#I've been having health stuff going on but im feeling better lately so hopefully can get back on the proverbial saddle

[lemon-russ]

I just reread "Cato bullying Diplomat" (first found on AO3) and wow—it just hits so much for me. I love the balance between humor and romance, like a screwball comedy. Here are these two characters who are both competent and stubborn just aggravating each other before they succumb to their attraction. I find the power imbalance in Space Marine x baseline human hard to overlook sometimes, but it works in your story because of how emotionally immature and socially inept Cato can be (especially compared to Titus). (Loved too how Guilliman asked the Ambassador whether Cato was blackmailing her.)

Anyway, I think you'd commented in your last chapter on Tumblr that you thought the story was complete. I was wondering if you plan on writing more in that universe. If not Cato and Ambassador, I'd love to read something featuring your Titus.

Thanks, and happy writing!

Omg thank you 🥺😭💖 the nicest praise I've ever gotten ahhhhh 🥺

im glad you like it and that my ideas came through, I tried hard to make their relationship fair and not super imbalanced against the odds, im happy it reads that way! 💖

I am actually writing a big final piece for them! I wanted to leave them off on a nice note and give closure to the whole story. I've been picking away at it for a while, but it's coming! I'm excited to share it ✨️

As for Titus, when I started the fic, I actually didn't know a ton about him. it was before SM2 and I'd only seen my fiance play SM1 haha. Since then I've played a bit of SM1 and learned more about Titus in canon (plus the secret level episode ahhhh 💖) and while I don't think my Titus was bad per se, I think I'd write him differently now, but I think he'd still be my flavor of him lol, just maybe more like the Titus people recognize too. That being said, I'd like to write a Titus story! (I got. A LOT of requests for one, lmao) though I hadn't thought of it being a spin off fic of sorts either, I like that idea!!

Maybe Titus needs to get put on his own guard duty with someone to get his mind off the ambassador 🤔 much to ponder

[ne0nlightzz]

SUP, IM BACK YA MOTHER FUCKIN LOVELY PEOPLE! IM BACK FOR WRITING!

Welp, atleast I hope I'm back! I haven't started writing the next chapter yet....and am currently rereading my own story, drafts and notes and am going to hopefully get my writing journal with my physically written and more important notes soon ish since it's at my parents house in my room. But I'm really hoping to get back into the swing of things and back into writing after around roughly a year break.

In regards to the topic of my hiatus and a sorta life update in a way and explanation on why i dissappeared(writing related further down if you wish to skip this)

I will say that my break was originally meant to be short and just so I could get my motivation back and come up with ideas, because at the time when even my updates and random stuff posted on my activity/convo board (Qoutev+Wattpad) had started to slow to absolutely nothing, was actually around the same time my grandpa had been in the hospital for awhile due to medical issues, and also a big part outside of my family was that I'd gone off my adhd medication due to not being able to refill my prescription and my mom not having time to bring me to a med check, and around the same time my mental health hit a low i hadny hit in awhile. I did infact end up back on my meds in like late March of 2024 or something, but by then I was very out of the writing spunk and ideas and just kinda stayed in that low, and continued to stay in that low pretty consistently to the point I wasn't getting in any form of a better mindset and I stated roughly like that until late july to August, and just around when I started feeling like I was doing better I'd gotten stuck with a puppy I didn't particularly want, and I'm by no means a puppy person but we had found a super sick stray like three month old puppy and taken it in and I ended up super attached despite the fact I'm not someone who by any means should have a puppy but I did it, and it's been rough and draining and has left me with little time to write or to myself, especially since he had to be kept separate from my family's other three dogs while he was getting better and then still has to be separated because my mom's dog is reactive thanks to our neighbors dog (which I won't get into) but since early October I've been living with my sister consistently and just have been busy and still not totally doing great, and more family stuff in regards to grandparents and their health has been consistent since late September of 2024 again even to now in February of 2025. But my puppy who's named Douglas and I now love with my whole being is finally starting to calm down and is getting to point where I can have a bit of free time to myself to do things like write again, hell I'm also hoping I'll be feeling better but won't jinx anything by being overly positive there.

In regards to writing again-

I don't promise that the next chapter of DFTS will be very long or overly amazing, I'll try my best but if there ate inconsistencies or more grammatical errors then before I'm apologizing now because I'll be trying my best. I have to completely start from scratch now, I need to find my writing style again, and while I've written small short wips that are trash here and there for my own entertainment I won't be posting those as they aren't related by any means and...they're just trash. But the POV of my writing might shift, as well as my language, grammar and just style as whole but since I'm still me ill assume it won't be to drastically different. I might work on a few old requests feom tumblr before jumping straight back into DFTS so I can practice and get back a sense of my writing style but we'll see what i end up doing because I'm still not sure of it all yet. But I know I do still love writing and reading even if I also took a huge break from reading stuff as well. 

