#I'm so tired yet so aLIVE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

naamahdarling · 2 months ago

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Augh

#fancy is really struggling #and the babies are lovely and just FASCINATING in how they developed around but not shaped by humans and i so very deeply enjoy them #but they are also a little ungovernable due to their age and general lack of caring about rules and they are bothersome and rowdy #and it is obviously so so hard on her and my heart is breaking because im afraid we wont be able to get her through this #and i will have to give the babies up #and...not have another cat #just one #i would be crushed #and added to all of that is that the babies are taking their time learning to be pets and that is fine and wonderful actually #but...i need surgery on at least one ankle and i won't be able to keep up with them if things haven't sorted themselves out by then #and they haven't become more manageable and fancy hasn't adjusted #so we are asking about meds for poor fancy and hoping that works #but she's really having a hard time guys and i am fighting so hard to cope in a household where i spend most of my time alone #with two animals who don't love me yet or interact with me like pets (i'm a source of three things: food and snuggles on demand and NO STOP #and one who is sad and not herself #and frankly it's terrible that i can't fix this #and i am trying not to lose my shit but this wasn't supposed to be so hard #and im afraid i may lose five cats and not three #and im already barely holding on #i don't know what to do and neither does my boyfriend #i don't want to turn around and have to tell you guys we can't keep the babies #i feel like i am failing at something i am supposed to be GOOD AT #i don't want to be in a house so empty #i can't live like that #having the babies is lovely #they're so alive and the boys were so sick by the end and the stress of the constant anxiety and grief as they faded away was crushing #even before they died #it's been so good to have them running about #i don't want to LOSE that #im so tired of LOSING things

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sleepykittties · 7 months ago

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tag game

Tagged by @mercurymiscellany, thank you!!!

⟡ rules: answer + tag 9 people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with!

⟡ favourite colour: Generally mid-to-light shades of blue, not super bright or dark though

⟡ last song: Bad for Me- Landon Austin

⟡ last movie: Uhhh... I'm genuinely not sure. I think I watched the new Mario movie with a friend a couple months ago? I struggle to get myself to watch things recently, I've been intending to watch Puss in Boots: The Last Wish for literal months and just executive dysfunction says no that's too hard.

⟡ currently reading: Nothing but fanfiction. Reading physical things with new characters is challenging because brain won't let me focus and none of the series I follow has put out a new book recently.

⟡ currently watching: Mostly reaction stuff on youtube, it's fairly entertaining, mindless, and let's me not think which is all I want at this point.

⟡ currently craving: The energy to do anything. Mostly to redo my resume so I can find a new job and hopefully recover from burnout enough to actually have a life. I am suffering but don't have the energy to do anything about it and thus continue.

⟡ tea or coffee? Coffee, I don't like tea, it tastes like hot perfume water, and the past year or so caffeine is how I force myself through the workday

Tag: @prince-liest @ectochoir @vypridae @themackenziemachine @showyoumyfavoriteobsession if you guys feel like it, or whoever else wants to! please feel free to consider yourself tagged

#Squishy speaks #I'm still alive but barely breathing #I'm getting out of this industry I've been saying for 5+ months and yet have still done nothing to do so #And one coworker is leaving to have a baby in the next few weeks so now I feel guilty about leaving which makes me not do anything more #But I also can't keep doing this #I just want to be able to live and have energy to do things I like outside work instead of dying on the couch until I have to go back #I'm turning 30 next month I'm so tired

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lucyvaleheart · 6 months ago

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#whew. this sucks #i.... hhh #well. im... sad.#and scared. and painful. and lonely.#just really running the whole gambit of shit right now.#and fuck I'm just so tired.#so so so so so tired.#everything keeps happening. Just. Over and over and over and over #i cannot get a break #i don't feel like I've truly rested in months #im out of my program now. and....#......i dunno. maybe my memory just fucking sucks. but i feel like im worse #i feel like i didn't even go.#three weeks of memory. down the drain.#like it didn't exist.#i cried a lot. I know that. Breakdowns constantly.#it's all gone though. I don't remember it #........gods you have no clue how.....petrifying that is.#........am i even alive?#Did i kill myself weeks ago and i just don't know it yet?#i feel so alone #im so tired.#....I'm so tired......#.............please let me rest...... im so so tired........#........when can i stop...?

