take more than two scoops at any given time or side effects may occur."

With that he looked for what those side effects would be, but found no other information to go off of.

Trevor: "Ppft, what a load a shit!"

As Trevor scooped the powder into a glass he let his thoughts get the best of him. *If I'm gonna do this I may as well go ham.* He threw the scoop into the sink and poured roughly a fifth of the bottle into the glass and mixed in the water. The amount he put in made it the consistency of a smoothie or shake, but he didn't care. He was already use to weird tastes due to his wild diets, so something with a smoothy consistency wouldn't be a big deal. As he downed the entire glass, he stood in the kitchen waiting for something to happen. After five minutes he scoffed and went to microwave a dinner.

Trevor: "Man I can't believe I let that guy work me up, and for nothing! Quick results my a-"

Without warning Trevor was hit with a sensation of numbness in his head and neck. He teetered from side to side a bit, but then stabilized himself. After waiting a couple of minutes he figured it wasn't a big deal, probably just over did it at the gym. With that he got his meal ready and went to sit in the living room. As he turned on the TV and got ready to take the first bite of his food, the sensation came back again. Fortunately he was sitting now, but it didn't go away like last time. As he sat, the numbness in his neck got worse and worse while his head felt like he was on a roller coaster. Within moments he was out like a light, and some time passed before he regained contentiousness.

That Night:

Trevor: "Fuck man, what was that all about?"

He groggily woke up to his head laying down on the couch with the TV still on. He hadn't any idea how long he'd been out, he just knew he went out like a light. In no quick hurry to get up he looked around and saw that his dinner he'd sat on the table was gone. He assumed he'd just eaten it and put things away. As soon as he was ready to get up he was startled by a sound coming from the kitchen.

Trevor: "Y-yo...is someone there?"

There came no response, yet he could still hear clattering in the kitchen just beyond where he was.

Trevor: "Hey man, whoever the hell you are get out!! I'll kick your ass up and down the hallway!!!"

Despite his threats, there was still no answer from the kitchen. With that Trevor immediately tried to get up, ready to throw down with whoever had the balls to mess with him. To Trevor's worry he found that he couldn't get up, in fact his body felt weird. He could still kinda make out the feelings in his body, but for whatever reason he couldn't move it of his own will or feel a major sensation in anything say his neck. In moments there was another clatter and the sound of footsteps coming from the kitchen into the living room, Trevor becoming increasingly frightened given his current state.

Trevor: "H-hey, I mean it! I'll-I'll mess you up!!!"

With each passing moment the sounds got closer and closer, yet at the same time Trevor could feel more and more of his body again, yet he couldn't get it to do anything he wanted. Then in that moment, there in the dark, a super hairy muscular jacked guy stumbled into frame. Trevor made out that he was white with grey gym shorts, white tank top, and white ankle socks, the same type of clothing he'd worn to the gym, but this guy was STACKED. Trevor could see that this dude's legs, arms, chest, everything was thicc thick, nothing like Trevor's appearance.

Trevor immediately got frightened and tried with all his might to get off the couch to run, fight, he didn't know, but for whatever reason even though he felt his body almost completely now he couldn't will it to move the way he wanted. As Trevor was getting ready to yell again the mystery man walked into full frame. Eyes wide, jaw dropped and silent Trevor looked on at the massive physique of the man who was in his apartment, wearing the same clothes he'd worn earlier, the same wrist bracelet on his left arm, and no head to be found in sight.

Trevor: "W-w-what the actual FUCK man!!!!"

Trevor to his surprise was now looking at his body, a body which had experienced a massive muscle growth spurt, a body that was headless and stumbling around trying to find where it was. Trevor felt everything now, his massive arms reaching out trying to find where he was, his thick legs fidgeting with each step as to not fall over, his voluptuous chest being held in place by his now tight tank top, all struggling to find where they were and what had happened.

Trevor: "Damn...this must be that stupid side effect that can happen. What the hell am I gonna do like this?!"

As Trevor contemplated his situation, he reacted to each bump his body made in trying to find any reference point of familiarity.

Trevor: "Bro-BRO! I'm on the couch!"

To his dismay, his body didn't react.

Trevor: "I guess coaxing you here isn't gonna work..."

For fifteen minutes Trevor watched his now massive unit of a body stumble around until (by pure luck) it made it's way to the couch.

Trevor: "Oh bro, thank God. Just a little closer and you got me bro."

Trevor's massive arms began to feel along the couch in every direction until his left hand brushed up against his neck. In a split moment Trevor's body shifted it's torso to face it's head, as if it was looking directly at him. Trevor's body then placed it's right hand to keep track of where it's head was as it sat carefully down on the couch. Firmly planted, it took Trevor into it's embrace, setting it snug between his newly thick right bicep and forearm and his bloated right pec.

Trevor: "Holy shit dude, we're stacked AF NOW!!"

Trevor couldn't help but ogle at his new body. Despite not being attached to it or having control over it anymore he could still feel it in all it's splendor.

Trevor: "Bro, wait until the others check you ou-...aw fuck man..."

Trevor soon realized that he wouldn't be going anywhere far if he couldn't control his body. Feeling it is nice and all, but still doesn't do much if you can't control it. As Trevor contemplated his new question to find a solution, his body now in possession of it's head began to react to having it in the area it was holding onto it. In moments Trevor's body began slowly shifting the position of it's former head closer to it's nipple.

Trevor: "Br-BRO, what are you even doing right now?!"

It was futile, with no body to control Trevor couldn't escape his own massive muscular captive. Within seconds Trevor's mouth was pressed against his right nipple, his tongue and mouth taking in all his new hairy pec. Trevor tried to fight it, but soon became enamored in what he was feeling. It felt good to have his newly bazooka pec suckled on, and he could feel the rest of his body falling in usual fashion to what Trevor did when he felt aroused.

Trevor: "This is straight up a bad idea...but damn does this feel good."

