#I'm very sorry

[drac0line1nn1t]

Part 1 | Part 2

[monarcho-mysticism]

Call me times the way weak men make me hard

[inverseaxolotl]

izutsumifield

[osamusriceballs]

Kinktober Day 31 <3

Kageyama's & Hinata's special day!

Warnings: NSFW, fem reader

Words: ~ 2,4 k

A/n: That's it for this year's Kinktober! I hope you enjoyed it, thank you so much for reading all/some of it! <3

Kinktober Masterlist

"Y/n, I got us-"

He stops in his tracks, the handles of two brown paper bags with steaming hot food clutched hard into his fingers as he watches the scene in front of him. The door behind him falls shut, a soft "click" signaling that it automatically locked. His dark blue eyes focus on the pair on the couch, who quickly separate when they notice his glare.

"Tobio! You're already- Shoyo just helped me with... with... that thing, right?" The orange-haired spiker still has his hands on your hips, his lips pink and swollen from all the kisses you shared, his cheeks reddened as his chest rises heavily under the red Olympics uniform. "Hmm, yes, that- uh... that thing. In your mouth. We totally weren't celebrating already. Absolutely not."

A pout appears on the setter's face when he wordlessly places the bags on the small couch table and plants himself next to you on the couch, still keeping so much distance that neither of you could touch him.

"Tobio? Come here, please?" You lift your hand from Hinata's shoulder and reach for Kageyama, but he simply crosses his arms over his equally red uniform and shakes his head silently.

"Come on, Kageyama. No silent treatment, please." Hinata pouts too now, a sight so adorable that you press one last kiss against his puckered lips before you climb out of his lap and crawl to Kageyama. Hinata reluctantly lets you go, one of his hands rubbing his face while he watches how you settle on Kageyama's lap, not caring that he turns his head to the side and ignores you.

"Tobio," you call his name, your hands roaming from his shoulders to his broad chest, feeling the smooth fabric of his shirt under your fingers while you repeat that movement in a soothing way. "Tobio, look at me, please." You bring one hand to his cheek and gently turn his face, and he surprisingly quickly gives in and allows you to move his face. He leans into the warmth of your hand, his cold blue eyes turning warmer the longer he looks at you. "We would never forget about you. We love you, you know that." You both keep eye contact for a few moments, and after a while he unfolds his arms to place his hands on your hips, effectively allowing you to reduce the distance between the two of you.

"I want what he had. Every kiss, every touch. Or else I'll leave with the food," he demands, his firm tone sending shivers down your spine and making your cheeks heat up.

Hinata protests on your left, but you already hum approvingly, happy that he's finally talking to you, and you don't even hesitate before you lean forward and connect your lips softly. His lips move slowly against yours, savoring every taste, probably even tasting Hinata on your lips as you deepen the kiss. You rest your hands on his shoulders, similar to the way you sat on Hinata's lap before, and you reposition yourself until you press your core against his crotch, grinding slowly on him while you keep your lips connected.

You feel the couch dip next to you and a hand on your bare thigh suddenly that sends tingles through your body. A groan leaves Kageyama's lips and you feel soft hair tickling your neck, realizing that Hinata has started to kiss down Kageyama's throat, probably leaving a few possessive marks on him, like he often does.

"Stop it, dumbass," you feel Kageyama weakly whisper against your lips, the words clearly directed to Hinata, but he stays unbothered by his words. You feel Kageyama getting hard under you, the bulge pressing against your core and making you feel even more excited. You grind against him just a tad bit faster, your tongue now grazing against his lips to invite him to reciprocate the action and he quickly opens his mouth while his hands tighten their grip around your hips. His initial stiffness has faded into longing breathless kisses as he focuses on tasting you thoroughly. "All good again, Kageyama?

Hinata pulls away from Kageyama, who simply groans as response, now settling himself behind you, effectively sandwiching you between the two of them. You moan against Kageyama's lips when Hinata's hands roam under your red Olympics fanshirt, the special customized version that you bought for this game with Hinata's number on the front and Kageyama's on the back. Hinata quickly tugs on the material until Kageyama loosens his grip enough for the material to ride up on our body. Kageyama's hands are warm against your skin, but not as warm as Hinata's. Hinata feels like an furnace behind you, and your body jolts when his fingertips caress your exposed stomach, sending tingles all over your body.