-More DFTS related specifically I guess-

I had drafts for the next chapter, I swear I had two rough drafts and different versions of how chapter six would go, and I think I have the plot line in the notebook I dony currently have which sucks but I'll hopefully aquire soon. I had more recently messed around with the one of two versions I have, which is actually the only version I have access to because I can very specifically remember the second one but also can't and I can't find it anywhere on my phone(which I did infact switch phones....but all my notes transferred so I don't really know there). But anyway I have tweaked and messed around with the one draft I have access to, and I decided i actually hate it but I'm thinking I might make it a short under 2000 word filler and teaser for the upcoming chapters I hope to make good. I also have a super old ass draft I found for like what was i think originally chapter two, but its still a really cute chapter and I think one of my first real fluff chapters, and I'm thinking I'll post it on my behind the scenes as a scrapped draft since I don't hate it but it just doesn't quite fit the storyline anymore.

———

This is super long and I'm writing this in my notes, if my grammar here isn't great then I apologize, I'll edit it later from my laptop. I just wanted to make this announcement or author's note or life update or whatever before people either think I've died, abandoned my stories for good or similar plus before I post a new chapter out of no where. I just wanted to speak and clear stuff up and make it known I didn't quit, not for good atleast. I make no promises when the next full chapter will be but I might post a filler one out of a draft just for fun and post that old draft fifteen year old me wrote back in 2023, which feels so weird to say....I will add this is also a means of me getting back into the Creepypasta fandom and the Slenderverse fandoms and all too which I'm actually looking pretty forward to since I'd kill to binge watch Marble hornets all the way for once or start watching EMH again and reading up on creepypasta fics since I have no idea how the Fandom is like now or if it's changed any...but knowing the Creepypasta and Slenderverse fandoms, I'll assume it hasn't changed much and is still the super cool Fandom and community as before.

Anyway I'm making myself shut up now, I'm supposed to be folding laundry not writing this.

Please remember to stay hydrated and to take care of yourselves luvs and I can't wait to get back into the writing, the community and Fandom and talking to everything again because i really do miss it all so much and say everything I've said with a lighthearted tone and such, even if some of it's more personal and kinda crappy! And also if anyone has absolutely anything to say or ask...feel free to do so!

-Luv Lee<3

Written and posted to main writing soiclas 2/4/2025 -

[dying-disaster]

Exercise for blah days

been trying to motivate myself to get moving lately bc its been so hard since I haven't had a lot of energy so hopefully this will help someone

A problem I've had a lot is feeling like I have to be all or nothing with exercise, feeling like if I'm not doing intense stuff or popular stuff that its not valid exercise. But I've realized that its more important to just do some sort of movement if you're able than it is to go all out and follow workout routines that will burn me out in a couple of days or weeks.

Now I know that exercise doesn't cure depression or anything, but I also realize that personally, I feel a lot healthier and better about myself when I can get my body moving and feel like im accomplishing something that will help me. so

Walking

Walking is an obvious one, if you're able to get out and do it. Walking may seem easy, but its also very beneficial, especially at a moderate pace, because it builds up your endurance and stretches out your leg muscles. You also get the added benefit of being outside, soaking up sun, and getting some fresh air!

Yoga/Stretching

Yoga is great because there's so many lessons focused on accessibility for beginners and people with mobility issues. You also don't even have to leave your house to do it! Some yoga youtubers even incorporate meditation into their lessons, which is great for mental health. Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube is a great resource, she has so many different lessons for all sorts of purposes and levels. I love doing her yoga to wake up and yoga to calm down flows.

Martial Arts

Martial Arts is kind of a tricky one, since its recommended to go to in person classes before trying it on your own since bad form with some movements might lead to you injuring yourself, however if you have past experience its a great way to get your body moving while having fun and working towards a goal. If you have no prior experience, things like taekwondo forms can be something fun to do, since they're pretty easy and one of the first things you learn. Alex Wong on YouTube has some great examples of kicking and balance drills you can do.

Sports

Another obvious one, but sports can be a great way to have fun and get moving. You don't even have to join a team or anything, just grab a basketball or a soccer ball and head to a local park when its not busy. Most tennis courts will have a wall you can practice against too if you want to try that.

