#I'm still mad I had covid too! I've been like this for months!

[hellyeahsickaf]

My dog is very distraught that I was struggling to clear my airways. Now she's scratching up the door trying to get someone's attention to tell them to help me. I keep trying to tell her I'm not dying but she's not having it. She does this nearly every time I have to cough or clear my throat a lot and I don't know what I did to deserve her.

[ricciardoswife]

Podcast

Warnings: none

Summary: y/n talks life and all things motherhood in her best friends podcast

Materlist

Hello and welcome back to the simple life podcast my name is y/f/n and today we have y/n ricciardo with us. Firstly for those of you who don't know y/n has been my closest friend since highschool but also when i first started this podcast in 2020 if you have been listening since then the one person I've always been asked to have on is y/n and I finally managed to get her to come on y/f/n says laughing "you make it sound like I was avoiding coming on" y/n replied laughing. "Okay okay in all seriousness she's been itching to get on but she's never been in Perth long enough since covid the get the time but now she has plenty of time" y/ns friend replied back seriously

"So how have you been y/n" "I'm doing amazing lifes great at the moment it's slowed right down and we're just enjoying each moment as it comes I honestly feel like in the last couple of months we've been able to stop and take in the moment more. Also being back in perth has had its perks no doubt I love this place with everything I got"

"People will get mad if I don't ask this early on so how's daniel and baby Olivia doing" "Their both doing amazing olivias six months old and she's just loving life since we've been back in perth we take morning walks down to the beach as a family and her and daniel just love playing in the sand together. I love watching it because she's at the age where she's more in tune with what's going on and just seeing her and daniel interact is amazing"

"She's six months already it feels like just yesterday I was flying out to Monaco because you had gone into labour. Did she enjoy Christmas whats every day life like with a six month old " "Christmas in general was great we got to spend it with the whole family which we haven't been able to do since covid, Olivia was in her element opening her presents and I think she enjoyed it alot because her cousins were there so she had someone to play with. Yeh six months can you believe it myself and daniel are trying to soak everything in because she's growing to fast but I also like this stage because she's more aware of her surroundings too. Also she's got the biggest smile for everyone and this huge belly laugh that only daniel can seem to get her to do she's definitely her father's daughter" y/n says laughing

"On the topic of labor how was that" "it was tough don't get me wrong but I had daniel by my side every second which I was so grateful for and he's someone who can make me laugh even when I don't want to so looking back on it I was laughing through all of labor and delivery thanks to him I definitely couldn't have done it without him."

"How's your business going" "yeh it's going amazing we do hold little pop up shops every now and then and people love that too. There's a new collection coming out soon which I haven't told people about so I'm sure they will be excited by that"

"Any plans on giving Olivia a little brother or sister" "look we've both said it we would love more than one child but at the moment we so happy with life and she's only six months so maybe further down the line we'll try for another"

"I'll be hated if I don't ask this how did you and daniel meet its been what 18 years this year" " yeh 18 years, you know this story all to well because me and you talked to much in class I got moved next to the class clown who was also incredibly good looking. After weeks of him annoying me I finally gave in and went to get lunch with him. I never looked back since that day"

"When you were that young did you expect the two of you to still be together so many years later" y/n starts to laugh "definitely not I was a huge overthinker and I fell in love eith him quite early on but I knew Daniels plans to be an f1 driver and I had plans to go to college but we both knew wel over each other so we gave it a go and don't get me wrong long distance was really hard but it was so worthwhile. I don't regret any of it. I'm so thankful for everything I have in life especially daniel and olivia their both the light of my life and Daniels always been there for me and has helped me through so much"

"What's your take on life" "I like to just live in the moment cherish everything I have. I try not to worry because I know there's a solution to everything once I look for it"

"Quick fire round"

"Favourite flavour of ice cream"

"Mint chocolate chip"

"Farm life or city life"

"Farm life it's so much quieter"

"Mornings or nights"

"Morning person"

"Dogs or cats"

"Dogs"

"Favourite travel destination"

Iceland or Austin. Austin brings alot of fun but Iceland was where daniel proposed so its always gonna hold a special place in my heart"

"Thank you so much for coming on today y/n it's been a pleasure having you" " thank you for listening to me babble I hope everyone enjoys"

Liked by danielricciardo, yourfriendsinstagram, michaelitaliano and 45,333 more

Y/nricciardo I had the pleasure of speaking on @yourfriendsinstagram podcast about life and motherhood so please go check it out I promise its a good one

Dannyricfan Olivia sounds like the cutest child ever

Yourfriendsinstagram thanks so much for coming on

Y/nfann I love y/n so much

Dr3fann Daniels life with olivia and y/n sounds amazing

Dannyfann3 Only daniel can make olivia belly laugh 🥺🥺

Sorry I've been away for so long but I hope oyu guys enjoy and again as always send in your asks if you have any 🥰

[aspd-culture]

aspd and adhd(/possible autism) culture is realizing only once you're out of high school "ohhhhhhh wait, so i thought i wasn't abused growing up, but actually i was and it only stopped due to covid, and that resulted in my osdd system and aspd?"

buckle up, this is Long and definitely classifies as a Vent. honestly, you can ignore the middle section and jump to the next blank line of space if you want.

jesus christ. i was punished more harshly than my peers, i struggled to make friends, i was put into a little school program where board games were used to reinforce good behavior in problem kids which i only realized two months ago, my memory issues (which were always there, but only noticed in fifth grade) got me into so much shit with every authority figure ever, i broke a window using one of those mechanical hamster things that were popular at the time by accident but i didn't care at all, that's just scratching the surface

memories of things have been coming back to me lately. according to my mom i was such a nice little kid, always shared and was polite and highly empathetic, all the goods.

school came along, flipped everything on its head. i remember harassing and hurting animals, and people, and sometimes telling those people not to tell—not because i felt bad but because i didn't want to get into trouble again, it was an inconvenience. my home life was pretty good but other kids left me out of things a lot and sometimes called me names, even the neighbors' kids i liked to hang out with would make me the monster of their games and that does something to a kid (one of them is also the reason i'm a victim of cocsa). when i did something wrong or bad there was only punishment because i "should know not to do that" and so i had to teach myself how to be a functioning and good member of society. i got good at lying towards the end of third grade, the skill got better from there with every punishment i faced

when a former friend told me "hey, you have aspd traits/might have aspd" i went and found the checklist, because thorough research is how i work, went through it. at the time i didn't think it fit very well because "yes, i experience that but that's pretty normal for people, i learned how to manage it under several layers of creating a socially acceptable person just like everyone else"

i've gone back to it a couple times since and wow, surprise surprise, everything applies! the "this doesn't apply to me because i have a system to help with this thing" mindset means the thing still applies! there's some stuff, namely the destruction and truancy, that i didn't do but that's solely because i knew i couldn't get away with it and therefore didn't bother trying. so thanks to aaaaaaall that stuff and more, i definitely grew up with both conduct disorder and odd, and now it's aspd

i can't say i'm mad about having aspd? it causes problems in my life, yes, but i've spent so long wrangling myself into a form small enough to fit into society's box that it's not the worst thing anymore. i think i'm more mad at society, my peers, for not helping me with this and being kind where they should've, especially my mom as of recently

that said: it is fucking hard-wired into me that there's only good people and bad people in the world. harmful behavior towards me (or someone else doing something i can't forgive) is automatically met with hammurabi's eye for an eye. the coping mechanisms i use work very well, are generally healthy, and people who don't do anything to calm themselves down and think rationally tend to piss me off. i have been fighting those things for a while but they're the ones that simply won't go away. hamburger help me.