Your thighs cage Kageyama's hips, your legs trying to close when your arousal keeps growing with every stroke of Kageyama's tongue and every single caress of Hinata's hands. You moan loudly when Hinata's hands cup your breasts, his hands squeezing the bare flesh while his thumbs rub over your hardened nipples.

Kageyama pulls back when he notices how you barely manage to kiss him back, too distracted by the way Hinata eagerly plays with your tits and sucks on your neck. "You- Y/n, you didn't wear underwear during the game?" The dark-haired's breath stocks for a second and without any warning, he brings his hand under your skirt only to feel your bare ass under his fingers. "Y/n!" his jaw drops and you feel heat raise to your cheeks at the way his blue eyes seem to look into your soul. "I though we wanted to celebrate after the game anyways," you try to argue, and he takes a deep breath through his nose.

"I think it's hot," Hinata's lips curl into a grin and you feel your pussy throb at the way Hinata moans against your skin and pinches your nipples. Kageyama's eyes shoot towards the spiker at his words, clearly focused on the way he kisses you with need in his eyes. "Tobio," you rock your body on his cock, eager to get more friction when your body grows more sensitive with every passing moment that you're squeezed between the two attractive men.

"Hmm? What is it, love?" He rips his gaze off Hinata who seemingly can't stop himself from sucking a trail of hickeys on your neck similar to the one on Kageyama's neck. "Can you... pull down your shorts a bit?" you have a hard time bringing out the words when Hinata bites down on your shoulder, the fabric of the shirt thankfully stretchy enough to withstand the way the orange-haired man uses to bend it to his liking.

"Already? Hell, what has that idiot been been doing to you to get you so worked up?" Hinata chuckles at Kageyama's words, finally raising his face to kiss your cheek before he turns your face to kiss your lips too. He is quick to insert his tongue into your mouth, a soft caress against your own while his hands now fully wrap around you and hold you close.

You get lost in Hinata's kiss, your hands tightly wrapping into Kageyama's shirt while you hump against him, every bit of friction feeling so damn good against your clit. "Just let me-" Kageyama grabs your thighs now, slightly lifting your body and urging you to stay like this while he quickly pulls down his shorts and boxers until his cock springs free. He guides you back onto his lap, his cock now pressed against your stomach, making you clench around nothing while you needily whine against Hinata's lips.

"Need it," you bring your hands to Kageyama's face, feeling his smooth, clean shaved cheeks under your fingers, and he is quick to move your body again until you hover over his cock. You feel his tip prodding at your entrance and the next thing you realize is that his cock is slowly sinking into you, stretching you out and filling you up. One of your hands comes to Hinata's hair and grabs his strands, a groan leaving his lips when you slightly pull on them. It takes Kageyama just a few moments until he's buried fully inside of you, and you have to pull away from the kiss when you get overwhelmed by the sensation.

"Oy, Kageyama, that's not fair." Hinata whines at the lack of attention and Kageyama takes a deep breath to focus again before he leans forward to connect his lips with the orange haired's. You clench around Kageyama's cock inside of you, the messy sound of their kiss making your body grow even hotter while your bare nipples brush against Kageyama's shirt.

"You know that she can take us both, idiot." Kageyama pulls back with a groan and leans back on the couch, his hands loosely resting on your hips while you hear Hinata rustling with his clothes behind you, with no doubt freeing himself of his clothes. It only takes him a few moments to position himself behind you again, and then you suddenly feel his cock between your legs. "Shoyo-" you gasp when he presses against Kagyama's cock and prods at your entrance. "Oh, baby, we'll make you feel good. You're gonna feel so full." Hinata nuzzles his nose against your neck and grips his cock with his hand, sweetly cooing when you whine against at the sudden intrusion.

"Slow down, we haven't properly prepped her," Kageyama groans, the feeling of Hinata's fat cock pressing against the base of his cock surely driving him almost insane. "I can take it- please, please fuck me," you gasp and then Hinata finally starts to push inside. The stretch is almost too much for you to take, but the pleasure of having them both inside makes you forget about everything else.

