#I'm starting to think the money ain't worth it man

[biggestfraudyoullevermeet]

Anyways when you're mean to me this is who you're being mean too:

[medicinemane]

You know, I think if I was obscenely wealthy what I'd do is commission artists to make a piece of their own choosing and then give it away to some poor broke sod for free/open up a commission slot where I paid but someone that normally couldn't afford it got the commission

Basically, my house would fill up at some point, you know... and I gotta pace myself, so I'd really have to say sometimes "your art is great... but I don't think it's what I personally am looking for in my house specifically"

So instead I could make it so that people who can't normally afford art could get a piece (I've been there plenty)

If I had the money to do it, it would be a win win win. An artist would get money and get to create, I'd get to see a picture of their work, and someone who didn't have the money to buy art would get art which is very important to me

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Fellow Honest - Playful Dress Vignette

"My stars, a grave insult!"

[Scalding Sands – Silk City]

Fellow: Now, ladies and gentlemen!

Fellow: What you are about to see here is a one-of-a-kind wonder.

Fellow: This is truly a genuinely invaluable show you are about to witness.

[rabble, rabble]

Fellow: Nice, them people're finally startin' to gather…!

Fellow: If you're interested in what I have to show, please, drop a few madol in this can over here. Any amount is fine～!

Fellow: And now, feast your eyes…

Fellow: On this… A one-of-a-kind puppet that can walk on its own without strings!

Fellow: What do you think, Mister? Madam? Doesn't it look so life-like? Amazing, is it not!?

Fellow: This exquisite beastman doll is the only one of its kind.

Fellow: You all are fortunate indeed to see such a fantastical sight. If your interest was piqued, I implore you to leave a token of appreciation…

[rabble, rabble]

Fellow: …Eh? It's not a puppet? A normal living being?

Fellow: HOW RUDE! WHAT EVIDENCE HAVE YOU FOR YOUR ACCUSATION!?

Fellow: Please, look carefully. It might be able to move without strings, but even if I poke or tickle it, it won't even cry out or laugh.

Fellow: It is a beautifully crafted puppet. Yes, that's right, there can be no question.

[Gidel nods]

Fellow: Ah, stop, Gidel!

Fellow: …It moved? Oh no, it must have just been a trick of the eye.

Fellow: Or, are you perhaps trying to insinuate that I, Fellow Honest, am a liar?

Fellow: You didn't mean it…? Ahhh, oh, but you've hurt my feelings so～!

Fellow: I've been known as Honest John, a man of integrity, pure and innocent, and yet you would call me a liar…

Fellow: I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SUFFER SUCH A DAY! MY STARS, A GRAVE INSULT!

Fellow: Hey now, Mister. Since you've damaged my pride like this, feels like you should provide me with a show of good faith and…

Gidel: [sneeze]

Fellow: AH!!

Fellow: U-Uhh… Ladies and gentlemen, I… Hm? You want your money and time back? …No need to get so angry… Hahaha…

Fellow: …Crap.

Fellow: RUN, GIDEL!!

Fellow: Haah… Pant, pant… Did we lose them?

Fellow: …YOU NITWIT! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE RIGHT THEN TO SNEEZE!?

Fellow: Just a little longer and we woulda gotten something extra on top of their spectator fees!

Gidel: …

Fellow: Ugh, whatever. ...All we got to show for that in the end was just a little bit of spare change…

Fellow: …And whatever small bits and bobs of jewelry they had on them.

Fellow: I stealthily swiped them with my magic while those idiots were all focused on you, but there's not much here. Shame.

Fellow: This dump ain't worth staying in. Time to move on, Gidel! Fwahaha!

[Fairest City – Crystal Galleria]

Fellow: Look carefully, fair people! What I have here is a magestone. However, this is no ordinary magestone.

Fellow: The date: 1000 years ago; the place: the depths leagues below the Coral Sea. This magestone was said to be sought even by the Great Seven!

Fellow: It may look like an ordinary pebble. So, what makes this an extraordinary find? Once you hear what I have to say, you'll never recover from the shock!

Fellow: Listen and be amazed! This is a miraculous stone where whosoever holds it becomes capable of using magic!

Gidel: ! [honks horn]

Fellow: For you, ladies and gentlemen, I risked life and limb searching high and low for this in the most secluded southern regions.

Fellow: There is only one of these gemstones in existence. We'll start the bidding at 50,000 madol (500 Thaumarks)! Come, come, all who are interested, please raise up a hand!

[silence]

Fellow: …Huh, no one wants to raise a hand? What, do I have before me a gaggle of broke spectators?

Fellow: Heh, gutless, all of you. Ah, but damn it all! Is there not a single one among you with the courage to reach out and grasp the miracle laid out before you!?

Fellow: With icy demeanors like that, even my fleas will laugh at me.

Fellow: …I'm sure you all are simply thinking there's no way you could trust vagabonds like us, isn't that right?

Fellow: You think I'm selling you a fake? You think you'll be wasting your money?

Fellow: Aah, that's no good, my dear fellows! If you mistrust me so fervently, it's not as fun...

Fellow: Don't worry. If you believe in what I tell you, there's nothing for you to be afraid of.

Fellow: COME ON TO THE THEATER!

Fellow: LIFE IS FUN

Fellow: …Ah, there we go, that was quick. 80,000 madol from the gent over there! And 100,000 madol from the one over here!

Fellow: A good call, everyone! With such wise decision-making skills, you all have a future scholar inside you!

Fellow: Fwahahaha! Look at 'em idiots believing at whatever stupid story I throw their way!

Fellow: A magestone that'll give you the ability to use magic～? If something like that really existed, I'd've used it myself.

Fellow: Even the guys who were the most skeptical leapt at the chance once I used my Unique Magic. I sure enjoy pulling the wool over idiots who try to look down on me.

Fellow: Hm, let's see how much we earned today…

Fellow: Two, four, six, eight… Oho, not a bad haul. Look, Gidel, we'll be feasting tonight!

[Gidel hops happily]

Fellow: Word's probably got around by now, especially after I raked in this much. This might be the end of the line for our earnings here…

Gidel: …

Fellow: What? You want to head south this time?

Fellow: Not a bad idea. How 'bout we target vacationers at them fancy resorts?

Fellow: Let's see if we can kindly crash their little enjoyable vacations.

Fellow: …Yeah, that's perfect. You're a genius, Gidel. This time, we'll be the fancy, rich folk out on vacation.

Fellow: We go where we want, when we want. We have nothing and no one tying us down.

Fellow: That's the least we deserve as free-spirited folk!

[Sunset Savanna – Sunrise City]

Fellow: EEEEP～～! I PROMISE, I WON'T DO ANYTHING BAD ANYMORE, I PROMISE!

Fellow: HELP～～～!

[Sunset Savanna – Sunrise City]

Fellow: SHIT! THAT MASSIVE CHEAPSKATE!

Fellow: They were carrying around a crazy fat wallet. They could've spared even a little bit and nothing woulda hurt their bottom line.

Fellow: Yet they caused a fuss just from me trying to swipe a few thousand madol… Ouuuch, it's still throbbing where they hit me.

[stomachs gurgle]

Fellow: Man, I'm starving. It's gonna suck to go another night without dinner.

Fellow: Ain't there something we can find to eat…?

[Gidel starts to drift away]

Fellow: …Hey, wait, Gidel! Don't open that can!

Fellow: Geez… Don'tcha see what it says right here? It's got OIL inside. You can't eat it, even if you open it.

Fellow: You do the same thing every time you're hungry. I've taught you dozens of times, can't you read what it says?

Gidel: …

Fellow: C'mon, squat here a little. I'll draw it out on the ground, so don't forget this time, 'kay?

Fellow: O is for Orange! It looks round and tasty, don't it?

Fellow: I is for Ice Cream! That thin, ice popsicle was pretty tasty the other day, wasn't it?

Fellow: L is for laugh! Don't it look like a smile when you look at it on it's side?

Fellow: …Why is L the only thing that's not food? I couldn't think of anything, so sue me.

Fellow: There's only so much I can teach you, too.

Fellow: Tch. If I had been able to go to school… By now I woulda been more…

[Gidel pats Fellow]

Gidel: …

Fellow: What? We don't need school to fill our bellies?

Fellow: Sigh, oh, Gidel. You know, you're…

Fellow: TOTALLY RIGHT!!

Fellow: That's right, we're living just fine even without going to school.

Fellow: Learning whatever with books and pencils is utter nonsense.

Fellow: We'll just clean out those suckers that went though their oh so lovely education, and just live a life that's even fuller.

Gidel: !

Fellow: That's right, leave it to me! Follow me, kid, and one day, you'll be a grand showstopper too.

Fellow: We'll get some halfwit students to dance for us on a stage for our own amusement!

Fellow: Now… What's more important right now is figuring out what we're going to eat tonight. I'll try to find something, so you start a fire.

Fellow: Just throw whatever you find into the fire, like wooden crates, or posters or… Hm?

Fellow: This job posting here… Oh, well, well!

Fellow: Look here, Gidel, That one prick is looking to hire someone. And this time, it's at an amusement park!

Fellow: I don't know what they're planning, but… Last time we did work for 'em, we made a killing.

Fellow: I can't stand how he looks down on us, but there's a lot more to gain out of it…

Fellow: Why don't we just go hear them out, Gidel? If we don't like it, we can just bail.

Fellow: We live only for today, never thinking about what tomorrow might bring. We do whatever work keeps our lives free and fun. 'Cause we can go and do whatever we want.

[Gidel nods, Fellow whistles as they go off]

Requested by @sakurakudo.

[yeyinde]

Outlaw!Price, the enigmatic leader of the notorious and deadly 141 gang, who stumbles upon you one evening near the stables (attempting to steal the mare he had his eyes on, no less) as you try to sneak out of the city (and away from the awful, awful man you're supposed to be married to in the morning), and decides to help you get away.

But if you think it's altruism that's making him lend a helping hand to a stranger, you're wrong. In this life, he knows it's kill or be killed.

And most importantly:

finders keepers.

“How's this,” he begins, and everything inside of you screams to run. “I'll accompany you across the desert. Get you somewhere safe.” 

