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wild-whispering-woods · 6 months ago

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Well, I'm back here, after almost seven years. This is going to be a rather intense post, but there is a lot of stuff that I have only very recently been facing, and I need to get it off my chest. Trigger warnings are in the tags, but I'll list them here as well, just to be sure: mental abuse, gaslighting, sexual abuse.

Let's start with a seemingly really random topic.

The series BBC Sherlock has always been a sensitive subject for me, as it was used by someone to mentally and sexually abuse me when I was quite young. In an attempt to mentally disentangle myself from the abuser, I became part of the Johnlock community here on Tumblr. I devoured the meta that was being written by the community, and it made the show make more sense to me. At the same time, it helped me mentally distance myself from my abuser, as this was a reading they completely dismissed. See, both my abuser and myself identified with Sherlock, only they took Sherlock's self-proclamation of being a "high-functioning sociopath" at face value, whereas I saw Sherlock as being terrified of being emotionally vulnerable and doing his best to suppress his feelings to avoid being seen and hurt.

I have shipped Johnlock since I was about 13 years old, and I became part of the TJLC community as it arose from that part of the fandom.

I have hated creating literary analyses for years now and avoided it as much as possible (difficult though that was in school), because it is so subjective, and it always confronts me with the fact that being mentally abused destroyed my trust in my intuition, thought processes, and ability to read people. It makes me feel like my life used to- the rug being pulled out from under you, a constant mental strain, having to be alert to everything at all times. I have been trying to read abusers' behaviour for most of my life. For every action of everyone around me ever, I analyse all possible motivations someone could have that would lead to the behaviour they display, but I could never know for certain what the right conclusion was. After all, you can never truly get into someone else's head- especially not someone who has made you doubt your own perceptions of the world in order to keep you under their control. What was real, what was a lie? I think this is why I have always loved reading meta; for once, someone else was laying the explanations out for me- and not only that, but they made it into a coherent storyline that made sense of everything. And I so wanted everything to just have a clear explanation. So when, in the fourth series of Sherlock, everyone and everything felt so completely wrong- motivations being off, details that must have taken a lot of effort but weren't right, entire scenes that didn't make any sense- I had to distance myself from it all, because no matter how much sense meta writers could make of it, the experience of watching the season brought back every feeling of wrongness and manipulation and self-doubt, and destroyed the trust in my intuition that I had been trying to rebuild. I must add that obviously I don't blame the writers for this, they weren't responsible for any of it- they were making something they wanted to make, someone else used it to completely fuck me up, and it was my choice to keep interacting with it- but unfortunately it had quite a devastating effect on me because this piece of media had been so entangled with the abuse and consequent attempt to break free of that.

I left the fandom because the mindfuck was quite literally bleeding through into my actual life. I have never been able to believe that the way I interpreted the series was not the, or at least a, way the writers meant for it to be interpreted- but I couldn’t keep being confronted with it, because 1. everyone else was saying I was out of my mind, and 2. the series was, for the foreseeable future at least, finished. To me, season 4 couldn’t be an end to the overarching storyline. Many things had gone unresolved, and unfortunately, I applied that feeling to my life; Sherlock and John never got to have an actual open conversation, not even implied. As the commentary said, for this season, who they are as people didn’t matter. They just… continued surviving, all their demons still beneath the roads they would walk. It felt like my story, like I was doomed to keep my feelings and experiences locked inside of me forever. It made me despair. I knew that for me, hoping for an eventual season 5 was a road to madness- Anderson’s mental breakdown style, without resolution. To protect myself, I had to withdraw entirely and find something more immediate to be a crutch for me to deal with my trauma. It was never healthy to put that much of my life into a TV series, although then again, someone else had decided that for me when I was still a child.

Eventually, I broke free of my abusers and I have continued with my life in the hope that I could heal, but instead of unraveling the trauma, I buried this tangled knot somewhere in my brain and I can't undo it myself. Yes, I have sought professional help multiple times over the years, but I have always been told that they could not help me because I have too many problems that are seemingly unconnected- so here I am, going back to the start of it all and pulling a John. Hopefully, writing a blog will help me as well. We'll see! It feels absolutely terrifying to share pretty much anything, anywhere, because I'm not used to doing that and also this: part of the mental abuse was someone else telling me what I was really like, or what I really felt or thought, or that the way I was, is wrong, and they would fix me, and I have never fully recovered from the idea that I don't know myself and my own feelings. Writing things down freaks me out a lot, because every minute that I think about my motivations, I seem to find a different reason for why I did something- and often, I still don't know what the real reason is. It's really scary to be confronted with the fact that I don't feel like a person, but just a jumbled collection of corrupted memories and disjointed actions. I think, though, that the only way in which I'll be able to find myself is to start a dialogue. With myself. Eventually, a pattern must emerge, right?

So, how did I get to this point? This week, I actually rewatched BBC Sherlock for the first time since season 4 aired- the whole thing, in one sitting- and it made me feel unexpectedly, strangely good. I realised that, even with the emotional distance now, what I saw in the series is still there, and I was right for not believing I was crazy for thinking what I did. It was pretty affirming to be confronted with the idea that my interpretation of things wasn't completely off the rails. I also must say that I was grateful to season 4 for the imagery of Sherlock being on drugs and in a lot of (emotional) pain, because it mirrored how I have been feeling for a long time. Of course, I don't want anyone to suffer, but it's nice sometimes to see yourself on screen.

And finally, I am grateful for these lines: "What is the worst thing you can do to your friends? Tell them your darkest secret. Because... if you tell them, and they decide they'd rather not know, you can't take it back. You can't unsay it. Once you've opened your heart, you can't close it again." I have never shared specifics with anyone, because I can't live with the idea that they won’t believe me. Or that I will look at a loved one and see what I told them behind their eyes. Even if they wouldn't be thinking about it. I would. I would know that they know. And I want it not to be true. But when I've told them, it will be real. And they will remind me of it.

#tw: sa #tw: abuse #cw: sa #cw: abuse #tw: gaslighting #emotional abuse #mental abuse #long post #tjlc #complex ptsd #ptsd #tw: ptsd

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heirscrchd · 6 months ago

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serious ask:

do you think azula met a/a few trans women during her time post atla?? what would her thoughts be??

(disclaimer: anon is trans)

Okay I'm going to be forward here, I don't know a lot about the subject of being Trans.

Identity for me is extremely difficult and while I could be considered under the umbrella of trans (I identify as sorta-NB, demi-girl? IDK where this falls) and sexuality also is extremely difficult for me to get into because of the complexities of it and how simple labels can be when we boil it down.

I don't know how to answer a lot of these difficult questions and I'll fully admit my ignorance and faults I've made.

I'm putting this under a cut so I don't put a giant post on the dash for people who don't want to get involved in it. Please let me know if you need this tagged

When I first made this blog I did see Azula more as a female-leaning bisexual with not a disinterest in men but more a lack of appeal towards them but wouldn't be entirely repulsed. After more speculation brought on by the mutuals I made here, I thought I might as well call her a lesbian and be flat out with it, but as me, personally, tends to be unsure how the term lesbian is seen in trans community for how Terfs like using it to discriminate against trans woman as they see lesbian as "females loving females"

I used the term lesbian and sapphic interchangeably in an attempt to be more inclusive to trans woman because there is a distinct difference between the complexities of sexuality with labels, social inclusivity, and how one personally might have a genital preference for certain sexes.

I have been informed and take responsibility that phrasing things this way does not help, or can do harm to lesbians and others by making it feel like it's a "bad" word so to speak. I accept that and you are in your full right to criticize me for it. I will do my best to keep this in mind going forward and you always are welcome to call me out for it in the future.

As to say, I'm not good and knowing how to address all this of a fictional character, let alone my own life! I call myself lesbian but I don't even know if that's true because sexuality is fluid the more we understand ourselves. My ow nsexuality has been difficult to understand with the deconstruction of what preferences are okay, what do i prefer, how my trauma impacts me being unabel to handle certai nthings, ive constantly been put into question of my label as lesbian because what if it is just my CSA trauma that stopped me from feeling safe with certain things that remind me of it, but i dont know how to fix it if it can be and i. i dont know

but its not something everyone will understand (sexuality and identity being flexible) because it can come off as "you can forcibly change someone's sexuality" which no. No I'm not saying that, but we can discover more about ourselves and change labels when we better understand ourselves and our likes and wants. (my gf for example identified as lesbian when we first met but under more analysis of herself she feels more comfortable being called pan now)

I don't genuinely know how to project all these complex thoughts onto a fictional character who in the canon is only like 14, and in the comics is 17, and genuinely am trying not to think about what the genital preference of a minor would be when they grow up because it lowkey makes me feel kinda gross.

When it comes to Azula, I don't think she personally holds any ill perspectives on trans women or trans men.

Azula holds a respect for power, honor, and a strong will. Whether the woman she speaks to or recuits is anywhere on the woman or non binary feminine leaning line or nb line in general I don't think she would discriminate against them.

I don't think Azula is a Terf, if that is what you're asking. Azula doesn't discriminate on that

she's very much someone who holds ill will towards people who personally harm her or slight her. Even the Earth kingdom and it's people she didn't hold an animosity for like she did Zuko, during the final Agni Kai, or even Mai and Ty Lee who she showed much more hatred towards for betraying her.

