#I've been sitting on this for 4 days
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seasons tux recolors — by newbeesims
i recolored this seasons tux for all your formalwear needs! the original tux has its fair share of swatches, but i knew it would be so much more useful if it came in the same classic colors i used for my base game suit recolors. perfect for any black tie weddings, glamorous parties, or just a fancy night out! as always, more love for all the masc-framed sims! 🍷✨
requires seasons
teen - elder
12 new swatches (6 suit colors, each with solid color and black accent versions)
download for free (sfs, no ads)
#ts4cc#maxis match#s4cc#ts4mm#sims4cc#thesims4cc#ts4#sims 4#the sims 4#sims4#thesims4#newbeesims#my cc#would you be mad if i said i've been sitting on these recolors for almost a year LMAO#literally have had them in my game for just as long as my bg suits......#i was just too lazy to fix some small details for the longest time oops#and don't even get me STARTED on their poses#quite literally have been playing sim tetris over the past 2 days
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#ts4#sims 4#hi#daithí lore drop#this is felicity's mom#i have another cute post queued up for tomorrow#abt this guy getting ready to fly off to komorebi#can't wait to catch up on all the dan bc stuff i missed while i was away!!!!<#i wanna get back into posting again#i've been so up the walls these past few weeks#but i'm off rn!#gonna try play some of the legacy soon#i'm really really sorry to my eighty odd asks just sitting there#and my dms i'm so fucking sorry#tomorrow is the day i answer everyone i promise#i've really clammed up recently i need to break that habit#/daithí
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two nights in a row gripping ice cubes like i'm 14 this is fucking pathetic
#i feel like my bones are filled with concrete#i spent the day doing all the things i've been putting off#emails to orthodontist and dentist and accountant#found a gp to hopefully get a mental health plan set up with#and went searching for a psych#but fuck me that's been less that fruitful#it feels like a waste of time and energy and money#as soon as you set suicidal ideation as an issue the pool of psychs goes from 1251 to 152#and adding queer filters to that?#psychology today says go die fag#and of those how many do you reckon is eligible for the medicare rebate?#because i've emailed 4 and of those i think maybe 1 will be eligible#BUT!#they cost so much that even WITH the rebate I'd be paying $130 for a 50 minute session#it's just a waste of money#i could see a therapist every day and still see no improvement#medicare offers a rebate for 10 sessions IF i'm lucky#so that's $1300 for 50 minutes a month#i judt can't see how that's going to do anyone any good#alternatively i can sit down with rika and get my will sorted and that money can go somewhere useful#that math isn't right#it'd be $1800 for 50 minutes a month#even more wasteful#i think i'm better off finding a comfortable and private place to decay#mum might be mental but maybe she was right when she told me i should just kill myself when i was 14#i've been inhaling smoke for so long
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quite frankly i am shocked & disappointed with the Phandom for the lack a werewolf AUs. where is your fucking awoo
#Fic Writer With ADHD Politely Reminds World That Werewolf AU Fic Ready To Go Whenever (If They Remember To Post It)#y'all literally have an excuse to make a whole chaptered fic about Danny being a feral wild animal & are ignoring it. smfh#literally werewolf AU is so easy you literally just make everything the same except instead of ghosts it's werewolves#& yet. i've only ever seen like 3. 4 if i include my own#& they were all just concepts & drabbles!!! please i'm begging#Danny Phantom#maybe i will finish & post Black Dog as it is. maybe i'll wake up early one day take my adhd meds & just bang the rest out#it's been sitting around since like 2017 omg. i need to post this shit asap#it's over 60k btw. this shit is a novel#i'm even writing an original series based on it like this shit is one of my biggest projects. this shit is FOtPoD level#i NEED more i can't be the only one
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genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry
#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages#i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3#might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now.#unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year#just enough for today.#lately when i've been praying it just looks like#please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL#things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart#i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything#all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food.#in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared#just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself#i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try#but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH.#please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it.#talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things.#i just wish i had someone to sit next to me.#personal#i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.
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well, it took 6 days, but the acid reflux is hitting misery levels. i went ahead and took one of my meds.
