#I'm so tired yet so aLIVE
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Augh
#fancy is really struggling#and the babies are lovely and just FASCINATING in how they developed around but not shaped by humans and i so very deeply enjoy them#but they are also a little ungovernable due to their age and general lack of caring about rules and they are bothersome and rowdy#and it is obviously so so hard on her and my heart is breaking because im afraid we wont be able to get her through this#and i will have to give the babies up#and...not have another cat#just one#i would be crushed#and added to all of that is that the babies are taking their time learning to be pets and that is fine and wonderful actually#but...i need surgery on at least one ankle and i won't be able to keep up with them if things haven't sorted themselves out by then#and they haven't become more manageable and fancy hasn't adjusted#so we are asking about meds for poor fancy and hoping that works#but she's really having a hard time guys and i am fighting so hard to cope in a household where i spend most of my time alone#with two animals who don't love me yet or interact with me like pets (i'm a source of three things: food and snuggles on demand and NO STOP#and one who is sad and not herself#and frankly it's terrible that i can't fix this#and i am trying not to lose my shit but this wasn't supposed to be so hard#and im afraid i may lose five cats and not three#and im already barely holding on#i don't know what to do and neither does my boyfriend#i don't want to turn around and have to tell you guys we can't keep the babies#i feel like i am failing at something i am supposed to be GOOD AT#i don't want to be in a house so empty#i can't live like that#having the babies is lovely#they're so alive and the boys were so sick by the end and the stress of the constant anxiety and grief as they faded away was crushing#even before they died#it's been so good to have them running about#i don't want to LOSE that#im so tired of LOSING things
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tag game
Tagged by @mercurymiscellany, thank you!!!
⟡ rules: answer + tag 9 people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with!
⟡ favourite colour: Generally mid-to-light shades of blue, not super bright or dark though
⟡ last song: Bad for Me- Landon Austin
⟡ last movie: Uhhh... I'm genuinely not sure. I think I watched the new Mario movie with a friend a couple months ago? I struggle to get myself to watch things recently, I've been intending to watch Puss in Boots: The Last Wish for literal months and just executive dysfunction says no that's too hard.
⟡ currently reading: Nothing but fanfiction. Reading physical things with new characters is challenging because brain won't let me focus and none of the series I follow has put out a new book recently.
⟡ currently watching: Mostly reaction stuff on youtube, it's fairly entertaining, mindless, and let's me not think which is all I want at this point.
⟡ currently craving: The energy to do anything. Mostly to redo my resume so I can find a new job and hopefully recover from burnout enough to actually have a life. I am suffering but don't have the energy to do anything about it and thus continue.
⟡ tea or coffee? Coffee, I don't like tea, it tastes like hot perfume water, and the past year or so caffeine is how I force myself through the workday
Tag: @prince-liest @ectochoir @vypridae @themackenziemachine @showyoumyfavoriteobsession if you guys feel like it, or whoever else wants to! please feel free to consider yourself tagged
#Squishy speaks#I'm still alive but barely breathing#I'm getting out of this industry I've been saying for 5+ months and yet have still done nothing to do so#And one coworker is leaving to have a baby in the next few weeks so now I feel guilty about leaving which makes me not do anything more#But I also can't keep doing this#I just want to be able to live and have energy to do things I like outside work instead of dying on the couch until I have to go back#I'm turning 30 next month I'm so tired
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#whew. this sucks#i.... hhh#well. im... sad.#and scared. and painful. and lonely.#just really running the whole gambit of shit right now.#and fuck I'm just so tired.#so so so so so tired.#everything keeps happening. Just. Over and over and over and over#i cannot get a break#i don't feel like I've truly rested in months#im out of my program now. and....#......i dunno. maybe my memory just fucking sucks. but i feel like im worse#i feel like i didn't even go.#three weeks of memory. down the drain.#like it didn't exist.#i cried a lot. I know that. Breakdowns constantly.#it's all gone though. I don't remember it#........gods you have no clue how.....petrifying that is.#........am i even alive?#Did i kill myself weeks ago and i just don't know it yet?#i feel so alone#im so tired.#....I'm so tired......#.............please let me rest...... im so so tired........#........when can i stop...?
