#I've felt like this passively all day
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shittygothbitch · 1 year ago
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Feel like a huge jerk
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blacked-out-babe · 7 months ago
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swifties are crazy because why did my friend respond to me saying I disliked the album saying how does it feel to have bad taste, then when I replied with my opinions (admittedly more aggressive than I had to be) and she aired me for 3 days then sent me a passive aggressive reply and when I apologised for being rude just ignored it 😍😍
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readymades2002 · 8 months ago
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it is very frustrating because my mom does not know What The Deal Is but she certainly Suspects (for good reason. to be fair to her.) and she has Insinuated and she has Implied but she has not asked anything specifically. and its...not unreasonable for her to do this i guess because the last relationship i was in i didn't tell her for a year and a half. because the relationship BEFORE that was my first and it was with a girl and i asked her EXPLICITLY AND URGENTLY to not tell my dad about it because he was a massive homophobe and i knew this and saw this where she did not and she told him anyway and i have not trusted her since though, having few other options, i have continued to confide in her things that i should not confide in her that have then mysteriously made their way through all our shared coworkers back to me. and its.....its so. i don't know what to do about it. she..."stalked" is the wrong word but she followed my blog against my wishes and knowledge as a child and the more i lost trust in her and stopped talking to her the more she pried into my private life. i know my sister had similar experiences with her. and it has created this cycle where i keep trying to keep her out for my own privacy and dignity and safety and she just gets even more desperate and pathetic trying to get in after breaking my trust over and over and OVER again but i live with her and depend on her for far too many things and so it just. is this. awesomesauce
#have talked about it a bit with a few people and its...difficult?#i have always felt like i was the person standing between my parents when my dad was at his worst#and as kind of like. someone who failed to protect my family from him#and the last few months ive started recognizing patterns where 1) when my parents were united#was when there was a common threat and that common threat was ALWAYS me and my insanity. which feels. bad#and 2) my mother had no one to talk to about the horrific shit he said and so often ended up relaying#some of the worst things youve ever heard to me and my sister very conversationally#every thing he said about me that haunts me i heard when she told me and then went 'ha! isnt that so stupid he would say that?'#like. i guess its. she was a...i hate using it here but a Victim in thatsituation but im also starting to learn#that she was also a collaborator. and that she failed to protect us or take care of us often because she was scared of him#or sometimes because she agreed with him or hated/resented us or whatever. its. um#it is difficult. and every time i try to change and talk openly around her instead of being passive aggressive as i learned from her#she responds in the same guilt trippy icy way and says i am pissy or i think too black and white or do i think shes a bad person#and so i cannot...i cannot grow with her because it HURTS. every time. and ive just kind of...found it harder and harder to talk to her#at all. and her pain fills the apartment because she sees it happening. and it makes coming back here every day#even more unbearable even more crushing and i don't know what to do about it#it has been so weird. ive been trying to...change and grow. to be Real. to be truthful and to communicate well#for my friends and coworkers and family and i feel i've come so far sometimes#and then when it comes to her i just don't know how to do it because i don't trust her.#and when i try it only hurts both of us and i can't explain that to her because she WILL take it personally and she#she...everyone is capable of change. i believe that. to be alive is constant changing. but she refuses.#when she asked me if i thought she was a bad person she answered her own question going 'i dont think so.#i think you see things so much more black and white than i do and you're so easily offended and sensitive. i think im a good person'#not in a...not in a combative way but in a sincere way. and its like. i dont think i even responded i was fucking flabbergasted#where do you even GO from a statement like that lmao!!! god. its so frustrating. it is so so so fucking frustrating
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taylorman2274 · 9 months ago
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We Care About You (Part II)
The aftermath that follows is a struggle for everyone to comprehend.
Content Warning(s): N/A
Notes: SAGAU; GN!Reader
Word Count: 1k
Previous || Next
Taglist: @silverstarred
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The past few days have been hard for your mind to wrap around.
Ever since that particular incident you had while playing Genshin, you've been extremely hesitant to log back on. Now that you knew all the people of Teyvat were self-aware, you were scared to imagine what they thought of you.
"Have they been self-aware the entire time that I've been playing? Have they always been able to hear my voice whenever I spoke aloud? Do the Traveler and their friends hate me for forcibly controlling their movements and actions like puppets? If that's the case, wouldn't it be better for me to leave them alone without letting them know?"
It doesn't seem like there's any part of your day where you're not thinking about how to follow up with the world of Genshin Impact. In fact, it's gotten so bad for you that some of your friends have noticed your change in mood and asked if anything was wrong.
Knowing that this situation is not only unheard of but also impossible to comprehend for anyone, you simply told them that you were dealing with personal issues, which honestly isn't that far from the truth.
Eventually, you began to worry if some of the people in Teyvat would figure out a way to reach you beyond the computer should you not reach back to them soon. In the past, you would've laughed at such a thought. But now that you've witnessed the impossible, you didn't want to wait around and find out.
"If I'm going to continue playing Genshin, I should at least try and accommodate their needs and wants better."
As much as you didn't want to delay your return to Genshin any further, you felt that researching all of your current playable character's needs, wants, likes, and dislikes took top priority over anything else in your life right now.
...Well...besides your needs and wants.
First, you took note of their favorite and least favorite foods. You would feel pretty bad if you kept feeding them food that wasn't their preference. Especially since characters like Lisa and Ganyu were vegetarians.
Second, you took note of everyone's talents. While you know that some characters had passive talents which gave you extra dishes when cooking or extra materials when crafting, you felt that those jobs should be left to the professionals, such as Xiangling and Albedo respectively.
"Let's see. First off, I should probably remove the people in my party with full-time jobs, as they take priority over exploring with the Traveler. So I should probably replace any Knights of Favonius, Liyue Qixing, Tri-Commission Member, etc. However, that doesn't exactly leave me with a lot of options to choose from. Although Xiangling works for Wanmin Restaurant, she's currently exploring Teyvat for ingredients. I assume accompanying the traveler would be fine with her. Bennett works for the Adventure's Guild so that works as well. But that also leaves me with a Pyro-heavy party, which may pose a problem for enemies such as Pyro slimes..."
However, the more you spent time researching, the more pessimistic and depressed you began to feel. Here you were spending all this effort trying to accommodate to all the characters you've obtained without even knowing if they gave a single thought or care in the world towards you.
"...I never really asked if they wanted to join the Traveler's adventures. ...So...maybe I should just only use the Traveler...?"
You sighed deeply. This was not gonna be good for your mental health.
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Meanwhile...
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The Traveler didn't know what to think.
On one hand, they were happy that [Y/N] was getting some much deserved rest. On top of that, they were also happy that they got to have a break from doing commissions all the time. But on the otherhand...
They were really starting to miss you.
This is the longest that they have gone without feeling your presence and they were starting to worry if they had accidentally scared you off due to that incident.
The incident that revealed Teyvat's self-awareness.
"...You're thinking about [Y/N] again, aren't you?" Paimon asked.
The Traveler chuckled sadly. "Is it really that obvious?"
"Kind of? Paimon thinks that's what everyone is thinking about."
They believe her. Zhongli, Venti, and a few others had reached out to them over the past couple of days for any news about [Y/N]. They were saddened by their expressions when they told them they had no news to give.
“...Y/N..." The Traveler sighed.
"Hmm?" Paimon hummed in thought, "What was that?"
"...To think that was their name all along. And to even think that they may be just as human as most people in Teyvat! It’s honestly kind of relieving when you think about it.
Although they weren't going to lie. At first, they saw [Y/N] as an unknown entity that possessed them to do its bidding. It was scary at first, knowing that neither them nor Paimon were able to figure out a way to interact with or avoid it. However, after solving both Mondstadt's and Liyue's respectable crises and powering them up with newfound strength, they started to see you as a sort of companion similar to Paimon.
"Yeah, even Paimon is starting to miss traveling and exploring with them."
"Is that so?" The Traveler taunted, "I thought that at one point you were trying to prove yourself as the better guide?"
"Hey! Paimon told you already that she has proved herself as the superior guide time and time again." She exclaimed as she crossed her arms.
They laughed. It felt nice to tease Paimon like this to distract them from the lack of [Y/N]'s presence, but they were starting to feel like they couldn't keep this up forever.
"Regardless, Paimon hopes that [Y/N] comes back soon. Everybody will feel a lot better once they do."
The Traveler looked up to the night sky and watched the stars flicker with light. Paimon followed their gaze and gave a sorrowful frown.
"I hope so too."
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Author Side Notes: I had an idea.
But in all seriousness, I'm flattered by all the positive comments, reblogs, and likes from the previous post. I only expected to get around 20 notes since it was my first post but somehow I've ended up at 800+ and counting? It's almost too much for me to handle lol.
As for the rest of this story, I've decided that it will likely take around six parts for me to reach its conclusion. We've got two down so far, so that makes four more to go. Of course, that's only if y'all want to read more.
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eddiemunsons-missingnipple · 10 months ago
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LISTEN. HEAR ME OUT. eddie and Best friend!reader petty arguing, right, so reader says 'ooh you wanna kiss me soooo bad' and he does.
Hear ME OUT!!
What about we sprinkle in some jealous!Eddie too give it the ol'razzle dazzle.
Jealous! Eddie Munson x Bestfriend!reader
Warnings: fluff, some cursing, kissing that's about it.
Not proofread ignore mistakes.
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Eddie has been in a pissy mood all damn week. He was short with you. He was snappy and just passive all around. The bottom line is that he was being a real asshole to you. You couldn't pinpoint exactly what made him this way. You chalked it up to him, barely getting any sleep. Maybe he cut back on smoking and is dealing with those withdrawals.
Doesn't matter at this point he was a dick and taking it out on you specifically. Ever since you went out on that date with his friend, Eddie has been insufferable. Little did you know that's the exact reason he's been moody with you.
He was jealous. You were his, and he had to watch his friend pick you up for a date. He sat in his room thinking about his friend kissing you. His friend holding your hand, and God knows what else you two did on your date together.
But you've had about enough of his attitude. You were sitting on his bed flipping through his heavy metal magazine while he tuned up his guitar.
"Hey, eddie, can you turn on the tv?" You looked before turning another page. You weren't even reading the comic. You were more interested in the artwork than anything the plot.
"Turn it on your damn self." He already sounded aggravated with you. "And stop turning those damn pages like that you'll rip them."
He rolled his eyes and turned his chair to face more away from you.
You huffed immediately, getting fed with him now." Alright, what hell is your problem?"
You slammed down his magazine, crossing your arms over your chest. You felt your face heating from the anger rising inside of you. You've dealt with his mood swings before, but that's because they were never directly pointed at you. Not until recently.
"I don't have a problem." He shrugged, still refusing to face you.
"Oh yes, you do. You've been a complete douche all week."
He smirked and finally turned around. "I've been a douche? Me? Maybe I wouldn't be such a douche if you weren't so fucking annoying."
"I'm not annoying!" You defended yourself, raising your voice slightly.
"Oh, but yes, you are. All you do is yap all day long, and I gotta listen to it." Eddie, let out a condescending laugh after you argued back with him.
You squinted your eyes, "Yeah, well, at least I'm not walking around with a stick up my ass."
You could hear him growl something under his breath. His lips were pressed in a tight line.
"You're right. I do have a stick up my ass. How about you get your ass up and turn on the TV because my ass is currently busy with a stick rammed up it." His voice was dripping with sarcasm while bickering back and forth with you.
You rolled your eyes and got up off his bed to turn on the TV. You messed with the volume until it was as high as it could go. You were purposely trying to press his buttons. You wanted a reaction out of him. You wanted that last word, and you were going to get it. He couldn't hear himself think or focus on what he was currently doing.
Eddie jumps up from his chair and turns down the TV. You just stay standing there, twisting the nob to it turn back up. You're both staring each other down in the process.
"You're bein- he went to speak, but you raised the volume up again, cutting him off.
Eddie let a deep breath and turned the tv back down once more. His face is all red, and sets his guitar back against his dresser. "You're being reeeeeally petty right now. I'm trying to tune up my guitar."
"Yeah?...so?" You slowly turn the TV up again with your eyes locked onto his.
His jaw tightens, and his nostrils flare. You decided to mess with him. You wanted to rile him up some more. He rubbed his hands down his face.
You watched him closely, and a little idea sparked in your head. You don't know what really came over you. Probably, his attitude with you has finally made you lose your mind or something.
"Ooh, you wanna kiss me sooo bad right now, huh?" You taunted him.
There was always this unspoken crush between the two of you that was mutual. You were being mean, and you didn't care. You were past your limit right now. You wanted to get under his skin, and it was working.
He doesn't say anything he just looks at you. He steps closer, leaving very little room between the two of you. Without any warning, his lips came crashing down into yours. His hands go up to hold both sides of your face gently. His soft lips locked with yours as his tongue slipped past them.
The kiss was sloppy but passionate. He didn't care if your teeth clashed a little bit. He needed to do this. You felt light-headed while your tongues fought for dominance. Your face felt all tingly, and your hands moved up to grip onto his forearms. Only a few seconds have passed, but it felt like hours. Time stood still as you made out with your best friend in his bedroom.
He let go of your face and moved his lips slowly away from you. He had a smug expression on his face. Your eyes flutter back open, and you swallow. You're breathing heavy, and you don't know if it's from the kiss or from the fight you and Eddie were getting into. Or a combination of both.
"Why have you been so mean to me all week?" You whispered your fingers, move up to trace over your own lips. You could still feel traces of him on your mouth.
Eddie looked at you and with a sad smile. "I couldn't get over the fact that you went on date with my friend Cody."
Your eyebrows raised. "You-- You were jealous of Cody?" You were in disbelief. Here you thought he was just annoyed being around you.
You couldn't believe he would be so irritated over that date. It was one date, and you were miserable. Plus, it's not like you haven't seen him take home his fare share of women from the bar.
Those nights where he would be out with a made you feel sick to your stomach. But you never once took it out on him like this. You shake those thoughts and try to listen and understand where he is coming from. Right now, it's about him, not you. He was never good at expressing his feelings, and because of that, he was more prone to lashing out.
"Well, yeah, just the mere thought of him being so close to you really upset me. I know I've been a dick but I just couldn't help it." He plopped back down in his chair.
You moved to sit at the edge of his bed. Your legs felt like they were going to give out after kissing him.
"Why didn't you say something?" You sighed and picked at your chipped nail polish.
"I don't know.. I don't want to mess up what we have." He gestured between the two of you. His voice was a lot softer now than is has been all week.
You nodded and understood why he felt like he couldn't express his feelings. "Can you kiss me again?"
Eddie's eyes dart up, and he looks a little surprised. "Can i?"
You couldn't have actually wanted to kiss him again? He thought to himself. He was already feeling guilty for just happened. He felt his heart start to race again.
You smiled and nodded, "I wish you would have kissed me sooner."
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teaboot · 6 months ago
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Forgive me if you’ve already answered something similar but how do you deal with crushing guilt when you did fuck up but there’s not really anything you can do to like make amends or you’ve already done anything you could and still feel guilty?
Like I know the guilt isn’t productive at all, if anything it’s just paralyzing me, and mentally beating myself up over it isn’t actually helping anyone. But I don’t know where to go from there. Idk how to actually forgive myself, or at least be able to move on
CW FOR SELF HARM
Okay, so this is something I've had to work through for a very long time myself, and there's a few different strategies that I've used to cope and process with varying levels of success.
What I used to do was handle the "I've ruined everything and hurt people and am never going to be forgiven" feeling by hurting myself in a number of creative and stupid ways, from physical hurt (Everything you'd expect) to mental hurt (wallowing, speaking badly of myself, going over the bad thing over and over again in my head) to passive hurt (neglecting my health, not eating properly, failing to pursue good living conditions, letting others hurt me, deliberately wandering into risky situations) and despite any short-term relief or peace I got, none of it ultimately fixed anything.
At the end of the day, making myself suffer as retribution or apology didn't fix the thing I'd done and didn't make the guilt go away, and all it gave me was an additional sense of shame and isolation because now not only was I a garbage person, I was a garbage person with something to hide from my loved ones. Zero out of ten, do not recommend.
The stuff that DID help was harder and is going to sound stupid because *I thought it was stupid* until it worked for me.
First: Learn the difference between GUILT and SHAME.
GUILT is how you feel about your choices.
SHAME is how you feel about yourself.
"I was late to a date again, that was inconsiderate": GUILT. The issue can be resolved by analyzing the reason behind the action and planning steps to avoid repeating it in the future. Guilt is productive because it motivates us to improve our choices. Once you've corrected the behaviour, it's over.
A"I was late to a date again, I'm inconsiderate": SHAME. The issue can be resolved by asking ourselves:
What negative thing to I believe about myself?
What other experiences support this belief? What evidence do I have that the bad thing is true?
Do those previous experiences have anything in common? Where they actually proof of a personal lack, or did someone just tell me they were? Were my choices and actions understandable? Did I have a reason? Was I trying to hurt others, or was it a mistake, accident, or learning experience? Have I grown from that experience?
Can I forgive myself for the past? What do I need to do to forgive myself for those past events? Was I really at fault at all, or was it out of my control?
Accept that.
Your present traumas and shames often have roots in beliefs you had about yourself before the new shameful thing occurred. When you dig into resolving the issues that led to today, you can use those conclusions to work through tomorrow. This is something I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy.
There are a number of ways of unpacking these questions, but as I felt I was deliberately avoiding my thoughts and feelings, I chose to jump into them directly, and found it to be effective.
You can write things down, talk to someone, paint something, draw something, whatever. Whatever at all works for you.
