#I've had a bad day and this made my day lol
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*~Thanks Give Me~* Pt 3
A/N: Third part ready and served! Yes I passed out writing this at least twice. So you can probably see it but at this point it's just gonna have to be. I have plans to do what I'm gonna call 'Winter Cleaning' since I wont be doing a Christmas fic this year. So lots of time to look back at all of my posted fics to fix typos and the such XD Word Count: 3.3K Pairings: Ruggie/Leona, Cater/Idia, Vil/Rook, Trey/Jade, Riddle/Floyd, Epel/Ace/Deuce/Jack Warnings: Swearing, Trans-headcanons, Drug mentions, Lying about pregnancy
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The dinner was surprisingly pleasant. It was a possibility, Trein knew that. His students, if push came to shove, could act civilly to each other for extended periods of time. It still made his heart soften seeing them all around the table engaged in conversations. If he craned his head a little to the left he could see Lucius seated at the ‘Kids Table’. Demeaning? Possibly. But he knew his familiar wouldn't complain if he was receiving human food, not to mention the small tumbler of cream he had in place of the fruit punch the other children and Grim were given.
Looking to his right, Trein watched Cater take photo after photo of his plate. It was filled to the brim, a little tasteful piece from the most colorful dishes. But seeing him only pick at the food, Trein realized that was only his ‘Photo Plate’. The redhead was routinely picking off of Idia’s plate who was to Caters right.
Thinking over the conversation he had with Yuu earlier that week, Trein placed his utensils down. Dabbing at his mouth to make sure no food was on his face, he cleared his throat, “Cater?”
The redhead in question snapped his head up, the flash of his camera flickering as it took a photo, “Yes? Sorry, is the flash bothering you, sir? I'm trying to see what lighting is better.”
"Nothing is the matter Cater, I wish to speak to you on other matters.”
“Oh?” Cater leaned his arm on the table, “Spill the tea.”
Trein linked his hands together, leveling Cater with a steady gaze, “You were given the a title as a task I believe?”
“Lol, yeah. Yuu says I'm ‘Gay Cousin’. Wont really tell me what I'm supposed to be doing though.”
“Oh, well this works out perfectly. Yuu alerted me as ‘Grandpa’, it was my task to ask you certain questions.”
“Oh, thank the Seven. Actual direction…”
Trein pulled his phone from his inner robe pocket along with his reading glasses. Putting his glasses on, he opened the notes app, “Now, I've heard you children say a few terms that I'm not aware of…would you tell me what a…’Gyatt’ is?”
Cater turned to Idia, grabbing his attention from his tablet, “Switch seats with me.”
“There's two T's.”
“Switch with me right the fuck now.”
Leona ate as much from his plate in big bites as possible. Ruggie was no better, the hyena basically shoveling food down his throat without even closing his mouth. Looking to his other side, he had to hold back the urge to smirk.
Malleus Draconia, the bane of his existence and the most aggravating thorn to ever find its way to his side.
When he had visited Ramshackle to offer more monetary support, Yuu had given him a second task. They had revealed to him that they told Malleus Thanksgiving was a holiday of compromise and togetherness, meaning you weren't allowed to fight on the day. They then told him to do everything in his power to piss Malleus off.
Taking a sip of his beer, Leona glanced at Malleus from the corner of his eyes, “So, gargoyles…”
It almost made him feel bad seeing how quickly Malleus perked up, green eyes wide and sparkling.
“Yes? what did you wish to discuss about them?”
“What's your favored style? I can admit to having a soft spot for animal pieces, but the Savanna uses more geometric and plant designs.”
Malleus could have vibrated out of his seat and into the sun from how excited he became. He quickly launched into a lecture, noting the various styles and the positives of each one. Leona spoke up at points, giving actual opinions and thoughtful insights on the topic.
“I will say Kingscholar, I didn't expect you to have such knowledge on gargoyles! You must come to my club at a later date to speak on them farther.”
“I just might. Talking about grotesques is enjoyable-”
“Gargoyles.”
Leona raised an eyebrow, humming as he took another sip of his beer.
Malleus was still smiling, though his pupils had dilated into slits, “Gargoyles. We are speaking on gargoyles.’
Shrugging, Leona could barely hide his smirk from behind his glass, “Same thing.”
Leona watched in hidden elation as Malleus’s face slowly dropped the longer he talked. It was worth the days of learning gargoyle architecture just to give wrong definitions and terms, each new avenue of knowledge torturing Malleus in his urge to argue and correct him.
Soon Malleus was leaned on the table, head resting on his hands to give himself support while Leona kept talking.
Leona smiled, leaning closer to Malleus, “And you know what really gargles my goyles?”
Malleus gags hard and quick, managing to cover his mouth and steel himself.
“...Did you almost throw up?”
“I did. A little…”
The laugh Leona let out could only make Malleus more frustrated.