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I'm tired of all this Belle and Rumple shit bro give her a break 😭😭 all she does is suffer. By this point she just exists to be his punching bag
#i think her and literally anyone else would be better#he keeps saying he loves her but it's so bad and I hate how the narrative tries to justify him again and again#while she makes it so clear she wants to escape and be able to raise her son like holy crap#he's so evil like I can't deal with him anymore why is he still alive why can't you just stop 😭😭 use another villain already#I'm tired of his ass 😭😭 please#keep in mind I do like him as a villain but fuck I'm so sad about Belle because she wanted to see the best but instead she gets abused#by him and the narrative over and over why does he get to have his “happy ending” while his victim has to die?#I haven't gotten there yet but I know she dies and I'm so upset because she's just been fighting for her life this entire time#once upon a time#ouat
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have to be honest guys its actually going Really Badly again.
#j.txt#vent#barest thread holding me back right now and I dont even know what to do to fix it besides trying to repress it as deep as possible#I'm just. so overwhelmed and tired and frantic all the time. Work is giving me authority positions I didnt ask for and am not paid to do#my family is insane as always and I'm extra on edge around them bc I can just sense the impending fallout-#from when they realize Im taking hormones. Not that that is actually happening yet bc my insurance is fucking me over#the pharmacy keeps pushing back the date for getting my t (should have had it 3 weeks ago. did not happen.) and I might end up having to pa#nearly Two Hundred Dollars for i dont even know how much of a supply bc of the fucked insurance thing.#And I cant even talk to my therapist about any of this bc my old schedule wont work anymore but I cant get in touch with the office to#see what other openings they may have. and some of the weird nebulous resentment-inducing stuff with my old friends is coming back bc#I hung out with one of them recently and it somehow it Still hurts like a fresh wound despite how often I tell myself Im resigned to being#treated the way I am. I barely have time to spend with the friends I do still have pleasant relationships with so I cant even talk through#any of it like that. and to round it all off my dysphoria has gotten so agonizing of late bc i finally had hope i would be on hrt#but. gestures at earlier topic. my hopes of that are being quickly and brutally slaughtered so.#its just. like genuinely what is the point of any of it. how is This what my life is supposed to be. I know I dont deserve very much#but surely I havent sinned so terribly as to earn misery like this.#and I'm not even strong enough of will to *** about it. pathetic really#I just want one day to feel even neutral abt being alive without having my feet swept from under me by some new unbearable Thing developmen
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"You're a fighter. You're one of the people who'll make it", is something I've heard a lot. There's a part of me who holds onto life like so hard. Who keeps kicking no matter what. Like even in a black-out-drunken state I drag myself to the psych ward to collapse right in front of the doors like someone who searches shelter in a snow storm because their life depends on it. My therapist finds this remarkable lol but I hate it.
I wish I was someone who gives up. I don't want to continue making the right decisions. I want get up right now, walk to the next gas station, buy a couple bottles of vodka, get on a train and never come back to anywhere. But I don't. And I don't even know why.
I wish I could give up. I wish I wouldn't care. I don't want to be a fighter. Someone else can have the part of me that clutches on to life. I don't want it. I hate myself for being this way. I hate how much I exhaust myself yet keep on going. And I'm tired of being praised for it.
#personal posts#tw suicidal ideation#but as always there is no need to worry because I just keep on and on and I make the right decisions#I always do#I'm so tired of the praise I receive for it#I want to be able to just let go and let it spiral#one last bang#chaos#like an inferno#and then#silence#I know it's worth it#I know the future holds lots of beautiful moments#but I don't want to continue#yet I do I always do#I swear I'm like so dead inside don't even know how I'm still alive lmao#it's muscle memory#ape instinct#I'd make a great cave man#I'm like so jealous of everyone who just goes ape shit#I tame myself the way lions in a circus are tamed#and i feel so caged and restricted
