#I'm stressed so I wrote this to decompress

[steviesbicrisis]

I think we're sleeping on the possibility of making everything apocalyptic/dystopian.

Imagine that things go way worse after the gates were almost opened: monsters come out of the cracks, a lot of people get killed, some of them get possessed, and Hawkins is just the first town to be hit. Soon, the whole State is considered to be a risk for the country and, while the government wants to protect the citizens, there are too many upside-down creatures. Indiana gets quarantined, no one can get in and few can manage to get out. People get mad, greedy, tired, desperate.

The peaceful spirit of collaboration days after the "earthquake" soon turns into everyone for themselves.

The party sticks together, for obvious reasons. But then the government wants to use El to stop the Upside Down monsters from coming out of the cracks. She refuses (she wants to help, but she knows to not trust them) so she has to run away. The party decides to split: some of them stay in Hawkins and some decide to go with El to find a new place to stay.

Without her powers, things get ten times harder but they manage. Steve's house is everyone's house now. The whole neighborhood is abandoned, rich people already bought their way out of Indiana, somewhere safe, Steve's parents included. They had offered a ticket for him too, but quickly took back their offer as soon as Steve asked for the whole Party as well.

Not many people stayed in town, and none of them are trustworthy. Steve isn't the only adult (Joyce and Murray are there with him, Hopper went with El) but he feels a heavy burden on his shoulders.

He needs to protect the kids, protect his friends, protect everyone. He does most of the night patrols, he's always on grocery shopping duty (they still call it that as a joke, they actually go to the supermarket at night and hope to not encounter anybody as they stock some food and supplies), and he's tired.

It's been five months since the earthquake, one since Hopper and El left. They haven't heard from them yet, they're running out of supplies and they're tired. So tired.

But the kids heard something in the woods next to his house, they can't fall asleep. Murray and Jonathan are out, so it's up to him to go check the woods. He's prepared, his beloved nailed bat in one hand, torch in the other.

Steve is tired. Steve has, once again, found himself in an impossible-to-believe situation, he still manages it.

But Steve should've learned, a long time ago, that once you think you've figured everything out, something from the Upside Down comes to kick you in the ass.

This time, that something is none comes in the form of Eddie Munson, looking the same as he did five months ago, when he had died.

«Harrington, fucking finally! care to tell me what the fuck is going on around here?»

[randomfoggytiger]

ok I was gonna ask about your charlie scully one (still am I guess lol) but I must know your thoughts on the autism question, a while back there was a fandom-wide twitter spat over whether or not mulder and scully were autistic, and I was leaning against it but that was before I figured that out about myself, and most of my moots are in favor of it, and idk really what to think lol so your insight would be much appreciated🙏🏻 (also if I wasn’t so goddamn busy I would do all of that research for you lmao)

You should do it!! Even if one day my project comes to fruition!

My leanings on the autism question: no. But I'd have to prove or disprove my own theory if I wrote up that post; and in order to do that, I'd have to have a clearer understanding of the diagnosis, its symptoms (and symptoms that are commonly misdiagnosed), and its identifiable characteristics.

The "problem" is: the new understanding of autism and other disorders are now framed on a spectrum. In order for me to break down the topic, I'd have to ingest lots and lots of autism content from clinically licensed professionals and hear what they look for, broadly, when forming a diagnosis; then, I'd have to search up what the fandom perceives Mulder and Scully's autistic traits to be; then, I'd have to compare and contrast the strength of each claim; then I'd have to balance the whole. Currently, I'm ingesting new autistic creators that are breaking down barriers of what autism is perceived to be (and that's been helpful); and I have a few other licensed professionals I'd need to catch up on (one who even has the diagnosis herself.) In short: tons of layman research.

More importantly: who would be interested in my post, realistically? I don't have doctorate (or training), for one. Second, it's a rather popular thought that Mulder or Scully have some sort of diagnosis (besides trauma-- canon agrees with that one.) The rule dictates everyone has a right to their own opinion; and since that's the case, where would my post fit in?

Realistically, the 90s FBI wouldn't have recruited Scully out of medical school if they suspected she had autism. Mulder perhaps, but only because of Bill Mulder's (or CSM's) connection. There's a program just instituted (2021) by the Feds that is working on recruiting people with autism into their pilot program. And according to studies I've learned about from autism creators (that they've gleaned from the professionals), a neurotypical brain automatically senses something "off" or "different" about a neurodivergent brain, which can lead to ostracization (or bullying in children... and adults.) 90s Scully would have had to learn to mask her autism so well that not only was she never diagnosed but she attracted the attention of the FBI recruitment office-- not a small feat for a woman in the 90s-- and was able to keep it through their very strict recruitment circuit. (Fyi, the man who inspired "Catch Me if You Can" tried to get in with a law degree and was still turned down.)

Also, Mulder and Scully face back-to-back stimulating environments; and go right back to work without time to decompress (which is a feat nearly unachievable.) I'm not an expert-- far from it-- but the common denominator I'm finding from professionals and diagnosed individuals is that overstimulation is a key factor in autism. To varying degrees, yes, but still. Overwhelm and meltdowns are parts of the diagnosis that have to be factored in. Anecdotally, I've read one person who states she becomes better in high-stress situations than her peers because of her hyperfocus; but she seems to be an outlier (I presume.) I'd need to do more research on differing degrees of overwhelm and meltdowns (not everyone manifests overwhelm or a meltdown in the same way, of course); but since the field is still swamped with more information regarding "stereotypical" autism (a.k.a. boys who show the most extreme signs), it would take me a bit to narrow things down even more.

Lastly, we can all probably agree CC didn't write Mulder and Scully with an autism diagnosis. He definitely gave Mulder PTSD in the Pilot; and Scully's trauma from her abduction was written in later. The personal theories branch off from there; and, again, in order to finalize a perspective one way or another, a licensed professional would probably have to watch the show (or more than one season) and make a conclusion; otherwise, my "research" could be written off as another form of headcanon. And since professionals are professional, they'd probably abstain from forming an opinion either way.

Thus, the scales have been put before you: time requirements and lukewarm reception weigh against it; putting my ideas out there for me and the mutuals to puzzle over weigh for it.

[phantomrose96]

Chrissy help how do you keep motivation for such huge writing projects?? I've seen you posting about abot for a long time but I just clicked it and it's got like 360k words. My guy you are incredible and if you've got secrets to share I'd be very interested. Major props to you

(ABoT)

I'm hoping to resurrect Dickinsonian-era "paid by the word" writing gigs and retire off ABoT Kidding! kidding! I make 0 dollars and 0 cents off ABoT do not sue me IP holders.

More genuinely it's a couple things I guess. One big and simple one being just--I really like the story. It's long because there are a lot of parts I like and wanted to tell. Another is spite, because for a long period of time between 2017-2020 I thought I would never be able to come back to the story so it's something of a "fuck you look what I made anyway."