Kalim had completely forgotten about the conversation topic Yuu recommended he try. He remembered as the plate of grilled and buttered corn made its second pass in front of him. Grabbing a cob, he looked across the table, “Hey, Azul. What's your opinion on The stalk market right now?”
Azul paused, closing the note app on his phone to give Kalim his full attention, “Kalim, have you been taking note of the stock market?”
“Yeah. I've only started checking on it the past week or so, but man! It's pretty wild, huh?”
Smiling, Azul moved to place another scoop of pasta salad onto his plate along with a third slice of turkey, “True. The stock market can be a bit of a wild west to the untrained. Do you have any predictions for the new year? My stepfather and I love to place bets on which company will have the worst spring quarter.”
"Hmmm. I don't know. I can't remember the companies by name still. But man, I read about one that lost half of their product due to outside issues. I'm just worried that prices will increase since they had such a bad production period. Other companies deal in their certain type of stalk, but this company was the biggest provider…”
“...” Azul placed his utensils down, giving Kalim his complete attention, “Kalim what sources are you getting this information from?” Azul doesn’t watch the stock market obsessively but he’d at least notice something so severe.
“Oh, I just Miraed ‘Stalk Market’ and started reading. You should really look up some stuff…”
“Jamil-”
Jamil didn’t even look up from his plate, grabbing a second helping of food, “Don’t involve me with this.”
Sighing, Azul turns back to Kalim, “There is no way, such a large shift happened without me noticing. Plus, if only one company is affected in production, then it wouldn’t raise prices if there are other competitors. What is this stock in?”
“Stalks.”
“Yes…Which stock? Do you remember if this company was in electronics? Services? What ddi this company do?”
“Stalks! Azul, do you know what the stalk market is?”
“Kalim, let’s not start that conversation. Tell me, in plain words, what kind of stock you were researching.”
“Corn stalks.”
“...”
Jamil had turned to them, looking at Kalim across the table, “Are you fucking serious?”
Cater had his head in his hands, Trein still beside him listing off old and newer slang that he wanted definitions of. The professor growing more and more disapproving with every new term he learned. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could do this.
“And…’boofing’, do you know what boofing is?”
WHO WAS BOOFING- “Pregnant. I’m pregnant.” Cater nodded to himself, using the trap card Yuu had given him to shift any conversation in his favor.
Trein raised a brow, “Is that what boofing is?”
Idia had locked in the second Cater said pregnant, looking at him in terrified confusion, “How are you pregnant?”
“...” Cater played with his hair, looking away from his boyfriend, “It’s not yours.”
Ortho quickly leaned over to narrow his eyes at Cater, Idia still stunned in silence, “Who’s the father?”
“...” Cater shifted his eyes across the table, silently watching as Trey contently ate his food.
Jade took notice, his own amused smile slowly falling from his face as he realized Cater was focused on Trey.
Feeling more and more eyes on him, Trey looked up mid-bite, “...What?”
Cater sighed, fully committing to his bit, “Trey, I’m pregnant.”
“...” Trey made the mistake of looking to his side, catching the unblinking stare of Jade’s barely contained emotions before looking back at Cater, “Why are you telling me?”
“It’s yours.”
Trey quickly reached his hand out, pinning Jade’s wrist to the table just as the mer tightened his grip on his knife, “Cater, we have…never slept together.”
Rook spoke up from Trein’s left, pouting at Cater, “Monsieur Magicam, how are you not sure it’s mine?”
Vil lost every ounce of amusement, glaring at Rook as though he was poisoning him with his eyes alone, “Why would it be yours?”
“Oh, mon amor. Love is a flighty and fickle predator, it hunts and snatches its prey with little to no warning.” Turning back to Cater, he placed a hand over his heart, “Are you sure it’s not mine?”
Cater could barely keep his face start, nodding as he watched Trey start struggling to hold Jade down from stabbing either of them, “I’m pretty sure. I’ve been craving violets and worrying about the teeth of children-”
Jade hissed under his breath, glaring at Trey and trying to grab his knife with his other hand, “How dare you impregnate someone else!?”
“I didn’t!?”
Vil said nothing, glaring at Rook as the wine in his hand slowly started to bubble and turn black. His eye twitched as his boyfriend continued to lament and plea for Cater to tell him he was the father of his child.
Idia, breaking out of his spiral of despair and confusion, mumbling out, “Wait, you don’t even like vaginal sex. How’d you get pregnant?”
“...”
Trein spoke up, turning to Rook beside him, “Do you know what boofing is?”
Four glasses deep in the wine he brought, Crewel swirled his glass and picked at the ham on his plate. Eyes roaming the table for someone to target.
“Oi, Beakfish, hand me the red sludge.”
Riddle sighed, glaring at Floyd, “Don’t be rude to our professor and it’s cranberry sauce. Red sludge is very unappealing…Plus, it’s more of a burgundy color.”
“Eh? It’s a sludge though? It’s got chunks and everything.”
