#I've been so tired for a while so I'm trying to just doodle shit and not care about background quality

[anarkhebringer]

Warming up with doodling them

[comicaurora]

Hey, sorry if you’ve been asked this before, but I have ADHD and I’ve been following your comic for years and just now have started to write my own comic (partially because you really inspired me). But I’m really struggling with staying on the project even when it’s boring and getting myself to work on it in the first place. Do you have any tips on how to keep your brain invested or just to make yourself do the work at all?

I have excellent news, I literally just figured out something really important about this.

So when you're an ADHD kiddo or otherwise have difficulty staying on task in a structured environment where Task is the Priority, the main way people try to MAKE you stay on task is by removing your access to anything that is not The Task. No phone, no TV, no doodling, no going outside, etc. In practice, this just makes us miserable because it takes the boredom that's always simmering around a 2 or 3 and cranks it all the way up to 11. In the same way that you would have difficulty staying on task if you were in physical pain, this crushing existential monotony makes it very difficult to work. The work might get done simply because you have no other options, but it will not be done quickly or well, and it will take a while to recover from how much it hurt.

What I realized earlier this week is I caught myself doing this to myself. I had 42 pages of background colors to do, and I thought to myself "this sounds really tedious, but I suppose I have nothing better I can do." And I realized what I'd just thought, and got very alarmed.

Because back when I was an ADHD kiddo imprisoned by school scheduling and a million little factors that keep children immobile and restrained, I couldn't stop thinking about how big and exciting the world was, and how much I wanted to be anywhere but here. When I was feeling really crushed in I'd pick a random spot on the maps on my wall and just imagine being there instead of my bedroom. This was the impetus behind almost all of my creative energy. I've said it before - anything is a prison if you can't leave, and being in a prison makes it easy to imagine how amazing things could be outside of it. Aurora's initial worldbuilding was forged in the crucible of fifth grade misery. My enthusiasm for art and my creative drive are inextricable from my sense of wonder and yearning for excitement in the real world. Not escapism, but appreciation. Wonders unimaginable are out there, and I gain just as much joy seeking them out as I do conjuring them up in my head and sharing them with all of you.

So now that I'm a grown-up with actual freedom in every way I've been able to get, the idea that I was staying on task by making myself believe the world was small and not worth seeing was extremely alarming. It could keep me on task for an afternoon, but at the cost of slowly extinguishing the thing that made me want to make art in the first place - the hunger to experience and draw inspiration from all the myriad complexities in the world.

So what I've been doing is I've been purposefully and intentionally taking excursions whenever I catch myself thinking "I could take a break but it wouldn't be worth it, it's the same outdoors as always, I'll be uncomfy and unproductive and tired." Because that is never true. Every time I've put down the stylus and gone out, I've been renewed in one way or another, and when I come back to comfort fully recharged I get a lot of shit done. Because it is easier to work on anything if you remember why you wanted to make it in the first place, and it is self-defeating misery to just lock yourself in with it and tell yourself you're a bad person if you can't get it done.

I honestly don't know how widely applicable this is. I have worse wanderlust than anyone I know, so for me this has always been modeled as imprisonment vs freedom. I've also been extremely lucky to find myself in a profession that lets me set my own pace on literally everything I do. But I genuinely believe that when it comes to making art with ADHD, you need to give yourself freedom to move laterally, not just in the direction of obvious forward progress. We don't think linearly in any other part of our lives - art is no different.

[hiraunia]

With the final chapter of TCWKTM by @crinklytinfoil upcoming I have decided to celebrate with more doodles. YAY!

(Did I say upcoming, I meant release. Apperently I posted this 3 minutes after the last chapter updated)

I don't know why I have decided that Shrike always wears those night vision goggles(?) now but they look cool at least(GOD I LOVE THEM).

I think I've finally gotten a hang of Dani's hairstyle for my design which is a blessing because in order from the easiest to hardest hair texture to draw is Coily>Straight>Locs>Wavy>Braids>Curly with a jump of times 4 from braids to curly(My hubris for giving Cyan short curly hair has and will continue to keep biting me in the ass).

Speaking of Cyan, I've also updated him. He always has eye bags now cause he feels tired now, more so than the start of the fic at least. Since, unless I've missed something, he's still wearing Black's suit I felt I should make it a part of his outfit. One of the issues I was having when I drew him though was that we still call him Cyan but he wasn't wearing cyan anymore which is an issue when I read the story but when I drew him it just felt odd. My solution to that hangup of mine was to keep the suit and belt black’s but give him the gloves and boots so there's at least some cyan still on him since I don't think it was ever stated that Johnny cut those off, there wouldn't be a reason to and they would fit him better than Johnny's anyways. He also isn’t wearing his backpack thing or helmet(not that I ever drew anyone with theirs anyways) since I figured they probably lost it or some shit. In this pic no one is wearing theirs but that’s just because I wanted them to look like they were chilling, Cyan straight up doesn’t have his.

Funnily enough this is the one that took the least amount of time to make, I started it yesterday and finished it like now though I do attribute that to a stroke of sudden inspiration that I was able to draw in my sketchbook so honestly most of the work was the coloring.

Drawing these guys just kinda being silly is so fun it's unfair, especially Purple. This man has done so much bullshit, I should shoot him on sight but the moment I pick up my pen he appears, the motherfucker! A pretty fun aspect of these purple are, as you can see, he's using Grey's skin. While I'm pretty sure in the story he looks the exact same I figured it would be more fun for drawing purposes to mix the two of them together to create some distinction rather than just drawing Grey with a purple suit.

My design for Grey had him as average height but more stout(at least comparatively for my artstyle) while Purple was a little more scrawny and tall which worked well for what I wanted to do. His bangs are center parted when Grey's bangs are gathered in the center. Also I drew their expressions differently, when it's Purple I draw his more bitter/sour, I decided that most of his expressions are squinty and tend to furrow the brows while Grey's are more, I'm not sure how to put it, genuine?

As you can probably tell I really enjoy trying to come up with the character's designs myself but I know when to throw in the towel and admit someone did better than me. I tried to come up with a design for Olive/Finch myself but I just could not come up with one I liked even equally let alone more than @krysmcscience 's design. They really captured their energy well so I’m just using theirs.

Ayy, I drew my take on good old Johnny boy. I think I did a pretty good job making him look older without him becoming a mass of wrinkles.

Drawing Flayer's ship was pretty fun, I've been trying to draw backgrounds and objects more so it was good practice. We obviously don't know what it actually looks like yet other than it is made of flesh and metal so I definitely had to just make shit up. For these bitches sake I hope it's bigger than what I designed because it is going to suck otherwise. Just as I'm typing this I kinda already wanna redesign it though.

I went for something more simple based of the premise that ships are complicated and difficult to make; the whole thing is kinda supposed to look like the flesh is doing a lot of the work to keep it together to compensate for a lack of technical knowledge and skill but just now I remembered that Flayer was the head of the mechanics so she almost certainly has more than enough knowledge and experience to make a good ship on her own even without the flesh. Oh well, I can redesign it when we learn more. I'm keeping its face though, the face was a completely but incredibly happy accident.

Also, I find it interesting that the Imposter’s missions are usually about them destroying biomechanical technology but one of Flayer's named imposter abilities is to use her genetic material to create machinery that fuses artificial and organic material.

Bounus Doodles!

I'm pretty sure these were all drawn sometime before the new year but they were all I had and I didn't want to post one image of doodles so enjoy them now.

While I am still proud of Brown and Devon making out I think my favorite doodle here is Cyan and his judgmental ass face. Why is he staring at Finch like, he is not in any position to but judging like that.

I also borrowed Kry's designs for Red and Umber, I couldn't help myself for Umber, it was just too perfect!

Not sure how I feel about my take on Skeld!White(Finnegan I CANT-). I'm not sure if it's just I'm so used to seeing Kry's design that anything else feels weird or just that I made him too baby faced and princessy. I tend to draw men that are very pretty and feminine so I think I went overboard when I tried my hand since he was usually described similar to how I would normally design a man.

[immeg-12]

Hi, I think it's time I talk about a few things because, well, they keep pilling up and I'm feeling tired of not being able to talk about with someone. Skip this if you want! A Diva Moon and a few more doodles will be posted in a bit :3 (in the hopes this shit stays buried)

First of all, I'd like to apologize. I have neglected my social accounts and I'm sorry about that. I have been drawing!... Doodles, mostly, couldn't bring myself to draw digitally in a really long while for a couple of reasons. I just feel like a mess right now, and I'm extremely confused. I don't find motivation to draw anymore, I have too many ideas that I can't simply put into the canvas and do something about them. Don't misunderstand me, I love to draw, drawing is part of my life and it has a deep meaning and importance to me every day... It's just that I struggle to pick up the pen and do it.

There are thoughts inside my head, they're so loud and out of order, between suicide and random thoughts of the day I find myself stuck in the middle. I think I'm having a relapse again. This is not my first rodeo against suicidal thoughts, but they're coming back again, and I'm doing my best. I try not to dwell into them, I try to ignore them and shush them away, fear is my main motivation to fight against them. I want to live, you know? I want to grow up and be independent to have control over my life. There's a lot of things I want to do.

Between lyrics of some new song and suspicions of ADHD, I feel confused. It's been a while since I've considered it, experiences, feelings, symptoms, childhood memories, meltdowns. Jesus... They just keep pilling up and I'm almost certain I might have ADHD.... But I'm split in a half. On one side, it would explain so many, many, many things, it's not even funny. It would provide answers, I'd be finally able to know how to face this problem.... On the other hand though, I'm afraid. I don't have support here, I am a minor, I don't have the money to find those answers. Professional help is heavily needed in cases like this, and I simply can't get it. I don't feel secure opening up and being vulnerable about this with my parents. The things I've heard them say discourage me greatly to even try to visualize how that talk would go.

And finally, if I don't have ADHD... What's exactly wrong with me? Why my head can't be quiet? Why things bother me so much? Why I'm so tired of the noises and the demanding social life I have? No, these are not the only reasons why I think I might have ADHD, there's a hell of things behind that makes me consider it, but I don't want to be an attention seeker. I don't know what to do with myself at this point. The main goal is to keep going, but I know I'll have a relapse again. Some days are easier, some days are really difficult. Sometimes I wish I could stay in the security my room offers me, sometimes the knife or the pills seem too tempting. Millions of scenarios run through my head, and they overwhelm me, my mind overwhelm me, the people overwhelm me, the world, reality overwhelm me.

But I'll try, I have to get better. I want to be better. I want to be okay. I haven't told my friends about this, I think it's not okay for me to reach out for help when I'm too tired to talk to them under any other circumstances. It doesn't seems fair. It's not fair. I don't want to put that burden on them.

So yeah, that's somewhat what's going on in my head. I'll see what I can do to... Make it better?

