#I've Love Miranda longer than time has had meaning in my life

[rosalie-starfall]

The Phantom of the Opera (reimagined) Antoinette & Erik

Softly, deftly music shall caress you Hear it, feel it secretly possess you Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind In this darkness which you know you can not fight The darkness of the music of the night

[changingplumbob]

The clouds had cleared up magically quickly so Glenn shrugged off his cardigan before heading towards the house his grandfather had said was theirs. When he got to the door he could see Howard in side straightening things up. For so long his grandfather hadn't had a house of his own, and now he took pride in keeping it acceptable for company. Nothing to it, time to go in.

Glenn: Hey grandfather

Howard: Glenn! You got here sooner than I thought

Glenn: If I stayed in that hotel any longer I was going to eat the entire tub of ice cream. My abs don't need that

Howard: Come here

Glenn let his grandfather pull him in for a tight hug. He'd missed him. Before the show Howard had been his closest friend. Glenn had never really succeeded in making friends or lovers, they often took his self assured nature as snobbery. His grandfather was a constant support though and didn't judge any of Glenn's feelings. Technically he was friends with Grayson but... would he really want to keep in touch? Should he even want him to? Glenn wouldn't want to undermine Clive by overstepping.

Howard: You seem thinner, have you been eating

Glenn: Yes

Howard: Are you sure? I mean they showed your normal exercise routine on the show but not you eating

Glenn: That's because I waited for the cameras to turn off for the night before raiding the fridge

Howard: How did you find the show

Glenn: Do we have to talk about it

Howard: You were gone and fell in love, we can't just pretend it didn't happen. I won't have you shutting down on me

Glenn: Fine. It was scary. You know I've not dated much and then there I was trying to flirt with a camera like three feet from my face.

Glenn: And then there was Brandon. I'm sure he was just there to sabotage the rest of us. He flirted with me when the camera's were off and... you know how I like attention

Howard: You flirted back?

Glenn: Yes! I thought it was safe because the cameras weren't rolling but the producer found out and made it clear the only reason I wasn't getting booted was because it was the first week. Plus I swear it felt like the watcher was yelling at me about it for several weeks afterwards

Yeah I did yell at him in the comments a lot afterwards, guilty!

Glenn: I just don't know what to do now grandfather. I mean you always talk about how you loved my grandmother and the pain when she was gone and I nodded and sympathised but I didn't really understand

Howard: And you do now?

Glenn: I love him. It's hard to go in my head and correct and say, uh uh you loved him. Like my feelings are still here and I don't want them to be. I can't have him. How did you get over losing grandmother

Howard: My boy... I don't think I can say I am over it. She was the love of my life. But I have to believe there's someone else out there for you, and when I join your grandmother and parents in the timeless save I'm sure you will have someone still here by your side

Glenn: You still won't take an immortality potion?

Howard: No. I want to see them again. I won't be tied to this world forever

Glenn: Even for me

Howard: I'm sorry Glenn, my answer is still no

Howard: Don't despair! I'm not going anywhere yet. But that's why I came here. So I could have a community before I go. And I have to believe the watcher has a plan for you to

Glenn: I don't know. Sometimes I can hear her talking to me and other times it's radio silent. I think she wants me here but... these spellcasters are something else

Howard: You just need time to know them. When you met Phoebus you liked him

Glenn: Because I didn't know he was trying to recruit me

Howard: And you liked Gillian. You thought Ophelia was a bit odd but you and Miranda seemed to click

Glenn: *sighs* Please don't talk to me about Ophelia. I'd be happy if I never saw her again the... lying liar

Previous ... Next

[onceuponaswanqueen]

My 2023 Fanfiction Reading Stats

Happy New Year, everyone!

In this post, I'll be giving some stats over my fanfiction reading last year, and under the cut will be my 15 favorite fics I read last year (10 new ones and five rereads).

But first, some stats!

I read 17 890 498 words, that's 6 million words more than last year! I read 593 fics. 110 fandoms and 322 ships! That's double the amount of ships I read last year.

By number of fics, my most popular fandom was Harry Potter with a total of 89 fics. Second popular fandom was Gossip Girl, with 55 fics, and in third place we have Criminal Minds with 42 ships.

That means that Harry Potter is the only fandom from last year to break the top 3 again. Last year (2022) I read zero Gossip Girls fics, and only a couple Criminal Minds fics, so both those fandoms entered with a force.

When it comes to ships and word count, my three most popular ships were Dan/Blair (Gossip Girl) with 21 fics, and Emma/Regina (Once Upon a time) with 21 fics. Ironically enough, 21 was the highest number of fics read with a single paring last year (2022) as well though the pairings were faberry & swan queen. My third most read ship was Katniss/Peeta (The Hunger Games) with 16. Only one f/f ship in the top three, which i don't think has happened to me since middle school.

