#I'm sick of doing stuff for clubs I don't like
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Not really a rant, but totally a rant:
Good gods I hate my school system. It's been hell since before covid, and it continues to be hell afterwards.
I usually don't rant about stupid stuff like this, but it's the little things that get me. Cuz, I've been in the same system my entire life, and it's like it changed just in time to make my life a living hell. (Hello to my moots who know exactly what I'm talking about. Glad to share the hellscape w/ you.)
Point being, I use a school-issued IPad for most of my digital art. I'm gonna have to give it up by the end of the month because I'm graduating. Which is fine. But then they (school system) went and force-changed the background and lockscreen into a warning about the date we have to turn it in. Which is in. Like. A few weeks. What the fuck.
I had a perfectly good lockscreen on there that I've had for like, 6 years, and now I can't change it back because they removed the ENTIRE OPTION for it in settings. You think I want to be reminded that I'm leaving my safespace so soon? You think I want that ugly text all over my screen when I'm trying to focus on assignments??? No!!!
Anyways, idk what in my brain has misfired tonight, but this feels like the last straw with this school system and I am SO ready to leave it behind me in a month. Good riddance.
#light's spot#i hate to rant about this#I really do#and I know it's probably entitled to be complaining about a free ipad#but after how good I've been all these years#it feels like the system is neglecting everyone (all the kids in general) including me#no shocker there#anyways#brain feels guilty for litterallyno good reason#I'm sick of doing stuff for clubs I don't like#and for a school I could care less about#getting out is something I never really understood cuz I loved school#but not when it stops being fun and is suddenly a life/death burden
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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so when i project my mental illnesses, neurodivergency and queernes on Mike Wheeler i'm the bad guy but when yall project your own hatred for Mike on other characters (Max, Hopper, Jonathan...literally anyone) then that's fine?🤨🤨
#byler#mike wheeler#really getting tired of seeing people make characters hate and treat mike like shit#when they would never actually do something like that in canon#breaking my silence and being an oversensitive bitch#and telling yall that no Max does not genuinely hate mike#jonathan does not genuinely hate mike and want will to move on#no hopper does not genuinely hate mike and would not be pissed at him for dating will#like yeah i get the jokes you do you but some of yall actually convinced yourselves it's true and that's just embarassing#actually personally i'm getting sick of the jokes as well#the whole mike wheeler hate club and everyone bullying mike was funny like the first two weeks but now it's just annoying#but i'm very well aware that this is a me thing and those jokes just aren't for me#so i'm not gonna tell anyone to stop if you wanna bully mike you do you boo have fun#but please don't make characters who would never do that shit do it for you#also no one in the party would start bullying mike and telling will he deserves better after they come out#like i understand teasing and jokingly insulting each other and shit like that#but there is a difference between teasing and bullying#and some of yall be crossing that line and that's just a no for me <3#i know i sound oversensitive and i know i am and that no one else has the same opinion as me#but i really am getting tired of seeing that stuff when i'm just trying to have fun in here#ok i'll shut up now
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congrats on 1k!! i’m so happy for you !! tbh i’ve read your stuff for awhile now but i’ve always been so scared to reblog etc 😭😭
and your 1k celebration is also so unique omg? 🙏🙏
But for the book browsing, i think smut with the quotes/prompts: “if you fuck me the way you fuck me up emotionally, i think you’d do a pretty damn good job at it.” and “i hate you.” “do you? because you definitely don’t hold someone’s hand while fucking if you hate them.”
with the enemies to lovers trope with Mattheo would be so cute 😭😭🙏
hi hi hi!!! thank you for being the first to request for this ml, i appreciate you 🤍 💌 and please don't be afraid to reblog!! i can promise you that its one of the things that make me the happiest 😚 hope you enjoy this, i tried so hard to keep it short but i just couldn't help myself and now its 1.8k sorry!!
1k celebration navigation
HANDS OFF… book browsing
18+ MATTHEO RIDDLE
The party pulsed around you, vibrant and loud, the air thick with laughter, the scent of smoke, and the sweet tang of alcohol. You leaned against the wall, drink in hand, observing the chaos unfolding before you. But none of it held your interest. Your gaze was drawn to Mattheo Riddle, who stood across the room, surrounded by a throng of admirers, his cocky grin flashing like a neon sign.
You hated him.
He caught your eye, his smirk deepening as he raised his cup in mock salute. Blood boiled under your skin, a mixture of frustration and something more primal that you refused to acknowledge.
You hadn’t even wanted to come to this damn party, but somehow, like fate playing a sick joke, you’d found yourself here anyway. The loud music was almost as intoxicating as the firewhiskey in your hand and it was only when you turned to head for another drink that you nearly crashed right into him.