Soon Trevor took his whole nipple willingly and began to tease and suckle on his uncontrolled beef God teet. As he nursed his nipple, he couldn't help but feel that his cock, which had grown in size as well begin to peek out of his pant's leg, his balls drooping and making their way down the other. In moments Trevor was lost in his own body pleasuring it's nipple while it's cock grew more and more erect. Out of nowhere, Trevor's body moved it's former head from it's nipple to it's now flexed bicep, to which Trevor began licking, kissing and praising his body's new mass.

Trevor: "Bro, you taste so good. Yeah, flex that shit. Mmmnnn, let me lick your gains all over bro."

The attention to his hairy veined bicep didn't halt his body's erection in any way, and by the time his body had shifted his perspective again, his neck stump sat on top of his new tree trunk of a leg, the muscles, hair and sweat making him more and more eager to take the now raging mast that was his cock into his mouth. Trevor could feel every twitch of his new log, the glans alone looking to be the size of an average apple. As he prepped his mouth to take himself in, he looked over to see that his now pendulous balls, equally covered in a soft peach fuzz hung out of his shorts and graized the back of his thick hairy left calf muscle.

Trevor: "Uuuuhhh, yeah bro, bring that log in. Let me get all of that up in here."

Trevor soon felt the sweet release of his senses as his now runny glans entered his mouth. His eyes closed in comfort as he began to tease and massage his throbbing helmet, warm salty jizz running like water down his neck stump onto his right leg. His arms soon took their turn squeezing his hairy pecs and flexing their massive biceps in pleasure of what it's head was doing to it. Trevor's body willingly squeezing it's new low hanging kiwis into it's hairy under quad with it's equally soft calf. As Trevor began to bite down softly on the end of his glans where his shaft began his body squeezed it's pecs harder and flexed it's legs to the max as it could. Trevor could feel it, his body was about to erupt.

Trevor: "That's it bro..., just a bit more..., do it bro, do it BRO, DO IT BROUGH!!"

Before he could get out another encouragement to his body, it heaved and released it's entire load into Trevor's mouth. The force and amount was too much, and what didn't go into Trevor's mouth and throat blasted past his face onto part of his leg, the coffee table, the floor, even the entrance way to the kitchen wasn't spared. What did make it into his mouth quickly traveled through his sinuses and throat, causing cum to gush from his mouth, throat opening, nostrils and even up into what felt like his brain. His body arched in ecstasy as it squeezed it's pecs with it's hands and it's balls with it's left leg.

After five minutes of release, Trevor's body leaned back into heavy breath and exhaustion. Trevor's head was now over 90% covered in his own milk, his right leg, the table and floor equally soaked. With what little strength it could muster, Trevor's body reached down and pulled up it's still low hanging sack and began massaging it, pressing it into it's left flexing quad, causing runoff to flood Trevor's nursing mouth even more. Never in his life had Trevor felt such a rush of lust, or had felt his body in the way he had until then. As night grew, Trevor nursing on his softening cock head, he could only dream of what else he could do to service his new beefy temple.

*Two days later.

Eventually one of Trevor's friends did come to see him (and reasonably freaked when they saw the state Trevor was in), and within a short time Trevor had his body under "somewhat" control. Trevor still can't outright control it in any way, but with one of his friends as a handler it's manageable. Subsequently one of Trevor's friends (who is also openly gay) has taken to rooming with him now, helping Trevor out in exchange for wild explosive muscle and cock worship sessions. When Trevor returned to the gym, he ran into the newcomer who gave him the bottle.

Trevor: "Bro, how can I every repay you for this. I'm straight up living in heaven right now!"

The newcomer put Trevor's body's arm around his head and shoulder, kissing his body's hairy pit.

Newcomer: "I'm sure we can work something out."

With a grin from the two of them, Trevor's body was lead to the free weights to do chest exercises, Trevor's head with his gay friend talking about what they were going to try new this time, the newcomer starring down at Trevor's body, contemplating if he could get away with some alone time in the gym showers.

[theislandoflosttoys]

Finally, my shaylahh!! TT^TT Shadow

So...I'm really excited to share this one specifically, and it's been hard, because Shadow's hcs in particular contain more information about the sort-of plot for this AU. As well as why it is called the Porcelain AU in the first place. So i'm so glad it's finally time to post this. ^^

I will say that there sort of is some need for warning for this one since it does have some heavy/sad/darker themes compared to the other, which...sorry? To be fair it might not be that bad, but I'd rather warn, just in case. I'll try to add the CW in bold in front of the specific parts that applies to the warning.

Anyway, as always....HCs/Trivia below the line~!

CW: Dark themes, death (canonical Shadow death ofc), kind of suicidal ideation? (sorry in advance?).

And remember this... "All things come with a price."

To start off! Our boy Shadow is a Taurus! On the cusp, so he was almost an Aries. April 20th ^^

He is the second shortest of the bunch at 5'5". Like Blue, it doesn't bother him, plus I mean...he can float? He can be at eye-level anytime.

Living with him is like living with a cat almost, *cough*black cat*cough*, he is mostly chill but he has bouts of sudden zoomies and mischievous behaviour. But for the most part his personality is a bit more relaxed than before.

He is very loyal, and though he is mischievous and sometimes taunts others, he is kind and well meaning. He does have some insecurity about himself and his ability to be good but is making good progress with the help of the others and is quickly gaining his confidence back, which is great to see.

Shadow doesn't really weigh too much at all, like Green, but it's more to do with his species/race than his abilities. Shadow doesn't really have all the internal organs, etc that hylians or humans have, because he is made of magic essentially. Sort of a magic construct in a way? He is a "Living shadow" afterall. Plus it makes sense for the others when they connect the things they've seen him do with his body before, i.e. like spinning his head/body round full circle, etc.

It's worth noting, because it will come up, I like to generally keep relationships sort of ambiguous or open to interpretation, mainly because I actually don't mind any of the ships between any or multiple of the gang, but I will say that Vidow is an established/endgame ship in this AU. I have a soft spot for the ship as it was one of my first ships when I was younger that I was in love with basically lol. Anyway.

Shadow tends to steal or run off with items belonging to the others, can sometimes devolve into a keep away game of chase he finds so fun lol. He can get pouty if there's no chase and they give up too easily, but will return the items, especially if the person is genuinely upset and wants it back. This has happened a few times, but he has been reassured that as long as he gives it back when they're serious that it's ok and to not feel guilty.

