#I'm so confused about that because where????
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✨️jealous modern Aemond who's your fwb✨️ (18+)
for context: they're in law school. the setting is Aemond's room. fwb was Aemond's idea, but he's also the one who breaks the rules and falls first.
✍️ more Aem
You lie on your side on Aemond's bed, absentmindedly thumbing through the pages of your textbook. It's for one of the classes you share with his sister Helaena, who will certainly kill the both of you if she ever finds out about your arrangement.
He has been acting aloof ever since he found out that you hooked up with his friend Robb after last week's party.
And you, bless your oblivious little heart, have no clue as to why. You didn't even make the correlation. You just suspect that maybe he's grown bored of hooking up with you, and soon, you'll no longer be burdened with this secret.
Then he speaks up. "Do you like him?"
"What? Who?" You twist your neck to look at him. He sits near the foot of the bed, attempting to appear busy on his phone. You think he's texting, but he's debating whether to change his home screen to a photo of you two together. He's wondering if you would even care.
"Robb." He can't help but grit his teeth at the name. You're confused as to why he sounds so agitated. They've always been good buddies. They even went to damn prep school together.
In fact, Aemond was the one who introduced you to Robb.
"Well, I hope so. I wouldn't have fucked him if I didn't like him," you remark crassly, thinking it would cause him to smile or smirk or hell, even offer words of solidarity like, I get that.
Instead, he takes it to another direction.
"Is he better than me?"
"I don't know," you shrug the question off, turning back your book. "Never gave it much thought, really."
"Think about it then."
"You're being weird, Aem."
"How 'bout I help you reach your conclusion."
Your bare ass is suddenly exposed to the cool air when he pulls your shorts down. He gives the flesh a good smack, his fingers squeezing the fat on impact.
Before you can ask what the hell's gotten into him, Aemond crawls up behind you, spooning your body.
You feel his digit graze your folds, rubbing at the moisture that starts to pool from your core and spreading it around. His lodges his hardening cock between your legs, and it slides easily due to your precum. He rubs himself against you, shamelessly getting off while his hand creeps up your—his—sweatshirt to fondle your breast.
His mouth is by the shell of your ears, his deep and lustful grunts echoing.
"Fuck me, what's—aghhhh—what's gotten into you, Aem?" you ask, not that you're complaining. It's a more than welcome distraction from criminal law 101.
"Shhh, just... wanna make you feel good, baby. Just take it. Let me—" He finally enters you, and it's as perfect as all the times before. He tilts your jaw toward him with a tight grip so he can steal a kiss, his tongue swiping at your lips, your cheek, and whatever else of you it collides with.
"Yeah, that feels—oh fuck—" You reach back and thread your fingers through his white-blonde hair, tugging slightly the way he likes it.
"Yeah?" He picks up the pace, the schlicking sounds from where your bodies are joined reaching your ears.
"Yeah. Your cock always feels fucking good."
"Just good?"
"Whaddaya want me to say?" you manage, in between all the panting.
"Was he good too?" He sounds needy. Pathetic. It's never a good look for anyone, but for some reason, it's so fucking hot when he does it.
"Aemond—"
"You're mine, baby. Mine." He buries himself to the hilt, before pausing, waiting for your go-ahead.
"Shit, okay."
"Say it." Because it's not enough for him. He doesn't move, keeping you wanting until he gets what he wants. Always been selfish that way.
"I'm yours then. All yours, babe."
It's as if you just uttered the magic words, because he jackrabbits to an extreme, his pelvis snapping against your ass with unrelenting force. His fingers dig into your hips, guiding you right onto his cock. It doesn't take long before he's filling your pussy with his cum. He bites down hard on the crook of your neck, his body giving a euphoric shudder behind you. When he's finished, every drop of pleasure squeezed inside you, he relaxes. He anchors his jaw on your shoulder, resting his head against yours, taking deep breaths to get down from such a high.
His moment of calm is shattered when you rise from the bed and disappear into his bathroom to clean his spend, before it dries into a sticky mess as it drips down your inner thighs.
"I have to go," you tell Aemond nonchalantly. As if he did not just fuck your brains out. Well, if no-strings-attached is what he wants, that's what he'll get. "I have civil procedure in 15 minutes."
"Okay..." He's resigned, until he remembers. "Isn't Robb taking that as well?"
"Uhm, yes, but—"
"I'll come with you," he blurts out, making you regard him as if he released precious brain cells when he ejaculated.
"What? You're not even in this class, Aem."
"I'll sit in. Don't have much to do today, anyway."
"Okay? So go out then. Call Alys up, take her to lunch. Why would you waste your time—"
But he's already at the door. "What are you waiting for? We're going to be late."
He trails you out, pleased that you put your hair up. Robb should see the marks he left blooming on your neck and know not to mess with what's his.
#sometimes I get an idea and I just roll with it#this is one of those times#aemond targaryen imagine#aemond targaryen smut#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen#ewan mitchell#ewan mitchell x reader#hotd#house of the dragon#let's pretend I didn't use my life as inspo#and hashtags don't exist
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"They don't love you, you are just normal." The tallest of the group spoke. It was obvious that they anted to breake you to take you over on their side afterwards especially since you heard them talk about it earlier when they still thought you where unconscious.
"Are you kidding me? I'm literally their favorite child." You respond "Do you even know how many school calls they got because Lora accidentally put something on fire or because Matt broke something? Don't get me started on Emma. They love me for being normal.
Belive me, mom thought about retireing just so she could attend all these conferences. Also I'm the only one my siblings trust and who can give them commands. I'm the one staying behind organizing every fight my family has with every villain.
To the public I am the calm one that never gets into trouble but belive me without me my siblings will be uncontrollable."
Your voice gets calmer the longer you talk but the guys in front of you don't seen to belive you. They are five, you are alone that could become a problem if you would try to flee. The room has two doors but only in front of one is a smaler but burly guy in position. You can't see any windows and you doubt that the unprotected door will lead anywhere else than a dead end.
The cuffs that tie you to the chair are easy to open, just because you are normal doesn't mean your parents didn't train you well. Actually -you think waiting for the right time to attack - it's weird that you only got kidnapped now like it's literally the first thing you would come up with as a villain, but hey, who are you to complain?
One of them excused himself to go to the toilet and you used the moment when it was only four against one to attack. More accurate you start running for the door. Confused as they were you actually reached the door 'till one of them reacted and grabbed your arm.
"What do you think you are doing there young lady?" Asked the tall one who already spoke to her.
"The chair is really uncomfortable so I thought I would disstretch a bit." All of them look at you confused and probably muffled by the comlete nonsense comming out of your mouth. You are as well. You take a step away from the door joust a second before it flies out of their angles. Lora Matt and Emma sorming the room. "Ohh," you say, "I wanted to say distract you, that's what I was doing." You kick ta.. guy in the stomach so he would back off and it worked.
Your siblings totally knocked out all of the men in no time. "Mom says you can't skip family day that easily." Matt said it in a tone that makes you smile.
"Wouldn't dare to." On your way out you see lots of other guys lying around every single one of them knocked out some of them having bruises or burns and some siluettes seem a bit off like something elementary messed with their bodies. Damn are you happy to be one of the good ones.
You, a normal human, were born to a family of famous superheroes. You’ve been kidnapped by a supervillain, who keeps trying to convince you that your family doesn’t love you because of your ‘condition’.
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okay so what about vi as a parent…
send me vi thirsts and i'll give u my hand in marriage
OKAYYYYYYYY LOOK. we are tryna hURT today huh. no alright tho like it would depend on the kid. i deeply believe that vi as a girl!mom vs a boy!mom would be SO dif. (girl!mom vi under the cut)
bc like consider. boy!mom vi - always down to toss a ball around, always down to play wrestle and get down and dirty, gets too carried away playing all the time, youve DEF come home to the house just like an absolute WRECK of feathers and cut up paper and like the bedsheets stripped and flung over the dining chairs, ur son standing on top of the dining table as vi pretends to be "breaching the fortress" and they both freeze when you clear ur throat like "uhm... what's this now?"
vi looks at you with those big athena eyes of hers like "oH! welcome back baby! uh this is --" and ur son leaps down and throws himself at ur waist like, "momma said that if we take the bedsheets we can make a castle and a mote!" and vi glares but withers a little when you hitch an eyebrow in her direction "she DID, did she?"
"she also said that REAL knights definitely use rolling pins as -"
"OKAY kiddo -- ahaha, what did i say about spilling national secrets hm?"
ur son just looks confused for a second, swinging off your arm, "but -- but you said mummy's the princess and all this is for her!"
vi sputters for a solid three seconds before sighing and you laugh, picking up your son and pressing a kiss to his cheek, "aww, so this is all for me?" he giggles, nodding, throwing his arms around your neck.
vi chuckles, looking sheepish and rubbing the back of her neck.
"yep!" your son pulls back with a bright grin, "momma said that because we both love you most, we have to protect you with all our mights!"
you laugh, softening as you put your son down. "she said that, did she?" he nods fervently even as vi groans, running a hand over her face, her cheeks a deep maroon.
"well, since you both love me so much -- you wouldn't mind helping clean up the castle before the evening feast, would you?"
"feast?" they both look up, eyes bright.
you hold up the large bag of takeout and they both whoop, vi tugging you in for a long kiss, laughing when she pulls away.
"y'know. you really are... everything."
---
BUT NOW CONSIDER. girl!mom vi. who would be sweetest, most protective, bc you've seen her as a big sister to basically all the kids in zaun, and her own daughter???? she'd do anything for her. to the point where you sometimes have to remind her not to be too much, to let your daughter stumble sometimes, to make mistakes bc that's how you learn.
"but -- god. i'm just so terrified --"
"yeah, welcome to being a parent," you say, nosing into her cheek one night as you watch your daughter sleep, curled up on the bed between the pair of you, snoring slightly as she sleeps.
vi reaches down to run a hand through her hair, curling a strand around a finger, her eyes so soft it almost breaks your heart.
"yeah i know but..." vi's voice is tender, " thought having a little sister was bad..."
you laugh softly, pressing a kiss to vi's cheek.
"let's not jinx this."
vi's lips twitch, but her gaze stays warm. she pulls you into her side.
"you're gonna have to tie me up in the basement once she starts dating."
you snort, "tie you up? please. i'll have to call in favors with both jayce and mel -- maybe they've got something stocked up that'll keep you restrained but i know ropes aren't gonna do jack shit."
vi chuckles before her expression changes.
"promise me... things will be okay."
"hey -- look at me." you cup her cheek; she turns, her eyes a thunder-struck sea, the edge of the world on a rainy day.
"it'll be okay," you say, pressing your foreheads.
"thanks, cupcake. i love you."
you smile, tugging vi in for a kiss.
"yeah. i know. i love you too."
#⛈ monsoon season#vi x reader#arcane x reader#vi arcane x reader#vi x you#arcane x you#vi x y/n#arcane x y/n#vi fluff#arcane fluff#ugh just domestic bliss for vi truly#arcane#help :( now im feeling a lot of things#also sorry for the ASS formatting on this i literally wrote this on my phone
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main masterlist \\ celebrities masterlist
part 2 / part 3
-------------------------❦︎-------------------------
𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐰𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 (part 1)
✩ : your brother just won his fourth world championship in las vegas, and what better way to celebrate than by getting married there the same night?
𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭. : drew starkey
𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : humor, fluff
✍︎ : i wasn't sure when to post this, but since i just hit 100 subscribers here is part 1 of the drew starkey smau i promised you! this was super fun to write, and hopefully it'll be fun to read too: enjoy! 🩷
-------------------------❦︎-------------------------
faceclaim: @lizasoberano on ig
ynverstappen
Liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, drewstarkey and 381,411 others
ynverstappen MY BROTHER IS A FOUR-TIME WORLD CHAMPION Y'ALL ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
so so so so proud of you maxie ❤️
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maxverstappen1 ❤️
landonorris what about me 😔💔
ynverstappen i don't remember you winning 🤔
landonorris blocked
username1 was he silent or SILENCED
username2 the way they're more sibling-coded than the actual verstappen siblings 😭
drewstarkey way to go champ 🦁🏆
username3 ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
username4 did i miss something or???
username5 this is the most random crossover ever
maxverstappen1 thanks man 👊🏻
username6 HE REPLIED???
username7 i'm so confused, why is drew in the comments?
username8 drew starkey casually liking AND commenting
username9 i swear 🙏🏻 my man just spawned out of nowhere
drewstarkey
Liked by ynverstappen and 846,312 others
drewstarkey 🕺🏻🪩
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username10 name a hotter cast, i'll wait
username11 no because i literally don't know where to look
username12 my husband looking FIIINE
username10 the second slide 🛐
username11 the groom (drew) getting ready with his two best men
Liked by ynverstappen
username12 UHM, HELLO!?
username13 we're all seeing this right
username14 relax guys she probably liked it by accident
ynverstappen no i didn't 🤨
username15 i actually had to double check
username16 wtf is going on
username17 since when did she know drew???
madelyncline don't mind me, just watching the drama unfold 🍿
username18 TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW MADDIE
ynverstappen
Liked by drewstarkey, madelyncline, rudeth and 440,945 others
ynverstappen mind if i join? 🤍🪩
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madelyncline GODDESS
Liked by ynverstappen
ynverstappen says you 😍
username19 the friendship i didn't know i needed
username20 MY TWO QUEENS
username21 mama a girl behind you (literally the whole obx cast being here)
username22 don't let elaine see that rudy liked this too
madisonbaileybabe 💀
username23 so are we gonna ignore the fact that she used the exact same emoji as drew or what?
username24 can we normalize not reading too much into everything
username25 it's giving ✨️casual bride✨️
Liked by drewstarkey
username26 this AGAIN?
username27 homeboy trying to confuse us
drewstarkey i think i was pretty clear
username28 WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN
jonathandavissofficial you're having way too much fun with this man
drewstarkey 🤷🏻♂️
rudeth
to be continued...
-------------------------❦︎-------------------------
©italiangirlcoresblog // do not copy, rewrite, or translate any of my work on any platforms
#celebrity#celebrities#celebrity x reader#drew starkey#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey smau#obx#outer banks#obx x reader#outer banks x reader#f1#formula 1#f1 x reader#formula 1 x reader#smau
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the amount your body produces naturally is yes minuscule (like 30μg which is to say, move the decimal point, 0.03mg)
10mg is a vaguely ridiculous amount but otoh most people don't have like overdose issues? it doesn't have life-threatening side effects and its elimination half-life is under an hour so like, it doesn't really stick around.
so how much is the right amount to take as a supplement? my psych said i could do the 1mg tabs regularly, that that wasn't too much. I know some people do take more. Sometimes I take 2mg. 10mg is certainly available over the counter.
the thing is. melatonin doesn't actually directly make you sleepy, so if that's what you're looking for or expecting, you may feel like low doses aren't working. melatonin is a circadian rhythm regulator, so what you're doing when you take it is telling your body "hey it's nighttime. even tho the lights are still on, it is, actually, nighttime." and if you weren't falling asleep because your body was confused about that, taking melatonin can be a fix! but if you are full on Not Even Remotely Tired, it doesn't matter. So you also have to practice good habits like keeping a regular schedule, not napping during the day (hopefully not needing to), not drinking caffeine late in the day, etc
(also if you take melatonin regularly, it's important to be consistent about what time you take it, because like. if you normally take it at 10pm but one night you forget and stay up late and take it at 1am, there is a good chance that for the next like three nights you will wake up at 1am bc your body is like, 'where is it where's my dose it's not night unless you give it to me????')
fyi i just found out while fact-checking myself on wiki that because melatonin is an unregulated supplement in the US, the chance of any particular formulation containing the amount it SAYS it does is hilariously low:
A study published by the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) in April 2023 found that only 12% of the 30 melatonin product preparations analyzed had melatonin quantities within ±10% of the amounts specified on their labels. Some supplements were found to contain up to 347% of the declared melatonin content.
So who the hell knows how much melatonin I've been taking on reality! At that dosage inaccuracy, they could be literally distributing the same pills for 1mg, 2mg, 5mg, 10mg, and practically anything else. So glad you can't really overdose on it. Wowee. (I'm trying to figure out how you could have 347% of an intended dosage in one pill. like. A third of a gram pill is not a full-on horse pill but it's noticeably hefty as a pill?? I feel like if my "1mg" melatonin pill was that big I'd notice? [eta: it has been pointed out to me i forgot how percentages work, 350% = 3.5x as much] And like. Is melatonin cheaper than the usual fillers like lactose?)
Not a big fan of what melatonin has been doing to my dreams lately.
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college!au where buck is an engineering freshman and tommy is a architecture senior + football player and their housing arrangements are only supposed to be temporary. see, the thing about it is that tommy was supposed to be rooming with howie and sal for his last year on campus. but someone fucked something up somewhere and now he's stuck with this douchebag fratboy punkass kid who keeps confusing him. because on the one hand, this kid seems like he's trying to fuck everything that moves. but on the other hand, when they're alone in their room, he looks like he's constantly on the verge of tears? so what the fuck is that all about.
anyway. one night, buck gets messy drunk and ends up falling into tommy's bed at two a.m. and tommy, initially, is like "dude get the fuck out of my bed, what the hell is wrong with you?" but then buck really does start sniffling, and his voice shakes, and he's like "please don't make me leave. i'm so tired and everyone always leaves. please just let me stay." and, like, how is tommy meant to say no to that? he doesn't even know if the kid will remember this shit in the morning, but when tommy makes a promise, he keeps it. so he takes buck under his wing and that's how they become inseparable, borderline codependent.
tommy walks him to class every morning and night, and buck comes to all his football games, and they eat breakfast lunch and dinner together and sleep in the same bed, and buck has tommy wash his hair while he's in the shower, and tommy has buck give him a massage after practice, and, well. you get it. sal and howie are both surprised and concerned. they've seen kinard fall head over heels for a guy, but not like this and not since He Who Must Not Be Named (tommy's emotionally abusive ex boyfriend from his freshman year). anyway, idk what else happens next, or, rather, i have several ideas of what happens next, but all it amounts to is that tommy graduates and is drafted by the 49ers during the first round and buck still goes to all his football games and sits with the WAGs and cheers him on <333
#tv: 911#jack.txt#otp: eye of the storm#future wips#thinking about Her (Red Brick Heart by hazmesentir)
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Tf 141: Ghost and his marriage problems w/ you
part 1: Price | Masterlist here! | Inspo playlist here! Angst to comfort
Ghost is a man of few words, the comment of it being 'few and far between' used too often to describe him and his stand-off demeanor with you in public.
Though, he cares not for those things, only ever lending an ear for you only.
Yet you wished he did when manhandles a man that was only trying to talk to you about baked goods you were selling.
You slammed your front door closed after Simon went ahead inside and paced around the living room, before settling on a chair once he hears you stomp in.
"What the fuck was that Simon?"
You seethed, pissed off at how Simon was so quick to assume things, turning things to an eleven when it didn't to be-- making an issue at a situation you were very well handling yourself already.
"He got too close," he grunts with a shrug, "too suspicious for someone just 'asking' a question."
You rubbed your face roughly.
You think maybe he was emotionally and socially stunted but no, he was able to conduct himself just fine at his jobs and during missions-- what the fuck is he on right now?
"What kinda bullshit is that?" You scoffed at him and he huffs, leaning his elbows on his knees yet still making eye contact with you.
"You..." He starts but then breaks off, sighing and ruffling his hair.
Simon wanted to choose his words carefully. He couldn't say it was gut feeling that he gets when someone gets too close to hurt you.
As a soldier, he was trained to always be on his toes, and that type of behavior becomes hard to rub off when all he thinks of is protecting you whenever you guys go out.
He knows that no one knows how his face looks like out in public, but he is still scared-- haunted by the notion, or even the thought of you getting hurt as a means of revenge to get back at him.
He knows his records aren't clean and he isn't proud of some of the things he did either, but he knew it was worth it when the world could have its bits and pieces of peace from it-- especially if you were, and you still had that same gleaming smile whenever you greet him home.
So he tries to keep that all away, to keep the peace, and most importantly-- to keep you happy.
Even if that required him to be on guard 24/7, always wary of the things going on in your life and working double to make sure you were alright.
Even if it gets him the short end of the stick, getting the brunt of your anger.
"He..." he licks his dried out lips, "...he looked like he had ulterior motives, hun."
You stomp to him, hands grabbing his face as you stared down at him, eyes so pointed and open that there were unshed tears at the end of it.
"And who are you to be the judge of that?"
He bites his lip, sucking in a breath, and he just wants to speak--
"Because I've been onto him."
"...What-?"
You were breathless for a moment, letting go of Simon as he whispered words that made it cloudier-- made him more vague and so stubbornly confusing.
But when he doesn't reply for moments after that, you ask him what he meant by that. What he wants to mean by that-- because all these conjured up thoughts swirling in your head were doing no good for the position you were putting Simon in inside your head.
"Simon please..." you breathed out in resign, "...just tell me."
Yet he doesn't.
He sits there, ever so still.
And you think he's stuck like that if it wasn't for the constant soft crunching of his gloves as he grips and releases it.
If it weren't for his chest heaving up and down-- you would have thought you lost him.
"If you're not gonna talk, I'm leaving." You decided, having enough of working today and just... all of this with Simon.
You love him, you truly do, but him shutting himself like this is just so exhausting-- and you couldn't take another moment of it.
"Wait."
His voice rings loud enough from the doorway, where you already putting on your shoes, and you pause, letting him have a couple seconds to follow-up.
"...Its cold out, grab your coat."
You huff, slamming your shoes down again for the second time tonight. Luckily, there weren't your favorite pair, but they'd understand if its them dealing with as stubborn of a partner like Ghost right? You could only amusedly think so for a moment before going close to Ghost, glaring down at him while his face was turned downwards to the floor, no longer making eye-contact with you.
"'s that all you're gonna say to me?"
You ask again, giving him another chance, another out for him just to get it off his chest-- to just,
"FUCKING TALK SIMON!"
Your breaths are heavy and from the way Simon didn't even flinch nor move, you decided to forego that chance. To just leave and--
"He was stalking you."
You turn to him again, facing him with less intensity that you thought when you finally see him.
He's disgruntled, hair a mess, mask and gloves off, disheveled clothing-- face so scrunched with lines, you'd think he was carving the wrinkles on his face permanently.
You wait, nodding at him to continue-- not trusting your own voice at the moment to convince him to keep talking.
Simon breaths in deep.
He had no choice.
It was either he lets you leave him (and fuck him and everything he lives for if he just lets you do so without him even trying) or he talks, and shows... everything and risk you leaving either way.
If both ends at the same conclusion, fuck him for throwing caution to the wind and giving one last damn shot to keep you by his side.
"Remember when you got that weird text?" He starts off and once he sees you nod in confirmation, he continues. "Thought I should look into it."
"I told you it was just spam." You mutter and you see him shake his head, muttering a small- "not to me."
And you kept your mouth shut at that.
"Once I did," he gulps, "started seeing all the nasty shit he had on his computer and what he planned to do..." he paused, breath coming out steady.
"...once he got to you today."
You feel like a bucket of ice cold water just got splashed onto your face, your stomach dropping, your throat constricting.
"..what...?"
Was all you could manage before you see Simon stand, and you could finally see why people were scared of him, the elusive and ruthless man on the field-- the man they call Ghost.
Now you knew why he sat, why he also took the low ground with you, why he showed himself to be smaller than you because seeing him right now-- standing at his full height with a gaze you can no longer call familiar.
It was downright chilling to the bone.
"He was going to take you for himself." He growled, his emotions resurfacing once he saw the guy's search history and the not-so-elaborate plans he shared with a couple of mates on his messaging app. He had the receipts and he was going to fucking expose the guy if it weren't for your interference--.
