#I'm way too emotional about this
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My babies
#Today's show was so family#I love them#they are a family#they are so cute#I'm way too emotional about this#i will shut up now#the 1975#at their very best#matty healy
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the thing is i want to care about the other storylines... i want to care about Madney having another baby. i want to care about Eddie working on himself and getting better. i want to care about how good Eddie's confession scene was. i want to care about the hot priest. i want to care about the rescues. i want to care because i love all the characters. i love the show. but right now i can't enjoy any of it because of how bad they fucked up with BuckTommy. i can't care for my faves because all i see is the biphobia. all i see is Tommy ending up alone and hurt. all i see is Buck getting his heart broken out of nowhere. all i hear are Oliver's words which he doesn't seem to understand were hurtful. and it sucks. because i want to care. i want to enjoy my favorite show
#i'm way too emotional about this#but it sucks bc rhe episode had some very good and funny moments#there were even some good bucktommy snippets#and then they had to go and ruin it all#911 spoilers
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okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.
like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).
but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.
im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.
#what the fuck.#unfortunately by the time i'd switched accounts (from personal to my poetry one)#i couldn't find it :(#this is why u SEND URSELF THE POST. WHICH I KNOW TO DO BUT!!!#i was so mad i just was like “i'm about to tear this commenter in twain” and . lost da post#if u urself are the 29 and got recently flamed by instagram#i love u. come here. write with me. i was about to pick up a sword for u.#i mean a BIGASS sword.#like we all know im a wlw girlie but the way ppl will be like ''id NEVER write sad poetry about a MAN not LOVING me!!!"#..... wowwwww ur so cool. anyway. people often experience emotions regardless of what u consider cringe.#& if ur gonna shame straight/bi women for feeling a certain way. hope u never write about the#weird relationship between u and ur father. or feeling different from ur brother.#or how ur male best friend fucked u over. since it's SO CRINGE. to have ANY feelings caused by a MAN#like be so for real. beloved. nobody is fucking saying this when men do it.#''oh it's cringe to like a woman or feel heartbroken by her.''#controlling women's feelings and actions???? it's more likely than u think.#btw op is nonbinary do NOT be gender essential on this post i'll kill u with my teeth#edit: btw for the person who dm'd me ''when is it misogyny and when is it actually valid''#pretty easy. if a man had done it#would it be cringe? . like if a man sang a sad song about ''she broke my damn heart''?#if he said ''i want to have kids with her'' or something sexually explicit?? like would u even LIKE IT if a male poet had said it?#& if it's like. nah a 35 yr old man being upset about this is cringe too. yeah it's just cringe. that exists. we both know it does.#but .... often i see this ONLY about women. and i can't help but hear like. how back in middle school#we were fed the lie ''girls mature faster.'' ... why do i have to be emotionally regulated? but if a man wrote about the same things?#..... idk . im pretty anti cringe culture to begin with. but this one feels so bad to me . ur still a person past 33.
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Just going to cry again (see: my previous post about the parallels between the storage room scene and the abandoned factory scene) about parallels and juxtapositions in the store room scene vs the one in Styles bedroom:
Both these scenes have such a tone of desperation and are characterised by an overflowing of emotions, but in drastically opposite directions.
(Note, some of what I say in this post directly relates to concepts and themes I talked about here, so it may not wholly make sense without that context.)
The scene in the storeroom is filled with frustrated desire. Fadel kisses Style because he wants Style's body and also wants to take his frustrations at Style out on his body. He doesn't need to look Style in the eye (and in fact very intentionally only does so only in small snatches) because this isn't about a connection as much as it is about a release. Fadel's kisses come fast, hard, and are intended to bruise more than to adore.
But episode 5's scene is filled with much more quiet and tender sort of desire. Style is kissing Fadel so much more slowly and purposefully. He keeps looking back at Fadel, checking in to see how he feels and whether Fadel is enjoying it. Everything Style wanted in Episode 3, he now gives to Fadel here, pours the secrets of his knowing and choosing Fadel anyway into the way he presses his lips onto Fadel's skin. His kisses linger, they carry a weight but are somehow infinitely gentle still; Style's kisses contain a purpose that Fadel's kisses couldn't in Episode 3 because in all honesty they were relative strangers back then.
