#I've had enough of that to last me a lifetime lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stwritings · 2 years ago

Text

I've Got You

Synopsis

Eddie helps reader through a bad trip after she's pressured by her boyfriend to take drugs.

What To Expect/Warnings

This is a rather heavy topic and potentially triggering to some so please proceed with caution. ♡

This fic takes place in 87 and has no mention of the plot from Season 4, apart from Eddie graduating. Also was not expecting it to be this long lmfao, woops. No use of y/n, toxic relationship, drug use, peer pressuring, bad drug trip, anxiety, hurt/comfort, confrontation between Eddie and reader's bf, angst, mutual pining, emotional cheating if you squint??, descriptions of drug side effects, alcohol consumption.

Let me know if i missed anything.

(proofread in a very sleepy state lol, dont mind potential spelling mistakes of repetitive words/phrasings)

Once again, i can't stress this enough, please do not read this fic if any of the above mentioned topics are triggering to you. ♡

You can read pt. 2 here!

"This year's different. This year, is my year. I can feel it... '86 baby!"

And that, it was.

Things finally seemed to be taking a turn for the better in Eddie's life. That year, he geared down and put all of his time and focus into his school work determined not to spend one more second in what was, in his opinion, the most dreadful place in town; Hawkins High. Graduation day finally came and as promised to his fellow Hellfire Club members, who all attended the ceremony, he gave the performance of a lifetime on that stage. 'They can't get me in trouble anymore.' he thought as he shredded an air guitar whilst sprinting towards the faculty, hollering as he did so. Once he was face to face with his long time nemesis, Principal Higgins, all of the cleverly thought out disses he had come up with over the last year seemed to fade away. He blamed it on nerves, but deep down he knew that his distain was overshadowed by an immense sense of joy and relief. To everyone's surprise, Eddie calmly grabbed his diploma with a mischievous smile and exited the auditorium gracefully.

'Finally, a new chapter can begin.'

After some much needed time off in the summer allowed him to contemplate his next move in life, Eddie started applying for jobs around Hawkins. His preferred establishments such as the library and record store were, unfortunately, not hiring. Despite the tried and true efforts of his friends at Family Video, they too, were not in need of new employees. He contemplated sticking to his main source of income, but knew that the drug market in Hawkins was not a sustainable nor stable option. Truth be told, he only started dealing as a way of making extra cash whilst still in school. He grew tired of it pretty quickly, but promised himself that the second he would graduate, he would ditch this unconventional side hustle.

His new objective was finding work that would allow him to make enough money to find a place of his own. As much as he loved Wayne and was forever grateful to his uncle for taking him in, he couldn't stand to see him spend one more night on the dreadful pull out mattress.

After weeks of grueling efforts on Eddie's behalf, Wayne came home with some good news one Saturday afternoon. With a hiring flyer and about 8 bags of groceries in hand, he nearly kicked the trailer door down from excitement. "Eddie! Boy, you home?"

Eddie quickly shuffled out of his bedroom to see what the commotion was about. Noting his uncle's erratic breathing and bulging eyes, he was quick to grab the grocery bags out of his hands to allow him to catch his breath.

"Everything okay?" he asked cautiously, unsure what had his normally calm uncle so frazzled.

Wayne waved the flyer into the air and let out a series of chuckles. "More than okay, look what they had hangin' on the wall near the checkout at the supermarket!"

As Eddie turned to face the piece of paper in his uncle's hand, a grimace started to form on his face when he processed the words written on it. "Ah man, i don't know. I'm not really skilled in the art of packing groceries..."

"Come on now, son. You already know the basics, where do the eggs go?"

Eddie stared blankly at his uncle while blinking slowly. Wayne blinked back at Eddie theatricality while motioning for a response.

"Uh, in the bag...?"

"Where in the bag, boy?" his uncle persisted, his once excited tone now slightly annoyed.

"Maybe on top so they don't get broken...?"

"See! It's common knowledge. You could also stock shelves or somethin if you don't wanna pack the bags!"

"Yeah, it's worth a shot, i could use the money..."

Come to find out, the supermarket was in dire need of staff members, and Eddie got the job that same day. Given that the entire store was understaffed, he was able to snag his preferred position of stocking shelves. The uniforms weren't great, and having to hear the same tunes everyday was somewhat unbearable, but the money was good so he couldn't complain.

A few weeks into his new employment, Eddie was introduced to the newest addition to the team. Given that she was also put in the stocking department, they spent much of their time working together and got along great. They would often joke around together, their sense of humor practically identical. Along with her kind and rambunctious personality, they also shared common interests such as reading and music. She was the perfect girl, he thought.

Upon getting to know one another, Eddie quickly learned, much to his dismay, that she had recently moved to Hawkins with her boyfriend so he could be closer to his family.

Needless to say, Eddie's love life was never something he had the opportunity or desire to explore whilst in school. The lack of female attention and constant bullying made it difficult for him to find anyone he wanted to get to know in a romantic way. He was rather disappointed to find out that his latest love interest was already spoken for, but quickly accepted it as such.

This minor disappointment didn't stop them from blossoming a wholesome friendship over the course of the next few months. Their normal 7 hour work days always seemed so short, and Eddie was longing to spend more time with his new friend outside of their place of work. Unfortunately, the fear of rejection, accompanied by the constant sense of exclusion he had faced in his prior years had really taken a toll on his confidence, preventing him from ever seeking out friendships outside of his circle of friends.

Those thoughts and worries were momentarily silenced one Friday morning when, to his pleasant surprise, she enquired about his plans for the weekend. This wasn't unusual, they often spoke of their upcoming outings, but typically Eddie was the one to initiate this topic of conversation in hopes that she would suggest hanging out. The idea of potentially spending time together outside of work was thrilling, so he tried his best to play it cool. "A whole lotta nothing, how about you?"

"My boyfriend's colleagues invited him out to this party but i don't really want to go..."

"So you're hoping a conflict arises preventing you from attending this social obligation?" he quipped while smiling.

"Actually, i was hoping maybe you know the person hosting the party and wouldn't mind attending? It'd be nice to see a familiar face there when my boyfriend inevitably ditches me."

Her eyes met the floor as she spoke her last sentence, an action that didn't go unnoticed. The topic of her significant other wasn't mentioned often, in fact, most times Eddie forget she even had a boyfriend. Of the times he was passively mentioned in conversation, Eddie got the impression that he wasn't the nicest person and that she wasn't entirely happy with him. He tried his best to set aside those thoughts, thinking they were definitely biased and he might be reading too much into the situation.

"Does this mysterious party host have a name?" he said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Tom Silverman i think, have you heard of him?" she asked, hope radiating from her eyes.

"As luck would have it, he's friends with my buddy Gareth! I could probably make an appearance." he teased.

"Yeah? Think you could make time in your busy schedule for me?" she reciprocated.

"For you? Anything."

The drive back to her place felt like a blur. Her mind was clouded with thoughts of her earlier interaction with Eddie paired with the excitement of spending time with him later at the party. She loved her boyfriend, she really did, but...

She couldn't bring herself to say it, let alone think it. The reality was, he didn't treat her the way she wanted to be treated. Hell, the way she deserved to be treated. Prior to them moving to Hawkins, Samuel had cheated on her for months on end with a close friend of hers. The betrayal was unforgivable, at least, that's what she thought at the time. Samuel had a way of getting into her head, planting ideas of his own and spinning the truth in ways that would make her question everything.

Following the infidelity, he had managed to convince her that the best way to make amends and save their relationship would be to move away from their hometown. Far from all distractions so they could focus on rebuilding what was broken. This was far from what she wanted, now more than ever since meeting Eddie. He was always so kind to her, a luxury far too often stripped away in her current relationship with Samuel. She loved how she felt when she was around Eddie, even in their strictly platonic relationship.

The hypocrisy of the situation made her want to melt away into a big pile of nothingness. She could feel herself growing fonder of Eddie with each passing interaction, no matter how mundane they were. Something as simple as Eddie asking her about her weekend, or when her birthday was, warmed her heart. Did Samuel even care to remember? He forgot about it last year.

Guilt was eating away at her the more her feelings grew. She would never cheat on Samuel, knowing all too well how heart wrenching of an experience that is to go though. Despite that, she couldn't help the gnawing feeling of infidelity as she felt her feelings for Eddie become more prominent and the distance between her and her partner growing. It wasn't all her fault of course, she suspected Samuel was still up to no good whenever the phone would ring at odd times throughout the night and he'd shoot out of bed to answer it. She knew interrogating him was no use, so she kept mental notes of all the occurrences, in hopes of one day working up the courage to leave him.

Apart from him persuading her into staying, there was also the web of lies she felt she had to uphold to avoid judgement from her loved ones, Eddie included. She felt awful lying to him about the reason for her move, but at the time, thought it was necessary for some sense of self-preservation.

As she pulled into her apartment complex, her racing thoughts came to a halt. She put the car in park, let out a sigh and made her way into the building. Once inside, she was met with none other than Samuel, already plastered at 4:48pm, the party wasn't until 9pm. This would make for a long grueling night. She quietly greeted him before excusing herself to go freshen up.

Samuel's work friends arrived shortly after she got into the shower, the sudden ruckus alerting her of their presence. She hurried out of the shower so to not hog the bathroom for too long and tried sneaking into their shared bedroom without alerting the group. Her efforts were overshadowed by a distasteful comment made from one of the men. She wasn't sure what bothered her more, the unsolicited remark about her body from a complete stranger, or the fact that her boyfriend, the man who was supposed to look out for her, laughed and entertained such disrespectful banter.

The frustration made tears well up in her eye as she quickly shut the bedroom door and locked it, hoping she wouldn't have to face the men for a few more hours until they had to leave. All the while, the only thing keeping her sane was the prospect of seeing Eddie later.

Eddie was a bundle of nerves from the moment he clocked out of work until he pulled up to the party with Gareth. Six pack in hand, he nervously made his way towards the front door before being stopped by his companion.

"Hey man, there's nothing to be nervous about, alright? If you wanna leave at any point, just let me know."

Gareth's reassuring words did little to alleviate Eddie's stress, but it was still nice for him to know that he had support tonight. With that in mind, he gave his friend an anxious smile and they let themselves into party.

Upon first glance, the party was lively and everyone was having a great time. The pair made their way towards the kitchen to put their beer in the fridge, then made an attempt at finding the host to greet him. Eddie had never met Tom, but had heard good things about him through their mutual friend. Whilst on the hunt for him, Eddie's eyes made contact with a sad looking girl sitting alone on a dingy sofa in the back of the living room, red solo cup in hand. He excused himself from Gareth and quickly made his way over to his friend. The moment their eyes locked, excitement was riddled on her face. She jumped off the couch and embraced him in what was arguably the best hug he had ever received.

"You came!!" she exclaimed, visibly intoxicated.

"I'm a man of my word." he said in a playful tone, placing a hand on his heart.

She playfully shoved his shoulder while taking a sip from her drink, giggling the entire time.

"So uh, where's your boyfriend? Am i finally gonna meet the man of the hour?" Eddie's tone was less than enthusiastic, through no fault of his own. Luckily she was too drunk to notice.

"Well," she began, "as presumed, i have been abandoned. Yet again!" although she tried covering it up with a laughter, her eyes gave away her true emotion.

"Well," he said mimicking her tone, "i am more than happy to entertain you until he gets back."

He could have sworn he saw a faint tint of pink painted on her cheeks for a moment. A tender smile was shared between the two before he was abruptly shoved by an unknown subject who was quick to wrap an arm around her.

"Oh sorry man" the lack of sympathy along with his cocky grin gave away the man's identity.

Samuel.

"Don't sweat it, man." Eddie retorted, annoyance prevalent on his face.

She gave Eddie an apologetic look before introducing the two. Her boyfriend quickly brushed off the pleasantries and turned his attention back to his girlfriend.

"Where have you been babe?" he slurred, his hold on her arm becoming increasingly tighter. Her discomfort was clear and as Eddie was about to intervene, she calmly lifted his arm off of her while stating: "Waiting for you, babe." her tone replicating the one Eddie had adopted moments ago.

Samuel grew annoyed, muttering something under his breath before once again, disappearing into the crowd.

"He seems friendly." Eddie stated in an attempt to break the awkward silence.

"I'm sorry about him, he's... not the best at introductions."

"No kidding..."

Moments passed without further dialogue, Eddie debated mentioning his concerns but felt it wasn't his place. I mean really, how would he even put into words what he was thinking? 'Hey, you know that douchebag boyfriend of yours? Yeah, he doesn't deserve you'.

"Well," she broke the silence, "I better go check on him, will you stay a while?"

"As long as you need me" he responded.

She shot him a warm smile before venturing into the crowd to find Samuel. Eddie waited until she was outside of his line of vision before letting his smile falter. He quickly ushered to the fridge to grab a can of beer to calm his nerves. The rush of euphoria from seeing her accompanied with the displeasure of meeting Samuel left him feeling very disgruntled. He was zoned out, sipping the beer in his hands relentlessly, when he felt a hand tap him on the bicep. Turning his attention towards the person to his right, he was met with a familiar face.

"Hey, you alright?" Gareth asked, concern prevalent in his tone.

"Nah man, wanna go have a smoke?"

The initial effects of the alcohol she had consumed in an attempt to numb herself seemed to have faded away quickly following Samuel and Eddie's interaction. As much as she wanted to spend the night with Eddie and let her boyfriend mingle on his own, she felt obligated to go looking for him. The party wasn't held at a mansion by any means, but it certainly wasn't a small house. After searching for what seemed like 25 minutes, she finally found Samuel along with a few of his friends in a bedroom in the basement. Upon entering, the first thing she noticed was a dark green colored table with small plastic bags on it, filled with what looked to be pills. She was quickly ushered into the room and prompted to lock the door before being urged to sit down.