Your head falls back to Hinata's shoulder and you moan loudly when you feel half of him inside of you, your body so sensitive at this point. "Fuck," Kageyama groans, feeling Hinata's cock rub against his own, and he closes his eyes for a few second to calm down. It only takes a few more moments until Hinata is fully buried inside of you, and all three of you remain still for a while, adjusting to the unusual position and the feeling. "Can we move, love?" Kageyama deeply exhales and leans forward to press his face against your neck, a strained breath leaving his lips when you clench around both of them. Hinata is no better, always being the most vocal out of the three of you, and his noises echo loudly through the room.

"Yes- yes, please-" you nod frantically, your arousal making it easy for them to thrust in and out of you again. They both support your body, basically moving you up and down like a doll, making you take them again and again. "Fuck-" "Baby-" they both groan, and you moan loudly as a response, both their names leaving your lips ever so lewdly.

They start with a slow and steady rhythm, their years of training together and learning each other's habits showing while you allow them to fuck you into ecstasy. When they feel you repeatedly clench and hear you beg for more, that's when they pick up their pace, their cocks twitching inside of you adding to your sensitivity.

"Can't- hold it much longer-" you hear Hinata whine next to your ear, knowing that he is ever so sensitive, but you're also close, so so close. "Wait until she cums, you know that she always comes first." Kageyama's fingers dig almost painfully in your waist while he bounces your body on their cocks, a clear sign that he is not far from finishing too.

"I know, I know," Hinata groans through gritted teeth, and one of his hands suddenly leaves your hip, leaving it to Kageyama to set the rhythm while his fingers move down to your clit. His fingers rub against the sensitive nub, and you almost scream as a response, too overwhelmed by all the feelings. "Gonna-" you gasp, your eyes falling shut when your whole body shakes, succumbing into the pleasure that both men bring to you.

"It's okay, cum for us, make a mess, show us how good we make you feel." Hinata's words and Kageyama's desperate thrusts make you see stars, and you hold onto him when you cum, when your pussy clenches around their cocks while Hinata presses down on your clit, relentless in his urge to make you cum. You barely realize that they both follow you suit, not even a few moments after your pleasure overwhelms you. Hinata moans your name loudly and Kageyama groans a few curses when his head falls back and his hands hold you so close to his body as if he was never going to let you go.

They cum a lot. You felt full before, but now, your pussy is overflowing with their white and creamy cum, your walls fluttering while your legs try to close. You all try to catch your breath, your body limply laying on Kaygama's now, while Hinata presses his forehead against your back. Hinata deeply inhales your scent, his eyes closing while he is ever so sensitive to every single touch. "Slowly," you mumble when you feel Hinata pulling out first, a groan leaving your lips when he slides out, his cock now soft and warm. Kageyama takes a deep breath before he lifts you just enough until you're not sitting on his cock anymore, their cum instantly starting to drip down, but none of you cares about that.

Hinata gently guides you to lay down on the couch, Kageyama following suit until you all three rest on it, your limbs entangled while you share kisses and sweet words. "Taking us so good always. Such a pretty doll for us," Kegayama mumbles and kisses the shell of your ear, eliciting a content hum from you while his hands start to work on your sore thighs, kneading the tense muscles until they feel soft again. "Hmm, that's my baby, the prettiest, sexiest, most perfect girl," Hinata smiles while his lips connect with yours in a slow and sensual kiss, and you smile back happily, feeling content and satisfied between the both of them.

The rumble of a stomach interrupts the post-orgasm haze though, and Hinata is quick to mumble an apology with reddened ears when you both look at him. Kageyama just sighs and shakes his head, a content grin still evident on his face.

"Come on. Let's eat something and then we'll properly celebrate."

[howerss]

..back at home, my hubb awaits for me.. he's my everything.. my Diomedes. 😔

(yep I'm shameless)

[clownypillar]

me and my nw and me and my demons

@tiredsmashbros smiles so wide.