In terms of words, my most popular fandom was still Harry Potter (3 927 226 words), followed by the Hunger Games (1 274 229 words), and in third place General Hospital (1 006 643 words). And for pairings that is Emma/Regina (Once Upon a Time) at number one with 947 973 words, followed by Jason/Elizabeth (General Hospital) with 889 029 words, and in third place Ginny/Harry (Harry Potter) with 671 844 words.

I mostly read canon divergence (196 fics), then future!fic (not necessarily canon compliant) with 73 fics, and then post-canon fics with 66 fics.

I read 168 fics with f/f pairings, 161 ficswith f/m pairings (which damn, i haven't read this much het since i was in middle school), 166 gen fics, and 72 fics with a M/M pairing. I also read 20 fics with mulitiple pairingtype (ia both f/f and f/m), 1 fic which was nb/m, and 8 fics with a poly ship.

My avarage rating was 4 stars. My avarage number of words per fic were 30 204 words. I also had 55 fics that I had read last year, which is much lower than last year.

And now, my top fifteen fics I read last year, (in no particular order)

The Victors Project by oisin55

Before Katniss and Peeta, seventy-three children won the Hunger Games. Some were brutal. Some were clever. Some were lucky. A few were almost decent. These are their stories. This is the Victors Project. (Hunger Games, mostly gen)

THIS IS THE BEST FIC I HAVE EVER READ. Like it's so good, and yes it's long. Its 311k, but worth every second. It's no longer canon compatible due to Songbirds, but it's still worth the read. You will not regret it.

2. The Mad World Series by crimsonglass

Set in Summer 2003. One night in June, Ric kidnaps Carly and locks her in a panic room, drugging Elizabeth to cover his tracks. Before long, Port Charles is embroiled in scandal, corruption, and trauma that hits home for everyone. It will be a long time before anyone forgets Ric Lansing’s reign of terror or the evil simmering beneath the surface of the city. (General Hospital, Jason/Elizabeth centric, but with other ships as well)

This is a niche fandom and ship, but this was absolutely brilliant. All the parts are great, tho I really love All of Me and This Is Me, which revisits Elizabeth's rape and puts her center in her own story. Which the show just hasn't done in over a decade. And it's just so good. I've read almost all of crimsonglass's fanfic this year but this stands out to me as one I will proabably reread for years.

3. Truth and Measure by telanu

Andy doesn't leave Miranda in Paris, and learns that a single decision can change your life. But the main thing about decisions? You don't get to stop with one. (The Devil Wears Prada, Andy/Miranda)

This is a classic for a reason. I cannot believe I have never read this before. It left it breathless. It was so good, I just couldn't stop reading it. I finished in like two days and it's 271k long. It's just so addicting.

4. Roads Diverged by freelancerrh

The stick had two lines. Four alternate continuations from "Late." (Dawson's Creek, Pacey/Joey)

THIS IS BRILLIANT. It follows four different timelines from Late if Joey was pregnant, one where she keps the baby and raieses it with pacey, one were she has an abortion and tells pacey, one she raises the baby alone, and one where she has an abortion but never tell pacey. All four timeslines are excellent, and I love this kind of multiple timelines stories. Totally worth a read if you know the fandom and ship the pairing.

5. If You Never Bleed, You're Never Gonna Grow by mp143

For three years, she ignored the way she clung to updates about him from her brother, every little piece of his life he didn’t share with her in the course of a hookup. She disregarded the tightening in her chest and the fluttering in her stomach when they were together, noticing that he never stopped noticing her, anticipating her desires and giving them to her without her having to ask. And she refused to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t only about sex — not for her, and maybe not for him either. And that’s, of course, how she ended up here: huddled over a cauldron in the bathroom of her tiny flat, trying to work up the courage to prick her finger and pinch a drop of blood into the potion.

Best Harry/Ginny fic I read last year, hands down. It was so suprising, deals with why and how Ginny got pregnant so young and in the middle of her career. It also steers away from canon but honestly, it works better that way. Also the romance in this is spot on.

6. To Hold off the Lightning by cinnamonfiglatte

There’s no burst of dust, the way Faith expects. Only blood at her hands and blood at the stranger’s lips and the chilling sound of a death rattle fighting its way from his lungs. Or: Faith kills Allan Finch. The Scoobies offer her the literal crumbs of support she needs in order to not give in to darkness. Yes, this is another “Faith stays (mostly) good” season 3 AU. (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Faith/Buffy)

Works perfectly in canon and in character Fuffy fic, yes and thank you. The way the romance develops in this is so natural and organic, and it makes so much sense, and it never puts down on Buffy and Angel and it all just works. It's a slow burn and it so delicious i can't even. Read it!