"Sam, what are you doing-"

"Babe, baby, hi!" his tone was drastically different from their previous encounter. He seemed much more erratic and his pupils were blown out.

"Are you okay? I've been looking for you-"

"Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm great baby. How are you?"

His frantic eyes and antsy demeanor, accompanied by the unknown substance beside him gave her all the context she needed: He was high. She contemplated her next move, being careful not to upset him.

"I'm fine," she started, "actually, i'm a little tired, i think i'm ready to go home." She knew little could be done to grant her wishes at this point given that she had had far too much to drink to operate a vehicle and Samuel was much less equipt to in this state.

"What... Really? No baby, the night's just starting. You're not having fun?" She was getting ready to answer before being abruptly cut off, his question apparently rhetorical. "I know what will help. Have this." He grabbed her hand and placed one of the chalky pills in her palm.

"I'm not doing drugs, Sam." she said firmly.

"Do you trust me?"

She paused, knowing this was a trap. This wasn't the first time he'd used this tactic to get her to do something she didn't want to. Her delay in responding seemed to aggravate him and he was quick to snap at her.

"Fine, go home then. I just wanted to have a nice time with you tonight. S'what i get for trying." He began shifting his body away from her, turning his attention back to the group.

Through no fault of her own, it had been hard-wired into her brain that in order to avoid an argument and mental torture for the next week, it was easier to agree with whatever he was saying.

"No, no! It's just..."

"You're scared?" his friend said while snickering.

"I've just never done this before..." she replied looking away so no one could see her anxiety ridden expression.

Samuel cupped her face with his hands, an act of intimacy he hadn't shown in years. She melted into his touch, craving to feel a sense of worthiness. "Baby, you'll be fine. I took it and feel amazing. We'll feel amazing together and i'll take care of you if you don't feel good. I promise."

Samuel had often made promises he couldn't keep, and although the little voice in the back of her mind was screaming for her to walk away, she fell victim to his manipulation once again. They exchanged a few promising words to one another before she swallowed the small narcotic, internally comforting herself: 'What's the worst that could happen?'

Following a much needed cigarette break and pep talk from Gareth, Eddie composed himself and entered the house once again. Once inside, he scanned the room in an attempt to spot out his friend, but was unsuccessful. He figured she might be using the restroom or mingling with people around the house and decided to enjoy his second and final beer of the night with Gareth.

20 minutes had passed since she took the unknown substance from her boyfriend, and up until this point, she had convinced herself that she probably wouldn't feel it, or that if she did, it would feel the same as marijuana. But oh, she was wrong. So very wrong. She noticed her heart began to beat faster and her palms were significantly more damp than before. She felt this overwhelming sense of anxiety wash over her and her ears began to ring. Still sat next to Samuel, she grabbed ahold of his arm in a subtle attempt at getting his attention. Whether he was too high to notice or purposely ignoring her, he had no reaction to her touch. Initially feeling embarrassment, she put that feeling aside and decided to vocalize her distress.

"Baby, i don't feel good, m'heart's beating really fast and-" words kept spilling out of her mouth at a much faster rate than she normally spoke. The chatter in the room never faltered, the noise adding fuel to the fire, making her anxiety worsen. Samuel eventually cut her off, insisting on the fact that she was fine. His invalidation floored her feeling of distress, her heartbeat increasing in speed. She could now hear it in her ears. "I don't like this baby, i wanna go home. Please, can we go home." she pleaded, tears starting to form in her eyes.

Samuel grew annoyed with her, his high being compromised by his girlfriend's distress. He offered to take her to a different room, away from all the noise and she agreed, the commotion from the room she was currently in proving to be too much. Luckily for her, there was an additional guest room in the basement, one that was currently vacant. The prospect of spending one on one time with her boyfriend, especially while in such a vulnerable state brought a great deal of comfort to her. That sense of relief was short lived as he stated that he wanted to get back to his friends, insisting on her trying to get some sleep.

Unbeknownst to her, the drug she took was a stimulate, making sleeping next to impossible. Information that Samuel conveniently didn't mention for his own benefit.

He tucked her into bed and promised that if she called out for him he'd be there within seconds. With a kiss goodnight and more reassuring words, he shut the light, closed the door and headed back to the adjacent bedroom to continue his antics. She was left with her wandering anxious thoughts, but tried her best to fall asleep.

After a short while, her attempts were unsuccessful and her anxiety worsened. She tried to calm herself down to no avail and resorted to calling for her boyfriend. No answer. She tried once more, this time a little louder. Still nothing. Time seemed to escape her. She wasn't sure if an hour or 5 minutes had passed. All she knew was that she had been calling for him for what seemed like forever, to no avail. The most hurtful part of it all was overhearing him talking and laughing with his friends in the adjacent room. Surely if she could hear him, he could hear her? Perhaps he was choosing to ignore he cries for help. The idea of getting out of bed to venture into the other room was far too overwhelming in this state, so she settled into bed, holding onto the sheets tightly and hoped that he would come check up on her soon.

With almost an hour having passed since he had last seen her, Eddie grew concerned. He figured with the amount of time that had passed, it wasn't unreasonable to ask the other party goers if they had seen her.

His efforts, although valiant, were unsuccessful. Once he established that she wasn't on the main floor, he decided to wander around the house in hopes of running into her. When he overheard Samuel and a group of men cackling in the basement, he made his way down the stairs.

Once he reached to bottom of steps, he noticed a source of light coming from a closed door, the secondary living room he was now standing in vacant and dark. 'Mystery solved.' he thought, she must be in there with Samuel and his friends. As he started up the stairs again, he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a faint voice coming from the back of the basement. He slowly made his way towards the unlit room and placed an ear against the closed door. That's when he heard it again, only this time, he recognized her voice, calling out for her boyfriend.

Eddie wasted no time opening the door, only to find her laying in bed in the dark. He carefully made his was towards her, crouching down to her level.

"Hey, hey. It's Eddie. Are you okay?" he gently asked. The only response heard was a series of whimpers. Once his eyes adjusted to the darkness, his heart broke. The light from the living room that leaked into the guest room reflected off of her tear stained cheeks and puffy eyelids; she had been crying for quite some time. Eddie wasn't an expert on body language, but judging from her tight grip on the bed sheets and her limbs curled into the fetal position, he could tell she was scared.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, you're safe. I promise. Do you need water? I'll get you anything you need, just tell me..." he stopped himself from uttering anything else, worried he would overwhelm her with questions. After pausing for a moment, he swallowed his pride before asking: "Do you need me to get Samuel?"

She let out a soft cry, her grip on the bed sheets tightening. The mere mention of his name reminded her of the betrayal she felt. He promised he would look after her, but didn't. Instead, he left her in such a vulnerable state, a state she never wanted to be in in the first place.

In her best attempt at composing herself, she was able to mutter out a sentence before her breathe hitched again: "I wanna go home, please." she buried her face in the covers as her body shook, a combination of crying excessively and the drug shaking her form. She was so cold, no amount of heat from the blankets seemed to help.

"Okay, okay, i'll get you home. Just... One minute. I'll be right back, i promise."

Eddie carefully got up and exited to room, gently shutting the door. He made his was towards the room Samuel was in, politeness the last thing on his mind as he barged in. He glanced around the room, noticing the drugs littered across the table, then met Samuel's gaze.

"Are you aware that your girlfriend is crying her eyes out 10 feet away from you?" he spat, shooting daggers at him.

There was a moment of silence, followed by snickering from a few of the men in the room. One of them who, Eddie could only assume was a friend of Samuel's spoke up. "Jesus, what a buzz kill, you owe me for that pill, Sam."

It all clicked. Eddie's vision blurred in what could only be described as a cloud of fury. The echo's of their laughter only fueled his rage as he started putting together what had happened. With every ounce of restraint he could muster, he gave Samuel once last death glare before storming out, being mindful not to slam the door to prevent startling her in the other room.

Slowly opening the door, he tried to come up with the best plan on how to proceed. The two beers he had drank over the last 2 1/2 hours were in no way enough to inebriate him and he knew she needed to be taken home. Once again crouched down by the bedside, he gently placed a hand on her shoulder and began speaking softly.

"Hey, it's Eddie. I can take you home, just need to know your address."

Her crying had subsided but she was shivering and grinding her teeth uncontrollably, a side effect Eddie recognized from whatever drug she had taken. Her lack of response prompted him to try again, this time in a much softer tone.

"Sweetheart, i'll take you home just please, i don't know where you live. Do you have your house keys? Where do you and Samuel live?"

The whimpers that left her lips broke his heart. Eddie figured if he couldn't get an answer out of her in this environment, maybe removing the stress factor would help.

"Okay, can you stand up for me? Here, let's get you up"

As he began helping her from the bed, her sudden exclamation startled him. "No! Please, m'really cold. I need a blanket." Distress painted across her face as she wrapped her arms around her frame, Eddie pondered what the best option would be. After a few seconds, he figured Gareth could deal with the repercussion of his next action later.

"Okay, come on, i've got you." he said as he gently wrapped the giant comforter around her shoulders, guiding her out of the room.

Once they arrived at the base of the steps, he grabbed the excess blanket that was previously dragging along the floor to prevent her from tripping. She was unsteady from the drug, her legs felt like they were made of jelly. Eddie helped her up the stairs, supporting the majority of her weight. Once they reached the main floor, he directed her towards the sofa she was sitting on earlier in the evening and helped her down onto the soft cushion.

"Wait right here." he said in a caring voice. As he began getting up from his crouched position, he felt a cold, damp hand grabbing his.

"Wait, wait, where are you going?" her voice was low but filled with worry. He turned to her, finally getting a good look at her face since being in the dark basement and his heart sank. He tried his best not to show any signs of concern, but this proved to be challenging. Her normally light hazel eyes were almost completely black. Her hair was disheveled and her face slightly puffy from crying.

Eddie had been around plenty of people under the influence before, but never anyone he felt such deep adoration for. It was torture seeing her like this. He once again crouched down so he could meet her eye level and gave her hand a gentle reassuring squeeze. "I've just gotta find Gareth to let him know i'm leaving. I drove him here, don't want him to be stranded. I'll be right back, i promise."

Her gaze softened a bit, and with a small nod, Eddie took that as a go ahead to proceed with his plan. He lifted her hand up to his mouth to give it a quick kiss before getting up to find his friend.

Luckily, with one quick sweep of the main floor, he was able to find Gareth and get him up to speed on the situation.

"What a prick, we should fight that guy."

"Yeah, normally i would agree but i gotta get her outta here. Are you cool finding a ride home tonight?"

"Oh ya, don't sweat it! I can always just crash here if it comes down to it. Get her home safe."

"Thanks man, i'll see you later."

Gareth patted him on the shoulder and with that, Eddie made his way back to the sofa. "Alright, let's get you home, yeah? Up you go."

Taking the same precautionary steps he did while going up the stairs, they made their way out the door to Eddie's van. He helped her into the passenger's side, carefully closing the door and hurried over to the driver's side. Once in, he buckled both of their seatbelts, started the car and began driving away. Once the car was nicely heated and her shivering had subsided, he figured it would be a good time to try to find out the location he should be driving to.

"So uh, am i going the right way? Do you live close by?"

He glanced over at her, smiling sweetly once they made eye contact. She returned the smile, but the sadness displayed on the rest of her features made her true feelings apparent.

"We're far" she mumbled, "i live next to work..."

Eddie sighed internally. He didn't mind the drive, he was more concerned about her having to sit in a car for 45 minutes. "Alright, i'll get us to work and you can tell me where to go from there, yeah? You have your house keys?"

She paused to think and let out a defeated breath upon realizing; their shared house key was kept on Samuel's lanyard. She brought her hands to her face in despair and began apologizing profusely. Eddie wasn't quite sure what she was apologizing for, or to who even. He softly put a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, gently moving his thumb over the blanket that was still draped over her.

"It's okay, look we're not that far from Tom's place. I'll turn the car around and we can get the key. I can go in, you don't even have to leave the car-"

She shook her head in quick motions, her hands dropping from her face suddenly. "No, i can't, i'm..." she trailed off, turning to face the passenger's window.

The silence was broken by small cries leaving her mouth. Eddie slowly pulled off to the side of the road and put the car in park so he could focus all of his attention on helping her as best as he could.

"Are you worried he'll be upset?" he began, trying to get to the root of the problem. His question was met with more tears falling from her eyes. Her breathing was becoming more erratic and her hands began to shake. Eddie was torn, he knew she desperately needed to get home, but at what cost? He couldn't live with himself knowing that once he dropped her off, she would be left alone to face that jerk again. He made a snap decision, once again choosing to deal with the potential consequences in the morning.

"Alright, let's go to my place for now. It's not that far from here and we can figure out what to do from there, yeah? Is that okay?"

In an unexpected turn of events, her crying stopped almost immediately following his words. "Can i please stay there tonight?" she muttered softly, eyes glued to the floor of his van.

She knew it might be asking too much, but the thought of facing her boyfriend tonight was too much to handle. Eddie's eyes widened, but he quickly composed himself before responding. "Of course, anything you need."

Obeying the rules of the road was out of character for Eddie, especially when it came to speeding, but tonight was different. He made sure to make the drive to his trailer as peaceful as possible for her, not wanting to worsen her distress.

Once there, he was relieved to see Wayne's truck was gone. At least she wouldn't have to worry about his uncle seeing her in this state.

He quickly hurried her inside and onto the sofa before scrambling around the trailer gathering anything he deemed might be of use. He came back into the living room with additional blankets, a glass of water and a can of soda from the fridge, setting them down on the table. He proposed switching out the blanket for a fresh one, doubting the cleanliness of the one currently wrapped around her.

"S'too cold." she slurred, grinding her teeth once again.

Eddie knew better than to try to rationalize with her so he thought of a solution that would make for the blanket swap to be more pleasant. He grabbed one of the blankets, walked over to the dryer and tossed it in. Making his way back to the living room, he picked up the can of soda to open it and slid closer to her on the table. "Here, have a sip, you must be really thirsty."

