#I'm the only manager who keeps being put on all three weekend days

[steddieonbigboy]

ugh i need to talk to one of my managers about these damn rotas

[barcaatthemoon]

holiday || lia walti x reader ||

you bring lia home to meet your family.

it wasn't very often that an opportunity arose for you to spend time with both lia and your parents. arsenal's trip to america was a pretty big deal. you and lia managed to fly out a week before everyone else was required to so that you could spend time with your family. the games weren't anywhere near where you had grown up, but lia had never been to south dakota, so you booked a weekend trip.

"there is so much space," lia said as she stared out the car window. the two of you were in the back of your parents' trusted minivan. it had been in the family since you were young, and had been the faithful transport of you and your siblings, and now your siblings' kids.

"it's kind of nice. london really makes me miss it out here," you told her. lia hummed as she turned and grabbed onto your hand. your homesickness had been an issue for the past two season. you had nearly left because of it before lia reminded you that eventually you'd get to go back home, but you might not get to come back to arsenal if you ended your contract early.

"granny's got the whole family at the house, by the way. i told her to give you a day to rest, but she knows you won't be here long," your dad warned you. there was nothing more that you expected from your grandmother. you were the only grandchild who moved more than an hour and a half away, and she missed you like crazy.

"it's fine dad, i got a monster at the airport, and i'm sure that uncle craig brought coffee," you said. at that, your dad laughed, his brother's coffee being a running joke in the family. it was strong to the point of being nearly undrinkable, and yet, the man put cup after cup of it down every single day.

lia seemed a bit lost on the joke, but you were more than happy to fill her in. you were always scared of rambling, so you rarely let yourself go on like you were. lia deserved a bit of a warning, not having really dealt with a true midwestern family before. everybody would agree on clearing out by 8:30, and the last scragglers would most likely hang around until the early hours of the morning.

"this is where you grew up?" lia asked as she pointed at the large house in front of you. since you had left, your parents had added onto the house quite a bit. there were things that you had helped to fund, as had all of your siblings. that house had been in your family for three generations, and none of you were going to let it go to someone else or be torn down.

"yeah, it didn't look like this, but pretty much. come on, let me show you my room!" you excitedly raced up the stairs with your bags. lia followed you, just barely able to keep up.

your room looked exactly like it had when you left it two seasons ago. you had played at the reign before transferring to arsenal, but before that, you had been a husky. washington had been your home away from your parents' place, and your bedroom reflected that. even before you had left for college, you had dreamt of a purple jersey of your own in the shops.

"the bed will be a bit cramped, but we should be fine. just, keep your hands to yourself, my mom has a sixth sense for that sort of thing," you warned lia. she nodded as she took everything in. you made a place for her things and then hopped back to lay on your bed. lia stood there for a moment before joining you, glad to be able to relax for a moment.

the two of you barely got to lay there for a minute before you were called down for dinner. lia looked confused about where to sit until you plopped yourself down at the kids' table. you were more than happy to sit with your younger cousins, nieces, and nephews. in your eyes, that was always the most fun table with their little games and stories.

lia tried to sit with you, but unsurprisingly, your sister pulled her away to the 'hen table' as you had grown up hearing it. you watched as they questioned lia at first. she seemed nervous, but visibly kept calm which you were impressed by. most of your girlfriends from before had run off after a good questioning from your granny and sister-in-law.

"do you kiss that lady?" nicholas, your little brother's son, asked you.

"sometimes, i do. it's a pretty big deal, she's the princess of switzerland," you told him. as if she heard the nickname, lia's head whipped around to look at you. you gave her a little finger wave before turning back to the kids' table antics.

it wasn't for another couple of hours that you got a moment alone with lia. she seemed to be very popular with your family, which you appreciated. most of the time, someone always hated whoever you brought home. you had counted on either your sister-in-law or one of your uncles not approving, but they seemed to love her the most.

"you picked a good one, chicky," your older brother said as he pulled you in for a hug. "i don't know how you pulled her, but i'm glad you did. i'd put a ring on it if i was you."

"shh, don't scare her off," you hissed as you swatted at him.

"hey, don't let her slip away. that's all i'm saying," he told you. he pressed a kiss to the top of your head and then left. his words were bouncing around in your head as you helped your parents get the kids who stayed over to bed. lia had headed up for a shower before you, so you hoped that she'd still be awake by the time you got up there.

"i didn't know you had such a big family," lia said. there was nothing behind it, just an observation. you knew that a lot of your teammates would be surprised when your whole family showed up at your game in washington. "do you think you'll come back here when you retire?"

"that's always been the plan," you told her. lia hummed as she pulled you to lay on top of her. "i'd be willing to change that for you."

"i don't want you to change that for me. if you'd let me, i'd like to come back here with you. this is a good place to raise a family."

"is that something you really want with me?" you asked her. lia nodded, as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

"of course it is. now, let's get some rest because i believe i was promised a tour of the farm in the morning," lia said. you chuckled at that, knowing exactly the amount of free labor your dad got from having people "tour the farm."

[shycoffeeland]

TONY STARK HEADCANON LIST

This includes: mental illness mentions (ptsd, depression, anxiety and their associated side effects)

Doesn't fall asleep until 3AM on a good day, has accidentally made himself slightly nocturnal.

Is on citalopram and hates it, but it's kept a lot of his anxiety at bay.

Forgets he shouldn't drink on his medication, and finds himself in spirals only to be reminded by his AIs once he's already starting to panic about it

He shows people he appreciates them by buying them things. Has no problem blowing three grand on the fly for a lunch at an insane elite restaurant purely just to say thank you to you.

Always has a headache and is always a bit dizzy.

It's rare, but it's a known thing amongst his close friends that he faints. He can't tell if it's an underlying physical issue, stress manifesting, or just exhaustion.

Gets chest pains every so often and always thinks "this is it. I'm dead." (The arc reactor is functioning perfectly fine)

Literally hates most people he interacts with and does very little to hide the fact he doesn't really care

ADHD. THE ADHD ON THIS MAN.

He has combined type and got diagnosed at 21, despite how early he graduated both college and high-school, he only ever saw doctors after his parents died.

Hyperfixates so intensely on making new tech for himself, to the point that if he feels he's almost got it, he won't leave his desk for hours and hours. Pepper has to literally pull him away to make him eat.

Doesn't 100% have a grasp on who he really is.

Had a Ton of weird phases as a kid

Very particular about what coffee he drinks, as he doesn't have real adhd meds; because they have heart-related side effects he doesn't want to risk.

Hates how everything feels when he's trying to sleep. He hates how quiet everything is, how dark and how much can happen with his guard down.

Blames himself for a lot but takes it out on other people.

His memory is insane. He'll remember just about anything you tell him. Random anecdote from when you were a kid and that's why you love going to the zoo? Guess what, you're going at the weekend. At the same time though, he often gets details badly misaligned because of how fast his head goes. (Strawberries in iron man 2)

His social medias are so entertaining and well put together, but his twitter is managed for him, and everyone clocked the difference between them instantly, so it's now an inside joke in-universe and there's tons of memes about it.

Pays for random kids college fees and gets them jobs at Stark.

Out of guilt, he set up an organisation that looks after people with severe ptsd and destroyed homes from avengers-related incidents.

Wears bleu de chanel

Keeps tabs on his loved ones when he can. He gets worried really fast.

Can't regulate tone and often ends up being incredibly offensive without even realising it

Doesn't do his own groceries and rarely cooks, but looks like an excited kid on Christmas when the kitchen gets restocked by an assistant

Had a masters degree before he had his drivers license

Gets very uncomfortable in deep conversations, but bites his tongue and listens when it's serious. He only really listens if he's close with who he's talking with though.

Goes for walks when he can't sleep or has a nightmare.

Has kneejerk reactions to loud noises, even if it's just a tray falling off a shelf and clashing on the floor, he's ready to fight and takes forever to calm down

Is horrible at dancing

Is amazing at guitar, and knows how to play all his favourite rock classics.

[asukaskerian]

🌀Post the fic summary for a fic you haven't written/published yet. It can be hypothetical or something you really plan on releasing...

🌧️Share something angsty from your WIP.