“Watch it,” he muttered, eyes already narrowing as he recognized you. His sneer was familiar, laced with that unmistakable disdain he seemed to reserve just for you.
You rolled your eyes. “Oh, please. You’re the one who walked into me, Riddle.”
“Maybe if you paid attention instead of sulking in corners, you’d know how to avoid bumping into people.”
You raised your eyebrows at his words as your cheeks flushed from the alcohol, a defiant spark in your eyes.
"Or maybe," you said, voice steady despite the heat rising within you, "if you weren't so busy preening like some fucking peacock, you'd have noticed me sooner."
The tension between you was palpable, a tangible thing that filled the space around you. It wasn't often that you allowed yourself to be this confrontational with him—after all, you knew better than most what kind of trouble that could lead to. But tonight, you didn't care.
"So, Riddle," you continued, leaning closer until your faces were mere inches apart, "why don't you just go back to your adoring fans? I'm sure they miss you."
Mattheo chuckled darkly, the sound low and dangerous as he leaned in closer to you. "Jealous?" he asked, his breath hot against your cheek.
"You wish," you scoffed, trying to ignore the way your pulse quickened at his proximity. "I couldn't care less about your little fan club."
Mattheo's lips curved into a wicked smile, his eyes glinting with mischief. "Could've fooled me," he murmured, his fingers finding your arm and tracing a gentle line up it.
You swallowed hard, your mouth suddenly dry.
"Get your hands off me, Riddle," you bit out, even as a shiver ran down your spine at his touch. The heat of his palm seeped through the thin fabric of your dress, sending sparks of electricity dancing along your skin.
But before you could pull away, he leaned in closer, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispered, "Off? Or would you rather I put them somewhere else?"
His words sent a jolt straight to your core, and you felt your knees weaken slightly. What the hell was wrong with you? This was Mattheo Riddle, the enemy, the arrogant prick who always managed to get under your skin. And yet...
"No," you breathed, even as your body betrayed you, pressing closer to his. "Just...back off."
Mattheo pulled back slightly, his eyes gleaming with amusement as he studied your face. "So feisty tonight," he purred, running a finger along your jawline. "I like it."
His touch was electric, sending tingles racing down your spine. You tried to shake off the sensation, but it was no use. Underneath the layers of animosity and distrust, there was something else brewing—a simmering attraction that neither of you dared to acknowledge.
"We're drunk," you accused, trying to sound stern even as your body craved more of his touch. "And you’re high on your own ego. That's all this is."
Mattheo chuckled, the sound low and seductive. "Is that what you tell yourself?" He leaned in closer, his breath fanning over your lips. "Because I think we both know it's not true."
"Fuck you," you spat, even as your resolve crumbled under the weight of his presence. Your hands clenched into fists at your sides, nails digging into your palms.
But then, without warning, you surged forward, capturing his lips in a bruising kiss. It was angry and desperate, all teeth and tongue as you poured every ounce of pent-up frustration into the embrace.
Mattheo groaned in surprise before melting into the kiss, his arms wrapping around your waist to pull you flush against him. The world fell away, leaving nothing but the two of you, lost in a haze of desire and hatred.
Breaking the kiss, he nipped at your lower lip before growling, "You want to play rough, huh? Fine by me."
His lips found yours again with a force that was strong enough to bruise. His hands slid down to grip your ass, squeezing roughly as he deepened the kiss. He tasted like whiskey and sin, his tongue dueling with yours in a passionate dance that left you breathless.
In a swift move, he spun you around and pinned you against the wall, his body caging you in as he attacked your neck with kisses and bites.
"Strange how something so hateful could taste so sweet," he rasped, his fingers digging into your hips. "You're a fucking wildfire," he growled against your throat, his clothed hardness pressing insistently against your stomach.
Despite the anger still simmering beneath the surface, you couldn't deny the thrill of being so completely consumed by him. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once.
When he finally broke away, you were both panting, chests heaving. "You know, if you can fuck me the way you fuck me up emotionally," he muttered, "I think you'd do a pretty damn good job at it."
With that, he grabbed your hand and dragged you towards the staircase leading up to the dormitories. You stumbled after him, barely registering the looks from the other students as you passed.
It wasn't long before you were basked in the privacy of his dorm, buried in his sheets with his cock lodged between your folds. The room was dimly lit, shadows dancing across the walls as you moved together in a frenzied rhythm. Mattheo's hands roamed your body, gripping your thighs, squeezing your tits, tangling in your hair.
"You're so tight," he grunted, thrusting deeper. "Fucking perfect."