My solutions was to find a comfortable place on the floor, sit down, close my eyes, and do box-breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4) while deliberately thinking about every upsetting memory attached to a specific bad belief that I could recall until I had nothing left to go over.
Judge and jury. Was I a bad person, or did I make a mistake? Did I have malicious intentions, or did someone accuse me of malicious intentions? Am I bad, or have I been conditioned to believe I'm bad? And at the end of it all, am I capable of better? Do I want to be better? And would a truly bad person care?
It was more emotional than I expected the first few times. Cried a lot, actually. But if I can liken it to a common feeling, it was like getting out of a very thorough shower and realizing you didn't know how dirty you were before.
The process sucks ass, no lie, but it's worth it. Like draining pus from a gnarly wound to get it healed up properly.
I'm not an expert, of course, but life has gotten better since I started. I'm better at forgiving myself, at least.
Also: Some people will never forgive others even for tiny things. Sometimes once you've done your best, you've just gotta say "fuck 'em". C'est la vie, mon amie.
Good luck, yeah?
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aliendes · 16 days ago
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SVT Reaction to yelling at you for the first time/saying something hurtful
a/n: *gasp* I'm actually posting something after... checks watch... 4 years?! holyyyyy shit! anyways, this wasn't requested, I've been been brainrotting over SVT and anyone who knows me knows I love the angst. if you want to see more of SVT or have a request, hit up my inbox! i missed writing and tbh this is probably complete shit. I'm just trying to get back into it slowly before I write any behemoths like I used to. anywhooooooooo, here's some angsty AF SVT reactions.
w/c: 5,000~ (this is normal for me, unfortunately)
warnings: angssssst, some name calling (sl*t is used in a derogatory way by one of the boys I'm so sorry), one of the boys gets slapped (he deserves it), and overall just a lot of hurt no comfort. let me know if I missed anything that needs a warning.
let me know if you wanna see a part 2!
Seungcheol (S.coups)
He can be hot-headed and while he can have a sharp tongue sometimes, he doesn’t actually mean the things that he says in the heat of the moment. When he first raised his voice at you to tell you to “Stop acting like a bitch!” he instantly regretted his choice of words. It wasn’t even that big of an argument, you had only asked him to tell you about practice and what was bothering him, but after the long day he had he really didn’t want to rehash the details. When you sighed your third sigh, he just… snapped. The look on your face told him all he needed to know. He’d hurt you with his words and his tone. He watched in real-time as your expression turned from one of annoyance to one of pure hurt. Before the tears started rolling down your cheeks, you turned from him and immediately locked yourself in the bathroom. 
“Baby?” He approached the door cautiously like he would an injured animal. And he guessed, you kind of were at this point. He lightly rapped his knuckles on the wooden door. “Baby, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean that.” His voice was hoarse, he was trying to hold back his emotions so he could fix this. He could hear you sniffling from the other side of the door, but you made no moves to unlock it. 
“Go away, Seungcheol.”
He flinched at the use of his full name, he hated when you called him that and you knew it. “Ok, I’ll leave you alone for right now, but please know that I did not mean that. I’m not mad at you, I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you, and I’m not going anywhere. Ok, baby?”
He heard a few more sniffles and a soft “ok”, before planting himself against the wall opposite the bathroom door. He’d wait here however long he needed to. 
Jeonghan 
Now, Jeonghan can be sassy and snippy, you know this. You are used to this and you know he can sometimes be more passive-aggressive than he means to be. You two typically work very well together and you never let his snarky comments get to you. Besides, he always ends up apologizing for his moods and you two move on.
This time, however, Jeonghan knows he fucked up. It started with him being late for dinner, which isn’t an unusual thing. Practice runs late oftentimes, it can’t be avoided. But tonight was date night and he wasn’t just a few minutes late, he was three hours late. By the time he got home, dinner was cold and you were snoozing on the couch already in your pajamas. Practice had been tough, their choreographer running through the chorus what felt like hundreds of times until they were all moving in synch. He was exhausted, so instead of waking you up or carrying you to bed like he normally would, he set his things down and went straight to wash up.
The sound of running water is what woke you. You wandered into the bathroom to find your boyfriend in the shower. You crossed your arms and leaned against the doorframe. “You didn’t wake me.”
Jeonghan startled a bit, not having heard you enter. “Sorry, lovey. I’m really tired.” You could hear the harshness of his voice and for a moment you felt guilty, but then you remembered he didn’t even text you he would be running late. 
“You didn’t call or text. It was date night.”
Jeonghan heaved a long sigh before turning off the shower and wrapping a towel around his waist. “It was a long day, love, please.”
“I know, Jeonghan and I’m sorry, but you know how important these nights are to me. You’re getting ready to leave again and-”
He cut you off, voice rising, “Y/N, just stop. I’m exhausted, and you’re being incredibly clingy right now.”
“What- Jeonghan excuse me?”
“You heard me.” He brushed past you, bumping into your shoulder on his way out of the bathroom. 
“Jeonghan! Hey!” You followed after him, not realizing how hot-headed your boyfriend was right now. “You can’t just say shit like that to me!”
“You know what Y/N? I can, now for the love of God, leave me alone!” His voice was louder than you’d ever heard him speak to you before. He was yelling at you. You stood, stunned, in the doorway to your shared bedroom, but Jeonghan wasn’t done. “Either you sleep on the couch or I will, because I don’t want to be around you right now.”
Something inside you snapped, hearing those words from your usually sweet boyfriend. “Don’t bother, Jeonghan. I’ll be at my sister’s.”
You don’t even bother packing a back, just grabbing your purse and phone and leaving, despite only wearing pajamas. Jeonghan followed you out of the bedroom, watching you leave, realizing what he had done as he watched the front door slam behind you. He ran his hands through his still-wet hair, closing his eyes. “Fuck.”
Joshua
Joshua is the biggest sweetheart, so you two don’t fight very often. You have small, petty arguments sometimes, but Joshua is always the first to admit defeat, even if he wasn’t in the wrong, simply because he hates fighting with you that much. 
Tonight, though, he was on a different level of mad. Was it justified? Maybe not, but it didn’t stop him from seeing red when he saw you touching your coworker's arm when he pulled up to pick you up from work. One thing Joshua couldn’t stand, was cheaters, having been cheated on in the past. Parking his car, he honked the horn just once to get your attention.
Immediately, you turned and looked at your boyfriend, smiling wide and bright. It almost made him forget why he was upset in the first place. You turned back to your group of coworkers and waved goodbye before jogging over to the passenger door and getting into your boyfriend’s ride. 
“How was work?” He asked coldly, not bothering to look at you. “Who was that?”
You looked at Joshua confused, brows furrowing, “Who?”
“That guy you were just all over,” he responded, putting the car into drive and pulling away from the sidewalk, “you know the one you were flirting with?”
You blanched. There’s no way your sweet, loving Joshua was accusing you of something right now. He’s joking, right? “You’re joking, right?”
Joshua finally turned and looked at you, and you could tell by the look in his eye that he was dead serious. “Josh, that’s my coworker, Jihyun. I’ve told you about him before, you know the-”
“Save it, Y/N. I saw the way you were looking at him, and you knew I was coming to pick you up, did you just want to rub it in my face?! Huh?” His voice was louder than you’d ever heard it before. His usually calm, soft demeanor had completely changed and it was starting to scare you, before you could get a word in he continued, “Or do you just act like that with all your coworkers?! Like a slut?”
The dam broke and tears started streaming down your face. “Stop the car.”
“No, you’re going to tell me-”
“STOP the car Josh!” You yelled through tears. It stunned him out of his momentary anger and he blinked at you. “STOP!”
He pulled over to the sidewalk, and before he could even put the car in park you were out the door with your bag, leaving your phone behind in his center console. “Y/N! Wait!”
“Save it, Josh!” You slammed the car door and stalked away, leaving Joshua to stare, too stunned to move, but regretting his words instantly. 
Jun
“Please, baby, can we talk about his tomorrow?” Jun sighed into the phone. He was currently laying on his hotel bed, trying to fall asleep but you wouldn’t let him get off the phone. Not that he usually minded, but he was so exhausted from his shoot today that all he wanted was a few hours of sleep before he did it again. “I’m so tired, Y/N.”
“Junhui, this is important!” You whined, trying to go over the schedule for your sister’s wedding next week. He was part of the wedding party, and you were the maid of honor and it really was important that you have the times down for flights and pickups. “I just need to make sure you’re getting in before-”
“Y/N! Please!” Jun yelled into the phone, stunning you into silence. He never yelled, he was usually so calm and collected that his tone shut you up. “Just shut up, please! I can call you tomorrow and we can go over all of this, but right now I need to sleep! You have no idea how long my days are right now and listening you to whine and complain about this stupid wedding is getting on my last nerve!” The moment the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He knows how important this is to you and your family, hell, it’s important to him because he loves you and your family so dearly. He has not idea why he said it, but he can’t take it back now.
He could hear you sniffle on the other end of the phone, but before he could even try and make amends, you cut in, “You know what, Junhui. You’re right. Don’t bother showing up.”
The call ended before Jun could say anything and he immediately tried calling you back, only to be sent to voicemail, over and over again. 
“Baby, please. I am so, so sorry. Please pick up. I’ll be on a flight tomorrow after the shoot, I swear to you. Please, Y/N.” His voice broke on his last words and he hung up the phone with tears in his eyes. 
Soonyoung
Soonyoung was loud on a good day, so arguments between you two tended to get a little bit heated. That said, they were few and far between and your loving boyfriend never raised his voice at you. Despite this, you’ve heard his anger in the practice room, you just weren’t used to it being directed at you.
“I don’t understand why you always have to be on my back about shit, Y/N!” He boomed across the practice room. You two were the only ones in the large room, the others having left about 20 minutes ago after Soonyoung dismissed them. “Why can’t you just chill the fuck out?!”
You stared at your boyfriend in shock. He had never yelled at you like this before. And over what? You telling him he should take a break? 
“Soons, I didn’t mean it like that. I just think-”
“You just think, what?! That I can just drop everything to be with you all the time?! Why are you even here right now? You should be at home, not bothering me at work!”
Tears pricked at your eyes, but you wouldn’t let them fall. Not in here. “I just wanted to bring you and the boys some dinner.” Your voice was small, but Soonyoung didn’t seem to pick up on your near tears, because the yelling continued. 
“We don’t need your help, Y/N! I don’t need your help! Just go home.” He spat, turning away from you to start packing up his bags. “I’ll be at the dorm.”
Without saying another word, you turned on your heels and ran out of the practice room and into the maze-like halls of the Hybe building, but not before Soonyoung heard your little gasps for air like you were about to have a full-blown panic attack. His anger completely dissipated at the sound, dropping everything he was doing to stand up and follow after you. 
He felt like an idiot. Did he really just blow up on you, his favorite person in the whole universe, over something so silly? He was just stressed, he didn’t mean it, but now he’s hurt you, his entire world. He rushed out of the practice room, but it was too late. You were nowhere to be found, even after he searched up and down the halls, the lobby, and even the roof. Running his hands through his hair, he headed back to grab his bag and keys and started heading back towards your shared apartment. He knew he had a lot to make up for, but he wasn’t sure what state he’d find you in.
Wonwoo
“Y/N just shut the fuck up for once!”
You stood, stunned into silence, in the doorway of your boyfriend's gaming room. Wonwoo opted to ignore your figure to continue playing whatever game he was playing on his computer, headphones still snug over his head. 
You had approached him asking if he would get off the games to go out to dinner with you. You’d been asking him all week if you two could go out together since he had the next two weeks off before preparing for his group’s next comeback. He pushed off your requests but you’ve finally had enough and pushed him to come out with you tonight, but boy was that a mistake. 
You knew you were starting to get on his nerves, but you didn’t understand why. All you wanted was to spend some time with your boyfriend before we got busy again and you weren’t able to. You felt like the two of you were drifting apart and this just confirmed it. He had never yelled at you like that before, and the fact that he wasn’t even turning around to look at you sealed the deal. 
“I’m sorry, Wonwoo.” Your words were soft as you turned around, slamming the door behind you. 
Wonwoo sighed again into his mic for the billionth time that night, only this time, Seungcheol on the other end had had enough. “You’re a fucking dick, dude.”
Wonwoo blanched at that, “What do you mean?”
“You just yelled at Y/N and she just apologized?” Did you? He couldn’t hear you over his game. Wonwoo pushed one side of his headphones off so we could listen to you out in the apartment. He heard shuffling around and furrowed his brows. “Dude, go fix it, she’s probably pissed at you.” Wonwoo only nodded, not realizing Seungcheol couldn’t see him, and shut his computer off. 
As he walked into your shared bedroom, he saw the tail end of you shoving things into a duffle bag. Shocked, he rushed over to you, reaching out to grab your arm, but you flinched away so hard he was paralyzed with shock. “Do not touch me Jeon Wonwoo!”
Shit. You used his full name, you never did that. “Baby, I-”
“Don’t call me that.” You said coldly, before grabbing your bag and heading for the door. “I’ll be at Sunmi’s.” You threw over your shoulder before walking out the front door and out of Wonwoo’s life. He watched you walk away and for a moment, just stood there dumbstruck, before falling to his knees with tears streaming down his face. 
Jihoon
Jihoon could easily get into aggravated or ‘mean’ moods and after being together for so long, you’ve learned when to give him space when he needs it. But when he’s been ignoring you for the better half of the whole week, you’ve had enough.
You knocked on his studio door three times and waited for an answer. Only you didn’t get one. You knocked again, but this time you kept knocking until you heard his grumbles from the other side of the door. 
“I’m coming! Jesus, Cheol, can you-”
When Jihoon opened the door to find you, his loving girlfriend of 5 years, his words are cut short. You smile slightly at him and push your way through the entrance of his studio, plopping yourself on his black leather couch.
“Since you don’t want to leave the studio, I decided to come to you.”
Jihoon felt his anger rising. So what if he’s been in his studio and the dorms for the last 6 days? He has a job to do and this album’s due date is next week. He has limited time and not enough hours in the day to complete this. You know this, and yet, here you are to bother him. 
“Y/N, go home.” He says cooly while taking a seat at his computer. 
“No.” You say simply, a smirk on your face. “I’m here to keep you company until you’re ready to come home.”
“Y/N…” he sighed, running a hand down his face.
“Don’t Y/N me, you can’t stay here cooped up like a hibernating bear. It’s not healthy, Ji.”
“Don’t tell me what to do, Y/N. You know the deadline is coming up, I have to get this done.”
“I understand Ji, but-”
“Do you?” He yells, turning his chair to face your shocked one. “Do you actually understand the pressure I’m under Y/N?! No, you don’t, because all you do all day is sit at home and answer emails and phone calls. You don’t understand how hard I work when all you ever do is lay on the couch!”
Now that hurt. Jihoon knows you work hard, he does. He has been with you since before you finished your Masters in business and before you started working for this huge tech company. He knows that you work on important projects all day and you get stressed with meeting deadlines just like he does. He knows what he’s saying isn’t fair, but he just wants you out of his hair so he can finish these songs. 
His studio was silent for a few minutes as you both just sat there staring at eachother. You swallowed hard and Jihoon could tell you were holding your tears back. “I’m sorry, Jihoon, I didn’t realize you felt that way.”
“Wait-” Jihoon stood up and followed you as you rushed towards his studio door, “I didn’t mean-”
“Yes, you did.” He could hear the crack in your voice and his heart broke at the dejected look on your face. “Goodbye, Ji.”
You walked out the door, leaving Jihoon standing in the doorway regretting all the choices he’s made this week leading up to this moment. He wants to chase after you, wants to do something, anything, but the guilt keeps him rooted in place.
Seokmin
Your boyfriend is a literal embodiment of sunshine. He’s happy-go-lucky and positive like no one you’ve ever met before and it’s one of the main reasons you fell for Seokmin. He’s so sweet, and kind, and caring, that you are constantly asking yourself how you got so lucky to be his girlfriend, the one he loves most. 
So it’s safe to say that when you hear him yelling from the other room in your shared apartment, you’re pretty shocked. You spring up from your spot on the bed and rush out into the living room to see what he’s yelling about, assuming he found a bug, or something. Only, it wasn’t a bug. Seokmin was standing in the middle of your living room holding his phone out for you to see. 
“What the hell is this Y/N?!” His face was turning slightly red and you could tell he was angry. You moved closer to him and furrowed your brows as you read the large text at the top of the article. ‘Y/L/N Y/N leader of popular k-pop girl group is in secret relationship with amateur actor Park Seungmin’ was written across his phone screen with a photo of yourself and some small-time actor you didn’t recognize. “Who is he Y/N?!”
You looked back up at your boyfriend, confusion written all over your face. “Seokmin I have no idea, you know these articles come out all the time-” before you could finish, Seokmin was moving past the couch to push the phone in your face. Feeling defensive you shove at your boyfriend’s chest a little, not enough to actually move him but to get your point across, “Seok! Stop it!”
“No, Y/N, did you think I wouldn’t find out you were fucking this guy?” Seokmin shoved his phone back into his pocket but kept pushing into your space. “Think I wouldn’t figure it out? Is this where you’ve been when you’ve said you were at practice late?” His voice was raising and you were honestly a bit scared of him in the moment. You’ve never seen him so worked up about anything. 
“Seok, listen to me-”
“No! You can’t just-” “SEOKMIN!” You screamed just to get him to stop, you didn’t even care if your neighbors heard you. “Stop it! Stop, please!” There were tears running down your face and Seokmin looked devastated, whether it was because he truly believed you cheated or because he was regretting his words, you weren’t sure. “Get out. Please!”
“I, Y/N, I’m so-”
“OUT!” You sobbed, putting your face in your hands. 