7. There's a place I call my home by lizwas (Series)

au from 5x21 onward, but takes place years in the future. Jenny comes from London to spend a summer in the Hamptons, and reconnects with her old friend Nate. (Gossip Girl, Jenny/Nate)

I fell into a gossip girl hole this year, no doubt. and my favorite writer for this fandom is lizwas, but this series just stood out to me. i love jenny & nate and they are so underappricated and this series is so good, it treats nate with respect, it treats jenny with respect, it shows how people can grow and how people can grow together, and i just *chefs kiss*, the smut is pretty good too if that's your thing.

8. Who Knows, Who Cares by the_dream_team

Lily Evans liked girls. Well, she liked boys, too. Bisexual. That was the term she’d settled on." After 22 years spent in the closet, Lily is excited to finally start dating girls. In fact, she's quite determined to make up for a lifetime of relationships with mediocre men, and the messy-haired boy who works at the art museum isn't going to change her plans anytime soon. Definitely not. (Harry Potter, James/Lily)

This is a no!magic, coffeeshop au, AND ITS SO CUTE. It's the perfect winter rom com. It has Hallmark Christmas movies vibes but in a good way. It's just such a nice cozy read. And the James/Lily dynamic is spot on and I love it.

9. The Way The World Ends by KidA_666

“Age of Consent” by New Order blares out, loud enough for Jonathan to hear across the room.  He had been there when Steve chose it a few months ago during another war room: “‘Age of Consent’ is good, I guess.”  “It can’t be I guess, dingus!  It has to be enough to save you from a brutal interdimensional death!” Robin snapped.   Steve had rolled his eyes.  “What’s Vecna gonna want with me anyways, Rob?  I’ll do ‘Age of Consent.’”  Jonathan had known, that night, that it might be the wrong choice.  But he didn’t say anything because it had been years and he could be wrong and maybe some selfish, petty part of him didn’t want to give Steve the satisfaction of Jonathan still knowing. Something lifts Steve off of the couch. “It’s not working!” Robin screams.   And Jonathan knows why it isn’t working.  He remembers.  Whatever high school bullshit Steve has put him through doesn’t particularly matter in the face of watching him be destroyed and turned inside out.  So Jonathan, calmer than he feels, says, “It’s Hank Williams.  Do you have Hank Williams?”  (Stranger Things, Steve/Jonathan)

Why does this work so well? I have no clue but it does. It's childhood friends to enemies to lovers and it works so well in canon, like it fits right in and it's so great. I love this. It's not a pairing I usually read, but it took me by such suprise and totally worth giving it a chance.

10. The War is Not Over When The Soldiers Come Home by keepcalmsmile

DeFonda Hepburn had met many parents in her many years as a nanny, but she'd never met parents quite like the Potters. Strangely enough, they have more in common than she thought. (Harry Potter, gen with Harry/Ginny)

Outsider POV of Harry and Ginny as adults and parents. It's so good. It's canon compliant, and it's wonderful. I found a new love of outsider POV this year and this one is the best I read. I just.. wonderful.

Top Five rereads (In no particular order)

- by colormetheworld

No summary available but it's this after Jane's wife dies by Hoyt's hand, Jane transfer to Boston with her kids and moves in with Maura. This is a story about healing. (Rizzoli and Isles, Jane/Maura)

This is one of the most beautiful pieces of fiction I have ever read. This author is my favorite author in this fandom, and this work along with Keys, never fails to make me cry. It's wonderful.

2. I don't know how lovely you are by sungfsongsun

Emily-centric. Set after 1x09. Emily/Alison, implied Emily/Maya.

This fic is super short, 1345 words, but it stuck with me. It stuck with me so much I read it twice last year, and I have read it several times before this. It's just three short scenes with the other liars set after she came out, and an apparence by ali in the end. it's just so simple and so beautiful.

3. Bittersweet and Strange by speakpirate

Emily Fields doesn’t need either of them. But Rosewood is still Rosewood. Their students just might need them both. A story where Paige and Alison discover they have more important things in common than a mutual ex. (Pretty Little Liars, Alison/Paige)

This shouldn't work. I shouldn't love this as much as I do. Like I hate that trope of the bully falling for their victim, but it just works here. Maybe because they're adults, and they've grown, but this just fit so well. Such a treat.

4. Track changes by cairophoenix

Alex is an editor at a New York publishing house, and that means her life is going right. She has her apartment, and the gym, and Kara a subway stop away. So if her apartment’s always empty at the end of the day, that’s just how things are. She spends a lot of time at the office, anyway. She’s making it, and that’s something she can be satisfied with. And then a mysterious book arrives.

This is excellent. The slow burn is wonderful. Alex' journey is wonderful. A lovely little no powers AU with these two falling in love through copy editing. And it's so nice.