“Out of the goodness of your heart, I'm sure,” you sneer, edging backwards. “As if I'm dumb enough to believe that.��

“Can't leave a maiden—” your scathing hiss makes his lips twitch beneath the thick moustache; “—all on her own like that. I know these parts like the back of my hand. No harm will come to you. That, you have my word for.”

“And what's that worth?” 

He dips his chin. “Far more than you could imagine, love.” 

You swallow. “I don't know. I don't trust you—”

“Smart,” he nods, drops the cigar on the ground before snuffing the end out with the heel of his boot. “But I ain't very patient. Better make up your mind quickly.”

“Well, in that case—”

“But," he cuts your scoff off with a low hum. "I'll put it this way for you: do you want me to be the one to accompany you across the desert or the one they'll pay, handsomely, tomorrow morning to drag you back home, mm?”

“You scoundrel—! You dirty, rotten—”

“It's business, love.”

“I don't have any money to even pay you to—”

His eyes are searing when they catch on the threads of your lace collar, razing over exposed skin like he's owed the privilege. You've never seen such hunger on a man's face before.

Your skin prickles. Heart sinking low with each rasping sweep of his eyes across your body. It's as if you're meat. Something to be bartered with. Bargained.

The rasp in his voice makes you shiver. “You're a smart girl. I'm sure you can figure something out.”

“I—”

“I'll leave it to you, then, mm?” He starts forward, then, chin ducking low into his collar to stare down at you through the wide brim of his hat. Each thud of his boots echo against the floor in haunting harmony with the metal clink of his spurs. 

More of his bulk is revealed as he steps out from the shadows and into the pale moonlight, and somewhere in your chest, the air becomes trapped. 

He's huge. Bigger, now, where most of him blended in, almost seamlessly, into the shadows. A massive mountain of a man. 

His shoulders seem to stretch the fabric of his vest and waistcoat taut, pulling sharply on the straining threads. The heavy brown of his jacket sweeps down to midthigh, the seam tucked behind the leather holster of his gun tied tight at his waist. The brass buttons of his dress shirt crease against the pull of his broad chest and barrelled stomach. The softness around his midsection speaks almost highly of a luxurious lifestyle—pure hedonism. The sort ladies back home whisper about. Violence, women, and booze—ruffians, the lot of them! But it seems to belie the power in his gait. In the flex of his thick, corded thighs bunching in the tightness of his denim trousers and the leather caps covering them.

He has the walk of a bear. Lumbering, sloven. A touch clumsy. 

And yet—

The softness about him hides the raw strength under the thick pelt. Deadly. The slow, meandering trawl of a man who knows, unequivocally, that he needn’t run or rush anywhere. 

It lodges somewhere inside of you. This knowledge, this fact. He'll outpace you in spades. Catch up no matter where you flee to. 

Your stomach folds, looping over itself. It's nausea, maybe. And something else—

He's so big. Burly. Thickened like the strong trucks of ponderosa pine. A man cut from the wilderness; made in the likeness of the savagery of the wild. The brutality of the desert, of mother nature herself. Kin to the affinity this land seems to have in taking every ounce of a man and leaving him bereft in the face of the looming unknowns in the vast desert.

None of the men you've ever met before look like him. Grizzled. Hardened.

His scarred, tanned skin speaks of a life living outdoors. On a horse, on the run—hard work made with his bare hands. You think the softness, the callous-free palm that gripped your fingers tight in a vice, and can't help but to lean, just a little, into him. Drawn there, like a moth to a flame.

There's something about this man that makes you tremble. Something that curls inside of your guts. Something deeper, darker than fear. Primal. Animalistic. There must be something wrong with you, then. Most know to run from the predators—not move closer.

He comes to a halt less than an arm's length away from you, close enough that you can scent the heavy musk of him so thickly in your nose. Something purely masculine—loam, humus—and yet unfathomably different from the men you've known your whole life. Horse, and sweat. Sun. The headiness of riding nonstop through the sprawling deserts of New Mexico. Leather, and gunpowder. 

The novelty of it all is enough to make you dizzy. And, as if to reinforce it, he leans down, the brim of his hat narrowly missing your forehead, and he rasps, guttural and dark, 

“and I do expect to be paid back in full, love,” his voice is felled timber. Low, and firm. “Or you'll find you don't like the consequences very much. Am I clear?”

The unmistakable iron in it snags on the tendrils of your resolve, pulling messily at the threads. No escape. It winds tighter, tighter— 

Still. 

Your only other option is to stay here, and in the morning, marry a man who made it abundantly clear that the sole use he has for you is to rebrand a dwindling legacy (women ought to be seen, not heard, darlin’, and I think it's high time someone teach you that); or— 

Make off on your own. Through the unmapped, untamed wilderness of New Mexico with nothing for protection except whatever you could reasonably steal away with uninterrupted, which. Isn't much. Not only that—this man, this outlaw, had made it abundantly clear that there would be a bounty on you come sunrise. One he'd be most eager to fulfil. 

Rock, hard place. No escape. 

You steel yourself, grappling with trembling fingers against the dwindling options in front of you, and offer a slow, jerking nod. 

He heaves a breath in response. “Good choice, love.”

It doesn't feel very much like one. It doesn't feel very good at all, even. 

In this little stable just outside of town, you sell your soul to the devil in New Mexico while the cicadas in the background scream through the ink black night. The sounds they make seem to ask, 

what have you done?

[mammons-lover]

Robber #1 (Pointing a gun at Mammon): Put the money in the bag!

Mammon (putting his hands up): I ain't got no money, man!

Robber #1: Liar! Empty your pockets!

Mammon (flips his pockets inside out): See? Nothin'! Just let us go.

Robber #1: You put that figure in my bag and blue-eyed guy, give me your boots.

Mammon: No, not my boots, please!

Robber (taking Levi’s new figure): Put the boots in the bag.

Mammon: Anything but that, please! Look, I can do a little dance for you.

Mammon starts dancing.

Robber #1: Stop dancing right now, or I’ll shoot!

Leviathan: Mammon, just give him your fucking shoes!

Mammon: Please! Just look at these dance moves, you know this shit is fire!

Robber #2: Yo, what’s taking you so long?!

Robber #1: This fucker is dancing!

Robber #2: Aye, he is hitting that shit though!

Mammon: Right? See, at least someone here knows I was killin' it.

Robber #1: Dude, I still want your boots, though.

Mammon: Omg, I completely forgot. Levi, what are we doing?

Leviathan: Mammon, what are you talking about? Please, don’t do anything stupid.

Mammon: Bro, we’re literally demons! Why are we scared of a little gun?

Leviathan: Right, this is so humiliating.

They both change into their demon forms and Levi snatches his figure back.

Mammon: Alright, you guys, now give me your money.

Robber #1: Please don’t do this, I really need the cash.

Leviathan: Come on, Mammon, they aren’t worth it.

Mammon: What? But they tried to rob us!

Leviathan: They’re literally so poor they need to rob you; I think they need that chump change.

Mammon: Fine. One thing, though. Were my dance moves really not good to you?

Robber #1: No, man, they were great. I was just so upset about how cool you're moves were!

Mammon: I knew you were jealous. Alright, Levi, let’s go!

Leviathan: I’m just so happy Lucifer wasn’t here for this.

(I don't know what I'm doing anymore)

[gravity-falls-fanatic89]

November's Naughty and Nice Stories

Day 10: Just A Taste

Stan Pines x Reader

18+/MINORS DNI/NSFW/ 18+/MINORS DNI/NSFW

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever done," you said to Stan, standing in a little stand with a curtain behind you, wearing a Pilgrim dress, taking people's money to see 6 foot turkey, which WASN'T Soos in a getup for $25 a pop.

"Aw, c'mon Y/N, get in the spirit!" Stan said to you, in a matching men's getup. "Ya look pretty hot for lookin' old timey!"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh."

He walked up into the stand, with half his body still behind the curtain. You turned to look at him, but he told you to keep working. Then you felt his hand come up behind your dress, beginning to cup your ass.

"Stanley! There are people everywhere! Have you no shame!?!" as your cheeks went immediately pink and hot.

"Tsk, tsk...You're not bein' very costume accurate. No panties or nothin'....Being a very naughty little thing, aren't we?"

"Stan! You need to-"

"Ya just workin' the booth. Ya think I ain't slick enough to be sneaky? Imma professional conman, baby," and he worked his hands between your legs, and rubbed your clit. You tried to shuffle away from him as you were giving out change, but he persisted.

You kept biting your lip as he worked his thick fingers on you, then inside you, pumping them up and down, all while you soaked his fingers and tried to focus.

"Atta girl," he whispered. "You just keep taking the money, while I get some honey."

The sly bastard kept squeezing your ass, and pumped fast then slow, and you began clenching on him. You were going to explode in the middle of taking money, and finally, as you dropped the change into some woman's hand, your eyes bulged, and you moaned.

"Uh, you okay there miss?" the lady looked quizzically.

You panted, and looked at her, trying to keep composure with a sweaty face and satisfied pussy. "Yeah, I....uh, stubbed my toe."

"Right....." and she backed up, walking briskly to Soos.

Stan's hand disappeared, and he came to the front of your stand, smirking with a shit eat grin, and he licked his fingers.

"Well, sweet cheeks, ya look a little flush...I guess you can take a break."

"I'm going to kick your ass, you dirty old man."

He started to walk off. "Worth it."

[michverdun]

"Y'know, I never thought I'd give up the bandit life either. Hell, back in my day I was infamous, although it was under a different name. I mean there was nobody on earth that could stop me, until I met him."

"It was a fairly regular stickup, I just needed some money after a string of bad luck, but as soon as I left that bank there he was. The sheriff was staring me down, wearing nothing but a hat and the shiniest pair of underwear, and I mean it was sparkling in the sunlight. The sight of him made me think that I lost my damn mind!"

"He started flexing those muscles of his, and now I'm guessing he was tryin' to intimidate me so that I'd surrender. I wouldn't say I was intimidated, but I did freeze. I don't think I've ever seen someone so massive in my damn life. He was flexin' muscles I didn't even know existed, like how the hell was I supposed to know some guys could spread out their back muscles like they're wings? I thought he was tryin' to fly off!"

