#I've been nervous to post art recently for some reason

[gay-ppl-real]

Silly wee comic that is one part based on that hc post I made and one part based on my fic Insect Removal Services

Also here's unblurred versions of Eddie and Frank's conversation in the background

Or at least they would be unblurred if Tumblr didn't compress them to oblivion??

[licorishh]

so uhhh happy valentine's day i suppose !!

shoves this in your face and runs away

so. uh. yyyyyeah. when i said i liked all interpretations of their dynamic equally i uh. i lied. and to be totally and completely and 100% honest with you it speaks volumes to the state of the internet that i have been legitimately afraid to say that like i've genuinely been debating and turning it over in my head and arguing with myself about it for days because i don't want people frickin' YELLING at me and telling me to off myself because i like a dadgum fictional ship but it's valentine's and my friend has been hyping up the crap outta me so i'm past the point of having a reasonable excuse to chicken out (and i know myself and if i don't do it today then i likely won't do it at all)

anyway words actually cannot express how obsessed i am with post-o66 aus in which they stay together (largely because i so completely refuse to believe they'd be willing to split up after THAT, ESPECIALLY that soon) so yeah shoutout to the softest fluffiest gut-punch-iest pair in the galaxy to whom everything bad has happened but who stay silly despite the horrors

[mewtwoandme]

I was hoping this would all blow over, but since it's continuing to happen, now with people attacking other artists of the commewnity. I'm putting out my two fucking cents! Cause this whole art/character theft and pointing fingers, who stole what from who bullshit it driving me up the fucking wall!!

Long story short, it started with me and one other blog whose name I won't mention publicly. Despite the horrible light they tried to paint me in, I don't want anyone going to this person and ganging up on them. This person had some serious bitterness towards more "popular" artists and claimed that I've made characters similar to theirs and once used a pose they apparently used before (which was a very common pose, considering it was a reference from the game version of mega Y). Since then, they had desperately tried to conjure up evidence, narrowing down to the most miniscule detail how I've been stealing from them when I hadn't even known their blog existed until I was forcefully thrown into that unnecessary drama with the unhinged call-out posts they've made. With this being said, I'd like to point out that they never came to me or addressed this concern with me in the first place. They had every opportunity to privately DM me if they had suspected I was "stealing," but no, simply because they already made up their mind that I was a thief, that was a good enough reason to lack common fucking sense and decency, making what should have been a private issue public, going on to villainize and dehumanize me. And apparently, it hasn't stopped with me either, cause recently I've been seeing other artists in the community having to deal with this where people are being white knights on high horses, pointing fingers on how one artist's mewtwo looks "the same" if not "totally identical" as another artist's mewtwo. I refuse to believe it's a coincidence. But what makes me disgusted is that since TC's post, apparently it's had the opposite effect on some people and they're hopping on this blame bandwagon like it's some damn media trend!!!

This is NOT okay! Nothing about this kind of behavior is funny! It's upsetting to all of us. We dont need you causing problems where there isn't any, thinking you're doing us a favor! The majority of us are adults for gods sake! We are old enough where we don't need other people coming to us being tattle tails saying this person did this and that. That's what little children do! If you suspect any form of theft, I think I speak for ALL creators in this commewnity that we'd prefer you DM us privately saying something like "Hey, I think this person is copying you, might wanna look into it." And if possible, provide a link to the art in question, for which we would kindly thank you for making us aware and we'll handle it ourselves from there. Just a brief, yet SIMPLE interaction...that's all we ask!!! Don't even come at me with "Well, it's scary attempting to talk to an artist that's well known." Or dare I say ~pOpUlAr~ If you claim that taking the first step to send me a quick DM makes you nervous, yet you have no problem making public call outs in posts or asks, belittling and degrading what could actually be innocent artists doing nothing wrong, literally leaving yourself open to all kinds of comments and opinions from all kinds of people....I'm sorry but your anxiety isn't as bad as you say it is then, if being rude and ignorant in a public post/ask is easier for you. If you come to us, shaming someone else who 9/10 probably isn't doing anything wrong, thinking you'll be in our good graces for doing so, sorry, you're not going to be told, "Good job!" with a pat on the back and given a lollipop! You're just being an asshole.

Quick reality check for everyone who's made it this far before I end this train wreck of a rant:

People can have similar ideas that coincide with one another! There's only so much you can do when a whole community is focused around drawing the same character! We mainly draw mewtwos and mews, you're bound to find a plethora of similar colors, patterns, and designs because of it! Creativity only goes so far when trying to stay true to a character and not stray too far. It's not a crime to take inspiration from other artists' characters, we actually encourage this! It makes us feel good that you liked something we've done and you want to incorporate it into your own designs! It makes us happy that we inspired you! The line is crossed when someone does a literal copy/paste of a character down to the exact detail, and they call it their own original creation. That my friends is what stealing actually is!

[bear-remn]

—shu headcanon's!

hi! I've been thinking a lot lately about the Sakamaki brothers and I came up with some headcanons that maybe you guys can enjoy too, the first one in this series is shu so enjoy! also a little art piece i make during maing this post.

tw: there are some nsfw headcanons!!! if you dont like that content dont read it!

his looks and selfcare

i do think that shuu is very, good looking, shu has that kind of elegant beauty, with his fine face and a straight nose, clearly his eyes are what attract the most attention when you see him for the first time, also shu has a very penetrating and fixed gaze, in addition to the fact that his blue color makes him have a captivating look and sometimes makes people nervous without realizing it, just because of his natural gaze.

even so, shu does not realize how attractive he is, at least not entirely, mostly bc he doesnt take care of his face, like he dont put any cream or special soap on his skin, he is totally the guy that barely wash his face and has a perfect skin.

but i do think that when he wants to, he definetly put sunscreen bc thats what he thinks is makeup for men.

and maybe this is a little... dirty? but i truly belive shu does'nt shower too often, maybe three times a week? or sometimes two, and he does not smell, like too bad, bc he dont sweat for some reason, but does sometimes stink with that smell, when somebody is for too long in a bed... that kind of smell.

and the times he showers he truly takes that shower like if it was his last, ofc is a bubble bath and he puts some candles and music while he just rest in hot water. is shu's private moment with himself. and he loves vanilla and chocolate candles.

and about shaving, he has a happy trail, but cant grow a hole beard, for some reason it just grow under his chin and it bothers him so he shave it right away. and about his body hair it is very thin and not so visible.

talking about skin, something shu needs, is to feel soft things to the touch, like his sheets, he makes his bed all the time and loves the smell of vanila or lavanda the bed has when its recently done, and its the same with his clothes, he needs cotton clothes, if shu feel something that is minimally rough or that makes his skin itchy, he never wears it again or throw it away.

shu does not brush his hair too often, mostly bc its not hard to control and he likes how he looks with messy hair.

i like to think that shu has a wide body, big shoulders and a thick waist, he has a prominent v line, his arms are a little thick too, and his hands are big, but his fingers are more thin and long, as he use to play piano. and he takes care of his nails, doesnt put nail polish but do cuts them and keep them clean.

random stuff

sometimes shu doesnt realize his shirt is inside out, and he realize just when somebody else point it out. but shu dont care.

shu is actually a goosip, so he puts one of his earphones bad just so he can hear what people are talking even if it had nothing to do with him.

and a little secret of him, when shu cant sleep and is alone, he looks at cute/funny (mostly shitpost) videos, memes and photos of animals, shu is totally an animal lover.

on his vacations shu loves to watch a reallity shows, he loves drama of famous people, but ofc shu doesnt talk about this with anyone. and definetly watch them when he eats. not too often tho, it has to be a really good show.

shu has a record collection in his room, next to a wall full of vinyls of his favorite music, he doesn't use them much but enjoys collecting them.

and bc of his childhood he is actually really smart but bc he is miserable and lazy he just dont show it nor in his life or in the academy. and also as a little revenge to his father (who punish him by sending shu to alaska lol).

shu actually dont like human food, he find it boring, but do enjoy eating meat, almost raw, but not too much, bc after that his stomach hurt a little. he does like coffe or hot chocolate sometimes and better when it has milk.

and my favorite little thing about shu, i think shu dont play in consoles, not play station, not xbox, not nintendo, nothing like that. so he only play games in his phone, but not anygame. shu either playes puzzles games or play subway surfers, or both, who knows. and he loves the music of that game, it always stick into his mind when he hears it.

