#I'm still on issue 30 but shhh

[kara-zor-els]

Darkseid @ Greta: aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you want to go ape shit?

[broken-glass-puppet]

Ok so can i request Cod men being down bad for The dilf male reader? I'm sure they all got daddy issues so- it's can be a full fic or just a headcanon I'm ok with anything

We all in this account have daddy issues, any ways (it's a bit SPICY soooooo)

Captain price

He's DOWN BAD like us

He's polite and a gentleman but seeing you with your kids/taking care of kids just makes his heart melt, he loves seeing you being like a father figure to children

You are taller than him and that TURNS HIM ON A LOT, look, my man is a pillow princess and no I don't care what everyone says, HE IS

will flirt with you just so hear you chuckle with that deep sexy voice of yours, call him "sweetheart" "babe" "big guy" and he is in love

Imagine if price flirted and you are just like "oh yeah? Wanna say that again big boy?" Getting really close to him

Simon 'ghost' Riley

At first he doesn't admit he is attracted to you BUT god damn you look good in a plain white t-shirt with shorts doing breakfast

If you are in the military he will stare at your butt, thighs and chest plus you are older than him and that is attractive to him

If you aren't in the military, you two probably meet at a cafe or pub, and when he discovers you have or take care of children he thinks it's adorable

His childhood was SHIT, so seeing you worrying about those kids, his heart started to feel warm

Hug him, press your chest against his face while you stroke his head while whispering "good boy Simon" or praise in general

Jhon 'soap' McTavish

Puppy, a total puppy

He's energetic but also serious and smart, and not many people give him credit by that so, after a mission you went and ruffled his hair and slid your hand to the back of his neck "good job out there McTavish, keep being a good boy ey?" You smiled softly

He falled right there, he nodded giving you puppy eyes

One time in particular he was like putting his harness in his thighs and he was having problem so you grabbed his waist and helped him "stay still" you finished and brushed his sides and smiled "good boy Jhonny"

PRAISE KINK

everytime you touch him, he melts

Gaz

He likes looking at you, he thinks your age your height and size is attractive, he is a big guy fan

In one of the missions he has a injured leg and you carried him to the HQ in BRIDE STYLE IN FRONT OF EVERYONE

And when you are patching his wounds and he whimpers from the pain "shhh you are doing so good gaz, such a good boy" and he almost fainted

He loves playing with your hands, they are bigger than his own and they are rough but gentle at the same time and he LOVES IT

He's in his middles 30's so you are older than him and he is so turned on when he sees you doing traditional dad things, you in an apron? Bedroom, you wearing a suit? Bedroom, you in a swimsuit? Y'all know what I mean

Alejandro Vargas

He thinks of you as a friend, even as a brother from another mother but when he sees you in your uniform, he had to control himself to not grabb your pecs and take you there in front of everyone

When he wants your attention will grab your belt and pull you closer, smirking at your flustered face

Once you too started, fooling around, he will grab your body, arm, waist, ass, pecs, everything

Once he sees you playing with kids or animals he almost grabbed you to take things to the couch wink wink

He's shorter than you and when he wants to look at you he grabs your collar and pulse your face closer

Rudy (MY MAN <3)

Flustered, blushed even

He likes you for you, your height, size and age its a plus but one things he loves even more than your personality is

Your arms

You are like a giant teddy bear, when no one is looking he will pull you for a hug, excuse it's he had a rough time in a mission

Nah

He wants to feel your GIANT ARMS AROUND HIM

You would break him like a twig and he will be thankful

"here's the reports for you [redacted]" You smiled and patted his head "thank you Rudy, you are so good" and he is so flustered

Thank y'all for the cod requests

Fell free to send more :D

[jumpywhumpywriter]

ANOTHER list of some of my favorite quotes and short scenes from my OC named Shadow, a morally gray anti-hero who is the snarkiest, whittiest, most sarcastic and badass person in my in-progress fantasy trilogy. I just love her brutal personality so much!

Let me know what all of your favorites are! 😁

(Other list of snarkiness can be found HERE)

1. "Embrace the pain. Only through the darkness will we find the light. Unless of course, you're like me, and you prefer the dark." Shadow smirked wickedly, flaring her wings out for emphasis. "Or something else wise-sounding along those lines," she added sheepishly.

   2. Thomas: *accidently runs into Shadow's wing when she stops abruptly*

Shadow *whirls on him angrily* "One day my patience will run out, and I will punch you. In the face. VERY HARD," she growled.

Thomas: *internally traumatized*

   3. **Shadow's team playing fun game of 'how do you think you will die?'**

Thomas: "Honestly, my death with probably be caused by ticking Shadow off at the wrong time," he laughed heartily.

Shadow, with a deadpan expression: "My death will probably be caused by being sarcastic at the wrong time."

   4. **Shadow, in a grumpy mood after Tanner tries to tell her the 'when life gives you lemons' optimistic approach** -- "Life has never given me lemons. It has given me anger issues, anxiety, and a serious dislike for stupid people. But not lemons."

   5. "There's a reason I told Tanner you were an idiot... STOP PROVING ME RIGHT!!" Shadow threw her hands up uselessly, glaring at Thomas.

6. "Shadow, I'm sorry."

   "I'm starting to think ‘Shadow, I'm sorry’ is my actual name, considering how often you say it to me."

7. Shadow, after accidently causing some casualties: "I admit, some mistakes were made--"

Thomas: "Murders."

Thomas: "Some murders were made."

8. "I believe in hate at first sight." --Shadow

9. "You know what sucks? Everything."

10. "What is WRONG with you people?!" Shadow yelled at the team.

11. "What was that?!" Thomas yelped at the sound of a loud crash from the other side of the enemy-filled room.

"The sound of the tables turning," Tanner laughed in relief.

*Shadow aggressively appears and tears the enemies apart*

12. "Uh, Shadow? I need some assistance," Thomas called out.

"How unfortunate," Shadow replied, not pausing her sharpening of blades.

13. "Ugh, My head hurts," Thomas grimaced.

"That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity," Shadow offered oh-so-helpfully.

