#I'm sure that this choice won't eventually have consequences!

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

I think one of the wackiest things about the Tideturners is that because they didn't want to have armed guards and banned all weapons on the premises, they had to figure out 'okay, but how do we keep people safe if someone DOES smuggle something in then'

and their solution was literally 'let's give the sentient computer a gun'

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook/platonic!OT7

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐝 [Part 4: Skies]

In which you realize that you're no longer alone.

Main tags/Warnings: Werewolf!Jungkook, Werewolf!Bangtan, strangers/enemies to lovers, romantic Jungkook x reader, Platonic bangtan x reader, eventual smut, mentions of past emotional/psychological manipulation, hurt and comfort, fluff!, some Angst, mostly fluff tho

Length: 5k words

There is no taglist for this fic.

-> Masterlist

A/N: hi I really like this fic and I refuse to let it end up in the basement

🌲── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ─🐺─ ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──🌲

You've become rather stubborn and even after consulting a specialist- you just refuse to take any of the meds despite Jungkook's clear advice to take them for now. And while he can understand you, somewhat, there are simply consequences to that choice you made.

"I'll leave your groceries in front of your door then." He says with a sigh, and you feel yourself sit straighter now at the other end of the call. "It's probably not a good idea for me to actually come inside if you're off your meds-" he begins, and you panic.

"I can just take them right now!" You hurry out, not wanting to be alone. "I can take them now, and you.. come back later? I don't know.." You mumble, and Jungkook fights a little with himself as he walks into the hallway of your apartment building to enter the elevator, finger of the hand that's holding the plastic bag pressing the right button. "I don't want to be alone.." You say, and he sighs, running a hand through his hair in front of your door.

"Listen, I know, trust me I get it." He says. "But I'm not sure what the effect of me might be on you right now." He admits. "You might feel like you want me close right now, but once I'm there that could instantly change. Those mood swings can be wild, I'm telling you!" He laughs, attempting to change your mind.

"...how do you know?" You wonder quietly, though you're not sure if you want to know the answer to that. Of course he's probably been with other wolves in the past. Pretty ones who know themselves well and are proud and all that. Maybe he's seeing someone right now. You wouldn't be surprised- he's pretty handsome and a nice guy too.. one would be stupid to pass up on an opportunity to date him. Do wolves even date? Or do they just kind of.. live in a pack?

What do wolf-relationships look like? And why do you even think about that with him? He's clearly just your friend, nothing more than that.

"My mom is an omega." Jungkook cuts through your thoughts. "And trust me, she kicks me out randomly whenever I visit unannounced just because she can't stand my alpha-smell!" He laughs, but you're quiet. Of course his parents are wolves too. Yours were one's too- but you'll never have that at all. You'll never have that kind of family that Jungkook has. And even if he was interested in you, what would his parents even think of you?

A girl that was hidden away because her own stepmother was ashamed of what she was. Who'd want that?

"Hey." Jungkook speaks through the phone, before he knocks on your door. "Let's.. maybe you can take a peak and decide if you can handle it?" He offers as a compromise, and you get up to answer the door, unsure what he's talking about since you don't feel anything at all the moment you crack the door open to look at him dressed in a leather jacket.

And then it hits you, and you know exactly what he meant- though not in the way he explained it.

You're basically salivating at the thought of having him close- and it's not at all in any sexual sense whatsoever. Just the sight of him makes you feel like you're starving, like you're gonna pass out if he's not holding you up any second now, and he visibly seems to understand as he gently pushes the door a bit further open. "You can kick me out any time." He reassures you. "Won't be mad at all, promise." Jungkook makes sure you know, and you nod, stepping back reluctantly to let him inside.

You feel like a creep. He could literally have a girlfriend and you're here acting like he's your long lost army husband coming home from war!

"I bought all that you said you needed, and some extra things, just in case." He explains as he sets the bag down in the kitchen, before he turns, probably some of his senses tingling or something as you simply nod at him, avoiding eye contact. He doesn't really elaborate on what 'just in case' means- but you're also not in the mood for any of it, body not feeling like your own at the moment. "You know, it's okay to give in." He chuckles. Considering you've not kicked him out yet, and going after your scent alone, he knows exactly what you're struggling with.

"No.. I- I don't want to overstep some boundary, you know.." You shrug to yourself. "I know.. I know I wouldn't want my boyfriend to like, cuddle with some stranger girl in her apartment and all that.." You begin, before you cringe. "Oh god I don't know why I brought that up I'm sorry-"

"It's completely fine, really." He laughs. "And understandable. Omegas tend to be pretty physical most of the time- nothing wrong with that." Jungkook explains. "And- I also don't have a girlfriend right now, so no worries there either." The wolf tells you, making you nod a bit awkwardly.

You feel nauseous even though you've actually taken at least the minimum of your medication before he came, just out of panic. It's like you're going to cry and sob and throw a tamper tantrum if he's not getting close in the next few minutes. This is stupid. How long will it take for your dumb pills to take effect and make you normal again?

What even is normal at this point?

Jungkook moves to shed his jacket, a wave of his scent hitting you so much it makes you have to adjust your position a little as to not sway and fall over, and if he noticed he chooses not to comment on it, simply leading you towards something he's already spotted.

Your couch is covered in blankets and pillows and sweaters even. You're nesting, and you probably have no idea you're even doing it.

"I have to cook though-" you weakly argue, absolutely his slave however as he sits down in the blanket mess with you, helping you to lean closer to him- and the moment you catch his scent so strong, you're a goner, all shame thrown out the window as you pretty much push him onto his back to lay on him, arms and legs around him to keep him close and immobile- but all he does is laugh a little under his breath and grab a stray blanket thrown over the back of the couch to put it over your back. He moves a bit to adjust the things underneath his head and back a bit, but he soon settles, hand on your back running up and down in a soothing motion.

It's not all that bad actually, at least not when he's around like this.

You can feel how heightened your senses are like this- from your hearing to your sense of smell and even taste, somehow the tips of your fingers feel more sensitive to touch just as much. "...will I ever get used to it?" You worry, and Jungkook nods.

"I'm sure of it." He agrees optimistically. "And I'll be there every step of the way." Jungkook promises, making you cling just a little closer to him.

And as you fall asleep, he can't help but think just how good you feel in his arms like this, safe and protected-

and most of all warm, as your scent lulls him to sleep as well.

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When you wake up a few hours later, it seems like you're getting a taste of what Jungkook's wolf behaviour can actually look like if he's not awake enough to really control himself like he does whenever he’s typically around you these days.

Because the moment you attempt to get up, a growl leaves him, rumbling from deep within his chest- a warning for you to stay put, as he instead moves around a bit with his arms around you, and at this point, it's his body that almost entirely covers yours, as if to hide you away beneath him. There's no sexual intentions, that much is clear- and it also, surprisingly, doesn't scare you.

Like a voice is there, deep down in the back of your brain, telling you that this isn't something to be panicking about.

But you really need to go use the bathroom, bladder screaming for you to get up and relieve yourself- so you slip out under his arms, before you rush to enter the small room, closing the door behind you. It’s odd how.. Good you feel with him in your home, like there’s nothing to worry about at all as long as he’s here. Even the thought of your potential future to come doesn’t appear as scary as it usually does.

He’d told you you’ll be part of his pack if you end up failing your evaluation. So you’ll be fine, right?

Will Namjoon even accept you? He appeared to be very friendly, so he might. But there’s always a potential that having a female in the group could prove to be too difficult to handle. Would Jungkook stay with you in that case? Or at least help you find another pack that wants you?

You’re drying your hands after washing them when you hear something fall in the living room, opening the bathroom door to take a look- when Jungkook exhales in relief at the sight of you, visibly distressed. “Something wrong?” You wonder, and he shakes his head, running a hand through his hair to sort himself.

“No- no no, just.. Some stupid instinct stuff, don’t worry about it.” He laughs off, though you can see how he fidgets around still, so you walk a little closer, unsure.

“I.. Uhm, can I help you?” You ask, and he looks up at that, a bit confused. “I mean, you look a little.. I don’t know. I feel like I should do something to help you..” You mumble, and at that, his expression softens.

“It’s called nurturing instinct.” He explains. “Common with wolves of your subgender. But uh.. Mostly towards, you know.. Young wolves or..” He fidgets around a bit again, before he plays with his lip piercing. “..or.. towards mates.” He shrugs, as if he doesn’t care- but he does a horrible job at masking his emotions.

“Oh.” You simply answer, a bit surprised. “Does one like.. Choose a mate? Or is it some sort of..” Jungkook laughs a little, walking towards the mess of blankets on the couch with you, where you instantly hide your legs beneath the soft fabrics, Jungkook doing the same before his hands reach out to help you adjust the blankets.

“It’s not some magical soulmate thing.” He chuckles. “People believe it is, but it’s not.” He shrugs. “It’s just a combination of.. Emotional connection and some instincts sprinkled in. Really not that different from regular relationships.” He explains to you, and you nod.

“So because I like you, I want to.. Take care of you?” You wonder, and he nods, before his head snaps towards you, as if he just realized what you said. “What?”

“Nothing!” He barks out almost, looking away. “Just uh.. I like you too. So, that’s why I got.. Kind of clingy earlier when we were asleep.” He mumbles.

“Oh. It didn’t actually bother me at all.” You make sure to tell him. “Just.. I needed to pee, so that’s why I kind of ran off like that.” You giggle, visibly making him relax again.

“I was about to apologize the hell out of that situation.” He laughs. “I- it’s something my pack is a bit worried about. I’m not just a standard alpha after all, and neither are you just an omega. So they wonder if I could become a bit too much for you to handle, considering your situation.” He admits.

“Your pack cares too.” You shrug, and he nods. “I appreciate that. I.. don’t know why I’m so calm now, I think it’s probably some sort of instinct stuff since you’re here-” You say, before you get comfortable under all the blankets again. “-but I feel.. A lot more calm about all of this.”