aspd-culture-is

There's a lot of good information in this ask. Too many people see ASPD as a direct result of physical abuse or CSA/SA, when a lot of ASPD symptoms really develop around things that are seen as smaller issues, where a child's problems get diminished by the people who are supposed to help that child to the point where they feel the only person that will help them is themself.

More than anything else, I personally think a very quick and simple way to decrease the number of people who end up with ASPD would be to get parents and other caregiving adults, and honestly society as a whole, to understand that regardless of how simple, silly, or insignificant it may seem to someone older, these "silly" things are often the worst thing the child has experienced up until that point. Someone always having to be the monster sounds like nothing to an adult, leading to no response to help besides maybe "they're just teasing you, ignore them". But "just teasing" is the most social rejection a child has experienced to that point, and so it is extremely distressing and emotionally painful. It feels like the most isolated they could possibly be, because they haven't been around long enough to experience worse. Then, the child is told to ignore it, which not only fails to make them feel better, but often causes it to get even worse as the other kids try and push harder to get the reaction they're looking for. Do they eventually give up? Sometimes. But the lengths and extremes many bullies will go to when "just teasing" doesn't elicit a response is disturbing and that fact is either unknown to or ignored by adults.

Part of why always being made the monster does something to a kid is that it is treated as a non-issue. When that is what a developing brain learns is the reaction to their pain, they will no longer seek outside help when things become extreme.

TW: descriptions of SA/r threats. Skip the following paragraph and move to the next one to avoid. Also a bit of a vent.

When I was in school, I was teased. I was made the dog who was not allowed to talk or a person with their vocal chords removed any time we played pretend. Sometimes they made me a rock or stick on the ground, even. It sounds like nothing, and when I was told it would go away if I ignored them, I listened. It didn't stop them. It led to an entire set of multiple schools that were combined into one building seeing me as a verbal and sometimes physical plaything; a place to take out your angst and distress. I lost my personhood in their eyes, so my understanding of social interactions were tainted and colored by the way my peers treated me. I told anyone who tried to befriend me not to be seen talking to me, to bully me publicly so they wouldn't get the treatment I got, so even the few people who tried to be kind got a skewed, unnatural social interaction with me. Many listened, and I don't hold that against them at all. That's simply what they had to do to make it. It got to the point of receiving verbal and *detailed, written-out, and signed* r word threats, and boys who were 11 years old talking about kidnapping tying me up in their parents attic and using me whenever they wanted (theirs was more detailed). Some even attempted to touch me, and adults nearby ignored it because "X likes to handle it themselves, they don't like when adults get involved", because I learned that they would only vaguely say stop, and it would get worse. That's what happens when you just ignore it.

And what do we call a person who learns that only they can protect themselves, and who doesn't understand any positive interaction with anyone that isn't transactional? Antisocial. I hate the idea what a positive relationship with family is incompatible with ASPD, sorry about the rant. Because of how ASPD develops, I refuse to dislike or resent myself or my symptoms when it comes to ASPD. If people didn't want me like this, they shouldn't have treated me like this.

Plain text below the cut:

There's a lot of good information in this ask. Too many people see ASPD as a direct result of physical abuse or CSA/SA, when a lot of ASPD symptoms really develop around things that are seen as smaller issues, where a child's problems get diminished by the people who are supposed to help that child to the point where they feel the only person that will help them is themself.

More than anything else, I personally think a very quick and simple way to decrease the number of people who end up with ASPD would be to get parents and other caregiving adults, and honestly society as a whole, to understand that regardless of how simple, silly, or insignificant it may seem to someone older, these "silly" things are often the worst thing the child has experienced up until that point. Someone always having to be the monster sounds like nothing to an adult, leading to no response to help besides maybe "they're just teasing you, ignore them". But "just teasing" is the most social rejection a child has experienced to that point, and so it is extremely distressing and emotionally painful. It feels like the most isolated they could possibly be, because they haven't been around long enough to experience worse. Then, the child is told to ignore it, which not only fails to make them feel better, but often causes it to get even worse as the other kids try and push harder to get the reaction they're looking for. Do they eventually give up? Sometimes. But the lengths and extremes many bullies will go to when "just teasing" doesn't elicit a response is disturbing and that fact is either unknown to or ignored by adults.

Part of why always being made the monster does something to a kid is that it is treated as a non-issue. When that is what a developing brain learns is the reaction to their pain, they will no longer seek outside help when things become extreme.

TW: descriptions of SA/r threats. Skip the following paragraph and move to the next one to avoid. Also a bit of a vent.

When I was in school, I was teased. I was made the dog who was not allowed to talk or a person with their vocal chords removed any time we played pretend. Sometimes they made me a rock or stick on the ground, even. It sounds like nothing, and when I was told it would go away if I ignored them, I listened. It didn't stop them. It led to an entire set of multiple schools that were combined into one building seeing me as a verbal and sometimes physical plaything; a place to take out your angst and distress. I lost my personhood in their eyes, so my understanding of social interactions were tainted and colored by the way my peers treated me. I told anyone who tried to befriend me not to be seen talking to me, to bully me publicly so they wouldn't get the treatment I got, so even the few people who tried to be kind got a skewed, unnatural social interaction with me. Many listened, and I don't hold that against them at all. That's simply what they had to do to make it. It got to the point of receiving verbal and *detailed, written-out, and signed* r word threats, and boys who were 11 years old talking about kidnapping tying me up in their parents attic and using me whenever they wanted (theirs was more detailed). Some even attempted to touch me, and adults nearby ignored it because "X likes to handle it themselves, they don't like when adults get involved", because I learned that they would only vaguely say stop, and it would get worse. That's what happens when you just ignore it.

And what do we call a person who learns that only they can protect themselves, and who doesn't understand any positive interaction with anyone that isn't transactional? Antisocial. I hate the idea what a positive relationship with family is incompatible with ASPD, sorry about the rant. Because of how ASPD develops, I refuse to dislike or resent myself or my symptoms when it comes to ASPD. If people didn't want me like this, they shouldn't have treated me like this.