14. "That doesn't look very 'alone' to me," Shadow growled, glaring daggers at the man standing next to Tanner.

15. "Who is he?" Thomas squeaked fearfully, staring at the tall, imposing figure across from him and Shadow.

"Just a hunch, but I'd say he's the bad guy," Shadow snorted.

16. "Ah, yes, so we live to die another day." -Shadow

17. "Is 'no' an emotion because I feel it."

18. "A penny for your thoughts seems a little pricey, don't you think?"

19. "Admit it. Life would be boring without me," Shadow grinned. (And we can all agree with that statement, right everyone??)

20. Thomas: *is gushing sentences hysterically because something traumatic just happened to him*

"Shhh.... no one cares," Shadow cut in.

21. "You want nice? Or honest?" Shadow raised a meaningful eyebrow.

22. "You’re not really stupid. You just have bad luck when you think."

23. "Yes. I understand what you’re saying. I’m just not going to do it." -- Shadow turning Thomas down on a request.

24. "I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding," Shadow yawned dramatically.

25. "This is my opinion of your opinion." *Shadow spends next hour telling Thomas exactly how wrong he is*

26. "First of all, no. Second of all... still no."

27. "It's a beautiful day to leave me alone."

28. "If you need anything from me, reconsider."

29. Tanner: "Good morning!"

Shadow: "What's so 'good' about it?"

30. "Hmm... my common sense is tingling."

31. "My alone time is sometimes for your safety."

32. "I can use a single word to describe what's wrong with you, Thomas: everything."

33. Shadow tilted her head to the side, looking genuinely puzzled. "Not sure if you're trying to be funny or if you're just an idiot."

34. "What essential oil makes you go away?"

35. "The stuff you heard about me is a lie, I'm way worse."

36. "My level of sarcasm has gotten to the point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not," Shadow admitted sincerely.

37. Shadow: "Relax, he died of natural causes!"

Thomas, horrified: "You flew him higher than a skyscraper and dropped him on concrete!!"

Shadow: Gravity's natural.

38. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me."

39. Tanner, eating grapes: "Shadow, you want some?"

Shadow, wrinkling her nose with distaste: "I have to decline. I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form."

40. Thomas, trying to talk Shadow out of going out and murdering an enemy that recently ticked her off: "Why seek revenge? Karma is going to get the bastard anyway."

Shadow, baring her teeth angrily at him. "Exactly. I AM THAT KARMA."

41. "Truth is I did escalate things," Shadow snickered.

42. "Sorry, slight tone delivery problem."

43. "Huh. This would be a cool way to die."

44. "Great plan, I love the part where I almost bled to death," Shadow remarked with an eye roll.

45. "If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out," Shadow growled.

46. "Friends come and go but enemies accumulate."

47. "Wreaking havoc is my personal specialty."

48. "I have boundary issues. You better respect them." Shadow narrowed her eyes warningly.

49. "People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not be a serial killer," Shadow groaned in exasperation.

50. "Well I'm so sorry my facial expressions don't know how to use their inside voice!" Shadow sneered.

51. "I’m actually not funny, I’m just mean and people think I’m joking."

52. "Thomas, I will LITERALLY ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence."

53. "It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste."

54. "I don't keep secrets, I just keep people out of my business."

55. "Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here."

56. "Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often."

57. "Have a nice day, somewhere else."

58. "That sounds like a ‘you’ problem. Not a ‘me’ problem."

59. "Aaaaand we've officially reached peak bonkers."

60. "You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel."

What doesn't kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor, as you can tell from this list. 😂 poor Shadow! She's been through so much, but she's still the funniest, snarkiest character ever through it all!

Masterlist #1 - all my main whump stories

Masterlist #2 - all stories specifically involving Shadow and Thomas

@scoundrelwithboba @lumpofsand @isikedmyself878 @iamheretohurt @fleur-a-whump

@ay5ksal @otterfrost @sausages-things @togzy

@whump-till-ya-jump @cravesunconditionallove @whumpwritinglover222

[loverlylight]

Also I just... like, I always feel like I'm not bringing Enough to the table for any type of relationship or friendship and so I'm always worrying if people are wasting their time interacting with me and even though I logically know that people can choose for themselves who and how they want to interact with others it doesn't connect emotionally and I know this is my issue and there's not really anything that can be done about it but I just... AUGH.

And yes I probably shouldn't judge my worth on my utility for people I care about but, uh, I'm gonna. And I'm also just... I don't have the same Capacity as other people, I know that. I can only do as much as I can do, but I still feel so guilty and frustrated even though I can't really do anything about that! I just... bleh, if it wasn't how things are at work right now I'd be tempted to take a day off but yeah. That's more than plenty Late Night Ramblings, even though it's not even 9:30 but shhh I've been tired enough to need to get ready for bed at like 8 for a year and a half so at least I'm consistent! (I just... I know I need to Take Care of myself right now, but even though I'm getting enough feedback from my body to know that I don't have quite enough to know what Care in particular is needed, so I just gotta fumble my way through until I get back to baseline)

[bisexual-horror-fan]

In honor of you meeting Skeet Ulrich and Matthew Lillard congratulations by the way! (I’m new here but saw you met them so like WOW! That’s the dream) I was wondering I I could ask you what you personal favorite line from each Ghostface in the Scream movies is?

I’m shy so is it okay that I stay anonymous? I’ll just use the emoji 🔪 for any future asks I love your work btw and absolutely love scream :)

-🔪

Well, fuck me, I think I can do that! Let's run down the list.

Billy Loomis: "Sure it is, Sid. It's all a movie. It's all one great big movie. Only you can't pick your genre." Something about this, just fucking hits, right in the chest, the way he says it, the look on his face, I do not know, I love it.

Stu Macher: ''You take a knife and you slit 'em from groin to sternum.'' Seriously another one that I just adore, it is so telling to his character, I think about it often.

And a specfic one as Ghostface from the first Scream that hits is, "Scary night isn't it? With the murders and all. It's like right out of a horror movie or something." A little more unconventional but it is during the first call Sidney ever gets from Ghostface, so it only feels right to pick it man.