“Yeah that might just be.. Well, me.” He laughs, watching you get comfortable next to him. “I tend to have that effect on people. Even my own pack.” Jungkook explains, settling down as well now.

There’s a bit of silence between the two of you, a moment Jungkook uses to watch you for a little bit, especially the way you seem to look at his hands with a bit of longing almost. “We should.. Practice for my evaluation.” You mumble, but he just chuckles.

“We got time.” He softly disagrees. “Right now I want to.. Figure out what kind of ‘liking’ you were talking about earlier.” He teases, leaning his head on the backrest of the couch while you whine in complaint, squirming a bit. “Come on, you can tell me! I wanna know.” Jungkook presses, and you huff.

“...it’s probably just.. Your smell or something.” You deny, but he grins impishly.

“Just told you though, it doesn’t work like that.” He laughs. “If you’re not sure yet I get it- but I’d like to know if there’s.. At least some sort of connection that you feel towards me. So I know where I’m at.” The wolf shrugs. “Or rather what I can aim at.”

“Aim?” You wonder.

“In terms of, if it’s okay for me to.. Approach you romantically.” He admits.

“Would you.. Want that?” You ask, and he nods.

“But only if you’re okay with it too.” Jungkook makes sure to let you know. “Right now, I’m not head over heels or anything like that. Just.. Interested. You seem like the kind of girl I’d be happy with.” He admits. “But if you don’t have any interest in me like that, that’s cool too. I’ll simply be your friend then.” He explains to you, and you nod.

“I.. I like you.. Like that. But I don’t want something like.. Right now.” You admit.

“Alright, fair.” He nods. “Wasn’t going to jump you right here and now anyways. Just wanted to know where you’d like to go with me.” He shrugs.

“Is it okay if we like.. Take it slow?” You ask, and he nods.

“Absolutely.” the wolf agrees, and at that, you calm down, visibly so- making him relax as well as he settles down with you, holding you close beneath the numerous blankets on the couch.

Falling asleep with you just a little longer, because you’ve got time, after all.

🌲── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ─🐺─ ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──🌲

“What’s this all about?” You ask, as the employee closes the door to the room, leaving you alone with a wolf you’re not familiar with.

Jungkook has told you he’d like to ask his pack to help prepare you for both your upcoming evaluation, and for what’s to come in general- and you agreed to let them help you, which brought you into todays situation. Min Yoongi has tagged along with Jungkook to a training center specializing in instinct control and helps young wolves practice around in a safe environment. It also offers some specific physical therapy for elderly that struggle with shifting- and you feel oddly taken care of here, everything looking very inviting, bright and clean.

“Jungkook will be watching from the outside.” Yoongi tells you, nodding towards what appears to be a mirror- but is actually a one-way window.

“Why isn’t he here?” You worry a little, sitting down in the middle of the room like the instructor had explained to you earlier. You’re wearing simple clothing- just a top, comfortable leggings, socks, no shoes. You had to take off all jewellery and accessories outside, just like the wolf sitting in front of you with a good amount of distance.

There’s no furniture inside here. The walls and the floor are padded. Insulated. Scratch-resistant, as the employee had told you with pride.

“Because this won’t be pleasant.” Yoongi says with honesty.

“What’s.. Gonna happen to me?” You ask timidly. You actualy appreciate how honest and upfront Yoongi is- he seems very rough and nonchalant, but you like that he’s not masking his words or emotions.

It’s comforting.

“It’s different for everyone.” He explains. “The only thing you need to keep in mind is that nothing is going to happen to you.” The wolf offers. “You won’t be harmed. You can’t die here. You’re safe.” He tells you, when a short tune plays, signalling an announcement.

“We’ll begin the training now. Please try and stay relaxed.” The instructor says, and you look at Yoongi uneasy, a very faint sound being emitted from a corner before it stops again.

It’s quiet between the two of you. You’re not sure what you’re training for, right now.

Suddenly, you feel weird. Your muscles ache, as if you’ve sat in an odd position all day, bones stiff as you shiver a little. You’re not cold, but your fingers still tingle as if you’ve been holding ice all day- lips becoming dry. “You can move freely, by the way.” Yoongi offers, voice a lot gentler now. “Everyone deals with this differently.”

“Deals with what differently?” You ask, adjusting your legs a little before you arch your back, unable to get rid of that odd unease you have in your limbs.

“Shifting.”

Your eyes snap towards him, and he even cracks a smile for a second, before he adjusts his own position a bit. “You won’t be actually shifting right now, don’t worry.” He reassures you. “But you will feel like it. Or at least, it’ll feel similar.” He offers.

You’re standing up now. Pacing. You can’t stand still.

Whatever it is, it’s making you feel like your clothes are itchy, burning in every spot they touch your skin. You’re trembling too, as if you’re freezing- but you don’t feel cold at all, if anything, it’s the opposite. You run your hands through your hair. For some reason it bothers you, makes you want to pull it out from your scalp.

Tears knock at the backs of your eyes. Why do you feel like crying?

“Why- why do you not.. React at all?” You ask, trying to distract yourself. Yoongi shrugs.

“I’ve been shifting for years. I’m used to it.” He offers. “It’s not like I don’t feel it. I just handle it better.”

You take a deep breath, remembering what he’d told you. You’re fine, you’ll be okay, nothing is going to happen to you.

“Jungkook is probably just as fidgety as you right now.” The alpha chuckles.

“Why?” You wonder, walking around aimlessly before your entire situation gets worse. You don’t know this, but on the other side of the room’s one-way window, you’re very much constantly watched by both Jungkook, and trained staff to make sure you’re alright. Your vitals are being measured.

You’re safe, just like Yoongi said.

Though Jungkook still feels oddly uneasy watching you like that, the way you begin to cry from the sheer discomfort you feel, instincts so clear now as you walk towards a corner to rest your back against it, curling up on yourself with your backside against the wall. He wants to comfort you, help you feel better, but he knows it’s better like this. They won’t put you through the full course today- just a taste, to ease you into things.

You’re doing great already. He feels oddly proud almost.

Yoongi watches you from his spot, looking almost completely unfazed by it all. What he does do however is slowly approach you as you whimper to yourself, curled up into a ball as you try and fight this all on your own. Jungkook watches as the wolf in the room with you sits right in front of you, gaining your attention.

“You’re not alone.” He tells you, making you watch him while your head feels ready to burst open like a balloon. “and it would be the smartest decision to realize that now.”

“...why.” You ask, barely heard.

“Because the help you need is right in front of you.” He says, and it takes you a moment to realize what he’s saying. So, as you slowly open up a bit more, you let yourself just exist.

Jungkook is right. The only way to face this properly, is to accept it all first and foremost.

And so you let your instincts do their thing, as Yoongi seems to instantly catch onto it, opening his arms to accept you clinging to him. It’s normal omega behavior- the company and affection of packmates ease a lot of pain and anxieties, and you feel it right now, too, as you let him hold you.

It doesn’t magically make this experience easy- but it makes it definitely more manageable.

The second the training is over, you feel immediate relief- something hissing in the corners of the room, and it’s as if you can finally breathe fresh air again, throbbing head finally easing up. You basically melt into a puddle of tired muscle and he’s quick to hold you, surprisingly comforting as he watches the door open to let in Jungkook.

“Hey.” He softly tells you, and you reach out to him- though you stay close go Yoongi as well, somewhat surprised how Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind at all. Maybe because they’re friends? Maybe that’s why there’s no obvious jealousy.? “you did great.” He praises, and you lean back from Yoongi to compose yourself again, wiping your cheeks in embarrassment.

“..that was.. odd.” You mumble, and Jungkook helps you stand up again, both wolves leading you out the room to have one last checkup before you leave again. “so that’s.. somewhat what shifting will feel like?” You ask a nurse, who laughs.

“a little. It’s not quite the same- but the simulation is the best we have to prepare you for it.” She explains, while she checks your vitals. “and considering that you have a pack, you’ll do just fine. The first time is always scary.” She smiles, looking at Jungkook who happily nods, while Yoongi has his back turned towards you.

Back home, by yourself, you let the entire day run through you once more. From the feelings in the room, to the way Yoongi soothed you, up towards Jungkook driving you back home- things are so much different than what you thought wolves would live like. This feels a lot more intertwined and connected than your own family life ever did- why would your mother keep that from you?

Maybe you’ll call her, in the future. To ask her why she took care of you even if she knew what you were. To question why she would even involve herself with a child like you were if she hated wolves so much.

But not today.

And not tomorrow, either.

🌲── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ─🐺─ ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──🌲

This is embarrassing.

You can’t sleep. You keep waking up, windows open or windows closed, you feel watched, chased, never safe. And the worst is when you actually do end up asleep, you dream of Jungkook, and the pack, and then you wake up and realize you’ve barely slept half an hour even.

Your eyes sting whenever you close them. You feel drained, and it’s not even three in the morning.

Are they still awake too? Probably not. They all have their routines down, their a pack, a family, something you can only really fantasize about. What if you’ll disrupt that peace and quiet they have established for themselves? Sure, Jungkook didn’t seem to mind you clinging to Yoongi yesterday, but what about the rest of his fanily- surely this will just end in disaster.

You sit up in bed. You can’t sleep.

You turn on a documentary on your phone to watch, but it really doesn’t help much to force you into slumber- if anything, the screen just starts to give you a headache, so you stop the video after not even twenty minutes in. This is stupid. You never had issues sleeping- so why now?

You’re only taking half the dosage of your medication that you used to get. And this dose will be cut in half by the end of the month as well, to slowly prepare you for the time when you’ll be off of them entirely.

You already have pamphlets and little books about the changes to come- from your first instincts pushing through, to other.. intimate things, such as how your periods will change, and what to expect from your first heat. It’s a lot to take in, really, and while doing your research these days, you realized just how complex the world of a werewolf really is. From specialized hotels that care for lone wolves during their heats, to other programs helping single packless wolves stay healthy in mind and soul. Weekly social activities, phone counseling, personal health care just for wolves without a pack make you feel oddly comforted.