But I really REALLY think the biggest part to this all was the (tough, but doable) process of learning to be okay with this story taking however long it's gonna take, and being however long it's gonna be.

Back in the days when Tumblr was really a hub for fandom, fandom attention was extremely fleeting, and when you had any of it, it felt like it was always moments away from vanishing. Tourmaline, my 80k Steven Universe fic, I wrote in the span of just over 2 months. I had a chapter out roughly every 2-3 days for that entire sprint. I'm proud of pulling that off. But my main motivation for doing that was absolutely the fear of losing people's attention and interest if I dawdled even a little.

Early-days ABoT was like that too. The first 9 or 10 chapters were all posted in intervals of about 2-3 days apart. I was staying up extremely late to do this which wasn't good for me and I was doing it because I was afraid of losing people's interest and I was getting more intimidated the more I realized how long ABoT would likely be. And then for school and life reasons, my update schedule absolutely had to slow. And I was having a bad time because it was like I could feel myself losing readers and losing relevance, and the backlash was growing, and even when I was finding the time to write I'd started burning out hard on my passion for the story. I'd get frustrated with my own plot and characters, and you can't write a good passion project while frustrated with the characters.

And then I kinda quietly admitted defeat because the stress and the backlash were too much to handle and I couldn't wring anymore of this from myself. After a 1 year, 2 years, I was pretty much sure my readership was long gone. I still thought about the story constantly! I still cared. I just figured I'd missed my window and would never be able to come back except to backlash.

Then just shy of 3 years, I said "fuck it, actually" and wrote the next chapter (okay it was a lot more complicated than "fuck it" but that would take too long to explain.) And in FACT, a ton of the readership came back! It was an extremely warm reception! And new readers, too. Just a lot of really warm, positive feedback. Which absolutely blew my mind because it was completely at odds with my feeling that things needed constant updates to cling to relevance. And the idea of "well if they waited 3 years..." has helped me a lot with allowing time and breaks between chapters. I don't burn out on them. I edit them more. My update schedule's been more like 2-6 weeks between chapters, rather than days.

Allowing that down time, letting ABoT be a steady jog instead of an all-out sprint, has been absolutely crucial to getting as far through it as I am. Even right now, it's been pretty long since chapter 45. I dove super deep into putting ch45 together and I kinda needed some time off after to decompress and step away to not risk burn out. Which was very needed and helpful and now I'm back to chugging through ch46.

There was an old comment, I think on Reddit, that I read years ago which has stuck with me ever since. Someone was recounting a conversation with a single mother who was considering going back to college to get her degree, but was hesitant to do so because she would be 40 by the time she graduated. To which the other person responded "You'll be 40 anyway."

And "you'll be 40 anyway" plays in my head a lot. Like, ABoT's been going for almost 6 years. Well 6 years were going to pass anyway. ABoT might not be done for x-many more months. X-many more months are gonna pass anyway. Time's gonna happen anyway. So I'm not worried about whether this thing is still going by then or not. I'm just keeping at it until it's done.

[arihi]

Anyway I'm on Tumblr on my computer at 3 AM now so I might as well do another post. I'm rambly and not quite wanting to get to bed yet, I suppose. (Just a personal blog post under the line.)

It's a new year, and I am doing okay. There are a lot of things I've put off that continue to cast their shadows over me which stresses me out. I will try to work on those eventually. There are deeper issues that are not quite as easy. My relationship with my family is maybe more complicated than before, somehow. I feel generally happy here, but the large gulf between my life here and the snapshot of the life back in Texas every time I visit is so overwhelming that I feel like derealized, a little, for a longer time after each visit than I would like. So dissociated. I went to a 6 hour DJ set a couple of days after I got back from Texas and even with the music so loud I'm sure I've lost hearing, and the bass deep in my chest making it almost hard to breathe, I spent a great part of it staring at the ceiling wondering to myself "Damn, my name is Ari," as if it was a new discovery every time.

I am stressed about my place in it all. Physically, emotionally. Physically, will I need to move, and will I survive that? Emotionally, too complicated to even figure out how I feel about it, let alone putting it to text, let alone posting it on a blog. I flew back home, went to the DJ set, and the day after a good friend flew in and is staying in town for 2 weeks, until Charmed, and then there's Charmed. I am excited for Charmed, but phew. As I type this, I do realize that a large part of feeling so unsettled and rambly late at night is that I haven't gotten to decompress from my holiday trip, and I won't get a chance to until the complicated feelings have likely already buried themselves too deep to process. How could I ever, when it's been a tangled web for over twenty years?

My fitness journey has come to a standstill, since I can't justify the personal training anymore. I do need to work on probably a more stable and consistent gym routine, but it's a mountain of a task to me for regular reasons that aren't really important. It's a typical new year's resolution really, but it just feels more demoralizing to me at the moment because it had been one of the big things I was proud of myself for in recent years, and I had kept at it a long time, so part of me feels like when I stop it'll be impossible to start again, but I know it's not true. But what we know and how we feel don't always line up.

I don't do the annual FutureMes that I used to, but I know every time I wrote one a year down the line was unfathomable to me and I'd always be in such a different position than I had before. I'm banking on that, because I'd like to be feeling different - if not soon, then at least by the next year. Here's to hoping!

[littlemissmanga]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💙

Thank you my dear! And thank you to @blueink-bluesoul for also sending this ask (I'm just tagging you here so it can all be in one post).

Here we go, anything with an asterisk has 18+ content:

One Last Order* - This was my first fic after years of not writing, so it's my baby. That it features my favorite Captain is another bonus. Initially, I only had Pt 2 in my head, but I wrote out Pt 1 to justify it and give it context and I have to say I like the quality of my writing in Pt 1 more - I think I was able to get deeper into Rex's mentality and emotional state. But Pt 2 was my first attempt at spice, so it also has a special place to me. That and it highlights an older, more mature reader which isn't something that is expressly shown in fiction often.

Don't Forget That, Okay? - This was my first clone bingo square and my first real step into this community. I'm not really a Crosshair girlie, but I was watching Boy Meets World and I realized Shawn Hunter deals with vulnerability and rejection the same way Cross does. So my next thought was "how would Crosshair react to being welcomed into a happy family?" I wanted to touch on the softer side of Cross, and I always get a sense of comfort reading this one. I'm proud I was able to keep the prose simple but introspective, very like Cross.

A Mechanic in the Sun - My first Tech fic, where I learned I LOVE writing our favorite genius. His voice is easy for me to find, and that lends itself to getting me into his mindset easier. I had so much fun with this fluff and think that really comes through in the writing.