5. Game of Stacks by CommaSplice

When the Aegon Targaryen Memorial Library at Crownlands University loses its most recent library director in a tragic accident, President Robert Baratheon turns to his friend and colleague Eddard Stark to turn the library around. (Game of Thrones, Tywin/Olenna, Jaime/Brienne, Sansa/Margaery, Stannis/Asha/Davos/Cercei)

This fic is batshit in the best way. Like it's 100% Game of Thrones set in a university library. It takes turns and twist that you just never see coming. Also the ships are wonderful, the way they handle the Cersei/Jaime thing is so good, the suspense is good still on a third or forth reread. It's such a good story.

[lichfucker]

hi and hello! I would love to hear anything you wish to share about "to cross running water"; seeing you tag things for it/talk about it on my dash is always so cool <3

ty for indulging me lskdfsdf g-d where do I even start

'to cross running water' is my black sails vampire fic because I only write vampire fics anymore. some vampire lore says that they can't cross running water, so if you wanna get away from a vampire you basically just need to lead them to a river and then leave them stranded on the other side, which I thought was very cheeky considering. flint is a pirate. literally all he does is cross running water.

I'm hewing pretty closely to canon with it; it's not a full genre/plot swap, it's literally just "black sails but what if flint were a vampire."

I've been alternating back and forth between flint's pov and miranda's pov. and then of course once she dies it'll be all flint all the time lmao. flint is a vampire and thomas had also been a vampire but miranda is human. she is flint's shelter, she is his haven, her blood is what fuels and sustains him. it has the very fun effect of taking her already incredible isolation in canon and cranking it all the way up. miranda is horrifically alone, the bearer of more awful secrets than anyone can fathom, and there's only so much longer she can hang onto this powerlessness before something breaks.

and flint is... a beast. flint is a monster. he's the thing good men fear, what they tell their children to fear. he's been deemed an abomination for so many reasons, in so many ways. he has a primal rage, an insatiable bloodlust, a conviction that he is meant to lead and to rule. he is the man who cannot die, who can only be unmade in sunlight. all the interplay of dark and light, the thematic resonance of night and day. all of that is canon. I'm just adding fangs.

tcrw is also slowburn silverflint because of course it is lmao. I'm writing it in order because I Need To but uhh I have some plans for later scenes that are. the closest I will ever come in my life to writing smut. so. there's that. I just think that the eroticism of the vampire figure is important, and every vampire fic I've written approaches it differently. this one meets it head-on.

mmm I posted the whole first miranda section a little while ago... since you so patiently sat through this infodump I'll give you a bit from the first flint section :3

It's far from the most depraved thing Flint has done today but wringing Singleton’s blood out of his shirt only to lick it back up is certainly undignified. He takes no pride in wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand before all but shoving his entire fist into his mouth, but in the privacy of his cabin, hunger so putrid and bellowing it rots in him, he finds he cannot truly feel ashamed of it, either.

He does what he must. Hunger alone won’t kill him, his infernal constitution made of sterner stuff, but he needs the strength. It’s a horrid combination, endurance and enfeeblement, the knowledge that he could be utterly hollowed out and still he must crawl his way through every rotation of the Earth, dragging his pathetic body ever closer to the end of time, his only true hope at final oblivion save for the business end of a wooden stake. But until such a fate becomes inevitable he will do what he can to avoid it, even if it means slurping Singleton’s blood off of each finger with indulgent obscenity. He feels invigorated with it, however slight the nutrition from feeding like this, and the adrenaline still thrums through him, all abuzz with the satisfaction of a good fight. Flint enjoys fighting in the sun. That enfeeblement he so dreads, the sun is its ultimate benefactor, its rays draping weakness across his shoulders like a heavy cloak, weighing him down. He’s known of others, throughout the years, who are flayed alive by the daylight, or whose skin breaks out in unbearable burns and blisters (Thomas, in particular, glittered in the sun as though his skin were made of crushed diamonds while ghastly red welts that stung and hissed were bubbling beneath the surface, threatening to burst), but Flint is merely dampened by it, his preternatural strength and speed made natural. It humanizes him. A daylit skirmish presents a challenge, his muscles heavy and his reflexes sluggish; he has no biological advantage, only his skill and his drive. Such a fight is as close to fair as one could ever be—and still Flint has yet to be bested. Still his might reigns supreme. At his weakest he is still the pinnacle of them. When will it be enough? When will they learn? Thomas’ voice, in that almost paternalistic way, slinks out of the depths of Flint’s mind, beseeching, What have you got to prove? Well, everything, it would seem. It was Singleton today. It’ll be someone else tomorrow. The ever-constant threat of mutiny breathes hot on his neck like a slobbering dog. If they’re going to be dogs, my sweet, I will show them the wolf. Miranda hates to be cooped up in that little house, stranded on the island for weeks at a time, but she hates even more to see him like this, the lengths he must go to secure any sort of existence for her. At least locked away in the interior she does not have to see the animal in him. The new cook saw it today. Everyone saw it, to be sure, Flint’s captive and captivated audience, but Mr. Silver saw it for the first time today. Mr. Silver recognized it today. Flint stood there, quaking, snarling, drenched in his soon-to-be lunch, and he caught Mr. Silver in his teeth, held him in place as those ice-blue eyes reckoned with the beast before him.

