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Could I request dating headcanons for Viktor, Jayce, Vander, Silco, and Ekko with gn s/o? - Fluff anon P S. Please delete the first one because I forgot to put my name 🤣
Warnings: None, I don't think! Just fluff :3
Notes: Thank you, once again, fluff anon!! Was very fun getting to write a couple of these, as I've not written for a few of them before! :3 My requests are currently open! My request post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist!
Viktor
- Viktor doesn’t always “have time” for personal affections outside of the laboratory - he tries his best, but he gets so focused and stuck into his work that everything else fades away. His work, some weeks quite literally, is his life. He spends days on end there, hardly going home, all in the pursuit of progress. That is, until you slowly start showing him that, yes, there is time for those small affections. Small talk, stolen laughter as he works. It’s a very slow process, but eventually, he does begin to relent, and show some of these affections back. - He loves when you join him in the lab - even if you’re unable or unwilling to help him with his tasks, he likes having you there. He appreciates the company. With Jayce coming around the lab less and less, even for a man of Viktor’s minimal social need, it’s a struggle. He’s feeling the loneliness, which is something he never thought he��d been affected by. Having you there, even if you’re doing something entirely different to him, makes him feel so much better, so much less alone. - When not spending time in the lab, he likes to go on walks through the academy and it’s gardens with you. Sure, you both have to take it a bit slow, but it helps him clear his head - and a walk is the perfect opportunity to have a nice, proper conversation with you. A time to catch up - like what you’ve been doing outside of your many visits to him, or how your other friends and family may be doing. Despite being a very work-oriented man, he does take an interest in your life, too - such is the way of someone so in love such as he. - He struggles to show the affection that he feels for you, sometimes. He knows that most show it through physical means - hugs, kisses, and the like - but he’s not typically a very touchy man. He likes to be approached first. If you initiate a kiss, or a hug, he will gladly reciprocate - but he struggles to know when, or how, to initiate these himself. He instead shows his affection through his creations - little side-projects that he works on when he’s dealing with a mental block with his main projects. Some of them are little trinkets - ornaments for the mantle, or fancy looking mechanisms akin to a complex child’s ornament. Others are to help you around the home. Things for cleaning, or for reaching hard to get spots.
Jayce
- In a similar sense to Viktor, Jayce sometimes struggles in juggling all of his responsibilities, and his time is very often split between you, working with Viktor (which is becoming less and less of an occurrence) and his time with the council and the political figures within. Some days it’s hard to have a conversation with him that lasts for more than 5 minutes, because the poor man just gets so overwhelmed with his attention being pulled in every direction known to man. - In terms of quality time, he likes spending it in his chambers - or yours. Doesn’t overly matter. What matters is that you’re both shut away from the prying eyes of the world, responsibilities left outside the door, and work shoved into a distant corner of both of your minds. He likes to put his head in your lap and let your fingers run through his hair - it’s a feeling that often lulls him into near-sleep. A state that is very much needed and appreciated, with how stressed he gets, he often finds it difficult to actually relax or get any sleep that helps him feel rested. - Although he tries to keep the majority of his work life and love life separate, there are times when an idea just… Hits him. He has to get it out, has to tell someone just to get those words out of his brain and into existence. Most of the time, this person is now you - even if you have absolutely no clue what half of the words he’s saying are, just smile, nod, and ask a couple of basic questions so his brain can turn it’s gears and work out the kinks he can think of. You just need to help him get the ball rolling - once he’s got those ideas down in rudimentary note form, he can take them to the lab, and he and Viktor can get the real work started. (He usually forgets that most of the time it’s Viktor who ends up doing the majority of the work). - He likes sleeping near to you - in fact quite early on in your relationship, he refuses to sleep without you at least in the room with him. This went on for… A very long time, and still hasn’t completely gone away. He particularly likes hugging you in his sleep; whether he’s the big or little spoon, it doesn’t matter to him (it changes mainly based on how good or bad his day has been), so long as he’s able to feel his skin against yours, he’s a happy man. A very happy man, indeed. - If you want this man to do something - and do it very willingly, with a massive grin on his face - give him some food. If you bribe him with food - particularly cakes, and perhaps some nice savoury items - he’s at your every whim, your every beck and call.
Vander
- Vander is a very affectionate man; he loves calling you by anything other than your name, loves physical displays of affection, and just… Being very domestic. He may be called the ‘Hound of the Underground’, but most of the time he’s little more than a dog who longs for affection - his more hound-like, violent days are long behind him, now. After all, he’s a father of four, he’s got an example to set. And he feels that the domestic life, despite his unfamiliarity with it, is the life he can best do that in. - Vander loves cooking with you. Or, well, trying to cook. 9/10 something goes wrong somehow; someone will spill something, a dish will overcook despite having been in the oven under the recommended cooking time.Though, a lot of the time, that can be attributed to… Little helpers, trying their hand at cooking. Vander doesn’t usually mind all that much - unless they try to actively force themselves into the situation after he’s already said no - as he can normally whip up an edible meal quite quickly. The last 1/10 times is when the kids are all tucked up and asleep, and he’s taking his sweet time teaching you how to cook some of their (and his) favourite meals. - He always has a chair reserved for you in The Last Drop. Well, two, actually - so you have options on where you can sit. There’s one at the end of the bar, so you can be close to him as he works, and you can keep an eye on him as he serves. Then there’s also another one in a secluded corner booth, where you can still see one another, but you’re a little more on your own in case you don’t really want to be bothered by anyone else. He’ll nip over there every so often to make sure you don’t feel too lonely, and to top up your drink for you. More often than not he also brings a snack over too - just in case. He can’t have you going hungry, now, can he? - He likes it when you help him close up for the night - he tells you every time that you don’t need to, it’s alright, he can handle it, but secretly, he loves the fact that you’re able or eager to pitch in with him. Hell, even if you’re just sitting on the bar, talking to him, he’s a happy man.
Silco
- Silco spoils you in some ways, but not all. Yes, he has his claws in every nook and cranny of Zaun, and you have lived without want since you started dating him, but he never wants you to slip into overindulgence - mainly when it comes to material belongings. He doesn’t want you to end up taking anything for granted. There’s always that possibility, in the back of his mind, that everything may be stolen away at any moment. You need to be prepared for that. - He likes being in your presence. You could be doing entirely different things in the same room, and he’d be happy. He isn’t a massive fan of being left on his own, normally. The only real exception to that rule is when he’s majorly pissed off with something or someone, and even then your presence can usually lull him back to a sense of calm. He doesn’t have a particular ‘happy place’ unless you count being by your side. For a man who is normally so dour, he’s sweet to you. - If you ever have an opinion on an issue that he’s trying to fix - be that economy related, or general public relations - he’s happy to listen to you. He’ll take your views into account, though he may push back and debate with you over things, always trying to look at the bigger picture or the long game. Though he is often ever so tempted to make decisions based on your quality of life and joy, he is very aware that he can’t do so - not if he wants the nation under his rule to live on. - He tries his best, for the most part, to keep you and the unsavoury business of his job separate. He wasn’t sure if he could bear the idea of you getting tangled up in it all - and there was no way at all that he would want to subject you to any of the gory sights he had had to witness over the years. While he made sure you were at least aware of the goings on around the Undercity, the thought of you getting caught up in it - especially caught up in the gang activity - made his blood run cold. He wanted you to be aware of what life could be, if worst came to worst, of course, but he would never let you actually live it so long as he was alive.
Ekko
- Ekko is BIG on physical touch. Whenever you’re within arms reach, he has to have a hand on you - not in a gropey way, but more… That he likes having the knowledge that you’re there, close to him. His hand will be on your shoulder, or the small of your back, or holding your hand. He especially loves holding your hand; he can twirl you around, pull you in for a hug or kiss, or even do something as mundane as swinging your hands back and forth a little bit as the pair of you walk together. There’s something so special to him about physical contact - and this leeches over into hugs as well. He loves hugging you to nap or sleep; it brings him a sense of calmness and security. He doesn’t care where, or in what position you sleep in, so long as he’s able to feel you he’s fine with it. - He likes sharing his clothes with you; no matter the weather. You’re cold? His jacket will warm you right up. Oh, you’re hot? Here, have his shirt, it’s a lighter colour it won’t attract as much heat. Seeing you wear his clothing is something that sparks a little bit of joy in his heart - he LOVES it. And if you let him wear some of your clothes? The cycle will be complete, and he will not let you go - you already have a special place in his heart, and it will be entirely solidified if you let him have some of your clothes. - He likes walking with you. Be it around the grounds of your communal home, or in the Lanes. It’s a brilliant way to bond, he thinks. You can talk, or stay quiet, it doesn’t matter. And if you struggle a bit with the parkour that sometimes needs to be done to traverse the undercity? Not to worry, Ekko will teach you. When he’s not being pursued, he’s a very patient teacher - he’ll tell you what point to jump from and how to land so you don’t hurt your ankles or knees - and so you don’t fall off. Once you’ve at least got a steady foot, he’ll take you to all his favourite spots, to all the best views of both the undercity, and topside. - Eventually, Ekko may ask you if you want to help with the massive memorial mural in the centre of the communal hideout - nothing major, just touchups of the paint where it’s started to fade or flake away. It’s important to him to keep it vibrant, so that people won’t forget all those who have been lost over the years. After a few visits, he lets you know that you can add anyone you’ve lost to Silco or the enforcers, if you so wish. He doesn’t force the idea upon you, but he just quietly tells you, that if you’re comfortable enough, if you want to, you can. He’d even help you, if you wanted. He wants you to be as comfortable as is possible - even when confronting grief.
#requests open#x reader requests#arcane x reader#arcane headcanon#viktor x reader#viktor arcane x reader#viktor arcane#arcane jayce#jayce x reader#jayce talis#jayce talis x reader#arcane vander#vander#vander arcane#vander x reader#vander headcanons#silco#silco x reader#silco headcanons#silco x reader headcanons#ekko#ekko x reader#ekko x reader headcanons#ekko headcanon
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♡ Bucky Barnes NSFW alphabet ♡
- with a f! reader intended
I've never done one of these before, so here yall go, I guess! Enjoy.
[ My marvel request box is back open. Please check my pinned post for more information regarding my request rules. ]
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
I think it depends on how deep your relationship with Bucky is. I think that if it was a one night stand and/or if you guys aren't that close, he'd probably clean up with you, ask you if you'd want him to stay in bed with you a little longer and then be up and gone afterwards.
But if you're close--like married ( or fiance's ) close I think he'd be all over asking you how you're feeling and offering to massage you if you're hurting. He cleans you off then goes back in bed with you, waiting for you to go to sleep first. And that's basically it; he's just concerned for you.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
I think Bucky would be all over his arms. He's learned to love his prosthetic arm a lot over the years of healing and trying to love/forgive himself. But he puts a lot of work into his upper body strength, and hearing how crazy you are over his biceps in particular is what drives his ego even more.
For his favorite part of you, I think it'd be your boobs. He also likes your legs a lot, but there's something about a nice pair of melons that he really likes. I think he'd be all over playing with them when he's in bed with you, in fact I think they'd be the first thing he touches during foreplay.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Goodness gracious 😍
So, basically, I think Bucky would always ask you where you'd want him to cum before he actually did. It's important for him because one: he doesn't want there to be any happy little accidents, and two: he always needs your consent with almost anything he does to you.
I think Bucky would also really like it when you cum on his face. Specifically when he has you sitting on his face; it gets fucking everywhere and he's a real messy eater--so he fucking loves it. He likes it getting on his beard even though it's not the most comfortable sensation. Really likes the way your thighs twitch and clench around his face when you cum.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
He's an old man. The invention of cellular phones, tablets and laptops are quite fascinating to him. It's very convenient to him as well because he can look at anything he wants with just the tap of a button. That includes porn.
Now he's not proud of it, but the day he discovered screen sharing was the day his entire life changed. While you were away on a grocery trip, he laid in bed, his phones screen connected to the TV in your room, jacking off while watching the craziest things he could ever imagine.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
Did you not watch Captain America: The First Avenger? I think the better question would be when does Bucky Barnes not know what he's doing? Even when he was the winter soldier, he'd still get a little sex in by getting information out of people by getting them out of their pants.
That's almost an entire century of sexual experience under that mans belt. To say he's experienced would be an understatement and a straight up insult to him In general.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Bucky can get into almost anything. Sex is sex. It's mostly about what you want, so sometimes he likes to leave things up to you and let you ride him--just have him for a night. I think he'd personally really love having your knees pressed into your chest while he fucks you, or your legs above his shoulders. It lets him get deeper inside you and he likes the face-to-face action.
And of course, doggy if he's feeling really mean. And he does it on the kitchen table too, so it's even worse.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Once again, depends on the relationship. Absolutely 100% serious if your relationship isn't serious. But if he's been married to you for a long time, I think sometimes he'd get a little bored and whisper an inside joke in your ear while he's going at it.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Uh oh. I'm gonna go with pretty average.
He's 107 years old. Do you think he'd really give a shit about shaving down there? He will trim it for you if it bugs you, but that's only if it bugs you. Same thing goes for the pits and chest.
Hairy Bucky my beloved 😍
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Soooo intimate if your relationship is really deep. Bucky loves fooling around with you in bed, but he also really loves making you feel loved and cherished because it matters to him so much.
Especially with his staring issues, he just can't take his eyes off yours. Like he's constantly keeping eye contact with you, and it makes butterflies fill your stomach each time he does. He just can't believe how beautiful you are and how lucky he is.
Because finally for once In his life, he feels loved and he can return that love. Because for once in his life, he's at peace and he's doing something right.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Same thing with the porn mentioned earlier.
But he also really likes looking at pictures of you whenever he's jacking off; the good, sexy pictures of you. He also likes flipping through texts you've exchanged with him and listened to the voice messages you send to him.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Having his hair pulled. He loves it when you tug on his hair whenever he eats you out. And it's never painful for him because of his strong pain tolerance. He also encourages you to tug as hard as you can. Makes him moan, get all hard for you.
Orgasm denial. I think Bucky would be super into asking you if you're going to cum, pretend like he is too, all just to pull out of you before you can. It drives you crazy and he loves seeing you whimper and beg for him to make you cum.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Workplace sex. Fucking in his office and shutting you up with his tie? Yes please.
Temperature play. Loves the way you shiver whenever his metal/vibranium arm touches you. Maybe he likes running ice cubes down your legs, too 🙈
At the start, it's a little hard for him to get used to a bed. Hed only use a bed if he was eating you out it was doing some sort of missionary thing. But even then he'd still have you on the edge of the bed with him standing.
So, he likes doing it in the floor. Yes, the floor. You hate it, but he loves it, especially if he's feeling rough and dominate that night.
He also really likes doing it in the kitchen, against the bar or on the table. Loves the way your moans echo through the house.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Like stated before, the hair tugging.
If you're showing a bunch of cleavage too, he becomes a fucking dog. He'll let things slide until the end of the day. He doesn't let you take a shower until he can get you out of your clothes and show you how fucking gorgeous you are.... And how much he really likes your boobs.
I also think Bucky would really like it whenever you praise him. He spent most of his life abused, neglected and never shown love. So I think telling him that he's doing good would send him off the edge and give him butterflies. Call him a good boy in his ear and he'll fucking die.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
If this is Bucky without the weird hydra shit still in his mind, he will refuse to get super over the top with you when it comes to bdsm. I mean like, as in the slapping and the choking. I think that would be a no go for him. He cannot stand the idea of purposefully hurting you for his own pleasure. It makes all that winter soldier guilt come back to him.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS. Oral sex my beloved.
Listen honey, Bucky Barnes is a pussy eating expert. You love it, he fucking loves it, it's perfect, really. He also enjoys receiving it, but he definitely love the award if giving you oral a lot more better.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Okay what year we talking? 1940's? 1991? 2014? 2016? 2018? 2025? It depends on where he is mentally. He can be really slow and sensual if he wants to, but he has to have a mix between being fast and slow. I like to describe it, as Peter Steele of Type O Negative would describe it, slow deep and hard.
If we're talking CATWS or CACW Bucky, I think he'd be an absolute fucking control freak and go absolute ham on that shit like a freight train ( sick ass bucky Barnes reference. ) He's so used to submitting to hydra, and he needs to let out his pain, anger and needs to be in control of something, so he takes control of you. Fast and hard, absolutely no mercy with that shit.
But if we're talking 1940s or Bucky after the events of infinity war, I think he'd definitely still have that rough/mean vibe, but he's just so sweet with you at the same time. He starts off slow, progresses into going fast, then slows back down towards the end. If that makes sense.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
They happen a lot more often than he'd like, and thats mostly just because the both of you are always so busy. He would like them to be longer, but he knows it's the only time he has with you so he cherishes it.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Yes. Yes. Yes.
In the workplace, yes.
In the car, yes.
Now if we're talking bdsm stuff, he's always making sure you are 100% into it and is always reminding you that you can always back out if you need to. He rarely takes risks when it comes to bdsm stuff, and he's always making sure he's prepared with the things he needs, but also that you're prepared for it mentally.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
He's a fucking super soldier. That man has been in fights longer than all the lord of the rings movies combined. He can go on from 7pm to 6am, the only question is: " can you? " One round feels like, not enough for him. But honestly, it just depends on how intense it is.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
I think Bucky would be interested in sex toys. He's more traditional though because that's what he's used to. But maybe he likes watching you use them on yourself?