[leggyre]

You got any adivce for someone who's considering dropping drawing completely since they don't like what they're making at all?

honestly i've been in the same struggle recently bc it just hasn't been a good year for me. i haven't been drawing a lot bc most of the time i'm either sick or i just.. can't. I've been picking myself up as of late and it's a really difficult grind, but honestly the fact i've been able to actually start this grind is already good for now. I guess that counts as advice; be patient with yourself. Self-esteem doesn't come easy and the little steps are worth so much more than you think.

ok so uh,

-if you just started, don't think about it too much. we all start with the weird scribbles. if you stop now you might never get back to it -if you've been trying to doodle often and always end up hating the result, just take a break. art block is seasoning for burnout and you might just be tired. a lot of times i've felt bad about my art i kinda "gave up" for a while and when i came back to it it was like "wtf this easy what was my issue (it was burnout)". so take a break, play some videogames or hang out with your friends for a week. idk write essays about the media you like? it feels like you're being unproductive but resting IS part of productive because just pushing yourself will just result in nothing being done at the end of the day. -look at your favorite work! im not quite out of my latest artblock yet because its a tough one(it's been teaming up with depression caused by health problems it suuuuucks :/), but when i went long enough without being able to draw I kinda started feeling like I can't do shit and can't call myself an illustrator at all specially bc what i do isnt that big of a deal compared to others(<- comparison also big mistake remember youre the only one who can make YOUR art), going through my folders and seeing the stuff I like the most gave me a LOT of motivation to keep going, even if I was still unable to start drawing right away. not giving up is so important. -so yeah love your art. focus on drawing things you like because it's a gift from you to you, and you should treat it as such. i know it's really hard to be positive about it all the time but it can be really good to go through all your artwork at the end of a day and look at the things you like about it, even if it isn't much. -on that note, find something you really like drawing!!! back in high school i had massive periods of depression that kept me from drawing but i occasionally found sort of a 'life hack' for myself which were things i was always able to work with even during the worst times. one of them was just.. bees. i just doodled random characters as these bees and made og designs too and it was fun. the other one was using colored pencils instead of a regular one bc i just like colors and it made me happy :] it didnt matter that they always had the same overall shape or if i couldnt erase when i messed up, i was just feeling good being able to draw something that i liked. -experiment more!! expand your palettes and download some new brushes. i even change from my newest to my old busted tablet that still sorta works occasionally because using a tool that feels different is.. refreshing somehow? idk -when you need to get yourself back up, do the little steps at your own pace. do a little doodle every day. it's okay if it's always the same thing. the same character. the exact same idea. it's okay if it sucks or if it's unfinished because you struggled. Just give it little pushes. What matters is to try. and it's okay if you can't do it every day. maybe every other day if you need a slower pace. -and remember. engagement doesn't measure your skill. art is subjective anyways!!!!! i spent YEARS doodling and posting only my ocs and getting little to no notes. i think one of my favorite artworks from the time i had ~100 followers had like 0 notes for the longest time. to be honest i don't even know if it has any likes at all nowadays i'd have to look it up bc it's a bit buried

[wunidz]

Richard and Sonic the Tulpa

TW// blood, self harm, Tulpamancy, abuse, drug abuse, pills, school massacre, death and murder

I’m Richard Pastel, I don't have any social life nor any friends, just acquaintances that barely tolerate me. I've been jobless for about two years, I'm barely living by a thread at my university. My comfort series is Sonic The Hedgehog, I love the series with the amazing gameplay to the funny shows and the complicated comics. I love the blue blur, he’s so cool in every aspect.

As I was searching up random shit on Reddit, I came up with a new discoverie, Tulpas, some kind of imaginary-friend on steroids? From what I've read I can make one with my mind, to be whatever I want it to be, a being materialized in my brain.

I want one. I deserve a friend, I’m tired of being alone, I'll create one, and make it my best friend forever…

I went all out, I went to all of the posts that talked about it, and started taking notes on how to do it step by step.

I could not wait, I was so excited, I can finally have someone to talk to! someone who would understand me, someone who wouldn’t abandon me.

Now, it’s pretty obvious who’s gonna be the lucky one, Sonic. I've loved him since I was a child. His games,shows and comics were there for me, now HE will be here for me.

So it started, I wrote some notes on how Sonic would act, his personality, basically how I want him to be, alongside I drew a small doodle of him, sadly I messed up by how fast I was doing it, I colored his arms blue, such a dumb mistake, god dammit.

But let’s get to the point. I've set up in my bed laying on the wall, while my computer was playing Marble Zone from Sonic 1, I closed my eyes and started… praying? 

I was really concentrating on creating Sonic, I didn't open my eyes for a while.

until, i’ve heard something, I opened my eyes, the sound continued, was coming off the kitchen, i’ve ran into there to see what happened, 

Standing there it was, Sonic the Hedgehog, the blue blur himself, but there were some noticeable differences, he was not wearing his gloves nor his shoes, and his arms were blue? But i was too excited to care about it now, I couldn't believe it, it worked! My cheeks were burning from happiness

“You good there lil buddy?”

“IT WORKED! IT WORKED!”

I jumped up and down

“Hey buddy! Slow down there!!”

“Sorry- I just got a little excited”

I kneel down to be in his view.

“So, you’re the tulpa I created?”

“Yup! on the flesh! Or whatever i’m made out of haha”

“Hehe, What an awful joke!”

Sonic made a silly face.

We get out of the dorm and went to the campus.

“What a beautiful day!”

Sonic said while running in circles around me.

After we spent the afternoon walking and taking interviews for job opportunities, I got in my dorm.

I invited Sonic to my room, and he rapidly sat in my bed.

“damn what’s all this stuff? How do you sleep in here?”

He remarked looking at all my hoarding stored in my bed.

I felt pretty offended, so I ignored the question.

I lay in bed and fastly sleep

The tulpa decided to sleep next to me, similar to a cat.

I slowly wake up, to a sound of Sonic trying to wake me up

“Richard, wake up, wake up you’re gonna be late for class!!” 

“uuuugh okay, i’m getting up!”

I get my materials packed up and go to the classroom, and there i am sitting alone near the window again, but now i have Sonic, he sit on the empty chair, he gives me a huge smile, i give back a small smile

the lesson goes as normal, as i was leaving Tom raynott came up to me

“Hey there Rich! How’s it going my guy?”

“What do you want Raynott?”

“Sorry to bother you, but you’re still looking for a job, right? Me and friends found a ice cream shop nearby that’s hiring and i though-”

“You think I need your help?! I can do this myself, I don't need your pity, okay, Raynott?!”

Kyle Goldman get’s in front of Tom, towering over me.

“Look my guy, Tom just wanted to help you, I don't know why you’re acting up like this!”

“Kyle it’s okay-”

I let out a sigh before I left the classroom, and when I was in the corridor I heard Tom’s voice from the classroom.

“See you next class Richard!”

Walking to the cafeteria, i heard fast footsteps behind me, ii give a look behind my shoulder and see Sonic

“Hey Rich, what happened there?”

“Look, i don’t like people rubbing my struggles in my face”

“Don’t you think he was trying to help?-” “Are you just gonna be nagging me? Look i don’t need help”

“i’m sorry…”

“let’s just get something to eat, i’m starving”

“Yeah me too…”

We get to the cafeteria, get a basic cheap lunch, i fastly eat it, and I see Sonic with a sad expression.

“I still feel hungry…”

“Me too, but I barely have money to buy anything that will fill my belly.”

“Oh…”

“Just let’s go…”

“Okay…”

We get in class, as the professor talks, i get light headed, not a surprised, this is normal at this point, i briefly try to close my eyes, but Sonic comes up to me, talks loud so i don’t sleep

“Rich! Don’t sleep, you need to pay attention!”

“Richard! Wake up!! Wake up!!”

“CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

Then I notice everyone starts to look at me, And the professor glares at me with an angry expression.

“Sir Pastel, if you don’t want to take this class, the door is right there, I think it is better for you to leave if you’re gonna keep up this attitude.”

Everyone starts to laugh, I pick my bag, and quickly get out of the classroom, my eyes watering in rage by the shame I felt. As i fastly walked to my dorm room, I slammed the door shut, I sat in my bed and started crying. Sonic gets near me.

“Rich, Why did you scream? You needed to pay attention to the class!”

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! WHY CAN’T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FIVE SECONDS?!”

“I’m… only trying to help… I'm sorry…”

“I AM TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT, WHY DON’T YOU DO WHAT I TELL YOU?? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST- AARRGH”

Sonic looks down with an expression of guilt and fear, almost crying.

“I’m so-sorry…”

I get a boxcutter in my drawer, I extend it, and fastly cut my wrist.

“AAAHHH!!! w-wha…” 

I get scared by the sudden scream coming from Sonic, he’s holding his wrist, with blood coming out of it, the same spot i cutted it my wrist.

“What was that?!”

“you… hurted me…”

“I did nothing to you!”

“it hurts…”

“Can you stop whining??”

“Rich, please, it hurts…”

“It’s just a cut, it will heal soon, can you please stop whining?!”

“It hurts…”

“STOP WHINING!”

As I screamed, I heard I knocked at my door, I let out a tired sigh and went to answer the door.

“Hey Rich! Just wanted to check up on you, is everything alright?”

It was Tom Raynott, trying to nag me again.

“I’m alright Raynott, please leave.”

I try to close the door me Tom pulled the door to not close

“Hey man, you had an outburst in the class today, you know i’m always here for you, just tell me what happened.”

He makes that cute but annoying puppy eyes

as he’s holding the door, he notices my bloody wrist.

“What 's that?”

“HEY!-”

He picks my wrist with a strong grip, looking at my cut, then at me with a disappointed expression.

“Oh…”

“If I tell you what’s happening will you leave me alone Raynott?”

“Pinky promise! just let me help you Rich”

“I’ve been hearing voices these past days, i can’t barely concentrate, and and i can’t find a job, and i’ve had barely nothing to eat, and I’m just tired… I just feel like I’ll drop dead at any moment.”

“oohh… i’m so sorry to hear that Rich, look, i can’t do much, but i can give you some help”

“I feel pretty ashamed, but I'm very desperate. anything that works is good for me at this point.”

“Well me and my friend Romeo are able to get some meds, I could lend you some to help calm the voices down a little, how does that sound?”

“Sounds great, thanks Tom.”

“AAWWNN YOU SAID MY NAME-”

I immediately frowned and slammed the door in his face.

With a muffled sound I hear Tom.

“HEYY!! Richh, don’t be so meeeeaan”

“Stop acting like this, just give me the meds Raynott”

“Oki doki! brb! And please, don’t hurt yourself, is not good”

“Okay Raynott.”

“W-what do you think you’re doing?!”

I see Sonic standing with a worried look on his face.

“...”

“P-please Richard don’t, i promise i’ll be better, i promise i’ll stop nagging you, just please don’t”

“I don’t even remember why I created you.”

He gets on his knees and starts sobbing.

I hear the knocking again, I open the door, Tom Raynott again, now with Romeo Jones beside him.

“Hope you don’t mind i bringed Romeo too!”

“Sup”

“It’s okay, did you bring the meds?”

“Oh yeah it’s here!”

He brings out a pack of Xanax and Paroxetine, I picked up the pack and thanked them.

“Thanks Raynott”

“Don’t forget to thank my pal Romeo too, he’s the one who gets the meds”

“sigh…  Thanks you too Ivey”

“Don’t need to act like it’s a chore man, and don’t call me that, just call me Romeo.”

“...You two can go now, i’ll see if it works, thanks for the help”

I close the door, and hear their footsteps heading out, as I turn my back and I see Sonic still sobbing on the floor.