“Oh - okay, I’ll stay at the dorms, but baby-”
“Just leave Seokmin.”
Mingyu
Your huge puppy dog of a boyfriend was the cuddliest, kindest, big-hearted person you had ever met in your life. Mingyu was so kind and caring and he never, ever raised his voice at you, even when he was upset (which happened sometimes, cause you’re human!). 
Which is why it was so startling when you came home to find him hunched over his phone, sitting on the couch, looking like his world was ending. You dropped your bag by the door, not bothering to look where you tossed your phone and keys, and ran over to Mingyu and placed your hands on his knees. 
“Baby? What’s wrong, what happened?” You peered up into his large brown eyes that were looking back at you with an anger you’d never seen in them before. The look he was giving you shocked you to the point you removed your hands from his knees as if he burned you. “Babe?”
“You have the nerve to ask me what’s wrong, when YOU are what’s wrong?” He glared daggers at you as he suddenly stood up, making you jump backwards slightly, hitting your back into the glass coffee table. You flinched but stayed still as Mingyu towered over you. He pointed his phone at you showing you a string of texts between him and Soonyoung. “This, this is what is wrong, Y/N!”
Your brows furrowed as you read the text messages, but you couldn’t, for the life of you remember sending them. “Mingyu, I think-”
“What the fuck is this Y/N?!” He screamed, making you jump again and wince as you hit your back for the second time. “Are you fucking him behind my back?!” This time your wince came from the sheer volume of your boyfriend’s voice. 
“Gyu, he must be pranking you, please calm down lovey.” Your voice was quiet now, you’ve never seen him like this and it was really starting to scare you. Why would he yell at you without asking questions first? It really stung, worse than the pain you were feeling in your spine. 
He scoffed, “You have some nerve coming back here.” With that he stalked off to your shared bedroom and slammed the door, locking it behind him and leaving you there on the floor of your living room, shocked and crying. 
You stood up, grabbed your bag, and called Joshua, explaining to him what was going on as you ran out of your apartment building to call a cab and head to your brother’s.
Minghao
Your boyfriend, Minghao, didn’t have a short fuse per se, but he definitely didn’t have the patience of a saint either. But that was fine because he never directed his anger at you. You were the light of his life, his only love, and he let you know that on a daily basis. So when the words “You’re acting fucking crazy right now” came out of his mouth, it absolutely shocked you. 
“Hao, what do you mean by that?” You asked him quietly, not quite believing he would say such words to you and mean them. You were having a rough day, no MONTH, and when you got home from work all you could think about was how messy the apartment was. You got straight to work scrubbing and cleaning everything you could see and when Minghao arrived home from practice you asked if he could help you with the refrigerator. 
It set off a small argument about him being tired after a long day, but you continued cleaning even when he asked you to stop and have dinner with him. He didn’t understand, you needed to get the apartment clean before you could relax. But to tell you you’re acting crazy? You’ve never heard him say those words before. 
“You heard me, Y/N. You need to chill the fuck out! Why are you always like this when you get stressed?! You need to learn how to fucking relax because it’s getting on my nerves!” Minghao yelled into the mostly quiet apartment, the only other sound aside from him was the aircon running in the corner. 
“I - I do- don’t…” you stuttered, dropping the sponge you were holding, “I’m s-sorry Hao, I-”
“Don’t, Y/N. Just please leave me alone.” Your usually sweet boyfriend stormed past you and into your bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. 
You took a few deep breaths like Minghao had taught you previously when you’ve had panic attacks, and sunk to the floor, back against the kitchen cabinets. You couldn’t stop the tears now, so you placed your head between your knees and tried fruitlessly to get your breathing to calm down. 
Minghao was in the other room, in a similar state after what he just said to you. But all he could do was sit and listen to your sobs while he figured out what exactly was wrong with him that he would be the cause of your hurt like that.
Seungkwan
Living with Boo Seungkwan, one of the sassiest idols in Korea, was bound to lead to spitfire arguments and fights occasionally. You were used to your little spats, always making up by the end of the evening. Seungkwan had a rule, after all - never go to bed upset. 
That is why you were so shocked to receive a phone call from your boyfriend right before you got off work. 
“Y/N I need you to stay somewhere else tonight.”
“Wait, what?” You were confused, you and Seungkwan had been living together for almost a year now, and he has never asked this of you before. “Where am I supposed to stay?”
“I don’t know, Y/N and frankly I don’t really care right now. I can’t believe you told Seungcheol about our trip.”
Your heart dropped to your feet at the mention of Seungcheol, because yes, you had accidentally let it slip that you and Seungkwan were planning a weekend trip to Jeju to visit his family and have a little getaway before they went on tour. You didn’t think it was a big deal at the time, as Seungkwan hadn’t asked you to keep it a secret or anything, but the look on Seungcheol’s face after you told him told you that Seungkwan most likely never planned on telling him. 
“We have a schedule on Saturday and I was planning on skipping it, and you’ve gone and ruined the whole thing.”
“I- I’m so sorry babe, I didn’t realize-”
“Save it, Y/N. I can’t believe you would go blabbing to Cheol of all people! Do you realize what you’ve done? I got chewed out in front of the whole group during practice today!” His voice was rising and your guilt was too. “Just, find someplace to stay tonight, I don’t want to see your face. And maybe this weekend too.” At that, your boyfriend ended the call, leaving you distraught at your desk. 
One of your coworkers noticed the tears running down your face and came over to ask if you were alright, and you nodded but said you needed to head home, as something important came up. She understood and let your boss know as you gathered your things and headed down to the subway. 
Back at your shared apartment Seungkwan was pacing back in forth in the living room, unbelieving of what he just said to you. Yes, he was rightfully upset, but that didn’t give him the right to ream you like that. You would come home, right? You had to, you had a rule, after all. You never went to bed upset. 
But Seungkwan waited up for you all night, calling your phone dozens of times before it eventually turned off. You never walked through the apartment door and now he has no idea where to find you. 
Vernon
“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”
Those were the first words you heard from your boyfriend’s mouth as you walked out of your shared bedroom after getting ready for work. 
“What’s the matter, babe?” you asked as you finished tying your hair up. 
“Don’t ‘what’s the matter, babe’ me. My fucking lyric sheets!” He held up a stack of papers that looked like they’d been soaking in water all night. 
“Oh no, what happened?” You asked, moving towards Vernon with outstretched hands as if you could actually dry the papers for him. 
“Oh, I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?! Someone left a glass of water on the table where the cat could knock it over, and guess what?! She did!” He shook at papers in your direction to emphasize his point, splashing you with frigid droplets, and making you flinch. And yes, you did leave your glass of water on the coffee table last night, being too tired to get up and do the dishes, but did he really have the right to blame you?
“Look, Vern, I’m really sorry, but-”
“Don’t even try to say it isn’t your fault because it fucking is!” Your usually quiet and calm boyfriend yelled at you in the middle of your living room. You were honestly so taken aback that you didn’t know what to say to him. Vernon was typically so cool and collected that seeing him red in the face with anger was not something you were prepared for this early in the morning. “I can’t fucking believe you.”
“You know what, Vern, I’m sorry but you don’t get to talk to me like that.” You said in a quiet voice, betraying your confident words. You walked over to the front door and grabbed your jacket and bag before turning around to look at your boyfriend again. “I’ll go to Jihyo’s after work. I’m sorry about your papers.”
Vernon watched you with wide eyes as you exited your apartment, slamming the door behind you. You were right, he shouldn’t have spoken to you like that, but he was just so angry when he came out of your bedroom this morning to find his lyrics ruined. He huffed a sigh before plopping down onto the couch and placing his head in his hands. How was he going to fix this?
Chan
It wasn’t like you to come home so late, but your annoying boss asked you to calculate some projections for next quarter 15 minutes before your clock out time and you couldn’t just tell him no, especially when you’re up for a promotion this month. So you took on the task and ended up working 3 hours of overtime. 
You were so caught up in paperwork that you didn’t even think to text Chan, your boyfriend, and let him know you’d be home late. You didn’t think he would mind, but when you sat down on the bus to head home, you checked your phone to find 9 missed calls and dozens of texts. The last few were especially worrisome.
From Channie: do you have any idea how worried i am?!?
From Channie: i swear to god Y/N if you dont call me back
From Channie: where the fuck are you???
From Channie: are you out with that guy, from work?! 
From Channie: you know what? Dont bother coming home
You furrowed your brows. Chan never usually reacted like this. You pressed the little green phone icon next to his name in an attempt to soothe whatever he was feeling, only to be met with his voicemail. Instead you tried texting him a few times, but the texts stayed green, never going through. Confused, you pocketed your phone and continued on your ride home. 
When you got to your apartment you keyed in your passcode and walked into an almost completely dark apartment.
“Channie?” You called out, setting your bag down on the console table. “Chan, what’s going on?”
All of the sudden your bedroom door bursts open to reveal a slightly tipsy Chan, stumbling towards you. “Where the fuck were you?!” He yelled, slightly slurred.
“Chan - Chan what - are you ok?” You asked, slipping your shoes off and walking towards him with your arms out to steady him.
“Am I ok!? Am I OK!? You’re out with who the fuck knows doing God knows fucking what and I can’t reach you. And you have the balls to ask if I’M OKAY?!” He roared, making you take a few steps back. You’ve never seen him this angry before, and it confused and scared you.
“Chan, my boss asked me to work on some projections, you know how he-”
“Oh fucking save it, Y/N! Just get the fuck out of my face!”
“Chan!” By now, tears were running down your cheeks, you honestly couldn’t believe your sweet and loving boyfriend was saying such cruel things to you right now. “You know I’m up for promotion and - and…” 
“And what, Y/N?! You think you can just sleep your way to the top?!”
You swung your hand back and slapped your boyfriend as hard as you could across the face. It seemed to jar him enough that he snapped out of whatever rage he was in. He blinked a few times, sobering up, before he looked at your tear-streaked face, realizing what he had just said. 
“Y/N, wait.”
“No, Chan, fuck you!” You screamed, running into your bedroom and slamming the door shut. He deserved that, he thinks. 
“Baby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that,” he knocked on the door a few times before trying the knob, it was locked, “just let me in, please. I’m so sorry, baby, so, so sorry. Let me in and we can talk, I don’t know what came over me, I was just so worried about you.” He was rambling now, but he wasn’t sure what else to do, he knew if he didn’t fix this he was going to lose you.
He could hear your sobs on the other side of the door and it was breaking his heart. He slid down the wall opposite the door, resolute to wait there the entire night until you finally opened the door.
187 notes · View notes
bellaxgiornata · 2 months ago
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You're My Safe Place
Pairing: Frank Castle x fem!Reader Word Count: 2.3k [Tuna-Tober Masterlist]
Tuna-Tober Prompt: “Shh, I’ve got you now. I’m here.”
Warnings/tags: angst, emotional hurt/comfort, panic attack, mentions of Reader being teased for weight (and a couple other things), soft Frank
Summary: Frank and you are getting ready to attend your family's Thanksgiving dinner later, but the stress of the holiday season and the distress of seeing your horrible aunt has you nosediving right into a panic attack.
a/n: I've always wanted to write Frank comforting Reader over a panic attack so I slipped one in for this event. This is for anyone with a family member (or members) that are awful to be around now that the holidays are coming up. Feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!
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With both hands grasping the kitchen counter in a near death grip, you leaned over the countertop as you tried to stay focused on the coffee machine in front of you. You were tired, having woken up early to a string of anxious thoughts about the Thanksgiving dinner tonight with your extended family that Frank and you would be attending. But as the coffee began to brew with a soft whir, your mind continued spiraling like it had been doing since five this morning. Ever since you’d woken up in bed next to Frank, staring at his bare shoulder poking out from beneath the bed sheets, you hadn’t been able to stop the dread and anxiety about what horrible comments your aunt would subject you to at this holiday gathering. Especially with all of the stress you’d already been under with the holiday season now in full swing.
Breath coming in sharper, your hands gripped the countertop even tighter. Farther down the hall you could hear Frank moving around in the bedroom getting ready for the day, and as much as you tried to ground yourself in the familiarity of that, you felt yourself steadily slipping as your mind replayed all of the awful things your aunt had said to you in the past–about your age and lack of a husband, the fact that you were still childless, that your profession was a joke, and even making jabs about your weight. Your vision began to blur as her irritating voice rang clear in your mind, your heart pounding so heavily that you felt the resounding vibration in your throat. Your rib cage felt as if it had clamped itself around your lungs and heart like a vice, constricting them both tighter and tighter while you fought to take a single full breath.
A panic attack. You were on the verge of another panic attack. Teetering just right at the edge, waiting to topple straight into it.
But no–no, you couldn’t. Not here. Not with Frank just in the other room. He had never seen you like this before and you never wanted him to see you like this. He had enough to worry about already and you refused to be another reason for the crease between his brows. He didn’t need to know how much something so ridiculous affected you. But at the same time, you knew tonight was the first family gathering of yours he’d be attending. Which meant it would be the first time he’d meet your aunt. The first time he’d be hearing the things she’d say about you.
Desperately you began sharply inhaling air through your gritted teeth, your eyes snapping tightly shut as you tried to get control of yourself. You just needed to focus, to breathe, to think about literally anything else besides the dinner and your aunt. But the harder you tried to fight it, the more her insults kept slipping through the quickly crumbling cracks in your mind. 
You were falling into it now, too far gone. The memories of past family gatherings were surfacing now; her repeated passive aggressive comments at the dinner table about your plate of food, the Christmas gifts that were meant ‘to help you attract a man’ or ‘lose a few of those unnecessary pounds,’ the constant comparisons to her golden child of a daughter, the rude questions about your salary. Your body was curling in on itself as you kept struggling to fight off the sensation that was dragging you under. You were gasping for breath, hyperventilating and too deep in to pull yourself back out. With shaking, sweat-dampened hands, you tried to readjust your hold on the countertop as if it was some lifeline that would keep you grounded in the present. But with your eyes closed, your hand missed the countertop and accidentally bumped into one of the coffee mugs sitting on it instead. You’d opened your eyes just in time to see the white ceramic mug fall to the floor and shatter, the noise louder than that of your own ragged, sharp breaths.
That’s when you lost it.
Dropping to the floor in a heap, tears streamed down your cheeks as you pulled your legs up to your body, as if they’d somehow help to keep your heart from beating straight through your chest. Your nails dug into your calves, partially in an attempt to keep your legs firmly pressed to yourself, but partly because the sting of them biting into your skin helped to counteract the growing panic inside of you.
And that’s when you’d heard Frank’s thudding, hurried footsteps as he came rushing out of the bedroom and straight into the kitchen. With vision tinged in white at the edges, you struggled to look up at Frank when he paused at the entrance of the room. You could only imagine how you looked to him right now, huddled in a ball beside the shattered coffee mug, tears pouring down your cheeks as you continued to suck in shallow, gasping breaths. 
He didn’t stand there long. In four quick strides he was on the floor beside you, a stern and almost unreadable expression on his face. But even in the midst of your panic attack, you could still see the fear and worry hidden behind his dark eyes. He was terrified and confused.
“Talk to me, sweetheart,” he ordered.
His hands hovered in the air between you both, as if he wanted to offer you comfort but he wasn’t certain if he should touch you. Your tongue darted out of your dry mouth to wet your lips as you attempted to concentrate, but the lack of proper oxygen to your brain with the way you’d been breathing was causing everything to become a haze. And with the way your breaths kept coming in sharp and shallow, there was no way you could get a word out.
“Are you hurt?” he asked. “Somethin’ happen? Tell me what’s goin’ on.”
You shook your head in answer to his questions, your entire body trembling against the kitchen cabinets behind you. There was no way you could form words right now, not with the way it felt like your throat was closing up.
Almost as if a light went off in Frank’s head a second later, realization dawned on him and his entire demeanor shifted. Immediately the urgency left his voice, his tone becoming something soft and soothing as his hands finally and gently landed on your shoulders. Though the concern was still apparent in his eyes, not something he could just push away.
“Relax, honey,” he said. “You’re alright. ‘S'just a panic attack.”
You nodded, breath still coming in sharp, short gasps. This wasn’t the first one you’d had, but that didn’t alleviate the fear and embarrassment that managed to surface within you at the moment. You didn’t want Frank to see you like this.
“Need you to take some deep breaths, sweetheart,” he told you. “In and out. Can you do that for me?”
Nodding again, you felt a few more hot tears streak their way down your cheeks. As Frank’s thumbs drew comforting little circles along your shoulders, his face hovering just a foot in front of yours, you tried to inhale a deep, shaky breath.
“That’s it, honey,” he praised. “Nice and slow. Don’t fight it, just breathe through it.”
Nails digging tight into your calves, you tried to focus on Frank’s face and his soothing words. Inhaling another ragged breath in, you tried to take a full breath while fighting the protesting burning in your lungs. Frank’s eyes remained fixed on you as you inhaled the breath, but his hands released your shoulders, both of them coming down to gently pull your fingers away from where they were digging into your calves. 
“Keep going, sweetheart,” he encouraged. “Doin’ good.”
As you inhaled a few more sharp breaths, your tears gradually began to slow even if the trembling of your body did not lessen. The rough pads of Frank’s thumbs began soothingly stroking the back of your hands, the sensation helping to steadily draw you back to the present and out of your head.
“I’m–I’m sorry,” you gasped out.
“Shh, I’ve got you now. I’m here,” Frank murmured, pulling you in towards himself. “Don’t apologize.”
Clinging to him, your hands desperately grabbed at the back of his soft sweater as you buried your face into his shoulder. Your breathing was still shallow and uneven, your heart beating a little erratically in your chest, but you felt yourself little by little coming back out of the panic attack as you continued to follow Frank’s calm instructions to breathe in and out.