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nervocat · 24 days ago

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Throws this at you and then disappears again

#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#I'M ALIVE GUYS DW I'VE JUST UH BEEN LURKING #I've been rlly overwhelmed lately noise is rlly stressing me out and stuff :((#doing this all in my last hr helped me calm down a bit tho :33 #any and all interaction is tiring and overwhelming tho so ermmm I'm gonna try to do all of the twst event tonight #(has not done one but of it yet)#and uhh idk when everything stops being overwhelming tiring and making me want to throw up my insides I'll be back #I'll probably yap more abt him on my oc blog when I can I didn't even write down most of his lore and it's forever changing!!!! egh

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dragonji · 2 months ago

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have to be honest guys its actually going Really Badly again.

#j.txt #vent #barest thread holding me back right now and I dont even know what to do to fix it besides trying to repress it as deep as possible #I'm just. so overwhelmed and tired and frantic all the time. Work is giving me authority positions I didnt ask for and am not paid to do #my family is insane as always and I'm extra on edge around them bc I can just sense the impending fallout-#from when they realize Im taking hormones. Not that that is actually happening yet bc my insurance is fucking me over #the pharmacy keeps pushing back the date for getting my t (should have had it 3 weeks ago. did not happen.) and I might end up having to pa #nearly Two Hundred Dollars for i dont even know how much of a supply bc of the fucked insurance thing.#And I cant even talk to my therapist about any of this bc my old schedule wont work anymore but I cant get in touch with the office to #see what other openings they may have. and some of the weird nebulous resentment-inducing stuff with my old friends is coming back bc #I hung out with one of them recently and it somehow it Still hurts like a fresh wound despite how often I tell myself Im resigned to being #treated the way I am. I barely have time to spend with the friends I do still have pleasant relationships with so I cant even talk through #any of it like that. and to round it all off my dysphoria has gotten so agonizing of late bc i finally had hope i would be on hrt #but. gestures at earlier topic. my hopes of that are being quickly and brutally slaughtered so.#its just. like genuinely what is the point of any of it. how is This what my life is supposed to be. I know I dont deserve very much #but surely I havent sinned so terribly as to earn misery like this.#and I'm not even strong enough of will to *** about it. pathetic really #I just want one day to feel even neutral abt being alive without having my feet swept from under me by some new unbearable Thing developmen

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there-will-be-a-way · 1 year ago

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"You're a fighter. You're one of the people who'll make it", is something I've heard a lot. There's a part of me who holds onto life like so hard. Who keeps kicking no matter what. Like even in a black-out-drunken state I drag myself to the psych ward to collapse right in front of the doors like someone who searches shelter in a snow storm because their life depends on it. My therapist finds this remarkable lol but I hate it.

I wish I was someone who gives up. I don't want to continue making the right decisions. I want get up right now, walk to the next gas station, buy a couple bottles of vodka, get on a train and never come back to anywhere. But I don't. And I don't even know why.

I wish I could give up. I wish I wouldn't care. I don't want to be a fighter. Someone else can have the part of me that clutches on to life. I don't want it. I hate myself for being this way. I hate how much I exhaust myself yet keep on going. And I'm tired of being praised for it.