You arched into him, meeting each stroke with a roll of your hips. The friction was intense, bordering on painful, but you reveled in the pleasure-pain mix. It was raw, primal, everything you'd ever wanted from him.
Suddenly you needed to touch him, to anchor yourself to something real amidst the storm of sensations. Your hand groped blindly until it found his, grasping it like a lifeline. Mattheo's fingers entwined with yours, giving a reassuring squeeze. He brought your joined hands above your head, pinning you even more firmly as he increased the tempo.
"Fuck," you cried out, reveling in the feeling of utter control he had over you, even if for this one glorious night. Your nails dug into the backs of his palms as he met your passion with a fire and fury of his own, two volatile elements colliding in an inferno.
"Oh god, oh god, oh—!" you choked out, your voice cracking as the orgasm built inside you like a storm about to break.
Mattheo's grip on your hip tightened, his movements becoming erratic as he chased his own release. "Come on, baby, give it to me," he urged, his breath hot against your ear. "Scream my name."
The command shattered what remained of your control. With a ragged cry, you came undone, convulsing around him as wave after wave of ecstasy washed over you. Mattheo followed soon after, his moans muffled by your shoulder as he spilled himself onto the skin of your stomach.
As the pleasure faded, Mattheo collapsed beside you, his chest heaving. For a moment, you simply lay there, staring at the ceiling as reality slowly seeped back in. What had you done?
Rolling onto his side, Mattheo propped himself up on one elbow, studying your face with an unreadable expression. "That was...something else," he murmured, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.
You flinched at the gentle gesture, suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable. "Don't," you whispered, averting your gaze. "This doesn't change anything between us."
Mattheo sighed, dropping his hand. "No, I suppose it doesn't." He sat up, running a hand through his disheveled hair.
Despite the lingering tension, exhaustion eventually won out. Mattheo settled back against the pillows, closing his eyes as sleep claimed him. You watched him for a moment, noticing the way his lashes fanned out against his cheeks, the curve of his lips in repose.
Slowly, reluctantly, you turned onto your side facing away from him, drawing the covers up to your chin. You felt his arm slide around your waist, pulling you closer, but you resisted, maintaining a barrier of space between you.
As you drifted off, you knew this fragile truce wouldn't last. But for now, in the quiet darkness of his dormitory, you allowed yourself a brief respite from the war raging within you. Tomorrow, you would pick up the fight where you left off. Tonight, you just slept.
Morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow over the room. You stirred awake, momentarily disoriented by the unfamiliar surroundings. Then memory came flooding back—the argument, the makeout, the sex.
Shit.
You slipped out of bed carefully, trying not to disturb him. As you pulled up your panties, Mattheo began to stir. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.
"I have to go," you said quietly, keeping your back to him as you shimmied back into your dress. "Last night was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened."
There was a pause, then the rustle of sheets as Mattheo sat up. "A mistake? Is that really how you feel?"
You stood by the door, slipping on your shoes as you avoided looking directly at Mattheo. "Of course, it is," you replied flatly, your voice devoid of emotion. "I hate you, remember?"
With that, you grabbed your bag and made a hasty walk to the door, but just as you were about to twist the doorknob, he spoke, his voice low and smug.
"Do you? Because you definitely don't hold someone's hand while fucking if you hate them.”
Your heart pounded in your ears as you whipped around to glare at him, but you bit back the retort on your tongue. With a huff, you snatched open the door and stormed out into the hallway.
Once safely in the empty hallway, you leaned back against the wall, heart racing. A small, secret smile tugged at your lips despite yourself. Damn him.
#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle x y/n#mattheo riddle x you#mattheo riddle smut#smut#slytherin boys#harry potter#slytherin#benjamin wadsworth#leona-hawthorne’s 1k celebration#book browsing
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Dress
Hellooo. Here is a best friends sister sorta request- h is best friends with your brother 👀 and he’s tired of hiding 👀 I think this is a one off, maybe a two off if I’m feeling spicy.
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Words- 3k
Warnings- exhibitionism(don’t do stuff in public pls), dirty talk, soft dom!h, slight angst, slight mention of violence, people pleasing tendencies, etc etc etc
———
"I just wish things were different. I wish we didn't have to hide. I wish your brother knew about us. This sneaking around shit… it’s getting old. I don’t like having to pretend you aren’t the only fuckin’ thing I’m thinking about."
“I know…” The dark corner of the club was their solace. The humid air from the sea breeze leaked into the club around them and overly loud and slightly dated music being the unlikely reprove to having to keep up appearances through the last few days. Harry’s family always came with them on this vacation out to the islands and it used to be hell on earth. Each year she had tried her hardest to tamper down her crush, but now she didn’t have to.