Trans people existing doesn't hurt Azula. Trans people living their lives, doesn't personally insult her.

Azula is fine with and would accept trans women and would accept them all the same as women or whatever they want to identify as.

*Edit, forgot to really answer the question: She probably had met at least a few trans individuals while traveling and wouldnt have any issue with them

** This also comes from Azula who was 110% fine with being called "Fire Lord" - Lord being what we see as a more masculine term than Fire Lady, so she 100% would be accepting of trans and NB individuals since she herself is willing to take on a masculine/male/whatever title despite identifying as a girl.

#lost in the temple // ooc #;; my DMs are open if people want to talk about it more #;; but i think the subject would be best laying to rest on the blog here #;; but i encourage you to call me out and talk to me because iam ignorant #;; i dont know everything #;; and i dont know how to say things right always either #;; the last thing i want to do is hurt someone here and i want to be educated on these topics because my perspective wont ever be perfect #;; but i can polish it with others pointing out my flaws

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barbieb0y · 1 year ago

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journey: orientation and how i wasn't there for most of it.

(title is a reference, iykyk)

my birthday is in 6 days and i feel like i should do at least something so this is something! blogs talking about myself and my experiences, counting down to the day of the event itself

and the first one i thought of is my experience with romantic and sexual orientations. why? well the ace tag trending gave me some ideas lol

for most of my childhood, i wasn't interested in anything that isn't studying and playing by myself. wish i can say the same now

and thankfully, my parents weren't the type to fess over me interacting with the opposite sex not that i did that that much but still and teaching me about marriage and romance and all that wasn't on their minds yet at that time - and oh, how i yearn for them to stay that way now but alas.

i didn't get the hype with getting crushes and dating, until i developed what i thought was a crush. i remember being happy that i finally fit in and just like the other girls - that i wasn't just a weirdo with weird interests and lack of interest in people. and looking back on it, it's not like it wasn't a crush. it just wasn't a romantic one.

this continued on until i was 14. i'd get crushes where i just enjoyed looking at the boys' faces. it never occured to me that traditional crushes were supposed to involve actual romance. and when i did try imagining myself in romantic scenes with the boys i liked, i either felt disgusted or neutral. the neutral side of things mostly applied to fictional boys anyway.

then came the year of 2018. funnily enough, i actually remember being on tumblr that time - for the whole purpose of reading imagines of a fictional guy i thought i liked in those ways. i'd read, read, read, unaware that these pieces of writing... don't actually make me feel anything. that imagining myself in romantic + sexual situations with this guy was only bc everyone else was doing it.

when suddenly pride month rolled around.

i was an ally from the beginning. and bc of that i wanted to know more about the community so that i could show my support better. little did 14 year old me know.

i stumbled upon the term "aromantic". i started reading out of curiosity. i thought of how i could relate to most of the traits of an aromantic. i realized.

i remember i was like "so you're telling me i don't actually have to feel this stuff for people i'm seemingly attracted to?!" and remember that guy from before? every romantic and sexual thought of him vanished in an instant - and i've never felt so free. i even remember me writing a platonic self-shipping fic of me and him to celebrate; and luckily, i had friends who celebrated alongside me.

though at that time, i thought aromantic also meant asexual, so there i was going around telling people i'm aromantic without the asexual - most likely because i was taught that sex was just an extension of romance rather than being its own separate thing. until of course, i discovered the term later on and went "omg so me".

the label kind of enabled me to be more open about my dislike of romance and sex - borderline condemning it. but that was merely me projecting my own experiences; having to be subjected to society's expectations of me was more than just irritating and tiring. even if i ever change my mind one day, why should that matter? sure, preparing for the future is a smart move but what's the point if i'm abandoning my present self?

years pass and by 2022, i still identified as an aromantic asexual. at some point i even identified as a gay aroace, but then reverted back to aroace. even when there were situations and experiences that challenged me identifying with those labels, i persisted. even when i first interacted with whom i call my "first love", i wasn't attracted to them off the bat.

it took quite a few interactions. i myself was confused as to why talking to them made me so happy, especially because we didn't even talk in a chatroom - i was just an anon on their writing blog, the reason why i frequented their blog being one of the hurdles that almost made me change my labels.

to this day, i'm still unsure if mustering up the courage to privately message them made me realize i'm actually attracted to them or that i gradually realized after chatting with them in private. but in the end, i realized. i'm attracted to them. i liked the idea of being in a non-platonic relationship with them, i like imagining us in romantic situations (although at that time i didn't yet know what they look like) but either was too shy or i genuinely did not develop sexual feelings for them yet at that time. i confessed the night i messaged them.

to my surprise, it was their birthday. i'm unsure if a confession is a fit birthday gift still.

but when this happened, i didn't feel like i was betraying my aromantic asexual labels. it's more like... i broke free of them. broke free of these stupid labels that tried to tie me down for so long. so what if i haven't been attracted to anyone until now? am i not allowed to freely love because of these two words? or even, am i not allowed to be free of these words even if they define me? so i simply let go.

funnily enough, the person i fell in love with is aroace themself. a silly little plot twist in my story, i would say.

we begin to talk. a night turns into a week. a week turns into a month. 2 months after initially talking, we got together. i remember i couldn't stop smiling over how lucky i got. the person i love, who doesn't even reciprocate my feelings, was willing to give me a chance. i talked about them whenever i had the chance; the word "boyfriend" felt so sweet on my tongue.

4 months and 18 days - that's how long we were together. i remember the breakup like it was yesterday. because i once thought i wouldn't ever go through one, let alone cry myself to sleep a few nights because of it. but that wouldn't be the first time i've done that because of them - but even despite all the anguish i've experienced throughout this period, i was (and still am?) in love with them.

simply because of the fact that i was in love with them.

i acknowledged how strong and powerful romantic and sexual attraction can be, now that i experience it. though i still think people exaggerate the overall experience, their words now hold some truth for me. and to tell you the truth,

i am scared of feeling this way for someone else.

i just can't imagine myself experiencing such highs for a real person that isn't them. it feels like an absolute betrayal - to my past self, to them, to my current self. it just seems impossible. plus, feeling like a late bloomer makes me feel like shit. but if there's one thing this experience taught me,

it's that anything really can happen.

this journey is still ongoing - i'm unlabeled, still kinda in love with my ex (who is also my friend haha) and the future is uncertain. maybe i'll go back to being labeled, maybe i'll get over them, maybe both, maybe neither.

but for now, i'm unlabeled. because i'm not something to be defined.

i'm someone to be experienced.

if you read all that then thank you for listening to me ramble lol idk i just feel like talking about myself. it still feels like people don't really know me idk idk i was kinda being cheesy and stuff but hey when else am i supposed to be amirite

i will try to come up with topics for the upcoming days hehehe

#shut up safar #feels like i need a new talk tag but idk #also i am NOT tagging main tags here lmfao #this is too embarrassing

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alltimefail-sims · 11 months ago

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Time to clean out my inbox!

Sorry it takes me forever to respond, but if you've sent me an ask recently that hasn't been answered it is more than likely under the cut! ↓

Honestly I don't know that Erwin has one mortal enemy so much as he doesn't trust 90% of people in general! He sees everyone as a threat and assumes the worst about *most* people until they prove otherwise. That's just how he is, unfortunately. :(

But at the start of my story he hates Ted Roswell with a fiery passion and doesn't trust him for shit. I'd argue Ted and the authorities of Strangerville (any military or high-ranking police) are his absolute enemies and he wants to burn their whole world down. In general Erwin hates authority though and always has. He's not fond of Meredith Roswell either, but mostly sees her as harmless and just as in-the-dark about her husband as everyone else is.

Before Strangerville there were many people who bullied or ostracized him, but he wouldn't call them his enemies because he didn't really care what they thought of him then, and certainly doesn't pay them any mind now! He does have a particularly difficult/toxic ex that has a brief cameo in the story though... they're not enemies but damn close lmao!

I love the Hunger Games! I went through a dystopian novel obsession in the mid 2010s that hasn't worn off yet (lol). I'm a bit behind in that I haven't read The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes yet, but I'm actively in the tag so I pretty much know the whole plot lol. I'm hoping to receive the book as a Christmas gift this year so I can reread all the books together and be fully involved in the fandom again!!

Also, for the record, I'm Team Peeta! I love him. Katniss and Peeta are *chef's kiss* to me. Additionally, I have limited information on Lucy Gray Baird but I love her too and will protect her from all the female-protag haters and President Snow apologists!! Get behind me, Lucy!

Yes! Erwin has always been really tall! His whole family are giants with his dad being the tallest at 6 feet and nearly 5 inches tall and his older sister Maggie being the shortest at 5 feet 10 inches tall...which is still quite tall in my opinion!

In my story he started "officially" transitioning (doing testosterone therapy, going by a different name, binding, etc.) somewhere around 14 years old. He came out to his sister and then his parents a year prior though (he was around 13) and knew he was trans long before then!

No worries, thanks for asking for clarification! You don't sound stupid. I'll try to explain to the best of my ability, speaking mostly on Wren and Victor's specific situation.