[fluorescentbalaclava]

he slept outside the tent that night

[fuwaprince]

👉👈 Hi friends! I have a long, serious post made just for you(!) that isn't full of spoilers, smut or mooning lawn gnomes. Please read if you can, this is a 💥 mutual aid request 💥

It has been a horribly painful and long while as most people following/keeping up with me know. and in a few days I'm going to be down $1500, which is basically all my fucking $

I can't afford Christmas for anybody, which sucks and I'm very sorry. I can't even take care of myself and haven't been, which also sucks and I'm very sorry

Landlords spontaneously raised rent on me more than halfway through this month as punishment for not getting to my house chores and not communicating, to be totally honest with you. I feel ashamed and awful about it but I didn't want to clean the place while multiple ppl living here had tested positive for COVID and kept walking around unmasked... I am not fully vaxxed because I've been too depressed to get any kind of necessary medical care done and I didn't want to catch COVID in the middle of my finals week for the semester. I woke up to being angrily and rudely bitched at first thing after the last of my finals (I passed at least). It wasn't a humanizing text. Fuck the mistreatment though. Rent is now almost doubled and it won't be lowered

There was no room for negotiation and I truly believe they've resorted to pricing me out of living here because the group of renters psychologically tormenting me wasn't effective (actually- putting a picture of my rapist on the fridge rly was super effective in getting me to isolate myself in my room all day and so was outing me as trans to the transphobic ass neighbors.... But I didn't and still don't have any place better to move out to, like the way they were hoping I would. Yes, I have looked and BEGGED btw)

I want out of here NOW, but I can't leave. I tried and had to come back because it was the best option. I can't afford to stay in a motel/hotel/BnB just to get away from them for a day or two during Christmas. I don't have any friends who I can spend the holiday with either. During the semester, I resorted to convincing classmates with keys to locked buildings to let me crash in them while they worked at night and I would leave before anybody showed up. Now that school is out, I can't do that. I don't have any family I can reach out to for support or friends who I can depend on for immediate help. I have been crying day in and day out for weeks. I have records of it posted throughout my blog. Literally crying for days on end. I'm being so fucking transparent

All that lump of text is to explain to whoever is out there, who might be listening and willing and able, to please consider helping me, if and ONLY IF able. I know times are tough and if you'd rather use your $ for other reasons or just don't have any to spare, don't sweat it and take care! 🫂

I've thought about what I could do for a long time and have helped myself how I can. It isn't enough. I've applied for so much assistance. Been approved and been sabotaged by my inhumane mom (who does not love me) via stealing my legal documents and letters and hiding them for months. My mind jumps to grim places but I'm clinging for dear life to whatever hope I have left that says things will get better. I wish I knew somebody with a business that I could work for. Part of me feels so fucking terrible for asking for help because I feel like a waste of all your resources. I feel like I shouldn't ask, like I really do not fucking deserve help, but there are friends online who care, who I know mentioned being interested in helping in whatever ways they can

So to the people who care to seriously me, I'm ready to accept it: please send me nice words to get through this and feel less alone. It feels pathetic to ask but I would love a nice letter. A nice card even. Kind words of any kind would go a long way. It means more to me than food. I have felt so broken and every day feels like a test to figure out how badly I actually want to live

I'm also leaving my cash app and paypal here in case anybody would like to do more than what I'm comfortable asking but probably very likely will inevitably need very very soon. I will be left with fucking nothing and I will have no idea what to do once rent is paid

Thank you to those of you who have sent love, offered to listen and heard me out. I really wish it wasn't so hard to survive. I'm trying to feel better knowing there are people out there who are also without help and hoping the best, but it doesn't make me feel any better or comforted tbh. I just wish the help was there for us. I wish there was a place to go for spare love, care, compassion, empathy, kindness, humanity, generosity... I need that more than I need $. Call me stupid but that's what I live for. I don't live for paying to survive in terrible conditions. I live for love and to smile with friends

I hope to write back to the friends who have already been so kind as to message me soon btw. I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Your overwhelming support is sincerely sweet and sometimes I cry because I can't believe people are so nice (to me???). It'll give me something to do that doesn't make me feel like dying! :') so thank you thank you thank you *fist bump*

Hope you're all doing as well as you can and that somehow things get better. Hope anybody else struggling like me doesn't make the mistake of isolating like a sick and dying animal. You deserve love. You deserve support. Don't be like me. Have the courage to reach out to the people who care about you for help as early on into your emergency as possible. Don't let your situation snowball because you spend so long trying to figure out if you're worth it!!! This Random Tumblr user is here to tell you that YOU ARE. Sending my infinite everlasting unconditional love. Be nice to yourselves. Be nice to each other. Fuck the hateful assholes who wish I would just kill myself already. Tell your friends you love them. Happy Holidays!!!