Silver raised an eyebrow, pouring more gravy onto his food, “It looks more like a jelly to me.”
While the three students were debating on what to call the condiment, Crewel grabbed the small platter but kept it close to himself, “I’ll pass it if you can tell me the boiling point of a frost potion, Floyd.”
“That’s a trick question. Frost potions don’t boil but they heat to temp.”
“Hmmm. Odd you know that but left it blank on your last test. Along with a number of other questions.”
Floyd groaned, rolling his eyes and moving to reach across the table and grab the platter in Crewel’s hand, “I didn’t wanna! Tests are so annoying, be happy I even wrote on it this time…”
Riddle glared at his boyfriend, “Honestly Floyd. You have to learn to put in more effort in your schoolwork. Your grades would be better for it.”
Crewel turned his eyes to Riddle, raising an eyebrow, “Like how you should be doing more cardio and strength training outside of Physical Education?”
“...”
“You can’t do five pull-ups, Riddle.”
Silver spoke around the spoonfuls of mashed potato in his mouth, “Riddle is able to lift a saddle during club.”
“By himself?”
“...” Silver looked back to his plate, poking at his side of vegetables, “The horses are much taller than him…”
Lilia laughed, his glass full of sangria having been drained for a third time already, “Oh come now Crewel! Children tend to try to avoid difficult things like schoolwork or exercise. We’re having a lovely meal, let’s drop the topic.”
“You have two essays you’ve yet to turn in.”
“...Um-”
“You’re aware that your Mistcord* status is public and shows you play Mortus Behind* for hours on end every night?”
“Well-”
Yuu spoke up, looking over as Deuce went back for a third helping of mac and cheese, “Slow down there, Deuce. Leave some for the rest of us.”
The spade soldier blushed, stopping from getting a second scoop before passing the dish over to Ace, “Sorry. It’s just really good, how many cheeses did you use in this?”
“Four. I call it Mac n Coma for a reason.”
“...You call it what?”
Epel hummed, biting into a deviled egg topped with a piece of ham, “Yur deviled eggs are really good, Deuce! Ah’ve never had them with chili powder before.”
Deuce smiled, “Thanks! My mom always made them with chili powder instead of cayenne. Cater confused me so much when I was making them…”
Taking another two eggs, Epel started to load his plate up again, making sure to refill his glass of apple juice, “This was a great idea. Ah’ve been meaning to get y'all together. Plus, Ah get ta really chow down without Vil bothering me about manners.”
Jack raised an eyebrow, watching Epel pile his plate high, “Eating is important, but you’re kind of…eating a lot. You know we can take leftovers back with us right?”
Ace looked from the side of his eyes, watching Ruggie eat without so much as stopping to breathe, “I mean, if there’s anything left…”
Epel had patted a hand on his stomach, “Well, you know. Eatin’ for two and all.”
Jack hacked and choked, an aborted spit take going down his windpipe. Sebek had dropped his fork onto his plate, looking at Epel with wide and terrified eyes, while Deuce seemed to buffer.
Ace sputtered, his half-chewed food falling out of his mouth, “You’re what!?”
“Oh, it ain’ yours.”
“Thank the Seven…”
Deuce held his head in his hands, staring at the table, “My mom is gonna kill me…”
“It ain’ yurs neither, Deuce. It’s Sebek or Jack’s but Ah’m not sure which…”
Jack still looked horrified, hitting his chest to clear his airway, “E-either way. I’ll step up to be there for you and the baby…”
“...” Sebek glares at Jack, “Why do you assume I wouldn’t be stepping up as the child’s father?”
“Why do you assume you’re the father?”
Slowly, Jack and Sebek’s tension escalated into an argument, the two larger freshmen moving to stand from their chairs or just leap across the table at each other. Both loudly proclaiming they’d be a proper provider for Epel and the child, unknowingly insinuating the other would not be.
While the two of them bickered back and forth, Yuu slipped Epel a twenty note bill under the table.
Sam finished off his second plate, looking around the the table. His task wasn't truly something he had to do, it was more of a get out of jail card for when the table was too rowdy for him. With two separate conversations at each end of the table dealing with possible pregnancies, a debate on if the production of corn counted as the stalk/stock market, and Draconia slowly coming to terms with the idea of manslaughter Sam decided he needed a little air.
He elbowed Crewel, stopping the wine drunk man from verbally dragging his students through the trenches, “I'm gonna go for a walk, you wanna come with?”
“To what? Have sex?”
“...” Sam shrugged his shoulders, “I mean, I was going to just…walk but we'll see how we feel afterwards?”
“...Yeah, ok.”
Floyd perks up, “Ah! Wait, shrimpy told me what your job was. I wanna come too!”
Lilia smiled, finally free from Crewel's judgemental glare, “Oh, a walk? May we join you? I even have my own…walk enhancers.”
Sam shrugged again, already standing from his seat, “Might as well.”