In a lot of cases labels, such as the nonbinary label, primarily serve as a way to transmit information. It tells people "This person does not personally subscribe to the gender binary of male or female." But a nonbinary person can still have a sexual identity like gay or lesbian or they might subscribe to being pan or bisexual. Every couple, every situation, and every person is different. In some cases having a partner who identifies as a certain binary sexuality like gay/lesbian/straight might cause the nonbinary person dysphoria, so the cis-partner might consider this if they begin to date a nonbinary person and ultimately decide they want to identify as pan or bi moving forward! Again, it's ultimately between the people in the couple. Labels are just that: they can be subject to change or stay the same forever... both are okay!

But in the way a cis man dating a trans woman does not negate his ability to personally identify as straight, or a bisexual woman like myself being married to a man does not negate the fact that I'm bisexual, Victor being a cis-man and dating Wren who is nonbinary does not inherently negate his ability to personally identify as gay. At least in Wren's case, it wouldn't bother them to be with a cis-male who would personally identify as gay. In fact, Wren identifies as nonbinary and gay, preferring male-presenting sims. For Wren identifying as nonbinary is more about the freedom of expression and the freedom to exist authentically in whatever way they're feeling, so Wren doesn't feel gender dysphoria if someone associates them with a gender binary, they just don't prefer it that way. That's just Wren's personal experience though; another nonbinary person might feel completely different and that's valid, too! I think there's no singular, easy answer that would cover every situation or every person's personal preference because gender and sexuality are a vast spectrum and they aren't mutually exclusive. The most important thing is that everyone in the relationship is communicating, respecting, and validating each other's identities and boundaries.

The term you might be looking for is Diamoric: Diamoric can be used by nonbinary people as an umbrella term to describe how their own presentation of gender coincides with their sexual preferences, but it can also be used to describe relationships in which one or more of the partners is non-binary, including relationships where one of the members is binary! I haven't personally heard this one used casually though, but just because something isn't popularized or common doesn't mean it isn't a valid and helpful term or identity to know.

That being said, "Queer" is a pretty common umbrella term you'll see used by someone who might want to have a simple, all-in-one indication of their gender and sexuality preferences.

I hope that I was able to effectively explain this, but as always feel free to pop by for clarification if you need it. You can't learn if you don't ask! <3

#atfs ask #anon #strangerville outtakes #erwin pries #oc: wren #oc: victor mcclain #nonsims

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iatrophilosophos · 2 months ago

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I feel like we probably have a semantic/langauge use disagreement more than anything

I peaked around at ur appalachia tag and the medium piece you wrote cuz I'm curious and I don't know that I disagree with most of ur foundational points, and the facts square with my own understanding of history. I will say that I think the term "appalachian" is useful to talk about culture, region and history from north Georgia to Pennsylvania where different cultural enclaves exist but are all broadly shaped by similar geographical, historical, and ecological conditions--but, ill concede that many of the examples I'm thinking about are things that Mountain People the world over might broadly have in common in some version or another, especially where many generations of mountain dwelling intersect with settler colonialism. More importantly, the fact that people in these cultural groups are subject to applachianification CREATES the cultural position it seeks to identify, and I think that's worth being able to talk about.

Honestly I don't have the strongest position here bc I was ready to go to bat for the local cultural niche I participate in and care about, but that really doesn't seem to be the thing you're against, moreso the rest of the worlds taxonimization and homogenization of that niche. Correct me if I'm wrong. I think appalachian identity is important to me because it grounds me where I am and how I got here--i am very much a product of this process, I come from a line of white trash liberals who gratefully joined, aided and abetted full assimilation into whiteness because they resented their parents and grandparents for failing to be good colonialist-progressives. I came back to the mountains, live in a holler and pursue uncivilized ways of living for a lot of reasons, many of them around trying to survive collapse and have resources to materially support others, but also because reckoning with my positionality in settler colonialism by Completing the process as it applies to my position and resigning myself to city-dwelling rootlessness has been deeply miserable and very much not in alignment with goals I care about, including anticolonialism.

But, I recognize when most people say Appalachian it does not really carry understanding of this as an identity term being part of/born from a homogenizing nationalist project, much less with adequate criticism attached, so I get being against all that and can relate in some ways.

“Appalachian” as a demographic was invented by a northerner who wanted to sell the region as a potential nationalist enclave to northern philanthropists worried about immigration which operates by positioning the region’s settlers as an oppressed indigenous population. A sign saying “nothing in this holler is worth dying for” is about as clear a statement of settler colonial violence as you can make. Seeing it misconstrued/recontextualized by libs wanting to recuperate the identity into this twee cryptid Twin Peaks shit is kind of staggering.

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olderthannetfic · 2 years ago

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I'm in a weird limbo like "have I never had the desire to be in a relatioship or having sex with someone because I'm somewhere on the aroace spectrum, because I've never really had examples of healthy romantic relationships around me and I'm just too much of a romantic towant no-strings-attached sex, or because deep down I know I'm weird and unlovable? were the rare things I identified as crushes I never really wanted to act on for some reason on people I actually knew rather than just safely untouchable celebrities *real* crushes or just some kind of aesthetic attraction?" and I have been there for years tbh. I think I have a libido, because I have kinks and because every once in a while I feel the need to jerk off, but when I see other people talk about masturbation and especially sex as a *urgent* need that presents itself very regularly and can fuck you up if you ignore it, my instinctive response is disbelief, like "you mean that's not just a smut trope??" *Especially* when it comes to sex, because then I'm like "surely you don't need a partner and jerking off is just as good???" Then again, sometimes I think I may not even jerk off right, because I get wet but I'm pretty sure I only had a orgasm once and that's fine with me, really.

Despite all of that, I love romance (books, movies, hell even quote-collages on tumblr), and erotica, and kinky fic and fanart, especially if it's porn with feelings (which to me is really more like... all kinds of heightened feelings, including negative ones) but sometimes I also like "cold prickly" stuff (does anyone use that distinction anymore? Like, warm fuzzy/cold prickly). I can actually get very emotional over it all! I can definitely get aroused from the horny stuff, but usually most I get out of it is aesthetic/sensual/emotional pleasure. Every once in a blue moon I even watch porn, even if I prefer short clips/previews to longer stuff because I find that boring/the attempts at plot and dialogue make cringe. Sometimes I even think "oh, if I ever had the opportunity to try that irl, I think I'd like to take it" about kinks I've read about or watched.

And then, most of the fic I write is smut, romance, or a combination of the two. I love shipping as a thing to do myself and as phenomenon to read up on, and the same goes for kink in shipping. It's all so interesting and fascinating, romance and sex and kink and all the things that go with them in fiction, pro or fannish. My blog is full of stuff like that, so is my AO3, so are my conversations in fannish spaces.

It's just... I don't really fantasize about romance or sex in ways that involve myself. Or people I know. Or people who aren't clearly non-existing fictional characters. The only times when I do are when I consciously make an effort to to try and figure myself out I guess? Like, would I like this thing the way it's portrayed in fiction? Yes, I'm pretty sure I would. Would I enjoyed the more realistic stuff that would probably go with it irl? I'm not sure because the thought of it is already stressing me out but what if I'm just childish/weak-willed/a horrible person who's horrible at interacting with other people like a normal human being? Could I think of a type of person, man or woman or nb, I could try to make an effort for? Not really.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... brains are weird. People are weird. And anonymous or sem-anonymous online spaces are places where you can just, idk, take a bit of weight off it. Not constantly worry if your interests align with your identity (or, uh, I guess attempts at identity in my case) in the right way. Love romantic love and the ways people talk about it a weird amount even if that's not the way you feel about it in your own life, even.

(... leaving aside that having a set of hyperspecific tags for variations on the same subject, if I got what that anon was saying, doesn't really sound like a good way of organizing a blog to me, lol)

FWIW, most descriptions of masturbation are very cis man oriented and narrow even considering that. Orgasm is not always the goal of masturbation if you're the kind of person who can hang out all afternoon doing it.

And fantasizing only about fictional characters and/or scenarios not involving oneself is pretty common. It can mean you're asexual, but I don't think it has to. I think it's just widely ignored by sexuality researchers, and only asexuals trying to self describe have elaborated on the subject much. It's a pet peeve of mine that I've sent more than one rude letter to sexuality researchers about over the years.

I think people can organize their blogs how they like, but people going "Unf. I want them so bad!" and meaning it ~aesthetically~ instead of hornily is a pet peeve of mine in the same way that those dumbass people using the "submissive and breedable" meme and claiming it's not a horny thing are. So I'll avoid blogs I notice doing that.

(LOL. As if I'd notice. We all know I only read my activity page and not my dashboard. But still.)