"So, in my shock the sheriff came over and scooped me up over his shoulder and shipped me off to a jail cell. Only jail cell in the entire damn town in fact. First time I ever been caught and it was by one sherrif in a ghost town! Ooh I was pissed. I spent a good while thinkin' up a way to get out of that cell and get my revenge, when he came back."

"I definitely wasn't the nicest man to talk to at that time, but he took every ounce of venom I spit with the patience of a saint, and soon enough I'd calmed down again. I couldn't help hit he had a way of distractin' me, although anyone who could see the crotch of my jeans could easily see why. I don't know what it was but just watching that man move made my heart beat as fast as when I was runnin' for my damn life. Without even tryin' he hit my one weakness: all of those complicated feelins' I had for the men around me."

"He had to have known at that point, but he didn't say a word about it as we talked at first. He told me about his situation, where the townsfolk pushed him into being sheriff even though he didn't have to disposition for it and could barely shoot a gun, and he was just trying to do the best he could. I started feelin sorry for him, among other things."

"It was then that he tried to get me to give up my life of crime, try to make a more honest living. Even as I was runnin' on pure instinct at that point I still refused. How could he tell me to give it all up after everything I'd been through. But he kept pushin', kept treating me like a worried friend than a stern sheriff, and... Well, do you know that saying? 'All cowboys are secretly fond of each other'? Well, turns out I wasn't the only one hiding secret affections. He showed me one night too, and his... 'affection' was pretty fuckin' big too!"

"After that, it was over. If you're the sappy type you'd probably say I did it for love or something like that, but the heart of an outlaw still beats in this chest, and he sees it as simple economics. there ain't another man like him out here, and having him is worth more than anything I could ever steal. He's priceless."

[uninformedartist]

Hazbin/helluva fans are something else 🤣✋

Gonna be a bit petty here but I don't care lol

Dude why are you so pressed on people point out the obvious flaws in this clip, like you sound sad posting this and then...

🤭🤭🤭🤣 deleting the post promptly after people started cooking your ass on how childish this post was, shits funny man.

And also this:

Grow up point blank. Its twitter and people have the right to voice their opinions on a show that will cost money (think streaming is free, people's gonna pay to watch hazbin) and how it looks ain't worth the streaming costs, sorry. They keep with this excuse "Viv & crew worked so hard, ya'll just haters, why don't you like her stuff". Not gonna deny the efforts that went into HB, but if the finished product looks like this, I'm gonna say some. People shouldn't be guilt tripped like Alex is doing into liking & subsequent paying for the entertainment Viv puts out with the quality they showed in this teaster. And lastly I respect how far Viv has come, but fans want people to respect her as a person and I personally got zero respect for that woman after all the shit she's done.

[paisholotus]

Now playing: crush~Yuna ft Usher

Ashia's Pov

Miami, Florida

During my break, I was sitting at my desk, grading papers. I scowled down at my stomach, which growled since I had forgotten my lunch yet again.

 

I'm not sure how I keep forgetting my lunch, given how much I love eating. I teach third grade, and we're just getting started with the new school year, so my students aren't bad. Of course, there are some that require a great deal of patience, but it is well worth it.

 

I hummed softly to the music that was playing when my phone rang, making me stop what I was doing. I answered, and it was TeJ.

 

"Hey, bro, wassup?" I said into the phone. 

 

"I'll buy lunch if you want to go with Suki and me. Because I know yo goofy ass forgot your lunch again." Suki cackled in the background. Rolling my eyes and smacking my teeth, I said, "Love, how you think you know everything?" Getting up and closing my files.

 

"Okay, well, if you ain't forget, then I guess you ain't got to go." Suki's laughter in the back was muffled by his words. Biting my inside cheek, I scowled at the ground, "Whateva yuh still nuh kno every ting." I said, taking my belongings with me.

 

"Oh, that's just what the fuck I thought. We're heading to our usual spot. I'll see you later." I hung up after rolling my eyes once more. I love Tej, but he can be annoying as hell. 

 

I left the school and drove to the restaurant we usually go to. Yasmine, Tej's sister, called and told me Tej wanted me to race again tonight, but I told her I'd have to see what Rana would want to do because I'm not racing without her racing too. 

 

Again, I love Tej, but I normally don't race without at least one of my siblings there. I really just do it for fun. I mean, the money is nice because God knows teachers don't get paid enough. 

 

I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and got out. It's a soul food place, so the food smacks. I walked in and saw Tej and Suki, but what I didn't expect to see was the blonde from the other night sitting beside them. 

 

"Hey, Shia, you remember Brian from the other night, right?" Suki asked me. I looked at the blonde as he smiled politely. And whew, lawd, this man was indeed fine asf. 

 

"Um, not directly, but I saw him race. You're pretty good." I said teasingly, smiling, looking into his eyes. He raised his eyebrow and smirked at me. 

 

"Just pretty good, huh?" He said, leaning back into the booth. 

 

I chuckled, sitting down. "That's what I said." He laughed as Tej and Suki looked in between each other with knowing looks. 

 

We ordered our food and had a simple conversation. I felt him staring at me, and I looked him back in the eyes, smiling softly. 

 

"So, Shia, what is it that you do?" He asked lowly, mirroring my smile. 

 

"Well, I'm an elementary school teacher. I teach 3rd grade." He looked at me surprised, biting into my burger. 

 

"What's that look for?" I asked him, laughing, eating my fries. 

 

"Being a teacher is admirable. When did you get interested in cars, considering you beat me the other night." 

 

I pointed my pinky at Tej and Suki and smiled. "Them, if I'm being honest. When we got into high school, Tej and Suki became very interested in cars, and they just kind of pulled me into that." I chuckled lightly. 

 

"Yeah, you didn't want anything to do with cars at first." Suki said, laughing. 

 

"Your car is nice; what kind is it?" He asked me. 

 

I smiled proudly and said, "Nissan 370z." He bit his lip and nodded. 

 

"Brian has a skyline." Suki said, finishing her food, leaning into Tej. 

 

"Hm, a skyline....that's cool." I said teasingly, wiping crumbs off my lap.

 

He jerked his head back and smirked, looking me up and down. "What's that supposed to mean?" He said. 

 

I laughed and shook my head. "Nothing, that's a good car........mine is just simply better." I said confidently.

 

He looked at me over the rim of his glass and nodded. "Oh, yeah? Let's put that to the test. Rematch." He said. 

 

"That sounds like a good idea. My number one racer." Tej said, spreading his arms out, waiting for me to answer. "Come on, sis." He said, pleading. 

 

I playfully huffed and nodded. "Aight, blondie, prepare to give me all your money." He nodded as we all got up to leave but stopped me, grabbing my hand and making my stomach do little flips.

 

"And, to make it more interesting, if I win, you let me take you out on a date; if you win, then you don't have to speak to me again." He said, sticking out his hand for me to shake. 

 

I smirked at him and shook his hand, "Okay, it's a deal." 

[auriel187]

The More Things Change. (S1 E8)

Word Count: 4328

Series Masterlist

A/N: If anyone doesn't like the fact that the oc is black, go away.

TW: Racial slurs.

"Ah, the 43 million man." Cory smiled happily, taking a look at the article. Shawn pulled out a chair for me and took the seat next to me. I had my hair in two low pigtails with a braid crown. He had told me that I looked like an angel, that my hair was a halo. I was proud of my hair today.

"Why do they call him that?" Minkus asked, approaching the table.

"Because that's what he's getting paid to play baseball for six years." I muttered, taking out my battered copy of Red Dragon.

"7.6 million a year?" Minkus guffawed.

"If that's what it comes out to, yeah." Shawn said, before he started reading over my shoulder.

"You could calculate the value of a baseball card and yet you can't...Oh forget it. I'll save this conversation for when I have cake?" I mumbled before I continued reading. Shawn continued reading over my head shoulder.

"He happens to be one of the top guys in baseball." Cory nodded, continuing to read the article.

"Well, I happen to think Mr. Feeny is one of the top guys in teaching and he makes about 40 thousand a year." Minkus said and that's one of the few things I've ever and will openly agree to.

"That stinks." I look over at the blue eyed boy over my shoulder. He looks back at me with wide eyes.

"Finally. Something we agree on." Minkus nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. Feeny ain't worth that kind of money." I threw my head down onto the table. I felt someone pull my chair away from the table.

"Thank you, Cory." I mumbled with my head on my lap. He ran his hand over my back while they continued their conversation.

"You thought I meant he was overpaid? I meant that Mr. Feeny is grossly and tragically underpaid." Minus said and again I nodded in agreement.

"Minkus... May I call you Minkus? Does spelling ever change? No. Does history ever change? Uh-uh. Does Feeny ever change? Never. Know why? He doesn't have to. Know why? 'Cause nothing about... teaching sixth grade ever changes."

"Yeah, instead year after year he has to deal with kids like you guys who don't listen." I kept my head down.

"Well, I think you're wrong." Minkus looks at the curly haired boy. Cory was definitely wrong.

"Well, I think l'm right. I think in about five seconds, Feeny walks in here, takes a sip from the drinking fountain, flicks his mustache, goes to the coffee machine, sees us, asks Raven-Anniya about what books she just finished before he turns to me and says, "Good morning, Mr. Matthews. "I trust you've done the homework". Every day, the same thing. He's so predictable." Cory stated just as our teacher walked into the cafeteria. We watched the older man do just as Cory described.

"Good morning, Mr. Matthews. I trust you've done the homework." He says, just as Cory said he would.

"Yes, I did, sir." The curly haired brunette said. He wasn't genuine but to the untrained eye he may've been sincere.

"But my little sister ate it." They said together before Mr. Feeny walked away saying something along the lines of "You are so predictable." I had to agree and because I knew he was so predictable I knew that this was going to end up with a lesson for them. I just wonder how much I'm going to have to pay for.

+=+=+=+=+

I had spent the better part of my day contemplating just how much of a mess this'll turn into. Cory has no clue what it took to be a teacher so how was he going to learn a lesson?

"This Week in Social Studies we'll be talking about prejudice."

"Good, 'cause I'm prejudiced against the scungy food in the cafeteria." Cory joked, which caused the class to fall into a fit of laughter.