Stealing Vio's reading glasses to wear is one of his favourites though! No chase needed. Vio thinks it's adorable.

Shadow is very like ethereally beautiful, Link was pretty but Shadow is like unnaturally pretty. When I say them I mean like beyond human ability, kind of like the fae if that makes sense? I can elaborate on that if needed lol.

He is naturally curious but due to the trauma of dying, being separated from the boys, etc, he is kind of clingy. Doesn't really like to be alone for too long. Usually hangs around Vio and Blue the most though, but he doesn't avoid any of them, he just tends to go to Vio and Blue more often than the others.

Also worth noting in case it wasn't noticed, but I've decided to change the age they were on their adventure from 12 to 15. Mainly because I kind of wanted it so that they were at an age where falling in love would be more reasonable? If this makes sense. Like not really puppy dog eyes but more like I am in love and want to marry this person possibly in the future. It's mainly because I wanted it to be more believable that it was a factor in Vio wanting to bring him back. A strong motivation basically, and I didn't really think being in love was super realistic at like 12, sorry just my experience lol.

I think Shadow likely has major abandonment issues so that is something he struggles with, as well as some social and general anxiety. Depression too, to complete the trifecta lol. Am I projection? No you are lol. But has some self-worth issues, he's working through it though with the other's help! ^^

Shadow's feelings are pretty complicated when it comes to Vio mainly, at least definitely in the beginning of this AU. I mean, he made his first friends and fell in what he determined was love (though it wasn't confessed), then got betrayed by the only person he let in, then got killed by the gang via sword blasts.

He was at a low point when he crawled back through the mirror before Zelda confronted and comforted him. He thought 'fuck what everyone believes I am...I want to be good...someone worth staying for." (sad I know, sorry it's gonna get kind of worse ^^;).

CW - Suicide Ideation (sort of). When he met up with the others, he never really got the chance to speak with Vio so many things were left unsaid. And then his sacrifice....I feel like with his mental state at the time he might have been desperate to prove himself and maybe even a part of him thought it was inevitable? The gang was losing, they needed to shatter the mirror to actually end Vaati. So Shadow shattered the mirror himself, partly because he wanted those idiots to live, partly because he wanted to prove to them and himself that he was good, but also something he wouldn't admit easily is that he felt that they were going to shatter it themselves so he just beat them to the punch. He would rather it was himself who did it basically.

CW - Death. Shadow's last memory of this moment after shattering to moment was pain, then slowly fading away while the others surrounded him. In the moment he couldn't really hear them, which later is brought up sort of. Basically they were all saying some stuff, Vio may have confessed, but ofc Shadow's basically in overwhelming pain and his hearing is cut out so when he gets brought back and doesn't mention it at all, Vio sort of assumes that his feeling aren't returned for a bit.

His memories of being dead are kind of blank, at best he can describe it as being in an endless black void where time was uncertain. Somehow feeling like it took eternity and yet like no time at all.

CW - Dark themes. His resurrection was messy to put it simply. Everything has a price. Vio had been too confident. They were all there (the gang plus Zelda) when he had to be dragged from the newly constructed dark mirror. Death and the void are not simple things, and they don't like when others try to take away what is theirs. So it was basically tug of war almost, he was being dragged back to the mirror, and it took three of them to drag him from it enough to get him out. Zelda and Vio were preforming the binding spell that would keep him in the living realm, using Vio as the anchor. Unfortunately, while they were ultimately successful in the end and were able to shatter the mirror to stop it from reclaiming Shadow...he didn't come out of it unscathed. He lost one of his eyes (Left one in the picture above), as well as his feet/legs (left one slightly above the ankle, and right at mid-calf).

He has scars that resemble the shattered mirror, they glow in the dark lol. But most importantly you'll notice the starburst shaped scar in the middle of his torso/chest. It along with the shatter scars aren't textured like real skin or scar tissue, more like ceramic or something similar. Especially the one at his chest, that one is incredibly sensitive and also feels a bit fragile even though it is as tough at the rest of him. This was Zelda's doing, it is crystalized light force basically. He has a heart (which he didn't have before) constructed of light force.

Due to this, his powers aren't as powerful and he doesn't have the endless well of magic he used to. He can do all the things he could before, though he doesn't have endless energy so he needs to take breaks and consume magic energy & items to refill. It can be refilled with rest but eating magic makes it refill faster.

Example, floating/flying takes barely and energy but he cannot be doing it constantly without pause. They tested it, he was able to go without a break for almost 2 days. but this was without him using any other abilities, just floating/flying.

Another major example is his shapeshifting ability. He still can but the shape has to be of equal mass as him or smaller. When he used to shift to something bigger than him he would gather more darkness around him to pack onto himself kind of like playdough. But due to his new lightforce in him, he cannot take on additional darkness so he is stuck with the darkness he already has (himself).

The no feet thing doesn't bother him too much now, granted it did in the beginning when he was getting used to being alive and he was wary of the others. But he gets by fine usually by floating like he originally did. He does have some prosthetics that were made for him but he only really uses them when he doesn't have any other choice, he doesn't like how they feel and are a bit of a reminder of what he lost.

On that note. He doesn't like being picked up. Especially without permission, he finds it a bit insulting/demeaning. Sometimes when he's feeling especially clingy and doesn't have the energy to float and doesn't want to wear the prosthetics (Or has forgotten them. Which he does sometimes, somewhat purposefully because he struggles with his inability to walk on his on now. Don't worry Vio always has a set on him, man is prepared for everything), he'll let Vio or Blue carry him. Mainly those too, leaning more towards Vio when their relationship progresses. Definite sign of trust.

If this happens and no one is around that he trusts, he tends to just sit for a bit, snack on some magic, or if he needs to really like escape he can shapeshift into something small. This is a good option for him because it will allow him to refill him magic while not using much because his body is now smaller so his wellspring seems bigger because of it. I can explain this more in detail at a later date if anyone wishes. ^^

His left eye is gone entirely (which is why his eyes in the picture look different lol). He wears a false eye. His first was actually made by Vio! ^^ This was the moment he really started to reconcile and open up to Vio again after his betrayal. The others will make some and paint them themselves and he cherishes every one of them.

He's definitely helped Red sneak animals into the house before, he thinks it's hilarious.

Design wise, I gave him wider eyes with mad eyelash game, mainly to show that while he is a spicy little gremlin, he is surprisingly innocent since he doesn't really have a lot of experience in the outside world. I gave him a lip piercing because projection lmao, also because I think he'd really enjoy the ability to express himself however he wants too, freedom basically. ^^

His hair is more wavy-curly, hairstyle being somewhat similar to Red's (Red helped him cut it and they share hair tips), but while Red's ends a little past his shoulders, Shadow's hair goes a bit past his butt. He can change the look and style of course with his shapeshifting ofc but this is the look he likes most as of now. Still purple, but I went for the more grey toned purple I prefer to use for like all versions of shadow I draw, mainly so it won't be overwhelming and it makes his eyes stand out a bit more. I went for a pale skin tone with more of a brown toned grey undertone so he didn't look too much like a vampire lol. And freckles! love to add freckles to Shadow. Adds flavour.

I gave him more downturned ears, somewhat to display his uncertain nature and latent anxiety/guilt, but also to differentiate with the others. Also his shatter-scars are pretty pronounced and obvious to the general public, he can't easily hide it, takes up too much energy. You can see where it goes over his missing eye, which somewhat is where the path of destruction way. Basically the lightforce filled in the cracks like kintsugi. You'll see in future drawings and sketches, but Shadow's legs/feet weren't clean cut, think more of Wisp from Warframe, it looks more like hers do, and the stump/inside part it the same gold-white of the scars. Kind of reminds me of geodes now that I think of it, huh.

He tends to wear tops that are more loose fitting or are open chest, he likes to fluster the others, but it's actually because the scar at the centre of his chest/torso is sensitive and tends to sting and hurt more when rough fabric is rubbing against it. He doesn't like to touch it and doesn't let the others, bar Vio. (I'll explain why in Vio's post ^^).

Green💚

Blue💙

Red❤️

Vio💜

Masterlist

[leam1983]

2024 in Gaming

Helldivers 2: it's become a running joke with the polycule, and approval with Progressive opinions or talking points now gets at least one of the three of us to jokingly pull out their smartphone to "call their Democracy Officer to report a case of treasonous activity"...

Walt isn't any better, but he's unlocked a few rocket-propelled weapons and now feels better sitting behind myself and Sarah while pelting the enemies ahead with weaponized Freedom.

Balatro: Walt and I's new favourite casual game, wherein appearance of it being a cutesy little variant on Poker suites turns into virtual crack. I've woken up in the wee hours to Walt's face bathed in his phone's OLED screen. When I ask him what's wrong, he typically replies something to the tune of "I need four thousand Chips, babe."

Marvel Rivals: it does what Overwatch 2 don't. As in, it's fun. Me, Walt, Sarah and a few of the boys on an all-Rocket Raccon match? You betcha! Also, there's Jeff the Land Shark, and Jeff the Land Shark deserves the world. Nay, the universe.

Astro Bot: didn't finish it, but I loved what Team Asobi cooked up. It's the most genuine, heartfelt, cutesy and engaging piece of corporate PR and Engineering porn to ever exist. Every button pressed during an Astro Bot session twiddles Mark Cerny's fun bits remotely.

Elden Ring - Shadow of the Erdtree: bought it because I approve of the design ethos behind this DLC's existence, never played it because I suuck at FromSoft games. I made sure to watch some related content so I could point and laugh awkwardly if friends of mine greet me with a random cry of "BAYYYYLE!"

Worshippers of Chtulhu: Anno with a Lovecraftian twist. It's very broken, still very much in Early Access, but the promise is definitely there.

Park Beyond: Meh. Got it for cheap, I guess we're still not getting a decent heirloom to Roller Coaster Tycoon, after the Micromanagement nightmare that Planet Coaster turned out to be for me.

1000xResist: basically a Yoko Taro game not written or directed by Yoko Taro, and it's one of the deeper game-based experiences I've had in a long while. Strongly recommended.

The Cabin Factory: Spot the Difference for easily-frightened streamers who haven't played Exit 8 yet. It has an interesting narrative format and is one of the more surprising implementations of Unity Engine I've seen to date. I could've sworn this was a UE5 project! Beyond that, it's nothing special, but it's priced accordingly.

Clickolding: if Cookie Clicker had an uncanny sense of atmosphere and managed to creep you out with nothing except a sparsely-animated antagonist and a rising click counter, you'd have a sense of what this feels like. It does a very effective job at making you want to be as compliant and possible.

Daemonologie: The Salem Witch Trials in game form, or Ace Attorney if Phoenix wore a Quaker hat and had a fixation on nakey women doing odd shit in the forest. Very tense and minimalist, and very, very worthwhile.

Cryptmaster: it's basically a spruced-up oldschool MUD, with 3D black-and-white graphics and four zombified D&D character archetypes you control simultaneously, by either using your Arrow keys to move the entire party at once, or typing in the words that correspond to abilities or attacks. Very, very, very British humour is on offer, along with a script-writer that managed to predict most stupidly filthy prompts you're likely to try at any given point. It's hilarious and kludgey in just the right way, especially if you remember the nineties' MindMaze on Encarta '95.

Liar's Bar: Russian Roulette for Furries with a decent voIP chat integration. It's shallow and stupid fun, and the subject matter makes people behave in increasingly crude ways as the session goes on. If you're like me, you'll swear you played a round or two against a guy who was actually stone-dead-drunk and who actually had nothing to lose...

Silent Hill 2 Remake: finally, Silent Hill's fog doesn't feel like a performance-saving measure and actually creeps me the fuck out. It makes me feel terrible and has me contemplate not playing it, but it does make sense. Kudos to Bloober Team for finally manage to ground this one heck of a weirdo title.

Indiana Jones and the Great Circle: take Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and Dial of Destiny, burn all copies, consign the masters to Disney's oubliette, thank Harrison Ford for his decades of diligent service and pass the fedora and bullwhip to Troy Baker, 'cause Machine Games and Bethesda have managed to find themselves yet another prime title to fuck Fascists up using fisticuffs or blunt weaponry. It's a great callback to Machine Games' own contribution to Deus Ex: Mankind Divided, seeing as every single level in the game has the granular detail of their version of Prague. Slap some John Williams on, add the authentic audio samples for whip cracks and punches, lifted straight out of the movies. I haven't had as much fun raiding tombs or poking through lovingly-reconstructed real places since Nolan North last lent his voice pipes to Nathan Drake.

Imagine my surprise, when the Sistine Chapel turned out to be about the size of our condo building's parking lot! That's tiny! The more you know, I guess!

Star Wars Outlaws: this is what happens when a studio really, really, really wants to give the IP due diligence, but its decades of re-iterated design docs ruin the experience. Kay Vess isn't a galactic scoundrel; she's basically every Far Cry protagonist ever, except in third-person!

The Forever Winter: all crunch, no fun. An incredibly engaging premise, but the mistaken notion that the average gamer has several three-to-four-blocks to devote to this each and every single day. Worth at least a YouTube ride-along, to see the incredible work the Art Design team's pulled together.

Disney's Epic Mickey - Rebrushed: Warren Spector's poorly-received baby and love letter to classic animation gets its just desserts on PC. It's not super complex with only two basic mechanics based off of two buttons on a controller, but it managed to use an extremely limited toolset to great effect, even throwing in what feels like a younger relative's first potential exposure to the Immersive Sim concept of looking for unmarked routes through a level. The in-between side-scrolling levels are oozing charm, and essentially feel like some part of Spector wanted to play in the same ballpark as American McGee's Alice.

If anything, it cements the idea that non-verbal instances of Mickey Mouse should never be left in the same room as a magical implement or toolset. Ever. Verbal Mickeys can push past their childlike glee and reason accordingly, but the oldschool button-eyed and non-verbal originator is not to be trusted.

STALKER 2: Heart of Chernobyl: Have fun losing half your health because the ARMA-esque mechanics decide that grazing damage means holy shit, you almost died! Especially, have fun getting knocked flat out on your ass by mutants - over and over and over...

To be played in subtitled Ukranian out of implicit support, and to have fun with the Slavic definition of an acting range. It's like watching the second season of Squid Game, except you get the sense that their scale goes from Nonchalant to Pants-Pissingly Terrified with very little grading in-between.

And now, for Games I didn't really get into until 2024...

Valfaris and Valfaris II: Mecha Therion: side-scrollers that do their damndest to look like they stepped straight out of the pages of Heavy Metal as of the mid-eighties. Gorgeously grotesque pixel art meets with a banging soundtrack made up of certified shredders. The lead headbangs and throws the horns when he finishes a stage!

Brütal Legend: an oldie but a goodie, previously constrained to the PS3 but now quite cozy on my Steam Deck. It's got a semi-cohesive grab-bag of mechanics, sure, but it's got even more heart, along with a pre-stroke Tim Curry voicing the villain with the gooiest of all countenances. Imagine Shere Khan, but Metal as fuck.

Katamari Damacy: Re-Roll: I barely touched the original when it came out. Having managed to grab the PC port for cheap and knowing how well it plays with a Steam Deck, the Prince of All Cosmos' ball-rolling sojourn across the surface of our planet has turned into a nightly staple for me.

Baldur's Gate 3: Yes, I know, I'm late, you've all banged Astarion sixteen times by now, but I've got time for a long-form WRPG right now. I might not have this much free time once January 10th rolls around.

The Night Cage: not a vidya, but a really nerve-wracking tabletop game that's made for quite a few fun Friday nights at La Casa de Gremlin.

On My Backlog, You'll Find...

Metaphor: Re-Fantazio: I know it's beloved by all, but it feels so "so far, so ATLUS" to me, and I still haven't gotten over P4, P3 and P5's excellent PC ports. I also have Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne to go through, so I really don't know if I have it in me to tackle something in that same vein quite so soon.

Arizona Sunshine 1 & 2: I just can't be bothered to set up my Oculus Rift 2's Link Cable. I have the games, I just don't know if and when I'll play them.

Dead Rising Deluxe Remaster: I'm waiting until my old cheese strats fade into the back of my mind before I tackle this one. Plus, I'm torn about Frank West not being voiced by TJ Rotolo. He doesn't just... feels like he's covered wars, y'know?

Frostpunk 2: bought it to support the devs, am just not jazzed about having to sort of network my way across several simultaneous points of origin until the depressing version of a Dieselpunk sprawl covers the map.

The Yakuza series on Amazon Prime: SEGA's trying to become the Disney of gaming, but something about Kazuma Kiryu's story (or stories) have always felt distinctly and uniquely Japanese to me. As in, it requires a specific mindset and might not be for everyone. I'm waiting for a sign, basically - maybe one to pop my collar and rent a karaoke machine so I can belt out maudlin soliloquies to lost childhood innocence while smoking half a pack of cigs between every third or fourth stanza...

The Sonic Movies: yeah, sure, I'm in my forties, but Jim Carrey's going through a career renaissance by acting out Albert Einstein on crack. Yeah, sure, it's not either of my Robotniks (the Jim Cummings or Long John Baldry versions - for the memes) - but it seems like it might still be a trilogy of adaptations worth pursuing.

Plus, hey, I gotta start catching up on that Stobotnik shit, huh?

[authorsadiethatcher]

May is my favorite month, but I'll admit I'm behind so far. But I have lots of cool stuff to share.

Spring is finally in full bloom here and it's also my birthday month. So while I'm behind on publishing, I'm happy, so it's all a wash.

On to other stuff. Remember that I'm only posting book announcements on Twitter now. But I am writing the occasional sexy caption Bluesky. Link below.

Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/sadiethatcher.bsky.social

A quick reminder that you can find my books on Amazon, Smashwords, Google Play Books, Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and Everand. You can also read everything I’ve published under my Sadie Thatcher name since last May 2023 on Ream, which is a subscription platform built specifically for authors. You can check out my Ream page below.