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plumbbobtoggle · 1 year ago

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📍 South Beach, Elsewhere

#beachbabes2023 #the sims #ts2 #sims 2 pictures #sim edit #Elsewhere trivia #sim: Henry #hi everyone!#I'm alive!#or like slowly starting to feel alive again after this tire fire of a year #I feel like I've really checked out of the community these past few months #I miss posting and interacting with everyone so much!#I don't feel up to story posts yet #but I'm having lots of fun with these #so enjoy everyone shirtless and relaxed #as we all should be

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im2tired4usernames · 8 months ago

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Every single time I defend someone shitty who has done nothing but be a cunt to me because they did 1 (ONE ) decent thing THEY ALWAYS TURN AROUND AND DO SOMETHING SO MUCH WORSE TO ME

#every single time i praise aomeone for turning a new leaf they fuck me over #my life is continuing getting worse and worse and worse and worse and i really don't know how much longer i want to deal with this shit #if things do not change soon I'm quitting I'll run away and i will never come back #i praise y sister for growing up she steals and then lies about it and i print with out a shadow of a doubt she did it wont admit it #coworker who bums job off onto me dose. one piece of work then fucked off and dowe nothing else all day then spreads rumors i lied about my #moms cancer #like i can pull up her obituary bitch #dad dose 1 nice thing then like let's me go to bed instead of doing all the dishes that accumulate while i was at work #then need day turns me back into a slave #is goin to marry his yandere bitch gf my mother has not been dead a year yet good for him #I'm done #i hate being alive i can't daydream about anything anymore except death #i used to be able to daydream ocs n stories that stopped years ago then it was day dreaming about a better life with my wife #that's hard to believe it'll ever happen in just trapped and my dad constantly discourages me getting independent or doin anything for mysel #no don't get a full time job don't move out you cam never do it no don't try to learn sewing again doing try dnd again doing make new friend #don't do anything to make like nice #I'm allowed Wednesday nights after the kids go to church and that's it and if it clashes with family aucks to be me #and i don't get to make. it up the next day like dad #i cant stand my life i hate it so much #i hate my family minus my four youngest siblings #i hate my job i hate waking up i hate feeling exhausted all the time #being alive is disappointment and work I'm tired of it #I'm tired #i dont want to do this anymore #i need something to change but I'm trapped nothing will change unless i do it #and i hate that I'll probably have to leave ao much behind

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cienie-isengardu · 1 year ago

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#mortal kombat #smoke #lin kuei #mortal kombat spoilers #you know what? beside the whole doubt is scorpion a kuai liang or not that i'm a bit tired at this point #i do want to know how lin kuei are supossed to be the good guys and yet are so keen to murder anyone standing in their way XD #no seriously you trespass lin kuei ground and may end dead right away? scorpion is buring people alive #bi han is bi han so no surprise about the kill #jus how this works?#and the whole kitana talk how lin kuei had once a noble purpose #i'm pretty curious about this aspect #not that mk characters have much of moral doubt about killing anyone in general but still

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daz4i · 1 year ago

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i don't mean to alarm anyone but i think I'm genuinely losing my mind more and more each day

#like no longer in a ha ha funny way. I'm just losing my grasp on myself and feel fundamentally detached from life itself #it's not new it just hurts more now. i feel like an animal and not in a good way #maybe i need to change meds again. but. idk if there's even anything left i haven't tried yet ajsjftjgjh :/#i am genuinely just... not meant to be alive... there is nothing in the world that can help me at this point #(eh 'at this point' implies smth once did but that's wrong too. nothing ever helped at all! it's been over a decade since i started -#- getting treatments for my mental illness! i think at this point it's just doomed. what's the use.)#i wish i wasn't so terrified of pain. i want to die. i want to try to kill myself. but I'm scared of not dying after i do. I'm so tired #I'm just so so tired of existing. I'm in so much pain. i wish i was never born #i hate my parents for bringing me into this world and i hate myself for not killing myself earlier #vent #suicide //#ask to tag #liveblogging my mental breakdown on tumblr dot com #sorry for being dramatic. everything is bad but my brain especially is