NSFW

so, shus dick... is great, maybe too dirty of me to say but u truly belive that shu has a pretty dick, like maybe more thick than normal, with two prominent veins and heavy balls. and its a little biger than average, probably like 19 cm. i had to say it.

also, i belive shu is a switch, ofc loves to be dominant but also enjoys being dominated, with a limit.

shu loves to tease people in any chance he gets, like, when someone (specially a girl) find out that he likes to hear woman moans as music, he tease them to make them nervous like "what? would you prefer me to just hear you? want me to make you moan? hehe". or when a girl is wearing something too revealing too close to him, like he sees someone underwear or a little peak of her chest shu be such an ass "wanting to show me something? how lewd of a woman you are huh" all of that with his sly smirk.

he flirts in a very... one of a kind, like he teases but also like to make physical contact, at firts he just do it in a way to make the other person nervous but with the time he craves the physical contact, he loves feeling his skin touch another skin, what makes him sleep naked.

shu is more perverted than laito canonically, but i think that shu is more romantic about it, like put passion in it, you can feel the conection with him when having sex. specially bc he loves making eye contact and touch everything he can. he craves to melt into your skin and its really intense. he holds you with possessiveness, hard and intense. almost needy, but shu isnt like quick and fast or desesperate. he is more the kind of sloow and deep, nice and steady. kind of guy.

and bc of his intense desire, he loves foreplay, and best of it, he knows how to do it right, i just know he can read people to know what someone like to make them weak. he also loves kissing, tongue. theeth and lips, he have to kiss at every moment, and if you moan into his mouth he just gets worked up. he would definetly make you grind on his leg while kissing. clearly he does the leg thing, he know things.

shu is a big fan of 69, like he loves to get sofocated while you suck him, and he does it right, loves to play with your clit like crazy, but he isnt rough, but if you ask for him to be more rough he get into it, until youre fucking trembling. and he expect you to cum in his face, afterwards he is happy just to be there.

and his favorite position in bed is either cowgirl or spoonign, firts bc he like when you take control, and seconds, he gets to hold you and be close to you and not making too much effort.

in the case of cowgirl, he loves pushing up to go deeper, and all of that while watching you face, damn he loves it. also likes to hold you waist, and watch you support your body with your hands on his legs, that way he can see better your boobs as you move. when he is close he bites his bottom lip so hard just bc he wants to see you how you cum as well, literally make you look into his eyes while doing it. and if he can, shu will sit up just to kiss you and and look into your eyes up close. he loves to intimidate you with his gaze.

"cmon... keep looking at me... dont take your pretty eyes off mine..."

and if you refuse to lok at him, shu would hold you face to make your eyes meet his.

and in the case of spooning, he grabs you close, like if shu wants to get into your skin, would hold onto your tits or your belly with one hand while he other is in your neck, making you look back at him while he trust into you deep and nice. would kiss your shoulder, your neck, your back, any little part of your skin that is close to him, he would kiss it gently, and if shu speed up a little, you would hear his hot breaths in your ear, occacionally biting it.

"fuck... you're mine, you know that?... only mine.. say it..."

"you're my woman... hear it?... say it... i want to hear you..."

the aftercare is another story to tell, basically he would be either too lazy to get up or just by luck he has something to clean up in his drawyer. he is the kind of men, that would prefer to stay dirty for a while just to hold you a little longer, definetly tease you for another round or just kiss you softly as he carees you hair or skin.

this man craves you with passion, and its touch starved.

── more of my content here!

[unmotivatedwrit3r]

One in Eleven Million (ch. 6)

damian wayne x reader x jon kent

(A/N): So I think this ends up being ten chapters? I'll try to post more frequently; I've tortured you all long enough haha. Though I'm hoping to get a couple different things out in the next couple of weeks, so you'll get more from me, just not always of this.

As always, masterlist linked here.

warnings: air travel, turbulence

wc: ~1300

~~

Damian turned from where he was watching you continue your project to face Jon. He pulled off his zip up sweater, tugging down the sleeve of his long sleeved shirt to hide the bandages Jon did at the hotel earlier in the morning, before passing it over to Jon. 

“Here.” Damian nudged him. “For the sunglasses.” 

Though he could feel your eyes on the back of his neck, Damian ignored you for now, taking his sunglasses back from Jon’s outstretched hand. In the corner, Jon curled into a ball, head tilted against the wall and face buried in Damian’s sweatshirt. Damian watched him for a moment, chest tight. No matter how many times he’d been through this with Jon, it didn’t get easier seeing him in pain. Jon flicked him a thumbs up and Damian relaxed, turning back to you. Overhead, the safety announcement came to a close. 

“He’s okay?” You asked, eyes fixed on Jon. Your arms, already wrapped around yourself, tightened. Damian nodded, eyes straying back to his left for just a moment before returning to you. 

“He will be, once we get up in the air and away from the chaos of the airport.” He tipped his chin at the project left abandoned in your lap. “How long have you been doing that?” 

“Oh a couple of years maybe? I’m not sure exactly. Do you,” you hesitated. “Do you do some kind of art? And you read Arabic, right? I saw the book you were reading last night.” Damian’s eyes scanned your face. You looked nervous, though genuine, and he found himself not minding the questions. It felt more like curiosity than idle small talk. He hated small talk.

“I do. And speak it.” Your eyes lit up. 

“Cool,” you breathed, smiling. “I’m not great at languages but I would like to be fluent in a few one day. And art?” 

“I draw,” Damian revealed. “And paint.” He fought to keep from mirroring your smile.

“That’s awesome. I write a little bit, but only as a hobby.”  

“Really? About what?” He asked genuinely. 

“Whatever I get motivation for I guess? I wish I had a better answer but I just like it.” 

“Doing things for liking them is an answer.” Damian could almost see you mulling the words around in your head. He took the moment to observe your features up close: beautiful eyes and an unexpectedly striking smile. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

“I know.” 

Your startled laugh tore the last of his self restraint down. Damian’s face split into a grin.

The two of you spent the next while talking about everything and anything. You shared your reasons for being on the plane at all, your favorite color, your other hobbies. In turn, he showed you pictures of his art, his cat and dog, and gorgeous shots of Gotham at sunrise. He had a lot of pictures of him and a brown man with shaggy dark hair and bright blue eyes. In the recent pictures, Damian began to overtake him in height. “My oldest brother,” Damian offered when you asked. 

“You’re the youngest?” He nodded. 

“Of several. I am one of the tallest, though.” 

“Oh boy,” you laughed. “I bet your older siblings hate that.” 

“They do.” 

And then there were the pictures of Jon. Jon by himself or with Damian’s pets, Jon captured in Damian’s art, and Damian and Jon together. 

“Where was this?” You asked. In the picture, Damian was standing on a pathway covered in a dusting of snow, bundled up and on crutches. Jon, in a blue zip-up and jeans, was making a snow angel on the ground in much deeper snow beside him. 

“A few winters ago. In Gotham.” 

“I remember that snowfall” You thought back to the remnants of a Mr. Freeze plot. Following Batman’s intervention, all that was left was a snowy cold front. “But mostly I stayed inside and caught up on work during the snow day. And watched too much TV.” Damian huffed a laugh. 

On his other side, small snores emanated from the pile of denim and red fabric. Jon didn’t wake when the flight attendant came around with snacks. Damian accepted Jon’s pretzels for him.

“How long have you two known each other?” You asked, some time in. Damian looked over at Jon. The lights in the cabin were dim, and both boys were bathed in shadow. 

“A decade or so, now,” he said. Then, a little quieter. “He’s my best friend.” 

“You’re a good friend Damian.” Your eyes followed his over to Jon. He looked smaller than you’d ever seen him, all 6ft something curled up in an economy airplane seat. “He’s lucky to have you.“And I know I don’t know you guys that well but I can tell he’s a good person. And that you’re lucky to have him too.” 