[bellybiologist]

TLDR: Verzi Need Money. Here Link for Helping Fill Money Bar with Money Juice. -Ko-fi -Commission form (Open again! Note the price increase!) -Patreon -Paypal.me

Okay! Verzi need money. So! Here's this.

This shitty meter here is just for a bit of transparency (Graphic design is NOT my passion), cuz people like to know where there money is going. This will fill up as with funds from my patreon (money I got this month is already there!), from commissions, and from any tips/extras given by kind souls in passing, and I need to hit these marks EVERY month for like… a year. (This is after fees and such of course, cuz god forbid we don't pay the middle-men their dues.)

I will update this thing as time passes so ya'll will know where I'm at. Reblogging/Sharing is welcome, encouraged, and greatly appreciated!

A bit of info for each section under the Readmore:

-Rent and Bills: The Most Important thing to Keep Verzi Kickin'! I pay half my apartment's now $1368 rent PLUS the utilities, which range from 100~200 bucks, splitting with my aunt who works 2 jobs to make sure she pays her half. Since my mom passed away from Pancreatic cancer in 2021, this has been rough since it used to be split 3 ways.

-Dental Costs: The face bone doctors want my money after drilling holes and pulling out the insides!! My face actually feels BETTER so i'm not as mad as I COULD be about this, but this needs to be paid for the next 12 months. (And they want MORE money to do a cleaning and I almost laughed. Like, no buddy you ain't getting 750 out of me when I don't even have a refrigerator.(See Below))

-Big Purchase+Credit Card bills: It wont pay off ALL my credit card debt, but it keeps me from falling behind. Since the passing of Michael and Fred (my microwave and refrigerator respectively) I need to make some big purchases so my kitchen functions. Michael has been successfully replaced by Mikaela, and we are still looking for Fred's replacement. Ms. Frida, the chest freezer who is literally older than I am (I am 33!!) and STILL functions is holding down the fort while we look for a refrigerator. We can live without a fridge thanks to her constant service, allowing us to keep frozens. Also, like, literally on the 30th of July, Monty the Monitor must've succumbed to heatstroke so i had to buy one of THOSE too for my computer setup. I will name all my appliances to cope.

-Extra+Taxes: Once we get here, I'm in the clear for the month's expenses! However!! Taxes are due in October. I DO NOT know how much that will be, and since the whole Covid relief thing that lessened business taxes ended last year, I MAY be paying for quite a bit!! Anything past this point will be prepping for Taxes AND forming a buffer for More Happenings (God forbid).

===== Rewards??? Rewards!! =====

I considered a Drive like other kink artists in these circles, but I don't like drives for several reasons and those reasons are why I've never done one in the past. Despite that, I STILL want to do something that at least feels like a reward or incentive for people keeping me Alive™, so I'm going to do some simple doodles/sketches, and possibly try to stream those doodles in my discord!

Every 100 bucks past the "Rent and Bills Paid" section (meaning at 900 dollars and onward), I will do a RANDOM drawing from any requests/suggestions from the pool made by people who threw some cash monies my way!

Suggestions can be sent in through Ko-fi messages, Paypal notes accompanying payments/donations/tips, and a Patreon-only post (they are always giving me money, so patrons have access by default!). Commissioners who send in the form can ALSO suggest something for the pool if they like! (there's a question on the form for it) Now, like all requests, it's ultimately up to my discretion on whether or not I will draw something, but I will still try to keep it random and let it be a roll of the dice (or a RNG app).

There is no minimum requirement either! So people throwing only $1 at me, buying only one Ko-fi, or dropping anything bigger are free to offer a suggestion. But please limit requests/suggestions to one entry per person.

Now, as to what these will and can be:

-It will be a simple lined sketch with one color or flat colors. Depends on how many need doing, how I'm feeling when I draw it and how complicated it is.

-It can be up to 2 characters, but they may be less refined compared to a single character one. They can be the same character in 2 different states, or 2 different characters interacting with each other.

-No private requests please! It will have to be something that can be publicly posted and that you're fine with being perceived by others.

-In terms of kinks/sizes/etc, it will be something that you'd normally see on this blog or for my work! Mileage may vary, but more extreme stuff that I'd normally avoid may be glossed over when I'm constructing the pools.

-Unlike commissions, these will not go through a WIP stage/be modified after the fact! They end up how they end up. If you wanna be nitpicky, please use this opportunity to order a full commission!

-You're allowed to suggest OCs as long as it's yours or its owner has given permission to draw them in the context I am known to put boys in!

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s5 ep17: Course: Oblivion

Ah, the goo copy episode. The first time I saw this one, I thought it was the most depressingly bleak hour of Star Trek I'd ever seen, and upon rewatch, it still is. But this time, I've recently seen the episode it was a sequel to, so now I also know it's full of inconsistencies, which lowers my opinon of it even further.

The first time I saw this episode was actually on a rerun during Covid quarantine in 2020, so I was very much not in the frame of mind to like an episode about the whole crew getting sick and dying off one by one. Not being in the midst of pandemic quarantine, and knowing how it ends, makes viewing this ep considerably less depressing, but it still doesn't improve my overall impression of it.

It actually makes me kind of mad that there was so much nice character stuff in the beginning of this, because it was wasted on a crew that wasn't even our real one, when I'm out here starving for decent writing and characterization in most of the episodes this season. To throw away some of the best character stuff this season on the goo copies is incredibly frustrating.

Fake Tom and B'Elanna's wedding was lovely and actually good, and they gave Tom some incredibly sweet dialog that once again makes me frustrated, because it shows that they absolutely do still know how to write him not being a jerk, but they just actively chose to make him an asshole half the time anyway. Except here, where it's not even actually our Tom. I am tearing my hair out!!

Other things wasted on the goo copies include B'Elanna and Seven having a nice scene together where they're not being adversarial, Neelix helping Tom find a honeymoon holoprogram, and Tom and B'Elanna being incredibly sweet together while she's dying in sickbay. At least I knew nobody actually died in the show when I first watched this, or that would have been heartbreaking. (Also Tom's 1920s Chicago holoprogram sounds awesome! I swear he's the only Starfleet officer who knows how to have fun- the rest of those nerds would probably go on a geological survey mission or something for their honeymoon lol) But of course, after B'Elanna dies, we find out that not only was she not the real B'Elanna, no one on the ship is the real them, they're all biomemetic copies, or as I like to call them, goo people.