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cheekblush · 2 years ago

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me today 💤

#no i did not end up studying 🫣🤐🤥#the ibuprofen did help with the migraine but i still feel so drained like my energy tank is on 0 ��#and i'm tired of beating myself up for not constantly studying like why do i always have to neglect my health for school??#idk how other people do it bc i know others get way more done than me & have way more responsibilities but i just don't have that kind of..#energy i'm sorry it takes up all of my energy just to survive and exist in this world 😭#i feel like such an immature crybaby but once again that kafka quote comes to mind:#i could have built the pyramids with the effort it takes me to cling on to life and reason #also my mom recently pointed out to me that i have been studying for 21 years of my life & i just went shocked pikachu face 😯#like that is absolutely INSANE i've been in school since i was 6 years old it's honestly a miracle i didn't kms yet #and all of this studying for what??? you'd think i'd amount to smth but i'm an utter failure 🙃#literally haven't achieved anything the only things i got in my name are mental & physical health problems </3 #well this is getting depressing let me stfu #so instead of studying i ended up watching sailor moon & dragon ball while eating chocolate covered strawberries <3 #i actually wanted to take a nap but i just couldn't fall asleep even though i feel so exhausted #i need to survive 3 more weeks of exams before the easter holidays... i'm on my knees but i'm crawling...#i just need to pass everything... no need to have perfect grades just make it through these next 3 weeks alive #i just know i'm gonna have a breakdown soon & cry my eyes out bc it's all getting too much again 😮‍💨#☁️

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musical-chick-13 · 2 years ago

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I want to yell at everyone who ever told me that life would get easier when I got older.

#tw: suicidal ideation #not that I was a happy kid but like. it was never like /THIS/#I don't want to romanticize youth and I definitely don't want this to come across as 'high school was better' but I like. at least had a #sense of self back then. I felt like I was good at some things. I was still miserable and isolated and stuff but I'm ngl I definitely had #some good things back then that I definitely do not have now #I'm just. I had to make a Crisis Call™ tonight. which. I'm fine. but that hasn't needed to happen in a while. and I'm scared y'all.#I'm genuinely scared that if things don't get better in the next year that I won't be here. and I do NOT want to consider that.#how do people like. live. how do they manage to stay alive. why is conceptualizing that so hard. my god I'm so tired.#'your 20s just suck it'll get better' I'M ALMOST DONE WITH MY 20s!!!!! IT IS NOT BETTER!!!!!! ACTUALLY I THINK IT IS WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!#like idk what to do y'all at this point the only thing keeping me going is that there are a few pieces of media I have not yet consumed but #want to. that and Best Friend would be sad if something happened to me. I struggle to see the point in much else.#In the Vents

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themagical1sa · 2 years ago

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🫂

How you feeling?

Hi hug anon. I was sleepy when I got this ask, so I went to sleep first (not to mention it was midnight at the time).

Every day gets better. It's never easy, and I'm sure there are consequences to what I didn't get to do, but it gets better, slowly but surely — at least, that's what I believe.

#[ 🗣️ | the magical girl replies ]#[ 🫂 | hug anon ]#sometimes it does get tiring though #every day i'm fighting myself to stay #whether it's staying in college or staying by my friends #essentially my depression is being a bitch #however. in the name of God. I am a bigger and badder bitch /JOKING /LIGHT-HEARTED HAHAHAHAHAHDHSJDHJEfkdjdj 🙈🫣#no but fr though — God is bigger than this. I'm better than this. Life is more than this #not to mention I have people who anchor me here in this life #so whether I or my depression likes it or not #I need and have to stay alive because there's so much at stake but also so much to live for #once again saying that *it does get better*#religious or not we need to believe that it gets better because it *will* and it *does*#anyways; thank you for checking in hug anon #isa nanamang liham ang nasulat ko dito [Tagalog: I wrote yet another letter here] HAHAHAHAHAHA #ty again and sana masarap ulam mo [Tagalog: I hope your food is delicious]

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somerandomdudelmao · 7 months ago

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TAP...TAPA............WHAT IS THIS ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME TAP WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME FEEL EMOTIONS?? HOW DARE YOU?? THE PLAN WAS TO MAKE EVERYONE BUT ME SPIN IN THE MICROWAVE AND THEN YOU LAUNCHED MY DOOR OUT OF MY WINDOW AND PROCEEDED TO PUT MY BRAIN CELLS IN THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER AND MAKE THEM MOVE AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT