#I'm trying hard not to spoil things and keep it very vague

[maladaptivedaydreamsx]

kicho route got me feeling some kinda way......... oh no.... im still waiting for the other foot to drop. he's been so sweet I'm here already expecting the worst to inevitably happen.....?

so turns out I'm easier to sway than I thought, fuck his actions in the other routes but in his?? I'm deaf, dumb and blind, what flags? all this red? the blood of my enemies I'm covered in?? don't worry about it, you didn't see anything

side note am i the only one who finds his toothless grin sprite just a tad... uncanny?

[an-abyss-of-stars]

Fic Updates!!

(Yes, I'm back with these 😂)

Update notes for:

It's Visceral And It's Cruel

Burnt Over And Over Again

He Saw Her At Daybreak

Struck By Fire Drowned By The Sea

*Burnt Over And Over Again* (Modern Au)

So I am currently working on this MAJOR sex scene for the upcoming chapter (chapter 5). BUT I'm actually in the process of reworking it. The initial draft was like 80% finished 🤣💀

I'M SORRY, I was actually so close to being ready to edit and then post. But the further I went with that version, it just wasn't giving what it was meant to give. And to share my thoughts/struggles with this plot point/scene without spoiling the entire scene. If y'all remember, chapter 4 has Rhaena and Aemond bickering like an old married couple in a nightclub in Prague. And as their drama progresses, Aemond finds a way to get Rhaena alone so they can have a private tense conversation. Their sexual tension builds up to a point where they HAVE to do something about it.

Semantics I guess, but there's a ✨mood✨ I'm trying to convey and it's SOO hard to convey it genuinely, idk why 🤣 Like Rhaena is in denial, but she's CLEARLY still very attracted to him. And he's down so BADDD for her, but he's also really frustrated and annoyed with the current state of their relationship. Like the sex isn't going to be all that frantic, because of the way I've slowly built the tension. But at the same time, Aemond's frustration still needs to be present? At least I want it to be? Like I want him to coax her into this, because deep down she definitely wants it, she's just in denial.

Am I making any sense? I don't really know 🤣 I just don't want it to sound like coercion, and that feels like such a fine line with this scene for some reason 😩 like he's definitely not forcing her to do anything, but he is leading this whole thing. The key for me, is making it really feel like she's down for this and welcoming it all physically even if she's still trying to keep him at arm's length emotionally... UGHH it's a fine line fr.

My goal is to update this fic before I move onto any others. So fingers crossed for meeee 😭

(I'm also working out some more background lore for this modern au universe, like what everyone in the family does career wise, I'm working out who has pets and whatnot, expanding the lore of Rhaena's former relationship with Dalton since I initially made it rather vague...SOOOO get ready for this whole story to expand as it goes. Because I kinda want this story to be a bit more than short fic now 😂)

—

*It's Visceral And It's Cruel* (reg medieval time period)

Nowww this is my bread and butterrrr 🤣 I have about 13k of next chapter (chapter 9) written and ready for editing. BUT I still have about 5 scenes to go, or at least those were scenes I originally planned to include in this chapter.

I'm starting to think adding in all of those scenes will make this chapter TOO long if I include them all here 💀 like I added in two extra scenes to make the narrative flow in a more interconnected manner. But in doing that, it's definitely going to make this chapter too long. And the final scene I initially had for this chapter was going to be the Royal Hunt shenanigans. And THAT is a scene/plot point that needs a lot of time/words dedicated to it. Especially since it's going to be written from Aemond's POV, and that boy is going to be going THROUGH it watching Rhaena purposely flirt with literally every other man there EXCEPT for him 🤣���

So I think I'm going to move the hunt over to chapter 10 (even though I promised it would be here 😭😭). Because logically...like I must 😂 I can't let this chapter be 40k in length, I'd take DAYSSS to edit it if I did🤣💀

—

*He Saw Her At Daybreak* (horny married Rhaemond Fic)

UMMMM I actually have no clue when I plan to work on the next chapter LMAO 😂 There are a few things I need to map out plot wise. Like slight spoilers:

But here are the scenes I'm planning on including in chapter 10:

• Actually showing Aemond flying over to Driftmark and interacting with Grandma Rhaenys (for the Spice Towk salt that Rhaena craves).

•Aemond and Aegon actually discussing their mother returning to court for the birth of the baby.

•I want to slip in a sex for Rhaemond, since ya know, this IS the horny fic 🤣and this is my last chance to include the lactation kink before the baby gets here, so I must do it 😂 I'm also thinking that scene could definitely start with pregnant Rhaena being a little self conscious about her body before a family event. Like I haven't had much of that insecurity mentioned for her.

•The family event being the Valyrian equivalent Yule/Christmas holiday event, that's going to be like a nice wholesome gift giving scene. Targ family shenanigans.

•ALL culminating with Rhaena's water breaking and the baby finally coming. Like this baby is COMING in this chapter, most definitely 😂😂 we are ending the chapter with Rhaemond happily holding their newborn baby.

So there's a lot to write, and I'm still only on the first scene 💀💀 but hey, now the 10 of you so still tune in, have an idea of what's to come! 😂😂

—

*Struck by Fire, Drowned By The Sea* (Pirate Fic)

LORD, I PROMISE I HAVEN'T FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONEEEE. AGHHH oddly enough, like this writing process feels like the sex scene in BO&OA, I can't seem to land on the vibe™ for the next chapter (chapter 5). And it's not even a sex scene, so Idk why I'm overthinking it all 🤣🤣

It's weird, really. I usually have a really easy time writing from Aemond's POV for my other fics, but since Pirate Captain Aemond is more of a mystery to both Rhaena and the audience. It for some reason feels a lot harder 💀🤣 like it shouldn't be, but it is 🤣🤣 I've rewritten/restarted this chapter at least 6 times trying various ways to tell the same scene, seeing how much I should give away in his inner thoughts or not. And I just haven't landed on a good ratio for him, like we all know this IS Aemond. But there's still so much of his past that hasn't been revealed, and it's all still a mysterious element for captive Rhaena, she's still trying to figure him out... especially since they've never really met until now.

Their relationship is going to be SOMETHING wild, if I can get past this damn chapter 🤣🤣

—

This just feels like me explaining in depth, four various types of writer's block 🤣🤣

Anywaysss, if any of y'all have any suggestions or helpful ideas, for any of these fics, I'm very open to them 💖

[splashink-games]

Getting to the end is not what's important.

Did I not do a good job?

I am absolutely astounded by SANABI by WONDER POTION.

trying to be as spoiler-free as I can.

Good lord.

I was not expecting such an emotional experience.

Even after I spoiled myself a bit because our daughter (I'm okay to call the child that right? collectively, yours, mine, and our main character's (who is also ours to share)) had some very gif-able moments for me to look up and save.

ugh.

Don't even get me started on how incredibly wholesome the intro sequence is! Or mostly any memory for that matter.

Let me move on...

I heard that this game is often compared to Katana ZERO. I haven't played Katana ZERO but I've watched a friend speedrun it, and I get it, though I can't compare the narratives. But that's not what's important.

SANABI is an incredibly well-told story with fast-pace gameplay. The storytelling succeeds because it gives the player information while keeping that same information from the main character, along with hints to a conclusion that we, as the player, can infer.

and that inference builds and builds, cracking the reality that our main character (MC for short) is experiencing in Mago City until it crumbles.

this is a story is about loss and acceptance.