No. He shouldn't think about it like that. You were worried for him. Yeah. You weren't disrupting anything, you were just looking out for him. That's it.
'Keep it down, Ghost.'
"If I didn't intervene," he grabs your jaw and forces you into his gaze, "I would've broken my promise to always protecting you."
This breaks the dam.
Simon, as much as he was an emotionally stunted man, meant every word he made to you in his vows.
And at the end of it all, he swore, he promised--
'Promise to protect you always.'
Was how he ended that, and how he slipped that band on your finger right now.
You felt so stupid.
Maybe it was you who were quick to assume such things of a man who would no thing to hurt you.
"Shh..." He holds you close, finally closing the distance he wanted to make ever since you guys got home. "I'm sorry."
He whispers onto your hair as one of his hands stroke it while the other was wrapped around your side.
His chin was on your head, and he just lets you sob onto him-- lets you say your apologies, but he doesn't take them.
It wasn't your fault. It was his.
And he wants to make amends.
Even if that ended up with you leaving, he'll still fulfill those vows he promised.
Because he swore it to the only person who accepted him for all that he is.
So, he'll try his best to make it work. For the both of you, or even just for your sake.
"Lovie," he mutters once your sobs turned to sniffles, "your smiles look better on you."
You huff, unable to stop the breath of a laugh from the sudden left hook of a compliment.
"I'm sorry Simon." You finally peel away from his chest to look at him and place your hands- more gently this time- on his heated cheeks.
He shakes his head-- "no, 's not you." He kisses your palms, trailing it higher until he reaches that golden metal on your finger, and his lips linger on there for moments before talking again.
"I should've told you," he admits, "just didn't want you to worry."
You immediately smacked him which made him slightly flinch at the sudden hit on his cheek.
"Dummy," you sniffle, "I still would-- whether you didn't or did."
You pout at him, "you know me Simon, I'll always worry."
He nods somberly.
"Just don't wanna add onto it." He pokes your forehead and you giggle.
"See, its already so big--"
"Shush!" You slapped away his hand this time and you could see a smile starting to grow on his lips.
"I'll remember that for next time." He promises, this time replacing his finger with forehead, tiredly connecting it to yours.
"Promise to tell me next time?"
"I promise."
"I'll worry with you instead."
He chuckles at this, relenting to your whims once more.
"You're gonna make my head bigger like yours then."
#cod ghost x reader#cod ghost#cod mw2#simon ghost riley#cod x reader#crackfic#no beta we die like soap#tf 141 x reader#tf 141 x you#simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader
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Ateez Reaction ღ Their s/o experiences verbal shutdowns
ღ Ateez all members x gn!reader ღ words: ~200 per member ღ genre & warnings: reaction, comfort, a hint of angst but everything turns out well ღ reader: no descriptions of reader’s anatomy, no pronouns used
a/n: I'm not 100% satisfied with how these turned out, but I wanted to post them anyway, in hopes they'll be a comfort to some^^
Hongjoong:
he’s a little confused to say the least when one day you decide to tell him about your verbal shutdowns
he’s never actually heard that there’s a term for this, neither has he considered this as something that simply happens to some people and isn’t something that can really be overcome
so after the initial shock he decides to just listen to what you have to say first of all, wanting you to explain it in as much detail as possible so he could understand
and you’re mostly telling him this so he won’t worry too much and know what’s going on when it inevitably happens in front of him for the first time
so when he asks about how to help you in such a situation, you’re caught off guard
he makes it clear that he really wants to support you, but since he’s never experienced this himself, he wouldn’t know how to do that intuitively
and when you stumble over your words trying to come up with an answer, he ends up chuckling at you being so flustered all of a sudden
“It’s okay, we can take this slow.” - he reassures you
once you’re calm and collected again, he listens intently, and in case you’re not actually sure what would help you the most during a verbal shutdown, he also offers to do some research with you and help you figure that out
Seonghwa:
listens very intently when you tell him about this, and also takes you very seriously
he’s curious to know everything about your verbal shutdowns and how to help you whenever you experience one, but he also doesn’t want to overwhelm you with questions
so after the initial conversation about it, he makes sure to do a lot of research, looking up other people’s experiences, tips, etc…
he wouldn’t forgive himself for accidentally saying or doing the wrong thing and making matters worse, so he’s very dedicated to learning whatever he can about this
and he will be so supportive, suggesting using communication cards, or some kind of signal only the two of you know about for when you lose the ability to speak temporarily
and once it does happen, he proves just how well he researched the whole topic, because he’s quick to understand what’s going on, and he doesn’t pressure you to speak in any way
instead he leads you somewhere where you can recollect yourself, and he gives you the space you need to feel comfortable and safe with him
Yunho:
gets so worried the first time you have a verbal shutdown in front of him
you were mid-conversation about a bit of a difficult topic, and suddenly you go completely quiet, so he immediately figures something must be wrong
“Y/N? Are you okay?” he calls out to you, but you can’t react, because you don’t even know whether you should nod or shake your head
he comes closer and carefully reaches out to you, resting his hand on your upper arm as he observes you closely with furrowed brows and helplessness reflecting in his eyes
“Did I say something wrong?” he throws another question at you, and this time you manage to shake your head
and thankfully he decides to just wait it out and stay right by your side for now, because after a few minutes of racing thoughts you finally succeed in conveying to him that you can’t talk right now
tells you it’s okay and that it’s enough if you just nod or shake your head, before offering you a hug which you gladly accept
once your speech has returned to you and you explain to him what exactly happened, he will listen intently and make sure to ask about how you want him to act if it happens again, so that he can properly help you through this
Yeosang:
he gets so worried the first time you have a verbal shutdown in front of him that he doesn’t know what to do
he tends to struggle with figuring out how to deal with unexpected situations like this too, and especially when it’s about seeing a person he cares about suffer while not knowing how to help, he just panics internally
manages to stay calm on the outside though, and once some time has passed he will definitely ask you about this, because this guy will literally be unable to relax until he knows how to deal with such a situation
and when you explain to him that sometimes you simply can’t speak no matter how hard you try, everything clicks in his head
“Oh my god… I thought I said something wrong and upset you…”
now that he knows what’s going on he’s relieved
and he’ll feel even more at ease when you tell him what you want him to do (or don’t want him to do) in a situation like this
but even if you haven’t fully figured out yet what helps, he’ll be more than happy to try anything you suggest
though he will still worry, but at least like this he won’t freeze up anymore and can actually support you!
San:
another one who’s worried sick when he first witnesses you in a verbal shutdown
a thousand thoughts are racing through his mind at once when you suddenly stop answering upon him asking you a bit of a sensitive question
he’ll immediately think it’s all his fault and that he has accidentally hurt you deeply, and seeing the guilt on his face is eating away at you, especially because you currently lack the ability to explain yourself
so you do the only thing that feels possible right now, and you shake your head vigorously as tears of helplessness well up in your eyes
and that’s when he decides that comforting you should be the top priority right now
so he offers you a hug, and when you accept it right away, he’s a little relieved
“It’s okay…” he whispers close to your ear, “You’re okay, I’m here.”
will sit you down somewhere comfortable, get you a glass of water, and stay by your side for however long it takes you to get out words again
and even if you haven’t spoken after a while, he’ll eventually figure it might help to also get you a pen and paper, in case writing down your thoughts is something that’s possible for you in that moment
Mingi:
he isn’t looking at you as you’re talking to each other, facing away from you and having most of his attention on his phone - or so you think
because when he brings up something that causes you to shut down and become unable to talk, it takes him mere seconds to realize something’s off
turns his head to find you staring at him, completely frozen up and struggling with all the words circulating in your head that just won’t come out
instead you begin tearing up because you hate that this had to happen now and at the same time you feel guilty about it
you watch as Mingi gets up slowly and approaches you
“Y/N…?” he quietly calls out to you, the worried expression on his face only causing you to feel worse
however, this guy isn’t stupid, and he’s seen this happen before
and although he didn’t understand what was going on the first time, he’s starting to get it now
“Can’t say it?” he assumes and you nod, still fighting your tears
“That’s okay… I’ll just stay here until you can.”
stays beside you and eventually starts rambling about how he understands that sometimes words can be hard and it can happen
and just listening to his voice like this eventually helps you feel at ease, until eventually you manage to speak again, thanking him for being by your side
Wooyoung:
this guy here does not understand what a verbal shutdown means when you first explain it to him
“Huh? If you have something to say… just say it?”
he feels it's best to encourage you to get over whatever's stopping you so you could talk anyway - which is less than helpful to you, knowing it doesn't work like that
so when you lose your ability to speak when you're out with him and some friends upon him asking you just the wrong question, you get anxious about how he would react
however, as soon as he sees the panicked look on your face and realizes that you really can't say anything, even after he repeats his question, he begins to understand
excuses himself and you and then takes you away to a quiet place where you two can be alone
offers you a hug and when he sees you nod he holds you tight, not letting go of you until a quiet "thanks" slips from your lips
needless to be said, now that he's starting to get what's going on, he is very curious to know more about it, and how to best support you during a verbal shutdown
Jongho:
when you’re in the middle of an important conversation and you suddenly stop replying, his first reaction is confusion
he can feel himself getting frustrated with you, because you were talking about a topic he feels the pressing need to get answers to, but when your reaction to seeing the hint of anger on his face is to take a step back to get further away from him, it starts to dawn on him that your silence is probably not about him at all
calls out your name in an attempt to appease you, and when his expression softens, some of the tension leaves your shoulders
still, you can’t talk
so you stand there in silence for a while, with you unable to look at him, so what you don’t notice is that in his head he’s going through all the different ways to handle this situation, trying to figure out how to help you
in the end he simply pulls out his phone, opens the notes app, and holds it out to you
“Maybe you can type it out…?” he suggests, and when you realize that he’s not mad at you or disappointed, tears start welling up in your eyes
“Oh my…”
offers you a hug with open arms, and when you close the distance between you to accept it and to bury your face in his chest, he makes sure to comfort you first and foremost as he pats your head and holds you close
#ateez reactions#ateez comfort#ateez fluff#ateez x reader#ateez imagines#ateez scenarios#ateez x gn reader#hongjoong x reader#seonghwa x reader#yunho x reader#yeosang x reader#san x reader#mingi x reader#wooyoung x reader#jongho x reader#comfort#fluff#reaction
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Hold on I'd actually love to talk about Archie comics and the forces behind Riverdale for a second because they're legitimately fascinating.
So, before we talk about why Riverdale's so bonkers, we gotta talk about Kevin Keller. Archie's cast and those of its spinoffs being thrown into Situations of wildly differing tone and periods is a time-honored classic of the series, but that started to mean more than just "here's a story about the gang finding out what kissing is in prehistoric times" after the successful introduction of Kevin in 2010. For those who may not know, Kevin was the first openly gay character in the Archie comics, and his release was kind of a huge deal - Archie had always been seen as this squeaky-clean symbol of (white) Americana, so something like that happening in the new 10's - to fucking Archie - was legitimately groundbreaking. (He's since been followed up with characters like Toni Topaz and Eliza Han, but Kev was the first.)
Remember, Archie is the kids' comic book in America, for better or worse. Superhero comics can vary wildly in tone and intended audience, but if a parent grabs their kid an Archie comic from the shelf at a grocery store, they basically know what they're getting and don't have to worry about someone's neck getting ripped out on-panel. Getting something like Kevin in the "safest" comic short of Family Circus was kind of a watershed moment.
(As an aside: some have pointed out that Kevin isn't a terribly interesting character, being something of a masc everyman All-American Boy™, but I would argue that that's basically all Archie is, and at a time where all the "gay representation" kids were getting were horrible caricatures of fem men as envisioned by straight people, whitebread masc guy Kevin is kind of exactly what the doctor ordered. I would go so far as to argue that presenting this gay teen as unquestionably part of the gang, slotting into Archie's idealized 50's aesthetics perfectly, was one of the best moves they could have made for the era and surrounding climate. This was a time when "Gay men are just as capable of performing masculinity as straight men" was a legitimately transgressive statement. I'm a Kevin apologist. A Kevin defender.)