🌀 this is the suburban ot4 summary that reads like a stupid book blurb but it's all i have atm :

Ichigo and Orihime were high school sweethearts and now they're a respectable young married couple with a suburban house and a child. They are sweet and loving and supportive and there is nothing missing in their life. Nope! Nothing.

Nelliel and Grimmjow sure as hell aren't married, and never mind being respectable in any way, but they managed to breed somehow so they're gonna have to deal with that. As soon as they manage to deal with being jobless and evicted.

Surely that pair of naive normies they had a pretty bad run-in with as teenagers are not going to be of any help, though... Wait... Huh. 

Oh.

🌧️ same fic!

Before they know it, it's the weekend. Nelliel and Grimmjow haven't been kicked out yet.

It's coming, she knows better than to think it's not, but so far nobody has brought it up again. 

"Because Princess is scared of confrontation and Hubby's coddling her," Grimmjow mutters. Nelliel scowls, but can't really refute that. She doesn't know them enough, for one thing.

"Or maybe they're just nice," she tries anyway, on principle.

He arches his eyebrow, and doesn't say 'isn't that what I just said?', but she hears it anyway. 

But he doesn't say it. 

Her shoulders slump; the fight goes out of her. "We can't count on that lasting," she mumbles, but really, she has no better idea than to keep being friendly and a good guest. It makes her feel less guilty, but only so much. 

"Who the fuck is counting on it?" Grimmjow shoots back, and sits at the other end of the futon, his back three-quarters turned away and just as slumped. 

He's about to go out and look for a job once again. Nelliel went out yesterday and the day before that to look into administrative solutions, financial aids, social services, but today's a Saturday. None of that will be open, and anyway they're missing so much damn paperwork; it'll take months at best to sort out. 

So far their best option is to play model guests and pray. 

"Worst thing is I like them," she can't help admitting. They're so damn sweet. It'd be easier if she had to put it on, if she didn't have to care that they're going to run out of pity at some point.

She's expecting a snappy retort, or an eyeroll, or a "I really don't", but Grimmjow doesn't say anything, just stands up all at once and goes looking for a fresher shirt. Her chest squeezes with -- something unpleasant, frustrated and off-balance, like she's being ignored. Abandoned. 

"Grim--"

"I know that."

His voice is so rough, it sounds like it should hurt his throat.

"I'm fucking trying, alright? Ain't gonna ruin this for you."

He's not looking at her, just digging into his suitcase with every muscle tight, twitchy movements like a leashed beast.

She has no idea how to sort that out. She just -- why does he keep missing the point, why does he make it sound like he's martyring himself, god, she fucking hates it. She stands, too, fists clenched. Watches his shoulders tense, watches him fail to turn to face her.

She works on her breathing. She's better than this; than always sniping. She wants to be, she knows she is, can be, it's so pleasant and, and normal to hang out with Orihime, like she was never a half-gaijin orphan dragged straight down to the underbelly of society, clinging as hard as she could to what should be. Like they're just two office ladies giggling over the coffee machine, two neighbors with matching little houses trading hair care tips and career advice. 

She wants to be calm, and fair, and happy.

Grimmjow pisses her off so much some days and the worst thing is, she knows it's a habit she has fallen into, taking things he says just a shade worse than he meant them because sometimes he does mean even worse than that. He's a foul-mouthed bastard who revels in stalking around scaring the normies, who takes people's disapproval as a reason to make them disapprove more, so she always expects it of him.

Now he exists like an animal in a trap, all desperate energy with nowhere to go and despair creeping in, and she did it; she trapped him.

"If it's going to be ruined," she says eventually, after several answers have come to her mind and been released, "then it was going to be ruined anyway. It's still a reprieve. You won't..." 

'You won't be the cause of it,' she almost says, but they both know she can't say that and mean it, so she swallows it back. 

"If I were alone it might last a few more days, but that's the same end result." She shrugs.

He's trying. She should... 

She feels kind of like shit that a part of her is surprised at how hard he's trying. She knows him well enough, she hoped enough, but another part is used to their old rhythms. There's something savagely free and so noble inside him that she wants to tear out of the defensiveness and the cynicism it's buried under. So they get together like a car crash; there are tender moments in the dark, little slices of terribly aching vulnerability, and then it builds up; she pushes him too much, too far out of his comfort zone and they break up. 

The break-up sex is always amazing. Then she's angry at herself for a while. Tells herself it's the last time she takes him back. Tells herself she was nosy and judgmental; no wonder he bailed. Tells herself next time she'll be more understanding, more patient. Tells herself he's not interested in getting over his shit and she shouldn't date projects. 

Tell herself it'll just be a hookup. 

And then he's wild and fun; neither of them ever says sorry, but they don't leave the party when the other one shows up, and then the next party they fuck, and then the next fuck they spend the night. Breaking up like a pressure valve before it gets too much, unsalvageable; not a real ending.

But they're not breaking up now. 

She wants to build him up, drag him back and away from the looming implosion; she doesn't know how. 

"... I'm going."

She wants to tell him good luck but that's going to sound doubtful, like he needs it. She wants to say she knows he can do it, he's smart and has plenty of skills; he'll hear it like a lie, or like a binding expectation. She wants...

She wants a hug.

She dredges up a smile into her voice, watching him walk through the door. "I'll massage your feet when you come back, yeah?"

He pauses in the corridor, glances over his shoulder, gives a faint, unexpected chuckle. "Oh, I'm gonna hold you to that."

[bunnytalksf1]

BUNNYY i need your opinion on the Brazil GP right nOWWWW

well. i've been behind on talking about races in general but Brasil was a doozy

Interlagos is a track that always gives us brilliant racing, because it's so good for overtakes in the dry, and then in the wet it's about surviving.

I'm actually going to start with Alpine, because they clinched, somewhat incredibly, a double podium that leapfrogged them up the standings. Anyone who pays any attention to that team knows that Gasly and Ocon hate each other, and somehow this race was so insane that it managed to end the French Civil War. What the hell. Heartwarming narrative to end the triple header with. Two boys from France, from poorer families than most, on the podium together with a French works team. I'm gutted Renault is stopping its engine production, man. The passion lost is going to be so upsetting.

With all the chaos, Sergio Perez flew slightly under the radar, but I will be shocked if he keeps his seat next season. He's just not delivering, and hasn't been for a while. I truly believe that RBR were going to replace him pre-summer break, before the intervention of Carlos Slim and supposedly Liberty Media to protect merch sales etc.

Max Verstappen, what a way to silence the criticism. It truly wasn't going to be anyone else on race day. RBR played the strategy right, too. Those conditions were always going to be red flag worthy, so coming in was ultimately the wrong call. 133 days after his last win, a lucky break saw him go from p17 to P1, to take a win that just looked so truly inevitable.

Leclerc had a good race, too, despite only finishing P5. He got fucked over by Ferrari Strategy(tm), asking for a pit if they could pit him into clean air, but they pitted him into traffic. He was sort of saved by the VSC and everyone around him pitting under it, putting him up a few places before the actual safety car and the ensuing red flag. He made some really good moves on the starts, making up places both times. Got stuck behind Alpine a bit but ultimately did what he could. Held off Verstappen whilst they were alongside.

McLaren. Jesus. So we started the weekend with swapping Piastri and Norris in the sprint, despite Norris not having superior pace or being able to overtake and having to be helped with DRS to fend off Leclerc/Verstappen. They swapped positions again in the GP, which is fair, but Norris made two or three BIG mistakes in that race which cost him even when taking strategy into account. The first on the actual start, allowing Russell through, and then losing places on the safety car restart. The strategy is annoying: a hindsight thing, but-- oh well. I think Norris' comments post-race were rude, too, considering when he got a lucky SC win, Verstappen was there defending it, but that's by the by, ultimately.

The stewarding was SO questionable this weekend. I might do a seperate post about it, because theres a lot that went wrong, and some of it is more worrying than others.

Sorry for not saying more this race was genuinely so insane that i cant rly cover everything

[do-it-for-the-fandom]

"I don't want to sleep without you".

An excerpt from a WIP.