You’re not alone. That’s the slogan almost all these companies use on their ads.

Maybe you should make an appointment soon. Just to have things figured out- and so that Jungkook doesn’t feel like his pack has to take you in. Sure, You like him, and it’s clear that he likes you too, but is that enough? Can wolves from different packs even be together?

There’s so much you still need to learn. Just thinking about it makes your head spin.

Your phone vibrates with a message. You tap on it, to see the sender- Jungkook- still online.

‘Hey, just wanted to check in if you’re alright.’ Is written, and you reply.

‘Yeah, why do you ask?’ You respond with, and he instantly starts to type on the other end.

‘I couldn’t sleep.’ He sends you. ‘neither could Yoongi, and then I saw you were online half an hour ago’ he continues. ‘so I figured you must be still up’

‘I can’t sleep.’ You admit, and at that, your phone vibrates with an incoming call from him.

“Why didn’t you say so?” He yawns, and you’re a bit confused. “Yoongi said you’ve been up since around one or two AM.” He chuckles.

“How does he know?” You wonder astonished, when the lower voice answers.

“I was working, and saw you online multiple times.” He chuckles. “It’s not rocket science.”

“Oh.” You mumble, realizing that it was actually pretty reasonable. He was probably texting with someone and checked up on you as well- but that doesn’t explain why Jungkook seems to know as well. “But wait, why can’t Jungkook sleep?” You ask.

“Because we’ve bonded more than you did with Yoongi.” He replies. “it’s like.. an instinct you could say. I could sense something off.” He tells you, and you just take it in. All of this is so complex and difficult to understand sometimes.

“Its most likely the stress from yesterday.” Yoongi reassures. “either that, or your instincts are pushing through. You’re an omega- they don’t do well on their own.” He bluntly states, while you hear some clicking from a computer mouse. “did you not tell her she could sleep here as well?”

“What, no I did!” Jungkook defends himself. “I think? Wait, I did tell you, right?” He asks you now, and you think for a second.

“uhm.. I don’t think so?” You answer. “but even so, I wouldn’t want to intrude-“

“Jungkook are you a whelp?” yoongi is heard scolding.

“I forgot!” He defends himself. “hey- okay so, you can really sleep here as well, it’s no bother, believe me.” Jungkook tells you now. “Namjoon was actually wondering why you aren’t here yet. His cousin is an omega too, so he knows how to handle a lot of stuff.” He explains.

“Wouldn’t it be.. awkward?” You ask, hesitating.

“Tripping in public is awkward, yet millions of people do it everyday.” Yoongi answers stoically. “if you want to stay here, stay here. If you don’t, don’t. We wouldn’t be offering it if we wouldn’t be okay with you.” Yoongi explains, and oddly enough, it helps you feel better.

“..is there anything specific I should take along with me?” You start, when Jungkook cuts you off.

“I’ll help you pack your stuff-“ he starts, when something clattering is heard. “what?”

“Jungkook you dog, it’s four in the morning!” Yoongi whines. “You’re going to wake up the whole pack!” He complains, when a door is heard opening. “see? Now Jimin is awake and that means the entire woods know about it!”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean!” the new voice argues, before he laughs. “I’m just curious, you’re acting like spies in here.”

“did you- Jimin, you left the door open!” Yoongi complains. “and the stupid kid left his phone here too..” he sighs, while you can’t help but laugh.

“Well, at least she’s having fun.” Jimin giggles along.

“For now. Wait until she finds out Jungkook snores in his sleep.” Yoongi teases.

“Hey, it’s not that bad!” Jungkook complains, making them laugh as their voices fade into the background, the wolf having taken back his phone after having grabbed the car keys. “I’m gonna come over now, and we can either nap first and pack later, or pack first and nap later.” He tells you.

“Its.. thank you.” You tell him.

“No problem.” He answers easily.

“you’re not alone.”

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

I’ve been a lurker for a little bit and I love your stuff, could we pretty please get some Headcanons for Charon or Gob. I’m on my knees over here they have like no fanfic or content 😭

What a coincidence, I literally just posted headcanons for Gob here (NSFW), and our favorite bouncer is next. I also have long-form works for both in the pipe, but the Charon piece already has some serious work done on it.

Charon's writing frustrates me endlessly tbh. He's so intriguing (and fuckable, obviously), but there's so little there in the canon to answer the questions you naturally have about him. So, I may be taking a few liberties here.

Charon (Fallout 3) NSFW Headcanons

I firmly believe he's prewar, and I think he's been enslaved/"under contract" since he became a ghoul. Regardless of how the whole contract thing works, he has the same issue as Gob where he hasn't been allowed to have desires or boundaries, just in a different way (Charon is obviously able to defend himself physically, and even technically has some manner of free will, but he knows that there are often unpleasant consequences for failing to obey his contract holder). The man IS a slave, but a strangely complicated one. If you want meaningless sex, he'll give it to you. Whether or not he actually wants or enjoys it, you'll never know without a real connection or a long, long time of studying his general behavior. He's incredibly hard to read up front, agreeable but not really warm or open.

His contract is supposed to entitle the holder to his labor in combat, so he's not really required to do anything else, as far as I can tell, including have sex with them if they ask, but I think he would use it as a sort of excuse to do so if he was already inclined.

You can't give him the contract or otherwise "free" him from his enslavement in the game, but in my opinion, that's silly. Sure, I think it would take a long time of him getting used to the idea of it, but I also think he'd certainly WANT to no longer be a slave at some point. Eventually, the contract is moreso an excuse. He never takes it from you when you offer it to him; he's following you because he has nowhere else to go, because he wants to. Eventually, he's following you because he's in love with you in his own way. But as long as you physically hold that piece of paper, he has the excuse.

If he does care about you, he will resist your physical advances, at least at first. He believes he's protecting you, as he always does, by sparing you from the social consequences of choosing to be with a ghoul. However, at the end of the day, he wants you, too, and eventually he won't be able to deny himself, especially if he knows you won't deny him. Even then, he'll kind of hate himself for being too weak to not fall in love with you, and he'll feel insanely guilty and selfish for not letting you go like he should. He's a fairly morose man overall, and I think he'd spend a lot of time pondering what the consequences of you two choosing one another this way will inevitably be.

Even with that under consideration, he'd still be happy with you. Keeping you safe and happy is pleasing to him (even if he likes to feign annoyance at your little peculiarities and your choices sometimes), and you'd get to slowly, painstakingly slowly begin to see him sort of begin to become his own man again. Over time, he'll talk more, but it's still almost always to ask about you, to remark about something that isn't himself.

Speaking of which, once he begins to "wake up", so to speak, become more aware of his newly-granted autonomy and his desires, as well as your own, he's gonna be rearing to go all the time. Slowly, he's gonna become fully cognizant of the fact that you really do want him as much as he wants you, so...why shouldn't you be fucking right this second, again? Doesn't really matter where you are. Who's gonna stop him from fucking you? Who's gonna succeed if they try? What I'm saying is this: I hope you're ready to basically be a free-use pocket pussy for this big-ass ghoul.

Some ghouls, like Cooper Howard, were once pretty serious ladies' men who've developed some hard edges over their long lives; despite this, that charisma often remains buried somewhere deep inside them, waiting to jump out at the right person. Charon is not that. This man had zero game before the war and he has less than none now. If you want traditional romantic gestures from him, you are going to have to specifically explain and request them, as unromantic as that may sound on its face. He wants to see you happy, but he's never really had to think romantically, so it doesn't come naturally to him at all. He knows about foreplay as a concept, but lacks patience and finesse when it comes to getting things started. Lots of shoving his hand up your shirt, down your pants sort of awkwardly in the beginning. Roughly groping you to signal he's in the mood to the point where it sort of hurts.

You know what they say about men? The dense ones fuck the hardest. Charon IS that; he's not unintelligent, just a very straightforward thinker. But he's obviously great at following directions, including when you beg him to fuck you until you can't stand.

He's just as quiet during sex as he is normally, save for a few grunts and growls and occasionally asking if you're okay, but you may notice over time that he's more physically affectionate. Likes to stroke your face, pet your hair, pepper you with kisses in a way he usually doesn't. I think he would see you being distracted by him rearranging your guts as an opportunity to be slightly more vulnerable.

Big fan of cockwarming. Already likes to just hold you in his arms while you both do something quiet, but he likes it even more when you're doing whatever you're doing slid down on his cock. His favorite is when you climb up into his lap, naked from the waist down, sink down on him, and immediately take a nap on his chest.

[deramin2]

Absolutely love that Marisha was probably going to make a tamer choice, but Matt saw the perfect opportunity to push her as a Delilah, and really feed Laudna's paranoia. I think that really pushed her over the edge and Marisha fully ran with it.

And Liam really thought through what he knew (this was Laudna and she's being manipulated by Delilah but not intentionally hurting Orym), vs. what Orym knew (something he couldn't see attacked him in his sleep and he needs to defend himself from it because he had no idea what it's intentions were and has every reason to assume it's trying to kill all of them). Honestly Orym remained pretty defensive overall. Love that they both learned into how much both of them felt totally justified and like they were defending the party from harmful corrupting influence.

———

I'm someone with mental health problems that cause intrusive thoughts that can make me feel so absolutely certain that I'm justified in viewing other people as being intentionally harmful and lash out at them. In the moment it feels completely justified and righteous and a truth other people need to hear even though they'll resist it. I try really, really hard to resist expressing those thoughts. I try to remind myself I will end up regretting it and pushing people away permanently who (justifiably) won't put up with that treatment.

But sometimes it's so strong or I'm so triggered by the awfulness around me and despair that it escapes me. It feels like everyone else is lying to justify evil and I'm sick of it. Consequences be damned. It feels protective of other vulnerable people. And then I lash out and say things I regret and get yelled and blocked or dropped or otherwise lose people in my life and get more and more isolated. And feel like they're totally justified because really it's me who's the evil monster and need to be isolated for other prep people's protection because I can't be trusted and can't be better. I don't even want anyone too comfort me or love me because they don't deserve to be hurt by me eventually. (I'm not saying that's actually true, but that's how I feel and it feels very real to me while it's happening.)