Their small group was barely noticed leaving, only Riddle and Silver taking account. Riddle raised an eyebrow, watching them walk out of the dining room without a goodbye.
“Where do you suppose they're going?”
Silver took the time to grab the cranberry sauce from Crewel's table space, “A walk. They should be back in about ten or fifteen minutes…”
“Why in the Seven would they go for a mid-meal walk? Once they were done eating I could understand, but Floyd's barely touched his second plate…”
“...” Silver looked over to Riddle, brows creased in confusion, “Riddle, They're going to do drugs. That's what taking a ‘walk’ means.”
The gasp Riddle gave was small but clearly horrified.
Dinner had ended, while a handful returned to their dorms (Idia of course, leaving the second Cater asked if he was ready to go, and Vil who finished his plate and dragged Rook out with him) most had decided to stick around Ramshackle.
The only reason he had stayed was the fact he did not have his phone for some reason. He tried to retrace his steps, checking around the now empty dinner table he found nothing but the nearly empty serving platters all covered again. The stray fairy watching him from little spaces, waiting for him to leave so they could pick at the food left improperly covered.
He checked the kitchen, finding only Crewel and Trein standing at the Island both nursing glasses of wine. Pouting, seated at the smaller dining table across from Vargas was Crowley. The headmaster begrudgingly eating from a plate, no doubt cursing Yuu under his breath for not actually inviting him to their massive friends and family dinner.
“Apologies for interrupting, professors. But have any of you seen my phone? White case with a rose popstand on the back?”
While most of the teachers shook their heads, Varga hummed before snapping his fingers, “The lounge! I think one of the kids had it.”
“Oh no…”
Walking into the lounge, Riddle had to hold in a snicker. Yuu had told him their family recipe for macaroni and cheese was known as ‘Mac n Coma’ and he could see why. Leona was passed out on the couch, snoring loudly face down in the cushions. Wedged between the back of the couch and Leona’s side was Ruggie. The hyena silent but sleeping just as hard with an arm draped over the back of Leona’s head.
The children were asleep too, each of them piled on top of Leona and Ruggie in a mass of limbs. Jack’s twin siblings squishing Cheka between them, the grey tipped twin sleepily gnawing on the lion cub’s tail. Deuce was also in the lounge, unfortunately unable to reach a couch or chair as he slept on the floor using a throw pillow as a blanket.
Looking around, he couldn’t see his phone anywhere. Groaning under his breath, he walked out to the back and to the patio. He quickly walked by Trey and Jade, the third-year quietly trying to calm his boyfriend who kept glaring at him. Walking around the garden, he finally saw his familiar white case.
The downside was that it was in Yuu’s hands, Floyd squished tight beside her in the pillow filled hammock swing. The two were whispering to themselves, giggling and pointing at the screen.
He stood in front of them, hands on his hips and already tapping his foot in annoyance, “I would like my phone back, if you two delinquients wouldn’t mind.”
Floyd looked up, his eyes still rimmed in red from his ‘walk’ earlier, “In a minute, Goldfishie~. We gotta do something real fast.”
“What could you two possibly need my phone for?”
Yuu giggled, tapping on the phone and moving to place it against their ear, “We’re callin' your mom and seeing who can make her say a slur fastest.” “GIVE ME MY PHONE THIS INSTANT!”
*Twist version of Discord
*Twist version of Left 4 Dead
#twisted wonderland#twst#disney twst#twst wonderland#yuu oc#twst heartslabyul#twst savanaclaw#twst octavinelle#twst scarabia#twst pomefiore#twst ignihyde#twst diasomnia#mozus trein#divus crewel#twst sam
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HI I just wanted to say thank you for thinking of me and tagging me in the ask game for the songs but while I do not think I will answer it (my taste in songs is uhhhhhhhh) I wanted to say how happy I was to see you give a Set It Off song on yours C: I've been listening to them a lot lately so it made me really happy to see!
Lol you don't have to participate, but even if you did, I'd love to talk about music privately sometime! I've loved Set It Off for over 5 years now, so of course I've gotta add them lol. You're a great and fun person, so I love adding you lol. Set it Off has so many bangers lol, so please feel free to let me know some of your favorites!!! I'm happy I could make you happy (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.).