And here's a single picture of a mooning lawn gnome at the very end, as a treat! I told you this post wasn't full of it.... It just ended with it 👉👉

[toomuchracket]

angsty part two hmm. well maybe it can have something to do with whatever the heck was going on at electric umbrella studios. maybe girly is there helping out bea (we can pretend maybe she’s doing stuff with jack and not matty for ease of everyone’s heart lmao) then there is that little listening party or whatever where taylor and matty are seen together but maybe girly’s heart couldnt stand to stick around for very long so she leaves early. maybe in this dream matty pulls his head out of his ass and decides he will do anything and be anything that girly wants him to be because this thing with taylor is not doing it for him either

ok! edited the request slightly. and it doesn't have a happy ending because actually i'm a messy bitch who lives for drama. please note: THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY CANON IN THE D WORD UNIVERSE IT'S JUST A COLLECTIVE NIGHTMARE. ok. lol. happy new year. enjoy <3

gone four weeks, part 2 (d word matty x reader angst)

“oh my god, hi! you came! oh, thank you so much!” taylor pulls you into a hug, which you reciprocate warmly; you've no problem with her, after all. “and you look amazing! your hair! those shoes! it's a new look for you. i like it.”

you smile. “thank you, i just fancied a bit of a change. and thank you for inviting me! i was so touched when i got your message.”

“matty said it was your favourite of my albums - i couldn't not have you here.”

what the fuck?

“oh, he did?” you try to keep your face and voice steady. “that was nice of him.”

taylor nods. “it was the first thing he said when i first wondered if anyone would even come to a 1989 listening party - you would, if you were around. thank god margaret ran into you last week and told me you were!”

you murmur a “yeah”, in response, too busy reeling from the sudden emotional pain in your heart to reply properly. blinking a couple of times, you look back towards the front door of the studio to see more people coming in. “taylor, i'll catch up with you later, yeah? let you speak to… oh my god, i'm at the same party as kendrick lamar? fucking hell.”

she laughs, squeezing your arm. “no worries, babe. i'll see you later! matty’s… somewhere, if you want to catch up with him”.

not bloody likely. “cool. see you!”

you smile politely at kendrick, who returns it (!!), before heading off into the busy room. there are people you recognise absolutely everywhere you turn, but nobody you really know, more just celebrities you'd be worried about embarrassing yourself in front of. no sign of jack, or margaret, or even matty - not that you particularly want to see him, to be honest, but a familiar face (one not from your tv screen, that is) would definitely calm you down.

of course, so would a cigarette.

pulling your cigs and lighter from your bag, you nudge the side door open with your hip and step out into the alleyway and still-warm evening air. and then, almost immediately, you wish you hadn't. because, standing with his back to you - although that makes no difference, you'd know those back muscles and that head of hair anywhere - is matty, talking to jack and margaret, all three of them smoking.

fuck. this was an awful idea. but you can't turn back to go inside now, because jack's clocked you; he’s beaming, waving at you, shouting “sprout! get over here and smoke with us!”

despite yourself, you smile, wandering over and allowing yourself to be enveloped in a hug from the man and his fiancée. “wish you'd stop bloody calling me that, jack.”

“never,” jack replies, kissing your head as he releases you into margaret's arms. “you're sprout, and he's cabbage.”

“whatever - hi, mags,” you kiss your friend's cheek as she breaks apart and settles her arm around your waist, before reluctantly meeting your ex's gaze. you're irritated to see that he looks good. like, really good, something-twinging-between-your-legs good. get a grip! “matthew.”

“alright?” matty smiles at you, but it doesn't reach his eyes. “almost didn't recognise you. hair's shorter.”

you shrug. “wanted something different.”

“sounds like you.”

the snide comment slices through you. unlike last time, though, you don't tear up; you fire right back at him. “well, i'm at an age where i can afford to experiment.”

matty frowns, while jack and margaret burst into giggles. the latter kisses the side of your head. “god, you’re funny. i can't believe you were in the city all this time and you didn't tell us! i miss hanging out with you.”

“i was busy,” you place a cigarette between your lips, shaking hands trying and failing to successfully operate the lighter. matty wordlessly steps forward and does it for you - your cheeks burn as much as the cig does. “thank you.”

“don't,” matty waves it off, taking a long drag of his own cig before looking at you again. “so. you haven't been back home?”