Damian didn’t argue. 

“I am.” 

Two hours in, Jon stirred, pushing the hood off his head and blinking slowly. 

“Hey,” he mumbled. Your breath caught unwittingly in your throat. Jon’s voice was rough and his hair was mussed from where it had been smushed underneath his hoodie. You curled your fingers into your palms, resisting the urge to push back a curl that had dropped onto his forehead. Jon rubbed the backs of his hands against his eyes, dislodging his glasses. “Did I fall asleep?” 

“Morning,” you managed. Some part of you was surprised you managed to get out any words at all, much less in a tone that wouldn’t pass for a squeal. 

Damian took his sweatshirt back from Jon’s offering hand. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah,” he said, attempting to stretch while crammed in a seat with no legroom. You just watched, chest squeezing pleasantly. Damian was watching similarly. What am I doing? You wondered to yourself. He’s not yours, neither of them are. 

“You needed the sleep,” Damian said beside you. Jon snorted out a laugh. 

“Thanks Dames,” he said dryly. 

“Always.” 

You wrenched your attention away from the boys, turning your phone over in between your hands. It was too late, you knew. You were already attached. But this was a plane, a vehicle to get you from place to place. There was no reason they would be any different, just a passing point in your life. Selfishly, you hoped they might be more. 

A tap on your shoulder from Damian brought you back into the conversation. 

“Huh?” Two sets of concerned eyes were watching you carefully. Your eyes met green then blue for only a moment. “What’s up? I zoned out for a moment, sorry. Tired.” 

Damian looked like he wanted to argue with you. You hoped he wouldn’t; you might have only met him the day before, but you had a feeling he’d figure it out anyway. 

“Do you know how far we are?” Jon asked instead. 

“Oh sure I can check that one sec.” You opened the airline map on your phone. “About an hour and a half away.” The little airplane icon on your phone screen placed the plane somewhere above the Chicago area. “See?” 

“Oh that’s cool!” Jon said to Damian, taking the device from you. “Kinda looks like the thing your dad has for my dad.” There was context you were missing, you assumed. Damian huffed a laugh. 

“It’s a similar technology.” 

“What do your dads do?” You asked them. 

“He’s a journalist,” Jon offered. 

“Businessman.” Damian’s lips quirked up. “Family business.” 

That did not clear it up for you whatsoever. You snapped your mouth shut on any follow-up questions at the jump of turbulence. Your shoulders stiffened instinctively for a moment before you relaxed back into your seat. This wasn’t your first batch of turbulence and it probably wouldn’t be your last. Damian didn’t seem shaken. Jon, though, looked terrified, one hand gripping Damian’s wrist and the other tapping furiously against his thigh. 

“Is this normal? On commercial planes?” 

“Sometimes,” Damian assured. “The pilot warned of turbulence earlier.” 

“They usually come over the loudspeaker when it happens, just to reassure people.” 

Your prediction came true with a crackle of the intercom. 

“Just an average bit of turbulence folks. All numbers are still in the green, so no need to worry. As a precaution, the seatbelt signs are going back on so please stay seated if possible.” 

The pilot’s voice seemed to reassure Jon. You, for one, were tired of hearing it.

[chaoparty]

i'd been putting off making this post because i've genuinely been anxious & really nervous about it, but things are getting more real as time goes on and i've just gotta bite the bullet >< so guys, we don't normally do this, but.. we really need to ask for some financial help. near the beginning of the year, pawmie (my fiance & business partner) had been experiencing some pretty bad jaw pain.  fast forward a dentist appointment and they found what was thought to be a cyst in their jaw due to how their wisdom tooth was growing in wrong. after multiple doctor visits, they concluded it was a noncancerous, but aggressive tumor. after a lot of fear and anxiety and more specialist visits, we've finally got a surgery (one of possibly more) to remove it. this will require them losing that side of their jaw, and getting metal in its place. they've never had any sort of surgery before, and needless to say we're both pretty scared, but we've got a lot of emotional support from friends and family who're helping us through it, and they mean the world to us!!! (and that includes everyone who supports us here & other places, it really really means a lot!) however, being this is a rather complicated issue, it's coming with a lot of medical costs.. we only recently got pawmie on some form of insurance and while they're covering the surgery itself (I'M ALMOST POSITIVE) , there's been a plethora of things they won't cover that are really imperative for pawmie's health. the biggest reason i've been on such an adopt posting kick is because we're slowly working up funds to take care of all of this. of course it's not our only means but, to put it gently, we're just really in a very tight spot financially for a lot of reasons, but we're doing our best ><. and that brings me to why i'm making this post... i'm doing everything i can right now to at least get us somewhere but to an extent we just can't manage this all on our own.   i truly sincerely hate asking for help in this way, but at this point and i hate to say it, we're a little desperate. ideally, i want to try to raise $5000 to help cover medical costs, transportation, medicine, and groceries that we'll be needing for their recovery. however this is a lot a lot a looot of money and i by no means expect or am asking for large donations, i also want to offer something back be it art or customs. we also have a kofi where as a member you can see when we upload personal art, adopt previews (that you can claim before they get posted here to toyhouse at a cheaper price!), we have plenty of free content for members to download and use like bases for adopts, coding, etc.   i'm also making a direct donation commissions section on our kofi where i'll be offering art/redesigns/customs/etc for certain amounts of donation, https://ko-fi.com/plushpon/commissions

[tanejineri]

no age restriction but we recommend being at least 16 as we are willing to draw blood and slightly gorey things, hell even death and not tag it. if anything goes beyond that, i will label it accordingly

TAGS

#tanejineri - all of my finished art

#misc - wip artwork and text or update posts. reblogs for threads of misc posts also use misc

#reblog - whatcha think?

ART REQS - ✓

ART TRADES - ✓

i block people for a number of reasons, but its usually personal (and usually discomfort). if you're blocked, please do not try to evade this through alternative accounts! i already have paranoia issues thanks to the internet :D

wanna use my art? check the reposting policy to learn more about what you can and cannot do :3

if you'd like to know more about me, you can drop down here. id prefer if you read it on the custom site tho, i made it look all pretty after some guy came in and ruined it [snicker]

KNOW YOUR MAKER

This blog is created and run by @honey-snap (DNF <18) and is in no way affiliated with Nintendo, GameFreak, nor HAL Laboratory.

   ABOUT ME

Name - Rosie-Psi (Psi for this account)

DOB (MM/DD/YYYY) - 06/14/2004

Gender - Male

Level of Education - High School Diploma

Occupation - Unemployed

   INTERESTS / FAVORITES

Hobbies - Art (Sketching/Drawing, Animation, Writing), Cooking, uhh i dont fucking know

Books - The Notebook Trilogy (The Notebook, The Proof, The Third Lie [only really on an analysis level]), Warriors (Series), im going to get back to reading i swear

Films - Watership Down (1978), The Prince of Egypt, The Lion King (1994), How To Train Your Dragon [1+2], The End of Evangelion, Hereditary, Spider-Man: [Adjective] the Spiderverse (so all of it), The Fox and the Hound

TV Series - Neon Genesis Evangelion (im not one of those fans i swear), Invincible, Devilman Crybaby, TRON: Uprising, Arcane

Music - MUSE, Radiohead, femtanyl, Periphery, Lapfox Trax/HALLEY LABS, RYUWAVE, RedOgre, Terrorfakt, Converter

Video Games - ULTRAKILL, Rain World, The MOTHER Series (1+2+3), LittleBigPlanet (1+2+3), OFF, Fer.al (R.I.P), Animal Jam, Rhythm Heaven, Needy Streamer Overload

Other - Animals (Mammalia, Reptilia, Aves), Fictional Theology, Music Analysis

   BIO

HI!!! Welcome! I'm quite the nervous wreck sometimes, so I apologize ahead of time if your interactions with me are awkward. I have autism, ADHD, and depression, which can be hard to deal with, and is also often the reason why I am slow on making things. And also why I am so passionate about everything I do. I was also recently diagnosed with OSDD, so if I ever seem off or not myself, then uh. Whoopsies. I am also very jumpy and really suck at reading people I don't feel the vibes with immediately! I apologize for that as well!! AND I APOLOGIZE A LOT-

I got into MOTHER around July of 2019 when I was 15. It has brought out a lot of joy into me and has shaped the way that I am today! I've been creating content for MOTHER since August 2019, but most of it is private and archived. I have gone under multiple aliases, but Tanehineri is the one that has stuck and resonated the most, being the Japanese name for Tanetane island. The 'j' in my name is actually supposed to be pronounced the way you would a 'j' in Spanish, actually!

