#I've been tinkering with this for actual weeks and I just have to post it so I can put it down once and for all lmao

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: thisapplepielife! @thisapplepielife has 37 works posted to AO3 in the Stranger Things fandom and 24 of them are in the Steddie tag!

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @thisapplepielife:

Tuesday's Gone With the Wind

Take the Money and Run

You Oughta Know

Never Not Mine

Let the Boy Be Merry

"They are my favorite Corroded Coffin writer. I found by accident their fic “Tuesday's Gone With the Wind” and loved everything they wrote since!" -- Anonymous

Below the cut, @thisapplepielife answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

Steve Harrington. I found myself not connecting with S4 when it premiered, and decided that I probably just needed to rewatch the other three seasons again first, since it'd been a while between seasons. Well, Steve was always my favorite, but I left that re-watch with his voice fully lodged in my brain. So, I had to write something for him, just for myself. That was You Oughta Know. We all knew Eddie identified as a runner, and that just felt like the story to tell. Then somehow, for some unknown reason that I still cannot possibly explain, I decided to actually post it. I still don't know what possessed me to do that, honestly.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love a good second chance fic: A divorced couple that eventually rekindles. A missed first chance that they get to take another crack at, later in life. I also like a good heartbreaker of a fic. I know, I know. Don't get me wrong, I still love happy endings, but I don't require them. Break my heart. Do it.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Slice of life? Is that considered a trope? I know I like to write about things we all deal with in real life, from the small and inconsequential: a mattress with a bad spring. The delight of clean sheets. Or the bigger: the real life heartbreak of unavoidable loss and grief.  And older Steddie is my favorite, I think. I love to spend time writing for them. These boys that turned into men, who made a full life together, and it's great. Maybe not perfect. But they wouldn't trade it for the world. That makes me happiest.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

The One in Which a Time Loop is Fucking Exhausting by badpancake is the one I think of that grabbed me first, and did not let go. I still need to read the final part of the trilogy! My fic TBR is so, so long because I definitely struggle with writing and reading at the same time. I know there is amazing work out there that I've just never read yet. But I look forward to it, absolutely. It's just something I've never figured out how to manage well. Joining Tumblr has helped that immensely, though! Reading the shorter fics here has been wonderful, and I've enjoyed it so much. There are amazing things being posted every single day! And I gotta say that don't start (too late) by Ark is one of the best "first time" fics I've ever read in any fandom. Eddie's inner voice is wonderful. I believe every word he thinks while he experiences this brand new thing with Steve.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

It's not brand new to me, but there's a found family one that I've been tinkering with for a very long time, and that excites me.  And I do love events for tossing me situations or prompts to write for that I may not have thought of, independently. @steddiemicrofic especially has been so, so fun. I think it was the very first event I wrote for on Tumblr, and the challenge of having a very limited amount of words, but still trying to make it feel like a whole story has been told, has been a blast. Thanks to @wynnyfryd and @steddieas-shegoes for challenging us all each month!

What is your writing process like?

I don't outline or anything. I just write, and edit, as I go. And I'll edit obsessively. I'll tweak and change small things over and over, ad nauseam. And even then, I know I still miss mistakes. But my mistakes are my own, I have no beta, because I kind of like being solely responsible for anything I write. Right or wrong. Here it is, take it or leave it. I also talk things through things in my own head a lot, especially dialogue, or I'll open a document, and just see where that takes me. And if I'm writing a long fic, like Tuesday's, I write totally out of order when scenes come to me. I wrote on every single year of that fic all at once. Then kept writing until they'd stitched themselves together into a full story. That's my last part of writing. Putting in the transitions from one scene to the next, when needed.  Sometimes ideas are more fully formed before I start putting words to the page, and other times I literally just start and figure it out as I go. There's one fic I wrote for Steddiemas last year where I sat Steve down at a mall food court and then just started writing. I had no idea what that was going to be. (It was Eddie turning up as the Mall Santa.)  Also: Research, research, research. I love the research aspect of writing. I'm curious in general, and if I can even think to look something up to see if it's true, or of the right time period, I will. And I like to add mixed media to my fics. That was a huge part of Take the Money & Tuesday's. All the newspaper articles and such. I felt like they were needed to make it feel like this really happened to these characters we all love so much. I did newspaper articles all throughout writing Tuesday's. In fact, I think that main article, the one at the top, was written and designed very early on in the writing process. They weren't all done at the end, they were done as the story needed them.

Do you have any writing quirks?

Short paragraphs. I love 'em. You'll pry them from my cold, dead fingers. Also see: Long sentences.  Honestly, I do like to throw out the rules, a bit. I write by feel. How does it sound, to my own ear? If it works, for my character, my fic or just me in general, I'll use it. "Don't use two "ands" in a sentence." Okay, but sometimes I'm gonna when that flows the best. Or: "That's a run-on." Okay, but I like the way it reads. "You don't need a comma there." But, I like the way that it breathes, so it's getting one. All this is especially true if writing from someone's POV. I know I don't always think in proper grammar, and I don't expect them to either. I don't want things to feel hard to read, but I do want them to feel natural. If that makes sense. I walk around, pacing as I write or edit on my phone, as if the moving somehow lets me see it differently. I think it does! And I don't know if this is a quirk, but some of the characterizations formed while writing Tuesday's have stuck, hard. Gareth is Gareth Jones, and where you find him, you'll probably find Di. Freak is Goodie. Jeff is Jeff Williams. These things have been decided in my brain, and now I feel compelled to take them with me, fic-to-fic. I didn't intend to build a headcanon I wouldn't be able to shake, but here we are.  I feel like I can transplant Steve and Eddie anywhere, into anything, and be comfortable changing things up. But the Corroded Coffin boys are cemented, as they were created, for the most part. Maybe that's because I did have to do so much shaping for them. Steve and Eddie, we know. We're all working off a decent amount of canon content. Corroded Coffin only had a few moments on screen to help flesh any of us flesh them out into real characters. And now that I've made my choices, for good or bad, they're here to stay.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Finished, definitely. My three long fics were all mostly written before I started posting, and I still struggled to get the last part of All of Across the Universe out in a timely fashion. Tuesday's was posted over one week, one chapter per day, and I really enjoyed that fast schedule. It didn't give me any extra time to overthink the finished product. It was going out, and that was that. I had to trust that I knew what I was doing when I deemed it finished.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Tuesday's Gone With the Wind. I truly thought I was done after Take the Money and Run. And then this idea slapped me in the face, and I spent five months just lost in their world. These versions of the characters came so naturally, and they are still with me today. I feel like most of what I've written since then is shaped by those versions. Also, that was the last fic I wrote without anything else coming down the pipe. The last one before I joined Tumblr. The last one that had my full, and utter, undivided attention. It's really special to me, and I'm beyond grateful to everyone that has embraced it and recommended it to friends. I know it's got some scary warnings, but for those that have dove in and let me know that it spoke to you in some way, you've made me so happy. It spoke to me, too.

How did you get the idea for Tuesday's Gone With the Wind?

By watching the documentary "If I Leave Here Tomorrow" about the band Lynyrd Skynyrd. As I was watching it, there was an interview section where one of the band members spoke about their assistant road manager, saying: "He was like a bartender roadie. Where he took care of us really good, you know? Anybody who was sick, or needed a little more attention, he was just there for you. He was like the big brother, and sister, and your mama and everything." My brain whispered, Steve Harrington.  And that was that. Corroded Coffin were going to get Road Manager Steve Harrington, and he was gonna take care of them as they headed towards this unavoidable disaster. I wrote like 5k words the first night. It was just in there, waiting to spill out, somehow. And I think it's also an anomaly for me, but I'm fairly certain I started that fic with what turned out to be the opening. That first bit of Eddie's first interview section. I think that's where I started telling the story, and it held throughout. That's pretty rare for me. (Fun fact: I wrote all the interview bits in a separate document, and then just fit and tweaked them into the story, as needed. But not that opening. That was the launch pad into everything else.)

When writing Tuesday's Gone With the Wind, what was something you didn’t expect?

It's not exactly a Steddie answer, but - Gareth! Gareth Jones, my beloved. I wasn't on Tumblr when I wrote Tuesday's or any other social media in a fandom way. I was in my own bubble, doing my own thing. So, I didn't know the fandom had given him a fanon surname. I chose my own, and now he's just Gareth Jones to me, and always will be. He's also Eddie's best friend. I've pondered on more than one occasion on if Take the Money and Run would be different if I knew that first, lol. Just exploring my version of a character that had so little screen time to work off was incredibly fun. And has remained fun. Gareth is definitely gonna show up again in my future works. He's to Eddie, as Robin is to Steve in my head now and forevermore.

What inspired Take the Money and Run?

These lyrics from the song "Me and Paul" by Willie Nelson: Almost busted in Laredo But for reasons that I'd rather not disclose But if you're staying in a motel there and leave Just don't leave nothing in your clothes I had a literal shower thought that made me laugh. And thought, well, why are they even in a motel? Oh, they must be on a road trip. So, I wrote that little scene mainly in my head, but jotted it down, just in case, and assumed that was the end of it. But then I just kept writing it. Until I was knee deep in maps and mileage and research trying to figure this road trip out from a logistics standpoint. All because I thought it'd be funny if Eddie left weed in his pants and Steve got all put upon because of it.

What was your favorite part to write from You Oughta Know?

I loved getting to include all the fun 90s things, since that's when I was a teen, and can remember a lot of it very distinctly, first-hand. And I loved getting to use El's powers to look in on Eddie, so while they might not know where he is, they did know that he seemed to be doing okay out there in the world. Also, if I could go back and change one thing about it, I'd fix that I said Eddie's never had an acoustic guitar. I didn't notice his acoustic in his room until my re-watch. Oh well. This version of Eddie didn't, I guess, lol. (This might be from the second part, Eddie's POV. But still. It's my Roman Empire. I think of this mistake at least once a week and beat myself up. If I'd been on Tumblr at the time, I feel this would have never happened, because someone would have blogged about it, drawing my attention to it, surely.)

How do/did you feel writing Never Not Mine?