It was a few minutes before you finally felt yourself really calm down. You kept your face buried in Frank’s shoulder, embarrassment coursing through you. You couldn’t believe he’d just witnessed you have a panic attack, let alone over something so stupid.
“You good?” he eventually asked after a moment.
Nodding your head against his shoulder, your fingers eased their grip on his sweater, though you didn’t release your hold of him. “Yeah,” you quietly answered.
“What was that 'bout?” he asked.
You stiffened in his arms, afraid to tell him the truth. Tonight was the first family gathering of yours he’d agreed to attend, which meant he was bound to witness some of these comments firsthand. Even if you didn’t tell him about it now, you knew he’d eventually see it happening later.
“C’mon sweetheart,” Frank gently prompted. “Can’t help if you don’t talk to me.”
“It’s…it’s stupid,” you muttered into his shoulder.
“Not stupid if it’s got you this upset,” he disagreed. “Talk to me.”
Sighing, you turned and rested your cheek along his shoulder, keeping your eyes averted as embarrassment continued to flush your face. “It’s just…this Thanksgiving dinner tonight. I have this–this aunt that I cannot stand. She’s always stuck her nose into my personal business–and I mean real personal sometimes. And she makes these–” you paused, wincing, “–these horribly rude comments to me. Usually when it’s just her cornering me somewhere, but sometimes over the holiday dinners in front of everyone. And I–I just don’t want to see her.”
“Then don’t go,” he said. “We don’t have to.”
“I can’t just not go, Frank,” you replied. “I’d never see my family for holidays again if I simply just stopped going to family gatherings. And generally I enjoy seeing everybody else, it’s just–just her. And I’m…”
Your voice trailed off, your eyes focused on the shattered coffee mug still on the floor just behind Frank. Besides hearing the things she might throw at you this time, the other thing that had been bothering you recently was the fact that this time she would be making these comments in front of Frank. He’d be there to hear every jab she made about you, every comment about what a failure she thought you were or what she deemed wrong with your appearance. Right in front of him.
“You’re what?” he asked.
Swallowing hard, your eyes slowly closed before you answered him in a small voice. “I’m not looking forward to you hearing it.”
Frank’s large hands were immediately pulling your face away from his shoulder before turning it to look at him. You were met with a firm, fearsome expression, one that would’ve sent a shudder down your spine if you hadn’t known how soft he truly was beneath that gruff and intimidating exterior. 
“She won’t say a goddamn thing with me there, sweetheart,” Frank told you, voice a low warning. “Promise you that.”
You smiled softly back up at him. “Frank, you can’t start a physical altercation at Thanksgiving dinner,” you pointed out.
“No,” he agreed. “But I don’t have to do that to get her to keep her mouth shut.”
An amused snort slipped out of you at his words, your mind racing through a myriad of possible situations of how Frank would keep your aunt from verbally attacking you this evening. Each scenario was just as satisfying as the next.
“Honestly, I don’t doubt that,” you replied before sighing. “And I know this…just seems like a dumb thing to get so worked up over but…her comments really get to me. Just every time I see her, she’s always twisting the knife. And then her words stick with me. Always have ever since I was little.”
Frank held you a bit tighter in his arms as he shook his head firmly. “Not alright with anyone talkin’ to you like that. Making you feel this upset,” he told you. “She’s already on my shit list and I haven’t met her.”
You couldn’t fight back the little laugh that bubbled out of you at the idea of Frank Castle putting your aunt on his ‘shit list.’ A tiny grin slipped onto his lips at the sound, a mischievous glint appearing in his dark eyes.
“I have a feeling you and her will not get along this evening,” you said.
“I’ve got that same feeling, sweetheart,” Frank replied, his grin growing. “But whatever happens, you know I’ll be right there.”
Smiling softly up at him, you nodded. “Yeah, yeah I know you will be.”
Frank pulled you back to his chest, his hands once more soothingly running along your back. When he spoke again, his voice a deep rumble, you felt a bit of the anxiety in your mind easing just a bit.
“Not gonna be alone tonight,” he murmured. “Be right there with you.”
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Frank Castle One Shot Tag List: @heimtathurs @linamarr @wkndwlff @kmc1989 @shiorimakibawrites @xxdrixx @leikelle @pinkratts @1988-fiend @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @stilldreaming666 @will-delete-this-later-probably @yarrystyleeza @pone21 @millennial-birkin @harleycao @kezibear @justanerd1 @sadest-bookshelf @loves0phelia
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tomatopers · 10 months ago
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❝ I'm. . . late?! ❞
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in honor of me also forgetting vday :,) here is my first post for this acc !! I also need to remember to make an intro post n stuff, and hopefully i'll make some friends on here eventually </3 i see ppl interacting with their anons/followers and it's sooo cute when will that be me !!!!
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They forgot Valentine's Day... surely the nineteenth is just as special? Diluc, Zhongli x GN!Reader (separate)
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Diluc watched you silently from a window, the sunny scene outside feeling worlds away from his own dim office. You were sitting on the stone wall surrounding the Dawn Winery, pretending to read one of his boring novels while pointedly ignoring him. He was very often unaware of his stumbles, this being his first relationship, but wouldn't he would catch on soon enough?
Sure it was immature to still act huffy at this age, but Valentine's day was 5 days ago! Not one! FIVE! You had to witness Lisa flirting with the Acting Grand Master for hours, which wasn't uncommon in the slightest, but the librarian seemed to make use of all her cheesy lines on the holiday.
The stone was frigid beneath your bare legs, and you were reminded that the sun hadn't yet begun to do its job this early in the month as your legs grew numb. Perhaps on this fifth day of snubbing your lover, you'd spend the night at a bar- maybe even in Venti's company, or Kaeya's. That last ditch effort to get him to notice your huffy behavior never failed.
The worst part of this whole affair was that you couldn't even be disappointed or properly upset in peace. How could you, when this was clearly not an intentional mishap? Diluc worked diligently, and was far more dependable than most; Though, this trait of his only served to deepen your guilt. Perhaps you should apologize for this childish behavior... Maybe talk it out like proper adults...
6 o'clock found you on a barstool at Angels' share, a little early for drinking but the glass in your hand was clearly not your first. Kaeya sat to your right, an arm resting on the counter as he lent an ear to your woes. Venti stood to your left, strumming his lyre quietly and pitching in jests during the quieter moments.
The door opened at 7 on the dot, and you turned around despite knowing who stood behind you. The backlighting of the evening sun made his hair glow like fire, exaggerating the irritation on Diluc's face to resemble anger. You stood up, slightly tipsy but no less aware, and grasped Kaeya's shoulder to steady yourself before walking forward.
"Good evening, Master Diluc. What brings you here so early?" He seemed to glare at you before casting a glance at Charles. The bartender visibly jumped, quickly bowing a greeting before averting his eyes as Diluc grabbed your wrist and tugged you out of the bar. His grip, though firm, wasn't the slightest bit painful- even now, in whatever bitter mood he was in, Diluc always treated you with the utmost care.
You felt even more guilty for acting the way you did.
He released his hold on you in a more private space, tucked behind a couple trees, and waited. Just as you knew he would seek you out immediately after work, he knew you'd soon crumble under his stare and explain what you wanted. Those red eyes, sometimes blazing with anger or warm with love, were now passive and unreadable.
"Well?"
You felt heat behind your eyes, feeling the tears before they could escape down your cheeks. How stupid. It was hard to form a sentence between sniffles, so you stood and cried as he enveloped you in a hug. Maybe you had more than a few drinks back at the bar...
When your tears were all but spent, you gripped his hand in embarrassment, unable to meet his gaze. "...I'm sorry."
"What for?"
You sighed, "I've been such a child about this, it honestly wasn't even that important yet I-"
"If it bothered you, then it's important. To me."
There it was again, the ever chivalrous Diluc and his overflowing compassion when it came to you. Despite the temptation to lie and play it off, you sheepishly admitted, "It's just that, uh- a few days ago, it was Valentine's day... and we didn't really um- celebrate together... But! It's okay! You do so much already and I honestly don't need to do anything for some silly holiday when we can do stuff like that any day and.."
Looking up, you trailed off into a confused silence. Diluc's face was red, and he was the one now avoiding your eyes. "I'm- My apologies. I admit, it did slip my mind, but that is no excuse. It's more than a silly holiday, and as such, I would be honored if you would allow me an attempt to make it up to you." You burst out laughing, and he looked relieved. You really had no reason to be upset, not with this cute of a lover.
"I would allow you all the attempts possible, Mr. Ragnvindr. All the attempts and more." He smiled and took your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as you followed him out of the alley. "Shall we visit that famous traveling chef then, darling? I heard he's in town. Or the Good Hunter, for something casual? Or perhaps we could buy you one of those gorgeous necklaces they have at the-"
You pulled him in by his collar, feeling him stiffen at the kiss before relaxing. "Diluc, sweetheart, I was thinking something closer to home? I can make dinner, and," you gestured at the setting sun, "the night is still young, I'm sure we can have some... fun, in that great big house of yours."
He turned an even brighter red, trying to cover his blush with the hand you weren't holding. "...That would be perfect."
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It was rarer for Zhongli to go a day without speaking to you than it was for him to remember his wallet. That's why it was evident to even those around you that there was something amiss. You worked at a teahouse, and that just happened to be where Zhongli's favorite tea was sold. When you weren't working, you'd help out at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, or stroll with him along the boardwalk. Plenty of time together, to say the least.
When the regulars witnessed you not serving the consultant's tea, as you always did, it immediately became a source of chatter- Some of the older women were having quite a laugh about young lovers' quarrels, though your relationship with Zhongli was far past the "young love" stage. As you walked from table to table, it was hard to ignore his stare practically burning holes through you.
The first whole hour of his visit must've passed this way; your every movement under the scrutiny of the ex-archon, your coworkers, and half the guests in the teahouse. Your work wasn't any different than usual, no. In fact, you might even be more productive now that you weren't stopping to chat with Zhongli whenever your hands were free. The owner of the place would never admit it, but he too was curious of the predicament under his roof.
Your scheduled break was minutes away, the one you would typically spend at Zhongli's table, but you clearly didn't intend to do so today. For a being such as him, it was inevitable that certain things would slip his mind, but Valentine's Day? You had planned out the entire day as a surprise, the holiday had even fallen on one of Zhongli's leisure days, but he called in the morning to tell you he'd be assisting the Traveler and would not come by. It wasn't even a brief task! He was gone for five days!
It wasn't like you hadn't told him anything, either. "Oh illustrious Rex Lapis, God among men, I beseech your presence in my humble abode on the final day of this week." He had chuckled at your attempt of mimicking the speech of those who cowered before him in his days of glory, taking your hand with a smile and a kiss. It was going to be perfect! But the plans were discarded, and the cake you made still sat untouched in the fridge...
Xingqiu walked in with his usual cheerful wave, heading to the back corner where he'd spend a couple hours reading; As though he noticed your restlessness, he smiled and offered you a seat to join him, "I'll take you up on your offer to regale me with the stories from your trip overseas, if I may?" You smiled back, "Of course! I'll bring the tea and join you."
You spent your break with the young man, and the following remainder of the shift passed with ease. At some point, Zhongli had disappeared- had he gotten upset? Most likely not, such a small matter was far from enough to garner his irritation. It was more likely that work had called for his presence. Maybe he'd notice shop owners taking down their holiday wares on his walk and remember his oversight.
You hung up your apron, bidding the staff goodnight before descending the stairs to head home. Someone was standing at the entrance to a darker alley, one tucked away from the streetlights and the watchful eyes of the Millelith. Quickening your pace, you were about to pass by when a voice, his voice, stopped you in your tracks.
"My dear, won't you tell me what has drawn your ire?" Zhongli stepped forward, his confused expression revealing his failure to decipher the issue alone. "I am unaware of any shortcoming, but I assure you it was far from intentional-"
"..."
He walked closer, "Pardon?" You looked up at him, hoping you didn't look pathetically sad. "It was Valentine's Day, the day you left for that trip with the Traveler. That's why I had invited you over." His face fell, his immediate regret making it nigh impossible to retain your frustration. "I will not make any excuses, beloved, it was entirely my fault that we could not celebrate such a wonderful day together-"
"It was, yes."
"-and I believe I grasp the value of celebrating love with a romantic partner, so while it won't compare, please join me for dinner tomorrow, where I can properly demonstrate my affections. I recall you liking when I cook, and surely such a thing is enjoyable together."
You pretended to consider the matter, before laughing and accepting his outstretched hand. "I would love to join you, and I hope I may occupy your time through the night as well." You saw his gaze sharpen for a moment before he swept you off your feet and into his arms.
"If I didn't know any better, my love, I'd think you were trying to tempt me."
"Whatever gave you that idea, darling?"
Without setting you down, he pressed a kiss to your forehead. "I believe you wouldn't protest to spending tonight together, as well?" You could feel the laughter rumbling through his chest, could see the smile splitting his face even with your face hidden behind your hands from the embarrassment. "My most adorable lover, I shall never again miss an opportunity to exhibit the extent of my affection for you."
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hunnylagoon · 11 months ago
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Right Where You Left Me
Pt 4: The Sweetest Thing to Ever Scare You (Finale)
Ellie Williams x reader
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I remember when I first saw you. I remember looking into your warm almond eyes and feeling butterflies in my stomach. But soon, when I looked into your eyes, I no longer felt the same warmth that I once knew. It felt as though you had killed all of the butterflies inside my stomach but yet, I still loved you.
Premise: You and Ellie are childhood best friends until you drift apart. Funny thing about soulmates is they tend to find their way back to each other. You and Ellie try to end the tireless war between you.
Warnings: Angst / drinking / violence / not really religious mentions in this one
Part one here!
Part two here!
Part three over here!
Guys I thought I posted this two days ago but I actually just saved it to drafts. Sorry for being an idiot lmao
I think that I have unlearned how to love.
That’s not even a word but there is no other way to tell you that I have turned myself cold.
Without partying to distract me and religion to fill in gaps of emptiness, I isolate myself and begin to write once again. I'm almost certain that my body has been telling me to write, that I need to pour myself into art as opposed to a girl I was friends with a million years ago.
I figure that I need to create rather than destroy but it might take me a while to do so.
The morning after I abandoned my faith on the church floor, I had woken up and expected Ellie to be gone, however, she was wide awake and playing subway surfers on her phone. Her hair is messy and her eyes are half-lidded. 
She turns to look at me when she feels the shuffling of the bedsheets; despite her doing nothing more than smile at me it is like an understanding passed between us, war is over.
Almost.
It's like I've forgotten how to be soft, I can't manage to get the words out that I need to, and the thought of it alone makes me cringe. "Breakfast?" I ask, unsure of what else to say.
Ellie passes on it and I awkwardly excuse myself, saying that I got called in to take a brunch shift at work. Of course, this is not true. What I do is get into my car and drive and drive until I get mad at myself for burning gas. 
The war between Ellie and I had ended but it didn't register in my head, I almost fell in love with it. Without the constant arguing and passive aggressiveness, there was nothing to put a wall between us and I wasn't ready to be vulnerable again. 
So I begin to feed Ellie the ugliest parts of me; I show her everything I'm sure she will hate but she doesn't, she's patient and shows me the kindness I have been looking everywhere for. Still, I am cold to her, I don't know what else to do. 
I try to push her away all over again but this time, she doesn't let me. Ellie comes into my room when I'm studying to sit on my bed so that she can be in proximity to me. Sometimes she'll ask me if I want to go for a walk or a late-night gas station run, all of the things we used to do.
When I'm angry at her, she lets it happen, she won't escalate the fight all she does is apologize and does what she can to fix it. Everything feels like it's in order again, Joel even starts to send me little text messages to check in on me and sends me Facebook memes that make him think of me.
As of now, we are setting up for Dina's twenty-first birthday. The living room, typically a space for casual gatherings and movie nights, had undergone a transformation. Vibrant streamers adorned the walls, and an array of balloons in assorted hues scattered themselves along the floor "Are balloons too childish?" Abby asks as she walks out of her bedroom.
"They better not be after I just spent half an hour doing all of these," Cat answers, giving her a scornful glare.
"They look great, Cat," I smile and give her a thumbs-up from where I am in the kitchen dumping bags of chips into bowls. "Should I make a veggie platter?"
Cat furrows her eyebrows "If you can finish it by yourself, sure."
"Cat, we aren't children, adults eat vegetables," Abby takes a seat on the couch behind Cat, investigating the hard work she's put into making the living room look nice for just one night "Isn't it weird that Dina is organizing her own surprise party?"
I shrug, placing a wooden cutting board down on the kitchen counter "I don't blame her, I don't think we've always been one hundred percent reliable, me specifically."
"But it's not a surprise if she knows about it."
"So?" Cat asks.
"So why are we calling it a surprise party if it isn't a surprise?"
"Why not?"
"Well, why can't we just call it a party?"
"I don't think it matters," I cut in, I begin to peel carrots and slice them up into quarters. Ellie comes out of her bedroom, she took a nap after completing her physics presentation, her hair in a messy bun, and she's in her typical pyjama uniform of sweats and a hoodie. "Hey, Ellie," I smile at her.
She rubs some sleep away from her green eyes "Hey," Ellie walks over to the kitchen island where I slice and chop vegetables and sits right in front of me. Even half asleep she looks like a statue of marble carved by a skilled hand.
Abby raises an eyebrow, asking 'When did you guys become friends?' without saying it and then it hits me like the plane in Lost. Ellie still hasn't told anyone about our history, our sixteen years of friendship is invisible to the eyes of those who think they know us well.