@moeblob
#craz talks#I've had a bad day and this made my day lol#i love music and will listen to literally anything lol#set it off is great lol
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into the deep end - 30k T orufrey fic, focusing on memory trauma, disability, and romance.
the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the witch.
for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.
the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.
but they were never whole to begin with, were they?
qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.
olly says nothing.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#sorry i wanted to make a new post for my fic since the first illustration is new.#*stands in the middle of a desolate field in the pouring rain* Please Read My Tale...Blease..Oh god please..*collapses to the ground*#someone asked if there's spoilers in it. Um...yes. Sorry...it's about everything#maybe i should describe it more? it's about qifrey becoming more and more disabled - as i feel is his canon trajectory#and both of them processing the choices that have been made. it was necessary for me to explore this in order to fully understand orufrey#and for them to have the cathartic conclusion-that's why this is important to me for my witch hat fanwork making life. this connects it all#and having dived into qifrey's mind and lived through oru's feelings i was able to get to a place that is possible for them.#the hit/kudos ratio is so pathetic idek what happened. ppl opening it realising its long and saving it for later or just bailing lmfao#idek any more i hate advertising my writing i hate trying to get more ppl to read my long fics it's so hard 🥲#i'm so much prouder of this than my art...i was able to sink deeply into the orufrey feelings i had always wanted to fully explore#so. it's there lol.........i reread the date/kiss segment today after trying to forget about it thinking maybe the fic is just BAD lol#and like.....nope! i like it very much and this is what i was trying to get across. and it's always there to be read by anyone who wants to#and i will always remember the bliss i felt while writing when i was just lost in their world and living as them. dear GOD i love them.#i'm grateful to myself that i put in the work and love to make this so that i can always come back to it. i wanna illustrate scenes properly#but i'm never satisfied with drawing things i've written because i just can't capture the vivid experience in my mind. maybe one day.
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honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao
#whosebaby talks#took an incident of just open petty cruelty the other day for me to finally go#you know what all of this is doing a huge number on my self-esteem and scrupulosity and social anxiety and mental health overall#sometimes it pays to hold out and give the benefit of the doubt#when your knee-jerk reaction is to think something Must Be a Sign of Shitty Intent; bc often it will turn out that wasn't the case at all#but unfortunately sometimes it turns out people are in fact just being shitty in exactly the way you thought they were#and at the *very* best you are incompatible in such a way that if they don't have bad intentions you're just never going to be able to tell#or well. not even necessarily bad *intentions*; just shitty behavior that's harmful to you regardless of whether they mean well#sometimes you just gotta accept that even if neither of you *is* being shitty it's not worth your peace of mind to never be able to confirm#and it's better to just save both of you the stress and not try to pursue that.#it fuckin sucks when it's people you think are cool and really want to get to know; it's a hard lesson to learn; but it's the way sometimes#......and then sometimes the confirmation you finally get is that yeah okay this is some bullshit#and not in a way that can likely be communicated past; no matter how much effort you make to be kind; clear; and mature#and being publicly humiliated for carefully trying to yes-and some clarification on meta of mine#which was being used in ways i was deeply uncomfortable with; and had had no warning would take the turn that it did#and which was contributing to the original post gaining traction in the first place#all targeted in ways pretty much tailor-made to hurt someone with specific issues they had seen me talk about + acknowledged#was just. yeah i think i'm done here lmao#i am Not someone who takes down meta once posted#so the fact that it was bad enough to make me delete an entire thread really says something lol#anyway. lots of other context there; and i appreciate that in some ways the person was genuinely trying to be kind; but i'm. yeah.#that shit Hurted Extremely; and made me realize that while i'm not the *most* well-socialized or articulate or approachable#there is just something in the water over there and no amount of The Problem Not Being Me would have mattered#and the nice asks/replies/comments i've gotten both recently and during hibernation make me feel warm inside; thank y'all <3#the salt files#bullying cw#ableism cw
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Red Eyes and Evil Time, practically the same thing right (Patreon)
#Doodles#Villainsona#Just Desserts#Sona double feature!#Red Eyes and Evil Time /are/ different for the record lol#There's overlap and they're both eye details but they're different#Mmm Red Eyes feels so niiiice <3 And I've been pacing myself so it's Just Red Eyes!#No red shines :) Which can happen even on Red Eyes#In fact it's probably more common - the red shines on Blue Eyes was something of an oddity#No one knows the lore except me I'll explain someday lol#For now it's just fun to be in Red Eyes! :D And the occasional Evil Time as well lol - all the overlaps!#I somehow accidentally made a like?? Cotton Candied Popcorn themed outfit for Eli for the first one lol that wasn't my intention#I mean it's cute I'm not about to fight it lol I'd love for my sonas to have other clothes inspired by each other haha#Eli's eyes are still quite fun to draw as well haha those bright pops of colour - Red Purple or Blue they're all so stark and shaped#Back to their classic feminine outfit good for them uwu#Silly lad#They're also still a scientist first and foremost - it's all chemicals there's gotta be a way to recreate it externally!