This one is heavily inspired by the Taylor Swift song imgonnagetyouback. It was fun to dig into a slightly angstier world for a bit. Because things don't always work out, or if they do, not always the first time around. I like to think they'll find each other again, in any universe, but they might not take the easiest path. They aren't perfect, and that's realistic.

What was the most difficult part of writing Let the Boy Be Merry?

Crying while writing it. This one slapped me around a little while writing. Life isn't always as romantic as fic leads us all to believe which, the audacity, honestly, lol, but the kind of love and relationship in this fic? That feels real to me. Old, and familiar, and even as well as you know a person, you can't read their mind. You don't always get what the other needs immediately, you don't get how important things can be to them, but figuring out how to compromise is love. Real, lasting love.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

This question was hard! I'm gonna pick two from Tuesday's: For the first, I cried while writing and then cried again while editing the scene where Eddie and Steve hash out how serious their relationship is, and realize they've kind of been on different pages. There are two scenes in Tuesday's that got to me, and made me cry while writing them, over and over, and I don't even know why. (The other is Gareth picking that fight with Steve. Yeah, yeah, I know. Neither of these parts are the saddest parts of Tuesday's. But they stripped me raw, for whatever reason.) And a second, more fun, favorite: I'm gonna go with the scene where Eddie's naked and tripping on mushrooms in the backyard while Steve hangs out with him, and Eddie thinks they've written "Tom Sawyer" by Rush. That was so fun, and just a feel good write, if that makes sense. That whole summer they spent at the lake I look back on writing fondly. They are so in love there. They are all happy. And this scene is carefree in a way that they won't always be, due to circumstances coming down the pipe.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I run @corrodedcoffinfest and I've got a whole list of planned pop-up events coming up over the next few months for that. Steddie is absolutely welcome, so if anyone would like a little more Corroded Coffin works in their life, consider coming to join us! I also finally updated my masterlist, so everything I've written for Stranger Things is finally gathered together. There's a lot that's still only on Tumblr and not on Ao3 at this point.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Thanks so much for including me and my works in this! And to the person who nominated me, thank you, thank you! You really made my day. It was fun to think about these fics again, and answer these questions. I've really enjoyed writing for Steddie, and I've also enjoyed making friends in the fandom. Thanks for welcoming me. Thanks for showing my fics love, and commenting or leaving kudos or reblogging. Just, thank you all so much. And I'm sorry if these answers were too long, lol. As a habitual "end notes" kind of writer, that's just the way I roll. 

Thank you to our author, @thisapplepielife, and our anonymous nominator! See more of thisapplepielife's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[koilarist]

Don't I look good in this dress? In this well manicured mess?

[liyawritesss]

Hey beautiful, can you write more hcs about yusei i really loved the one you did mwah 🫶🏻

ʏᴜꜱᴇɪ ꜰᴜᴅᴏ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ

-> synopsis: what's it like to be in the presence of Satellite's Rising Star, Yusei Fudo?

-> pairing: yusei fudo + black!gn!reader

-> from: yu-gi-oh! 5ds

-> contains: can be read as either platonic or romantic, spoilers from Fortune Cup Arc - Post-World Racing Grand Prix and beyond (basically the entirety of the show if you havent watched it), brief mention of Bonds Beyond Time, mentions of sleep issues, brief allusion to death if you squint real hard, 2nd person ('you', 'your', 'yours')

-> a/n: can you tell he's taken over my brain? Lol I've been rewatching yugioh for the past 2 weeks and my love for yusei is just as strong as the day I first saw him (at like..8 lmao). Thank you so much for this request lovelie! I'm so sorry it took so long for me to get to it, but i do hope you enjoy!

-> join my taglist!

-> tags: @mbakuetshurisprincess @shuriszn @writingintheshadowsforever @cafehyunji @niyahwrites @marsfunzon22 @briology @asensitivecookie @moon-bo-young @flo-milli-shit-hoe @romiantic @shuinami @badass-dora-milaje @uranometrias @elvenxwarrior

-> YUSEI FUDO whom you met as orphans under Martha's care. He was this rugged little boy with his knees constantly scuffed up and who practically lived in the junk yards, but he was kind and compassionate and made you his friend almost immediately. You remember his reticent voice when he peeked around the corner to your room, asking to go to the scrap yards with him to find Duel Monsters cards...if only you knew the lifelong friend you were making when you took him up on his offer.

-> YUSEI FUDO who doesn't sleep.....I don't think we've actually see this man get a solid few hours of sleep in the show, every time he's shown in a bed he's awake and thinking. I feel like, with a mix of programmed hyper-alertness from growing up in the satellite and a bit of insomnia, it's very hard for yusei to actually fall asleep. unless he's somewhere or surrounded with people he knows he's safe with, he barely closes his eyes for more than an hour or two at a time.

-> YUSEI FUDO who, in the mean time, got things to keep him busy. there's never not any tinkering he could do to his runner; he's always checking up on luna and leo due to their parents absence, and generally just riding around the city on his runner. I think he prefers to keep his mind busy so that he doesn't end up thinking about things that have happened in the past. yusei preaches about not being too hard on oneself and giving yourself grace, but I think it's a bit hard for him to practice what he preaches, especially as more people start to look up to him as an example of what a good person should be like. he's constantly thinking about how things could have been different, how he could have done things different. for certain things, especially the situation with kalin, I feel he holds some guilt for that he's steadily working to overcome.

-> YUSEI FUDO who, in speaking of the twins (and honestly any of the orphaned kids that crow has looked after, once they've met him and got to know him) yusei becomes this honorary big brother figure to them, and at first he wasn't sure how to feel about it. like, when he met the twins, he himself was still a kid, and his only concept of siblings was growing up with jack and crow under martha's care. so he uses his past experiences, and ties them with the compassion and immense care that he already has, and applies that to situations when dealing with the twins. he'll show up to their school on his duel runner to pick them up (to either a) allow leo to brag to everyone about how cool yusei is, and b) to scare off any so called bullies that call themselves messing with them), help with homework (what little he can help with - living in the satellite didn't grant great education unfortunately), and overall just be a support system to them

-> YUSEI FUDO who genuinely didn't think he'd see himself being a sort of businessman as an adult but he takes pride in being able to continue on his father's work, and genuinely believes that there is good being done with the work on the Ener-D Reactor (yknow, contrary to what Paradox claims from BBT). though it does take up majority of his time now, he does try and visit his friends as often as possible. it's a little bittersweet - everyone's going off on their own adventures and journeys, but it's exactly what everyone wanted. if yusei hadn't stepped up to the plate and be the face of liberation for the people of the satellite, who knows where they all would be; still off in that trash heap separated from the rest of the world, or worse. he's happy he gets to see the people he loves living their best lives, even if said lives take them away from where it all began.

-> YUSEI FUDO as a friend means you're always taken care of. in need of some help? call him up and he'll be there if he's available. if you're feeling down or under the weather? he's doing his best to get you back to full health. birthdays, holidays, milestones; if they're important to you, they're important to him, and he'll try to make them memorable for you. he's very attentive and thoughtful when it comes to the people he cares about. it's never about putting himself before others or prioritizing others before himself - he's a born team player, so whatever you're going through, whatever you may need, he's right there with you, taking on the challenge with you, getting his hands dirty if need be with you as well.

-> YUSEI FUDO loves a good beat. Any song that can get his fingers or feet tapping or his head bobbing, he's immediately going to like. There's a certain momentum he likes to keep when he's doing things, and usually listening to music helps him with that. It also helps him to keep his mind on track. And you know if he starts singing the song too, then he really likes it. While he's a fan of good drumming, I like to think a decent rift will also hit well. If I had to choose a song from my playlist that I think he'd enjoy, I'd say "Carried Away" By H.E.R.

-> YUSEI FUDO who is generally quiet over all out of a habit of observation. I don't see him growing into a chatterbox when he's around people who make him feel comfortable, however, I do think that the reason for his quietness changes. instead of it being due to hyper-alertness and keeping his guard up, being around the people he cares about, and who care about him, allow him to .... essentially not think. it takes a long time for this to even occur, and longer for people to actually notice, but eventually yusei relinquishes the need for having to always be aware. He allows himself to be comfortable, relaxed, and at ease. he may even crack a joke or two. please let this man have a comfort space, he truly does need it

-> YUSEI FUDO who, as a lover, I feel like much doesn't change with yusei from a standard friendship. he's always there for you and will always let you know how much of a priority you are to him, and how much he values your affection and care for him. though he has no proper example of what a relationship ought to look like, he goes with what feels right. he treats you with the utmost respect, tends to your needs as best as he can, and tries to keep communication as open as possible. with his job, and his past, that can be hard, but as long as you're understanding and patient with him, it all works out. he may be a bit brash with certain things, but it's all because he sees you and your relationship as a gift from the heavens - something to be nurtured and cherished for all his lifetimes to come. he doesn't wanna do something to screw it up; he's lost too much to the world as it is, and he doesn't know what he'll do if he loses you. he might even be afraid of the kind of man he'd become if he did lose you - in his darkest hours, you've always kept him sane and focused. losing you would mean losing a part of him, and he doesn't know how he'll take it.

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!

[mrfrogz]

Mistletoe (Sova x Gender Neutral Reader)

Hey guys! Time to bless(or curse) everyone with my second oneshot on here :) I did write this a long time ago, but better late than never lol. Again, it was first posted on my Ao3 so if you're interested please click here! As a side note, I'm sorry if any of the Russian translations are wrong, I used Google Translate. This oneshot will have a part 2 (a very spicy one at that) but I'm not sure when I'll post it :( But I hope you guys enjoy the part one! ____________________

Sova recently gained an injury on a..less than successful mission with Kingdom. It was a minor one, there was no need to worry about his life. However, it left him out of the action for at least two weeks. You, being more of a "behind the scenes" person than a fighter, kept Sova company. So far one week had passed and you two became closer than before. You and Sova were always friends, but now with you occasionally tending to his injury and always keeping his spirits high, you two got even closer.