While MOTHER is no longer a main interest, I am not afraid to say it's my special interest! Whenever I am running out of things to think or create about, the series is there to give me something to occupy my time. I have multiple takes and headcanons, and I'm always open to hear and share my interpretations of these games with other people, so don't be afraid to ask me for my takes on certain aspects!

As an adult, I speak in a manner that wouldn't be very appropriate for a child. So please, if you're speaking with me and you're a minor, let me know! Otherwise I'll be saying vile shit about Pork Trooper or something.

I ran out of things to say, so uh. ENJOY! WELCOME!!! Once again, please don't be afraid to talk with me!

© 2024 tanejineri*

*this is just for flair i dont actually copyright this shit

[marypsue]

16 and 21 for the fic ask meme

[from this meme]

16. At what point in the process do you come up with titles?

There are two possible times I come up with titles: either as soon as the premise lands in my head, or when I am staring down the draft on AO3 and about to post it. There is no in-between.

21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?

Here's my little secret: I don't delete anything anymore. Anything that doesn't work where I'm trying to put it gets copied and pasted into the very end of the document where the story lives, after about half a page of blank space from the last line of 'real' writing. Then I have it, preserved in amber, for if I get another twenty scenes in and realise that I need something and that thing that I cut out twenty scenes ago is exactly the thing I need.

(This happens more often than you might think. I completely cut about 2/3 of the final chapter of the road goes ever on, thinking I'd have to rewrite it from scratch. Nope! Just had to chop up those 2/3 of a chapter that I cut, rearrange it like a maniac with a corkboard and some red thread, and write a handful of interstitial sentences. And now it reads like it was always meant to be that way, and I can't even remember where all the stitches are. Ain't writing neat?)

To answer the spirit of this question and not the letter, though: yeah, all the time. Part of that is because I keep scenes that I cut, and if I really love them, I'll often find a way to work them in somewhere else (or into something else), so it doesn't feel like quite as much of a permanent sacrifice as it might. Part of that is because...well, have a story.

I'm a fresh baby adult. I have just recently graduated high school, and now the full weight of everyone's expectations of what I'll do with my 'potential' and everyone's disappointment that I don't have a clear, safe career path planned out yet are resting directly on my shoulders. I'm in a university art class. I'm very, very nervous, because I don't feel like a 'real' artist, because I don't feel like I belong here with all the good artists, and because I have a nervous perfectionist streak almost as wide as my entire body.

We are doing a unit on sculpture. I have never in my life done any sculpture, except for a couple of (extremely ugly) clay crafts in elementary school. We are assigned to take a rectangular block of styrofoam, and make an animal shape out of it. The kicker - we can't add anything to the block, only cut away.

I manage to make a reasonably decent-looking animal shape in my rough draft. But as soon as I try to translate it to the big block, it's immediately obvious that my design...lacks something. It's blocky. It's bulky. It's ugly. It looks...close to the shape of an actual animal, close to photorealism, but the fundamental rectangular-ness of it is so overwhelmingly strong. I'm carefully whittling away at the edges and the corners and the curves, scared to wreck it by making a big change, but nothing I do is helping at all.

Luckily, I have a very good art professor. Luckily, I have limited patience for fussing around with things that aren't working. (Luckily, I've been listening to MCR's Danger Days on repeat and it, especially the idea of 'Would you destroy something perfect to make something beautiful?', has been setting little fires in my brain.) Luckily, somehow, for whatever reason, I get fed up with nibbling around the edges and seeing no results. I get brave.

And I cut a deep curve into the side of my sculpture, cutting nearly half of the material away in one stroke.

The sculpture comes to life. The change is instant and obvious, and, more importantly, it's good. It's not anything resembling photorealistic anymore - if an actual animal was shaped like that, it would be very, very uncomfortable or possibly very dead - but it looks more like an animal than it ever did when I was going for 'realistic'. It has motion. It has visual interest. It carries the eye through the sculpture. And this massive improvement on the one side makes it suddenly extremely obvious where the rest of the sculpture needs similar cuts and angles to balance it.

I think I ended up getting a B or a C+ on that assignment. The sculpture turned out kind of wonky, with some angles that still didn't sit right. It was not a piece of timeless art. But that wasn't what was important. What was important was that I took a big risk, and got rid of what wasn't working, and it made something good. Something compelling. Something interesting. Something that, for all its flaws, I was much, much prouder of than the dull, safe thing I had been working on.

Sometimes, especially when you're just starting out as a writer, just starting to find your voice and feel confident in your work, every sentence feels precious and it feels dangerous to move or remove them, because what if you'll ruin it, what if you'll never make anything that good again. But if you're writing, it means you care enough about telling a story to try at it. Trying, and continuing to try, is how improvement happens. As Annie Dillard so beautifully put it, these things fill from behind. You will write something as good as that again. Many things, even. And even better things, so long as you keep plugging away at it.

And...you know your story. You know when something doesn't fit or isn't working, way deep down. The worst thing you can do for yourself is leave it where it doesn't belong anyway because you're scared of making a mistake.

[nyaifyz]

Hello! It's me, silly anon. I just wanted to say that I love your content a lot and I really enjoy everything you do. Art, writing, just answering stuff.. That's amazing and for some reason I feel a lot of emotions when scrolling through your account, you're probably one of three persons which blog gives me a lot of positive feelings, especially well-made AUs. They're really creative and characters design are so good! I know that we both don't know each other, but for some reason I feel like you're wonderful person.

Well, in short, you're one of my favourite murder drones artists and maybe writer If you're planning to keep this up. I hope that you're not going to abandon this community/blog and, of course, hope your real life will stay perfect too. Take breaks if you need by the way, you work really hard, not every blogger can make several posts per day! Thank you for paying attention and sorry for my English, it's not my native language, whoopsie!

Honestly the first time I read this I nearly cried, I've been rereading your message as it truly makes me smile and I'm in a really rough spot in real life, so it means so much to me

(Also, your english is wonderful! better than mine)

Lil ramble:

When I first joined Tumblr I deeply struggled, I even deleted my old posts including some of my murder drones posts back around when ep 2 was released

I ended up recently rejoining as I so badly want to connect myself into a fandom and be recognized, to share aus and ideas without fear of being ignored or hated </3

I am so thankful that I've somewhat overcame my fear and now spamming random posts about murder drones, seeing people reblog and mention what they think of it makes me really happy, and I hope to continue posting. I have so many ideas and doodles, I actually have to control myself from posting too much.

Instagram can't handle me, Amino sucks, Twitter is cursed, I'm glad I made a home on Tumblr, especially the murder drones side <3

I want to befriend people, encourage, and just gain my own group of support as I continue storywriting and art, hoping some would follow me outside of fandom nonsense

I'm still a nervous wreck though, especially since I'm uploading my murder drones aus to Wattpad and AO3

But thank you for supporting me and I hope you stay in my journey 💕

(and Chapter 1 to the pink swap au coming super soon)

[stick-named-figure]

somewhat long winded and ramble-y musing below the cut. tenuously related to ava but mostly personal.

i think another reason that ava/m (ava especially of course) appealed to us so much is that it's very obviously an interaction between art and the artist. And also creation and creator (which is a separate but similar category) which is something that I've craved in works for a very long time but only recently really came to that realization through trying to see why AVA stuck around with me for so long.

I think it's this sort of idea that art says something about a person (Which is not an invitation to try and make statements about me from my art by the way) but the emotions I try to throw out through art.

This post kind of materialized because I was thinking about whether I should tag my self shipping art as AVM ships, since of course my sona is not canonical [citation needed]. I then figured that blocking the tag "sona" would accomplish the same effect, since I have no real intention of drawing said sona outside of self ship art.