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Bucky Barnes is the definition of sexually unfair. His foreplay is super long, and he has to make sure your panting, pent up and basically begging for him to fuck you before he actually does. He likes to touch you through your panties. He doesn't let you touch yourself, and when you do, he restricts your hands for a bit. He just really likes to hear you beg.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
He's is very loud In bed. He encourages you to be loud too. He grunts a lot. Like a lot. Moans whenever you claw at his back or tug on his hair.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character )
I'll give you more than one.
Likes his women older. There aren't exactly a lot of women out there over the age 100.
Also really loves to help you out with random things, even if it's just getting the milk out if the fridge. He's ready to comply.
His flesh hand is really fucked up. There's a lot of really deep cuts on them and callouses. His skin is dry and cracked. But nonetheless, his really good with his hands.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Forearm hair goes crazy. Same thing with his chest. He's an absolute beef cake. Wide waist, big arms, man tits also go crazy.
Now when it comes to his winter solider, I'd say he goes a bit above 6 3/4 inches. So almost 7 but not quite ( when erect. ) Veins go crazy. It's not too dark, in fact, there's a little bit of a pink tint to it.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Pretty normal. Maybe when he was younger ( during his Sargeant days ) it was a lot higher than it is now, which makes sense. But he's always busy so he doesn't have time for it.
But that doesn't mean he isn't thinking about it. Wink wonk.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards )
Not quick at all. Bucky is an awful insomniac, so he always ends up in going to sleep hours after you do. In fact, sex does nothing but energize him. He's always asking if he can do this and that for you after sex and you always end up on being so exhausted that you tell him to just sit down.
#marvel#mcu#mcu smut#james bucky buchanan barnes#james barnes#james buchanan barnes#bucky barnes smut#bucky barns x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#the winter soldier#winter soilder#the winter solider x reader
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Sweet Delusion🌙
Lucifer x fem!reader

Cry Baby
Been a while since I've last posted😭
tw: homeless, mental breakdown

Your footsteps pounded against the pavement, heavy with desperation and exhaustion.
Disappointment clogged your throat like a stone, and you could feel it growing sharper with every breath. Confusion swirled in your mind, entwined with anger and fear. Your head throbbed under the weight of too much—too much information, too much betrayal, too much loss. Your soul was tethered to his, an unwanted bond forged against your will.
Why wouldn’t he just let you go?
You had wanted peace. An ending. Oblivion. And yet, Lucifer had dragged you back. The one thing you had left—a final, defiant act of choosing your own death—was stolen. Now you were bound to him, and you hated it. Hated him. Hated everything. The pressure built inside you, choking, burning. You wanted to scream, to lash out, to escape.
So you ran.
Your legs carried you with reckless speed, every step tearing you further away from the vortex of confusion and anguish in your chest. You didn’t even realize where you were heading until the building loomed before you—the one you had promised yourself you’d never return to. The stench hit you as you pushed open the door: sweat, sex, desperation. It stung your nostrils, made your stomach churn. But you pressed on, climbing stairs you’d once called familiar, searching for the room you thought of as yours.
When you arrived, the sight punched you in the gut.
Empty.
The room was barren except for boxes stacked haphazardly in the corner. Your heart dropped, panic flaring. You stumbled forward, ripping into the packages with trembling hands, the sharp edges of the thick paper slicing into your skin. Blood welled from the cuts, but you didn’t care. You couldn’t care. Where were your things? Your clothes? Your keepsakes?
“Look who we’ve got here.”
The voice stopped you cold, freezing your blood.
Vox.
He stood in the doorway, a cruel smirk twisting his lips. His blue, crackling claws flickered with electric menace as he leaned casually against the frame.
“Where are my things, Vox?” you demanded, voice raw, throat tight.
His laughter was low and mocking, like nails dragged across your nerves. “Gone, Kitty. You’ve been gone too long. Your contract with Valentino broke the moment you disappeared. Your stuff? Moved to some fancy hotel by your dearest lover.”
Your stomach turned. “He’s not my lover,” you spat through gritted teeth.
Vox’s smirk deepened as he raised a brow. “Sure he’s not. Tell that to the man who threatened us and stripped you clean of everything you had here. He’s the reason your stuff’s gone. You’re not needed here anymore.”
The words cut deeper than the paper ever could. You clenched your fists, swallowing back the lump of despair clawing its way up. “I can’t go back to him, Vox,” you whispered, voice hoarse, fragile. “Please. Let me work for you again. Or for Valentino.”
You hated the way you sounded—pathetic, begging. But there was nowhere else to go. Nothing else to cling to. Lucifer’s betrayal was still fresh, raw, festering. You couldn’t face him. Not now.
Vox chuckled again, dark and vicious. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? But I’m not about to let you ruin what I’ve built. You’re like a walking disaster, Kitty. Even if you don’t think you’re tied to Lucifer anymore, his actions tell a different story. Hate him or love him, it doesn’t matter. He owns you, and that makes you a liability. I’m not risking my empire for your mistakes.”
His words were a hammer blow to your chest. You staggered, trying to steady yourself. “I can bring money,” you blurted, desperation sharpening your voice.
But Vox only laughed harder. “Money? Honey, I’ve got plenty. Sure, losing you left a dent in the profits for a while, but we’ve patched that up. I’m not risking a bigger hole because of your... despair.”
A tear slid down your cheek before you could stop it, hot and humiliating. You wanted to scream at him, to claw at that mocking grin on his face, but the fight was draining out of you. He was right. Everything you touched crumbled. Control, safety, hope—it all slipped through your fingers like water.
It always did.
Lucifer had taken everything. Valentino had been cruel, yes, but at least you’d had something there—some semblance of power, of control. Now even that was gone. And you hated it. You hated all of it.
“You should leave,” Vox said, his tone softening only slightly. “Before someone gets really angry.”
His grin returned, sharp as a blade, and it took everything in you not to scream. You wanted to hit him, to claw your way back into relevance, but you couldn’t move. You were frozen, powerless.
The words echoed in your head as if someone else had whispered them: You’re loved.
A wave of confusion washed over you, breaking through the haze of despair. Who said that? The voice was faint, but the memory of it lingered, tantalizing and cruel.
You shook your head, trying to clear it. The room swayed around you.
“Leave,” Vox repeated, this time more firmly. “You don’t belong here anymore.”
And you believed him.
______
Lucifer gripped his hair tightly, his claws scraping against his scalp as frustration surged through him. It had been two weeks—two agonizing weeks—since you left, and the void of your absence gnawed at his sanity. Sharing a soul was harder than he had imagined. The connection between you burned constantly in his chest, a relentless reminder of what he had done.
Dark circles shadowed his crimson eyes, deeper and more pronounced than usual. He tried to focus on his daughter’s chatter about the hotel, her voice bright and animated, but her words drifted past him like smoke. He couldn’t listen. Not really. How could he, when every emotion you felt crashed over him like waves, unrelenting and raw?
He felt the sting of your tears, the ache of your hurt, the weight of your despair. It was unbearable, suffocating. He had fought with everything he had to bring you back. He’d torn through barriers, bent the universe itself, to ensure you wouldn’t leave him forever.
And yet, you hated him for it.
He understood. If he were you, he would hate himself too. Forcing you to stay, tethering you against your will—it was a violation. He knew it was wrong. Your past was a labyrinth of pain and choices stolen from you, and he had only added to that burden.
You deserved the freedom to choose your own future.
But knowing that didn’t make it easier. Being apart from you—the other half of his soul—was an agony he hadn’t anticipated. Even as a divine being, powerful and eternal, the separation was unraveling him. If it was this tormenting for him, he didn’t dare imagine how it felt for you.
And yet, despite the weight of his guilt, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. His mind was consumed by you: the memory of your voice, the fire in your eyes, the love you once had for him—now buried beneath layers of betrayal and anger.
The love he still had for you.
It clawed at him, an unrelenting truth he couldn’t suppress. The hatred you felt for him burned like acid, but it couldn’t extinguish the depth of his feelings. Knowing that he was the cause of your suffering, that he had fractured what fragile trust you had in him, only made the pain sharper.
Lucifer stood abruptly, his movements jerky, as if some unseen force had pulled him to his feet. The silence of his chambers pressed down on him, amplifying the restless storm within. He paced back and forth, each step heavier than the last, until finally, he stopped in front of a mirror.
The figure staring back at him was almost unrecognizable. His once-pristine appearance was disheveled, his hair a wild mess, his crimson eyes hollow and bloodshot. His jaw clenched as he leaned closer to his reflection, his hands bracing against the edges of the ornate frame.
“Why can’t I let you go?” he whispered, his voice low and trembling.
For a moment, the mirror reflected not just his image but a flicker of you. The memory of you laughing—warm, radiant, alive—flashed in the glass. His heart clenched painfully. He couldn’t tell if it was the bond playing tricks on his mind or if it was his guilt manifesting in cruel ways, but it didn’t matter.
“I brought you back because I needed you,” he admitted, the words tearing from his throat. His voice cracked under the weight of the confession. “Not because it was right, not because I was saving you—but because I couldn’t live without you.”
His claws dug into the edges of the mirror, tiny cracks forming in the glass.
“I thought it was love,” he continued, his voice a mixture of bitterness and sorrow. “But love isn’t supposed to hurt like this. It’s not supposed to destroy the person you claim to care for.”
His breath hitched, and for the first time in centuries, tears welled in his eyes. They shimmered against his lashes before sliding down his sharp cheekbones.
“I love you,” he whispered finally, his voice breaking. The weight of those three words crushed him, stripping away the last of his defenses. “I love you, and I ruined you.”
The admission was both a release and a wound, raw and gaping. He sagged against the mirror, his forehead pressing against the cracked surface. The bond pulsed faintly, and he could feel it—your lingering pain, your despair. It mirrored his own, and yet it was so much worse, because he had caused it.
He closed his eyes, his chest heaving with the weight of it all.
“I’ll fix this,” he murmured, though he wasn’t sure if the words were for himself or for you. “Even if you hate me forever. Even if it costs me everything.”
The tears came harder now, streaking his face as he sank to the floor, his hands clutching at his chest as if to hold himself together. For the first time in his eternal existence, Lucifer felt utterly powerless.

As you already noticed I'm taking a low key break for a couple of weeks. But I'll be back on posting regularly<3
💫
@ravensdecent36 @i-have-no-life-charlie @sirenetheblogger @concentratedconcrete @ylovei @cimadreamer @ayanazoldyck @froggybich @ravensdecent36 @fangthesandwing @luna-naoffcial @emilyispookie @aro-ace-asshole
Taglist
#shapard#hazbin hotel lucifer#lucifer hazbin hotel#y/n#hazbin lucifer#lucifer#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel lucifer x reader#lucifer morningstar x reader#lucifer morningstar#sweetdelusion#xreader#story#lucifer x readr#lucifer x reader#sad lucifer#Lucifer
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Wheel of Time, Season 3, Episodes 1-3
Some scattered thoughts about the first three episodes of the season, including vague full book series spoilers.
(Why vague, you ask? Because I've only read the series once, and a majority of that was over twenty years ago at this point, and I am disinclined to do in-depth research for this post beyond googling spelling.)
1) I appreciate that they're having Siuan lay the groundwork for her own destruction. I'll admit, the coup caught me entirely off guard in the books, but here I can see the very careful build up:
Barring one Ajah's Sitters from the Hall.
Revealing that only 11 people (a simple majority) are needed for a vote to pass.
Siuan did not deny Liandrin's charges, and instead dodged them with the Black Ajah reveal, while still admitting that if Liandrin were telling the truth, Siuan could be deposed for what she did in Cairhien.
A number of Sitters were killed in that fight, and between that and the four that jumped to Liandrin's help, the Hall is going to have a chunk of (probably) new Sitters who may not be inclined charitably toward Siuan.
Sending Tsutama out with (presumably) seven of Tsutama's hand-picked Reds, leaves Galina and Elaida behind for power grabbing. This is extra bad for Siuan given that Tsutama seems opposed to Elaida from the start (by refusing that gift).
2) I think the show is going to keep masking/inverting weaves as a thing, primarily because Egwene did not see any of Lanfear's weaves in the "mirror" bubble of evil. We were firmly in Egwene's POV in that scene, so the audience should have seen something. Nynaeve also didn't see what was happening with the playing cards and Mat. (Then again, it's possible that the weaves were small/subtle enough Egwene/Nynaeve didn't spot them...but I'm not willing to do a frame-by-frame rewatch looking for that)
3) This is contrast to the very clever split-second pauses before Rahvin used compulsion on a BUNCH of characters in episode 2. No one in Tar Valon was capable of seeing him do that, so the audience didn't see it either. I do hope the show continues to play with POV like that now that more of the Forsaken are out.
4) LOLing over the Forsaken meetup where they point out that last time they were all fighting each other only for Rahvin to turn around and be dealing with Moghedien behind Lanfear's and Sammael's backs. And we've got confirmation that Nae'blis is still a thing.
5) Yesssssss, we're keeping Semirhage. Given the Forsaken statues we saw in season 1, sounds like we're getting Asmodean. I'm not sure if I want Semirhage fucking about with the Seanchan (we saw Ishamael doing that last season) or if I want her to take over Mesaana's plot. Maybe she can have a cold open of murdering the Empress and then jaunt over to the White Tower.
6) Mazrim name drops! Is Taimandred not happening? Or are we getting Mazrim's ascension much sooner? Either way, I hope this means Shara doesn't come out of left field in the last battle because that made no fucking sense. Taimandred did, and I'll never not be angry that it didn't happen. XD
7) Thank god they changed the Morgase + Rhavin plot, btw. I'm glad that in 2025 we're not going to have "competent queen destroys her queendom by going crazy over Some Guy" + slutshaming that happened in the books. I like that we saw Morgase murder her formal rivals to secure her power because when she starts cleaning house in Andor (we got that Bryne name drop, so there's some alienation going on already), it's not out of character for her to do this--she's purged folks before. This also makes Elayne's eventual succession crisis have even higher stakes, because like fuck is anyone going to want to fold to her once they've made their own claim because they remember what her mother did when she won.
8) It does not seem like the Choedan Kal + access keys are going to be a thing. We'll miss out on some great visuals without the giant statues, but we also won't get the Amayar's mass suicide, so that's fine with me.
9) Mat's slow build-up of annoyance with Galad and Gawyn was hilarious and made his eventual beatdown of them immensely satisfying.
10) We've already got Galad's disdain for Aes Sedai! (Though that does not stop him from fucking Novices/Accepted. XD) I wonder if we'll actually see his recruitment to the Whitecloaks in the show.
11) The Gray Men are horrifying (and also I hope we see some actual female Soulless because those were allegedly a thing we never got to see on page). Let Moghedien take a lady apart in a horrifying manner!
12) Awww, I want Mat and Min to make up eventually. Her new viewing of him was horrifying (but fun! because of course that was going to happen I do not understand why so many people thought we'd totally miss the Snakes & Foxes in the leadup to this season??? why was that even a serious worry).
13) I'm not necessarily opposed to Aiel taking in outsiders (though Tigraine was a pretty notable exception, from what I remember?), but I'm a little surprised they're repurposing Melindhra and using that as backstory for her. I doubt they'll have Lan hook up with her, but I guess this hint of a connection to Malkier could serve as a way to get her close with Lan (since Mat's off to Tanchico).
14) Very much appreciate that the show is not glossing over Egwene's PTSD or Mat's--PTSD from prior lives? (I'm not sure how to classify it, but he's also having a hard time right now.)
15) Awww, Bain and Chiad flirting with Loial was very cute. I do like that they're following Loial here, and I'm going to assume Aviendha fulfilled her toh to Perrin in the battle at Falme.
16) Ryma is free! 😭😭😭
17) ON THAT NOTE, I think we're actually going to avoid the endless the-black-Ajah-and-Seanchan-don't-exist-or-if-they-do-they-aren't-threats nonsense in the books. The White Tower was so infuriating in the books under Elaida's rule, but they've got the attack in the Hall, they have Ryma and her testimony, and the show is putting its work in to make its antagonists competent instead of caricatures, so I doubt they'll backslide and deny those things.
18) Not at all worried about not seeing Egwene and Elayne's Accepted tests--we got the "full length" version of Nynaeve's last season, and we'll certainly get flashbacks to Egwene and Elayne's as they are relevant. We had other things that had to be covered first.
19) Elayne and Aviendha hooking up is the best change they could have made to Rand's harem plotline.
20) Liandrin rescuing that child bride was both very nice and also horrifying, but hey, mind wiped and alive is probably better than dead? XD
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there's meta to be had about just how much of viktor's arc is about loneliness and the blatant visuals they use in his evolution about metamorphosis, butterflies, cocoons, in utero, etc, as he molts from a soft, vulnerable larva who keeps getting hurt in his bids for love and acceptance, into a hardened final form complete with an exoskeleton acting as both physical and emotional armor. a shield keeping his emotions in and the pain of loneliness and rejection out, until it's cracked and his humanity is forcefully exposed. like. sorry if it's just the entomologist in me but this was blatantly obvious the very first time i watched the show and I've been continually surprised that no one's really pointed this out. as a certified lonely person it struck such a deep cord with me, when he accepted his fate, his path ahead, to be one he'd have to walk alone, finally putting up that last seemingly impenetrable wall around his soft parts (but keeping the blanket, this signal that he never asked for this, and that he's not unreachable). So much of his s2 arc centered around not just his desire to right his wrongs and help the world, but to connect with others and not feel alone, both of which got twisted by the hexcore. His attempt to create a hivemind where no one would ever suffer loneliness or rejection or loss, and he would feel their souls with him as well (even though that was an illusion in the end, he truly believed it). The whole 'I now speak with all their voices' but he's just floating in an empty space. And for the consequence of the glorious evolution to be eternal solitude, it just drives home how that's the worst possible fate imaginable for Viktor.
