#I'm super tired tonight
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#beatrice ෆ#beatrice heart#selfie#girl#makeup#cute#edit#aesthetic#filter#style#eye makeup#contacts#dark filter#grain filter#grain#mask selfie#mask#round glasses#I'm super tired tonight#random pic from my camera roll#my selfies#My eyes look swollen but it's just makeup don't worry#black dress#eyeliner#dark pink eyeshadow#mascara#eyelashes#under eye makeup
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#im overemotional at work rn and need to vent so ill probably delete this later#but i got a migraine again today and im close to tears rn at work bc i wanted to come in and i wanted to do my job well but my frigging head#wont stop hurting and it's making my eyes sensitive to light and just making me overwhelmed by the crowds#I'm lucky i got a super easy position tonight and my partner told our lead and she's gonna send me home early#but im just tired of my body not working right#it's probably bc of all my screentime that im getting these migraines#and stress about some things#but its so infuriating#im lucky it's not a chronic problem but its just annoying#maybe i need to take better care of myself idk#anyway I'll shut up now
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Alright my ass is heading back to sleep it's to early and my back and body hurts
See yall in like. ..4? Hours maybe??
#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ ˢᵃʸ˒ “ᴴᵉˡˡᵒ˒ ʷʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵘᵖ ʷᶤᵗʰ ʸᵒᵘˀ”ˑ#I'm just always tired its my super power--#i also work tonight too
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just accidentally spilled an entire water bottle on my bed :)
took my sheets off and put a towel over it. then looked up what to do just in case and. like everything said "use a fan" and "mold could happen so be careful" and now i am Terrified of getting mold since so much spilled and since i don't have any fans. i am so tired oh my god i just want to go to bed
#like genuinely terrified of it molding now#so that's great :)#i just wanna go to bed but i feel like i have to tend to my mattress#but i won't be able to work well tomorrow if i stay up super late tending to a mattress i can't even sleep on tonight#ugh sorry the thought of having to buy a new mattress bc of mold Terrifies me#i am a teacher universe like i save a lot but i do not make a lot of money :)#anyways sorry for rambling it's been one of those nights#i was actually having a pretty good day until then#i was getting settled in for the night... put my water bottle down on my bed while i went to piss#and then i was going to get in it and lie down after a long day of work#aND IT FELL AND SPILLED#like yeah that's on me for being stupid but i like keeping water in my room!!! that one hadn't spilled before so i thought i'd be fine for#the few minutes i'd be gone but nooooooo#okay i'm done now sorry#super tired and super paranoid#and my mom said to put my mattress pad over the shower like bestie i live in an apt you think i'm putting my WHITE mattress pad on the rod?#absolutely not i know that's pathetic of me but idc i DON'T do stains not at all nope nope nope#okay done now for real sorry#just freaked :)#corey talks:)
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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hey guys. i appreciate you. do you know i appreciate you? if you’re seeing this with your eyes i really appreciate you.
#ooc. mikkelsen vc: this week on kat valentine's hannibal.#[i'm super tired i'm super toasty i'm super sneepy. PLEASE LET ME SLEEP TONIGHT NORMALLY.]