Tech & Non-Verbal Reader - This is entirely written to help myself. I was overwhelmed and stressed from a situation at work and my husband wasn't home to help me decompress after so I spiraled. When I get like that, it's like full survival mode and I find speaking incredibly difficult. My brain goes at a million miles an hour but I can't communicate, which frustrates me even more. IDK why I picked Tech as the right person to handle that situation, but immediately the thought of him - who often info dumps - understanding my communication struggles and being patient while I calmed myself down really did help settle me IRL, so I wrote it down. Immediately when I published, someone replied saying that they needed to read that and that it helped them get through something similar. For that reason, this lazy writing exercise will always have a place in my heart - it genuinely helped someone, and for that I will always be grateful.

Are You Wearing My Shirt (Wrecker)* - While I liked my first Wrecker x Reader fic a lot for the theme of healthy communication, I feel like this little drabble is where I really connected with the character as a writer for the first time, where I really got into his head and got him on the paper. As someone who LOVES this character, that made a big difference in how I respond to my own work. Also, I like how I handled the spice here :)

[the-lonelybarricade]

Me: job is quite stressful today

You: *drops the penultimate chapter of As the River Flows*

I really needed a wonderful fic to read to destress! I'm still amazed by the fact you wrote eight chapters as a gift to me, thank you thank you thank you!

I hope you have an amazing day, friend💐💕

I'm so sorry to hear yesterday was stressful!! I hope things slow down and that you get a moment to decompress! 💕

heheh and I hope you enjoyed chapter 8! 🥰 Thank you for being so patient with me as it's taking me so long to finish your gift, I hope it was the magical regency you were dreaming of hehe

And I hope you have a beautiful day!! Sending you a whole busshel of love darling 💐💕

[milks-shake-cafe]

"Hey Rae! You've been kinda absent for the past 2ish months, what's up?"

If only y'all knew

I honestly really didn't plan on going kinda silent on this account at all! I'm so sorry but this semester has truly been something else and it affected me really hard mentally.

I'm gonna vent about the whole thing really quickly but if you don't wanna read all of that, just know that I'm gonna catch up on all the backlog I got and interact with my mutuals more since the semester is nearly over! Love y'all ❤️

TW: Transphobia

So this whole thing started when around February 23, I get an email from my college stating that for one of my courses, I received a grade of WN. What WN means is that the professor booted me from the course due to not doing any academic activities for the past 4 weeks. I thought that was strange because not only was I submitting my work weekly but my professor was grading them and giving me feedback.

Me and my professor talked, found out that the Registration Office was the one that accidentally kicked me out, and went into the process of putting me back in. Guys...this whole situation took 5. Whole. Weeks. And for those 5 weeks, I still had to submit in work for my professor because she doesn't take any late work at all.

And a WN would ruin my financial aid so I spent those 5 weeks also worried shitless about how much money was gonna be taken from my tuition. And if that whole incident wasn't bad enough, it got fucking worse

During those weeks, in the group chat for that course, we all found out that our professor was a raging TERF. There have been articles written about this woman and to top it off, she felt comfortable enough to make us read an article she wrote (which also held really outdated beliefs) for a website that literally had other transphobes talking about how much they hate transwomen and trans children.

So I had to keep in close correspondence with someone who, if she found out my gender identity, could do anything with my grade! Keep in mind, I need this course in order to complete my major.

At the same time, I ended up going through a massive depressive spell that I missed work for one of my other courses and while working through some of my trauma, ended up spiraling really badly for a couple of days.

Everything has been solved and I'm doing better now but Christ! This was just a month of nothing but stress, anxiety, and depression none stop. I'm just happy this semester is almost done and I can free to fully decompress

[twistednuns]

August 2024

Munich Micro Burn. First and foremost, learning my lesson: EMBRACE THE CHAOS. After all the planning and hustling and stressful weeks, nothing really worked out. First I was pissed, then I cried myself into a tiny nervous breakdown and eventually I just accepted it and went with the flow, enjoying myself. I didn't even do any workshops myself and completely gave up control. Acid Friday was magical on the dancefloor with my kaleidoscope and prism glasses. I went on a little trip through the universe and ended up in a cuddle puddle with Luna, Patri and David. Rainmaker massaged me. I was so happy to be reunited with Luki and loved hanging out with him in the pool or cuddle space. He shared a baritone sax fantasy with me. I also connected with Makelove (playing bingo) and Marjolien (following a black cat together, then I drew one of her heart notes - "there is no right or wrong"). I got buffed. And drank a lot of cherry slushie. Played with the ball pool equipment in the pool. And started a mud wrestling event. I reunited with Frank after months of hardly any contact. I made a delicious batch of creamy coconut porridge. I performed in the Consent Cabaret and initiated the Sonic Sound Experiment with C. (humming and tuning in together with an electric toothbrush). I happily ate Pombären in my tent and wrote down everything I wanted to get rid of into the old book we'd burn in Katharina's and Alex's temple on Saturday. I played on the swing and enjoyed watching my boyfriend's DJ sets. The opening ceremony was cute this year, too. We all got little keys and symbols for our archetypes.

A personal little decompression with C. I don't even know what we did all those days. All I know is that we started watching Twin Peaks.

Holding Charlie in baby pose. He even snuggled up to my chest.

Homemade pizza.

Getting a cheep red dress that is so comfy I wanna live in it for the whole summer.

Devouring a whole, moist mozzarella ball. Alone time. Dopamine mode with strange food, gaming, even smoking a few cigarettes. I don't really like myself when I'm like that though. I appreciate a pinch of control in my life.

Board game night with Margit and Ansgar. Having three kids around was a little too much though. Spiel des Wissens nostalgia.

Swimming in Klostersee during Golden Hour after L.'s sport event. Going to the other side of the lake. Watching the dragonflies (thinking of my mum whenever I see one after Ash's comment) and water lilies.

Test-driving e-bikes.

Cuddling with L. and C. on the sofa. With lots of blankets and pillows.

Having Kanako, Uli, Gyan and Jana over for a campfire BBQ and stargazing. Kanako shared a lot of stories and the next day we sat around in the kiddie pool together.

Riding the rollercoasters, water slide and boat swing with C. and L. at the amusement park. More cherry slushie. Discovering the Nordic theme world with obvious Midsommar vibes. There was a triangular church and eerie music playing. Inside the church you could ride around a tree in walnut halves and shoot at creepy little animals. Lian was super scared of the buffalos with the giant horns. In the evening, we drive through a medieval village and had delicious pizza and ice-cream. C. researched its history and came up with stories about witch trials.

Flutschfinger popsicles. So fruity.

Getting to know Christian's parents. They're pretty much exactly as he described them. It's creepy to see how he changes his personality completely when he's around them.

Getting to know Maike and Simon. Such wonderfully open, engaged, intelligent, easy-going people. She used to be a feminist porn director and now works as an art teacher. He used to be a climate activist and cuts movies. I loved their home (the green bathroom with yellow and pastel pink accents looked delicious), the conversations, dinners with their friends and daughters. We stayed in Ala's room. Of course I connected with her. Little girls always find me.