So, Kevin's release is huge. He's very popular with kids and adults alike, to the point where his introductory comic and miniseries sell out faster than any other Archie comic in history. He got his own spinoff within two years. People love Kevin.
So what does this have to do with Riverdale, beyond Kevin being a character in it? Well, Kevin Keller proves to the leads behind Archie that modernizing the series has the potential to be very lucrative indeed, and this is where Archie starts to get shockingly experimental. (Relatively speaking, anyway.) The new 10's see the release of Life With Archie: The Married Life, (a dual-timeline soap opera exploration of his married life with either Betty or Veronica) Afterlife with Archie, (a zombie story incited by Sabrina trying to bring Jughead's dog back after he was struck by a car) and of course, the infamous Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. (This one got a Netflix adaptation, but in case you need the cliff's notes, basically it's Sabrina the Teenage Witch only the witches get the power from worshiping Satan.)
These series were also well-received. Enter Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, the guy behind the aforementioned Afterlife with Archie. After the success of the title, he was made Chief Creative Officer, and he's also the showrunner of Riverdale, and here is the reason Riverdale is Like That.
So while Riverdale is undoubtedly an incredibly weird cultural object, I think a lot of people who aren't familiar with the show or franchise get the wrong idea about it. I think the biggest point of confusion among onlookers is "How in on the bit is Riverdale?" and I would respond: extremely. Are you kidding? Why is there even any doubt about this? Sacasa is a gay guy who got cease-and-desisted for writing a play that reimagined Archie as gay in 2003. This dude got promoted specifically for playing with genre and making Archie weird as Hell back when it used to be considered a dull, whitebread relic. You think shit like the "I'm weird. I'm a weirdo." speech and "That means that you haven't known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football." happened by accident? You think it just stumbled into doing an entire Hedwig and the Angry Inch episode? Oh, no, my friend. That shit was the result of a demented fag writer doing what demented fag writers do best; produce camp masterpieces. Everything about Riverdale is completely intentional.
Now, is it good? No, of course not. It is, however, great fucking television. I don't really watch the show outside of a few isolated episodes, but I am really glad it exists.
Gritty sci-fi webcomic where partway through the third major arc the protagonists get trapped in some sort of utopian false reality by a mysterious godlike being, except they never escape and the comic just changes genres to quirky coffee-shop slice of life until it's unceremoniously cancelled six years later.
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Are they "spying" on you? Why?
I just felt called to do this reading very randomly. The theme is also very random. I just thought these pictures were just so adorable.
Group 1
Trust, Love, Surrender rx, Paradox & back of the deck Strength
They try not to. They try so hard. But they just can't resist the urge to check up on you. Watching you from afar is this person's guilty pleasure. Curiosity just gets the best of them. Even if they tell themselves "I should forget about group 1, I have other things to deal with", they constantly find themselves with their nose up in your business lmao Part of the reason why they stalk you is because this person feels a bit confused when it comes to you. They like you but paradoxically they kinda wish they didn't. This person has a hard time trusting others and opening their heart to people in general, especially romantically. They don't want to surrender to whatever may be going on between you but at the same time they just always feel called to come back to you. They just can't stay away from you no matter how hard they try, no matter the number of reasons they try to find to explain why they just should leave and never look back. They try resisting you so hard that it is painful to them. It just feels so unnatural to deny their feelings and attraction. But at the same time, this "love" doesn't make sense to them. I guess that they were surprised to meet you and didn't expect to get attached to you so quickly. And they may be viewing this attachment as a weakness for some reason. I just feel like this person is scared of being toyed with, being hurt and taken advantage of. Which is absolutely legitimate and understandable. Also, I'm getting that they check up on you because they want to see if you're in a similar state. If you too are also confused and feeling messed up ever since you met them. A part of them wants to be reassured and know whether they're alone in this situation or if you reciprocate the feeling. The truth is this person just adores you and somehow has a hard time coming to terms with that. I wonder why that is. Let's pull some tarot cards to get to the depth of this situation.
You got the ace of pentacles, White Numen, 3 of wands, 10 of cups, 2 of swords, Queen of cups.
They just have so many hopes and dreams for this connection that it scares them. Because they feel like it is too much too soon. They're not sure that they're allowed to have such thoughts of you. I feel like they're doubting their sanity in a way. Like "is it even healthy to think of group 1 this way when we don't know each other" kind of inner struggle. Because to this person you mean so much more than what they let on. Not only do they have feelings for you but they hope for a future with you. They want to take the connection to a higher level and see where this leads because they just feel so happy with you and safe. And it just feels like the right thing to do. However, maybe your attitude towards them lead them to believe that you may not be wanting the same thing. So they're puzzled. There's a dilemma going on here. "Should I keep hoping for more or should I just move on?" is what may be going through their mind. I also had the impression that there was another person playing a role in this indecision and confusion. Possibly another interest that they had in the past. And this person's energy is sometimes coming back in their bubble, which pushes this person to try to forget about you. But it's not as easy as they thought it would be. I feel like for others of you that third energy is actually distance. This person is scared of how living at a distance from one another could be impacting the connection. Like "yeah I like group 1 but what if that disappears with time since we don't see each other that much" kind of feeling. Also they may be scared that you end up picking someone else and when they do come in, it's too late for them. So that could also explain why they check up on you. They want to see if you found someone else. This spread also made me feel like this person puts you on a pedestal and feels like they're no match for you.
Group 2
The Weaver, Ask Body rx, Transmute, Shadow & back of the deck Pillar
I wanted to say no but the last two cards made me think otherwise. I feel like this person is not directly checking up on you but is getting information about you through their friends or through their intuition. Also, it could be that they don't actively seek out for you but even if they try not to check up on you, you just constantly appear on their feed or things just remind them of you. Similarily to group 1, I get the feeling of someone fighting the urge not to stalk. And this person is better at it than group 1's person. When they do check up on you, which I feel like doesn't happen very often, this person does their very best for you not to notice. So they could use fake accounts or apps that allow them to see your content without their name appearing in your notifications. I feel the reason why they act this way is because this person is trying to get their control back. It's like they had lost themselves in the connection and they feel like they have to heal from that. So they try to remain at a distance from you and try to keep the interactions at a minimal level. Cause they know that if they open the door, they'll just lose it. I feel like this person just wants to keep a hold on their desire for you. And rather than expressing their passion and pulling you in this spiral of lust, they would rather use this energy as a source of power and inspiration. I feel like they're trying to keep themselves busy and staying on the low. You may notice that this person is less active on their socials or if they do post, they're keeping things very surface level and kind of mysterious. Like they share stuff without sharing too much so it would be hard to really know what they're up to. I also picked up on the energy of someone releasing sexual tension through art or through their work. Or also through physical activity. This person may be hitting the gym more often. You may have noticed physical changes in their appearance. That's because they're trying to distract themselves from the effect you have on them. Since I pulled tarot cards for group 1, I will do the same for you as well.
You got White Numen, 8 of wands, Chariot rx, 9 of cups, Hierophant, ace of cups.
Boy I knew this spread was connected to group 1. If you hesitated between the two groups, you may want to check G1 then. This person got the feels but more importantly they got the hots for you, like really hots. This person is desparately fighting the urge to rush towards you and go down on you. There's so much that they want to say to you but they hold that back because they think you'll think they're crazy. This person daydreams about you 24/7. You're their wish fulfillment. You have everything that they dream of when it comes to their vision of what a partner should be like. This person definitely considers you commitment material and they just love you plain and simple. I have to mention that the 3 of cups is at the back of the deck. Just like in group 1, there's a third party energy here lurking in the shadows. This may be a past connection. But also, this could be that this person is trying to keep things friendly with you because they're just overwhelmed by how they feel towards you and it scares them. It's like they're trying to run away from their feelings and the way they do that is by drowning themselves in work, focusing on various activities at the time to make it look like they're not available for you. Again, I also get that friend group energy like this person's friends know you or something. Maybe they tell this person about how you're doing so that they don't have to feel guilty. Or actually, maybe their friends are trying to get this person to lower their guards down and actually give in to temptation when it comes to you. For some reason, I picked up on a friend saying stuff like "oh group 2 posted a picture, omg they're so beautiful" just to get this person to react. Maybe they even try to make them jealous by interacting with you. That feels a bit weird lmao but I feel like your person's friends are rooting for you and trying to get your person to talk to you. But this person is like "nah we're just friends, group 2 doesn't want me, it's better if we don't talk" and their friends are like "sure, who do you think you're kidding just go and talk to them dumbass".
Group 3
Manifest, Self Love, The Universe, Compassion & back of the deck Connect to heart
No, they are not stalking you. The reason for that is because this person is focused on their self growth, their health and their personal goals. They are doing their best to manifest their desired reality, thus they don't have much energy left to focus on you. This isn't to say that they do not like you. I feel like this person appreciates and values you but they just don't feel the need to check up on you and know every detail of what you're doing. I feel like this person has been through a lot lately and just needs to focus on themselves, to recharge their batteries and do what feels right for them. So they're just not up in your space and they mind their own business. This person is likely to be at a distance from you and you may not hear from them at all. Also I'm getting that this person feels connected to you spiritually so they feel like they don't have to stalk you because they already know deep down you're doing okay. They just intuitively know that you understand them and care about them just like they do. They also trust that you respect their privacy and need for space, so they're not worried and they just do their own thing in their little bubble. They may even have deleted their apps to avoid risking interacting with you. They just don't want to be distracted and they need the time and space to come back to their senses and to heal. I asked spirit for more details so I drew tarot cards just like I did for the previous groups.
You got 9 of cups, 4 of cups, knight of pentacles, 8 of cups, Star rx, White Numen.
This person is focused on their dreams and their emotional needs. They just felt disconnected from you and they didn't see any reason to keep going knowing that they weren't feeling it. So they pulled their energy back and poured it back into their own cup. This person has a lot of respect for you and is thankful for the time spent with you. However they just feel like they have to go their own way for the time being. They didn't see a purpose in trying to make the connection work when they didn't see anything come out of it. They thought it would be hurting you both for no reason. And this person didn't want to hurt you. Also they felt like there was no hope left for your connection and that they were called somewhere else. I'm also getting that their work is taking a lot of their attention and energy so this person just didn't have space for you in their life.
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Asking because of the previous ask, are you not a fan of Ethan anymore? If so, why?
It's complicated, I suppose (rant where i talk abt ethan but then also my OCs in general)
I really do not like the first version of Ethan I made like 3 years ago. Obviously I like indulging in devilish ideas but I don't know, it ended up turning into something I didn't really end up liking too much.
Then I revisited and sort of rewrote his story a bit a while back when making the OC archive site (I'm aware the site is not available anymore for the people who asked, I took it down myself) and was much happier with it for a while.
Don't get me wrong, I like Ethan, I know he's the OC people seem to like the most, but it's still like a personal mental battle of like maybe it's too effed up? Even when I draw characters going through unwilling/accidental extreme weight gain, I make them either ambivalent or accepting of their situation, but for Ethan it's kind of like torture, and I can't bring myself to get like..aroused and excited to draw more of that *personally*.
Changing up his lore wouldn't really work either since his story is based on helplessness and stuff, and it'd be disingenuous to make him be happy with his situation, so I've just sort of subconsciously decided to leave him as is and treat his content as its self contained story more than nsfw art to goon to, if that makes sense. I don't know, maybe I'm just thinking about it too much, but just wanted to say what goes through my head.
I also don't really revisit Ethan for the same reason I don't tend to draw much of all the past OCs I've made, as I see each of them as a way to explore different facets of how weight gain can manifest and adapt into a character's life to create a story around it, and I feel like I've covered most of the ground around them already.
All of my OCs come from a sudden short prompt that pops up in my head, usually out of nowhere. I suddenly wanted to make a big-hearted southern farm guy who was super massive and I immediately ran to draw Rudy, for example.