Mickey Altieri: "You should really deal with your trust issues Sid: I mean, poor Derek. He's completely innocent and such a nice boy too. He's bright and funny and handsome. Decent singing voice. And he was going to be a doctor. This is just the kinda boy you'd like to take home to mom. If you had a mom." So fucked up but the delivery of it man just gets me and gets me hard, also life imitating art, imitating life is up there.

Nancy Loomis/Debbie Salt: "Not wise to patronize me with a gun, Sidney. Randy spoke poorly of Billy, and I got a little knife happy." Again while I don't like Nancy a lot, the delivery was a serve.

Scream 2 Ghostface: "Have you ever felt a knife cut through human flesh... and scrape the bone beneath?" Noooo I have not but fuck me, do I want to!

Roman Bridger: "Variety called me a "pariah". I don't even know what a "pariah" is." Honestly very fucking funny line and delivery, I can give it up for that, second place is, "I'm about to turn 30, and it looks like I might be the next target". I, too, am about to turn 30 and would like to be the next victim, please.

Scream 3 Ghostface: "She's got a nice little... voice." The way it is said is like, okay! I see you!

Charlie Walker: "Shhh... It doesn't happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know." Yeah this was the moment I was like okay, okay, I get it. He's got something about him.

Jill Roberts: "You just won't die, will you? Who are you, Michael fucking Myers?" If I have to pick one from her, it's this one.

Scream 4 Ghostface: "I'm gonna slit your eyelids in half so you don't blink when I stab you in the face." Like it would be any other one man, come the fuck on.

Amber Freeman: "Welcome to act three." Again, the delivery, the cunt in it, yes. Also, "Yeah, and he died like a pussy!"

Richie Kirsch: "Oh, thank god, you're still alive. Because I really wanted to be the one to kill you". Again, low tier Ghostface but a good line with solid delivery.

Scream 5 Ghostface: "It's an honour." Like it'd be anything else COME ON.

Jason Carvey: "Alright, fine. It was even better than we could have imagined. And when the knife, went in her, it's like… she wasn't a human anymore. Just an animal. And everytime when I went in, she was less… Less human… And then? She was… just meat." Hot, so, so hot.

Ethan Landry: "I've always wanted to stick something in you, Tara!" Obviously it has to be this one, fuck.

Quinn Bailey: "I got Stu Macher's mask. He was my favorite." Bitch same!

Wayne Bailey: "All the best lies are based from the hard truth." Dude fucking sucks and ACAB always but I mean this hits.

Scream 6 Ghostface: "Who gives a fuck about movies?" I mean I do, way too much, but good shit man!

Okay and these are my picks, hope it is detailed enough man.

[bloodgulchblog]

Ok I got two ODST ocs but the issue is I know like next to nothing about how ODSTs work. Besides what was shown in Halo 4 ODSTs. Is there any wisdom you can impart upon me,,?

Alright full disclaimer: I have successfully put off playing more than like the first level of Halo 3: ODST for 13 years, and my knowledge of what happens in that game is limited to what I remember of the summary of it in New Blood.

Shame disclosed, I can now begin taking a swing at this.

HOW ODSTS FIT INTO THE UNSC

ODSTs are specialists within the UNSC Marine Corps. Marines take orders from UNICOM (Unified Ground Command) along with the Army and Air Force when operating on the ground, and from NAVCOM (Naval Command) when operating in space.

ODSTs are usually looped in with the Navy because the Navy has to drop them, and some groups of ODSTs are specialized for operating in zero g and that kind of thing is also on Navy turf.

WHAT KIND OF PERSON GETS SELECTED TO BE AN ODST

First of all, ODSTs are all-volunteer. You don't get assigned from on high into being an ODST, you ask to be considered.

The most important criterion for an ODST is being able to get in the pod and drop, knowing that something could blow you out of the air and you could do nothing about it, into hostile territory. And to keep doing it. It takes a lot of courage to be able to psyche yourself up into doing that again and again and again. (Honestly, when you see mention of ODSTs doing things like playing loud music during a drop, I feel like that is a huge part of what they're doing.)

The second factor is toughness and ability to fight, obviously. Training for ODSTs is intense and they have to be very fit before they can proceed to the later parts.

The third: A certain fighting spirit. ODSTs need to be initiative-takers and they are trained to push to establish a foothold where they land. They need to be aggressive and bold, that's their job, and even beyond helping win a battle it's also a factor for morale. Having a squad of ODSTs roll up whooping and yelling and ready to rock bolsters the confidence of the people around them. That matters.

Ideally the Corps would also love if ODST candidates were also smart, but the UNSC was fighting a losing war for almost 30 years and humanity lost absolutely catastrophic numbers. They had to take what they could get. Not everybody can be AJ Johnson.

There's a reason that when ODSTs heckle the Navy it's for being dweebs with cushy jobs, and when the Navy heckles ODSTs it's about how many it takes to screw in a lightbulb.

WHAT IS ODST TRAINING LIKE?

How long does it take to become an ODST? Our sources are kinda vague, we know 3 weeks of the training is just hammering them on physical fitness and then they go on to the specialized part and it's possible to wash out and embarrass yourself by being sent back to your original unit. We know there are "months" of it. If you want me to guess based on my very vague and incomplete knowledge of US military things gleaned from wikipedia, I'd say prrrrrobably a year, maybe more.

It's kind of fucky because Halo lore doesn't usually think about this kind of stuff and you can tell. You have to do some conspiracy diagramming yourself, but like. We know Palmer was 19 years old when she was a Lance Corporal. (....but Palmer's rank in general when she was in the ODSTs doesn't make sense at all if you look at it with more than your peripheral vision and sshhhh, shhh, it's fine, shhhhhhh.)

Basically, it seems like if somebody really really excels in their first year they can be considered for ODST training but it's probably safe to say that's on the extreme end. I would also be willing to suppose that they probably will not take anyone as old as 29 or 30 as a candidate without it being a major exception.

The most detail we have on what the training itself is like is the short story Dirt in the Evolutions anthology, much of the information on halopedia's ODST page sources that story. (For the record, while I'm still thinking about tacking up red strings, the timeline indicates that Gage would've been 20 at most when he was training to be an ODST.) Here's a piece.