Our journey with these two vastly different characters, Mari and MC is nothing short of exquisite.

it's hard to put into words without spoiling anything.

each character has a very strong goal. MC is out for revenge, while Mari's is pretty vague until the midpoint, but we can surmise it also as revenge. from the onset, Mari tells you that their goals currently align. and every plot point serves an obstacle in their progress (as it should in a game).

but with every obstacle, their determination and sense of reality is affected. the two grind each other's gears. but also get back to a moderate peace. well, until they can't.

mysteries are thrown around. answers can't, or won't, be given. things happen. the situation changes. Mari and the MC change.

and when the pair finally gets to their destination, it's nothing like they expected. Getting to the end is not what's important.

Mari has an amazing arc. you know what she's after part way through the game. and it becomes clearer how desperate she is. like, what a fascinating character Mari is for being able to act in the manner she does. for being faced with the situation at hand until she can no longer bear it.

MC has an equally fantastic arc. for being such a one-track minded character until he isn't. until he thinks for a moment about everything that's happening. but no answer are given.

it's hard to describe how deeply rooted in emotion these characters are. and I think the experience of them is worth it.

with all that being said, the gameplay was rad.

for me, SANABI puts into perspective how much you can do with a few buttons. for reference, I use a Nintendo Switch-style controller. you never use the B button or the bumpers. you start using Y and left trigger halfway through the game. and I never needed to use the right joystick, even though I could.

my biggest gripe, gameplay-wise, was the ground-less boss fight. I don't know if I'm just bad at the game (I am, though) or if I have a problem with having no ground to stand on. I think the biggest issue is the inability to save oneself at the bottom of the screen. it's a very air-centric fight, so I guess it gets a pass, but it's definitely not my favourite.

everything else was smooth as butter. the introduction of new mechanics was never out of the way. the main mechanics themselves (grappling, swinging, and hooking enemies) were great and ties itself well to the narrative.

even as I was speeding through the finally sequence of the game, I still enjoyed swinging along. in between narrative sequences.

SANABI is a wonderfully crafted game, focused on delivering a thoughtful story with smooth mechanics as its vehicle.

This game is definitely a must-play for anyone!

As always,

Enjoy gaming!

[chimakiisane]

It's the same anon again. Happy New Year!

I got to the end of the demo last night, and I just sat there extremely impressed by everything and highly looking forward to the full game.

(It's going to be difficult to be non-spoilery because there are a lot of things I liked, so I'm just going to be as vague as possible or put up a big spoiler warning... I just hope I make sense ;x;)

Zone 2, I'm going to start off by saying that I really liked the layout and detail of the mall (I think I became that eyes emoji when Doux first stepped inside it XD)

I also screeched very loudly when I found two certain NPC's. I was just so happy to see them! :D

And trekking up to the fight with Zone 2's boss! Reading all those notes got me wondering what the heck had been planned for the bosses by the greater forces, and I felt sympathetic towards the boss. I will say, though, I was ready to throw hands while learning about the history between the Zone bosses and our party member (*GOTTA SPOIL TO MAKE SENSE:*specificallyhimgettingbulliedbythebosseswhilegrowingup ;_;) and understood our party member's upset at the (*I HOPE THIS ISN'T TOO SPOILERY*) apology that came very late.

At the same time, I could feel the Zone 2 boss's sincerity, especially when (*SPOILS AGAIN*) he said he could tell our party member was struggling with comforting him in his last moments and that Blight didn't need to.

Ooof it was quite the scene.

(While we're on the *SPOILS TRAIN*, I'm going to share that I felt kind of bad for defeating Zone 1's boss and wondered if there was a way for him and Dedan to work together. Afterall, both of them wanted to take good care of Zone 1)

I was interested in the bigger forces during the fight in Zone 1 when they got mentioned, Zone 2 got me even more curious and more eager to meet them (and kick their asses >:( )

At this point, I thought Zone 2 was my new favorite Zone. . .

. . . And then I entered Zone 3 XD

The vibes were wonderfully unsettling and I enjoyed the little scares! They kept me on my toes, and one of them had me wondering how I'll deal with it face-to-face.

AND OH MY GOD. The Area 4 level! It was terrifying going through it (I kept chanting "I hate this" jokingly), but it was a fun time overall!

(((Beating that *one* boss was pretty satisfying, given how absolutely *creepy* he was 😬. And I was pretty happy receiving something for Doux!)))

I felt so bad for everyone living in Zone 3 😭 I got shook when they died, either by their own hands or by forcing our hand.

I was ready to throw hands with the boss when he made his pre-fight speech... and then got a little sympathetic post-fight ;w; and even more curious about the greater forces!

And before I forget, I went to a certain floor in the Library. ...It was ***really*** hard not to get teary-eyed while going through it, to say the least. The floor was a very sweet commemoration!

I'd like to gush about more stuff, but I'm afraid I'll stop making sense if I keep rambling (it's getting close to midnight here) XD

I'll probably be back, if you don't mind of course! ^u^

Happy New Year!

(Btw, I did encounter some bugs while backtracking and I have a couple feedbacks. I'll send them over to you in another ask, but it was basically me getting stuck while backtracking... I guess I backtracked too hard lol)

Happy new year!

I'm so happy you enjoyed the demo thus far! I am still a bit upset I wasn't able to give my full vision for the final section of the demo like I wanted as well as certain other parts like I intended before the release, but work and lack of motivation has been hitting hard. I want things to flow together easier and not feel like it was shoe-horned in XD

Also, no need to worry about spoilers when it comes to Blight and his relationship with the bosses! I'm sure at this point everyone knows of it, but I do appreciate you wanting to try and keep things on the down low of the new stuff for those who haven't played 4.8 yet <3

There are still some things I need to figure out how to rewrite for the future, cause I'll admit, there is a good handful of dialogue that was kept and forgotten about from the earlier demo days where stuff is either no longer canon or is just very poorly conveyed XD

For zone 3, I still plan on doing more to it to make it less of the copy paste it initially was upon release to a more varied area outside of the nightmare sections and area 5. I also plan on attempting to refine the unsettling stuff, which is definitely going to be tough since fear is subjective.

Definitely feel free to gush more if you want, I don't mind! Also, please do let me know of the bugs you've run into so I can check and see if I've since fixed them or need to.

[constelationprize]

you can totally ignore this if you want but i'd love to hear more about #5

especially attic wife kevin and miserable gardener jean's relationship before and after jeremy gets there

And I'd love to tell you more about it!

I really really love gothic romance, and due to a personal original project of mine, I have read a ton of classic gothic lit this past year. This au has vary sligth influences from some of my favorite works, namely Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, and Rebecca (and it's possible original version A Sucessora but that's another can of worms), and a heavy influence of my favorite tropes in general. I also am of the personal opinion that Riko has the makings of a great gothic villain and honestly he deserves the stage to be properly dramatically evil.

The setting is vaguely victorian, but since I love myself and don't want to bother with all the logistics for a silly little au, it is a historical work in vibes only.

Kevin and Jean's relationship is a bit hard to describe without giving the plot away or just rehashing canon, but I'll try. In this AU, Kevin, Jean and Riko know each other since very, very young; Jean was born to servants of Evermore, Kayleigh died in childbirth, and Kengo sent Riko away when he was still being breastfed by a maid because he suspected him of being a bastard. Life in Evermore was not as harsh as it was on canon, but it was still not good. Tetsuji was a very bitter, cruel man, obsessed with legacy. For reasons related to inheritance and his own weird attempt at rewriting the past, he always planned to have Kevin marry Riko when they were of age. What he did not plan on was the two of his servants would rob him and run away, leaving their young son behind and him in charge of a third, commoner, useless ward. Jean was made to work at Evermore as a sort of indentured servant ever since, but when he was a child, the staff took pity on him and put him to smaller tasks, ones that would put him in more direct contact with the other children of the house. Kevin always saw Jean as a friend, but to Riko he was more like a toy, and Jean was often the butt of the jokes and the target of their more cruel games. As they grew up, Kevin and Jean stayed close even as their interactions started to be considered improper. Kevin always mistankely believed that Riko had grown out of his childish distaste of Jean, but that wasn't quite true; Riko had just started tormeting him behind his back, and Jean wouldn't confess for fear of who he'd choose. Tetsuji was just about as cruel and punishing to the boys as he was in canon, he just had less of a reason to keep a close eye on them and so was more of a distance presence in their lives. However, a important distinction is that in this AU, he truly did see Riko as his son and heir and spoiled him a lot in the name of conving Riko to follow his goals. Riko is less obssessed with the father who abandoned him than he is with what he was taught was his birthrightm which includes his perceived ownership of Kevin, who always saw him in more platonic terms even as he knew they were going to be engaged. Jean and Kevin start a secret romantic relantionship when they were around 17, when Jean was moved from doing general tasks to being Riko's personal valet. They are 19/20 when Tetsuji dies and instead of things being better when Riko becomes master of the house, they take a turn for the worse shortly after.

Jeremy arrives at Evermore when he is 25, and Kevin and Jean are 24. In the years since Riko inheriting the estate, the staff has diminished way beyond what was actually necessary to mantain the house in good shape. There remain only his new personal valet, a couple of cooks, the now-groundskeeper Jean, and the chief of staff (who is Thea! I'm unsure wether her function in the house is more like a housekeeper or a butler so she doesn't have an official job title yet. But she does give Jeremy many ominous warnings and clues. The rest of the staf are also gonna be Ravens, but who is who is tbd if any of Riko's goons are properly named in TSC, which I suspect they will). ANYWAY! When Jeremy arrives, Kevin and Jean have not spoken (or exchanged any kind of communication) in years. They only know of each other what Thea thinks is safe to share without risking Riko finding out, which is not a lot. They would like it to be different, but both have lost hope of ever getting out of Evermore by this point. Fear not, however! Jeremy, as expected of a gothic heroine, will not leave well enough alone and will do his best to reunite him and free them. And it might even work out!

As my parting words, I can tell this project has a title (acronymed BNTB), will probably have three to five chapters, and I have made this moodboard for it:

[mariyekos]

2024 Writing Count

Oh yeah! I've talked about it on Twitter, but I don't think I've mentioned it here: I'm keeping track of my fics/wordcount for 2024! I did it back in 2021, and then kept track of it for a few months in 2023, but this year I'm back at it again with more detail than ever.

Here's what it looks like. The further I get the more I add onto it as different things come to mind. I love color coding things, so I have a system: 0 word days get red, 1-99 word days get yellow, 100-499 word days get light green, 500-999 word days get medium green, and 1000+ word days get dark green. I also highlight the end of each month in blue to make it easy to see, and milestones (like hitting 50k in January!) are in blue!

More details, including a view of all days, beneath the cut!

Month-by-Month

January was my best month so far. That's when I started the longfic I'm currently plugging away at, which got me most of that word count. As in, it got me over 50k of that word count, because once I realized I was so close to 50k not just for the month but for a single fic, I powered through to the end. January was a month where my main focus was getting ideas down rather than shooting for top-of-the-line quality. You can't fix a fic that isn't written, so step 1 is to write! Right now I'm actually going through what I wrote and re-writing it, which is slow work but worth it.

February was okay. March was a bad month for me, and where I finally lost my "1 word a day" goal. You can tell how hard I was struggling in the middle there, which was from a combination of lack of sleep, lack of time (work and FFXIV prog were exhausting, plus I was trying hard to get through FFVII Rebirth before being spoiled (I failed)), and lack of motivation/inspiration. I got absolutely slammed by doubt and feelings of inadequacy, combined with some realizations about my longfic which means I had to do a MAJOR overhaul that I was absolutely dreading.

April was pretty good! I got slammed by motivation to finish a fic that I'd struggled with before and finally finished and published it. I'd been hesitating because I felt like I was getting that vibe out of another fic, but after struggling with that one I went back to the one I'd eventually publish and had a blast. It was very self-indulgent and I've realized that that's okay! I've rambled vaguely on this blog about it, but it was the fic where I knew I was diving deep into a fanon interpretation of a character that's not really seen in canon, and was worried about how it would be received.

In the end I decided whatever. I know it's fanon, but I love that fanon and clearly other people love that fanon too, so I decided I'd just post it. It has a lower kudos:hit ratio than my other fics but honestly? I don't care. I had so much fun writing it and I got two (2!!!!) whole comments on it so I'm over the moon. If my writing makes even one other person happy, that's fantastic. This fic I decided was ultimately for me in the end, and internalizing that it's okay to be self-indulgent has helped me a lot. When you're okay with self-indulgence, it frees you from a lot of worry and you just get to be happy writing the stuff you love.

Of course, I'm not completely over that. I still really want to get things right. I still do check over things to see how well they align in canon and to try to fix characterization and so on. I still want my fics to be good- it's just that I've changed my standards for what a good fic is to be more about quality than being an exact replica of canon. My current fic (the now 88k Time Travel Fic) is undergoing a massive overhaul right now as I not only improve micro-level things like grammar and phrasing, but also as I work to improve macro-level things like overall flow.

That's the sort of stuff that I think makes me a better writer. It might not always lead to very high word count, but I don't always need to have high word count. Sometimes a low wordcount day where I feel like I improved my craft is more than worth it.

Take these two days in April- ~250 words a day, lower than my monthly average of 1,050, that I'm perfectly fine with because I did more than 504 words worth of work that day, IMO. You can see on the second one that I finished Before the Nightmare, which is one of the DMC novels. That day I didn't get in many words because I spent my time researching instead, and that was worthwhile! On the day before it, I spent time revising the timeline and outlining things rather than adding to the main body of the fic itself, which again I think was more than worth the time! Having WCs is a good method of tracking things. I'm a numbers person. Seeing big numbers makes me happy. But there is more to writing than just working on the stuff readers are going to see! More that is important and improves your craft! Which is why I decided to include outline counts, for one. That and I'm the type of person who writes full sentences or even paragraphs into my outlines that I will take almost word-for-word into the fic itself so I might as well attribute it to the day I wrote it, rather than the day I copy-pasted it in, y'know?

How The Tracker Works

Some other stuff you might notice are the following:

My notes are a mix of me commenting on what I wrote in the fic and me commenting on whatever's going on in my life. For example, on January 17th I wrote "Went back 2 boys fighting convo" which is about what I wrote in the fic, whereas on January 25th I wrote "Super sleepy. Too late" and on March 2nd I wrote "FFVII Rebirth is amazing." which is instead about why I only wrote so much! Going back to my 2021 word count, I found my notes to be a really interesting snapshot into what was going on in my life at the time, so I don't mind making it a mix of both.

In the above, you can see that the Daily WC doesn't equal the Diff (End-Start WC), because in the comments section I mention that I wrote 3675 for another fic. (The 3675 is from the Fic in the Fic box there, while the 801 is from my Time Travel fic, which is the one with 80k words). But on days where I work on multiple fics I'm usually feeling active enough to be happy to do the very simple math of adding two things together, so I don't mind having to combine a few. If you check the picture above this one for March, you can see that the Daily WC = Diff. for every day that has a Start and End WC. The ones where there isn't a start or ending WC is because I just used the word count function in my document program since I wrote so little it was easy to figure things out.