"Then why do you keep eating it?" I asked. Nobody answered.

"We will be discussing black slavery in the American South," The kids all looked to me. "The Jews in nazi Germany and several examples of prejudice throughout history. Tonight your assignment... is to read the first pages of that book." Mr. Feeny said as he handed us the book. The Diary of Anne Frank. This book was amazing. I'd read it years ago and cried.

"Aw, man, it's a book about some girl." And there it was! Cory's definitely done it now!

"Maybe it's time to veer away from picture books Cory?" I looked over at him as he glared at me.

"Rave? I'll take your book suggestions seriously when Storm becomes Shawn's favourite X-Men character." Oh, please.

"Who's your favourite X-Men, Shawnie?"

"The one who kind of looks like your mom.She's cool." Shawn answered absentmindedly, looking over the book he'd just been given.

I turned to Cory with a smug look on my face. "If you're not going to read it because it's about a girl, that's on you. Good to know that you wouldn't want to hear about the experiences of people who don't look like you." I mumbled the last part to myself.

Just as Cory was about to respond, the bell rang and we all started packing our things. I made sure to put my copy of the book in my bag. I heard Mr. Feeny call Cory to stay back, but Shawn had already taken my hand and started pulling me out of the school.

+=+=+=+=+

"So, Sunshine," Shawn said as I took a seat on the swing. "I have something for you." He looked straight ahead, refusing to make eye contact.

"You do?" Shawn had gotten me another gift?

"Yeah. It's ummm not much but..." He pulled a little book out of his bag, but it wasn't a regular one. It looked homemade. When I opened it I came face to face with pictures of me, of us, over the years. From my first day at school together, my mom must've taken them from my dance recitals and our Halloweens. On the very last page written in Shawn's handwriting "Happy 11th Birthday, Raven-Anniya!" And just underneath it, "Shawn P. Hunter & Cory Matthews"

"Thank you, Shawnie." I rested my hand on his shoulder. "You know my birthday was over a month ago, right?" I laughed.

He chuckled. "Yeah. But I wanted to wait for Cory to finish the book before I can give it to you." He rested his head on mine.

"So...social studies is going to be hard for you. If you need me to-" Shawn started but I stopped him.

"It's okay, Shawnie. Most of the kids in our class don't know any non-white people outside of school. You remember when Cory got his hair straightened?" Shawn nodded. "Well the girls he thought were making fun of him for his curly hair, were actually making fun of Dwayne Friedrick talking about why they wouldn't invite people like him to their stupid party. Making fun of his naturally curly hair because they could." I rolled my eyes, my mood suddenly sour.

"Those girls are just dumb then." Shawn put his hand on my head.

"But there are more people like them. People who will do more than not invite me to a party." I could see the confusion flash behind his eyes but I didn't want to tell him about it. He was still young. And this was nothing he'd have to experience but I don't want him to be as ignorant as the people I was talking about.

"You'd...you'd tell me if they..." He started but he stopped. I knew what he was talking about.

"Maybe." I answered honestly. He looked kinda hurt. "Sometimes Shawnie, you can't fix things. Not things like this."

"But I want to. I want to be able to help. For you." He rested his forehead against mine.

+=+=+=+=+

"Raven!" I heard Jazmyne call me from downstairs. I went down to see her trying to balance boxes worth of school supplies in her hand. "Little help, please?" I quickly grabbed the smaller boxes.

"What's all this stuff for?" I asked, noticing half the random stuff in the box.

"I'm doing a project with my friends Linda, Tamara and Eric." She answered before unloading the boxes up in her room. "It's a multicultural thing."

"Cool."

"Yeah, so if you need me for anything, just call the Matthews house. Especially if Mom has a work thing." She concluded before she started working on the assignment.

"Okay." I nodded before going to my room. My ballet class was canceled today but my teacher said we should practice our routine. The calming music contrasted with the sharp moments, I tried to correct my movements using my shadow but it's easier to have someone else tell you what you need to fix.

+=+=+=+=+

"Good morning, class. For the rest of the week I'm going to be your Social Studies teacher." Cory said the second I walked into the classroom. I froze in the doorway.

"Mr. Feeny? What's going on?" I asked, slowly took my seat beside Shawn and now diagonal from Mr. Feeny.

"Don't ask me. He's the man in charge." Mr. Feeny pointed to Cory and I groaned. This is going to suck!

"That's right, Raven, my friend. Me. I'm your new teacher, and my name is... Hey... Dude. That all right with you... George?" He wrote on the board.

"Mi clase es su clase." Mr. Feeny said, leaning back in the seat.

"And you guys know that rule about no baseball caps in class? History!" I watched as the boys in the class excitedly put their caps on. Topanga put her hand up, causing Cory to roll his eyes. "Yeah! Yeah, Topanga."

"If we're going to eliminate the cap rule can we also discard the dress code in its entirety?" I saw Cory's eyes widen fearfully.

"Why? You're not thinking about showing up... like, naked tomorrow, are you?" He asked her suspiciously.

"No. Although I find nothing shameful about nudity. I was thinking about wearing garments from cultures more in tune with the goddess. A sari, perhaps, or a pareo." She said assertively.

"Because nothing says cultural sensitivity like a white girl dressed in cultural garb she doesn't understand." I mumble to myself.

"Yeah, fine. As long as you're covered up."

"No, not fine! She can't just come to school dressed in someone's culture." I spoke up, staring at Cory only to realize the rest of the class had turned to stare at me.

"I just want to express my appreciation for their cultural beauty." She pouted but I didn't care.

"Do you even know the names of the goddesses you're planning on emulating? If you can't name them, say who they are and why they're prayed to, you shouldn't get to play dress up with something you don't understand." I slumped in my seat.

"People, people, people. Are we going to do our Social Studies work today?" Minkus called attention to himself.

"Minkus, Minkus, Minkus. Shut up." Shawn mocked.

"OK, guys, for homework tonight... read the first pages in Whatever that book was that George assigned us yesterday."

"The Diary of Anne Frank, you doofus." I muttered.

"But that was the assignment last night."

"Minkus! Not long ago, I was a student myself and I remember that sixth-graders don't always do their homework so this way, everyone gets a second chance."

"Excuse me, Mr Hey Dude, but I did my homework and I'm sure my Raven Beauty did too." Minkus bragged. That caused Cory to snap.

"Minkus, get a life. That's your homework assignment. Get a life." Cory exclaimed before the class erupted into complete chaos. I just sat back and continued reading Red Dragon.

It was sad that nobody was taking anything seriously.

+=+=+=+=+

We were sitting in class the next day, Cory was trying desperately to get Shawn and I to help him. I wasn't listening to it. "Look, you have to help me get the class back under control."

"Hey, you're the one who let it get out of control." I looked up from my book to Shawn. He was right.

"Well, you're the one playing poker with Feeny." Cory rebutted. I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe if you took this class seriously, the class wouldn't be out of control." I continued reading. I had finished Red Dragon, so I started Silence Of The Lambs.

"Lighten up, man. You're starting to sound like a teacher." Shawn said before continuing to shuffle the cards as the bell rang. Cory walked to the front of the class as Topanga, who came to school in a sari, started moving her desk out of the way.

"Topanga, what are you doing?" Cory asked.

"Moving my desk out of the way. I've decided I'd rather sit on a traditional yoga cushion." Topanga sat on her cushion as Minkus moved his desk out of the way.

"Oh, come on, Minkus, don't tell me you want to sit on a yogurt cushion!" Cory whined.

"No. You told me to get a life. Now I'm going to be as fun as the next guy." Minkus started bouncing on a ball.

Cory let out a defeated sigh. "OK. I know things got a little loose here yesterday but we've got a test day after tomorrow and it's time to get down to business. Let's start With the roll call." Cory started doing the attendance. "Archer, Raven-Anniya." I raised my hand.

"Lawrence, Topanga." The girl was sitting in the lotus position.

"I'm channeling. I will only answer the name..." she growled. Literally.

"OK. Present, but not all here. Hunter, Shawn." Cory continued and I'm just now realizing he's not doing it in alphabetical order. "Hunter, Shawn." Again, Shawn didn't do anything. Cory was waving his hand in front of his face.

"Out of my face. I'm stacking the deck." Shawn pushed him away.

"Hey. Where's Mr. Feeny? I mean, George." Cory asked, looking for our previous teacher.

"Hey, dude. Sorry I'm late. I was chillin' with my homies." Mr. Feeny walked in dressed in a Philly's jersey. He sat in Cory's seat facing Shawn as he picked up the cards. "I'm in." He said as he started playing. He looked around the class with a depressed look on his face.

"Minkus, this is Social Studies. Stop making those paper turkeys." He tossed the book onto Minkus' desk.

"They're flamingoes, and quit calling me Minkus. You call everyone else by their first name... so start calling me Stuart." Cory whined.

+=+=+=+=+

When the bell rang after school, I was shocked to see Jazmyne by my locker. Shawn smiled her way, waving as he walked me to her. "Hi Jazmyne." He said carrying my books as I opened my locker.

"Hey, Hunter. Sorry to have to steal your little bird today but Brianna said I've got to take her to the mall with my project partners." Shawn's smile fell for a second but he nodded.

"It's okay." Shawn rested his head on my shoulder, giving me a hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, Sunshine." He pinched my cheek before he turned to his locker.

I put my books in my bag and started walking behind Jazmyne towards her classmates. I knew Eric but I didn't know anything about Linda but she was a very pretty Asian girl. I sat in the back of the bus clutching my book as I read. When we got to the mall, we went from store to store, me still reading and being careful not to walk into anyone. Eric and Linda were a bit behind Jazmyne and I when someone walked into me and stepped on my book.

"Watch it, kid." The man said, pushing past me and hitting me with his bag. Jazmyne was helping me up off the dirty floor as Eric and Linda went to confront him.

"Hey man, she's just a kid!" Eric said, pushing the jerk.

"Yeah. You didn't have to push her." Linda said. The man rolled his eyes and started walking away but Jazmyne pulled him back.

"You need to apologize. You walked into her." She said, glaring at the older man.

"I don't need to do shit." He said pushing Jazmyne off of him. Linda stopped Jazz from falling over.

"Hey!" Linda said, loudly. The jerk took a step towards the two teenage girls and Eric stepped over them protectively.

"You need to back off." He said to the jerk.

The dude scoffed. "You need to back off. Take your chink and your niggers and get the hell out of here." He pushed Eric, which caused a domino effect with the three teenagers, making them all topple onto the floor.

Linda started tearing up, Jazmyne just got quiet and I sat there with tears in my eyes. It's not something I wasn't used to but it still hurt when it happened.

"Come on, Birdie. Let's get you out of here." Eric said taking me to the bus stop. We hopped on the bus, each of us sitting in silence. Eric took my hand as tears fell over torn pages of my book. He rested my head over his shoulder. We got off the bus and walked into the Matthews' house.

"Come on, let's go sit on the couch, all right?" Eric guided all of us to the couch and I finally broke. I was sitting on the chair sobbing. Jazmyne came up, holding my book out to me. I didn't even notice that I dropped it. I opened it and pages came falling out. I started crying more as the book fell from my hand.

"Eric?" Cory asked, looking around the room at all the sad or angry people.

"I've got it, Cor." Eric consoled a crying Linda. "Everything is going to be oK, all right?"

"Eric?" Cory looked over at me, pointing at my tear stained face.

"I'll talk to you later, Cor." Eric said in a more assertive tone.

"It's getting chilly out there." Amy came in.

"Linda! Linda! What's wrong with Linda?" Morgan rounded the corner and saw Linda crying. She looked over and saw me. "What happened to Raven?" She walked over and hugged my head.

"Some jerk at the mall called us some bad names." Jazmyne said. She was sad too, but her sadness was mixed with anger too.

"Where? Our mall?" Cory asked.

"What did he call you?" Morgan turned to Jazmyne.

"It's not important, Morgan." I spoke between choked sobs.

"In our mall right here?" Cory asked again. Morgan gave Linda and I tissues.

"Thanks, Morgan." When I got the tissue.

"A boy at daycare once called me poo-poo head." Morgan tried to console us.

"That's not very nice." I replied as she handed a tissue to Linda.

"Thanks, Morgan." Linda smiled graciously.

"Mom." Eric looked over at her, pleadingly.

"Come on, Morgan. Let's make some hot cocoa for everybody." Amy grabbed a hold of the young blond. Eric held my hand.

"Man, sometimes people can be total idiots." Eric looked at his brother, not accusingly but the venom behind his eyes was evident.

"This happened today?" Cory said, disbelieving. He looked at me but I looked away.

+=+=+=+=+

The next day, I walked into class with Shawn only to see Cory in a suit and tie.

"Hey, Mr. GQ. Nice neckwear." Shawn said jokingly. He's been joking around all morning. I know he knows something is wrong but I have been denying everything. I didn't want to burden him.

"Excellent Windsor knot. Did your mom tie it?" Minkus said as I slumped in my seat. I had no motivation to do anything today.

"Minkus... Stuart, I need your help. You're the smartest kid in class... maybe if you pay attention to me some of the other kids will."

"Why should I help you? You made fun of Mr. Feeny, and said he gets paid too much." Minkus crossed his arms defiantly.

"Look, Minkus, I'm only coming to you because Raven isn't doing well today." Cory glared but the bell rang before he could say more.

Mr. Feeny walked in and looked at Cory. "Hey, dude. Ooh, that suit. It's not cool."

"Class, I'd like to talk to you today about prejudice... and how it still exists in today's world." Mr.Feeny turned to Cory as he spoke. "I didn't even know that till last night when I saw some really smart, totally cool girls... crying their eyes out because some idiot at the mall... called them bad names. My lesson for today is that when people treat other people badly... because of their skin color or their religion or where they come from...then real smart, totally cool people... can really suffer." Cory passed my desk, dropping a note between my elbow and my head.

'I'm sorry for this. I just need to get to him' as well as a quote from the book. I looked over at him, as he nodded his head towards Shawn. I then realized that aside from Mr. Feeny, I was the only one really listening.

"Hey, George, this isn't gum. These are Rolaids." Shawn said, looking at our teacher.

"Deal me out of this one, Mr. Hunter." Mr. Feeny said, giving Cory more attention.

"What? Why?" Shawn asked.

"OK. You win. I'm a crummy teacher, and I resign. Hey, Shawn, before your mother got married... what was her name again?" Cory turned to the blue eyed boy.

"Cordini." He answered.

"Cordini. So, that would make you a wop, right?" Cory said, nonchalantly.

"CORY!?" I yelled. I didn't think he was going to do that.

"What did you call me?" Shawn looked up at Cory in shock. Shook his head, festering in his anger.

"You heard what I called you." Cory spoke clearly, before he looked at me and nodded.

"Whatever, man." Shawn rolled his eyes and started playing solitaire.

"I guess I understand why you don't care. You spend your day with a monkey and her family of crows. It's astonishing how smart she is though. I honestly expected Ebonics when we first met her."

I looked up at him in fake shock. Did he really think that? No. Before I left his house last night, he asked Jazmyne what kind of things people have said to her and her family. Cory didn't even know what Ebonics is this morning. He literally held up a paper and asked me what it was this morning. I expected him to say this. What I didn't expect was for Shawn to slam him into the door.

"What did you just call her?" Shawn practically snarled, slamming Cory into the door. Nobody said anything.

"Do I need to say it again?" Cory quipped, sarcastically. He seemed unphased when Shawn slammed him to the door again.

"Say it again, I'll kill you!" Shawn screamed.

"Mr. Hunter!" Mr. Feeny intervened.

"Did you hear what he called her?" Shawn looked guffawed.

"Yes I did. And I heard what he called you. What are you going to do about it?"

"He's the teacher." Shawn looked at Mr. Feeny confusion.

"What are you going to do about it?" The older man asked. It seemed to trigger Shawn.

"I'm gonna knock his head off!" Shawn pushed Cory.

"What if you couldn't? What if you couldn't do anything about it?" Cory exclaimed, pushing Shawn back.

"What?" Shawn buffered.

"What if you lived in a country where I could kill you just because of your mom's last name?" Cory spoke loudly for the class.

"Cory, what are you talking about?" Shawn asked.

"A -year-old girl is dead! Doesn't anybody care?" Cory faced the rest of the class.

"Cory..." I sat up slightly, trying to calm him down. He looked at me for a minute before holding the book over to Shawn.

"She was like Raven, Shawn. She was real smart and totally cool. She wrote this book. Her name Was Anne Frank." He pulled his Cory up. "They say she died of typhus but they killed her... because her name Was Anne Frank. Anne Frank was a victim of antisemitism." He said incorrectly but I was so proud, I didn't think I should say anything.

"Anti-Semitism." Mr. Feeny corrected.

"Thank you, Mr. Feeny. You have to read this book... and you have to pass this test... not because of me but because when someone calls someone else a bad name... it's not good that just that one person jumps up. We all have to jump up." Cory pointed at Shawn approvingly. Cory turned back to me. "Raven-Anniya?" He nodded to the book.

"In spite of everything... I still believe that people are really good at heart." I quoted.

+=+=+=+=+

On Monday after school, Shawn and I were sitting in the park when he pulled out his test. He looked really nervous when I unfolded it. He got a B. "You got a B!" I was beaming.

"Yeah, I really wanted to do well." He nodded sheepishly.

"And you don't want to do well on all your other stuff?" I asked, jokingly poking him but he grabbed my hand.

"I wanted to do well because this was important. When it's something important I want..." he stopped before he could finish. "I wanted you to be proud of me." He answered honestly.

"I am proud of you. You defended me when nobody else did. I'd be proud of you anyway." I hugged him. He chuckled.

"You spoke up first, Sunshine." Shawn flipped my hair over my face.

We stayed in the park for a few more hours. I had spent most it reading The Diary of Anne Frank again.

[legacyshenanigans]

I've been fairly busy since I woke up today, but now that i'm settled I've got another one of my lucid dreams which I had today. To (mildly) entertain you all with 🤣

Just incase anyone doesn't know what Lucid dreaming means, it means KNOWING you're dreaming which happens to me pretty regularly. Weirdly sometimes I can control the whole dream, but sometimes I can't, like this one, things have to play out as they are, but I'm just fully aware it's a dream and can control myself but not my surroundings. Also, usually, to wake myself up from these dreams, I tend to just tell a person in my dream that I know I'm dreaming, some crazy, creepy shit will happen, then I wake up. Anyway, onto the dream haha.

So, I was at an airport with my partners parents and his sister, and weirdly, my partner wasn't there. We sat at an airport bar, and his sister hands me a 5-pound note and says, "Can you go and buy me a can of sweetcorn?" I said yeah and took the money and wandered off. The airport was massive and there was plenty of shops, but I thought to myself "Where the fuck am I gonna get a can of sweetcorn? Do you they even sell cans of sweetcorn in airports?" So I was going in every shop, just looking around.

Then I came to an area that had a bunch of massage chairs in it, and saw my Nanna on one of them, and I thought "Oh cool, my Nannas in this dream" so I wandered over to her and said Hi, she asked me what I was doing there? And I told her "I can only assume I'm going on holiday with me being in an airport" then I asked her if she was going on holiday too, and she said "airport? We're at my house"

I turned around to look and I was indeed suddenly at my Nannas house, I turned back towards her and she was just sat at her dining room table, I then asked her if she had a can sweetcorn 🤣 and she looked at me like I was a weirdo, then I thought to myself "Oh wait a minute, this is a new dream segment, I don't need to worry about the fuckin sweetcorn anymore." But I felt in my pocket that I still had the money my fellas sister had given me, so I pulled it out and looked at it, and it turned from a 5 pound note to hundreds of pounds worth of notes. And my Nanna said, "That's a lot of money," and I was like "Yeah" and shoved it back into my pocket, and she said, "Give it to me?" So I was like,"Nah, this is mine, " and my Nanna casually whacked out a knife and threatened me, saying, "Give. Me. The money." So I was like "the fuck?" And ran out of her house and was in the local town, I saw a Morrisons (UK supermarket) and ran over to it and went inside.

There was NOBODY in there, it was just me, and I remember thinking "Where are all the people? Why is nobody in here?" Then I turned down an aisle, and saw my Nanna again at the other end, with the knife, and she yet again said "Give me that money!" And she started running towards me fast as fuck and I was like "Nanna what the fuck are you doing?!" So I started running away from her as she chased me around the supermarket, but everytime I looked back at her she was changing into something else. In the end I looked back and she'd turned into this REALLY tall, bald man, who kinda looked like Withers from BG3 🤣.

I kept running, but my feet were getting tired and I was out of breath, then I thought "I don't even need this fuckin money, I'm in a fuckin dream" so I turned around to this freaky bald man and I was like "Take it!!" And threw the money at him, but he just laughed and carried on chasing me. So I started running again, but got fuckin sick of it and thought to myself "I'm gonna have to put an end to this dream" so I turned and I did the thing that I knew usually woke up form these dreams, and I said to the dude "I know I'm dreaming right now, this ain't real" and he froze on the spot and didn't move again, but I didn't wake up! So I was like "For fuck sake." So I headed towards the exit to leave the supermarket and the doors were gone, then I was like "Great, I'm stuck in this dream, in an empty fuckin Morrisons" So I was wandering around and I went down the chilled goods aisle looking for this yogurt I really wanted and wondered if I'd be able to eat it in my dream 🤣 then a fucking HAND darted out of one of the fridges and grabbed me and I was like "The fuck?!" I turned to look and it was my Nanna again, but normal and herself, and she said "Come into the fridge and you'll wake up" and I remember thinking "Anything to get out of this fucking dream" so I entered the fridge which turned into a long, dark, cold hallway, I was freezing and turned to look at where my Nanna was, but she was gone, and so was the door to the fridge, I was just in the middle of a dark, cold everlasting hallway, and I said, "Nan?"

....Nothing....

So I shouted really loudly and angrily

"Nanna?! Where you at?!"

And I woke up.

So there you go, another weird ass dream from me. 🤣🤣🤣

[tsutkomi]

𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘶𝘦: 𝘐𝘵 𝘏𝘢𝘴 𝘉𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘯

Hello! This is a x reader/OC with the sorcerer Shang Tsung taking place after MK1. This story contains explicit content, words, brief mentions of suic!de/r@pe and gore. This story is recommended of 18+ but we all should know that since this is the legendary Mortal Kombat.

I do not own any of Mortal Kombat content, just this story and the made original characters inside of it.

Warning: Child/Abu$e, Violence, Animal/Abu$e! Death.

"The tiger that has once tasted blood is never sated with the taste of it."

The dry sands subtly fill the air as chats and laughter sound. Banners of Sun Do surround a half decent area. Merchants sounding their product to the people walking by. Goods, teas, potions, meat, swimming in their hand as their last hope to make a fortune to be freed from this wasteland of Outworld backwaters. Starved families lay on the blazing sand, holding empty jars for walking by citizens. Their hands were swatted away. Their last hope was shattered.

Criminals hiding beneath the shadows watching for guards of Sun Do so they won't be shackled as they thief and steal their way out Outworld.

A small boy walks with a dirtied dog as he feeds him carrots. His small fingers fiddle with a small pendant around his neck. Attention on the jewelry, he suddenly trips over a foot. Stumbling upward, the small boy bows muttering a apology before the foot that tripped him moves and kicks him down.

The young lad coughs in pain holding his chest and he coughs away dust. The dog barks and two other men grabs and holds it by the gruff. The boy hurriedly shoved the pendant in his shirt before hesitantly looking up at the brutal stranger.

"Ya got a habit of walking around here with that mutt. Giving me staring looks. Now ya wanna kick my feet?" says a man with obvious scars on his face, and a covered eye. He grips the boy before snatching a grey pouch of koins from the boys satchel .

" Jaka, I didn't know it was you! I'm sorry! I wasn't staring—"

The poor speech was interrupted by another kick to his arm. The man smiles in victory as his other foot places over the child's head. "Then ya lie to me huh? Maybe in another time, ya outta think about that when ya arrive to the pearly gates." Suddenly the man groaned as he was pushed over by a shoulder of a old man. His foot released the boy and he stomped on the ground in anger.

"What the hell?! Ya got a problem, asshole?"

The old man in the hood bowed his head and raised his hands without a word before retreating to the opposite direction. Jaka then looked at his other mates before nodding his head towards the walking old man. The two men started following him before Jaka returns to hit the boy again this time on the shoulder with his fist. "You already know what to do. Got more on ya? " The boy looked up in shocked and puts his hands together in plead.

"Please sir...I don't have any money to spare, my mother is ill—I only have carrots to feed myself and Vatu. You have my gold..Please, for the love of Delia..have mercy!"

Jaka rolled his eyes at the boy and looked back at his mates with the dog who was then pinned on the ground with a knife towards its belly. "Well, if you ain't got anything, I guess we'll have to take your dog since ya can't care for em anymore." The child widen his eyes in fear before scrambled closer in panic. With a cry, the boy raised one hand up in halt.

"NO! PLEASE WAIT!" With tears and blood running down his face, he rambles in his pockets slowly before pulling out a jade pendant. It was ridden with the finest white gold as a hem around a beautiful green jade. It had engravings. A unfamiliar symbol engraved in the gem as it shone brightly. Jaka eyes widen and glances back at the remaining men before snatching it from the boy.

"You've been holding out on me boy! This here is worth loads of money! Such history needs to be sold."

He signals the men and they push the dog towards the child who immediately holds Vatu close. "This here will make me finally leave this wrecked place and get to the top dogs of Sun Do!" he speaks with a raspy laugh.

The boy spoke no words, just holding close what he thought had left of his life. With a final kick, the boy groaned, shutting his eyes tightly—taking in the pain. "And that's for lying to me twice. Pack it up boys, we goin huntin." With that the rugged men left the boy alone with staring eyes of guilt. His tears dried and heart broken—the villagers had done nothing but come to his aid after the fear of man had left.

Jaka and his men walked the shattered road. He smiles with pride and holds the pendant towards the dark sky. "All we need now is a ship. We will be freed at last. Pay off some of the guards with some of that gold I took from the brat. Then boom, a new beginning for the Riot." He says with a smirk and dry laugh before patting his coat. The feeling of emptiness in his pocket made him turn from the crew to his dirtied coat. His face was quickly replaced with irritation and confusion as he patted and searched away at his clothes. His henchman then watch as his head slowly rise up and turn to them with a furious look.

"That son of a bitch mugged me! Where's Harpu and Kain? That old man has my shit! Find him! I want his head now!"

With that, then men split up into groups. They searched every crevice of every alley that could possibly be the hiding place from the old man's cessation. Jaka lurked around, listening for any sign of a dying life or anything of his men. The sweat on his forehead spoke numerous thoughts of what he'd do to the thief that dared take from him. His future will not falter. He will kill anyone that stood in his way.

It was as if the Gods heard his thoughts as he squinted at a familiar face of the old man. He was lurking around the corner before retreating. Jaka growls before running full fledge to him. "Ya son of a bitch, you're mine!!" Groaning as he split to the corner, he paused in his tracks while facing a dead end.

"What...?" Looking around the alley way, the atmosphere suddenly glowed green and the once was a night sky, turned into a dark rainy one. He was surround by trees suddenly as the Outworld Marketplace was transformed into a jungle like area. Crickets sound the area and the smell of dirt and rain filled Jaka's nose. Doing a slow 360 turn, his eyes finally land to what looks like a fiery like portal to where he once was . He couldn't believe his eyes. After slowing blinking and leaning closer. No. His eyes wasn't playing tricks on him. The portal was clear, and the difference of people and lanterns, including the figure of the boy he'd ignorantly beaten to death was walking with a bunch of strangers to what seem to be a doctor.

The Outworld Marketplace.

His heart began beating fast and he ran his fingers through the tresses of his hair. "What the devil is..." A sound of a twig snapped his confusion to alert. He perked up and squinted in the dark forest, unsheathing his small dagger from his coat. He searched around the area he was suddenly in.

The island was free of another living creature. It felt abandoned and lifeless. Vacant. However, it felt like millions of eyes were watching his every step. The untamed forests had crushed skulls, cobwebs, and giant bugs that brought some company. He was intrigued when he heard more twigs snap. Edging closer as he gripped his weapon tightly. He finally had the courage to speak. "Who the hell is there huh?!" The subtle crack in his voice gave away his fear and the shaking of his body gave away his weakness.

His curiosity however...is what ultimately closed his life sentence. That during his frightening investigation did he not realize the portal behind him had shut completely.

Walking into the dark abyss of the forest, he gripped her weapon higher to chin-level. He stealthily moved about, ignoring the beating of his panicking heart. Sweat ran down his cheek, and his eyes were wide. "Come on out! I know you're here!" He was listening for more twigs or breathing. However, only his breathing and the sound of crickets were heard. Jaka tried to ignore his senses telling him to turn back now just from the fact he walked through a portal. It was too dark. Oddly enough, the forest not only reeked with rain, but with iron. He can only imagine that it could be blood. Just as he reconsidered, another sound came but much closer. He immediately dipped and squatted walking through the bushes. His eyes caught movement and bent over. Licking his lips, Jaka raises the blade high over his head ready to dive it into the unknown thing in front of him. However, he was shocked to find that it jumped and flew away. A bird. Jaka breathes out a sigh in relief and irritation.

"Filthy fucking animal.."

His eyes unconsciously followed the bird. He scoffed before looking on the ground not too far from where the bird flew to. His stomach immediately sunk at the sight of a laid out body. He blinked slowly and looked again—his eyes were not deceiving him in the darkness.

His body moved on its own to walk towards it. As he got closer, his sight roamed the ground and made out what appeared to be another body laid not too far away. Staring, Jaka had reached into his coat pocket and slowly flicked on a silver lighter. He hesitantly hovered the lighter over the body slowly from abdomen to neck.

A stab wound was on its abdomen, further up another one in the ribs. It appeared to be dried. He groaned in disgust, and slowly went up its neck.

He paused seeing the same symbol that was on his coat. He held his breath, and clutched the grass beneath him harder. He hesitated to finally light the way towards who he assumed was one of his crew...

"FUCK!"

He jumps back after meeting face to face with a dehydrated, sunken corpse of his partner. Kain. His eyes were sunken empty, he lacked any features. He was just bone with so little skin here and there. His hair was barely there, and he reeked of death.

Bile rose up in Jaka's throat which he quickly swallowed. "By the Elder Gods..what happened to you, mate?.." he murmured rising from his feet.

He moved the lighter towards the other body, and it was in the same position as his other deceased friend. It had a bandana worn that spelled out its name in Outworld scripture—Harpu. Jaka couldn't take anymore, and dropped his lighter. The lighter immediately lit up on Kain's clothes. Cursing quietly, he threw Kain's vest across some wood and it brightened the forest.

The rest of his crew were scattered all over the place. Deceased and swiped of their life.

All Jaka could do was stare in fear and back away from the horrid scene of his friends. It was as if time stopped. Only the sound of crackling fire and crickets were heard. Jaka felt as if it was a dream. How could his friends all be killed in such short amount of time? Their bodies were decayed as if they were here laying dead for decades. "I got to get the fuck out of here."

Suddenly, the crickets stopped their stridulation chirping. Jaka looked around and gripped Kains bag, wrapping it over around him and slowly turned to head for where he came from. "Ya..Fuck this--argh!"

His sentence came to halt by a hand stopping him dead in his tracks. The hand was gripping his neck tightly and rising him slowly. His toes left the ground and his hands desperately grabbed the arm of the stranger. Jaka chokes and drools from the force before his eyes glanced down at the perpetrator. He widen his eyes at the gaze at pupils that represented dark pools. His eyes were cold and calculated. The stranger rose his head to look into the eyes of Jaka. Jaka despite being choked, he could make out that the man was young, his hair was in a half ponytail, he wore a black cloak which seemed to have a hood. Jaka's eyes followed the strangers arms to the hand that was choking him. Tekko-Kagi Claws. "Y-you're.."

The stranger held him higher as he walked them closer to the fire. The look of irritation and disgust was written on his face. As if he was disgusted at the sight of the pitiful creature held by his hand.

"You're Shang Tsung!"

He squinted his eyes and gripped Jaka tighter with a smug smirk. "Of course I am. Who else would pose such a threat?" Jaka began to panic and choked out sentences as he slightly lost color.

"Please! Have mercy! I'll do a-anything you want! I won't tell anyone! N-Not a single soul! Please let me go!" Shang Tsung laughed and tilted his head slowly. It was a laugh that caused absolute terror within Jaka's body. He knew about this man. Word of Sun Do spread throughout the lands. From the beginning where he was healing Empress Mileena of Tarkat to the vile experiments beneath his laboratory. Jaka could only think of how he would be next.

"What a pitiful performance. You're worse than the child that you maltreated. I don't care for your pathetic ruse. What I want is where I can find the owner of..this."

With the hiss of the last word, Shang Tsung ripped the jade pendant off of Jaka's bruising neck with his other free hand and held it to his sight. "They all say regardless of you being a delinquent—you were educated in history. From the present time to the past, such as the Warrior Kings. This scripture on this pendant is a symbol of their existence. Where. Are. They?" He loosens his grips slightly enough to let the choking man speak.

"T-that's not a symbol of their existence!"

Shang Tsung grew agitated fast and squeezed harder quickly before releasing again. "You play me for some fool?" He spoke with a subtle growl.

"N-no! I swear! The pendant was given for protection! Only the Gods of Warrior Kings can give it to mortals!" Shang Tsung raised one eyebrows slightly before pulling Jaka closer. A symbol of protection? Gods? Why would a mere child be given the protection of a God? "Explain."

Jaka swallowed hard before shutting his eyes in thought. "T-they used to give these pendants to people of certain clans! S-Sometimes if they encountered their arch nemesis I think! They're of the richest gold and jade! The Warrior Kings were even gifted a sword for helping the Four Symbols!"

"The Four Symbols? Those are a Chinese myth." Shang spoke with boredom. He felt as if he was being played.

"N-no they are real! But, t-they all died, except one! The jade is the indication of who gave it! Look inside! There should be a tiger!" Shang Tsung slowly was snapped out of his boredom before squinting and looking into the Jade gem. He thought he was imagining things before a golden craving appeared in shape of a tiger. Glancing slowly at Jaka, he then grips the pendant sliding it into his robe. "It would seem."

"That's the symbol of the White Tiger of the West! They are the only one left..the rest were never heard from again, so everyone assumed they were dead!"

After what felt like hours of staring, Shang Tsung released the tightening grip on Jaka's throat, letting him gasp for air before dropping him harshly. He placed his hands behind his back, turning away from the desperate man clinging to life. "The White Tiger of the West...Surely..if they given these powers to the Warrior Kings then..they must have the capability to open my Well of Souls. You will tell me who they are, and where might I find them." Jaka choked out blood and wiped his mouth , rubbing the bruises on his throat softly. "Their name is Jin Jiang. On a island..no mortal can see it with the naked eye. But you have the pendant, so you should see it..It's on the West side of the world..in between Earthrealm and Outworld. Whoever stepped on it never came back though..so survival is unsure."

Shang Tsung scoffed and played with his magic before closing his hand in a fist. "Watch your tongue fool. You would have died, but I am a powerful sorcerer. With this pendant and my sorcery, I shall get what I desire. However, I can only assume that they are not weak. With a little charm and manipulation..I should get what I need from them."

Silence was between the two. Jaka had sweat roll down his cheeks, and he kept glancing at the sorcerers back. 'I could book it. Should I book it?' He scanned the area slowly before looking once again at the sorcerer's back. He slowly move to crawl away before a spike shot through the ground into his hand. "ARGHHHHHH! GRRRAHH!" Jaka screamed and whimpered as three more shot from the ground piercing through his thigh, abdomen, and hand. He cried as Shang Tsung walked slowly to his bleeding form.

"You really thought I was through with you? After you heard my entire plan and what I'm after? After you had seen my face to get a quick bounty from me? With your gossiping like a little woman?" He smugly smirk as he stood over Jaka's bleeding form. The one eyed man could barely look up at the sorcerer while wincing and crying in pain—listening to him chuckle.

"No...You're sorely mistaken."

Jaka suddenly began gasping for air as a green aura glowed brightly around him. Blood was flowing like water into green, flying into Shang Tsung's hands. His skin slowly turned grey and muscles began to rip from his very bones as he desperately tried to reach for nothingness.

"Your soul is mine."

His body then dropped and his bones broke on impact.

Shang took in a breath and smiled in pride. Placing one hand behind his back , he used the other to unclip the cloak before tossing it on the ground. He wore his usual yellow and brown attire, with the red sash. He walked away from the scene, and waved his hand before he appeared at a large old temple. The area looked similar to his laboratory. It was in progress but had the time and effort. Smugly, he walked to a open area that had a already created portal. "A being...with better power than that of Kenshi Takahashi..To open my Well of Souls."

He waved his hands again, whispering a chant as lights and machines began to work slowly. A library which was freshly cleaned was lit. "In the west...by the name Jin Jiang." He put his hands being his back as the portal then showed a small island with autumn trees, with a large temple that seemed to glowed a whitish yellow. He smirked to himself as he walked toward taking a long look at the island.

"The White Tiger of the West. Oh, how I will see you soon. Sooner than you think."

[leffee]

More lps generated incorrect quotes except this time I decided not to put them as screenshots but simply copy them like that because they're easier to read this way (stealing lps-incorrect-quotes' job :O):

Vinnie: Why does Sunil always do the laundry so loudly?

Russell: So everyone knows that no one helps him out in the house.

Sunil, in the distance: * slams the washing machine shut*

Vinnie: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY-

Russell: Awwww, you're so adorable! Give me a hug~

Vinnie: Wh- What? NO, YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH-

Sunil, recording: This is so cute.

Vinnie, negotiating with Sunil

Sunil: We have Russell. Give us ten thousand dollars and he will be returned to you unharmed

Russell: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I'm only worth ten thousand dollars?

Vinnie:

Russell: MAKE IT ONE MILLION-

Vinnie: Russell STOP

Vinnie: If you had to choose between Sunil and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Russell: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

Sunil: Russell!

Vinnie: 63 cents.

Russell: I'll take the money.

Sunil: Russell!!!

Sunil: What time is it?

Vinnie: I don't know; pass me that saxophone and we'll find out

Vinnie: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Russell: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Vinnie: It's 2 am

Sunil: Yo dumbass, get over here.

Russell: Okay.

Vinnie: * gleefully runs past* I'm coming!

Russell, sadly: I thought...I was dumbass...

Sunil: Vinnie, I am questioning your sanity...

Russell: I never questioned it, I knew his sanity was missing from the start.

Sunil: Well, remember when Russell made a romantic dinner for me?

Vinnie: Sunil, he microwaved you a pizza.

Sunil: You bought a taco?

Vinnie: Yes.

Sunil: From the same truck that hit Russell?!

Vinnie, with a mouthful of taco: Well, me starving ain't gonna help him.

Sunil, driving Vinnie and Russell: So how was your day?

Vinnie: We almost got surprise adopted!

Sunil: What?

Russell: We almost got kidnapped.

Sunil: Oh, okay.

Sunil: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

Sunil: Hey, did you know as a kid I accidentally ate paper?

Russell: I feel like we've all done that at least once.

Vinnie: I ate it too-

Russell: See?

Vinnie:-On purpose...

Sunil & Russell: ...What?

Vinnie: Sunil is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?

Zoe: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Pepper: Tackle them!

Russell: Dump them.

Penny: Kick them in the shin!

Sunil: No to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!!

Vinnie: *dies*

Pepper: Timer starts now! When is he coming back? I say two months!

Sunil: Bullshit. One month.

Zoe: Nah, half a month.

Russell, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? A PERSON JUST DIED!

Penny, scratching chin in thought: One week.

Vinnie, rubbing his temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette.

Pepper: But Vinnie, we don't smoke.

Vinnie: Cut the crap, Pepper. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

Vinnie: *points at Penny* One! *points at Sunil* Two! *points at Russell* Three! *points at Zoe* Four! *points at Pepper* Five!

Vinnie: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers!

Zoe: *puts a cigarrette in Vinnie's hand*

Vinnie: Thank you. ...Light?