Well, not unless their families were around.
With her brother in his own room, Harry had volunteered to take Y/N out as a ’chaperone’ of sorts and in turn, gave her a real taste of what it would be like if they didn’t have to hide their relationship- but she wasn’t exactly ready for the explosive way she knew her brother would react. He took things incredibly personally sometimes, but she was doing her best to try and not let it scare her too much. Harry was right- it was getting old. incredibly so, but it was hard to let go of her peacemaker mentality. She’d adopted it her whole life to keep the peace, diffuse situations, and now that she had finally found happiness with someone- it happened to be the one person that she knew he was going to freak out over.
“We need to tell him eventually, I know that. But I just…” Her fingers tangled in his necklaces, the alcohol making it easier to be emotionally vulnerable for once. “I don’t want to ruin it. Don’t want him to scare you away.”
Harry's heart ached as he looked at Y/N. He knew she was right, but the thought of hiding their relationship made him feel sick. Tired, even. He didn’t like having to watch his hands, where he was looking. He should be able to room with his girlfriend. It wasn’t like their parents hadn’t been rooting for it for ages, but he tried to understand where she was coming from.
Maybe it was a bit of the rose colored glasses keeping him from seeing what she did, but he didn’t feel the need to valiantly protect her brother from the knowledge that he was dating her. "I don't want to hide either, darling." He said softly. “M’not going to let anything come between us, especially not him." His hand slid up her thigh, wrapping around to the back of it and flexing his fingers.
"Your brother might piss me off when finds out, but only because he's probably, definitely going hit me. I'm not going anywhere, Y/N. I promise you that." His face grew more serious. "I don’t know how to make you understand that I am not afraid of him. I’ve been his mate for years. I know what he’s like but respectfully, he’s going to need to get over it and realize that I only have the best intentions..."
“I know.” She repeated, the humid air hitting her neck as she pushed bed hair off her shoulder, craning it to look up at him. It was unfair how handsome he was, with his curls sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck and the light shadow of facial hair since he had missed shaving yesterday. “I just… I know it’s selfish, but I want to spend tonight imagining he already knows and we don’t have to worry about anything. That no one would be all… shocked or even say anything if I do this.” Leaning up, she lightly pressed her lips against his in a chaste kiss before settling back on her feet, lips slowly separating. Harry made no move to pull away from her. If anything, he followed.
Harry's eyes shifted as he watched her, his heart picking in his chest. He loved the way she thought, the way she imagined a world where they didn't have to hide. Never once did he imagine himself to be one of those lovesick fuckers, but here he was again. Swooning over a goddamn kiss.
But really, who could blame him? He loved the way she kissed him, all soft and sweet and so damn gentle, like she was still a little hesitant he would say no even though they’d kissed dozens and dozens of times- stolen them right under everyone’s noses. As if he could ever say no- his body wouldn’t ever allow that. It was all greedy for her, had no capacity, no ability to deny her if anything when it came to telling his girl no. "Then let's imagine.”
Sinewy arms wrapped around her waist as he pulled her back into their hidden corner, the music pumping around them and his body hiding her from the crowd.. "Let's imagine that your brother knows and he's okay with it. That he's even happy for us." He pressed his lips to her neck, kissing and nipping at her skin. “A little grossed out, because I think that you are… the most beautiful, incredible, sweet woman I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing… but that would only be the truth.”
“You really think that about me?” Her voice spoke solely to him. In their seclusion, people were still passing by, but no one paid attention. No one cared. To the rest of them, it looked like a young couple too loved up to keep hands off of each other. In most ways, that was the truth. Who knew invisibility could be such a gift at times?
Harry chuckled against her throat, his breath hot on her sticky skin. She smelled like sunscreen and that tequila sunrise she had accidentally splashed on herself, so a bit of orange juice and grenadine. Edible, summer, he wanted to sink into her and melt. "Of course I do." The man scoffed, his hands slowly roaming over her body as if he couldn't help himself. "And if your brother knew about us, I'd tell him exactly that. That I want you… and I want t’make you my girl properly. But that’s probably where it would stop, because I think he’d want to kill me if he knew what ran through my head when I get to see you.” Harry knew it was a good thing he wasn’t a mind reader, and that they’d gotten away with it for a bit so far. Yeah, he’d be taking a punch because he knew how Harry’s mind worked but he didn’t know that he fucking loved her- that this shit was different.
“Well… since we’re pretending all is right in the world right now…” Her hands splayed across his chest, chin tilted up as he pulled away from her throat. Starry eyes glazed over in love peering up just at him, not knowing she was the one he was orbiting. “Why don’t you enlighten me on the things you wouldn’t tell him?”