#arcane#viktor arcane#jayvik#arcane meta#look i barely post analyses but i've been on a roll lately and i just wanna say i'm theorizing CONSTANTLY. i havent stopped for three month#i just havent posted it.#anyway i felt the need to say this one even in rough form because it's. such powerful imagery they use and yet barely anyone talks about it#given esp the canonical butterfly motifs used over and over and over#viktor's so fucking alone in the last year of his life. he shrinks in on himself. he's deeply hurt. getting rejected in the council room wa#like IT for him. the defeat when he finally gives up and gives in.#i just. bro. this is a big part of why i identify so strongly with viktor as a character because it's so much about his loneliness#i may clean this up and post an actual meta about it if i feel like it. this is really one of the most important parts of his arc imo#mage viktor leaving jayce down in that ravine. watching him but not intervening. in a way forcing jayce to experience his loneliness#idk how you watch that scene with The Line and Viktor standing alone after hex-Sky disappears and not get a knife through the heart#at feeling his utter soul-crushing loneliness#he's now alone in the astral plane. no one could understand him before because of what made him different#now he's alone again. no one can perceive him how he actually is. again and again no one sees him for who he is
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honestly i'm having fun w digital art again and i think the key was simply making myself use a much looser brush. i've known this would work but was like haha noooooo i can't do that <3 like well why not? stupid
#chatty!#technically it's a sketch brush there's a line brush to go with it. but i like the sketch brush more <3 JGDFNJHD#i don't dislike the line one but i think i hate doing lines. i like the blendy sketchy brush#i usually prefer my sketches to my finished pieces bc they're more fluid through being. looser. messier#i simply need to stop cleaning my art up bc then it gets too stiff and i don't like it. my messy art is my fav#maybe one day i'll do normal lines again but that'll be when i can follow my sketch without ''fixing it'' during lines#i sketch something and then completely ignore it bc it's not Correct. who cares#i've made this post basically exactly multiple times before and u'd think i'd know this by now already. i don't <3
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I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible
Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen
#sorry i. need to vent#he is genuinely one of the most ignorant; stubborn; and absolutely manchild of a man I've ever seen#I'm not fucking lying when I say he gets pissy and shouts and complains about EVERYTHING#and I don't mean just occasional shouting and getting loud#whenever he's upset. its /loud/. very loud#first time in my 5 years of knowing him I had enough and snapped back at him because he was yelling at me-#-bc I supposedly do absolutely nothing around the house and I take horrible care of myself and dont care about anything#at least in regards to the house#and complains about why I'm deciding not to go to college and that he got a job at 15 while he's literally#in his mid 40's#so.#like.#I told him I'm still 18 and I dont want him to boss around my entire fucking life but he brought up the excuse again of-#-him doing all the shit I SHOULD be doing by his words when he was 15#first of all. like. to get things straight; we are not related at all not even in the slightest#he's my mothers bf; I don't know why he gets so pissy at me about MY life of all things#like Jesus Christ shut up challenge impossible#yeah I had a fun (/s) moment earlier where I went to clean my dish and he started to snap at me about how I-#-walk past the dishes every day while they're piled up and I should do them. meanwhile. they're literally not mine. ever#I get it yeah but. whatever. he kept going onn and on and on and got even more upset with me literally not saying or doing anything to-#-provoke him more#Ig he just doesn't know that!! wow!! I do actually care about my life and future!!!!#and that getting a job is not that easy or the same as it was 30+ fucking years ago!! wow!! who would've guessed!!!!#Like genuinely i am literally trying to get a job rn and shit and have been stressing horribly about it for literal YEARS#but yeah ignore that I guess ok sure buddy#god sorry i.. really hate him. a lot#I dont like to hate on people really; esp if im accustomed to them. but him. he. no <3#I will say I hate him w my full chest#vent#negative post
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well since my lab for the next three months finish yesterday by some godly miracle idk what i'm doing anymore. send help send asks does anyone need a sandwich
#rie talks#here comes the boredom#it's been fourteen hours#i've written like another 3k of the speirton bonnie and clyde au i've celebrated a cats birthday i've cleaned the carpet#and volunteered with fostering and my animal shelter again and posted hozier tweets as band of brothers yesterday#i need more things to do now#i've never been officially diagnosed with any sort of hyperactivity disorder but i think my gfs about to drag me to a therapist#im driving her up the wall#ANYWYAS#y'all need anything done
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#hello#i've actually been active on twitter for the past like 5 years but lately all that website does to me is make me angry#these past few weeks have been walking down memory lane weeks and i was just reading through my tumblr and#those really are super damn good times man#and then i checked and some of my mutuals are still sparsely active here wow hello hi!!#a lot of my followed tags still have a good few posts in them too#ace attorney in particular has like the same amount of notes they did in 2015-2017?? damn#aablr you are still the best fandom community i have ever been a part of#anyway i am kind of considering going back here since my weeby self has been revived due to having to watch anime for work#but i'd need a lot of profile overhaul and also scouring for new people to follow#and clean up my following too maybe#so maybe once i have some free time#but i am heavily considering it#rly want to be actively fandoming again and the state of twitter currently just makes it not a pleasant place to escape for some fandom fun#maybe i'll start sparsely reblogging stuff before the overhaul bcs i just rly need to fill the void (sad)#i've actually been thinking of going back for a WHILE like since twitter's elon era#and literally one of the few accounts that still make me laugh on twitter is exaltiora the tumblr archivist#like the state of twitter is Literally That Bad...#and each time i see her post and laugh i always go like. Why am i not on tumblr#but anyways it's been a while since i've rambled in the tags like this and i'm starting to get carried away lol#either way#hello it's nice to see you all doing well#how do i do this again#shut up hika#ppl still do this right#i need to relearn tumblr culture LOL
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#another major downside of going through artblock for so long is that you accumulate a massive backlog#of things you wanna draw that it becomes genuinely overwhelming lol#and it's difficult not to like freak out that you won't have enough time to get around to it all#even though that would be completely ok like i'm not required to draw every idea i have and if i even only draw one of those things#thats already a win considering how little i drew these past two years#it's just hard to shake of the feeling of needing to make up for that? but that's not necessary idk why i feel pressured like that#i have a lot of weird expectations and perfectionism towards my art that made engaging with this hobby extremely difficult#honestly the reason why i made the artblog is to just deliberately dump unfinished and “bad” art on there#so i can hopefully get over my unproductive expectations and just focus on having fun with art again#i can already kinda feel it working bc when i think of drawing now my problem is not knowing where to start bc there is so much i wanna make#instead of like this dread that it won't be good enough#and that once i pick up my pen and get started i'll just spiral into having an existential crisis again lol#i moved from 'if i can't draw well i'm not worth anything as like a person :(' to#'i have a billion fanart and oc ideas and if I cant draw them all at once i will explode So instead i'm just gonna sit here and do fuck all'#that's progress in my book!!!!!#i'll go check if i have any more old sketches to post and then i'll just work on whatever i feel like rn#i keep overthinking this shit. i need to go with the flow and just draw. I don't need perfectly polished finished pieces#I'm just gonna work on stuff until i get bored with it and then that's the 'finished' piece no matter what it looks like idc!!!#that may seem counterproductive and perhaps a bit lazy? but that's gonna be my mentality going forward#bc i think ironically that's gonna be more productive for me all things considered#sry for the ramble ever since seeing that one post about old vs new art comparisons and polished/clean artstyles#that are uninteresting to look at i've been doing a lot of thinking and reconsidering what i'm doing with my art#many thoughts head full. just needed to get it out of my system
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i dont have a lot of spanish music in my phone and like. its even less when compared to like the huge amount of not spanish music on there. anyways that means even though i almost always have music playing its rare for this situation to have occured but
its late, and my phone started playing spanish music from the other room while i brushed my teeth. and listening to the muffled crooning and trumpets i was briefly thrown back into my 12 year old body, standing in my childhood bathroom listening to the neighbors loudly play their music down the street while i got ready for bed and felt such a crushing sense of longing and homesickness for a community I'll never have again that. i think i might actually be ill now
#i cant. even if i went back those families i knew then arent there anymore.#and trying to meet new ones? I'm. its so hard for a lot of different reasons i wont get into. but more than that#its just... not as common anymore. people get in trouble more easily and things are.... well some people would call it shaping or cleaning#up the neighborhood but like. i can barely recognize my home anymore. not the house but the... the block. idk.#theres modern buildings on the lots where we rode our horses. empty homes and overpriced businesses.#currently i live in a gated community. its a rental. all the houses look the same. i feel like im on the fucking dark planet from#A Wrinkle In Time. My childhood houses door was yellow. my moms house is pink. i miss the neighbors purple home. I'm in a beige hell.#i've a note saying my lawn is too tall and the flowers need to be killed. I've never heard anyone play music loud enough for me to hear too#my posts#I've made too many posts today. this is a sign of sleep deprivation btw in the future if someome could come put me down before i get here#again that'd be nice
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Just wanted to drop in and say thank you for finding and posting the ONI logs that you do! As someone who loves the story of the game but absolutely would not have the energy to find all of the logs that aren’t on the wiki legitimately its nice to be able to see some of them. The one w/ nails in it is especially interesting! Nails was already one of my favorite dupes but that log made me like them even more tbh. Everyone say thank you to Human Nails™️ for making dupes like actually cognizant.
Also, saw your ONI stuff on artfight! I am absolutely not plotting and scheming anything at all i swear :]
Oghhhh tysm :')!!!! I've been feeling a bit self conscious abt my oni obsession lately so this means a lot! I still need to get around to making my oni story catalogue actually readable, I started a while back but ran out of steam after the like 50th incident with said one with Nails in it lol. And I actually recognized you from artfight! Saw your oni guys a few days ago and I'm honestly obsessed with them, it would be a shame if I had my hand forced and had to draw them :3c
#rat rambles#oni posting#I hope Ill have the energy to draw multiple of them tbh Im bad at chosing what characters to draw#but yeah it is rough to be an oni lore enjoyer in this world where all out of game sources are horribly outdated#and even the stuff thats not outdated on the wiki is often just. straight up wrong.#I believe I went and fixed some of the worst stuff at one point but I mostly only fixed the easier stuff to fix if Im remembering correctly#as in incorrect names and job descriptions and stuff#I should go check if the jackie thrratening to burn nikola's work thing is still there because as far as I know thats just not true#I think that was probably a misremembering of a seed is planted where nails talks abt jackie burning some of their work#because outside of that I dont think jackie burning stuff was ever explicitly brought up?#or maybe I just dont remember it or smth it has been a lil bit since I've reread everything#Ive been rereading some stuff every now and then but I havent sat down and binged it all again yet#well hey Ill have plenty of time to comb over everything once I get back to cleaning up my log doc eventually#and then maybe after that Ill. sigh. go update the wiki. sighhhhhhhh#I rly dont want to but at the same timr Someone needs to for ppl like you aka most of them who arent going to manually hunt it all down#cause trust me it feels like loosing your mind to try to find all the logs in game even while actively cheating#you know its bad when I had an easier time learning how to read the code and finding the logs there then actually finding them all in game#plus as far as I know a decent amount of them are dlc exclusive which makes it even more hard to get into#well maybe not harder but more money yknow#but yeah Im glad I had the experience of hunting lore stuff down manually but I would not wish it upon others lol
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I am never going to complain about Greek Duolingo again
I mean, I am. But still.
So, as some of you know, my family has been coming to this tiny Greek seaside village for several years. Just over a week ago I came out here with my mum, under the impression that early September, after the height of the summer heat, would be a good time to have a holiday. ANYWAY Storm Daniel had other ideas about that. Locally things are improving (I'm actually really pissed off about the disaster-porn tone of most English-language media coverage, but that's another post). The power is back on, there's running water most of the time, and though the latter is not drinkable, a truck from the government came and handled out free bottled water yesterday. But we are currently kind of stuck. Can't do tourist things. Can't go home. There aren't any local flights out until Saturday and the road to Thessaloniki is still closed.
So this evening, feeling kind of aimless and depressed, I go down to the nearest beach with a couple of binbags and start cleaning up in an effort to at least do something positive. I always try to do this at least once out here and obviously, after the storm, there's a lot more plastic and rubbish than usual.
At some point I find this large, round bit of metal - some kind of machinery part, I think -- that's too big for the bag, so I take it to the bins on its own, leaving the rubbish bag on the beach. And when I come back for it, something among the stones beside it moves.
Specifically, it pulls its head sharply inside its shell

So, meanwhile I've been trying to learn some Greek with the help of Duolingo.
I currently have a 33-day streak and... I have questions. Shouldn't I be able to use the past or future tenses by now? Shouldn't I be able to say "x is like y"? I can't do those things. But one thing I absolutely can say all day long is έχω μια χελώνα : I have a turtle.
This is far from the limit of Duolingo Greek's turtle-related content. "An obsession with turtles" is my mother's characterisation. I can inform you that the turtle is not a bird, and, improbably, that the turtle is drinking milk. I can introduce you to a turtle in company with a horse and an elephant. As far as Duolingo is concerned, it really is turtles all the way down.

Now this, you may be able to see, is not a turtle. It has claws rather than flippers. It is a tortoise. I know there are wild tortoises in Greece: my aunt once rescued a pair of them shagging in the middle of the road -- but that was up in the mountains. I've even seen one myself, but it was also on a road and very dead.
I am 95% certain they don't belong on beaches. There's nothing for it to eat, except, unfortunately, a lot of plastic. Even if it gets off the beach it will immediately find itself on a road where it could get hit by a car. I'm pretty sure it must have been washed down by the floodwater and has been just sitting there, dazed, ever since.
Now obviously the first thing I want to do on encountering this unusual animal is to go and tell my mummy, so I do. The tortoise immediately brightens her day. She agrees that the tortoise is not happy on the beach and needs to be taken somewhere safe. it gets surprisingly wriggly when picked up so we put it in a carrier bag with some grapes and cucumber and go looking for somewhere to rehome it.
We find a path leading up between the houses towards a likely-looking field, but before we get very far a dog in a yard goes berserk and a man's head pops over a fence and demands to know what we're doing. He does this in English, as evidently we're just that obviously tourists.
"I found a tortoise on the beach!" I explain. "We want to find somewhere to put it."
"A what," he asks.
"It's like a, you know," I begin and then to my astonishment I find myself saying... "μια χελώνα"
"Oh! A turtle!" he says.
"But from the land. δεν είναι χελώνα", [it is not a turtle,] I say, as I am worried he will tell me to put it back near the sea where I found it. As it turns out it actually IS a χελώνα, Greek does not distinguish between turtles and tortoises, but I don't know that; I can't even name the days of the week or identify any colours other than pink yet, give me a break.
The man's entire demeanour changes and thaws. He does not worry about my turtle-that-is-not-a-turtle conundrum. He knows where οι χελώνες come from and where η χελώνα μας belongs. He leads us through a gate into a courtyard area.
"[somethingsomething] μια χελώνα," he explains to the assembled onlookers, of whom there are, suddenly, a surprising number.
"ΜΙΑ ΧΕΛΩΝΑ!!!" crows the throng of delighted small children, who are, suddenly, everywhere.
"μια χελώνα!" I agree, accepting that at least for current purposes, that is what it is.
"Μπορούμε να δούμε τη χελώνα σας; [can we see your turtle?]" asks an adorable little girl, shyly, and I understand??
The children fucking love looking at the χελώνα and showing it to them is kind of magical?
I finally put the tortoise down on the grass of this wild area off to the side of the courtyard, and marvel aloud that it is weird that I barely know any Greek except how to say μια χελώνα.
"I think she will soon run off," a kind lady called Aspasia assures me, seeing I remain slightly anxious about its fate. "I don't know why I'm saying 'she'. I suppose because χελώνα is feminine in Greek."
"Yes! I know that!" I exclaim, thrilled.
"Well done!" she says. And also she asks if we are OK for drinking water after the storm and if we need any help with anything and is just generally incredibly lovely and now we know more of the neighbours!
So "μια χελώνα" has just become, by a long way, my most-used and most understood and all-around most conversationally successful phrase in Greek. So I guess I have to admit I was wrong to doubt Duolingo's wisdom: it is correct to be obsessed with turtles. And I concede that prior to learning how to count to ten or to distinguish right from left, the simple ability to yell the word TURTLE over and over again is, it turns out, a crucial element of the responsible traveller's social skills.
(I am pretty fluent in Italian and turtles haven't come up in conversation even once?)