There's also the way there's such a ferocity and carelessness in the way Fadel starts the encounter in episode 3 that is juxtaposed beautifully by the slow, tender, almost hesitant way Style slides his lips onto Fadel's. Both of them are in such different headspaces, between these episodes and its especially evident in the way they care so much more about the other person's comfort and how intentionally they showed that to the audience.
There's hunger present in both scenes but what this hunger is focused on is so drastically different. In the storeroom, they're both mainly focused on a physical release; its primal and visceral but lacked emotional resonance. Fadel gives Style what he knows Style wants (that hint of danger, with the hand on his neck), but its not because he really cares about what Style wants on anything more than a physical level. In Style's bedroom, however, Fadel is drunk (intentionally and by his own design) and desperate to open himself up to Style on an emotional level. Meanwhile, Style wants that desperately too, but knows that Fadel shouldn't because of his own terrible secret. So this kiss is what they both will allow themselves - an honesty and a hunger for this deeper connection they can only share in act but not in words.
In the storeroom, Style wants Fadel to want more than his body but knows (or thinks) he can't push for it yet, so he remains passive, lets Fadel do whatever he wants, lets him turn and shove and place Style how he wants because at this point, this is all Fadel will give him. Here, Style is passive in spite of what he wants. But in the bedroom, Fadel is passive because it's what he wants; he wants to let Style do whatever he desires to and with Fadel's body. He wants to lay himself as bare as he possibly can, which is only physical, and so he does.
And because the encounter in Episode 3 lacked that emotional connection, the focus is merely their respective releases. There's a sense of two people trying to find pleasure and 'finish' while remaining emotionally disconnected despite actively having sex with each other. Because in some ways, they didn't really need each other in that moment to get there (there's actually a lot of truth in what Fadel says about it being easier to just jerk off alone). In sharp contrast, the scene in Episode 5 isn't focused on the destination but on the journey. Style is taking his time and Fadel is letting him - Style is choosing to worship Fadel's body, with his fingers, with his lips, to respond to his vulnerability with gentleness and tenderness and adoration. The goal has stopped being about finding a release, it's about allowing both these men to revel in the giving and receiving of pleasure.
The point of these scenes is to show to us the ways in which Fadel and Style have grown to care for and, dare I say it, love each other in ways that are so purposefully portrayed by showing the nature of their physical connection. Because the ways in which these scenes are the same and yet so wholly different showcases how their touches are now no longer merely tied to their senses any longer, but also to their hearts as well.
#when i say i am OBSESSED ugh T_T#what joongdunk did in episode 5 just makes me appreciate and anew how much they're intentionally changing things each time#there's such care taken to portraying the characters growth and change of feelings and we are so blessed to be able to experience it!#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#fadelstyle#stylefadel#joongdunk#joong archen#dunk natachai#thk ep 5#thk ep 3#thk meta#hui talks thk#hui talks thai bl#shoutout to all the gifmakers because this post wasn't nearly as impactful with stills#i do wish there was a better way to search for gifs though TwT#also i've never been a colour analysis girl (because i don't know enough about it; not because i'm not interested...#i mostly don't know where to start)#but wow the lighting feels very intentional too: the cold and clinical shades of blue indicating the emotional distance between them#vs the warm and soft red/orange glow surrounding style's bedroom scene#yeah everything about these scene was so beautifully done and i'm so grateful we get to see it TwT
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(random s5 finale musings) tbh I don't think Marinette chose to keep The Secrets™ from Adrien because Gabriel asked her to. I feel like Marinette keeping secrets like that is so consistent with her character; she hates giving people bad news, she hates rocking the boat, she hates upsetting people, she always chooses to keep any 'controversial' information to herself for as long as she can get away with (examples: bubbler scarf, telling Queen Bee she was benched, confessing to Adrien, warning Chat Noir about Scarabella or Rena Furtive, never told Chat Noir about Chat Blanc, etc) that I just totally believe she would've done it either way. She was even already having nightmares about Adrien hating her for finding out she defeated his father, so I feel like Gabriel's request was moreso giving her a go-ahead than it was a primary deciding factor, yknow?