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

My Relationship With Sherman Brother's Music

If you have talked to me for more than five minutes about Disney anything, odds are that I've brought up this duo of brother's, Richard M Sherman and the former Robert B Sherman. The Sherman Brother's were the only musicians and lyricists that were hired by Walt Disney himself strictly to work for his company. They were the only one's that regularly had a job there. They never knew what the next production would be but they knew that there would be one. They worked continuously through the 50's, 60's, 70's and into the 80's. Through those four decades they wrote some of Disney's best known musicals. They brought the idea of musical theater to Disney for the first time ever. They were the first team up to bring the stage to the screen.

If you have the same ideals as my dad, you prefer older Disney movies. You miss the way that it used to be back in the day and quite frankly I can't blame you. If there is one thing about older Disney that I miss greatly is the sense of musical continuity. Most older Disney movies sounded cohesive because 9/10 they were all done by one duo that duo being the Sherman Brothers. They had this style when it came to writing lyrics that made them feel more heartfelt and real. There songs were so memorable that to this day I'll catch myself humming them even if I hadn't heard the song in ages (most of the time that happens to me with I Wanna Be Like You from Jungle Book).

I grew up glued to television screens that played older Disney movies. Whether on the screen it was Sword In The Stone, Jungle Book, Winnie The Pooh, or my favorite thing that they ever touched Mary Poppins, there was always Sherman Brother's music coming out of my family's small television. Every child that grew up with Disney knows their songs but not many people really think about the substantial impact that they made on their lives. I, for one, know that these movies would not be the same without the music. While the relationship between the brothers might have been sufficiently turbulent towards the end, they had four decades of absolutely incredible work. There work has heavily influenced the way that I grew up and I really want to talk about that impact.

The further I go back in my life I can't remember a time in my life where I haven't been humming their songs. Music is something that was so uniquely older Disney that I think they've really struggled in the later years because of it. They no longer have a cohesive sound and are just going with whatever is popular. As much as I love Moana, it doesn't compare to the songs that The Sherman Brother's wrote. At least in my heart it doesn't. The beauty of their music was in it's simplicity. When I think about it, they were the only writing duo that tried their best to rhyme everything. Because when you rhyme words together, the lyrics become more memorable. You find them more hummable because their music sticks with you easier. For an example of this phenomenon allow me to show you one of my dad's favorite Disney songs.

https://youtu.be/qhwXgvOfJc8

(I grew up watching the misadventures of Merlin and Wart or Arthur. The music in this film is something that ties the movie together through either life lessons or comedic antics. I can't pack a bag for a trip without singing Higitus Figitus or Merlin's packing song. It's just something that I've done so many times by now that it feels wrong to not do it.)

The creativity in word usage where they were the only ones that trusted themselves enough to create their own words, whether it be Fortuosity a word that in their mind means good fortune that they use in The Happiest Millionaire, or everyone's iconic Supercalifragilisticexpialidcious from Mary Poppins, they were the only Disney lyricists that made up their own words. This would often happen the same with rhyming by the younger of the two brother's, Richard Sherman the piano player loudly banging out a lyric until something made sense to the more word conscious older brother, Robert Sherman. Despite their personalities being like somebody had tried to combine oil and water together to see what would happen and it eventually caused a pretty major fire, for four decades they were able to keep it together.

The older I get the more I look back on The Sherman Brother's lyrics and what they are able to convey through simple songs. The melodies were almost always simple paving the way for more complex and uniquely made up words. The songs are something that both kids and adults can find enjoyment in. Instead of just caving to something that would appeal to children but would drive the adults absolutely bonkers from hearing it so many times, they made sure that the song sequences would appeal to *families* not just kids.

I feel like this should be the time for Disney to hire a main team of writers and not switch them out every time that they make a new film. Lin Manual Miranda is brilliant and he's made the closest thing to Howard Ashman music that I fell in love with. But, he's just one guy. I love duo's that work for Disney because they're just stronger together. Richard and Robert Sherman were individually incredibly skilled but when you got a team of people behind them then you'd get something truly magical. Spending the last few years studying their work has only made me fall deeper in love with the way that they wrote music.

The Sherman Brother's are definitely two people that left their imprint on Disney history that I don't hear the passing by Disney fan mentioning a whole lot. I hope that I can bring some appreciation and my own personal history to this dynamic duo.