There's also the Fic List section way back in my first picture, which just includes every fic or fic-adjacent (i.e. tumblr posts where I basically wrote a mini-fic that I will one day turn into a proper post) included in the main word count area. I also included the number of days I worked on each by occurrence. Given the way I track things it does mean that a few fics will be missing a few days because I can only mention one in the fic box (while having it function) so only one gets counted per day, even on days I work on two, but it's close enough that I think it's still a good way of keeping track! I copied the document Geryon partway through the year once I started some major restructuring so that one's split in two, but for the count I made the function count both Geryon and Copy of Geryon so it's just up in Geryon. The reason it's split is that I decided to automate that section rather than doing things manually, which means it include the - day and splits Geryon in two which I wouldn't do if I was doing it manually.

2021 Word count Document

As you can see, things were a lot simpler back in 2021. Both in terms of visuals and things I was keeping track of. One of the biggest changes from 2021->2024 was the addition of the Start and End word counts for each day. When I was doing 2023 I realized how much I hated doing the math in a separate tab, deleting it, fixing the formatting, and then putting the number into the daily total.

Then while talking to a friend (@/dithorba) about word counts, she showed me her document which had a start/end count on it and I felt like my eyes were open. So often I would get to the end of the day and realize I had math to do but would put it off, then do it again, then again, and then trying to figure out my word counts would result in a ton of going through document history, restoring documents, checking word count, restoring it to a different version, checking word count, etc. It became a chore that messed with my totals. (Which is funny because I actually love math! That specific math just was a sticking point for some reason). Then Monse/dithorba showed me the way and I decided I'd add that into my document, even if it "clutters" it up a bit by adding extra rows. I still kept Daily Wordcount separate from the total though, since sometimes I'll work on multiple fics so the start to end count on one fic doesn't represent all the writing I do in one day.

2024 Daily Totals So Far

I got so close to all greens for April and I'm really bummed about missing it because I just plain forgot to write more on my one yellow day. Yeah I was struggling a bit, but I could've written more and forgot to make sure I'd hit 100 before going to bed. Oh well. It was a really good month otherwise. I'll probably revise the color scheme in the bottom row later on so it's more evident which word counts had the most days per month, but for now it works as-is.

Last but not least, here's a link to the twitter thread where I go on about this year's writing. It technically starts in December of 2023 because I turned my thread about my longfic into my thread for all my fic writing in 2024, so whoops to that, but good enough.

This post could be longer but it's long enough as it is, so I'll leave it like this for now. Maybe I'll come back and edit it with more information later. I'll probably RB with additions a few times in the year too!

[afniel]

Hi there's really vague (but kinda heavy?) Third Novel stuff under the cut, so don't spoil yourself if you don't want to know anything. Because there's a liiiiittle something something in there plus some art.

Man I'm like. Writing on chapter 2(?) of I Can't Believe It's Not A Trilogy (ICBINAT...world's worst working title) and this story is gonna need such a ridiculously huge content warning for suicidal ideation, way more than the first two, and the second has more than the first, so you know this one has got it bad.

And yet this is just kinda Where X Is At Right Now at the start of it, for Reasons (that I can't say further shit about until Outcome Unpredictable is all online, lol). I have a chapter and a half of, I dunno where or when it fits, just kinda disconnected noodling, and they were hard to write in the kind of way that's warning me that I don't really know what I'm doing with a character, just kinda slapping events together without much emotional weight to any of them or any real direction.

Then I kinda had a few revelations in a row, realized I was trying to lean way too hard on X to Just Be Better Already Dammit, and he was just coming out flat because he's not better already, dammit. Reploid Grandpa is 100% a fucked-up old veteran who's barely out of the hell he came from so yeah, he makes huge strides in his mental health, but he started at the bottom of a really deep hole. That's not a quick climb! It takes real life people decades to escape that hole, and they usually didn't go through it for 80+ years without a break. He's just gonna be down there, even if he's a lot higher than he started. (IRL veteran suicide rates are absolutely dismal too, and yeah, X's mental state very much reflects this at the point that I'm writing.)

Once again all I can actually do is write down the words as they happen and trying too hard to steer it myself only makes it stop working. Am I ever going to stop writing about this old man's mental health struggles? Uhh. Well, I've tried to stop twice, if that tells you anything. I swear he does get a happy ending and keep recovering. Well, maybe not that much physically, because Protagonist Who Stays Disabled And Isn't Magically Fixed is still a primary goal, here, and the story agrees with me on that, but even given that he could stand to be more comfortable even if he's not magically fixed. I dunno why this is where it's going but I think it's just my extreme commitment to What If This Stupid Video Game Plot Was Realistic Though. It's definitely realistic now! Maybe sometimes a little too much, but honestly, that's what makes it work, I think. It would never stick the landing if I stopped short of 100% painful sincerity, even if it's hard to look at sometimes. Feeling a bit like you're being invited to see and feel vulnerabilities that maybe aren't entirely your business when you're reading fiction is the secret sauce, if you ask me.

(At this rate I'm gonna have to update the author's notes at the end of Outcome Unpredictable because I'm making myself a goddamn liar. I straight up say I have no intent of writing a third one, but here I am, evidently doing that before the author's notes even hit the internet.)

I'm not gonna explain shit past that at the moment, so just feel free to conjecture amongst yourselves at the one thing I've kinda drawn in the ICBINAT era. This is about a year and a half from OU and 2 years from FtC, for the record. It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you leave an AU running unattended for long enough, even the canon characters will eventually turn into OCs.

(Also that if my coloring style gets any more rim light I'm going to be in Sonic Adventure style coloring territory...which would fuck severely, actually.)

[marinsawakening]

I'm really not a fan of Impa staying behind in the past at the end of Skyward Sword. Not because I think it's out of character, but because I think it's unsubstantiated.

Impa is a very duty-oriented character, and as such, I think it makes sense for her to prioritize doing her duty over Zelda's feelings. However, what her 'duty' in the past actually is... well. It's a bit lame. The reasons given are as follows:

First: Watching over the Master Sword while the remnants of Demise decay in it, to prevent his reawakening. I think this is lame because, a) we don't have any evidence Impa can do anything to make sure Demise doesn't reawaken in the first place, that seems to be all Fi, and b) realistically, what is Impa gonna do if Demise does reawaken? Impa lost every single fight she had with Ghirahim in canon, and Ghirahim is nothing compared to Demise. And Old Impa couldn't do a thing to stop a weakened version of Demise from escaping his seal. That was a pretty important thing that happened. Three times. Impa absolutely could not take Demise in a fight, not without help. But she destroyed the Gate of Time, and seems to be the only living human left on the Surface; she'd have literally no way of getting help if Demise did awaken. So she's watching over the Master Sword in case Demise reawakens to do... what? Die? This is not a good plan. They could've simply taken the Master Sword back to the future and placed Fi into her pedestal there.

Second: To watch over the Triforce, which is really dangerous and important and must be spirited away after use. Y'know, the same Triforce that sits on the giant statue of the Goddess during the end credit scene. That one. Yeah I sure believe Impa needed to stay in the past and be alone for thousands of years to guard it when Zelda and Link just plop it on the most obvious landmark in a 100 kilometer radius. C'mon now do you really expect me to buy this?

Franklly, Impa staying behind feels like a cheap way to get a plot twist and a death scene in. Which is lame.

Firstly, forcing your plot twists and emotional moments like this undercuts their impact in the narrative. I felt no emotion except maybe vague annoyance during Impa's death scene because it felt so thoroughly unnecessary, and I adore Impa. She is my favourite Skyward Sword character by far and my second favourite LOZ character. If anyone should've gotten emotional here it should've been me, but I wasn't, because this did not feel like a satisfying conclusion to her character. It felt like a cheap moment meant to make me cry.