———

Marisha absolutely nailed that depiction. In an ongoing way but particularly in CR C3 E95. And I love that it came right off the joyous mania of the shopping spree for and crafting season where they were all bonding and making plans for the future and letting off steam. But then she was triggered and all of that didn't matter. Off anything the strength of those emotions was a pendulum whose momentum helped her distress swing harder in the other direction.

She was triggered, and Delilah was a second layer of intrusive thoughts that made her feel so sure of her feelings and actions. 100% justified as Marisha said. And she would have been totally justified in just waking Orym up and having a conversation about the sword and at least putting it in the Bag of Holding overnight until they could make a long term decision. I think that's what Marisha was planning to do until Delilah showed up. She wasn't justified in hurting Orym in a unilateral decision that she should feed the sword to Delilah. Her thoughts were very real to get but not based on facts. Whatever her intentions she hurt Orym and avoided apologizing.

And I loved how Imogen pushed back this time. So often she's enabled Laudna because she loves her wants to comfort her. But this time I think she saw that's not what Laudna needs. She needs someone to check her and keep her from escalating. She's feeling complicated feelings right now because she loves Laudna, but she hates Delilah and what Delilah is getting Laudna to do. Like the partner of an addict who loves them, but hates what the substance is doing to them and how they're acting to feed that addiction. I can't wait to see how that plays out in the future.

The whole thing was incredibly real representation to me. This is an incredibly triggering situation that they're all in and they're all crumbling in the face of it. Chetney and Orym both made deals with Nana Mori. Chetney for fame, Orym for power. Ashton secretly took the fire primordial shard and nearly killed themselves in front of Fearne and then the other others. Imogen tried to flip her mom on the cult that's indoctrinated her for decades. FCG did blow himself up. Fearne was lured away by her shitbag sperm donor in the night so he could try to kill her and have a copy take her place. Dorian watched Lolth's crown take over Opal, his brother die, and his friends scattered. Laudna is feeding Delilah's power. None of them are okay and they're all being totally reckless. They're both bonding over their recklessness and being pushed apart by it. Can't wait to see what happens next.

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝔸𝕥𝕥𝕒𝕔𝕜! ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ anon request: Hi, I hope you're having a good day/afternoon/night :) I'd like to ask you for some platonic headcanons (although if it's not your style it's okay to ignore it) about the demons in obey me and how they would react if MC saves them from a surprise attack by a demon hunter (whether she ends up very injured or not I leave it to your choice 😉)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Hello! I love this idea honestly. But I take up to 8 characters and there's total of 9 demons in OM! that I write for so I removed Lucifer and did the other demons because they're getting too little love </3 Hope you won't mind this little change and still like it!

Also I really hope I did platonic for everyone- I might've got ahead of myself and automatically did fluff for some so... lemme know if that happened!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ platonic, TW: mentions of reader dying, small descriptions of cutting/sword swinging

✧ the moment news about demon hunter going around Devildom spread, you were paranoid and the weight of calming you down landed on Mammon

✧ your age didn't matter, he'd take you to casino to relax. Or... he'd want to... if you're too young for it Lucifer or security would definitely kick his ass for trying to do that

✧ luckily tho, he wasn't worried about you since the demon hunter obviously hunts just demons, even he knows that!

"Don't ya worry, human! I'm called THE Great Mammon for a reason!"

✧ but the moment he crosses patches with one... he's actually more concerned about you than himself

✧ he's gonna step in front of you, assuring you it's alright while it's actually him who's considering if it'll be better to fight or run away

✧ and the moment YOU save HIM is like a hit to him... I mean, he was supposed to protect you, not the other way around! But you'll still catch him blushing from emberassment as he mutters small thank you. Bur you better listen because he's not repeating it!

✧ that's if you wint end up dead... if you do, he actually breaks into tears when he realizes he lost someone important again...

✧ the demon hunter might not be here anymore but even then, he makes a promise to your empty eyes

"I'll make them pay... for doing this to you... I'll be the one protecting you this time. I won't fail for the 3rd time."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Levi would be just as if not more scared than you

✧ he's already isolating, what made you thought he'd even consider going out in such a circumstances? Well... you would...

✧ after solid 6 months, even you calmed down and figured that demon hunter must've calmed down so you thought you might as well go game shopping with the third brother!

"Uh... seriously? What if that demon hunter is walking around? No, don't go alone!! Alright I'm coming..."

✧ but as he imagined, 6 months were definitely not enough to calm down... because just before you entered the game shop, you had to be push Levi aside or he'd get hurt

✧ if you didn't got hurt badly, he'll definitely first talk them off but he will summon Lotan without hesitation if they decide to make second attempt

✧ but if you did got hurt badly... he summons Lotan immidietly, not caring about consequences, he just wants them gone after seeing you in this state

✧ but surprisingly you didn't even felt a single drop on you, he was ready to destroy all the buildings in this city but made sure you won't be anymore hurt

"Y/N please tell me you're alright... and that I didn't hurt you more... c'mon they're gone now, let's go back home, this store had nothing that catched my eye anwyay..."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Satan was the wise one here, like usual. He figured news must be playing jokes or that the problem will pass soon enough, so after 2 months, after news completely calmed down, he tried calming you down as well

"Remind me, for how long this 'demon hunter' had been quiet? 2 months, exactly. No murders, no signs, just quiet. You're being paranoid, Y/N."

✧ he eventually had enough and took you out by force to show you no one's scared anymore and it's just you

✧ but as he was dragging you along, focused on not bursting with anger from your whining, he didn't notice the swing which you took

✧ it definitely left a bruise on you, but let's assume it didn't kill you! He'd still be pissed, the moment he sees blood on you, he's already in his demon form ready to hunt down anyone who did this to you

✧ and if you're actually dying? He'd make sure to remember their facial characteristics, he want to run and get vengeance but he also knows you're close to death and need help QUICK

✧ but in the end, he can't save you... he becomes even more angry on daily basis and will hunt down anyone who looks at least a little similar to that demon hunter, he didn't care if it wasn't them, he can't risk not trying

"I'll make you pay... I won't kill you once, but 100 of times, so you can feel what you did to them."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@miya-akane - come get your cat lover!

✧ let's be honest, both you and Asmo were absolutely terrified at the news of demon hunter going all around Devildom

✧ you can't count how many nights you two spend together and how many times he complained to you that he's running out of his beauty products but doesn't dare to go out alone

"I can't go alone!! Y/N c'mon... I'll buy you something too!"

✧ it wasn't helping your worries but you really had enough of his whining... so you figured one hour in the city shouldn't hurt! I mean, what's the chance demon hunter will appear in this exact city at this exact hour?

✧ well this hour apparently was enough... you didn't even had good luck around when you noticed something shining as Asmo was still rambling... you quickly realized it was a sword and without second thought, pushed him away

✧ at first, he was a bit upset because you pushed him on dirty wall, ruining his outfit but upon realizing WHY you did that, his emotions shifted on the person who caused it in the first place

✧ seeing the cut on you made him absolutely furious, and believe him, he wanted to fight. But whether the cut is deadly or not, he'll rush back home with you

"Ugh! They're the real demon here! Hang on Y/N... I will not let you end like this."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@vodka-glrl - come get your pretty princess~

✧ Beel was actually quite cautious but still confident in his skills, always assuring you he can manage even if he gets attacked

✧ but you still insisted on going with him anytime he goes out, so that's how it also was today

✧ and he's actually more careful when he's walking with you so that's actually good for you both

"We should get something to eat while we're at it... I'm not this focused on my surroudnings when I'm hungry..."

✧ it was just the moment when Beel's stomach was growling that the demon hunter striked before he knew it. And before demon hunter knew it, you got in front of ginger demon

✧ it won't be a lie when I say his heart stopped for a second when he saw a sword making an injury on you, he even threw his food away just so he could fight the one who did that!

✧ believe him, that demon hunter tasted better than the food

✧ now, you injury doesn't matter, injury is still very risky for humans, he'll just be more worried if it's deadly one

✧ he's definitely not leaving your side, be it when you're alive or a ghost, he promised himself to always have an eye on you

"Hey... I brought your favorite snack... I thought we could... eat together or... appreciate it... however it wouldn't sound..."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Belphie is kinda simoliar to his third brother with it... why go outside and risk your life when you can sleep?

✧ you literally don't have to worry about him because he not only sleeps through whole days but also keeps you trapped so you can't go in the city, the only source of news for you is tv and media

✧ so when you heard cafe's are opening again as Devildom have calmed down... you thought it could be nice to go back to your dates!

"Uhh... it's so early... didn't that demon hunter just kill someone 2 days ago? ... Maybe 2 months, same thing... let's sleep together, it can also be a nice date..."

✧ you'll literally have to force him to go outside, not because he's scared but because he's lazy, and looking at how it ended... he'd actually prefer if he was stubborn enough to pin you to bed and not go out...

✧ because when you went outside, he just saw blade in one second and your injury in another

✧ no matter of your injury is deadly or not, he'll throw his fists at the one who caused it

✧ he's having flashbacks now and trust me, he'll go all the way out, especially with deadly injury

✧ he looks so scary and ready to kill, but once you're alone, he breaks...

"I'm so sorry... I'll save you in another life, I promise... Believe me, I or anyone won't hurt you once..."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@miya-akane - come get your sleepyhead~

✧ Diavolo just wanted to see human world, he didn't expect there was still something like 'demon hunters'. And even if, he made sure to disguise as human well!

"Well isn't that nice... You certainly have quite a culture! What do you recommend we visit?"

✧ apparently tho, it wasn't good enough because in one second he was sharing a donut with you and enjoying the time, and in another he saw you getting in front of him we someone swinged their sword right through your stomach

✧ if you didn't end with deadly cut and more of a warning one, he'd manage the situation, it was just the attack from surprise that caught him off guard

✧ he chooses to try persuading them first but if that won't work, he'll only break their weapon and eventually knock them down, not wanting to cause too much damage

✧ poor boy will be like a puppy following you around because he feels guilty for this whole situation

✧ but if you did end up with deadly cut... he feels like he failed. Failed as your partner

"I'll do better from now on... I promise."

✧ his heart was telling him to get vengeance but his mind was telling him to wait... so with small sadness he tried persuading this demon hunter to give it up but when it obviously doesn't work, he will 'accidentally' finish their life

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ you decided to accompany Barbatos with his tea shopping in human world, thinking it could be nice to spend some time together and learn a thing or two about tea

"Now we'll be heading there. I know it seems like shady place but believe me, it's actually the opposite. It'll be best if you see for yourself."

✧ but he for one had a bad feeling about it... he tried keeping his guard up but in one moment, when he was checking what's tea made of, he let his guard down...

✧ he just heard you bumping into his back, making him turn around, realizing he was lost in his thoughts for a little while

✧ he'll be so relieved when he sees you with just a little scratch and makes sure to scare the demon hunter you're dealing with, be it with his appearance or be throwing them into wall, it all depends how cooperative they'll be

✧ but if you ended up with no chance of living, he wouldn't care to scare them off and would rather immidietly end them, apologizing while reporting to his lord for what he did

"How can someone so careless even call themselves a good butler... Eh... maybe I could mess with time again... just a little bit..."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

[merp-blerp]

Just thinking out loud about The Thunder Saga and everything connected to it.

I get why people are mad at Eurylochus for opening the windbag, but I don't understand blaming him for the crew getting caught by Poseidon. Sure he definitely sped up the event, but even if they were inches away from Ithaca right before that moment like they were in the original Odyssey (which seems to be hinted at with Ody saying "And I'm getting closer to you"), Poseidon would've gotten to them eventually anyway because he's a god, a major one at that. And gods get their will no matter what consistently, even if mortals try to twist it like how Ody does when opening the bag a second time. I can only assess what sagas we have currently, so I could be really wrong as future sagas come out, but I think Aeolus must've known that fact and that was the game he was playing. As if he's saying, "I'll help you, but I can't stop Poseidon with a bag. The Winions will even make it extra hard with a treasure rumor." The bag was supposed to aid the crew home, not stop Poseidon, so they would've had to deal with Poseidon anyway in Ithaca, which probably would've made more casualties because they would've brought their trouble to the whole kingdom. Remember Ithaca is on an island. Poseidon is the god of the sea, so Ithaca would be a perfect target for him to destroy because of that. But it's not his will to do that; he wants to play games with Ody to avenge his son. The only reason why mortals feel like they have a choice and can manipulate fate is because the gods like to play games; it's still their will if Ody wins a game like he does in "Ruthlessness" because it was their will to play in the first place, and they can win if/when they want to. Just 'cause Poseidon "lost" in "Ruthlessness" doesn't mean he actually did, he just let Odysseus go. For now. If his will changes and Ody gets no consequence from him it's on his terms, not Ody's. Just like with Circe, as I've talked about.

But back to Eurylochus, I adore the parallels between The Thunder Saga and The Ocean Saga. During The Ocean Saga, Eurylochus only opens the bag, not for treasure, but to give the crew closure, as we know thanks to Aeolus's "Now they wanna get the bag open so they can have closure". Especially if they were close to home, I imagine his thought process might've been that opening the bag was wrong but morally okay since the journey was almost done and Odysseus was sleeping so it seemed like it wasn't a big deal anymore in his eyes. But that's more my hypothesis. In terms of canon, his trust in Ody, which wasn't high to begin with, was dwindling, as Ody bragged about how no men died in war and then several died with the Cyclops. "Everything's changed since Polites, so". In The Thunder Saga, it's similar, as Eurylochus knows killing the cow is wrong, but they've all lost hope on getting home with their captain going to extremes to get there himself, killing them slowly like with Scylla. They know that deep down the whole time Odysseus wanted to get home himself mainly, only bringing the crew because he cared out of the kindness of his heart, and now that his heart has changed they know they won't get to Ithaca if the gods keep messing around (and they do). This post pointed out that Eurylochus was likely just trying to provide for the crew and himself in their final moments before another trap emerges and Odysseus decides to continue to sacrifice his men if he feels it has to be done again. Eurylochus isn't dumb, he knows their goose is cooked if they kill the cow, especially with Ody in his ear telling him, but they'll die either way, in the hand of the gods or Ody. They will die and not see home, but at least they can die not starving, and go on for a bit longer. They had nothing to lose. Eurylochus had doubted Odysseus this whole time and he does so till the end. When Eurylochus says, "But we'll die", it's not a plea to stay alive, it's him confirming out loud that Odysseus will not choose his men over Penelope and Telemachus. He's reaffirming to Ody that they'll die; almost like he's finishing Ody's sentence "I have to see her". Odysseus couldn't say it, but Eurylochus could since he'd known they'd died for so long already. In the live stream animatic, the crew attempting to kill Odysseus near the end of "Thunder Bringer" isn't them trying to escape their fate, but trying to bring Ody down with them so Ody won't get his choice. They've long accepted the fact that Ody isn't to be trusted and they all are going to die, but Ody is, for lack of a better word I can think of, cheating in the crew's eyes by having an out thanks to Zeus. In their view of fairness, they all have to die if they aren't getting home. It's a last attempt at a mutiny. It fails because that's not how Zeus wants his game to work, and he gets his will.

They are all puppets of the fate the gods have chosen, whether that fate benefits them or not.

(The only "exception" to the "Will of the gods" rule so far is Ody and the baby, since Jay has said it's "ambiguous" whether or not the baby is spared. If not exactly by being dropped, I'm sure he'd die some other way honestly because the gods want that. It'll probably come up again in a later saga—"ambiguous" is too cryptic of a word to use when everyone assumed he died in the first saga)

This is all just my take, by the way, no one has to agree with me.

[chrysanthemumgames]

Hello! Can you explain the mechanics/consequences of selecting that you do not experience romantic attraction at the start of the game? Does that choice to be aro mean all routes are automatically set to platonic for the rest of the game (which is totally fair if true! I think it's good to have a choice where a player won't have to "worry" about romance in the playthrough at all), or can the PC identify as Aro yet still access a romantic route? (For example, my MC identifies on the Aro spectrum and the choice "do not generally experience romantic attraction" seems applicable, but I would still like to play a romantic route with the different ROs.)

I was prompted to ask this because I started a playthrough and selected the Aro-coded choice at the start, and then after the holiday hangout (which was with Charon, if that matters), the only two options available were to say that I essentially no longer had a crush on them and wanted to be friends, or that I was disillusioned with them before and no longer cared about them as much. I wondered if this was normal for the end of the hangout, or Charon exclusive, or a result of my initial romantic attraction choice.

Thank you for any insight! :) I'm having a lot of fun with the game so far but wanted to clarify this choice before progressing farther.

Hi anon!

I believe that option is meant to close off certain romance-oriented dialogue, but I may have been somewhat inconsistent with when it does and when it doesn't, if those are the two options you're getting after Charon's event. I may have waffled a bit with what I was doing without noticing, since being aromantic is of course a spectrum thing.

I'll have a look at it when I go to handle bugs and other things for an update, and make sure to get that functioning consistently.

It's not too much of an issue yet, because nothing in the first game locks in whether the eventual bond the PC has with the character who's route they're on is romantic or platonic (so you can play forward without worry about that), but those options sound odd for the scenario you describe, so I'll see if I can get it fixed up.

Thanks for your question, and I'm glad you're enjoying FoA!

[arom-antix]

i'm not a fan of That Person but this feels like dogpiling to me and idk if thats better, or how constructive insulting their intelligence is

That's totally fair to feel. I'll readily admit that I'm not being particularly gentle here nor do I have much patience left for this person. However, I don't personally agree that multiple people voicing their grievances about someone who's been allowed to get away with what I find to be pretty lousy behaviour for a long time is dog piling. To me, it's simply people finally speaking up about this. I've held my tongue for a while as have many others, and now it's all coming out at once. I totally understand that that comes off as intense and sudden, but it was bound to happen eventually (that's at least how I see it, you're allowed to disagree of course).

And I'll also agree that I'm not above being petty, and I don't claim to be. I'm not here to be on a moral high horse. I'm simply pointing out lousy behaviour as I see it. As I said, I have very little patience for the type of person Samurai is as I have first hand experience with the way these types behave. However, while I've definitely shot some petty comments, Samurai has repeatedly belittled and demeaned the intelligence of the entire fanbase and whined about how no one is as academic and intellectual as they are. At some point it needs to be said that their attitude and belief in their own intellectual superiority is incredibly rude and arrogant and that they're in fact not the genius they present themselves as. Is that harsh? Sure, but some people don't listen to criticism unless they have to. Samurai has repeatedly demonstrated that they consider others beneath them and won't listen to people genuinely trying to give them feedback. They've driven fans and friends away with extreme accusations and have then vagueposted about those individuals as if they're the ones betraying their loyalties. I might not be being gentle about all of this, but from my PoV, the time to be gentle has long passed. Samurai has had their chance to be kind like they encourage others to be but have repeatedly failed to take it. I'm not going to play by their rules if they don't even do that themselves.

To be clear, I don't think Samurai is stupid nor am I demanding they get off the Internet. My point is simply that they're not acting in good faith a lot of the time and let their own grievances with lack of engagement or disagreements about interpretations of canon hurt other people simply trying to enjoy their hobbies in the way they like. Samurai has every right to continue being on the Internet, but they need to realise that actions have consequences, and it won't be anyone else's fault if others find them insufferable and as such avoid them. Samurai has to take accountability for their rotten behaviour. People are not required to give them chances they haven't shown that they deserve.