Up until he mentioned it, she hadn't noticed how dry her mouth was, or how chapped her lips felt. Now that she was in a comfortable place and felt safe, the fear and adrenaline wearing off, she was very aware of the physical discomforts she was feeling. She quickly grabbed the cup of water, opting for the least cold drink made available and downed the liquid within seconds. Eddie's eyebrows raised and he let out a small chuckle. She met his gaze with a shy smile, clearly embarrassed by the intensity of her gulps. Their exchange of grins was interrupted by a shrill ringing coming from the hallway; the dryer alerting them of it's cycle being complete. Eddie shuffled over to it, quickly returning to the living room with the warmed up blanket.

"Here, feel this." he started, placing a corner of the fluffy material in her hands "Nice and warm for ya. How about we get rid of that dingy old thing?" he said gesturing to the stain riddled comforter.

She agreed with a nod, preparing herself for the sharp cold she would feel once the blanket was no longer on her. Eddie attempted to make the switch as seamless as possible, quickly wrapping the fabric around her. Once the warm blanket was snug around her, Eddie lightly tugged on either side in a playful motion. Their faces were mere inches from one another, he wished they could stay this close forever.

"Better?" he inquired in a soothing voice.

She nodded in response. "Thank you."

He stayed crouched in front of her, his hands remaining on the blanket for longer than he probably should have. He scolded himself internally, before retreating onto the adjacent chair. She instantly missed his presence.

It was fairly late at this point, the clock reading 1:04am. Eddie knew she wouldn't be getting much sleep while the drug was still in her system, but offered to set her up in his bedroom, reassuring her that he would take the pull out bed, not wanting to cross any boundaries or make her uncomfortable. She pondered for a few moments before agreeing. They walked over to the back of the trailer, Eddie leading the way with the extra blankets in hand. He breached the entryway of his bedroom and thanked his past self for tidying up the mess that was littering his bedroom floor earlier in the day.

Once there, she took in her surroundings admiring all the art and little trinkets laying around. Eddie grew nervous from the extended period of silence and cleared his throat before saying "Is this okay?" referring to her sleeping arrangement for the night.

"S'cozy." she responded with a warm smile. She made her way towards the bed and plopped down rather sloppily, her legs still feeling like they could give away at any second. She settled into bed and he began turning off the lamps, pausing before switching off the last one.

"Want this one on?"

"Yes please" she responded quietly from under the blankets. She had the soft material pulled up to her nose and was laying on her side watching him maneuver around the room.

"You got it" he said, a dorky smile painted on his face as he turned to look at her. Despite still appearing strung out, Eddie was enamored by her. He always thought she was beautiful, her current state never wavered that. He thought she looked especially adorable all tucked into his bed, her eyes glistening with gratitude and what appeared to be admiration. She closed her eyes for a brief moment letting out a content sigh, the feeling of safety and comfort engulfing her like a warm hug.

Eddie took this as a sign he should retreat to the living room, making sure to wish her goodnight, as well as reassuring her that she could call for him at any point in time if she needed anything. Although she had been let down earlier by a similar unkept promise, she knew Eddie meant every word he said.

Once in the living room, Eddie opted to sit on the sofa for a while to ensure that if she did call out for him, he would be awake and ready to help. He turned on the television in hopes of keeping his mind busy, his thoughts currently consumed with the image of her in his bed. He despised his heart for making him feel so fondly of someone who was in a relationship, albeit an unhealthy one. Was it so wrong for him to hope that she would leave him? The rage he felt accompanied by sorrow for the way she was treated tonight was overbearing. With a grunt, he stood up from his seat and made his way to the refrigerator in hopes that there would be a cold beer stashed somewhere in there. Wayne wasn't opposed to him drinking his supply, so long as he replaced what was taken. Behind the milk carton were two cans of Pabs Blue Ribbon. He grabbed one of the cans and headed back to the sofa, making sure to open it slowly to minimize the noise from the aluminum cracking.

The second Eddie had left the bedroom, the feeling of anxiety she had previously felt slowly crept it's way back into her core. She shook her leg in an attempt at self-soothing, trying her best to remind herself that she was safe now. She knew that she could call for Eddie at any point and that he would be back in the room within seconds, but the feeling of embarrassment and fear of bothering him prevented her from doing so. She tossed and turned, trying to get to sleep without success. Out of frustration she sat up from the bed, the blanket still wrapped over her head in a cocoon shape. She began looking around the room once more, admiring the posters on his wall. His bedroom was exactly as she had pictured it to be. Having only seem him in their work uniform up until tonight, his haircut and ringed fingers had given her a pretty good idea of what his style would be; his bedroom reflecting that perfectly.

His bedroom was quaint and felt like home. A feeling she hadn't felt in years since being with Samuel.

Samuel.

The mere thought of him sent a cold shudder through her that shook her form. She worried about his reaction to her not being home once he arrived at their apartment. He always accused her of infidelity, likely projecting onto her his own bad behavior, and would surely lash out at her the next time he saw her. She began to spiral, images of past mistreatments and abuse at the hand of her partner crashed into her like a violent wave. Tears streamed down her cheeks uncontrollably, as they had many times before.

She had spent many nights crying into a towel in the bathroom alone so she wouldn't wake him with the sound of her whimpers, as he laid in their shared bed without a care in the world. He lacked the ability to comfort her, expressing it many times, usually by saying: "i don't know what you want from me". In those moments a simple reassuring hug would have sufficed, or any act of compassion or intimacy, but he didn't care. Not then, and certainly not now. This sudden realization was all too much for her to handle in this moment.

She desperately needed comfort. She attempted to compose herself before slowly creeping out of bed and pausing at the ajar door. Part of her knew it was wrong, but the desperate need for consoling overshadowed the morality of her decision. In a barely audible tone, she called Eddie's name and waited nervously inches from the door. Almost instantly, she heard him getting up from the sofa and walk hurriedly to the back of the trailer. The door opened quickly startling her and Eddie let out a small yelp, not expecting to see her standing so close to the door.

"Jesus," he let out with a sigh, clutching his chest. "Sorry, ah, i thought you'd be in bed." After recovering from the small arrythmia he was almost certain he suffered, he chuckled and asked, "Everything okay?"

Upon his arrival, a sense of dread and self-loathing washed over her. She feared rejection but also reprimanding from Eddie. He knew she had a boyfriend, and had been so considerate of that all night, was she really about to ask him if he could sleep in the same bed? It wasn't in a sexual way, but somehow the lather felt worse. Seeking emotional intimacy from someone other than the person she was dating? She felt despicable. The worse form of betrayal in her mind was emotional infidelity, which is exactly what had been taking place over the last few months. She couldn't be blamed though, not entirely. Her absent and neglectful partner had driven her into the arms of a more caring, emotionally intelligent man and for that, he only had himself to blame.

"S'worse when you're out there. Can you stay here? Please..." she managed to mutter.

Eddie's heart skipped a beat. He would do anything she'd ask to help her feel better. "Yeah! Yeah, of course. Let me go get the extra blankets and a pillow and i'll set up on the fl-"

"Could you sleep next to me?"

Her broken tone of voice shattered him. It had become very apparent to him that her relationship was far more damaging than it appeared to be on the surface. Every question she had asked him, whilst in her most vulnerable state, had a sad undertone expecting rejection. The mention of her partner's name alone had caused her intense distress. Without letting another second go by, he sprung into action. He gently agreed and motioned towards the bed, letting her get comfortable before climbing in himself. Not wanting to cross any boundaries or make her feel uncomfortable, Eddie held off on laying down. Instead, he sat up on the bed with his back against the wall, trying to take up as little space as possible as he nonchalantly stared ahead.

She was laying on her side facing him, when he caught a glimpse of her looking up at him. He turned to face her, trying to think of any topic of conversation to hide the fact that he was screaming inside. All the feelings he had for her that he had managed to suppress all this came crashing down on him. She was the girl of his dreams, and she was laying in his bed with him. He quickly shut down those thoughts and focused on her well-being; it was his top priority. He took in her facial features, now that the blanket was no longer covering the bottom half of her face, and noticed she was grinding her teeth still. "Try and relax your jaw." he said with care.

"M'sorry"

"Don't need to apologize," he reassured laughing lightly, "just don't want you to be sore in the morning, is all."

There was a brief moment of silence as her smile grew, then a snort escaped her as she buried her face in the blanket. The innuendo now becoming apparent to Eddie who, also broke out into laughter.

"Oh god, i didn't mean it like that!" was all he managed to say, bringing his palm up to his face. His embarrassment was short-lived, her laughter filling the room was music to his ears.

"I know, s'just funny" she said between giggles.

The room went quiet again, the sound of their breathing being the only audible noise. The effects of the drug were slowly wearing off, evidence of that came from her suddenly yawning.

"Wanna try and get some rest?" he offered.

"That sounds good" she responded.

"Okay, lights on or off?"

"Off please."

"Okay," he said, making his way towards the lamp to shut it off. He excused himself to go turn off the rest of the lights, as well as the TV still playing and made his was back to the room shortly after. He carefully climbed into the bed, this time laying down but still taking up as little room as possible.

Eddie was the kind of sleeper that liked to take up as much of the bed as humanly possible, so he know he wouldn't be getting the best of sleep tonight but he didn't care. Knowing that she was safe meant more to him than a good night's rest. They wished one another goodnight and attempted to drift asleep.

A few minutes of stillness passed, she turned to face him, craving closeness and warmth. Tonight's series of events had proven that Eddie was a gentleman and certainly wasn't the type to take advantage of her or intentionally cross any boundaries. She inched slightly closer to him and whispered: "Can you hold me?"

He hummed in response extending his arms for her to settle in. She nestled into his chest, their bodies fitting perfectly with one another like a puzzle. The feeling of contempt and security she felt while in Eddie's arms was unmatched. It was as if nothing could hurt her as long as he was around. He felt her grip on his shirt tighten slightly, her body pushing onto his in an attempt to get closer. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, feels good. Safe." she replied sleepily. Eddie understood in that moment how touch starved she was. She craved intimacy in it's purest form. He readjusted his arm so he could lightly rub his fingertips on her back soothingly. She was beginning to drift asleep, but was still clenching her jaw, an action Eddie was quick to notice. With his free hand, he lightly cupped the side of her face and rubbed gentle circles on her cheek and jaw in an attempt to sooth her likely sore muscles.

"Try to relax your jaw sweetheart, unclench your teeth." he gently reminded her.

His caring instructions were met with a low hum followed by a barely audible "thank you", the tension in her face releasing almost instantaneously.

Eddie bent down slightly to give the top of her head a kiss while softly uttering: "Goodnight sweetheart.", her only response an even sleepier hum than before. In a matter of seconds, they both drifted to sleep comfortably in each others presence.

The end ♡

This is my first time posting in a while, i hope you liked it, lmk what you think! xo

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #stranger things eddie #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson oneshot #angst #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x hurt/comfort #eddie munson fic #eddie munson x you #eddie x reader #eddie munson fanfiic #eddie munson x female reader #st4 eddie #hurt/comfort

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itsohh · 7 months ago

Text

With You

A/N: Female reader, the cheating tag is there cause well I mean, Deimos has a wife lol.

Summary: After a mission goes wrong you find yourself in a decade long coma only to find out that your mentor betrayed your team and is currently the world's most wanted.

Word count: 4784

Warnings: Angst, cheating, age difference, power imbalance

Masterlist AO3

2012

A curse left your mouth as he held you pinned against the floor. The second that he kept you there was almost a lifetime, eternal as time slowed down. Completely trapped under him as the heat radiated from his body onto you. If you weren't already hot from training you were certain your checks would have heated up. Time sped up again and he removed himself from on-top you. “Going to have to last longer than that Rookie.”

By no means were you new to combat, yes you were younger than most of the operatives but you weren't a rookie. You didn't dare say that to Gerald though. At the end of the day he was right- you were less experienced than most of the other Rainbow operators. Gerald knew that your enemies wouldn't go easy on you so he didn't go easy on you.

“I know.” You finally answered him as he handed you your bottle of water.

“We're doing overtime tonight, I want to see improvement.”

“Can’t, I've got prior plans.”

Gerald froze at your refusal. “Prior plans?”

“Uh huh.”

“How in the hell do you have prior plans? This should be your biggest priority.”

“Yah know they reckon half of the fight is menal right? Plans Morris. A life. I need to breathe a little or else I'll get lost in our work.”

“You should be lost in our work. It's us or nothing.” He took a swig of water from his own bottle, obviously eager to get back into it. Yet you ignored his body language.

“I should go. It's certainly late enough.” You mumbled the last part and got off the mat. With a small goodbye wave to Gerard you headed towards the locker room. Yet when you reached the corridor which lead towards it a hand suddenly yanked your arm.

Gerald looked you in the eye with a look you couldn't quite gauge. It wasn't quite fury but more akin to authority. Control. “Cancel your plans rookie.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. I need to just let loose for a moment. I need to relax.”

“You need to train more if you want to stay alive. I think that's a little more important than putting on a cocktail dress and getting wasted like a whore.” He mocked.

Your hand went slap him but he caught your wrist and pinned it to the wall. He took a step towards you and used his body to sandwich you against it. For a moment neither of you spoke. Each time you breathed his chest would press against your while your eyes remained locked on his.

“You can't speak to me like that.” You finally found the courage to speak.

“I don't think your in a position to make demands are you sweetheart?”

At his question silence ring in your ears and you were painfully aware the pair of you were the only ones left in the room, hell even the building. His free hand came down to your chin. “I don't know how you have lasted this long. Sweet thing like you.”

Your brows narrowed at him. He had been in combat with you, he had seen what you could do. But you had to admit hand to hand was your weakness. The possibility that he was trying to rile you up did occur to you and you studied his face. There were a lot of things people had said to describe you sweet was not one of them. “No one gets close enough to take me.”

Gerald hummed and his body pressed against you. No longer did you breath to touch him, his entire body was for against yours and you could feel his warmth through his shirt and your bra. “This job swallows people. I have to have time to remember I'm a person.” Your voice was practically a whisper as his lips brushed against yours.

“I can show you that. Cancel your plans with your friends. Stay here. We can take it easy and be productive.”

“I never said I was going out with friends.” Each time you spoke your lips brushed against his and you could feel his breath on your face.

His eyes flicked to your lips and then his lips were firmly against yours. With a moan you kissed back against him. He kissed like he fought, hard and full of passion like his life depended on it. His lips were consuming, controlling and demanded everything from you. With your free hand you found the back of his neck and tangled your fingers into his hair before you yanked his head back.

Gerald let out a groan that seemed to ignite in his eyes and he stared at you.

“We can't.” You whispered.

“Why not?” He let go of your wrist and parted slightly from you.

“You’re my superior.”

“Trust me, that won't affect anything.”

“You’re- you're married. You have a wife and kids. You love your family and I'm not going to ruin that. I'm not going to be the other woman.” Despite how bad you wished to continue, you pushed on his chest and slipped away from him.

“Europa.” Your nickname fell from his lips like a prayer. Lips that had been just previously against yours. Lips that you ached for, your body so cold now that his was gone.

“I won’t tell anyone. I care about you too much for that. A moment of weakness.” You swallowed and looked to the floor. He repeated the name again but this time was a little bit closer.

“Go spend time with your wife Morris. I'll improve on my own time.”

2021

The sun was almost painfully bright, your body disobeyed your commands. Weak in your own skin it took almost your entire strength to move. Each breath was heavy as you sat up and attempted to look around.

It was obvious you were in a hospital and you let out a little groan. The fucking grenade. You had seen it and reacted a little too slow. The metal table had taken the brunt of the impact but you had still been sent flying. A breath left your lips. Morris would no doubt give you a hard time about the matter.

There wasn't any flowers near you. Only an empty vase that hadnt been filled in a long time and a teddy bear which had ‘get well soon’ sewn on it. A layer of dust covered it and you couldn't help but wonder how long you had been there.

When you tried to move your legs they only barely moved and you decided not to test your luck by standing up. Your eyes found the call button for a nurse and you pressed it.

A brief curse was heard out of the open door and a few moments later a couple of nurses locked eyes with you.

“Holy shit she's awake.”

2024

It had taken you three years but you were almost back to were you used to be. Your coma had left your body frail and weak but over time and therapy you managed to build your muscles and strength back up. No one from Rainbow had contacted you but you found you did have pension and quite a lot of backpay.

That was the case until a knock tapped on your door. You had only barely heard it through the small gap of you changing songs on your phone as you worked out. “Coming!” You called and put the phone down.

The door was opened only a crack and you peered outside. A red headed woman and an older man stood here. “No soliciting.” You went to close the door before the woman jumped into action and called your name.

Still you went to close the door.

“Europa!” She called and you froze. It has been a long while since anyone had called you that. “That's what they called you right? May we come in and talk?”

Your hand went to the pistol you kept next to the door and aimed it through it. “Who the hell are you people?”

The man pulled out his wallet and showed you his identification. GIGN. The woman fumbled for a second and did the same. FBI.

“We're from Rainbow.” He smiled and you paused and slowly you pulled open the door and flipped your gun into your jacket.

“I thought Rainbow disbanded.”

“It did but was reactivated in 2015.” She explained. You allowed them both inside and closed the door behind them. “My name is Doctor Gustave Ketab and this is my coworker Eliza Cohen.”

You brought the two over to your lounge and sat down at the sofa. “I would offer you two some tea or coffee but I don't really want you in my apartment so can we cut to the chase?”

They glanced at each other before Gustave took the lead. “We heard that you recently woke up from a coma-”

“-If you call three years recently okay.” You interrupted him. “Look cool you guys got reactivated but I'm never going to be the same as I was and I've already been discharged. I'm actually quite happy living my little life here.”

“It's not you that we are looking it's about someone you worked with.”

“You want information?” You cocked a brow. Despite having to write reports about everything you didn't blame them coming to the source, there was a lot of information that was omitted from those reports.

Eliza pulled a folder from the inside of her coat and placed it on your coffee table. With the corner of your pinkie finger you flicked it open to be met with Gerald's face. A breath of air was sucked through your teeth and your brows shot up. A chill ran down your spine and your heart ached at the thought of him. You hadn't seen him since that night.

“Gerald Morris. That's uh a name I haven't seen in a long time.” You looked away from a moment as you pressed your lips together. “He was my superior, my mentor I guess. What do you want to know about him?”

Each word had your heart race and you could practically hear the blood rush in your ears. “Can you tell us what he was like?” Gustave asked.

“A real fucking hard ass. Let me tell you he pushed you to the limit. A real bastard but he took care of me.” You swallowed. “He took care of his team. Was pretty instant on sticking to the book.”

“We're you close?” Gustave asked.

Sweat stuck to your bra and you were sure if you were glad that you had been working out of not. “I mean yeah, he was my mentor. We were close, sure.”

You leaned back against the sofa back and looked at them. “Why? He's not still at Rainbow is he? Should have retired by now.” You mumbled.

“You haven't had any contact with him since waking up?” Eliza asked.

“Last time I saw him was ah probably what ah 12 years ago? Is he okay?”

Eliza turned the page on the folder and you started to read the file properly.

“I don't- no he wouldn't.” You frowned. “Gerald cared about his team. He wouldn't-” You cut yourself off with a frustrated sound and rose to your feet. “He wouldn't kill Bogart.” Your teeth clenched and you walked away from them.

“I'm sorry this must be hard for you to hear-” Eliza started.

“-We were a team. I didn't even know Daniel died.” Your voice grew quiet and you leaned on the back of the sofa. “We always had each other's backs.”

“Can you tell us anything about them?” Gustave asked.

“What can I tell you? They were both good men. They both cared so much about helping and saving people. Both of them trained me but then again who didn't in Rainbow? I was everyone's little pet project.”

“Pet project?” Gustave prompted.

“Everyone had something for me to improve on. With Gerald it was hand to hand, Daniel helped me with improving my marksmanship, when he had the time Six would help improve my stealth, Bishop would teach me tactics when she could, you get the idea.”

“Your record says that you were a marksman, yet you had Bogart teach you?”

“That man was insane. Definitely one of the best shots I've ever seen. I would have been a fool to overlook his help. Why did Gerald kill him?” You were fast to get the question out and be done with the small talk.

“There's a lot that's happened. It's best if you read it.” Gustave answered and you sighed. A link blink later you sat back down on the sofa and resumed reading his file.

For five minutes you didn't say a word. All you could do is reread the file over and over.

“We're wonder if you would know of anything that would set him off and lead him down this path.” Eliza explained when you glanced at them.

“I don't know. I was already in a coma when all this happened.”

“Look if there's anything at all?” Gustave leaned forward and you could see the implication behind his eyes.

“If there's something you wish to ask, doctor, ask it.” Your nails dug into the sofa.

“Were you sleeping with Morris?” Eliza immediately asked and the man slowly turned to face her. The question certainly wasn't subtle.

*No.” You spoke without hesitation. “I didn't sleep my way to my position if that's what you were wondering. Six brought me on because he saw the potential in me and because I was fucking good.”

A breath left your lips and you forced yourself to calm down. It was a reasonable thought, you were young and one of the only women there. “Things weren't left entirely professional though.”

“What do you mean?” Gustave asked.

“The last time I saw him, we had an argument. He wanted me to train in overtime and I wanted to have a break that night. Things got heated and he kissed me before I rejected him.”

“You weren't afraid of the consequences that it would have on your career? Normally rejections don't go well for most people.” Gustave asked.

“I was more worried about the consequences it would have on him and his family to be honest. I’m not sure if I loved him.” A lie. “But I certainly cared about him and I like to think he cared about me. It wasn't a rejection based on unrequited feelings. It was a matter of circumstances. Gerald isn't that man- wasn't that type of man. He wouldn't let it affect our work life but it didn't really matter in the end did it?” You bitterly chuckled to yourself.

“I wanted him to be happy with his family but it seems he had other ideas. I guess I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. Maybe at all.”

“Would you come back with us and speak to Gerald. We are hoping that he will open up to you.” Gustave asked.

“Gerald isn't that type of man. His principals are always going to take priority over how he feels. I won't do jack squat and I really don't feel like being used to get a reaction out of him.”

“It-”

“-You lot seem like good operators hmm? I mean your part of Rainbow. You don't fucking need me to do your job. Figure it out.”

“Join Rainbow again. We could use your skills-” Eliza started and you barked out a laugh.

“-Are you fucking insane? Rejoin Rainbow? I thought I made myself clear earlier. Fuck no, I just fucking said I don't want to be a puppet in your game. Do you people not listen? Is that a requirement for being a Rainbow op these days? Now I think you two have outlasted your stay.”

“He's hunting us down. Even in captivity he seems rather certain he has plans to kill us all. Currently that's 62 operators. He has the skill, the smarts and the information to do so. Every day we don't get through to him is another day that he gets close to accomplishing that goal.” Eliza leaned forward and you could heard the desperation in her voice, the slight crack in it.

“These are our people. Our friends and right now your one of our biggest leads.” Gustave backed her up.

“What about his wife and kids? Did you dangle them in front of his face too?*

“Non. They believe he is dead, it's nicer that way.”

“Why not just let me believe the same?”

They didn't answer you and you sighed. “I will talk to him but I'm not being your puppet. I will say what I want to say to him and what I want him to answer. There's not going to be any integration room or one way mirror. No cameras. I want to talk with him normally in a fucking room.”

Gustave started to make a sound of protest but Eliza spoke.

“Done.”

“May we request someone to be there with you? For your safety. At least.” Gustave asked.

“No. I told you. This is for me. Not for you, say what you want afterwards I don't care. I'm not being your puppet.”

“Okay.” Eliza nodded and stood up. Gustave didn't seem happy but didn't complain. “Here's a flight back to base, we will meet you there.”

“At Hereford?”

“Yes.”

It was strange being back. Somehow the place was completely different but almost exactly the same at the same time. A guest lanyard stayed around your neck as one of the operators showed you around.

“Here's were you will be staying. It's close to the SASR ops but the walls are pretty thick.”

“Thanks Campbell.” He opened the door and you dumped your duffle back on the bed. There wasn't much for you to take.

“Please call me Miles.” He smiled warmly. “If you have any questions feel free to hit me up.”

“Alright thanks.” He left the room and you were finally alone. There wasnt anything to unpack, you prefered to keep everything in your bag. The only thing you did get out was a chunky bracelet which you put on and his beneath your hoodie.

Ten minutes later there was a knock of your door and you promptly opened it. “Cohen.”

“Normally I would have done this tomorrow but I doubt you really want to wait that long.”

She started to lead you down the hallway. “There's not a lot of places he can go unsupervised so I'm afraid we have to put him into an integration room if you want to be in the same room with him.”

You started to protest but she continued on.

“I know this isn't what you agreed to but we can turn off the cameras and the one way mirror. No one will be there with you, you will have complete privacy. It wasn't easy to get you the department leads protested a lot.”

“...Thanks.” You weren't very overly grateful but it seemed like the right thing to say.

“You have fifteen minutes and if we don't hear from you someone will come in after. Knock four times when you're ready to leave.”

The pair of you reached the interrogation room relatively fast at her slightly uncomfortable fast walking pace. “He's already in there.”

She looked towards the door. “Black out will happen when you go in.”

You opened the door and walked inside. The first thing you noticed was the one way mirror turned clear and then the orange light from the camera turned off. Behind your hoodie you hid and sat down opposite to Gerald.

He didn't say anything, he didn't seem to care about your presence. You took the bracelet off your wrist and placed it in the middle of the table before you clicked the switch on the side of it.

Curiosity got the better of the man and he spoke up. “What's this?”

“It's known as the bracket of silence. It's microphone jammer.” You looked at hima nd brought your hoodie down. Right away his face softened up and his lips parted slightly.

“You’re awake.” His chained hand reached towards your face, specificly the scar that had formed on the side of your head. You flinched slightly when he touched you but didn't stop him.

“Of all the time for you to wake up, it's now.” He seemed frustrated by the thought.

“I've been awake for three years now.”

His brows narrowed and he pulled back his hand.

“Been doing physical therapy and shit like that. Maybe if you visited you would have known-”

“I visited.” His voice raised before he swallowed and repeated himself quieter. “I visited you whenever I could even after Rainbow collapsed. Even after I faked my death I visited you. But after 7 years…”

“You gave up hope?”

“I accepted that you weren't waking up. I had someone who was supposed to keep an eye on you but it seems like I'm going to have to have a long conversation with them after this if it slipped that you were out of hospital for three years.” His first clenched and his jaw tightened.

“Does it matter? From the sounds of it, your hunting down all of Rainbow anyway-”

“No, not Rainbow. Not us, those imposters who parade in our name. I could have helped you, I should have been there to guide you-”

“When? In between your terrorist hobbies? In between killing Bohem? Cause it sounds to me like you are killing us-”

“That was an unfortunate sacrifice I didn't have a choice-”

“You always have a choice!” You slammed your hands on the metal desk. “He was out leader, our commander, my mentor, our friend.” Your voice choked nd you looked away. “You made the decision to kill him.”

“You weren't there.” He growled.

“No shit I was in a fucking coma but it doesn't change the fact you killed him.”

“They set you up!” He jumped up from the table.

“What?”

“They set you up. Your mission I read-”

“-No I fucked up. I didn't react fast enough.”