And second, what does the plot twist that the Old One is Impa actually like... do? The Old One mostly exists to infodump at Link. She displays very little personality, certainly not as much as young Impa (despite her relatively little screentime), so much so that even though I was spoiled for this plot twist, I still had trouble remembering that they were the same character. Knowing that the Old One is Impa does make her relationship to Groose more interesting, I'll give them that, but that alone does not justify such a blatantly forced set-up for the plot twist. The pay-off isn't so good that I can ignore the forced set-up.

The most irritating thing to me is that it really isn't hard to come up with a good reason for Impa to stay in the past. Or at least, it would be if Skyward Sword made literally any effort at all to keep its time travel shenanigans straight. Logically, past!Zelda should still be asleep in the crystal, even though present!Zelda is talking to Impa. If Impa asserted that she had to stay behind to protect Zelda, who is helpless in the crystal if, for example, a past version of Ghirahim decides to try and attack her, I would've bought that. That is a job I could realistically see Impa doing, because even if she's lost fights with Ghirahim before, they've been close enough that I don't doubt she could win under the right circumstances. This is a job that makes sense for her to have. It wouldn't have been my personal preference, I think Impa's arc could've ended far more interestingly if she decided to go to the future after all, but I would've been fine with it.

As it stands, I think the decision to have Impa stay behind in the past is forced and nonsensical. It feels like it's purely there to justify a plot twist and an emotional death scene, which just made me deeply unimpressed by both.

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Twisted Wonderland!Deity AU Worldbuilding: Artificial Gods

Hello my lovelies~!

So I've thought long and hard about some things and realized that I've not exactly given everyone much in terms of worldbuilding with some of the AUs I've got, namely the Deity!AU due to me not wanting to spoil too much but struggling to get to that point where I write something story wise that leads to me explaining more about it. So I'm hoping to try and change that!

Depending on how much I have built up and how long it takes me, I'll likely start posting things a little more freely while still keeping certain storytelling ideas hidden (for now)! In the meantime, I hope you guys enjoy this idea I'd had sitting in my noodle. UvU

Artificial Deities—a term coined by Idia—are an ancient form of primal magic and is used to describe a unique phenomenon which occurs when a mortal makes a “pure prayer”. The conditions leading up to the “birth” of these deities is largely unknown, though a common factor is that they appear during times of strife, fear, and desperation when mortals believe they’ve been abandoned by the gods or that they're at the end of the line with no hope. Alternatively, very strong feelings versus thoughts may also be a factor that leads to their creation, be it someone seeking comfort in dark times or even a guiding light to lead the lost safely home.

Each one of these artificial deities appears to come from the Stardust River itself. However, no one has any clear understanding of how this could be, or if the river itself is trying to fulfill a role that is needed. Was this perhaps a failsafe put in place by the Heavenly Ones…or perhaps from the primordial beings that roamed creation in the beginning?

These entities have no true form outside a vague humanoid shape made of energy that varies across the color spectrum, having no voice to speak with. Instead, they rely on gestures and body language to communicate. When true deities were brought into this world and began answering prayers themselves, these entities became scarce as fewer pure prayers were made.

Despite being powerful and controlling the primal energies of creation, they can only survive for a short period of time before their core collapses in on itself, and they cease to exist. It is only recently discovered that their existence lasts only for as long as they are needed. Without a stable core, they cannot sustain themselves the same way normal deities can and will eventually return to the Stardust River.

Since the formation of new generations of true deities over the years to take over the duties of the ones before them, Artificial Deity appearances have become such a rarity that very few ever come into existence in modern times…though it’s certainly not an impossibility.

Behavior-wise, these entities essentially behave much like a machine following their programming, doing their directive to answer the wish until it is complete. However, it has been noted that—the longer they remain whole—the more they begin to behave like curious children seeing the world for the first time.

So far there has only been one recorded instance of an Artificial Deity becoming a fully fledged god, though who it is has been lost to the sands of time. Perhaps Lilia would know more about the whereabouts of this particular silver entity with violet eyes…

That's all I've got for now!

Fun fact: I actually hinted (very slightly!) at the existence of these beings. Curious? I'll give you a little hint: look at the "Half-deity or Full-Deity" list where I list everyone as being full or half deities, then read the last two bullets here~ >v>

[scruffyssketchbook]

i think part of the reason people are upset about Nego being discarded/removed from the series is likely for the same reason people may be upset about other changes to the series---people are afraid that the things they love will be changed, and they don't understand why.

as the author of this story, you know every inch and centimeter of the story. you have knowledge that the readers do not---you know how plots connect and the backstory of characters and everything else, but us as the readers don't. so while you can see where all of the issues from previous bad childhood writing are, we don't. we just see something we enjoy, something we like, and we are far less likely to see the flaws, especially if it is something in the future that we don't even have knowledge of yet. so, to the readers, Nego being an "issue" to the story/to characters and needing to be removed just doesn't make as much sense to us as it does to you, because we don't have the knowledge of why he's causing so many issues (even if you try to explain it, its kind of hard to do without potentially spoiling a whole bunch of plots, right?)

Nego was for sure one of my favorite characters. i just liked how silly it was that Vay could have a secret child that literally no one knew about, and I also liked the mystery and angst potential of "how? how did he get this kid?" and then as more was revealed, the "why? why doesn't the mother remember? is this really Vay's child? who is the one that truly doesn't remember?" it was so interesting to me. i was really excited to see how Blizz would react to learning Nego was a real eevee, and actually Vay's child. I would have loved to see Blizz and Nego have a relationship---be it positive or negative.

but i also completely understand that i dont have the context you do, and that i cant see the flaws you can, and i completely understand if things need to be scrapped/changed so you can be happy with your story. its your story, after all, and you should get to choose how you write it, not anyone else

Ah yes, and I agree with/ know all of that, which is why I'm kind of being very vague about what I'm doing. Cause once I say what is ACTUALLY happening, MORE people will flip out. I do see the flaws of the story and I'm aware that people are attached to the characters, but in the long run honestly, its better for everyone, including the characters if I do make these changes, rather than leaving things how they are now so everyone will be disappointed when things are just found out to be- SUPER WEIRD AND NOT MAKING ANY TYPE OF SENSE. Plus ofc, this way it's better for me personally. Like yeah I'd rather write a story that I enjoy, rather than having to keep forcing myself to make sense of writings I made when I just got out of middle school for another decade and a half when I know I can do better. But the thing is! I know people are very attached to the characters in the series, Even Nego! that is why I'm only doing the things that I'm doing with all of these changes now, and not in the past, cause I didn't want to disappoint anyone or make people sad. But doing that kind of just hurt the comic and me. So. I'm just going to do what I want to do, and NeeNee the plushie sounds cute! (Also, this way I can keep Nego in the series without him being a weird after thought. Because with the direction I'm trying to take the series, there is no way he could even be Vay's son.)

[moumantaimf]

Intermission, Page 4/4

=============

With this... I want to finally celebrate the first anniversary of this comic! While technically the first page was done on September 19th and some of the characters had been created long before, it was a sketch the one that kickstarted the whole comic idea and that one was made on September 17th, 2022.

Last year I was working but I had lost most of my love for art due to multiple reasons. I decided to start this comic because "If I don't do it now i will never do it". And it ended becoming a sort of miracle cure: Working on this brought me back all the love I had for arting. And while properly getting back into the groove was extremely hard (couple with a lot of RL reasons), this comic helped me to regain my sanity and the appreciation for everything.

I decided to pour here everything I had learned so far. Writing. Trying to make a story that didnt rely on crude jokes, edgy stories just for the sake of being edgy, and trying to keep it SFW to an extent.