[gracie-p8-officialblog]

Spilling Tea On Phantom of the Opera 2004

DISCLAIMER: I just want to say from the start that it is not my intention to offendanyone, you're entitled to your opinions and I'm allowed to have mine...

Ok, so, I just watched this movie a few days ago on my laptop and it was pretty much my first time sitting through the movie. I watched a few clips of the movie on YouTube but... Then, I decided to watch the whole movie. And this was my reaction.

Don't get me wrong! There WERE parts I liked but... That was just half of the movie... But overall... Um... It was meh. Ahem. Down to business!

My opinion on Gerard Butler as the Phantom? Um, wow. And not in a good way. I feel like this was a case of a talented performer being grossly miscast as the Phantom. I think this Tumblr post best describes on what I thought of his singing.

"He's supposed to have the voice of an angel, but it sounds like he's been gargling vinegar" ~Quoted by @faded-florals

Don't get me wrong. His voice is quite good for an untrained singer but... The Phantom is one of the biggest musical theatre roles of all time! It's right up there with Jean Valjean. It's really not a role that could go a competent singer, someone who's never sang professionally before but could be good once they've been trained up a bit. The role demands a truly great singer... And he wasn't right for the part.

His voice felt too strainy, growly and rock-ish for the Phantom. I didn't like how Joel Schumacher bought into the whole "sexy Phantom" thing and cast a hunky heart-throb, who was nowhere near disfigured enough. It's meant to be a gothic thriller novel with a small romantic subplot, not a B-grade vampire romance movie!

As for Emmy Rossum as Miss Christine Daae... it's true, her voice is good. She should know though, should she wish to excel, she has MUCH still to learn (Heeeeehee. Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

Emmy's Christine had little-to-no character growth and personality but I don't think it reflects her as an actress, but reflects more on the director and casting director because of how young she was (but more on that later)

Not only that, her Christine was SIGNIFICANTLY dumbed down and oversexualized. I mean, the entire point of the story is that Christine grows strong enough to overcome the trauma of an abusive relationship and make sure that her abuser never hurts anyone ever again but still shows the Phantom compassion and sympathy. I mean, her story arc is her becoming strong-willed enough to overcome the Phantom's pull/spell/enchantment/hypnosis or whatever you percieve it as on her! And don't get me started on her costumes because of the SEVERE lack of modesty.

The chemistry was a little flat because she was underage and her two male love interests were both in their 30s (which totally isn't HER fault, of course, but the directors could easily have cast someone else older)

Her voice, too, strikes me as being much too young and undeveloped. She has a very pretty, sweet-sounding quality to her singing but she doesn't sound rich and operatic enough to be a convincing Christine. Rebecca Caine and Amy Manford do the best job of singing the way I think Christine ought to sound- a maturing opera voice! Though POTO is NOT an opera (you wouldn't believe how many people actually think it is...), it does revolve around opera, and Christine is an opera singer, not a pop star.

And now onto... Everyone's favourite vicomte!!!!!!

C'mon people, put your bottles down. It is a truth universally acknowledged (or at least in the wee Raoul Defense Squad Circle) that Raoul is one of the greatest and most underrated boyfriends to ever exist in musical theatre and it's almost impossible to hate him because of how relatable he is.

Ladies, puh-leeze. He's much more relatable than you admit and face it, we all have a little bit of Raoul in us. Failure to see things staring us in the face, saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, having a 'see it to believe it' attitude when we have little-to-no evidence on something... yeah, don't pretend you don't see a trend. Raoul is relatable whether we want him to be or not.

My thoughts on Patrick Wilson as Raoul, he was one of the few redeeming qualities of this not so great movie. Yeah, the swordfight and Tarzan leaps were a little too much but can you blame him?! And though I feel like that foppish wig made him look more like a magic elf prince than a vicomte, he couldn't control that!

His Raoul was so gentle and caring! Yeah, his acting was a bit stiff but at least his voice wasn't a chore to listen to, it has this warm, tender, comforting quality to it which suits Raoul. I really loved the way he sang "Don't throw away your life for my sake" and "I fought so hard to free you" in the Final Lair (😭😭😭) It feels like Raoul is genuinely apologising to Christine.

I know, I know... The Hadley Fraser fans are approaching with menacing expressions as we speak but let me clarify. I still think Hadley is amazing but... His Raoul kinda felt a little too shouty for me and his Raoul was closer to the LND-canon than POTO-canon (not his fault though).