Ream: https://reamstories.com/sadiethatcher

And speaking of Ream, I am making both The Muse and Fake It Until You Make It available to Basic Bimbo subscribers. New to the tier episodes drop twice per week of each. If the top tier price tag scares you, now you have more content available on the lower tier. Plus, you still get a full series each month and related pictures.

I also post the occasional bit of flash fiction for followers on Ream. I have several up already. As soon as I’m inspired and have time, I’ll add a new mini-story to Ream.

On the Libby Feron front, I am finally moving forward with Astra's first book in Magical Misfits Academy. Astra will get a trilogy and then there will be a second trilogy featuring a classmate of Astra's. Hopefully it all comes together soon. Progress has been made since I last wrote one of these. Since I don’t talk about my fantasy writing often, checking out https://libbyferon.com/ and signing up for the email newsletter is the best way to stay informed. At some point, there will be a free novella offered.

Now the question is what you can expect this month, or at least what is left of the month. First up is a spin-off from the Bimbo Caricature Series. It turns out the boardwalk has other bimbo related stories to tell. This series will be available to all Ream subscribers.

I will also be finishing The Roommate Series. Book 3 has a major plot twist that I think people will enjoy. I've enjoyed planning it, at least. I also have a series about a manipulative AI boyfriend and a series involving symbiotes that transform people. Those last two aren't fully created in my brain yet, so details could change.

The big goal for me this month, however, is catching up. You can expect to see frequent new book announcements over the next three weeks. But that just means more content for you to read and enjoy. Enjoy the sun and giggles.

[gamesception]

Nightreign thoughts

Nightreign is a really interesting game with a compelling mix of very high highs in the parts that build on the Souls series character and combat and rather low lows in, well, most of the rest.

It's important to remember going in that this isn't a main-line full studio Fromsoft title. This is a side project with a small development team and a limited budget. A chance to experiment, and an opportunity for a veteran Fromsoft dev to get experience directing a project and leading a team in an environment where mistakes can be absorbed and learned from instead of being fatal. Projects like this are absolutely critical to the long term health of From as a dev studio - Miyazaki will want to retire some day, after all. And it's not like they're charging full price for the game, or stuffing it with microtransactions.

This is a AA title and an experimental toybox for the devs, and when judged as such there's a lot to like here. I'm glad that this game exists and I'm happy to focus mainly on the stuff it does well even if I think the overall package doesn't quite come together.

On the positive side, the main bosses are, when taken as a group, the best co-op boss fights in the Souls franchise by a wide margin. Multiplayer (both co-op and pvp) has been one of the most unique and compelling elements of the Souls series going all the way back to Demon's Souls, but Elden Ring was the first time it felt like some bosses were being deliberately designed with the co-op experience in mind. Nightreign follows up on the sort of half-step Elden Ring made in that direction with a huge leap. There are stumbles where one boss might be a bit obnoxious or another a bit too easy, but overall? Yeah, the Nightreign bosses are spectacular.

Even more than the bosses, though, the real triumph of Nightreign are the Nightfarers themselves. Eight distinct playable characters, each with a unique play style that is recognizably soulsy while being extremely distinct, and maintaining that distinction even as you switch up what weapons and spells you use over the course of a run or from one run to another. Recluse and Ironeye make playing a wizard or archer respectively feel fun and cool in a way that they never really have in From's previous games. Executor captures some of the magic of Sekiro's deflect based katana dueling. Wilder seems very generic 'John Eldenring' guy-with-a-sword-and-a-shield, but his grapple scoot makes playing him the most fun I've ever had in a game with souls style combat and I don't know how I go back to Elden Ring base game without it.

The Nightfarers aren't all equally amazing - blocking with guardian needs to be more effective especially given how bad they made his dodge, Revenant is a bit too dependent on rng drops for offense - but not one of them is bad and on the whole they're fantastic.

And it's not just their gameplay - though that is the biggest part. Their visual designs are great, their personalities are fun, and they each have minimal but just enough to be compelling story progressions, in the style of fromsoft npc quest lines/interactions. These go a long way towards making them feel more integrated into the world and the game than typical Souls protagonists.

The Nightfarers make me want something that I've never wanted before - a class-based soulsborn from Fromsoft with defined playable characters. Imagine if Elden Ring's starting classes were like the nightfarers, with their distinct skills and ultimates, maybe unlocking the various gem upgrades over the course of the game by following a unique character questline. Imagine how much more replay value there would be from replaying the game with different characters. Imagine how much cooler a particular boss might be for a given run if they tied into your character's personal questline.

Or if not locked to starting class, what if the play-styles created by the Nightfarers' abilities, skills, and ults were baked into the Great Runes, where every Rune bearer you killed and divine tower you climbed to restore a Great Rune unlocked a completely different playstyle? Sort of like different jobs or classes being unlocked as you progress through Final Fantasy 3 or 5 or Tactics.

Heck, some of the Nightfarers are so good that I'd want to see entire games fully devoted to their play style. I want games that are to Recluse or to Ironeye what Sekiro is to Executor.

So the bosses and the playable characters are absolutely fantastic and make me extremely excited to see these ideas incorporated into proper Souls games in the future. But as for Nightreign itself?

Limveld's Castle is no Stormveil.

While Nightreign uses Elden Ring's combat engine, it isn't a souls game. It's a co-op Rogue-lite with a Battle-Royale style collapsing map. This format is almost completely at odds with everything that makes souls games great other than the combat system.

For example, one of the map variant events is the missing Eternal City from Elden Ring - the lost and collapsed old quarter of Leyndel that you only find scattered ruins of in the Depths beneath the capitol, preserved here in the Night in its glory. And just like the Eternal Cities (and really most key locations) in the base game, it's full of little architectural details that hint at the story of the setting, of its people and history. It's not just the kind of place that I would love to spend hours combing over, it's a specific place that the base game left me wishing I could see and explore. But this is Nightreign, so even on my first visit I just blitzed through it without taking anything in, because that's just the nature of the game.

It's not just the big stuff, either. Traps aren't really a thing, dungeons aren't really a thing. You don't explore. You can get turned around in the rush, but you can't really get lost. The game can't let you.