Chapter 1 didn't have much writing on it beforehand (just a vague note); I was trying to just "draw, don't stop". I was also afraid of losing interest (like has happened with most of my stuff before) so I wasn't sure how far I was going to reach with this (and that's why I didn't try to make a page like this for the comic at first). But I carried on. And started properly writing the story I wanted. I look at it now and its insane for me to think that I have an actual proper story, a lot of characters and relationships that feel natural.

This story is what I think is my magnum opus and I'm putting all I know, learned and have into it. However, saying I've done this alone would be super false. I tried to put in the credits the peeps who have helped me in one way or another, and I want to sincerely thank not only them, but also you, the reader, for your interest and for reading this, and also to everyone who shares this and so. I hope to continue making a story you like.

See you during November or December when chapter 8 comes!

- Vic

====================

Panel 1: D is in a graveyard. He says "…And that's what's been going on. I even got a space sister, one that actually acts way less spoiled than your daughter in spite of having much more".

Panel 2: D smells a handful of flowers with their eyes closed.

Panel 3: D drops the flowers next to the gravestone of 'Emma Reh' with an epitaph in German: 'Der Tod, so bitter er auch sein mag, ist nicht das Ende, sondern nur eine weitere Stufe, von der aus wir zu einem besseren Leben übergehen'. D says "You know what, old hag? I forgive you for all the bullshit. To be honest, I'm sorry you never found happiness in your life; unlike what you taught me, I learned that life actually can be beautiful and worth living. I don't really love you, but I genuinely hope you found some peace at the end, and that you're having fun with all your boys down there. Now it's my time… to leave with my new family, or pack, as we call ourselves. And you… You sleep well or whatever. Auf Wiedersehen wir sehen uns in der holle".

Panel 4: The band is walking through a street, but both Sher and Rowi are hugging D. Rowi says "Hey D, you're still very stressed. Wanna get some Döner Kebab with us?". D replies "S…sure! Thank you guys. You're the best thing that has happened to me in my life".

Panel 5: Roi, standing on a ceiling, wearing a visor, says "We love you too, D. You can be sure of that". There's a small narration square saying "End of recap. Thank you for reading this intermission. The story will resume in Chapter 8".

[outoflimbo]

Finished the new Futurama season -- except for the fourth episode, which I can't find -- and overall it's an improvement from the previous Hulu season, especially in the latter half. There were some interesting and amusing locations and scenarios, which Futurama excels at yet had kind of turned away from over time: the 2001 parody alien species spreading coffee to civilizations, the spaceship graveyard, the giant replica of Fry's childhood house -- I'm glad to see the writers exploring new locations like this; my favorite thing about the show has always been its science fiction setting. Similarly, there are lots of visual gags about robots and machinery which I'm a sucker for for whatever reason. There's good gags all around in general, and it's overall funnier than the Comedy Central seasons.

The character writing felt like a return to order, leaning in on the character's particular eccentricities and neuroses rather than having them be passive subjects of disparate gags, which, I think, is possibly where the CC seasons failed the most. In particular, I think Leela and Bender were more well-written than they tended to be by that point. I got sick of the show just kind of writing Leela as a sexy mom friend -- between her and Amy, the show could felt downright misogynistic with how aimless they were with their female characters, so it's nice to see that being reigned in a little. And Bender's writing sees an improvement: there was a tendency for the showrunners to force him into stories (he gets the numbers up, it seems) and yet he always felt half-baked and vague as a character. Here, he has a better place in each episodes' story. All around better writing: Farnsworth and Hermes also are standouts.

The new season is not so egregious with callbacks and in-jokes (most of the time), and they come off as cute instead of forced like in the last Hulu season. Hard to pinpoint why, but they made me roll my eyes less. I even liked the final episode which (without spoiling anything) is a sort of sequel to "Elsewhere", the previous series finale. I honestly groaned when I realized that's what they were doing -- it seemed cynical to me because of just how beloved that episode is -- but they actually did something nice with it, and it ended in a way that's forms a nice parallel with the earlier episode.

I've mentioned this before, but this show suffers when it tries to do satire. To be clear, this isn't some kind of "keep politics out of my cartoons" tract -- I think they're just not good at satirizing contemporary culture, because it tends to feel aimless and lacking in any sort of point or unique perspective. There's an episode that satirizes fast fashion but does so in a very half-hearted way, probing it at the surface and just kind of pointing out it exists, but like, it's all being sent to a planet through a wormhole now. The end tries to tie things together more, but the point it makes is an obvious, played-out one that doesn't offer anything new to the discourse. The coffee episode contained clear references to the Starbucks unionization efforts, and to Starbucks' economics more generally, but these are just kind of tacked onto the middle and end of the episode (though I will say it's easier to forgive here, because it isn't the primary focus in the first place).

More generally, the stories at times felt oddly condensed and even directionless. Oftentimes, I had the feeling they were setting something up, or preparing some kind of tonal shift, but nothing became of it. There was definitely a pacing issue, though it was tighter in certain episodes than others (possibly corresponding to different episode writers). I think that the kinds of stories they were trying to tell in this season don't work very well when told in the format of a ~20 minute episode; in fact, one ended in such a way that I was convinced it was a cliffhanger to a second part! If they had more time to explore their ideas, I think this problem would be less immediate.

So, in general, decent season. I enjoyed it. Of course it's a goddamn Matt Groening show, so 25% of the jokes are just kind of SNL tier. But I'm not a bean counter when it comes to gags-a-second; I'm more interested in the places the stories go and what they do with their characters. And, more often than not, they did a good job.

Let's stop making Fox animated shows, now, okay? I know this wasn't actually produced by Fox anymore but still. It's a good death knell. Pleeeeaaaase stop making them.

[subterranean-heartsick-blues]

The Mist by Stephen King book review

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I'm just goin' to the store, to the store, I'm just goin' to the store / You might not see me anymore, anymore (Store – Carly Rae Jepson).

I’m always so late to things it’s not even fashionable anymore. Would you believe it if I told you that I just started listening to Chappell Roan this week? Seriously, I’m out here stopping people in the street saying shit like, “Hey everybody! Have you heard of this little jam called “Red Wine Supernova?” It’s the best!” Yeah well, this is my way of saying that it seems almost entirely redundant for me to even be writing a book review for a Stephen King novel of all things! Because it’s like… duh, of course it’s good. Everybody's already read this book, and now I'm just playing catch-up. Nonetheless, Hey everybody! Have you heard of this gem of a book called The Mist? It turns out that the very popular book, The Mist, is actually really good! It's just as frightening, existential, and downright delectable as everybody said it would be. Who would have thought? Anyway, I read this coming off the back of watching the movie recently, and other than seasonal obligation, I had an intense urge to check out the source material. The story that started it all, let’s go! The only reason I’m making a point of bringing this tidbit up is because Stephen King has always been one of those authors whose work has felt almost too intimidating for me to really sink my teeth into, and yet a large majority of the stories that he’s created are ones that I’m intimately familiar with. For example, Stand by Me is one of my favorite movies and never fails to get me feeling all the feels, and on the flip-side, Tim Curry’s Pennywise the Clown haunted all my childhood nightmares. So, in many ways, Stephen King is responsible for both my early life’s greatest fears as well as its comforts. Talk about multifaceted! Another reason why I’ve stayed away from his stuff until now is that I’ve heard criticisms that his books tend to veer heavy on the wordy side. We’re talking, “takes three pages to describe a medicine cabinet” kind of wordy, so that image in my head has always put a bit of a damper on any initial enthusiasm I might have had. And while I had a blast reading this book, I do have to concede on the fact that, yep, there sure is quite a bit of descriptive language used for pretty much every character that shows up, no matter how small the role. I mean, I knew what everybody was wearing, the color of everyone’s hair, who still had hair, their jobs, who they were married to, every little thing, I knew. Hell, by the time I finished the book I’m pretty sure I could tell you who was and wasn’t circumcised. Really though, I'm not criticizing at all, because I actually really enjoyed this “procedural” prose, as it works well to juxtapose against the unknowable monsters that exist out there. Besides, this style of writing also allowed us to gain important insight into David’s mindset, as I interpreted his incessant "daily life" descriptions of all the little mundane details as a coping mechanism, a way of grasping at some kind of normalcy as it helped tether himself to reality against the increasingly absurd backdrop of the mist.