Dancing

Dancing is a great way to get some cardio in and strengthen your muscles while having a lot of fun and learning some cool moves! There's so many videos you can look up to learn dances and dance moves, and its something easy you can do right in your room.

Cleaning

I know cleaning isn't fun by most peoples standards, but I love to throw on some music and make my house feel clean and cozy. Cleaning is a surprisingly good way of getting your body moving, since it involves a lot of motions and sometimes some physical effort. If you're able to get up and clean something, it also does wonders for your mental health to have a clean space to be in.

Playing with your pets

Unless you have a dog, playing with your pets probably won't be too intensive, but hey, they deserve some quality playtime, and it'll make you feel good.

I know these might not be accessible for everyone, but if your able to and want to these are some great things you can try to be more active in your life.

[radiorenjun]

Grand announcement ❗❗❗

Yep you read that right and no this is not a joke, unfortunately.

Honestly is it that much of a surprise?

Um I don't know when I'm actually going to post this or if I will post this considering I've been debating on whether i should actually take time off of not. But depending on the date I post this, its either going to be one of two reasons or both.

LETS GO WITH THE POSITIVE ONE FIRST SHALL WE?

First of all, Happy Ramadan! My maids going back to her old village for the holidays so I'm going to have to assist my parents in babysitting more til she gets back. Therefore I will be too busy to post or update. Or maybe my parents plan an unexpected vacation or something and I'll be too busy to communicate with anyone on my phone.

Edit: I take it back my mom fired her when she caught some cigarette ashes in her room today (my maid went back to her village yesterday btw) and now we gonna get a temporary one that comes and goes everyday at the end of Ramadan LMFAOOO more chores for me then

Also, im posting this to just inform everyone I'll be okay and I'll return somewhere in the end of May or the beginning of June considering I promised a few moots to voice call then. Man, it feels weird speaking all serious like this. It feels even weirder that I'm not even using capslock lmfao.

Okay the other reason. Im not really thrilled to think that it's finally drove me up so far i have to take a break from everything.

If you can't tell from how I've been on and off lately uh like my mental health is getting bad. Like really really bad?

I won't go into much details but for safety stuff here's your trigger warning for ED, SH, Depression, Nightmares, etc. If you don't want to read this part you can scroll down until you see some random red statement I'll write later so you can see what I have to say before i leave.

Uh okay where do I start. To sum it all up basically, my mental health is in absolute ruins? At the moment?? Uh... It's been the worst it has been in the past three to four years? I don't know anymore. I can't sleep properly because I keep having nightmares of past su1c1d3 attempts and the outcome of actually succeeding. I can't eat properly anymore. My SH habits and my anxiety is coming back (every beginning of every month though so it wasn't as bad as way way when this started) and I trying my best to stop it again. I'm almost a month clean but I doubt that I can last more than that again because everything seems to get worse and worse. I cry myself to sleep because of my thoughts being so fucked up. I tried coming forward with this so many times to my parents and my teachers but they won't believe me, i can't do anything anymore except try to get better by myself. I can't bring myself to communicate with anyone anymore knowing full well that the only thing that's keeping me alive at this moment is socializing. I keep having flashbacks of when older men stalked me everywhere I went in the past. I lie awake knowing that nothing can bring me comfort except seeing that one idol who you all probably know by now. Im literally depending on him to keep me together during the day it's not even funny anymore lmfao.

I have to do endless chores, deal with all of this at once, catch up on two semesters worth of materials for my new school, deal with my graduation ceremony which is coming around this month or next month? Somehow I developed some type of anger issues the past year so haha that's great yuh no.

To stop you from worrying, no, I don't have suicidal tendencies anymore but I don't exactly have something to be thrilled living for. I'm just vibin in life at this point lmao

I'm just tired. I'm really really tired. Id lie awake crying my eyes out while listening to renjun voice audios. I'm tired of crying all the time and I'm tired of everything. Im tired of laying in bed overthinking and stressing bout things that wouldnt normally bother as much. I promise I won't do anything stupid

I won't be gone long. I'm not okay at the moment but I will be. Because at the end i need to be okay again. I'm giving myself time to heal again before something gets bad. I promise I'll come back from time to time. I promise I'll be okay again and I'll come back as that happy hyper renjun simp who swears and uses capslock, spamming memes or whatever.

I'm not comfortable opening up about anything that goes beyond too sad in my life so I'm just going to leave it at that

You can stop scrolling now. The triggering part is over.