Mediterana Therme in Bergisch Gladbach. I've never visited a more beautiful spa. I especially enjoyed the Indian and Persian saunas, pools and courtyards. There were events every 30 minutes and there was so much art around. No kids allowed either. What a fantastic experience.

Richard Seewald's Surrealist painting Katze mit Salamander (I didn't even find the original - I bought the postcard in the gift shop before I even bought an entrance ticket). Walking through Museum Ludwig with Christian, calming down after a sensitive mood with tears and overwhelm in the morning. Taking photos in a far-off corner of the photography exhibition. Being inspired by the Surrealist paintings. I probably liked Ursula's Dunkle Messe best.

Only touching, no talking during the train ride. Earplugs. C. already knows when I need them and offers them to me.

A tiny corner of Cologne (my first time there): lighting a candle in the cathedral. Gift shopping on our way to Brüsseler Platz (I bought a glass straw, a Hamsa bookmark made from brass and a postcard as a thank you note for Maike and Simon). Balinese food. Chocolate coconut popcorn. Going home early, enjoying the night outside on the terrace after everybody had already gone to bed.

Cute children's books in Ava's room (one about a little girl going on a nightly stroll through the city with her dad because she's afraid of the dark) and in the museum shop.

Staying with Ludo in Eibelstadt. He let us stay there the first night even though he wasn't there. On our way back to Munich we stopped by again and went to his cabin in the hills behind the river with him, his partner Sophia and his son. He built everything himself! Such a cozy and cool place. We had a decadent barbecue and hopped into the warm jacuzzi after the boys had gone to bed. I performed a witchy little ritual on C. in the morning. Then we went to Ludo's other property to visit the old building there. Lost places.

Bubblegum pink nails.

C. sending kiss emojis and 111(1) reminders.

Guessing correctly which year a movie came out.

Late summer/early fall vibes. I can already feel a slight urge to bake zucchini cake and pumpkin quiche, watch whimsical autumn movies, read gothic novels. I started reading the first Practical Magic book and even found a copy of the Book of Shadows on the street in Leipzig. And when I bought a drink at Marie's Hoffest, the bartender girl tattooed a little magic wand on my wrist! It's the season of the witch!

Going to Leipzig for my Gestalt therapy training. Meeting my group. Observing my process. I'm very happy with my decision to ditch my yoga module and do this instead. I got the feeling that my empathy and intuition is very well-suited for the position of a therapist. I even managed to make someone cry because I helped him realize an important need in one of my first training sessions.

Learning about my role as a leader / how I want to be lead in an exercise with Tillmann.

Going into plough pose to help my back pain. Deep stretches. Recovery measures after hours on those tiny meditation pillows.

All the mirroring and the little insights it produces: that I'm hardly able to sit with a feeling. I always want to move on, find solutions, go deeper. Movement comes easy, stillness is hard. Which is quite fitting to someone's recent observation about me: I tend to avoid stillness and rest. / I can't feel myself very well. Which is why I push my boundaries. I don't even notice them until it's too late and at that point I draw a very strict line and establish tight boundaries. Too tight, of course. But I need to protect myself because I haven't taken good care of my needs before. / I can't tolerate weakness very well. Not in me, not in others. I want to learn how to lean into my own fragility more and allow it to come to the surface from time to time.

Listening to NOUK and Anna's beautiful voice. I adored her edgy haircut and the long white dress she was wearing.

Sitting outside on the balcony with Franzi and Marie, talking in the dark. / Drinking beer outside Marcus's camper van after class on Saturday.

(Vintage) shopping. I got a cheap yellow plastic ring, a wooden ring holder, a hair clip, and a funny postcard for C.

I got a copy of Psychologie Heute for the train and was surprised to find articles about the topics most relevant to me now: Gestalt Therapy, eating disorders, and especially boundaries.

C. picked me up from the train in Munich. It was lovely to see him but felt a little unfamiliar at first. On the way home he filled me in on his exciting weekend. We had a chat with his neighbors who gave us fresh produce from the garden and plum cake - which was fantastic because the fridge was empty so now we were able to make a big pot of creamy lemon-zucchini pasta. I loved touching each other's warm, naked skin. Reconnecting, tuning in. Going through an elaborate pop-up book together.

Hearing about C.'s very cinematic dream in the morning. Toasted bread with butter and honey for breakfast. Encouragement to become some sort of touch therapist. Apparently I've got magic hands.

Learning about Ursula Schultze-Blum and her fascinating Surrealist art.

Two harmonious, beautiful days at C.'s place. Journalling, drawing, making a shadow frame for the Hilma Af Klint altar piece. Visiting Tobi one evening, creating visions for the cabin and the forest lot. Pizza and a long evening walk with Marcus. Caring for the scared little red cat they caught to bring him to the vet. Watching a spider catch a fly, devouring it violently. Embracing my crazy urges. Eating scrambled eggs on cheese toast. Watching The Broken Circle Breakdown together, researching Bluegrass bands in Munich. Singing together. C. said I should find a Bluegrass band and sing with them instead of my gospel choir.

A summer afternoon outside. Ripping out vines, picking blackberries behind the vegetable garden. Memories of the brambles we had behind our house when I was young. Huge tomatoes, an abundance of beautiful butterflies everywhere. Biting into a ripe plum; vowing to make zucchini cake and plum dumplings when we get back from France.

C. carrying my backpack for me, entertaining me during the wait at the train station. Waving cheerfully after the train doors had closed and I was about to leave.

Drawing the Page of Fire, Playfulness - along with Adventure (Page of Rainbows). Writing about it. And the dream I had about feeling unwanted and criticized at home, trying to leave in overwhelm and chaos. And then there was C., smiling at me, embracing me, not even aware of the perceived hostility.

Emotional release on a physical level. This is new for me. I felt so nervous, was hardly able to hold the feeling in my body. It was unbearable. I ate some granola with almond milk and an apple. Lay down. And then my jaw started shaking uncontrollably. I was crying, grasping for air. I already felt better afterwards.

A hard massage from Pani. Coming back into my body.

Starting our roadtrip with a deep talk about having children. Visiting Kerem (I loved learning about his travels and diving, playing and drawing with his daughter, confusing the cat, looking at his design furniture), Makelove (our afternoon by the river was gorgeous; eggs and mayonnaise, land art, insightful conversations, learning something new about him), and Marjolien (eating salad on her balcony, learning about her passion for constellation work, her love for Tobi). Then we drove all the way over the San Bernardino pass. Enjoyed the view of the austere landscape and even saw a true cowboy up there. Dinner in Torino. Well-deserved sleep.

Making an excellent 90s Ethno-pop playlist on our way over the mountains between Italy and France. And the view from the top! What a lovely road we took.