However, regardless of whether we agree on this approach or not, thank you for this ask and for telling me how you feel about this situation. Your opinion is valid regardless of whether I or others agree. But please, if you'd like to discuss further or have more criticism, direct it at me and not the others simply adding to my posts. I chose to start this discussion, and I'd like it if those simply contributing aren't targeted for my choice to take this on. But please, do DM me or reblog one of the threads with your grievances if you'd like. Every voice is allowed to speak in this discussion, and if someone makes you feel like you're not allowed to argue for your PoV, send them to me. If you feel like I'm coming off as hostile or as if I'm discouraging multifaceted discussion, please do tell me.

Again, thank you for this ask. Us disagreeing doesn't mean you don't deserve to be heard. I want to make it clear to everyone that having an opinion that isn't the one currently taking centre stage isn't illegal and you're allowed to voice it. I'm going to be answering every ask, even those I don't agree with. Opposed =/= invalid.

Thanks for the ask, anon.

[kerakeriza]

Love Love Love your art!!! It’s sooo beautiful and the dialogue is top tier!!!! Can I ask what Damian’s relationship with his Mother and that side of his family is like in your universe??

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! 💖

yeah of course! in newish earth, the foundation for their family dynamic comes from one book, batman: son of the demon. the only thing from that story not canon to my universe is talia giving her baby up for adoption. instead, she keeps him, and i'll tell you why.

so, if you haven't read it, what basically happens is that bruce and talia make their marriage official, they make love and conceive a child. when bruce hears about this, he's sooo so so happy! even ra's is happy, because his daughter is happy. ra's throws a big banquet and welcomes bruce into his family with open arms, and it's the sweetest thing ever honestly. but since they're all working on a mission together to stop some bad guys, of course trouble arises.

bruce puts himself in way too much danger just to protect his pregnant wife. talia realizes bruce is gonna get himself killed for her and their baby, so she lies and tells him that she miscarried so that he won't be so damn reckless just for his family. she tells him to leave her alone, and he does. (the next time bruce and talia meet in the comics, bruce is very bitter about what happened, and even though talia offers to give up her life as an assassin for him, he refuses, not only because it's too painful for him right now, but also because he knows he'd have to give up being batman to be truly happy with her, and he simply can't do that.)

keep all that in mind for the ghul family dynamics. so, on newish earth, talia raises damian as an assassin not because she's a maniacal psycho or whatever, but because she wants her son to be able to protect himself. she does plan to tell bruce about damian eventually, but only after she's sure that bruce doesn't need to be so lethally reckless just to protect his family. talia also gives damian the necklace that bruce gave her for their wedding, and when bruce sees this necklace, he's even more hurt, but it makes him realize how much he does still love and miss talia, how he never, ever could forget her, as much as he wanted to, as much as the lie of a miscarriage hurt him. as much as he wished he was there for damian when he was younger.

likewise, ra's has no problem retiring in this universe, and while he does pressure damian to stay with the league to be his heir so talia may leave and refuse the role of heir herself, he doesn't try to take over his damn body. he'd never do that to one of his family members. in this universe, the only person who wants to hurt damian is dusan, as he is jealous that he is not the "prince" of the family himself. talia had always been the favorite child, so ra's wasn't a perfect father, but he still wouldn't do something as crazy as trying to hurt his precious grandson.

so damian actually does love that side of his family, he just resents being brought up the way he was. when he was 10, he obviously didn't understand *why* talia didn't just run away with bruce and raise damian together with him, away from the assassins. but... at the same time... he also acknowledges how privileged and blessed that life was, too. as an assassin, the prince of the assassins in fact, he was gifted so many luxurious things, and he gave it all up to become robin. it was an actual decision that he had to make with actual consequences. it wasn't as if he was leaving an abusive situation and finding nothing but freedom. he was leaving a loving home and going into a new home that honestly treated him like garbage just for how he was raised, which he obviously had no control over. his own actual choices don't seem to matter at first.

anyway... that's pretty much it! i'm starting to ramble now. just know that nobody is perfect but they all try to do their best, from their own perspectives. except for dusan, because he's bitter and jealous lol.

[bonefall]

dont know if you've decided this yet, but please dont make crowfeather deputy, or do but only if you specifically mention that harestar gave his husband's garbage father the position of deputy

unfortunately I'm bound to it, as I try to stick close to canon. I can't change something as massive as a leader appointment without it sincerely diverging the course of BB

Unless by some miracle, Crowfeather dies (YEEHAW) before becoming Crowstar, the dude abides.

But don't worry, you know I wouldn't drop this on everyone the way canon does. I'm already targeting some fixes to make sure Crowfeather isn't horrific choice for a deputy. Breezepelt is also getting a full redemption arc in AVoS, his father can't just apologize him out of bad behavior in an SE

I went over this once over here, so here's the fixes restated with more detail;

Crow has a reputation as StarClan Blessed for being on the Sundrown Patrol. This is a high honor that follows all 5 cats who participated.

From a much earlier point in time, Crowfeather is shown as having friends and not being completely incapable of being social. Gorsetail in particular was a childhood friend of his.

But, Crowfeather's "maturation" truly begins after the Secret was revealed.

UNLIKE CANON, CROWFEATHER IS A DRAMA QUEEN. He is NOT aloof. BB!Crowfeather is actually quite different from canon for this.

When the secret is revealed, he's public about his exposed love of Leafpool, even declaring in front of Nightcloud that he still loves her.

Onestar puts his foot down and says, "You porked a Cleric, you won't shut up about it, get out of my Clan for a month." There is consequence for Crowfeather breaking the code.

So instead of him being a total piece of work until just after OOTS, he is working on it a lot earlier, at the start of BB!OotS.

Though, even post-OotS, he's somewhat selfish, snappy, and not ready to be in power... unlike Harespring, who rolls out of his Dishonor Title quickly with an immediate commitment to helping WindClan heal.

In AVOS, Crow has expanded roles in reaching out to Breeze during his redemption arc. VERY important. Breeze joins the Kin in BB!AVoS, Heathertail joins later when she learns Darktail is her half-brother to find the truth

First, Crow is part of Harestar's secret patrol to bring medicine to the Yellowcough-stricken Kin and ShadowClan, violating Onestar's embargo to bring them the herb mullein. He tries to open dialogue with Breeze but he won't hear it.

Second, Crow is part of the Rescue Party to save Kin cats towards the end of the arc, building a secret tunnel with Brushblaze, Harespring, and a few more. With his help, they were able to save Heather, Breeze, Sunstrike, and a few more

So, Crowfeather is sort of having his own redemption as well. Though, I don't want Breeze and Crow to ever really be in a 'good' place. They're... cordial, eventually. Both with the understanding they have both become very different people, but Breeze can never truly 'forgive' his father.

Crow's also really not involved with his grandkits, Breeze doesn't want him involved with their early lives.

Also casual reminder that HareHeatherBreeze is endgame in BB

[jasperhaleobsessed]

If only he survived

Summary: What if...Pietro not only survived but made a different decision.

Warnings: Mentions of violence and war.

Word Count: 1,800

Notes: the ending might be a little rushes but I liked how everything else turned out.

Wanda's POV

"Get the people on the boats," I advised carefully. I surveyed their surroundings for any robots nearby.

"I'm not going to leave you here," Pietro argued, his blue eyes shined with defiance. Always the protector. I didn't love the idea of separating from one another but I didn't have a choice. I'd only slow him down, he'd be able to save more lives by having his arms free and his mind focused on helping civilians.

"I can handle this." I blast off an approaching robot and then say, "Come back for me when everyone else is off, not before." I was hoping that I'd convinced him, but nevertheless, I didn't. He was stubborn and caring, and I couldn't help but think he'd make an amazing hero. Perhaps we could do some good. "Hmm," Pietro says, half listening.

"You understand?" I ask, trying to get his attention. I needed him to do this and not worry about me. I was joking when I said I could handle myself. But I know he knows that.

"You know, I'm twelve minutes older than you." He joked with a sly smile. I felt relieved and I couldn't help but chuckle as I said, "Go." And with that he sped off, taking out any threats in his path and helping civilians.

Pietro's POV

Choices have consequences, right? That's what Mama and Papa always told my sister and me when we were younger. And I have to say I agree with that. What Wanda and I did, I'm not sure if it did us as much good as we were hoping. I mean we have these powers but we or I shouldn't have trusted Ultron. I still don't like Stark he relies too much on technology to save the world, and to fix his mistakes. But what we did. it didn't help Sokovia, it didn't save us from grief and vengeance. That's the consequence of what we did we didn't get what we thought but maybe just maybe, Wanda and I will get something better. It might not be a family but a calling, a place in this chaotic world.

I looked around my home, seeing these people hurt consequences or not I had to help, didn't I? This is penance, right? We all gotta pay eventually and when I looked at the 'Avengers' I knew if I didn't I wouldn't be much of a hero. Wanda and I watched sitcoms periodically as children it brought us a lot of comfort while there was so much conflict and fighting. But I also remember seeing these heroes on television and at the time I thought they didn't truly care. I thought it was a bunch of crap. But now I'm not so sure. Whether or not the 'Avengers' are good right now I needed to be a hero for my home.

I'm not sure how this will all turn out but maybe this time around I can help some people. I'm not entirely sure if the 'Avengers' or Stark are on the right side of things but I do know that I can't let Ultron destroy the world. All he sees is the evil and there's a lot of it but I'd like to think there's good within humanity.

I have this feeling that by the end of this something going to happen, I can feel it in my bones. My gut was telling me to be careful. But me? Careful? Yeah right. But Wanda would be heartbroken inside if I got hurt or killed. I just can't help but feel that maybe just maybe I was wrong and that the choice I've made won't be the only consequence of what is to come. I couldn't believe it after all this time Wanda is rubbing off on me. I'm starting to sound so ominous and almost responsible and worried too.

Everything slowed around me almost as if it all stopped but it didn't stop. I'm just running fast enough that everything goes so slow it looks as if it's stopped. It's very slow which works in my favor because that means I can help more people and get around before anything terrible happens.