Let’s see… what else? Oh yeah, the book is better than the movie. I know the movie has an infamously bleak ending that Stephen King himself said improved greatly upon his original work, but I really couldn’t disagree more. Ugh, it’s really hard to talk about this because I kind of want to spoil the ending. But I’ll try to keep it vague, don’t worry. The thing is, I was spoiled on both version’s endings at various points in my life, but I've got to say that it’s never really deterred me from wanting to read it for myself. When it comes to spoilers, I know I'm in the minority, but I’ve never really minded them all that much. If someone were to tell me right now, beat by beat, what happens in a book or a movie I was about watch or read, not only would I probably forget by the time I get to them, but it wouldn’t affect my opinion on the work whatsoever. I’m generally of the mind that if a story can be so easily ruined by a spoiler, then it’s probably not all that good in the first place. Incoming Hater Rant: Why do you think Marvel Studios are so cagey about their scripts, being so deathly paranoid that their precious cameos will be spoiled to the public that they don’t even give the actors acting in their movies the full context of what they’re doing in any given scene? It’s because there’s nothing tangible enough to engage with without the surprise of Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire walking through an ugly CGI portal. There’s no soul, no meaning other than to get its audiences exited for the next thing to consume. Okay, End of Hater Rant, I do still watch Marvel movies, so I'm not a complete hater. Anyway, my point is that knowing the ending to the movie version of The Mist beforehand wasn't why I didn't like it. It wasn't even that it was overly depressing, my problem was the fact that it was just kind of… silly. In fact, I found it to be less scary than the book because it answers too many questions and puts a nice little bow on the whole "mist" thing. Like, in a "well, that settles it" kind of way. Sure, the book ends on a more positive note and doesn’t have anybody screaming to the heavens at the terrible deeds they were forced to commit, but we’re already given enough clues to still be skeptical with David and his group’s chances, so leaving their fates unknown will always be a million times more daunting. It’s open-ended, and I think it’s cool how Stephen King had enough respect in the reader’s intelligence and that he understood that we are able to come to our own conclusions. And my final conclusion is that there’s a good reason why this book is still looked back on as fondly as it is. It’s haunting, disturbing, and most importantly, it’s written in a way that makes us, the reader, wonder what we would do were we in the same shoes as David. Like, I like to see myself as a rational dude, but if I were stuck in a grocery store in the middle of a mist with a billion man-hungry creatures out there… sheesh, who knows? I mean, I was already ready to convert after watching the hot priest from Midnight Mass for eight episodes, I'd fold so quick (oh yeah, I’d fold right over a table for Father Paul), so it’s very possible that I be right there singing the old testament gospel alongside Mrs. Carmody. Preach girl! Seriously though, this was a great book, and I know I’m going to be looking at any looming fogs a lot differently now. Hm, I guess Stephen King’s works will be haunting my adult nightmares too. He can't keep getting away with it!

The horrors of the Inquisition are nothing compared to the fates your mind can imagine for your loved ones.

[room-surprise]

I feel like people are getting hung up on the word "bit" in this comic, I don't think it's meant to imply that the entire soul isn't used... Though if it isn't, yeah an incomplete soul, not attached to anything, would probably just die. Kind of like how you can't have an arm or a leg keep on living without being attached to the rest of a person.

The following is just my opinion based on what we've been told:

Lycion was made by attaching an animal soul to a human host. This is done by killing the animal. Because of this, he can "let out" the animal soul when he wants to by using magic, and his body temporarily becomes more animal-like. Lycion's mind remains unchanged.

Izutsumi was made by attaching a human soul to an animal host. Yes, this means they killed a human child.

This means Izutsumi's true self is an animal, not a human, and she's already spent most of her life in a "mixed" form, like Lycion's wolf-man form. She can't "let out" her human soul any further than what she's currently doing... Just like Lycion can't transform into a full wolf, Izutsumi can't transform into a full human. Probably because the soul that is "attached" to them isn't strong enough to manifest a complete body and take over.

Obviously a chimera is different, but originally Chimera Falin was controlled by the dragon, because their souls were mixed, and almost all of their physical body came from the dragon. Later, when most of the dragon's body was eaten, Falin was able to take control of their shared body and become the dominant part.

For comparison, Lycion and Izutsumi don't have any physical part of their "attached soul" left. The bodies belonging to them are dead and gone (possibly absorbed? But certainly not capable of independent life), and only the soul remains... Weak, and bound to their host.

Binding a human soul to Izutusmi's animal body made her become human-like, and presumably enhanced her intelligence. Kui mentioned in an interview or a Q&A that if Izutsumi tried to do what Lycion does, she'd turn back into her animal form, and most likely be unable to change back. Kui didn't specify why, but I think it's logical to assume it's because she would lose most or all of her human-like intelligence, and thus be unable to cast the spell to turn herself back, or understand that there was something for her to "turn back" to. Her human memories would probably not make much sense to her as an animal.

(We do know that some animals can use magic, however this seems to mostly be simple or instinctive magic that happens without the animal having high intelligence.)

This suggests that transforming Izutsumi into a human-like animal was done to her when she was made, and if there's a spell for changing back, they probably didn't teach it to her, since it would just undo all of their hard work, and make Izutsumi useless as a soldier... Since she could just run away and live in the jungle any time she wanted.

So Izutsumi's lived her whole life like a human (a very abused, maltreated human)... But she is in fact an animal that has some human traits. This may be why she struggles so hard to learn some basic human behaviors - they are unnatural for a cat, and so she gets frustrated and angry when people try to force her to do things that feel "wrong" for her. This also may be part of why she's unable and/or unwilling to understand complicated things that she's told, like in the comic with Lycion, or when she has to hear from every member of the party before she realizes "sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do in order to get a result you want."

I'll also add that we don't really know if the timeline numbers Kui gives us at the start are for Izutsumi's animal self, or the human child that was killed. I'm inclined to think it's the animal, but Kui worded it vaguely on purpose to avoid spoiling Izutsumi's story.

If Izutsumi only has a 'bit' of human soul where's the rest of it? Dead and gone? She doesn't suffer for the lack of it, so it doesn't seem like people need their whole soul. Could someone even take the piece she's missing and stuff it into another monster??

Well, this is gonna be a lot of speculation and very little facts, so beware (will never forget you anon who said I posted my opinions without clarifying it was speculation)

My theory is that in dungeon meshi bodies and souls have some sort of relationship? After all Marcille used the dragon's flesh to resurrect Falin and that cause part of its soul to be mixed in with hers, and at the end to get rid of his soul so Falin could be brought back without being a chimera they ate it's flesh and ground up it's bones so plants would absorb it. So I think it's safe to say there's some relationship between body and soul, at least inside the dungeon where resurrection is possible.

If we take Izutsumi's timeline as a basis, she was a 6yo child when she was taken from her parent's and turned into a beastmen (you could argue that it was a 6yo monster but Izutsumi's ages like a tallman so I doubt only here it would be referring to the monster)

So she was a small child fused with a big monster, so maybe that in itself is why there's way more monster?

The other possibility is that only part of the child was fused with the monster, or perhaps they did take the soul out of her body to put it in the monster, maybe like how ghosts that don't have a body might posses someone that dies and is resurrected and their souls are fused??