“P-please give me another chance! I’m sorry

I’m sorry

I’M SORRY

I’M SORRY

𝕀’𝕄 𝕊𝕆ℝℝ𝕐

ⓘ’𝓜 𝓢𝐎ℝℝ¥”

He grabs my feet pleading to me, to not take the pill, i can’t handle this pity party, i can’t handle this brat anymore. In rage, I kick his face, it starts to bleed immediately from his nose, now he’s crying louder than before. I fastly get to the kitchen and get a cup of water, I drink both pills down, as I wait for them to take effect, I look and see Sonic on the floor mopping.

“I-i’m so-sorry, I'm sorry for failing you Rich… I promise I'll be better…”

I just get in bed and I try to sleep. As i wake up, i pick up my phone seeing i was late for class, i get my bag and quickly get in the classroom. As i open the door everyone looks at me, I can feel each one’s thoughts on me… and the professor looks at me with a very disappointed look.

“Hm… late again i see Sir Pastel, go to your seat”

“yes sir…”

I get on my seat, and everything goes as normal. Finally, that brat is not in my ear 24/7 anymore. I feel my head is spinning, and my vision is blurry, but I stand my ground. I won’t leave the class until it is over this time. And before i even know it, the class is over, Tom comes near me and touches my shoulder.

“Hey Rich, you good?”

“yeah, yeah, the annoying voice stopped now”

“Glad to hear that! Also would you like to change contacts? Since we’re friends now hehe”

“huh…? okay…”

I pick my phone and give it to him so he can put his number, while he does the same with me. 

“Call me whenever ya need Rich!”

“Thanks Raynott.”

He made a peace sign and left the classroom with his friends, with Kyle Goldmann strangely missing? those two were glued like moths to lamps, but whatever not my problem. I wanted to eat something, but my money ran out. I feel my eyes water, but there’s nothing for me to do.

I just get to my room, and get on my bed, just feeling tired and sad.

Why can't I do anything right?

I just want to die.

as my self hating thoughts consume me, i slowly fell a sleep

“PLEASE COME BACK, I’M SORRY I PROMISE I’LL BE BETTER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PᴸEᴬSᴱ”

I woke up five hours later, all sweaty and hyperventilating, I felt my heart sink, I looked at the end of my bed, standing there… was Sonic…

but he looked a little different, his fur had grown a little darker, some fluff growed from his cheeks and he was filled with bruises on his thighs and wrists.

“W-what…”

“I MISSED YOU

I MISSED YOU SO BAD

SO BAD

𝕀 м𝐈ＳＳ𝕖𝒹 Ƴόย

ᔕỖ 𝓢ⓞ ＢⒶᵈ 

my head felt so dizzy, i couldn't see anything, but YOU’RE BACK! “

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

“The meds effect wore off, but i’ve learned my lesson, i promise i’ll not fail you this time.”

He looked desperate, but I was having none of that shit. I tried to get to the kitchen to get the last pills but Sonic was desperate to not disappear again.

“NO PLEASE, PLEASE NO, I PROMISE I’LL BE BETTER”

When my hands get near the pills, he starts screaming, and hears bleeding screaming, and I accidentally dropped them.

“STOP IT SCREAMING, STOP IT!!! AAAHHH!!! SHUT UP!”

As the screaming continued, it came to a pause when I heard a knock at the door. I opened to see it was Maxwell Jones, my neighbor. I think he heard me screaming.

“Hey mate, you good? I heard some screaming from my room.”

“I’m just- Wait you’re Raynott’s friend right?”

“You mean Tom? yeah we are-”

“DO YOU HAVE ANY XANAX WITH YOU?”

“No i don’t… but i do have adderall”

“Would that calm the voices down?”

“Fuck no, that’s a focus drug”

“Fuuucccckkkk”

“I can call Tom if ya want”

“PLEASE!!!”

“Sheesh, okay just wait a sec”

Maxwell picks his phone and calls Tom, i just observe while he’s talking

“Hey Tom, you know your friend Richard? 

Yeah the smelly one.

Look, he said he needs some help, and can you be here to help him out a lil bit?

he has been screaming, and i want to study, please come quick.”

As we wait, we hear some fast footsteps, we see Tom running down the hall, when he gets near he almost trips over himself.

“Sorry! Got here as fast as I could! Here I bringed some more meds!”

He brings out a small plastic bag with some drugs, I could not recognize most of them.

“Would these help silence the voices?’

“Well, not forever, I've noticed you’re not that well put together, so I recommend talking to a professional.”

“That’s not an option.”

“Oh..”

he looked at me with a worried expression, then he looked at Maxwell, Maxwell made a shrug expressing i was a lost cause.

“Be careful with those, just take one at a time, it might be dangerous”

“Is okay, thank you.”

“Are you really gonna do this?”

I see Sonic standing in the corner, strangely more tall and thin than before, with even more cuts on his wrists and thighs.

“I AM DONE WITH YOU. YOU JUST MADE MY LIFE WORSE.”

“I thought you wanted me? I thought you wanted a friend?”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

“I’M ONLY DOING WHAT YOU WANTED RICHARD.”

“YOU RE USELESS! YOU’RE A GOOD FOR NOTHING, I HATE YOU, I WISH YOU WERE DEAD YOU LITTLE IMBECILE SHIT!”

“...”

Tears started to fall from his face, he gags a little.

I pick up the pills, he immediately notices my intentions.

“Don’t you dare Richard.”

I picked all the pills at once and gulp them down, was hard with no water, but I did it.

“NO NO NO NO Ňσ η𝐎 ���𝕆!!!”

He starts to contort, scream, and… grow?

His body expands, his ribs tear through his skin, exposing it, his face disappearing, a X scar expands and his body gets more abstract. like gas is coming out of him??

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

My head gets a little dizzy, it seems like taking all of the drugs at once was not a good idea at all…

Sonic… no. that thing, starts to laugh like a maniac, As the laughter gets louder and louder and I feel my body getting heavier, and it all went black.

As I slowly wake up, or atleast hope I woke up, I see that I'm in my bed, but… 

what?

I can’t- I CAN’T MOVE MY BODY?!

Why? Why? WHY???

As i try to struggle, i hear a laughter

I try to speak, but I can't.

Is that thing again, i can’t even make out what expression it’s making.

“Seems like your plan backfired hahaha…”

Those meds! I shouldn't have taken them all at once, maybe they’re the reason I'm paralyzed now.

“Exactly…”

It slowly walked near the bed, then it got up in the bed, holding my shoulders and breathing near my face, I could feel it like it was real. Is this really happening?? I’m scared

Please just let me go

“WHY??”

“KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF”

He screamed in my ear for what felt like hours. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I want to call for help, but I can't. I want to scream; but I can’t.

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?

I DON’T WANT TO DIE.

“KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF”

It feels like days i’ve been in here, unable to move, hearing this screaming non stop, please make this torture stop!

Then he stopped, he looked directly in my eyes. Those terrifying dilated eyes.

“I promise I'll make you happy…”

As it said those words, I hear a loud bang coming from my door, It was Tom?? please Tom save me.

As i hear the fast footsteps get to my room

I see a dagger go through the Tulpa’s body and stab me in the abdomen. I could not recognize the person who did this.

The Tulpa fastly notices what just happened, but it screams in confusion and denial.

“NO NO NO NO Ňσ η𝐎 几𝕆!!!”

ACK!-

it got on my Arteries, I don’t want to die! Not this way, not right now, please… It feels so cold.

I feel all my blood coming out, I feel my bed all wet.

“PLEASE RICHARD, STAY WITH ME”

I don’t want to die, please, I'm sorry Tom.

“RICHARD PLEASE, PLEASE LOOK AT ME”

I feel lighter, and… i… can’t… hear… him… anymore…

                         X

“NO NO NO NO Ňσ η𝐎 几𝕆!!!”

“I Can’t feel him anymore… where did he go?”

“Rich? please… i’m sorry”

“What happened…?”

“Where did he go…?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Please come back!”

“I promise i’ll do better”

“i-i i promise i won’t annoy you again”

“Rich… please come back…”

As Tulpa was weeping, a police officer passed by the door and saw Richard’s body

“CHIEF! We got another one!”

“Wow, he got killed in his sleep, poor guy.”

“This is such a tragedy…”

“LEAVE!!!”

Tulpa screams, but they can’t hear him, so his only choice is to ignore them.

After some time a team comes and take Richard’s body

Tulpa tried to stop them, but he couldn't 

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!! GET OFF HIM!”

After they got in the car, Tulpa was unable to keep up.

“Please don’t go…”

[lividria]

i swear every time i get into a game that has an actual community it'll feel like i just woke up on mars because i usually dig really deep into a game's lore, history, trivia, unused content, etc. and THEN i'll find stuff from the community and i don't even mean for that to happen it just works that way and it always plays out the exact same way without fail besides for when there is no community

like, a week or two ago i remembered OFF exists, watched a whole playthrough of it, have been listening to it's OST an unhealthy amount (I'm doing it right now, Unreasonable Behavior is so good), i go onto tumblr, first OFF post i see once i add it's tag to my feed is someone's art for an AU where all the characters all like hang out at a cafe together or something and everything is chill, which is like the antithesis of everything i had just experienced related to the game and i couldn't help but laugh in confusion once i realized what i was looking at

i go in the discord server for iconoclasts after obsessing over the game for like a year and annoying the fuck out of my friends about it, literally the only fanmade character i have seen is a chemico contra member who's also a phlebotomist, i had to google what a phlebotomist is and like... i didn't look into their lore by ctrl-f-ing or whatever so i'm probably missing something, but how do you come to this conclusion (actually i think i know, they mentioned they actually became one at some point after making this character which is really funny actually)

i start watching videos about pikmin after finally beginning to slowly come off one of the most intense hyperfixations i've had in my entire life to the point i had played through all 5 games in the series and dedicated weeks and entire days to trying to figure out the lore before giving up because it's nintendo lol and spending a roughly equal amount of time trying to come up with intentionally terrible ideas for more games in the series only to accidentally get WAY too into it (see my alph wraith post lol), i am greeted with Fiddlebert, and a later a dub of an AU where the player character is actually a wraith and is hiding it from the rest of the rescue corps (this post is still probably one of the funniest jokes i've ever seen) and the entire thing scarily resembles the type of shit i'd write if i was given this premise to work with down to the mention of an innocent child being consumed that's first brought up with a doodle of them saying "Oh boy I sure do hope being alive!" while holding The Goo THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I TREAT HORRIBLE EVENTS IN MY STORIES WHEN I'M TALKING ABOUT THEM

i look at the tag for ultrakill on tumblr and feel like i just got sent to hell myself with the punishment of being stuck in a permanent state of confusion due to the sheer contrast to the source material all the fanart has, same goes for most of the posts about it in general actually, i go in expecting like blood & violence and instead i'm greeted with gabriel & v1 making out. drawn by 50 different users. (i don't even need to link anything here just check #ultrakill you'll see)

and this isn't even touching on all of the ships i've seen that are utterly incomprehensible to me because. like. why magolor and the snowman enemy? why kingsly and puddle??? i thought alph didn't like louie? wait also what do you mean at least two people's headcanon is that louie is trans? (ok i couldn't re-find some of the things in this paragraph and i'm too tired to conduct an in-depth search but you could probably find it if you looked)

i'm not hating on anything i brought up here it's just a bunch of funny examples i think about a lot now that i've seen them, you guys go do whatever you want even if i don't get it go have fun lol, i just love the feeling of pure confusion when i walk into the room and get punched in the face with a complete subversion of my expectations because it feels like i'm missing SO MUCH CONTEXT and i never get used to it i love it i love the internet

[cherlawa-panna]

(sorry, I just love it so much that I had to draw quick doodle)

No no no but you really so right about Susan and Barney. Kate and Clint are chaotic gremlins who annoys their older siblings so freaking much. AND THEY BOTH HAVE A COMPLICATE RELATIONSHIP WITH OLDER SIBLINGS AND HAVE DADDY ISSUES. They are too much alike, they are genuinely platonic soulmates lool. And also both Barney and Susan are trying to mend their relationship with their siblings because they both had shity relationship with them because of hero bullshit and it's just,,, I CAN'T. They are so different, yet they have so much in common 💀

"definitely agree that his town from mcu would do some old fashioned threatening of the local newspaper if they ran anything mean

maybe they do that and that's when May goes "hmm, lemme call her up and have a chat" and then they become friends."