#ml s5 spoilers#tbh half the time when thinking about it I forget that gabriel asked her to do it at all#because it just feels like such a Marinette™ thing to do to me lol#to be fair maybe I'm downplaying it? I do think Gabriel's plea struck some emotional chord with her too and helped push her that direction#but again I. totally believe she'd do it either way#and I do strongly believe that her decision is moreso ''I don't want to hurt Adrien'' than it is ''I want to honor Gabriel's final wish''#she loves to avoid verbal/emotional problems and hoooo boy idk a worse verbal/emotion problem than#telling your boyfriend that his entire life is a lie and that he's not entirely human and that he was abused and controlled and puppeteered#all his life and also that his father was a terrorist and that she saw his mom's corpse in the basement#I mean. I don't think I'd have the emotional maturity to break that to someone either and I'm not.... FOURTEEN.... LOL
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So ill about the Sky cotl AU, I put Siffrin into multiple capes for fun
#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#in stars and time siffrin#I am stupid fond of the hairpiece default moths have#so I needed to give it to Siffrin it just looks cute#slapped the color on as if I was on the run too#colored the eye red on accident and went#okay no I'm onto something here#also also because I think way too much about this AU but#my heart started beating wildly when thinking of them getting a mask as in#the rite of passage and also because saving two countries AND showing yes you are home you belong with us no matter where you go after#I'm so emotional about them getting home I'm not okay
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hey brennan what the fuck
#the emotional whiplash of this episode was genuinely insane i think i was about to burst into tears at some point and then they cut to the#fucking commercial. vic michaelis and brennan lee mulligan i ADORE you brennan you did not have to go as hard as you did on this one#this felt like a literal fever dream#like i don't even know if i fully understand it rn the last bit w vic and the radio was a bit open to interpretation#ALL of it felt open to interpretation but like. in an insane way#someone suggested host vic has dreams of/hallucinates these guests to escape from the mundanity of her real job and they try to teach smth#i dont like the dream trope but that would be v interesting#someone also said they were in a time loop which would be. intriguing#anyways i will miss this show so much someone said it was greenlit for s2 too so i'm crossing my fingers thats legit#vip spoilers#very important people spoilers#very important people#dropout#vic michaelis#brennan lee mulligan#vip
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never say never I guess
had a sudden "I want to draw them"
Lyrics from "The Last Goodbye" by Billy Boyd
also a warm up that led to this, wanted to try drawing them again and somehow got inspired a bit
#fanart#my art#sketch#comic#isat siffrin#isat fanart#isat#in stars and time#act 6 spoilers#I just straight up took picture from Act 6 what did you expect#this was supposed to be just a silly-sad sketch#because I'm feeling silly-sad about isat#think whatever you want#did they just decide to go their own way? did they die or something?#who knows#I love this song so much so I cried a bit while drawing#idk makes me emotional#I HIGHLY recommend listening to it#also reading hobbit and lotr too because books are great (movies are great on a technical level)#anyway I guess I can't leave isat that easily#although I kind of not in anymore and all#too overwhelmed#artists on tumblr#siffrin#I just noticed that I drew Siffrin with same face expression as in “You love them” thing pff well they do love their friends after all!#so it fits
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This one was a freaking doozy. If I keep talking i think i may be in trouble
#dbhc#dbhc explained#dbhc xisuma#dbhc android 24#dbhc art#dbhc s8#hermitcraft#xisuma s8#evil empire#hermitcraft au#tw manipulation#tw eye strain#tw emotional abuse#my sona#the shepherd#art escapades#when i tell you this comic has been infesting my brain. for weeks. straight. this is what i mean#i'm literally so sick and ill about them#send help#send help please#i need to lay down#android 24...... ixisisuauammmaa........ sniffles#beginning of the end they say#lmk if there's anything else i should tag#long post#i love throwing yalls tags in too bc some of you freaking nail it on the head#so much love to those who dig for details and also to those who bother to sit down and read all of this nonsense x]#there were a few things in the tags that i very much saw but am choosing not to acknowledge <said in a “im winking/nodding at you” way not#“problematic” way
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I'm not a poet or a paleoartist but I am fucking emotionally wrecked right now.
I keep thinking of the tiny little homotherium cub found in the ice. They died thousands of years ago, lived for less than a month - but they're so loved. Of course none of us can say If they were or weren't loved in life, but they're loved in death and makes it so much more beautifully tragic. They died cold alone, freezing and barely old to walk. They were alone like that for thousands of years, but they've been found again and they're so loved.