Thank you for all the moots who decided to cheer me up unknowingly whenever I was having a mental breakdown. Thank you for reading up to here lmfao uh I don't know what to say? God Im a mess.

Dms on both tumblr and discord will be pretty slow. I'm sorry but I'll reply to my asks like a day or two after they're sent. I won't be posting much until June and I'm truly sorry for those who were waiting for the last chapter of idni, im taking this chance to also rethink the ending so I can somehow make it better than I originally planned it literally a year ago.

Damn broken English 101.

As I said before, I'll be okay when I get back. I'll be the happy hyper angie I always was and always will be when I return. I don't know when I'll post this but hopefully I don't haha. You don't have to be worried about me, this happened before and I always come back okay again. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll be back in a month.

Do what yall do and don't forget to tag me whenever you post any renjun fics haha. I'll miss you all, don't forget about me okay? Haha.

I'll be looking forward to writing again and hopefully I'll be mentally and physically healthy then. Hopefully I'll have my motivation in writing back again by then. I'll try my best to commit into getting better and being happy. Plus I wanna start an sm au but rn it doesn't seem very likely haha

I'll be contacting my networks bout this as soon as I post this.

Thank you and see you all later

[mirrordraco]

Another small doodle. I guess? It's late, I have no following for this, I guess I'm posting cause I'm proud of me? Yeah. This is a post for me. Been going through some rough stuff and occasionally it's gotten worse and I know in the future it'll get worse again too but I've noticed my recent lows haven't felt as low (not counting the nearly passing out outside a liquor store in broad daylight, that was still damn low but I digress-). Emotionally I feel kinda better? Part of me is afraid of saying that cause just watch me prove me wrong tomorrow but at this point and in this moment I feel pretty good?

The shocking part is probably that... It's night time. I'm "alone" not talking to friends or anything, I'm just watching vids and my stomach feels kinda sick and I'm trembling a little (physical issue not emotional) but despite that... I'm feeling okay. It's been a long long time since I could be awake this late at night and just... Feel alright.

I'm not questioning shit anymore. I don't sit around for hours telling myself "if they loved me they'd do this-" or "if anyone cared this would happen-" cause that shit was toxic, it was toxic for me and it was toxic for the people around me. It was entitled, like people somehow owed me comfort. Nah. It was messed up and more often then not it was hurting me a lot because when I believed that it really did make me think no one cared.

It has been a weird year for me. Not drastically bad, I won't claim I made some fantastical feat this year and everyone should praise me. I just mean it had moments that I had to dig deep more than I had to in the past. Its payed off. I'm not... Done yet. I'm not "there" or the person I necessarily want to be at the moment. Still I can see that things have changed and it's been for the better.

Now I can say to myself "If they loved me they would- no they wouldn't cause how would they even know? It's not fair of me to assume they can do this right now they've been doing a lot-" and "No one loves me- except for _____, _____, and _____ I know that they love me. And my family. And Monty. So actually-"

The negative voices are still there and probably always will be and when shit upsets me I'll always have a knee jerk reaction but it's taking less and less time to work through that. Instead of two days it takes a few hours. Instead of a few hours it takes 30 minutes. Instead of 30 minutes it happens in 10.

I don't think I've achieved things like "love myself" or "confidence without ego" (I mix up the two a lot and I'm sorry for whoever that's effected I promise it's still in progress) or "be a functioning adult" ironically that last one might be the easiest one.

Even though I still have a lot to do and even though I still struggle, and I'm making this long weird post at 1:16 am after a week where I literally had a serious incident that should have warned me against abusing my health, I am proud of what I've done so far. Yeah. I am proud. And that's okay. I think I earned this little bit of pride. I don't doubt as often. I trust more. I just feel... Better. All the time. Even when my mind starts to go it never gets far like that anymore. I mean I have nagging stresses but don't we all- this is about the progress I've made as well as what else I have coming for me. It won't end here but I'm glad I've gotten this far.

I had help. And I'm thankful for that. This is a long post. I'm sorry to my friends and followers who will need to super scroll past it -hella selfish of me I know, I swear im sorry- I'm just... Proud. And I wanted to write something to remind myself that I did this. That I'm here at 1:21 am in a silent bedroom and I feel good. I'm doin fine.