OH MY GOD, IT'S AMAZING IDEA. I can't---. You have too big brain, oh my goddddddddd. So at least we know how this group was formed. I have no idea yet how Becca, Barney and Susan joined because I've been thinking about it for a few days (btw I've had such a tough days at work and I haven't had the energy to check tumblr so that's why I answer it now haha kill me) but I had nothing in mind. Yet at least,,,,

I know Sarah and May would definitely get along. I'm sure that if May came to visit Sarah sometimes, she would bring baked cookies for Sarah's children. Their friendship would be very sweet. Add Becca and we have three tired women talking about their children with tea and cookies.

The case with Cassie is wonderful, because I know they wouldn't be able to kick her out of the meeting. She came and said she was a new member and YOU CAN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. Scott died when Cassie was at least 14 and Cassie was then a very wild teenager who nobody could stop at anything (even her mom, which Cassie despised her for a long time). It's actually funny to me that Cassie spends her free time with adults who are at least 30+ (not counting Susan, who I believe is 25+) while she is a rebellious teenager with no respect for adults. This is perfection, I need this dynamic. No one in this group has common sense (except Sarah).

"AND BECOMING SPECIFIC FRIENDS WITH BARNEY. HE ENDS UP ACCIDENTALLY REHABILITATING HIS IMAGE WITH THE OLD PEOPLE POPULATION OF BROOKLYN OR WHEREVER BECAUSE REBECCA FORCES HIM TO COME TO BINGO NIGHT. i need this immediately ahhhhhhhhhhhh"

OH MY FUCKING GOOOOOOD. HOLY SHIT???????? OH FUCK OH MY FHDSKFHDSHFGDHFUGHDUGHU. Bestie you destroyed me with this. You killed me brutally. This is a masterpiece, I don't even know what to write. It choked me. BARNEY HAS WHAT BUCKY WOULD ONLY DREAM. I totally see Barney making friends with the old folks. He could help them with random things (since he's still in good shape he can help move furniture in home or something) or he show them silly circus card tricks and they would give him recipes or juicy stories from their old days. And very slowly he would became a normal citizen and get a real redemption arc. Maybe in this AU his name would be cleaned by the government because he became a better man thanks to this group and Rebecca (because I have a theory about Barney being brainwashed in some way so #BarneyIsInnocent. Maybe one day I'll made a post about it)

By the way, since it is shown that in All New Hawkeye, Barney probably started dating Simone (from Hawkeye vol 4), I can imagine that Sarah's children and Simone's children know each other since both Barney and Sarah are in the same group. Maybe Barney comes with boys to meetings when Simone is at work or something. MAYBE THEY KNOW BECCA'S GRANDKIDS TOO. That would be adorable. The kids play in the yard while the adults discuss how to ruin some newspaper editor's life *chef kiss*.

One day maybe we'll come up with a name for this group haha.

So first of all you’re like permanently associated with Barney Barton in my brain now so just FYI on that lol

and you reblogged the Aunt May thing and that got me thinking like could you imagine just each family member of a superhero going absolutely FERAL in their own unique way about how their superhero family member gets treated by the public or the press or whatever??

and then they make a little support group to trade ideas and tips and commiserate cause like “relative of a superhero” is a tragically small group lol we’ve got what, May, Barney, Hope Lang (who would absolutely organize a school walkout for her dad at the age of like 8 lol) and maybe Sam Wilson’s family?

and they name the group something super sappy that none of them take credit for but secretly they all love it lol

BESTIE, you won't believe how HARD it was to write this post. At first because of my exams, but then my internet stopped working at least five times during writing this and I lost my progress. I swear, this post is cursed 💀 I'M SO SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT. Everything was against me, I swear. I hate tumblr. Also I didn't proof read this because I was too close to strangle someone so bon appetit.

(We're talking about this reblog)

Okay, but let's forget about my misery. And instead let's start with the fact that this is the best compliment I've ever heard in my life. Being associated with this stupid pathetic man is amazing and I am very happy about it 💕 Maybe when I get my shit together I would write something more about him.

But anyway, YOU HAVE AN AMAZING MIND. Want to kiss you so much, this is so incredible. This idea of a support group of superhero's family members is perfect. I will definitely write more posts about it because you opened my mind and I have too many ideas with it right now. I know something like that already existed in comics but I don't remember them trying to fix heroes' images and they were more like a therapy group if I remember correctly.

WE NEED ALSO ADD KATE'S SISTER TO THIS GROUP. After what happened in Hawkeye: Kate Bishop (2021) I am pretty sure Susan would join them. Maybe not immediately because let's be real, she and Kate really had shitty relationship before the Hawkeye (2021) and after all, for a long time she did not even wanted to accept Kate being a hero lol (she literally ended their relationship because of that). Love to imagine that after what happened in Hawkeye (2021) she decided to "Okay. I'll try to being more supportive. Let's fix her shitty image in media" but then she realized how shitty Kate's reputation is and got mad. She's rich lady, I am pretty sure she would try to bribe people to stop talking shit about Kate.

I need her interact with Barney SO BADLY. They always seemed too much alike to me because they both had to grow up faster because of their stupid fathers (I have even post about it in my drafts, maybe I will public it when I wouldn't be too shy) and I'm just so hopeless about POTENTIAL with their friendship. Just older siblings of Hawkeyes who has enough of their little siblings bullshit but also has enough with media bullshit.

And I'm sure they would be TERRIBLE at fixing their sibling's image in the beginning. She would want bribe and he would want to blackmail or intimate (read: beat the shit of people). Even if they tried to solve this normally like May do, it probably wouldn't work well and they would go back to their old ways. Unknowingly more damaging to their siblings' reputation because they're idiots. Because no, bribing and blackmail the press wouldn't help change anything.

They're like those awkward parents who want to support you, but they do it in the worst possible way, embarrassing you in front of others and making you look like a loser. And Susan is the most awkward because she understands absolutely NOTHING about being a superhero. Barney know some things because y'know, he was a"""villain""" (he was so terrible in this to even call him a villain) and had his weird adventure with trying to kill Clint because of Zemo, then Thunderbolts and Dark Avengers with travelling across the multiverse etc. You know the deal. But Susan? Yeah, she helped her sister in Hawkeye (2021) but it was something not normal for her, like she said in #5 issue.

Anyway, Susan would most likely try to pay press to stop talking bad things about Kate but I'm pretty sure it would end badly anyway. I don't really see her writing to magazines, even if she did, she would probably prefer to call editors directly or even invited them for coffee or something like that. She would do it in the most "professional" way.

I can see Sarah being also feral about people talking shit about Sam but I know she would try to fix it in May way. Ya know, writing letters to magazines, giving bad reviews etc. But I know Sarah would send her neighbors and family friends to help her as well. Unfortunately, I didn't read a lot of comics with Sam so I don't know Sarah's personality or Sam's background well, so I can't talk a lot about Sarah. But based on Sarah's reaction when the newspaper wrote article about Sam's "shady past":

Barney however... Let's start with why I think he would be violent. While I like to think that he would try get a redemption after the shit what happened to him when Zemo got his hands on him, he wouldn't be able to live as normal citizen. Since he is still a wanting criminal and public will always connect him with people like Osborn no matter what he would do. So I know he wouldn't try hard to change his usual ways to fix problems since he'll be always see as a criminal. And we know how it works, why change your ways when people will always see you as bad guy? That's why I can see him using violent ways to help "improve" Clint's image. But I think he would try to it do in May way someday, because after all, he is just a tired guy who wants to have a peaceful life BUT we're talking about Barney, c'mon. Maybe he would try to find a balance, I can see him trying so hard to do it in peaceful way, maybe May or Sarah would help him in that lol. He would definitely subscribe to newspapers who wrote good articles about Clint (and if they also has a good crosswords) but he would be (almost) the most casual one in this group. Yeah, sometimes he would beat some random journalist but I like to imagine him joining this group more to find more non-villains friends and try to learn how to support his brother. It's just a weird type of therapy for him.

(Captain America (1968) #276)

... we can say that the way how public perceives Sam definitely affects her emotionally. So if there was ever a situation where suddenly a lot of the press started talking badly about her brother, she would definitely want to do something about it.

I like to imagine that the community where Sam is from (at least the one in the MCU) would definitely be pissed at the media's stupid talk about their Sammy. I'm not even sorry, but they would be his the biggest supporters. I think the media should be afraid to talk badly about Sam because I'm sure Sam's friends/neighbours would destroy them lol.

While Scott's daughter, Cassie is a superhero herself, I honestly think she'd love to join that group anyway. And like you say, Cassie definitely organized a school walkout for her father when she was a little kiddo. She loves her father and we know it make her furious when people call him a criminal.

I can also imagine that Sarah would be the one who started this group. However, I see May more as a "leader" than Sarah, mainly because she treats it more seriously (and I bet she call them "heroes who fight with press" or something like that). But maybe Sarah and May could run it together somehow. Honestly, there's definitely no official leader here, but since Sarah and May would take it the most seriously, they'd probably be the ones leading the group in a way.

(Young Avengers Special Vol 1 #1)

She would probably argue so hard on the internet with assholes insulting her dad, especially after his death. I imagine one day she suddenly popped at Sarah's house where the meetings take place and just like she did with the Young Avengers, announced that from now on she will be part of their group 💀.

My girl just wants to have other people around her who understand how hard it is when their loved ones are treated like a shit by the public. Let her be. Cassie has always been the kind of person to me who didn't care what other people thought about her, ya know? But at he same time when someone suddenly started talking bad about her dad or her friends, she suddenly became aggressive.

As I began to wonder, why don't we add Bucky's sister to the group? Honestly, I think it would be funny. Especially considering what's been going on with Bucky in the comics lately. Poor Becca trying to fix Bucky's image in the media, which is impossible because sometimes I think Bucky's secret hobby is to ruin his reputation as much as possible lmao.

I see her joining this group after her father's death, because Scott, despite sacrificing his life, was still judged by society because of his past. Which isn't fair since Scott turned back to crime to earn money to pay for his daughter's treatment while she was sick. And he actually became Antman to save her. Cassie is one of my favorite female characters, even though she annoys me more often because some authors write her too childishly, but she still has her charm. She's my girl trying her best.