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^ live footage of me rn
#friday chats#tw vent#not like a super terrible vent or anything i'm just. tired. and mad at myself.#so like a couple weeks ago i was given an assignment for my british lit class right?#to write a research essay based on one of the texts we've studied this unit. two weeks to do it. easy peasy. sure.#i figure that's plenty of time and leave it to work on my other homework (bc there's always other homework i'm an honors student)#oh wow lookie there it's due this weekend! great! so i start work on it#and then i can't find any research to bolster the question i'd formulated. it would have just been my own analysis#and we're required to have four sources. so that's that out the window.#the weekend passes and i'm officially in ''late assignment'' territory#and it's the last week before spring break so i'm swamped w/other work and midterm tests and everything#so yesterday my friend and i call to work on ours together (we always proofread each other's stuff/give each other pointers and whatnot)#and i'm just lost on what my essay should be about. any sort of question i could explore.#she has something of an idea for hers but not much. so neither of us get ours done#the assignment fully closes tonight#so we try again. i manage a half-hearted intro paragraph with zero direction and one source#and then i just hit a wall. the sources i'm looking at don't give me any new insights or ideas and i've got nothing#with two hours to the deadline. so i'm thoroughly fucked#i keep trying and just. yeah no not a thing. and if you notice the timestamp on this post it's past 12am#guess who didn't finish his essay 🙃#this is the fucking SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED. what the FUCK#fanTASTIC start to my spring break y'all. and the only way i can communicate the specific feeling i'm feeling is through a homestuck gif.#can i just sink into the earth. that'd be great#at least now that it's over i don't have to worry about it anymore. i mean there's the guilt obviously but i don't have to *worry*#God. my mom's gonna be pissed#if i follow this train of thought any further it's gonna fall down a spiral of responsibility and college and career stuff#and i don't want to deal with that right now#so i'm just gonna stop talking. and either go read an angsty fic and cry for catharsis or just go to sleep. we'll see#i hate getting all personal on the internet but i'd rather yell to the void than bottle it up so. here we are
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a wee update since last night! i feel better but really exhausted from stressing so badly all day. i actually called out of my job bc i just knew i wouldn't be in the state of mind to be at work, even if it would've been a good distraction ;; but i'm okay, things are alright for now, so i'll likely be around tomorrow/sunday and hopefully back to normal!
thank you for the kind comments and interactions with my post last night <3 little things like that really do mean a lot to me, so pls know i'm smooching each of your foreheads rn ❤ (ɔˆз(ˆ⌣ˆc)
#i'm still not really up for actively talking so forgive me if i'm not super talkative or not commenting on posts#the anxiety i felt today just really took it out of me and ngl?? kinda felt disconnected from my body last night and sometimes still feel#that#been feeling a lil like i'm walking a dream vs my actual life -- like thinking of my memories it doesn't feel exactly real#anyway though!!! sorry i feel like that might be a lot to just say in the tags so i'll put a lil tw#i just hopped on to maybe work on ko's bio bc i have the urge but i'm also tired so i might knock out early-ish tonight#regardless though i hope the day was kind to you and that you enjoyed your friday <3#please take care of yourselves u3u#tw vent#tw disassociation#i'm not sure if that's what i was experiencing exactly??? i don't know much about it but i'm tagging just in case#get ready to ramble | ooc
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4 days until the move hahahahahaha
#first thing monday morning!!#im very excited but also a little stressed#i'm doing 98% of the packing and 100% of the cleaning for this one cuz gf has been super busy#and now she won't be home till saturday night cuz she's gotta house sit n dog sit#and im on call to help her mom who just had surgery if she needs anything and im so tired from everything ive been doing#so im just a lil stressed!!#BUT!#i got change of address done with two places today and i think i might be able to clean the fridge tonight#and honestly objectively there isn't much to do i'm just. struggling cuz i really dont feel well and it takes me a long time to do anything#but im still super excited!! we wont have any furniture for awhile but everythings gonna be so much easier there!!!#updates on my boring life
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Been thinking a lot about annuum my beloved