What you need to know: The team (Castle, Beckett, Lanie, Esposito, Ryan and Jenny) head to Castle's place in the Hamptons for a weekend getaway. Early Caskett, their relationship is still a secret and so they are trying to "play it cool" but still taking every available opportunity to sneak 'moments'. Also, Beckett is sharing a room with Lanie for the weekend.

In the scene immediately before this one, Castle and Beckett managed to sneak to the beach for a midnight stroll. They come to the obvious conclusion that Beckett should sneak into Castle's room for the night but upon returning to the house, Ryan and Jenny are in the kitchen and so their plans are foiled. So Castle is a little pouty...

Enjoy! :)

The Ryan's and their midnight honey milk - while objectively adorable - were the bane of his existence right now.

He had been so close - so freaking close - to getting exactly what he had been craving all day long. But, alas, poor planning and the Ryan's with their bad timing and stupid honey milk had burst that little bubble.

He returned to his room; wired and worked up, definitely in no state to even be considering going to sleep. So, he did the only thing he could think of: pulled out his laptop and let his imagination run wild on the blank page, saving his beloved Nikki and Rook from the misery of the abrupt ending he had suffered tonight.

Writing did absolutely nothing to ease the tension that coiled in his core.

He had known this weekend would be tough; to have to keep away from Kate, to have to sleep alone, to have to act like they were nothing more than friends when he was being haunted by the memories of the last time he was here, just two short weeks ago: the two of them all alone, free to kiss and to touch and to explore the boundaries of their new relationship with no fear of the outside world's judgements.

He loved his friends, loved the time they all spent together, but boy was he regretting inviting them all this weekend.

Three soft taps on his bedroom door pulled him from his thoughts and immediately simmered the pent up frustration he felt. He placed his laptop on the end of the bed, pulled himself from the cosy cocoon of pillows he had nestled into and made his way across the room.

When he pulled open the door he wasn't surprised to see her - who else would it be at almost 2 o'clock in the morning? - but given their near-miss in the kitchen not that long ago, he definitely hadn't been expecting her.

He poked his head out of the room, looked up and down the hallway to make sure no one was around. He grabbed her gently by the elbow and pulled her into his room, closing the door behind them.

"They've gone back to bed," she assured him with a smile.

He didn't say anything, barely even acknowledged she had said anything before he cupped her face, pulled her close and pressed his mouth to hers.

His hands made their way to her waist. Unable to resist the feel of her, he toyed with the worn cotton of her sleep shirt, slipping his fingers under the hem. Her skin was like silk, soft under the warmth of his touch. Needing more, he pressed his palm flat against her torso and allowed them to glide up her ribs.

"Why aren't you asleep?" he asked, mouth still pressed to hers, breaking away from their kiss only because his lungs begged for more air.

She draped her arms over his shoulders, wrists crossed behind his head.

"I thought you might be lonely," she said with a casual shrug. She looked to the side, her eyes landing on his bed. "It's an awfully big bed for one person."

She looked back at him, her eyes locked on to the deep ocean blue of his.

"You are more than welcome to keep me company." He pressed his lips to hers; a soft, sweet kiss. "But what about Lanie?"

She pulled back and narrowed her eyes. "What about Lanie?"

"What happens in the morning when she wakes up and you're not there?"

Kate smiled her reassurances. "She's a smart girl, I'm sure she can put two and two together."

"Yeah..." Castle's words faded as his brow furrowed in confusion. "I mean, isn't that kind of exactly that you were worried about?"

"I'll deal with that tomorrow. I just- I don't want to sleep without you," she admitted in a soft whisper.

He smiled, pulled his hands from under her shirt and shook his head slightly. "Me neither."

[sparrow-in-boots]

i'm inspired so as a cont to this post, Clay headcanons that only make sense to me part 2:

Clay had several instances of carpal tunnel syndrome and other hand tendon issues. Some of it was from biting more than he could chew when working for his father, others from simply overworking himself during college;

His mother had a penchant for outdoorsy activities, particularly hiking and nature preservation efforts, and they would often go on trips to camp out and just spend time together. His father would accompany them when he was younger but with time it became a son-and-mother activity even as things grew tenser at home;

As a child he struggled with retaining spoken requests which made helping his father a bit of a struggle since he needed to memorize measurements and the right tools to bring him, so he got the habit of writing things on his hands and arms which followed him to adulthood. He used to get bullied about the ink stains on his skin and his parents even got a bit of a chiding about it at a parent-teacher meeting once, because the ink might make him sick;

Before that he once went around naming each tool on his father's toolshed, even writing them down on the handles. To his credit, Harold did his best to recall the names and use them so Clay could find them more easily. Even as an adult, in his head certain pliers are Julie or Thomas, and each size of torques are a different B name like Bob, Billie, Bernard, Bart, etc;

He'd rather die than ever, ever admitting to that particular habit to another human being, though;

One of the things he truly misses from when he was a kid and things between his parents were still nice, was their movie nights on weekends. Without failure, his father would drive them all after breakfast to the nearest Blockbuster or cinema, and they'd pick out a movie to watch together. Even when things got hard financially and in his parent's marriage, that was the one thing they kept trying to keep alive, though it often ended up in arguments and tense awkward silent drives back home;

Once he began to explore his sexuality, he started to use a clip-on earring on his right ear but never around his family. HHe never got it pierced so he didn't have to raise questions with a hole in his ear but also because his phobia of being stung in general;

As anyone who works with machines of any kind, he developed his own rituals for his computer as well as for when he started to study the Animus software. One of those is tapping a camera lens before using it, or rubbing the logo of whatever computer he's using;

While he's not exactly a fan of tea himself, he really dislikes straight black coffee. It's either lattes or several spoons of sugar for him, and if he's drinking black coffee then you know it's a Bad Day;

He has opioid tolerance, which majorly sucked when he needed to have a corrective surgery for a hernia, and doubly sucked during his time at Abstergo since the Animus may require drugs to induce an altered level of consciousness;

He has a drawer containing all the extra bits and leftovers from projects. From extra screws and caps from furniture kits to chips and boards that aren't obsolte or broken to bits that he meant to put back eventually but always forget to. Over time the drawer evolved into a shelf and then to a considerable corner of his childhood room at his father's house. Both men refuse to do a cleanup of it just in case they need those at some point;

Speaking of, he had a small period of job hopping fresh out of college, mostly out of HR mismanagement and trying to juggle more than one job at once. Long story short, he ended up with three different work laptops that he never managed to return and are now way obsolete for much use. He keeps meaning to get rid of them but they always make him laugh, so he gives them a pass;

He's a tense and fussy sleeper, so he has a tendency to get tension migranes sometimes and they leave him with a very sour mood;

While he always nurtured an interest for space, he had a more complex curiosity for the sea and ocean life. He found it fascinating but it always left him feeling morose and ill at ease, while space always put an idealistic twinkle in his eyes. The ocean was just too close to be so full of mysteries and unknowns, while the final frontier seemed too far to give him any sense of foreboding;

Even so, he never met the sea. Only lakes and rivers, or seen it from above when he flew on planes, but he's never stood on an ocean beach proper.

[darling-archeron]

Ho Ho Hello! I’m back with another snippet!😌

We’re only one week out until the posting window opens, but I’m probably going to begin posting it closer to the 23rd or 24th, when I finally get to head home bc work ends for the holidays. The gift is still coming along nicely, though right now it’s looking like it won’t be completely finished, so I’ll be posting chapters probably once or twice a week to allow for final edits (unless I manage to actually get it done in the next week! ����🏻)

Any holiday plans this year? Other than me going home I won’t be doing much, probably just a lot of reading and trying to hit my book goal for the year (I’m 11 short right now😳)

Also what if I told you meet me in the woods is Also on the playlist? 😂 I was choosing between the two for the last message and was so glad to see you also think that mmitw is a Rhys song!!!

That’s so exciting you have hozier tickets!!! I’ve been putting off getting them bc I’d be going alone (and I also need a paycheck first 😅) luckily I live in an area where I could theoretically go to one of three concerts without being too far out of the way, so there’s still plenty of single seats available, hopefully it stays that way🤞🏻

And I’m trying not to pressure myself over word count but it’s def a long fic and around 30k now😅 (which is around twice the length of my next longest fic😬)

And for the snippet:

Rhys was slouching on a chair, one leg thrown over an armrest, the other flat on the ground to keep him from sliding right out of the seat. He had a full glass of wine in his hand, but there were two discarded bottles laying flat on the plush rug, so he’d obviously been drinking for a while.