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Please could I get anything to do with an obsessed geto when he’s feeling jealous/possessive- I’m a new follower and I love your obsessed geto work😩
hii anon i’m saurrr excited this is my first req! so ask and you shall receive! if u guys want more then just lmk >.<
obsessed!geto x f!reader || no genitalia is present but I marked it f!reader because shoko and geto refer to you with feminine terms, continuation of my previous obsessed!geto post
cw and notes: sfw but suggestive, geto is extremely possessive and jealous on the dl, SHOKO AND HIGURAMA CAMEO YAY, mentions of handcuffing you, shoko is concerned that geto is too clingy with you hehe
obsessed!geto who sees you talking to higurama at school when while drops off yuji’s items. he watches from the doorway into the courthe knows it’s unreasonable for his blood to be boiling at the sight of you talking to another man but he knows you’re loyal. no matter where you were, you were his girl and he was your man.
higurama’s eyes catches geto’s as he’s closing his conversation with you. both men are silent, staring at each other.
“thanks, hiromi! i’ll see you when yuji comes back from his school trip!”, you waved higurama goodbye, not sensing the eyes burning in your back.
“uh—yeah, i’ll see you”
right as higurama turns around, you yelp, almost dropping the box of yuji’s items when you feel two hands wrap around your waist.
“hi angel”, geto mumbled into your ear. you turn around, meeting the pretty face of your boyfriend. his eyes were closed and his eyebrows were furrowed against your head.
“whats going on, sugu? usually you hate pda”
“just missed you, that’s all”
“is this because of hiromi? are you jellyyy”, you giggle, squeezing his cheek. he gives a low chuckle before nodding his head again.
“aww.. you big ol’ baby, you know you’re the only for me!”
“yeah, i know sweetheart. im the only man for you”
┈┈・୨ ✦ ୧・┈┈
obsessed!geto who hates when someone actually notices and points out how clingy he can be. of course, geto knows he's possessive and wants to stay as nonchalant as possible but it’s so hard when he finds you so attractive.
it's a friday night in your house and you're laying on the couch with shoko, binging love island season six while snacking on some popcorn. you two are complaining about the men on screen when shoko brings up that geto is as clingy as the men on love island.
“heyy, girl, you know.. suguru is really clingy toward you, don’t you think? i've never seen him act this way", shoko mumbles, letting out a small giggle
geto overhears shoko from the kitchen, stopping in his steps. shoko was his friend too and knows her too well. before he could deject, he hears you instead.
"hm? i don't think he's too clingy. i think it's just right, actually", you reply with a mouth full of popcorn.
"you two talking about me?" geto smiles as he snakes a hand on the nape of your neck and down your back as he approaches you two from behind the couch.
"jeez, give us a warning, suguru. i was just telling your wifey here that you need to lay off her back a little. i mean, you two are way past your honeymoon stage and you're still connected to her as if you're handcuffed or something", shook shrugged.
well that was an idea for later
"shoko, i think i know what's best for my girlfriend. if she wants space, she would've told me", geto plants a kiss before leaving the room again, chuckling at shoko, "maybe find a girlfriend of your own, ierie".
┈┈・୨ ✦ ୧・┈┈
after shoko left, it was 1:27am and you were cleaning up the blankets. you felt geto's looming presence in the doorway of the living room as you threw away the unpopped popcorn bits into the trash. you turned your head and he smiled when he noticed that you finally acknowledged him. it was almost eerie the way he could show up, go places, and just stalk there without anyone noticing. you, being his girlfriend, of course became accustomed to it and it didn't scare you anymore.
"hi, baby, not sleeping yet?" you shuffle over in your comfy slippers and give him a small peck on the corner of his mouth before brushing your thumb on his cheek.
"nah.. just waiting for you, angel", geto stepped forward towards you and cupped your face. his calloused hands englufed your cheeks as he looked down at you with an unreadable expression.
"am i too clingy for you, doll? do you want some space?".
geto almost smirked knowing your answer. of course it'd be no. he knew you and had dug up everything about you before you two had officially started dating. it's not like he had to change anything about him, he always was and will be your perfect man.
"mm-mm!", you shook your head, "don't think about was ierie said too much, sugu".
geto visibly relaxed a little. his shoulders slightly came down before his right hand trailed down to your waist and his other hand reached into his pocket to pull out something metal.
you were his. you'd always be his no matter how people looked at you too.
"so... about the handcuff thing that she said earlier.."
#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x reader smut#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru smut#geto suguru x reader smut#geto smut#geto suguru#rina journal 📝#obsessed!geto
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Have you ever heard of the belief where beauty marks are where your previous lover liked to kiss you in a past life? Could I request headcanons for the LaDS boys reaction to MC mentioning it?
Kisses From The Past- The Love And DeepSpace Men
parings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader genre/ tags: fluff fluff a/n: hihi my luv ! ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ i apologize this took me SOO long !! this was such a cute req and it def had me looking for my beauty marks all over my body (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ i hope this was alright and that you enjoy reading! (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!
⋆。‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧。⋆
Xavier:
You two were cuddling on the couch when you innocently mentioned it. He’d think for a while, his blue orbs staring right back at you softly. He’d reminisce all your past lives that he’s traveled too for you. A gentle smile would tug at his lips as he thinks about all the kisses he’s done and the beauty marks you would have all over your body.
“Yes. It’s true,” he murmurs, pressing soft kisses along your neck. His hands softly slip inside the hem of your shirt as he reminisces about the past.
He continues his kisses lower, softly pressing his lips to each of your beauty marks as if he’s connecting them while tracing the familiar path of your skin. Then he pulls back slightly, his eyes narrowing. “You’re missing one here..but you have one here..” he murmurs, “Was someone here before me?”
You would have marks all over your body all day long with Xavier completely unaware that he was the one who marked that spot in the past.
Zayne:
When Zayne comes home and pulls you closer, you can’t help but bring it up to Zayne. He would think about it for a moment and softly shake his head, denying it. But his stance would shift the moment he sees your smile quickly turn into a pout.
“Well that’s not possible because...” he trails off, noticing the way your lips drop into a subtle frown. “I don’t need a beauty mark to remember where I loved to touch and kiss you in another lifetime.”
Although Zayne might not fully believe in the concept of past lives, a part of him believes that if it were true, he would find you again in the next one. Those memories and familiar feelings would definitely resurface, like an instinct in his soul that guides him back to you no matter how many lifetimes have passed.
Rafayel:
You would bring it up while he’s examining your face, looking for inspiration for his sculpture. The moment those words leave your lips, his face automatically lights up
He absolutely LOVES the belief that your beauty mark is a place where your previous lover loved to kiss you in your past life. To him it means that you’ve always been connected even when life pulls you two apart again. You two were meant for each other in every life and he will always always find you in each time line.
Rafayel would definitely tease you about how you only have a few “beauty marks” and how he has a lot of them. “geez you must realllyy like kissing me here..and here huh cutie?” His past life couldn’t have possibly kissed you in a few spots. There’s no way you're missing some many areas so now it’s his current life’s duty to fill in those gaps.
He’ll always leave a lingering kiss on every place on every part of your body that he thinks needs to be “revisited”, making sure he’ll keep kissing that exact same area so in the next life he’ll remember this. “Looks like I've taken care of all the spots this time....but I think you need a couple more cutie.”
Sylus:
Sylus sits up, cleaning one of his vintage guns while you’re nestled between his legs. You’re scrolling through your phone when a post about beauty marks catches your eyes. Curiosity piqued as you crawl on top of him, innocently asking, “Do you believe that beauty marks are where your previous lover liked to kiss you?
He falls quiet for a moment, his finger gently guiding your chin so you meet his gaze. He studies your face before drifting down to your body with a mischievous smirk. “Looks like you’re missing a lot then sweetie.” He murmurs, his hands roaming over your body. “I guess I’ll have to kiss every single one again and maybe more, so you’ll remember me in the next life." He whispers softly, brushing a gentle kiss across your forehead, then your nose, before finally capturing your lips in a slow and tender kiss. He pulls back just slightly, his breath warm against your lips with a teasing smirk. “But where are mine sweetie?”
Each one lingers as he continues to trail lower and lower on every surface of your skin with the hope that will leave a mark to to carry in the next life.
#xavier x reader#xavier x you#xavier x y/n#zayne x reader#zayne x you#zayne x y/n#rafayel x reader#rafayel x you#rafayel x y/n#sylus x reader#sylus x you#sylus x y/n#xavier love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#sylus love and deepspace#xavier lads#zayne lads#rafayel lads#sylus lads#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#love and deep space x reader#lads x you#lads x reader
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safety point | pjs
pairing: jay x fem!reader genres: angst, fluff, smut wc: 18.6k+
꒰ 𝅄 warnings ꒱ : some swearing, several mentions of cancer and chemotherapy. some mentions of food. kissing, dry humping, jongseong being extremely chivalrous and cliché. lmk if i missed anything.
꒰ 𝅄 synopsis ꒱ : you stopped your whole life to live for your mother and her cancer treatment. you wanted to do everything alone, without burdening anyone, of course… you could do it! but the unexpected happens when jongseong enters your life, sharing this task with you effortlessly and without asking for anything in return.
꒰ 𝅄 notes ꒱ : it's my birthday, but i want to give a gift to those of you who always read my work. initially this idea was much bigger than what i wrote now, it would probably have to become a fic of almost 3 parts… however i tried to reduce it as much as possible because i really wanted to post it. it's an old plot that i thought about with affection and that i took inspiration from a book i read. hope you like it!
꒰ 𝅄 masterlist ꒱
“Don't you think you need to go out for a while?” your mother's voice snapped you out of your thoughts, making your eyes disconnect from the book you were reading and look at her slowly.
“But I've been out this week, mom” you mumbled, a small smile adorning your lips before returning to your reading.
Both you and your mother knew that a trip to the supermarket wasn't such a big outing, but she also knew that your concern and instinct wouldn't make you do more than that.
It was a forbidden conversation after your mother's diagnosis. You quit your job to live with her in the childhood home you lived in with your family since your younger sister had her own family now. Nothing would be lost for you without teaching the classes you loved so much. Just that.
It would bring you closer to your mother, to palliative care and everything she needed. But there would also be a hobby for you to read more books while she slept, knit some scarves that your grandmother had taught you, then passed on to your mother, and now she had taught you. And your great passion for painting.
Your mother had been against the idea from the start, with you dropping everything to move back in with her, always trivializing the state. However, you and your sister had seen the worst of her before the diagnosis was discovered. She was sure she'd raised two strong, independent women, and you, with your strong, rigid personality, wouldn't give a toss when you turned up with all your suitcases on her doorstep.
You had no reason to think otherwise; after all, she was your mother. You'd do anything for her, and you knew your sister would, too, if she hadn't just given birth to a beautiful baby boy.
That delicate moment had upset your family a little, especially since you all lived together and your mother decided to return to the old house where you and your sister grew up. Everything was so old, vintage, and nostalgic. There were still marks on the hallway doorpost where you and she marked the heights over time. Or the big stain on the carpet where you and she had spilled grape juice and ended up staining it a bit.
There, nothing had been changed to maintain the essence of when you two were little, even more so with the arrival of your nephew. You and your sister wanted to show him where you both grew up, how the tree house your grandfather made was still spotless, the wood looking like new. A good clean inside and you knew it might be habitable to take the little one there when he came to visit you.
“I mean really leave, Y/n” your mother sighed, bringing you out of your thoughts again. You closed the book this time, looking at her intently. Her hair was starting to thin, not completely falling out, but there were signs of it. You tried to smile, although the image always cut you to the heart “When was the last time you accepted a friend's request to go for a walk?”
“We've been over this, miss Dorothy” you tried to play it cool, knowing that the subject would always come up. Your ways of deflecting it always worked, but on that particular afternoon, your head was so immersed in the book you were reading that you didn't see it coming, you were just hit with countless questions.
“I'm going to die one day or another, and you won't have enjoyed anything” she seemed to be starting to get angry, you knew she was.
In those moments, your mother would say things that would cut your heart out, like a little – and unwanted – goodbye, ragging on you for not wanting to go out and stay at home with someone like her. That's what she used to say and you hated it. You hated the way she tried to trivialize it.
You took a deep breath, trying to ignore the slight stinging in your eyes and the lump forming in your throat. This was a losing argument because you could never finish talking, leaving the place crying or hugging your mother and agreeing to leave next time.
“I—” you opened your mouth to say something, but your cell phone rang halfway through.
Your blurred vision gradually dispersed as you blinked hard to keep the tears at bay, lifting your body to the other side of the table to pick up the phone and answer it in a few rings.
“Hi, sis” your gaze was on your mother, who was analyzing the whole situation in a brief silence “We're fine. And the rest of you, how are things?”
As your sister told you about your nephew and her husband, and how things were going in the house, your mother got out of the chair in front of you on the balcony and entered the house. At that moment you let out a heavy breath.
“What's wrong? Tell me” she asked on the other end of the line. That simple question made you collapse in seconds. Although she was the youngest, your sister seemed to have the instincts of an older sister in every respect.
She was stronger in situations like this, more resilient, and much more rigid. Your sister could get around her mother when the heavy stuff started and she always helped you when you got into trouble at school. It couldn't be any different now. If she had been in your place, she would surely have made your mother stop talking about how she was going to die or that you were wasting your time with someone who was sick. Your sister would never allow that kind of thing.
“I have some good news to share” she was so excited and, at the same time, you could sense a hint of wavering in her voice. Your thoughts had already run wild about your nephew or something else that might have happened, but if that was the case, your sister wouldn't have spoken so excitedly like that. So you just sighed.
“Tell me they're not pregnant again” you joked, the first relaxed thing to come to mind after venting your frustrations for minutes on that phone call. Knowing that she would listen to you even if she didn't have time. Your sister was your haven after your mother and you felt grateful for that.
She laughed, making you laugh too as you frantically denied it.
“Not really, although Jake has already said he's expecting the second in a few years” you could imagine her rolling her eyes as she snorted. Maybe one hand on her waist while the other held her cell phone nonchalantly. You, on the other hand, were straightening your posture on the sun lounger and, from time to time, looking inside for your mother.
Noticing the comings and goings around the huge counter in the middle of the kitchen, now preparing something to eat. At least that's what she did on her own, since you didn't dare to cook, because you were so bad in front of the stove.
“But what I wanted to tell you is—” she paused for a few seconds, a mumble on the other end of the line and you knew that your nephew was waking up or awakening your sister's attention. She said a few words of comfort to him before returning to the subject: “Mackenzie and I are going to spend some time with you and mom.”
What? If you weren't sitting down, your legs would surely give way, because that wasn't supposed to happen. Your sister had only given birth to your nephew a few months before, so there was no way she could go there.
“Hazel, that's—”
“It's not crazy and I've already decided” she interrupted you, saving her little speech, “We'll talk about it later.”
“Hazel!” you called out again, wanting to understand the reason for the sudden idea.
You wanted your sister and nephew there, of course you did. Although they didn't live that far away, the commute took time and with a small child and a woman in palliative care, it was a bit more complicated.
She said goodbye briefly, knowing that no matter what she did, you would be against any of her arguments. So just letting you know that she was leaving was enough. Hazel still had the room from her childhood and it would be more than perfect to stay there for a while.
When the call ended, you were still trying to absorb it and think about what came next. Of course, you'd lecture your sister for hours, but you'd forget why you were angry soon after, after all, you and she never really got angry with each other. But what worried you was how your mother would react. If with you she was always more restricted, with your sister and nephew coming, she might be even more vulnerable.
But at least you'd have someone else to share the anguish with a little more closely. After, of course, cuddling your nephew and scolding Hazel a bit.
You went into the kitchen to get Jaeyun a glass of cold water, and a small silent thank you for taking your sister's and Mackenzie's bags upstairs.
His footsteps were right behind you, following you into the room.
“You're angry, aren't you?” he asked in a calm tone, entering the kitchen just after you. His eyes didn't look at you, but you knew the boy had those puppy-dog eyes your sister always talked about.
“Angry, me? Why would I be?” you tried to sound indifferent as you opened the fridge to get the jug of water, forgetting for a moment that, as well as your brother-in-law, Jaeyun was your best friend.
It was because of you that he started dating your sister. It was with your help that he asked her to marry him. Jaeyun knew you even before he met Hazel.
“Maybe because I know you as well as you think,” he let slip, humming softly after you turned to get a glass from the drainer. Jaeyun raised one eyebrow when you looked at him, the puppy-dog look having been abandoned for your best friend's shrewd gaze.
Pouring the water, you handed him the glass so he could drink. A moment of silence passed between the two of you as Jaeyun finished the contents, thanked you, and then handed it back to you.
“You know” he began, his hands still resting on the marble of the kitchen counter as he stared at you from across it, “it was my idea for the two of you to come here.”
“Yours? Why?”
He sighed softly, trying to ignore your exasperated tone and looking towards the kitchen door. At that moment, Hazel was talking to your mother in some corner of the house while asking her about her health and even trivial things. She must have been asking the same questions about the family, what it would be like with a baby in the house, and things like that. At least they were both too entertained to even think about going to the kitchen.
“Because I had to go back to helping out in the restaurant a few days ago, it's a mess there without her” Jaeyun began, his eyes now on you as he explained “The boys can manage, but you know, Hazel's the one who puts things in order” he smiled shyly.
You knew this because you had lived with your sister all your life, she was the one who made order happen in every respect. You also knew how organized she was in the workplace, even though you hadn't had a chance to visit the new address yet.