“Just listen to me for one moment, woman!” His loud voice had you paused and you nodded for him to continue. “Your entire mission was fucked the moment you got it. There was no possible way that you could have completed it alive. I'm surprised you even completed the objective. Not because your bad, far from it. The mission was stacked against you. They should have sent in more people with you. It wasn't fair to you and they were going to leave you behind when you failed.”

“How am I here then?”

“Because I found out about it. I was on your extraction heli and went in after you when you went dark.”

Silence grew between the pair of you as you absorbed the information. “Aren't you tired of being a pawn?”

“Yes.” You looked him in the eye. “I am. Which is why I'm in my retirement. Something you could have done.”

“I couldn't just retire.”

“Why not? You could have been happy with your family. You would have been an honorable man who finished his time.”

“There's still too much work left to do.”

“What? Killing the next generation? Doesn't sound like work. It sounds like you're a bitter old bastard who can't let things go.”

Gerald stood up for his chair with fury in his eyes and you continued. “You know they offered me a job. If I took it would you kill me too? If I was there instead of Daniel would you have killed me?”

“No. No it wouldn't have reached that. You would have listened to me.”

“Would I?” You titled your head as you challenged him. Slowly you walked around the table until you were next to him and looked at you. “I told you once that I needed breaks because this job could swallow you whole and this is exactly what I meant. I think you need therapy. Proper therapy where you want it to work.

I think if I was there that day you would have put me in the ground the same way you would put me in the ground now if I got in your way because you see people not as people anymore but pieces. Pieces in the game where only you can win. It will never be enough though, how far will your righteous crusade go? How many lives must be taken until you're satisfied? Fuck it let's make it a little easier huh.” You grabbed his hand and brought it to your throat.

“Kill me. That's what you do right? Kill your own people. Betray those you're close to. Who else was closer to you in my team but me right?”

Gerald stared at you and you watched as the clockwork behind his eyes turned. He blinked and you could tell right away he was back in control of the situation.

His hand tightened around your neck but he didn't choke you, it was just to hold you. This thumb gently stroked your jugular before he pushed you back against the wall. Gerald's eyes lined with yours and his lips parted.

“I wouldn't have killed you. Maybe you wouldn't have listened but I never would have had a reason to kill you. I could disarm you with ease. If I had to I would have taken you with me. I would have kept you safe.” He came closer in a proximity that reminded you of last time.

“You're not a threat to me, you've never been. I couldn't kill you back then for that same reason I won't kill you now. It's the same reason why you wouldn't have killed me if you were in Daniel’s position. You’re not a threat to me.” The repeated phrase of your own words had your hand clench into a fist. You weren't sure what pissed you off more, that or the fact that he didn't take you as a threat.

“I hate you.” You whispered as his lips brushed against yours.

“No you don't. I can tell you want to, you really want to but you don't.” His hand moved from your throat up to you jaw where he used it to hold your face as his lips connected with yours.

His lips moved slowly against your but firmly. It was like he was testing the waters but savouring every last second of it. “You would have done so well at my side.” He mumbled as he parted, his facial hair still brushing against you. “Bishop was wrong to sign you off on that mission. She should have sent me with you.” His other hand cupped the other side of your face.

“I completed the objective, that was a solo mission for a reason. Bishop’s tactics worked.”

His fists slammed on the wall above your head and the chain on the cuffs rattled.

“It would have cost you your life.” He hissed and his eyes pointed at yours. You looked away from him and you heard him sigh. Slowly you looked back at him. Gerald calmed himself with a deep breath and his forehead met yours where he gently rested it.

“It already stole a decade from you. The risk of a solo insertion was too high. I should have been there.” Gerald's voice was quiet. The bottom of his face pushed forward and once again his lips were against yours. Once again there was a sense of slow urgency, as if he couldn't properly speak. Like somehow those kisses could make it better, that they couldn't explain matters.

“But you weren't.” You whispered when he parted. You ducked down from under his arms and went towards the table. “You weren't there Morris. I went into a coma and you betrayed Rainbow. You became the very thing we were supposed to stop. I heard the stories, how are you any better than Nowak?”

“Nowak was an incompetent arrogant asshole who turned traitor because he didn't have any self worth.” He spun around and grabbed your wrist.

“Well you have three of those traits down don't you?” You snatched your wrist back and turned away from him dead set on the door.

“Europa.”

“You know I think I would have preferred it if they just told me you died. It would have been kinder.”

He called out your name once, twice but didn't move to stop you.

You took a few steps toward the door and knocked four times. The door soon swung open and you didn't look back.

#deimos x reader #gerald morris #r6s x reader #rainbow 6 siege #r6s #hes a lot more serious in this one because theres that inital respect of being in Rainbow together #posted this on mobile so I think all the formatting wiped #goodbye italics my beloved ✊😔

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pixies-and-poets · 1 year ago

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Smithy Gang Headcanons

Hi, friends! I'm extremely grateful for the positive feedback on The Forging, and definitely want to write more SMRPG stuff; I've just been working on other priorities lately. However, my brain has been busy churning stuff over, even if I haven't had the time to sit down and write a story yet.

So I wanted to jot down some of my headcanons for the Smithy gang, specifically the forging order of the main members. I thought of a sequence where Smithy created each as a response to shortcomings he saw in their predecessors. This timeline will serve as a framework from which I can write future stories.

I don't think there's anything here that goes directly against canon, but I'm not as much of an SMRPG expert as I am with some other games lol, so feel free to tell me if there's some kind of Japanese-only line that contradicts me. Also let me know your own ideas if you want!! I am new to being a proper fan in this fandom :P

First, some general notes: I don't really have a good definition for who Smithy himself is, where he came from, or what his world is like, and I don't know if I ever will, since I find some degree of ominous mystery to be more interesting. Also - while I've seen the Gang described as "robots", while that may be true in a sense, I think of them more as "constructs" - I don't think they're powered by wires or circuitry or anything like that, but rather arcane magic. They are not powered by AI, even in the sense that a more nuanced and self-aware robo-sentience might be (see examples in the Marioverse: TEC, Beep-0, JEANIE), but a more traditional type of consciousness/soul that Smithy has learned to work with, as if it were yet another material. (This isn't abnormal for the Mario world, where we already have living bullets and bombs and the like- and in an ironic twist, also makes them somewhat similar to Geno, who is a consciousness inhabiting a form that would not produce sentience or mobility on its own.)

This isn't really a fic, although it's long enough to be one, lol. I hope you enjoy!

First there was Exor; but Smithy did not create him. In fact, Exor was Smithy's beloved blade, the reason for his obsession with living weapons in the first place. But Exor is a being even more ancient than Smithy, who just happened to bond with him in his lifetime. The sword can grow to a massive size, and is never truly destroyed, but will reappear and reforge itself throughout history. The otherworldly creature that attached itself to Exor and brought it to life has been known to some as the Neosquid.

Now Smithy, in a sense, was his own first experiment - gradually replacing his organic parts with malleable metal, not only to extend his own life, but to make himself more suited for a variety of purposes. This was a process that never really had an end, as he was always experimenting, creating new heads for himself. But when he was satisfied enough with his initial efforts, Smithy sought to create life in his own image, and in the image of his beloved Exor. Among other adventures, he spent time in Subcon, the Land of Dreams, studying the enigmatic nature of consciousness - at least enough so that he could harness some of its unfathomable magic for his own ends.

Boomer was the first of Smithy's prized creations (yes, because I like the idea of the one called "Boomer" being the oldest). Originally created to provide a sort of companionship to Smithy in the form of strategic advisory and being a bodyguard- and also to provide friendship, although Smithy would never admit it. Over time, Smithy became distracted with his newer and flashier works, and grew tired of Boomer's overly serious and staid nature. Though their relationship has grown distant, Boomer's fondness, gratitude and loyalty for his creator has never faltered, and he will defend Smithy to the very last of his existence. In turn, Smithy has never put forth plans for machine-made Boomers- the younger creations speculate it's because he's too outdated a model for this to be worth it, but perhaps it's because even now, Smithy considers him irreplaceable.

Bowyer was the next-forged. Smithy sought to make a commander who represented a long-range weapon, to contrast with Boomer's katana; and also a more creative and inventive personality to offset Boomer's traditionalist and unadventurous nature. When Bowyer was born, Smithy found that he had accidentally gone way too far (in his opinion) in this new direction, leading to a creation that was so erratic he refused to even speak like those around him. Smithy found Bowyer a hard-to-control troublemaker who would rarely listen to him (or Boomer) and seemed unhappy most of the time, not fitting in with the world he had been forged into. Bowyer would also leave arrows all over the place, sticking out of random things in the weapon world - this is when Smithy had the bright idea to create arrows with consciousness, so they could return to their leader on their own. To Smithy and Boomer's surprise, Bowyer became a lot more joyful and content when he met his little Aeros, and they all became an inseparable entourage.

Smithy became creatively blocked while trying to think of his next big project, largely due to the stress of Bowyer's early behavior. Instead, he came up with a number of smaller-time minions, some of which were the Shymores, based on the Shy Guys he had observed during the time he had spent in Subcon. The Shymores were a playfully destructive group, and after seeing Bowyer's happiness with the Aeros, Smithy decided to forge a creation who was destined to be a leader from the outset; and also one with a mischievous streak, yet toned down from Bowyer. And so he made Claymorton, who later called himself Mack. He was a beloved leader to his rowdy group, but perhaps too social- he ended up neglecting his own training, preferring to play and mess around with his friends, and thus never became very strong on his own.

By now, Smithy was growing frustrated by the failures and flaws that he saw in the personalities of his creations. He decided to think extra hard about the character of his next project: this would be someone who could work completely independently - brilliant, shrewd, capable of powerful magic spells and illusions. Yet Smithy made sure to write in an unflinching loyalty to himself into the new creation's code, so to speak. And lo: at first Speardovich seemed everything Smithy could have ever wanted. Proud, powerful, but knowing his place. He needed no minions, and thus was never distracted, as he could split his own form and consciousness so that one being could do the work of many. He might appear to be older than Bowyer and Claymorton, but in fact he is technically not; he was just created from the outset to be more mature, with the moustache to prove it. And yet, over time, the cracks in this personality began to show. Speary was pompous and did not get along with the other creations when necessity called them to work together. And his respect for Smithy manifested as simpering; a begging for praise and attention which the smith found increasingly unbearable. He was always coming up with unasked-for ideas and input, such as: perhaps all the machine-made units could take the name of a spear in a different language, and "speardovich" could be their overall model name, and that he quite liked Yaridovich for himself personally, and perhaps it would be alright if- but no, Smithy would have none of it. While at first he had beamed with joy at this newest creation, he soon enough kept him at arm's length (or spear's length?) as well.

Finally, Smithy hit upon a brilliant idea - his next creation would be a group of (mostly) equals who could depend on each other without a major power imbalance, keep each other entertained, and stay out of his hair. The Axem Rangers were born, all bearing an energetic and youthful personality which they are still yet to grow out of. They were given control of the Blade, and sent to scout various worlds. They often picked up slang and brought home entertainment from the places they visited, and developed a countless number of inside jokes. The other commanders, and especially Smithy himself and Boomer, found it hard to keep up with them. However, Smithy considered their existence a big success, and remained very proud of them- although this might be due to the fact that he ended up not having to interact with them that much.

...So, that's what I have for now! I'm not sure where all of the Factory enemies fit into this; based on their descriptions, I think Clerk/Manager/Director aren't creations of Smithy, but are the same species as him and recruited from his homeworld. Same with the Chief, aside from possibly not being the same species. Smaller minions like jabits and the hammers would be produced at various points that aren't super relevant to this larger narrative. Count Down was probably made as a fun side-project when Smithy wanted to take a break from weapons per se, and see what he could do with an object like a clock. Gunyolk was confirmed to be created by the Chief. And Cloaker and Domino are weird outliers; I want to say they would be among some of the first things Smithy made, or the latest, in some kind of more abstract and experimental period.

Again - let me know your thoughts and ideas!

#super mario rpg #smrpg #fan analysis #fan theory #smithy gang

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jujutsustraycats · 7 months ago

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Hey ish! Your school would be starting in a few days and here a few things I wish someone told me when I was about to start my journey for 11th! Some of these might apply to you too even though the paths I have and you will be taking are completely different.

Next 2 years are gonna teach you a lot. They'll put you through the highest of high and lowest of lows. They'll change you as a person. They'll teach you so much about life (and also how people can be). Things would get overwhelming at times. You wouldn't understand what the fuck is going on at times. A lot of times you'd be left confused and hurt and alone for both, academic and non academic reasons. Also, you'd get a lot of career advice so you need to know how to filter out the useless ones! The best way to check authenticity can be reflect on the achievements of the one giving advice.

Even though your classmates might be in the same stream, you'll realise that everyone has a different story and that, in the worst ways possible too. There'd be times when it'd feel like none of your peers understand your visions and aim for future, there'd be times you wouldn't have a buddy to chat about your life philosophies with who also has the same opinions as yours (but remember to not give up on people as a whole okay? You'd find people you vibe with at the end of the day, you just have to be bold enough to put yourself out there!)

There'd be also times you might end up severely over worked and sleep deprived (but make sure not to drink so much coffee that your hands and shaking and your heart is beating so fast that your body goes into fight and flight mode thinking you're having panic attack lol). You know ish, these 2 years might completely make you or break you, but remember to not give up despite whatever situations you might end up in.

I personally was a several-Olympiad-gold-medalist kinda overachiever till 10th (even in 11th lol, i didn't sit for it in 12th because my priorities changed. And I overlooked it, don't do that. Celebrate your smallest wins and remember to appreciate yourself for the smallest milestones or you'll end up severely burnt out. It has happened to me twice over the span of last 4 years till now.) But even I ended up seeing the greatest academic downfall i ever had in front of my eyes at many times during these 2 years. And you should know that it's okay. A lot of people are going to be tough on you but try your hardest not to be one of them. Being kind to oneself can be difficult but try your best okay? And you said you are a perfectionist aren't you? Take care little dove.