Thousands of people know about this tiny little thing that lived thousands of years ago and we love them so much.
It's a full moon tonight where I live, light enough that when I went out to get my clothes off the line I didn't even need a torch to see. I keep wondering what that cub's life was like, for the short one it experienced. Did they have siblings? Did any of them live longer, with long enough to hunt with their mother? Was their mother dead before they were? Did they ever get to see a full moon?
This is one incoherent ramble but I'm a mess about this
#homotherium#fossils#paleontology#pleistocene#i wish we had a way to tell that sweet little thing just how loved it is#that we could tell their mother her child is safe now even if it's not with her#i know they wouldn't be able to understand us but im emotional#still actively crying#i re-read a post here about it some 20 minutes ago and just started writting this#i love them so much#i turned my pc off for today an hour ago but I'm turning it back on#gonna make the best(probably shitty) statue of this little one and mama i can in minecraft as an outlet for my immense saddness and love#probably going to cry doing that too
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youtube
just feeling really emotional about linda today and watching this video of paul in '97, the year before linda passed, performing calico skies for her on repeat. from the in the world tonight documentary.
#there's something about the way he sings it near the top of his range that makes it so soft and lilting#put also pushes his voice in a way that gives it a slightly rough sort of strain#the emotion is in everything from the lyrics to the sound of his voice to the way the melody runs#the ascending notes on the verse makes it so bright and warm. and that waltzing rhythm has something inherently romantic to it#the sway of it too is almost like a lullaby. it's such a tender song#anyway it makes me cry!! and i'm in my linda feelings tonight.#it's the way she looks at him the whole time#paul mccartney#linda mccartney#music#paul and linda#Youtube
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Thinking about the ways different Alastor and Lucifer would react to seeing each other
Lucifer would brighten when Alastor walks into the room. He's glowing, he's grinning, he perks up whenever he sees him.
Alastor would soften. His body less tense, his smile genuine. He looks at Lucifer and he melts.
But either way as soon as they see each other they're suddenly the only thing that matters. Everything and everyone else is forgotten, their current mood, the person they're talking to, all they're paying attention to is the other. They always end up stuck together like glue, their eyes never fraying once they connect.
#when they're together they aren't The Devil and The Radio Demon#They aren't a king and an overlord#they're Lucifer and Alastor#I'm sobbing I love them so much#domestic radioapple save me#save me domestic radioapple#I just think they should get married and live happily ever after as hells greatest dads#that's not too much to ask for 🥺#alastor hazbin hotel#lucifer hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#radioapple#hazbin hotel#I'm way too emotional about them#I blame the new merch I just got
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Jaiden: Cucurucho, you have a lot of power, right?
Cucurucho: ...I don't know. Maybe.
Roier: Ah... Yes, you know, don't act like a dumbass, you have it. You have it, man. Eh?
Jaiden: Is there a way for us to protect all the Eggs? Do you know? I don't want anything to happen to the Eggs that happened to Bobby.
Cucurucho: Ha ha ha
Roier: WHAT? [Smacks Cucurucho]
Jaiden: [Bops him] Headpats.
Cucurucho: Maybe.
Jaiden: [Continues to bop him] Headpats. C'mon, I can get it out of you! Headpats! Chin scratches! Belly rubs!
Roier: [Joins Jaiden in bopping Cucurucho, chuckling and laughs]
Jaiden: Yeah? He's comin' around!