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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 4 years ago

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Hi, first off I ship Zutara and I come in peace. I was pointed your way by a friend when I asked for people who ship kataang who are nevertheless willing to hear different views. I have lurked on blog a week and finally got up my nerve to ask how you or any other Kataang can deny that the last part of book 3 was completely Zutara but then stopped abruptly with no buildup? You can finesse tone on text so I'm not being sarcastic or bitchy, it is a serious question (1/5)

In The Southern Raiders, Katara realizes she has been wrong about Zuko. In Ember Island Players, she realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was, and in the finale, Katara does not care a whit that Aang is gone. I am serious and as someone who is no Aang stan but likes him, I’m actually annoyed by how little anyone cared about his disappearance. It went from “Aang’s gone!” to “Okay whatever, let’s find Iroh so he can kill Ozai.” (2/5)

Katara was all over Zuko (honestly, again not being a jerk) in the finale until for whatever reason, she wasn’t. She was giving him a pep talk about Iroh, she was going with him to Azula, she was healing him and saying he saved her not the other way around. I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic. I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed. (4/5)

And then literally at the end, Mai shows up after Zuko not talking about her at all for six episodes and declares herself Zuko’s girlfriend. And Katara kisses Aang after being annoyed with and by him arguably since The Southern Raiders. I get that Kataang “won” and I’ve made peace with that, but ... I can’t understand why Kataang shippers are okay with such a crap story. I swear on my gmom [sic] if they’d done this for [Zvtara], I’d be mad as hell. So I don’t understand, I really don’t. (5/5)

As always, I shall begin with a disclaimer: anon, you do not have to agree with this post. No one has to agree with this post, as it is strictly my own thoughts on the subject matter raised here! As per usual, I will not be putting this in the main tags - much less the Zvtara tag! - because I have basic fandom decency, lmao. If you (the general you, not anon specifically) do disagree with this post, that is totally fine, I simply ask that you are polite in expressing your disagreement (if you choose to do so at all! no one is expected to, lmao. i promise).

Alright. Formalities are out of the way!

I’ll admit I giggled a little bit when you say you lurked on my blog for a week, because I’ve actually talked about this subject numerous times in the past! I just found it funny you hadn’t stumbled across any posts about it yet, lol. So, as a heads up, know that I will be providing several links in this post since - again - this subject and related subjects have been analyzed a multitude of times before. I highly recommend reading them all! Mostly because I don’t intend to spend forever restating what’s been said over and over and over lmaooo. I will provide the resources, but it is up to each individual to take advantage of them.

To begin: your ask actually contains a few logical fallacies, anon! I do not mean this as shade or to belittle you - I fall victim to this issue all the time myself. Anyone who writes analyses or participates in debates does! Humans are imperfect and often like to cut corners to reach a conclusion. It is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about because - as the existence of your ask in inbox indicates - you are willing to learn more. So kudos to you, my friend!

Alright. So what logical fallacies am I talking about here? (For the record: specific definitions of logical fallacies were taken from here.)

1. Hasty Generalization.

“A hasty generalization is a general statement without sufficient evidence to support it.” Numerous claims are made in this ask that I have absolutely no doubt you believe to be true, anon, but there really isn’t any concrete evidence to support it! I will go into more detail later, of course, but let’s quickly look at one example:

“In Ember Island Players, [Katara] realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was…”

For the time being, I will ask but one question: from the show itself, not fanon, how do you know this?

2. Causal Fallacy

Ah, this guy. My own worst enemy, tbh! “A causal fallacy is any logical breakdown when identifying a cause,” of which there are several types. “One causal fallacy is the false cause or non causa pro causa (‘not the-cause for a cause’) fallacy, which is when you conclude about a cause without enough evidence to do so.” In your ask, you claim:

“I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed.”

Again, for the time being, I will ask only one question: from the show itself, not fanon, what led you to believe this statement?

“Another kind of causal fallacy is the correlational fallacy also known as cum hoc ergo propter hoc (Lat., ‘with this therefore because of this’). This fallacy happens when you mistakenly interpret two things found together as being causally related.” In your ask, you claim:

“Katara was all over Zuko (honestly, again not being a jerk) in the finale until for whatever reason, she wasn’t. She was giving him a pep talk about Iroh, she was going with him to Azula, she was healing him and saying he saved her not the other way around. I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic.”

I will ask one question: from the show itself, not fanon, why would you believe these are indicative of romance? (Consider the context the show is situated in, too - e.g. the war, Katara being Azula’s only available match in skill, etc.)

The reason I bring up the issue of logical fallacies is again not at all to make you feel bad, anon!! You were simply trying to express your point to me and I greatly appreciate you taking the time to do so. See, your ask actually presents a larger fandom trend:

Misconstruing fanon as canon.

What you have offered to me, anon, are fanon conclusions. To clarify: there is absolutely nothing wrong with fanon. I adore fanon interpretations (an example I have used in the past is Kuzaang - like, I don’t care that there’s no canon basis! I do what I want lmao!), but a line has to be drawn between exploring fanon interpretations and expecting everyone to take that fanon as canon. Again, anon, this is not your fault! It is not any one person’s fault, lmao. It is an issue of fandom as a whole, and all of us fall victim to it.

With that in mind, I will break down the different components of your ask. I will also do my best to be brief - as aforementioned, I and others have analyzed this issue numerous times before, lmao. To avoid confusion, it would be best to read through each or at least most links as they are provided!

Firstly, there are two posts I have made in the past that almost directly answer your overarching question here in this ask. Please read them prior to continuing, as I will occasionally reference them:

This post explains how Zvtara was not built up from TSR/EIP-onwards, and how their supposed “canon enemies to lovers arc” is a completely fanon construction.

This post explains the issue of the “canon Zvtara” rhetoric from rabid zkers (and you, anon, are absolutely NOT one, in case you were worried).

Alrighty. With that out the way, let’s get into it!

“In The Southern Raiders, Katara realizes she has been wrong about Zuko.”

Gotta start by saying that TSR is not about Zuko. TSR is, first and foremost, about Katara. Katara does not realize she was wrong about Zuko, because here’s the truth - she wasn’t wrong about him. Zuko did horrible things to the Gaang. Katara was not wrong to hold him accountable for that. What Katara does realize is that holding such rage so close to her chest is bad for her. This rage was not solely anger against Zuko, either; it was of course about Yon Rha, too, but it was also anger towards Kya and Katara herself. Essentially, TSR is where Katara realizes she has to forgive herself. Zuko is only one part of her journey (similar to Aang’s role in the episode, if a different end of the spectrum).

This post explains how TSR was fundamentally about Katara.

Additional resources about TSR:

This post explains Aang’s comments to Katara in TSR and how Katara herself recognized their validity.

This post explains why both Aang and Zuko were important to Katara in TSR.

This post is an extensive breakdown of Aang and Katara’s relationship within TSR.

“In Ember Island Players, [Katara] realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was…”

You provide no context for this claim, so I’m going to work with the assumption this is about their reactions to the play itself and the infamous kiss!

There is something important we must keep in mind when discussing EIP: the play they watch is literally imperialist propaganda. It is meant to demean the entire Gaang, and indeed it does exactly that. You mention Katara and Aang specifically, so I will recap what I have explained before about their depictions in EIP: Katara, an indigenous woman, is hypersexualized and portrayed as overly emotional (and thus “irrational”). This reinforces the Fire Nation sentiment that women of the Water Tribes are less intelligent and less suited for “responsibility” than Fire Nation women. Aang, a pacifist and the sole survivor of genocide who is also canonly the male character most comfortable with femininity and spirituality, is portrayed as a flighty, airheaded woman (this is a well-known imperialist tactic meant to emasculate the target, seeing as masculinity was often equated with power in fascist regimes; thus, they effectively belittled Aang before the FN audience). This reinforces the Fire Nation sentiment that the Air Nomads were foolish, weak people who deserved to die.

In other words, of course Aang and Katara were upset about how they portrayed in the play. It is understandable that tensions would be running high and consequently that mistakes (we all know the one) would be made.

This post explains how EIP belittles each member of the Gaang (and why the play is not indicative of Zvtara).

This post talks specifically about EIP and their portrayal of Aang and Katara.

Now onto the kiss. As everyone knows and no one has ever disagreed with, Aang was wrong to kiss Katara. Point blank!

But what people do misunderstand is Katara and Aang’s feelings regarding the kiss. Given your above quote, I assume you believe Aang kissing Katara supposedly made her realize that Aang wasn’t as mature as she once thought. On the surface, this seems like a logical conclusion! But digging deeper reveals… well, there’s nothing that indicates this conclusion at all. Even jumping ahead to the finale, when Zuko has doubts over Aang’s return, Katara demonstrates her faith in Aang (although of course she’s nervous - I won’t deny the obvious, lmao) as she says, “Aang won’t lose. He’s gonna come back. He has to.”

In other words, nothing in canon suggests that Katara believes Aang is immature because of what happened in EIP. She still trusts in his return, as she did even before she knew him (and arguably is more confident in him now, given the 60~ episodes of them growing closer). Furthermore, when Aang does disappear, Katara doesn’t have an outburst about how “immature” it was for him to “run away again.” The viewers know Aang didn’t run away, of course (fans who insist he did are not worth arguing with, anon - they don’t understand the show, rip), but that is a luxury the rest of the Gaang is not afforded. And yet even though Aang has vanished off the face of the planet, Katara still believes he will save the world. If anything, that signifies the utmost confidence in his skill and maturity!

To go back to the kiss itself, this post explains the true source of Katara’s conflict in turning down Aang (hint: she says it herself in the episode! you know, the whole war going on) and why the EIP kiss did not sink Kataang’s relationship.