I've seen a lot in these two years too. A lot of your academic experience also depends on what kind of teachers you get and me, personally, oh my teachers were pos and sadists. They'd bully me for the most stupid reasons (haha losers. You said i wouldn't be able to do it? Well. fuck y'all ✨ [you'd have to learn to be indifferent at times and not let their or anyone else's words get through you. Learn to develop a strong self belief.]) and I seriously hope you get better teachers.

But oh ish not every elder is bad, you'll get some amazing teachers whom you'd never want to break ties with. Hold on to them! okay? You'd also get really amazing friends who you'd know are going to last a lifetime and would be there for you in your toughest times. Hold on to them as well! Some bastards are too good to let go. Ha!

And also, in return, remember to be kind to your peers because you don't know what they might be going through (not to scare you but I had 2 of my friends who'd almost commit suicide, so yeah it can get scary for both, you and them at times but remember to heal them with your love and support. It's an age you all need each other!)

It's gonna be fun, full of lessons, scary, exciting and adventurous at the same time. You'd hate it sometimes and you'd love it sometimes, but despite all MASTI NAHI RUKNI CHAHIE!!! You won't ever get these 2 years back so make sure you don't walk out without making some amazing memories!! Vandalise stuff, copy the sign of principal to escape the school, bunk the classes (to study or not, your choice) have deepest conversations and most light hearted jokes and banters the exact other day, sleep in the class, eat from under the bench, give impromptu speeches on seminars and farewells, break rules....whatever ish. Whatever gets your heart pumping and adrenaline rushing. Because while it's the starting of peak years of your career, you should remember to be a human and have fun at times too. It's okay. It's normal. It's needed. One shouldn't be guilty about it.

Getting less than perfect marks on a few tests isn't gonna harm you as much as you think it will. The ones who love you will continue to love you. The ones who admire you will continue to admire you. The ones who support you will continue to support you.

Baki, main hun idhar hi ❤️ kabhi bhi kuch problem ho toh AA Jana apni badi behen se advice lene, I'll try my best to help you out. As I said the other day, the pain and trauma these 2 years have put me through has only served to make me more empathetic and protective of my juniors so if you come to me with loads of rants i won't say cliché things like "Stay strong". I'd first and foremost listen to you and simply that. I'd listen to you for as long as you want me to. Because sometimes you'd simply just wanna be heard ❤️

I'll try my best to be there for you! If nobody got you, I do! Remember that, okay? ✨

... Dear gods, I don't even know what to say. You made me cry. Like, tears actually sprung up in my eyes. Happy ones, though. Don't worry too much.

I'm not one for physical affection but I would've hugged you so hard if I were there. Thank you. This genuinely made my day.

#you're so sweet chechi thank you thank you for taking the time to send me this and to offer your support #never thought 🥹 would be me irl but here i am #hugging you tight rn virtually hope you know that #and i want to say that i'm here for support too okay? it's a two way thing. i'm also here to listen.#asks: nami!#familia nami #ish's favorites

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caffeinefafnir · 2 months ago

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TL;dr: how a simple hobby keeps me from collapsing (bc we really don't pay enough attention to mental health as a society)

So earlier this year I was writting a fanfic and that's been like, the only anchor to sanity I've had for a long while. I started out on a whim one night and spewed out around 10 pages in one night. I've started at 11pm and stayed up till 5am writting. It's been such a fucking nasty year (bc all the shit started last November actually) where I've been struggling with family issues, health issues, being unemployed and struggling financially, and then the feeling of being left behind when my partner got a job and I didn't, and a lage etc. Suddenly in May I got posessed by this supernatural impulse to write a fanfic after what felt like a lifetime (around 13 years). Days turned into months, one draft became 5 separate stories abt the same characters, I discovered what whump was thus rediscovering something I was really adept to without even realizing it, followed closely several challenges althougth never pressured myself to participate (bc deadlines and I don't get along) and on top of that I started a completely new story of a genre I had never dreamt of exploring before.

Around June I was writting a super emotional scene of my side fanfic. My fave character had attempted suicide and failed, and it was a super heavy scene where she talked about this with a friend in the most nonchalant way (at first) and he was completely shocked and devastated. I was writting this at a cafe, my favorite one, and had to make a real effort to keep a straigth face while typing out bc I tend to act out the feelings as I describe them and my eyes were getting all red and wattery. But everything was fine and I got the full scene toghether. And... I felt so incredibly lighter and happier after that.

I've been trying to find an explanation for it since then. I've been battling depression since a long time now, 10 years, but I hadn't felt suicidal since a long long time ago. But I know too damn well the feeling of the symptoms of depression going away, and BOY what I felt was like a MIRACLE! The floating sensation? Just knowing everything is going to be better? Damn I missed that. I had felt it before a few times in prior years when something significantly good happened, when I went regularly to therapy, etc.

The weirdest part is that things weren't even particularly bad at that point, and even when they were the absollute worst around February I hadn't seriously thought about suicide not even once. It was more like homicidal rage at that point haha, but nothing about harming myself. I keep thinking about it ever since, how optimistic I was for the next month or so before my mood got worse due to environmental reasons. And I still went to that part over and over again to correct, add details and overall finishing the rest of the fic but this proved to be a difficult feat since I never could get myself into the same mood again.

And I'm like... what?? Why did this particular scene caused that blissful effect on me? I've never ever been in that exact situation, surely I fantasized about it (we all do at some point) and I know I'm far from cured of the depression for I still feel some of the indicators of its presence, but the change in me since I wrote those pages was explosive and intoxicating. Maybe I was channeling everything through my blorbo in ways I didn't knew I could, maybe it's just the fact that she got listened at without judging or being accused of faking it/being a failure/blowing it out of proportion, maybe bc she was feeling as lonely and unseen as I currently feel to the point you can disappear for days and nobody would notice (or at least that's what you tell to yourself)

I'm worried that if I tell all this to my therapist she'll institutionalize me haha. For real. I dunno what they normally do in these cases lol. Also I don't want to tell her yet that I write fanficiton since I´m not ready to explain an Xgen-er what is it and why my generation hype so much abt it

#fafnir ramblings #to think that I still have so much pain to inflict in these poor little meow meows #the fanfics is not even done yet #and then I have another one abt substance abuse but now I'll have to wait till next whumptober I think #tw sui ideation #tw sui attempt #tw depression #ao3 fanfic #fanfic writers #whump writing #whumpblr #whump community #tw sui talk

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openphrase123 · 5 months ago

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i realize this may not be the best time to ask because of the last post you made, but how do you find the motivation to keep up with so many projects at once? the fact that you can is both inspiring and also very scary and i'm jealous. "average person writes 1 fic in their lifetime" WRONG. ficwriter openphrase123 who writes 3276453287 fics in their lifetime all at once is a statistical outlier and should not be c

oh this answer got long here's a readmore

well first of all. i have a boring dayjob that lets me marinate big ideas on the backburner. i can turn my thinking brain off for 90% of my projects at work. i've been working there for seven years, i can plot fanfiction in my head without taking a single performance hit LOL

second. um. i'm thirty in like four months. that is in NO WAY old, but i have been on this earth long enough to know when i, specifically, cannot execute or follow through an idea. i only pursue projects i know i can reasonably finish without going crazy. i just kind of. know how my brain chemistry works? i have reasonable expectations for myself?? i'm friends with my brain even if it likes to overthink or be anxious or have seizures or go down weird ocd-adjacent thought paths

third, which feeds a lot into the above point. but when you are in your teens and twenties it's going to take you some time to figure out the rhythm of how you work. i like to take a lot of mini breaks in between what i'm doing. this does not work for my girlfriend, who has ADHD and is like "if i take a break i will never recover" so she doesn't do that. brains are all different and you gotta find what works for you

fourth. well. this one might just be me. but the reason i have like 8 concurrent projects is because when i get tired of one, my brain is VERY happy to latch onto another one. no matter what i'm doing, something is getting done?? that's why i was writing 3 fics at once trying to decide which one to do next. and why i couldn't figure it out and had to leave it to a tumblr poll

and, fifth. idk. i don't write fanfiction when i don't want to? if you look at my ao3 account i haven't done it since. like. 2021? and before that the last time i wrote any fanfiction was in like 2013. of which i cannot track down that old accout but i swear it probably exists?

s.sixth??? and this one is going to sound the braggiest. and maybe it is a little bit. i'm good at this? not like. naturally. i wasn't born writing 100k fanfics. but i've been writing fiction for like. most of my life. i wrote a lot of awful stupid shit before i started writing good shit. i'm not falling asleep at the wheel or anything but after you're making art for enough time, it more easily falls into place. after doing it for so long you develop an intuition for the kinds of projects you will be sufficiently motivated for. i don't know how to describe this without sounding like a pretentious asshole. maybe i can allow myself to be for like five minutes. i've earned it

i hope that helped??? my brain kind of just. does stuff. i've trained it over the years to do stuff in the direction that makes me happy!! i wish my brain would let me go clean my bathroom instead but eh. tradeoffs?

#i hopeeee this isn't braggy i'm just like. well. i do things because i like them?#but like i didn't write Any fanfiction yesterday cause i Did Not Want To. i was playing dnd and weeding the garden #and now today i want to. so i'm doing it!#also i type fast i think? 100wpm? that might help #do i THINK in 100wpm? sometimes. kind of. maybe like. 50 wpm. but i have the Capacity to be fast #anyway i'm done procrastinating for REAL

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drowninginblox · 6 months ago

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Under that Tree

Garmau in 2024? More likely than you'd think lol scampers away with the music of heisting Btw the tree in question is not the tree house. I just like this gif sm and there were no dreamscape gifs

It had been a long time since Aphmau had seen her head guard in this light. The cloudless sky made his ocean-blue eyes deeper the more time she took looking into them. When she did tear herself away from them to catch a prolonged glimpse at this familiarly disjointed island, she would find herself catching a trace of his armor.

Armor that matched his build too well. A sight she knew too well. However, it was never the time nor place to linger on such things. Here though, for some reason, it felt right. It's been so long since that raw feeling of right blessed them. "My Lady, is this...?" Garroth's head swiveled at a concerning rate as the dawning of this familiar place set in. "How did-?"

"I have no idea Garroth," She admitted, deciding to return to their setting rather than the intrusive thoughts she reserved towards one of her favorite guards. "The last time we were here was..." A wave of heat washed over her as intimate memories resurfaced. "When I was in the Irene Dimension. And you were... out in the world." She swallowed, nodding at his interpretation. "Was that reality? Or was it a dream?" Aphmau muttered absentmindedly. "Any moment with you is a dream my lady," Garroth confesses, making his lord smile.

She turns back to him, looking down at the larger-than-life tree's roots. The shadows of its outstretched branches and ample leaves blanket them from the unapologetic sun. Warm as it may be, that particular company wasn't what the pair was looking for. Especially since they have plenty in each other. "You've changed so much since we first met." Garroth returns her small smile with one of his own. "You have offered me a life I otherwise wouldn't have. Whether be in a dying town or in the castle I was raised in." The guard set his helm down on one of the many roots while he took off his hilt. "Pardon me my lady, but it has been quite a while since I've taken this off..."

"Have you been sleeping with your sword?" Aphmau accused, pointing a finger at him. "When was the last time you slept without it on you?" Garroth only turned to her. "When was the last time you did? Without someone searching your body without your permission?" The lady opened her mouth before closing it. Only to open it again. Less than a minute passed without a sound but at that point, the sheath was propped against the root that set Garroth's helmet. "You were saying, my lady?" Aphmau only sighed, kicking away any frustration into the dirt. "Now, now, my lady, the grass has nothing to do with your disappointment in me." The guard chides intermixed a slipping chuckle.

Aphmau's cheeks grow hot as a subtle anger boils in her soul. Meanwhile, Garroth takes the moment to approach her. "You need to take care of yourself Garroth! For the love of-!" She huffs. The urge to walk away from this conversation or wake up from this moment altogether tugging at her. Yet her irritation subsided with the shadow of a touch of worn leather gloves over her hip. So close yet bidding for a consent that Garroth is known to wait hand and foot for. Lingering lifetimes if necessary. "I know. But you should know better than anyone else," He takes a moment to break between the effortless gaze he holds between himself and Aphmau to take a cautious glance at his hand's placement. Aphmau waits for him to look her way to nod.

Even through the rough leather and the layers of her dress and corset, Aphmau could still feel his warmth.

"Everything I do is for you." She breaks her gaze away from his eager eyes, lingering for a faction of a second on his parted lips, before finding herself at his chest. "That is very admirable Garroth," She places her hands on his chest, making the smallest of movements back. Yet that is enough for Garroth to let her go, going as far as to take a step back to give her space. She smiles sadly. "But you deserve to live for yourself. Not for me, or my children, or..." the words catch for a moment. A few breaths are enough to loosen themselves from the prison of her throat. "Even Pheonix Drop." Garroth's brows furrow. "Aphmau, where is this coming from?"

"Garroth, you have dedicated so much of yourself. I admire that so much about you." She swallowed again. Is this why they were here? Alone together in a place made out of idealism? To say the things they left unsaid? Or for her to say the things she was afraid of?

"Garroth, you are such a strong, resilient, and kind man. You have been there for me since the beginning." She lets out a breath of a laugh. "Literally. You have been one of the main reasons I've fought for Pheonix Drop, and continue even when it fell to ruin." Another wave of heat ran through her alongside reserves of passion she could have quantified as nostalgic. A smile tugged to her lips yet wetness brimmed in the corners of her eyes. "My boys didn't deserve a fragment of the world. Nor did they have to hide for the rest of their lives. No one should."