[Jaiden and Roier both laugh]
#Jaiden Animations#Roier#Cucurucho#QSMP#Jaiden#Animations Family#There is. So much I could say about these three#and so much I could say about their relationship / interactions with Cucurucho and Osito Bimbo#Cards on the table... I really would have loved it if Cucurucho / Osito genuinely cared about Jaiden#I mean I know they DID care about her to some extent that much is clear#But they / the Federation were also ABSOLUTELY using her. I'm not arguing that they weren't#But how could anyone not be charmed by Jaiden? The boba the tea parties the head pats–#The empathy and kindness and everything that made q!Jaiden who she was–#Cucurucho and Osito were tools of the Federation but I do want to believe they cared about Jaiden. Albeit in their own fricked up way#I dunno. I know this sounds like massive copium probably but I watched all of her and Roier's streams interacting with them#and I personally think that conflict and duality makes for a more interesting story#But that's just me and my own personal biases. I dunno how to properly put it into words but I am cradling them all close to my heart#I loved Cucurucho / Osito and I thought they were interesting and I'm SO SAD we'll never know what Jaiden did for them in the past#Anyways. For anyone who's read this far into my rant– you know how Cucurucho saved the Eggs and Jaiden said she died in Purgatory?#I like imagining that she survived the bomb and wound up finding the Eggs in the aftermath#and she helped them survive until Cucurucho found them#I imagine that Jaiden was the reason they were able to escape from the Island / The Watcher / ElQuackity#She stayed behind to slow down their pursuers. And Cucurucho rescuing all the Eggs fulfilled his agreement with Jaiden—#A promise to protect the Eggs#Like I said a lot of this is copium but that's what I like imagining#TLDR: Cucurucho / Osito did care about her in a weird way but that doesn't mean they weren't manipulating her#May 31 2023#Idk man I got a lot of emotions about q!Jaiden#Roier too but I feel like I've done way more analysis posts about him and Cucurucho. Jaiden needs time in the spotlight#Anyways there's my monthly tag rant
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nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am
#my want to draw traditionally literally split me open for the past week and leaves me literally depressed i'm so serious i can't even look -#- @ my art programs without wanting to throw up omfg should;ve never picked up those pencils#but it's ok i just needed a nap#something so relatable about them i think nelvas has something in it for everyone meanwhile eltl is secluded art museum.#it's very possible to walk around in neloth's and talvas' brains but eltl is off limits. they will NOT! get no drawings like this outta me#wtf r they thinking ........#< eltl not nelvas#something nobody on dis earth can understand ..........#talvas wants to live he likes living but neloth's presence is so strong that it overrides and deletes his will to live.#bruuuuuuuuh#i bet the feeling of neloff is in everything he does if they ever part ways he won't be able to fold clothes or anythign without wanting -#- 2 cry . for what reason . idk bc neloth once yelled at him for folding clothes like shit .what am i on rn#(talvas thoughts mode) I want this old man to hug meeee😢😢😢#NELOFF DO IT and smash him too before i do it first .#me and neloth are the same person tho so it doesn;t matter but w/e#i'm getting emotional over them right now this cannot be real#i love her .... (Skyr1m)#i opened the game for .5 minutes today to take pics of a character uight what a beautiful game.#Te/s having such extensive lore ruins the whole entire game and the franchise but whatever . skyr1m is an art piece that's just how i feel#also this might be a very hard pill to swallow for some people but t*lvas is literally a kin Vessel for young women that keep getting -#- hit on by men twice or thrice their age when they're just trying to live their life .#this feels so profound to me i need dis shit inmy discord bio right NOEW.#Talvas................................#(eyes watering) (holding palm out)#suicide //#just in case but this tag would've gone crazy with my drawings of ulfr*c from late 2022 where i drew him with slit wrists. very artsay#is it not. i didn't like neither of those drawings tho i need to revisit cus i can feel ulfr*c on a diffaraaant level#when will i run out of tags. the way you can tell i just LUH talvas look at me drawing his hair in that second pic 😑BRU#look at me also trying to replicate pencils digitally in the first.. hmmm i don't hate it#at least it soothes me and i don't have pencil withdrawal
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please don’t be sad little sprout, you are loved 🌱 🖤
🌱
#🌱Thank you<33🌱#I guess my latest vent art post made some of you guys worried. I'm sorry ;;n;; )#but I'm alright. well.. kind of? Like I haven't done anything to myself kind of alright?#maybe I should explain bit about my situation but at the same time I don't feel comfortable to open up too much#but simply said it's about doing art as a job and mental health#Things haven't been going well but I am getting help for my mental health#This is all what I will say for now about my situation#I apologize again that I made you guys worried#but I do warn that I might post more vent art if I get enough energy to draw#this is just one way how I deal with my emotions#but if you don't like vent art I suggest to block the words vent and vent art#I remember tumblr has this option somewhere??#and uhh.. I don't really know how to end this post but thank you everyone who has been sending support<33#I might not know how to reply to them but I have read them all and I'm very thankful for all the support what you guys have given me🌱#Thank you🌱#ask#anon#me talking
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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