I draw them a little reference, with my typical bullet points next to them with basic info to get an idea of what their dynamic is like, and a more lengthily written backstory or description if I'm feeling fancy under it, and then for the next week or two it's all art of them and answering questions about them... and then another idea pops up, and a new OC comes in.
It's not that I get tired of them, but I just simply do not know what to draw with them. Ethan is the biggest outlier in this case, since he is my fattest OC and half immobile, you just don't really know how else to bring something new that's not him laying on his bed at a slightly different angle.
I guess that's why I always do OC asks, I sort of need them to be able to know what to draw with them, since I struggle coming with things like that by myself, and you know I always like avoiding drawing a character in a void with no context.
The Genshin Obesity AU is my longest running like "project"?? thing just because there is an endless amount of content I can pull from since there's all these characters, places and possibilities I can write from. My OCs are obviously much more self-contained and moreso serve as individual experiments to explore different people and scenarios, so after the 10th drawing of them... I genuinely do not know what else I can add to them.
I hope that was a bit insightful. I know most of you guys love Ethan, and I love him too! But I don't know, I guess this is why I don't tend to have immobile/near immobile OCs, since the potential art ideas for them drop to just them sitting on a mattress or sitting on the floor and I'm just left confused on what to do with them.
Maybe Ethan in his college days is something you guys might be interested in? Or I don't know, I'm just writing this post as my thoughts enter my head.
Sorry for the rant, I sure do love typing, hope this clears up some questions people might've had
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Sometimes the tags don't leave enough space for my ramblings.
While working on this piece I was severely inspired by this post, by @mythalism, describing the path of Solas and Lavellan like submitting to the faith and expectations of 'godhood'.
There was another post as well, but I couldn't find it (if someone has a link, please share it!) about the theory that the Fade prison is the black city, which is the corrupted golden city from Andrastes tales. If you get one of the 'good endings', Solas or Solas and Lavellan are in a golden circle, instead of a black one. Does their love turn the corrupted city golden? Fjsjbwjdnrhdhsgdg
Here is a screenshot of @mythalism post, because everyone needs to read it again.
During the game we see the fade prison as a colorless bleak place. It'd like to imagine it's mirrored by the mental state of those occupying is. Trapped with anger and regret? You receive a disoriented and nightmarish space, which leaves you confused and lonely.
But if we are correct and it's actually the corrupted Golden City, it could be more akin to the Thedas variant of heaven once the corruption has been cleansed. Solas even talks about 'calming the blight' at the end of Veilguard. Calming the corruption within the black city?
So if the fade is a place of dreams, and reflects upon your own expectations. If Solas enters with the purpose of atonement, and Lavellan with the feeling of love and acceptance... The the fade might shift into something akin to this. A place that has color, peace and serenity. Where the light is always golden.
The total opposite of the prison we first glimpse when meeting Solas in Rooks' dream.
I'm losing my mind. It's giving Greek tragedy in mythalism's words and I'm living for it.
Solas x Lavellan
Dragon age the Veilguard
Tel banal, ara'ma
It won’t be terrible if you’re with me.
Available as print here.
#There are a lot of things to critique regarding the devs choices in Veilguard#But the solavellan ending is not one of them#We got served frilly cakes on a silver platter#We went from solavellan hell to solavellan heaven#It's giving poetry and myths#There will be songs written about their sacrifice#Datv is not perfect but I couldn't have wished for a better ending for solavellan#Dragon age meta#dragon age the veilguard#da:tv#dragon age#Mythalism#solavellan#Meta post#datv speculation#datv spoilers#Datv ending#Spoilers#solas x lavellan#solasmance#datv#my fanart
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Yes, this is a new account, I just made this. I don't care if people question the authenticity of my post, my experience as a shifter, or whatever I'm about to say.
I don't know how to use Tumblr, nor do I know how to make my post reach people who need it, nor would I be a narcissist and say "you're lucky if you found my post!" I don't mind if this reaches an audience or not, I'm glad to get everything off my chest.
Yes. I've shifted.
I have shifted realities, more times than I can count on my fingers, and that is for a very specific reason, which I'll explain later.
I'm writing this because I'm about to permashift, and no, I won't hear out any antishifters or people who don't like permashifting in general, I don't care about your opinion so don't waste my time.
Before I start, I'd like to say one thing:
I was irrational minded, I lacked belief in myself and shifting. Shifting often times felt like a chore more than a fun activity, and i have to admit, it became an unhealthy habit.
So? Why did I mention this?
Because I had been lurking around shifting communities and I realised everyone feels like this, a very (mentally) painful feeling where the lack of shifts starts acting as your biggest enemy, and the phrase:
"Shifting needs practice!"
Sounds like poison when it comes from an experienced shifter.
Though, is the phrase actually true?
No, not at all.
Shifting does not need practice!!
Here's why:
(BTW, I will explain my "method", no matter if I have time or not. Also, I don't call this reality "Current Reality", instead I call it Void reality, so don't get confused.)
The "practice" you're doing is only affecting your void reality (taking time out of your day, making you constantly think you're in your learning phase, so it doesn't exactly lead to your desired reality, does it?)
Of course, if you view it as a skill, it will in some way act like that, it'll become a skill for you, and you can never succeed on your first, second, third, hundredth try, because in your brain you have registered the fact that shifting is this grand, universal task, and that it is very difficult (because its common sense that you practice difficult things to get good at them)
Practice is a very humane and earthly act, if people have succeeded doing just practice, then good for then, they're right in their own way, but it didn't work for me, and in my opinion it's the worst way to view shifting, and often times it is demotivating, and you'll mess up you're entire journey.
Shifting is not a skill, shifting is a universal law.
I'll become more clear as I explain my journey:
My journey:
I found shifting from a random YouTube video 3 years ago. I might have only said cool and moved along.
A year later something traumatic happened in my life, which shook me so badly I needed an escape.
First of all, I chose astral projecting, but I realised I was too much of a coward to do so.
Then I came towards shifting, first DR was very typical, it was Hogwarts.
Having no knowledge whatsoever in the topics of spirituality, meditation, I went straight to methods, because they were like guides for me, I was very inexperienced, of course, and looked at other people and what they were doing for guidance.
Alice in wonderland method didn't do much, raven method was too uncomfortable (side note, all this raven method does is make you too focused on your void reality, cmon, in your DR are you laying down like a starfish?) And I was having terrible trouble with my intrusive thoughts (which made the floor disappear from under my feet, made the stairs for the stairs method too short to climb or straight up made them dissappear as well)
I didn't have any luck that year, no mini shifts, no lucid dreams, or sleep paralysis. And my DRs never remained constant. They always changed on a daily basis.
I was big on methods, I couldn't realize they never worked for me.
Although, this year of failure led me to finally figure out where I belonged.
A DR made out of scratch, which I spend much effort in putting the pieces of it together.
The DR, which was called "Home reality" really made me feel settled in my journey.
LOA, and the consciousness theory were the leading factors which made me shift.
And don't worry, it isn't what you're tired of being told, I didn't just apply any orthodox definition of LOA and succeeded.
Background to my first shift:
It was a particularly stressful day, I really missed my home.
I was studying at my college (I still am, but...) and I was dreading giving a chemistry test, I did not prepare. In my mind, one thing was constantly looping in my head.
The scenario of the chemistry teacher coming in, and taking the test, and the next day I get it handed back with a big fat zero.
But then I stopped and wondered, having already known about the consciousness theory, so according to it:
"I am constantly letting this thought run in my mind, and constantly letting this reality dictate what happens next."
Basically, I realized what was about to happen next was indirectly in my control, but with my line of thinking, I was letting this reality control it directly.
I stopped, like actually stopped thinking.
And with a blank mind I thought.
"I won't have to take any test today."
And went around telling my classmates this with a confident tone.
The teacher came in, said we'll instead do some practicals in lab.
So the test got cancelled.
Going home, I got excited, i felt powerful.
I decided to apply this to shifting.
Before shifting, I took a nap during the day, (if you're tired your body insists on sleeping, so your mind will get hazy and you will start acting lazy towards your goal)
And after living how I normally would, before bedtime, I listened to some songs, and look at a Pinterest board which reminded me of my home reality.
My method and what happened next:
First phase of shifting:
When I laid down on the bed to start shifting, I first got comfy (for me, if I feel sleepy for some reason, I laid on my back, I can't fall asleep in that position, but if I think ill stay awake until I reach a "detached state" then I sleep on my side, it's comfortable)
I obviously wasn't checking the time, but I spent about 10 minutes getting relaxed, all I do to relax is:
a) look at the blackness (closed eyes, looks like starry skies) and try to believe I'm looking at the milky way.
b) think about my home reality, just faces of my loved ones, and nostalgia inducing images.
c) Affirm, but don't focus entirely on affirming, usually in the back of my mind I'm repeating "I have shifted to my home reality" "I have shifted my senses to my home reality" "I have stopped sensing the void reality" "I am smelling, tasting, feeling, hearing and seeing my home reality" no other fancy affirmations required. (Now that I think about it, you need to affirm NOW because this method has two phases, one where you are shifting, and one where you have shifted, and you are in the 3D, where you are occupying your DR self, their thoughts, and memories, and popular method usually only have one phase, either you are shifting, or have shifted. So my point is if you affirm later and you'll be affirming when you're supposed to be in your DR, and obviously, your DR self won't be spouting out affirmations about shifting to a random reality for no reason.)
During this time, you'll feel tingly all over. It's a good sign.
And you'll feel a certain detachment, like you aren't exactly here, you have no idea what position you're lying in, and where your feet are. (Please, for the love of God do not start counting your feet or get freaked out that you can't feel your leg, you'll come back to the void reality.)
So you can start the next phase.
Middle phase (optional):
To prepare for the next and last phase, you can do this to get ready, or don't (First read the third phase)
This is all about connection to your DR.
Think about memories from your DR, focus on the faces of your loved ones, the way you act, talk, your mannerisms in your DR, or you can simply say affirmations like these one:
My name is ___.
I work as a ___.
My age is ___.
Don't try to imagine vividly or anything, lightly touch upon the basic details of your DR, the construction and foundation of any reality and the person, who has existed there for their entire life.
(That's you!)
Phase three:
Take a sudden, abrupt stop from your stream of thoughts. (Yes intrusive thoughts will still pop up but don't give any importance to them) when you're in a blank state of mind, not longer than 30 seconds, you need to build up to the last step of your shifting method, and journey.
a) start imagining hearing the voices of your loved ones or just any voice, calling your DR name, your nicknames, with different tones. (For example, i heard my name in an angry tone from my father when he was scolding me, I heard my name followed by a laughter when my S/O teased me.)
OK, for me, I started feeling intense, groundshaking symptoms at this moment. Sudden flashing of lights, extreme feeling of floating, and ofcourse, feeling tingliness so much that it felt like pins and needle on my entire body. (I did ignore the symptoms)
b) plan the rest of your day in your DR, which you will be spending.
AGAIN, PLEASE DON'T SAY IT LIKE THIS.
❌️When I reach my DR ❌️ I will have to go to that eye specialist for that appointment.
Instead: (and the more you personalize it, the better)
Ughhh, I have to go to that appointment- this day will suck.
(Don't mind my example, that was the only thing I could think of at the moment)
c) in this reality, you are constantly thinking of something, your thoughts are definitely what constructs this reality, and your current thoughts are affecting your subconscious. (By this point, your subconscious is grounded in your DR, so don't worry about that bastard.)
Now, you're going to start thinking, thoughts which are going on in your DR self's mind, start with one sentence, with which you'll be able to start consciously thinking like your DR self.
And think in the style, tone, and mood of your DR self, and keep the thoughts strictly related to your DR.
Thats it, but what happens afterwards? And what happened to me?
So for me, I started feeling weird while I was thinking.
And I remember I thought this:
"Ugh, I don't want eggs for breakfast."
(I'm not saying this is the key to shifting, at this point, I had covered various topics, including, weather, my upcoming work assignment, and praised my S/O for a good 5 minutes.)