And then I started thinking, this sona exists only in relation to another. I am someone who has had sonas in the past that were very much individual from others (as in had no prerequisite others to include for their existence in art) but Eve, as a sona and a self, exists as a necessity for others. My canonical pronouns are not known but Eve's (sona) are meant to match King's.

(Because I'm about to just start saying things, I have to mention that I'm well aware my relation to identities [especially my own] is not the average experience).

Along these lines I've also realized that the rest of my self perception is primarily built out of the way I am experienced by others, and thus my self is then a group project. This is reminiscent of egregores but I can only read so much on occultism before I start seeing conspiratorial lines of thought that trouble me. However, the point remains that I perceive myself as non-human but rather than in a "diminutive" manner (such as common things as animals or small things) it's in more of an abstraction of behavior and perception.

Which is then maybe a long winded way of saying that I have introspected the self out of myself. I was rather obsessed with labeling myself a few years ago (or, pointedly, finding "respectable" terms for myself that were not too out there) and have since long passed into a label-less state. This seems to have come about at the expense of my identity then as well, down to the point where I was nameless for a few months[1][2].

I'm not so sure I find myself distressed by this lack of self, since it seems mostly other's prerogative to label and classify me to whatever is most convenient for them. So it's that way that I think I find myself basing myself on others perception. Because I don't really have the time or energy to find a self in here that I can pin down and make into a solid object. If I try it will slip away eventually anyway.

I think that I change every day. And if I tried to find something to cling to then it would dissolve so quickly I'd be trying to hold water in my hands. And for a very long time I have been ashamed and nervous about how I treat myself and my interests since they never seem to stick around (which is in great part because of my ADHD and autism from what I understand) but understanding it like this seems much more relaxing, that I am what I need to be in each moment and then allow myself to change when the path is the one of least resistance.

---

I might as well start using footnotes. As offline life often requires, I still went by some name. However, even in my most "genuine" states I found a lack of a name appropriate.

It should also be stated that Eve was picked as a rather quick choice because I had jokingly adopted another friend's name and was soon going to be visiting her. I could probably make some literary analysis on that choice because I'm already treating myself as a character.

[mrwiseandshine]

Sharing the core strategy is helpful and positive, and it speaks well of Automattic's leadership that they're willing to maintain the kind of transparency we've seen recently. But yeah, there are good reasons for people to be concerned about several of these goals. Basically everything in this strategy is compatible with a healthy Tumblr that retains its current userbase, but it also feels like the writing is on the wall for core features that long-time users love.

Some comments on each principle:

Improving conversion rates generally means making the experience worse for logged-out users. That does sometimes matter for logged-in users. It used to be that webcomics sometimes used Tumblr for hosting, so Tumblr users could follow them directly on the dashboard but the comics were still accessible for anyone. I recently sent someone a link to a blog and they had trouble accessing it because they didn't have an account. Moving away from conversion rates would make the user experience better on both of these items, but yeah, it's basically a lost cause. People screenshot content when they want to share it these days. It sucks but there isn't much room to make things worse for current users by requiring login.

Prioritizing non-chronological feeds in development is, as sabakos says, equivalent to relegating the chronological dash to a legacy feature. This makes users nervous, literally. It puts me on edge, makes me worried about Tumblr's future. It's certainly possible to maintain the chronological dash as a first-class feature alongside an expanded "Best Stuff First", but retaining trust about it actually happening requires taking active steps to show the chronological dash remains a priority, even if they're a little silly or wasteful.

In particular, a lot of this talk about improving conversations sounds like it can work great on the chronological dashboard too. In particular, deduplication of posts on the dash would be great, I'd love to have a chronological dashboard where the first appearance of a post has a number with how many times it shows up in the last 24 hours of my dash. Adjacent identical reblogs should be collapsed into one, and later identical appearances of posts I've already seen should be minimized or hidden. This should be optional, but I'd definitely like deduplication. It would also be great to be able to see all comments from anyone I follow on a post, so I can know I've got the full context on the most recent addition.

Creators already like Tumblr, so changing core features to prevent users from avoiding content they don't follow is super dangerous. Using language like "the outdated decision to only show content from followed blogs" is terrible, don't talk like that about core features central to the value the site provides to current users. That said, yeah, there's lots of ways the site could work better for creators. Revenue sharing with users that generate significant original content is an obvious but expensive one. The ability to forcibly put source headers linking back to the artist on posts by other users would probably be popular. A dedicated feed or dash config slider for "art I'd like" would be neat, there are probably people who'd appreciate extra art even if they don't want generic non-chronological content.

Maximizing attention and engagement is also dangerous. On other websites, this generally means "make the website more addictive to make your users' lives worse". Tumblr knows that, of course, but it's an obvious point of concern for users.

No disagreement on the importance of stability, though. Tumblr bugs have often been fun, they're a part of the local culture, but clearly stability improvements ought to be a major goal.

I'd also just be really interested to know how much a user costs Tumblr, on average. Does an ad-free subscription pay for a whole user's costs?

Tumblr’s Core Product Strategy

Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on reorganizing how we work in a bid to gain more users. A larger user base means a more sustainable company, and means we get to stick around and do this thing with you all a bit longer. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. The @labs group has published a bit already, but this is bigger. We’re publishing it publicly for the first time, in an effort to work more transparently with all of you in the Tumblr community. This strategy provides guidance amid limited resources, allowing our teams to focus on specific key areas to ensure Tumblr’s future.

The Diagnosis

In order for Tumblr to grow, we need to fix the core experience that makes Tumblr a useful place for users. The underlying problem is that Tumblr is not easy to use. Historically, we have expected users to curate their feeds and lean into curating their experience. But this expectation introduces friction to the user experience and only serves a small portion of our audience. 

Tumblr’s competitive advantage lies in its unique content and vibrant communities. As the forerunner of internet culture, Tumblr encompasses a wide range of interests, such as entertainment, art, gaming, fandom, fashion, and music. People come to Tumblr to immerse themselves in this culture, making it essential for us to ensure a seamless connection between people and content. 

To guarantee Tumblr’s continued success, we’ve got to prioritize fostering that seamless connection between people and content. This involves attracting and retaining new users and creators, nurturing their growth, and encouraging frequent engagement with the platform.

Our Guiding Principles

To enhance Tumblr’s usability, we must address these core guiding principles.

Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.

Provide high-quality content with every app launch.

Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.

Retain and grow our creator base.

Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.

Improve the platform’s performance, stability, and quality.

Below is a deep dive into each of these principles.

Principle 1: Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.

Tumblr has a “top of the funnel” issue in converting non-users into engaged logged-in users. We also have not invested in industry standard SEO practices to ensure a robust top of the funnel. The referral traffic that we do get from external sources is dispersed across different pages with inconsistent user experiences, which results in a missed opportunity to convert these users into regular Tumblr users. For example, users from search engines often land on pages within the blog network and blog view—where there isn’t much of a reason to sign up. 

We need to experiment with logged-out tumblr.com to ensure we are capturing the highest potential conversion rate for visitors into sign-ups and log-ins. We might want to explore showing the potential future user the full breadth of content that Tumblr has to offer on our logged-out pages. We want people to be able to easily understand the potential behind Tumblr without having to navigate multiple tabs and pages to figure it out. Our current logged-out explore page does very little to help users understand “what is Tumblr.” which is a missed opportunity to get people excited about joining the site.

Actions & Next Steps

Improving Tumblr’s search engine optimization (SEO) practices to be in line with industry standards.

Experiment with logged out tumblr.com to achieve the highest conversion rate for sign-ups and log-ins, explore ways for visitors to “get” Tumblr and entice them to sign up.

Principle 2: Provide high-quality content with every app launch.

We need to ensure the highest quality user experience by presenting fresh and relevant content tailored to the user’s diverse interests during each session. If the user has a bad content experience, the fault lies with the product.

The default position should always be that the user does not know how to navigate the application. Additionally, we need to ensure that when people search for content related to their interests, it is easily accessible without any confusing limitations or unexpected roadblocks in their journey.