"Aphmau," caution laced between his lips, seeping into her name. "Garroth, you don't deserve that either." She admits. A tear falls down her cheek. Garroth instinctively holds her face, brushing his thumb over her free-falling sadness. "My lady, I stay here because I want to be. With you, and your children, and this village. I have a life here. Where is this coming from?" She fights the urge to give into her heart. her mind has had plenty of time to formulate this. Why is it now that she struggles to move away from his tender grasp? "Garroth, please." She says through flushed cheeks, looking away altogether. He took the hint, moving his hand from her and taking a few steps back so he leaned against the tree.

"Garroth. I think about that day I returned from Scaleswind. The day I found you in the mines." He hoped he could gulp back the implications of what she may be doing, and yet they remained as she did. It was all over his face, the awe, the fear, the confusion of where this was coming from. By no means was Aphmau emotionally prepared for this conversation, and yet here she was. Wading through it like the heaviness of these unresolved feelings she's contained for years. Only managing to brush off any well-meaning teases or outright jealous accusations of tethering her guards to her with the promise of more than just the stereotypical power or pay. This was a long time coming, however, it wouldn't end here.

"I don't know what you remember of that day, I don't blame you if you don't. With Zenix's attack on the village and you doing everything you could to protect Levin, but I remember it so well. Can I tell you what I saw that day?" Garroth took a moment. His gaze faltered between Aphmau and the small meadow that surrounded the tree. Eventualy he relented with a curt nod. "Thank you."

"I remember a very vulnerable man." She takes a step towards him. He remains. "I saw that man in a way I hadn't expected. It was honest and hard on himself. But above all of that, he strove to protect others. Even it meant he'd be hurting himself in the long run." Even though he stood cold and uncaring to this recollection, Garroth couldn't hide his contempt. He shifted his weight between his legs and closed his eyes when Aphmau was halfway through. Striving to disconnect from the moment even though it surrounded him. "I don't know about you Garroth, but that day and the days after I found out about Levin, it seemed like everything changed." She turns away.

"It could have been the knowledge of Levin's family or the circumstances of my lordship... hell, maybe it was just me realizing..." The words catch in her throat. Eventually, Garroth offers an out for her. "That... the world is bigger than you thought?" She smiles, she never turns down Garroth's aid without good reason. Hopefully, this is good enough. "Yes, but, no." She decides. "Garroth, when I traveled, I was free. Freer than I had in a bit. And yeah, it was out of curiosity and to make sure Levin's family was okay. But I think I needed it? Looking back on it now, I think it was the fun before the storm." He chuckles for a moment, allowing Aph to exhale a breath she didn't know she was holding in. "That's all to say, when I got the answers I needed and everything was only a matter of getting back home, I kind of didn't want to go."

Another pause encompasses them. This one was longer and heavier, weighing down on Aphmau's shoulders as if two fully grown wyrens were perched on each. "I know, that's selfish of me to admit. And I did come back of course, but that doesn't make the truth hurt any less." Garroth took a breath of his own. "Aphmau. Did you ever think of abandoning Pheonix Drop? Truly?" another sad smile. "No. Never. Not after that." She smiles, satisfied that they are getting back on track. "When I came back and Zoey told me about the raid- I just. That was that. I needed to see if you and Levin were okay." Garroth shook his head. "You mean if Levin was okay." She rolls her eyes. "Garroth I know what I said. I didn't stutter." She replies evenly, smirking when her guard's face flushed red.

"Garroth, you should know that I returned for Levin and you. Everyone else too- of course! But when I was on that wyren, flying back home, I was looking forward to checking in with you. " The breeze picked up for a moment, making hair sway and her smile fade. "I didn't want to think about it, I think I knew what I was getting into by that time. So, the implications of you and I were just-" "I understand." Garroth nodded, turning back to his helm only for Aphmau to grab his wrist. "I didn't want to put us before our people Garroth."

Slowly, his head turned back. First to his wrist, then to her. "What about Laurence then?" Aphmau swallowed, taking her hand back as anxiety boiled in the pit of her stomach. "I-" She pauses for a moment, considering everything. Her words, her past actions, Garroth. "I can't say he does not mean anything to me. In a way, he's everything to me." Garroth attempts to hide his disappointment, however, the intuition Aphmau has gained over the years of her knowing Garroth shines through with a careful touch to her head guard's cheek. Cupping it as tears begin to well. "He is everything to me in the same way you are." He hesitates before leaning into her warmth. Eventually turning to face her alltogether. Gratitude and sadness wash through him although he has no idea as to why for either.

He had played this proverbial game for years. He knew there was ample risk as there was reward. Yet why does this feel like neither and both at the same time?

"My lady, how long did you know? And what do you mean?" Aphmau smiled. "I love him. And you. Equally, and in the same vein, but differently." Garroth swallowed, blinking a few times while heat rose from his chest. "What?"

"Garroth, I was so worried about what others would think and how both of you would react. But I'm so tired of not living my life, my truth. Garroth, I love you. I can't live without you. Your time in the Irene dimension has proved that to me." She swallowed back a tight bundle that began to gather in the back of her throat. "But I want- no. I need both of you. If not the way I have always hoped, then at least as friends." Garroth considers this as clarity makes itself known. All those moments, the good and the bad, redefined in a matter of a confession. Heat pooled in his stomach while a cold sweat washed over his brow. "My lady,"

"You do not need to answer now, I know it's a lot-" She recovers after a curt cough. Her warmth moves away yet Garroth moves with her, grasping her wrist lightly to get her to remain. Although she is startled by this overt yearning, she does stay. "Aphmau, why didn't you tell me earlier?" He reasons. She looks away. "Everyone else seemed to have only one that their heart yearned for... I've heard stories of people with multiple lovers. Some good, most bad." She blinked away a familiar wetness. Yet courage ignited just for her to look him in the eyes. "I didn't mean to lead either of you on, truly. I just couldn't decide."

A moment passes. Garroth and Aphmau stare into each other's eyes. One was searching. For what, they didn't know. The other was checking. But the same could be said.

Eventually, Aphmau pulled her hand away. Garroth let it. "I'm sorry if this is too much, I-" "No." Tears, now openly falling, could be tasted on the sweetness of small smiles. "Just give me time." Aphmau wasn't sure why, but the sentiment of what Garroth said left her light, warm, and open. It was an old feeling but a welcome one as a bright light from the crevices of branches and leaves seemed to grow brighter and merge together as one in every aspect of Aphmau's being.

Hope was a very good feeling.

#aphblr #garmau #hints of #laurmau #the tree is a paid actor #ofc no beta readers we die like men #aphmau has two hands #polyamory #aphmau/laurence/garoth #i did my research #I rewatched mcd for this one shot and god damn it am i satisfied #minecraft diaries #we could have had it all #but instead we have fanfiction

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wikiangela · 1 year ago

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✨ 2023 writing round-up ✨

tagged by @exhuastedpigeon <3

I posted 22 fics this year (including the multi-chapter fic I started last december) and 21 of those were 911, and 20 were buddie lol the very first fic was the ending of my sambucky era (or a pause, I might go back who knows) and then buddie fully took over

idk what it was about this year, bc I've been writing buddie since march 2021, but now it's like the only thing I write haha

putting all the fics i've written this year under the cut bc it got loooong haha - clearly, march this year was big for me, so many fics haha

January

June 14th, 2025 (I've been waiting for you my whole life) Sambucky, T, 3.5k

A year after getting engaged, Sam and Bucky get married. A little oneshot that takes place after the events of my fic "sounds like an angel (he might be a demon)".

___

March

The one with groceries and bad coffee buddie, G, 1.3k

It’s fucking coffee, of all things, that finally does it. Or, Buck buys Eddie's favorite brand of coffee for his loft, and Eddie's brain short-circuits, leading to a realization.

Fine buddie, 1.6k

Eddie’s foot feels heavy on the gas pedal, while his hands grip the steering wheel tightly, to prevent them from shaking. He’s driving almost on autopilot, while trying his best to compartmentalize and focus on just getting to the hospital, trying not to think about Buck- about what’s happening in the back of the ambulance right now. Or, after the drive to the hospital after Buck's hit by lightning, Eddie loses it. Sort of 6x10 coda.

don't know what I'd do if your tomorrow never came buddie, 1.9k

He can’t help but think that this is some kind of sick joke from the universe, which he doesn’t believe but he knows Buck would. “The universe is screaming at you and you refuse to listen” is what Buck said once, it feels like a lifetime ago. He didn't believe it, then, either. And now the universe is mocking Eddie, having him have to tell their kid about Buck, just like Buck had to tell him about the shooting. Eddie doesn’t know how Buck did it, how he had the strength, because he’s on the verge of breaking down and shattering into a million little pieces. Or, Eddie goes home to tell Christopher about Buck getting hurt.

we got time (but we're only human) buddie, 1.6k

“We got time, Eds.” Buck chuckles. “Not enough.” Eddie’s voice breaks a little. Buck squeezes his hand. “We almost ran out of time, and I can’t just wait until it happens again, Buck. Besides, life is short. We’ll never really have enough time, because a lifetime with you wouldn’t be enough." Or, Buck wakes up from his coma, and Eddie, done with wasting time, confesses his feelings.

I can't love you any more (than I do now) buddie, G, 2.6k

Eddie's pretty sure he and Buck are dating and kind of living together. Neither acknowledges it, until Eddie finally does.

I don't mind a detour (as long as I still get to be yours) buddie, G, 1.4k

Buck falls asleep on Eddie's couch. Eddie has feelings about it.

___

April

me and you only equals love buddie, E, 6.6k

“What would you say,” Eddie brings one of his hands to Buck’s face, traces his jaw, feather-light, barely there touch, and hears Buck take a shaky breath, eyes wide with something like awe not leaving Eddie’s face, “if I wanted to kiss you? Just hypothetically.” OR, Eddie is horny and in love, and after the poker date, he finally kisses Buck - and things unfold from there. aka my first smut lol

you're the one I want buddie, G, 1.4k

“You know there’s only one person I’m interested in.” “And who might that be?” Buck leans back against the counter with a goofy grin, and Eddie wants to just go over there and kiss him. “Just my best friend I’m kind of hopelessly in love with.” Eddie shrugs, and enjoys seeing how Buck’s whole face gets red. OR, no one knows that Eddie and Buck are dating, Pepa tries to set Eddie up on dates, and Buck finds it amusing.

kiss it better buddie, G, 1.5k

Buck burns his tongue, Eddie makes a joke, and everything changes.

stuck with each other buddie, G, 2.5k

Buck's new fixation is buying unnecessary kitchen gadgets that end up in Eddie's kitchen, they all cook together, and Eddie can't keep his feelings in check.

I'm free in salt water (embrace the deep end, leave everything) maddie fic, 612 words

Sobbing, Maddie got up and, fully clothed, stepped into the ocean. Cold water was splattering against her, as she kept walking, fighting against the waves that tried to push her out. She was determined. It wasn’t her first attempt at killing herself, but it would be the first time she would be successful. OR, What was going through Maddie's mind as she walks into the ocean? (wrote this one when i was bored in class in college about a year before I posted this and idk if I like it tbh but it's posted haha)

___

May

I'd marry you with paper rings buddie, G, 3.4k

“If we’re not married by the time we’re, like, forty, we should just marry each other.” he chuckles, and downs the rest of his beer. And Eddie… Eddie knows it’s a joke. Obviously. It can’t be anything but. But still, it does something to him. He’s thought about it, fantasized about it, but hearing it from Buck, even jokingly… “Why wait?” his tone is also teasing. He can play it off as a joke, while still looking for Buck’s reaction, for any indication about how he feels. (...) “Let’s just do it now and get it over with.” Or, Buck makes a joke that leads to an unplanned marriage proposal.

Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life? buddie, G, 2.9k

Buck spends time with Eddie and Chris, and for some reason finds himself incapable of telling Natalia, which leads to some realizations.

what a mighty good man buddie, G, 3.4k

Buck loses his phone, and Eddie calls him to help him find it - but he does not expect the ringtone Buck has set for him.

___

June

me, you, our kid and a dog buddie, G, 4.7k

Buck and Chris try to convince Eddie to get a dog, while not even living together. It leads to more unexpected changes than Eddie could ever imagine.

___

July

you been looking for love (let me show you how it's done) buddie, E, 12.2k

“Are you-” he frowns, the confusion somehow winning with the urge to just lean in and kiss him so thoroughly he’ll forget about any other kiss he might’ve shared with any dates. “Are you doing all this on purpose?” “Doing what?” Eddie tilts his head, licks his lips, and – Buck’s almost a hundred percent sure – drops his gaze to Buck’s lips for a second. “Eddie.” Buck takes a deep breath, and wants so badly to kiss the smirk off of Eddie’s face. “Please.” “What for?” “You’re driving me insane.” he whispers, nails digging into his palms to prevent himself from reaching out. But Eddie’s thigh is pressed against his, and somehow his hand is on Buck’s knee now, and Eddie’s looking at him in such a way, that it makes Buck hot all over – or, hotter, his palms are sweating, actually. “And I feel like you are doing it on purpose.” or, Eddie is a tease, Buck is horny and jealous of Eddie dating, and a regular evening takes an unexpected turn.