They were the same ones created by the silver goo on the Y class planet in the season 4 episode 'Demon'. Which is all well and good, except that the planet they came from has an atmosphere that's deadly to humanoid lifeforms. So even if they forgot that they were goo copies, they would have figured it out as soon as they went on an away mission to an M class planet, because they wouldn't have been able to breathe, just like they couldn't breathe the air on the real Voyager. Likewise, if any alien had tried to come aboard their ship, they wouldn't have been able to breathe in their Y-class atmosphere. Unless they'd never left their ship, or had anyone try to come aboard theirs, there's no way they wouldn't have realized that they weren't human before this. (And fake Janeway mentions an Ensign Harper having a baby- how can the goo people have babies if they need to have a preexisting lifeform to mimic?? Unless the real Ensign Harper was pregnant when she was copied, but they state that they were over 10 months out from having been copied on the Demon class planet, so that doesn't check out.)

There were so many inconsistencies with how the celular cohesion loss they were having worked too- first they said that people closest to the warp core experienced it first, but Seven was in Engineering all the time, and was one of the last to go, so that didn't make sense. Also, the symptoms seemed to be different for everyone- B'Elanna got cold, then her skin started warping, then she died the same day, before she started to look melty and gross. Meanwhile, Janeway and most of the other crew hung on for months, and looked very gooey, and nobody else was shown having chills. Kate played it as though she was tired and slurring speech, whereas everyone else seemed normal energy level and speech.

On the one hand, sure, they're basically the same people, since they have the same memories, so it's a way to explore what would happen in a hopeless situation without actually killing everyone off in the end, and there's certainly a ton of drama and pathos and gut wrenching tragedy. But as soon as we find out it's not really our crew, I stopped really caring. There's no real stakes for the audience, because we know our crew is still going to be safe at the end and ready to go on adventures again next week. Tragic though their situation is, the goo copies don't matter to me because they're not the characters we've been following all this time. They've obviously had adventures we know nothing about, with their hyper warp drive, or whatever it's called. So then the rest of the episode just turns into a morbid countdown of watching them all be miserable and suffer and die, which is neither fun nor worthwhile. Spoiler alert: they all die, and no one ever learns what happened to them, or that they existed at all, which is pretty awful considering that, as far as we know, they were the only examples of their form of life. (But if they had stuff on board that was real, like Neelix's vegetables and their time capsule, that should have been in the debris field for Voyager to find actually, since that wouldn't have turned into goo with the ship.)

While it's an interesting idea to go back and find out what happened with that duplicated crew, it seems more suited to a short story somewhere than an actual episode. Voyager did a few weird, random episodes that didn't follow the standard format, but I find that they tend to be my least favorites because there's nothing to really hook you when the regular characters aren't even there. I would have been perfectly happy without this sequel, just remembering every once in a while that 'oh yeah, there's a whole duplicate crew living in that planet, weird! I wonder what they're up to!' and left it at that, because at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter, and it makes the ending of 'Demon' retroactively less hopeful, because while Voyager did such a nice thing to help this new life form come to be, they all died not long after, so nothing new was created after all. A real downer, tbh.

Tl;dr: A bleak, depressing, and ultimately pointless episode that didn't even feature any of our regular characters, which made me lose investment as soon as it was revealed.

[360degreesasthecrowflies]

I think I'm legitimately having my first mental breakdown in about 10 years. Not counting covid etc.

There's no winning move here. Any place I rent is going to cost about 50% of my income. If I even can get a job. I have a time limit of 3 months on that too. I have an interview lined up but if I don't get that then the time limit shifts out rapidly and that's not for a while which is NOT IDEAL. (I applied for it in March and the interview still isn't for 3 weeks!)

I'm actually just really mad at my parents as well.

I asked them to help me put down a deposit EIGHT YEARS AGO when I had *nearly* enough for one and had a job and could get a mortgage, and they literally laughed in my face and told me I'd have to do it all myself.

Well, mortgages then went up and I didn't reach the deposit limit.

Since then I've paid probably about 40k or maybe even 50k in rent, money that's going into landlords' pockets that could have been paying off my mortgage.

And insult to injury? Did my parents 'do it all themselves'?

Hell no! My mother inherited money for a deposit from an aunt who had no kids and wanted to support an independent young woman. And my dad also used inheritance to buy a property. By the time they were mid 20s they owned a flat EACH - in London! (Both of which they ended up selling while they were still cheap, go figure)

Right now my parents own two houses and they want to buy another one too. And I'm about to be homeless. Oh, but they'll let me move 500 miles back home to come and live with them in the 8x8 foot spare room in my 30s as an adult, away from my entire social circle and any semblance of independence. Which, yeah, I know makes me fortunate to an extent but it just also feels like a trap and like there's so much more they could do or could have done.

Just as someone who would move heaven and earth to help out my kids if I had them or even my friends, it really rankles.

[purplesurveys]

1894

Do you still remember your first kiss? I do; happened when I was 16. In the grand scheme of things, it was a good memory and I'm glad it happened the way it did.

Are you happy with where you are relationship wise now? Yes. One relationship with lifelong trauma for takeout is enough for me, lol. I've learned to really like being on my own and genuinely see life being this way for me going forward.

How many kids do you want to have? I don't want kids of my own but wouldn't mind having a bunch of nieces and nephews that I can spoil and love as my own.

Have you ever purposely given someone the wrong number? No.

Who’s the last person you smoked weed with? I didn't do the act with them but I was with Hans and Reena when they smoked weed when we were in Thailand. I planned on doing it with them but backed out at the last minute because I was paranoid about potentially having lingering aftereffects during Yoongi's concert, especially because weed is still so foreign to me. I was more than happy to just drink soju at the time and be there to care for them if help was needed.

Are you mad at the last person who called you? Nope.

Who was the last person you talked to, other than family? Reena.

When was the last time you flew in a plane? Last month, to and from Vietnam.

Is there a girl you absolutely can not stand? Nah.

Have you ever set anything on fire? Nothing other than marshmallows I've fire-roasted, haha.

Have you kissed the last person you texted? No.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Nope.

Do you find tattoos attractive in the opposite sex? They can be, but I don't always find them attractive. Like it's not something I think people need to have.

Who is the person you have hurt the most? My mom and my ex.

Who is the person that has hurt you the most? ...My mom and my ex.

Have you smoked a cigarette today? I have not. I've vaped, but I haven't touched a cigarette in like 5 years.

Are you listening to any music? What song? I was, but my earbuds just died and I cannot be assed to get up and charge them right now. Maybe after taking this.

Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? Thank god no, that sounds horrifying.

Is there anything silver near you? Yes.

Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else? I'm sure it's happened.

Who are you talking to right now? Other than this survey, nobody.

Have you cried this past week? Oh yeah. Breakdown levels. I haven't cried the way I did since early this year. It surprised me tbh, but I needed to let it out.

Say your last ex walks up to you and hugs you, what do you say? I say something along the lines of a very wary "what's up" or "is something wrong"

Would you date someone right now if they asked? No.

Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Yes. I was basically talked to in a way that was meant to make me feel stupid, and while I can admit that I could've done better in the context of that situation, there were a million and one other options on how to give me a lecture. Making me feel small isn't one of them.