Being a 15-year-old brand is tough because the brand carries the baggage of a person’s preconceived impressions of Tumblr. On average, a user only sees 25 posts per session, so the first 25 posts have to convey the value of Tumblr: it is a vibrant community with lots of untapped potential. We never want to leave the user believing that Tumblr is a place that is stale and not relevant. 

Actions & Next Steps

Deliver great content each time the app is opened.

Make it easier for users to understand where the vibrant communities on Tumblr are. 

Improve our algorithmic ranking capabilities across all feeds. 

Principle 3: Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.

Part of Tumblr’s charm lies in its capacity to showcase the evolution of conversations and the clever remarks found within reblog chains and replies. Engaging in these discussions should be enjoyable and effortless.

Unfortunately, the current way that conversations work on Tumblr across replies and reblogs is confusing for new users. The limitations around engaging with individual reblogs, replies only applying to the original post, and the inability to easily follow threaded conversations make it difficult for users to join the conversation.

Actions & Next Steps

Address the confusion within replies and reblogs.

Improve the conversational posting features around replies and reblogs. 

Allow engagements on individual replies and reblogs.

Make it easier for users to follow the various conversation paths within a reblog thread. 

Remove clutter in the conversation by collapsing reblog threads. 

Explore the feasibility of removing duplicate reblogs within a user’s Following feed. 

Principle 4: Retain and grow our creator base.

Creators are essential to the Tumblr community. However, we haven’t always had a consistent and coordinated effort around retaining, nurturing, and growing our creator base.  

Being a new creator on Tumblr can be intimidating, with a high likelihood of leaving or disappointment upon sharing creations without receiving engagement or feedback. We need to ensure that we have the expected creator tools and foster the rewarding feedback loops that keep creators around and enable them to thrive.

The lack of feedback stems from the outdated decision to only show content from followed blogs on the main dashboard feed (“Following”), perpetuating a cycle where popular blogs continue to gain more visibility at the expense of helping new creators. To address this, we need to prioritize supporting and nurturing the growth of new creators on the platform.

It is also imperative that creators, like everyone on Tumblr, feel safe and in control of their experience. Whether it be an ask from the community or engagement on a post, being successful on Tumblr should never feel like a punishing experience.

Actions & Next Steps

Get creators’ new content in front of people who are interested in it. 

Improve the feedback loop for creators, incentivizing them to continue posting.

Build mechanisms to protect creators from being spammed by notifications when they go viral.

Expand ways to co-create content, such as by adding the capability to embed Tumblr links in posts.

Principle 5: Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.

Push notifications and emails are essential tools to increase user engagement, improve user retention, and facilitate content discovery. Our strategy of reaching out to you, the user, should be well-coordinated across product, commercial, and marketing teams.

Our messaging strategy needs to be personalized and adapt to a user’s shifting interests. Our messages should keep users in the know on the latest activity in their community, as well as keeping Tumblr top of mind as the place to go for witty takes and remixes of the latest shows and real-life events.  

Most importantly, our messages should be thoughtful and should never come across as spammy.  

Actions & Next Steps

Conduct an audit of our messaging strategy.

Address the issue of notifications getting too noisy; throttle, collapse or mute notifications where necessary.  

Identify opportunities for personalization within our email messages. 

Test what the right daily push notification limit is. 

Send emails when a user has push notifications switched off.

Principle 6: Performance, stability and quality.

The stability and performance of our mobile apps have declined. There is a large backlog of production issues, with more bugs created than resolved over the last 300 days. If this continues, roughly one new unresolved production issue will be created every two days. Apps and backend systems that work well and don't crash are the foundation of a great Tumblr experience. Improving performance, stability, and quality will help us achieve sustainable operations for Tumblr.

Improve performance and stability: deliver crash-free, responsive, and fast-loading apps on Android, iOS, and web.

Improve quality: deliver the highest quality Tumblr experience to our users. 

Move faster: provide APIs and services to unblock core product initiatives and launch new features coming out of Labs.

Conclusion

Our mission has always been to empower the world’s creators. We are wholly committed to ensuring Tumblr evolves in a way that supports our current users while improving areas that attract new creators, artists, and users. You deserve a digital home that works for you. You deserve the best tools and features to connect with your communities on a platform that prioritizes the easy discoverability of high-quality content. This is an invigorating time for Tumblr, and we couldn’t be more excited about our current strategy.

[zenkitsune]

Rambling on the Last Sunday of 2024 ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

Brief mentions of otome, journaling, fav youtubers, and art commissions ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

There's nothing special about it being the last Sunday of 2024 other than I just now realized it :3

So far today, it has been very relaxing. I spent most of my morning prepping to open commissions for the first time soon! I've always been nervous about opening commissions for many common reasons, but now I gotta bite the bullet. Especially since student loans is gonna start kicking my butt next month- It's gonna be tough possibly doing commissions, working full time in retail, and pursuing other art related stuff, but I'm optimistic (as I am writing this 〒▽〒) that'll it'll work out. I honestly just gotta take care of myself properly and it'll me good!

Now for other fun stuff (imo) that I did this morning!

I started doing stuff in my journal again! This specific journal I have is one I have owned for many years, but I've finally been showing it more love this year. I might talk about it more in the future because it makes me happy to look at, but here's what I did today.

On the left side, I started planning out all the fanart stuff I wanna try next year, month by month. Fanart is something I have rarely done because I was afraid of not bringing justice to the characters, but I have been more open to doing it lately. I also really wanna share my love for the media I adore to everyone.

It's hard to see what is what because of the lighting, but I'm gonna be very flexible with this list. January will be Haikyu because I have been reading the manga lately and it's been a slight hyperfixation for a couple of months~

I also listed when I wanna work on volumes of my "Otome for my Sins" zine! Something else I might talk about later too, but I just finished volume 1 of the series recently (which is an introduction) and will continue with volume 2, which hopefully I can complete by February. I will be talking about one of my first otome games, Ikemen Revolution! Ray is my favorite I love him so much and miss him and I'm still salty at Cybird-

Also if any otome lovers see this, if you know of any otome related zines please send them my way, I would love to read them 🥺

On the right side of my journal, I pasted some sticky notes I got from the limited edition Sweat & Soap volume 6 <3 I learned a new Japanese work today! ふせん or fusen means sticky note! I mentioned that in a previous post I would be too afraid to use them, but now that I pasted them into my journal as an archive, I'm not as scared anymore! I got this idea of having an archive of your stationary from Emirichu from youtube! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pqrHUPDxuU&t=313s

Speaking of youtube, a video and a youtuber that have given me comfort today is the strawberry jam dreams video from ymlovely! I love her videos because it's very retro, aesthetically pleasing, relatable, and comforting. Here's her channel <3

That's enough rambles for now :3

[diedeilv]

You're okay!

It does make sense. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed, but that's only because I'm either incredibly nervous or I think it'd be negative.

Arabic poetry is definitely beautiful, I read a lot of it when I got into literature, and the words in English was always so pretty. It's a talent to have Arabic as your first language, it seems very complicated. Then to be fluent in English? You're smart. I've been writing since I was a child. I firmly believe it's the only thing I'm good at so I've always been inspired.

Uhhh, not really? It honestly depends on if I'm tired during the day or the night. It's very sporadic, I don't have a schedule.

I only play horror and puzzle games on roblox too, it's very fun. I also play TB: Mobile but that's about it. I've been meaning to get into yandere games though.

I like cats, and snakes, and birds, and anything in the ocean. And owls are pretty cute, I agree.

Personally I've only liked one of your posts. But liking all of them is reasonable. And I honestly don't remember if you've interacted with my posts are not.

I've been in quite a few fights, and I haven't lost one of them. I got the cops called on me once. Twice, actually.. I broke a guy's nose. Mmm. Yeah! And that's cute. You think I’d break so easily? I’m not one to kneel, and you’re not getting any satisfaction from seeing me down. You can try, though. It won’t go how you expect.

Mhm! Really depends on the person’s situation. what do you mean by “negative?” Like the advice they gave was negative? Or you found it negative yourself even though the person who gave it was supposed to be positive?

That’s good! I’m glad you were able to enjoy Arabic poetry. Sometimes I recommend it to people and they take it the wrong way.. really wish some people would get into it more and read it more often since it really is something so beautiful. Thank you for the compliments! They warm my heart a lot. It’s odd cause since just recently in October I was actually able to properly convey my feelings and thoughts in English, normally I struggle with it a lot since I feel like there’s not enough words for me to express how I feel, especially stronger feelings. Might be just me but English kind of lacks words for emotional communication? Or could be that I’m just not used to doing it in English.

I’ve did a few things as a child, I did art and drew, sang songs for people, tried dancing, gaming etc. Most things I left except writing and doing henna (you could include gaming but it’s not something I’m as into now? Sometimes I would quit here and there.) I still write a lot and do henna designs. Two things I pride myself knowing that I’m good at them.

Interesting! I sleep whenever my work lets me, it’s either I stay up the whole day and night working or I sleep the entire day, my weekends are normally used as a recharge for me to sleep and try to get those hours I miss during the week back.

Which games on Roblox have you played? I’ve played the entire series of the mimic and waiting for a new season. I’ve also played interliminality, and some smaller ones. Mm I could give you some recommendations for yandere games like “Crimson Gray” or “You, me and her” Both are popular and pretty surface level. Good for someone who’s just getting into it.

Ooh always wanted a cat as a pet but my parents would never let me, my cousin does have an orange cat which scratches me a lot whenever I come over, she’s still so adorable though.

Not surprised! Turns out you’re not “all bark and no bite.” Just makes me even more excited. I’ve done my best that whenever I fight someone I won’t get in legal trouble, so it’s always in a private area. Once when fighting a girl, I broke her tooth, bruised almost her whole body, entire face covered in blood. I also pulled out her hair so strong that some of it actually ripped off and you could see the literal bald spot, It was like an empty patch in her hair. God now I look back at it I feel bad for her.. but I hated her guts so much. The fight was pretty romantic though.. it’s weird but it gives me butterflies to treat someone else the same. I did recently punch and wrestle someone but it was very minimal compared to what I usually do, and they surrendered really quick. Yknow what I’ll learn from you and try to break someone’s nose the next time I fight someone. I’m not breaking easily either, I’m not letting you see me beg or on my knees till the day I die. I’m not admitting defeat at all. You’re definitely strong I’ll admit but you won’t see a day to defeat me.

[roseispending]

No.1

The Beginning / Taking Myself Seriously

Hello! 👋🏻

This is the start of me taking my art career seriously and taking real steps forward to achieve the life I want to live. ✨

I've been inspired by Spotted Journal on youtube to document my artistic progress, all my achievements, my struggles, and most importantly, my goals. Her videos have been a real source of inspiration and motivation to push myself out of my comfort zone and away from procrastination. I'm incredibly grateful for her vulnerability in sharing the beginning of her journey, and inspiring me to share my own. I thoroughly encourage aspiring artists to check her channel out and subscribe!

My goal with this blog is to have a safe space to document my progress, and to also provide accountability for myself in order to break out of my procrastination rut which has been detrimental to my development as an artist.

In 2022 I graduated with a degree in Interior design and have not have a design related career since due to bouts of anxiety and doubts in my career goals. I have a love for design and do wish to pursue it, however not in this exact field. I have always had a love for concept art and visual development within animation and video games, specifically environment design and all things related. I want to use the technical knowledge from my degree to pursue this further, but that means I need to up my drawing and illustration skills immensely.

I do have some practice in drawing due to my educational pathway, however my skill is still low and needs a lot of work in order for me to pursue an artistic career. So I am treating myself as a beginner to make sure that I have the fundamentals down and to also create good habits for myself. This is not only an art journey, but the start of what I want my life to be.

Going back to Spotted Journal, I was inspired by this video to write down my vision for the future, my 5 year goals and goals all the way down to today. This has been helpful to visualise my future and determine what steps I need to take in order to make it a reality. It was really helpful to break down my goals into achievable pieces whilst also being a little fulfilling when I complete any. Using Notion, I have taken the page structure from her video and implemented my own goals into it.

So, for accountability, here they are 🌟

For obvious reasons I won't be sharing my personal goals unless I feel like it - but they'r staying private for now. but it was very helpful to make goals in all aspects of my life in order to do a big upheaval. I feel like I've been a bit of a bystander in life recently and I really want to get out there and do what I love.

My goals are bound to change and develop throughout my journey and I'm looking forward to seeing what changes I make to my lifestyle to fit them in. And the same for this blog, I'm hoping to be more loose when writing as I'm sure this post is quite stiff and quite long 😂

As for now I'm super nervous to post these goals as its a big factor of accountability for me and sharing big dreams like this is honestly very scary and nerve-wracking. But if I want to share my art, I need to start somewhere. So yes I'm afraid. But I'm going to do it anyway.

[geodraws04]

So for a while now ive been thinking about making my own self-insert crossover au and wanted to finally talk about it :000

i've been like. a lil nervous to post my thoughts about this au/story to the public because I know how,, like. Weird? Negative? and like, Critical people are about self-insert stories sometimes (esp thanks to a certain MHA artist and how a certain SD character was written to pretty much be a self insert int the skin of an iconic character - iykyk) but as of recently after talking with a friend and hearing about the lore for Amalee's vtuber character Monarch ive been thinking "yknow what? fuck it-" and write it out here for a few people to see since i dont have a large following haha.

So heres this hypothetical self insert au I have in mind (in the meanwhile, writing this version of me as a posssible way to both vent about my feelings and hopefully as a way to improve myself haha):

The World-Warper - Traveler of the Multiverse

(POSSIBLE CW: Talk about self-doubt, possibly self-harming thoughts and thoughts about "disappearing one day")

Hypothetical Synopsis: 18 year old Geo (aka me), They/Them, has just graduated from high school. Seems like it should be the biggest milestone to have reached, right?

But for some reason... they've been having doubts about themselves in their abilities and about who they are.

In comparison to their friends and peers, they feel like they're unremarkable and don't have any proud accomplishments to be happy about. While they'd hear about the amazing opportunities their friends from their grade or above have gotten, or how successful their friends in lower grades have gotten when they left, their self-esteem and worth plummeted.

No matter how much they tried in the last four years of their school career... they always fell short in one way or another. And in turn... they will and motivation chipped away from their soul. While their friends and peers could sing their hearts out with amazing solos as they were stuck in the chorus, or their artistic peers could share their art to the world and amass large followings while they could barely get a few people to see what art they could, or people getting A's and high B's while Geo could only scrape by and barely pass because they're motivation and drive to work as hard as they used to and barely making it enough to graduate - they always fell flat, and their mental health and worth began to spiral downward.

They asked themselves constantly: "Am I worth something?" "Will I ever make an impact on the world?" "Will I ever been seen?" "Can I get back to how I was before things went to hell?" "Since my efforts won't ever be seen... am I even worthy of being alive?" "If i did disappear one day... would anyone even notice?"

These thoughts swirled around in their head that whole summer... until one fateful day they took a morning walk into the nearby woods to clear their head. As they roamed the warm glowing trees as the sun peeked over the horizon... they found something that would forever change their life...

A Multiverse Crystal.

This Crystal gave them the ability to travel across different realms of their choosing, meeting different creatures and beings from worlds they'd never think were real, some even becoming their close friends... and without knowing, a role they felt like they didn't deserve to bear: A leader of a team they would dub: the Go-Getters.

But they'd also be dubbed as the cause to the end of some worlds... if they aren't careful.

As their team grew... Geo would soon discover who was the creator of the Multiverse Crystal they discovered that fateful day... and how this creator would inevitably become their biggest adversary.

Her name... Monarch.

These two beings... so similar, yet so different. Both knew that.

When discovering that Geo had acquired a Multiverse Crystal from one of the worlds she was watching, she knew they'd becoming a problem... they'd interfere with her goal of keeping the balance in these worlds... and could be the potential fall for others.

They would be the match that would set these worlds aflame. So they must snuff them out... even if it means she would have to play the role as the villain in these worlds. It may not have been her plan... but what other way can she do? If it means these worlds could be protected, then so be it.

And so she did... she created more clones to act as eyes to keep watch of the young traveler... and if one wrong move is made, violence will always be an option to make sure this person doesn't throw the worlds out of balance.