How do I end this... Uh... Okay. Well, me, don't slack off now but... You did good. Hopefully in a long handful of months you'll post a follow up with what else you've achieved. Don't stress over it, you know you're loved now. You achieved step one. This is proof that it's not all for nothing. Next time you fall you have this to go back to and you'll know that you are doing okay. And that I have many spelling errors god-this-is-so-long-okay-ill-shut-up-now-bye!!!! And good job <3

[truerescreatuconfessions]

Submissions from Schemes

As per your request I am publishing your submissions, Schemes. There's nothing this blog can do about the actions taken against your account. That was a decision made by staff - not me, or any of the users who posted here. Evidence posted on this blog has never before been used to ban anyone, so we can only logically assume that staff acted on other information. If you would like to explain that situation to us I will publish what you have to say.

My priority is Rescreatu. I'm honestly not that interested in anyone's character. I want to see Rescreatu thrive again. I want justice for the users who have been wrongfully banned. I want it to be a fair playing field, where everyone is held to the same rules and staff are accountable for their actions. I want to help staff restore the faith and trust users need to have in the site in order for it to be successful and fun again.

You have an opportunity here to change the narrative entirely. You could become a hero overnight if you chose to share what you know and expose what has been going on. You would most likely be listened to by Patrick, too, and could change Rescreatu for the better. I know for a fact you would find allies on staff as well, who are looking for someone who will step up and confront these issues. It's not too late and I will be your first ally if you choose to do the right thing.

As a side note, Tumblr does not give me access to the emails used for long submissions. I've also never published anything I've received in a DM without permission. I don't send harassing messages, it's not productive. I invited you to DM the blog because I wanted to give you a chance to discuss this before I posted what you wrote (which I genuinely feel will not give the impression to users that you hope it will).

Without further ado, here is what Schemes (as far as I know) has submitted to the blog, hopefully in order. I will not be compiling any other messages submitted like this in short format (it's too much work - please use the long submission form - I'm not censoring you, I'm just asking you to follow guidelines).

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heyaaaaa to my fans I'll make this perfectly clear, if my tu was taken because of something shady, I would have never publicly spoke about it on the SB and make myself look "bad" where I know everyone clocks my every movement and watches me like a tv show. you know I'm smarter than that atleast I'd hope so! Now that im not staff I can comment on this hate blog but my peace and happiness / mental health is worth more than trying to prove to people who have already decided they dislike me. bye now

PS as per my last post, if I REALLY did something bad EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN WIPED FROM MY ACCOUNT. just saying. and there's no way i would have been unbanned in 1 day. -schemes/khione. now I'm done I promise. And to those who have been defending me, thank you. I really am grateful

Schemes again, few months ago I wrote to you guys, and explained how my mental health was deteriorating and requested the removal of false and personal information about me etc. not sure if you guys did, but here we go again with this, baseless lies and bullying. I tried to [censored] myself over this blog. Now if I sue for emotional trauma I would be wrong right? Bc I have the means, professionals and the proof to do so. please don't say if it bothered so much to ignore the blog it's never that ez

I gave up the achromatic omni amongst other colored galta to try to make people see that I really was moving with geniune intentions. I now realize that was stupid and I should've kept them because y'all got something to say in a bad manner about me anyway. I should just get it back LOL. Not being staff any longer is such a relief I can now actually say stuff I feel

Unfortunately I don't have a tumblr account. If you don't want to post my truth and continue to make me look bad, and allow people to assassinate my character to control the narrative, just say that. Nor am I going to make a tumblr account just for this. Just keep in mind what I said on anon. - Schemes/Khione

I don't need to talk to my friends. My friends know my truth. But here's another truth, you're pathetic and a bully. Karma is real, so it's fine. You don't have to post what I said. I have a clear head, I just don't see why my posts won't be submitted. Why would I post a long submission, so you can have my email and harass me some more? No thanks. Like I said, if this continues I'll be taking legal action. I've been letting the bullying slide for too long. Take that however you want.

Maybe you need a break from this blog. You feed of the bullying of others and drama and the hate. Does it fuel you? I'll pray for you. obviously this is schemes again. I'm sure you'll post this though. Again, bc u want people to think I'm a horrible person. You pick and choose what to post, it's really sad. I think you're the one who needs to take a break from this blog. It's only going to ruin you.

-----------------------------------------

PS - I will resume posting your submissions this evening or tomorrow when I have time. I wanted to allow some time for everyone to catch up.