Who was the last baby you held? I haven't held a baby in a very long time. I usually carry animals these days, lol.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Yes.

Would you ever get a tattoo? If so, of what? Honestly, no. I have a number of designs in mind but have no plans of actually pushing through with any of them because I have a fear of needles.

Have you purposely flirted with a friends crush? No...

Do you have any siblings that moved away to college? Yes, my sister stayed in a dorm for most of her college life until Covid forced us all to stay home. Her school was just too far and going to and from home everyday would have been too brutal for her.

Have you had any beer this week? Yeah, a couple of bottles at the surprise engagement party we threw for Hans and Angela. The guestlist was composed of completely different friend groups so I needed a bunch of alcohol in me to keep my energy going haha.

Is there anything you need to talk about with someone? I could but I just want to forget about it now and move on tbh. The person I feel wronged by is set to leave anyway, so I don't want to get into any deep talks at this point.

Are you wearing a necklace? Nope.

What does text #10 in your cell say?

Who was the last person who cried around you? My sister when we picked up a passed-away Miki from the vet.

What was the last thing you cried about? Work.

Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Hans, technically. He and Angela give me a bouquet every year for my birthday.

Do you think relationships are hard? Yes.

Did your parents do drugs when they were younger? As far as I know, no.

What color are your eyes? Dark brown.

Do you listen to music while you fill out surveys? Very seldom. I find it very distracting and I can't multitask like that hahaha.

Would you date someone that had a different religion from you? I honestly can't see myself dating anyone who is religious at all. Faith is such a heavy duty that I respect and acknowledge but seeing as I carry none of it, the clashes would just be too great to ignore.

Would you rather have nice eyes or nice lips/smile? Smile.

Do you have any secrets? Sure.

What’s your current problem? Eh, just work stuff I've spoken about as much as I could at this point. I don't intend on delving into it any further.

[fahk]

Covid II (a rant of frustration)

I guess I'll just be in isolation for the rest of my life.

God damn I despise the mainstream media. They do nothing useful in reporting information about health science at all. Such a disservice to the community.

Covid has been a huge example of how media fails. Examples: When the media lied to everyone about the vaccine being a cure for long haul. It's not. The constant misrepresentation of long haul as people who only have covid symptoms for up to eight or nine months. There are people now at year three. Constant downplaying of contagion, veracity, and spread of the virus and rarely questioning actual numbers from officials who've gotten it wrong before. The media does a lot of harmful covid reporting. One thing I wish they would report on is lingering contagion - i.e. the different time tables for clearing the virus - and that's shitty to not inform the public on.

I got infected last week because my boyfriend's company put a bunch of people into a small space without giving a damn. The event was last Friday. The following Sunday was day 0 for start of my symptoms. Because covid makes it look like I have all the worst autoimmune diseases handed to me in a gift basket I've been prescribed Paxlovid. My body doesn't do covid well at all. I did the antiviral round the following Tuesday - Saturday. And here I am now - a full seven days from onset and I am still VERY contagious. Even after a major round of antivirals and my symptoms are pretty much gone.

And as I continue looking into how long people can be contagious from covid I see well up to 20+ days?! It's just dependant on your health?!?! I'm sorry what?!?!?! Why don't I know about this? Why isn't this common knowledge?!?! Oh.... right. The media doesn't mention it. And let's think about it. How often has shitty CNN/NYTimes ect... headlined how covid infection is bad for immunocompromised as it is? Not a lot. But now there's this whole other thing no one's talking about where if you're an "autoimmunie" like I am - then it takes longer for the body to tackle covid and exterminate it from the body than a healthy person. EVEN WITH PAXLOVID.

Where are the news stories about not spreading covid for the sake of not isolating immunodeficient people for a fucking month? Like.... I have to work too! I have a need to see friends, family, pets just like anyone else! But it's rare just to see these shitty news orgs even acknowledge immunocomp people exist at all.

I am seven days into this second covid infection. The antiviral knocked the nasty part of it out in two-days and I am glad for that but I am still very contagious when most people are clear in three days. I am at seven and the line is dark red so I'm not clearing anytime soon. And because I've been isolated for so long now I'm depressed. My cats are on the other side of my door. I have to have a serious conversation with my partner and haven't been able to do. I missed a road trip to Utah to see a full eclipse. I missed a bike festival with a friend. I missed a Halloween party. And it looks like I'm going to miss another week of work. I had no idea the other huge reason why immuno issue people like me don't want covid, besides it messing our physical selves up, is it messes our existing lives up too for weeks!

I'm so mad. Mad at my partner's co-workers. Mad at his company. Extra mad at the media for neglecting to inform the public fully. Mad. This sucks. I wish I had known covid was spreading again in large events and I wish I had known that if I get it, chances are I'll be quarantined a lot longer than the average person. Unacceptable.

[la-cocotte-de-paris]

Hi! Weekend ask…

why is your best friend your best friend?

Oooh this is a lovely question! Four people come to mind. And yes, this is going to be a love letter to my friends (a platonic love, but a love nonetheless). You have been warned!

Person 1: Let's call her M. She is my oldest friend. We met in secondary school and we hit it off in the first few weeks of our first year there and the rest is history. ;P We've seen each other at our worst, yet we still love each other like sisters. We've supported each other no matter what, in whatever little way we can. We are so similar in some ways yet so different in most, but we still respect each other. There's just this mutual understanding that never needed to be spoken, and we've had this since day one. We're just on the same wavelength, I suppose. We've never even truly fought, which is insane, given we've known each other ten years now.

Person 2: She'll be called N. We were flatmates in my final year of university, and she was on Erasmus at my uni. It was during covid restrictions, but the final autumn/winter of them, so people were still a little nervous, naturally. She said hello first, I think, when I went into the kitchen for the first time or so. And yeah, much like M, we got along like a house on fire very quickly! Similar yet different, we complemented each other, I think. We'd watch movies together a lot and talk for HOURS every evening (bar when we were freaking out over assignments, but we'd still try to talk every now and then). I saw her as my little sister by the time our academic year had finished and we had to part ways. We still keep in touch, despite being in different countries again. She's just wonderful <3 Fun, outgoing, smart, pretty, sharp wit, impeccable style -- she's awesome. My final year at university really would have had such a different vibe if we didn't end up crossing paths by being flatmates. Hell, I'm sure I wouldn't have done certain things if it wasn't for her being by my side.

Person 3: G! We met in the first year of university, near the start. We got along pretty well -- to the point it seemed myself, G and another friend and fellow coursemate at the time were a solid Trio in uni. I guess that's what happens when fellow gays find each other and it's the first time being away from home for extended periods of time. It's like there's this unspoken understanding and we just click if the energy is good. G's SO fucking smart and absolutely hilarious, and really nice. His conversations are NEVER boring. We still have the occasional intellectual conversation when we can. I managed to meet up with him when I returned from France and it was so lovely, as it had been over a year since we last saw each other. And, like everyone on this list, we can meet and chat and it's like time never passed. It's a bizarre but beautiful feeling. We can have our petty spats, but I can never stay mad at him forever.