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📍 South Beach, Elsewhere
#beachbabes2023#the sims#ts2#sims 2 pictures#sim edit#Elsewhere trivia#sim: Henry#hi everyone!#I'm alive!#or like slowly starting to feel alive again after this tire fire of a year#I feel like I've really checked out of the community these past few months#I miss posting and interacting with everyone so much!#I don't feel up to story posts yet#but I'm having lots of fun with these#so enjoy everyone shirtless and relaxed#as we all should be
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Every single time I defend someone shitty who has done nothing but be a cunt to me because they did 1 (ONE ) decent thing THEY ALWAYS TURN AROUND AND DO SOMETHING SO MUCH WORSE TO ME
#every single time i praise aomeone for turning a new leaf they fuck me over#my life is continuing getting worse and worse and worse and worse and i really don't know how much longer i want to deal with this shit#if things do not change soon I'm quitting I'll run away and i will never come back#i praise y sister for growing up she steals and then lies about it and i print with out a shadow of a doubt she did it wont admit it#coworker who bums job off onto me dose. one piece of work then fucked off and dowe nothing else all day then spreads rumors i lied about my#moms cancer#like i can pull up her obituary bitch#dad dose 1 nice thing then like let's me go to bed instead of doing all the dishes that accumulate while i was at work#then need day turns me back into a slave#is goin to marry his yandere bitch gf my mother has not been dead a year yet good for him#I'm done#i hate being alive i can't daydream about anything anymore except death#i used to be able to daydream ocs n stories that stopped years ago then it was day dreaming about a better life with my wife#that's hard to believe it'll ever happen in just trapped and my dad constantly discourages me getting independent or doin anything for mysel#no don't get a full time job don't move out you cam never do it no don't try to learn sewing again doing try dnd again doing make new friend#don't do anything to make like nice#I'm allowed Wednesday nights after the kids go to church and that's it and if it clashes with family aucks to be me#and i don't get to make. it up the next day like dad#i cant stand my life i hate it so much#i hate my family minus my four youngest siblings#i hate my job i hate waking up i hate feeling exhausted all the time#being alive is disappointment and work I'm tired of it#I'm tired#i dont want to do this anymore#i need something to change but I'm trapped nothing will change unless i do it#and i hate that I'll probably have to leave ao much behind
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#mortal kombat#smoke#lin kuei#mortal kombat spoilers#you know what? beside the whole doubt is scorpion a kuai liang or not that i'm a bit tired at this point#i do want to know how lin kuei are supossed to be the good guys and yet are so keen to murder anyone standing in their way XD#no seriously you trespass lin kuei ground and may end dead right away? scorpion is buring people alive#bi han is bi han so no surprise about the kill#jus how this works?#and the whole kitana talk how lin kuei had once a noble purpose#i'm pretty curious about this aspect#not that mk characters have much of moral doubt about killing anyone in general but still
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i don't mean to alarm anyone but i think I'm genuinely losing my mind more and more each day
#like no longer in a ha ha funny way. I'm just losing my grasp on myself and feel fundamentally detached from life itself#it's not new it just hurts more now. i feel like an animal and not in a good way#maybe i need to change meds again. but. idk if there's even anything left i haven't tried yet ajsjftjgjh :/#i am genuinely just... not meant to be alive... there is nothing in the world that can help me at this point#(eh 'at this point' implies smth once did but that's wrong too. nothing ever helped at all! it's been over a decade since i started -#- getting treatments for my mental illness! i think at this point it's just doomed. what's the use.)#i wish i wasn't so terrified of pain. i want to die. i want to try to kill myself. but I'm scared of not dying after i do. I'm so tired#I'm just so so tired of existing. I'm in so much pain. i wish i was never born#i hate my parents for bringing me into this world and i hate myself for not killing myself earlier#vent#suicide //#ask to tag#liveblogging my mental breakdown on tumblr dot com#sorry for being dramatic. everything is bad but my brain especially is
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I want to yell at everyone who ever told me that life would get easier when I got older.