[kyunsies]

Hello Mädch ahsdjaksdh <3 !!

how is college going? dw, I hope you are settling in super well and feeling optimistic about school and all the amazing things I know you are going to achieve this year! I am excited that you are starting your rotations now! you are going to do awesome, I know it! I'm sorry that you didn't get that ICU first like you wanted but hopefully it's all part of the plan so that you get it at the right time for you <3 let me know how they go, of course. I hope they go super well.

the week has been a bit weird to be honest, in my team I had a semi argument that was properly tense for the first time with someone and it was just so unpleasant. you know those people where they aren't horrible but you know that you'll never completely see eye to eye with them? i think it's just one of those things, where we'll never just completely read each other or get each other? and it's not, like, a massive issue or anything that we can't deal with, but I feel like usually I get on really well with people or not at all (all or nothing person I guess haha) but with this person I've just got to admit that we're always going to be a bit in the middle? like, we talked it over, and I've still found sometimes we misunderstand one another? so things are still good in work and clients, but with workpeople it has been the more difficult battle? hopefully we should get some more cool media stuff with the K-pop people soon, so that's an up?

OMGsh your coworkers are so much older than you! [lease do post a picture of your room, I am 100% confident that you have made it so dreamy and pretty. Thank you sm for telling me more about these operations though! I feel like everywhere is on red alert at the moment when it comes to health and care and making sure that people look after themselves and not put others at risk, you know? the doctors that to talk to me about my potential surgeries too have said the same but it's nice hearing it from a friend, you know? so thank youuuu <3 <3

I was the same as you, I would get so so so anxious and stressed if I wasn't studying or working or anything like that? but my mum is like your mum and grandma, where she gets up early too! but I feel like I need to do the late night thing instead? but then once I got into this crazy spiral where I would wake up really early and go to bed really late and like nap in between so I ended up like having two hours of sleep either side? that was peak wth at the time haha XD so now I try and let myself wake up a bit later really XD ha ha I'm in barely adulting! like I work so much but I don't earn a lot ha ha – I don't think that's very effective adulting? or like, I don't know I guess for a lot of people my age there's a work hard and hope it pays off thing in certain industries? so you're definitely more effectively adulting than me right now! like, you're going to do stuff that's gonna actively help people and you'll see that right in front of you, you know!!? sometimes my work gets out there but I rarely see directly if it gets to make peoples lives better you know? so the path you're on is so so admirable <3 <3 <3

I get you though, do you find that you thrive under the pressure even though it's sometimes a lot? I find that sometimes it does help me, but sometimes I forget to identify the times when it isn't helping me? or, sometimes I take it too far? so please look out for yourself and take care of yourself <3 and when you're worried if you're on the edge know that it's enough for you to take a rest and not be super perfect. i sometimes tell myself to except that I'm probably gonna make two or three stupid mistakes a day? It sounds kind of silly but it means that it makes it easier for me to accept when I mess up, idk, I think it helps me balance the pressure sometimes? i 100% understand what you're saying - at school do they have people that can directly help? or like peer supporters so it's not as stressful or official feeling as a therapist? if you ever want me to come off anon to help lemme know <3 i'm always here for you <3

oh my gosh your grandparents have been able to live long too! all my grandparents lived close to 100 before passing, and one of my grandmothers had the same as your grandfather. he sounds so sweet and so kind though! i love that he knows how to FaceTime you! Some of my aunts and uncles still don't properly haha. it sounds like he knows that he's super loved though, he's very lucky <3 <3 i've been thinking about all this really lovely stuff and how it grounds you when stuff like careers can stress you out and feel like the most important thing when it shouldn't be? what are the personality differences between the different areas of the US? my East Coast friends seem to straight talk a lot more than my West Coast friends? like they're a lot more realistic as opposed to being, I don't know laid-back or if not laid-back sometimes just more comfortable with superficial stuff? Not like my West Coast friends are superficial people, but I think they accept it as part of the world a bit better? my friends on the east coast will rail against that stuff a lot more, like they buy into the influencer bullshit less? but I guess these are all sweeping generalisations anyway... I might have to travel a bit in europe soon... I got asked to go to otaly for some work today, and to holland next month. Idk if it will end up happening though, things change all the time? I have to keep checking quarantine rules all the time with countries! but YAY and YES Europe tour trip one day :D !!!!!!!

you know what? when I first saw you compare bowling and golf I was like, wait, what? but now I totally get it! i know a golfer and they talk about how physical and strenuous it is on the arms and stuff all the time which I don't think always comes across when you watch it and it makes a lot of sense with how you describe how you trained for bowling! i used to cox in rowing and I always used to find it really funny that I said that was the sport I did because honestly I just sat in the boat all the time and steered XD

obligatory YES WTF ARE COTTON SCENTS! quite a few shops in the city where I live have been closing down because of Covid but our Jo Malone is still going strong! I love that lots of already classic clothing shops have now gone out of business but for some reason the people where I live cannot live without their perfume XD I think I'm gonna go in later this week or next week to take a look! with all this travelling I kind of want to buy something new? also, my hands have been acting up with injury so I have to rest my hands more anyway – so might as well look for perfume right? do you have any recommendations or would the blueberry one you've just gotten be at the top of your list?