Additional sources about EIP:

This post explains how the EIP kiss was resolved through narrative parallels.

This post explains how the EIP kiss is so often blown out of proportion.

“… and in the finale, Katara does not care a whit that Aang is gone. I am serious and as someone who is no Aang stan but likes him, I’m actually annoyed by how little anyone cared about his disappearance. It went from ‘Aang’s gone!’ to ‘Okay whatever, let’s find Iroh so he can kill Ozai.’”

As I already touched upon, Katara didn’t need a soliloquy to emphasize her connection to Aang once he disappeared. She trusts that he will return. She says so herself. I guess I just don’t understand how you got from Point A, Katara has consistent faith in Aang, to Point B, Katara and the rest of the Gaang didn’t care about Aang’s disappearance. It’s honestly a bit more like Point A to Point Z, lmao! If you would like to expand on your logic here, I would love to hear more!!

There are a few specific aspects I want to note about your rationale, though. You argue the Gaang moves from ‘Aang disappeared’ to ‘let’s find Iroh,’ but the Gaang actually went from:

1. Aang disappeared!

2. They search the entire island for him.

3. Okay, they couldn’t find him, so they track down June and have her try to find Aang.

4. June says to them, “No, I mean he’s gone gone. He doesn’t exist.” (And she clarifies to Sokka that she doesn’t mean dead, either - she means Aang has totally blinked out of their world.)

5. Only after all of this do they decide to track down Iroh.

The Gaang cares immensely about the fact that Aang is gone, and you could actually argue they waste time by trying to track him down. They don’t give up until June essentially tells them that some Spirit World shenanigans were involved. Even if you don’t think they reached that specific conclusion, I have to ask: What else were they supposed to do? They were told Aang didn’t exist! How are they supposed to fix that?

Well, they can’t. So they do the next best thing: they find Iroh, the man who knows Ozai better than anyone and is also one of the most talented firebenders in the world. In my opinion, that’s a very logical step to take.

I’ll be blunt here, lol: in my opinion, nothing of what you listed in your ask is inherently romantic.

Okay. I am going to assume you’ve read the first two posts I linked earlier (“Zvtara did not have an E-L arc” and “the ‘canon’ Zvtara of rabid zkers has issues”), because I do not intend to rehash everything they contain, lol. Consequently, I presume you realize by now that there was no canon romantic interest between Zuko and Katara.

And as I always say, just because there wasn’t a canon romance doesn’t mean people can’t take fanon routes! Of course they can! That’s the entire point of fanon! But fanon is not canon, and I am strictly referring to canon in my discussions.

You claim Katara was all over Zuko, which in itself I don’t think is an accurate assessment, because she doesn’t really do anything with Zuko outside the three points you bring up (other than the June gag, which I addressed in one of the aforementioned linked posts). So I’ll go ahead and break down each instance you provide!

1. “[Katara] was giving [Zuko] a pep talk about Iroh”

Katara asked Zuko if he was okay. She asked him if he was genuinely sorry. She reassures him that Iroh will forgive him. That’s… all. Not to diminish the significance of this conversation, but it’s not exactly an intimate, romantically-charged discussion (unless fanon-ized). But on that note, let’s tackle the canon significance of this moment!

Katara knows firsthand the challenge of forgiving Zuko. And she knows that Zuko understands how hard it was for her to forgive him (note: Katara’s anger was totally justified, and anyone who disagrees is probably a rabid Zuko stan lmao). She also recognizes that Zuko is terrified it will take Iroh the same struggle to forgive him that Katara went through. This scene is not related to romance at all. It’s about compassion. It’s about Katara and Zuko’s friendship having progressed, slowly but surely, to the point where she’s not afraid to extend empathy to him anymore (seeing as the first time, beneath Ba Sing Se, did not go so well; you know - Aang died and all). It’s about Zuko recognizing his own fallibility (and the audience recognizing how much he’s grown). He questions how he can even face his uncle after all he’s done to the man, which is a far cry from his entitled attitude in TSR, where he demanded to know why Katara didn’t trust him when everyone else had forgiven him.

To make this moment, this moment about Zuko’s relationship with his uncle who is all but a literal father to him, this moment of vulnerability, of guilt, of remorse, of growth, to claim this powerful moment is about a nonexistent romantic relationship? In my opinion, that is incredibly reductive to what this scene is supposed to signify. And again, there is nothing wrong with people exploring such a possibility in fanon, but in canon? Nah. It doesn’t track.

2. “[Katara] was going with [Zuko] to Azula”

Don’t forget that at first, Zuko planned to take on Azula alone. He doesn’t request Katara to accompany him until Iroh tells him that he’ll need help. As such, Zuko’s immediate agreement with Iroh is reflective of his personal growth (Book 1 and 2 Zuko would have argued and insisted he didn’t need any help). It also demonstrates, however, that Katara was not obsessively on Zuko’s mind. He doesn’t choose Katara until Iroh points out that Zuko will need assistance in taking Azula down. This means that Zuko’s choice of Katara to join him is a tactical decision, not an emotional one. And by all accounts, it’s a damn good decision! Zuko witnessed firsthand beneath Ba Sing Se a) how powerful Katara was (e.g. that wave after Aang died) and b) how Katara was the only one who could take on Azula*.

Of course, besides the fact that Katara was the only match for Azula, who else was Zuko going to choose? Sokka and Suki, while talented in their own right, were no competition for Azula. Toph, while the greatest earthbender in the world, was needed to metalbend the airships. Katara was the only (and the best!) option.

Also, on their trip to face Azula, the only thing they talk about within their three lines of canon conversation are Azula and Aang. Not exactly a romantic flight, lmao.

*Zuko never saw Aang fight Azula on the drill.

3. “[Katara] was healing [Zuko] and saying he saved her not the other way around”

Actually, this is what the transcript says:

Zuko: Thank you, Katara.

Katara: I think I’m the one who should be thanking you.

You’re right about how their lines refer to them saving each other, but you posit it as a romantic moment, when the lines are actually pretty straightforward. Zuko thanks Katara as she heals him from the partially-redirected lightning strike, and Katara thanks him for trying to redirect the lightning away from her and in doing so saving her life. In terms of canon, there’s nothing romantic about this, lol! (Which I talked about extensively in the E-L post, if you need to reference it again.) The reason being is that you have to take the show itself into context when you do analysis. If there was no canon romantic buildup between Zuko and Katara, why would these lines in canon (not fanon! fanon is free rein, lmao) be interpreted through a romantic lens?

Well, they wouldn’t be interpreted as such. Plain and simple.

“I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic.”

Because looking through a canon lens, they aren’t romantic. That’s all. You are of course welcome to view them as such through a fanon lens!! It’s just about recognizing the line between canon and fanon.

“I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed.”

I asked earlier what content in the show itself led you to believe. I have wracked my own mind, and I cannot think of anything that would point to this conclusion. Zuko was in Katara’s good graces for 5 episodes. That’s 8% of the show. Not exactly a lot of time for Zuko to start believing his life would be pointless if Katara was killed, is it?

This post explains the improbability of Zuko having a crush on Katara within canon.

This post explains how Zuko’s racism towards the Air Nomads in TSR and the finale is, well, exactly that - racism (and not a sign of a crush on Katara).

And, of course, as has been said a million times, Zuko taking the lightning for Katara out of romantic interest would completely undermine his redemption arc. Since it has been said over and over and over, I will be brief: Zuko taking the lightning is significant because it is a selfless act (one of his only in the series), and it directly parallels his selfish act of choosing not to intervene when Azula killed Aang with lightning beneath Ba Sing Se. This moment demonstrates Zuko’s growth, how he has learned to accept unconditional love from Iroh and the Gaang and Mai and even Ty Lee and sure, even from Appa and Momo, too. To make this moment of pure selflessness about a nonexistent romance? To force a fanon romance in replacement of canon redemption and canon platonic significance?

Such a decision speaks wonders about a person’s priorities, in my opinion, as well as how amatonormativity impacts them.

Furthermore, Zuko’s choice cements Katara’s position as his surrogate sibling, as she is Azula’s primary foil. Zuko chooses the sister who heals over the sister who harms. I won’t go too much into it here, because it has already been talked about extensively before! Thus, I offer you this post that explains how Zuko and Katara - in canon - are positioned as surrogate siblings as well as Azula’s role in this matter. I also offer this post that lays out through screencaps how Zuko and Katara - in canon - treat each other like family.

Additional sources about the final Agni Kai:

This post in part discusses fanon misinterpretation of the final Agni Kai and why such a lens is not true to canon relationships.

This post explains why the final Agni Kai is not intended to be romantic.

This post explains how the final Agni Kai is primarily about Azula and how reducing it to be a big Zvtara moment is detrimental to both her and to Zuko and Katara themselves.

“And then literally at the end, Mai shows up after Zuko not talking about her at all for six episodes and declares herself Zuko’s girlfriend.”