Rebecca is an old woman, ya know, her children live their own lives, her grandchildren do too, maybe we'll kill her husband in this au, so she's also a widow. So it shouldn't be surprise if she started doing it partly out of boredom and partly to get closer to her stupid brother. To her, this whole group would be such a fun hobby, better than playing bingo 💀

I like to imagine she likes to buy gossip magazines, highlights the negative articles about her brother while doing her normal activities, like I don't know, going to church or taking care of her grandchildren. And if she sees an article about someone else, she sends it to the other members of group. While May would take this whole thing seriously, Becca would take it more as fun. BECAUSE HER EFFORTS ARE IN VAIN ANYWAY. SHE WOULDN'T NEVER BE ABLE TO FIX BUCKY'S IMAGE. The media will always talk badly about him because this guy has no intention of acting like a decent citizen. She would fight with the press and lose every time. And even if one (1) newspaper wrote something good about him, suddenly there would be four more newspapers writing the worst things about Bucky.

"and they name the group something super sappy that none of them take credit for but secretly they all love it lol" tbh I tried SO HARD to imagine what name would be, BUT I'M SO UNCREATIVE. But I love this concept. I see Clint making fun of Barney because of that lmaoo. But at the same time, Clint would be happy because it means HIS BROTHER IS CARING ABOUT HIM. Clint has such low expectations of his brother, he'll accept ANYTHING AT THIS POINT.

(This gave me an idea for a winterhawk fanfic where Becca and Barney knew each other from this group and Becca suddenly tries to get even closer to Barney because "our brothers are dating, WE'LL BE FAMILY SOON, WE SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER". Imagine one day Bucky finally visits his sister and finds Barney and Becca (and maybe the rest of the group) playing bingo or crosswords together. And Buck is "YOU KNOW EACH OTHER???" and Becca would be "Oh yes. He keeps me company, unlike SOMEBODY WHO WON'T EVEN ANSWER MY CALLS".)

I'm sure Susan would be against such a sappy name for a very long time because she's a SERIOUS businesswoman and she takes this whole group SERIOUSLY. But I know she would love it after some time, she has such a vibe of corny mom.

Cassie would think this name is super non-cool and try to find better name but her names would be WORSE. I'm so sorry Cassie, but you're sometimes personification of embarrassment.

Somehow it's funny to me that everyone here has a slightly different approach to this whole group. It could be the perfect idea for some fanfic series, because their dynamic would definitely be chaotic.

Barney Barton: Joined because he wanted to make friends fix his relationship with Clint and to do something good with his life. His ways are brutal (and illegal), but maybe in the future he will change it.

May Parker: Takes it very very seriously. She's also the most supportive of other members and most likely will give you the best advice.

Sarah Wilson: Also takes it seriously but not in the extreme way as May. She has "army" of neighbors and friends who are always happy to help her with "fixing" Sam's image.

Susan Bishop: She wants to support her sister and show that she accepts her as a superhero now. She treats it like a job and she prefer to call/invite editors directly for a talk or try to bribe them.

Cassie Lang: The most aggressive of them all. I would call her a combination of May and Barney tbh. Mostly probably arguing on forums or elsewhere on the internet.

Rebbeca Proctor: She treats it as a hobby and a nice way to spend time. She knows her efforts are in vain so she's here just for the ride.

Anyway, that's my thoughts about this concept! Thanks again for ask it was such fun to think about it! 💕💕 I'm again very sorry for a long wait, I swear it wouldn't happen again. I'll probably make another post if I come up with something else with this concept lool.

[sylverstorms]

Mother Miranda x Lawyer!Oc ----Tilted Scales

Hello guys :) This is another commission I wrote for the amazing, wonderful @saltwatereulogies

Your support has been insane, I can't thank you enough. Hope you enjoy the story ❣

Three days.

That is how long you've been in the village, after years of studying abroad, before everything turns to shit.

As you slowly blink focus back into your eyes, you try to clear the haze from your mind. It feels as though you've collided with a truck. Your body hurts, your wrists protest in their iron cuffs, stuck to the wall as they are, having supported your weight while you were unconscious.

Desperately, you try to recollect the events that led you here...

A grey sky. A bleak day. One moment you were making coffee for your mother, excited to be able to sit down with her in the mornings again... and the next you heard the echo of screams.

Overcome by adrenaline, you bolted out of your house, only to witness a scene straight from a nightmare; humanoid monsters ripping villagers apart, cries and blood and animalistic growls all blending together into one mad mix.

And before you could even warn your mother...

Damn it all, what the fuck happened!

You suddenly struggle against your bonds, hard enough to rattle your whole frame. Your wrists burn from the grind against metal, but you don't care–

“Stop that. It is pointless and you will only injure yourself.” A cold voice, strangely familiar, says from far to your right.

You peer deep into the shadows, searching for the only other person in the empty room... until you see her. A mask advances on you, gold and shaped like a crow's visage, then wings folded into a cloak come into view.

You would be a fool to not recognize her. The local saint. The village's prophet. The very 'saint' your mother prayed to, for your safe return, all these years. Mother Miranda.

The sound of her heels bounces off the walls until she comes to stand directly in front of you. Looking past the openings of her mask now, you realize....

This isn't possible.

She hasn't aged a day. Not a single day, since you left the village. The years should show around her deadly blue eyes, somewhere, and yet they don't.

“I see you remember me...” she says, while you're still trying to find your voice. “Miss Warren.”

“What is going on? Mother Miranda, what happened to the village?!” you demand.

Her expression shows nothing. “The village is in need of... renovation.” she speaks, even, regal. “Repopulation, even.”

You stare at her with wide eyes.

“Now, don't give me that look. You would not be here if you weren't of the ones I chose to keep.” she continues. “You see, from now on, every single person in my domain will make themselves useful in some way, or they will be replaced. And you... you have been abroad studying law for a while now, yes?”

“I... yes.” you reply, still not fully having wrapped your mind around your situation.

“Excellent. What I need from you is simple. You will make the village independent from the state’s taxes as a religious organization... and you will keep foreign investors out from that point onward.”

What... what part of that is simple?!

“Do that for me and in return I guarantee your mother and you will go back to your house safe and sound. You will have no shortage of Lei for as long as you live, Miss Warren.” Miranda promises.

But it is not the sweet part of the deal your mind stays glued to. “And if...” you gulp. “If I can't work around the law to do that...?”

Miranda blinks slowly at you, like you shouldn't even ask such a basic question. Like the answer is obvious.

“Well. Then I have no further use for either of you.”

It is in this moment that it dawns on you.

This woman is no angel and no saint.

She is a devil.

-

-

You spend countless sleepless nights pouring over every single paragraph, every little opening or ambiguity in the law you can use to free the village of taxes.

To keep your mother in the dark about this, you work in the office Mother Miranda has provided for you, in her very stronghold.

Although technically it's her home, you don't see her nearly as much as you initially thought. She is gone throughout the day and returns late at night, not even sparing you a glance before heading for her chambers, at the upper sections of the building.

The days she does come into your office to inquire on your progress are few and far-between, your conversations always short and cold.

This evening is different.

“How is your work coming along, Miss Warren?” the prophetess asks with her aggravatingly nice accent, seating herself like a queen on the chair in front of your desk.

Your eyes are tired, but you force them on hers, through the mask obscuring her face. “I think I've got it. I'll be sending the necessary papers tomorrow and the answer shouldn't take longer than a month.”

“Very good.” she nods, a miniscule curve to her lips.

Icy eyes then drop to the wine in the whiskey glass at the corner of the desk. You think she will make a comment about drinking at work, but instead she says;

“Pour me a glass, will you?”

You will your hands steady as you comply, then carefully slide her drink over.

Miranda takes her mask with claw-shrouded fingers... and soundnessly sets it on the wooden surface. Then she pushes the veil at her hair back, shaking long, platinum locks free.

You do a double take you hope she doesn't notice. Because what the actual fuck.

You didn't think her hair was that long, or that straight, or that it would fall over her shoulders like she's staring in a shampoo ad. You didn't think her lips were shaped like a cupid's bow or that her skin was this flawless and radiant.

The helplessly lesbian part of you could begrudgingly admit she was beautiful before... but now you arrive to the painful realization she's drop-dead gorgeous.

“So. I've heard you won cases others would describe as impossible.” she begins.

“Nothing's impossible. You just need to know where to look.” you reply. Law is your comfort zone and she is not that far above you here. “But how do you know that?”

“I have my sources.”

"Nobody truly leaves this village, huh.”

“Not without my consent, no. But I knew you'd come back.” At your slight frown, she elaborates, “You would never leave your mother behind.”

She's right. There was a whole world of opportunities waiting for you out there and yet... here you are.

“Good work, so far. You can take the next two days off. Your eyes could use the rest, Miss Warren.” Miranda speaks, finishing her wine.

“Sarah.” you say. 'Miss Warren' is for clients and she is your boss.

Miranda's lips give a slight quirk that may or may not be a trick of the light.

“I know.” she replies and exits the room, long hair billowing behind her back.

-

-

The taxes were only the first challenge. Now that the village is free of them, investors are flying in circles around it like vultures over meat.

In the meantime, Miranda comes to talk to you more frequently.

Lately, it seems she has more free time. You wish that was a good thing, but...

“So... are you like... going to stay here?” You ask after reading the same sentence five times to make sense of it, because her gaze on you is distracting as fuck.

“I'm not getting in the way of your work.” she says. You want to argue she is, but can't quite do that in a way that won't get you killed.

“I'm simply not used to working with company. Isn't this boring for you?”

“No, actually. I find it interesting, even though science is my field of expertise.” she answers. “And the way you take notes is… amusing.”

You try not to blush as you look down at your notebook, filled with different colored markers and post-it squares with tiny stick figures pointing to the more important paragraphs. You have been doing this for so long to sort out information you didn't even realize you were keeping it up in her presence.

“What is this supposed to be?” she asks with a small smile, the first of its kind you've seen.

To your horror, her clawed pointer aims at a particularly silly doodle, barely the size of a pencil's eraser.

“A... bird.” you grimace like you've been stabbed.

“Ah, of course.” Miranda holds back a chuckle but you can tell she's dying to make a comment.

Studying becomes hell for the rest of the time she's there with you, those sharp eyes picking apart every little move you make. At the same time, though, the hours you spend with her make you realize...

She's not a saint, though she may look like one. She's not completely a devil, either, even if she may act as one, at times.

She's human.

-

-

Miranda shares nothing about herself when you chat, but she seems to like it when you speak about your time abroad and all the things that left an impression on you there.

Your conversation over wine is cut short, however, when you receive a call from a number you learned means nothing but trouble, lately.

“Sorry, I have to take this.” you tell her.

The one calling you is none other than this month's rival lawyer, trying to dispute your claim over the land for his own boss. He's lost to you before, so it's also personal, but you are confident you have cornered them good with the latest papers you sent them...

And you are proven correct, when, a few seconds later, he is all faux polite on the other line, resorting to offering you money for you to withdraw your arguments.

Miranda comes to stand next to you, listening in to what he's saying.

The problem with that is, the second her arm brushes yours and you catch a whiff of her perfume –which always lingers in your office long after she's left— youare the one who stops listening to him.

Your attention flies to other things, like the inches she has on you, the exact color of her pale blonde hair, the little glint of victory in her stunning eyes.

Oh, no. God, no...

You know what this is, the feeling in the pit of your stomach. Alarm bells go off in the back of your head, as though your own mind is telling your body how foolish it's being.

There isn't a worse thing you can do to yourself than be attracted to Miranda.