And, on the couch next to him, sat the most beautiful woman Feyre had ever seen in her life. She had golden hair and brown eyes that seemed to draw Feyre in, despite the fact that the woman couldn’t see her.

“You can fix things,” the woman said, and Rhys groaned like he’d heard it before and didn’t believe it.

“No I can’t,” he whined, bringing the goblet up to his lips.

💜,🧑🏻‍🎄

Omg Santa, this snippet has me so excited!! Rhys being a drama queen?? Drunk Rhys?? I'm absolutely here for it. These snippets have me so excited!!

Not going to lie, hearing that we're only a week out from posting was like a bucket of cold water because I still have some major work to do for my giftee, but I'm also super excited for reveals! I feel like we're definitely going to have to exchange playlists because it seems like we have very similar tastes in music. :)

I'm also super short on my book goal, I'm currently trying to read Fourth Wing before my ebook is due back at the library but I don't know that I'll be able to finish it....I miss being 16 and being able to consume a 900 page book in like 3 days haha.

I don't have any crazy plans for the holidays either! Just some time with close family. It sounds like you have a cozy time ahead of you.

I really hope you're able to get Hozier tickets! It sounds like it's going to be a great show.

Absolutely don't pressure yourself over word count! I'm someone who does this all the time so I completely understand, but it also sounds like you're having fun writing it and I'm so glad!

I can't wait to find out who you are, Santa, you have me very curious!

Have a great weekend <3333

[enekorre]

Tagged by @morganathewitch. Sorry for being 2 months late xD

Tagging: @solostinmysea, @hapalopus, @punalippulaiva, @nathleeng, @weirdthoughtsandideas

Last song: Lost in the cosmos by the mechanisms. "All alone and lonely" broke into my brain and I had to put it on.

Currently watching: I was going to watch all of prehistoric planet bc the little owl raptor is just *chefs kiss* but I've only made it like 2 episodes so far. Finished reservation dogs recently tho.

Currently reading: I've gotten so bad at reading. The books that I've technically started with is a series I think is called Tvåhjärtattriologin? The first book is called Tvåhjärtat and (similar to the tv series) I'm only like 2 chapters in and I haven't touched it for a month 💀 But there is hope, the last series I read I got stuck in a similar way but as soon as I got going again I finished all three books in like a week. So I just have to get going probably.

Current obsession: Can I say my niece? It's so weird, I used to have so many things, but right now it feels like time is speeding past so quickly that all I can do is hold on for dear life. Work takes up around 13 hours a day (😭) and when I get home I'm too exhausted to do anything but watch random youtube videos about who know what. And on my weekends I hang out with friends and family, especially my sister/niece (she turns one and a half years in like 2 days!). I did manage to repot some plants today, and start clearing out this small aquarium for keeping water plants in (and maybe shrimp depending on how well the plants manage). I also found out that my quail love pears (I put a whole pear in and it's slowly being disintegrated).

I guess I did have some things haha, but nothing that I am experiencing like the fandoms of yore.

[lettalady]

What if Loki's stab in wish had been fatal?

[ Send me a Weekend What If ]

Hello darling. I didn't sleep much at all last night and today I'm choosing violence. So you're getting three possibilities even though I know the what if moment you're likely thinking of in regards to the WISH series.

Option 1: Likely the thing you have in mind with the dagger strike in WISH4: A Dream & A Wish. {I'll put the spoilers, and the rest, below the cut JIC.}

Because yes, Asgardian technology and medicine is advanced but a dagger strike to the gut is a dagger strike to the gut and blood loss is blood loss. Because humans are 'so breakable, so fragile' and there's only so much the medics can do once Thor rushes the agent to their care. His brother will be... inconsolable. Impossible to convince that they did all they could. That she died there on the table in the medical bay, looking up at the high vaulted ceilings and babbling about being elsewhere.

So what is the rest of the WISH series, Letta, I hear you asking. Well darling, the rest of the series -- all that follows is what she imagines might have happened in her future.

Option 2: A different stabbing than the one mentioned above. One that took place prior. Yes, I'm thinking of the impalement in Thor: The Dark World. Where Loki was left for dead after Kurse impaled him with the sword.

So then Letta - I hear that side eye you're giving me loud and clear, my darling - what the fuck. What about the rest of the MCU appearances. What about the rest of the Loki WISH series. How dare.

That thing I mentioned in option 1 where the story was what the agent imagined the future might hold? How about the WISH series is what Loki imagines would have happened in his future as he lays there waiting for death. Seeing his agent again -- because she's his agent. How she would continue to engage and refuse to do the expected thing at every turn. How he'd continue to thumb his nose at the family that lied to him for so long about who he was. How he'd continue to excel in the magicks Frigga taught him.

Are we ready for Option 3? Because yes yes those prior two are fun and all but...

Option 3: What if -- and maybe this should just be 1a, but we'll go with 3 just cause -- what if that stabbing we witnessed on the alien planet during the rescue attempt was fatal. What if it wasn't supposed to happen like that so the TVA steps in. What if this woman, this agent, keeps getting Lokis in her path, and keeps goddamned dying. That stabbing. A slight variation where they are intercepted and she gets stabbed by those that kept her there for so long. Another failed rescue.

Tomorrow. The next day. In one timeline she dies in the cold of the subarctic, care of a door that remained locked -- he makes sure Wallace pays dearly for that crime. In one timeline Stu manages to inject her with whatever was in that syringe. In one timeline she dies in the substation in the subarctic, care of that fire he magicked into being that consumed and consumed. In one she dies there on that planet. Alone. Without any rescue because he hadn't managed to convince Heimdall, or Thor, to help him. In one she dies going back to that planet, because vengeance wills it so.

[strangerthingfanfic]

Chapters 2-4 (thank you for reading. Hope to update again in a week but with the holidays I'm not sure)

Chapter 2: First day at work

Looking in the mirror Steve couldn't decide if he was in hell or maybe just maybe he could make it work for him.

He decided he could make it work for him. The sailor outfit looked ridiculous but it showed off his butt so that was an upside.

Scoops Ahoy. The ice cream stand in the mall. He had applied and got the job easily. The StarCourt Mall had been a blessing to first-time workers like himself.

Looking outside he groaned at the fact that the the sun was barely coming up. It was an ungodly hour.

He got into his car and headed towards the mall.

It was summer, he should be sleeping and being lazy but no, he was heading to the mall to work an eight-hour shift every day for the next five days. Then two days off then back to a stacked schedule.

Supposedly they expected the mall to be busy all the time with people hungry for ice cream.

Everyone hired was expected to be able to work Friday - Tuesday so they rotated the workers around so you didn't always get the weekend rush.

They were also partnered up. he was partnered with a senior from Hawkins. He hadn't met them yet but so far everyone, including the manager, was younger than him.

As he drove he noticed that the pool had a sign saying they would only be open weekends. “I wonder why” Steve asked himself as he continued.

When he arrived at the mall he laid his face on the steering wheel and closed his eyes. He would be ok, he told himself, and then grabbed his jacket and headed to the employee entrance.

When he got to the door there was a girl there in the same uniform and a bike.

“Hey, would you like to keep that in my trunk so nobody thinks of taking it?” Steve asked.

The girl turned around. She had huge blue eyes and short brown hair. She just stared at him and said “my name is Robin Buckley and we had history together with Ms. Click but you probably don't remember me but no big deal. Anyways I would love that and thank you”.

They put her bike in his trunk along with a backpack he hadn't noticed before. “I'm staying with friends because my parents are aholes” Robin explained.

Steve took a deep breath and couldn't believe what was about to come out of his mouth but it did. “How would you like to stay at my place? My parents are never there and I could use a friend” Steve said.

Robin's eyes lit up and she nodded.

“So roomie if I may, why are you leaving home?” Steve asked to make conversation as soon as they were finally let into the mall and they were getting things together.