And I started panting, like suddenly I was trying to catch my breath, the room felt bright, so I opened my eyes, and well, I was in my home reality :)
I was delirious for a few second, my S/O was looking at me worriedly, but surprisingly, it didn't even take me a minute to adjust, it felt all so natural and I wasn't scared.
I didn't even feel emotional, at all, and didn't hug my S/O with tears in my eyes, I straight up asked to be served breakfast, incase anyone was wondering.
So that's it.
Although i have much to say, I'm tired of writing, but I'm more than willing to answer each and every one of your questions, although I only have 7 hours left till I permashift, I'll remain mostly active till then.
And no, I'm not rereading this to fix my grammar, so just ask if anything confused you.
Ask away.
I'm still not sure if this'll reach anyone or not.
#shifting community#reality shifting#shifting motivation#shifting blog#shifting antis dni#shifting#shiftblr#shifters#permashifting#respawning#shifting methods#shifting stories#shifting success
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Someone asked me why Agatha kills witches and I was like, for power I guess. I'm not sure if you've talked about it before, but if not then I would love to hear your thoughts!
I'm sure there's more nuance to it, but personally I do think Agatha enjoys killing and acquiring more and more power. I also don't necessarily believe that she traded witches' bodies for Nicky's life (so that he could live longer), but I could be convinced lol.
Would love to hear what you think!
Why does Agatha keep killing witches?
I did see quite a few people confused about why witch-murder seems to be Agatha's most favourite hobby ever by her actions in episode 9, even with Nicky around.
Let's consider her conversation with Nicky in episode 9:
"Why do we kill witches?" "To survive." "Could we not stay with the witches and survive with them?" "No." "Why?" "Because then they will try to kill us."
While Agatha's obviously not going to unload trauma on her kid, I do think she is trying to be as honest as she can in this moment—and at the heart of it Agatha truly believes that other witches will fear or hate them and kill them.
This paranoia I think is a major push factor that lets Agatha rationalise her killings.
The power Agatha that gets from killing is the pull factor. Both are happening at once, I think, reinforcing the other. Power keeps them safe but it also fuels Agatha's ambition. She wants to be a powerful witch. Power siphoning also happens to feel really good.
And I think the crux of this is Agatha's childhood and trauma at 18 years old, where her coven including her own mother tried to execute her—her rule-breaking apparently warranting a painful death sentence.
Let's sit with this for a bit: Agatha's coven, her people, the closest circle of witches she presumably grew up around for 18 years believed she was irredeemably evil and deserved to die.
And perhaps more importantly, for all her cunning, Agatha did not see this deep betrayal by her coven coming. She survived only because of a fluke, an ability she didn't know she had.
To Agatha, this was a mistake she'd never want to make again.
Besides, why would other witches or covens not jump to, or reach that same conclusion if they knew about what Agatha's been accused of or done?
Would strangers offer Agatha more compassion than her own mother? They might, but why risk it? She's even more condemned now given that she murdered her own coven.
The entirely rational approach would be to strike first and take their power. Any guilt or discomfort is the price of survival.
This explains why Agatha still kills witches even when Nicky is around. It's not so much the power rush that's driving her, it's her fear that harm will befall her and Nicky.
I really don't think Agatha was killing witches to buy Nicky more time. If that was an arrangement Rio would have said as much: Rio seems very clear about her deals. Here, she offers time but asks nothing in return.
The tragedy of the story is that Rio doesn't mention exactly how much time—it's possible she doesn't know—and there's nothing that Agatha can do.
I also don't think Rio really cares about getting more bodies. It's not like Rio has a corpse quota to hit. People die and kill each other all the time. I think she enjoys Agatha's kills but in the way someone enjoys an artist's work.
If there had been a deal to trade murders for Nicky's life, I suspect practically nothing would have stopped Agatha from keeping him alive.
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𝑫𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝑫𝒊𝒗𝒆
⚝ 𝑆𝑦𝑛𝑜𝑝𝑠𝑖𝑠: This case is your whole life, you've been working so hard for years to catch one of the worst criminals in the country, so when you have the opportunity to capture him you don't think twice, but you don't expect that when you meet him the memories by his side will betray you.
⚝ 𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: Mafia boss! Kim Hongjoong x Fem! Police agent
⚝ 𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: smut MDNI + little angust + mafia au + lovers to enemies
⚝ 𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝐶𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 6.9k (omg)
⚝ 𝑊𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: Violence, blood, physical aggression, sexual warnings: marks, nipple play, unprotected sex (don't do it)
A/N: Sorry for the delay, but I finally got this up, it was a real challenge because this is the longest thing I've ever written and I wanted it to make sense (sorry if I forgot anything) I want to remember that English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if there's something wrong
⋆。˚୨𝖬𝖺𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍୧˚。⋆
The neon lights were reflected all over the room, your heart didn't stop beating and you couldn't stop thinking about how much it was going to hurt, it was your first tattoo and although you knew it wasn't a good idea, adrenaline had taken over you the moment it occurred to you, and you also wanted to see his reaction when he saw it.
You closed your eyes as you felt the needle stick into your skin and leave a trail of ink with what you had asked for, it was special, it was unique and had a great meaning, it was more than that, it was proof of the love you felt and you wanted to show that despite the circumstances your love for him would never be erased.
When you saw yourself in the mirror you smiled and ran back to the small apartment you shared with him, nerves took over you with every step you took as you went to where you knew he was, you peeked a little and held your breath, but he felt your presence.
“What's wrong my love?” You approached from behind and hugged him, breathing in the scent of his clothes until he turned around to see you
“I have a surprise” you said with a trembling voice, he smiled and raised an eyebrow waiting to see what you had, he expected a box with a gift or maybe some kind of joke from you, but when you moved your shirt and revealed an ink stain on your skin with his fucking initials he was speechless
“But…” he raised his hand to touch it and although it was delicate you felt a little pain, even so, you didn't move and let him look at it in amazement
“It's because of you, I want you to know that just like this tattoo my love for you will be engraved in me forever” he couldn't contain himself and hugged you tightly while holding back his tears trying to tell you that he felt the same, but he couldn't, all the emotions in his chest were confusing and the only thing he could do was kiss you.
It was a kiss full of passion and all the words he couldn't express, it was a kiss in which he tried to give you everything of him, his soul, his mind, his body, his heart, everything was yours and you had it in your hands.
"I promise I'll never leave you" you looked at him excitedly, believing in his words because of the way he looked at you and at that moment you hugged him and you knew that with him you were safe, with him there would be nothing that would make you suffer because he was the love of your life.
ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚
You opened your eyes when someone knocked on the office door, you had fallen asleep on top of the pile of papers scattered on the desk, you got up just in time when the door opened, but you only heard a small laugh when Officer Lee saw you trying to organize the paperwork, you sighed in relief to see that it was him and not your boss.
“Do you need help?” You smiled shaking your head when he stepped forward and you noticed the folder he was holding in his hand
“Is there anything new?”
“The boss is calling a meeting” Officer Lee said a little more seriously
“Will you let me see him?” Felix glanced back and sighed passing you the folder with the information of the case they were handling.
They weren’t supposed to do this, you weren’t even supposed to know that there was a case in operation, but when he heard the false story you told him he felt bad and somehow it helped you gather some information for your own purpose. Before you finished reading it Felix snatched the folder from you and stiffened.
“The job is complete, you may leave officer” he told you in a serious tone and before you could complain you noticed the figure of the boss in the hallway. He passed by you without looking at you and without turning around his voice echoed throughout the room.
“Agent Lee to the office, now” Felix gave you a look asking for forgiveness and went after the boss with the folder on the information, there was nothing to do now, you could only wait for him to return with new information, your job here was complete.
You left the office heading home while repeating the information in your head over and over again so as not to miss any details, you had spent years memorizing the words Felix told you, you had recorded in your mind all the reports you had read and you may have taken a couple of photos of the evidence.
When you opened the door to your house you let out a tired sigh, sometimes it was hard to stay focused after so many years alone, you carried the weight of a sorrow and anguish that were the cause of the dark circles under your eyes, but remembering it also made you move forward, it was the engine of your days and you wouldn't stop until you achieved your goal.
You entered the small room that you kept locked, when you turned on the light it only revealed everything you had achieved all these years, there was not a single space in your small office that wasn't surrounded with all the information about the case (which you weren't supposed to know about). You knew each and every one of those words, but none of it was enough to end the problem.
You threw yourself on the chair looking at the ceiling, wondering if one day this would end, all this sorrow and suffering that you had gone through just for a goal, just to try to calm the resentment that only grew stronger with the years. You took a sheet of paper and wrote down what you had discovered this afternoon.
‘The last attack at the bar has made it clear that this is related to someone else, although Song Mingi, one of the members of the organization, has been seen at the scene, we have not been able to capture him, but enough evidence was collected to know that the next meeting will be in two days at point x, it is possible that the head of the organization will be present and that will be our chance to catch him. ’
You knew that this was a unique opportunity, in all this time no one had been so close to catching the target, but now maybe they could do it and you didn’t care what you had to do to see him face to face again because you would be the one to end him.
That night you went to sleep with a thousand ideas in your head, but when you could finally close your eyes the only thing you could see was the face of someone you remembered, someone from your past who was no longer there but who continued to torment you as much as the day he abandoned you.
ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚
You looked at the clock again, it wasn't unusual for Hongjoong to come home late, but this time you felt that something was wrong. You had noticed him very strange the last few weeks and when you asked him he would get angry and leave the room just to avoid the subject, you were worried about him, but you didn't know what to do to see him calm down.
You took the phone and called him, but no one answered. With each passing minute your nerves grew bigger and you didn't know what to do, but suddenly you thought of a place where he could be. You took your things before leaving the house and prayed to heaven that he was there.
When you went out into the darkness of the night the cold air gave you chills all over your body and although you were cold the only thing you cared about was finding Hongjoong. When you turned around you noticed a car parked in front of the house, for a moment you thought it was Hongjoong, but when you saw the figure of two unknown men something in your chest changed. You took a step back with fear slowly growing inside you, but you didn't run.
“Who are they?” you asked fearfully as you saw the men approaching where you were, “what do they want?” they just looked at each other without saying anything and continued on their way passing by you until they reached the entrance of your apartment, you were very confused and could only watch as they knocked hard on the door.
“We know you're there, open the door for us now” said one of them with a deep voice and obviously upset
“Your time is up, idiot” said the other slamming the door until it shook, without getting an answer the man kicked the door again and again until the wood creaked under his blows until it broke leaving the entrance free for them.
You watched as they entered your shared apartment and started to turn over the furniture while cursing and shouting things you didn't understand. You had no idea what was happening, but there was something warning you to run, to get away from there as far as possible and not look back, but another part of you prevented you from moving, seeing how those strangers had entered your home and began to destroy the house that you had worked so hard to build next to Hongjoong, you couldn't allow it. With a clouded and angry mind you entered your house
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Get out of my house" you shouted, believing that you could face them alone
At that moment the men turned to look at you and one of them made a sign to the other and then continued on his path of destruction, the other had stopped in front of you and tilted his head as he ran his eyes up and down over you. You felt a cold chill and your heart pounding, your breathing was labored, but you couldn't move because of fear.
“I'll take care of you” his words were what made you react and you moved to try to run, but you felt a tug on your hair and then a sharp blow to your back. You tried to take a breath, but the man kicked you in the stomach, knocking all the air out of your lungs.
You coughed and scanned around for something to defend yourself, but one of his hands wrapped around your foot and dragged you across the floor. You screamed so loud that you hurt your throat, you kicked, but his grip became stronger as he dragged you, you slapped the air while leaving a trail of your tears on the floor.
When the man finally stopped you turned around to get up and run away, but his hands held you tightly and slammed you against the wall, you whimpered at the sight of his angry face, you reached out and when your fingers felt something sharp you grabbed it tightly and slammed it against his face.