-

-

Over time, familiarity with the prophetess brings higher levels of difficulty into your 'try to ignore your crush on her' game.

Miranda joins your side and leans over your shoulder, sometimes, to peer down at what you're doing. You don't move and don't breathe until she's within a safe distance again.

Then there are the wayward 'reward' touches, when you turn another investor away from the village. She may pat your back or leave her hand on your shoulder, or even scratch your nape with her claws as a job well done.

You hope your poker face hides the fact you feel her touch on you for far longer than you should, after she's gone.

Tonight, the situation is the toughest it's ever been for you.

There is a rainstorm going on outside; the waterdrops are tapping against the windows of your office as though they're trying to break it. Miranda has pulled her chair next to you so you can talk easier, without having to shout over the cacophony.

“And basically the judge's decision was that—”

You are interrupted by a blinding flash of lighting, during which your mind lets you know the stronghold is easily the tallest structure in it's vicinity—

When thunder cracks down the sky and strikes the building, you nearly scream. Your body tenses and you jump; but Miranda's hands come to your biceps and hold you steady, against herself and your desk.

Another flash comes before you really have time to think about your proximity. She covers your ears with her palms before the thunderclap can send you into overdrive again.

“You are with me and you're scared of a little thunder?” she teases when things quiet down and your heartbeat eases.

It's true; Miranda is the more terrifying force of nature. At the same time, however...

You feel oddly safe to be this close to her.

“Well... I'm not scared right now...” you quietly admit.

Her pointer comes underneath your chin and lifts it so you are looking straight into her hypnotic blue eyes. How is this color even real...

“And why is that?” Miranda asks, her wings coming around you both. They're curtains of black, cutting out some of the storm's sounds.

You want nothing more in this moment than to run your fingers through each individual feather.

You lick your lips. That's...not a question you can answer if you want the balance in your arrangement with her to remain.

Perhaps, though, the scales have tilted for you long ago. You just haven't been brave enough to admit it.

You have the courage to face it now when she leans down and covers your lips with hers, warm in a manner you never imagined she could be.

Her wings pull tighter around you and your mouths slide more firmly together. Lipbalm and creamy lipstick mix, tongues brush, tasting of wine. You are shaking so bad on the inside from how much you want this, more of this, the rumbling of the thunder be damned.

Miranda's palm cups your flaming cheek when she pulls back, perfectly composed and staring at you with a little smirk in place.

You dare to turn a little, lay a tiny kiss on the inside of her wrist, beyond her rings and accessories.

You aren't very fond of storms, but...

You willingly walk right into the eye of this one.

[buckybarnesdiaries]

bucky barnes x reader. masterlist.

part 1 — part 2 (soon)

a / n. this is a series of 15 mini-drabbles to celebrate the 500 followers' milestone, based on one word for each story. this first part contains 8, and the next one contains 7. it was supposed to be posted one story per day, but by that way, it'd take me to last an eternity to post other works / requests.

words. 1.533.

warning, tags. none, just a bunch of fluffy and cute situations with bucky.

join my tag list.

necklace;

It was the first time since you started to date that Bucky had to leave for a mission. Neither of the two of you knew when he'd be back, and that got you worried than ever. You were conscious of what he did for a living when you met him, but you couldn't help but feel scared. Next to the front door of your apartment, Bucky left his backpack on the floor, leaning to cup your cheeks on his palms and kiss your lips tortuously slow.

“I'll be okay, (Y/N)”. He murmured keeping his eyes closed.

“You better”.

Your hidden threat made him giggle. The soldier felt goosebumps bristling his skin as your fingertips toured his neck blindly, just to put in place the chain of his necklace. But soon, Bucky stopped your moves to take it off from him and place his dog tags on you.

“I'll come back for them”. He promised, fixing his pale blue orbs on yours, holding your hands to bring them to his lips and place fond kisses on every knuckle of both. “I love you, don' forget it, okay?”

“I won't... How could I, Buck?”

eclipsed;

Bucky was sweating, still not believing he was about to get married to the love of his life. He was on the altar, waiting for you and surrounded by all of your friends in common. Steve had had to help him with a panic attack he had suffered while dressing up, thinking that maybe you could change your opinion at the last moment. He couldn't blame you. But all those doubts vanished at the second you crossed the huge, heavy doors of the church. Your beauty eclipsed him, wearing a white lace wedding dress and seeming like you floated over the floor. Just like an angel.

His heart jumped. His oceanic eyes got covered in tears. A giggle escaped his lips, stretching a hand towards you, still praying it's not a dream. And you noticed the tension and the nervousness running his veins, leaning forward to kiss his cheek with all the love you felt for your future husband.

“Can't wait to say yes”. You whispered into his ear, causing Bucky to lace his arms around you and embrace you tight and tenderly. “I love you, James, from now and forever”.

sunset;

After his most recent nightmare and walking all grumpy from one side of another around your house, you decided to cheer him up only like you can do. With reluctance, you managed to get him out of your apartment and drag him to your car. Bucky was like a child, cross-armed, lips puckered and frowning annoyed. He tried to hide the fact that he had another nightmare to not worry you, but you weren't stupid.

Thinking that glimpsing the beach throughout the large front window would make him feel happier, your boyfriend just reclined himself on the seat, causing you to roll your eyes. That mood changed as soon as Bucky was sitting on the sand, between your legs, tho. His back was resting against your chest and his neck was wrapped by one of your arms, watching fascinated the sunset on the horizon. He wouldn't recognize it, but he felt much better hearing the waves crashing into the shore, while you stroked his scalp tenderly using the tip of your nails.

“You're welcome, grumpy mummy”.

clingy;

You didn't want to drink, but Sam and Sarah wanted to celebrate that the family business was picking up. On another occasion, you wouldn't mind, but Bucky was there. So, when everything started to spin around, you lead your clumsy steps to the edge of the harbor, having a sit there and let the soft breeze help you.

“Stop”. You heard from behind.

“Uh?”

“You're stealing my antisocial personality”. Bucky chuckled, taking a seat by your side. “What's up? Why are you here all alone?”

“Truth or lie?” You asked tilting your head towards him, raising both eyebrows.

“Truth”. He scoffed as if it wasn't obvious.

“I'm too clingy when I'm drunk”.

“Can't see the problem there”.

You chuckled, shaking your head inevitably, causing him to pucker his lips with a funny grimace.

“What?”

“Tru—”.

“Truth”.

“I've been all night wanting to rub your beard”.

Bucky exploded in loud laughter, not believing your words until you put your hands on his jawline. “God... It's so soft”.

His laughs increased, causing you to burn in shame. “No more drinks for you, ma'am...”

But the fact was that he turned to you, so it could be easy to caress his face.

safe;

Bucky was deadly tired on the sofa, warmly cuddled between your arms. A while ago, he stopped to pay attention to the movie, turning his back to the TV to hide his exhausted expression on your chest. You placed the cozy blanket over your bodies, making sure it covered both of you, being aware that tonight you'd sleep there. You felt sorry just at the thought of waking him up, seeing him peacefully breathing and his face more relaxed than the last few days.

Shutting off the TV and stretching an arm above your head, you turned off the small lamp on the auxiliary table close to the sofa, before getting comfier by Bucky's side. Your boyfriend purred delighted, still sleepy, as your fingers got tangled on his hair and started to scratch his scalp slowly, urging you somehow to place a leg over his waist, so he could settle between both a little more closely.

“Feel better?”

“I feel safe”. He replied in a low breath, to exhale the sweet scent concentrated on your neck.

“You're safe, James. You're at home”. Your calmed tone made him sigh, snuggling you strongly.

stay;

You snapped awake because of some knocks on the front door. Tossing the sheets to a side of the bed, you grabbed the gun under your pillow. It was stupidity. If somebody wanted to kill you, that would be the last thing they'd do: knock the door. You walked slowly, step by step, through the main hallway aiming to the door, more than ready to shoot your assailant.

“It's... Bucky”. You heard from the other side.

Sighing in relief and closing your eyes for a split second, you left the weapon on the dinner table in the living room. Not doubting on opening the door, you couldn't help but raise an eyebrow when you noticed the reddened mark around his left eye and cheek.

“Can I, uh... stay tonight with you?” Bucky inquired, licking his upper lip ashamed, bowing his eyes down to his boots covered in dust.

“C'mon, Sergeant”. You invited him to walk in, using such a sweet tone, while holding his cold hand.

He looked like shit but felt much better when his arms got wrapped around your waist and middle-back, hiding his face into your neck. Kicking the door shut, you embraced him tighter to your body.

notebook;

You were lying on the opposite side to Bucky on the sofa, but keeping your legs tangled. It was a rainy evening with nothing to do and you decided to start to read the book you bought last week. Your boyfriend was silently doing something in a notebook. Maybe writing memories, maybe doodling, you didn't know. But the third time you caught him staring at you, you had to ask.

“What?”

“Uh... nothing”. He whispered focused on the paper in front of his eyes.

“Whaaat?” You kicked his right leg with your bare foot causing him to chuckle.

“Nothing!” Bucky replied using the same playfully tone of voice.

Putting the book on the coffee table, you sat up to lie on top of him, cuddling between his legs and resting your head on his chest. Glancing to the sketch of yourself he was drawing, you raised your heart-eyes to his. It was such a piece of art. The drawing and Bucky. Both.

“I learned in Romania. It kept me sane sometimes”. He confessed, leaning to place a kiss on your forehead. “I want to remember you forever”.

marshmallow;

“Truth or dare?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, leaning on the table just like you did, challenging him. He was trying to read your mind to figure out which were your intentions.

“Dare”. He answered firmly.

“Put twenty marshmallows in your mouth”.

The soldier stared at you in silence, watching him lick his inner cheek and push it with the tip of his tongue. He nodded his head then, grabbing the plastic bag without losing eye contact, to start to place —one by one— the sweets into his mouth. In less than thirty seconds, he looked like a squirrel with his cheek swollen. Bucky squinted at you again, triumphant.

“Hold on, I need to capture this moment”. You laughed, catching your phone to take a picture.

When the flash went off, he spitted a marshmallow like a shotgun. And you couldn't help but laugh.

“C'mon, Bu—”.

You didn't finish the sentence, being hit by another marshmallow slightly wet because of his saliva. Your grimace turned into a funny disgust, grabbing it back to throw it to his face.

“You're like a five years old in a body fos— STOP!” You ended up giggling as he spitted you the third one.

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[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph, welcome back! I really wish and hope that you are better, healthwise, workload wise and in any other aspects of your life, and you find something to counter the effect of the upcoming dark months too. I always like your answers to those "what brings you joy" question things so if you are in the mood, you might list 5 things that either recently uplifted you or you are looking forward to, or both. I send you all the good vibes :-) <3 <3 <3

Hey Lovely!!

OH GOSH I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THIS ASK!!!! Jeez, this is something I always need, hahah. Positivity is hard for me these days, and I guess this is something I really need!

Hmm, This is a great question, because I do answer the "5 things that make me happy" question a lot and I feel like no one likes them anymore because it's usually the same answers. And I do suffer from seasonal mood swings this time of the year, so this will be good. Let's see:

The plan to inevitably get my new couch: it's been out of stock for months, so I'm hoping this supply chain thing fixes itself soon so I can finally have a decent couch I can work on. My old bones can't hand it anymore.