Their manager wouldn't be around much since he also managed like three other food places that supposedly had employees that needed a babysitter more than we did.

“Well I like girls and my parents think that I'm a disappointment and need to change. Well, I won't so I packed what I needed and left” Robin said with no worry at all.

“Hey, I'm sorry. I don't care who people sleep with honestly” Steve said and Robin gave him a big hug.

As the day went on Steve and Robin got to know each other better.

As the day wound down, Steve noticed Jonathan had shown up.

All Steve could think about was how the hell Jonathan knew where to find him.

He watched as Jon sat at a table. Be couldn't stop staring at his beautiful brown eyes. They were deep and lost in thought.

“Earth to Steve we have a customer and it's your age group,” Robin said laughing.

Steve shook himself out of the trance and looked through the window. It was Erica Sinclair.

Robin was never going to let him live it down that all the kids he has been helping with the whole upside-down mess have come to see him.

He went out and said “you've already had free samples Erica, no more”.

She looked at him. “I'm not here for the free samples. I'm here as a messenger for the red head my brother is infatuated with. She wants you to meet her outside by your car after work. She has some questions. Also, I want a double fudge Sundae extra everything, reds paying” she said placing a twenty dollar bill on the counter.

Steve groaned, got her change, and then went and made her the sundae as soon as she was gone he closed the stall window and collapsed into one of the chairs in the back.

Thankfully Robin read the situation and put the ice cream and everything away. She also counted the till which he was especially happy about.

Then she slid into the chair next to him and asked “what's wrong dingus”? Steve didn't much care for that nickname but he was too worn out to care.

He told her everything. He didn't mean to but he did. She listened. I mean really listened.

“Can I join? I am in the band so I know a lot about music. I could play some songs or I can just manage. Oh maybe do costumes. Please” she said with her doe eyes blinking.

He nodded. He was sure Eddie wouldn't mind. They finished up the cleaning and headed to the empty food court to gather Jonathan.

He was still sitting where Steve last saw him. Steve's chest tightened and Robin giggled.

“You like him,” she whispered. He ignored her and went over to Jonathan.

“Ready Jonathan” Steve asked. Jonathan nodded, my mom dropped me off so I will ride with you I guess” Jonathan said not mentioning Robin at all, like he already expected her. Steve nodded and they headed out.

When they got to the car they saw Max waiting for them. She had a very serious look on her face.

Steve asked Jonathan and Robin to stay back and he went to talk to Max.

Chapter 3: Reaching Out

“Do you know where Billy is?” Max asked as soon as Steve got to her.

Steve knew it was coming but played it coy remembering Eddie’s words.

“I thought you were glad he's out of your life” Steve answered knowing quite well she said it because he overheard her one day.

Max shuffled her feet. She knew what she said was wrong but he hurt her and Lucas. He never apologized. But what happened after shook her.

“I was wrong ok. I've been worried sick. My parents act like nothing's wrong.

They buy me all this shit I don't need and even offered to turn Billy's old room into a hang-out space for my friends and me with a tv to boot.

They have his stuff in garbage bags in the garage and act like he never existed. My brain is in meltdown mode with them.

Please Steve, if you know where he is tell me or at least let me know he's safe. I promise Neil or my mom will never find out” Max said crying into Steve's shirt.

Not knowing what to do Steve turned to Jonathan. He had been with The Misfits longer and would know if bringing Max would be ok.

Jonathan nodded and gave a thumbs-up. Steve turned back to Max. “I will bring you to where he is Max but you have to know he's different. He's in pain” Steve said and gently took the girls skateboard and placed it in with Robin's bike.

Max got into the backseat next to Robin while Jonathan took the passenger seat up front.

The drive to Eddie's was quiet and a mixture of anxiety, fear, and pain.

Steve thought about placing a hand on Jonathan's lap but decided against it. He really wanted to say something to Jonathan about how he was feeling but kept quiet afraid of how Jonathan or the others might react.

As they passed the swimming pool Max started to cry. “Hey what's wrong champ” Robin asked as she rubbed the crying girl's back.

“Billy was really looking forward to being a lifeguard this summer but they fired him after what happened. He loves the water and it would have been perfect for him” Max said, wiping away the tears.

No one knew what to say so Robin just kept rubbing her back as Steve drove on.

As they were approaching Wayne's mobile home Steve became unsure they should've brought the two unannounced guests but Jonathan's hand suddenly resting on his thigh relaxed him.

“It will be good for everyone,” Jonathan said softly, making Steve's body tremble in a good way.

He parked out of sight of the mobile home so he could let Eddie know what was going on before they sprung Max on Billy.

“Alright, you two girls stay here. Jonathan and I will let Eddie know about the extra guests and if it's the right time. We won't be very long, ok.

If you hear or see a demo dog just hide, don't try to run” and with that Steve and Jonathan exited the car and headed toward one of the mobile homes.

“So how does Steve know so many young kids,” Robin asked looking to spark conversation.

“He has sort of become our honorary big brother. He has been there for all of us when we needed him” Max said, smiling.

“Next question, what is a demo dog and why does it sound very dangerous,” Robin asked, her voice shaking a bit this time.

Max took a deep breath and started telling the whole story as far as she understood it.

Steve and Jonathan knocked on Eddie's door. Eddie answered in jeans and a Hell Fire t-shirt. “You came back I'm so glad Steve” Eddie said giving Steve a big hug.

Jonathan got this look of jealousy and for some reason, Steve felt pleasure in this.

“Hey Eddie there's two more back in the car. My friend Robin who had to leave her parents because they were harassing her due to her sexuality and umm Max” Steve said quietly.

“Wow, that was fast Steve. Did she actually ask to come?” Eddie asked suspiciously.

“She did Eddie. I think she's feeling really guilty about everything” Jonathan said, helping Steve out.

Eddie took a deep breath and said, “I will talk to the others and Billy. If he's ready we will definitely make this happen. Just wait in the car and ill come get you”.

And with that Eddie closed the door and Steve and Jonathan went back to the car.

Robin looked pale when they got there and Steve asked “are you ok Robin”?

She nodded and replied “yup just learned about all the psycho things around here”.

Steve looked at Max who just said “she asked”.

Inside Wayne’s

“She wanted to come and see him. I think we should support it” was what Chrissy, Wayne, Patrick and Jason all agreed on.

Eddie knew it was the right thing as well but he couldn't help but feel apprehensive.

Billy, who had been sitting quietly listening, finally spoke up. “I will see Max but I don't want to be alone,” Billy said, visibly shaking.

No one could understand what he was afraid of but all that mattered was that he was and they all promised to be with him the whole time.

Eddie leaned over the couch and kissed Billy on the forehead and headed out to Steve's car.

Steve and Jonathan were leaning against the car when he got there.

He motioned for Max and Robin to join the group as well.

“Billy gave the ok but we will all be in the room. Remember no loud voices, no yelling and most of all just be civil” Eddie said and as soon as he saw everyone agreed motioned for them to follow

When they got inside Billy was still on the couch and Eddie slid in next to him kissing him on the lips.

Billy smiled, kissed Eddie back, and once his attention wasn't on Eddie he looked over, waved, and said: “hello Max”.

Chapter 4: Reconciliation

Max looked at the man on the couch. He looked like Billy but didn't.

His grip on Eddie's arm was one of a scared child in a room full of strangers.

“Billy, that's Robin. She works with Steve at the ice cream shop at the mall. She's also looking for a safe place to be herself” Eddie explained softly to Billy who nodded.

That was another thing, flooring Max. Steve was a free target in his work outfit but Billy just said “you look good in that Steve” and that was that.

Eddie motioned for Max to sit on the couch across from them while the others joined the group already at the kitchen table.

“How have you been Max,” Billy asked, not relenting his grip on Eddie's arm.

She took a deep breath and said “I've been good how have you been”?

Billy stared off into space for a bit but finally said “with everyone's help I've gotten a lot better”.

Max smiled and said, “I'm glad Billy. I was sad to hear about the job at the swim center”.

Billy nodded but said, “me too but there's always next year”.

Max sat and stared at Billy for a bit. He really was a shell of who he was.

He looked healthy but you could tell he didn't lift weights every day like he used too.

He also let his hair grow out even longer. It was in a ponytail and it actually looked really good at him.

There were also college applications on the table with Billy's name on them. All local too.

“Wayne wants me to continue school,” Billy said as he watched all of Max's movements. He was studying her as much as she was him.

Not knowing exactly what to say, Max began Looking around and she noticed the instruments. “What do you play Billy?” she asked.

“I actually sing lead,” Billy said with a hint of his old self-shining in his eyes.

She didn't know Billy could sing. “Could you sing something for us?” Max asked excitedly.

Billy looked at Eddie who grinned and got his guitar. Eddie started playing a soft melody and Billy sang along to the music.

Max was blown away. She watched as his face lit up with pride with every note he sang. He loved it. She realized it was probably a passion he was afraid to follow under Neil’s house rules.

When he finished everyone clapped and he got another kiss from Eddie.

That was another thing he must have feared at home. Neil finding about his sexuality.

Max was starting to realize that her brother was living in a hellscape. It didn't give him the right for how he treated her and the others but it damn sure explained a lot.

Glancing down again at the applications she noticed some pictures underneath. Moving the papers she saw that they were of Billy and he looked like he was beaten badly.

That's when it hit her what happened the night he was kicked out. She was at Mike's house with the others when it happened and when she asked all she got was “he is no longer welcomed here”.

He was beaten. He was thrown out like a sack of garbage. If it wasn't for Eddie he would probably have died in this weather.

“Billy, that was wonderful. I can't wait to hear more” Max said wanting to go over and give him a big hug but didn't want to scare him.

She looked at Eddie who nodded and slowly went over and wrapped her arms around her brother. The brother she had feared and hated for so long.

“I'm so sorry Maxie, I didn't mean to hurt you or anyone like I did. It will never happen again” Billy whispered to her as he wrapped his arms around her.

Max burst into tears. He hadn't used that name for a long time. It was his nickname for her in a distant past when they actually were close.

She missed that time. She missed him trying to teach her to surf and then her trying to teach him how to skateboard.

“Maxie stay?” Billy asked no one and everyone. Max looked at him.

“You want me to stay?” she asked softly.

He nodded. Eddie looked at Neil who said, “I will talk to Sheriff Hopper and see what our options are. Tonight she can stay though”.

Steve caught sight of the time and groaned. He didn't want to leave but him and Robin had another early shift in the morning.

“Hey, guys sorry to run but we have an early shift tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow after our shift we can come back and start figuring out this band thing” Steve said standing up.

Robin sighed because she didn't want to leave either but knew they should.

“Sure you'll be ok, Max,” Steve asked before heading out. She nodded, not leaving Billy's side.

Jonathan suddenly got up and asked Steve if he could come and stay with them.

“My mom would be pissed if I came in this late anyways” was Jonathan's excuse.

“Sure thing,” Steve said and looked at Robin who gave him a huge grin making Steve more and more anxious about this arrangement.

Eddie got up to walk Steve Jonathan and Robin to their car.

He saw that Wayne was on the phone, probably with Hopper. Hopefully, while he was out the conversation wouldn't go south.

Chrissy gave Eddie the “we have this” look so he wouldn't pause what he was doing.

Eddie tended to put others above himself and Chrissy had appointed herself his honorary keeper to make sure he took care of himself.

The walk to Steve’s car was nice though the biting wind did make it a tad bit uncomfortable.

“I'm glad you're coming back,” Eddie said as they walked.

“Wouldn't miss it for the world,” Steve said, smiling. He really was enjoying his newfound friends.

“I can't wait to share my musical knowledge with everyone” exclaimed Robin.

“Maybe jackets should be a necessity or heating lamps on nights like this though Steve hopefully won't park in the middle of nowhere next time” Jonathan said making everyone chuckle.

When they finally got to Steve's car Eddie hugged each of them and said with a smile, “Welcome to The Misfits

[norcalbruja]

Laptop issues averted, thanks to... Tony Stark?

My laptop got fixed in half an hour yesterday, so I didn't have to drop it off at the store or pay anything!

This folds into my delayed updates, because you know how Loki keeps telling me he has "Marvel connections" because HE is a character in Marvel? Iron Man / Tony Stark showed up around the first week of March and he's just... hanging out with Mythical-Loki.

Either Tony was called up by me listening to "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath for a while (because I don't mind pop music in general, but there's only so many times I can listen to THE SAME FIFTY pop songs from some CEO's nightclub playlist for eight hours a day), or Loki intentionally called him over.

--

I have met Tony and the other Avengers before, but I haven't actually asked them for HELP before (what with... being normal and not needing any life-threatening emergencies). But around the 10th, I was just REALLY fed up with work and its inconsistencies, so I was like "Oh mannnnn, I hate this place really bad today. Tony or whoever has the necessary skills, do you think you can get me off work ON TIME instead of 30-40 minutes late?"

He was like "SWEET, you're asking for things!"

GUESS WHAT, I was only about fifteen minutes late when I left work! Considering my workplace can never figure out whether I'm actually supposed to help close or not, 15 minutes is extremely quick.

Unfortunately the next day, my cash register at work started glitching out and rebooted for no reason.

I can put the cash register down to "the workplace computers are ancient, and it's not a secret that they don't work right half the time," but then MY electronics started getting buggy.

My laptop wouldn't turn off until I held down the power button, and then it wouldn't turn back on properly. My phone was also lagging a lot and tended to freeze sometimes.

I was like "Tony!!! If this is you, please stop messing with my electronics!!! If this is someone ELSE, same thing--please don't wreck my stuff JUST YET! I paid $700 for the laptop!"

--

The next day was Monday, and the bowling alley was basically a ghost town, since weekends and holidays are our busiest times. I was doing unnecessary checks on the lanes just to WALK AROUND because I only made about three transactions that weren't paying for my own lunch, so I was like "Fucking hell, they don't even need me here. ...Tony? Can you get me off EARLY this time?"

So Tony went, "Ohhhhhhh yeah, time to turn up the juice!"

In the most Iron Man way of getting me out of work, the managers had me finish my ALCOHOL SERVING TRAINING after lunch. So I officially got off an hour early, but I also spent the hour before that just legally stuck in the office. I love wasting company time, lol.

So I was like "Thanks Tony, you alcoholic motherfucker. But now I’m done with all my employee training!"

He went, "Honey, you know I’m a SMART alcoholic, right? This place is a mess! The possibilities for getting you out of this joint are endless!" And now I need to make a note to BE VERY SPECIFIC about those possibilities. Eek.

While I was panicking about my laptop on Facebook, I wrote "Tony Stark, please make sure I don’t need to get a new laptop JUST yet."

I make a lot of sarcastic pop-culture "prayers" on social media, so I don't think more than like, two people who already know about my pop-culture paganism would realize that I have ACTUALLY been talking to Tony Stark (or "a spirit who identifies as him," for my followers who might find pop-culture paganism weird).

And uhhhhhh... yesterday, my laptop got fixed in half an hour for free.

Granted, my original Windows OS got corrupted somehow, so they had to wipe everything and re-install a new OS, but my important stuff is backed up to Dropbox and Microsoft! All I really need to do is log back into my main websites and re-upload my games and programs. I'll definitely take needing a few days to "refurnish" the laptop in exchange for not buying a new laptop, or paying for repairs.

THE KICKER: While I was driving home with my Fixed Laptop, I saw some huge graffiti on a billboard with MY FIRST NAME ON IT. It is specifically only visible when I'm driving HOME that way, so that gave me a small heart attack.

Tony and Loki thought it was hilarious.

Now, aside from the snarkiness, Tony is actually pretty fatherly towards me and like... he HAS been asking me to ask him for help since he came around.

I think part of it's because he knows I'm ALSO depressed, and I have a complicated relationship with alcohol/drugs because... you know, I'm depressed AND anxious. I don't want to end up self-medicating, especially since I REALLY like the taste of cider and mead and wine.