#tw: suicidal ideation#not that I was a happy kid but like. it was never like /THIS/#I don't want to romanticize youth and I definitely don't want this to come across as 'high school was better' but I like. at least had a#sense of self back then. I felt like I was good at some things. I was still miserable and isolated and stuff but I'm ngl I definitely had#some good things back then that I definitely do not have now#I'm just. I had to make a Crisis Call™ tonight. which. I'm fine. but that hasn't needed to happen in a while. and I'm scared y'all.#I'm genuinely scared that if things don't get better in the next year that I won't be here. and I do NOT want to consider that.#how do people like. live. how do they manage to stay alive. why is conceptualizing that so hard. my god I'm so tired.#'your 20s just suck it'll get better' I'M ALMOST DONE WITH MY 20s!!!!! IT IS NOT BETTER!!!!!! ACTUALLY I THINK IT IS WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!#like idk what to do y'all at this point the only thing keeping me going is that there are a few pieces of media I have not yet consumed but#want to. that and Best Friend would be sad if something happened to me. I struggle to see the point in much else.#In the Vents
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TAP...TAPA............WHAT IS THIS ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME TAP WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME FEEL EMOTIONS?? HOW DARE YOU?? THE PLAN WAS TO MAKE EVERYONE BUT ME SPIN IN THE MICROWAVE AND THEN YOU LAUNCHED MY DOOR OUT OF MY WINDOW AND PROCEEDED TO PUT MY BRAIN CELLS IN THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER AND MAKE THEM MOVE AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT
#fav#goddamnfav#oh my goddd#Holly my son you are so pretty when u suffer#thIS movement dynamic#ohhhhhh#man.....#yeah haha I know it is a bit weird how birds have their wings and yet they cannot simply fly away#I'll explain this part of the lore#in the nex ypdate i think. and when I'm less tited. tired.#I wanna say separately that animation in this looks so alive I feel like I'm going insane#just because oh my god how can something so extremely gorgeous be based on my silly little comic#I need a poster in my room that would say “do it so Tapa could see it” or something like that#marble sky fanart#marble sky animation#marble sky animatic#well it's not animatic really but I just want this thin to pop up in more than one search result :>
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i think the lady at the doctor's office today is a vampire
she took my blood........
#cw medical#og#this is a lame joke but it's funny to me#anyways guess what i did today#this is for an allergy test#i went to the normal doctor. described my symptoms and that shit#and he was like “hmm yeah this doesn't seem to have any particular sort of cause”#the blood test is not just to test for allergic response to irritants#but also to analyze for if there's an underlying condition#not sure what conditions that would be#and i can't decide what's worse: having yet another lifelong disorder or the chronic hives not having any actual reason behind them#ughghhggbbbbbbsbsss i'm so tired of this#being alive wouldn't be so bad if my body WORKED PROPERLY.... and also if i could shapeshift but that's another thing
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So this turned into a vent somehow!
#vent#.........................................................#i say characterization for one thing...#i feel like people would MASSIVELY misinterpret what i'm like purely because they don't understand what i'm like#yeah i'm fucked up and kinda evil. yeah i'd hurt someone if it meant i get something from it. like a little satisfaction#yeah i'd hurt someone if it meant something good happened in my life#but here's the thing- i don't want this to be me#i never wanted this to be me. ever. at all#i have these thoughts i have these ideas i would LOVE to act on them#but i do know there's a reason to keep myself together for as long as i can#i'm aggressive but i don't want to be. but sadly i've grown to need to be aggressive#i've grown to want control and authority because i lack it and it would do me WONDERS you can't imagine#i've grown to want to hurt because i feel like that would help me so much in getting what i want as i am tired of everything bad in my life#there's pros and cons right? ups and downs? SO WHERE'S THE FUCKING UPS. DIPSHIT.#i had these ups when i was little but then i grew up and suddenly oops! there go the ups! now everything sucks ass! lol! lmao even!#and that kinda fucked me up as you can see#and now here i am. there's people i've hurt before. bad things i've done before. little to no regret and even then all of it is deep down#i liked doing that stuff and yet deep down i hated it because i just hurt people i care about#i'm doing my fucking best in trying to keep myself together. in trying to remain alive and sane#and in turn i'm obligated to sabotage others to fulfill that goal#i don't want this to be me.#so here i am now. i know i'm not alone but i also know just fine that i'm few and far inbetween#those who remain that are host to this are probably dead. fallen from grace. or will never see the sun ever again#or suffer the same journey as me#those who remain that hold this curse just know i see you. i hear you. and i wish this shithole known as life was better too#those who simply don't understand my situation feel free to run off i'm not dealing with you lot#cherish your life instead of wasting it on someone like ME of all people#you're better than me. cherish the FUCK out of that shit#appreciate that stuff since you got it for free#wow this turned into a vent real damn quick... anyway! funny shit amirite fellas?