“not since the last time you saw me,” you ash the cig, pointedly looking down at the ground. “there hasn't been any work for me to do, so there's nothing keeping me there, really.”

matty scoffs. “typical, you prioritising your job.”

“well, it's what you pay me for. you should be happy i care so much about my career, really, matty,” you smile, saccharine as summer peaches, before turning to jack and margaret. “anyway, how's wedding planning going?”

jack breaks into an excited soliloquy that you can only half focus on, hoping you're timing the oohing and aahing and awwing at his fiancée’s enthusiastic interjections right; most of your attention, you hate to say, is focused on the man opposite you, clearly - to you, at least - upset. the familiar guilt begins to gnaw at your ribcage, and you're thankful when margaret checks her watch and begins to usher you back inside.

matty, though, has other ideas. he touches your elbow, so lightly you barely feel it, and yet your body reacts as if he's punched you. “can i talk to you alone for a minute?”

panicked, you turn towards jack, who nods. “you still have a few minutes. i just need to go in to set up. see you in there!”

shit.

once you're alone with your ex, you move to brace yourself against the wall, folding your arms. “what?”

“why didn't you tell me you were in new york?”

“why would i?”

“well,” matty's voice falters; when he speaks again, it's almost a whisper. “i don't know. maybe we could've, like, gone for a drink. or you could've come down here to hang out.”

“again, why would i?” you tilt your head. “no offence, mate, but hanging out with my ex and his new girlfriend isn't exactly my idea of a fun time. or just hanging out with my ex full stop.”

“thanks for that,” matty grimaces.

you sigh. “look, i know you well enough to be able to read your cryptic fucking subtext. i've been alright, matty, i really have. i've been with friends.”

“you don't have any friends in new york.”

“and how the fuck would you know that? honest to fucking god,” you snap. “i didn't tell you everything about me…”

“i know that well enough.”

“...but, if you must know, one of my friends from home opened an exhibition in tribeca. orla.”

matty nods. “we went to her london opening together before… us, didn't we?”

the memory feels distant, as if from another life, but it hurts all the same. “yeah.”

“i would've liked to have gone to her show here, too. she's good.”

you smile genuinely for the first time, pride for your friend stronger than the fucked up pot of feelings you have towards matty. “it was really something. i helped set it up, actually. was fun.”

“really?” matty laughs; something cracks inside you when he does. “yeah, i can see you being good at that, actually.”

you look at the ground, still smiling, but less now. “been thinking about switching to it full-time. curation and stuff.”

“oh,” matty sounds crestfallen. you peek up at him to find that he looks it, too. “well… if that's what you want to do, i s'pose you should look into it,” he checks the time on his phone, while your heart sinks impossibly deeper. “it's starting soon. i'll head in now, and then if you-”

“wait thirty seconds before i follow you? yeah, i know the drill,” you smile lifelessly. “least you won't have to worry about that if i get a new job, yeah? you'll likely never have to see me again, let alone risk being seen with me.”

“i- anyway,” matty clears his throat, turning quickly away from you. “i should go.”

“okay,” the door closes behind him before you can even get the second syllable out, and there you are, alone again, in the suddenly-cold night air. you shakily exhale your cigarette for the last time, stubbing it out on the wall and stamping the butt with your high heel for good measure; once no trace of the flame remains, you go back inside.

for the rest of the night, part of you wishes you hadn't bothered. while hearing your favourite album is truly, genuinely brilliant, the experience is marred somewhat by your ex sitting in the seat opposite yours with taylor's head on his shoulder: you can't quite lipsync along to this love or clean or you are in love without your lips beginning to tremble, the new song now that we don't talk genuinely makes you nauseous when you figure out the lyrics, and actually hearing matty's voice on a vault track is painful beyond words.

but still, you clap, you fake smiles, you cheer for taylor and jack and the work they've put into the production. it's not easy, though, and you're thankful for the distraction when your phone buzzes with an invitation while you're alone at the drinks table grabbing another champagne.

“now i know you're not about to entertain a man who sent you an i miss you, come over text,” taylor’s voice sounds scandalised from behind you.

you turn, grinning, smile dropping slightly when you see she isn’t alone. “don't worry, i'm taking the piss out of him for it as we speak…”

“good.”