I warned people to evacuate and helped those unable to escape. Fortunately, I was able to help many people to the boats I turned around and saw that Ultron was about to shoot at Barton. He was trying to help a little boy to the boat. I cracked my neck and raced towards a building. I'd never tried this before since there's a good chance I won't make it. And I've never had a good opportunity to do it before now.

This could go terribly especially since I have to jump extremely far but if that means they live well I’ll play the risk game. I could hear Wanda’s voice echo in my head, “Be careful, Pietro.” Her accent was thick with worry and fear. I could feel it vividly and I whispered, “I will.”

I took a deep breath and readied myself to run as fast as I could manage, “You can do this Pietro.” Wanda's voice was encouraging. I ran towards the building and across it. I watched Ultron carefully, avoiding him as best as I could. Everything slowed around me as I moved swiftly towards the Jet. The end of the building approached and I built up as much momentum as I could. I finally jumped towards the jet. Everything felt slow and chaotic as so much happened around me, but all I could focus on was whether or not I was going to make it. I remember Wanda’s voice, I had to do this. I barely made it as I grabbed onto a hinge of the jet. I climbed atop and hit the front of the glass as hard as I could, surprising Ultron. He tried to press the gun but I distracted him. I ran in front of the machine and all around the jet which only made him angrier but sure enough bought Barton the time he needed. I smirked as I dismantled his little machine.

He looked at me with pure rage as I continued to run around the room until he grabbed me by the neck. “You think you're some hero? You're just a little boy who lost his parents, and now home who happened to want revenge which in turn helped me. You are nothing but a pawn in a game.” I struggled to escape his grip and he pulled me towards the window and smashed it so hard that I fell out. This wasn't the greatest plan, was it?

Wanda’s POV

I ran as fast as I could. This was not supposed to happen. I hadn't realized Ultron would go to such lengths. I underestimated him and his thirst for power. I knew he wanted to complete his mission, he'd do whatever it took, what I hadn't realized was how far he'd go or that he would throw Pietro out the window. I shouldn't have underestimated him and what lengths he'd go to get what he wanted. There's such rage in him, so much he will do anything in his power to destroy Stark and the Avengers. And humanity as well.

I was no speedster that was Pietro's role but I felt determined as I ran past different streets of rubble to catch him. I felt closer and closer with each step. Despite my determination I couldn't stop trembling, worry filled my bones as I looked from street to street. That's when I saw a blue blur falling from the sky. I used my power to fly above and I caught him.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? How did you do this? I mean I knew you could but that was insane. You could have been killed you shouldn't have done that!"

"Wanda!" Pietro warned.

"What?" I asked.

"I think we might need to move and fast, he's right there." I smacked his head, "I know!"

"Ow! Geez! Sorry!" I moved us to the ground. Once I put him down to the ground safely, I hugged him tightly. "I thought I lost you."

"You can't get rid of me that easily." He then went on to say, "I didn't know you could fly." I smiled softly, "Me neither I guess we both did something pretty great today."

He hummed, "I guess we did, we should probably find the others right?" I nodded and with that, he picked me up and sped us towards the swarm of Ultrons.

Pietro's POV

Wanda and I were met by many, many angry Ultrons. Alongside the Avengers we took them out. We were able to save many people's lives by evacuating them but unfortunately, Sokovia was turning to rubble.

"We need to get to Ultron and destroy his core," Stark said.

"And how do you suppose we do that?" I ask.

"Well we could-"

Wanda interrupted him and said, "No, let me I can get close to him and destroy his core,"

"Wanda! How are you going to do that?"

"Well he trusts me so I know I can do it."

"And how can we trust you to do that?"

"Hm you probably won't no matter what I say but it's better than the plan you had."

"Oh alright! fine! But take speedy with you." Stark said.

"Are you sure about this, Tony? There has to be a better way." The captain asked.

"No not really." I didn't need to be asked twice I lifted Wanda and sped her towards the train. The Hulk or Doctor Banner had thrown him off his jet, I saw it from the sky as I fell it was hilarious despite the fact I thought I was falling to my death. We reached the train and Wanda stepped inside.

"Wanda, Pietro. If you stay here, you'll die."

"How thoughtful I thought you hated me," I said, sarcastically.

"No. I don't. I care for you both too much." Wanda stepped closer and using her magic pulled his core out of him. "If you cared you wouldn't have thrown my brother out of a window." She turned away and we walked off the train.

We looked up from the sky as Stark fired a powerful blast to the core underneath the floating city. Thor brings on a blast of lightning, at the same time Vision flies in, grabs Wanda and me, and flies us off as the city is being destroyed. Thor then uses his hammer to hit the Vibranium core in the church, destroying the core and our now floating home.

But now we have a new place to call home with the Avengers. Clint also said we'd have a home with him.

Later

"We're Avengers now, can you believe it?" Wanda chuckled, "Yes I can, somehow."

"I think they wanted us to meet with them, right?" She nodded and with that, we headed to the new facility she flew down and faced her.

The Captain greeted us and yelled, "Avengers assemble!" And all I could feel was hopefulness that this could turn out good.

[thedawningofthehour]

so while I've been reading doth---and I'm sure this is mostly cuz I'm a sucker for good family dynamics---I've been all for draxum and galois and Casey getting to be a good healthy family unit, and have been righteously annoyed on the family for not being able to see that Donnie and galois are two separate people now and trying to treat gale like he's still they're brother when he's now functionally NOT, but then I got thinking about how, if when Donnie got new memories and became galois 'Donnie' continued existing as like a spirit or something, how he would feel about current events. And. I came up with this.

"Oh, no no no no, no no NO NO NO!!! HOW DARE YOU? How dare you care about him? How dare you comfort him? YOU DID THIS! You're the one who gave him those traumas! You don't get to pretend you didn't do anything! You don't get to erase what you did to me, like it didn't happen! How dare you erase my life, erase ME like I didn't matter. Like you can just make up this perfect son without having to deal with such silly inconveniences as the CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR OWN ACTIONS. Because the stupid thing is, you do might have won me over. Because you DO have a point. I really didn't know about all the bloody history, or the reality of life for yokai. And maybe I would've been willing to help you with a less crazy plan. But what kind of fucking conversation starter is chaining someone to a table? It's YOUR fault I wasn't willing to compromise. I can forgive you for having a cause. But I find it fucking HILARIOUS that you think it's reasonable to, after KIDNAPPING ME, make one (1) offer to let me choose to help you, WITHOUT REALLY GIVING ME A CHOICE, and when I said no just going, 'WELP, I TRIED. TIME TO FUNCTIONALLY MYRDER THIS TEENAGER.' BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU DID!! You shattered me and shoved my broken pieces back together to make this perfect new person, caring so much that my 'personality' was intact, like you can just pick and chose parts of me that you like and get rid of the rest. How dare you? How DARE you reduce me to that?

You know it will destroy him, don't you? He's smart, just like I was. Eventually, he'll find a piece of evidence that you can't explain away, or my family will finally find a way to get through to him, and he'll finally put two and two together and realize what you did. Who he used to be. And when he does---when he finds out you've been lying the entire time, that all his memories aren't real---you know it'll destroy him, don't you? who he is and who he used to be will slam back together, and it'll be like a meteor crashing into a moon, and there will be no survivors. He'll break into pieces so small that you won't be able to build anyone new out of it this time. and then you'll have no one. And it's all you're fault. And there's no avoiding it now. It's inevitable. And I hope you know that by taking the short cut and cutting away the pieces of me you didn't like, my history and my loyalty and my love for my family, you've put a count down on his existence. you only have so long left with him, and there's no minimizing the damage. I hope you know. And I hope it eats you up inside.

and I can't wait for it to happen.For it to all come crashing down on you. I hope he gets dragged from your arms. And I don't care if we suffer in the process. I'd kill Galois just to make you feel his loss. I would have died to keep myself from you."

So I mightve gone a little overboard (and also a little out of character, but I like to think rage does things to a person), but long story short I'm not voting for them to be a happy family by the end of this anymore :/

Sorry that this is stupid long haha

Thanks for writing! I do really love your fic. It makes me think deeply

Donnie saying he would kill Gale is...interesting. Carry on.

Donnie and Galois don't really have separate consciousnesses or anything, but...yeah, this works.

[silver-wield]

I haven’t played the rebirth yet. So i’m very confused about the alternate timeline. When Zack met marlene, and Marlene said Aerith likes Cloud…isn’t in that alternate universe Cloud and Aerith haven’t met before?? Both are unconscious. And why did Marlene already stay with Elmyra? Since Cloud and the gang haven’t teamed up and met Elmyra and/or Aerith??

So I was just talking about this after sitting through the most boring part of the game ever! I mean I thought it started slow, but jfc this went on without end 😮‍💨

Anyway, getting to the point about "multiple timelines"

It's not.

It's more like a what if, so not like multiple timelines but multiple choices, like the game mechanics.

Zack basically spells it out in the tunnel. The choice he made affected his future and Biggs and the other choice disappeared forever. There's not some alternative Zack taking the left path. He made his choice and has to live with it. Like Aerith said "the past is forever".

What Sephiroth wants to do is merge all choices and all life into one entity, himself. That way he exists forever across all time and space.

So, the premise is whoever comes into contact with Aerith or Sephiroth can see the whispers and get some inkling about fate. Marlene hugged Aerith and saw her death. Because of that her impression of events is skewed. She likely saw choices that she didn't understand and that didn't happen. Marlene is staying there because she was left there by Barret in Remake, so she only knows soldier Cloud and not the one who's in the wheelchair.

And during the "dream date" Cloud makes it clear he's not romantically interested in Aerith. He's angry he has to give her a reunion flower pin because he knows it's for lovers and he doesn't like her like that. The candy tastes like crap. The photographer says they don't look like they're on a date but at a funeral and refuses to take their picture. He doesn't know where "their spot" is either, and when they eventually get there he calls her a friend.