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Hm
#my posts#look yes i keep making at least one post like this a day and it will continue but its either letting it out or i have no idea#also in my defense y believe most of my mutuals arent up so it is peak time to post about feeling like shit#my plan isnt for someone to read these its for the bullshit to get out and try to not get to the point shit hits the fan#anyways man teen me would be so fucking disappointed by so many things the mere fact we are still alive would make them livid#and alive and living like this?#probably if they knew it was gonna be like this it would have happened lmao#they would just think we are a coward and a dumbass who can't do anything right tbh but they did know then too it's not knew#if it was new we wouldn't be here wouldn't we. why am i referring to is in plural it's just two dif timed mes#but yeah they are probably like 'hey of you are gonna keep living at least you could do it in a way no one regrets it' but alas we do#and we will keep regretting it bc our death won't be our choice. the deadline for it was extended until we were 20 and it's long closed#.... things are getting worse tho they put true but like. that isn't an option anymore lmao it sucks tbh#... i don't have anything else to say that isn't repeating it#i. do wish it was still an option idek why it isn't anymore it's some stupid arbitrary rule#i hate this. it's like. i really don't do a single thing that could make any version of me proud of myself#not teen me not child me not current me. none of us is okay with whatever the fuck i have going on and yet!#.man. I've spent all day tired and wanting to cry for nothing particular but also for literally everything so like#that would fix me. i don't know how to make it happen#... I'm gonna go to sleep#i need my phone to finish charging but that'll be over soon#so yeah I'll. go to sleep soon
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SLYTHERINSLUT0’S RIDDLEMAS
dec 10th. tom riddle — oral sex, experienced!tom.
RIDDLEMAS MASTERLIST. I 2024
summary: your ex couldn’t make you orgasm, so you were certain you were broken. tom shows you just how wrong you are.
warnings: 18+, SMUTTT MDNI, tom riddle can eat me aliv—sorry who tf said that?, tom riddle is such a realist; he sees a problem and he finds a solution, tom is a munch, praise kink, oral f!receiving, experienced tom, hufflepuff!reader.
Months pass, and your project remains the only thing Tom ever prioritizes when it's you asking.
Progress is slow—slow because you're usually far too busy talking to actually focus—yet, he always stays. He listens, even when the things you say should bore him, even when they mean nothing at all. He sits there—giving you hardly the barest scraps of himself in return as you fill the space between you with everything that crosses your mind.
Things he'd never waste a second hearing from anyone else.
And tonight, to no-one's surprise, you're doing it again—rambling on about nothing and everything all at once. You've got this way of talking—weaving tangents into something almost poetic, and usually, he lets it fade into the background as he works. You're saying something about the differences between the seasons, or maybe it's just some other kind of sentimental nonsense—at this point, he's not entirely sure.
It's easy to tune out. He tells himself he's not really listening.
Until—
"Actually, I guess I should clarify that—it's all hypothetical. I don't date," he doesn't know what you said before this, but he's certainly intrigued by it now. "And really, it has nothing to do with like, self esteem or anything, I'm just broken. Best to save someone the trouble."
That stops him cold. It's not so much the declaration that you don't date—he could have guessed that himself—but more so the way you've just called yourself broken.
It's not a word he's ever heard you use before.
"What do you mean, broken?" He asks, the question coming out far more blunt than he probably intended.
It just seems so out of character for you—you've always been an optimist, far too annoyingly positive to speak of anything this way. He blinks when you freeze, and blinks again when a moment of self consciousness seems to pass over your face—and he notes how that's a first for you, too.
"Broken...as in, uh, not normal," your eyes flit down to your lap, tracing the wood beneath where you're seated on the floor in his dorm. "My ex made that very clear in his assessment of me."
The mention of an ex is something he'd been anticipating—you're in your twenties, after all—but it's the idea that your ex is the source of you calling yourself broken, that he can't quite swallow.
"You're 'broken' because of one ex?" He says, and he can't stop how derisive and skeptical his voice sounds. He doesn't care to try. "I'm not following."
"I'm what you'd call, damaged goods, I think," you murmur, and there's an almost self-deprecating smirk on your face. He can't help but think how he's never seen that look on you, either. "I've got a slew of unhealthy baggage that comes along with me. You know, childhood traumas, abandonment issues, daddy issues—"
He snorts at that—daddy issues—and your head snaps up, smirk deepening despite yourself.
"Don't snort at my daddy issues," you huff, and there's a familiar annoyance in your voice that puts him at ease. "They're valid and real."
"I'm not denying their validity," he counters, his own smirk beginning to surface. "But daddy issues? Come on. You're not some tired cliché ripped out of a teenage romance novel. I refuse to accept your declaration of brokenness until you give me factual reasoning."
You laugh at that—alive and genuine—and for a moment, he's reminded of why he even tolerates you in his space at all.
"Fine," you cross your arms over your chest. "What do you want to know then?"
He makes a low, contemplative sound at that—because there's a million questions that come to mind with the words damaged goods—and after a moment, he settles on the one that falls out first.