This point could probably get a post of its own, lol, but fortunately I and others have already written a few! I will link them below - first, however, I question your choice of “declares.” Technically, yes, Mai does say outright that it doesn’t hurt how the new Fire Lord is her boyfriend, but your phrasing implies Zuko resisted her proclamation. When… he doesn’t. In fact, he embraces it, asking if that means she doesn’t hate him anymore (read: he asks if they’re back on good terms again). Zuko clearly doesn’t have a problem with the girl he loves wanting to be with him again - so why do some parts of fandom so adamantly insist he does? (Not you, anon - I am referring to the rabid fanoners, lol.)

Also, regarding how Zuko hasn’t talked about Mai for six episodes, we’ve gotta be realistic with this assessment in terms of canon:

1. It was the crux of the war. They were either going to live or die. There was no time for romance at this point! Sokka and Suki weren’t professing their love on the battlefield, lmao, so it’s not exactly strange that Zuko didn’t bust into a monologue about how he missed Mai. I think they were just a little bit distracted by the possible end of the world, lol, and all that jazz.

2. Zuko probably thought Mai was dead. He knows what Azula is like. He knows his sister doesn’t have time for people who get in her way (Aang can testify to this, lmao). So can you blame him for not wanting to think about how the girl he loved had died (to his knowledge) to save him?

You gotta cut the kid some slack, lol. Anyways! Additional sources about Maiko:

This post breaks down the notion of Maiko and “deserve.”

This post rationalizes through a canon lens why Mai’s arrival at the palace surprised Zuko.

This post is the mother of Maiko metas, explaining in tremendous detail why their relationships works, is relevant to canon, and was well-implemented for what its role was.

“And Katara kisses Aang after being annoyed with and by him arguably since The Southern Raiders.”

What in canon has led you to the conclusion that Katara was annoyed with Aang? What specific moments from TSR to the finale made you think Katara was annoyed with Aang and remained annoyed with Aang? Are there any, or are you thinking about fanon interpretation? (Canon vs fanon strikes again!)

In TSR, Katara explicitly thanks Aang for understanding her perspective. Nothing there is indicative of annoyance (and as in the links provided earlier, she was not angry at Aang/Zuko/etc. so much as she was at herself. well, she was a little bit angry with Zuko, lmao). In EIP, Katara is understandably angry at Aang’s decision to kiss her, but Aang completely backs off, and we see in the part 1 of the finale that there are no hard feelings or weird tension between them. Katara in fact actively expresses concern for Aang after Zuko sporadically attacked him when she demands of the firebender, “What’s wrong with you? You could have hurt Aang!” Even when Aang and Katara do butt heads later in the episode as Aang tries to think of a way to defeat Ozai without killing him, Katara doesn’t stay frustrated. Like I said - when she and Zuko are flying to Azula, she demonstrates her unwavering faith in Aang through her belief that he will return. So… where is the annoyance that you feel was present?

With all this mind, i.e. looking strictly at canon, Katara wasn’t annoyed with Aang during this time. Thus, Katara kisses Aang because she loved him. Because he backed off and gave her the space she needed to make a decision about if she wanted to be with him (hence Katara being the one to initiate the kiss). Because the issue was never about if she reciprocated his feelings (they both knew they loved each other) but rather it had to do with the war. At the end of the finale, the war is over, and there is nothing that prevents them from being together. Simple.

This post explains how Katara’s feelings for Aang develop throughout the series (and were not neglected, as rabid zkers like to claim, for some reason? again - you are not one of them, anon).

This post also covers Katara’s interest in Aang throughout the series.

“I can’t understand why Kataang shippers are okay with such a crap story.”

I mean, you definitely don’t have to ship Kataang. It may not be your cup of tea, and that’s totally okay! But as the above links demonstrate, Kataang was a fantastic story. It was well-implemented into the narrative from Day 1. The soulmateism is unparalleled!

Also, it’s worth noting that A:TLA itself was essentially pre-written. The writers knew how the story would end from the get-go, including that the show would end with Kataang. A few Zvtara gags were thrown in to add a sense of “who will Katara choose?” drama as the show aired, but Zuko and Katara were never planned to end up together. One reason so many newer fans are fine with Kataang from the start is that there’s no tension of waiting a week for a new episode when you can watch all 61 episodes straight through on Netflix, lmao. It’s even more obvious now than when A:TLA was airing that Aang and Katara will end up together, if that makes sense. (Although I talked about this in the E-L post linked earlier, so you probably understand this point already, as it was explained in detail there!)

All of this is to say that Kataang is not a “crap story” in terms of writing (again, personal taste is a different matter) because it was woven in from the beginning and had powerful narrative significance! (Kataang represented numerous complementary components of the series, such as yin and yang, push and pull, air and water, Oma and Shu, etc.)

Now. If you really and truly want to understand why Kataang shippers like Kataang, anon, consider reading some Kataang fanfics or exploring some Kataang headcanons. I read fics involving Zvtara more regularly than you might think, lol, because… well, it’s just a ship. I understand the appeal of romantic Zvtara and I can actually appreciate it when it’s well-written! I’m sure if you’re willing to put in just a little legwork (you don’t need to go the whole mile, lmao - ‘tis just fandom), you’ll realize why people like Kataang, even if it isn’t exactly your thing. You have the range, anon!! You got this!

I hope I managed to answer your questions, my friend! As always, you do not have to agree with anything I have said here. It is totally fine if you and anyone else disagrees! Everything above is simply my own perspective on the matter. Thank you for taking the time to read my response and all the different links I provided! I hope it has expanded your understanding of the subject at hand!

#i spent all day writing this lmaooo #TWO WHOLE HOURS SPENT COMPILING LINKS #amy answers #anon #amy analyzes

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edenfenixblogs · 9 months ago

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I thank you so much. Truly. There are so few people reaching out, let alone making the effort to dismantle their own internalized antisemitism. I try to thank each one I come across individually.

This is not difficult, as the vast majority of encounters I have online these days involve someone I’ve never met calling me a genocidal zionazi despite my repeated affirmations that I’m not a Zionist and am pro-Palestine myself.

You can imagine that seeing posts like yours are really rare and so wonderfully appreciated. Nobody operating in good faith is asking you to be ANTI-Palestine. All we are requesting is for you to consider global Jewish welfare and to be neither pro-Palestine nor pro-Israel, but pro-peace. Peace is the only thing that will end the conflict. And peace can never mean the death or erasure of those with whom one disagrees. The goal must always be to honor culture, recognize shared and often painful history, and reconcile that history with current realities and future goals.

Some Things To Help On Your Journey:

The Shortlist: Here is, at the time of writing, my current most popular post. It is a short list of 6 links to my other posts on topics affecting Jewish people during the conflict right now. These topics include identifying and dismantling ingrained antisemitic conspiracy theories that are likely to affect your perspective, actionable ways to be a good ally to Jewish people that do not involve dismissing Palestinian suffering or needs, verifiable statistics on the dangers Jews face as an extreme minority worldwide, the emotional toll of antisemitism on Jewish people, the ways in which death threats can masquerade as activism, information on what it is like for a Jewish child to learn about the holocaust and how it is unacceptable for any western leftists to have less knowledge about the Holocaust than the average Jewish seven-year-old, and finally media literacy and examples of bad-faith re blogging and irresponsible link sharing.

Other people like you: Goyim who are fighting for peace and dismantling antisemitism without dismissing the needs of Palestine and its people. Until you dismantle your own antisemitism or at least commit to the process of doing so (Yes, you have it. Just like white people all have white privilege. It doesn't make you a bad person. But knowing it exists and not examining it might), you might either distrust Jewish people in general or come off as unintentionally hostile to Jews who are in distress right now. A good way to learn is to listen to other goyim of a variety of different faith and cultural backgrounds who are using their platforms for positivity during this time. For you especially, I recommend: @noneedforbloodpressure (someone who, like you, started out with a little self-admitted tunnel vision, but who has taken every opportunity to transform into a valued friend and ally who has not in any way neglected prior commitments to respecting the needs and grief and dignity of palestinians), @wyf-of-bathe (extremely media literate with nuanced takes on a range of subjects related to this conflict. does his research and does it well), @faggotry-enjoyer (regularly reblogs my posts while making excellent additions and often taking up the slack on the rare occasions where I am simply and admittedly too triggered to respond with the amount of links and resources I wish I could provide every time. A wonderful friend and ally who has a nuanced mind and an open heart), and @arandomshotinthedark (another excellent friend who regularly interrogates their own mindset and make beautiful additions to my posts to provide greater understanding, clarity, and credibility). There are so, so many wonderful allies that you'll find as a result of interacting with these blogs, but I'm hesitant to publicly share their usernames, because they have provide support more privately or primarily through replies and tags, and I don't wish to expose them to the extreme amount of hatred I receive in my attempt to give them the praise and gratitude they deserve.

MediaBiasFactCheck.com and their web browser extensions: If you plan to post publicly in any way about this conflict, you need to understand how to evaluate a source as well as the information that it contains. And, because this conflict is so full of misinformation and disinformation, your standard for what qualifies as a good source should be extremely high. You can find more info about this in my posts tagged with #Media Literacy.

The Alliance for Middle East Peace: Soooooo many western movements that discuss the i/p conflict directly counteract the goals and wishes of the people most affected -- the people actually living in Israel and Palestine. AllMEP is a collection of over 160 organizations devoted to fostering peace in the Middle East/North Africa led by real, actual Israelis and Palestinians working together. We should be following their leads.