the exciting thing is that I'm doing a bit less this week! I need to wait and see if that job wants me to fly out to Italy within the next 48 hours, if not next week, but if not I think I'm gonna figure out how to rehabilitate my joints a bit and get my brain okay? It's been existential Covid crisis week haha - I think a lot of me and my friends have been feeling like we've lost so much of our lives and potential during this time and I've really tried to hold in and ignore it for the past 18 months? i'm not one to ever feel lonely or to really really want to be in a relationship like some of my friends, but I've just been feeling it this week? like, I love my independence, but I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend right now you know? I feel silly saying that sometimes because I'm so against feeling like you have to have someone in your life to be okay, but I guess that's just a result of how the world is has been recently?? but I think all my feelings exploded around this stuff now so, I am trying to get back into a better place? so it's not as exciting as some of the stuff I've told you about before, but it's what's up I guess?

how are your mum and grandmother doing? are they doing good? [lease send all my love to them too. I'm glad these help you reflect on your week! they do with me too and I'm always happy to hear from you, no matter how long you might need <3 <3 hope you manage to reward yourself for working so hard these past days and that you remember you're always doing 110% so you deserve the best!

love you lots and lots - 💥

ANGEL HELLO !!!!!!!!! i told myself i would stay on top of this and swear in a timely manner but ;_____; a full week + 2 clinical rotations later here i am on a sunday, it seems this is always the case :( maybe my get back to you day will only be on sundays LOL i will try my best in the future babe, but ofc thank you so much for being patient with me <3

uni is going fine so far hun !!!! i've started clinical rotations as i've said on thursday and friday, and then my first exam is on tuesday so i read some chapters yesterday so i'm not squished for time lol :) and ,,,, what you said "hope it's all part of the plan" is very much my way of thinking lol wha is your sign? i'm a sagittarius and that's like, a philosophy i go by like everything is how it's supposed to be even if it's not what u want like everything will work itself out :') i'm wondering if we are one in the same !!!!! <3

and omg ;_____; conflict within the workplace is NEVER easy bc all everyone wants is to reach the goal you all are reaching and bc there's some bumps in the road it makes everything that much more stressful :( and i know exactly the type of person you are talking about LOL i've had to work with some of my peers in the hospital who really didn't treat me all that nicely , but i still have to partner up with them anyways bc we had to move a patient lol ; like they never do anything terrible to you but you just cannot come to a proper agreement with them? i know the feeling :( but i can tell you are doing ur absolute best ;_____; it's a tough situation ,,,,,,,,, but may i propose something ??? maybe since things are high stress in the workplace, would u be willing to meet them outside the workplace, like a quick coffee meet up and then discuss those issues? maybe talking about it in the work environment is way too stressful for both of u and it is hard to come to an agreement, but maybe in a calmer, more informal setting do u think maybe the both of u could be like "hey, what u were talking about i'm not really head over heels for but this is what i think and do u think we can do something where both of us will be happy?" im thinking maybe will opening up a means for more civilized discussion?? just a thought LOL :') let me know how it goes :( i hope u are all able to figure everything out !!!!!

about the surgeries !!!!! like i said i know it's super stressful to think about bc this is one of the very few times in life where things are absolutely out of our control and that scares us, and we as medical providers aren't supposed to give u a false sense of security, but i promise u everything will be just fine as long as u correctly follow up with care post-op :) we wouldn't want an infection !!!! >;( i remember last year i had a patient and she was going in for a routine colonoscopy and she was scared shitless ,,,,,,, but i was like "listen ma'am i know it can seem scary but i was just in there with the doctors and everything is super relaxed and they know what they're doing in there, you'll be out in no time and i'll be here waiting !!" and that seemed to help her a lot, after the surgery she was on me like flies on shit LOL she was like "THANK U HONEY" (but i think most of it was bc she was still drugged up hhh)