#Local vampire scientist creates mood stabilizers more at 7 lol#I'm quite pleased with the three-red two-purple one-blue gradient as well hehe - the decay! :D I like it as a visual#Charm tiiime <3 <3 Happy Charm time in Evil Time! Usually better than bad mood Evil Time lol - at least for those around her#Still chaotic to be in it haha - but happy chaos is happy! Lol#Again more fun with eyes the light bounce in the one where she's holding the melt is so cute and looks so nice on my paper too <3#I had a silly comic idea for her for the next time I get into Red Eyes as well - if I remember lol#Big Love is hearts! It just makes sense#Also I am Really proud of the cleaning job I did on that last one lol - from original to this? Night and day ngl#Guess that goes to show how little cleaning I do on-page lol#For some I do! Others...#Still thinking up outfits - you can probably just make out ''Hero Charm'' in her hair lol trying to think around different themes#Something that could become something else! Add or subtract an element and it changes the ''meaning'' of the outfit#Kinda like her initial caped design that Kaiein rejected hmmm
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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I'm still not feeling great. now one side of my face also hurts lol, it's just one thing after another, this body sucks
#no idea what my face is complaining about but I'm sure it'll be fine in a couple of days#it's really annoying how used I am to 'things just randomly hurt a lot for no reason' lol#but anyway! I've finally made an appointment with a different ENT doctor. somehow I'm not okay with just being told my eardrum just doesn't#work (for no reason. at least none that I've been told) and that they won't do anything about it and I'm just gonna live with it#like if that's the best thing sure! then that's fine! but literally being told that I'm imagining everything is not enough :)#I don't care I just refuse to have this be the last thing I hear about this. that piece of shit doctor can go fuck himself and I hope he#gets hit by a bus (and then told that he's just imagining it)#plus. the tube thing they put in my ear did help at least a bit. but when I asked about that this jerk just said they won't do that over#and over 'for the next 90 years' and that I just have to live with it. my guy. I'm not planning on making it to 122?! and also I never#fucking asked for that? I just wanted to know if there's any OPTIONS. like doing that again. or anything else. and he just kept cutting me#off whenever I talked. ugh I fucking hate this guy.#anyway so I hope this lady will be better.#somehow I've had really bad luck with ENT doctors specifically?! I hope not all of them suck....#personal
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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it is SO frustrating to watch my fatigue get worse and worse and feel like i can do nothing to stop it :((( it makes me feel even more tired and hopeless. i feel trapped in a body that's had enough and doesn't want to do anything anymore. i used to do so much, i used to be so active.. yesterday i opened up to my direct boss abt it and they looked at me and said "girl this job is not right for you" as if i haven't been telling everyone around me that for over a year now
#getting a shower this morning made me ache so bad lol like that's not normal. this shouldn't be my reality#granted yesterday was easily the worst day of work that i've ever had. it was Horrific#ik i complain abt my fatigue a lot but you have to understand that it's gotten so bad so fast and all bc of this fuckass job
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once again i am on the playlist lol
#just me hi#my strange brain concoctions back at it again lmfsh#i've been workin on it by bits and bits for the past 2-3ish days and i think i've almost got what i mean hfvbs#yea... mnmnm...#//outta the Lagoons into the Blues !! what a transition hkfshv#i mean i Have found that i actually really really like the shampoo we've been using for like 5 years hghfsv#but also i've had to switch from that one to a different one anyway cuz my hair? is grezy ghfbshv#it Is soft now though which is cool :D cuz the old soap didn't get it quite well and i was using dish soap sometimes to strip it so Lmao#which btw the dish soap worked p well. however it Did feel stripped kgfhsv#/what else what else uuum#i've developed more world stuff for pi.e which is also very epic and neat ; like the 3 Cities + radiation towns + Sanctuary cities +#Sanctuary zones + how they interact w/ each other lol :)#i have these weird lil creatures that i'm calling Rascals rn but i think they need a different name pfshv#and also cuz i made the general world bigger that means i have defined more of the plot just by. scribbling some points for towns on paper#yea :D this thing is maybe just a little bit daunting but i'll prolly get it figured out lol ; roman 3#/oh i Do really wanna draw more pi.e stuff to post hfh :>#cuz despite it all i am still v shy abt my stuff and that's kinda silly so !!#/sometimes my brain gets into these weird paper jams where i'm doing one thing but then i see and wanna do another thing (easy transition ?#but then i see another thing and then another and now i have 4 different things and i feel bad just focusing on just one because. ??? ????#when i was little i used to humanize objects Just before they were thrown away and i think that sort of carried over in a weird way bfhsvgj#balance in all things !! wait no not like that w-#//oh wait wait did i ever mention i learned to make stir fried rice w/ egg#prolly not that big of a deal but i'm STILL happy abt that lol :D#maybe especially cuz i was doing most of the cooking while my picky-cook brother was helping and he thought it was good so like YAY#though tried to make it a second time and i let my ma put the salt in the pot and she oversalted it by Far TwT#it was fine though just really salty lol :)#//mnm also getting into classic vehicles a lil bit#just a bit! cuz i don't know where to start and i just really like that one bike i doodled a bit ago#also i'm a bit spooked that my dad will find out and he is Overwhelming when he finds you might like smth he knows smth abt gfvsgh <3#//Oh i'm outta tag space pfshgv - Toodlesssss ciao :3
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I'm about to be so annoying btw