“...but i am gonna go and see him, in a minute,” you finish, looking down at your phone and giggling when you see a reply. “if that's alright, that is.”

matty raises his eyebrows the way he does before he opens his mouth, but taylor beats him to it. “look at you giggling at him! of course! go! but first,” she gently drags you to a nearby sofa and settles onto it, patting the seat beside her; you take it, while matty awkwardly settles himself on a footstool in front of you both. “tell me about him.”

“you really want to know?” you aren't quite sure which of them the question is directed at. taylor nods, and judging by matty's expression he's also curious, so you sigh and keep talking. “well, his name is michael. he's a playwright. we met through friends. he's lived in new york his whole life. he seems slightly obsessed with me, but in a good way - so far, at least. he's very sweet.”

“a playwright? that's cool,” taylor grins. “what does he look like?”

“a bit like andrew garfield, actually,” you laugh, looking down at your phone again. “and he's offering to meet me at a bar, so it's probably time for me to be on my way.”

“sure. have fun, stay safe,” she pulls you into a hug; you see matty wince, out of the corner of your eye. “thank you so much for coming. when do you go back home?”

“not until the end of the month. i don't know if i'm actually going on the festival run, yet,” you shrug. “but i'll go home before it, just in case.”

“it's a lot, isn't it?”

taylor, babe, you don't even know the half of it. “yeah. it won't be easy.”

she hums. “we should hang out before you go. nothing crazy, just dinner or drinks or something. like, something fun, before you have to go back to keeping a record label running,” she nudges matty, who smiles quickly but continues looking at the floor. “i'll call you, okay?”

“that sounds good,” you stretch. “right, i really should go - the bar is a twenty-minute walk from here and i said i'd meet michael in fifteen.”

matty tuts. “he's knowingly letting you walk alone to meet him at half ten at night? no. absolutely not.”

you roll your eyes. “for god's sake, i'll be fine. i'm an adult!”

“yeah, babe, but still,” taylor’s eyes are wide. “take a car! for our peace of mind, at least.”

our. you do your best not to shudder, and smile instead. “if you're sure…”

“she's sure,” matty nods. “get it to take you back to your… whatever it is you're staying in after your drink, too.”

“i mean, i'm going back to his,” you look matty dead in the eye when you say it, and the sadness that fills his is impossible to miss. christ, what is his deal? “but thanks. anyway,” you hug taylor before you stand. “thanks again for tonight. i'll see you soon,” you nod at matty. “and i'll… see you at finsbury, definitely. maybe sooner. i don't know. there'll be an email soon confirming what's happening. bye.”

much to your chagrin, matty stands too. “i'll walk you out. make sure you actually get in the car - i know what you're like.”

for fuck's sake. “alright. bye, taylor!” you wave as you move towards the door.

“bye, babe!”

you walk quickly through the corridors, trying to keep some distance between you and matty. annoyingly, though, he matches your pace, and speaks. “so… michael.”

the vitriol practically drips from his tongue. you scoff. “what about him?”

“tell me more about him. what’s he like?”

“he's my age,” you pointedly don’t look at matty when you say that, but you hear the way his breath catches in his throat. the guilt begins gnawing again; you keep talking to distract yourself from it. “he's ridiculously american, which means he doesn't get my sense of humour sometimes, but as soon as he found out i lived in london he took the piss and started calling me ‘princess’.”

the word leaves your mouth before you can stop it; as soon as it does, you bite the insides of your lips together, guilt spreading to every bone in your body. tentatively, you look round at matty, who's stopped walking in favour of looking at the ground and clasping his hands behind his neck. everything about him radiates hurt, and it only worsens when he quietly speaks. “he calls you what?”

you can't bring yourself to say it again. “you heard me, matty.”

“wish i fucking hadn't,” your ex looks up at you again, and you know he's about to verbally lash out; he looks exactly the same as he did before you split. “you really let him call you that? my name for you?”

“think you lost all rights to that the day you dumped me, to be honest, mate.”

“fucking hate it when you call me that. stop it.”

“well, i'm sure as shit not going to resort to what i used to call you, am i?”

matty laughs mirthlessly. it's the worst sound you've ever heard. “no, you've got michael for that now.”

“no, i haven't,” you're loathe to admit what you're about to say, but you really want him to feel bad. “haven't slept with him yet - or anyone, for that matter, since you broke up with me,” you glance at matty, who looks rightfully sheepish, and decide to just fuck with him even further. “but maybe i will tonight. s'about time i felt good about myself.”