But here she only talks about the "personality" changing not their appearance, I really think beastmen and chimera fusions where parts of each show up in the final form makes more sense if their bodies (along with the soul) is fused too? But I'm just speculating.

Anyway, two possibilities

The (whole) child was fused with a much bigger monster and that's why it's the smaller part

The child killed and then only part of her (or her soul) was fused with the monster

Very fucked up either way, about your question if there could be two izutsumis made from the soul of the same child I doubt it, if we take resurrection as an example I don't think they can "divide" the human soul in two different beings? Same as how they couldn't separate part of the dragon soul away from Falin's without before consuming it's flesh? So maybe they burned the rest of the child's body to get rid of the rest of her soul in that second possibility

The AB comic about resurrection says you can't really bring back someone from pieces even if you try to resurrect all of them, so I'd ASSUME that's true for trying to use the same soul for different beings

Anyway these are my thoughts, I love Izutsumi's backstory is so fucked up and tragic... what was done to her is horrible.

[starlightkun]

lmao i saw this on my dash and was wondering if you felt this way

https://www.tumblr.com/16woodsequ/727490027584667648?source=share

cause you rarely write drabbles, everything you write is like full fic length and takes longer and i see you posting little progress updates and little notes about each fic without spoiling. as someone who likes to talk (may or may not be the adhd idk) i cant imagine being in your position like WEREWOLF SUNGCHAN! EXISTS! IN MY MIND! AND ON THIS DOCUMENT THAT YOU CANT SEE! BUT HE'S REAL!! HE'S REAL TO ME!! like how do you do it? having no one to scream to about your fics when you're writing? and having to wait until its completed and uploaded to have people to talk about it with? like especially with all the crack fics you're writing atm, i would be BURNING with the need to show people how funny your writing is

p.s. medication update: im going to switch from methylphenidate to dexamphetamine tmr because apparently im intolerant to ritalin and i think you're on dexamphetamine rn? im hoping that i see some benefits from it. btw your success is keeping some of my spirit and motivation up despite how abysmal ritalin was for me so thank you for posting about how Adderall was for you i really appreciate having someone experiencing meds alongside me 🫶🏻

-✨anon

link

LMAO sometimes that's me and sometimes i'm writing and i'm like "im never letting another living human see this abomination im writing rn this is the worst thing i've ever written and the only penance for what i've done is to throw myself off a cliffside" like there is no in between im either SO EXCITED FOR IT AND ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT AND AM SO AKSEGKJHKJGKTR or i think it's awful and consider deleting it almost immediately after like this scene for changer2 im writing rn like literally as i got this ask (im not gonna delete it but she is gonna b HEAVILY EDITED)

it's fr so hard having werewolf sungchan AND hockey player sungchan BOTH IN MY MIND RN LIKE 🤪 screams everyday i put on my uniform to go fight in the idgaf war on the side of gaf 🫡🫡🤪🤪🫡🤪🫡🤪🤪🤣🤣🫡🤪🤪🫡 lest we also not forget that single dad kun is in here too and some other fellas that yall dont know abt like its soooooo bad in here for me

sometimes i contemplate posting random one-liners or snippets when i write things that make me teehee extra hard or r like rlly 🔥🔥🚨🚨🚨 but i always get worried about spoilers versus teasers soooo i keep it locked away all to myself and maybe go a lil crazy idk who's to say so i do more vague type stuff like talking about how there's a 2.6k makeout scene without posting any actual lines from it, or saying that one of my favorite character bits that i think is genuinely super funny is in dr. magic but not saying what it is, etc., etc., OR also doing ask games like word in a wip where y'all can try to get some lil snippets from me (which i feel i am always very generous with lol)

p.s. to ur p.s.: very happy to hear that you're getting switched off the meds that weren't working for you! i'm on "amphetamine salts" (generic adderall) which is a combo of dextroamphetamine and levoamphetamine, but pretty much yeah it's the big one in the amphetamine class of adhd meds. it has a sightly different effect than dextroamphetamine alone since it has levoamphetamine as well, which lasts longer and can produce better results in some people (pls go w ur dr on this im not giving medical advice omg just what i learned in my psych classes and the information i've been given). i actually just saw my dr today to check in on how i was doing on the adderall (reg check-up appt). i was rlly worried bc the initial good results i saw in the first days were practically gone after like the first week and i was practically back to normal (i.e., bad. my kitchen is a fucking mess again) and when i told him that he was like "lol that's fine! that was just the trial dose! so we can up you to a normal dose now since you saw good results at first" so hopefully i'll be functioning again 👍 so i love this for us 🫶 rooting for us 🫶🫶

[filteredrays]

so one of my goals for this year is to Actually Finish Video Games and in service of that i think it's a good idea to write down what i'm currently playing, what i'm planning on playing, and what i've dropped (if anything) once a month just so i can keep track of it all so here we goooooooooo

Currently Playing

FINAL FANTASY VII (1997)

honestly i've been trying to finish this one for a long ass time-- it's an iconic video game and i'm one of those freaks that actually likes turn-based (or, in this case, pseudo turn based) combat (hi f/go) and i personally want to see where the plot actually goes before i dive into the remake and such. currently just past Kalm. using The Reunion retranslation patch as well as a couple of other mods to make the game actually play at a decently modern standard! widescreen! 60fps battles! it's nice. here's cowgirl tifa and sephiroth walking like he just shat himself.

Planning to Play

Elden Ring (2022)

while i did technically start this game, i haven't gotten very far and i don't think that's going to change much for a little while. yes i'm putting the biggest game of last year on the backburner for the biggest game from literally 25 years ago, sue me. i'm also not that good at soulslikes so this is probably going to be the biggest challenge and the one that takes me the longest, even though the next two entries are literally visual novels.

Mahoutsukai no Yoru (2022)

waiting for physical copy to come in so i can actually read it. haven't read a visual novel since i did the MM translation of the fate route of fate/stay night, and i'm interested in seeing what mahoyo has to offer, being the type moon nut that i'm slowly becoming. as excited as i am to rip into this one, there's one other visual novel that i'm planning on reading this year, one i've been meaning to read for a long, long time....

Umineko no Naku Koro Ni (2007-2010)

people have literally been telling me to read this since the witch-hunt translations finished up way back when, but this will be the year. 2023 will be the year i finally read umineko. i've kind of intentionally not spoiled anything of it for myself, somehow, and i plan on keeping it that way, but it's hard not to be aware of the golden bitch i mean witch at this point. i've had the game on steam for a while and will finally pull it out of the backlog at some point after mahoyo.

FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE INTERGRADE (2021)

the same game on here twice, waow. as troublesome as modern square enix is, i played through the bombing mission in this twice already and was enthralled pretty thoroughly both times. having a Vague Gist of what happens in ffvii and knowing that there's potential for this remake to suffer from Tetsuya Nomura Syndrome makes me wary, but i'm interested in seeing what the plot of this one actually winds up being, even if it winds up sucking shit and tarnishing whatever reputation ffvii has left at this point.

of course there's gonna be some mindless games to take the edge off and it's not like i'm going to abandon fate grand order at this point, i just Definitely want to get through at least these five games, maybe? this isn't even considering any games that are coming out this year, just the things that i've either played in the first couple days of the year or have been thinking about playing for a while now.

something about old video games has just been grabbing my attention this month, because i think roller coaster tycoon 2 is gonna be the game i play when i just need to turn my mind off and watch numbers go up. or down. probably down.

anyway i'll probably do this once a month or so, just to keep my thoughts more properly organized instead of just sloshing around in the primordial soup that is my brain. if you've read this far, thanks! hashtag mahoyosweep