“And she was getting very lonely, so I thought I'd leave her here with you,” he kept looking at you, hoping that some glimmer of a smile or some praise for a good idea would come out of your mouth “Not to mention that the restaurant is a ten-minute drive away, so any of the guys and I can get here if you need anything.”
It was a good plan if you thought about it that way and wanted to give it a go. Jaeyun was right and you knew it, Hazel wouldn't be going back to work and what she liked to do any time soon, at least not until Mackenzie could go to nursery, and you knew that was a few months away. She must have felt lonely since Jaeyun, her only adult companion, had to go back to work.
From the glare on your best friend and brother-in-law's face, you knew he didn't want that. Not when his dream was to build a life alongside Hazel and now that his family was formed, being inside the restaurant was all he wanted at the moment. Not that he hated his job, on the contrary, Jaeyun loved what he did, but he loved his family even more.
“So you forgive me for going against your wishes and bringing the two of them here?” he asked after a while of rambling, knowing that his mind was running wild as countless assumptions ran through his head. How you would take care of Hazel and Mackenzie, how you would make Jaeyun less worried about his wife and son, and even about you and your mother. Because you knew that he worried as if he were her son. He called every night by video call to talk for hours with the two of you since you moved back in with your mother to take care of her.
“I swear to God, I hope Mackenzie doesn't bring out that puppy dog side of you, otherwise Hazel and I are going to be screwed” you muttered, looking away from him as you heard him laugh.
As with Hazel, getting angry with Jaeyun didn't last long. You and he had never had a serious fight since you met and became best friends. So it wouldn't be now, as an adult, that you and he would do that.
He knew how focused and determined you were to take care of your mother alone so as not to burden anyone, but you also knew how tiring it was and how much Jaeyun and your sister knew that. Little by little, they wanted to sneak in to help you and make you give in at least a little. Getting everyone to the house had been the first step that was working.
“There's just one condition, then” you muttered as you watched him cross the kitchen, stop beside you, and stretch out his arms towards you. You rolled your eyes at the small act of affection that was about to take place, but you still didn't deny it, moving closer to Jaeyun to hug him.
“You can ask me and I'll do anything, I hope I can” he said, hugging you as tightly as you hugged him, resting his chin on the top of your head as he slowly cradled your body.
“You can bring me a tasty meal from the restaurant at least once a week, can't you?”
Jaeyun laughed a little loudly, echoing throughout the kitchen as he felt you squeeze him even tighter, laughing along with him.
“I'll do that” he whispered.
“Look, did you two make up after all?” Hazel walked into the kitchen with her mother by her side, both of them smiling while the eldest held the baby in her arms, a little sleepy and grumpy. You and Jaeyun stepped aside and he smiled at his mother-in-law lovingly.
“Of course, Jake promised me meals from your restaurant” you hummed.
“I'm sure you'd ask for that” Hazel laughed, walking past Jaeyun and kissing him quickly on the lips. Then she walked past you, messing up your hair and going to the fridge.
This time with a full house, apart from you and your mother, could be good after all.
Having your sister and nephew at home wasn't so bad, not even Jaeyun's regular visits after work. Your best friend making a point of having dinner with everyone and still keeping his promise to bring some of the restaurant's meals for you and your mother to try.
“They're not the ones I make, but they're still wonderful” you knew Hazel would boast, and rightly so. She was an incredible cook and you were immensely proud of her.
Even more so in her strength and determination to balance Mackenzie's growth and development with hospital visits and appointments with her mother. Of course, she wanted to intersperse, so that she could also drive once in a while to a routine check-up or to pick up some medication for her mother. All of this was part of the companionship between you as a family, which you were learning to deal with.
Because before it was just you for your mother. Your car leaves the garage at least four times a day to chase things. Now you could rest and take a nap while your sister did it. Even if guilt consumed you, but… Guilt about what? Her helping you? Because that's what was happening.
A whole month passed with these thoughts hammering away in your head, Hazel and Mackenzie becoming more and more embedded in the routine of looking after their mother and now Jaeyun was sleeping there some nights too. A full house was always a good sign, but the extra help made you a little uncomfortable. You didn't want to burden their small family, especially with a small baby. That was absurd.
“In a few weeks I can put Mackie in nursery, so we'll have more time to do things for mom” Hazel said after leaning over the coffee table, picking up some sour treats you'd bought earlier in the week.
Just to settle your stomach before Jaeyun called to let you know he was coming. Your mother was upstairs fixing some hair scarves. She'd gotten way ahead of herself by buying a few pieces when the hair hadn't even fallen out yet, but you knew how anxious she was – and afraid of what lay ahead – so letting her focus on that was the best choice to make.
“But you're going back to the restaurant and your house is twenty minutes away, don't make it up” you tried your best big sister tone, staring at the side profile of your sister who was eating yet another acidic treat without trying to grimace.
She opened her mouth to say something, to try to protest and say that that house could house all of you with peace of mind. Jaeyun wouldn't mind spending some time living there other than in the apartment they had planned when they got married. Everyone knew that your mother's treatment would take a while, but your sister was worried too.
Not just about your mother – that was the main thing – but about you too. About the fact that you had quit your job with no foreseeable return date, abandoning your hobbies while creating new ones. Or at least some of which you could do at home with your mother, keeping her in your field of vision at all times.
“I think we can handle this very well as a big family, Y/n” Hazel turned, finally facing you. She ran the tip of her tongue over the corner of her lips to wipe away the remnants of jam that had remained there “You've done a lot on your own and—”
Suddenly your sister's speech was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone reverberating through the room. She straightened up on the sofa, picking up the device without even looking at the caller ID.
“Hi” from her smile, it was Jaeyun. You'd recognize it anywhere, because it was the same way, in this very house, that she used to answer his calls when she was in college.
You decided to leave the two of them a little more privacy and got up to go to the kitchen, eating those candies had left your throat a little dry, maybe sparkling water would help. Grabbing the bottle from the fridge, you let the fizzy noise invade the room with such pleasure as you turned the cap on the bottle before taking a long sip.
“Hey, sis” Hazel came into the kitchen a little while later. The phone was still in hand, but the screen was off and she looked at you expectantly.
“What?” you asked, taking another sip and feeling your eyes sting from the fizzy water going down your throat. It was a wonderful sensation that calmed all your previous thirst caused by the candy.
“You know…” Hazel placed her cell phone on the counter, glancing at you quickly “Jake said he was going to have a small meeting of the boys, a dinner between them, and he asked us to come.”
You were ready to protest, your mouth open to deny the invitation and repeat the same words you'd say to anyone who tried to get you out of the house, but your mother appeared in the kitchen long before you could even think.
“Of course she's going” she smiled slowly.
“Mom” you began, but she interrupted you again.
“I'm a bit tired from fussing with those scarves” she said, standing between you and your sister, alternating her gaze between the two of you “I probably won't be having dinner tonight if Jake brought something, so you'd better go.”
The protest was already on the tip of your tongue, a strange feeling of not having anything to say while two people, en masse and in force, were trying to get you out of the house.
“Besides, you need to go out with your sister and your nephew too, just staying in here will make you sick along with me.”
You wanted to be able to predict every time your mother made a comment that made the atmosphere heavy or made you ill, reminding her how sick she was. Making her sink further into ruin along with that damned disease.
She knew that you would say something, that you could scold her as you always have since she began to face a reality – a rather harsh one – in the face of that situation. Your mother approached you, kissed your cheek, and wished you goodnight. She passed your sister and did the same, leaving the kitchen and leaving the two of you there.
A moment of silence between you and her was enough to make your eyes sting, remembering the words that came out of the mouth of the person you love most in the world.
“I hate it when she does that” your laugh came out without humor, and you sniffled softly to try to keep away the tears that threatened to fall. It was your sister's turn to approach you in slow steps, testing the waters until she was finally standing in front of you.
“You know she's going to say that kind of thing because look at everything Mom's going through” Hazel held you by the shoulders, staring into your eyes with tense emotion. She took a deep breath at the same moment as you, feeling her eyes sting in the same way. “But we know that nothing bad will happen because we found out at the beginning, that this phase of degradation always happens to those who go through it.”
“It's just that— Shit” you cursed softly, feeling Hazel pull you into a hug.
“How about we go out for a while tonight, have dinner at the restaurant?” she proposed while still hugging you tightly “You can meet the staff, have a real chat, and try some more good food.”
Pondering for a while, you wanted to say no again. Even if the idea was too tempting and your stomach was rumbling, you'd never gone out like this before. Ever since your mother discovered cancer, everything around you stopped to focus on the woman who gave you life, and that was what had to happen. But not all the time.
You could also go out for a while and still send a message or wait for a call since your contact was your mother's emergency contact. You had all sorts of means of communication, so there was little way of depriving yourself of going out this time, and from the pleading look on your sister's face, after she pulled away from the hug, you knew there was no denying it.
“I'm just going to take a shower” you finished. She squealed with excitement, running into the kitchen as you walked slowly out of the room.
“I'm going to shower Mackie and get ready too, we'll be leaving soon. I'll let Jake know!”
It seemed that Hazel had won a huge prize just by agreeing to leave. You laughed at her excitement, realizing how important it was for her, even for your mother and Jaeyun, that you also took care of yourself. Because you needed to be strong and healthy to deal with the whole process together with everyone else.
You allowed yourself to take a little longer in the shower this time, taking a deep breath each time you scrubbed your body, thinking about how strange the feeling in your chest was that night. It could have been a bit of relief at finally getting out, or just a feeling of gratitude at having such loving and caring people around you.
Both answers could be correct, and that's what motivated you to get out from under the shower and look for a nice outfit to go out in.
The drive to the restaurant was filled with nostalgic conversations and a few mumbles from Mackenzie. The atmosphere in the car was light and you found yourself smiling a little more than usual as your sister talked as much as you did. About everything and anything.
The two of you were trying to make up for the time when you were too far away from each other while, in the time since Hazel's return, you and she have been closer than ever.
She announced quietly when she arrived at the restaurant, maneuvering into the parking lot while you got ready to leave. Grabbing your bag, hers and your nephew's while your sister parked to pick up the baby. A perfect team effort that you and she developed without even agreeing.
“We went through a renovation before Mackenzie was born, so I'm entering this new place together with you for the first time” her smile was so infectious that you couldn't help but smile back. Her excitement, her enthusiasm.
This place meant everything to your sister. You remember when she went to gastronomy school, something completely out of the ordinary that your family thought the youngest would follow. You had already been a total buzz studying to be a kindergarten teacher and majoring in fine arts as a second degree. Your sister doing something that wasn't geared towards medicine, law, or whatever your family thought, made you very happy. Hazel never followed any kind of pattern and that's what made her unique and a role model for you, even though she was the youngest.
After she graduated, she thought about opening a restaurant, but her savings were low and she had just been proposed to. Everything was being saved for the big day, even with the help of her family and Jaeyun's, Hazel wanted to have an important role in this as well, besides saying yes in front of many guests.
She was lucky to have friends in college, one of them in particular encouraged her to open a restaurant, even becoming her partner, where you heard very good things about it. All the people who did good to your sister were worthy of your respect and joy, even without knowing them. Until today, in fact.
You let her go in first, opening the huge glass doors while you marveled at the new decor. Since you didn't know what the old one was, you started to appreciate the place as being the way it was from your first impression, every detail being in very good taste while you could feel your sister's opinion of everything. There was a bit of her in everything in that establishment.
“I can’t believe my eyes” a male voice took you out of your thoughts. It wasn’t Jaeyun’s, so you didn’t know who was speaking “Our greatest love…”
“Mackie!” another voice interrupted the boy, who opened his arms to run to Hazel and pretend to ignore her while taking the little one from the girl’s arms.
“And I’m invisible in this place?” Hazel protested, crossing her arms over her chest as she watched the two drooling men playing with the little newcomer. He watched with curious and wide eyes, paying attention to the little noises they made to try to get attention.
“We’ve worked hard with you, we want to see our new mini-boss.”
“I think I’ll talk to Jay about layoffs when I get back” she hummed.
“Don’t scare them, love. We’ve had a busy day today, they deserve a distraction” Jaeyun finally appeared, the only one you knew so far.
The game with your little nephew lasted only a few seconds, as soon as they looked up to look at Hazel, they saw you behind her too.
“Oh, we have a visitor” one of them said, moving away from the one holding Mackenzie and walking towards where you and Hazel were. He smiled, greeting your sister first and then looking at you with a small smile “I’m Sunghoon, nice to meet you.”
“Hi, I’m Y/n” you lightly shook his hand that he extended after saying the name.
“Hazel’s sister? Poor thing, having to put up with her at home” the other joked “I’m Heeseung” he rocked Mackenzie lightly, giving small sniffs on the top of your nephew’s head. You couldn’t blame him, the baby smell was addictive.
“She’s more demanding than here, I bet” you joined in the joke, getting the first laugh from your sister’s friends and employees.
Hazel would even protest if it were at another time, maybe saying it wasn't like that or pretending to be angry. But seeing that you were comfortable in the first few minutes you were there made her heart swell with joy. That was what she wanted. That was what Jaeyun also wanted from his best friend.
“It's working out” he whispered to his wife, kissing the top of her head as he approached, pulling out a chair for Hazel to sit down.
“I hope you're all willing to help me bring the food to the dining room” the voice was loud enough to come from the kitchen and reverberate where you all were, but in a playful way. You could hear the effort the owner of the voice had to make to speak loud enough for everyone to hear.
“I'm busy” Heeseung shouted back, not wanting to let go of Mackenzie for even a second, but that didn't last long since Sunghoon also wanted to hold him. And that's what he did.
“Now he can, my turn to be busy,” he joked for a moment before the huge wooden door opened.
The steps that followed made everyone stare at the man who was approaching. He walked gracefully, carefree as he untied his kitchen apron and placed it on the table where you decided to sit. It had an identification plate, probably the number that was used during the time the restaurant was open, but that was no longer so important.
For a moment, all the conversation around seemed to go silent when your eyes met his. The expression of the man in front of you was of slight surprise, but he kept a small smile on his chapped and reddened lips as he maintained eye contact with you.
Your sister, your brother-in-law, and the other boys were still talking about something, but you and that man seemed not to want to break your gaze from each other. And you wanted to understand why.
Maybe it was his well-defined jawline, or his tanned skin and the way his neck was adorned with a silver chain. The top two buttons of his white shirt were open and his black hair almost got in the way of your vision, if it weren't for the hands insisting on moving them out of the way.
“Jay” Jaeyun's voice finally brought both you and him back to reality. “This is Y/n, my sister-in-law and best friend.”
He blinked a few times in understanding, a noticeable “oh” leaving his lips without much sound. He had certainly heard about you, as well as the other two you had met a few minutes ago.
You looked around to notice that your sister was now holding Mackenzie in her arms, he was whining – probably hungry – so that was the reason why she hadn't introduced you, but Jaeyun instead.
The boy with the perfect jaw took a few steps, looking a little less confident now. If you were a good body reader, you would say he was nervous as he got closer. But as soon as he stopped in front of you, he extended his hand towards you.
It was your turn to blink slowly, finding the greeting a little more formal than usual, but even so, it didn't stop you from reaching out and holding his hand too. You just didn't expect that, when you touched his hand, the boy would lean in and press his lips to your skin. Even though it was chapped, it felt strangely soft and warm against your back.
“I'm Jongseong” he said softly, his lips still close to your skin and his warm breath hitting it. This made a shiver run through your body and made your heartbeat accelerate in a ridiculously instant way. “But you can call me Jay.”
The words wouldn't come out of your mouth, you wanted to say something. Anything to not look like an idiot in front of him, but Jongseong seemed to notice your shyness and his act that had – probably – taken you by surprise. Even him, after all, why had he greeted you so intimately like that?
He wouldn't say it was because he was mesmerized by your beauty, or even that his heartbeat was almost in his ears because of you. Jongseong had never been nervous like that.
“Do you want help in the kitchen, man?” Jaeyun bit his tongue to keep from making any kind of joke, much less making a fuss about the situation since only he had seen everything. The others were busy talking while Hazel got ready to feed the baby.
“Please” Jongseong turned to him, thanking him with just a look since his friend was the great savior.
“Do you two need help?” your voice finally came out, and Jongseong swore he felt his knees weaken a little. Your voice was beautiful, just like you.
“Actually—”
“Don’t even think about it, miss Y/n” Heeseung appeared, placing himself between you and the other two who were gathering to go to the kitchen “Leave it to us, you stay with Hazel and hope for the best in this restaurant.”
“It’s only not better because I didn’t prepare anything,” Hazel said a little louder.
“How conceited” Jongseong joked.
“Tell me the truth, you miss our competitions” she said.
This man had all sides equally attractive. Whether it was the flirtatious side – unintentionally – that he showed you a few minutes ago, the relaxed side he was showing with his friends. You feared that he would be like that in every way, how could you stand it, after all?
When the three disappeared into the kitchen, you finally sat next to your sister and faced Sunghoon. The two quickly looked at you, a small smile on the lips of the only boy present there.
“Sunghoon, no…” Hazel started saying, leaving you completely confused.
“What? I wasn’t going to say anything” he tried to defend himself, but she interrupted him.
“I’ve known you long enough to know what you were going to say.”
“And what was he going to say?” you asked, almost regretting it the moment your sister closed her eyes and Sunghoon’s smile widened even more. Working with people for so long could sharpen a sixth sense of what they were thinking or what they were going to say next. Knowing someone so well that you could know what the other was capable of.