WHAT ARE ODSTS LIKE IN GENERAL

Everybody's an individual, but the most stereotypical ODST is loud, gregarious, swole, and full of machismo. They're probably fun at parties, but maybe sometimes too fun. They're very tight with their buddies. Being ODST is a huge, huge source of pride and identity. They're great to have on your side. They're a huge, bull-headed problem if they're not.

They are good under pressure, experienced at putting a brave face on, and have most likely developed some kind of coping strategy for handling fear and worry because there's no room for that shit when you're jammed in a pod.

ODSTs are brave as shit, and in the ODSTs the leadership is expected to drop with the rest and their pods accelerate ahead and are the first on the ground. Leading from the front is a huge virtue to them. The ODSTs are immensely proud of this and it's what they admire in leadership and in general. If you want to stand tall in the eyes of an ODST, make big fucking plays at great personal risk that pay off.

Here is a very charming anecdote about the time a young Captain Keyes impressed some ODSTs.

And this explanation:

...

Other than that, I don't have much more speculation. I guess keep an eye on the distinctions between the armor ODSTs have and MJOLNIR, because ODST kit is a lot less OP. Other than that, I'm out.

[buttsoclock]

Everyone is so mad at Neil Gaiman for the end of Good Omens season 2 (which I think is silly), but I have a much more personal issue to take up with him.

It started with Coraline, and that was bad enough (and by bad I mean specifically for my unique individual psychology--on the whole it's a wonderful story). See, I have two phobias: Spiders and needles. I also just have a thing about eyes.

So a story where this Other Mother wants to sew buttons into the eyes of the main character and then eventually turns into this spidery creature? Really kind of felt like Mr. Gaiman woke up one day and went, "There's one specific bitch out there who will be very upset by this specific combination of factors and I'm here to fuck her shit up."

(Did I still both read the book and watch the whole movie, with a blanket to hide behind even though I was probably 21 at the time? Of course I did, I make wonderful life choices, shhh.)

So yeah, a part of me already felt like Neil Gaiman was out to get me personally after that.

But it got so much worse. And to explain how, I need to explain why I'm arachnophobic. When I was 3, I had this dream that I was...somewhere, I don't remember where, and saw a spider. So I stepped on it and squished it.

Then I saw a couple more spiders, so I stepped on them and squished them.

Then I saw a bunch more. I wanted to get away from them, but there were a ton of them in every direction now. I turned toward the door to get the hell out of there, but saw that spiders were pouring in through the gap under the door.

I looked around then and noticed them coming from EVERYWHERE now--from cracks in the walls, between floorboards, etc. Pretty soon the spiders covered every surface--the floor, ceiling, and walls were visibly rippling from the movement of so many spiders.

And then they started to crawl up my legs and all over my body. I could feel them on my skin and in my clothes. They crawled over my eyes until I couldn't see. When I started to scream, they crawled in my mouth and down my throat. I remember waking up feeling like I was choking on something.

Let me reiterate, I was three years old when I had that dream. It's one of the first three memories I have of my life (it goes, the death of my dad's mom, getting my first dog, and that).

And then I continued to have that dream on a recurring basis, anywhere from once every couple months to sometimes as much as three times a night, for the next TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.

The waking up part was almost worse. Even once I was awake--really awake, enough to fully realize I wasn't dreaming anymore--I always imagined I could still feel something moving in the back of my throat and felt I would choke on it.

I can't tell you how much those dreams messed with me.

The dreams finally stopped in my late 20s. For a long time it made me anxious that they had stopped--like I was due for them to start up again any time now and maybe they'd be worse because of their absence. But I reached my 30s having not had that dream in two or three years.

Then in 2020 I picked up Anansi Boys for the first time, and imagine my fucking delight (and by delight I mean absolute horror) when I read a scene in which the main character's dream ends like this:

I started having that dream in probably 1993. Anansi Boys was published in 2005. I didn't read it for the first time until 2020, after being free of those dreams for at least three whole years, for the first time since I was barely old enough to form memories. I can't tell you what a trip it was to see that in a book by my favorite author.

It didn't go into a ton of detail about the dream or what the character felt. It didn't have to. As soon as I read it I felt that familiar feeling I used to have when I woke up from those dreams--like I was choking on something small with too many legs.

Let me tell you, I have slammed many a book down onto the table or bed, yelled, cursed, cried at them, but never have I actually thrown a book--except for this one. That felt personal.

So I would just like to thank @neil-gaiman for somehow, despite not knowing I exist, creating stories specifically designed to torment me individually. Super cool.

(I still finished the book. I still enjoyed the book. And in a weird way I loved the book that much more for it. I'm gonna be mad about it forever though.)

[journaldefafa]

Letter to 30

I have always wanted to do this -- where I talk to my future self. But somehow I always felt lazy to do so. Especially in video form. So here I am, a 25 year-old Fafa (one month before turning 26, shhh ;p), writing to 30-year old Fafa a sincere letter.

Hey Fadwa, not sure where to begin or what to say. So I'll start by stating where I am now, and where I would like to be by then. Today, I am in a good place in my life mentally. All those self-loathing, depressing thoughts are close to non-existant. I don't overthink like before, but I still have those occasional anxiety attacks. Unfortunately, if there's one issue that I am still not able to surpass is my body image and body dysmorphia. Especially the past few months, where I found myelf gaining weight and surrounded by people who are really triggering in terms of body image and body expectations. But whenever I feel like I'm about to spiral down into a rabbit hole, I'm able to just take a deep breath and trust the process. I introduced EMS to my life which makes me feel stronger and healthier. And I try, as much as I can, to control my food. Hopefully, I do see an improvement in my body soon. I have to add that I am still struggling with the idea of "what if my tattoo doesn't go away" and I hope that whatever results we get in the next 5 years, we are satisfied with it. So tell me, am I content with my body now?