___

August

For a holiday (and forevermore) buddie, M, 95k, 30 chapters

Eddie's sick of personal, intrusive questions about his love life whenever he visits his family, so he starts bringing Buck for the holidays as his (fake) boyfriend. He only wants to shut them up, and doesn't expect that the small crush he has on his best friend could actually turn into something more... (my baby fake dating holiday fic <3)

I could get lost in the feelings (just say that you belong to me) buddie, E, 15k

“Wait, wha- how- how do you feel about me?” Buck asks, his voice quiet and almost hesitant. “Buck, really? Isn’t it obvious? Do I have to spell it out for you?” Eddie sighs, eyes finally locking with Buck’s. “I think I’d like you to.” he whispers, eyes wide. “Just so I- just so I’m sure.” “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Eddie mutters, and then, frustrated and sad, and angry, he takes the few steps separating him from Buck, grabs his face with both hands, and crashes their lips together. Or, Buck's going on a date, Eddie's so jealous he finally snaps and reveals his feelings, which leads to a passionate evening in Buck's kitchen. aka the possessive smut which might be one of my fave fics ever haha

___

September

baby, you drive me wild buddie, E, 10.9k

He places his left hand on Buck’s thigh now, and Buck’s smirk just grows. “Eddie, I’m driving.” he says mock-scolding, but he chuckles breathily, as Eddie shifts in his seat, angling more towards Buck, taking his right hand and very lightly moving it along Buck’s inner thigh, following the seam of his jeans, until he gets to his dick. “Pull over, then.” he hears his own hoarse voice, as his hand grips Buck’s also already hard dick, getting a gasp out of him, his left hand still on Buck’s thigh digging its fingers into the leg. He really doesn’t think he can wait until they get home. “Eddie.” Buck shakes his head slightly, eyes not leaving the road. “We’re not gonna have sex on the side of the road.” Or, Buck and Eddie have car sex on the side of the road. one of my absolute favorite fics I've written and i think my fave smut ngl haha

___

October

the next best thing buddie, E, 9k

And, look, Eddie could say that it’s all good, delete the message, and pretend it never happened. Except, the more he looks, the more turned on he gets, and his hand starts stroking his dick through the fabric, and- and his mind is clouded by arousal and jealousy, and such strong feeling of possessive want, he’s not thinking when he throws the covers away, takes a picture of his bulge, cock hard and leaking, a wet spot visible on his underwear, and sends it to Buck in response, with a text that says ‘no worries, I liked it. fuck, I want that gorgeous cock all to myself’. It’s so unlike him, he’d never even taken a nude picture before now, but- but this is Buck, who makes some sort of crazy possessive beast roar to life in his chest, and has his body screaming at him to do something, anything to get Buck’s attention on him, instead of whoever the hell was on the receiving end of the messages leading to that one. ‘HOLY SHIT’ is what he gets back, and not even two seconds later, Buck’s calling him. Or, Buck accidentally sends a nude and a spicy text to Eddie - things escalate from there.

___

November

I wanna spend my forever like that buddie, G, 8.6k

Eddie catches a cold and stubbornly denies he's sick, while a fondly exasperated Buck is trying to take care of him.

____

Writing Round-Up: Share what you wrote this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you wrote or just the ones your most excited about.

no pressure tags: @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @honestlydarkprincess @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @daffi-990 @loserdiaz @lover-of-mine @giddyupbuck @spotsandsocks @housewifebuck @underwater-ninja-13 @hoodie-buck @monsterrae1 @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz @jamespearce9-1-1 @jeeyuns @callmenewbie @thewolvesof1998 @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @pirrusstuff @fortheloveofbuddie

#2023 writing round-up #writing round-up #tag games #i wrote so much at in march-april-may and then there's a decline lmao #self recs #i love most of the fics on here ngl #this year has been good when it comes to writing #clearly the lightning got to me lmao how did i write so much about it #this is so long lmao but ill never pass an opportunity to self rec sns 🙈

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tayfabe75 · 8 months ago

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What are your thoughts on The Alchemy? All the football references make you think it's about Travis, but if you take them away, the rest of the song just doesn't make sense for him in my opinion. Especially with “this happens once every few lifetimes” from it and “once in 20 lifetimes” from cardigan.

Hey, anon! Honestly, I'm so glad you asked about this song. When I first heard 'The Alchemy', I was cackling at what I believed were obvious football-related red herrings… This suspicion grew exponentially when Taylor decided to mash it up with 'Treacherous' of all things!

And of course, it's "touch down", not "touchdown":

Which implies some sort of aircraft… an airplane? (Perhaps a UFO? 🛸)

Even if it is a sports reference, who's to say it's not rugby? Especially when paired with the word "blokes"… Also, what's with the word "blokes" anyway? Americans don't say that! lol And Taylor sang it with a heavy accent during the acoustic set…

Now, I know what you might be thinking, since I've seen a few 75 fans get upset with Taylor over this song, assuming it's super petty and she's making fun of Matty. Well, part of my personal ethos is to give people the benefit of the doubt rather than automatically assume malintent. So, my thinking is that even if Matty truly did ditch Taylor because he couldn't take the heat of her fan's burning pitchforks and he thought he was doing her a favor by leaving… the absolute last thing she would do is write songs making fun of him for it. The woman who wrote 'Peace'?! Nah, I don't buy it!

I firmly believe that Matty gave TTPD his blessing. I think it's chiefly an album reflecting an earlier time in Taylor's life, a time she couldn't write about any of that stuff without giving away Matty's identity and personal details of his life that he did not want to be public (it was not just her story to tell). Now, though... Matty has since shown incredible vulnerability and bravery in discussing his past addictions, and frankly, humanizing addicts for his impressionable young fans! Taylor, too, has great empathy for those struggling with addiction - something she spoke about a few times throughout the 1989 tour (gee, I wonder why…) usually preceding the song 'Clean'.

And though they have at least a decade-long public history, Matty was only recently "inducted" as a muse into the "Taylor Swift Cinematic Universe". If I had any, I'd bet money that Taylor had the green light to write this album from Matty, himself (and that he's been easter egging the hell out of it leading up to its release!)

Like you, "once every few lifetimes" immediately reminded me of 'Cardigan'. Of course, you have a reference to heroin (see above), and someone getting out of a hospital… making this song almost sound like it's, at least in part, from Matty's perspective. Ditch the clowns, cut the amateurs...

And, whoever's heart is reserved, the sign is not still there for someone they just met, right? If it is about someone new, then it sounds more like a restaurant reservation or something. Not the most romantic metaphor (and frankly, a strange one if you ask me!)

Further, the song is from 2023:

Anon, I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to hear this as a song written for someone she just started dating (way more "unhinged" than the exchange of "I love yous" with someone you've known for ten years, anyway...) But! I very well could be wrong. Hopefully time will tell.

Lastly, there's something called an "alchemical marriage", which is a sacred union that transcends the physical realm into the spiritual, joining twin flame souls together. Do with that what you will...

Thanks for the ask! 🤍

#answered #speculation: ttpd

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darkstar225 · 1 year ago

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Twice's 10th member can't find her favourite snack after ONCE's discovered about it

A/N: Heyyy, I'm coming up with a lot of stuff for you guys so I can make up for the time I'm gone lol! Sry for taking so long to post :D I hope that my friend smit24123, who gave me this idea on Wattpad likes it! :)

The request: Hi surprise surprise it's me I have one where foreigner 10th member likes to order their favorite snack aka graham crackers (because it's not in Korea) and the fans find out and it's sold out so 10th member gets frustrated because they grew up on it and they (10th member) can't get it. Ps I love your one-shot's

PS: Tysm for everyone who reads what I write, I hope I can bring a smile to your faces every time I post! I'd like to thank whoever sent me this idea 'cause I loved to write it <3

__________________________________________________________

It was a crisp autumn evening in Seoul. TWICE, one of South Korea's most beloved girl groups had just finished a successful concert, leaving their fans in high spirits. As the members made their way back to their dressing room, they were greeted by a familiar sight, a table overflowing with gifts and fan letters.

Y/N, the group's youngest member, had always been known for her warm and approachable demeanour. She loved interacting with fans and reading their heartfelt messages. Today was no different as she eagerly began sifting through the pile of letters and gifts, a smile gracing her lips as she uncovered the heartfelt words of support.

Among the letters, there was one that caught her attention: a beautifully decorated envelope with her name written in intricate calligraphy. The maknae carefully opened it, revealing a handwritten letter from a fan named Soo-Min.

Dear Y/N,

I hope you had a wonderful concert tonight! I wanted to send you a little something special to show my support. I know you've mentioned in interviews that you miss a snack from your home country, graham crackers. I've included a box of them in this package for you. I hope you enjoy them!

With love, Soo-Min

The younger girl's eyes widened with surprise and joy as she carefully pulled out the box of graham crackers. She couldn't believe that a fan had gone to such lengths to send her a taste of home. Graham crackers had been a staple of her childhood, and she often reminisced about the simple pleasure of dipping them in milk.

The other members noticed their sunshine's excitement and gathered around her, curious about the contents of the package.

Nayeon - What's that, kid?

Y/N beamed at her older sisters.

Y/N - It's graham crackers, my favourite snack from back home! Soo-Min, one of our fans, sent them to me. Can you believe it? *shining eyes*

The members were thrilled for their child and applauded Soo-Min's thoughtful gesture. They watched as Y/N eagerly opened the box and took out a cracker, savouring the familiar taste.

Y/N - These are amazing! I haven't had these in so long... *smiles*

The rest of the members tried a graham cracker and nodded in agreement. They were indeed delicious.

Over the next few weeks, TWICE's angel's love for graham crackers became a running joke among the unnies. She would often be seen snacking on them during breaks, and her enthusiasm was infectious. The members even started calling her the Graham Cracker Queen.

But as Y/N's love for graham crackers became more well-known, something unexpected happened. Fans started sending her boxes and boxes of the snack, turning it into a sort of running joke. The youngest's dressing room began to fill with graham cracker packages, and she couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Y/N - I'm going to have enough graham crackers to last a lifetime.

She joked with her members.

However, as time went on, the availability of graham crackers in Seoul started to decline. The snack became increasingly difficult to find in local stores, and fans began to notice. They took it upon themselves to search for graham crackers to send to Y/N, but many came back empty-handed, frustrated by the scarcity of the beloved snack.

The idol's heart sank when she received a message from Soo-Min, the fan who had initially sent her the graham crackers.

Y/N, I'm so sorry. I've been trying to find more graham crackers to send you, but they seem to be sold out everywhere. I don't know what's happening.

TWICE's honeybee felt a pang of disappointment. She had grown so fond of the snack, and the thought of not being able to enjoy it anymore was disheartening. She decided to keep the news to herself, not wanting to burden her fans with her frustration.

As the weeks went by, Y/N's stash of graham crackers reduced, and she rationed them carefully. She couldn't bring herself to tell the members just how much she missed the taste of home, especially when they had all grown so fond of the snack themselves.

One evening, as TWICE was preparing for another concert, the members gathered in their dressing room for a pre-show pep talk. Jihyo, their leader and Y/N's mama, noticed that her kid seemed quieter than usual.

Jihyo - Is everything okay, cutie pie? *concerned voice*

Y/N hesitated for a moment before deciding to share her feelings.

Y/N - Well mama, you know how I've been getting those graham crackers from fans, right?

The members nodded, remembering the ongoing joke.

Y/N - I love them so much. But I haven't been able to find them anywhere in Seoul lately. It's like they've disappeared, and I miss them so much. *quivering voice while pouting*

The unnies exchanged sympathetic glances. They had no idea that their babygirl had been struggling with the scarcity of graham crackers.

Jihyo reached out and placed a comforting hand on the maknae's shoulder while pulling her onto her chest for a cuddle.

Jihyo - We had no idea you were feeling this way, honey. We're here for you. Omma's here, baby.

Y/N smiled gratefully at her sisters, especially Jihyo, her eyes glistening with tears.

Y/N - Thank you, unnies. I just needed to get it off my chest.

As TWICE took the stage that night, they gave an electrifying performance, but Y/N couldn't shake the feeling of longing for graham crackers. She had grown to appreciate the little things that reminded her of home, and those simple crackers had become a symbol of comfort and nostalgia.

Little did Y/N know that her confession had not gone unnoticed by her fans. In the days that followed, the hashtag #BringBackGrahamCrackersForY/N began trending on social media. Fans embarked on a mission to find the unavailable snack, searching stores and reaching out to companies in a bid to replenish their idol's supply.

Soo-Min, the fan who had initially sent Y/N the graham crackers, took it upon herself to contact the snack's manufacturer. She explained the girl's love for the product and how it had become a symbol of home for the young idol. The manufacturer, moved by the story, promised to do their best to restock the snack in Seoul.

News of the manufacturer's commitment spread like wildfire among fans, and hope was renewed. TWICE's sunflower was overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from her fans, who were going to great lengths to bring back the beloved graham crackers.

Days turned into weeks, and then, one evening, as Y/N was preparing for another concert, there was a knock on her dressing room door. Startled, she opened it to find a delivery person holding a package.

Delivery person - Is this for Y/N of TWICE?

Y/N nodded, her heart racing with anticipation. She accepted the package and tore it open, revealing a sight that left her speechless. Dozens of boxes of graham crackers, more than she could have ever imagined.

The other members rushed over to see what was happening, and their eyes widened in amazement at the sight of the graham crackers.

Jihyo - My love, look at this!

Tears of joy filled the youngest's eyes as she realized what had just happened. Her fans had succeeded in bringing back her favourite snack, and it was a gesture that touched her to her core.

Y/N immediately took to social media to express her gratitude. She posted a photo of the graham crackers with the caption:

To all my amazing fans, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You brought back a piece of home for me, and I couldn't be more grateful. I love you all so much. #GrahamCrackerLove

The hashtag #GrahamCrackerLove quickly started trending as fans celebrated their victory. Y/N's fans had not only fulfilled her wish but had also shown her the incredible power of their love and dedication.

As Y/N bit into a graham cracker, the familiar taste of home flooded her senses, and she couldn't help but smile. She knew that no matter where her K-pop journey took her, she had a loving and dedicated fan base who would always support her, no matter how small or significant the request.

With renewed determination, Y/N and her TWICE family took the stage that night, their hearts full of gratitude and love for their fans. As they sang and danced, Y/N knew that she was exactly where she belonged, surrounded by people who cared for her and a box of graham crackers that had brought them all a little closer together. And this made her have only one thought:

I love my life as the maknae.

A/N: I’m sorry for any errors, English is not my first language. Pls, let me know if there’s something wrong, ty for reading <3

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