How much art I've been getting done: I try to do some doodles a little bit each day and I have lots of new art done. Lots of inspiration from other ships I'm loving again, and I'm just really enjoying having my iPad. I think it was the best purchase I made last year, because it's greatly improved my mental health having something that is devoid of ANYTHING work related (my home personal computer became a work computer at the start of the pandemic, which means even during personal time, I get bothered for work stuff... I purposely did NOT install Slack, Zoom and Asana on my iPad).

Rediscovering my love for some of my old fave video games: I started playing Kingdom Hearts again on the weekend, because I bought the HD collection years ago and never touched it because I was REALLY invested in the AC Modern Trilogy. Now I want to replay the whole series and KH3 again. Also, replaying some Sonic games, and watching "movies" of the VG cutscenes of DBH has made me happy, and I want to start Skyrim again, LOL. I just got tired of playing a slew of games I didn't enjoy, so I just decided to try some old faves I didn't have to think about. The KH series is my fave video game series of all time. I ALSO found out the original AC trilogy is on sale on the PS Store, so I'm tempted to buy the Ezio collection for 20 bucks, lol.

It sounds SO stupid, but making my apartment cold enough to snuggle up in 5 comforters. Literally, the only thing I like about winter is opening my window a crack to make it chilly in my apartment, and in turn I snuggle up in a bunch of blankets while I work. I'd rather be doing my day job comfortably on my couch, and I'm happy my boss lets me keep working from home even though most of the staff are back in-office.

This is WAYYYYY in the future, if the US ever gets their shit together: Going to Disney World again. I had plans to go to Disney for my 40th year, to make it super special, but I refuse to cross the border in All This™. So, rather than be upset about it, I'm going to keep setting aside money in my "Disney" account, and by the time I do go (either for my 45th or 50th), I'm going to make it the most incredible trip ever, and splurge and treat myself, even if I have to go alone... AND so long as I don't have to use that money for an emergency. Here's hoping. The account will have a lot of money in it in 5 to 10 years... And I may as well keep dropping money into it. OR alternatively, I've always wanted to do a beach holiday or a cruise. I'll see what happens :)

Thank you for this! Again I am sorry I missed it, but I am glad I found it on a lonely Sunday night. It gave me the opportunity to reflect and try to think positively about my life and myself.

*HUGS*

[f33itan]

Hi hello I just finished the demon slayer manga and saw you did match ups so I would like to request one if possible

I prefer men and I'm and adult so please no children haha

I would describe myself as an artistic and romantic at heart, I love art in all its forms drawing paintings music theater all of it

I also love the complexity of the human experience I find it fascinating

Despite this I often come of as cold or intimidating at first glance from what I've been told and usually have a hard time opening up to even my closest of friends

I love a good debate or alternatively a good brawl I don't fret standing up for my beliefs even in petty banters

In Romance I prefer being the one to pursue the relationship if I don't have an initial like for someone and they approach me romantically I will reject them ruthlessly. I'm very much a soulmate type person I want to find the one and stay with them to the ends of the earth haha

I cant stand ignorant people or boring people I think very quiet and shy people broing too 😅

Oh and I'm really into the occult and weird things like tarot, astrology, conspiracy theories etc

I hope this was good enough and thank you in advance have a great week✨

You're welcome, I hope you have a great week as well! <3

SPOILERS: MENTIONS OF FIGHTING EVENTS AND CHARACTER DETAILS

The wonderful F33itan says your matchup is...

Akaza from Demon Slayer ; Kimetsu No Yaiba!

Have fun dealing with this lil shit tsundere

He enjoys coming back from missions to find you painting or drawing something, whether it be a thing you've been spending days on or a simple doodle on a small sketch pad. Occasionally he'll join you in your art activities only to repetitively rant on how much better your drawings are than his.

The human experience and body is intriguing to him as well. As we see in the Final Battle Arc, Akaza has always wanted to reach the see through world to get a better grasp of his fighting skills, and with this he likes to do minor research on how the human body works, functions, etc. He can sit for hours listening to you read through books about anatomy, fighting, body analysis, all while you take notes or reread to understand what the text is saying exactly. Sometimes he'll ask questions but the majority of the time he either finds out himself or just sits until you're done, then goes back to read whatever chapter he had a question about.

He finds it kind of attractive, how cold your glare is and how intimidating you can seem. Doesn't mind if it takes a while for you to open up, he's not the best at showing his emotions or being transparent to somebody either.

Akaza loves to train with you, but he's always extra careful to not hurt you severely. Loves to have detailed arguments with you as well. Maybe debating on which part of the body is the best and why, or something technical that the both of you can get a benefit from. He also shows you the best forms and stances for fighting and could spend the whole day just perfecting one move. Only for you of course.

To be honest he's okay with not being too too lovey dovey and romantic. If you start to be affectionate though, he won't stop you. He trusts you enough to know you won't try anything, but he still gets a bit iffy with his past and thoughts about Koyuki. Talk with him and assure him you're okay and that you'll always give your best to defend yourself, it'll make him feel better.

He finds shy and boring people tiring as well, so doing spontaneous things at the most random times is fun for the both of you. One time he dragged you around a whole city just give you your favorite candy in the end, and it was actually really sweet. Him that is, but yeah the candy was good too.

He loves to listen to you rant or go deep in thought about any conspiracies you've built up, learning about astrology and listening to you talk about all of the tarot cards you have and would like to get in the future. Whenever he goes out on a mission he tries his best to bring back something that could help you with any information you need. Akaza supports your research and discoveries 1000% and will do anything and everything he can to help.

Pet names consist of simple but sweet things that only the two of you understand. Any special, memorable events that have happened to you two could result in a new name for either of you. Depends who thinks of a better one / who a name would fit more for.

Overprotective bitch 24/7, 365 but will deny it every time you bring it up.

[nad-zeta]

Match up 🌠

Ahhh your match ups are so thorough and well written I am in love! I'd like to get one for myself if I could bother you🌸 I also hope I'm doing this the right way otherwise I'm so sorry 😭💕

I'm 20, female, dark chestnut hair currently in a short bob/bangs, brown eyes which can sometimes look kinda brick colored, round glasses... I'm 168cm and more thin than curvy.

I'm an INFJ-T with an emphasis on the the turbulent. Kidding- but really I love alone time. I'm a very naturally nocturnal person, I love spending time with people in bursts but I usually can only handle being around calmer people for a longer time. When I'm alone I have a lot of passions I like to work on, studying Japanese, music composition, guitar, playing strategy games, drawing and writing... If I'm needing physical stuff I like to try and self teach choreography from videos when I can. Depression+anxiety have been known to get in the way of these passions for sure- but in the past years I've sought a lot of help+treatment and while I'm not a generally positive person internally- I'm alright 😌💕

When I am with people, I tend to try and be very bubbly and kind- most people know me as a very silly and caring person(but 100% scatterbrained, and a constant worrier- I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my shoulders). I have a lot of trouble accepting any of that- but I have some very supportive people in my life banging it into my head... I am very easily flustered, and usually end up at the receiving end of teasing. I do pretend to dislike this, and I'm genuinely very flustered but truth be told- it's funny for everyone involved so I'm okay with it~ I do wish I didn't turn red in the face so easily though...

Worrier coming thru here... I don't know if this is too rambly or anything, feel free to let me know- but thank you so much for having these open and doing such great work with them. 💕

Hi, there love! Awwww you make me blush thanks so much for the kind words <3<3! I Hope you are doing well! Here is your long-awaited matchup! Sorry for taking soooooooooooo long..... Hope you enjoy it and have a good day!😊 💕

So I match you with……………. Mitsuhide

The night you saved Nobunaga from the fire; you ran for your life. After meeting Nobunaga and Hideyoshi, all you wanted to do were flee, and you did. You had run away so fast that you almost flung yourself of a cliff… Thank goodness for Yukimura! You were so startled and freaked out luckily there was a friendly face among all the unknowns, and that would be Sasuke. He explained the whole concept of time travel to you and asked if you would like to stay with him. You looked at the bunch of strange men, and they all looked fall less intimidating than the few you had met from the Oda forces. You smiled at Sasuke and gave him a small nod. And so you journeyed your way back to Kasugayama castle with the strange lot.

They were an odd bunch of men, but you had come to really love them and adopt them as your new brothers. The people of Kasugayama castle love your sweet, silly caring personality. You and Kenshin had especially hit it off due to your interests in strategy games. Kenshin had taken his role of overprotective brother very seriously. He will be the one to pull you out of banquets when he sees you getting tired from all the interaction. He is always there to help you and protect you whenever you are in trouble, and he would always send his army of bunnies to comfort you whenever you are feeling sad. 

One day you were out in the market shopping for some sake and sweet buns for the banquet that night. You were having a good relaxing time window shopping when some unusual music caught your attention. You followed the music and your eyes widened in awe when you saw a troop of dancers performing. You walked closer to get a better look, and your breath caught in your throat when you saw the most beautiful man you had ever seen, perform a dance. The choreography and music were spot on and almost made you want to dance along to the music with them. You felt absolutely mesmerized watching the white-haired man dance. His eyes locked with you for a brief second and you could have sworn that he gave you the smallest of smiles before he looked away. When the show was over, you were going to congratulate the troop on a beautiful show, but there were way too many women swarming around the men, so you decided to rather make your way back home.

As you were walking back, the white-haired dancer ran up to you and grabbed your shoulder to stop you. “Little mouse it seems you have dropped your coin pouch”. Your eyes widened in horror; it must have fallen during the show, you profusely thanked the mysterious man. Mitsuhide was definitely intrigued by this little mouse he had stumbled upon. He started to tease you and was most amused by the way your face broke out into the most beautiful blush. The two of you had some tea together as a thank you for returning the coin pouch to you. Mitsuhide teased the shit out of you during the whole tea date, not that you minded you found that you really enjoyed his company. After tea, the two of you parted never to see each other again, you had to admit that thought made you feel a little sad on the inside. 

One day Yukimura and Sasuke announced that they were going to go to Azuchi to spy on the Oda forces. You low key wanted to go along for the adventure. Needless to say, it took some time to convince Kenshin to let you go, but he couldn’t say no to his dearest sister’s puppy dog eyes. You were so happy and excited that he agreed. You and Sasuke entered into Azuchi disguised as performers while Yuki went disguised as a merchant. You were super excited to be able to use your skills, bringing joy and smiles to all the people around you. You and Sasuke would put on a little performance every afternoon. You danced and played the guitar. And Sasuke performed a one-man play. 

As you were dancing during one of your performances, you saw a familiar face in the crowed smirking up at you. “My my little mouse, I never expected to stumble upon you this afternoon, much less witness your beautiful talent”. Mitsuhide invited you back to his Manor for some tea and card games. Which you really enjoyed considering you have been playing strategy and card games with Kenshin, so you definitely gave this sneki boi a run for his money. You really enjoyed the calm aura he gave off; you could talk to him for hours without feeling exhausted. You and Mitsuhide landed up staying up all night chatting and laughing, he was low key surprised when he looked out the window to see the sun almost rising. “aren’t you tired little one”. “Nope, I’m just naturally nocturnal, plus it's in the peace of the night when I get the most work done”. He simply smiled his kitsune like smile at you and offered to walk you back home. On your way home, the two of you stopped and sat down on a park bench watching the sunrise together. The two of you spent a lot of time together after that night. Both of you would always “coincidentally” run into each other all the time and land up hanging out for hours.