Me: Anyone following me for even a few days knows that I have a greater than average (but not limitless) amount of patience and that I always operate in good faith. I'm sure comments on this post will attest to this, but if not, you can find evidence in tons of my other ones. Don't go around asking random Jewish people their opinions on Israel or Palestine or assuming you know what their opinions are. It's fraught. And many will be unable to articulate their opinions without being triggered and being unable to express themselves well. Because of my patience, the best possible thing I can do in this conflict is to offer myself up as a resource to those like you who wish to actually create positive change and increase their understanding of Jewish people, culture, and history as they do the real, hard work of fighting for peace rather than any one side. If you have questions, send me an ask or a message. I'm happy to help. I have one rule only: Please be kind. I have both patience and willingness to educate, but I'm still human and am very much emotionally affected by the ongoing conflict as well as the ongoing death threats I receive.

My tags: You can find a ton of examples of what antisemitism in leftist spaces looks like and how it functions under my tag #leftist antisemitism. I also have a broader #antisemitism tag. I also have tags devoted to fostering #jewish muslim solidarity (and similar tags for Arabs, Palestinians, and goyim in general), and #media literacy, among many, many others. Click around and explore as you wish. Ask questions if something stands out to you. People being afraid of good faith, uncomfortable conversations are what is causing such widespread fear for everyone right now.

Non-Jewish friends of Jews, a question:

There is something I fundamentally do not understand about your behavior right now. No, I am not currently talking to the non-Jewish friends who have made it clear that they consider anything less than a call for the destruction of Israel and the displacement of Israeli Jews to be an evil secret Zionist. I understand you. Your position is clear.

I am asking specifically about the friends who say that they are in the Free Palestine movement but also that they support their Jewish friends and that they do not want harm to come to Jewish people in Israel or abroad.

Genuine actual question: how?

How have you been there for your Jewish friends? How have you supported them? How recently have you spoken to them? After sending an initial message of support, have you continued to check in on them? Have you asked if your action might be harmful to the Jewish community at large or to them personally? Do you respond to messages or posts they make about their experiences of antisemitism? Or do you ignore their messages on this topic? Do you talk to them about any topic?Have you distance yourself from them? Do you think they’ve noticed your distance? If you signal your support for Palestine with flags or watermelon, how do you signal that you are also safe for Jewish people to be around? Do you want other people to know you’re safe for Jewish people to be around? Why or why not?

Do you care that Jews in your life may be afraid of you personally? Why or why not? Is your response to these questions to explain that Palestinian pain is very important and requires attention right now? Do you believe the Jews in your life disagree with this? Or do you think Jews can hold pain for Palestine in their hearts and prayers and actions while also fearing a rise in antisemitism? What assumptions are you making about the Jewish people you know personally and the Jewish community in general?

#leftist antisemitism #antisemitism #allyship #Jewish goyim solidarity #jewish muslim solidarity #israel #palestine #i/p #pro peace

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unsettledink · 3 years ago

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From the Ask Game Post celebrating finishing Act 1 of Gotcha:

H: How would you describe your style?

Long post summed up:

I have a descriptive writing style that leans toward the rambling and poetic, but doesn't always concern itself overmuch with grammatical rules, which can be very grating. I like to use repetition, whether it's in sentence structure or themes or visuals, and I find it more interesting to explore the sensory details of a scene than the action.

Everything I write is informed first by the emotional line; the rest follows from there, and I want the POV as intimate as possible to better present those emotions. I'm not fond of making things clear and obvious when I can come at them sideways, from basic description all the way to endings.

I tend to overcompensate in areas I don't feel comfortable, and luckily that seems to benefit me more than hurt.

Long post NOT summed up lol:

Breaking things down and starting with the more grammar related things:

I use a lot of long, often rambling sentences that contain way too many commas – most of the time they are technically acceptable, but... I'm really pushing it. There are some sentences floating around that are well over 100 words long whoops. That's definitely a thing that many people dislike or find difficult to engage with, jut sort of starting to skim over the words.

I personally tend to think it has some link to my ADHD, the tendancy within that to way over explain and go on and on in an attempt to make sure every single bit of ground is covered so there's less of a chance to be misunderstood, which in fact actually leads to the opposite as it's too many words and thoughts for others to follow at one time.

I.e., the above. :D

And to go along with that, my unholy love of semi-colons, though I came late to them. What's that, I don't have to start a new sentence, I can simple structure it slightly different and stick a semi-colon in there instead? YOU DON'T SAY! Now my excessively long sentences can remain grammatically correct up to 200 words!

I don't think is actually a good goal. But in seriousness, I think semi-colons are wildly underused and not nearly as hard to figure out as people act like they are; they're really just a beefed up a comma that can fix comma splices and fragments all on their own. :p

I also love my rule of threes, but I feel like once I point that out it's ten times more obvious. D: Why list something twice when you could do it one more time and then it's a PATTERN and it MEANS something more! Why use one word to describe something when you could have the build of THREE????? Look I have a problem. And yes I actively stopped myself from tossing in another 'Why when you could' in there and yes it hurt a little not to and yes I slipped up and did it in this sentence instead whoops.

There's some small things that probably have more influence on my style than I realize – like, I try pretty hard to avoid starting subsequent paragraphs with the same word, which can get tricky when all the characters are he's or there's a lot of dialogue, so that forces me to vary up my sentence structure and length and such even more. I'm also not a fan of using dialogue tags other than said that often – it's an instant back button for me if every single tag is something else my god why – so trying to keep myself from sliding into that or even 'said adverbly' pushes me to find other ways to show those same emotions and atmosphere.

I also – despite making it most of the way through a creative writing major – don't like... understand grammatical concepts easily. It's a weird thing, because I think learning about it is so cool and finding the terms for things I do or see is really exciting – I wish I could find a good book that went into real detail rather than being just about academic writing or english as second language – but if you hand me a sentence and ask me to identify parts, ummmm. I can probably give you the subject and verb. I can't even always remember which are adjective and which are adverbs lol. It's not like that matters in day to day life or anything, but I like having clear, specific terminology to talk about things with.

(This definitely happened because I read SO MUCH when I was younger, like at least a book a day for years and years and years and 'adult' books from early on. So that taught me to instinctively recognize what things should or should not look like/sound like, but I can't tell you why. It also means learning new languages is next to impossible for me because I don't have that base knowledge to grasp simple concepts.)

The biggest thing that falls about equally under grammar and style is this... bad habit I have. I've actively tried to tone it down in Gotcha, (and I need to go back to the first few chapters and fix them a little more) but there are definitely fics where I went way overboard with it, not even realizing at the time.

I tend to have a sentence, then drop the subject (or like, an entire clause lol) of the next sentence/s, if it's the same subject, creating sentence fragments. But in my head, it's clear those sentences are linked together, so it's not unclear or really a fragment, right???

(Examples and how I could NOT be lazy and fix it:)

“Uh,” Peter says. Pauses and ducks his head, like he’s embarrassed about this, ridiculous.

(“Uh,” Peter says; he pauses, ducking his head like he's embarrassed about this, which is ridiculous.)

But— it's been easy to talk like this, to Peter. To tell him things that he doesn't have to worry will go any further than the space between their bodies, curled close to each other. To talk to Peter, when he doesn't have to see his face, just a sliver of light in his eyes and a darker patch of space.

(But-- it's been easy to talk like this to Peter, to tell him things that Tony doesn't have to worry will go any further than space between their bodies, curled close to each other. It's been so much easier to talk to Peter when Tony doesn't have to see his face, just a sliver of light in his eyes and a darker patch of space.)

He turns his head to look at Peter, curled up on his stomach, face smashed into the pillow. Three months, and Peter thought it was worth celebrating. Had wanted to celebrate it, even if Tony was clueless about it.

(He turns his head to look at Peter, curled up on his stomach, face smashed into the pillow. It's only been three months, and Peter thought that was something worth celebrating. Peter had wanted to celebrate it, even if Tony was clueless about it.)

I could get all fancy and try to say I'm attempting to stylistically combine subject ellipsis with yoked sentences or something, but the reality is that I'm mostly being too lazy to go back and restructure things to work with my good friend the semi-colon, or just stick the damn subject back in there. I think part of it stems from wanting avoid starting sentences over and over with 'he' or someone's name, but that's just lazy writing.

I don't dwell on it too much and have mostly accepted it as a stylistic quirk; I really do think that when limited, in certain contexts it works well to create something a bit breathless (whether it's the long 'can't stop to take a breath there are so many things to get out' type or the 'can't catch my breath enough to get full sentences out' type) or stream of conscious-like. It can work well in sex scenes, or when you're deep in someone's thoughts But I know it's something that specifically drives a lot of people nuts and they can't stand to read much of it at all, and that's totally fair! They're even technically correct!

Then you get more into the purely stylistic areas!

I've been told, often, both in the fanfic world and outside it, that I have a 'very poetical style'. I think that's not inaccurate - for a long time I wrote far more poetry than prose. At some point, there started to be a significant amount of bleed over, where I was consistently hearing that my poetry felt almost prose like, and my prose almost poetry like (in a positive way 90% of the time, at least). What exactly makes something more poetry or prose like is a while other matter that I find a little baffling, honestly.