“you know, you've been really fucking snide today. i don't know what i've done to deserve it.”

you stop dead in your tracks, turning to face him in total bewilderment. “well, aside from the whole, y'know, dumping me at the first sign of disagreement, you fucking started it with the arsey comments today, matty. sounds like you? fuck off.”

he shrugs. “but it does. you don't want what i want, so… why bother keeping this going?”

you huff, pushing the door to the staircase open. “i never said i didn't want to get married and have kids, by the way.”

“what? yes you-”

“no, i didn't,” you smile sadly. “all i said was that i was unsure, and because it wasn't me immediately saying yes to something for the first time in our relationship, you took it as a no.”

matty's shaking his head. “no, that-that's not-”

“yes it is, sweetheart,” the tears are beginning to prick at your eyes; matty's too, you can see. “that's what happened.”

“but you freaked out so much…”

“because you sprung it on me, out of the blue! come on, matty,” you can feel your jaw trembling. “you would've done the same, if a partner had asked you that question when you were my age.”

matty sniffles. “please stop bringing up the age gap, darling.”

the pet name enrages you; it's agonising how natural it sounds coming from his lips, and even more painful how automatically your body reacts to it. “well, i can't not, given that it's what fucked us up, in the end,” you take a deep breath, and walk out the side door onto the street. it's fairly quiet, you're relieved to see. “besides - i thought you liked it? that was my appeal, wasn't it? being young, and pretty, and naive, so fucking naive. a meek little toy, something you could play with however you wanted without fear of it rebelling against what you wanted. because that's really all that matters, isn't it, what you want? course it is, because when that was threatened, you stopped wanting me.”

hot tears are hitting your cheeks with increasing speed, but your voice somehow stays strong, unwavering, controlled; the same can't be said for matty, who's crying just as much as you. “no, no, that's not true, not at all, please don't say that.”

“but that's what it feels like,” your voice cracks into a sob. “you didn't even want to talk to me about it. you were just... fine with letting me go. i didn't think you could ever be so cruel to someone you claim to have loved, once, matty. especially not someone who loves you as much as i do,” sniffling, you wipe your eyes and open a car door, quickly telling the driver the address of the bar before turning back to matty. “i appreciate you getting taylor to invite me tonight, but i think it was a mistake; we can't be friends, you and i, we really can't. i'm sorry, it just… hurts,” you check the time. “i need to go. take care.”

it's too warm in the car. you roll the window down slightly. you can hear matty crying from halfway down the street.

[pratchettquotes]

"But hold on," said Tiffany. "Won't I be you one day? And then will I talk to me now, as it were?"

"Yes, but the you that you talk to won't exactly be you. I'm very sorry about this, but I am having to talk about time travel in a language that can't really account for it. But in short, Tiffany, according to the elasticated string theory, throughout the rest of time, somewhere an old Tiffany will be talking to a young Tiffany, and the fascinating thing is that every time they do, they will be a little different. When you meet your younger self, you will tell her what you think she needs to know."

Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight

[piovascosimo]

blur | sunday sunday

[shxxxbi]

Though I think it'll take a bit, I'm re reading the novel to post all the other details that didn't make it to the series. Thought it would be nice to share with other babyfeats that couldn't buy the book and maybe it'll help us through the drought after love sea ending😪

[5-turtleducks-in-a-trenchcoat]

So around 10 months ago I decided I wanted to try animation again. Ever since then I've pretty much been working on this project every day. I've never been able to actually complete a big project like this, so I'm genuinely blown away by the fact that I managed to do this, especially considering how enormous of a task this was.

Also since this animation features Jane Prentiss, content warnings for worms and trypophobia.

[pokaww]

"When I lost ......... it was like time stopped for me, It's like my favorite watch was destroyed, There was still time???." 3:47 P.M.....

"Tick tack tick tack, Please stop crying ........., I'm here*.

[swiapple]

lazy ass go sketches

[heartshapedhooves]

To all americans reading this,

I'm very sorry, I can't know how any of you feel right now, especially my fellow queer poc people.

But please, stay strong. You can do this.

Keep your friends and family close, stay hopeful. I know it's so hard to do it now but at least try.

You'll survive.