The man stepped back watching as the blood began to run down his face, you stood still for a second before realizing that you had hit one of the portraits that Hongjoong and you had together, the man looked at the photo and something seemed to change inside him before he growled and lunged at you again.
“Damn bitch, it’s you” he shouted as you started to run towards the exit, you didn’t want to turn around and ask him what he meant, the only thing that mattered to you at that moment was to run away, when hope embraced your body as you left the house you dared to turn around only to see the man very close to you before you tripped and fell to the ground. You felt your ankle twist and you let out a scream as you felt the man's hands on you as he dragged you back into the house.
“Nooooo” you couldn't stop trying to fight, but when he slammed your head into the table you stopped screaming, the sharp pain shot through your entire body and left you dizzy with your vision unfocused, your words no longer made sense and for a moment you knew you were going to die.
“I will make you pay for what that idiot did to us” you heard him say as he threw you aside causing some glass to get stuck all over your arm, you looked around trying to see something, but all you could see was the ruined photograph on the floor.
Tears welled up inside you hard as you thought of Hongjoong, a part of you knew you had lost him and that these men were here just to finish you off, you felt helpless as you tried to get up and felt your body collapse from the pain.
“Jong…” you sighed closing your eyes waiting for your life to end, but suddenly you heard the thud of something heavy, you moved to see what happened, but you were so weak that it was hard for you to open your eyes, even so, you tried, if this was your chance to run away you would take it.
You looked up and saw two other men enter the house, one of them raised a gun and you only heard a dry shot in the distance, the other approached where you were and you crawled to the side thinking he would do something to you, but another shot closer was present and a second later the man who had attacked you was on the floor with a lifeless look in front of you.
You cornered yourself against the wall and felt a sharp pain in your arm, a red liquid clouded your vision before touching the wound on your head. You looked up, where one of the new unknown men was approaching and you picked up a piece of glass on the floor feeling like a new wound opened in the palm of your hand.
“Don’t come closer” you said scared, the man obeyed and raised his hands in surrender, but then a cynical smile appeared on his face, tears came out of you without you being able to stop it “Stop, please” you begged when you saw how he crouched down and tilted his head, like a curious animal discovering something new.
The man’s gaze wandered around for a second and you noticed how he stared at the stained and wrinkled photo of Hongjoong and you, he took it before looking at your face, you noticed something strange in his gaze before looking at your bloody arm looking at the piece of glass you had in your hands, he extended his hand and you walked away sticking to the wall, but he just took the glass without making a face despite the blood starting to drip down his hand and snatched the gun you had taken from you.
“Can you stop struggling” he said standing up with the crystal in his hand, his words seemed to have a strange effect on you before you felt your body relax “I found someone else” he suddenly shouted over his shoulder
You felt so weak and sore that you felt your eyelids struggling to stay open, you only heard a few footsteps approaching where you were and then you looked up at the other man, but behind him appeared a figure, one that you would recognize anywhere, you opened your eyes and looked up only to see Hongjoong’s face.
“Hong…” you sighed raising your hands to try to reach him, but you noticed how he took a step back and you felt your heart break a little “it’s me” you said with effort trying to get up and run towards him
“Do you know her?” the other man asked, you looked at them and for a moment you thought that maybe you were hallucinating, but then you heard his name “Hongjoong?” “Do you know her?”
You looked at Hongjoong for a moment, waiting for him to say yes, to come to your side and hug you so tightly that you would forget everything that had happened, instead you noticed how he clenched his jaw and his eyes darkened, leaving you to see a void in them. He took a step back and looked at you one last time before turning around.
“I’ve never seen her,” he said firmly before walking away.
Your chest felt sore and your heart had broken into a thousand pieces. At that moment, your wounds stopped mattering to you and you crawled to try to reach him, but with each movement you made it was more difficult.
“Don’t leave me” you begged the man you thought you knew, but he just stopped for a moment and turned the zebra over his shoulder
“Forget about all this, you just had bad luck” you collapsed on the ground with the little strength you had, there was nothing that could help you overcome the emptiness that had become chrome in your chest, you felt as if you had been shot a million times and your heart had been ripped out, that person was not the one you fell in love with, he was not the same one who held you every night until you fell asleep.
You stayed on the ground and listened as his footsteps moved away leaving you with the memory of the man you once loved.
ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚
You hit the lump in front of you again, remembering the dream you had. Your hands hurt from hitting the bag the last hour, but it was the only thing that helped you feel better. You felt your blood burn inside as you saw the man's face in your mind, you hit the bag you imagined was him and you did it again and again.
“Bad night?” Felix's voice broke your concentration and you stopped, watching the bag shake from side to side.
“Something like that.” You took a breath and noticed him trying to bandage his hands, you approached holding his hand and helping him to put them on properly.
The silence between you became tense, you were thinking about the operation you would carry out, but instead he was focused on the way your hands held his and the way he was holding back the urge to put a lock of hair behind your ear.
“Hey…”
“Hey…” You laughed and he let you speak first, but he didn’t know how to tell you.
“About the operation…” Felix’s smile faded and he stepped away from you with a little annoyance “do you think I can go?”
“No, the people who are going are just a small group, I’m not sure if I can go”
“But…”
“No” he answered firmly and completely seriously “besides, why would you want to go?”
“I already said it” you said insisting on your false story
“You risk too much just to find a simple thief” you bit your lips, you didn’t want to tell him the truth so you insisted
“But…” Felix exploded and grabbed you by the shoulders
“Don’t you understand? This isn't a game, we're going for one of the most dangerous criminals in the country, you can't play with that, you can't put your life at risk just for the chance to get revenge" Felix's voice broke with each word and he finally bowed his head tired "I don't believe you for shit that I'm a simple thief to you" they looked at each other for a second and you knew that even if you didn't tell him he knew the truth "I still won't let you put yourself in danger"
You took his face in your hands and when your eyes met you felt a small spark of something inside you. Felix moved a little closer to you and placed his trembling hands on your waist, you weren't sure what he was doing, but you closed your eyes and moved closer to his lips.
The kiss wasn't slow, it was a desperate and anxious caress that caught you in an instant. You ran your hands through his hair and let out a moan when his hands cupped your buttocks and caressed your thighs to lift you and press you against the wall.
Your head was spinning, you didn't remember the last time you had done something like that, but it didn't feel like anything you'd ever done before, everything was faster, more desperate.
Your mouth moved anxiously over his lips and you tilted your head when his lips ran along the line of your jaw and he ran his tongue along your neck. You closed your eyes and pulled his hair a little when you felt him suck on a part of your neck, he continued to move down a little further while his hands caressed your thighs, but when his lips rested on your marked skin it was as if you had been burned.
You pushed him away making your feet touch the ground and you touched yourself right there, where the tattoo burned you. You felt a pain in your chest and looked up only to see Felix's worried face. You moved away when he tried to get closer to you and guilt washed over you knowing that he wasn't the one you had imagined.
“I'm sorry” you said holding back your tears “I can't do it” you ran out of there with the sea of emotions stirring in your chest and you ran to your house.
The memories of the past mixed with your feelings and you felt that if you kept running you could escape from them, but when you got home everything became stronger when you saw everything you had gathered to try to catch Hongjoong.
Anger blinded you and you threw the papers from your desk to the floor, you took a fist and tore them up, you tore out the photos you had on the board and threw them to the floor while your tears spilled down your face, everything you had done to try to get closer to him, but you could never do it, everything you went through because of him and after so many years you couldn't be free.
You screamed at the sky and hit the empty desk, you sat down in the chair exhausted and looked at the mess you had caused.
You didn't have the strength to keep moving and you lay down on the floor, on top of all the papers you once believed would take you somewhere. You looked at the ceiling trying to find comfort while you wiped away your tears. You stood up and looked at the mess you had caused, the words were mixed together and nothing made sense, but among all the mess you could notice something strange, something that didn't seem to fit in with all that mess.
You moved the torn papers and noticed a small envelope amongst everything, you didn't remember having it and you inspected it and noticed that it had a red seal with an 'A' engraved on it. You quickly opened it and took the sheet of paper inside, but you froze when you recognized Hongjoong's handwriting on the sheet.
'I've tried not to interfere in your life, but I see that you've been investigating mine. You've done an excellent job, I see that you're still as stubborn as before, but where has that gotten you? I think you deserve a reward for all the effort you've put in KH'
You crumpled up the paper and threw it away, the place where you had the same initials engraved burned you, but you inspected the envelope and noticed that there was something written inside, it had a date and time written next to an address, one that you remembered by heart.
It was a trap, he was probably just making fun of you, after so many years without knowing anything he just now deigns to look for you, why? It was a bad idea, you knew he would hide in the shadows and make fun of you as soon as he saw you arrive, even so, a part of you wanted to go, you wanted to know if it was true, a part of you believed that he would be there and if he was you would be ready to end all this.
ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚
You couldn't stop looking at the clock while you bit your nails, you had decided not to go look for him, but the idea of Hongjoong waiting for you only made your chest heave and your blood boil knowing that you couldn't do anything. You shook your head, no, that was a bad idea, you decided to do things on the bright side and wait for the right people to catch him, it was an incredible coincidence that the same day that Felix's team had the operation was the same day that was written in the letter and that day was today.
Although years had passed you knew Hongjoong, he was calculating and careful with what he did and always had a purpose. You didn't say anything to Felix because you knew you would reveal the truth, but thinking that maybe they could attack them because of you was something that kept you awake, you couldn't stop thinking that maybe that was a plan to meet you.
It had only been a minute, but you couldn't be at peace, you suddenly stood up and changed, it didn't matter if it was just a fucking joke or not, you had to check it out, and you couldn't put others at risk just because of your problems. You took your gun and put it on your belt, just in case.
When you went out into the darkness of the night the cold air gave you chills all over your body and reminded you of that night when everything was ruined, you walked through the empty streets, you were alert for anyone, any movement, any noise. With every step you took the emotions became stronger, but you contained them as much as you could until you arrived at the place.
You stood in front of your old apartment and felt a pressure on your chest, you didn't think you would come back here after what happened. The wind whispered in your ear to go back, that it was dangerous, but seeing a light on inside was like they were telling you that they were waiting for you and there was something inside you that was pulling you in. You couldn't miss it, all these years waiting for this moment, you couldn't miss this opportunity and without looking back you walked forward.
You pulled out the gun and opened the door effortlessly and as soon as you set foot inside you felt your body start to shake when you discovered that the interior was intact, it was the same as before everything, when Hongjoong and you lived together happily. You took a breath and pointed the gun forward as you remembered your true objective.
You walked around the place while your eyes scanned everywhere looking for movement, until you heard the sound of footsteps behind you, but when you turned around there was no one. You squeezed the gun tightly while holding your breath to try to stop the accelerated beating of your heart.
“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again” when you heard his voice you felt your legs weaken and your body sway, but you had prepared for this moment for years, each and every scenario in your head didn’t compare to this moment when you heard his voice again tearing at your ears “my love”
You turned slowly and when you saw him in front of you it was like you were hit in the stomach, all these years of preparation were of no use to you at this moment and for a second you wanted to throw away your weapon and run into his arms, but you couldn’t, the memory of his words and him abandoning you were engraved all over your skin.
“Don’t call me that” Hongjoong smiled and shook his head. You noticed that despite the years he had the same smile, but that sparkle in his eyes was gone, they seemed dull and lifeless “why did you look for me after so many years?”
“Aren’t you happy to see me?” He took a step, but you raised your gun, making him stay where he was.
“Answer me,” your voice was starting to shake, but you wanted answers before you finished with everything. Hongjoong sighed and put his hands in his pants pocket before speaking.
“You got too close, the police thought that with their dirty rat they could find out something between us, but we took care of her,” his voice had a hint of contempt and anger, “but I wasn’t going to let you put yourself at risk,” he said, looking at your hands that had scars, “not aga…”
“Don’t you dare say it,” you answered angrily, “I don’t believe you for shit, if you had cared you wouldn’t…” your voice cut off when the memory hit you hard, “you left me… you let them beat me up and treat me like trash, and then?” Hongjoong turned his face, he couldn’t look you in the eyes and he couldn’t face the pain in your gaze, “you left… you left me alone and without strength, alone on the ground and for what?” You took a step forward and Hongjoong looked up with effort. “When I opened my eyes, you were no longer there. They told me that you fled the country because you got involved in crime. Did you abandon me because of that? To be happy, loaded with money and have whoever you wanted?”