#I think I might draw them tonight#yeah that sounds fun#fuck... i committed to bringing food to the brunch potluck at work tomorrow#fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck#whats something super simple and quick I could make.....#hmmmm I'm out of a lot of ingredients....#and nowhere around is open this time of night#hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm#orange juice? id I'll pick up orange juice and a fruit platter...#or... OR#I technically do have flour - fuck wait I'd have to do more dishes#nvm#yeah I'm just gonna say i was out of most ingredients#which is true#The only flour i do have is my really expensive flour#and I dont want to use that#although... i do have sourdough starter#nah I think everyone will understand if i was too tired and out of ingredients#so imma just chill i think? I stressed myself out just now thinking about cleaning#yeah I need to just like vibe and go tf to sleep#odt
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#i'm sick as a dog rn and so. so. tired#i'm currently trying to convince myself to get in the shower bc it should help loosen some of my nasal congestion#had to take a break after digging the conditioner i wanted out of our suitcase#had to take a break after brushing my hair#idk if i can make it through a whole shower at this point#cancelled my piano lesson tonight#which i think i have literally never done since starting them#don't think i could drive out there rn honestly#one of my ears feels super full and is ringing non stop#i feel like driving would make me dizzy#half falling asleep even typing this up
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#the fuck are these weird mostly dry storms at night lately#i don't like them#give me a properay long storm#not these things that try to compress 12 hours worth of wind and lightning into 2 hours#and cheap out on the water#i genuinly detest the weather patterns lately#besides#i was checking 3 different weather sourses and all said tonight is going to be easy and quiet merely 3 hours ago#aha ye sure#ffs#i loves storms don't get me wrong but this one is weird#like.. really weird#i'm also super tired to i don't even know what i'm saying here#but this storm is off#levynn tries to think
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Feeling more drained than I have in quite a long time so for comfort I watched a few episodes of star trek tos and I had totally forgotten how gay that show seriously is
#I watched eps 4 and 5 I think#of season 3#so that's 'and so the children shall lead' and 'is there in truth no beauty?'#the latter one is among my fave episodes!#but the former one has that quite heated scene in the turbolift#man I love gay people#I'm alone at home because my love is away for vacation#and to fill out the empty space in my life I made tiramisu#way more than what one person can eat alone but I'm taking that as a challenge#I had several rounds of job interviews and also home renovations/repairs in the past few days so yeah#rest is much needed#I've also been studying a lot for the upcoming semester which I'm super proud of but also tired#so tonight I will be reading nothing but fanfic#shrews ramblings#sorry for the rant I'm kinda just talking to myself here and the ~30 ppl that follow me dhskfhkdhfkd#have y'all been okay? I hope yes!!! :D
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I truly hope not even my worst enemy ever experiences the combination of depression, tummy ache, and headache, Because honestly what the fuck is even happening to me this should be illegal
#I'm. So fucking tired. And I have 2 fucking exams tmr#One is easy ig and I've studied for it beforehand but fuck me I've studied maybe half of the other one. And there's no way I'm finishing it#Tonight it's already 9 and I'm going super slow AND it's the first exam in the morning#Someone just kill me honestly#Radioactive vents
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basically like i know that my idea of a man fits me but i sometimes feel like i don't belong in like literally anyone else's definition
#have been chewing over some stuff lately and had my support group mtg tonight and that's always food for thought#and like i Get that that's how gender is supposed to work but would be cool if there were more people okay with a guy who like#enjoys sports but also perfume and wears plain old jeans and tshirt but likes cute things and is still like fully a man#maybe i'm just overthinking it cos its been a long week and i'm tired and tbh i'm not like super stressed over it#but sometimes it feels wearisome to not easily fit into a stereotype i can just like rest in (if that even makes sense)#sometimes i'm tired and just want to follow some rules and get the reward of not being weird for once#anyways... gender shit on a thursday night when i should literally be asleep already cos i got like no good sleep this week
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🚂💛💜🧡❤💜🧡💛💜 it's a love train! send this to all the blogs you love! don’t forget to spread the love! 💛
Esmeeeee thank you so much lovely 🥰
right back at you, prepare the station here's my love train coming 🚂💛💜🧡❤️🧡💜💛
#feels so strange to answer any ask without my usual cringy bl meme pics but i'm too tired and very much full of love tonight so#tomorrow i'll drown everyone in these love train messages if photoshop doesn't eat me up#hope you're doing super well esme darling 🥰#💌 answered
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