LOL us with our family members waking up early <3 literally this morning i decided to do my laundry at 8am (its only 10 right right now lol) but idk it just make u feel a little bit better doesn't it? but oh my gosh no i don't see u in this way at all ;_____; babe like you're already THERE in the world working and to me like ,,,,,, being an effective functioning person in society is like all i ever want i just want to be COMPETENT and the fact that u manage ppl ???? it's already a lot of responsibility but you do it everyday like you go to work u make food for yourself u pay bills like yes this all kinda sucks but you're there doing it and idk ,,,,,,,, like u being in this position is like yeah their surviving in the world and doing okay !!!! so that’s how i see u hun ;_____;

and i don’t think i necessarily thrive under pressure but i just kinda ,,,,,,, handle it?? like i think i handle my stress quite well !!! i think the reason why making mistakes scares me so much in my field is bc if i make a mistake i can like, kill someone or seriously harm them if i do something wrong SLKDFJ but i have to remember i’m still just a student and a lot of the things that i’ll learn won’t even be in these last few months of nursing school, but rather during my months of orientation on the floor i’ll be working on when i finally land a job ,,,,,, i know i just have to be patient and kind to myself, but it’s hard not having these high expectations for myself bc everyone else pushes themselves super hard (nurses i mean) so i feel like i should be too , ya know? ;_____; it’s a hard balance that i’ve yet to find but hopefully once i graduate i’ll have just a little bit more confidence in myself :’)

and omg your grandparents lived a long life as well !!!!!!!! a lot of my friends’ grandparents are really young still, so it’s hard for others to relate i think LOL but :(((( i’m really lucky to have them around still and like, i feel like my grandparents are the cornerstone of our whole entire family; once they pass i’m not quite sure what will happen ;_____; so i’m just trying to cherish every moment that i have with them even tho sometimes it’s stressful lol ; also BOUT THE DIFFERENCES FROM EAST TO WEST COAST LOL ; i think u described it really well actually :) like among the friends u have the are from different parts of the states, it’s very accurate in my opinion !! and again after all it is just a very broad assumption, in general east coasters have this “workaholic” attitude, they tend to be very realistic which i actually appreciate a lot lol, i’m hoping to live near the east coast when i move out <3 now where i am from it is considered the midwest even tho it’s more east than west if u look at it on the map LMAO and like, it’s really funny bc if u say to someone you’re from the midwest they’ll tell u our reputation is being “too nice” LSKDLFJSKLD and like that’s our thing, a happy medium between coasts with big cities but small towns too and generally just very chill and nice ,,,,,,,, the south of the US is also known for having that “southern hospitality” overall very cheerful ppl with personality and super kind attitude on life :) now the west of the US i’m not saying there aren’t nice ppl out there bc there are LOL but esp near lost angeles or hollywood ofc you’re going to have ppl very stuck up bc ya know they made it to big bad LA and they want to be trendy with all of the fake health shit (celery juice does NOTHING FOR U sorry lol) generally my view of the west is just very fake and i would never want to have my family grow up there LMAO but that generally like, california and washington but like, utah or wyoming or colorado are just absolutely gorgeous and they have small town ppl there bc there are a lot of ranches there ,,,,,,,, does any of this make sense to u ??? KLASFJ 

i’m going to skip a few paragraphs bc this is so long already LMAO but trust me i’ve read everything so far lol ; it seems like you’re doing a lot of traveling !!!!!! <3 i’m so jealous !!!!!!!! italy sounds so beautiful i would love love to go some day :( ALSO U SMELLED THE BLUEBELL PERFUME RIGHT ???? U LIKED IT ?????? doesn’t it smell absolutely divine??? no matter how many scents i smelled after that i knew it was the right one for me ldkfsdlkfj <3 i’m still so in love with it ;____; also about ur lil rant about feeling lonesome :( bub i can really relate to this and i feel the same way like my mom and the rest of my family never pushed me to meet anyone and i’ve always never had a problem making friends, but like, as i’m older and i realize i’ll be alone a lot more of my time once i graduate like i really do want to share my life with someone :( i have a lot of love and i want to be able to show it to someone i care about a lot but i just never really take the initiative to do that bc quite honestly i’m not confident in myself lMAO so ,,,,,,, i know we never feel like we need to be dependent on someone but sharing experiences with someone who feels very strongly for u seems nice, doesn’t it? i wish this for both of us really soon okay?? <3 i tell my friends i would LOVE to be engaged right now lskdjfslfjs :’)

but anyways !!!!!!!! my mom and the rest of my family is doing well <3 and i’m doing okay too !!!!!! i don’t want to bore u with how clinicals are going but if u want me to tell u just let me know LOL and angel i know i say it all the time but always thank u so much for being patient with me okay? u are the absolute best !!!!!! also as promised, here are a few pics of my dorm room LOL it’s a shoebox but it’s my shoebox :) enjoy !!!!!!