“I did it to protect you” he suddenly shouted and for a moment you thought you saw the person you fell in love with “that night made me understand that I couldn’t protect you, that’s why I left you, if I kept you away from me you would be happy and have a quiet life, or so I thought” he ran his hands through his hair before continuing “but you decided to join the police, you decided to look for me and meddle where you’re not called”
“You left me for no reason” you screamed anyway as you felt the blood boiling inside you.
You pointed the gun at his chest and felt your hand tremble, but you didn’t plan on failing, not this time.
“Do it” he said in a deep and defiant voice knowing that you were hesitating “end this once and for all” he took a few more steps until the tip of the gun touched his chest, he looked you in the eyes and took your trembling hands in his “isn’t that why you came?”
The memory of all the harm he caused you came back to you, all that suffering and pain, all that hate and sadness that you had dragged around for so long came back to you and you looked him in the eyes one last time knowing it was the end.
“I hate you” you said with tears in your eyes before pulling the trigger, but Hongjoong was prepared, he knew you would do it, he still knew you well and at the last second he moved your hands up causing the bullet to shoot towards the ceiling.
You were confused and stunned and before you could aim the gun at your target again Hongjoong snatched it from you throwing it away. You lunged at him and punched him in the face causing him to back away before running for the gun, but hands grabbed your waist stopping your escape.
“You can’t run away from me… not again”
“Let me go, idiot” you screamed, throwing your elbow back and hitting him in the face again. Hongjoong let you go and you took the opportunity to go for the gun, but he pushed you and grabbed it first, pointing it at you. You let out a dry laugh and looked at him with contempt. “Do it” you screamed with tears in your eyes. “It will only be one more death for you.”
Hongjoong moved slowly, still pointing at you, and looked you up and down until he stopped looking at your neck.
“Did you have fun?” You didn’t understand what he meant, but then you remembered that Felix had kissed you there, which probably left a mark. “Did you enjoy it or did you imagine that it was me who was in his place?” You gritted your teeth when he laughed hard knowing the answer “I knew it, you can’t forget me”
“You wish” you answered angrily when you felt the cold of the gun on your cheek “in fact… it was the best night of my life” you knew it was a lie but seeing his angry face felt good “his hands ran all over my body” Hongjoong ran the gun along your neck, right where the mark was and pressed a little, your breathing was agitated but you couldn’t take your eyes off him as you saw how his eyes transformed “it replaced the memory of your kisses and made me moan his name” Hongjoong pushed your body and you let out a sigh when you hit the wall “what’s wrong? I thought you said you wanted me to be happy”
“Did you forget me?” He asked, bringing his mouth close to your ear as he pinned your body against his while pressing the gun to your stomach. You couldn't move out of fear, but there was a part of you that knew it wasn't just because of that.
“Completely,” you answered, trying to sound calm even though you were struggling inside.
He looked up and you stirred as his eyes lit up. It was just as you remembered, and for a moment you hesitated.
“So…” your body tensed as you felt him lower the gun down your belly and trace lines down your thighs. “If I kiss you, you won't feel anything?”
“Nothing,” you said, fighting against yourself. You knew it was wrong, that if I did it, there would probably be no turning back, but having him close and breathing in his scent only brought back memories that made your body light up.
He brought his mouth close to your neck and without stopping to look at you, he gave you small kisses on your skin. You tried to stay still but it felt like fire on his lips and you shifted beneath him. He traced a path down your skin to the mark you had and growled as he sank his teeth into it. You held onto his shoulders as you struggled to throw him away but then he looked up and you felt his breath on your lips
Time seemed to freeze, he was no longer the Hongjoong who left you, you could see a trace of the person he was before that night, that caring and loving person, so you hesitated, all the moments you had spent with him overlapped at the same time as the memory of him leaving you, you were so confused and torn between what you felt and what you should do, you just wanted to stop thinking.
“Hongjoong” his gaze intensified and the tension between the two of you was palpable in your bodies, you couldn’t leave him, not now “kiss me”
His mouth moved desperately over yours, your hands clenched his shirt tightly trying to suppress the intense fire that burned inside you, but you couldn't, with each movement of his lips your barriers crumbled little by little letting in the feeling that you thought you had killed for him.
“Let me love you again” he whispered on your skin, right where the ink with his name burned you.
You closed your eyes, you didn't want to see him because you knew that if you did you would give in to him like you had done years ago, but Hongjoong took your face in his hands and raised your gaze to meet your eyes. You knew he wasn't the same man you had fallen in love with, but his kisses and caresses only made you believe that he was.
“Hong…” you couldn’t finish saying his name when his mouth captured your lips, it was just as you remembered it and with your mind clouded and confused you could only let out a small sigh before separating from him to look at him and say the words that burned your throat “make me remember your love”
He didn’t wait any longer before bringing his lips together again, you let out a muffled moan when his hands wrapped around you and he kissed you delicately as if he needed to do so to explore your mouth again like the first time. You placed your hands on his chest and ran them through the buttons of his shirt unbuttoning them slowly, you ran your hands over the muscles of his body and noticed that he had scars that he didn’t have before. You couldn’t imagine what he went through, but that didn’t matter to you now that you could feel it again.
Hongjoong kissed your neck down to the neckline of your shirt and a shiver ran through your body when he slipped his hands under your clothes caressing the skin of your abdomen, he took off your shirt and you noticed how he looked at you delicately, as he always did every time you undressed in front of him.
He licked his lips and brought his trembling hands to your breasts, you knew he was desperate, but he wouldn't let himself go until he saw you completely. You unbuttoned your bra and noticed how he took a big breath of air, you ran your hands over your body watching how he observed every movement you made and you thought you heard how his heart raced when you pulled down your pants leaving you only in panties.
"You are my downfall" he sighed when you took a step towards him, you took one of his hands and placed it on your chest watching how he closed his eyes while kneading the flesh on his fingers. You bit your lip to keep from moaning as his mouth attacked your other breast and began to suck on your nipple.
His hot breath on your skin made your legs shake and your core heat up, you threw your head back as his mouth moved lower and he placed kisses on your abdomen before he got on his knees and kissed your thighs, but then you moaned when you felt his teeth dig into your skin, the pain combined with the softness of his kisses only causing more heat between your legs.
“Hong…” you sighed giving him a look begging him to touch you, he seemed to understand and moved one of his hands up your legs touching your pussy. He moved his fingers over your wet panties and you couldn’t help but move your hips looking for more.
You felt a kiss on your pussy before he removed the fabric that was between you both. He stood up and took off his shirt, you were anxious and you approached attacking his mouth while your hands moved over his pants trying to unbuckle his belt and when you did you threw it away while he took care of pulling down his pants.
You both looked at each other with labored breathing knowing what was going to happen, it only took a second for your gazes to meet before you pounced on each other letting all the desire you had contained for years embrace you in a small bubble.
Your tongues fought over each other while your hands didn't stop moving over your bodies, Hongjoong squeezed your waist to feel every part of your body while you clung to his neck so as not to break free from him. You moaned on his mouth with every step you took towards the room, but it seemed too far away.
“Hong…” you moaned as one of his hands moved down touching your pussy
“If you call me that again I’ll take you right here” he whispered near your ear
“Hong” you said as your eyes met, he let out a strangled sigh and pushed you up against the wall lifting one of your legs, he moved his hips and you moaned as you felt his cock on your pussy, you couldn’t wait, you wanted it right now, it didn’t matter where you were, you just wanted to feel it “Hong” you repeated again as he took his cock and placed its tip over your entrance “Hongjoong”
He pushed his hips hard and you moaned into his mouth as you felt him fit inside you effortlessly, it was like your body still remembered him and was waiting for this moment. At this moment the past or the future didn't matter, you could only focus now on his cock inside you and his kisses on your mouth.
“It's better than I remember” he said when he felt your insides squeeze his cock desperately “do you still miss me my love?”
“Shut up idiot” you answered with effort when he gave a push, you held onto his shoulders when he started to move and set a slow but hard rhythm. He wanted to feel every part of you and make you remember every inch of him
His mouth moved down your neck and sucked on your skin leaving new marks on them replacing the ones you had, you dug your nails into his back with each thrust he gave you and you tried to bear the knot in your belly, but it was almost impossible.
“Shit… I won’t stand it” you clung to his body as your legs shook and he held you tightly while still moving
“You will” you wanted to, you really tried, but with every movement of his cock hitting your insides it was impossible and when he gave a hard blow you couldn’t hold back and you released yourself on him while you felt the pleasure pouring down your legs “you’re still a brat… I think I’ll have to remind you how things are done”
He took you by both legs and carried you easily as he carried you to the bedroom, he placed you on the bed gently and you looked at him before he took your ankles and placed them on his shoulders. The new position made your pleasure build up again and you held the sheets tightly as he continued to pound your abused pussy.
“Don’t stop” you begged as you felt yourself back on top
Hongjoong was struggling not to release himself, but seeing you beneath him with your breathing ragged as you moaned his name over and over, as your pussy squeezed his cock and your hands gripped the sheets tightly, he couldn’t take it. He let go of your legs and positioned himself on top of you as he emptied his entire release inside you.
Their lips met once more as your pleasure and his mixed together. You hooked your legs over his waist and held him back, letting him rest on your chest, your fingers caressing his head and you could feel his heart on yours as you both caught your breath and you tried to come back to reality, but you didn��t want to because you knew you would just walk away from him again.
“I missed you so much” Hongjoong said suddenly looking up
“That doesn’t matter” you answered sadly and confused “you will leave again” Hongjoong looked at you for a long moment and hugged you
“I won’t let you go, not this time” he left a kiss on your forehead and hugged you tightly “I will find a way to protect you” you wanted to believe in his words, but you couldn’t do it, even so you let a small flame of hope light up inside you, but now the only thing that mattered to you was that he was here, with you.
tagged: @londonbridges01 || @likeathunderoverflow || @arki-sha
divider: @bernardsbendystraws
𝐴𝐿𝐿 𝑊𝑂𝑅𝐾𝑆 𝐶𝑅𝐸𝐴𝑇𝐸𝐷 𝐵𝑌 ©𝐾𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑦𝟼𝑐𝘩𝑜𝑖 𝑀𝑈𝑆𝑇 𝑁𝑂𝑇 𝐵𝐸 𝑃𝐿𝐴𝐺𝐼𝐴𝑅𝐼𝑍𝐸𝐷 𝑂𝑅 𝐶𝑂𝑃𝐼𝐸𝐷
#hongjoong#kim hongjoong#hongjoong x reader#kitty6choi writing#hongjoong ateez#ateez#ateez smut#hongjoong smut#kitty6choi#mr.choi#ateez x reader#hongjoong x you#atz#ateez mafia au
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THIS IS AI ART
This isn't an indictment against OP because they didn't misidentify the artist nor did they claim it was theirs and just a quick search of Roger Haus reveals his Instagram where he calls himself an AI artist, which is fairly upfront about what he does compared to other people who post AI-generated art. However, given how the general attitude among many people on this website (including me) is "FUCK AI ART", I was a little confused at how popular this was, so I'm just letting all of you know (if you didn't know) that this is AI art, and not even a really subtle example. The hyena may look very convincing, but the girl's hair is full of strands and highlighted chunks that are placed kinda haphazardly to add detail without thought, and her shirt has a design that isnt paint splotches, but also isnt any recognizable print, again very haphazardly placed. Of course, human-made art isn't perfect or predictable and can look unusual, but it made me suspicious enough to look up the artist (thank you OP for listing it).
Again, not trying to harsh anyone's vibe or start a debate, just trying to make things a little more transparent.
-Roger Haus
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