(I say, as I immediately sit down to think about it for too long.)

There's something very interesting to be said about the way poetry tends toward... a sparseness, trying to make a few words do the work of many, while at the same time being very descriptive rather than straightforward, trying to communicate these emotions and ideas and concepts through written out images and metaphors. It tends to feel very intentional (though that's often a LIE lol).

I think about that, and then I think about my adoration of the strict drabble, the older ONLY definition of exactly 100 words, of how challenging and fun it is to write those, how it really stretches your writing abilities sometimes. Having a specific concept and a specific number of words, having to be very intentional about every single one of them and yet still ending up three words over, trying to pick through it and figure out which ones to eliminate that leads to just rewriting the whole thing only now you're five words under-- I realize that sounds like hell for a lot of people, but I think it's so fucking cool. Or god, even better, three sentence fics. Admittedly I feel like I cheat at those a little, but technically they're still three sentences!!! >.> (I could go on about short form fic don't get me going.)

And that mindset can carry over to much longer things as well, though it's a little hilarious to say that in the context of Gotcha, where I have 100% indulged my every whim and cut nothing. (Not true actually! I have a whole document full of scenes and conversations and entire interactions that had to go.)

On the flip side of that, going to that very descriptive sort of sideways approach to depicting things, which is something I think I tend to do? I don't know, this thought isn't quite as formed in my head. Just, using five different ways to express something rather than SAYING it.

There are also some things I am honest to god just terrible at. Plot is the biggest overarching one. I just... I literally cannot conceptualize a plot on it's own, if that makes any sense. It's easier when it's fanfic, because I can do more of a ninety degree angle of 'but what if' instead of starting from scratch, but otherwise, I can only form this sort of vague linking of a couple events and god, it's so boring to try and figure out more. This is why, until now, I haven't written long things.

Seriously! Pre 2019, I think my most of my works hovered between 100 words to 1000. I had one long thing and while I love it and the concept, I didn't put it together well. (I dream of finding the time to go back and redo it someday, for all three readers lol.) Even now, most of my recent fic that's gotten over 10k is only because I like to drag those sex scenes OUT.

And I think I struggle with plot because I don't think in terms of plot. I think in terms of emotion. It's like the very very far end of the 'plot driven vs character driven' scale? Almost everything I write comes from an emotion first, and follows the emotional line more than anything. A more traditional plot may form around it, but even if it does, I'm not thinking of it that way?

Like, say alternate Aegis ending A) – I guess the plot is, uh, Quentin doesn't die and how do they deal with that now, with Peter having bonded him and SHIELD wanting his head and Quentin still wanting all the adoration? But that's not what I'm writing about. I'm writing about how this furious, horribly vulnerable version of Quentin manages to find a way to have even the smallest amount of trust in Peter, how he's navigating the push pull of what he wants (and has had to suppress wanting) and what his new, completely different from him Alpha wants, how Peter can find a way to repair things when Quentin has this ingrained distrust and has literally just had it violated even more by Peter. At it's core, it's a story about trust, and I have to deal with these obnoxious things like 'well what does Fury do while they're figuring it out?' Ugh, I don't know! Who cares! Not me! Why can't they just sit and have a lot of feelings at each other??

Except it's fanfic, so they can! :D

That got considerably off track um. Right. The point there was that one of the things that I think makes my writing seem more poetry like is that intense focus on emotion, and use of emotional reactions to show other things.

(I'm also really terrible at creating new characters, which is why I'll probably never bother to publish stuff. Fanfic has the bonus of characters that we're already attached to and that have already been developed, so I can skip making you care and just dig straight into the finer points of characterization mmmmm.)

Linked closely with that are a couple other things:

Because I want the focus to be on the emotions, I also want that POV to be as close and intimate as possible. In Gotcha we're incredibly far into Quentin's head, which we need because Quentin is deliberately blind to his own emotions (and also how else can we have any sympathy for such a godawful person). I'm almost always going to go with close limited third, and will struggle to even switch out chapters in the same fic with different POV's. And I really like to write that POV using a character that's not reliable – not necessarily deliberately so, but by their very nature – either insane or damaged or distinctly off human norm.

(You know what my absolute favorite POV is? Second person. Oh my GOD I love second person POV and I almost never ever see it in fic, much less done well, and most of the published books I've read in it use it as more of a gimmick than in earnest – when it's even actual second and not like, hybrid with parts in a different POV or straight up LYING to me about being second Raven Tower I'm looking at you. Again don't get me started.)

Also probably because I'm fixating on the emotions, I tend to focus a lot on sensory details. There's not a lot of me automatically thinking to describe rooms or environments, unless there's some sort of interesting lighting situation going on, but I am all about the tactile feel and smell and taste and sound of things. Sound ends up being more prominent then the other in Gotcha, I think, but it depends on the fic.

I think those senses are something people forget about all too easily, and I tend to say it's one of the easiest ways to make your sex scenes more interesting. Hell, if you're worried about the choreography of it or just don't want to bother, you can drop ninety percent of that and focus entirely on those sensory details, lay out just how much they're overwhelming the character and it'll be as hot as any graphic sex scene. It's totally my fall back when I'm not getting anywhere with 'when dick goes in where how'.

(That said I do seem to bounce between that type of sex scene and 'I will now describe every single movement made in great detail' type, Idk why. I think I'm terrible at like, fight choreography or just people moving around, but feel pretty comfortable and confident in the sex choreography. Though that's possibly because it's something I've put concerted effort into, a subject for another time.)

I've had to put a deliberate effort into the sort of environment/scene setting stuff a lot more, writing Gotcha, and it's so haaaaaard. Shorter fics, or smut fics, I can get away with 'eh they're in a bedroom there's a bed it's fine', but since Quentin and Peter spend so much goddamn time on that couch, I have to figure out how to keep it from becoming scene after scene of talking heads, or find things for them to do while they're out and about so I can get to the conversation I really WANT to write, and I'm always like... but how do people people? Catch me googling 'scenes of people walking down the street' because I have never seen another human being in my life, apparently. It ebbs and flows depending on how much energy I had to put into any one scene, because it's one of the first things to go.

Sticking with sex scenes though, that highlights something else I think I tend to do, and not just during the smut (though it's more noticeable there), which also goes back to that vague thing I had about approaching things sideways. Sex scenes in particular are almost never about the sex itself; I've had them called fraught or tense often, and I think it's because they might be fucking, but the narrative is really about something else, some emotion (lol surprise) or conversation or fight or connection, that just happens to be accompanied by orgasms.

Honestly, even when I start with sex, like for kinktober, the thing that makes it work when I'm writing is finding that underlying emotion that the fic is really about, that drives the character's desire for that kink. That's true even when characters are doing some activity that isn't sex or sitting around emoting, they're doing it because it's a cover for the real underlying content they're not ready to be open about or acknowledge. So apparently I don't like directness!

With those underlying things, too, I'm a big fan of themes and threads that are drawn through the entire work, especially if there's a big payoff for it, but even if there isn't! Even if I'm the only one who probably notices! It makes me happy to have it there, that inner lit nerd that likes to take things apart geeking out. :) (Ask me about Gotcha's sometime actually don't lol I'll never shut up and also spoilers.)

Ooooo, and how titles can tie into that and introduce a whole other level that I know mostly people don't care about lol. Then slightly different from that are the themes I return to again and again, so I think seeing those crop again becomes part of my style as well – like, terrible comparison, but you don't got to a Nolan movie expecting a clear, simply presented narrative lol (and there's probably going to be some sort of weird time distortion shit going on). It used to be that you don't read an unsetteld fic without expecting some character death, but that's pretty much a thing of the past.

Oh and with endings - I like my open endings! I like them ambiguous or dangling or emotionally completely but not plot wise, in writing and reading and watching things. You're very seldom going to find me annoyed about a 'what happened, really? Decide for yourself, this is a collaborative creative experience' @the-me09 don't kill me. I have had to force myself to be a little less so sometimes or add on just a few more hundred words to avoid being murdered in my sleep. (When we get there, I will 100% point out where the original ending for Gotcha was and sit back for people to scream at me.)

I always say I'm bad at dialogue and people disagree, which is very nice, but truthfully, it comes out as well as it does because I spend so much time and effort on it. I can bang out a smut scene of several thousand words in an hour or two and feel pretty good about it, but five hundred words of talking, especially if it's not about something emotionally fraught? Kill me now, I'll be here for the next week. Though I suppose that goes to show that if you are feeling unsure or uncertain about some element of your writing, buckling down and really focusing on it specifically is worth the trouble. Like I said about choreographing sex scenes, five million words ago.

I don't think it's something I'll let myself get into too in depth here, but I'd say my writing style is also very much informed and influenced by who I read, published and online, and who I grew up reading. Which can be said of every author lol! There are things other authors do that I admire so much that, almost entirely subconsciously, I try to emulate it-- or more, I'm so captured by those ideas and ways of doing things that I find myself playing with the same aspects if with less skill.

Thank you for reading my book on the subject, you know what else is distinctive about my style? A LACK OF CONCISENESS ye gods.

#ask games #act1 and done

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