#by this I mean I'm going to talk about my job until it's no longer new and exciting sorry guys#but this is literally the first good thing to happen to me in MONTHS#shit has been so bad like SO unbelievably bad for a WHILE#like. not only do I have a job (!!!!!!) but it actually seems like a really good fit for me and what I need#like. the hours aren't horrible and in fact I could stand to have more of them#the pay isn't *good* but it's not the worst I've ever made for sure#the work environment though... that's where it gets me. because I get to just be one guy in a store interacting with customers and literally#nobody else#for most of my workday#like. no small talk except for with customers. no learning about my coworker's stupid life. no trying to get along with someone for the sake#of work#like. I just get to be alone and sell shit and when it's slow I get to organize shit like. hello??? yes please#I don't have to be micromanaged because I'm literally alone. like. god I'm so excited#plus it's similar to work I've done before. so. yay#I do really like the coworker I've met before though. he's very sedate and has excellent customer service.#which I know bc every time my mom shops there and he's the one working he's very genial and nice#definitely good at his job. but I wouldn't be surprised if he was getting high in the back or something lmao#he's just so calm ive never met a dude more chill like. he seems like the exact opposite of anxious#and then my other coworker I haven't met yet but I'm sure she's fine.#I do like my boss though! and she's only my boss until they get another manager bc she's actually the manager at another location too#she's just filling in here while they look for another manager#but I like her she was extremely up-front and no-nonsense and plainly stated exactly what she needs from an employer#employee*#which is honestly such a relief like my last job I felt like I had no clue what people wanted from me and it was horrible#but this seems better so far#also I know for a fact I beat out two other people who had interviews the same day and I was so much the preferred choice#that she didn't even wait to decide or anything#she called me like a few hours after my interview ended like. that 3rd person left and she immediately hired me instead lol#which I have to admit does feel good after so long feeling inadequate and unhirable.#I am more hirable than at least two people. so THERE
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Month 9, day 18
Two in one deal! The birdhouse tutorial was all like "hey remember that birch material you already made? No? BITCH GO MAKE IT," so I did :D
...words in quotations are not a direct representation of the actual tutorial lol. And technically I could have used the bark material I already had, it didn't have to be the birch, but who am I to say no to a new procedural texture? :P
#the great artscapade of 2024#art#my art#blender#blender render#cycles render#roommate made dinner tonight :D#it was his first time making non-instant yakisoba and it didn't turn out too bad!#even though he forgot the mayonnaise lol#oh well lesson for next time :P#I've definitely had worse!#and to the best of my knowledge he didn't poison me or catch the kitchen on fire so all in all I'd call it a success :)#honestly wish he'd volunteer to cook more often#take the burden off me every day#don't get me wrong I LIKE to cook#but when I'm the ONLY ONE cooking for the both of us it gets a little tiring you know?
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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length#but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this#middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl#i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know#how short that is. it might not look good so i worry#the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this#i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day#tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will#be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden#iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason#i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again#idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier#buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything#and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first#correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs#i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again#i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything#i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all#i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces#in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed#i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not#i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on
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i had a dream that i made little cards that say "THEY!" on them that i handed out to people at work who got my pronouns wrong, immediately after they got it wrong. and in smaller text (or on the back) it said "i don't want an apology, i want you to do better" or "don't say you're sorry, DO BETTER" and ..... i kind of want to do it. maybe i'll get some moo cards made lmao
various scenarios included:
me slamming it down on a desk in front of them.
instead i had stickers, would slowly peel one off while they watched, and stick it on it on them.
handing out a quarter sheet piece of paper based on the 'i caught being good' tags we'd get in kindergarten which said 'i got caught misgendering hallie/my coworker'. it would have their name and date on it and a giant 🙁 face. i had them as a pad of paper and would hold up a finger to say 'wait a second', dramatically pull it out of my back pocket, take my pen out of another pocket, slowly fill it out in front of them, and hand it to them while staring them in the eyes.
getting a whiteboard for the outer side of my cubicle wall that said '[days] since i was misgendred' (with a bonus by saying 'last offender: [name]'
i also dreamt that i got into trouble for it because i was making people feel bad and was 'creating a hostile work environment'. i was just like.... okay and how do you think i feel? and my boss shut up real fuckin quick. dunno if that would be the case irl but if that does happen i can only dream.