Today marks my 4th month in this new Epson job. It still feels like a gift but I keep looking to the other side of the fence. I feel like maybe this isn't for me? It feels very boring. It is definetly a good way to make money, and there's room to grow, but am I passionate about it? Am I really invested in whatever I'm selling? No, I'm not. I still don't know what's my calling or what I want for myself. And I'm in no rush. I acknowledge that I have something good in my hand, and I am willing to follow through with it until it unfolds. But it would be nice to know that I got an opportunity later on to try working in a different country for a little while. Or eventually do Master's abroad -- eventhough I don't have the slightest clue what program will I go to. So tell me, am I doing something that speaks of who I really am?

Love... ahhh to love! Please tell me you've found the one. Please tell me that you're in love and happy. And that he's everything you wished for and more. As you know, there's no action whatsoever in the love department in my life. But I am eagerly waiting. I am in a place where I am ready for the big step and even slowly (very slowly) changing my perceptions on children. When I imagine myself head over heels in love with someone, I can't help but imagine the beauty of having children to share with each other. Let's see, I am hopeful. Eventhough I do get evil thoughts sometimes whispering to me that I will never find someone and that I'm not worthy of love. But so far, I've still won over these whispers. So tell me, is he right there next to you?

And finally spirtuality, I have been consistent with my relation to Allah. I haven't missed a prayer since mid of March. I feel purer, cleaner, and in peace. I hope you're maintaining the very hard work I am doing right now and doing even more. Getting closer, removing bad habits, introducing better practices in your life.

I'm too afraid to ask about our family... I hope they're all doing well and happy and alive. Just know starting recently, I am trying to improve my relationship with Papa. Since he came back from Gaza, I have reached a realization of how much he means to me, and that I want to salvage whatever we have left and even build on it. I just really hope everyone's happy. I hope Mama's health is great. And please tell me we got her the house of her dreams. You know how much I love Mama, I love her ظالمة او مظلومة, she is my purpose. So I hope you have good news for me here Fadwa.

And that's it Fadwita! Tell me, I want to hear from you. But for now, I am taking it one step at a time. And trying to be patient, cause I have a feeling that good things are about to happen and they're just around the corner!

[cobaltaris]

Aris Media 2023 #20: Marvel's Spider-Man (PS4)

god this title is SO generic. legit one of the biggest issues i have with it upfront is its so weird bringing it up in convo because it's such a bog-standard name that you have to just..okay let's just get into the discussion because Not To Sound Cliché But It Really Made Me Feel Like Spider-Man

so in my attempt to branch out further with what i play this year, hey, might as well get through that open world bucket list, huh. this has been on my radar for AWHILE, but 2018 was my phase of "well uhhh i need to play EVERYTHING that came out before this before i try this out" which was dumb but i'm over it now! mostly! and also just some worries cuz i'm not THAT knowledgeable on Spidey/Marvel stuff. like i watched every MCU movie up to Endgame, and have memories of seeing the first Raimi movie (along with its decent tie-in game) but never really had a Spider-Man phase (which hey I might check out the Raimi trilogy because I loved this but shhh LET THE REVIEW PLAY OUT FIRST DORK)

i played this on PS4 because I'm still too broke for a PS5, and it was the one on PS+ Extra since i just got that and fuck you Sony for taking it off it next month, but GOD. GOD. this game is still a fucking BEAUTY. absolutely stunning and somehow both runs well and loads decently fast for what its going for, that being NYC! first night and hours i had with this were so magical for that reason, especially as things are constantly happening in real-time; crimes to stop, streets full of people, FUCKIN PIGEONS, and yet it almost never has an issue taking it all in

and honestly, as an open world...its REAL fun? like, i naturally associate open worlds in my head with busywork that fails to capture the kinetic, well-designed setpieces that linear shit thrives on, but this game strikes a really good balance; not to say it avoids those trappings! some side objectives are really flat and just exist for the Content, but i got about 90% or so, so I'm not even sure if I fully agree with that statement myself lol

it helps that the core defining thing about Spidah Myan on Da PS4 is that yes. let's say it again for the folks in the back. you FEEL like spider-man. the web swinging is so, SO good, honestly holds the whole open world stuff together (heh). like, its one thing to have this massive metropolitian city, but to give such a FUN, acrobatic moveset to go with it makes doing everything so much, SO much better to play. movement and play control are so fucking important in anything and this game nails that, even making stuff like taking landmark photos fun when you can take them MID swing, THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING COOL AAAA

plus, the main story is a good one! i think the middle drags a bit since its a very piecemeal delivered mystery, with very small discoveries every 20 minutes until the BIG shift, but its always interesting! whether thats seeing what the villains will do next, or what kinda dialogue Peter, MJ, Otto, Miles, anyone would really have (GOD THE DYNAMIC BETWEEN PETER AND OTTO IN PARTICULAR. THATS SUCH A GOOD FUCKIN ARC)

the combat to go with that as the meat of it is also pretty satisfying! lots of layers to it but simple at the core, better as you go along, etc. i do think though sometimes, especially in the side content like the Bases, they kinda stretch it WAY too thin and it gets pretty same-y dealing with the same Shield, Brute, Shooter combos. again, middle is the worst about this since there you don't even have any bosses for like 10 hours, and what do you get instead? oh joy not another mediocre stealth segment featuring MJ woooo

The City That Never Sleeps was also. fine? got pretty alright by the final episode but i was so clicked out of the experience by then. felt VERY satisfied with the ending but i don't think i needed to hear Photobomb like 30 times, or deal with 10 minutes of fighting White Armored Dudes with Gatling Guns, lmao. dig the setups for the sequel but i don't have a PS5 and i need a break before I play Miles Morales so fuck you Luigi

Marvel's Spider-Man and No One Else is about an A grade experience, I'd say! close to S, but the combat kinda drained me in the second half, plus the story does drag on a bit in the middle along with those stealth sections not being. great. but a game where i can be in head empty bliss just swinging around NYC while hearing Spidey slander on a podcast? that's video games baby

[smediumsmeatbae]

Tremble (One Shot)

TITLE: Tremble PAIRING: Chris Evans x Reader  SUMMARY: Chris' anxiety throws him for a loop but you know how to make him feel better WORDS:  2.3 K SONG USED: Oh Baby by LCD Soundsystem WARNINGS: Mentions of anxiety, panic attacks, light angst (if you squint), SMUT SMUT SMUT (no one under 18, please!) A/N: This is my first for a couple of things. This is my first smut fic, constructive (read CONSTRUCTIVE) criticism is welcome. (Praise is awesome too lol.) And secondly, this is the first fic I've used with a song running through it. I really enjoyed writing this and loved using the song through it. It might be something I do again in the future.  This is also a submission for @jtargaryen18 's 30 Days of Chris. Thanks to her for hosting such a wonderful writing challenge and it's been super fun this whole month.  This is not to be posted anywhere else without my permission. Reblogs/likes/comments loved and encouraged.  Sort of been proofread. Any grammar mistakes are my own.