#at least i know i still need them lol#so#catch me about to look up what happens if i double the dose#do my insides melt or...?#okay so it's saying that i shouldn't exceed my dosage#but it's also saying for my acid reflux#i should've been on a 4-8 week treatment#i've had to take this for fucking years lol#since 2018#so 6 years now#but hey#i know it'll work once it's back to a regular intake#i just gotta be patient the next couple days as the reflux calms tf down#i'm not to the throwing up point yet tho#it's just sitting in my throat#feeling awful
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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length#but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this#middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl#i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know#how short that is. it might not look good so i worry#the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this#i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day#tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will#be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden#iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason#i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again#idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier#buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything#and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first#correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs#i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again#i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything#i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all#i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces#in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed#i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not#i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on
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Weird having an actual favorite band and knowing it. I don't really have many favorites it is hard to understand my feelings and even harder to pinpoint a 'better and more' feeling about one specific thing. But I know all of their songs, I listen to them all in a big playlist and never get bored, I am always happy to hear any song by them, I have every song's lyrics memorized, like ... they are my unequivocal favorite. There is nothing like it. Yes, I can get really into other songs, there are probably singular songs I can say I like more than any one song by this band. But I guess having a favorite is like what people say about getting married. I'm not explaining myself on that one actually I do have a point there that's an actual metaphor but I've decided explaining it is a bad use of my time. It's one of those artists that are popular enough and artsy enough that they can crop up as fic titles occasionally and no matter the lyric or song it comes from I can always tell immediately. I don't remember what the point of this post was I'm deep in my panic phase and it's 4 am and I was just sitting there singing I Have Made Mistakes to myself bc I can just do that, the whole song, and because it is very funny to go I have made mistakes I have made mistakes and I will continue to make them while in the middle of freaking the fuck out about existing or something. Bc you know yeah im one spoon away from setting the ends of my hair in fire because if I'm kindling for a little while at least I'll feel of use ????????? Yeah this post for sure had a point and it's devolved.
#tide of consciousness#Sorry that's a lot of text wow#Can we talk about the existential panic. I've been dying to talk about the existential panic#<- doesn't talk about it#Does anyone else get this. The feeling that is like the world is ending and its drowning and burning and it burns and nothing will ever beo#My best guess is I just have anxiety but it is very hard to believe that bc it feels so all consuming and terrifying and so so so much so m#The worst part is I'm not actually even feeling it I'm just sitting here using words that I know describe it bc it's like it just#Is happening. Behind a wall. And I'm here feeling the heat on the doorknob#Translating between the space where the feeling exists and the space where I reside#At some point I just go oh. I've been experiencing the world-ending terror for hours now#Like reading a letter!!!!!!!!! I just get a letter from my brain that goes 'emotions report. It all burned down years ago'#It's like and I know if I was in it I'd be crying and shaking and despairing so deeply and throwing myself around the room#And I feel like this EVERY OTHER DAY. Which is obviously why I apparently partitioned myself away from the feeling#Because you literally just you can't function with that#But surprise it's still there actually and I'm still having 2 breakdowns minimum a week#But now it looks like I'm normal and functioning to everyone else#So I seem like a horrible lazy fucking asshole who doesn't do anything but sit around accomplishing maybe 3? 4? Total minor tasks per day#Because I can't HANDLE ANYTHING ELSE !!!#HOW THE FUCK DO YOU FIX THIS#This is for sure something I shouldn't post but you know that's a rational thought for rational people
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sitting waiting for someone to text you bc you wanted to make plans with them almost 4 hours ago but now you've just wasted 4 hours bc you couldn't do anything bc you were waiting for them to text should've been a circle of hell in dante's inferno
#i also was on the phone with my mom for a bit so maybe i wasn't fixated on the waiting itchiness for all 4 of those hours but i still#haven't done any of the work i need to do for tomorrow :/ and i don't want to start it bc i'll have to stop in the middle of it except i#really do need to start it regardless of when she texts me back but she hasn't texted me back yet and we're trying to meet up to get food#but we hadn't decided on where to go so idk how long it will take so my window for doing any of it is rapidly shrinking and i can feel it#closing in on me bc it's been dark outside for an hour and i'm still just fucking. sitting here.#also unrelated i figured out this morning that i've been taking tylenol instead of my antidepressants for the last several days! which helps#to explain why i'm suddenly experiencing such a sudden uptick in my depression symptoms but also doesn't help me get back any of the days#i've spent in stasis bc apparently my adhd meds aren't enough on their own (bc i'm depressed) to allow me to do anything easily including#but not limited to getting out of bed#i've also discovered recently that just expressing that i've had difficulty with something to someone at all helps dissolve the mental block#that's kept me from doing it which has been massively helpful for me but maybe annoying to my friend who i usually text about it <3#megan you're a real one and i love you#a post
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my cat's dying and i feel so horrible about it
#he's starving#he was refusing to eat and losing weight and we were finally able to get into the vet today#he has a huge mass near his liver that the xray couldn't tell what it was#could be a tumor could be intestinal obstruction could be adhesions#i feel so horrible because he was only eating when i'd sit next to him and either eat with him or pet him while he was eating#even then only a little but the last couple days he wasn't even doing that#and he's staying overnight at the vet until he gets exploratory surgery thursdau#and i don't want him feeling like he's been abandoned#if he came home between yesterday and thursday he'd die before the surgery#at least there he has an iv#but i know he won't eat there and he's the friendliest neediest cat i've ever had and i don't want him to be alone and there isn't even#anyone there with the cats overnight so he IS alone and i don't want him to die alone#and the vet said even if he makes it to thursday he might die during the surgery because of the weight loss and size of the mass#if it's cancer we have to put him down and it means 4 of our other cats could get cancer#because they're related#if it's an obstruction it's more serious for him but the others are safe#i don't want him to die#he's only 5 and we just had to bury one of our pet sheep this week because she died of old age#at least she had a long life
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agh i have a job shadowing thing today and I'm trying to logic away the anxiety
#im also stuck in 'waiting mode' so i've just been sitting in my room all day#which technically has only been like 4 hours bc i like sleeping in#but aaaaaagh#i feel like im gonna forget all the questions i want to ask or not know when to ask them and never get to it#:/#the struggle#ramblings#using tumblr as my diary
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me, yesterday: i got some projects done so i am finally starting to feel a little less overwhelmed at work!