#tired of the people who say 'i'm trying but i'm going to make mistakes'#ok sure i definitely mess up sometimes too but when it's not even close to 50/50 let alone merely uncommon ............. fuck you#what's sad is it's all people i like and it hurts so much#in the dream it the cards also said something about how i'm not a girl. not a lady. not a woman. stop saying that word to me ...#... in plural when i'm with female coworkers. about half the time i say 'not a lady' and only about half the time it's acknowleged#or that one who constantly posts female-empowering images on ig which are alienating bc it's clearly very binary#and getting comments like 'well it applies to you to!!!' why bc i have a pussy? fuck off#and she'll sometimes say 'thank you for your patience' (what patience) or 'have patience with me' (no.)#i've also thought of holding up my name tag in their faces bc my previous boss had it specially made for me#it's got my name position and pronouns#same boss tho..... he was REALLY consistent about using my pronouns but one day used she/her three times in a row before eventually...#... correcting himself and the next day i told him that really sucked especially from him and he later told me i should have been nicer...#... about it. i was PISSED. i said 'well then how should i have said it?' i don't even remember his answer i just know i wanted to go...#... off on him SO BADLY bc he said it 'hurt his feelings'. well too fucking bad bc every time i'm misgendered it makes me want to...#...die inside a little and feels like at the very least a tiny punch to the gut but that felt like being stabbed esp since it was a new hir#he also said 'ok but i corrected myself' yeah AT THE END after doing it THREE TIMES and that's not the point here#anyway lol this dream definitely stirred up shit unfortunately but i'm serious when i say i might actually have these made#like both my internal email and external emails have my pronouns in them (i had to campaign for this btw so thank you me)#but i recently added my own custom signature with 'they/them' in it that has a link about using pronouns correctly#me#lgbtq#nonbinary
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First of all it is a pleasure. To the point, what was your inspiration to start drawing? and… How did you hear about Cuphead?
A pleasure to speak to you too!💛
And as for your question-
I had to dig deep for this information lol my memory isn't what it used to be!
But I remember I heard about the Cuphead game back when they released that awesome trailer at E3 2015! I have always been a fan of rubber hose cartoons and my favorite games growing up were platformers, so when I saw this labor of love video game I couldn't be more excited! I didn't talk about it much on here but HOO BOY my excitement for this game was insane!
When I finally got to play it I was SO excited! I fell in love with it! It was challenging and charming and clearly the product of a passionate and skilled team! It remains one of my favorite games! It took me a while to come around to watch the show. I watched it only a couple months or so before the release of the final couple of episodes on netflix aired. I love both the cartoon and the game with all my heart, they both helped me through some hard times. It's crazy to think I only just now got into the online fandom considering how long I've been a fan! But I've loved all the mutuals and followers I've gained through making art for this and I can't wait to see what else comes out of this wonderful fandom.
Here's hoping they renew the show and also here's to supporting all studio MDHR has to offer!🥂
#Thanks for asking!#Sorry for going off lol I just REALLY love this game/show#I was being abused during the time I got to play the game and It really helped me escape in times I needed to#And we had lost a dear pet the day we decided to watch the show and it was the only thing that made us laugh#Cuphead is really a one-of-a-kind creation. I can admit it has faults but that will never make me enjoy it any less#I was smiling like an idiot thinking bout all this#This game is actually what i play when I've had a bad day and it always makes it better. it's so charming and amazing#sorry im still just going off lol-#staroflight on blog#This was nice#sorry for the rambles though! I just get passionate and excited 🥹#ALSO FUN FACT my first cuphead OC was a Tea cup with a tea tag hanging from her head. I think ribbon suits me more though :)
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#welcome to another installment of: angel spits out all his thoughts about autism cause if he keeps them inside his head will explode#in today's episode: is it possible that my ''panic attacks'' have been autistic meltdowns all this time?#then answer is maybe!#ok so i was watching this youtube video from channel I'm autisticn now what? (check it out it's great!)#and meg was talking about the different types of autistic meltdowns and how they might manifest#and then in the comments people were discussing autistic meltdowns vs panic attacks and how cofused they used to be about them#and that got me thinking... there's a big thing that needs to happen during a panic attack for it to be a panic attack#and that is anxious thoughts... many people talk about fear of death during panic attacks#and that was never my experience. I don't feel like I'm going to die when I have these ''attacks''#they feel painful and like i'm completely out of control but my head is quite clear in that regard#i always thought it was because i don't think dying is like The Worst thing that could happen to me so maybe that was why#and it never ocurred to me that it could be an autistic meltdown because i always saw those as ''little boy hits his head against the wall'#(horrible i know) but it's more than that! (plus i sadly started self harming when the ''attack'' is too bad so not i fit that idea lol)#it's the uncontrollable crying. the throwing anything you have at hand across the room. the not being able to utter words#(other than ''no'' in my case) it's the complete lack of control#and that fits so much more to what i experience! i even related to meg's personal anecdote about a meltdown she had as a child#being separated from my mom made me go into full panic modes as a kid and that was seen as a tantrum but it was more than that to me!#and as an added bonus the only therapist i've ever seen in my life used to call my panic attacks ''pseudo-panic attacks''#because even she felt it didn't quite fit in the description (not that she was a good therapist so i can't put her as an example lol)#but anyways... yeah every day that goes by i'm more and more convinced I am autistic and it scares me to fucking death#because of the way my mom reacted when i first raised the question. so yeah this is for nothing lol nothing will change in my life#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#angel talks#personal
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