I'm broken from my thoughts when Abby speaks up "When are you picking up the cake?"
My heart drops "I'm not?"
Cat and Abby cast one another side glances while Ellie snatches a cucumber off my cutting board "Dina was handing out duties and you said you would take care of the cake."
I freeze, unsure of what to say "Nuh-uh." I shake my head like a child denying blame for breaking her mother's favourite dish.
"Yuh-huh," Cat shoots back. "How could you forget that?"
My mind fumbles for an excuse and somehow I land on "I forgot because I went temporarily insane from Lyme disease," What am I saying? "I got Lyme disease because I go camping in secret," I don't camp "And I never told you guys that I go camping because I'm deeply ashamed of it."
Now everyone looks perpetually confused, Ellie included "What are you talking about?" Abby asks, her eyebrows furrowed.
"Okay-well," I place my knife flat on the counter by the wooden cutting board, ignoring the odd spiel I just went on "I'm going to drive to-
"You dropped your car off for a suspension repair yesterday," Abby reminds me.
"Ellie is going to drive me to get a cake," I correct myself "I will be back to finish making my veggie plate." I quickly rinse my hands before grabbing Ellie's keys from the little jewelry dish on the island and yank the sleeve of her hoodie to pull her along.
Ellie doesn't say anything, she slips into some Crocs and we walk outside to her car. "Where are we headed?"
"Uh, hang on," In Ellie's passenger seat, I go on Google Maps to look up the closest bakeries that are still open at this hour, there are two, one a couple of streets away and the other one is across town and closing in twenty minutes. "Infectious Confections," I wrinkle my nose "That's a weird fucking name."
While Ellie tries to make conversation in the car I only speak when giving her directions to the bakery. She knows something is up and I can tell by the way she keeps glancing at me. I just can't manage to get it out of my head that she's still keeping me a secret. 
She pulls up to the bakery and I get out before she even turns her car off, she pulls the keys out of the ignition and trails behind me through the doors.
The bakery itself was rustic and clean, there were two display cases and tills one of the displays held danishes, croissants, cookies, scones and whatever those little swirly flakey things are called. The other display had a big chalk menu above it that read 'Cakery' Though what was in the display case was very sparse.  
"Hi," I walk up to the till, putting on the friendly smile and customer service voice that I usually only use at work. "This is pretty short notice but I was wondering if you had any cakes left or if I could get one made for today?"
The guy behind the counter is a scrawny teenager who looks like he has had a long enough day of dealing with annoying customers "We close in half an hour, there's not enough time to bake and decorate a cake." He explains it like he's said this to a million people, he's bored of the same phrases that his manager has scripted out for him.
"Any shot that someone didn't pick up their cake?" I ask, fingers crossed in the hope that he says yes.
"Let me talk to my manager," His voice drags on, and he turns around and disappears through a commercial kitchen door. I wait patiently, hands balled together in front of me as I rock back and forth on my heels. A minute or two later he comes back holding a bright blue cake with pink detailing of bows and mustaches, there's text on it that reads 'It's a...' gender reveal cake. "This is all we have left, they cancelled last minute.
I look back at Ellie to get her opinion, her eyebrows are furrowed slightly "Maybe we good just get some of those cupcakes and smush them together and smear the icing so it looks like a cake."
I wave her off "I'll buy it," I say this only because it is 5:41 and with each passing minute I am growing desperate, also I don't want Jesse to be disappointed that I fumbled the cake and ruined his girlfriend's birthday.
Angsty teenager puts the bright blue monstrosity into a cake box and charges me an absurd total for it, I bitterly tap my card on the machine. 
As I walk back out to Ellie's car I take a brief moment to look at the sky, it's the same hue as cotton candy and looks as if it had been projected from a watercolour painting, even after I get back into the car and Ellie begins to blast her old dad rock songs, I can't tear my eyes away from it.
After five minutes of silence from my end, Ellie finally asks the question that's been burning into the forefront of her brain "Why are you being weird?"
"Why haven't you told anyone that we met before we moved in together?"
Her dark eyebrows furrow "You haven't told anyone either-
"Yes, I have."
"Who?"
"Yara, Stacy, Kayla, Mitch, Nigel, Carmen, literally everyone from my work," I admit "I just haven't told people who know you personally so it can't make its way back to you because you clearly don't want people to know."
She falls silent, searching her mind for the right words. She clutches the steering wheel tight and looks dead ahead at the car's bumper-to-bumper ahead of us. "I just know how to slip it into conversation."
"I don't think it's that hard, you can just say that we were friends, you don't need to give an intricate play-by-play of everything that happened."
"Why is it important that people know if we're cool again?"
I turn my head to slowly look at her "You are the one who always said 'If we don't have honesty, we have nothing at all'," I point out.
Silence strings between us again, I almost want to throw up.
'We're cool again' Nope, not anymore, we are so very far from cool. Instead of Ellie casting me little glances as she had on the ride there, she ignores my presence almost completely while I glare daggers at her. Was she embarrassed by me? When we went to lunch together why did she lie to Dina about where she was? When she slept in my bed why did Cat ask me if I knew why Ellie came home at eight AM with nothing, not even a key? Did she crawl through my bedroom window to walk around to the front door and pretend she was just getting home?
AND WHY DIDN'T I CALL HER OUT?
She was keeping me a secret and that realization hurt worse than any injury I had ever suffered. She hasn't even told her dead who practically raised me that we lived together. 
God, we weren't even anything and she was keeping me under wraps like I was some disgraceful secret that she would get shamed for holding. The very second she approached our house, I got out of her car, she hadn't even stopped it completely but cake in hand, I hopped out of her car door and didn't look back.
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I think I've had my fair share of partying.
After that month-long bender I had where I went to clubs every night and replaced food with vodka, I never wanted to even look at another solo cup full of liquor. Instead of drinking, smoking, or doing karaoke, I hide from Ellie.
I hide from her in conversations and sometimes sneak into my bedroom just to get a bit of breathing room from all of the strangers in my house. Wherever Ellie was, I was not. If she was outside, I was inside, if she was in the living room, I was in the kitchen enjoying my veggie platter. 
Have you ever been the only sober person around in a group of people? If the answer is no, have you ever babysat a houseful of toddlers? Because it's just about the same thing.
When I'm not hiding from the girl who wriggled her way back into my good graces just to trip herself off the podium, I'm cleaning up, protecting our furniture, holding back hair as girls I've never met sob into the toilet, and stopping the drunk from doing stupid things. 
"Hey, buddy," I take my can of hairspray that this frat-adjacent man is holding behind an ignited lighter "I don't think you would look good as a burn victim," His friends moan in disappointment as I do so, they were very excited to see a makeshift flamethrower; I wasn't in the mood to have my house burn down, or have a guy with peach fuzz waste my thirty dollar hair spray. 
Thirty dollars?
Note to self for later: Make smarter spending choices (And smarter relationship choices!).
I felt a tap on my shoulder only to turn around and see Dina, she wasn't drunk, just tipsy "Smile!" She holds up a camera to her eye and clicks the shudder button before I even have a chance to react the flash goes off. A large Polaroid begins to print out, Dina snatches it and shakes it until you can see my silhouette, my eyes are wide, my hair flying behind me from the quick turn of my head and I'm holding a can of hairspray angled to look like I'm going to spray the camera with it "Cute!" She smiles, tucking it into her pocket for later "Wait, I want a group picture of the roommates."
Dina takes my hand and pulls me to one of the couches where Ellie and Abby sit with some guy, she shoes him to get up and drags Cat over to replace him, she stands me in between Ellie and Abby and lightly pushes me down to sit wedged between the two.
"Jesse, please do not do me dirty with this picture," She hands the pink Polaroid camera to her boyfriend and quickly ushers herself to the far left of the couch where she bends over to kiss Cat on the cheek for the picture. Ellie and I are stiff and awkward when the flash goes off. 
After the picture is taken, Ellue turns to face me just the slightest "Hey, I think we should talk-
"I think it's time for cake!" I push myself off the couch and usher myself to the kitchen. 
I pull the cake out of the fridge, looking at what I had done to salvage it; Below the part that said 'It's a...' I wrote '21 year old!' in chocolate pre-made Betty Crocker icing that I had in the fridge for months, it didn't look the best, but it could've been worse.
Dina, of course, cackles when she sees it. To her, it is the funniest thing she's seen all night. I stick the candles in and light it with the light I confiscated from peach fuzz frat boy and push the cake towards Dina after tucking the light back into my pocket, she is illuminated in the glow of iPhone flash all filming her.
"Make a wish!"
Age Sixteen- Grade 11
I think back to how embarrassing it felt to be thoughtful.
How fragile I felt when I would share my feelings and how frail I seem when I do it now. Ellie was always tougher than I was, in rugby, in fights, just in general. That's why I figured she would be taking it better than me when I cut contact, once again I have been proven wrong.
"Conner, can we please just leave?" I pleaded with my then-boyfriend. The night had started fine but after a couple of drinks Ellie and I were becoming increasingly hostile to one another, it wasn't my intention to speak to her but the universe forced my hand when we were shoved into a circle of our friends and made to converse around the bonfire at the beach.
The salty breeze carried the sounds of laughter and the gentle crashing of waves, the scent of roasted marshmallows wafted through the air.
 "What, you need your boyfriend's permission or something?" Ellie held a can of berry blast Smirnoff, staring into my soul from the other side of the fire, the sparks glitter through the night like fireflies. Her words don't feel too bad but they don't feel too good either.
I cast her a glare before I looked back to my boyfriend "Please?" 
He is getting perpetually annoyed with me he shrugs away from my grasp, "Fuck off, we just got here," He mutters, Conner must think I couldn't hear it. He had already downed three Bud lights and a couple of shots of cheap vodka, now he is nursing another beer in hand. 
"Excuse me?" I say, narrowing my eyes. Everyone around the fire pauses their conversation to tune into mine. "Come on," I stand up and try to pull him along so we can have a conversation away from the prying eyes of our friends.
I can't pull the mass of the 6'2 quarterback along with me but he obliges and follows me where I yank him. As I drag him along the rest of the group giggle and makes jokes along the lines of 'Trouble in paradise' but Ellie is the only one who doesn't jump back into mindless conversation, her unnerving eyes are still on me while I chew my boyfriend out by the shoreline. 
"Why do I have to leave just because you're feeling a little bummed out?" 
I'm almost floored at out someone can lack so much empathy "Because you're my boyfriend?" I can feel myself tensing up.
"Why does that mean you can't get up and leave on your own?" He defends "You begged me to come here and now I just wanna down a couple of beers and hang out with my friends."
"You've already drank like twenty!" I retort.
"It's a fucking party!" Conner says, raising his voice "It's a party and it's summer and you're seriously trying to tell me not to have fun?"
"Fuck!" I shout in frustration "Why don't you ever call me? Why can't you ever let me in?" The argument is quickly escalating "Why didn't you tell me that you kissed Tamar and why haven't you told me that you love me?"
"Because I don't."
My words fail me. I knew he didn't, I knew that he hardly even liked me. My dad had thought so highly of him, she said he was the type of guy to rescue a baby from a burning building but as I look at him now, I figure that he eats babies.
I almost open my mouth to say something different, almost, but I don't. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I didn't, I might've been able to salvage the rotting corpse of my relationship with Ellie but I didn't. "Fine," I say, voice calm and quiet "Let's stay."
Before that night I had never really gotten drunk but the second I got back to the bonfire, I was digging through the cooler and shotgunning canned Smirnoff. "Woah," Riley laughs "Someone's finally being a bad influence."
I got myself so shit-faced that when everyone else got up to dance to the music blaring through the Bluetooth speaker, I sat by myself at the shoreline, looking bitterly out towards to ocean while the tides crash at my feet and get sucked back into the ocean. For a moment I think about jumping in and letting my lax body get washed away and sink beneath the surface until I wash up as a water-bloated corpse that some nine-year-old will find when they're beach combing.
My mouth tastes like peroxide and blood, my lungs burn with a red-hot pain. The wind is becoming increasingly harsh and I ignore the hair that is tangled into my golden hoop earrings.
"Wow, you look awful," I don't need to turn around to know who it is.
"Can you just fuck off?" I say "I don't give a shit about you, just leave me alone."
She always had to antagonize me, Ellie went out of her way to stray from the group and bother me. It had something to do with the alcohol in her system. Despite her alleged hatred for me, she takes a seat next to me regardless.
"Fuck, you're so sensitive," She scoffs "I don't know why you're dating him, I'm not even sure why you'd want to fuck him unless you're too lazy to jerk off-
My hands think before my head and I deck Ellie right in the side of her face, getting a solid hit to her cheekbone. My hand flies over my mouth "I'm sorry, I-
Ellie doesn't waste any time in lunging back at me, she pushes me down by my shoulders until my back is in the shallow of the water that moments ago just splashed at my feet and takes a swing. The impact of her punch almost knocks me sober.
I take a sharp inhale, grabbing her elbows and pulling her down to where she was the one on her back and I was the one straddling her. I land one last blow to her nose, I hear a crunch and the panic immediately sends me scrambling to my feet. My eyes go wide at the blood dripping down, her face I turn to run but Ellie is faster, she grabs me by my hair and yanks me down further into the water with her. 
"Fucking cunt!" I cry, though my scream is drowned out by the overwhelmingly loud tides crashing on the shore "Get the fuck off me!" 
Ellie is better at fighting than I am, I had never been on this side of her before, usually, I had been the one to drag her away from fights but now I am the one who is going to stumble home numb from the devastating pain.
Frankly, I'm fucking scared.
She continues to drag me by my hair until I'm knee-deep in the water with her, she almost throws her entire weight into me, dunking me beneath the surface where her bony hands snake around my neck. My eyes have gone blurry with the salt water, they sting and burn. I can't see anything, all I can do is uselessly thrash beneath her. My hands push against her face, trying to pry her off my body. 
Eventually, I manage to claw her face with my fingernails, I dig deep enough that it breaks skin and she recoils just enough for me to knee her in the stomach and let me get out from under her. Just as I try to slip away she reaches for my hair again, but instead of tugging on my hair, she rips out my gold hoop earring. I screech out in agony, hand reaching for where the metal sliced through the lobe of my ear, I shudder in pain; my cries are now jagged and harsh.
This is the exact moment Ellie begins to regret what she's done. "Fuck, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to." Her tone softens and she tries to approach me but I back away from her like a frightened dog.
"Get away from me!" Despite the pain surging in my body, I find the strength in me to hit her again, she staggers back tripping into the water. I hit her so hard that I feel a crack in my knuckle and I yelp out in the immediate shock of pain. 
I wasn't sure when the others had noticed this was happening probably because my vision had gone blurry from salt water and adrenaline but before Ellie could hit me again, she was being restrained by Riley and Kennedy while some guy who I had probably had two conversations with dragged my back to shore.
I keel over on my hands and knees and begin to start retching onto the sand. Laila rubs a gentle hand on my back, my hair sticking wet on my forehead. A seagull, disturbed by the commotion, took flight, its wings cutting through the charged air. 
Next to the pile of vomit I just heaved, blood drips down from my ear, pooling and then soaking into the sand. My neck swells from what is still the raw sensation of Ellie closing her hands around it. 
I look up at Ellie, there is blood that has dripped its way into her mouth, clinging to her white teeth. She has what almost looks like a cat scratch running down her cheek, blood begins to prick and spill from the lacerations.
She stares back at me and we don't say a word but we understand each other clearly, I never want to see you again.
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"Let's go," Ellie grabs my arm as Dina begins to slice the cake "We're gonna fix this right now."
"Ellie, there are so many people here," I say in a hushed tone so people can't hear me.
"I don't mean here," She looks at me, face expressionless "Just get in my car."
"Excuse me?" I say, tone accusing "Did you just order me to get in your car?"
"Fuck," She sighs, dropping my wrist to rub her hands down her face "Please can you get in my car so we can work this through."
"There's nothing to work through," I retort "You're embarrassed by me or you still secretly hate me and that's fine, I meant what I said on winter break about the lease, the second it's up, I'm getting the fuck out of here."
"What? No, don't- just," She takes a breath, reevaluating what to say "I have a point to make but I can't make it unless you get in my car."
We stare at each other for a moment, I narrow my eyes and she is still unmoving. Every scenario runs through my head of what could be waiting for me in that car.
"Fine."
I sit silently in her passenger seat, my knees are pulled into my chest and I rest my chin on them. Ellie doesn't say anything either as she drives. I watch each traffic light pass me, every street name to try and make sense of where we are going.
I almost feel like I'm going to suffocate beneath the silence of everything going left unsaid.
When I spot the boardwalk up ahead, I know exactly where she's taking me "Ellie, why are we at the beach?" I give her a side glance "Do I need to take out my earrings?"
Heat rises to her cheeks when I say this, "Not yet," She jokes, getting out of her car and grabbing a tote bag from the back seat, and I follow in tow.
We walk past the boardwalk and onto the sandy beach, I'm already not feeling whatever she's doing; there is sand filling up my Converse and a slight wind chill, I'm really wishing I had a hoodie right now. "Can you tell me what we're doing yet?" I'm hugging myself in an attempt to stay warm "If we're still walking on the beach why couldn't we have just walked on the boardwalk instead? It literally has walk in the name." I'm already going off on one of my tangents.
She still walking ahead of me but she briefly turns around to face me "Can you just stop asking questions for a minute?"
"Okay, whatever," I mutter, trailing behind her still. I can hardly see in the night, the only light to guide us is the moon and the warm ceiling lamps from restaurants along the boardwalk. I can vaguely see Ellie's silhouette, she's outlined by the gentle glow radiating off the moon, I try my best not to stumble over things poking out of the sand that have been lost to sight by darkness. 