It was the start of his second week in recovery when you had decided to teach Sova all about the classic Nintendo video games. Considering he never got free time and whenever he did, he was busy tinkering with his bow, you thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to help him relax. You had gone over the classic Mario games and were about to start on the first Zelda game when you two decided to take a break for lunch. You had been cooking for the both of you but today Sova wanted to go out; he would pay, of course, he never let you or anyone else pay for that matter. You were zipping up your boots and Sova was putting on his jacket when he asked…

"любовь, where's your favorite place to dine?" Recently, he's adopted that nickname for you. You had no clue what it meant, and he wouldn't tell you. He did, however, reassure you that it was something very positive and he smiles each time he calls you that. So, that was good enough for you. For now.

"Sov, I've already told you that we can eat wherever you want. You're paying for it after all!" You smiled up at him before standing. He had asked you that multiple times already, clearly not backing down.

"I know that, but I want you to enjoy it as well." Sova opened the door for you, gesturing for you to walk through with his other hand. You did so, while shaking your head playfully.

"As long as I'm with you, I'll enjoy it." It was a bit more forward than you intended but you still meant it. You could've sworn you saw Sova's pale face go a bit pink, but you shrugged it off. After a few minutes of silence, with Sova realizing you truly didn't care where the two of you went, you had arrived in the busy downtown. It was cold out, as it was right in the middle of December. It wasn't snowing yet, however yesterday's snow was still all over the place: the ground, buildings, cars. Wherever it could get, the snow was there. You were shivering slightly, despite the hat, gloves, and jacket that Sova insisted you wore. You didn't do so well in the cold, Sova was the complete opposite. Sova glanced at you, frowning seeing your nose slightly red.

"Are you okay, любовь?" He inquired, taking off one of his gloves and cupping your cheek. He was feeling how cold your face was. You couldn't help but flush from the action, avoiding his piercing eyes. Sova just frowned more, rubbing your cheek gently with his warm fingers. "We should get you inside, Y/N. You're freezing."

You gently shook your head, not wanting the feeling of his rough skin on yours to go away. Instead you smiled unsurely. It was true; you were freezing, however you didn't want to go anywhere Sova didn't want. "I'll be alright, don't worry about me." He merely scoffed lightly and grabbed your hand, pulling you into the nearest restaurant. Which actually wasn't a restaurant at all. Instead, it was a small café. You relaxed at feeling the warmth from the heating system. You felt a lot better already. Sova smiled seeing you relax, gently letting go of your hand once more. You had to hold in a frown at that action, wanting his touch once more. You had a hard time admitting it to yourself, but you had grown a small crush on the Russian man standing next to you. You had tried to convince yourself that it wouldn't become anything more than a stupid heat-of-the-moment thing, but his caring and protective nature just made you fall deeper and deeper into his spell.

"Y/N!" Sova called, already sitting down at a table. You shook off your thoughts, making your way to your seat across from him. "Lean forward." He said, providing no other explanation. You were taken aback, raising your eyebrow.

"Excuse me? Why?" You replied, not moving. You took your gloves off and set them on the table, seeing Sova abandon his.

"I wanna feel you." Sova remarked, not seeing anything wrong with that sentence. You, however, having read many a fanfiction choked at that statement. Your mind immediately went to a different place, and your face flushed once more. However, this time it was bad enough that it spread to your ears. Sova, not realizing the implications he provided, tilted his head slightly. "любовь, why is your face red? Are you alright?"

After you calmed down your thoughts, you nodded your head a bit. "I-I'm fine Sov…here." You leaned forward a bit, not bothering to ask for more explanation. He smiled softly and gently stuck his hand out, feeling your forehead and then your cheeks. Without fail, you flushed once more. However this time, you managed to look Sova in the eyes. As he cupped your cheek, the two of you made eye-contact.

"You feel much warmer now, Y/N. I'm glad." After a quick second of you two staring at each other he brought his hand back down. Sova then looked around a bit before standing up. "милый, what do you want to drink and eat? Like I said before, I'm paying." You tilted your head slightly at the new nickname.

"That ones new…what does it mean?" You asked, ignoring his own question for a second. "And hot chocolate and a bagel please," Then you responded. You could see his blue eye gleam for a second before he smirked. That smirk that made your knees weak.

"Darling." He said blatantly before walking off to get in line, leaving your face red once again. You shook your head. He didn't just say that, right? Surely you must just be imagining things. Still, you couldn't get the way he said that out of your mind. Darling. And he was saying that to you! Unfortunately, this train of thought was interrupted.

"любовь! Whipped cream or no?" Sova asked, looking over at you from the line. You nodded your head shyly, embarrassed by your own thoughts. Sova also nodded in response and turned back to the cashier. You were easily brought back into your thoughts though. Why did he call you darling? Was it just a friendly term in Russia? Or…did he…No, he couldn't. You weren't brave enough or 'cool' enough for him to share the feelings you have for him. Or so you thought.

"He keeps making my head spin…" You mumbled, looking down at the table, running your hands through your hair. Unbeknownst to you, a certain tall Russian archer was staring at you, wishing he was the one running his hands through your hair. He cleared his throat once he made it to the table, setting your hot chocolate and already cream-cheese filled bagel down in front of you. This took you out of your thoughts and you looked up. Smiling, you said, "Thank you, Sov." He smiled back, with a slight nod of his head. He went back to his side of the table, setting down his cup of coffee.

"Of course Y/N, anything you want I shall get you." He laughed afterwards, but you couldn't help the faint blush that formed on your face. Sova took a long sip of his coffee, and you looked down at your bagel.

"Did you spread the cream cheese for me?" You asked, looking back up at Sova. It seemed his pale skin went faintly pink, just like earlier. You were surprised by this, because you really thought he didn't share any feelings. Maybe it was just a fluke…

Sova finished sipping his coffee and shyly nodded his head. "I did, милый. I hope you don't mind." He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, avoiding your eyes. You felt your body heat up. There that word was again. Darling. You avoided looking at Sova as much as he did looking at you.

"I-It's fine, I really appreciate it." Still, you smiled as some form of thanks. The two of you finished your drinks, laughing occasionally at some joke one of you made. It was nice, escaping the cold and enjoying some quality time. It almost, felt like a date? No, you were just making things up. After you finished and put your gloves on, Sova stood up. He extended his arm for you to take, smiling.

"Shall we?" He asked and you took his arm, nodding your head.

"We shall." You two started walking out of the café like some Victorian couple, until Sova suddenly stopped. He looked up and a smirk slowly made its way to his lips. You tilted your head and looked up as well, raising an eyebrow.

Sova spoke up after a minute. "омела…Mistletoe." He looked back to you, smirking and gently cupping your cheek in his gloved hand. "May I kiss you, любовь?" He asked in a soft voice, looking into your eyes.

Needless to say, you were in shock. The moment you've been dreaming of is finally happening and you stared at the other's lips. "W-Why?" You asked, biting your lip.

Sova tilted his head and chuckled nervously. "Why? What do you mean, why? I want to kiss you, and we're under mistletoe. I thought..that's what happens?" He asked, seemingly just as confused as you.

You avoided looking at Sova, afraid he was just doing this because of some tradition. "I-If you don't wanna kiss someone, you don't have to even when under mistletoe." You explained, a little disappointed that he might not actually want to kiss you.

Sova chuckled softly and shook his head. "I do, I do want to kiss you." He gently stroked his thumb against the softness of your cheek. "I have, for a while I must confess. But I was afraid of coming on too strong."

You raised an eyebrow, a bit amused that he was afraid of coming on too strong. "And calling me darling isn't too strong?"

That earned another chuckle out of the Russian man standing before you. Luckily, nobody came in or out while the two of you were having this moment. Talk about buzz kill. He shrugged, "Friends can do that, right? I hear people say it all the time, I figured it was subtle."

You shook your head with a smile and gently flicked Sova's forehead. "Sov, no. It makes me flustered every time, you think I took it as something friendly?" You asked. "But then you just treat me as a friend so.." You trailed off.

"I suppose so..But I don't see you as just a friend. You're someone who I want to love. When the Earth turns into a frozen wasteland, I want it to be you who's by my side." He smiled. "So, let me ask you again. May I kiss you, любовь?"

You just nodded your head, going on your tip-toes in order to reach Sova's lips. He gently connected your lips to his, being so gentle and soft with his motions. All of the butterflies in your stomach exploded and you melted into Sova's hands. One arm of his moved to the top part of your waist and you could tell he was smiling in the kiss. It was truly a magical moment between the two of you. After what felt like a glorious eternity, Sova pulled away.

"You're a very good kisser, милый." He smirked softly. "I should've asked sooner, if I was to experience heaven without ever dying." He flirted, followed by a soft chuckle.

Your face, naturally, flushed and you avoided eye contact. You let out a nervous chuckle, and your heart was beating a million miles an hour. "Let's just leave before we block someone's way out, okay?" You said, opening the door and walking out with Sova following you, snickering under his breath. He grabbed your hand and held it, smiling.

"Does this mean you'll be my date to the Christmas party?" He asked, squeezing your hand gently. "If so, what color do you want to show up in? Brimstone told me that all the couples are gonna show up in matching colors."

You pretended to think about it, tapping your finger against your chin comically before breaking cover and laughing. "Yes of course I'll go with you! And what about green? It's my favorite color." You smiled.

Sova nodded his head. "Green..okay, I'll have to remember that. But thank you for going with me." He brought the back of your hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it even if you were wearing gloves.

"Of course, who else would I go with? After all, you're the first one to make out with me in a café. Yoru was a close second." You joked, shrugging nonchalantly.

Sova rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed by your joke. "Yoru? What did the 'oh-so-great shadow walker' try on you? Makes sense he didn't have the balls to kiss you though, he's nothing more than a трусливый." He scoffed, mumbling what you assumed were curses in Russian.

You playfully ruffled Sova's hair, standing on your tip-toes as you did so. "Oh hush, he didn't do anything. I was just messing with you. You're the only one to have kissed me out of the group." You reassured him. "And I hope it stays that way." You smiled.

Sova seemed to regain his confidence with your reassurance. "Of course it will! I've just caught the prized prey, I'm not letting you go until I take my last breath." He smiled back, giving your hand another gentle squeeze.

You raised an eyebrow. "I'm your prey, huh? I always knew you had a primal kink." You joked, laughing softly.

Sova merely smirked and hummed softly. "Oh, you have no idea little one."