And before all that at the GS Aerith asks him if he was dating Jessie and he says they were friends and she calls him dense. So even if she thinks it's a date, he doesn't. And he says as much several times throughout the game. Aerith is the one desperately trying to make something happen and he ignores her or changes the subject.

Anyway, the whole premise with Rebirth is to show player choice, but also denote the differences between those choices. You can force Cloud to date someone he doesn't like, but he won't be happy about it and won't kiss someone he isn't interested in. Eventually the choices merge into one canon path and become irrelevant.

That's why this isn't an alt timeline deal. It's a what if with the choice you make erasing all other possibilities because alts the future is unwritten, the past is forever. And Zack is dealing with the consequences of some choices crossing over because the place where he is, is a kind of convergence, like a crossroads of fate where several choices intersect. He doesn't know that and is just confused, but I'm sure it'll all unravel by part three.

And I hope we get less of the rainbow sparkles because that shit was sooooooo boring and cringe and jfc did it have to go on for 30 minutes?! It felt like it never ended!

[neuroticboyfriend]

I have no clue how to want to quit. I am addicted to nicotine, and while I know it's not the most "dangerous" addiction, it fucking hurts. The reason I've quit alcohol for now is because I can't let myself be addicted to two things at once (also my mom is an alcoholic, which is morally neutral, but it's to the point it hurts me and my little sibling bc she makes the choice to buy alcohol rather than financially support us, and that choice makes me feel such disgust for alcohol that I won't drink excessively if at all.) But disgust doesn't work for me as a long term solution, because when I do relapse, my shame is doubled because I see myself as disgusting while also being ashamed of my addiction. So I guess what I'm asking is, how do you take back your life from addiction without disgust being the main motivator?

I still function off a lot of shame, so I understand in a way. Even though I'm sober now, not only do I still vape, I very much fear judgement & consequences if I relapse. I take it out on myself. But that shame and excessive fear only works to bring me back to using, eventually. Living this way keeps me stuck, not really able to move on to a better life - one where my best self gets to come out.

And that whole pursuit of a better life thing... that's where it goes from not using to avoid consequences (internal or external), to actually leading a sober life. So even though I do have a lot of shame and guilt, I still try to focus on making today better (progress, not perfection). These 24 hours only. Cause we only have today.

Not focusing on tomorrow, it hasn't happened yet. Not focusing on yesterday, it's already gone. I guess what helps me is letting go and taking it easy. Accepting I'm a person, I'm gonna have flaws, I'm gonna have bad days, and hell, I might relapse. But my journey to recovery won't be over til I'm dead.

We're both doing this ultimately because we want better - for ourselves and our loved ones. We don't want the pain. So it makes more sense to focus on the positive than beating ourselves up. But we gotta work for that. The disgust won't disappear overnight, but if we make even the smallest effort each day to just be a bit kinder to ourselves, we'll get somewhere.

Also: if you recently stopped drinking, I want you to know it's okay if you aren't ready to quit vaping yet. It hurts for me to vape, too. I tried quitting and I caved because the withdrawal is too much for me to handle right now. And that's okay. Better for me to vape than drink. If I do the work on myself now, my future self can tackle the vaping. If you do quit, there's nicotine replacement and meds to help cravings.

I'm not sure if that helps bc I can only share my experience but. I hope you can find a way to feel better. You matter and I'm proud of you for all the work you've put in so far. Addiction is rough no matter what you use. You're so much stronger than you could ever know. ♡ And there is nothing disgusting or shameful about having an illness.

[mrrightandmrbubble]

I hope you’re doing well XO

Hi, hello, I still exist though my blog upkeep would say otherwise. It's been a minute. That's really sweet that you 1) thought of me and 2) wanted to check in. I start to type up something about last year but keep abandoning it because how do you casually introduce that to people's timelines?

So, yeah, ripping off the Band-Aid (putting behind a read-more in case of triggers):

Someone tried to kill me. Well, not just someone, a now-former housemate who I thought was a friend. I still don't understand what lead to it and I don't know if I ever will, because they swing between "nothing happened" and "but if something did, it's her fault" (the O.J. defense). They were removed kicking and screaming from the house by police, and a provisional APVO was served that night with the provision that they must not come within 50 metres of any place where I live or work. It's already had a few court mentions, which I didn't have to attend, but an actual hearing has been adjourned to my birthday this year (happy fucking birthday to me) upon which I expect i'll be called to give my evidence. Charges include: Armed with intent to commit serious indictable offense, destroy/damage property, intimidation, common assault, and intentional choking. They're pleading not guilty on the grounds of mental health, but pull the other one. They had awareness and intent, and the ability to understand the events and make different choices in real-time - such as putting down the knife and saying to the other housemate who was trying to keep me safe, "The only reason i'm not killing her is because you're here".

They tracked down CC (after i'd shared that shit heap of a situation with them) to try and dig for dirt to use against me. They sent the other housemate messages and accusations through her via text for a few months, until the other housemate moved out and blocked them on everything. Some continued willful actions.

Once the property recovery order was finally sorted, they sent a family member and their partner to collect their belongings, and it became obvious rather quickly that they have not been honest with anyone about what they did. The fact that they refused my initial proposal of having a mutual friend do the collection supports that. Not that them acknowledging it would provide any kind of validation or resolution - they've bent over backwards to avoid taking responsibility for themselves since i've known them. But it's that which worries me re: how the hearings could go. I have to prepare myself for the likelihood that they won't face any natural consequences for their actions. The mentions so far have been more concerned with their wellbeing than mine. I haven't been contacted by anyone in months. If it eventuates that they get to go on their merry way, i'm not sure yet how I would respond.

At least the Department of Justice has been amazing, approving an Immediate Needs Support Package to fund a complete security overhaul for the premises. My GP also referred me to a psychologist while the local Domestic Violence Court Advocacy Service applied to VOCAL (Victims of Crime Assistance League) on my behalf, though nothing's come of that yet. [EDIT: I just called to follow up and they seem to have lost me in the system, which is awesome but they can't all be winners.]

I wasn't seriously injured, thankfully, besides a chunk of my hair being pulled out (and subsequent blood) and cuts and bruises around my body.

As for my mental health, i'm...okay, I guess. That I knew I needed to quickly access support to mitigate development of PTSD probably saved me from being much worse. I had panic attacks and would replay the event like a video over and over for the first few months after it happened. I have occasional moments when I have trouble dealing with it and get real hard on myself, wishing they'd finished me off. But those moments, thankfully, do pass. Maintaining connection with friends and family, as a means of navigating the trauma recovery, hasn't been easy in recent months (will cover it in another post) but in fighting against my old instinct of avoiding asking for help, it serves as a reminder that there are places and people I can still trust and feel safe around. I've basically treated myself like a client and thought, "Ignore the lies your brain is trying to feed you - what would your best self do right now?"

I survived. I'm continuing to survive. That's the big takeaway.

[sassysadisticsarcasms]

"I don't know what I am anymore. For a while… I've felt like I'm something else. I've reached an age far older than any of my ancestors. Humans are supposed to turn grey, you know? I'm supposed to be wrinkled an achy. My most athletic feat should be climbing the stairs, not the hostile takeover of alien ships."

"I was young in all the ways I wasn't when I left my home planet. When I left Earth. I believe I was actually in my twenties when they first found the 'cure' to aging. My entire family got the treatment. Nothing more than a vaccination and bandage."

"They told us we wouldn't have to fear death. That we would remain whatever age we were without fear of aging. I did try to read the scientific articles, but it all went over my head. What they didn't tell us were the statistics of an endless end."

"No body tells you that the longer you live, the greater chance for unpreventable accidents. Car crashes. Needless violence. Cancer. The consequences of living on a world we ruined. Not to mention the disease. Oh the plagues that spread. I will never be able to go into the details, but I outlived my family."

"Eventually, our planet was so ruined we had to leave. Expand humanity's reach to new worlds that we could suck the life from. I didn't want to leave. Our planet was an uninhabitable wasteland, but I was old enough to remember it's beauty. It helped that what remained of my family was buried on our poor dying world."

"I didn't want to leave them."

"I wasn't given a choice. Remarkably, I was the oldest of the ageless. A living piece of history. Something to be preserved and passed down to future generations. I outlived the ones who thought so sentimentally. The next generation thought to study me, experiment on what allowed me to survive, and eventually improve me."

"It was all to improve themselves. I'm still not sure if I'm ashamed to say I killed them. It was all for humanities betterment. To kill them I had naturally opposed the morality my species. The sacrifice of one is greater then the sacrifice of many, and all that nonsense."

"...they cause me a great deal of pain.

"...Let's leave it at that."

"Humanity continued. We ruined another world. We took to space. We found other life."

"Something I'm sure you've already figured out at this point is that humanity has quite the taste for conquering. We've always been imperialist, we're quite adept at it too. Eventually, some generation thought to use me as a weapon. You can blame any blood shed you've experience on me."

"I can't even remember most of it, funnily enough. I can't tell you how much it used to bother me.... I can't tell you at all."

"I don't know what I am anymore. I guess you can say... that I'm lucky... for living this long. For making it through disaster, after disaster, after disaster. For a long, long time I've wondered why I have kept myself alive."

"I think you gave me the answer."

"I think after all this time, I'm still afraid of death. I think I'm afraid that if I close my eyes and drift away... there is nothing waiting for me. I'm afraid that all I'll see is darkness instead of the faces of my family. I'm scared that I won't feel the pain of living. I'm terrified I'll never be a part of this world again."

"Because look at the stars outside! Look at how full the darkness is. There is an endless beauty. There is an endless potential for new discoveries, new friends, new experiences!"

"How can I not fear death when I might never see any of this again!"

"I've never wanted to die!"

"No matter how painfully ageless I am!

"No matter how much I think I've overstayed my welcome!"

"I fear death!"

"Your kind is deluded thinking that within the tools and systems your oppressors have devised and control lies the power to create change. But know that no matter where you are among the stars, the fear of the death is universal."