work, today: gives me 5 new projects in the span of 8 hours
me: well nevermind 🫠🫠🫠🫠
#personal#my manager and my boss know and understand that we're slammed and have been slammed since january#and they're trying#but everyone thinks their shit is important so we keep getting request after request#i swore i was gonna take a day off in march bc i've been feeling so stressed and overwhelmed and burnt out#DIDN'T DO IT. TOO BUSY.#friday is a holiday and i've been holding out for that for two months#so i finally gave in and asked my manager if i could take monday off too#bc i thought i had stuff under control#aaaand then i get like 7 new things all due first week of april 🫠😭#and my brother said we could go visit them on saturday so my parents are going and i looked at them last night and i said i wasn't#no room for debate just that i was not going to go drive 3+ hrs and sit around my brother's house all day#when i just saw them#bc i am so exhausted at my very core and i have been holding out for a peaceful 3 (now 4) day weekend for months#and i cannot#i just can't#i always bend and break to do what everyone else wants me to do or what i think they want me to do#and this time i just can't
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I bought a linkin park cd today and my mum has already stolen it for her car-
#im cackling#i said she could borrow it but i wasnt expecting her to unwrap it on the same day i bought it and take it with for her evening exercise- 😅#to be fair i currently habe one of het LP cds in my car#sharing is caring (as long as it's linkin park CDs)-#she played lp on my way to my first day at school when i was 5 and i swear down they've been with me ever since#it was Crawling that pkayed when she dropped me off for ref-#ugh i fucking LOVE linkin park#i remember going to uni and having consumed a bottle of shitty wine i proceeded to burst into tears in the muddle of a club#because tyey pkayed Numb like 4 minths after chester's passing#and i was NOT READY#all my band posters have fallen off my walls pretty mych with the passage of time#bit I'll never not have a pucture of Chester within easy view#he's spent like 7 years next to my bathroom door lmao sprry my guy#if im ever brave enough to get a tattoo my first will for sure be lp related#either that or a star in each ankle for my beloved Dougie#dougie deserves a whole separe post tbh#I'd stick amd poke them myself but I've proven time and time again that i absolutely CANNOT draw stars lmaoo#i did stars on books at Christmas amd oof i fekt called out seeing how awful theh wer#npt simething to freehand#so ima gp sit dowm-#edit: clearly i cannot spell i am so sorru#I'm laughing at how autocorrect went '😬😬😬 yeahhhh i ain't getting involved in her dyslexia-' 😅#i can't spell at the best of times much less rn-
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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Li Hua is damn near ready to pop, this bitch better not go into labour during her daughter's wedding
#i've been editing screenshots of the wedding for two days#i took some posed shots for the ceremony bc for sure at least one guest will be sitting in the middle of the aisle during the real one#guaranteed#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4#ts4 legacy#the sims 4 legacy#sims 4 legacy#ts4 gameplay#ts4 screenshots#simblr
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Looking to order a new plushie in honor of my birthday today
#obviously the plush wont be here in time cause again my birthday is literally right now right this second#but this is a gift I wanna get myself#especially because Im sad today. its been a very mid bday#my fam took me out to lunch but my sis took part of my food cause we always trade some#but it ended up being half ofmy portion so I didn't get to eat a lot of the main course#amd other than that I've done literally everything else I do daily today#like I went to look around the nearby mall which Im at literally every day cause its close to work/is my bus stop#and then went home after an hour because I've already seen literally everything there#and now I get to sit at home on the corner of my bed on my phone. ir maybe draw on my pc#like I do every day of my life#amd Im sure some people will be like “why didn't you do smth different” couldn't because I have tp bus everywhere#amd nobody wanted to wake up or get dressed to go out until 2#then we went to eat. amd by the time we were done it was 4#so too late to travel by bus anywhere interesting cause it'd take an hour n a half/2 hours to arrive at wherever#caus by time we get there we gotta get the bus in an hour or 2 before it stops running for the day#and maybe I should just be grateful fpr a normal day and that I got to spend it with family#but my family sucks but I am appreciative#but this is a milestone birthday#idk if it's selfish t want a little more than the norm or not because of it. my mind is leaning towards yes#but anyways. plushies#idk whatIm getting yet#I want something colorful I think#I'll show pics when I choose/order#viti shoosh
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