This one time, Tony told me, "Look honey, I am NOT a god. I am a person. When someone asks for help, I help them. More importantly, I try to help them in the WAY THEY ASK. You asked the gods for help a million times already! DEAD PEOPLE hear it! The FOREST hears it! Sure, the gods tried their best, but it was not the help you need. And most of your own people's gods just aren't showing up. All you want is a house and an art career, and I'M FUCKING RICH. If I can't help you myself, I can find someone who does!"

And then he was like "New laptop, new year, new life! As His Highness keeps telling you."

Anyway: Thank you again for helping with my laptop, Iron Man. I shall keep away from spiders for the near future.

[yapposrantcafe]

Grab a chair, a beverage, and get ready to either love or hate me.

This blog is a place for me to be honest about how I feel about many things I find disturbing in the world or society these days. You see I'm a disabled middle-aged woman with a grown daughter and eldery mother living with me.

Stress, conflict, and different ways of seeing the world prevail daily here. I'll let you guess which one of our residences likes to stir the proverbial pot and cause the other two to be miserable. This person finds it fun apparently. It's not a happy place to live. Simply being family doesn't automatically equal happiness when amongst each other. It's simply a roof over our heads and a place to survive.

We are not rich but we manage to never miss a meal. Two of Three of us have college degrees that aren't being used. One on social securitiy, one on disability, and one working part time paying only for gas my car.

I should mention that my daughters father died 3 yrs ago and left her financially well off. Not like Trump, Bill Gates, or other stupidly rich people. But enough to put a roof on my house before it became serious, level garage before it collapsed, new fence in backyard to stop dogs from escaping after losing one on the road, and some of the property cleared so we could expand yard. Some invested for her senior years means it's one less thing I need to worry about.

I don't charge my daughter rent because of the money she spent to save the house, I forgot windows and gutters she had replaced, but I would appreciate some help with the housework.

Again, I'm disabled. Seizures, Daily migraines causing my brain to eat it's white matter like MS but in different areas, random weakness of limbs, Central Nervous System (CNS) that short circuits and throws my motor skills out of sorts, anxiety, panic attacks, and depression, all that to be topped off by a pretty much non-existent immune system that's kept me on antibiotics for the last 6 months.

Now you know my situation. I live with people whom I seem to annoy by my mere presence and I'm starting to feel the same way about them. I can't open my mouth without being wrong even if the dog I'm petting is blond, and I call him blondie. I'm not sure how this is wrong but wow does it set off my daughter. Now my mother just says what she thinks is wrong with my daughter, and myself, and how we should act and what we should be doing that we're not.

I feel stuck. I'd sign this house over to my daughter in a heartbeat and rent a tiny apartment somewhere but I'd have to take my mother and both pomskies so it'd not be much of an improvement since I can't drive, and neither can my mother who has bad sight.

Now you know a bit of my situation and the reason I want, no need, to write this blog. You see i keep a journal for my personal stuff to try and help me stay sane but there's another problem that involves the people around me, even those who aren't related. If I have an opinion or thought on a topic they become aggressively upset and it starts a conflict.

I don't do conflict unless absolutely needed. It stresses me out and causes my health to deteriorate rapidly. So, I try to avoid it when possible. This would be the reason I'm sitting in my room with the dogs napping on my bed writing this someplace no one will likely find it or give a damn if they do run across it.

This, my personal journal, meditation, and other stress management techniques in my room are my only solace these days. I'm fighting to correct my health and waiting to find out if I qualify for IVIg therapy to boost my immune system. It's expensive so if insurance doesn't ok it I will live on antibiotics till I build a resistance and finally pass from some respiratory something.

Everything is so full of stress I will take any outlet to depressurize it and wait till I've hopefully saved enough for another long weekend just by myself in 6 months if I don't have another seizure.

[bronanlynch]

managed to keep most of the categories fairly concise this week, please clap (this is partially bc I was busy and not doing as much ~media consumption as usual but shhh)

listening (podcast): as usual I am keeping up with Palisade, which really does just keep being So Much. you would think things might calm down after disarming every single sun-destroying bomb and assassinating a god-emperor but no things have not calmed down and it's great

also continuing to make my way through the Great Gundam Project episodes on 0079, which is making me miss those characters and especially Sayla :( I miss my girl :(

listening (music): did a lot of driving this past weekend which means listening to car CDs which means no new music. shout out to classic staples like Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace and All Signs Point to Lauderdale by A Day to Remember, which is a genuinely good song but also the first line is literally "I hate this town" so adjust your opinion of my music taste accordingly

reading: once again reading The Death I Gave Him (sci-fi Hamlet retelling by Em X. Liu) which continues to fucking rule. I'm enjoying that the Ophelia figure is getting a little bit of a Laertes arc, which is fun, love it when Ophelia gets to be a bit vengeful as a treat

also, I've started reading The Imperial Uncle, a court intrigue danmei novel by Da Feng Gua Guo (published in English by the same people who published/translated Golden Terrace/Golden Stage, which is how I found out about it). I'm having a lot of fun with it so far, I'm always a fan of political intrigue, especially political intrigue that is also a family drama, and the premise of it is that the main character has a reputation as scheming & untrustworthy that he's leaning into in order to prevent a coup that his friends are planning, all of which is catnip to me personally. also I enjoy that not only is the main character married, as someone in his position in this context would have been expected to be, but he's also textually slept with people who aren't the love interest. I think that's fun! I like when characters have histories and exist in contexts! and also I sometimes get bored when the main couple have never had a single relationship other than each other sorry

watching: still keeping up with Bakeoff. I'm sad that Rowan & Nicky are gone because I really liked both of them, even if I think it was fair that they're the ones who left two weeks ago. I was a bit surprised that is was Dana this past week though, like I get why she was in the running to leave but I didn't think she did that badly, y'know? anyway, absolutely loved the theme. as a guy who loves desserts that aren't too sweet and also floral flavors, I enjoyed that they were doing botanicals. although I think more of them could've afforded to be a little more daring tbh like come on, hibiscus is a flavor that plenty of them already use in other challenges, get weirder with it. I don't blame people for shying away from rose because the judges are always talking about how they hate it when someone puts "too much" rose in something, but I love rose flavor so I think they're all cowards

we have also been watching more ZZ Gundam. we've gotten to the new opening, and I've gotta say, the first one was a lot more of a bop, but alas. I don't have a whole lot that's new to say because it's mostly like, I'm having fun, I like Judau and his friends, I miss Kamille and Char, I wish there weren't so much weird misogyny sometimes, I love to see Haman, etc. actually the main new thing I have to say is that the set of episodes where they're lost in the desert is like, it feels like they're trying to make a point about how it's bad that these people trying to live their lives have gotten caught up in the fighting between two imperial powers neither of whom care about the collateral damage because they're too busy trying to kill each other in giant death machines, but the show doesn't let the characters or the audience sit with that or allow much interiority for the people living in the village (other than the woman who was in love with one of the soldiers and wants to die while vindicating his choice to also pilot a giant death machine which. we don't have time to unpack all that) so Imo it falls flat as a critique and ends up wrapping back around to being kinda orientalist

also saw a play that was a comedy retelling of Dracula which was. well. overall it was mostly fun, it was campy, the costuming was delightful, I mostly had a good time despite a couple of pretty odd adaptational choices. however. there were parts of it that I did not enjoy and those parts were the transmisogyny. I wish I could say I was surprised that something that was billed as "gender-bending" and "for the gays and the theys" had some pretty uhhh blatant transmisogyny in it but. unfortunately here we are, and unfortunately marketing yourself as queer-friendly doesn't prevent you from having a running "joke" about how a female character played by a man is ugly & unlovable. it's uncomfortable and bad and kinda soured me on the play as a whole which is a shame because it could have been so good otherwise. what if we as a society decided to tell jokes that are actually funny instead of relying on transmisogynistic caricatures. what if.