Exploration and discovery are imo even more core to the Souls experience than the combat, and they're nowhere to be seen in Nightreign. Bloodborne's much-maligned Chalice Dungeons from fully a decade ago were a better implementation of the 'bite sized taste of souls game in a randomized, rogue-like package' concept. They had more randomization to them, and more aesthetic variety between the different chalices, than you get from Nightreign's static map with randomized points of interest. And they had traps, and illusionary walls. They had layouts to navigate, blind corners hiding unexpected surprises - especially if you opened them up to pvp invasions. The Chalice Dungeons didn't quite capture but at least brushed up against a dream of infinitely-playable Souls game magic that Nightreign doesn't even reach for.

The first time you see this view it seems full of possibilities. Sadly that feeling doesn't last long.

Even judged by the standards of the game it is, instead of the game I might have wanted it to be, Nightreign still stumbles. Because it's clear that not only did Nightreign's devs not have experience making this sort of game, it seems like they didn't even consult with devs who did. Or even really look at other games of this sort to see what makes them tick.

No cross-play. No voice chat. No duos. Extremely minimal meta progression. If you're trying to advance a character story you can't be paired with anyone else doing the same, which can make the already bad queueing system nigh unusable. Only one map (absurd! unforgiveable!) with not nearly enough available randomized points of interest to keep it interesting over dozens of runs, let alone hundreds, even with the handful of special event variants.

Nightreign is not a long game if you're just trying to see the credits, but you will get tired of Limveld's rocks and fields and skybox long before you finish, which is absolutely fatal in a genre that's supposed to support hundreds of hours of multiplayer sessions. The previously mentioned special map events are too rare and change too little about how a run goes. Worse, they'll often be completely ignored since the rewards for beating them aren't worth the extra time and uncertainty vs. just clearing the usual camps and ruins.

It will not take you long to figure out the optimal pathing strategies, after which runs will all start looking and feeling very much the same, and you'll start to wish you could just skip the run around entirely and go straight to the bosses. But the run around *is* the game, that *is* Nightreign. There is no more damning criticism for a game than saying it would be better if you didn't have to play it.

Nightreign is also ~punishingly~ hard. Like, the Souls series has a reputation for difficulty in general, but with the notable exception of Sekiro you've always been able to level grind, to go exploring for stronger gear, to unlock shortcuts to let you fight a boss over and over again until you either learn their patterns or just get lucky, or summon help to let you gang up on bosses not designed to fight more than one player at a time.

None of that is the case with Nightreign. Boss run backs are at least half an hour every time. You never know going in what gear you'll have when you get to them. You start each run at level 1 and have to level up from scratch in the limited time you have. Ideally you have 2 co-op partners (miyazaki help you if you're going solo), but these bosses are designed with that in mind.

With a competent crew of teammates, especially if you're coordinating over discord or some other voice chat, Nightreign isn't necessarily any harder than, say, the "intended default" experience of Dark Souls 3 or Elden Ring. But it lacks any of the difficulty work arounds and pressure release mechanics that previous Souls games had. Nightreign demands players 'get good' in a way that even previous souls games (again, other than Sekiro) never really did, and some players simply won't be able to do it.

This is particularly a problem for a game following and sharing a name with Elden Ring, the Fromsoft Souls game with the most plentiful and potent difficulty work arounds in the series.

this image was a mistake

It was a bad choice for the marketing to highlight returning Dark Souls bosses. That implied some sort of grand multiverse crossover situation, and long time fans naturally bubbled over with visions of how cool that would be. Getting stalked across the map by the pursuer. Facing off against a version of Pontiff Sullivan optimizing his clone copy concept for a co-op experience. Would Manus or Darklurker or Midir return as Nightlords? Would any of the Nightfarers turn out to be characters we already knew as Dark Souls npcs?

But no. Returning Dark Souls content is limited to exactly 2 bosses from each game as mid-run fights and some alternate character skins that mean nothing in universe. All of the Nightlords and Nightfarers are new - which isn't a bad thing, but it feels bad if you were duped by the marketing into looking forward to a Dark Souls vs. Elden Ring mega mashup full of fan service.

The game doesn't even have Patches in it! What kind of 'love letter to the souls series' leaves out Patches?

Especially when he would be so simple to implement - a camp full of bandit enemies and traps, a mini boss fight against Patches where he surrenders half way through and becomes a merchant with rare items if you don't kill him. Maybe have an additional 'special event' with a nasty bunch of enemies at the bottom of a pit or cliff that he kicks you into/off in a short cut scene when you get close to it, and he shows up at the round table with some higher quality gems to sell if you clear it?

I'm not even really suggesting that Nightreign /should/ have leaned harder into fan service, or that I want the game changed after the fact to add more of it (other than Patches, Patches should absolutely be Patched in). Again the Nightlords and Nightfarers we got are far and away the best things about the game, and I wouldn't trade a single one of them for some backwards-looking nostalgia pick, not even the Jellyfish. But the marketing shouldn't have pushed the crossover element if it wasn't going to be important. The returning Dark Souls bosses should have kept secret in the leadup to the game as surprise easter eggs, they should never have been part of the marketing.

More frustrating than the lack of Dark Souls tie ins is the lack of Elden Ring tie ins. This isn't just a marketing issue, Elden Ring is right there in the name, and couldn't have been otherwise with how Nightreign is built out of Elden Ring's engine and assets. Margit is again present in the marketing and also the tutorial, and he's a common mid-run boss, AND he can randomly invade you during runs (though like all such random events it happens too infrequently and changes too little when it does). But as far as I can tell so far he means nothing to Nightreign's core story. He's just... there. And just as with Shadow of the Erdtree, fans waiting for Godwyn's big moment are once again left empty handed.

Which isn't to say Nightreign's narrative is bad, at least not by From standards. There's interesting stuff going on. In particular, we finally get to see an on-screen version of a 'Dark Lord' personifying the subversion and rejection of the Order of Light, a concept that the Souls series has been gesturing towards since Dark Souls 1 with lore and secret ending cut scenes but hasn't really delivered in game before. Between the Night Lord and Deltarune's [spoiler redacted], it's been a really good month for cool as heck darkness themed video game bosses, and that's very much my jam.