"Okay," Ellie stops, "Here we are."
"Where are we?" I ask "I can't see shit, I don't know where here is."
Ellie digs around in her pocket for her phone and turns on a flashlight and it reveals a small iron firepit that was cemented into a slab of concrete in the sand. She hands me her phone so I can keep the flash on her and she can see what she's doing. 
She pulls out some pages ripped out from her notebook "Can you hand me your lighter?"
My eyebrows furrowed, and I felt around in my pocket wondering if I even had one. I did, it had slipped my mind that I still had the bic lighter that I confiscated from Peach Fuzz. I hand the lighter to her and watch as she tucks the pages beneath logs that were in the firepit before we arrive, they are somewhat charred but still viable.
She flicks the lighter to ignite it and the paper catches immediately. The initial flicker grew into a tentative blaze, licking at the edges of the kindling. The crackling sound echoed through the night. 
Once she is sure the fire can survive without her feeding it, she steps away. "Alright, let's have it out."
"Like sex?" I scrunch up my nose.
"Oh my god, no, like let's talk this through." She pinches her nose bridge, taking a breath in before exhaling and putting her hand back down "We're gonna recreate the night of the bonfire how it should've been," Ellie reached back into her bag and pulled out two white claws "I snagged these from Dina's party, sorry this was kind of last minute."
I can't help the smile that grows on my face, I take one of the white claws and crack it open "I don't know how authentic this is gonna be if there isn't any canned Smirnoff."
I think back to exactly how that night played out and I take a seat on the sand, facing the crashing dark ocean. I sip my white claw, as expected Ellie takes a seat next to me, just what happened on the actual night.
"Wow," She says "You look really pretty and I'm an idiot for ever saying you looked awful," Ellie looks gorgeous illuminated by the orange light of the fire, and the breeze causes her flyaway hairs to drift in the wind. "I'm an asshole for pretending that I didn't know you, I was scared I would get hurt again and take it to heart like I did last time. I promise the second we get home that I'll come clean."
I don't know if I can deal with this sugary philosophy. She's being so sweet that it's rotting my teeth.
"Ellie," I say gathering my thoughts, it was so hard being honest with my feelings, it felt like I would get hospitalized if I showed any emotion. "I was so in love with you in high school that it killed me, and I was terrified that my parents would throw me out well, they did- but that's why I pushed you away and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret it." 
The surprise on her face morphs into a soft smile "What about now?" she asks "Do you still love me?"
I shrug, it's honest "I dunno, but I think there's room to try."
She looks from me to the ocean and the way the moonlight glitters off the surface "What happened next?" Ellie toys with the tab of her drink "Did you hit me?"
"Yeah," I say softly, following her gaze out to the waters "But if we're doing the night how it should've been, I'd rather just kiss you."
Ellie turns her head back to look at me. She shoves her white claw into the sand then takes my face into one of her hands and kisses me like it's her job, so tender and carefully like she's afraid I will break beneath pressure.
How weak have I become? My heart is so full of her that I can hardly call it my own.
A/N: Be grateful for this ending because I was very tempted to give you guys an unhappy one. Sorry that I forgot to post this lol, I’m sad this series is over but excited to show you all my next one which may be the angst-iest yet 👀
Thanks for reading!
Tag list: @elliesaturnsoftdrink @elliesaesp @melanie-watermelon @yalaysbee @laundrybag29 @readbydayana @skylerwhitwyo @lmaoo-spiderman @joliettes @kittnii @taylorgracies @sameenatruther @mikellie @belles-hell @fullmachinegirl @eveshyper @whosmica
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velvetvexations · 2 months ago
Note
saw a friend say "theyfab crusade" bc she was worried someone would go on a rampage if she asked them to delete their rb of her post and having her type "theyfab" in the discord just rubbed me the wrong way as i am pretty much the only tmasc in there like i get being worried about others taking ones words the wrong way but i wish more people understood that not everyone is out to get you and it is infact a small group that is actively trying to harm others
idk the situation just felt off to me
hope youre havin a lovely day miss velvet n thank you for all your support n lettin me kinda vent in your inbox
I woke up like five minutes ago and in that time I've gotten two separate asks about transmascs being depressingly passive to outrageous transphobia and raising only the meekest of objections.
She hatefully used a slur for a group she doesn't belong to! That's not a situation feeling off, that's transphobia!
Please I love you so much stop being so okay with these things.
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notthefirstfallenangel · 1 year ago
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Memories I
Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Fem!Reader
Warnings: angst, mention of injury, amnesia
Summary: You had your memory wiped after a messed-up mission. All that you remember is your childhood and fragmented glimpses of your teenage and adult years. Poor Simon, your would-be hubby, is left to pick up the pieces when you can't even recall his existence.
Words: 1.7k
A/N: I've had this story in the works for some time now, but only recently got around to finishing and publishing it. In that timeframe, I've seen some wonderful stories from other authors that share some similarities with mine. If you're one of those authors, please know I'm not trying to steal your ideas🤍 I hope you guys enjoy this piece and that it provides a unique perspective despite the possible similarities!
part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4
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The room was quiet, save for the rustle of leaves blowing through the windows to a slow rhythm, a song of the wind. It was not melodious or gentle. It was a dirge heralding the beginning of the storm. 
 The hospital room was clean but bare. There was no furniture, books, or colourful pillows, nothing to ease the quiet. All that was in here was a narrowed hospital bed, a small table beside it, and a chair.
The air was dried and sterile; it smelled of chemicals and a hint of decay that a hospital was always haunted by. 
Simon leaned against the doorframe, his powerful frame illuminated by a shaft of light from the hallway. He wore a tight black hoodie, dark blue jeans that hugged his thighs like a second skin, and black shoes. 
 Simon’s voice was low, velvet-like, and he looked directly into your eyes as he spoke, “Hey, sweetheart.”
You sat up in bed, wearing a hospital gown, no makeup, no jewellery. The only thing that popped out on you was the PICC on your left arm, a tape holding it in place with a trickle of blood that had soaked through. 
Your face was washed in the hospital’s flickering fluorescent light, and your eyes were cold and calculating, like an owl on the hunt. You didn’t say anything — you just watched Simon. 
 “How are you feeling?” his voice was a low rumble; his words were slow and measured.  
The chair cracked as he sat, the wood groaning in protest to hold his weight. 
 “Your wounds? Any pain?”
You blinked slowly but didn’t answer. Instead, you gazed at the ceiling, letting your eyes wander around the room. Your face was passive, your thoughts hidden.
Simon sighed. “I know you don’t want to talk.”
He waited for a reply, his breath holding as he stared into your eyes. The seconds seemed to drag on endlessly until he spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper. “But...can you remember anything yet?”
He held his breath once more, almost afraid of the answer.
His tone was quiet, but his eyes were like deep pools of emotion, begging for understanding even as he kept his expression neutral. The slight twitch of his cheek indicated a level of tension as if he was holding back an outpouring of feelings that had been brewing inside him for days.
It was something that he asked every day, with the same inflexion and the same intonation. As the two-week mark approached, you grow accustomed to the sound of Simon’s voice, the feel of his presence. For those brief moments each day he spends with you, it is just the two of you. But despite his daily visits, you didn’t recall a single thing beyond your name and childhood.
Your eyes trailed over his face, trying to make sense of it, wondering if it should ring any bells — but there was nothing... No memory, no feeling, no recognition, no nothing. It was as if a faceless, empty void was talking to you.
He watched your lips press together, forming a thin line and heard the resigned sigh that escaped you.
“I've told you: I’ll tell you if I remember something.”
The corners of his mouth twitched with a weak attempt at a smile.
“Right. Okay.”
Simon stayed still for what felt like an eternity, his weariness apparent as he stared at your face. He had been doing this for two weeks – visiting every day – and yet nothing changed.
A long quiet stretched between the two of you. He slouched in his seat, exhausted and angry. Days had passed since you emerged from the coma—and yet, you still couldn’t remember a thing.
“This must get dull,” he said after a moment. “Me coming here like this every day, asking the same questions over and over.”
You looked at him sadly, your hands fidgeting in your lap. His gaze was intense as he spoke, his words soft and full of longing.
“We met in Moscow on a cold winter evening. I remember it like it was yesterday. You had just come out of the Bolshoi Theatre; you were undercover as a baroness.”
Simon took your hand; the touch was warm and reassuring against your own, no matter how cold and distant you were towards him. He peeled back your sleeve to reveal the scar running down the length of your arm. “You got this wound that night, right here. You were caught in a crossfire.”
He waited for an answer, but all you could do was shake your head in sorrow.
With a disappointed sigh, you murmured, “No...I don’t remember.”
He spoke softly but sternly like he was disciplining a child. “Sweetheart,” he said slowly. His voice held just the right amount of disappointment and hint of authority — something you had become accustomed to over the past few weeks.
His words made your face instantly stern; your eyebrows knit together in a frown, and your nostrils flared.
“I told you, I don’t remember!” you barked at him. A strange combination of rage and grief welled up in your chest and spilt over into your voice as you shouted out the following words, “What am I supposed to do? I’m trying here!”
Your skin was flushed with emotion.
He exhaled slowly, leaning back in his chair. The more he tried to explain himself, the angrier you became.
“I’m sorry...” he murmured. “I just want you to remember what we had,” he spoke softly, “all those moments we shared. I know you’re doing your best...but it’s hard for both of us. Please, let me help.”
There was a faint look of hurt but also resignation in Simon’s eyes.
“You come here every day, asking me to remember, and it doesn’t help!” you said, your voice full of frustration and anger. “Do you think I like this? Do you think I like having forgotten years of my life?”
Your whole body was rigid with stress and tension. You were tired of the constant questioning as if you could simply choose to remember by the snap of a finger.
Simon flinched, the sharp rebuke a painful reminder that he can’t control the situation, and he can’t fix what he can’t understand.
You glared at each other, icy daggers slicing through the air. Your fury was palpable, and his sorrow so heavy it weighed on his shoulders like an invisible cloak. The air between you sizzled with tension, and both were waiting for the inevitable explosion that was about to come.
But then Simon took a deep breath. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
You were a stranger to yourself. A stranger to your fiancé, your life, everything you once knew.
You used to look at him the way he would look at you, with pure and limitless love. But in that moment, you saw only fear and confusion in yourself. You looked at him and saw a stranger, a man you once loved but could not recognize.
He uttered your name in a whisper, almost afraid of what you would say. He reached out his hand, but as soon as his fingers grazed your arm, he felt you tense and recoil away. You had the same eyes as before, but it was like looking through a window into someone else’s life. Your eyes were wide with fear, your expression blank and unreadable—the only emotion present was anxiety. You grasped the sheets tightly, your knuckles turning white as you held onto them for dear life. He could sense that you were about to yell at him in frustration again.
The door opened, and a petite nurse in her forties stepped inside, alarmed by all the fuss. Her gaze was stern and commanding as she surveyed the room and all its medical equipment. As she drew near the bedside, her gaze softened. She placed one hand on your forehead in a soothing gesture. “Calm down, dear. You mustn’t upset yourself now,” she murmured. Then she turned to Simon, her gaze hardening once more. “Visiting time is over for you. It’s time to go now.”
” Just-,” he protested, trying to think of something to say that might convince the nurse to let him stay for a little while longer.
The nurse’s face was a mask of stern disapproval as she glared at him. Carefully consulting the chart, she stated in a tone that indicated this would not be questioned: “It is imperative for her health that she remain at rest and undisturbed.”
He reluctantly stood up, feeling as though he had been dismissed like an unwanted schoolboy sent home for misbehaving. He wanted to stay, to be there for you in whatever capacity he could, but he knew he had no choice but to obey the nurse’s command.
You looked away, your cheeks burning with shame. You felt the weight of your mistake as you tried to make sense of the situation.
He stayed still and silent for a moment before his lips brushed your forehead. “It’s okay,” he whispered, the warmth from his breath sending a chill down your spine. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
He walks out slowly, his head down and his shoulders heavy. His thoughts were consumed with apologies he could never voice. 
As Simon’s footsteps faded away, you were surrounded by an oppressive silence. The beeping of the heart monitor seemed to get louder and louder. You wondered what time it was, how long until you could run from the room and the nurse, the needles and artificial lights and their cold. Your eyes darted around the cold, sterile room, taking in the harsh glare of fluorescent lighting and the unyielding machines with their wires and tubes that seemed to take up most of the space.
The muscles in your neck and shoulders tightened with anger as you realized how quickly your temper had gotten away from you, pushing away the one person who wanted to help you regain your memories. But it soon subsided, leaving you with nothing but a profound feeling of emptiness and helplessness. You let out a shaky breath, hating how small and powerless you felt.
“I wish I remembered,” you whispered.
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readychilledwine · 3 months ago
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Love In The Kennels
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Eris Week - Day 2 - Childhood and Legacy
Summary - Loving her was the easiest thing Eris had ever done, and a surprise meeting with his "least favorite" Illyrians let's him relive that.
Warnings - Formal dog breeding terms and briefly touched mentions of it, sexual tension, Beron being creepy, Liz's headcanon that Autumn is mote feral, therefore females have heat cycles, childhood friends to lovers, mutual pinning, mentions of fxf smut, mentions of injuries, possibly missed errors
A/N - Happy Day two of @erisweekofficial! I've had his hidden in my docs since Eris week last year, but I was so nervous to post it dur to the formating. It seems that wasn't a huge issue. A heads up, this is very similar to my Tarquin x reader Runaway Love fic. There are italized moments that are flashbacks as Eris and Artemis tell the batboys their story. I also took some inspiration from my absolute favorite Eris fanfiction in how Eris and Artemis constantly say each other's names back and forth. It is almost 6k words, so maybe grab a snackie?
Ps - can you guess with children's princess movie I based their relationship off of?
🍂Eris Week Masterlist🍂Eris Masterlist🍂Master Masterlist🍂
Dividers by @tsunami-of-tears
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Eris needed to get Rhysand and his hounds to leave his cabin, and quickly. The sun was starting to set, and Eris knew his wife would be returning home soon. He had come too far to risk her. He already had too much hiding in this cabin due to this surprise interrogation. She was not something he was willing to put at stake. 
"The hour grows late, Rhysand," Eris paused as one of his hounds stood and began to pace at the door. "I believe we can discuss this at our next scheduled meeting."
Rhysand smirked in front of him, noting the way Eris passively stated he was not thrilled about their sudden appearance. "So eager to get rid of us, Eris? I thought you wanted our help." 
The heir of Autumn scoffed slightly as he continued to watch his hounds growing anxious with the excitement of their mother coming home. "I do," he said calmly. "I just do not wish to discuss this topic at length again."
"The topic of how you left Mor for dead in the woods?" Eris found himself raising a brow at Azriel as he spoke. "I do not believe the shit you fed Nesta and I would like to hear it in person."
Eris rolled his eyes and froze as the first whine happened. Rhys turned to the 3 hounds Eris had brought into the cabin with him. All three of them wagged their tails, constantly readjusting their paws on the wooden floors and staring up at the door. "Are you expecting company, Eris?" Rhys watched as Eris's jaw tightened. Another whine came. It was followed by a sad huff as the male hound lay on the ground.
Eris moved to the cabin door, all three hounds perking up as he did so, "Do not jump. Am I understood?" The smoke hounds whined as he gave them his serious father-like face. "Go." He opened the door, and Azriel watched in silence as the three of them quickly took off into the clearing and waited at the center of it.
"I didn't leave Mor. I caught her in the middle of-" Eris paused thinking of how to word his story to the male who had chased after his ex fiancé for years. "I caught her in the throes of passion with one of my friends. When I asked Morrigan about it, she told me her preferences sexually leaned towards females. We made an agreement. She fucks someone to get out of the marriage, I fake outrage, she's free." Eris looked out into the clearing. The beer he had been nursing appeared in his hands as he waited and watched.
"We hadn't planned on what to do once Keir found out. We figured she'd be sent off to whoever she fucked and then be done with it. When she showed up with the letter nailed into her and beaten, I tried to get her to let me help. I offered to bring her here then get her to the Winter Court. I offered to help. She refused." Eris felt the shift in the clearing and saw his wife and mate off in the distance. 9 other hounds began to howl and whine appearing from out of nowhere before rushing her.
"What is happening out there?" Cassian moved the window by Eris. "Who is that?"
"My wife." Eris said plainly. "I left Mor after getting her to a place she knew you'd be able to find her, Azriel. I waited until you had her to leave. If you didn't come to get her, I was going to bring her here, to a safe cabin, until we could figure something out. Even if she hated me for it.”
Azriel and Rhys had also moved to the window in shock. The last part of Eris's story was buzzing in Azriel's ears as soon as his eyes landed on the figure of the female in the clearing. She was the one who had healed Cassian after he was gutted. The Autumn Court healer they couldn't find to thank. She was laughing as she was being chased around in her burgundy dress, dark hair flowing in the wind as she did. She was holding a bag up from the dogs as they jumped to try to grab it.
Eris sighed softly before moving to the door and reopening it. "No jumping! Let your mother come inside. Don't you all have rabbits to chase?" The hounds all slowly disburse as she patted their heads one by one. The three that had been in the house flanked her. Protecting her as she bounced up the steps to the cabin.
"Hello sugar," Eris said softly. "We have company." He watched her make a small face and laughed slightly before taking her hand. 
"I'm mad at you," she said. She moved inside as he stood and processed the sentence. "High Lord. High Lord's friends." She greeted them softly before moving into the kitchen. 
"Artemis?"
"Eris?' 
Cassian chuckled slightly at the two of them as he watched Eris narrow his eyes at the female. "What exactly did I do to earn your anger?"