Miranda Richardson (aka. Rita Skeeter) as Madame Giry is kind of weird. I mean, I know Madame Giry's supposed to be a little Strange and Mysterious. But this Mme. wasn't really Strange or Mysterious at all, or even slightly Spooky at all. She was just kind of an oddball. Popping up in random places to give warnings about the Phantom and looking at people as if she were questioning their life choices or something. As for her daughter... well, Jennifer Ellison's Meg was so-so. She's got a sweet-sounding voice and that added scene where she looked for Christine in the lair was a nice touch... But... Her Meg was kinda forgettable and uninteresting. Meg is supposed to prance around shrieking that the Phantom of the Opera is here, not whisper it in a blase manner that you half expect to be followed up with, "by the way, what's for lunch?" Not to mention, she rivaled Christine as far as low-necked costumes went.

Minnie Driver as Carlotta was spot on! Yes, I know she didn't sing the score but her acting was alright. She was very over-the-top and self-centered, which is great for Carlotta, but I felt her portrayal was a little too childish to be accurate. Carlotta is a successful middle-aged diva who's willing to scream and storm when she doesn't get her way, but she isn't a two-year-old pouting and throwing tantrums. (Yes, there's a difference.)

Ciaran Hinds and Simon Callow played Firmin and Andre, respectively. Their managers kinda felt like twits and nothing more. Also, Firmin's masquerade costume was ridiculous. The stupid kind, not the funny kind. ...Well, okay, it was a little funny.

I'm not going to touch on every song here, but I will say that "Hannibal" was beyond awful (if you thought the costumes in the stage version were a bit risque, you should see the movie ones- no, actually you shouldn't) and that "Think of Me," while very nice, was not particularly memorable. Christine's dress, however (despite its less-than-ideal neckline) was GORGEOUS, even though it looks completely out of place in a musical that supposedly takes place in ancient Alexandria.

"Little Lotte" kinda lost its charm by being spoken instead of sung. And Gerard Butler's voice in "The Mirror" was too rough and raspy for my ears and made me cringe in sympathetic shame. The title song was like a cheesy, campy B-grade horror movie tbh, trying way too hard to be spooky and chilling ("ooh, look, Phantom's Lair! It's DARK and SCARY down here!") and succeeding only in being cringeworthy. Not that I've actually ever seen a bad horror movie- or any horror movie at all, for that matter. Unless you count this one.

Christine's costume, too, annoyed me no end. She was basically wearing a corset and drawers under the dressing gown. *facepalm* The dressing gown is supposed to go OVER your COSTUME to keep it CLEAN, peeps. It's not a BATHROBE. And the amount of eye makeup she had on would terrify a raccoon. Yikes.

Though I liked the random horse because of its nod to the Leroux novel.

"Music of the Night" was so blah-slash-touchy-feely that it made me summarily uncomfortable.

I'd like to be able to say something nice about "I remember/Stranger than you dreamt it" but I have none. One thing that bugged me to no end was how Christine is no longer wearing stockings, like dude, that gives some GROSS implications. Anyways, let's skip to Il Muto!

Oh, but first I should say that "Notes" was rather a flop and that "Prima Donna" is unmemorable and indeed should probably be fast-forwarded as there's a rather unsavory bit involving a crew member showing the audience what he thinks of Carlotta's behaviour.

"Il Muto," I must say, was pretty doggone funny. Carlotta's "Your part is silent. Leetle toad," cracked me up into a bunch of giggling little pieces, and the little vignette of the Phantom tinkering with Carlotta's throat spray made her croaking later on a lot more believable.

Now for "All I Ask Of You", SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I honestly can't understand how anyone could listen to this song and still maintain that Christine and Raoul don't belong together. He represents everything she needs- stability, protection, a guiding hand and affirmed affection. She represents everything he needs, in turn- someone to show affection to and his childhood friend.

One thing I definitely think could have been left out was the scene in which Erik kills Buquet- we totally did not need to see him being chased, terrified, through the rafters and finally strangled. Gross.

And the Phantom and his rose crouching behind that statue... I think this was supposed to be sad, but there was too much snot mixed with tears for it to be sad. It was, again, gross. So was Gerard Butler's pathetic attempt at the "all that the Phantom asked of you" line. And the lack of a chandelier crash in that scene made the song anticlimactic.

And "Masquerade" was so-so but... The Phantom's entrance is anticlimactic somehow, and his Red Death costume (if indeed it's supposed to even BE the Red Death) is unimpressive. I don't like how Raoul just runs off to desert Christine as soon as things start looking ugly (yes, I realize he was going to get his sword, but still... something could have happened to her while he was gone. Duh, did this guy learn anything from "Little Lotte/The Mirror"? Just sayin)

As for Madame Giry's flashback immediately following, I like how it gives us some of the Phantom's backstory, but it seems really abrupt. You don't even realize until she's done that she was talking to Raoul the whole time- it sounds like she's just randomly reminiscing about Stuff, and if you didn't know the story you might be sitting there thinking, "who is this strange woman again?"