But for those invested in the lore? As an Elden Ring spinoff featuring Dark Souls content? Nightreign isn't going to answer many of the questions that Elden Ring might have left you with, and the Dark Souls stuff is wholly divorced from context with no greater meaning than 'hey, remember this?'.

one safe place

Overall I can't say Nightreign really succeeds at what it's trying to do, so I can't exactly recommend it to other Souls fans. Especially those who like souls games mainly for the feeling of exploration and discovery, and doubly especially those with brain situations that don't handle time pressure well.

But as I mentioned at the start, Nightreign was from the beginning intended to be a 'safe space' for experimentation by it's developers, a comparatively low stakes environment where failure could be a learning tool rather than a defeat. Exactly the sort of AA project I want to see more of from Fromsoft, and from any other big studio for that matter. Especially in an industry where the established talent of previous generations is starting to age out but their successors have few opportunities to build the leadership experience needed to replace them, because the bloated budgets of AAA games have grown beyond the point where studios can take a risk on an unproven director or game concept.

In that context I think Nightreign is a success, one full of ideas that I'm eager to see integrated into future Fromsoft games, and one I'll happily spend a few dozen hours on in the mean time - even if it's not 'my kind' of game, or even a particularly great at being the kind of game it is.

[gauloiseblue]

John Price as a arm candy personal bodyguard

General HQ | Part I | Part II

(Enemy to friend to lover AU)

"Why did you agree to help me?"

The question came out from his mouth so suddenly, that even he himself was caught off guard.

She stared at him for a moment, before she asked him back,

"Would you rather me not helping you?"

"That's not what I meant." He grunts, "You let me into your home, even though we barely knew each other."

She raised his brow at him, "If that's the case, then why did you knock on my door?"

He fell silent for a moment.

"I… don't know."

(I feel like I could trust you)

"Then I don't know either." She told him, as she turned her attention away from him.

After seeing her unwillingness to talk, he decided not to push it further.

Other than her aloofness, she's very accommodating as a host. She let him use her office as his living space, and he could ask her if he needed anything.

He has made a few progress as well; he had established a way to communicate with his team, although he couldn't find Ghost's whereabouts. He also found the person behind the missing blueprints. With that information in mind, he began to plan his next step.

There's just one problem though, he needed guns and weapons.

Of course, he couldn't possibly ask her to buy those things. She'd raise the alarm even by mentioning anything about guns. But he did find a way to acquire it, though he had no choice but to ask her a favor.

"You want to attend the ball?"

"Yes, I have someone to meet there."

She thought for a moment, "I can try. But don't get your hopes up, it's hard to get into contact with him."

"It's alright." He said, "Do what you can."

She took a fine piece of paper, as she hummed to help her think.

"You said he's an arm dealer?" He nodded, "I might have something that could interest him."

She approached the wooden cabinet near her desk, and pulled one of the drawers open. She then pushed the upper layer aside, revealing a hidden cabinet below.

She took the polished box out, and placed it on the table.

"I never knew I'd use it as a bargaining tool." She sighed, "Let's just hope it'll work."

She told him to find her assistant and helped her deliver the gift, along with the letter she hurriedly wrote.

Several days later, when he was working on his desk, she barged into the room with a letter in her hand.

"Get ready." She told him as she slapped the letter on the table, "We're going to the ball tomorrow."

He didn't have the time to react as she dragged him along to the garage.

"I've made an appointment with a tailor. Since we can't have a custom-made suit, we'll choose whatever's on displays. Also, we should work on that face. That beard needs to go."

"What? No."

"You're a fugitive, John. You need to hide your identity." She told him as she got into the car. "Besides, you're coming with me as my escort, so don't argue with me on this point."

At the boutique, she handed him several suits and shirts, and told him to try them all. They went through that process several times before she chose the white and darker blue combination.

The next stop was the salon, and he could say with confidence that it was an experience he never wanted to repeat again.

"I swear, you always bring the most exotic looking people to my salon."

"I think you mistook ordinary people as the exotic ones."

"But you can't deny that he's gorgeous, darling."

He could only smile awkwardly as the two women in front of him conversed on what to do with him.

"I want him to look different, you can change his hair color if you want."

"Hmm, let me see." The woman beside her took a step closer to him, "Well, I can make him look a little bit younger, but I don’t know about his skin, dear. It's been exposed to too much sunlight."

"I can fix that myself. Please do something about his hair," She took a glance at him before she added, "And his beard."

After years of grooming and care for his beard, the fruits of his labor were gone in just 15 minutes. Not only that, he had to sit down for hours, as the woman worked on his hair, and listened to her complaints about the texture of his hair, and how he should've taken better care of it.

When she finished, she called her to take a look at him and see if it's to her liking. She came up to him and lifted his chin to get a better view. Before she gave her a nod of approval.

Back at her house, they went over the plan, and talked for a little more, before she brought a bottle of wine for them. Soon, the conversation turned personal, as he told her stories from his old days.

She was quiet when he told her about Shepherd, and how history repeats itself.

"You can't carry all the problems on your shoulder, John. You know that."

"I know." He murmured, "But I can't just sit around and wait for anyone else to solve it."

"There'll always be a person with the same righteousness as you." She said, "You have to remember that your body has a limit. You're not getting any younger, sooner or later, they'll find a way to get rid of you."

He kept his eyes on the glass between his hands, as her words tore through his ears. He didn't like the way it sounded, because he had already heard it a million times in his head.

She reached to him, and placed her hand on top of his, giving him a gentle squeeze. "When it's all over, come to me, John." She muttered quietly, "I won't ask you for too much. Keep me safe, and I'll take care of you."

He thought about it long enough for the silence to fill in, before he turned his hand to hold hers. "What if I refuse?"

"Then send me a card every Christmas," She replied, "So I'd know you're still alive."

He lifted his head to see her, and caught the sincerity in her eyes. She could've asked him to stay, and yet, she let him choose.

"... When it's all over," He told her, as he placed a kiss on her knuckles, "I'll give you my answer."