An ability Geo cannot possess.

So what can be done...?

As they travel through the worlds, they must watch their back. While Monarch has "multiple" lives... Geo has one.

Living in a world without supernatural abilities, mythological creatures, ultimate talents, or superhuman abilities... while traveling through worlds with one or more of these traits... they know they have their life on the line.

Will they be able to live a life with their new teammates and friends from beyond their home... or will they suffer a morbid fate due to causing the worlds to fall out of line?

----------------------------------------------

soooooooooooooo,,,,,

what do yall think?? I wrote this all in one go so if it seems like its written odd thats prob why haha,,

im def still figuring out the deeper stuff and the possible world building for this hypothetical story/self-insert.

I will say! I definitely think the "main" casts for my team would be from: Pokemon (anime or masters; idk haha), Total Drama, Danganronpa, and MHA.

again still figuring out the more deeper stuff and the world building. but once i do i might talk more about this again =000

[broadphilly]

Brian...

Over the years, I built certain principles of dating that's helped me avoid my mistakes of the past. For instance, don't swipe right on a profile where his photos are just himself (no friends?). Also, avoid the ones with a bio that's only their instagram handle... please tell every college student this. Of course, as we age we keep self-selecting down to a more narrow group of individuals. This isn't new, but what becomes new over time is the *type* of guy you add to the list. A new genre of gay men that's recently come about since the pandemic was exactly that: the guy that is stuck in summer 2020 of urban outfitters tops and jeans, posting pictures enlarging the length of their legs, and having that one filter that aims to be retro but actually comes across as disturbingly fried. I unknowingly met this type and thus became the catalyst for the creation of this blog. Meet Brian.

I met Brian over tinder a week ago when I first downloaded the app to try and meet new people, though my intentions and motivations are to be discussed another time... Brian was a 21-year-old college student who was more direct than others in going on a date to get to know someone rather then gradually do the cat-and-mouse chase of tinder to following each other on instragram to FaceTime to finally a date if you're lucky. Brian seemed nice, he was one of the more rare individuals you meet on tinder that actually asks you questions about yourself on top of the conversation you're having. We met at Rittenhouse Square Park over wine I brought.

Brian showed up in a white crochet short sleeve short, long brown corduroy pants with black platform converse. He also brought a tote bag that also wanted to come across as diy but the aesthetically-saturated pattern immediately screamed Urban Outfitters to me. Looking nothing into it at the moment, I tried the basic tactics of first dates: how was your day, so where is your family from, do you like your neighborhood? I knew it was going to be a bad date when every answer he gave was "yeaaa..." or "no..." and his eyes would divert to a tree behind me but his eyes clearly not focusing in on anything. So you said you're from Haddonfield... I work around there. Do you like the shops on Haddon Ave? I ask. I hate New Jersey, he says. That sucks, why do you say that? It's boring. Another conversation looked like this: I ask, are you a film buff if you go to an art school? I don't know. I don't know any movies really. I couldn't help but sit with ten seconds of silence, just for him to realize how utterly monotone he was. I thought to myself: is this going to be the first date you actually walk away from mid-date?

We already made plans to go to a bar after the wine finished, which I quickly drowned down in hopes of not finding the shortness anymore annoying as it was to sober me. I offer we go, thinking the night will result in an awkward hug after a couple vodka sodas. I already pulled out cash before heading into Dirty Franks, since my debit card snapped in half and I've yet to order a new one. It's been broken for 5 weeks, but the chip still works. Brian didn't bring any cash... but I was quick to cover our two vodka crans at $12 plus tip. The conversations only picked up here, where I suspected he was more drunk and maybe less nervous. For some reason, I thought that was cute. We both ended up having the same favorite albums: Folklore by Taylor Swift and Norman Fucking Rockwell by Lana Del Rey. Adding Lorde and Clairo to my list, he seemed to be drawn in. I looked into his face more tentatively in the loud bar, his jawline looking sharper. The 1970s pornstache he was going for looked more developed and attractive. I knew then I was going to take him home. We finished our second drinks and he ordered the Uber home, for which I was going to hit myself if I really had to pay for the Uber, too.

At my apartment, Brian somehow found a glass in a cabinet and helped himself to water. I found that rather invasive, but I chalked it up to the inhibition following our Moscow mules. We chatted over tv shows back at the bar, agreeing to finally introduce Sex and the City to him via my laptop in bed. I always offer my guests shorts or sweatpants before getting in bed, offering looser clothes I won't be mad at getting ripped. Brian took a pair of black lululemon shorts, slipping into my covers next to me as I turned on the pilot episode. Quickly the episode ended, and he was quick to turning onto me, wrapping his leg around me to get on top. It was rather intense sex, with his pornstache being rough against my chin and lips. We flipped and turned over each other about three times before he went down on me, being surprisingly slow and wet with it. I did the same in return, putting both my hands around it and just being glad it wasn't as square as the guy before him. The sex became freaky to me, for a first date and all. With him sitting on top, his hands were warm around me before fitting it in. Never really having bottomed (or at least liking it for longer than 2 seconds), I'm also sure to be as gentle and deep as I can inside someone. It didn't take us long, and I tossed a towel to wipe everything off his stomach. Then the sleep came quickly and quietly, we didn't say goodnight.

The next morning, Brian had woken up earlier than me and I heard him get up at least three times for the bathroom before I actually checked my phone. 8:34 AM, I had work at 11. He suggested getting breakfast, and since he lived near where I work, I offered to drive us to a cafe in Haddonfield. On the way there, I tried my best to be cool again by curating music to play on the 30 minute car ride on a rainy, humid day. Andromeda by Weyes Blood, Spring by Angel Olsen, Sometimes by Faye Webster. There was a terrible accident over the Ben Franklin, causing all traffic to merge right, where we needed to take the left exit. I'm hungover. My head and my stomach, not good, he says. I'm sorry, I think some coffee and a sandwich will help, I say. We didn't really talk in the car, which bothered me. Even the questions like did you sleep okay only resulted in a yea... As we approached Haddonfield on Haddon Ave, he said in his very monotone voice: I'm going to throw up.

5 minutes away from the cafe, I thought he was just being dramatic since his face didn't read as urgent as his statement. Are you okay, do you want me to pull over? I chuckle. Yes, like now. I pull into the parking lot of a bank and as I'm putting the car into park he reaches for the handle before I could park and vomits on the side of my car and into the road, the car not even parked into a parking spot. I didn't see it, but it sounded aggravating, and splattered heavy. He stops after I ask if he's okay and needs anything (I had nothing but my laptop and tote bag), and I softly say, let's get you home, we'll worry about the coffee shop another time. As he closes the door, we drive to his address. Not 1 minute into the drive he says I'm not done and I park just on the other side of the parking lot before he expels everything left in him. I need to be motionless for just one minute, he says. I offer to get him water and he says okay in a way that says "Thanks, but no." At this point I wonder where to go from here, if he's even going to make it from to his house or if we're going to have to sit for a half hour while he sleeps it off. He gives a thumbs up to me as he picks his head up from the side off the car, and we drive away from what felt like a crime scene. The cafe will probably always be there, I say in an attempt to lighten the mood. He apologizes, and tries to make it up by asking me if I'm free Saturday. In my head, I could only think: please do not try and make up for this. Let's just be honest and take this as a lesson for the future.

Yours: know your limit if you're going to be driving back after a night of drinking. Mine: don't prolong a date with a guy who's taste you're not exactly of a fan of. It's not that I think the aesthetic is shitty or people who shop at Urban Outfitters are close-sighted, tacky assholes, but I think the fast fashion loving, calculated yet depthless aesthetic Brian put together reflected exactly the type of person who would present themselves as such. I actually work both mornings this weekend, 9-11 AM, I say. It was true, but I suggest maybe next weekend to be nice. As I pull up to his destination, he makes it worse to me by adding sternness to taking the offer: Okay, we'll see each other next Saturday. I would kiss you, but I don't want to be gross. It's okay, I- I would also give you a kiss if I could, I shyly say. He closes the door, and I proceed to the coffee shop we were supposed to go to.