Person 4: NT. Another icon. Met in first year of uni, but we got to know each other better over the years of our course -- especially consolidating the friendship in our final year. We had similar schedules so we'd often walk to/from college together and vent or rant about our day, or our worries - both academic and life in general. She's so smart too, hilarious, we can literally talk about ANYTHING and it'll become interesting because she will know some random-ass fact that's somehow related (and i love that sm<33). We've joked that we're practically the same person, just with a few tweaks (different hair colour, slightly different fashion style). Her taste in music is one of the best I've ever come across. I would always scribble down a song name or artist while visiting her. And you'd be guaranteed something nice to smoke while visiting. ;) We have not kept in regular contact the past few months, but I still adore her, and I wish her (like everyone who is my friend) nothing but the best <333

[clemsimunch]

Hey new fantom here /

I just have some questions that bug me and I'd like to know if we have answers to them or not.

Like first, Netflix took A YEAR to cancel the show. Did they ever do that for other shows ? I feel like they generally only need 2 to 6 months to do that. A year and half seems like something went wrong.

From what I read the entire cast was ready to jump into a second season by the time they were cut. I dont think the show is too expensive to produce... and the fanbase was definitely there so I just don't understand.

I saw some video saying that something went wrong in the negotiations between Kenny ortega and Netflix but I've seen no proof and I just don't see Kenny ortega doing anything that would jeopardise the show

Even I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS that was cut in 2020 for covid reason was cut within 6 months of its release ! So in that idea if JatP was also cancelled for covid reason ( which I would understand. I'd still be mad but covid fucked us all over ok) it would have been announced before March 2021 ??? So why DECEMBER 2021???

I just wish Netflix would just force their show writers to not make a cliffhanger If they're not 100% sure the series is gonna get another season.

I've seen other people say this. JatP would have been just fine, as good as it was, if it had finished on their hug and maybe Carlos and rey walking in revealing they could see the guys 24/7 now too like wow they're basically alive they're gonna be an amazing band they all love each other THE END.

But noooo we have the stupid nick and caleb thing which raises soooo many more questions that I WANT answered ! Why can't Netflix have acceptable ending shows if no show is sure to get renewed? Also @ any show creator out there please don't make your show with Netflix I swear

Anyways I'm just very confused I saw some people saying maybe when the exclusivity clause ends we'll get something. Tbh I just wish instead of making new dumb shit Netflix would just give all the shows they already have like 1 more episode to give them an acceptable ending

*coughs* looking at you disney channel with the owl house *coughs*

Like I'd rather have some sort of ending to a good show than new shit I don't care about ! Netflix understand that having a bunch of unfinished shows is not good !! It doesn't make anyone want to watch your shows !! It's pissing everyone off !!

Anyway OMW to cancel my Netflix subscriptions until heartstopper and young royals come back there's nothing else to watch on that shithole 🙄🙄

[shapemydestiny]

2022 - 2023

Holy crap has It been a long time since i've journaled.... Looking back it's weird to think how much things have yet haven't changed since my last post.

Last time I posted, the pandemic was still pretty much a thing If I recall correctly. Honestly the last few years have kind of blurred together. I didn't end up seeing a new therapist. I might've had one session with her, but went back to my other one.

My First Job

In Spring of 2022, I landed my first software engineering job. It was at a healthcare SaaS startup and I was the second engineer to be hired. The other engineer was working part time, and went working full time the same day I started. I learned a good amount from this job, but overtime didn't like the structure and leadership of my boss. Yelling at you for being slow to help him on your day off when you're not even on call, getting mad for not violating a government's TOS for their API, and having no problem with questionably obtained software, not taking cybersecurity concerns seriously, etc. I was fired in February of 2024. That's a story for later.

Social Life

I believe in fall of 2021, I joined a discord server that I found on reddit. We all are part of a group of degenerates who's special interest is too taboo to disclose publicly... even in an anonymous journal. I've really made some good friends that I talk to every single day.

Honestly 2022 was pretty uneventful if I can recall back that far other than me getting my first job. I spent a lot of time with an online friend "X" helping with his emotional issues and he was very emotionally abusive, which got worse over time.

Things seemed to have gotten better towards the end of the year. I wanted to go to Disney World and I wanted to go before Splash Mountain closed in January 😭. He said he was going to pay for his ticket, but never paid me back. He threatened to leave me at Disney because he was always drunk when he said he wouldn't drink. Honestly the entire trip was a hot mess. I had fun on the rides, but really wish I went with someone else... I finally cut ties with X towards the end of 2023 or at the beginning of 2024.

Long Term COVID

After coming back, I got long term COVID, causing me to have horrible brain fog, fatigue, etc. It made it really hard to work and I nearly went on disability after talking with my therapist. However, my work was being aggressive with me going on disability, despite them paying into it. They would only pay for one month of COBRA and that would be it, and it sounded like they'd only let me take a month of disability. Well considering that they had "unlimited" PTO I just took more PTO time - I was trying to save them having to pay my salary during this time, their loss. To be honest it really never got better. I continued to have brain fog through the rest of the year and still do to a certain extent.

Mental and Physical Health

Honestly, my mental health and processing never truly got better after long term covid, it only got better than the beginning. I felt guilty spending so much of my time gaming with my online friend Eli, but I honestly didn't have the mental capacity to work at a higher amount than I was doing. Honestly, keeping a stable 40 hour job is something that gives me a LOT of anxiety. It's not that i'm choosing to be lazy or not want to work, it's that I don't have the focus or cognitive energy to give that time commitment. It makes me feel really shitty saying that. After all I am physically not disabled, and people have it way worse than I do. I don't want to be a burden but I feel like such a piece of shit for having the privileged life I do but still struggle. First world problems am I right?

As far as I've been told my diagnosis are BED, ADHD, bipolar type II, OCD, social anxiety, general anxiety. Turns out I also have high cholesterol, am pre-diabetic and have sleep apena. That's been fun 😡.

[arandombiped]

gonna get a little personal on this one, so I’m putting it under the cut

it’s a bit of a play on one post I saw forever ago that was kinda like “at least I’m not 14” also! If you can help me find that post I would love to give credit where credits due. This is kind of my long rant on how i survived being 14

(ALSO!! cw/tw for covid/pandemic, sh and sui ideation)

I saw something once that said something along the lines of “life is hell right now, but at least I’m not 14.” Not in a way to diss 14 year olds (or anyone who is a teenager), but as a way of saying, “being 14 sucked.”

when I was 14, I struggled with passive suicidal ideation. I would often count the days between times I would sh to keep a streak. I was trying my hardest to want to keep going. I had very recently realized I was queer, and my life as I knew it had already been thrown out the window by Covid. Because when I was 13, I was ready for life to be over. I had tried asking for help from my parents, but I was told I was “too young” to be depressed. My world was falling apart, and I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

being 14 sucks. You’re stuck between being a kid and being an adult. you have 4 years until you can make the Big Decisions and be independent, but you have to survive that long. You’re just trying to figure out what’s going on. And also pre-algebra got thrown in the mix somewhere just for some extra spice.