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There was a hush in the air that night as you sipped your glass of bourbon out on the back porch of your Boston home you shared with your husband Chris. He was due home in a few hours and you couldn't wait to see him, so you were trying to distract yourself with your favorite spirit and a book that Scarlett had lent to you. You tried to focus on it, you really did. However, as you re-read the same sentence about five times, that was proving to be a fruitless venture. You let out a small huff of restlessness and placed the book down on the patio table before taking a quick sip of your drink and opened up your phone. Maybe catching up on some work emails could distract you enough. Before you could open up the email app, though, you noticed that you had a message. It was from Chris! You smiled and tapped on the icon to open up the message. 

CHRIS: Just touched down, got an earlier flight. Can’t wait to see you. Tour’s been rough. Should be there in about 20-30 mins. 

Your belly was full of butterflies as you read the message. He was going to be home! His arm around you! In twenty minutes! You tapped on the reply button. 

YOU: Yay! I missed you so much babe. Can't wait to see you too! ❤

It had been so long since Chris had been home. You missed the way he sang 80's pop music when he made pesto eggs in the morning, how the bathroom smelled vaguely of his cologne and soap - one of your favorite smells - after a shower, and how he would tickle you into submission after you had any argument with him. You also missed the way he caged his sculpted arms around your head and stroked your hair gently away from your face as he made love to you. God, how you missed sex with Chris; you craved it. Facetime was great, sure, and it helped temper the desire but it could only do so much. It couldn't give you the heat of his body melting into you or how he held you close, almost protectively, as you came down from your orgasm. You couldn't wait to feel him again and would probably jump him as soon as he got home. 

As if Chris could sense that you were thinking about him, you heard the door unlocking and the sound of keys being tossed on the entryway table as well as suitcases and backpack being set down in the foyer, making a noise on the hardwood floor. You excitedly went towards the noise to see your tired husband standing in the foyer.  

"Baby!" You yelled as you ran towards Chris. You threw your arms around his neck and drew him close to you as you nuzzled your cheek to his shoulder, smelling his cologne and feeling the soft fabric of his shirt on your cheek. He grabbed you back in turn and buried his face into your neck and clung onto you, taking fistfuls of your shirt into his hands. You noticed after a second, that his body was tense. He was also slightly trembling against your body and he was hanging onto you like you were his salvation. 

"Chris?" You asked gently, pulling away your face in concern. "Baby, what's wrong?" 

Oh baby You’re having a bad dream Here in my arms

You cupped his face in your hands. He easily was a head taller than you but in that moment, he seemed so small, like a scared little boy that needed to be protected and loved. His eyes were cloudy and glazed over- he looked like he hadn't slept at all last night. 

You came to me Could all be a bad thing And do you harm

"I'm… I'm ok, just really tired." He gave you a small smile but it wasn't working; you could see something was really bothering him. You knew your husband too well; that, and he was a terrible liar. He started to let you go and go back towards the foyer to grab his stuff and unpack from the press junket. 

"Babe, please. Talk to me. What's really going on?" You folded your arms around your waist and spoke to him, not judging, just wanting to understand and help. 

He slumped down and let out a sigh, stuffing his hands in his pocket. 

"I just… need to decompress for a second. Can we not talk about it for now, please?" His eyes were pleading with you and your heart broke a bit. You wanted to reach out and hold him but instead you nodded and dropped your hands from your waist as if to say you were giving in to his request. 

You run from me Shot in the dark Please wake me For my love lies patiently Please baby please

You had a feeling you knew what was going on. Chris had issues with anxiety and he said earlier the tour was rough, didn't he? How bad had it gotten? He was usually really good about keeping his anxiety in check with some form of meditation and relaxation. What happened? You followed Chris into the living room where he turned on the tv, wanting to get out of his head a bit. Sitting down next to him, you wrapped your legs under you and nestled yourself into his side, letting his arm drape over you. You felt his chest rising and falling, missing so very much this feeling of closeness that you had not had since he left one month ago. One long month. He absentmindedly kissed the top of your head and stroked your shoulder lazily with his thumb. It was like the anxious person that came in from the tour was gone and Chris, your Chris, was back. At least on the surface. You knew that he was trying his best to bury it for the time being until he was able to talk about it. 

You came to me Are you having a bad time? There in your home

"The junket was… A lot." He finally spoke after a long time. "There wasn't really any time for breaks, and they just kept pushing us with more and more and more interviews and meet ups and Q&As and pictures…" You could feel his body tense up the more he talked about it. "It didn't stop. And I did my best to push it down, I made a commitment to be there and I was going to see it through, but man that last day… yesterday. I just couldn't do it anymore. I had a panic attack in between one interview waiting on another and I had to get out of there." There was a hitch in his voice that wasn't there before and you moved from your position to  straddle him and hold him close. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pushed your hands through his nape and massaged it, an act that instantly calmed him down. He let out a breath, seemingly one that he had been holding in for eternity, and wrapped his arms around you, nose nuzzled into the crook of your neck. 

Oh sugar Give in to me You're just having a bad dream

"Shhh, it's ok baby. I've got you." You cooed as you held him close. "Let it all out, I'm here love." 