playing: still on Ace Attorney 5, and now that Pearl is back it really feels like the people making this game were not confident that people would be invested in the new characters so they have to keep bringing back the old ones. I like Pearl! but we've had multiple games with Pearl already and Trucy has barely been in AA5 at all, so why can't we have Trucy as the assistant for the rest of this case? tbh I think this case especially would be stronger if the points of view you got were Athena and Apollo like, you can investigate as Apollo, Trucy tags along and then gives information to Athena even though he doesn't want her to, and then you play as Athena for the trial with Phoenix there for moral support. please Capcom. please I love Phoenix but it doesn't really feel like they're doing much with him here so I would rather focus on the new characters who haven't gotten as a much screentime instead

making: we've gotten to back to assembling Miorine. she has two eyebrows and a torso now (picture taken before we did the torso)

alas, poor Mi-Yorick

drinking: according to the internet some recipes for an aviation leave out the creme de violette which I think is a crime. that's the whole point. anyway. had a very good aviation which did in fact include the violette and it fucked. shout out to gin drinks that don't include tonic water

writing: worked on a fic for a zine check-in, got rejected from a different zine that I was really interested in. the epic highs and lows of trying to get your writing read by more people than your roommate and maybe a mutual or two

[what-if-nct]

hi hi today's reminder is… heavy. i think I might be heading very towards burnout but I don't think there's anything I can take off my plate. when my mom got sick, my manager kind of took me off work for a bit but now it's picking back up because, yknow, it's a job and I'm glad they were considerate enough to basically give me three months off, but I can't expect that forever. and so work is a lot and both my teammates are out of town so it falls on me but I can't complain about it being unfair because they did all my work while I was running around hospitals with my mom. and the second i come back home, I'm on nurse duty because we're all exhausted and cancer is awful even on the good days. it's physically exhausting to help her with everything: she can't get stuff for herself, she gets tired eating most days so I have to feed her, i have to support her whenever she walks or even sits up, i have to cook and clean and help her change and give her messages every night because everything hurts, i have to keep track of meds and symptoms and chemo doses and who do I have to cover for today because everyone's exhausted but all of this needs to be done. and again: i can't complain. she's going through something unimaginably difficult. i have to hold her when she cries even though I'm barely hanging in there emotionally. i can't go out on weekends because then I'm "out" working on weekdays and that apparently is time off. I've taken to lying to my family and telling them I'm at work and going to my boyfriend's once a week just to have some time where I'm wanted, not needed. a couple weeks ago we were cuddling and he told me he was proud of how I'm dealing with all this and i cried for about fifteen minutes straight. today he made me lunch and he bought me cheesecake and we watched an old movie together and I had such a nice day until the second i stepped on the train to go home and it hit me how much I dreaded the thought of being at home. every night I stay up til like 3 because if I don't get those few hours of alone time, i don't think I can make it through this, even if I still have to wake up early and go to work on four hours of sleep.

and. i knew this would be difficult. i knew this was never going to be easy. but I'm just so drained and I'm having to dig so deep to find my empathy and i feel like a horrible person. i just want to get away from it all, and i know how selfish that would be, but I just want to go away and not be needed for a few days. to just be taken care of, for more than a few hours once a week.

Honey, When I say I know where you're coming from. I completely know where you're coming from. And I want to tell you that it is amazing that you do everything you do. It isn't easy, it's quite possibly the most difficult moment of your life. And I'm happy you do get those hours of solace you need to recooperate, cause it's so important. And I understand it's a time in your life where it's how much bending is it going to take before you break. Because you are only human and you should not feel bad about wanting to get away from it all to have time just for yourself. It's a normal feeling.

When taking care of others you put yourself on the back burner but your own responsibilities just catch up and your burning the candle at both ends and it's overwhelming. You're not selfish. You're human. I know I share my own experiences a lot but it's just my way of relating so I'll keep it short. So about five years ago my aunt had her legs amputatated and because im the only woman in the house and I'm the youngest it fell on my shoulders to take care of her. She only has a son. Only I can bathe and change her. I couldn't leave the house except after she slept and right now i can only get a couple of hours out of a day to do what i need.

But in the beginning I had to do everything on top of cleaning the house and laundry and cooking. I was only used to cleaning after myself, I can barely feed myself. I had no time to do anything for myself. It got to the point I would do anything and everything to get away from the house, things I'm not proud of but it was still better than being home and I lied so much. I hated my life so much I had no time for myself I grew to never want children cause after she goes to a facility I'm not taking care of anyone but myself. And now that I'm 30 I do genuinely feel like I wasted my 20s taking care of her. Now, it's not as bad I have more free time but I know the beginning is so hard, it's really hard.

I want you to know you are not alone in what you're feeling, you're not selfish for wanting to get away. And I can't really provide any solutions at this time, when I figure it out I'll tell you. But I can say that you are strong, so loving because it takes a lot of love to do what you're doing. And it may not seem like it but eventually things will get better. You're mom will beat this and be strong and healthy and you both will be able to live life to the fullest together. But in the meantime be kind to yourself, give yourself the grace of being human, take advantage of all the free time and love and care you can with your boyfriend and don't feel guilty about it. It's something you need. And I send you the biggest hug ever. It will get better okay. Trust me it will. I send you so much love, support and encouragement 🌸🩷🩷🌸🌸🩷🩷🌸

[gattmammon]

I'm like 75% sure my manager ignored my request to not work this afternoon because they were understaffed and then tried to make it look like I was the one who remembered it wrong

Not 100% but 75%

Me sherlocking my own manager under the cut

Facts are as follows:

- these specific Sunday afternoon work hours are extra w/r/t my regular work hours. With this Sunday morning my hours were like beyond done. Super done. I have literally worked like two extra days on top of a week that is already six days. I even woke up at 6 this morning!!!! I endured the agony of being the only fucking person awake on Sunday at 6 in AUGUST in probably like the entire fuckijg city specifically to be done faster and get out earlier!!!

- said extra hours are on a completely voluntary basis. They have to ask at the end of each month if and when we would like to do them in the following month. I have specifically said and decided that I take on way too many extra hours and I'd rather do less.

- since I was going to be on pto at the end of July, I was asked to set my hours beforehand, in like mid-July. No problems. Since I knew I was going to work a shitton during the week the whole of August, I asked for a lighter schedule on weekends, which included not working this afternoon.

- I reiterated this request AGAIN at the start of this week, got confirmation I was not included in the staff for this Sunday afternoon.

- however, the specific manager I talked to is now on pto herself. However-however, i saw her pulling up the turn sheet (yes they use a literal sheet. ITALYYYY) and she confirmed that I was NOT supposed to work (again. This is something that is largely decided BEFOREHAND).

- this morning I do the opening (I cannot stress enough how much I fucking WOKE UP AT 6) and guess what!!!! I'm in the staff this afternoon.

- I point this out and am told that I was ALWAYS marked as working this afternoon

- the Sunday extra hours printout appears during the workday marking me as working on all three of my assigned Sundays (as opposed to only two). Worth noting that said printout usually appears on like. FRIDAY before the first Sunday of the month at the latest. Almost never so late.

- now here's the thing. I distinctly remember the first manager asking me jokingly if I had changed my mind about Sunday afternoon because they were so badly short-staffed.

My suspicion is that Second Manager simply changed the service to make it look like I was included then put out the printout so it looked more legit. The printout didn't appear beforehand because they were so understaffed they were hoping until the very last minute that someone changed they mind and then when nobody did they just were like "oh Cat always works the extra hours on Sunday right, might as well".

Like. Maybe she genuinely thought I wasn't included as a mistake or maybe First manager made some mystery fuckup but the thing that gets me is that Second Manager did not say "oh somebody somewhere must have made a mistake". She said "oh YOU must remember it wrong". Like she was immediately defensive in insisting that I had agreed to do the hours and simply didn't remember when i DISTINCTLY KNOW that I walked to the Manager and told them "Ok I can do morning on Sunday 6 but not afternoon" like. Girl. What's more probable that I keeping track of only my own turns wrote it down wrong and formed a whole false memory around it or that there was a miscommunication in the office that handles the turns of 50+ people?

But the thing is if it had been her mistake then I would've been within my rights to be like "oh well. You fuck up you solve it. Bye" (which I would NOT have done!!! I'm nice!!!! If I had been told they were THAT understaffed beforehand I might even have offered!!!! But they didn't so I made fucking plans!!! With myself, but still!!! A plan is a plan!!!) But since she quickly deflected on ME, then it becomes MY duty to keep my word. Thats why I'm so suspicious.