"What is it, precisely, that makes you broken?"
You sigh, a bit theatrically—he knows you're just putting on a show and he wants to laugh at you for it—but he reigns that in, for now, while you figure out how you're going to respond to that.
The truth is, you don't know how to tell him the real reason you're broken—the part that has nothing to do with the laundry list of emotional baggage you could rattle off with ease. It's something...different.
Something more physical.
"I don't know, okay?" You're getting defensive. You're not sure why but you are. "Just—forget I said anything. We have this assignment to—"
"You dodging the question tells me it's more than just psychological," he cuts you off, leaning back into the couch. The way he's looking at you makes it clear—there's no way he's letting this go. "You getting defensive tells me you're embarrassed by it."
You sigh again, leaning back on your palms to mirror his body language, though it doesn't feel half as natural on you as it does on him.
"And you, being an insufferable arse, is telling me I never should have mentioned it in the first place."
His smirk at that makes you want to glare at him.
"Stop dodging," he says. "You brought it up. You don't get to take it back."
It's a challenge—the gleam in his eyes is practically screaming so. You're not sure why the sight of it makes something low in your stomach clench, and you're even less sure of why you want to tell him something like this—something you haven't told anyone else—not friends, certainly not family.
Whatever the reasoning, you can feel yourself relent.
"Maybe," you pause, the look on his face makes you second guess yourself. "...maybe I don't want to tell you because I'm afraid you'll look at me differently." You glance down at your lap, fingers twitching against the yellow pleats of your skirt before finally meeting his eyes again. "And I kind of like the way you look at me now."
Something like curiosity passes over his expression at that—but it's quickly hidden by the type of skepticism that tells you he still doesn't believe you're being serious.
"You're overthinking it," he replies, unmoving. "Whatever it is you think you're going to tell me, I'm not going to look at you differently. You're still you—no filter, unabashedly verbal—"
"Too verbal. Too positive, too loud," you finish his sentence for him—because you know that's how he thinks of you. "Too annoyingly optimistic. Far too hufflepuff for your cold snake skin. I know."
"Exactly," he says, tongue running over his bottom lip in attempt to quell his smirk. "So I reiterate. There's nothing you could tell me that would change that."
"Fine," you relent, giving in begrudgingly because you know there's no other option. "But don't say I didn't warn you."
He just lifts a hand at that, as if to say; whatever you think it is, I can handle it. The action makes you suck a breath into your lungs, trapping it there.
"You're right," you say after a long exhale. "I have a slew of psychological bullshit that would take the span of a year for me to fully go over in one sitting—but, I'm fine with it. That's...that's not the thing that made me call myself broken."
He says nothing, just makes a motion with his eyes for you to keep going.
"It's, uhm...physical." You whisper, and your brain is moving too much and too fast and you're not even completely sure how to say it without sounding insane. "And...I don't know, I just...I can't orgasm. No matter what. I just can't—it's frustrating and embarrassing and it's the reason my ex ended things."
There's a silence that follows, and he knows if it were anyone else, they'd probably find a way to comfort you. Reassure you. Tom, however, isn't anyone else—
"You're joking," he says, and his tone is incredulous again.
A self-depreciating laugh leaves your lips involuntarily, the sound of it making you almost want to cringe.
"Would it be less embarrassing if I was?"
He's still just watching you, dissecting your words as if waiting for you to crack a smile and confess this was all some stupid joke—and the vulnerability of it aches like a stab to the gut.
"This is the reason you think you're broken?" Is what he goes with when he finally realizes you're being serious. "Because you haven’t orgasmed?"
The bluntness of it makes you flush, makes you wish you could sink into the floor. "I know it's not normal, okay—"
"It's not an abnormality, either," he asserts, with casualty. "You might just have a disconnect."
You blink, caught off guard—not just by his choice of words, but by how matter-of-fact he sounds, like this isn't the mortifying confession it feels like.
"A disconnect?"
"A disconnect," he repeats, looking you over, something clinical slipping into his eyes. "Between mind and body. And considering how loud your thoughts are—"
"Hey—" you snap, suddenly feeling a bit indignant, but he just continues on.
"—it's not surprising that you can't get out of your own head."
You open your mouth to argue, to tell him he's not a therapist, so what the hell does he know? But the certainty in his expression makes you pause. He doesn't look patronizing or condescending, just...assured. Like he knows exactly what he's talking about.