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #39 | 3.27.24 ๋࣭⭑

Happy March!!

This devlog is going to be a bit shorter, but...... it's for Exciting Reasons that I will share later in the post. heh.....heh.....HEH.....

Let's jump in ^^

This month, writing was mostly dedicated to Etza's route! We have officially entered the Developmental Editing part of Etza's route, which is super exciting!!!

There were parts of Etza's route I wasn't completely satisfied with, so I spent a lot of this month tinkering, adding, fleshing out, editing, etc. for their route. I'm happier with it now compared to where it was when we entered this month, and especially with Wudgey's help, I'm excited for Etza to get the love they deserve!

I had a small, optional goal for myself to start Kuna'a's route, but honestly, I felt like between work with the Enhanced Demo, Etza's edits, and just generally feeling a bit tired after being Super Productive in January and February, I decided to give myself a break. That being said, I'm relatively confident I'll be getting started with Kuna'a's route next month, and I'm excited to dive into their route (and the Fae routes in general, teehee!).

Vui is on the very last of the BGs I need from him..... So I am in mourning.......

Kidding but not kidding. Vui has done an amazing job of putting the backgrounds for Alaris together! They're absolutely stunning, and by the time we get to the next devlog, he will have finished ALL of the BGs for Alaris! It's been about a year and a half in the making, which is kinda crazy to think we have been together for this long (and working on the full game for this long), but it's definitely A Moment.

In celebration of him reaching this milestone, I wanted to highlight some of the BGs he's made for the game! The theme is early morning; some of these BGs are in the demo, and some are in the full game hehe. You'll have to guess the context of the mysterious full game BGs :')

Sneak Peek: BG Showcase, morning strolls around the world of Alaris

I also thought it's been a while since I showcased a CG here. While I don't play on showcasing many of the full game CGs on public devlogs (I do show them on my Patreon!), I wanted to show a little snippet of this specific CG.

Why, you ask? Well, for the OGs, you might remember I showed a sketch of the CG during the Alaris Kickstarter---whenever the hell THAT THING happened.

I finished rendering it now that I got the BG for it, so I wanted to show a peek of that sketch that I showed oh-so-many-years ago.

Sneak Peek: Kayn Full Route CG I want to lick him

Generally for art progress, I've been working on CGs as well as some promotional materials, which I'll be getting to in the next section \o/

Now for the Exciting News!!!!

I have two bits of exciting news. The first is...

Sneak Peek: Selection Screen for Alpha/Beta Access (OUUUUGGGGGHHHHH)

I STARTED CODING KAYN'S ROUTE!!!! The first act is already "done" and ready for beta access. And I'm hoping to finish the other two acts within the next couple of weeks. It is crazy to finally be able to code some of the full game routes. Even if they're not at the "final version" or early access stage, it is Extremely Rewarding to finally experience the scripts I've been writing in the game!!! With the CGs.... Extended Screens..... Just seeing the script with visual assets and not just a Google Doc is SOOOOO FSEIKLFJSEILE

Sneak Peek: Chapter Character Cards (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

The second piece of Exciting News is that I have a release date for the Enhanced Demo. YEEEEAAAAAA. It's finally happening!!! Please stay tuned over the next couple of days...... An Exciting Announcement is on its way...................................

I didn't do much market research this month. If I'm being honest, I actually struggled a little bit this month with like...... burnout and workaholism guilt. I wanted to take a break after getting the demo ready for public release, but I just couldn't bring myself to fully rest. It felt like there was so much to do (not just with Alaris, but also with real world/work obligations) and all these looming deadlines was starting to get to me.

I'm hoping next month because I'll actually be Releasing the demo (oops, sneak peek of general release date teehee!), I'll be able to feel like I can take a break. But it also sucks a bit that I feel like I have to Earn It. I think with Alaris being a Kickstarter project, I want to get the game in your hands as soon as possible, but of course it's not to anyone's benefit if I burn myself out in the process and end up with either a worser project or taking even longer to finish it.

I did...... start Stardew Valley again since it is the ultimate dissociation/break game for me. So far it's been working! But we'll see how it continues <3

LOOK AT MY FARM!!!

Should I marry Sebastian or Elliot.

Anyways, hope you all have a great rest of your month, and I'll talk to you Very Soon with an Exciting Announcement! <3

[pepsiiwho]

I've been re-listening to Brandy's Cinderella and I am, unfortunately, incredibly weak for the Cinderella story now that I'm older and done being an edgy teenager at all times. Now that I am an adult who is drinking and mildly tipsy, I can combine my favorite current thing (HADES 2) with my favorite princess trope right now (CINDERLLA)

So theres the Hypnos version and the Melione version. Honestly, I'm a bit more taken by the Mel version right now because reverse love stories just move me horribly. So that'll be the focus.

WaxWitch under the cut, no spoilers for Hades 2 other than characters who appear and possible canon interactions compared to this au. Long post WOOP WOOP...

So obviously Cinderella in this au is Icarus and The Prince, now Princess, is Melione. Icarus wouldn't really be the step child under the wicked step mother but just because I'm iffy on the actual lore of the myth and his canon relationship with his father during life in the game, I'll be taking to liberty to say it wasn't great and he very desperately wants to get out of his house and 'spread his wings', so to speak (crowd loudly cheers because I said the thing).

Anyway so similar to the plot of the film, Melione is the princess and daughter of the king and queen. This could be a simple, "Mom, Dad and Brother are back and life is good" set up or "Mel is all that's left of the royal line with her tutor/ god parent turned Adoptive mother as queen" either works, doesn't reeally make a difference. whatever,

So they meet in the main square and Melione is instantly taken by the tinkering boy who dropped his basket of apples or whatever he was doing. They get to talking and eventually one of them has to go but they promise to meet again.

So they do. Again and again and again. For years they continue meeting once a week, every week, regardless of everything else. Melione finds someone soft and kind, someone with a mind that never stops moving and expects nothing from her in terms of revenge or strength. She finds someone painfully mundane and it's refreshing, at first, to be around someone so simple. As they grow together she wishes her dearest Icarus could have more, could have everything this world has to offer. Everything he deserves and more.

Icarus is instantly in love with her. First because the pretty young princess is talking to his pitiful self, both of them the tender age of 15 with nothing to show for it but difficult personalities and a need to prove something, but his love for her just grows and grows with each passing day. He pushes himself to create more and more to amuse Melione with little bobbles and simple wooden figures, then to help Melione ease the day to day humdrum of her classes with paper weights and dynamic knife sheathes, then to aid with her trainings then to help rest her mind. He loves how she laughs and how humble she is even though she of all people need not be humble. How she insists on cleanliness and everything being in its rightful place. How she's such an ass about gardening and how specific soil must be and how seeds are placed. She has a mole on her wrist and she always blushes and groans when her aid called her 'minnow'. How she would have these moments of contemplation, of grief and mourning for a family she never knew. Everything about her entranced him and it somehow just got worse with each years they knew each other. And with that longing came the gap between them widening. Eventually her royal training lessons began, to prepare her to take the throne one day, and that only solidified the distance between them. Maybe that's why things went wrong.

Shit hit the fan during their last day together. He flew too close to the sun with one project, inviting on strengthening himself with her help. Maybe he knew, even then, that he was too weak to be hers. Maybe he was just a headstrong child. Doesn't really matter either way. She got hurt, lost and arm, and he made himself scarce. It was pretty cut and dry (ha) by that point.

A few years later and Melione is at an age to find a consort. Continue the line. No one catches her eye, no one can after the one boy who had her heart left her without even a final goodbye.

So her mother plans a ball to find her a consort. Any and all eligible youth in the kingdom are invited. It's a massive affair. Icarus wasn't going to go, how could he in his ratty ruined inventor's clothes and scorned name. Why, the guards would probably pierce him dead the moment he walked up to the steps of the palace. Rightfully so, of course, but he can't shake this feeling that he needs to go. To see her again.

That's when his fairy god mother appears, [I am not at all picky about who, I think Aphrodite because LOVE idk, but anything works] and she convinces him to go even though he thought it was impossible. He's dressed to the nines, perfectly clean and gorgeous. He barely recognizes himself without the grease one his clothes and bags under his eyes. He rides a wax carriage, and is warned that by 12 everything made for him will melt, leaving him bare, wanting and painfully himself. He sets off at once.

Somehow, Melione doesn't either. A few years and a change of clothes does a lot clearly. But the moment they lock eyes as he comes down the stairs, clad in blue and glass slippers she's entranced. They dance and dance and almost struggle to share words because they're too busy basking in each other's company. It's just so easy. Melione hasn't felt ease like this since... well.

After hours together they escape to the garden, to enraptured with the other to allow another suitor to steal a glance, let alone a dance. They begin talking about their lives and what they want from this ball, and they get close as they speak in hushed whispers between them. Eventually the moment gets too tender, too sweet and they kiss, lulled into each other. Its heavenly.

But, it's late. Too late, even. Icarus can't bare to say who he is and Melione can't bare to let him go. Time, unfortunately, cares for neither. With a final kiss Icarus leaves and Melione is left watching as he runs away, leaving nothing but a single shoe on the steps...

[vamp-ress]

Writing Check-In

Oops, it's September already. Let's drop the next writing check-in. Here is the last one from August:

Active WIPs (as in: I'm actively working on those)

With Silver Part of the With-Verse, my Viggorli vampire-AU. I needed to rewrite a part in the middle and add in an OC. I actually managed to do that in August, so the story is pratically finished. I even did a first round of clean-ups. Usually I let a story "lie" for a bit and then draw it up again to look at it with fresh eyes. But basically: This is finished and will be posted eventually. It just needs some minor tinkering.

Anniversary (working title) This is a 1500 word Viggorli AU. More or less a short domestic scene, I'll not tell you anything more, because I don't want to spoil the plot. It is part of a bigger AU idea I've been mulling over. I'm still at the stage where I'm trying to make the characters work, so I used this as an excuse to explore the character dynamics. I wrote this basically in one go, but I've been tinkering with it ever since - adding and deleting stuff as the AU idea develops further.