He gripped onto you and you could feel your tshirt and neck becoming wet with tears as he quietly sobbed into your shoulder. Your big man; your confident, funny, passionate, smart, loving man was shaking in your arms. You cradled his head and rocked him from side to side, wrapping your legs around his torso to feel him closer, closer, closer to you. 

Oh but please Please shake me from my lovesick patient dream Please baby please And my love plays wait and see

He lifted his head up to you, lashes wet with tears and eyes still misty, kissed you softly. His hands unclenched from your shirt and they ran up your back, searching, needing, wanting to hold you. His eyes met yours, wordlessly asking and you nodded, needing to make this better, if only for a short while. You cupped your hands to his face, rubbing his cheeks with the pad of your thumbs and kissed him gently at first, then with more urgency. You opened your mouth and let your tongue explore his bottom lip before he opened his mouth for you to gain access. Tongues danced with each other for a bit, you moaning into his mouth. 

Chris was pulling at your over-sized shirt, and you obliged, lifting your arms up and letting him remove it. It was actually his old shirt, but you wore it, especially when he was out of town, because it smelled like him. With your shirt off, you reached for his as he unclasped your bra. You were so hungry for skin on skin contact, to feel his sculpted upper body next to yours. Soon, you were both bare chest to bare chest, your hands massaging the nape of Chris' neck while you licked and nipped at his collarbone, the fingers of your free hand playing in his chest hair. His hands were on your ass, grinding you up against him. You could feel the prominent bulge beginning to form in his pants and you melted from the sensation, matching his grinds with your own. 

“I missed you so.. Much.” He groaned into your ear as he squeezed your cheeks and buried his face into your breasts, kissing and sucking; marking you as his. 

“Oh, I missed you too baby.” You gasped out as your hands scratched his shoulders and down his back making him hiss. You felt your wetness soak your panties. “I’m here, Chris. I’m all yours, my love.”

You wanted to let him take the lead, take what he wanted from you. There would be time tomorrow for talking and kissing and exploring each other anew all day, but tonight you wanted to make his entire trip melt into a distant memory. You guided your hands down his magnificent pecs and abs to his belt buckle. He adjusted himself so that you could zip his pants down and get his hardness into your hands. You both moaned out when you cupped him into your hands. 

“Need you.” You heard him rasp out, nipping your jaw. You looked into his eyes and they were dark and lust blown. You nodded with a whimper, needing him just as much too, needed the familiar stretch that you had been longing for since he had left a month ago. 

With one arm, he lifted you up with ease, helping you off of the couch while you both got rid of the bottom half of your clothing. Chris eased himself back onto the couch and you had to restrain yourself from just jumping onto him as you straddle back over his waist. You took his head in your hands and crashed into his mouth with passionate kisses, with teeth and tongues and biting lips, fighting out for dominance on who was giving the better kiss. His thick arms were back around your waist and butt. You put your hands on his chest to steady yourself as you lifted yourself up and positioned yourself over his manhood. He helped guide you and in one swift move, you felt him inside, stretching you deliciously. You both moaned out, chests heaving at the sensation.

“Oh fuck baby.” Chris groaned as he bit down on your shoulder. “Feel so good… so tight for me.”

You started to move your hips, and Chris put his big hands on either side of your waist, guiding you up and down on his cock. Putting your hands on the back of the couch to steady yourself, you matched him thrust for thrust. Your forehead pressed against his lightly for a second as you kissed him again. He adjusted himself a little bit more on the couch so that he could hit you deeper and you shouted out as he hit your g-spot over and over.

“Oh god, Chris yes! Right there!” panting heavily you sped up your rocking. You were so close to ecstasy, and you could feel from the twitch in his cock as you moaned out his name that he was close too. He matched pace with you and slammed into you with all he had. 

“C’mon baby, cum for me.” His voice was low and intense. He took one hand off of your hip to dip down between your thighs and rub tight circles onto your clit with his thumb. That was all it took and you cried out, your whole body shaking and pulsing as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him close to you. Feeling your walls grip around him was enough to push Chris over the edge as well and he let go, moaning out your name as his strong hands went up your back and pulled you down to him. 

Oh baby Lean into me There's always a side door Into the dark Into the dark, shh

Once both of your breathing had returned to normal you parted from his embrace and scooted off of him, feeling him slide out of you. You got up from the couch and walked into the bathroom for a wet washcloth to wipe up with. Finishing with that, you nestled down next to his side, running your hands across his naked torso, blissfully loving how his breathing was way more peaceful at that moment then when he came home. He pulled you close to him and dipped down to kiss your lips tenderly.

“Welcome home, Chris.” You sighed and ran your hands through his chest hair.

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TAGS:  @angrythingstarlight  

[curiosity-killed]

Hi....If you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite MXTX characters (top 5 from each novel)? And why? I'm sorry if you've answered this question before.

Aw of course I don’t mind! Though I feel like my answer is going to be a disaster bc I love these casts so so much aha let’s see:

✨ SPOILERS AHEAD ✨

MDZS/CQL

1. Wei Wuxian

Ah so I feel like this is obvious based on the sheer quantity of things I produce and the effort I put into hurting him 😅 but yeah! I love how much of a classical tragic hero he is and I love how much love he has and how that gets twisted around and shaped into a collar of spikes around his own neck. I saw gif sets of wwx before I ever knew about CQL and my reaction was “fuck. I’m going to love him” and I do! And I love that he does learn from his past and I love most of all that he learns to accept the love he is given and is able to make a happy ending in a place of being loved and held in respect and appreciation

2. Wen Qing

On the other hand, I did not expect to be like “mine now” with Wen Qing. Don’t get me wrong, the sexy immortal look got me but it wasn’t really till I started writing fic that I was like ohhhhh Oh Boy. Wen Qing is brilliant and ruthless, fiercely loving and aloof and cold. I love that she gets the lose-lose challenge of balancing what is right for her family vs what is right in the world, what she owes to her sect and what she owes to individuals. The golden core transfer is my favorite dubious science experiment in p much all media I’ve consumed. She gets to be so human—prickly and tough and also achingly gentle and afraid and putting on a tough face and sometimes still crying. “I’m sorry and thank you” ! Im!!

3. Jiang Yanli

The first fic I wrote for this fandom was literally “Jiang Yanli died no she didn’t” lmao I do feel like I underserve Jiang Yanli in that I often fall prey to using her to further the complexity that the male characters are permitted while denying her the chance to be given the same space for development and breath — something to work on! But in that, I really genuinely love how tightly she binds herself to her family and how she tries so hard to be what others need her to be—and then she does make a choice for herself and for a single moment at least, she gets to be loved and to be happy and to have this, a husband and a son and a place, for herself. And terribly I love how much she permeates the story still after death. She is the unspoken voice, the face turned from the camera but always still present, carried in the hearts and names and memories of the ones left behind

She deserved better but—I am weak for the tragedy of it all

4. Jiang Cheng

Another surprise (tho hardly surprising in hindsight): Jiang Cheng is just...horribly understandable. He makes terrible choices and his greatest heroism is undone by a choice made for him or, in the case of “killing the Yiling Laozu” is a lie. He is such a youngest sibling who doesn’t want to be the youngest until all at once, he’s the one in charge and he doesn’t want it at all. He is full of anger and hurt and so much love he doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t want it anymore, has no place to put all of its terrible, overwhelming flood.

5. Lan Wangji

I almost didn’t put Lan Wangji or Jiang Cheng on here and then I realized that this is sort of a list of characters I’m pickiest about in fic and...yeah. I think what I love best about Lan Wangji is his journey of grief and healing and through that, his decision to step into world. Where Wei Wuxian’s decision to travel and be removed from the cultivation world (in varying degrees depending on your headcanon preference lol) is really, really important to me, Lan Wangji’s decision to go from being an isolated lone agent working apart from the systems of the world to being involved and invested in changing those systems and working to make them better is also really important to me. I’ve talked before about how relatable Lan Wangji is to me (esp with regards to our interaction with the outer world) and there is something deeply hopeful and comforting about post-timeskip Lan Wangji being in his like mid-/late-30s and still making decisions and growing and changing and choosing to invest himself in the world and the future

yeah. i have thoughts here that I don’t really have the maturity, life experience, or articulation to put into words but Lan Zhan Good basically

TGCF

1. Xie Lian

suuuurpriiiiise!! Yeah honestly mxtx’s mains in TGCF and MDZS really just hit all my buttons basically. What appeals to me most of all about Xie Lian is, fittingly, how he is humanity taken to extremes. His capacity for incredible kindness and compassion is equaled with his capacity for cruelness and ruthlessness. His heaven-shaking highs are matched with calamitous lows. He is the hyperbolic of what it is to be human—and he is also the small moments, the wildflowers and the maple leaves and the mundane chores and the comfort of whispered conversations late into the night. I could quite literally go on for pages about what I love about Xie Lian but I am not Hua Cheng and can restrain myself LMAO

2. Hua Cheng

of all the characters on these lists, Hua Cheng is the one I’m pickiest about tbh! When I say I love him for similar reasons as Xie Lian I don’t actually mean this as being similarities between the two but the fact that both of them so richly convey mxtx’s points about the nature of humanity and what it is to be human. Hua Cheng is both the boldest and most arrogant of all and also the most vulnerable, the one who shies away from the truth because he’s braced for it to hurt and isn’t sure he can take it. He is gory blood rain and an umbrella to shelter a fragile bloom; he is a blade whose wounds only heal if he permits it and he is a sacrifice that he brushes aside as a fit of madness. *pats his head* this boy can fit SO MUCH inside him that he refuses to acknowledge

3. Jun Wu

Definitely my favorite antagonist in recent reading. I was doubtful of him from the start (something something issues with authority something something probably should talk to my theoretical future therapist shhh) but the unfolding of his reveal was so delightfully painful and exquisite that I was like “YES!!!” reading all of it. About the epitome of a satisfying plot twist imo. But about the character himself, I love how he parallels so many — Xie Lian in his rise and fall, his glory and disgrace; Hua Cheng in his fixation and ruthlessness; He Xuan in losing himself to the plot and not knowing how to move forward. I love that he feels beyond human in a way the others don’t—he’s so old and has gone through so much and he doesn’t feel things the way humans do anymore, doesn’t remember right how love squeezes the heart or how hate can exist without acting on it. I love that he thinks he knows how to control everyone and that it’s such mundane things that fool him: Xie Lian’s absurd stubbornness, Hua Cheng’s foolish faith, Yin Yu’s...emotional maturity??? Not Sure how to verbalize that one. But in the end, he is defeated by both the humanity of others and by his own—he’s so tired. He’s exhausted in a way that gods and ghosts aren’t meant to be. He is, under the armor and the masks, the curses and the power, human—benevolent and cruel, evil and good.

4. He Xuan

I love my fish man! No but really I love how He Xuan is so fixed on his one goal that he refuses to acknowledge anything else in his (after)life—which doesn’t make it go away. I love that he is left unmoored, purposeless through the very act of completing that which gives him purpose. I love his long con and the ways he clings to himself but loses himself not in the act but in the telling himself it’s an act. I love that he tries to be a moral man and then becomes a ghost king, a calamity. His reveal is also terribly badass and I do love his bone fish wholly unironically. Like I’m not going to get a He Xuan tattoo (for one thing I’ve been meaning to get a tattoo for 5 years and still haven’t gotten around to it) but also. B o n e f i s h

5. Mu Qing

Of course! The Jiang Cheng of tgcf lol Mu Qing (which my phone desperately wants to autocorrect to my Qing) is so...gah he’s such a mess! And he so fully commits to the belief that no one will ever see and understand him as he is but will always view them through their own convictions about him and his actions — which is simultaneously heartbreakingly lonely and also. Sir You Are a Clown. I genuinely think he’s owed apologies from both Feng Xin and Xie Lian for their treatment and assumptions of him and think that he would be HORRIBLY offended at the thought (while secretly touched? But like secretly even to himself). He will never explain himself and will just clam up tighter the more people accuse him and it’s such a self-sabotaging behavior and also so horribly relatable. I love u sir, you’re a disaster

SVSS I have not read but I do really like the moshang art 😂