You hesitate, lips parting, a protest forming on your tongue. Before you can say anything, though, he raises a hand to stop you.
"Come here," he says, standing up from the couch.
You blink, trying to decipher what the hell he's implying—because if anything, the last thing that's going to make you less paranoid about intimacy is proximity.
"What?"
He just looks at you, making a motion with two fingers, beckoning you to stand.
"Don't ask questions. Just come here."
It's an order, and it makes your spine tingle in a way that's definitely not comfortable—but you get up from the floor, and move closer to him anyway, closing the distance between you with only a few steps until you're close enough to him that you can practically feel the heat that seems to come off him in waves.
It's weird—he's suddenly too much all at once—you're so much more aware of him being in front of you than you think you've ever been before and it does not help that he's just looking at you—as if studying you—blinking only once as he raises those same two fingers to your neck, resting them against the pulse point at your throat.
Your entire body tenses. His touch is far more gentle than you ever imagined it being, something disarming that makes your pulse beat faster against his fingers as a result—and because this is Tom, with all his smug and certainty—he gives you a look that tells you he can feel it before he slides his fingers up to rest on your forehead.
You scowl at the motion, but he clicks his tongue, the sound as condescending as it is amused.
"I told you, you're an overthinker." He murmurs, eyes dipping to your lips. "Too much noise."
You want to refute that—mostly because you're not overthinking, you can't be—he's just so unequivocally overwhelming—
"I'm not—"
You start, but he moves his fingers from your forehead and places them against your lips—
"Quiet." He scolds, and that makes something low in your stomach clench. "Your body knows what to do. You're just letting your thoughts get in the way."
You long to protest again, just for the sake of defiance—but then his fingers are against your collarbone, and that motion in your stomach becomes a bit more of a squirm—
"Your body is trying to tell you something," he whispers, watching each little hitch in your breath. "But you're too busy talking over it to hear what it's saying."
You realize—with a sort of horror that's laced with something a little more uncomfortable—that he's right. Your body is trying to say something. It's communicating through the unsteady force of your breaths, through the clench of your fists against your skirt—
Of course, he notices. He's noticing far too much.
"Relax," he murmurs, and now he's trailing those same two fingers in an unhurried path down your shoulder. You suddenly regret every decision that led to you wearing a T-shirt. "I'm not going to bite you."
Something about the way he says it makes you wish he wasn't quite so convincing—the familiar banter you long for gone with the sharp exhale that comes out of your mouth as his fingers encircle your wrist—
"Your pulse is racing," he says casually, far too casually for how much effort it's taking you not to scream. "Does that seem broken to you?"
Gods—you want to respond—you really, really do— but your thoughts flatline when you realize his touch has shifted. He's no longer just holding your wrist; he's guiding your hands to rest against his chest, and—
"There you go," he whispers, and the tone of it tells you he knows exactly what it is he's doing to you. "See? Your body's doing exactly what it's meant to do. You—" his fingers trail up your arms, and his voice gets lower. "—are not broken."
You swallow hard, acutely aware of your hands on his chest and the way your palms are clammy against the fabric of his shirt. He's shifting you now, deliberately crowding you, and it's only when you feel the edge of the couch press against the back of your calves that you realize—perhaps a second too late—exactly what it is he's doing.
You stumble back onto the leather, and he follows—crushing his lips to yours.
You gasp, startled, because despite everything you truly hadn't seen this coming. The kiss is messy, clumsy, and his hand finds the nape of your neck, tugging at your hair with just enough force to make it sting. And inevitably, when you gasp again, he takes it as an invitation to work his tongue into your mouth, other hand slipping under your shirt—trailing up your stomach.
You're trembling now, and he makes a low sound at the realization. Your brain is racing to catch up, and the irony of this isn't lost on you—he'd just claimed you weren't broken, but he might as well be destroying you himself.
He parts from your lips only to trail his own across your jaw—
"You're shaking," he murmurs with a smirk against your throat—as if he's taking immense pleasure in the fact—you hate how smug it makes him sound. "Do you want me to stop?"
You want to tell him he's being a bastard, but then his lips press to that spot on your neck—the one that makes your breath hitch and your pulse stutter—and you find yourself whimpering at the sensation.
"No," you breathe, and you'd be embarrassed by the pleading tone in your voice if you weren't so lost in the moment. "Don't stop."