Try not / to expect / anything - in this way / everything / will open up / to you (Buddhist teaching)

Arriving at Villa Josalie. Buying the most delicious snacks at the French supermarket. The friends dropping in one by one. Drinking wine and eating cheese outside, watching fireworks together.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

ughh thank you for the advice!!! i’ll definitely be trying out that tip of giving myself writing homework. a main problem i do have is making longer fics so i stick to shorter ones. i mainly write blurbs because sometimes my ideas are just small thoughts that i don’t know how to expand on. what i’m hoping to do though is work myself up to writing longer (short for others, but longer for me bc mine are short) fics. practice makes progress 👌

maybe one day in the far future i’ll be able to go on for 15k+ words but i’ve got a pretty limited attention span 😭 so really my main goal is 2-5k words.

thanks again!

oh you're welcome!!!

literally the only reason I have any completed fics in existence is because I give myself homework. there has been times when my sister is like "hey, do you wanna watch a movie tonight?" and I'm like "No, I'll watch it with you on the weekend, I have stuff to do tonight" and I just have to shut myself in my room and turn off all distractions and make myself write

also, 2k-5k fics used to be my standard when I wrote and posted fics in high school, so I can recommend:

Monday - drafting/concepting the fic

Tuesday-Thursday - write 500 words every day (or a bit more if you're in the flow); pick a period of two or three hours where you can shut out all distractions and just write. usually I did this after eating a small snack and before dinner, and then after dinner have relaxing time. but ya know, whatever works for you

Friday - editing the fic (I think this is severely important and more people need to pay attention to this step)

Saturday-Sunday - decompress, relax, leave your mind open to get inspired for another fic

this ^^^ was literally my entire life in high school. it's a great way to practice writing without getting too stressed out because you have room to breathe and relax and do other things

[aleheartilly]

19, 20 & 21

Thanks for asking!

Questions post here

Your current fandom(s) I write only for FFVIII, though I'm considering translating an old story I wrote in Italian for FFX.

Your very first fandom! Strictly speaking, it would be an Italian novel my grandmother gave me as a present when I was... 11 I think? But for published fanfictions, it would be FFVIII.

A fandom you're not active in anymore but that you still really like I've only been active in FFVIII fandom, since writing in English. In the past, I wrote in Italian for FFX too. I sometimes read FFXVI, FFX, and FFVI fanfictions, but my free time is very limited, and my field of work is very stressful. So I stick to what I know I'll like since I use writing&reading to decompress.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

So I was talking to @user-needs-new-hyperfixation today about...well, various things, but also about how my WIP is going and how stressful and busy work has been for the last couple of months (very. It's my department's busy season, but it ends this weekend and I'll have some time to decompress).

And she commented that she had no idea how I was writing anything, much less a lot (a reasonable amount; Scrivener has my average day at 446 words right now).

Thus, I made a joke about how my brain is frantically thinking about my new book to think about anything other than work because work is trying to turn my brain into overheated pudding and my WIP is something of a life raft.

And that's probably true on some level, but the truth is really more boring in that, well.

I have spent a long time building up good writing habits and clinging to them when the writing isn't going well, and smoothing the way for the writing to come well.

Because I've worked for 17 hours in a 25 hour period once (over two days). And I still wrote both days. Not much, because I didn't have any time to breathe. But I made a point to write.

And I am busy as all fuck right now, but I am making sure to write.

I open my computer as soon as I can get to it. I take a couple minutes and write a few sentences. I take a break from work and stare out a window making plot notes. I commute home from work and brainstorm as I drive. I send my draft to myself so I can work a little bit on my lunch break or between two tasks at work in the middle of a deluge to reset my mind.

It can be really hard sometimes. Sure. But I've been doing many of these...what, since I've had jobs? Since I've not had jobs. Hell, in high school I used to do a lot of things.

So at this point, these habits that get my word count up when my brain is cooperating (which is doesn't, always), is default, rote, and routine the way putting my glasses on or contacts in or putting a mask on when I leave my apartment is.

And it's really boring to say, "I just kept doing it until it was the only way I knew how to be."

But it's true.

And so I'm getting a lot done at work and a lot of writing done and I am so very tired and my brain is so very pudding-like, but I have carried through both of those things successfully almost to my rest stop now.

And those habits carried me through.

[dzpenumbra]

12/19/22

Rough day. Very little sleep. Wrote a very long text to my mom, trying to explain how fucked up our situation is from a 3rd person perspective, which I really need to stop doing. I guess my impulsivity takes some non-traditional forms. I impulsively try to do other peoples' therapeutic work for them. It's really not good at all.

I slept like absolute garbage. I had night terrors. I woke up freaked out, sweating, shaking, white knuckled, teeth clenched. It was bad. I only got 5 hours of sleep, I just stayed up. I chilled for a bit, tried to decompress. I smoked. I ended up listening to a lot of music and writing my music/rant thing I posted earlier.

I did the yoga again, it was even easier than last time. Such a cool feeling. Don't get me wrong, it's very difficult, but it gets easier each time which is awesome. I signed up for a 30 day yoga-at-home thing that I'm going to do starting on New Years. That was a much healthier impulse decision. And I finally stopped payments on my Minecraft server. Because that was getting fucking sad. And they demanded to know why I was cancelling my payments on my server, so I wrote "My friend decided to ditch and I couldn't find any new friends. That was like... 3 months ago... and I think I'm done renting an empty server. Sorry. I might come back if I find like-minded people."

I ordered chinese food. (It was... okay...) I got my packages from the package room when I picked it up. My new whiteboard got here, I was really excited. It's like a rolled up mat and its a big magnet so you can just stick it to the fridge. It works really well, and it's really big, like 16x24 or something. I started getting it prepped up to do a meal plan and groceries... I literally wrote the word "MEALS" and I dropped my brand new dry-erase marker. And it rolled under the fridge. And I was fucking hyperfocused on this task, I was locked the fuck in, so I was like... "welp, we're fishing this marker out now, that's what's going on." So I grabbed Max's fishing rod toy thing, laid flat on the kitchen floor and started fishing it out. And I heard someone very close to me - not sure if it was next door or underneath me - say "really, dude? come on." And I softly but audibly said "please just give me five minutes, I don't want to just give up on this."

I spent like 25 minutes trying to get this fucking pen out from under the fridge. I refused to give up. I ended up moving the entire fridge like 3 times. And I got it. I got the fucking pen. I have it right next to me. But... okay... I feel bad, because I have no awareness of how much sound I make. I have lived alone a VERY long time. I have zero perspective of how the sound that I generate carries to locations that are not... my ears... How would I know? So I try to be super, super mindful of making noise. Especially late at night. I mean, I basically tip-toe around my own apartment every night, and it's a lot of unnecessary stress. But you know, when the most common social interactions you have are being accused, blamed or yelled at... you kinda evolve to... expect it? And to do your very best to avoid it. Even if it's unlikely.

Meanwhile, the neighbors upstairs are constantly making tons of noise, and they even watched a movie tonight. And the neighbors on the other side of my kitchen wall have a dog... who barks pretty much every day. And I really don't mind it at all, but like... bro... I'm fishing a marker out from under my fridge. Like... just put a song on and you won't hear anything. Please. I really don't need to get yelled at for that. I'm still recovering from being yelled at, I'm super, super jumpy and... even this frustrated whisper just... made me emotionally curl up in a ball. And get sad. And get frustrated.

Welcome to my daily life.

On the plus side, I got my Brita filter jug thing set up, so that's cool, I hope it will encourage me to drink more water. And the box was perfectly Max-sized, so I took a blanket that used to be on my studio comfy chair and lined the box and just put it in the middle of the room and I shit you not, she has been sleeping in it all day long. She loves it. And I want to build a little frame for it and put it in the windowsill so she can get some sun in the mornings and watch the birds and squirrels outside. I think she'll love it.

Since I lost all of my to-do lists yesterday. Yep. Thanks a lot, Apple. Never fucking storing a to-do list on my phone again, I swear. Since I lost all like 4 of my to-do lists, I have been plotting to bring the whiteboards back full-force. Whiteboards strategically placed in visible and highly trafficked areas around my house have been my #1 most effective tool for executive functioning. By leaps and bounds. Paper lists get lost. Phone apps... I have to remember to open them, or I just get so numb to the notification vibrations that I just ignore them. But if I walk past a gigantic fuck-off whiteboard every day and train myself to check in with it? No way I'm missing that. And this has worked historically for extended periods of time.

So I got the little one set up. It used to be for meals and groceries, but since I have the fridge one now... this small one is going to be a visible reminder for Repeat Projects. I want to put it right above my monitor. So if it's work time and I don't have a project I'm actively working on... I have a list of 10 things I can start working on. Shape/polish stones, wrap stones, carve wooden beads, weave cordage, wood carving, tarot study, sketchdaily, poetry/lyrics, poetry illustration (for my book), and clothing art. So if I'm not locked in on a project that day, I have a wide variety of inspiration sitting visibly in a location I go to every morning. Seems like it'll work well.

And I just finished working on the BIG whiteboard. I didn't make a lot of progress. I don't have a system. I used to do like... a grid, with spaces to check things off. Stream, exercise, socialize, edit, shit like that. I'm tempted to do like... a symbol system or something? But I'm just... I'm drawing a blank on what to even put on it. I want to track yoga, meditation, maybe even have space for like... checking in with my vitals: food, water, sleep, confidence. And I want to allocate space for like... breaking my big-scale projects into smaller chunks, and giving myself the option of recording those small chunks as daily accomplishments, as well as progress towards big goals. Like the poetry book, I need to brainstorm illustrations for it, look for like... how the fuck you even get started publishing, what you do... then, do that... And actually do the illustrations too. So... a LOT of steps in there. But if I break it down into tiny things, like "decide if I want illustrations for every piece or just a few." Or "find out one thing I can do to move the process of getting published forward." That's something I can and will definitely tackle. So having those visible right next to my daily/weekly accomplishment log feels like a very good psychological association to make.

I am ridiculously tired. I've been nodding off all day but never slept. If I had a futon, I would have passed out on it today, 100%.

No plan for tomorrow, I need to breathe and shed the pressure a bit, I'm still very raw and discombobulated. So my plan is to... prep for when it's time to add structure. Then, when I get my strength back, I have the tools I need to get shit done.

But I really need to get to the grocery store soon, I'm getting super low on food and this delivery shit is insanely expensive.

[littlelioncub43]

The Way It Was

Summary: Dennis has a bad day and takes it out on you.

Pairing: Dennis Baker x Female!Reader

Warnings: Angst, yelling/shouting, a now insecure reader, hurt/comfort, Dennis being a meany because of a bad day, poor communication skills, Dennis gets reminded of what his life was like before, fluff eventually.

Word count: I have no idea, I wrote this on my phone

A/N: So! This was unexpected! And I've decided to make this a little 2 parter! I'm currently working on part 2, I'll have it up by tomorrow. I felt like these two needed a little drama, don't you think?? I think so. 😈 p.s. I named this after The Killers song "The Way It Was" and I just want to say that I love that band.

Part 2

Dennis was stressed out at work, a member of his division quit so the already bulky workload nearly doubled while they looked for a replacement. Your anniversary was coming up and he wanted to plan the perfect date but all the restaurants he wanted to take you to seemed to be booked solid the entire weekend. And, to top it all off, he spilled old coffee all over himself on the way home from work.

So when he got home, he wasn't in the best of moods, and for some reason your soft smile didn't make it better. He needed space, some time to himself to decompress from everything. You were too cheerful for him to deal with right now, and the last thing he wanted was for you to dump everything that happened to you on to him. When you wrapped your arms around him while you told him about something funny that you saw on the way to his place— he just snapped.

"Jesus— would you stop?! Please!" He boomed suddenly, pulling himself from your grasp and taking a few steps away from you. "I don't want to hear about whatever happened to you, right now, ok? I don't care. I don't want you hanging off my fucking arm, it's too fucking much, all the time! Just leave me alone!"

You flinch when he shouts, jumping back as he continues to yell and put some distance between the two of you. Standing still, you listen to him get it out. You knew he was in a bad mood when he got home, you didn't know it was this bad. You can barely fight back the tears that want to well up in your eyes, but you do. You had a knack for holding things like that in.

"Alright, um," you say softly and scratch the back of your neck, you feel embarrassed for having been so clingy. You really should learn how to read the room better. "I'm sorry I overstepped, I didn't know. I'll, uh, be more mindful of that in the future. But I'll get going, let you have some time to yourself."

Dennis feels like an asshole the minute he stopped yelling. He was already having a bad day, and your smile quickly disappearing as he yelled at you made it worse. The way your voice was so serious and oddly small made his heart sink into his stomach. He wants to apologize immediately, but, of course, his words seem to die on his tongue. You take his silence as your que to grab your things and head for the door.

"I'll see you later, Dennis," you call softly on your way towards the door. Once the door shuts with a gentle click, Dennis wants to cry, he wants to chase after you and apologize— but instead he's glued to his spot in the kitchen.

Your drive home was quiet, your only focus was getting home before you sobbed at the next longest red light. Thankfully you made it to the safety of your home still intact. Sending him a quick "made it home" text, you settle into bed early. The words Dennis said on repeat in your mind. He had a right to be upset, you knew that, but it didn't lessen the pain in your chest. Eventually, you cry yourself to sleep for the first time in a long time.

Dennis on the other hand, couldn't sleep a wink. The guilt was eating him alive, everytime he shut his eyes he saw the lightheartedness drained from your eyes and slowly be replaced by a dull pained emotion. And knowing that he was the reason behind it made him sick to his stomach.

He might have gotten an hour's worth of sleep when he heard his alarm going off. He groaned and rubbed his eyes as he got up. He pulled himself out of bed and went on about his normal routine, except there was no "good morning, handsome" texts from you. No "did you get enough sleep" texts. No "I had a weird dream" texts. It was dead quiet, and there was nearly nothing of yours to be found in his apartment. He was alone like he wanted. And for the first time in nearly a year, Dennis was reminded of what his life was like before you.

And that terrified him.

I no longer have a taglist! If you'd like to stay up-to-date on when I post, follow @littlelioncub-library 💖

Dividers by the lovely @firefly-graphics

[olderthannetfic]

Hope is okay to ask for like, tips and such for something.

I want to write again, because I'm entering the stressed and depressed state of mind where I can't do shit for my own mental health. In vacations I was fine, I wrote 7 fics in a row, it wasn't a problem. But now University consumes everything of me (again and again), my mind just shuts down and I'm incapable of doing anything but boring and loooooooong obligatory readings and essays (and sometimes I can't do that at all) and when I have free time I just... go to YouTube, see videos I'm barely interested in and scroll and scroll and scroll until is night and time to sleep to go to the academic suffering again because my mind just screams "I'M EXHAUSTED NOT WANNA DO SHIT".

Has anyone tips for overcoming this? (Just one thing: my cellphone is all I have to do jobs, write, listen to music, read (physical books are expensive), etc. The "just don't use your cellphone" tip is not an option for me sadly.) I don't how to even search what the fuck is wrong with me in Google to see if there's tips there in the wildness (I'm guessing there must be a term lol).

--

You're overwhelmed and stressed. "How do I do more creative writing?" is the wrong question here. You may or may not be able to get back to where you can do that at the same time as school.

"How do I manage this stress and get my brain back?" is more the thing you should be pursuing.

During the pandemic, people have talked a lot about anhedonia and about how amorphous long-term stress takes up all your extra mental processes till the unconscious churning of ideas your brain normally does that helps you come up with creative ideas is instead all taken up with this overhead of worry. Many professional writers have found themselves unable to write. Granted, yours is a school-triggered problem, but I think it's the same basic deal.

Time management and sleep patterns are something to look at, but the biggest thing is probably finding a way to completely turn off your brain and decompress... that is not mindlessly scrolling through social media. That doesn't fully shut you down and reboot you. It takes up time while maintaining low-grade anxiety, whether about the world or about feeling like you haven't scrolled far enough to be caught up. Things that make you experience FOMO or feel behind are especially to be avoided. Things that are relaxing and that give you a sense of finishing a task and doing a good job should be sought out.

Basically, your brain wants a cookie, but nothing about school is giving it a cookie, and because you're so stressed, nothing else is either. You seek out short things that don't require attention in the quest for some little hit of happy brain chemicals, but these aren't satisfying and further sap your energy.

It's a common problem for neurodivergent people, for people with depression, and for basically everyone in the pandemic or other long-term shitty situations.

Look up terms like 'executive function' for the part about getting stuck in one task and being unable to switch to something else.

Look up terms like 'anhedonia' for more on the depression-y symptoms, and combine with 'pandemic' for copious self help articles.

Here's one for example.

Self help on "mindfulness" and tips on how to meditate may also be relevant.

--

For me personally, physical exercise, being outside where there are trees and plants, eating fresh vegetables, spending time offline with friends, and hobbies or even chores that are physical things with a success/finishing condition (doing the dishes, knitting, repairing my own clothes) are the biggest help.

If you don't have physical books, then you don't. But getting off the cell phone is still key. TBH, even if you had paper books, Things That Are Not Books are often key.

I don't particularly want to get off the couch and go take a walk, but my ability to write or even read is often better after I do so.

[oldpotatoe]

I just want you to know that I've been quietly watching flwogb since January and my heart hurts again every time that I think about my poor boys. You just found so many ways to keep breaking my heart and I love you for it.

This is a little message to say take your time, enjoy being a newly wed (may you not ever get amnesia and forget your spouse) and decompress from school. You've got a captive audience because we can't leave until our boys are happily back together.

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

thank you for such a lovely and thoughtful message. i really appreciate all the people who've held on to flwogb through all these months of non-updates, and i really am sorry about how long its taken me to get ch21 out.

never fear about flwogb being abandoned, because this story is my child and i will nurture it to adulthood so help me god but like... i do have to admit i've been. struggling. just a tad.

at first it was because of my crazy ass deadlines. my university made the lovely decision of shoving half of semester 1's workload into semester 2, which was a godsend from sept-jan (remember how often i was updating back then? yeah... good times) but was hell feb onwards (think deadlines every friday without fail, even over easter break)

but then, as time went on, i just kinda? stopped wanting to write?? it had been months at this point since i'd even opened my word doc, and i was so busy all the time. between work and real life commitments (and tons of remote trips to mountains and rivers with my ever-patient husband, oops) i just couldn't find the motivation to open up my laptop and stare at the blinking cursor for hours on end, getting more and more anxious when nothing wrote itself like it was supposed to. and i did keep trying to tell myself that it was just like riding a bike (which, like, i don't actually know how to do), but then the stress would get too much and i'd take a break for a day... which turned into a week... then a month... you get the gist.

so i didn't write. for a while.

but last week, i got the urge to write. and i hammered out 3k words for ch21. and it went fine.

so what i'm saying is... expect an update by the end of this month (hopefully!)

[harvestdew]

Yo sorry if this question takes a while to awnser, but if Cleo and Kiki were NPCs what do you think thief heart events will be like? If you don't want to awnser this that's fine, I'm just curious.

no problem! i actually need a break from my essay anyway i wrote 4 pages and it took me 5 hours/made me stressed, so this is a good way to decompress for me!

kiki’s 2 heart event - standard, boring 2 heart event... enter pelican town on a sunny day anywhere from 9am to 4pm. you see kiki on her way out of pierre’s and her grocery bag breaks. you have 4 options:

ask “are you okay?” and help her (+30 friendship). kiki is embarrassed someone saw her, but says “thank you so much for helping me! that was pretty funny, wasn’t it? i guess i bought too much”

“i didn’t see anything” (no effect on friendship). kiki just laughs it off

ignore her/do nothing (no effect on friendship). kiki goes “...” before telling herself she’s so clumsy and running off

“wow, that was dumb of you.” (-50 friendship) kiki, trying to remain deadpan, responds “yeah, you’re right”

kiki’s 4 heart event - (similar to leah’s 4 heart event) enter kiki’s house when she’s there. for some reason, she doesn’t notice you entered and you hear someone else talking unintelligibly on the landline, but she isn’t responding. after a while, she hangs up without saying anything, notices you, and jumps, asking “have you been here the whole time?” you have 3 options:

lie and say “i just got here” (no effect on friendship). kiki sighs and says “oh, okay. that’s good”

"who was that?” (no effect on friendship). kiki goes “...” and tells you it was just an annoying telemarketer. then she asks if she can help you with anything