And that was how it was with your sister and Sunghoon. The two seemed to understand each other while she tried to tell him to be quiet with just scolding looks, but he didn’t seem to care. Shrugging almost every time before turning to you and smiling even wider.
“That someone finally brought our cliché Jongseong back” Sunghoon leaned over the table to say those words as if he wanted to tell you a secret. Hazel mumbled something, throwing her head back as she listened to him continue, “You two really fit together.”
“Sunghoon!” you protested, your cheeks turning red and hot, your face on fire. Your throat was dry and you almost ran away from there if it weren’t for the lack of a ride since you had gone with your sister to the restaurant.
“Tell me I’m lying” he turned around, speaking directly to your sister. She was focused on making Mackenzie burp, your nephew’s head resting on her shoulder as she patted his back lightly.
You thought your sister would deny it, say it wasn’t like that, and that Sunghoon was crazy. Everyone there seemed a little crazy, you could tell by your brother-in-law and your sister, that they weren’t normal. But what followed was a knowing smile and a slight nod.
“I knew this would happen” Hazel finally said, leaving Sunghoon to celebrate with fist pumps in the air.
“So… Did you guys plan it…?”
“Not at all” they both said at the same time.
The question hung in the air, if that had been something everyone had done for you to get to know him or if it had happened that way. That it was supposed to be that way. From their surprise, you knew that nothing had been planned, but at least the doubts were hammering in your head.
What did it mean to bring the cliché Jongseong back? Wasn't he the way he was showing? You looked at Hazel and then at Sunghoon, your mouth opening and closing a few times before being interrupted by the kitchen door opening again.
Your heart almost jumped out of your mouth when Jongseong appeared, a small smile on the corner of his lips and his gaze directly at Sunghoon.
“Hey man, enough talking, we need another hand here” he nodded into the kitchen, before closing the door and disappearing from view.
“Duty calls me” he stood up, waving to you and your sister before running the few steps until he opened the doors with less delicacy than before and went into the kitchen.
Hazel bit her lower lip to keep her smile from widening even more, while her eyebrows were still furrowed and her expression was one of complete confusion. But she knew you well enough to know what was going on in your head, so slowly her sister began to speak.
“Maybe in time, you’ll know what Hoonie meant” Hazel settled your nephew on her lap, now he was a little sleepy and mumbling. She gave him a little kiss on the forehead before looking back in his direction “It just depends on you getting out a little more.”
Part of you didn’t want to find out, simply letting it go and ignoring everything that had happened. Focusing only on dinner and the conversation that would come from there until you left. But another part of you was looking forward to it, maybe a very small one, because it meant you would see Jongseong again until you found out what Sunghoon meant.
The mental conflict made you even more confused, you just wanted to understand what had happened for a guy to mess with you so much in such a short time.
After that night at the restaurant, you tried to get back to your normal routine. Continue to focus entirely on your mother, taking advantage of the fact that your sister would be back home soon, but almost everything slipped through your fingers.
One night you were sitting on the porch of your childhood home, refusing to go out for anything other than your mother's appointments and the tests she needed to do. Another time you were sitting at the table in your sister's restaurant, having dinner and chatting animatedly with her friends and changing the course of your entire life.
You didn't imagine that that night Jongseong would sit next to you, start a conversation with you, and not mind joining in on the conversation his friends were having. He was just trying to fill Hazel in on what had happened while she was away, so it was much more interesting for him to talk to you and hear your stories.
This led to a long night in which you got to know a little more about him, and how charismatic and truly charming Jongseong was in every way. All the topics with him flowed naturally, engaging in one conversation after another without stopping and without the two of you having a single moment of silence. Save for the few seconds in which he listened to you talk, sipping some of the wine that Jaeyun had chosen or answering a question from the other group when directed to him.
You also didn't mind having only his attention, even with the provocative looks from Hazel and Sunghoon, and a giggle here and there from Heeseung and Jaeyun. That wouldn't make you so shy. And the redness on your cheeks you could blame solely on the wine you were drinking, so everything was under control. Until you started to feel strange.
A part of you ran from one side to the other as your mother's exams became more frequent, the discouragement she felt with each chemotherapy showing in the thinning of her hair and the thinness on her face. It was affecting her little by little. Another side of you, the small side that had little life outside of hospitals, longed to see Jongseong again. But you couldn't afford to leave your mother at home and go on a date with him, no way would happen. Not even the few hours you spent at the restaurant that day would be enough to repeat.
You brought the cliché Jongseong back, that only made sense when you realized that man was in your kitchen making dinner.
He asked your sister for your number, and Hazel certainly wouldn't object to that. If she did, Jaeyun wouldn't do it, so there was no way out but for him to send you a message. He knew what he was getting into, he knew what you were like from the countless conversations he had with your sister, who was his business partner and best friend. Family problems were shared between the two of you, and when Hazel told him that you at least did something for yourself, Jongseong didn't think twice.
If inviting someone to your house wasn't something he wanted to do, then he decided to talk to Jaeyun and propose a dinner for all of you. Maybe if your mother attended, if it was under your roof, you would at least be there. He could see you again.
And that's what he did.
Cutting the umpteenth asparagus and looking away at you, Jongseong gave a small smile when he realized your eyes were still on him. Arms crossed as he watched you prepare the ingredients before Hazel came back to help.
“Do you cook too?” he asked, breaking the silence that had settled for a short minute. Jaeyun had just left to put Mackenzie in the stroller when he fell asleep. Your mother was upstairs choosing an outfit a little better than the pajamas she wore, after all, it wasn’t every day that she had guests.
“Only my sister inherited this talent” you commented with a small smile, looking at Jongseong’s fingers that cut masterfully. He seemed to have a unique precision in each cut. If it were you, nothing would be asymmetrical and you would have hurt yourself by now.
“Come on, you have a talent for artistic things, or do you think I forgot?” he joked.
Your heart skipped a beat when he said that, and then Jongseong remembered the conversation you had at the restaurant a while ago. You two had talked about so many things, you just didn't know he would remember your speeches about college and graduation. Maybe it was irrelevant.
But for him, it wasn't. Jongseong remembered every detail and every word you had said to him that night, he could recite the most diverse subjects you and he talked about if it was to keep things lighter again.
“Y/n” he called you next, your eyes leaving his hands to go to the boy's face “Do you mind trying it and see if I put too much salt in the sauce?” he removed the dish towel from his shoulders and looked for the largest spoon he had on the sink next to the stove. Your throat dried, and you became slightly nervous.
“Me? Really?” your tone of voice almost betrayed you, if it weren't for the secondary noises of cutlery that Jongseong was spreading until he found what he needed.
“Hazel usually does this, but I think she and Jake are checking out the mini chef,” he said, making you laugh.
It wouldn’t be a big deal to try a seasoning on something you were going to eat sooner or later, and it was certainly just to put Jongseong’s insecurity aside. After all, he was a great chef. Getting the salt right was the least of his worries. Even so, you approached, still with hesitant steps, and walked around the kitchen counter until you were standing next to him. A few more steps and you were next to the boy.
“You can be honest if I’ve overdone it, okay?” he asked, trying not to waver in his tone of voice to convey confidence, but deep down, Jongseong was a little scared. He wasn’t sure, but he wanted to impress you with a sophisticated dish, he wanted you to admire him cooking in his kitchen. Even though the first time you two met, you ate something he had prepared. But it wouldn't be the same if he hadn't been watching from across the kitchen.
“I bet it’s amazing, I don’t know what you’re so scared of” you joked to lighten the mood, seeing that he was nervous. Wanting to believe your words, Jongseong took the spoon and ran it along the edge of the sauce, collecting some of the bubbling mixture.
You waited patiently as you were mesmerized once again. Jongseong’s lips formed into a pout as he blew out the smoke that formed under the red mixture, some leaves between the sauce and the smell lingered in the air. If your stomach could talk, it would scream to try it right then, but you were also delighted with his care before serving it to you.
It was something simple, your sister had already done it for you, and your mother did it too. Even Jaeyun once blew on a hot mixture before handing it to you to try, but no one had done what came next.
Jongseong brought the spoon to your lips, waiting for you to open it to try it. He didn’t hand you the spoon or let you take it yourself… He did it for you.
Your heartbeat was racing, your face was burning and you could at least say it was because you were so close to hot food. At least that would serve as an excuse. Not the fact that Jongseong had one hand firmly around a spoon in front of your mouth, while the other was against your chin.
“Open” he just whispered, so softly, but in such a seductive way at the same time. His fingers touched your skin like a feather, you saw him look away at your mouth as it opened, wrapping itself around the spoon to eat the sauce.
It tasted great and the salt was perfect, it couldn’t be any other way.
“It’s… It’s great, Jay” you didn’t even care about the stuttering due to nervousness at that moment, you were too focused on Jongseong’s eyes alternating between your eyes and your lips. Your tongue slowly ran over your lower lip to collect the remains of the sauce and at that moment you noticed his lips slowly part, an inaudible sigh leaving the lips of the boy in front of you. This made you nervous and unresponsive because you swear he leaned in a little. You also swear you leaned back, but before anything else, both of you moved away with Jaeyun's thunderous entrance into the kitchen.
“So, everything ready?” he asked nonchalantly, not looking at you and Jongseong much. Thank goodness, you both thought at the same time, without even knowing it.
“A few more minutes and we can have dinner” Jongseong composed himself, waiting for you to do the same before turning his attention back to the sauce.
The rest of the time passed in a blur, you followed the entire dinner talking to everyone who was there, picking up Mackenzie when he woke up to let your sister have dinner with a little more dignity too. Your heart raced when it was Jongseong's turn to hold the baby in his arms. That scene was unusual and so cute. You didn't know why you were like that.
Maybe it was because of the way he always acted, so naturally and so politely. How he talked to your family, or how he always interacted with you. Showing care in his words and showing that he cared about what you were saying, no matter how small.
Jongseong was the first person you let get a little closer after your mother's diagnosis. He was the only one who was able to talk to you for hours without making you mention your mother, or without making you look at your phone to see what time it was time to go home, or making you uncomfortable with something he said. He was always making sure you were okay or asking if you needed anything.
I need you to stop this, it's dangerous, you answered mentally every time. So dangerous that your heart already felt the possible effects that Park Jongseong was having on you.
“The dishes are on me now” your mother smiled after a long time of talking, denying it in every possible way as Jaeyun and Jongseong tried to run ahead to stop her. The two of them were seeing how stubborn she was, and where you and your sister had inherited it from.
“If anything, you can call me, okay, mom?” you asked.
“Sure, my love. Enjoy it” she smiled in your direction before disappearing into the kitchen. Jongseong and Jaeyun took all the dishes to the sink, at least helping with that while you and your sister still sat at the dining table.
“And I'm going to change someone's diaper because I think we have a surprise here” Hazel hummed as she saw the concentrated faces and expressions that Mackenzie was making. You laughed out loud when you saw your nephew's face turn red, then the farting noises he made.
“Good luck” you said before she left with the little one upstairs for a long diaper change.
“Your sister—” Jaeyun soon appeared.
“Upstairs changing the little boss's diaper” you heard his and Jongseong's laughter at using the nickname everyone was giving the little boy. Your brother-in-law and best friend didn't even wait or say anything else, he followed your sister upstairs, leaving you and Jongseong alone again.
“So…” he said, pulling the chair next to you to sit where you were before. You felt your body tingle when his shoulder touched yours, slowly turning towards the boy.
“So…” you repeated his words, biting your lower lip to keep from smiling so much. Or so he wouldn't look at your mouth again, making you nervous. Not that you weren't at that moment, but something in the air seemed a little lighter between you and Jongseong.
“I was thinking” he rested his elbows on the table, stretching his hands in front of his body and staring at his fingers. Anything to get the courage to speak instead of staring at you, because he knew nothing would come out coherently if he was looking into your eyes. “Would you be willing to have coffee with me sometime?”
You turned so abruptly towards him, that the shock in Jongseong's words caused you a certain panic, but as his eyes reached you, noticing a certain curiosity as he waited for your answer, you relaxed. He seemed as shy and vulnerable as you were at that moment.
“Jay…” you started speaking, noticing how attentive he was as he waited for you to speak “My mother… You know…” and then he smiled. A small, simple smile, but it didn't seem sad. You knew your answer, but you were surprised by his reaction.
“Jake told me you would say that, but I decided to try anyway” he laughed at your expression, and you noticed that your eyes were wide and still in shock.
“I’m sorry, I—”
“Hey, it’s okay, I rushed” Jongseong interrupted you.
“No, Jay, you didn’t rush” you said too quickly, fumbling with your words and, most importantly, your actions. In a moment of desperation so that he wouldn’t feel upset or rejected – you didn’t want to reject him, nor were you crazy about it – you held his hands. Your fingers slowly slid between his and Jongseong just let it, feeling your soft skin come into contact with his “I’d love to have coffee with you, but it’s just—”
“We’ll find a way, okay?” he asked “I’ll wait, it’s okay.”
Hot, understanding, and patient. Did that man have any flaws?
You couldn't say anything at that moment, lost in your thoughts and in the caress he began to make with his thumb on your torso. Your eyes quickly met his, and then a smile drew your lips that he loved to see so much up close. Jongseong wanted to feel them too, but one step at a time.
And as he said out loud, he would wait. Jongseong, for sure, would wait.
Getting used to a full house would only be bad when your sister returned to her routine, working at the restaurant after she managed to put Mackenzie in daycare. You thought it wouldn't shake you, after all, it was always you and your mother. You were always the one who ran after everything so that your sister could feel calmer and less overwhelmed.
But you also didn't know that you would miss more laughter and voices in that house. That the antics of your brother-in-law and best friend would fill an environment that only had sadness and regrets. You also noticed how pale your mother started to get after the chemotherapy treatments were becoming more and more invasive.
The conversations with the doctors and nurses were more frequent, both because of your mother's complaints and for them to warn the two of you of what was starting to happen. The hair loss came gradually, and you thought you would be strong enough to deal with it alone. Seeing the clumps of hair in the bathroom and the older woman's teary eyes she tried to say that everything was fine.
It wasn't. And you knew this because you lost count of how many times you sat on the bathroom floor, hugging your mother's fragile body while she cried over the loss of more strands of hair. The scarves were now her best friends. At least something she had chosen a long time ago was helping to keep her a little happier.
Not as much as you would have liked, seeing Mrs. Dorothy crying around the house and staying quiet was worse than hearing her say atrocities. At least she talked to you, mumbled something or simply fought with you to leave the house. You just wanted to hear your mother's voice. But the few conversations you had were on the way to chemotherapy or at the dinners she decided to attend, not when she left you alone in the kitchen with the cold plate in front of you waiting for her to come down.
Not hungry. That was what she usually told you the next morning, and you swallowed it because you no longer had the strength to argue. Hazel would come by every day after work to check on you, talk to your mother – or try to – while bringing her a new hair scarf to wear at her next appointment. That made her smile, at least.
You just wanted it all to end, you just wanted to cry in peace and get all that weight off your shoulders while thinking about nothing but yourself. But thinking about yourself was as far away as you wanted, and opening up about it to your sister was a delicate subject. She would make you drop everything to take responsibility, and you wouldn’t forgive yourself for making her become an absent mother to Mackenzie while you went to take care of your mother. There was no escape.
“Are you hungry? I’ll make you something to eat…” you left the bag on the kitchen counter, waiting for your mother to come into the room after another appointment. She smiled at you, in a sad way that broke your heart even more, if that were possible.
“I think I just want to rest now, sunshine” she said quietly, but you heard enough. Her tone was sad, but she tried to encourage you as she looked and smiled in your direction. Your mother leaned down enough to kiss your cheek. “Don’t go without eating, I’m going to go to my room, okay?”
“Mom—”
“My door is open and my phone is fully charged, I’ll call you if I need anything. I promise.”
It was a promise she had never broken, at least. The few times your mother needed you, she called you to run upstairs and help her with trivial things, but she still called. So even though you hated leaving her alone, you decided to trust her and let her rest.
Sometimes it was good for her to be alone for a while to reorganize her thoughts. You were going through this as her daughter, while she was the patient with that damned disease. She was the one who was feeling everything, experiencing it – literally – on her skin and you couldn’t imagine the pain and anguish it was to live with that inside yourself.
Your eyes followed her figure up the stairs and, finally, disappeared from your field of vision through the upper floor of the house.
You let out all the breath you didn’t know you were holding, your eyes starting to burn as you didn’t know what to do. Would you call Hazel now? Would you leave the house to clear your head? You even thought about sending a message to Jongseong, but nothing that was going on in your head was coherent enough to be carried out. So the only lucid thing you could do was to grab a bottle of wine and drink it in no time.
The bitterness of the drink went down your throat for the umpteenth time, your body was curled up in the corner of the couch while your eyes flickered through the silliest channels without really paying attention to what was happening there. You just wanted to get drunk on wine and go up to your room so you could sleep. But the sound of the doorbell wouldn't let you do that.
Maybe it was time for Hazel to arrive and check on you and your mother, this could happen quickly because you started to get dizzy from a bottle of wine and your mother was already on her tenth sleep if she could be counted. So you got up from the couch to drag your feet to the front door. The speech was on the tip of your tongue because your sister would certainly scold you for drinking without eating anything, but what you found there in front of you didn't look anything like Hazel.
Jongseong had nothing to do with your sister. Only his worried expression and his eyebrows together could be said to be an expression you knew well: concern.
“Y/n… Are you okay?” he asked a little euphoric, but trying to relax little by little when you blinked a few times, trying to assimilate.
“Jay…”
“Gosh, I was worried” he moved his hands from side to side as he gestured and spoke, and you heard the sound of bags, but ignored it for a moment “Hazel said she would come here to check on you and I said I could come after work, she called you and you didn't answer so I—” little by little, Jongseong followed your gaze to his hands, where there were bags he was holding “Oh.”
“What is this?” you asked.
“Answer me first” he said back, looking at you this time. You straightened your posture, a narrowed look in his direction before softening and leaning against the door frame.
“I can’t deal with my problems so I drank an entire bottle of wine—”
“Did you eat, at least?” he interrupted you, seeing you shake your head. For the first time, you noticed a serious expression on Jongseong’s face, as if he was angry with you. And something stirred inside your chest when he walked past you without asking permission and entered your house.
Jongseong wasn’t a stranger, but he also didn’t consider himself an acquaintance to the point of doing this. But combining concern with several other feelings made him act on impulse. You closed the door to the house and simply followed him to the kitchen, where he placed the bags on the counter where you had placed yours a few hours before.
“Jay” you finally called out to him, and he looked in your direction. The same serious expression from before was still there, not softening for a single second. “What are you— What is this?”
Stop stuttering, idiot. Your eyes started to burn because he was mad at you, and you were too drunk to deal with that kind of thing.
“You said you’d have coffee with me, didn’t you?” he asked, waiting for your answer. You blinked slowly to keep the tears away and sighed, nodding positively to the question he had asked. “I decided to bring some things to make coffee here, since that way you wouldn’t leave the house and… Well…”
Now he felt shy enough to verbalize all the effort he was making. Of course, Jongseong had contacted your sister and Jaeyun to see if it was a good idea, especially since he was constantly listening to Hazel’s complaints about your mother’s situation. He didn’t want to demand attention from you, much less for you to go out with him. As he had said that day, he would be patient enough and wait. But nothing was stopping him from bringing the coffee to you.
“So you… You wanted to come have coffee with me?” Your voice was shaky, you felt like you could break down at any moment. No one had ever done that for you in your entire life: demonstrated. You had been around people enough to understand that not everything could be reciprocal, not everything people would make an effort, and that was okay. No one had that obligation.
And seeing that Jongseong didn’t treat it as an obligation, but because he wanted to do it, made you even more vulnerable. Sunghoon’s voice always hammered in the back of your head saying that you had brought the cliché Jongseong back, and if that was him, you were happy to rescue him somehow.
“I didn’t… Damn—” you heard a sob erupt from your throat, realizing you were crying the moment you felt the salty tears run down to your lips.
Everything happened so fast and before you knew it, Jongseong's strong arms were around your waist, pulling you close and nuzzling your face against his chest.
You and him could stay like that for hours and you wouldn't complain. The smell of his cologne was calming your nerves as you cried copiously and sobbed against his light shirt – now completely stained with your makeup – while he said nothing. But the caress on your back and the few kisses on the top of your head could say much more than you wanted to hear.
He didn't know when it was the right time to open his mouth or look at your face, so he let you dictate the time you needed until you gradually stopped crying. Slowly, your face lifted from his chest, finding Jongseong's face now a little softer and his bright eyes looking only at you.
“I'm sorry” you whispered. It didn't surprise you when he leaned in, resting his forehead against yours and lightly brushing the tip of his nose against yours. If it had been before, this would have left you completely static and nervous, but at that moment, it was the most calming thing he had done besides still hugging you.
“Don’t be sorry” he whispered back, the air from his lips hitting yours as one of Jongseong’s hands went up to your face, wiping away some tears.
“Could… Could you…” it would be bold of you to try that, but you needed it. Something inside your heart told you to ask, and that was exactly what you were going to do. “Can you stay here today, please?”
Jongseong smiled a little, still caressing your cheek with his fingertips as he moved down to your jaw.
“I’m glad you asked that” he said, his nose still brushing against yours. You could see the internal battle he was fighting between closing the distance and still respecting you and waiting for everything to calm down so he could get even closer. That in itself was making you even more enchanted because he took care of you down to the smallest detail “Because I wasn’t planning on leaving any time soon.”
“Are you the one taking my mother to the doctor today?” Hazel frowned, glancing at Jongseong as she focused on the right amount of green leaves for the dish she was preparing.
He decided to just watch, as the movement was a little slow because it was the beginning of the workday. Resting his hands on the edge of the kitchen counter, he lightly pressed his fingers on the marble to try to contain the emotions that were bubbling inside his chest.
Jongseong thought he was making the same mistake as in his other failed relationships: he was too emotional and had thrown himself into something that hadn’t even come to fruition. He knew you were different from any woman he had ever met in his life, but the slight fear lingered in the back of his mind. What if you spoke like the others, or felt the same way?
You’re such a cliché, Jay. You don’t have to be so emotional.
He always heard that, and after a while, the women would simply leave. Claiming that the problem was the way he showed it. But what could he do if that was the case? That was what Jongseong did when he felt he was worth it.
People who aren’t worthy of you, Hazel would hammer those phrases home whenever he talked about how exhausted he was from people saying he was too emotional.
“My sister is just a little bit cornered because of our mother, but she won’t complain about your cliché” she added one night, one of the many they got together after work to talk about their day and plan their week at the restaurant. Hazel was Jongseong’s biggest supporter of you, and she made sure you two got along.
He was happy about that. Because at least someone, throughout the love life he had faced, wouldn’t think he was crazy for it.
And Jongseong found out that what Hazel – and all the other guys – said and encouraged him when it came to you was true. He was afraid to bring meals to your house and eat in your living room. It was too intimate, but at the same time, it was the only way he had found to be close to you since you never went out. The efforts were worth it with every shy smile you gave when he arrived with the bag of food.
Then, after a lot of talking – and a little arguing on your part – he wanted to take your mother to a doctor's appointment. It wasn't his obligation, of course, but Jongseong felt his heart heavy when he arrived at your house and saw you practically a sleep-deprived zombie. You hadn't slept the day before the exams, getting nervous about how your mother would handle it. So he thought he could take you so you could rest more.
“It's not your obligation and I'm not going to leave my mother alone” he remembers the shine in your eyes, your trembling voice, and the shortness of breath as you tried to hold back your tears. Tiredness, fear, anguish, all together as he stood in front of you, wanting only to do the best.
“I know that.” Jongseong took a few steps toward you, stopping right in front of you. “But nothing I do for you or your mother is out of obligation. I do it because I want to and because I like you both” He didn’t care if that statement – at least on his part – was interpreted romantically. He would make a better announcement, he wanted to say that he liked you more romantically, but for now, that would do. “And your mother will be with me, who said she’ll be alone, Y/n?”
That night he knew he had won the argument and that he had started taking your mother to your appointments so you could sleep a little longer, only on the condition that you both told her every detail when you got home.
Jongseong and Dorothy told you what the doctor had said, of course. But they didn’t tell you that they ate fast food on the way, or that they were late because they were at the mall buying a new scarf for her and a matching shirt for him. Your mother already saw you as a potential son-in-law and Jongseong didn’t deny it when she asked you things about you in the sentimental sense of the word. He wanted to tell you openly about it, and the best way was to start with your mother. Since your sister and brother-in-law were well aware of that.
“I’ll go” he sighed, trying to hide a smile that was forming at the corner of his lips. That didn't go unnoticed by Hazel, who stopped what she was doing to look at her best friend. “It's her last chemotherapy, and we—” he couldn't help himself, his smile widening even more. “We're going in matching clothes.”
“What?” she almost shouted inside the kitchen, surprise taking over and causing Heeseung to enter the place with wide eyes.
“What? Did someone get hurt?”
“Jay and my mother are going to the last chemotherapy in matching clothes,” she practically shouted. “And they didn't tell anyone!”
It was Heeseung's turn to scream, with joy and surprise. He followed Jongseong's advances on you as much as everyone else in the restaurant, being updated by the boy and your sister since you were shy enough to say something when you went to the restaurant to meet them.
“Your mother asked us not to tell, it was supposed to be a surprise” he grumbled, pushing himself away from the counter as soon as Heeseung approached. He knew his friend would mess up his hair or squeeze him, so the further away he was from him at the moment, the better.
“Now you’ve ruined the surprise and we want to see it.”
“Okay, I can bring her after the appointment and you can all see. What do you think?” Jongseong said.
And he kept his promise that day. The short time he stayed at the restaurant was just to get things organized for his friends to drive for the rest of the day, while he ran out to the car and towards his house. His pastel blue shirt was the same color as some details of the scarf your mother was wearing that day.
You didn’t get to see them leave, keeping your promise that you would rest while Jongseong took you safely. He was happy to see that you were trusting him and taking a little more care of yourself, with the fear going away when you saw your mother finally recovered. It was a victory for everyone that she was going to her last chemotherapy.
“Ready, Miss Dorothy?” he asked as he parked, turning off the car and looking at his mother with a charming smile.
“Ready, future son-in-law” she said as excitedly as he was, taking him by surprise even though that had already come out of her mouth a few times. But not calling him directly future son-in-law. Dorothy was just expressing her desire to make Jongseong part of the family. That you would give him a chance and stop being so worried since she was getting better and managing to reach the end of her treatment.
He got out of the car and ran around the vehicle to open the door for your mother, with the way she called him still hammering in the back of his mind.
“Jay” Dorothy called him, intertwining one of her arms with his as they both headed towards the elevator of the hospital building. The path so familiar to both of them is now being taken one last time.
“Yes?” he replied, pressing the floor button while turning his head to her and smiling.
“How about dinner at home tonight? Hazel and Jake are also coming, I wish you were there to celebrate.” She tightened her grip on his arm a little, showing how happy she felt in the boy’s company.
His smile widened, he knew they could celebrate somehow, but being invited by your mother before anyone else seemed a little more special than if he were even invited by you.
“I would love to” Jongseong said finally before the elevator door opened.
Your mother and he left, with confident and determined steps, heading to the oncology desk to finish that cycle.
Life seemed to have taken a huge turn for you in the last few months. Your mother was finally cured of that damned disease. Your routine began to settle down when your sister, along with Jaeyun and Jongseong, managed to call the school where you previously worked. The principal of the place didn't think twice about accepting you back, especially after Hazel told the whole story in a little more detail.
You had omitted a lot of things, saying that your departure had been due to personal problems. It was. But no one needed to know about your mother's diagnosis, much less that you sank into it with no prospect of coming back to the surface.
Now, with the routine of working at school again with your classes, you still lived with your mother until you settled in a new place nearby. A small apartment on the outskirts was all you needed, different from your old place. It was relatively big, you loved it, but after the turmoil in your life… Just a space for you to have your things and sleep now and then was enough.
You let out a small sigh, closing the tab to search for apartments online as you looked around the room. You would have already left school if it weren't for Jongseong's request that he pick you up that day. Something like the two of you having dinner together to unload a tiring Friday was all he needed. And, apparently, so did you.
Because denying him that was out of the question. You remember rarely having denied him anything since the two of you met. Taking into account that he was the only one who managed to make you give in to the tiring routine you had with your mother. It was Jongseong who made you sleep a little longer while he took you to the doctor. You wouldn't even let Hazel drive to the hospital.
Sure, she had a child at home and you were afraid that she would catch something contagious on the way or simply get even more tired. But with him… It was all so much easier.
Jongseong settled into your life effortlessly, with the attitudes you always sought without knowing you needed. He was the one who brought you lunch on the days he was sure you were living on nothing but coffee – he wouldn’t tell you that he had memorized your routine, knowing exactly the days you were most agitated because of your mother’s medication or something she needed to do.
The two of you also started having more nighttime dates, like dinners out with the guarantee that you would take him home early so you wouldn’t be gone for so long. But you bit your tongue about it, because the time with him seemed to fly by and, before you knew it, you had spent the whole night talking to Jongseong and learning a little more about him.
About how he was patient with you all this time, touching you subtly and getting closer little by little, afraid to make a move and invade your personal space or disrespect you. The most you and he shared were kisses on the forehead and hugs that lasted a little longer. A few times you almost made a move, but there were such vulnerable moments when you were crying or exhausted enough to just do something thoughtless.
You also noticed that he would hold back whenever he was close enough, staring at your mouth for a little too long before nibbling on his lower lip, sighing, and looking back into your eyes. It made your heart race, your heartbeat pulsing uncontrollably. Both he and you wanted this, but it seemed like something always happened to make it not right. Yet.
Something inside you was boiling that day. Jongseong asking you to wait at work so he could pick you up was just the icing on the cake of your relationship. You were going to make a move today. There was no way out of it. If he thought it was still too early or that you two didn't need to take that step, that would be fine. You would understand. But you wouldn't stop trying at any cost.
Your cell phone vibrated, still in your hands, and you shivered in the chair with the slight fright you got.
jay: i'm around the corner from the school, can you wait for me in the parking lot?
A simple message, but you smiled at it. There was no need to reply, you just finished organizing your things inside the large bag, going to the bathroom to see your current state.
Shit. You swallowed hard.
Working at a school again made you forget the state you were in when you came home. The denim overalls you were wearing were stained with paint from the straps to the hem around your ankles, much of your arms were also stained with the same colors. Your hair was disheveled in a ponytail and your cheeks were flushed and shiny from the light marathon you ran after some little students during the day.
Well, you could fix that last part by splashing some water on your face. And that's what you did, drying it with a paper towel before leaving the bathroom.
Maybe Jongseong would drop you off at home so you could shower and change, that would take a while since you only needed a few minutes. Get the paint off your skin and the sweat off your body to look a little more presentable.
Picking up your bag again after leaving the bathroom, you walked through the school hallways until you reached the exit, waving to the doorman and some employees who were still there. Arriving at the parking lot, Jongseong was already there. You could feel his smile through the dark mirrors, even though they blocked the view from those outside. You quickly reached the car, opened the passenger door, and slowly got in.
“Hey” he greeted you softly, as he always did.
“Hey,” you said back, closing the door and adjusting your bag in the space between your feet. Turning to him, you smiled at the sight. He had a small, tired smile on his lips, but the sparkle in his eyes was always there when he had you around.
“Long day?” the same question he asked when he came to pick you up, testing the waters to see how you were feeling that day. If he should talk more or let you do the talking. Jongseong loved both.
“Somewhat” you leaned back a little more on the bench, your eyes still on the boy next to you who didn’t look away for a second “I think I prepared an activity that didn’t work out very well in the end” pointing to your clothes, he looked away to notice a little more.
The paints, the variety of colors, and, finally, your face. Your hair looked beautiful to him, even with the strands out of place although you had already tried to fix them with each stroke of your hand. He suppressed a sigh, biting his lower lip.
“You look beautiful like this” he let out, making no mention of any regret as his eyebrows rose.
“Jay, come on” you held back a shy laugh “I’m covered in paint… I was even going to ask you so I could go home and—”
“Actually” he interrupted you, raising one of his hands towards you and taking your hand in his. Jongseong had done this a million times, you had lost count, but it was as if it were the first time with each touch of his against your body. He brought your fingers to his lips, smelling your skin and closing his eyes as if that would calm him down for a moment. “I wanted to ask you if you don’t want to do something simpler today. Maybe different.”
“And what would that be?” you said quietly, afraid that your tone of voice would make him open his eyes. The boy’s breath was beating against your skin, warm and comforting.
“Dinner at my apartment” he squeezed his fingers lightly in your hand, opening his eyes to continue with the sentence “You can take a shower there if you want, I have something that will fit you if you need it.”
Wearing his clothes was quite intimate and different. You had only worn his coats when you went out somewhere and it was cold enough – you always forgot how many clothes you should put on on a cold night – and that was it. Nothing like a sweatshirt or a shirt. Especially taking a shower outside your house. He wasn’t a stranger, anyway.
“You…” your voice faltered a little, he still held your fingers against his lips, occasionally kissing your knuckles when he felt you a little more thoughtful and tense “Are you sure, Jay? We can leave it for another day…”
“I’m sure” he said seriously, but there wasn’t a hint of anger in his voice. He just wanted to steady any uncertainty you might have shown at that moment. He then sat up straight in his seat, still holding your hand lightly enough to intertwine his fingers with yours “My day was full and stressful, but I didn’t want to miss seeing you because…”
For a second he was quiet. One of the rare times Park Jongseong stopped talking mid-sentence without you interrupting him was because he thought he was talking too much.
“Because…?” you encouraged him, squeezing your hand in his for the first time.
With his free hand, Jongseong turned the key in the ignition and let the car slowly start moving. You slid your hand into him, letting him have both hands free so he could drive safely, but your hand still traveled to his shoulder. Soon sliding down to reach the hair on the back of his neck.
A position that screamed couple, but neither you nor him cared about that.
“Because you calm me down in a way” He was looking at the movement on the street now, leaving the parking lot of your work to go towards his apartment “I think it’s better than anything I could try to do in my day to make the stress go away.”
“And is dinner at your apartment a good idea? Don’t you want to rest?” you asked, trying to ignore the agitation of your heart as Jongseong leaned into the small caress you were giving his hair.
“Having dinner with you at my apartment is what I want most right now” he sighed tiredly, looking away for a brief second before returning to the other cars that were in traffic with him. “Taking a shower, talking about anything, and having your company until I fall asleep… I swear, I’ve been looking forward to this all day.”
This was even more of a couple than the touch you were doing in his hair, sliding your fingers down his neck to his shoulders, returning to the nape of his neck and tangling his hair again.
Even if he didn’t see it, Jongseong knew you were smiling. Shyly or not, he could feel a slight smile on your lips as you let the naked truth come out of your mouth.
Secretly, he also thought it was time to act, that he should take a step beyond what the two of you were. And it could start with you finally going to his house. Getting to know his space since he’d been to your house so many times.
He was taken by surprise when he stopped at a red light and felt the warmth of your lips against his cheek. He quickly turned towards you before realizing that, yes, you were indeed smiling.
“I think that’s the perfect idea” you said so quietly that he had to hold back as much as he could not to stop at that light, take off his seatbelt, and kiss you right there.
So Jongseong was content to wave, smiling a little more than you before moving forward when the light turned green. He was desperately looking forward to being home soon.
Jongseong had such a cozy apartment that screamed, in every corner, how much of it was him. From the colors to the decoration, you were enchanted by that place more than you thought you would be, forgetting the slight nervousness that settled inside you when you got there.
But little by little, he made you relax effortlessly. He guided you through the corners of the apartment and showed you each part, then he went to his room and separated a change of clothes for you that, according to him, were the ones he wore the least. But even so, those pieces smelled like him. The t-shirt and sweatpants smelled like Jongseong and you were becoming more and more addicted to it. To smelling his scent, to knowing that it was calming you to extreme levels.
After taking a shower, having dinner, and cleaning up all the mess you two made, sitting on the couch and watching something while talking was all that was left to do before going to sleep. Neither you nor he had brought up the subject of where you would sleep. In the bed with him? In the guest room? Would he let you sleep in the room alone and sleep there on the couch? If Jongseong didn't say anything, you wouldn't talk about it.
Especially because the weight of his head on your lap, the silky dark strands between your fingers, and the sound of his laughter after a funny subject were your focus at the moment. You wanted to have maximum attention on what was happening above anything else. Listening to him talk about Jaeyun's antics on a workday made you laugh a lot, it helped you share with him some things your best friend did back in the last year of high school.
“And he won Hazel over like that?” Jongseong turned his head to look up, his attention was now on you and no longer on the TV and the entertainment program that was on. Neither of you were paying much attention to that, anyway.
“You bet” you sighed loudly and dramatically, making Jongseong laugh. “These two have been pestering me for a week so I could play cupid.”
“And it worked” He was still looking at you, his eyes half-closed from the shared laughter while the two of you were still on that subject. But as the silence settled in, he remained looking in your direction, and that made your heart race. Your heartbeats went up to your ears as Jongseong’s gaze didn’t let you. “Now they both wanted to return the favor” He lowered his voice enough for you to hear him closer. It wasn’t quite a whisper, but it was low enough for a normal tone of voice.
Your eyes roamed all over his face, trying not to linger on his lips, freshly moistened by the tip of his tongue, which still contained a small smile.
“What do you mean?” you asked, trying not to stutter or let your voice fail, but it was becoming increasingly impossible not to be nervous in front of him. Not when Jongseong lifted his head from your lap, sitting next to you on the couch, but without breaking the distance between the two of you.
He looked away for a few seconds and let out a little laugh, and you wondered if it was because of nervousness, shyness, or if he thought you were a fool for asking that. It was the first two, but you would never know that.
“Introducing you to me, making us both go out together whenever we had the chance” he began listing the little things that Jaeyun and Hazel had done for the two of you over the long months. You knew your sister and your best friend had given you a little push about it, but the biggest effort was Jongseong’s persistence.
You felt his hand find yours, his fingers slowly intertwining against yours. That gesture was starting to become familiar to both you and him.
“I didn’t persist in anything, I just… I let it happen because I wanted to” he whispered this time, and your eyes widened when you realized you had let your thoughts out loud.
“I didn’t— I mean… Damn” your low, displeased mutterings at yourself for being caught only made him laugh a little more, pulling your hand to his lap and bringing the other one to your face.
Moving your damp hair away from your cheek, tucking it behind your ear to get a better look at your face.
“Why do you think that way, Y/n?” he asked.
You thought about it for a bit, not knowing what to answer. Why did you think that way about someone who showed so much care and affection for you and the situation you were in without asking for anything in return? Maybe it was because it was something rare, almost nonexistent. No one you know – except for your family and your best friend – would do something like that. But he did. And he did it long before you knew him.
“I don’t know” was the only thing you could answer after a while because it was true. You weren’t sure what to say, but it seemed like he did.
Leaning towards you again, Jongseong rested his forehead against yours. Like that night in your kitchen, the closest gesture you had with each other. His breathing, unlike yours, was calm. Warm against your skin, almost making you sigh.
With a slow movement, he brought one of his hands to your face. His fingertips made their way from your cheek to your jaw, holding your face with all the gentleness you had known from that man in the last few months.
“I know it’s random to say this, but…” Jongseong began, speaking softly and slowly, giving a small smile when he met your eyes. They seemed bigger and more questioning, curious, and that was enough for him to continue, “I want to tell you because all my friends say you brought back the old, cliché Jongseong.”
A nod was enough for you to agree. First, curiosity had been eating away at you since the day Sunghoon had talked about it at the restaurant, the first night you had met all his friends, and him. Then, more and more, someone would say that phrase, making you even more thoughtful. Wanting to ask why that cliché had been hidden for so long.
Jongseong kept his hand holding your face, rubbing his thumb on your cheek with random drawings against your skin. His other hand looked for yours and, when he found it, he made sure to hold it with the same affection he held your face. You tried to calm all your heartbeats at that moment as you listened to him speak.
“I was raised in a way that we should show care and gratitude in our way, to the people we love and who do us good” He kept his eyes on yours, never letting them fall anywhere else on your face. Jongseong wanted to capture every second of your reaction and attention as he opened up in that conversation “I've always been someone who did everything for the people around me without expecting anything in return.”
He was too kind and you knew it, but hearing that only confirmed your suspicions. Hearing him say with so much affection everything he did for his friends, for his family. You even dared to let out a little laugh when he told you that he left home at two in the morning to hit the road for the first time and meet Heeseung, who was at the beach house alone and feeling sick.
“He wanted to go before us to organize the house, but he got food poisoning and I ran to take him to the hospital” was the simplest, yet cutest explanation you heard.
That was Jongseong through and through, the guy who had done everything for you, your mother, and your sister in the last few months. Every gesture, every moment of company. The weight you felt thinking you were taking advantage of him gradually faded away as he told you everything he did for people. Until he cleared his throat a little.
“Do you want to stop here?” you said for the first time since you started that subject, feeling your voice crack a little due to lack of use.
“No, it’s okay” you felt him squeeze your hand lightly, a small smile forming on his lips. Resentment? Sadness? You didn't know, but you wanted to hear it anyway “I want you to know.”
You nodded once more and listened to every word with the same attention. You knew that Jongseong would have other relationships. After all, a man like that couldn't have gotten this far without trying anything in life. It was a sin to think that he would be immaculate. But a wave of sadness washed over you, not because of that, but because of the way he started telling the story.
He only had two girlfriends. But they were enough to traumatize him. Jongseong did everything for them, as he did for anyone in his life, but they both ended up the same way: calling him an idiot for doing everything, saying that he was too passive and that the relationship was monotonous. Without adventure and boring. The first one left him less than two weeks after the breakup, going to live abroad. The second one took a while, but she came back to torment him when he opened the restaurant.
“She went there today” he said, almost in a whisper. “After I started making money, it seems like I became even more of an idiot because she tried to get closer out of interest. And that drives me crazy.”
It would drive anyone crazy, of course. You wanted to feel uncomfortable and jealous that someone who had done him so much harm was around on the same day you were with him. But all you could think about was the sadness Jongseong must have felt. Seeing someone he had tried everything for show up just to want something in return.
After all the trauma that followed, he had closed himself off to clichés and managed to do this only to his friends. No one had ever accessed the old, old Jongseong again. Until you arrive.
“That’s why I say that everything I did was because I wanted to” he got a little closer, his breath getting hotter and hotter against your skin “You rescued something in me effortlessly. Something that I thought was buried after what I went through.”
“Now I understand” you replied, letting go of his hands and holding Jongseong’s face between your small fingers. Your touch on his skin sent shivers all over his body. He thought he was warm after his bath and a nice dinner, but your touch made it even better “I just thought I was being a burden because I kept even Hazel away from what was going on.”
“But you don’t have to do this to me” Jongseong had a pleading tone in his voice, you could feel it in every word. “Because I like you and I want to be around to do everything I can.”
I like you. He said. Without pause, without wide eyes or regrets. You smiled without realizing it.
“I like you too, Jongseong. And I promise not to stop you from anything else in my life.”
“Oh, that’s good” he teased “Won’t you stop me if I kiss you now too?” your laugh was the sound he liked to hear the most in the last few months. The sound he liked to tease just to feel complete.
“You can do it whenever you want” was the cue for him to finally lean in and press his lips against yours. They were soft and warm, and you could feel him smile against your lips before parting his to press the tip of his tongue between your lips.
Your hands slid to Jongseong's shoulders and, as soon as he entwined his tongue with yours, tasting you, he wrapped his arm around your waist to pull you onto his lap. You kept your protests of surprise to yourself, settling yourself on his lap at the same time that you became familiar with having his tongue subtly touch yours.
Jongseong was taking it slow, savoring your taste and molding his mouth to yours as he led the pace of the kiss, resting his hands on your waist to keep you in place on top of his lap. Your head was spinning, wondering where he got so much courage to do that… He was the one who took great care to hold your hand, kiss your forehead, and scream into the pillow when he got to the apartment because he had been so close to your mouth and hadn't even managed to lean in.
But now here you two were, pressing your mouths against each other and feeling the rhythm of the kiss change every time Jongseong tightened his grip on your waist or you tangled your fingers in his hair to pull.
The breaking point was when you unconsciously shifted on his lap. The slight brush of your hips against his newly growing bulge made Jongseong gasp against your lips and swallow a moan that he knew would be loud enough. Instead, he slid his lips over yours and down to your neck to kiss and lick your skin.
He had no idea where your sweet spot might be, what to do with you, and how to proceed. Not wanting to cross any boundaries that day. So he went carefully, slowly kissing his way down your neck to below your ear, feeling your body shiver against his lap and your hips press into him a little more. It was your turn to let out a low noise, he knew it could very well be a moan if you weren't so shy.
“Don't hold back for me, Y/n” he whispered against your skin, sliding his teeth on your earlobe and moving down to your neck again “I want to hear you.”
Why had that simple, stupid sentence stuck right in the middle of your panties? Jongseong couldn't be serious, he simply couldn't say that kind of thing and pretend it had no effect on you.
Your response was a small nod, thinking better of returning what he was doing against your skin. As the kisses became more intense and wet, you decided to follow the movement of his mouth against your skin with your hips circling over his. The brush of Jongseong's cock against your pussy, the layer of clothing creating a nice friction in the sensitive area that you and he both wanted to touch so much.
“Fuck” he murmured against your collarbone, his fingers tightening on your hips, but not stopping you from moving on his lap. If he was guiding the pace of the kisses and marks he was leaving on your skin, he would let you guide the pace on his lap.
One of Jongseong’s hands left your hips to pull the shirt you were wearing, the collar going down enough on your skin to show your collarbone where he could continue the session of kisses and marks on you.
Your smile grew, along with the shivers running through your body with each kiss of his and each intensity with which his hips moved. The sweatshirts you both wore weren’t that thick, but it was a hindrance to have that amount of clothing between you and him, even so, it was something you would work on. Not to tease him, but to make it even hotter.
So you pressed your chest against his, hiding Jongseong's face against your neck and collarbone, keeping your hips so close that one movement forward and you could feel the head of his cock rubbing perfectly against your needy clit.
“Jay” you moaned his nickname for the first time, making the boy go into an internal meltdown at how that sounded to him. It was beautiful. A perfect sound that he never thought he would hear in his life. If you moaned like that just because of the way you and him were, Jongseong wanted to imagine the aftermath of it.
“Yes, love” he replied against your skin, lifting his face and placing a slow kiss against your chin. His eyes stared at you with so much affection but at the same time with so much desire that it made your head spin. His hands were still on your hips and he pulled you even further forward, rubbing your clit against the head of his cock again, sliding the entire length over his sweatpants “You're doing so good, you know that?”
You only had the strength to agree, nodding and moaning his name as you moved a little more willingly against Jongseong's clothed cock. He dared a little, the teasing was too much, but he didn't want to stop. Leaning back, he pulled your body along so that you were both more comfortable on the couch.
Now, he had enough strength to support his feet on the floor and push his hips up to go against your movements, so both you and him could feel each other's arousal even more.
Your panties were already sticking against the lips of your pussy, you knew that a few more frictions and your juices would be passing through his sweatpants. It would be shameful if you weren't seeing Jongseong's determination to follow your movements, moaning your name and pressing his lips against your jaw every time he knew he could moan louder when you rubbed in a specific way against his cock.
Something inside you was on fire, the knot in your stomach was getting closer and closer to bursting, and by the way, Jongseong was moaning, grunting, and pushing his hips against yours, you knew he couldn't be that far away.
It wouldn't be shameful to cum like that, after all, the friction was as good as the penetration. And you would be bold enough to ask for this to continue in his room. You promised you wouldn't let anything go by.
Another kiss was initiated, this time by you as you felt your clit throb every time it was pressed in an even more delicious way. The wet noise muffled by the sweatshirt, you couldn't tell if it was from your pussy or his cock, but either way, the pleasure was being very well distributed. You nibbled on Jongseong's lower lip, releasing slightly with a pop as you rested your hands on his chest to steady yourself.
“Jay, I—” you lifted your body, arching your butt a little higher to give more momentum to your movements. He placed his hands on either side of your buttocks, letting you slide down his cock even though you were still dressed.
“Are you going to cum?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer. Your nod was the answer he needed, pulling you into a messy kiss as he thrust his hips again and intensified the rubbing with you.
The feeling was surreal. Cumming in your panties while still riding your orgasm with the shallow thrusts and over the clothes that Jongseong gave you to help you reach your peak. You moaned against his mouth, watching him swallow all your moans just as you did with his. His hips stuttered, but never really stopped to prolong that sensation until it bordered on overstimulation.
You fell against his chest, tired and panting. A little embarrassed by the sticky feeling between your legs, your cheeks started to heat up and you wondered if it was from the orgasm you had just had or if it was because reality was setting in and you had just dry-humped Jongseong.
Your eyes slowly opened, searching for his as he was already looking at you. A tired smile adorned the lips you loved kissing, along with a blush on the tanned skin you were addicted to. Both you and him looked down at the same time, and his chuckle made you feel a little more relaxed.
It wasn't just your sweatshirt that was sticky, but the large stain on his pants told you that the orgasm had been intense for both of you.
“We can clean ourselves up and lie down if you want” he whispered, his voice husky and deep, sending shivers down your entire body even after the intense orgasm you had had. Leaning towards him, you kissed Jongseong's lips and smiled slowly.
“Or we can continue this after we clean up too” you whispered back.
“Bold” he chuckled softly, “But I like it.”
“That’s good, right?”
“That’s great” he finished, kissing you once more before hugging your body to his. “Since you’re being bold, can I too?”
He had more time to be bold than you that night, but you would never stop Jongseong from being bold. From being cliché. You would never stop him from anything. So you just agreed, feeling him hug you even tighter as you hugged him back.
“I wanted to tell you that this apartment is too big for just one person” he hummed, his face slowly hiding in the crook of your neck. His smile grew bigger and bigger as he saw the fresh marks on your skin starting to turn a reddish color. You chuckled softly, already imagining where the conversation was going “Maybe you and I can share it. Only if you want, of course.”
He shrugged, outwardly pretending that it didn’t matter. But deep down Jongseong was afraid of your answer. He was afraid that he had been too invasive, even though the moment you two shared a few minutes ago had been more than intimate.
“Are you asking me to live with you?” your tone was playful, but even so, he still didn’t dare to look at you. He kept his face buried in your neck. He only agreed with a slight nod as he murmured, “I’ll need to see if your bed is good to sleep in every night, then.”
“Or we can do it on the couch every day. It’s comfortable here, isn’t it?” He finally lifted his head, his bright and inviting eyes making you sigh – internally and externally. It was your turn to rest your forehead against his, brushing the tip of your nose against Jongseong’s.
“Anywhere is comfortable with you” you whispered, kissing him slowly “You’ve convinced me.”
“Great” it was his turn to kiss your lips, sliding his hands from your waist to your legs, picking you up. Finally, he stood up with you in his arms, accompanied by your little screams and laughter along with his “Because I didn’t intend to let you go, anyway.”
It was so good to have let him into your life. And even better that he stayed because, honestly, you didn’t know if you would have been able to endure everything up until that moment without him.
You would be immensely grateful to your sister and Jaeyun for having introduced you that day at the restaurant, after all, they were both just repaying what you did years ago. Jongseong was right about that.
© ikeuverse, 2025. do not copy, translate or steal my stories.
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