Mitsuhide both loved and was concerned for your scattered brain clumsiness. He would constantly worry about you when you weren’t near him. He could swear you would lose your head if it weren’t attached to your shoulders. Whenever the two of you are together, he would insist on holding your hand “can’t let my dearest mouse get lost now, can I”. TBH at this point, Mitsuhide was madly in love with you, he loved your sweet, caring nature. He loves how you could talk his ears off for hours. He also really loves the small doodles you draw on the napkins in the various teahouses the two of you have been to.

He knew you were close with the people in Kasugayama, but he couldn’t help but be attracted to you and feel the need to make you his. One day Yukimura announced that the three of you had been summoned back to Kasugayama, you were honestly so deflated. You had just fallen in love with Mitsuhide, and now you had to go back home. You sat with Mitsu in his manor the day before your departure. He could tell that something had been on your mind. You had told him EVERYTHING. Honestly, he knew of your connections to Kenshin, but he was truly shook when you mentioned that you were from the future. You had also told him that you honestly didn’t want to leave just yet. Little did you know this fox was ten steps ahead of you and had already plotted a plan.

When you said goodbye, Mitsuhide sent you off with the sweetest smile and a small kisses on the forehead, nose and finally lips and promised to see you again soon. 

You were back in Kasugayama’s garden playing with the sweet army of bunnies when a small fox appeared carrying a letter. IT WAS FROM MITSU! He had said that we would see you soon. Little did you know the sly fox was in a meeting that very moment with the god of war. They had come to an agreement that Mitsu was allowed to see you, but if he ever hurt you, or if he causes you any tears, Kenshin would hunt Mitsu down and kill him. Mitsu smiled his fox smile and agreed. You were summoned to your brother’s room and boy oh boy were you confused when you saw Mitsuhide sitting there, without Kenshin having a sword at his throat threatening him. Kenshin asked if you loved the fox and when you replied with a small nod. He smiled at you and gave you his blessing. You couldn’t help but ran up to Kenshin and gave him the biggest bear hug thanking him. The second part of the agreement was that the two of you were to attend a farewell banquet for you that night.

The next morning you were off with Mitsu to start your new life together. The Oda forces welcomed you with opened arms. Finally, someone to keep their resident kitsune in check. Mitsu loved you so much and spent every second of everyday showering you with affection. He would always be there for you, especially when you were feeling anxious or insecure. He would wrap you up in his warm arms while soothingly stroking your silky hair. He would whisper words of reassurance in your ears to help ease the anxiety. Your favourite place in the world would be in is his arms. You love how Mitsu even respects your alone time, giving you some space when he sees that you need some time to recharge on his own

The two of you can often be found spending time together, whether it is just the two silently sitting in his room, enjoying each other presence or time spent cuddled in each other’s arms. One thing is for sure, and that is you are truly happy with the sweet kitsune and that you had found your new home

Other potential matches.................... Kenshin

Hope, you enjoyed it, love!  💕@tsuki-no-usagiii

[interstellactic-studios]

Howdy guys! I have some news today for y'all, just a small update on some stuff but I'd appreciate it if y'all who still exist here would read!

Here's a watercolor piece I finished recently uwu sorry for not posting here often anymore, tumblr mobile is how I mainly accessed tumblr and it's like super shitty.

Even after I switched from apple to Samsung when I got a new phone back in July, so I've hopped around a little and I think I'm going to officially start using Instagram a bit more. I'll still post here occasionally for y'all who don't have Instagram and are too lazy to make one though so don't worry XD

Ok so now to some important news! If any of my mutuals have dms with me or people who actually contacted me (unlike some who basically haven't talked to me since they made a request which is a bummer) about request have dms open then message me on whether or not you have an Instagram so we can maybe do more stuff there? ^_^" I'm not joking about tumblr mobile going to shit for me: notifications don't work like at all and are super janky, my dms are oddly changing order even though I haven't touched some in a long time, and sometimes I cant even make post cause the button just poofs even when I close and reopen the app >_<" if I have a dm with you or y'all have wondered why I keep dying, when I started using tumblr less is when these problems started. I literally am having technical problems that carried over to a completely new and different branded phone than my old one. I'm sure I'm not the only one here with these kinds of issues, and of course now most of my notifs are literally pron bots following me or liking random old ass post of mine.

I'm super disappointed in what's happened to tumblr tbh since I didn't think this hellsite could actually get worse ._. Except now it's in quality too rather than just a bunch of its content. I'll stick around because the tumblr website itself still works pretty decently for me, but I'm not on my laptop for media as much so activity will be slowed until I can figure out how to rise from the grave permanently oof. Also irl life has also kept me super busy and my art time is restricted to school sketchbook doodles. This art here is literally art I did for my AP class and i put many days of at home work into it as school days =_=""" I'm hella tired. Good news is you'll guys probably can see more improvement on my art since I am taking 3 art classes and I'm gonna try and post my work from those at least.

Also I know I've typed a bunch so I apologize for the long ass message most of y'all probably won't read and probably won't even see tbh, but I got one more very important thing to say. Everyone who has dropped contact with me who had request, I am no longer going to waste time and effort into them since I have asked many times for those who haven't talked to me to rekindle a convo since a while back all my dms were poofed and I messaged who I could track down. I've had no new people come up since the ones I've messaged myself so all those requests will be moved to my discarded/incomplete folder and I will no longer work on them until you come out of the dark and ask. I've gotten behind on art request for other people because of time wasted on these and I owe several people art now, which I apologize for those who have been waiting btw I've been doing my best but things keep getting difficult. Please understand that I'm not being rude by doing this, I just can't overstress myself anymore over these because it's hindering my ability to create for others and I feel hella shitty about being pushed behind and basically being ghosted. I'm going to use all the free time I have working on art I owe to people who still speak to me, figuring out job stuff, trying to set up a college portfolio since these are taking up most of my time. Once I completely finish these hopefully I can start doing more of what I love on here and other social media sites than just for school and shit.

Ok that's finally it now phew! Sorry again for the long post, and some cursing oof, I hope y'all have a fabulous day/night! ^w^

[blockofhoney]

5, 11, and 30?

5 // estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

alright so. i know i try to come across as An Artist but the truth is i barely draw anymore. like at all. i've been on an upswing recently but the majority of the stuff i've managed to do as of late was drawn at work when i had nothing else to do. i do like drawing (most of the time) but getting the motivation to draw is a whole other beast. so i tend to share most of what i draw to try n siphon some more motivation through people’s responses. which. is not always a good idea on tumblr. but it’s whatever

11 // do you listen to anything while drawing? if so, what?

usually!! i listen to a lot of music in general so odds are there's something playing while i'm doodling :) as for what i'm listening to, unless i'm drawing something that has a certain Vibe, i just play whatever music i want to hear that day. for instance i've been listening to a lot of musicals lately!! i Finally watched / listened to the legally blonde musical n Boy is it a Blast!!!! gotta be one of my new favorite musicals :D

30 // what piece of yours do you think is underrated?

MERMAY 2022 DAY 1. god i am So Fucking Bitter that one flopped. granted, it wasn't visibly dsmp-related in that first prompt but i was so hyped for that au n i just. lost All motivation for it b/c it barely got any response. i spent Hours on that painting too. tumblr has its upsides, especially compared to its competition, but holy shit does it really suck for artists if you don't have a big following / followers that rb your shit. n i'm not saying that to make anyone that follows me feel bad- it's your blog, put whatever you want on it. i'm just tired

[silly-jellyghoty]

Let's try this

Either the shit is written in reminders on my phone or directly connected to some other stuff or it doesn't exist

Except for fandom things and stuff no one ever heard of such as wolfenoot for example

No official diagnose means no meds

I'm fine, i actually want to just stand there imagining my feet are roots growing through the concrete as some perverted city dweling tree

Can't read long stuff unless it's useless, pointless, utterly ridiculous, or fandom related

Pass. I'm more of a "doodle while listening then remember when you see the doodle" person

100% me being amazed every time that even what i seriously considered being normal and what i did several times a day was indeed abnormal and NT people only did it maybe like once a week tops

Cleaning hindered by clusters. Declustering by moving cluster to 3 different locations. 3 different cluster piles blocking other places from being cleaned. Rage showing everything anywhere twice a year, then cleaning with tears in my eyes and KORN blasting from speakers. Visual memory loss for the next month until i find all those things from my original cluster pile returning my visual clues connected to my normal-ish memory and functionality again. Rinse and repeat

I honestly eat more consistently ever since i got my pets. For some reason, sticking to food routine for other beings is way easier than doing the same for myself. And since there's a food thing going on, i should maybe eat as well. This way, i get at least breakfast and dinner (i still skip lunches at times then gobble any random candy bars or whatever when i realize that my head is starting to sway because of low blood sugar)

Rebooting my brain by checking my activity history and association connections of the past 10 minutes backwards became almost effordless at this point

Check the previous point

I mean, i don't know really. For past 10 years i've been living with my phone always on hand so setting allarms, timers, and just generally checking time for everything or just so is so ingrained in me that it's not an issue. Now WITHOUT it...

This. Been to 2 psychologists and both of them suck. They asked me stuff, i told them what i have, they didn't believe me, i filled their tests, they confirmed what i have told them in the first place, they told me to do stuff, i told them i tried it and my brain already learned how to combat it, they told me to do different things and i repeated my answer because it's true, several sessions later i realized that i either know more about the issue myself or they are just sick and tired of not being the authority in the room and just hate me in general so i left and nowadays i just stick to the internet

Especially in loud places. Also one of my top 5 reasons why i listen to music or podcasts every time i can. I know that if i hear my name there it's purely my brain short circuiting again so i can ignore it.

Nope. Several breakdowns and a total depression burnout later i have came to realization that dropping out of the uni may in fact not be the end of the world and that it can actually improve my life more than finishing it with newly gained PTSD or something so here i am

I was supposed to make an appointment to the reumatologist's a month ago. It's just one 5 minute phone call. Yet here we are 😐

Don't ask me why i know how to do the ShitTM, i don't remember. Also don't ask me how i did the ShitTM. I don't know that either. But it's here and it's done and if you push this button it works and now i have an amnesia again. Ok bye

If you give me 3 more seconds, i have 4 possible solutions to the problem for you. If you interrupt me, the whole file gets corrupted and i won't even remember the question, only that one of answers is 17 and it somehow connects to a dark blue car

Listen. My mental map is astral projection only. I either navigate you using landmarks like billboards and house gates with golden retrievers behind them as turning points or you get nothing. Similarly, if your instruction don't include informations about the change of walkway pavement and very reflective side of a building at the other side of the park, you would do better by just giving me the address so i can google map it there

No meds, only shakes. Need sugar. Gimme chocolate or a banana.

If i can't understand the sentence after the 2nd read, it doesn't exist, language is a lie, and what even are humans and why is there such a thing as a communication

Happened twice, didn't like it, learned to not get into the situation ever again, also ice cold water all over my hands helps, i'm good now

My motoric and mental functions aren't connected to one another so if you don't give me an adequate stimulation i will make my own while still doing the stuff in question so

Nah

Only routine bad. No routine bad. A little routine with blank spaces between good. Don't mess with good.

just realized i never filled this out,,,, i don't think this is a surprise to anyone,,,,,,,

(here's the blank)