The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

Vinnie: You know, when Pepper comes over, Zoe can get a little…

Sunil: Psycho?

Russell: Scary?

Penny: Drunk?

Vinnie: All three.

Vinnie: Fine! Judge all you want but...

Vinnie, points at Penny: Married a lesbian.

Vinnie, points at Zoe: Left a man at the altar.

Vinnie, points at Sunil: Fell in love with a gay ice dancer.

Vinnie, points at Russell: Threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire.

Vinnie, points at Pepper: Lives in a box!

Since I copied them in text I thought that I could just change names manually if they didn't fit, but then I left them the way they were generated because I decided that it was funnier like that :D

[bennie-jerry]

Black Cat is NOT better than MJ - An Insomniac Rant

Listen, I'll definitely make a post about how crappy a love interest Insomniac's version of MJ is for Peter Parker (and when made, I'll link it in THIS post). But there ain't no way in dog drool I am EVER going to say that Black Cat is better love interest for him. If anything, a part of me would like to argue she's a bit worse.

"Oh, I only like her/ship them as a joke---" Congratulations, you can leave the post because I'm not talking about you :)

Maybe I'm off my rocker, what about this DC Catwoman copycat screams wifey-material to you guys? Felicia has manipulated, lied to, and used Peter for her own advantage time after time with seemingly no remorse. And even if she supposedly did for one millisecond, she sure as heck doesn't atone for it. And even when she apologized for tricking him into helping her, it sure sounded un-genuine.

Whether she truly had a son or not (though considering Felicia's history of being a pathological liar, I wouldn't put it past her), she used that narrative to trick Peter into a sense of false security, only to then trap him in a room after she got what she wanted.

And let's say that Felicia having a son WAS true. Guess what? THAT'S EVEN WORSE!

Because NOW instead of it just being a slimy scheme to get him vulnerable, she's lying to him by omission. Regardless of what her so-called intentions could be, she's still manipulating him which is an absolute no-bueno for ANY type of relationship (romantic or not).

You guys seriously need to stop glossing over how flawed these characters are just because you're attracted to them.

Y'all will complain up and down about how Peter's constantly broke but then want him to hook up with a chick that'd just steal his money without a blink? Make it make sense.

Once again, MJ is DEFINITELY not a good girlfriend for him either, but are we really going to pick a literal criminal as a love interest JUST because she's pretty?

“Oh, but Felicia has a similar lifestyle to Spider-Man!” Uh…no the freak she does NOT.

Spider-Man fights crime. Felicia COMMITS crimes.

Do they have chemistry? Yes, way more than an actual chemistry lab. But Felicia would absolutely NOT be a good long-term partner for Peter—he deserves way better than her.

At this point, if Peter having a love interest MUST (utterly MUST) be a prerequisite, I'd genuinely prefer he at least (at the freaking LEAST) get with Sable or Watanabe (before she became Wraith, that is—don’t even get me started on that mess) because at least those two try to have SOME (not good but some) sense of decent morality (not that I even THINK they'd be the best choices, they're just the least toxic ones I could think of since apparently all of the OTHER love interests for Peter in this universe just flipping SUCK).

“Oh but look at her, she's bad–”

You don't need to project the fact you're a masochist on everyone else.

If you're the kinda person who likes being manipulated and taken advantage of by people you find hot, that's your problem you need to get fixed in therapy.

But here's what annoys me the most about this whole thing: I know for a FACT that if MJ was the more attractive one and that FELICIA was mid-looking, you guys would then be SCREAMING for her to be with Peter instead of Felicia.

Really think about it. Without Felicia's looks, what kind of person is she? Is she really someone worth being with? Don't worry, I have the answer: NO-

Felicia is in NO way a better love interest for Peter and I'm tired of people acting like she is just because she looks like an Instagram cosplayer.

“Felicia's always been this way in the comics and stuff—”

As if that makes it any better. If anything, all that's doing is giving me MORE proof as to why she's not a good person for him WHATSOEVER.

If the genders were reversed, you'd all be grossed out by Felicia, let's not even lie. If Felicia was was a guy doing all of this to a female version of Peter, you'd all be calling him a creep and trying to cancel him on Twitter -_-

[wahbegan]

So many women my age are like "the idea of my life being defined by my relationship to a man is Hell, marriage is a trap and i don't wanna wake up one day and be like wow my whole life has been wasted and none of my dreams realized because i fell for a guy when i was 20" and that is completely understandable and i don't want to make light of it in any way with this comparison but

That's how i feel about careers, unfortunately. (Almost) every time i start a new job i have screaming nightmare visions of this just being the rest of my life, of my old boss who started as a bag loader at 18 at this plant nursery and was in his 40s, single, miserable, friendless, eating microwave dinners, STILL NOT MAKING GOOD MONEY....but now he was a STORE MANAGER oooohhh. That is one of my worst fears.

It fucking sucks that this is the way i'm wired cause the world is not fucking built to accommodate my kind of person unless they are extremely rich or extremely exceptionable, neither of which i am, but none of my dreams or goals in life are related to any career. I don't dream of climbing the ladder, i don't dream of making more and more money, i don't give a fuck about being accomplished in any field. The world has so much to do and see and experience and so many people to meet and places to go, and the idea of marrying my life to like "Oh, this is Red, born 1993, worked as an X until he died" is nightmare Hell world to me.

So yeah, it's not necessarily that i don't want to work, i don't want a career. I don't want to commit to work like that. I don't want my life defined by it. Which is such an...i ain't gonna say immature, because i think it's a very normal human impulse, and the "maturity" comes in just the surrender to "that's just the way it is" and living life around it. I can't seem to get that part down which yeah, maybe that's immature.

But i see my old co-worker who justs works part-time at a rehab as a passion project, which is what i loved doing, and can just go on fucking vacations all the time and do whatever the fuck she wants because she managed to meet a stupid rich poker player at Trader fucking Joe's and marry him is...i know the world's not fair. I know the world doesn't owe me anything.

But the counterpoint to that is, then why should i bother? If society isn't a machine you put time and worth and effort into until success and happiness comes out, and it's not, why bother with it at all? Idk i'm just rambling

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Wow. Jesus.

I remember when I could just watch the Daily Show and chuckle. Are you old enough to remember consuming political media uncritically? (You hypothetical people who will never see this or interact meaningfully with it because that's not how this place works?) Given a few basic boundaries that went uncrossed, I could assume I was laughing and clapping for basically decent people who meant well and made some human mistakes.

I can't do that anymore.

Even with Jon Stewart's stellar delivery, I can't follow a team of writers who ask me to buy "the justice system determines the truth..." (even the first part of that thesis is: Wha? Buh?) "...better than the media." I WILL GRANT YOU THE MEDIA ARE TERRIBLE AT DETERMINING THE TRUTH! But the Daily Show isn't exempt from that because it's funny. Look! Donald Trump finally got convicted for a thing! We found the truth! It works!

OK, did we find the truth all those other times he got off with his money and lawyers and media friends? Oh, we didn't, huh? Are we secure that Bill Clinton is a free man because he's never done anything worth putting him away for, not even on the Lolita Express? How 'bout that time he "didn't inhale"? That's enough to put a poor minority away, but not a rich, white politician.

It works? Sometimes it works. Like the media. Ya know what people do with a source that coughs up the truth only sometimes? They don't fuckin trust it. And they don't suggest other untrustworthy sources could be improved by coughing up the truth only sometimes - but in a different way!

You remember having battery-operated toys that didn't charge up? You needed to change the batteries, remember that? They'd stop working, and sometimes you could turn them off and on again, and get a little twitch and a chirp. That twitch-and-chirp didn't mean the batteries were OK now. It didn't mean the toy was gonna work next time, or ever again. The US system of justice isn't working just because you got one verdict you like. That's a fuckin insult to everyone we've incarcerated or killed based on lies.

If the premise is flawed and contrary to reality, people should be laughing at that. I can get behind Colbert Report style, straight-faced delivery of absurd lines, but that's not what's going on here. "The media should get at the truth like the courts" is an occasion for "Woo! Yeah!"

But that's not very significant. The media isn't going to litigate the truth with lawyers and judges and fines for violators. It would be a lateral move it if did. What's a little more pressing to me is REPUDIATING A COWARD'S ASYLUM BAN THAT RELIES ON UNATTAINABLE STANDARDS FOR AN EXCUSE TO VIOLATE INTERNATIONAL LAW.

Hence, the second segment, wherein the punchline is NOT the idea that if I'm not willing to let that slide, I need a "reality check." I don't even think I'm supposed to find "immigrants need to come here the right way" from the mouth of an immigrant (who would've once been subjected to the goddamn Chinese Exclusion Act) as particularly funny, hence the gags about being smuggled into the country and passing as Jackie Chan. I see immigrants trying to pull up the ladder all the damn time, folks. That's not absurd enough on its own. I need better delivery of the line if I'm supposed to read it as satire. So does everyone else, 'cause they ain't laughin much.

The idea that we need to let Biden violate (keep violating, if we're being fair) international law because an "insecure border" is unpopular isn't getting a lot of yuks either. The audience and the writers are sharing a brain worm, or willing to pretend for the cameras, and that premise zips by without protest. Even the fucking centrist apologist AP figured out this is a blatant political manoeuvre that ain't gonna "secure" shit. Nor will it convince conservatives that Biden is a tough, white nationalist daddy who deserves their votes. You could've made some darkly hilarious jokes about that.

I fled up here because my country of origin started stealing children. I helped elect Biden because I bought that he'd cut that shit out. He didn't. It's slower and subtler, but he didn't stop. And here's some more shit.

There is no excuse for genocide, that, alone, is enough. The silence, complicity, and willingness to stampede rightwards if the Democrats say that's the only way to win is just a cherry on top. But I don't like that either. It's not like the genocide is so distracting I no longer notice the original issues that caused me to GTFO. If the only way to "save Democracy" is to keep Democrats in power no matter what they do, that's not democracy. If they can't lose elections, there are no longer any nonviolent consequences for the voters to apply. If you're gonna Vote Blue No Matter What, start filling up Molotovs now. Otherwise, define a line and decide what crosses it, and stick to that. I've hit my limit. If it goes on like this, you will eventually hit yours too.