Also, Christine leaving wherever-it-is at, like, five in the morning to go to who-knows-where, completely oblivious to the fact that the Phantom is driving her. Whaaaaaaaaa? How'd he know she was planning to go for a graveyard stroll? Was he watching her through the mirror again? THAT'S JUST CREEPY.

"Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" was rather mediocre and dulled down the fact that it is a Christine Empowerment™ song. Why, exactly, does Christine's father have the biggest monument in the cemetery? If he were a rich and famous violinist as his crypt seems to suggest, why on earth was his daughter struggling along as a chorus girl taking free music lessons?

The swordfight... Well... I had mixed feelings about it. Sword fights are all well and good, but... The swordfight takes away the element of mysterious danger to the Phantom. Okay, fine, Christine getting Raoul to spare the Phantom's life is a nice touch, I guess, but did it strike no one else that his "now let it be war upon you BOTH" makes absolutely NO sense after that? If she just saved his life, why would he suddenly be all, "thanks, but no thanks, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOUUUUUUUUUU"?

And "Twisted Every Way" was after "Wishing" which made ZERO sense. Plus, I didn't like how they cut most of it because in the musical, it gave Christine a spine!

"Point of No Return"? Hooooooo boy....... There are so many things wrong with this number. Let's just a list a few.

*HOW did no one recognise the Phantom through his "disguise"?! At least in the stage play, it made more sense because of how he was wearing a cloak that obscured most of his body.

*Christine's sleeves falling down over and over again were REALLY annoying.

*It was just too touchy-feely for my taste.

*The fact that Emmy Rossum was a teenager during filming made this scene gross because of the way they oversexualized Christine in this scene.

*Gerard Butler's voice in that scene made me cringe and shake my head in sympathetic shame.

*In the stage play, Christine ran from him, showing her own agenda and resistance to his pull! While in the movie, she didn't resist him!

*Now for the one that took the cake... The disfigurement! Or it would be a disfigurement if it actually made him look, y'know, deformed. Instead, as several people have put it, he looks like he got a bad sunburn or something. It's really rather pathetic. It makes him look more like a drama queen than he already is! Yeah.... I really don't like this movie.

On to... Final Lair!!!!!!!! It was a flop. From Raoul's whining and flailing around and his stringy hair flopping about (shallow complaint, I know, but it's so ugly) to Christine's sappy melodramatic "don't make me choooooooose" faces to the Phantom's prancing around with his ropes and maniacal laughter that somehow wasn't really scary at all... yeah, it was a flop. A major, major flop. And though The Kiss wasn't all that bad, all I could think of was, "She's SIXTEEN! SIX! TEEN! THIS IS CREEPY, DISTURBING AND GROSS!"

Which is why it's so difficult for me to admit that, um, I... cried at the end.

I COULDN'T HELP IT GUYS HE WAS ALL ALONE THERE IN HIS LAKE WITH HIS MONKEY AND HIS SMASHED MIRRORS AND HE WAS CRYING AND IT WAS SAD.

And then that rose on the gravestone? That single red rose? And the look on Old Raoul's face (still Patrick Wilson, by the way, under all that makeup) when he saw it and realized he wasn't the only one visiting Christine's grave? Yup, I lost it again there, too. And I really didn't want to. Because I tend to cry over movies I love, y'know? And I didn't love this movie. At all

Yet I still cried at the end. I'm not really sure why. I think perhaps it had something to do with the way the story still "got" me, deep down inside, despite the lousy casting and less-than-perfect singing and ridiculously unnecessary elements that totally didn't need to be there. It's still a tragically beautiful romance, and even a bad film can't kill that.

In conclusion, I think Mary Poppins can best express what I thought of POTO 2004.

In conclusion, I rate it a 2.7/5

[rosalie-starfall]

Blondie & Red

Kansas City - 1996

*This movie has a very different plot in my head...*

[rosalie-starfall]

Miranda Richardson as Queen Mab

Merlin - 1998

[rosalie-starfall]

The Phantom of the Opera (reimagined) Antoinette & Erik

Floating, falling sweet intoxication Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in To the power of the music that I write

[rosalie-starfall]

Miranda Richardson as Lady Van Tassel

Sleepy Hollow - 1999

[rosalie-starfall]

Miranda Richardson as Queen Elspeth

Snow White : Fairest of Them All - 2001

[rosalie-starfall]

Miranda Richardson as Queen Mab

Merlin - 1998

[rosalie-starfall]

Miranda Richardson as Sue

Girlfriends - 2018

[rosalie-starfall]

Dr. Sarah Blakeney

The Scold's Bridle - 1998

[rosalie-starfall]

Mrs. Wannop

Parade's End - 2012

[rosalie-starfall]

Queen(ie) Elizabeth I

Blackadder II - 1986