He makes another low, satisfied noise at that.
"Good," he whispers. "No thinking. Just feel."
You swallow—throat dry. It's unfair how easily he's dismantling you with nothing but his mouth and hands. Unfair how he's leaving you breathless and unraveling while somehow making you feel seen in a way you can't explain, even with your eyes shut.
"Tom," you find yourself whimpering, and you aren't even sure what you're asking for—you just know you want more as his lips trail lower—as his fingers work to tug down your skirt. "Gods."
"Shh. Feel me," he murmurs, almost possessively, his lips brushing lower, grazing over your stomach, then your pelvis. "Let your body do the talking."
You've got your hands tangled in his hair before you even know what you're doing, and you hate the fact that you're pretty sure you'd melt into a puddle if he weren't holding you together.
"I feel you," you whimper as he kisses lower. "You're all I feel."
He makes another low sound at that, and you just know it's the response of ‘yeah, that’s right’—but then he's between your legs, panties shifted out of the way, and the first sweep of his tongue against your clit makes all coherent thought shift to static.
"Oh! God," you gasp, the word barely escaping before dissolving into a whimper when he does something with his tongue that makes your vision blur. "Tom—oh, fuck."
He just makes that smug, satisfied noise against you again before his tongue swirls over your clit and you find yourself almost cursing whatever deity made him so good at this, because it's not fair how quickly he reduced you to a whimpering, shaking mess beneath him and—
"Don't stop," you find yourself babbling, digging your nails into his scalp and knowing you look like a goddamn wreck as he makes a meal out of you—tongue lapping up your slick and swirling your clit before sealing his lips around it and forcing your back off the leather beneath it. "Please, don't stop, please—"
It's all you can manage to say. Your thighs are shaking now, and you're sure he's got you dripping all over his face with how soaked you are. He knows you're falling apart and he just keeps going— your brain ceasing function in favour of just focusing on how fucking close you are—how close you are to something you've never felt before in your life—and you're not even sure what you're begging for anymore but it's incoherent and loud—
"I need—" you whimper, your hands tightening in his hair, pulling just enough to make him groan against you. You don't know what you're asking for, but you know he has it. "I need—I need—“
"Let go," he murmurs against you, the roughness in it vibrating up into your belly. "I dare you."
There's still a little bit of you functioning on autopilot, just enough to tell you that when he murmurs those words—vibrations rattling up your cunt and into your chest—you're completely done for.
It’s merely a few seconds later that your high reaches its peak and he just keeps lapping as you shake apart beneath him with an intensity you've never felt before in your life—orgasm shredding you apart at the seams. Your thighs clamp around his face, your eyes squeezed shut, ears ringing so loud you barely register his low, muttered praises: "good girl," "so good," "there you go."
You’re fairly positive your legs will never be able to support you again when you finally come back down, feeling entirely like jelly as he pulls back, tongue flicking over his lips to clean off whatever's left of you.
And without thinking, you grab him and pull him up, crashing your lips against his in a messy, desperate kiss. He tastes like you, like him, like something you can't quite describe—and it makes everything feel intense and unbearably real all at once.
He gives you a moment, as if letting you recover, just languidly kissing you back—and you have to be honest with yourself and admit that this kind of makes you want to scream.
"A disconnect," he smirks against your mouth, the tone still smug. You manage a weak smack to his shoulder, though it does nothing to wipe the satisfaction off his face. "Still sure you're broken?"
You hate that he's right. Hate that he's managed to pull a reaction from you that you didn't think was possible. But as you sit there, shaky and spent, you know you can't deny the truth: no, you're not broken.
"Not broken." You whisper back. "You will be though, if you don't stop smirking at me like that."
#SLYTHERINSLUT0’S RIDDLEMAS❄️#oh daddy riddle. whence shall it be my turn#this is the type of tom i would take the frontlines for#alongside lucius we shall fight to the death#sorry for being unhinged as fuck#goodbye#tom riddle#harry potter#tom riddle smut#tom riddle x reader#tomriddle smut#tomriddlesmut#slytherin boys#tomriddlexreader#tom x reader#tom riddle x oc#tom smut#hufflepuff reader#hufflepuff#slytherin boys x reader#slytherinboys#slytherin#tom riddle x you#tomriddle x you#tomriddle x reader#tomriddle#theo riddle#riddle smut#riddle brothers#tom marvolo riddle
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