Broken Wings (working title) This would be the larger Viggorli AU Anniversary belongs to. I've written two scenes so far and have done a lot of research and general plotting. I do have a two week vacation coming up (yay me), in which I want to dig deeper into this world and get some writing done. Let's see what happens. I like the idea a lot, because it shuffles around how Viggo and Orlando are usually written in LOTRPS (but it's totally how I write my Aragorn and Legolas, so I'm sticking to my guns). No idea if anyone even would want to read this, but I want to write it and I'm totally prepared to take this as far as it goes.

WIPs on hiatus (as in: on the backburner, but they will most probably come back)

The Way North (working title) Yepp, still on hiatus. Aragorn and his female OC (don't worry, this won't be a romance) are still sitting quietly on my harddrive awaiting further inspiration.

First Meeting (working title) This is also still on hiatus. My friend's last attempt to rescue my USB drive failed (freezer), so I'm still back on square one with my A/L first meeting story. This is so depressing.

Dol Guldur (working title) Yes, I actually managed to start a story in August to then promptly put it on hiatus. This was meant to be a Teitho entry and I've written three pages so far, but then the aforementioned Viggorli AU took up all my brain-space and all other inspiration has flown out the window since then. It's most annoying.

Finished Stories (as in, will post eventually)

Live and Let Die This A/L darkfic AU is still on the horizon. It is finished and is just waiting for the days to grow shorter and darker. Also, it could still use some beta-work. So if someone isn't afraid of something really depressing, give me a call :)

[narastories]

catching up about fandom stuff

Oh, hi! Do you mind if I ramble a bit?

I feel like I've been a little distant and antisocial in the past few months due to personal stuff (mainly because my trauma bucket got kicked over many, many times, but also I've been trying to get the ball rolling on a few things I've been meaning to do for a while). And I know I'm not the only one who has been having a hard time. But now it's spring here, and I'm feeling a little hopeful and a bit more inspired. Is it just me? Do we dare to be hopeful??

I'm reminding myself that both of my favorite urban fantasy series, and main fandoms nowadays are due a new book maybe this year, and that is exciting and very much things to look forward to! It also makes me want to quickly write fic ideas I have before the canon status quo changes lol (Not that it matters. I believe you can write whatever you want. But with both of these series, we love to theorize about what is going to happen, so it feels like things are just not going to be the same when we get new pieces of information, you know?)

I'm also acutely aware that I haven't posted a Harry/Nic fanfic since the OTP challenge in NOVEMBER 2022 wtf. And uh, yeah. If you needed any further proof of my poor mental health then it is probably proof enough that I haven't touched my favorite obscure little OTP.

The good news is, that I have actually been inspired to write lately. I'm doing a little re-read of the FPA books, and also Skin Game, and it's all putting me back in the mood for fanfic. And I have been typing away for the past few weeks, trying to get back into it.

The bad news is, that I don't feel like posting things yet. I just want to be kind to myself and create without having to worry about sharing it. I know this might sound hypocritical bc I just shared a post about connecting in fandom. At the same time, sometimes it does good for a story to just let it sit and simmer a bit.

There is this expression (that I don't think is actually very popular in the English language) "to write for the drawer" and I never thought that was a bad thing. Sure I write very niche stuff so you would think it doesn't matter either way, but a story is never the same after you release it out into the world. So it's okay to keep it to yourself for a while and tinker with it and enjoy the process.

I also discovered gif making for myself. (If you have seen the gifset I posted yesterday, no you didn't :P I put it on private bc I wasn't happy with it yet. Mainly bc of the subtitle thing. I either have to figure out a clever overlay or venture out into the foreign planes of the internet to forage a little bit more lmao) I think the popularity of gifsets on tumblr is so fascinating, bc it's a format that just isn't very popular elsewhere (or convenient lol). When I was younger in fandom I never had a good enough computer to do this kind of editing. So now it just made me so happy to realize that my computer can do it, and I found it a relaxing activity.

I already dipped my toe in it with that Hellraiser/DF quote gifset, but now I figured out a method to make it look a lot better. And with open source tools too! That made me especially happy lol But I also realized that if I want to post gifsets then I might have to break my "no sideblogs" rule... Anyway, this is just one more thing that I will probably experiment with privately, and then we'll see if I put it out there or not.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is: creative hobbies are important. And if you can bring yourself to do them even when you feel like shit, it usually helps to feel a little less shitty. And that I will incubate my little projects for a while longer and then maybe I will feel like sharing them.

[doniaqueta]

Hello, knitters and crocheters of Tumblr

I come to you with an app idea, not to start any sort of crowdfunding, I don't want to start the next Tumblr scam. This is just something I want to do (actually, already started to do because I have bad impulse control) and I want to see if anyone else would be interested in using it. Again, I am asking for $0.00 MXN (that's $0.00 USD), and it would be a free app, no ads, maybe I'll slap a link to my Ko-Fi in it but that's it.

I am not doing this for profit, I'm doing it because it'll be useful for me, because the idea goblin in my head in insatiable, and my hubris is immeasurable.

Details under the cut, and I'll be adding updates as I go at the end of the post

The idea is:

An app to help you keep track of current knitting and crocheting projects, projects (aka patterns) you want to get to, and materials you need for all that stuff.

The WIP section would have tabs for each project you started, because if you're like me, it won't be just one. Each tab would include:

A row counter

Information on the pattern, like its name, some notes, the section you're currently working on (for patterns with different sections where the row count is reset)

A timer for the time you've been working on that project, because you deserve fair pay if you sell your craft so you have to know how long you've worked on it

The patterns section would have, well, patterns. For at least version 1.0, I'm thinking a list of PDFs that are stored in your phone and open in your phone's PDF viewer.

Finally, the materials section would just be a good old fashioned shopping list. You input items manually, you check 'em as you get 'em.

---------------------------------------------

Update 29/01

I've finished the mockups and the design of the icons I'll be using in the app. I'm going to start moving into coding territory.

Update 06/02

I've started the development and it's going pretty well. I opted for React Native, and while I have experience with React, I was a bit daunted by the idea of going into React Native. But! It's been smooth sailing so far. I've got a sturdy project structure, a functional menu, and an almost functional shopping list.

Update 19/02

I missed last week's update because I was very sick. For most of the first week, after finishing the shopping list, I worked on code organization and documentation. Now that I was sure that I was going to use React Native, I wanted to make sure the project is organized and sturdy. After that, I've been working on the pattern list, which has been a bit of a pain because I want to respect the user's privacy and security and not access the entire filesystem if I don't need to.

Update 27/02

I got frustrated with my troubles with the filesystem, so like any good procrastinator, I put that part aside and started working on other stuff. Apart from tinkering with the style and some background work to improve performance, I've also added support for different languages (currently just English and Spanish because those are the ones I feel confident I won't fuck up the translations, but I'm thinking of later asking for help with more languages), and I've started working on the WIP section.

Update 08/03

I haven't been able to work on it a lot this week because I had a lot of work to do for my actual job (I had to do my job at my job, shocking, I know), but last week I finished building the first functional version of the WIP section. As it is, it's only for one project, but it should be relatively easy to add tabs for multiple projects. I also had the chance to do something like a demo with a potential user, which is just a fancy way of saying I showed what I've done so far to my cousin (a great knitter & crocheter) and she really liked it :D

Update 12/04

Gap in updates because I was a bit overwhelmed by my job so I gave myself a lil vacation on this project. This week I got back to work and now the WIP screen officially supports multiple projects in different tabs. This means the WIP screen is done! Which means I will soon have no choice but to stop procrastinating the pattern list and face my filesystem problems oh no.

---------------------------------------------

The poll has ended but I'm leaving the results up:

[mysticsparklewings]

Three Cheers for Harmonic Revenge (+ Time Lapse!)

________ This is what happens when you're a fan of both Winx Club and My Chemical Romance, apparently! 😂 Truly a labor of love—I started on this for an MCR album anniversary on June 8th. I so missed the date, but I had to see it through!

⭐️ AND I've got a Time Lapse of the art coming together, featuring my very rough attempt at a matchup of MCR's Helena and the Winx Club Harmonix song as backing music! It's a wild ride! ⭐️ (...There's also an unlisted version with "normal" music just in case my less-than-amateur audio editing skills are too much for anyone. 😅)

Anyway, to make a very long story a little bit shorter, a few weeks ago I ended up down a bit of a rabbit hole trying to identify likely sources of inspiration for the thing to come out of Winx Club Season 5 that the fandom at large actually kind of loves: Harmonix. I went in thinking Ballet, and despite my best efforts came out with that opinion pretty much unchanged. 

Not long after, but for the entirely unrelated reason of Being An MCR Fan on The Internet, I ended up looking at some screenshots from their Helena music video. [I think this was prompted by a Reddit post asking about the dress for cosplay purposes, I'm not sure.] 

It was then I had the thought, so simple and off-handed: "I don't see how you can look at a ballet outfit like this and not think Harmonix was ballet-inspired." 

If you've ever seen a TV show or cartoon where a character says something, and then only after the words leave their mouth do they realize the implications/meaning of what they just said, that was me in that moment. 😱

On the one hand, I want to say "I can't believe I didn't see the similarities before," but on the other...Well, I can believe it, actually. Comparing Winx and MCR in almost any capacity is not a natural thing to do, even with a Ballet connection in each. The fact that I finally did notice came largely down to the serendipity of being a fan of both and just happening upon the Helena pictures not long after spending an abnormal amount of time looking for clothes that look like Harmonix. I think there are many points leading up to that moment where if just a couple of things had gone differently, I still wouldn't have noticed. 

Either way, once the connection was made in my brain it took all of about 10 seconds for "Helena as a Harmonix Fairy" to follow. 🤩

At the time, I didn't have immediate plans to act on it. It was just an idea to be filed away on the little shelf in my brain where I keep "Things that would be fun to draw eventually." [That shelf is super full and in danger of collapse, for what it's worth. 😉]

Earlier this month, that changed when I remembered June 8th is the Anniversary for Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, the album that Helena comes from, and I had yet to come up with any other plans or ideas to commemorate it this year. 

Now, clearly I ended up missing that deadline, and two others I set for myself afterward. Things have just been very chaotic around my house for last 3-ish months or so, and June has been no different. Other IRL things just had to take priority. 😔

In my defense, the art itself was finished on June 12th. This description here and the Time Lapse Video (mostly the video) were what really set me back, even aside from household chaos. But it was really important to me to get a video done for this piece, so getting that done vs. getting the art out faster was the trade I made. 

But part of the reason I bring this up to underline that originally, I thought I was on a fairly tight deadline. As a result, during the planning stage I didn't really have time to tinker with refining the base design or debating details like I normally would. So I drew from the Winx's own Harmonix designs as much as possible—picking out pieces that naturally resembled the structure of Helena's dress. 

If I'd had more time to noodle around...the structure probably would've been largely the same, but the details most likely would have changed to help it feel more original, and I may have gotten crazy enough to try and find a happy [lighter] grey medium between Harmonix's pastel palettes and Helena's stark black and red. 

As it stands though, I'm not unhappy with how that all turned out, I just think it's worth noting how the visual concept may have changed if I'd had more time to toy with it. [Especially for when Future Me ends up referring back to this description; Hi there Future Mystic 👋]

Since my process for making the art can both be seen in the Time Lapse and is something you've all seen/heard me describe before by now [I think I have finally nailed down a fairly standard "Winx Art Process" over the last few months in large part thanks to Winxsona Winter—which yes, I do still intend to eventually finish], instead of taking you through the general stuff again, I'm going to do a bullet-point list similar to one I did for Sirenix. 

The main difference is this time, it's more focused my observations for what similarities exist between Harmonix and Helena's costume, as opposed to just a list of Harmonix traits and how I handled them. [Though there will still some of that too, naturally.]

Most notably, both feature "fluffy" layered skirts. Harmonix skirts don't really look like the same fabric texture, but that could be either a stylistic/animation choice or could be chalked up to there also probably being some Wedding Dress inspiration in the designs alongside the Ballet elements.  Also, at first I didn't think the train on the Harmonix skirts was a similarity, but upon a closer look at the Helena music video...Helena's skirt is definitely longer and train-like in the back, so...Cool, I was wrong! 😄 And: As it turns out, Bloom's Harmonix skirt actually does have a small section that's ruffled a bit differently from the rest—It's just really hard to tell because on her, it's all the same pastel blue color. But as you can see, referencing that part of her skirt here to incorporate the Red underlayer that peaks through on Helena's skirt worked a treat! 😊 P.S. Wow I really hated drawing a lot of really tightly-confined ruffles like this. 😤 And trying to shade them was even worse! 🙃

Both feature form-fitting tops with minimal or no straps. I more specifically saw Helena similarities in Stella's Harmonix top [with the frills over the bust and structure lines below], and later I realized the top-most portion of Musa's has an even more similar kind of frill.  To that end, Helena's is once again definitely supposed to be something transparent like tulle, but since there really aren't any transparent fabric portions of Harmonix, I chose instead to use a slightly lighter near-black to give it a similar effect without breaking that Harmonix "rule." Also, the bodice portion is a true jet black with no shading. I tried the more typical near-black grey that could be shaded at first, but it just wasn't doing it for me. I tried this on a whim and decided it looked good enough to keep.

Most of the Harmonix designs have a kind of "belt" that connects the bodice to the skirt; Perfect match for Helena's red one!  Similarly, most of those same Harmonix designs have a "belt"/ribbon just under the bust as well. Helena does not, as far as I can tell. But I chose to add a read one here for a little extra variety and helping break up all that black.

The Harmonix shoes are almost entirely ribbons winding up the legs; Helena wears black ballet slippers with, you guessed it, black strings/ribbons that wind around her feet and ankles.  Now, maybe I could have gotten away with all-black ribbons and black for the heel portion of the shoes, but 1. The Harmonix designs all use 2 colors for the ribbons and the heel is usually in the "contrasting" color. 2. I knew from the beginning that the skirt train [a mandatory aspect of Harmonix] was going to either be black or a very dark grey, and even during the Concept phase before I had a specific pose in mind, I had a feeling the ribbon tails were going to overlap with said train. So I used a dark red. Originally, it was about as bright as her sash and belt, but then I realized Bloom and Musa's pink ribbons were darker than the pink used in the bodices, a darker red would be closer to the original black anyway, and that would yet again add just a tiny bit more visual variety.  One last note about the shoes: I did my best to match the original winding of Helena's shoe ribbon, except for the very first ribbon across where the toes connect to the rest of the foot. That strap was specifically added as a nod to how Helena's proper ballet slippers outright cover the toe. 

About the train: Similar to the bodice, I started out with the train in one color, the color you currently see for the skirt itself and the very top of the train. It was fine but I was itching for some more variety, so after reassuring myself "Layla/Aisha's train has a few different shades of green instead of being solid so it's fine," I used the different tiers [taken from Flora's train] to create a little bit of a gradient from the black to a charcoal grey. It kinda works as a hint toward Harmonix's more pastel palette. Sort of. 

Aside from Tecna, all the girls' hair is at least partially pulled back in Harmonix. This sorta works out because it appears the front "bang" sections of Helena's hair are pulled back. [In my brain I call this "Doll Hair" because I personally have seen that kind of look way more often on dolls than on real people.] It's similar to the front of Bloom's Enchantix hair.  The rest of Helena's hair appears pretty thick and a little wild, so I tried to incorporate a bit of that here, but I couldn't push it too far without "breaking" the Winx Style.  And while I'm here: I did choose to make Helena's hair a very dark brown. In the video, most of the time it does just look plain black, but there are moments where my eyes pick up on a "warmth" to the color, which makes me think maybe it really is that super-dark brown hair that just looks black. Even if it isn't, I stand by my choice as slightly more fitting for the Winx style, since Winx almost never does truly black hair anyway. 

All of the Harmonix designs feature some sort of small head accessory, usually a tiara. Helena's costume very prominently features netting over the face...And there appears to be something going on towards the back of her head, presumably whatever is holding the netting in place.  I've seen fan interpretations of whatever that is being flowers [usually black roses], and since Tecna has a few flower-ish pieces as part of her Harmonix tiara, that seemed like a fair choice here.  As for the netting...You'll see very briefly in the Time Lapse that during the concept phase, I really did want to include that, but it was too hard to ignore how out of place it felt. Winx rarely does anything with netting in the first place [though a couple of rare examples do exist], and considering certain parts of Harmonix feel like it was designed to be fairly simple [but look complex at first glance, which it does]...I just couldn't do it. So instead, I...Well, it ended up being almost a copy of Layla's Harmonix tiara, but I really truly did not realize how similar what I was doing was to hers until after the full-color version was pretty much done. 😅 I thought I was doing more of an upside-down version of Musa's, and my entire goal was to just do something that came down over the forehead like the netting did. 

Speaking of Musa, if those wings look familiar, they kinda should. Remember before that I mentioned I was originally working on a pretty tight timeline for this piece? 

One of the things that has proven to take me the longest with original Winx designs since I picked up making them semi-regularly again is undoubtedly the wings. I got to really learn that the hard way with Believix at the beginning of this year. 

Because of the very limited time I thought I had and my sluggish pace with wings, when while collecting Harmonix screenshots for reference I noticed "Hey, Musa's wings would still work pretty well if they were flipped upside down..." A little bit of a lightbulb went off. 

I don't even know why exactly that thought occurred to me before I'd even really considered the wings. The best I can figure is a little hangover in my subconscious—At one point I remember reading one of the Winx's Sirenix wings are apparently upside down at the end of her transformation sequence. That stuck out to me at the time because I don't really understand how you could tell if Sirenix wings are upside down or not because of how they're shaped. 🤨

Anyway. So I found a screenshot with a fairly clear shot of one of Musa's wings, flipped it around, and really just traced right over it. 

I did make a few small tweaks, and most notably I added some..."Lines of Tears?" like Layla and Flora's have, but at the end of the day they are still really Musa's wings. 

Normally, I wouldn't have done that and instead would've just taken heavy inspiration from Musa's wings, but again, I thought I had a lot less time than I really did. And to be fair, plenty of other Winx fans re-color or otherwise re-purpose the Canon Girls' wings for their OCs and/or Fan Transformations on a regular basis anyway, so it's not like this is a totally unheard-of idea or anything. 🤷‍♀️

Much later, I also figured in a way it fits; Musa is a fairy of Music, this artwork is largely based around a specific piece of music/the band that made it; I even opted to add music note shapes like Musa's wings produce [all the Harmonix wings produce specific shapes in that way] when they move to deepen that connection after I thought of it. 

Other things worth noting [and this is again a • bullet point list because, frankly, at the moment I'm just too lazy to make this all flow together in more story-like paragraphs]:

I did my best to match Helena's skin and eyes, but her lips and eye makeup were a little trickier. Her lips ended up a bit pinker and not as close to her skin tone in the spirit of Winx, and I had to compromise and use greyish reds shaped like the Trix's eyeshadow to get a similar effect. The eyeshadow still really isn't perfect for Helena or Winx, but I was short on other ideas so, "close enough is good enough."

The shape of the mouth isn't quite what I wanted, either. You'll see in the time-lapse that I already changed it pretty drastically from the first sketch I had. I definitely wanted something open, because while Helena's mouth is not open for the entire music video or anything, it is more open at certain points and this shot in particular is pretty iconic.  But I also didn't want anything too crazy because, y'know, Winx Club.  The bared teeth and lack of upturn for a smile was my compromise. Either the mouth itself needed some more tweaking, or the eyebrows did. The whole expression is okay, I just don't think I pushed it far enough. 🤷‍♀️

There isn't really one specific pose that represents Helena more than the others [...at least not standing up/dancing], so I picked mostly from a general feeling from the music video. I did reference some official stock arts of the Winx in Ballet attire [mostly this one of Flora], but the feet had to be changed pretty notably to fit the shoes, and overall I had to make some tweaks in the anatomy where the stock art and show style differ. [These differences seem to increase from Season 5 onward, too.] 

The background was mostly inspired by Layla's Harmonix, and it might be my favorite part of the whole piece, actually!  Upon closer studying for this project, I was surprised by how much "junk" is in some of the Harmonix backgrounds. There's tons of texture in all of them and a fair bit of color variation in most...It's pretty interesting compared to past transformations and even Harmonix itself. The backgrounds end up being a lot more intense than the solid and gentle pastel dresses. [Wouldn't surprise me if that was intentional!] I had a little more work cut out for me since I couldn't just slap bright colors all over the place. I did consider just sticking with blacks/greys/white and maybe some red, but I thought it might help my version of Helena here pop a little better if I was able to change up the palette just a bit. And, of course, the warmth of the background helps add more variety and liven the whole image up.  Much more to my delight though, I was able to create the background without having to download any new Procreate brushes! 🥳 Between a couple of default ones, the ocean-themed brushes I already had from previous projects, and a couple I just happened to pick up along the way [mostly as monthly freebies from brush makers who normally charge for their work], I had all the brushes I needed already right there, it just took a little experimenting. 

I will reiterate that while it still took time, making the art itself really wasn't so bad or difficult. And it helps that this ridiculous crossover idea was something I really wanted to make—Because if I didn't, who else would, right? 🤪

It's not perfect, sure. But it's here and it still came out pretty good overall, I think. So I'm happy. 😊

Now I would also like to take a moment to explain part of why putting the Time Lapse together for this piece ended up taking longer than it probably should have, because I really didn't have room to talk about it in the video itself...though it does sorta get a mention right at the beginning: The audio. 

To once again make a very long story short(er):

I, in my infinite wisdom, decided instead of the usual royalty-free music stock, to try and create a mash-up of Helena and the Harmonix song for this video. That was more or less the visual premise for the art, so why not go all-out with the theming?

For once, I cannot take you through the full nitty-gritty because, at least to my inexperienced brain, audio editing is a pretty nebulous process. But I can tell you that aside from inexperience, the other thing that probably held me back was my choice of program to handle the task. 

I did not have the patience nor motivation to try and teach myself how to use an audio program for this one silly project, and I semi-accidentally learned at the beginning of last year that DaVinci Resolve has an entire section dedicated to just editing the audio for videos. Since I was able to fumble my way around in there for the light audio editing I wanted to do at that time, I figured that was a slightly safer bet here. It may not have saved me a ton of time, but it was at least vaguely familiar, and for me, familiarity goes a long way in making me comfortable with a program even if I still don't really know what the heck I'm doing. 

This isn't really what DaVinci is supposed to be for—as far as I can tell it doesn't even have an "audio only" export option, which did complicate things a bit—and even if it was, I'm sure any true audiophile will still probably cringe a lot at what I managed to create.😅 I did my best to make it "tolerable" for a listen or two, but I know my ears are inherently biased since I know and enjoy both songs quite a bit already. But I did manage to get feedback from two persons that know notably more about audio than I do, and they weren't horrifically appalled, so I don't feel like I'm committing a crime against music by putting it out there, at least. 

Aside from that, the video did also have to wait on me to finish this description [to a certain extent, anyway]. For smaller projects, I can usually write the on-screen notes for the video first and worry about the description later, but most of the time for a big project like this, I need the bulk of this written description done first so I have a baseline of all the things I want to mention and can pare down from there. 

I can do a fair bit of the video editing up until the point I need those notes, but once I hit that wall there's really no way around it. And in this case, I did actually use all that other video editing as a form of procrastinating on the description. 😅

Most likely because I knew there was going to be a lot to cover, I really put off like 70% of this description as long as possible. 🫣 The other 30% I actually did relatively soon after the art was ready. The plan was to go ahead and get most of it out of the way, but clearly I lost my writing mojo partway through and had to come back to it later...and I was still a little lazy with certain aspects. 

But hey, the description isn't the art, it's just meant to describe the art, so whatever works, yeah?

In any case, I think that's everything I wanted to mention about this particular process. It's been quite a ride, and I'm glad it's over. Mostly so I can go back to working on some other projects I already had cooking before this one came up, but also...I am just glad this is one of those ideas that, as I said much earlier, originally got put on an "eventually" shelf in my brain and actually got to come to fruition fairly quickly after the fact. 

Kinda gives me more hope than I previously had for some of those other "eventually" projects, which is nice. 🙂

Similarly: I don't know if I'll find a way to revisit Winx Club x MCR ever again, but I'm thrilled I I found a way to do it at least once! Doubly so that I'm happy with how it turned out! 😊 With that in mind, you never know. It's possible I'll figure out another way to do it again someday. 

In the meantime, I leave you Sparklers to enjoy this one and the time lapse [whether you're brave enough for the mash-up version or opt for the "easy listening" one instead]. 😉 s usual, I'm off to those other projects I mentioned shortly ago...

_______

Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings Winx Club © Rainbow S.p.A.

Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge and associated concepts © My Chemical Romance

[optiwashere]

I didn't do one of these last week because... eh?

This week, I've got so much on my mind between the epilogue and some personal stuff floating around in my head. Plus, I want to take a day or two off from even thinking about fanfiction just to play some fighting games with friends.

But I have a blanket and a cup of coffee, so why not ramble about what I've been writing/tinkering with over the week? Includes some Smutmas thoughts.

If you want to know why I function the way I do (poorly) all you need to know is that I got about 2.5 hours of sleep and the first thing I did when I woke up was type this out:

Will I actually do all/any of these? I dunno, this month is hectic for me and if I do some I dearly, dearly hope I don't make them all 4k+ fics. I beg myself to stick to 1-2k. Everything in that second list is a complete IDK from me.

I might cut it down to 6 or 10 days of Smutmas if it becomes too much too soon, especially considering that I didn't really think to do it until the 30th. I think I could pull off 10 days starting on the 8th? Maybe tack 2 more on the 20th and 21st to hit 12 days?

Much to consider.

Oh yeah, the actual writing thing.

Decided to split one chapter into two for Nightsongs. They worked OK together, but split apart I think they will have ampler tension considering the weekly posting.

Probably going to skip a week or two of Nightsongs towards the end of the month or early January? Mostly so that I don't burn out from the writing/posting cycle. The 26th is a Tuesday, and that would be an awkward time to post for me.

I wrote 500 dense, dense words for the Gauntlet/Nightsong fic. I want it to match the tone and style of It Is the Wound She Gave Me, but from Asheera's POV so it will likely end up more resigned and somber than Shadowheart's POV in Wound.

Ideas for a follow-up to Blades in the Night are brewing already. There's a couple threads left hanging. IDK if I will make it a third chapter or sequel fic, it depends on any smut I add.

[justfangirlstuffs]

Good day! Hoping you are in good health. I was curious about your mob bosss Sun and Moon story and I noticed you have 10 chpters planned. Will that be the whole thing or is there more? Do you have it all written out or just planned? Hope I'm not being nosy, just curious.

Hi there! And no problem at all. So, truth be told, I actually started writing Celestial Tinkerer a few months back. It started off as just sort of a comfort thing but evolved over time. I was hesitant to post it and at first, only sharing it with a few select people. But thanks to a friend's encouragement I decided to post it. So, most of the chapters are written with the ending still needing finished. I've been going through and polishing them up before posting them. The 10 chapters will essentially be the full main story I have so far. But I might do more drabbles or continue the story further if inspiration strikes.

Thank you for the question and I hope you're having a great week! 💞

[shivunin]

WIP Whenever

Tagged by @zenstrike---thanks for the tag, Zen! I am under strict orders (from myself) not to open any of my writing docs until next Wednesday at the earliest, so I will also do a list of the things I still intend to finish.

Tagging @greypetrel and @ndostairlyrium, and as always no pressure (and if anyone else is working on something cool they'd like to show off, please consider this an open tag as well) c:

Inquisition:

Triptych: (Elowen/Cullen) This is my almost--kind of--not really a love triangle fic. I wanted to explore the aftermath of breaking up with Solas since the game doesn't really address how Lavellan feels directly afterward. So this is kind of a "who am I when I'm not yours?" kind of a story with a slow burn besides.

The Red Crossing Arrangement: (Adahlena/Cullen) I've said plenty about this AU, but it's a world in which the Second Exalted March never happened and the elves live in autonomous nations in the Dirthavaren/Halamshiral regions (more specific explanation here). In order to seal the peace accords, Lavellan has to choose a husband from among human representatives.

Big Bang fic: I can't say much about this! But this one is Salshira/Cullen, very grand in scale and full of pain and action and I am excited about it c:

Various Book of Memories chapters: I have mostly finished Leander and Adhlea's disastrous first visit to the Chantry and I also have a questionable nightmare chapter, which...might be too sad to post. I haven't decided yet haha. Also an extension of the oaths piece I posted here.

Shoulder the Skies: Avvar AU (Elowen/Cullen), focused on language, communication, and cultural transmission (loosely inspired by various ME first contact/translator off AUs)

Saltwater and Sea-Strand: (Emma/Cullen) Mermaid AU! I originally intended to finish this for Mermay and....uh that could still technically happen. Emma is left on an island with elven ruins to research them and discovers far more than she expected.

Stardust In Her Hair: (Josie/Salshira) A piece about family and acceptance set during the ball at Halamshiral (this is...technically done, I'm just fiddling with the tone at the end)

Origins:

I am still tinkering with the idea of doing a full Origins retelling, but my dedication to keeping my fic as close to canon as possible has hobbled me a bit here (from the sheer amount of research and specific videos I need to look up). Everything is in one doc at the moment, but there are two pieces I've been toying with posting separately on AO3.