Let me offer an honest ounce of hope. I am 17. I have less than 6 months until I am an adult. It gets better.

My parents didn’t take me seriously, but guess who did? I did. I talked with school counselors until I could convince my parents that therapy could help. Barely anyone was there for me when I started exploring my sexuality and identity in general, so you know what I did? I got a TrevorSpace account. I found my first online family. My friends didn’t know how to handle queerness in their lives, so you know what I did? I taught them. If they didn’t accept it? They were no longer allowed to be invasive of my generosity.

A lot of this is work, and I know it’s hard and it’s stressful and it’s vulnerable. But I got to know myself, and I grew to like them quite a bit.

If you are 14, stuck in a rut, or otherwise just here, know this: it gets better. Take a minute to see the person you are. Think of all the things you want to do. Nothing coming to mind? That’s fine too. After working a couple of jobs, I’ve realized a lot of people (even adults!) have no idea what’s going on. Most of us are making it up as we go.

My best advice? Let time pass. So far, you have a 100% survival rate, and I strongly believe you can keep that up. Gravitate towards what makes you happy. Pick up whatever hobby, drop it in a month (or a week), buy a fun snack, wear whatever clothes, cuddle a plushie, find a neat fandom, try out new pronouns, date whoever, don’t date anyone, get a new name, whatever floats your goat. The pain wants to last, and it might stay around for a while. Hell, I still have days where I think I’m better off dead. But as Cave Johnson once wisely said,

“All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who’s gonna burn your house down - with the lemons!”

all that to say, life is worth living. You are worthy of life. Even if you don’t think you are, well, you’re here anyway and you might as well combust some lemons. You deserve love and care and support. Not everyone is going to give it to you, and some people are going to make things worse. But you really gotta get mad. Life isn’t fair. So scream your lungs out and cry and crawl your way through and just generally be mad about it until you can make it fair. Because one day you will be able to. (I, personally, will be doing a lot more social justice work once I’m not in a conservative household. I’ll probably dye my hair ten million colors and get my relatives mad at me, but what do I care? They won’t get to have an opinion once I’m older.)

Being 14 sucks sometimes, so you have to make it to 15. then 16. then 17. then 18. fight your way there, then you can do anything.

Stay alive. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep going. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. It’s so worth it.

Sincerely, 17

[charlesherbertlightoller]

So since I've been decidedly less than actively engaged on here than I used to, perhaps my mutuals would like a life update. Well, unfortunately, there's nothing all that great to tell anyone about. In fact looking back, it's finally dawning on me that, despite the positive developments, 2024 has been the absolute worst and wasteful year of my life. I mean…

January – Discovered that I'm allergic to bananas and honey now.

February – Remembered that I attempted suicide round this time in 2020 and am still disappointed I didn't succeed; had a fight with my mom and decided to finally begin the process of moving out this year.

March – Feeling guilty about getting top surgery done on International Women's Day. Suffered a horrific attack of peripheral neuropathy a week post-op (more on that later).

April – Most likely caught COVID for the first time ever, though I was never tested so I can never be sure if it was It or just a bad cold; ironically, nobody else in the house got sick except me. Shortly after, fought with Mom again and left home permanently this time.

May – Month of Madness; started Wellbutrin and spiralled into the worst mental state I've ever been in in my life, with severe anxiety attacks, paranoia and psychosomatic symptoms (including what felt like a heart attack!). I might have been accidentally overdosing, too, since I was taking two extended release pills every day. Hospitalized thrice, called the EMTs at least 6 times. Even after detoxing, my legs would shake uncontrollably at times. Also had an ovarian cyst that blew (I went in assuming it was appendicitis) and it legit felt like I was dying. Learned that nobody cares about COVID anymore (my family included) and it's only getting worse, so I can't pursue a normal job if I want to stay safe.

June – Internalized Homophobia Month

July – Month of Madness 2. Had another fight with my mom, then got into a bike accident. Both my arms were practically useless for weeks on end, my right arm especially, even though nothing was broken. Dislocated my left shoulder on my birthday because I was using it to compensate for my right arm. The peripheral neuropathy and anxiety attacks were back, too; this was how I finally learned that I'm allergic to Tylenol, and I started getting better immediately after stopping it. Finally realized that my mom is a narcissist after our fight.

August – Vacation to Slovenia was cancelled. COVID scare, though thankfully I was negative. Keep fighting with my mom/coming to terms with the fact that she's a narcissist who's been emotionally abusing me for years, and that I just need to accept that she'll never change and I need to cut ties before it's too late. Otherwise did absolutely nothing this month.

September – Turns out huffing paint fumes from your staining project is bad for you! Who would have thought!? At least I got paid though, because I need to find a new healthcare provider after my plan changed. Starting to wonder if I have brain damage from either the Wellbutrin or possible COVID case in April, because I haven't felt normal since January. Also my dad is planning to take me to an immersive exhibition centred round my special interest…during the middle of the worst COVID wave in years, and I'll likely be the only person masking there.

Needless to say, I can only anticipate what will happen next this year with the utmost dread and preemptive disappointment as my world grows smaller by the day. I doubt I'll ever make a full comeback to any sort of social media in spite of it.

[peachisafruit]

Recently, I've been on a trip to Greece.

It wasn't my first trip by a longshot, and surely it won't be my last. I was lucky enough as a child and up to now to yearly go on some kind of week trip, (that is if you exclude the times during covid), be it Croatia, Italy, England, etc...

What makes this trip different? Well, pretty much nothing. It wasn't life changing or mind opening. It was full of beautiful sights just like any other trip. You could feel the heat on your skin as soon as you stepped out of the plane, be it night or day, it was warm. The cities we passed through varied in architecture, yet they all had similar quirks.

It's funny how much architecture can tell you about the country and its people. The way all houses had shutter windows or AC units, to help cool the house during hot summer days. Or how they had their water tanks on the roof, so the sun could naturally heat it up to provide them with warm water.

Nature tells you a lot too, Greece- or more specifically, Crete where I was, was an island full of mountains, roads shaped like serpents, steep and narrow. You could mostly only see prickly bushes and a lot of olive trees, and I mean a lot.