"Well, Husband," Rhys laughed this time at the sarcastic tone she was using. "Shall we start with the fact that you left me with your father all day, hmmmm?" She rose a brow at him and set her hand on the counter before also placing one on her hip.
"Or shall we start with the fact that I've been tugging this useless bond for HOURS begging you to come save me? And then I finally get to come home, after your father questioned me about everything under the Gods damned sun, by the way, and I find you drinking beer and having a grand old time."
Azriel covered laughter with a cough as he watched the Autumn female’s chestnut waves dance with every bob and move of her head. She clearly wasn't actually angry with Eris. Just very annoyed. He watched as she slammed down the bag she had been carrying.  
"And to really top it off, husband."
"Please, do top it off, wife." Cassian threw his head back at Eris leaning in the doorway with a smirk. “You know I do adore you topping things.”
The female Artemis gave a serpent like smile before cocking her head, deep chocolate eyes playfully glaring at Eris, “When you do finally tug back, it's to ask me to break into your father's office-" She pauses motioning to the bag. "And copy all of THIS!" 
Azriel's wings flared as she pulled out copies of the paperwork the Night Court had asked for. He walked to the table instantly, maintaining eye contact with the beautiful female in front of him. "The only reason you are alive right now, Eris-"
"Oh fuck, tell me why I'm alive, Artemis." Eris had grown slightly predatory as the Illyrians slowly realized the husband and wife were flirting with each other.
"The only reason I did not slit your throat when I walked through the door," she paused giggling slightly at Cassian's shocked face as Eris groaned and smiled, "is because that one," she pointed to Azriel, "is handsome and I do not wish for him to see that side of me. Plus your cock serves some purpose. Maybe.”
Cassian lost all composure then, a loud laugh seeming to shake the small cabin they were in as Eris's jaw fell, not realizing she would be so bold in front of the other males in the room. Artemis was rarely subtle though, her freckled face had subtitles. Something Eris had to remind her of frequently when she'd make looks of disgust openly.
"Artemis."
"Eris?"
"I love you." The laughter in the cabin stopped as Eris moved to his wife and kissed the top of her head. "And I'm sorry I wasn't there today."
She continued glaring at the papers in front of her, "You should have let one of them stab you. I might have had sympathy then."
"I could not allow that to happen, wife," Eris said into her hair, "We put knife play on the exclusive to us list.”
She smirked softly before turning to Cassian. "You healed nicely, general."
Cassian made a confused face as he tried to place how he knew her. "Have we met?"
"She's the healer who stitched you shut and spent herself magically so you'd heal as quickly as possible." Rhys said softly looking over the papers again. "Then she disappeared, never to be seen again."
"I didn't disappear. I went back to hiding. My oh so lovely high lord did not clear me to come. My arrogant husband refused to have a cold bed, though." Eris nodded from behind her, sipping his beer again. "He snuck me into you, though. Now I know why." 
They watched as she turned and placed a hand on Eris's chest. "I am so proud of you, husband." Eris's smile dropped as she smirked ferally at him. "Who would have known you were capable of making friends?" Eris shut his eyes and bit his inner lip to stop the laughter threatening to spill out. 
"Gods why did I marry you?" He looked up to the ceiling. "Wicked, cruel, ruthless little thing you are."
"You sir," she finished pulling out the copies of documents Eris hadn't asked her to steal but she had anyway and handed them to Azriel, "Are the one who forced me into a drunken bargain and then sabotaged my relationships to ensure I would have to marry you."
Cassian opened four more beers as the female poured herself wine. "Now this is a story I need to hear." He settled next to her after handing the beers to the other males. "What exactly happened, little fox? I want to know everything about you and our dear friend, Eris."
Eris growled as Cassian stared down at his wife. "Everything? It all started when Eris and I were like 8."
"I was 12. You were 8." Eris corrected. "We had gone to her family's home. They breed hounds and rumors lead us to believe they had smoke hounds. Beron had beat me for the first time and a puppy was his apology.”
"Artemis!" The young female faeling froze as her father yelled her name. "You need to go bathe, child. The high lord is coming with his son."
Artemis was sitting in the kennel with the new litter of smoke hounds her dog had just birthed almost a month ago. She was covered in dirt, and had fur all over her leggings and tunic she wore while cleaning and working with the hounds. 
"Papa! Look at what Scout can do!" She allowed the largest of the male dog to sniff her hand before leaving the kennel and hiding the fabric she was holding in another hounds enclosure. She had dug it deep into the hay and dirt and scent of that hound. 
Unknown to her, The High Lord and his son had appeared and were watching as her mother and father apologized profusely. "Scout!" She yelled from the hallway. "Find it!" 
Beron watched in silence as a male puppy exited the kennel he was in, sniffing the ground the little female had run all over before locking in on a specific trail. His tail was straight up, shoulders, neck, and head low as he slowly made his way to the part of the run she was nowhere near.  He sat and indicated that he had found what he was looking for by barking once as his tail began to wag swiftly.
"I believe we know which hound we want. Your daughter made that quite easy. Right, Eris?" The high lord looked down at his son to find he had locked eyes with the female near his age. Something the princeling wasn't used to.
"Papa?" The girl hid behind her father. "Can I go hide?" Artemis had never seen another child. Not in the seclusion of their farm on the outskirts. 
The master of the kennel shut his eyes and whispered another apology. "Of course, baby. I'm sorry. She's not used to seeing anyone other than her mother and I. She's not normally out here when we handle sales. She's very shy."
'So she doesn't want to play?" Eris did the best he could to hide his sadness. He crossed his small arms and hands in front of him. 
"I am not sure, my Prince." The older male kneeled down and pointed to the little shed near the kennels. "She probably ran in there. If you'd like to ask. The high lord and I have some paperwork to go over."
"So fucking Eris, comes into my playshed. Without knocking. And asks if I want to play with him. Guess how he responded when I said no?"
Eris smirked, "I commanded her to."
Azriel was invested in the story deeply. He sat and was leaning his head on one hand as Rhys and Eris also took a step and got comfortable. This was the exact information Azriel had actually wanted. Eris in his most intimate moments. The Eris only Cassian and Nesta had grown to know.
"Then she called me a bully. We played for hours. In the creek. In the kennels. In the flower beds. Your mother's food garden."
"Is that when you struck the bargain," Rhysand asked. “Children have been known to do that by accident.”
Eris shook his head. "We were closer to 50 when that happened. We became rivals after we met right away. I couldn't train the hounds the way she could."
"I couldn't use a bow the way he could"
"I had no healing magic the way she did."
"My fire Magic skills weren't coming in as quickly due to my half dawn court heritage."
"She had higher marks in school."
"He had more friends."
"Our birthdays were the same day."
"Our names both have origins with the Gods and we were teased for it."
"She's always been beautiful. I was an ugly brat."
"Accurate." Eris flipped her off and she blew him a kiss.
Rhys paused looking at the two of them. "So you two hated each other?"
She nodded while he shook his head. "I've loved her since we were children. I just wished she'd teach me the things she could do that I couldn't."
"I hated him," she said boldly, causing a rare laugh to come from the shadowsinger. "That was our childhood, though. A constant back and forth of competition."
Eris sighed softly, "And then I realized I wanted her when I had turned 54, and she was 50. We were at a stupid ball my father was throwing in her honor since our families became very close due to the hounds."
Artemis laughed as Eris twirled her again. Her dress swished behind her as he did so.  Eris had not allowed another male besides his and her father near her all evening. He had told her it was because it was technically both of their birthdays and what kind of male would he be if he allowed another male the opportunity to dance with the most beautiful female in the room. 
Their friendship, if one would or could call it that, had become tense as they approached adulthood. Their hormones from their teenage years had left them both burning for each other. Not that Artemis would ever admit that.
She curtsied as he bowed at the song's end, "Eris."
"Artemis." He immediately interrupted her in the same fashion he always did when she said his name. 
"Can we get a drink, please?" Eris took in her flushed face, her labored breathing. He had her out here for almost two hours now without a rest break or beverage. 
"Of course, my lady." He offered her his arm as they made their way to the wine table. "Have you had wine yet, or will this be your first time?"
"My first time. What do you suggest, my prince?" Eris handed her the Autumn court golden wine saved for celebrations and special occasions.
"Shall we?" He held his glass to hers.
"We shall." Eris and Artemis drank way too much that night. Giggling and joking with each other as their ambitions fell to none.
They stared off the balcony at the dark orchard in front of them, "Make me a deal, Artemis."
"Depends on what it is, Eris."
The heir smirked at the hiccup in her voice as she leaned into him. They were so far gone. Drunk on each other, happiness, and wine. "If I am not married by say….. 550, let's marry each other."
Artemis paused suddenly sober on his shoulder as they turned to face each other. "What do I get out of that?"
"Me?" The heir seemed offended as he stared at her. "A higher station? All the pretty dresses you could want?"
She scoffed lightly. "My family has the second highest station in this court. My father is your father's right hand. My brothers both have high positions in your armies and command their own legions." She turned back to the Forest. "What of love, Eris? What do you have to offer me there?"
The heir paused before moving to cage her body between him and the balcony. She felt so right in his arms. Like she was made for him. "I can promise you you'll never be alone. That you will feel safe and wanted every day. That you would be my equal in every way. We would make any decisions we needed to make together." He took a deep breath and started again. 
"I can promise to warm you bed, magically sugar, every night so you are never cold. That you will be showered with gifts, compliments, and treats." She hummed at the mention of sweets, causing Eris to chuckle. "I promise to take you to every court. To always dance with you."
She whispered softly again. "But what of love, Eris?"
He leaned into her ear, knowing she would not remember the soft confession he was about to whisper to her. "I have loved you since we were children, Artemis. And I will love you long after this world takes its last breath." 
She sealed the bargain by crashing her lips onto his. Their first kiss. It was sloppy. Messy. Tasted heavily of honeyed wine, but Eris was too happy to turn it away as matching leaves appeared on both of them.
"I had no clue what the fuck this was from. I was absolutely wasted," Artemis said as she held her left ring finger up. A small fall colored leaf graced the skin right above her wedding band and engagement ring. "He had to tell our families what happened the next morning."
"Father beat me for weeks after that." Eris shrugged as Azriel's jaw dropped. "Fuck him."
Cassian pulled her small hand closer to his face, "Your bargain tattoos look so life like?" Rhys undid the glamour he had on his own Autumn court bargain. An acorn stood out, clear as day, on the wrist joint.
"It's honestly become my favorite." The high lord admitted. "I have never had a seasonal court bargain. I find it unique that their's are symbols instead of runes spelling the conditions."
"I want one." Cassian said. "We'll think of something." He pointed to Eris, who laughed softly.
Azriel was the only one deeply confused as he listened to the love story between Eris and Artemis. One would almost describe his investment as childlike wonder as he flicked his eyes back and forth between the two of them.  "So you were in love with her the whole time?" Eris nodded to the shadowsinger. "So why didn't you just marry her?"
"Because his engagement to Morrigan was a- interesting hangnail that left lingering tensions. Even after he told my parents what happened."  Sadness was clear in her voice, “That whole thing was a shit show.”
"You contributed to that, my love."
The three illyrians snapped their heads back to the Autumn Court Female. Flush had spread across her chest and cheeks. "I didn't exactly know what she meant when she asked me if I wanted to try that, Eris. She offered a demonstration, I innocently said yes."
"This is true. You did say "penis" to me once before you learned bedroom talk." Cass covered his mouth as she sighed and stared at Eris.
"You're making it sound like we have tons of sex when that's never happened. I said it as a joke, not realizing the real joke was the use of the word "penis." She glared at Eris.
"You two haven't?" 
"Nope," They said together.
"Contraceptives do not work on Autumn Court females. Our blood burns too hot. I won't risk it until his father kicks the bucket."
Azriel looked at her, "So you fucked Mor instead?"
"Um-" She began to blush again. "I let her do things after we had discussed how I had never done said things. Yes."
"And then I walked into her guest room thinking I was about to kill some male for touching her, and guess who's there instead with her head buried between my mate's thighs? Morrigan." Eris chugged his beer before grabbing another. "Guess who hasn't gotten to be between his mate's thighs? Eris."
"Cry me a river, Vanserra."
Eris responded by raising a single finger to his wife. Rhys interrupted their impending flirting, "So we know what happened with Morrigan? What led to this?" He motioned to their rings.
"I began to sabotage every relationship she had. Anytime I found out a male was trying to court her, I dueled them, threatened their station, their business, their lives. Or I'd just simply invite myself on her dates." Eris shrugged as he switched to the scotch he hid for special occasions. Everyone had moved to the living room, Eris holding Artemis tight by his side. 
"I disappeared for a hundred years though to be transparent," she said softly. Eris hummed before kissing her head. 
"You had a valid reason, sugar."
"Eris, please," Artemis was pleading with the male as she braided her long hair. "I really like him."
"He enjoys your company as well." Eris paused as he took in her cream dress and tall dark leather boots. "And by that, I mean your tits. It's all he would talk about at training today." She sighed softly. Eris moved to help her finish her braid.
The scent of toasted sugar and roses clung to her like a second skin now that she had gone through her first heat, and it slapped him in the face. He growled softly in her ear, and she whimpered back. Leaning her head over, she exposed her neck to Eris. "Sugar," he growled in warning.
Protecting her in the Forest House had been nearly impossible during her heats. His brothers and father had nearly slaughtered each other while he stood guard with her brothers. 
The bond snapped when he took her in food the second day of that long week. She had been naked in a hot bath, whimpering softly as she desperately tried to ignore the pain growing between her legs and in her stomach.  It was a curse only Autumn females experienced. It was a plague to ensure the population stayed high here.
That scent became a warning. He used to dread the first signs of it. Now, years later, it was one of Eris's favorite things. He'd drown in her scent if she'd just allow him to.
"You smell delicious, little bunny," he whispered into her ear. He watched with feral eyes as her breath hitched. "When is your next heat?" She whimpered as his large hands took her hips in them. Grabbing the skin there. Massaging softly.
"It's not supposed to be for another week," He hummed as his mouth grazed the shell of her dedicated pointed ear. He ignored her words, nipping softly at the pointed top. "Eris, please. I need to get ready."
"No, you don't," he paused. "You can stay here and read with me. We can head back to your family estate and check the new litter early. You do not have to go on this date with this unworthy male."
Eris paused as a knock came on her door and went to hide in her closet. He nodded for her to open the door once he warded his scent and sound from whomever was entering the room.
"Enter," she said softly as she began applying soft makeup. "Oh, High Lord, what a pleasant surprise."
Eris watched as his father studied Artemis. "Are you going somewhere, dear one?"
"One of the generals is taking me on a walk, my lord," she replied softly.
"You really must learn to aim higher, Lady Artemis. A general? You could be pursued by much higher ranks."
"I am sorry. I do not know what you mean?" Eris watched as his father walked slowly to his mate. He held back a growl as the hand that had beaten him countless times touched her delicate face.
"You can do much better, Artemis. Surely you know my bed is always open to you." He watched as Artemis looked at his father in shock. "You have come to realize why we keep you here during your heat cycles, haven't you, dear girl?  It's in hopes of one of my sons, or I, will put a babe inside of you."
"You wish to make me your whore?" Artemis whispered softly.
"I wish to make you my son's wife, but if the idiot will not take you himself, so I see nothing wrong with another of us trying." Beron touched her neck and collarbone gently. "You smell like your heat is about to set in. Think about my offer, pretty girl."
"I never went on a date that night." Azriel was stiff across from her. His hand clutched. Artemis reached over and held his scarred hand in hers.
"She never went on a date ever again after that. She winnowed home without saying goodbye." Eris found his hand absentmindedly rubbing circles on his wife's back. "I hunted her down before we all ended up under the mountain. The bargain timing was coming to a close. I asked her to marry me in secret the night before we all fell into her trap."
"Artemis," she felt her skin erupt into goosebumps as a familiar voice rang through the smoke hound kennel. "Ah, there you are."
Eris watched as she stood slowly, a pup in her arms, "Eris." 
You realize we are both unwed and our birthday is in 2 weeks. Correct?"
Artemis closed her eyes, "I can't go back there, Eris."
"So you'd rather we both die?"
"I've always been fine with you dying." Eris chuckled softly from the spot he stood at as she presented the pup she was holding to him. "This is Archie.  She's proving to be a wonderful hunter."
Eris took the pup from her arms and held her. "She has a wonderful build," he examined her carefully. Checking her ears, teeth, eyes. "Who are her bitch and sire?"
Artemis motioned towards the kennel, "Rammie and Rainy." Eris nodded. "She comes from a long line of prize-winning hunters. We picked the two of them to go together after buying out the last other breeder. Less inbreeding among their stock now is making an interesting change."
"Congratulations on the success. We're getting married tonight in secret." Eris dropped the bomb casually on her as he continued to scratch the pup behind her ears. "This little beauty shall be my wedding present."
"You have got to be joking," Artemis said slowly. "No."
"Yes. I do not intend to die over a decision we foolishly made when we were drunk. Get ready and meet me in an hour, or I'll drag you there in your leggings and tunic."
"For all you know," she pointed to the hounds in the kennel, "They were a courting present from the kennelmaster of-."
Eris laughed lightly. "Not his style, princess. He would have just stolen you. Get ready. Now."
"So you two married in silence?" Azriel looked between them. "And you didn't even get to have a mating ceremony or honeymoon because of her. Did you go with him under the mountain?"
Artemis pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. "No," she said softly. "Eris kept me here. I-" She looked up and sighed softly. "The bond hadn't snapped for me. So, I spent 50 years trying to help maintain Autumn with the fewlordss that were left. I regret not going."