Amanecer: The first night Zevran actually stays the whole night; yet another step on the "neither of us want to admit that there are a lot of feelings involved here" road

Contrivances: I posted a snippet of this a few weeks ago, but this one is Wen finally putting her foot down about the way Zev casts himself as an object/tool. (It's um. It's mostly her blowing him, and the expression of affection/intimacy without reciprocation vs affection as currency)

(currently unnamed) piece about the fight with Loghain and the evolution of Wen's friendship with Alistair; this is really her taking a hard look at her choices and deciding she doesn't want him to have to make the same ones

DA2:

And Shed Our Sorrows: Hawke leaving Ferelden for Kirkwall, inspired by "Stay I Pray You" from Anastasia

Royal Flush: Hawke cheats at cards; inspired by that post a while back that said something along the lines of "if you can't laugh during sex then what is the point"

Signifying Nothing: Hawke and grief; regarding the week/s immediately following Leandra's death

Give Ourselves Away: Exploring the role of touch in Hawke and Fenris's relationship, especially the way physical contact and healing acts as a sort of stand-in for more overt intimacy

And various expansions of ficlets, especially The Small Hours, Lend a Hand, and A Fond Farewell

(And it's not writing but!) The Fenris scarf c: I'm about ten/eleven inches in and I really like the way the favor section came out

Original:

...so I have written three novels in various iterations, but I am always fiddling with them. On the off chance I ever publish any of them, I don't want to name them here, but the general gist is:

Death's granddaughter reluctantly sends ghosts on to the afterlife in lieu of working her shitty day job, until the woman who helped raise her vanishes and upsets the balance of magic. Now, Araceli has until All Souls' Day to get her back or things in her small town are about to get a lot more spectral. (This is sort of...a way to grapple with death and memory; I love urban fantasy dearly, and I think the role of "unfinished business" is sort of funny to think about in conjunction with the living as well as the dead. Also, I wanted to write a protagonist who tackles the otherworldly with the explicit "yeah, well I am off shift in half an hour so...not my problem" kind of energy) (I am almost done with the second draft of this and it is so much tighter than the first iteration; I can kind of track my own writing progress by how much more coherent the themes are this time around)

Lucita is the chief administrator in a werewolf pack. She's settled into it gradually, but her life is abruptly wrenched off course when her ex girlfriend petitions the pack for help. Something is killing the witches on their own land, and though investigation is far from Luci's job description and her new senses are foreign to her, she is about to find out that in this, as most things, she doesn't have much of a choice but to act. (Like most werewolf stuff, this one is a lot about the conceptual division between logic and feeling, and finding a balance between mind and body)

Fairy godmothers give gifts; unfortunately, not all gifts are good ones. Amalinda was given a gift as an infant that forces anyone who looks at her bare face to see the one they love most instead. To avoid living as someone else until she dies, she leaves her powerful family in the dark of night and takes up a humbler life in the borderlands. As the sole trader with the mysterious Godchildren who live deep in the woods, she hopes to avoid detection for as long as possible. (This is...sort of a Sleeping Beauty retelling if you look at it sideways, but it's more about how identity is shaped by environment and intent.)

[astromechs]

2. 42. 47. 52.

1. do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

i definitely prefer one-shots! at least at this point of my life. i've been playing with doing more interconnected one-shots that are part of a series and tell one big story, but i'll be real that i like the freedom this gives me, structure-wise; i think a lot of the reason why i haven't been successful with writing multi-chaptered fics in the past is that it's felt too rigid of a format for me, since i'm not really a novelist. i like nonlinear storytelling and experimenting with style, so one-shot series give me a logical way to do that without breaking the flow on a multi-chaptered fic and making it feel weird... i think, after all these years, i've finally found what makes me happy here hgjfdksj

2. do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

i don't really have many plans? like i have a couple of these aforementioned series that i sort of have broad strokes of things i'd like to hit in my head, but a lot of my writing is vibes. or sometimes i'll have situations like my recent silly han solo obnoxious nosy shipper story where i was just expecting to be writing a cute little one-shot, but then a sort of post-script second part came to me, and i just rolled with it.

42. what’s the last fic you read? do you recommend it?

free promo for my bud but rebelcaptain fans please read this fic thank you ❤️

47. how many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

NONE TIMES LMAO and i'll tell you why; because if i read over stuff too much and start tinkering around too much i start thinking it's garbage and i lose my nerve to post it. so it's only better for me to just... do a broad strokes glance over to make sure there aren't any glaring mistakes before i just throw it out there.

and honestly, i think this strategy has worked out pretty well for me? just kind of trusting myself? because i've been really happy with a lot of my writing over the past couple of years, just going with my gut and yeeting it out there without fussing over it too much. maybe there are things that could be slightly better with some revision but i think i have good storytelling instincts, so allowing myself to trust the raw vision has been really good for me.

52. do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i have been so shit at responding to comments lately because my life has been so nuts busy 🙃 it's actually my intent over the next couple of weeks to go respond to all my comments, because i deeply, deeply appreciate every single one, and know that whenever they come to my inbox i smile so big, even if i end up not knowing how to construct a reply.

get to know your fic writer asks!

[pynkhues]

Hi, I just want to ask if you’re still gonna write brio related fics? It’s just that it’s been a while and I know that i’m probably annoying you by asking this because it feels like this has been asked before, and i’m sorry if im annoying. Anyway I just wanted you to know that if you’re ever gonna post a story about them, there’s still a lot of us interested in reading it 🥹🥹🥹

Hi! You're not annoying me at all, anon! It's genuinely so lovely to know that people are still reading (and re-reading) my Good Girls fic, and are even still keen for more. So thank you, genuinely, for that <3

And yeah, actually, I think I will write more. I've been tinkering with a few older ideas / prompts again recently and am kinda feeling a re-watch at the moment, which will definitely re-spark some creative juices, as it always does. I've been writing more in general again lately, which has been a really nice place to be, so I think I might even try my hand at one of the smaller brio prompts in my inbox this week and see how it feels to write something new for them again. Just have to see! 😊

[the-shrinkingviolet]

It's been 4 years

4 years since I've logged in or shared anything. (And apparently my blog is 13 years old now! Time flies!) I see it's changed quite a bit, so I might stick around. I don't know. On one hand I feel cringey about coming back and using Tumblr for some reason, but on the other hand I miss seeing the creative side to this site and sharing good art and my interests.

What really brought me back here though was the fact that I felt the need to make a post about how I'm feeling. To go back to "venting" on here like I used to. Just for the moment though. Thankfully, since being on medication I don't feel as trapped or stuck inside myself like I used to. I'm able to handle my emotions and thoughts and feelings in a much healthier way than I used to and actually talk about things. Thanks Prozac!

I really just feel the need to vent right now though in an effort to express myself, not because I don't talk about it, but I guess to just articulate better in words how I'm feeling and how I have felt the past 5 months.

April was a very difficult time for myself and my family and everything has changed tenfold since then. My father had a massive stroke and wound up in the hospital for nearly a week. He almost died and we were fully prepared to make funeral arrangements. But he came back around, sort of. Since then he's made leaps and bounds in progress physically. He has no paralysis, only some nerve damage and numbness of his feet and hands that come and go. He can walk well and does not need a cane or any other assistance. He passed physical therapy in only a few weeks with flying colors. Unfortunately it's the cognitive side of things are not good. There is permanent damage and he will never be the same person ever again. What caused the stroke was a severe blockage in his left carotid artery. He was on medication (and lifestyle and diet changes) these last several months to try to break up the blockage some so that he could have surgery to take the rest out and put a stent in. But none of the treatments have worked. The blockage is still there -- 90%+. So the only other option is to do a bypass through his scalp. There are many risks involving the surgery and of course after, and it won't prevent another stroke from occurring 100%, but it will help lower those odds. Despite this, despite showing my parents the studies and research how bypasses still can greatly reduce the risk of stroke despite all the other factors involved, my father has refused. The doctor basically said that without surgery, the next stroke he has will likely be worse than before and if it doesn't kill him it will render him unable to do much of anything.

My dad has since been forced into retirement and can never return to work. He was forced to sell his farm because he can't do the heavy lifting anymore. He can't tinker or reprogram technology like he used to. One of the smartest and headstrong men I knew now struggles to comprehend what he reads, cannot write, stutters horribly when talking (but can still speak sentences and is still undergoing speech therapy), and cannot drive. I see him feeling depressed and angry and grieving over what he's lost. It makes me sad and angry too and it brings me to tears thinking about it every time. And I really, really wish there was more I could do.

I mean, is there? I'm trying. I've been trying to find him new hobbies. But I don't know where to begin. He has autistic tendencies, so he's very specific with his hobbies and hates trying new things. He loves animals but cannot own a farm. He has always loved technology but has a hard time comprehending it now and it frustrates him trying to use a computer or phone anymore. He hates going out and has developed paranoia now since his stroke. He doesn't talk to anyone hardly, never really had before but now it's worse. His eyesight is permanently damaged now so reading is hard for him although he still does and tries his best. He does take walks, but not far or for very long. Again, I think because of the paranoia with people seeing him in this state now. He's never been an artsy or crafty type and doesn't like those things.

My brother lives at the house now and doesn't do much to help out. He's taken them to appointments when mom can't or doesn't feel like driving. He's fixed up some stuff around the house since the stroke happened, but that's about it. He's otherwise a pathetic piece of furniture that just takes up space, plays video games half the day, doesn't contribute to shit, complains about everything he doesn't like, yet still does not have a job after being back here these last few years. (No comment on my parents handling that situation -- I'm an asshole and I would've kicked him out after a year but whatever) My mother is stressed being power of attorney now with handling all of my dad's finances and benefits, while also going to appointments with him and explaining things to him to help him comprehend what's going on. She's doing a decent job handling it all. I've offered to help with the finances just to take some stress off her shoulders, but she refused. She says she can handle it, so be it. I do step in and chauffeur now to their long distance appointments when my brother refuses, because again, he's a useless piece of shit. The communication between my mom and my dad has been terrible though. She's not patient enough with him and cuts him off guessing what he's trying to say and it just frustrates him more. Between that and my brother just being a useless leech, the house is tense. Some days moreso than usual, and yesterday was one of those days. I couldn't wait to leave. I hate to say that because I want to spend as much time with my dad as I can while he's still here -- because I always have a sinking feeling that he won't be here by next year.

It's been hard jugging this with my job in which I can't even keep FMLA benefits with because the company they use loves to fuck people over and deny the benefits where they can because paperwork comes up "missing". (I call bullshit and I'm ready to kick someone's rear end through the phone now that I've had my claim closed 3 different times by these morons. Oi) Without these benefits in place, I'm not excused at my job to even care for a parent because heaven forbid the company I work for even remotely gives two shits about their slaves to offer an unpaid single day off. On top of all this I am in the process of job hunting yet again.

I guess that's all I have for now. Did this make me feel better? Eh, maybe? I don't know. I think I just wish I could live another life right now.