Maybe I hoped the trip would be different, that I'd maybe meet someone, have that wistful 'summer love' that so many cheesy teen romcoms like to have, but I haven't. Though I'm not particularly mad about it, perhaps it would of done more damage than good. It's not like I was looking for someone in an organic way either, I'm too nervous to go out by myself with no friends, and so, tinder was my friend.

Friend is a bad word to describe this app I know. But it gave me a surge of confidence when I first downloaded it a few months ago. I didn't realize I could actually be liked by so many people and it was thrilling. I went through my first dissapointment as well, finding a girl I liked and I was thrilled thinking she liked me too, I even texted her first. But I tend to forget rationally when I get my head tangled up in romance, and obviously most people on tinder aren't looking for anything serious, or just because they matched with you doesn't mean they actually like you. But I lived, I got over my dissappointment and moved on. And I caused a dissapointment to another girl as well, I thought I liked her when we matched..but as we talked I learned that I don't. I know this will sound shitty, but I ghosted her. At the time I thought it was the better option, too afraid to actually confront her. Maybe that's how the girl I liked felt as well, maybe that's why she ghosted me. Funny how human beings tend to think alike, huh? But despite that, I still keep that app in my phone. Why? I don't know, or maybe I do. Maybe I still hope that I'll find someone for me, even if it's highly unlikely. Still, one can dream.

And that's what I hoped would of happened in Crete too. But I'm not sure why I'm desperate for love so much. I crave to be held, kissed, go on cheesy dates with someone- yet, the idea of actually dating someone scares me. Being committed to that person, scared of hurting them, scared of further intimacy, scared of-... a lot of things pretty much. Women scare me cause I'm afraid that I'm not actually attracted to them, men scare me cause the thought of intimacy terrifies me at times. But I would want to be intimate with a partner, yet I'm scared of fucking it up.

Pathetically so, maybe that's the reason why I feel so jealous about the couples around me. I see them and they seem so happy, they bounce off each other, all with their own specific quirks. And they just..work. They work together, and they look good together, and they like each other. It seems so easy to achieve for them, so much easier for my friends too. Pretty much all my friends have gotten partners this year. All so suddenly too. So I wonder why not me? Is something wrong with me? Is it my looks? I'm not perfect, I don't claim to be, hell, I admitted to ghosting a poor girl. I keep hearing the right person will come, blah blah, but what if they don't? What then? Honestly I don't know, at times, I prefer being alone, but then I have these moments where I crave I could have a partner.

So far this lowkey-essay is more about my lack luster love life then my actual trip. But that seemed to be all I could think about this summer. July is almost over and I'm still single. Maybe it's for the better, I'm going to college soon. I'll meet new people there, maybe they special someone too- or not. I'll get through it.

Maybe just because of this, I could appreciate the trip a little more. See it on my own, walk on sandy night lit beaches alone...take a trip through the palm forest with only me, my thoughts and my camera. So maybe this trip was a little different after all, or it wasn't.

Who knows.

[whatdoyouneedsugar]

It's really not fair. Especially because our rules surrounding COVID have changed in the past 2 years. During the height of the pandemic, if you had COVID, you were told to go home and isolate for 2 weeks—all paid for without having to use any time saved up. Now they just treat it like the flu or some other mild cold: "well, I sure hope you have enough time saved up! Get well soon! 😃" Of course they don't mean it, they just want their good little worker back. And if I have to call in without being able to cover the time, I get a point. 5 points and you're fired. I'm already at 3 :(

The points reset after 6 months from the day you earned the point...It's all so stupid and it makes me mad.

While I'm recovering, I've really been giving in to my little urges and just doing what made me happy as a kid. Playing Pokémon 😅

It makes me sad that your brain is being so mean to you :( I definitely know what that's like. I wish I could take care of you, too! Not that I could do much while I'm sick and have a sprained wrist, but...if I wasn't sick and didn't have a sprained wrist, I'd want to do all I could to help make things easier for you 💕🫂🫂

To be truthful, I think about you a lot 😅 Every time I get a tumblr notification, I hope it's you. I love talking to you and reading your posts!! Thankfully, I have the next 2 days off, so I won't have to call in anymore. But if I still feel bad past that, I'm kinda fucked 😬 I'll keep you updated! 🥰🥰💖

- 🐸

That's really fucked up, honey, I'm sorry 😔 it's unfair and absolutely disrespectful to workers. I'm glad you're not getting more points at least, but it's still screwed up.

Doint what made you happy as a kid is a great way to spend your day recuperating 🩷 so happy to hear it.

You'd be taking care of me just by being there. And if I could take care of you, that would help me feel better too, so it's a give and take in that way.

I can imagine it, sitting up on the bed with you between my legs, back against my chest. I'd be reading and book while I stoke your head and you play Pokémon. And if you got tired you could just put it down and take a nap right there.

It's actually comforting just to think about it, our own little bubble.

Aww baby, you're so sweet, i love talking to you too. Truly, always love when I get your asks.

[kichikumaboshi]

Hey everyone! I know I said I'd be around here and there, and then promptly didn't proceed to do that, so lemme give ya'all a quick recap of what's been going on, but the tl;dr is I've been sick for most of a month, and was ridiculously busy before that.

So, pretty soon after my last short stream, I had a LOT of work happen at once. To be fair, this is partly my fault. I had offered to go for an activity a few weeks ahead of time. This happened to line up badly. I won't go into details (as I've said, no talking about work details publicly for both my coworkers' and students' safety), but long story short, I had a mad dash of work stuff that kept be busy for about 2 weeks before things evened out again. (Worth noting, this was not unfair. I was properly compensated, and part of it was due to a choice I actually made myself, so do not think the school forced anything on me please.) This left me with close to no time, so no stream during that period.

So then what? Well...I had bad sushi that's what. I was out for 3 days with food poisoning. Then then the next week my throat and nose decided it was their turn, and I was out for most of that week too. Though my dead voice recovered, and I could breathe more easily, so I could work the next week, the cough and runny nose have persisted, and I didn't want to stream like that and push my throat harder.

Today I've gone to the doctor over trouble breathing, and have been told my lungs are clearly inflamed. Tests have shown I don't have COVID or flu, so they are assuming it's a dust allergy, but I have only ever had a reaction anything close to like this once when I was working unloading the truck for a retail store. (That dust is real bad guys!) If I'm having a reaction like this, there must be something causing it. They still have tests that are gonna take time to give results, so I will see how those come back next week, but as is I am in no shape to stream. Even walking across my apartment sometimes has me gasping for breath. They've given me meds, which hopefully will help out, but for the time being, expect me to still be low activity till I recover...whenever that is.

Anyways, sickness aside, I have really enjoyed my time here, but I'm not gonna lie that this sickness is testing the limits of my patience. We will see how things go from here!

In the meantime, I may do some posts with pictures to show you all some of the cool things I've seen and places I've been, as I can do that without straining my throat, so keep an eye out for them!