"are you okay?” (+20 friendship). kiki tells you she just got an unwanted call from someone she doesn’t want to talk to but doesn’t elaborate. she mentions being worried someone’s going to come over, then realizes you’re still there and laughs it off as a joke, trying to cover it up with a random fact about tulips

kiki’s 6 heart event - (similar to haley’s 6 heart event) enter the cindersap forest from 5pm to 9pm while it’s raining. kiki spots you (“!”) and asks for help, explaining her cat (ghost) ran away because she didn’t properly lock her door and the storm blew it open (this literally happened to me and my cat didn’t come home for 3 days LOL). she explains how important her cat is to her. you have 2 options:

"i’ll help you find him!” (+30 friendship)

“just get another cat?” (-30 friendship)

either way, you can walk around the cindersap forest and click on a bunch of shrubs. the cat will come out of one of them and you bring it back to her. kiki hugs you and says she felt too guilty to ask anyone else for help. she also points out because it was raining you should go back inside before you get sick, so she offers to walk you home 

also: fun fact the farmer replaces sebastian in here because this was something i wrote for him, but it feels like a good 6 heart one imo

kiki’s 8 heart event - done here!

kiki’s 10 heart event - (similar to emily and maru’s) you get a letter in the mail from kiki that says something along the lines “come by the forest tonight!” if you enter the cindersap forest from anytime between 7pm to 11pm ONLY during the summer you’ll trigger the event. it turns out she wanted to look at constellations with you and borrowed maru’s telescope. kiki starts talking about how she was figuring out how to make up for you finding her cat but didn’t want to do anything boring. you only have 1 option:

"wait, is this a date?” (no effect on friendship)

kiki gets MEGA embarrassed, explaining she thought it was obvious but isn’t going to be mad if you don’t like her. you now have 3 options:

"wait, i do like you!” (no effect on friendship). kiki goes, “seriously? you mean it? i’m so happy!” and you resume the date. before the cutscene ends, she has you look at some stars and explains the story of altair & vega which originated in china (“have you heard about the story of altair and vega? it’s about a cowherd and a weaver girl who fell in love but were separated by a river which is supposed to be the milky way. it’s sad, but once a year a bunch of magpies form a bridge and they reunite. romantic, right?”)

“i’m sorry, i don’t like you” (no effect on friendship). kiki tells you she understands, explaining you’re just as good of a friend and will be fine

“ew” (-30 on friendship). kiki sighs and tells her she better return maru’s telescope

as for cleo i have no idea if cleo would be a marriageable npc... we’ll see. let’s get to her heart events though (excluding her 10 heart event)

cleo’s 2 heart event - enter cleo’s room whenever she’s in there. cleo asks why you didn’t knock out of annoyance, but gets over it to complain she smells like fish (because she’s a fisherwoman LOL). you have 2 options:

“if you hate the smell of fish so much, why are you a fisherman?” (no effect on friendship). cleo explains she picks up fishing because that’s the 1 condition kiki has if she wants to stay with her free of rent. she complains about her cousin for trying to teach her some work ethic, then goes on to say she can’t wait til she and whatever sam’s band is called gets famous and she can stop fishing

“not my problem” (-30 friendship). cleo gets irritated and tells you “look, i didn’t ask to be a fisherwoman, okay? i hate farming and mining doesn’t make that much money. why are you even in here?”

cleo’s 4 heart event - enter pelican town any time during the day when it’s sunny. you overhear haley berating cleo with a magazine (even though they’re friends), who asks why she never mentioned she modeled. cleo gets annoyed and tells haley to back off because she doesn’t want to talk about it. you have 2 options:

do absolutely nothing (-30 friendship). haley finally walks off; cleo looks at you and goes, “what are you looking at? don’t listen to stuff that isn’t any of your business”

tell haley to stop (+30 friendship). haley sighs and apologizes to cleo for being nosey and leaves. cleo awkwardly thanks you and says something offhand like “i guess you’re cool” before running off

make up an excuse to pull cleo aside like “cleo, i don’t get how to use my fishing rod, can you help?” (+50 friendship). cleo thanks you for not making a huge scene and sighs. she explains haley figured out how used to be a model and wouldn’t stop asking why she quit. she also mentions she knows you probably want to know and claims it’s just “stupid personal garbage” and “the modeling industry is shit”

cleo’s 6 heart event - enter cleo’s room whenever she’s in there again. you find her mumbling to herself out of annoyance before she notices you and greets you. then, she explains she just figured out that everyone in her old band seems to be doing really well and she’s worried they’re going to get a gig for the band SHE started. you have 2 options:

ask “what band?” (no effect on friendship). cleo explains her mom wouldn’t let her go to a gig for the band to punish her, leaving them without a bassist. she says when she snuck out to go, the lead guitarist had immediately replaced her and decided to kick her out of the band, which is why cleo ran away out of humiliation. plus, she thinks their new music sounds like shit 

“who cares? you don’t need them!” (+30 friendship). cleo goes silent before telling you you’re SO right and tells you that good-for-nothing guitarist that kicked her out wasn’t even that good of a guitarist!

“maybe you were a bad bassist” (-50 friendship). cleo gets defensive and tells she was a perfectly good bassist. then she sighs and says she wonders if she’s not as good as she thinks she is and should just stick to fishing, before telling you to get out

cleo’s 8 heart event - (similar to sam’s 8 heart event) cleo shows up to your door when you wake up and gives you a flyer for a battle of the bands in zuzu city. the next day, you go to the venue with cleo and she realizes she’s going up against her old band before freaking out. she tells you she doesn’t know what to do because she’s scared she’ll mess up and prove them right. you have 3 options:

"you can do this!” (+50 friendship). cleo tells you that’s cheesy but you’re right. she goes on to say “screw all of them! i don’t care!”

“who cares? show them what they’re missing!” (+50 friendship). cleo gets pumped and agrees with you before saying, “ugh, what was i thinking? i don’t care what any of them think”

"don’t be a baby” (no effect on friendship). cleo goes “ugh” before begrudgingly admitting you’re right

either way, you get to hear them play like in sam’s 8 heart event. it should correspond with whatever music genre you chose for him in his own events. sam’s band also wins and cleo makes fun of her old band. the lead guitarist gets annoyed and tries to fight with her over it. you have 2 options:

“get him cleo!” (no effect on friendship). cleo punches the lead guitarist off the screen the way pierre punches morris at the community center

“ignore him, he’s just a loser” (no effect on friendship). cleo says she guesses taking the higher road is better and doesn’t wanna mess up her hands

regardless of what option you pick, at the end of the cutscene, cleo thanks your farmer for encouraging her not to giving up and how she couldn't have done it w/o your help

okay that’s it! i’m sorry for taking so long to write this, but i hope it was interesting and i promise really appreciate the ask <3 it was fun to write