"I don't regret leaving you here," Eris ran a hand through her hair, pulling her back into his chest. "She would have killed you."
Rhys nodded slowly, "I wasn't the only one Amarantha played with," the high lord sighed. "If she would have known Eris had a wife, a mate nonetheless, she would have had Artemis pulled under the mountain and her womb ripped out in front of Eris."
Cassian felt sympathy set in for Eris. "So, when did the bond snap?"
The couple both smiled. "When he came home," her eyes were on him and him alone as he raised her hand, kissing it.
Artemis was cleaning kennels as she prepared for her newest litter. There wasn't much she could do as the Autumn thunderstorm raged on outside. She had hoped cleaning kennels would take her mind off her husband, but it hadn't. 
She sighed softly at the amount of hounds she currently had.  They had wonderful lives. They were enriched, allowed to roam, trained, well fed. It just broke her heart not to see a Vanserra or other noble laying claim to them, though. She had sent a few over the border to Spring once. Lucien had almost cried with joy as the three pups found him. She had sent them with his favorite Autumn treats and her love. Lucien sent her frequent updates on them until they passed.
Eris had approached her slowly, rain dripping down his face and hair as he froze at the sight of her. He wanted nothing more than to see his wife, his mate. She was deep in thought as she picked up blankets and put them in a basket to change them out. 
"I know, baby," she leaned down and patted one of the hounds. "You're almost there. Let momma get you some new water and blankets.'"She moved to pick up the basket, looking down as she turned towards where Eris stood. He cleared his throat softly, wanting her attention but not wanting to startle her. 
Artemis looked up instantly at the noise.  They locked eyes the second she did. Tears began to fall down her cheeks as she stood in silence before dropping the basket.
She ran to him. Jumping in his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist. Their lips were on each other instantly. He kissed her deeply as the rain poured on them. 
Her hands tangled in his hair. She knew she was crying. But she couldn't bring herself to care. She had missed him. Missed his laugh, his voice, his hands. And Gods, after 50 years apart, she knew. She knew without a shadow of doubt that she was truly, madly, and deeply in love with Eris.
"Eris," she whispered. She opened her eyes, looking into his again. Then she felt it. She felt her gravity shift. Her heartbeat quickened, then slowed. She felt a deep snap radiating through her, and a sob tore through her. "Mate."
Eris let out the soft sob he was holding back. "Mate. I love you."
"I love you," she repeated. He carried her like that into her parent's home where their families waited for them.
Eris had told his parents the second they arrived home in Autumn of the bond. He wanted to truly marry her in front of the whole court.  Their fathers had agreed instantly. This benefitted Beron, and for her father, it put Eris one step closer to ending the tyranny. 
Azriel truly looked like a child right now. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he rested his chin on his hands. "And now we're here?"
Eris nodded, "And now we're here." Cassian watched as Eris kissed Artemis's ring and softly whispered that he loved her. 
Rhys was processing everything slowly. "But Nesta?" He finally said.
Artemis laughed lightly as Eris smirked, "If you're going to dangle a treat in my face, Rhysand, I'm going to try to take it. She would have had to settle for being my consort."
Artemis shrugged, "Or my wife. I technically only have a husband."
Cassian started laughing again. "Oh Mother, if you can survive Eris for almost 500 years, I cannot imagine you and Ness together."
"We got along fine when she sat with me while I healed you. We like the same books, wine, and both enjoy long baths."
Cassian looked at her. "You're the one she keeps asking about then." Artemis looked shocked at Cassian. "She doesn't have a lot of friends."
"Because she's blunt and abrasive? That's why I liked her." Artemis shrugged. "She would have fit in well here. Also-" She turned to Rhysand and smiled. "We're even."
The high lord nodded, "So you don't want me to bring you thousands of gifts?" Eris growled slightly looking at the High Lord.
"She receives PLENTY of gifts. Thank you."
"You could bring me Lucien," she whispered softly. "I miss him."
“Or kill my father,” Eris muttered silently. “Then she could have her baby.”
Artemis released a dreamy sigh, “A little baby to grow with all the love in the world. No Beron. No violence. A new beginning.”
Azriel held up the papers she brought. A silent confirmation that was what they were for. Eris only looked at her, continuing to drink his beer. She knew now. Knew the dangerous reason the 3 of them were here. 
“So the legacy begins,” she turned to Eris. “You're ready for things to change?”
Eris only nodded, “I'm ready for change.”
“Then change we will make,” Artemis said as if he was the only being in the room. He was the only one that mattered to her now. She stared at him in pride for a moment before turning to the shadowsinger and pulling out one last paper she had hidden in the corseted bodice. “A map. Of the Forest House.”
The males all moved to the table as she unfolded it, and the discussion began, Artemis at Eris's side. Their future was the only thing on her mind. The new era that her mate would bring to Autumn. 
It was time for the narrative to change. 
And Artemis knew Eris was a world shaker.
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alyssa-the-witch · 2 months ago
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Misconceptions I've had about Hestia
Whenever working with a new deity, I've learned that the myth doesn't always match the (wo)man. But a lack of mythos adds a whole new layer that I encountered when working with Hestia for the first time. I realized that, because there's not much about her, the little information out there has a high likelihood of not being true. And the few myths about her are maybe 3 sentences? So I decided to share some things that I've learned for input. There's also some general advice, as Hestia is the first goddess I've fully worked with. Coming up one year now, yayyyy!
As always, agree to disagree and please don't start fights!
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1~ Hestia is passive
Ha! Not really! Many people believe that because Hestia is a home goddess and stays on Mt. Olympus, she's passive and unassertive. But from what I've learned, that could be farther from the truth. Despite Poseidon and Apollo's advances, she stayed true to what she wanted. She picked her job, chose what she wanted to do, and she's stuck to it. That's part of why she took her vow to Zeus, so she would have no man to deter her from the life she chose. That, I think, is crucial to hear these days, especially with the rise of trad wives and feminism. She is the prime example that it should be your choice and not anyone else's. Yes, she is calm and peaceful compared to her siblings, but she's also powerful in her quiet nature. There's a power in that.
2~ To devote yourself to Hestia, you have to be completely modest and veil all the time.
This was a hard one for me going into it. I thought that to devote myself, I had to stay true to all her virtues. And I tried to dress how I thought she would want me to. However, I realized that I felt so unhappy and nothing like myself. I was already fairly modest by nature, but I still felt like I wasn't modest enough. I prayed that night, did a little meditation, and I realized something. I don't have to be exactly like her to worship her. I can just be myself. Hestia, as a hospitable and kind goddess, she will take you and love you as you come. Recently, I've gotten myself real veils, but for a while I've just used a red hair tie while doing housework. And again, it wasn't all the time, just while while cleaning or cooking. And that's okay, she won't hate you for it!
3~ She'll be mad if you don't do your house chores on time or if you mess up cooking
This has got to be my anxiety showing, because looking back, there's no way that she would be like this. Cooking and baking are imperfect arts. Things tend to go wrong. And when they do, you just have a second, pick yourself up by your bootstraps, and keep going. If you mess up, Hestia is there for you: she lets you take those moments and guides you to get up and keep going, keep persevering, and finish that casserole. When it comes to chores, those are a lot harder, especially for neurodivergent people (like myself). Sometimes it can feel like that hardest thing in the world. But Hestia knows that, and she doesn't mind. As long as it gets done. Even if the laundry load is so big it feels like a mountain, she'll help you climb it. She knows, and she's there for you.
4~ By family, she means blood family.
Also no. Family is a very different thing than it was in Greek times. Now, family is what you make it, not who you're related to, and if your family is a danger to you, you have every right to not call them family. Hestia, along with being protector of hearth and home, she is the protector of those without a hearth to go to, those who don't have a stable home. She knows that family isn't linear, and I believe she wants everyone to have a stable family, no matter what it looks like. What is a home but the bricks you make it out of?, what is a fireplace but the kindling you put in it?
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So yeah, that's my top four. Feel free to reblog with anything that you've learned, either from Hestia or any other deity you work with and give your input on my thoughts! Blessed be, everyone!
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@itsastridsart I'm so so so sorry this took so long to write and yet it's still going to be split into parts, but I've got a plot for this story!
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Featuring: Passive/Nightmare sans x reader
Masterlist
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Once in a Nightmare.
|First Chapter|Next Chapter|
You met Nightmare before everything. When he was still the pure soul of the past. Your AU had been destroyed by it's own creator, as they thought it was "too cringe", you didn't know how you managed to escape, but your wings came in handy, being an angel-demon hybrid has it's vantages.
Having nothing else to do, you decided to travel through the multiverse, passing from universe to universe without really caring about the people there, it's not like they could replace the missing feeling of your dimension.
And then you discovered dreamtale.
There was something off with it, you felt it the first time you visited. And the second. And the third. That skeleton that was always next to that tree.. he looked so.. familiar.. as if you had known him before..
You just snug it off and appeared right next to him, ready to start a talk and never return!
But your grin faded away when you saw his beat up, having injuries all over his bones and skull, his face facing you in terror as you touched his cheek.
"What... Happened to you..?"
Silence.
"...I can't leave you like this."
You came prepared for situations like this, for fell universes people, for yourself, it didn't matter for who it was. What mattered was that you were already wrapping his injuries up, disinfecting and cleaning them.
It didn't take much time for him to warm up to you, the only person who didn't have a burning hate for him, and it didn't take long for him to gain feelings.
.
He adored you, everything, the way you treated him, your sweet and caring touch as you treated his injuries, it hurt so bad, but he loved the way you'd be with him, making sure he's okay...
And when you accepted his feelings after he confessed? Oh dear he was head over heels, he was almost crying of happiness.
"..(_____)?"
"Yes?"
"Can you... Promise me something..?"
"Of course Nightmare!"
"Please.. never ever leave me alone.. please promise me we'll be together.. forever.."
"I promise Nightmare, I promise."
He held your hand, a ring on his finger and a ring in yours, you both are going to be married soon...
He made you promise. Promise never to leave him.
Until the accident happened.
One day you came back and everything was... Destroyed. Dream was stone, everyone was dead. And the worse, a gloomy skeleton standing in the middle, sitting at the now cut tree. You recognized him. The moon ring on his finger gave it all away. It was Nightmare. The man who you once loved, even with a different visual, you knew who he was. You didn't think twice and fled, you couldn't just believe it... This was just a bad dream... Right?
You kept the ring on your finger, it was the only memory that remained of him.. even after decades, centuries, you refused any man's advance, like you were waiting for a certain someone..
Rumours spread around the multiverse, and quickly found a skeleton's attention..
.
"Let me go!"
You screamed as your body was carried by three skeletons who had just broken into your house and kidnapped you, restraining your movements with ropes tied around your wrists, wings and legs.
"Heh, afraid we can't do that, boss told us to bring ya to him"
"Who?"
No response.
The skeleton with black eyes only chuckled and continued walking, you saw a gloomy gigantic castle in the distance.. you feel like the energy of this place is familiar..
It didn't take long for you to be inside, fancy cyan decor filled the halls, the skeleton, whose name you learned to be Killer in the way here, led you to a dinning room and sat you on one of the chairs, telling you to wait for his "boss".
Some paintings of someone who looked oddly similar to you with a black skeleton decorated the walls as a cyan-purplish light coming from a gold chandelier illuminated the room, you looked at the elongated dark wood table that had an irregular oval pattern in front of you and then at the dark cyan chairs with small golden details surrounding it.
You suddenly felt a tentacle wrap around your eye line, you tried to get it off, yet the ropes tied around your body didn't help. But as soon as it came it left, facing you with a plate of food placed on the table and the same skeleton of the paintings sited right in the chair in front of you.
"My my, look what we have here.."
The sound of his rough and deep voice filled your ears, his eye looking into the depths of your soul as a smirk formed in his face.
"Missed me, (_____)?"
".. W-who on earth are you.."
His expression shifted to an offended one, one of his hands touching his chest.
"Don't even remember your own fiance my dear?"
He exaggerated, showing the moon ring in his bony finger making you freeze for a second.
"I don't know where you found that ring, by my fiance is long dead."
"Oh no no no darling, is it too difficult for you to understand?" He pauses. "I'm your fiance, my dear."
He laughs as a tentacle untied the rope of your wrists and grabs your hand, showing you the sun ring on your own finger.
"My sunshine... I know you remember the promise you made. And I know you still love who I was... So.. why not love the new me huh?"
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jadeee · 1 year ago
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Living with Nanami
I get the feeling there'll be a part 2... I've never done anything note motivated but maybe if this gets 100 notes I will 👀 -> update: read part 2 here!
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He habitually wipes the bathroom countertop after using the sink. It's ingrained in him. We all saw that ep in season 1.
Definitely has a modern aesthetic which when paired with yours is very... interesting. He'll eye whatever knick knacks you have in silence, keeping his thoughts to himself.
Your feet felt warm on the multi-colored rug you placed in front of the couch. The walls were decorated with art you picked out, a few pops of green from your many plants here and there. Then there was the odd trinket you found from a thrift store years ago which stood upright on the coffee table. The longer he studied the color blocked sections of your bookshelf, the more his set mouth morphed into an impressed smile. Your hands brushed against each other until he took yours in his completely.
His pet peeve would definitely be little bits of trash scattered throughout the house. He's not passive aggressive but he won't lash out or lecture you. Just a little "Darling, I noticed you forget to throw things out sometimes. Why is that?"
Another pet peeve I see for him is walking around brushing your teeth or flossing 💀 if you walk down the hall flossing, he just imagines bits of plaque flying onto the walls silently. I'm not sure if he'd say anything about this because he thinks you may find it silly and he knows it's not a big deal but a piece of him shudders just a bit.
Always has pads, tampons, and pain relief meds in stock. He'll get the special snacks you like around that time of the month. Whenever it hits you, he's there with everything prepped and ready to go. I imagine he'll secretly want you to ask him for cuddles just so he can spoon you 💗 he rests his hands on your low abdomen while talking to you softly, his breath tickling your ear.
Side note: He doesn't get into the habit of carrying these things around until one day you two are out and you're period suddenly comes out then he goes on the hunt for a pad or tampon.
He's very serious about going to sleep at a certain time and is lowkey bothered when he sees you staying up late - if it's for work, okay fine but if you're up on your phone or watching TV, expect a "you should really go to bed". If you're being a brat and he's really serious, he will haul you off to bed. He wants to give you a peck on the cheek so you know he's not mad but he won't because he's feeling petty.
The place would look very clean and organized nearly all the time except for the weekends. I believe in this 100% because Friday night is when he finally let's loose just a bit. Maybe he had too much to drink when you two went out but you look so cute and you smell so good and my God, your lips... Saturday morning rolls around and so does he in the sheets. His arms wrap around you as he groans softly against your skin, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck. He knows the place is a bit messy but would rather clean tomorrow since he wants to spend the day with you.
Cleaning is a shared effort. He's not doing all the work and neither are you. I love him and I know he's all for taking care of you but I feel like realistically, this would truly be a shared task. Doing dishes can suck and so can cleaning the bathroom but it's enjoyable when you're playing your music. When he hauls the laundry off to the washing machine, he can't help but look in your direction and smile at the private show you're putting on for yourself.
No matter who cooks, dishes are typically done together. I think it'd become a tradition to bake on Saturdays. Ohh some cake with wine in the afternoon? You two sitting on the porch just giggling and talking about nothing and everything inbetween. Then when golden hours hits and the sun just casts that heavenly glow on you.
Kento leans back with a soft grin on his face.
"What are you smiling at?" you block the sun from your face.
"My light, my life."
Heat filled your cheeks as you dropped your head and crossed your legs.
Kento chuckled, "Did I make you nervous?"
"No." you snicker then glance up at him.
He filled your empty glass, "You're a better baker than you are a liar."
You grinned then looked off into the sunset to hide your embarrassment but it only highlighted the things Nanami loved about you.
He doesn't go to sleep mad or upset. He doesn't have the space for it or the time or the energy. Your relationship isn't perfect but it's worth fighting for and he makes sure to do that whenever you two have a fight. If you're both home that night, he won't invade your space but he'll make sure to let you know he cares in some way. Say you fall asleep on the couch? You're going to wake up in the bed and wonder how he ended up on the couch instead. If you haven't eaten, he'll bring you a small snack without saying anything.
This is really random but the security would honestly be multi-layered. Definitely a self insert bc home invasions TERRIFY ME 😭 he'd invest in a good alarm system and have the security cameras outside - yes, cameras to cover the front and back door.
Hmm, what else? Oh you'd have house shoes by the door. I like to think someone bought you two matching ones as a wedding gift or couple themed - like his and hers.
Fun fact: Sharing a bed with you the first night was weird for him. He didn't feel uncomfortable but he didn't feel comfortable either. He just laid there like a man in a coffin.
"Nanami?"
"Hm?" he turned his head to glance at you in the dark.
"Are you ok?"
"... I'm fine, why do you ask?"
The sound of you moving around made his ears turn pink and he was grateful for the dark for once. "You just seem so," he tried not to grunt when you poked his side "stiff."
"Hm, it's really nothing. You should go to sleep."
More rustling he wished would go away. Each second caused a slow heat to creep from his feet to his face.
"Can I hold you?"
He turned his head again then glanced up at the black ceiling. A sigh escaped his lips as he rolled over. Your limbs found each other in the dark and you rested your head near his. His chest deflated of anxiety then.
"Is this better? Do you feel comfortable?"
The sudden feel of lips against your forehead made you smile.
"Yes," he said softly then held you tight until he fell asleep.
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Author's Note: I only saw him as the husband while writing this. You're already married in this headcanon.
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