Harry's eyes glinted with amusement as he looked at her. "You really want to know, sweets?" He crooned, his voice low and sultry. "Alright then." His hands tightened around her waist, pulling her flush against him so she could feel just how much he wanted her.
"First... I'd never tell him that I think about you all the time. Like... right now, I'm imagining wrapping your legs around my waist and backing you up against that wall over there." His eyes flicked to the wall behind her before meeting her gaze again. "And how bad I want t’kiss you until you barely have any breath, make you borrow some of mine."
Y/N felt her breathing pick up, ironically enough, feeling trapped in the best way. Whenever Harry was around her she sort of wanted him to smother her, in a weird sort of way. it was hard to explain but close never felt close enough. Harry just had this sort of… way about him that had her itching to get close and bask in his own kind of warmth. It soothed her bones.
"N’then once you caught up, I'd keep kissing you until you were panting, so that cute little giggle that turns into that sexy moan that you do. Fuckin’ love that." he continued, his voice growing deeper as he showed little restraint with his words. It was easy to forget where they were when he got started. "And then... " He trailed off, leaning in to kiss her neck again, his breath hot against her skin. "Well, I probably shouldn't tell you the rest."
“Tell me.” She whined, in a way only tipsy Y/N wouldn’t feel shame for. “Please, baby?” Something she’d noticed was how strongly he did react to those little pet names so she kept them sparse, but seeing how he reacted always acted as a reward. “You can tell me. I want to know.”
He groaned low in his throat at the nickname, nipping at her earlobe before whispering to her the rest of the details he had been keeping away, waiting for the coaxing she had to pry out of him. "I'd slide my hand up your pretty little skirt and underneath your panties, feel how wet you already are for me. Slip a finger inside, nice n’slow at first, until you start to rock against my hand."
“Yeah? In front of all these people?” She was slightly shocked- but slightly not. Seeing as Harry had really struggled with not being able to publicly show her affection, she should have guessed he’d be handsy in all scenarios if he has the full permission- but this was more than she had anticipated. Even more so… She liked it.
"Mhm..." Harry agreed, his hands slowly sliding up her thighs, bunching the hem of her skirt as his hands went underneath without a second thought. "And if you kept making those little noises like you do when I touch you, no one would even notice."
Y/N she didn’t always make the best decisions but she knew she wouldn’t regret anything with Harry. As cocky as the man could be, as arrogant as he may appear, getting to know him up close and personal the last few months that they’d evolved into more than what they were… she knew he was a good guy. He was the type of guy she wanted. If he wasn’t, she wouldn’t be risking the peace her life had for it.
But no one ever said she wasn’t impulsive. “It is loud in here.” His body did hide hers in the corner, making it easy to be bolder. “So you should put your money where you mouth is, and touch me.”
"Oh, I plan on it" Harry said, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. He didn't waste any time in sliding his hand fully up her skirt, his fingers brushing against her skin as he made his way underneath her panties. His pace was careful, his touch light as he slowly slid a finger inside of her. Then soft hitch of her breath made him hum felt her bury her face in his chest to muffle any noise she might make. All talk, his girl, but he didn’t care too much- not when he felt that slick hole around his digit after being essentially edged all week. He continued to slowly pump his finger in and out, his thumb gently circling her puffy clit.
Biting his lip as he felt her clench around him, he could feel himself grow harder at the thought of being the one to make her feel like this. He added another finger, still moving slowly but picking up the pace slightly. "I want to take you out, show you off. I'm so tired of hiding you." Harry whispered in her ear, his breath hot against her skin. He pressed a kiss to her temple as he continued to move his fingers inside of her. "I want everyone to know that you're mine. Don’t want to have t’sneak off in vacation just to play with my girl’s cunt. Should’ve been making you cum the whole time." Harry's other hand came up to tangle his fingers in her hair, pulling her head back so he could kiss her properly. His eager tongue slipped into her mouth as he continued to move his fingers inside of her, feeling her wetness coat his fingers.
She was clinging to him, her nails digging into his arms as she tried to keep quiet. Her breath was coming in short gasps, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Face buried in his neck, her teeth sank into his skin to muffle her moans as he felt her shake against him. Y/N had never dabbled in public play before, and she knew no one could see, but the thrill of it all had her more wet than she had anticipated. Sure, the girl talked big game but she didn’t know what she would do if she had actually got caught being touched like this. Add in the fact that Harry’s tank top hugged him perfectly, his tattoos contrasting his skin, the broad shoulders and brush of his facial hair against her sensitive skin had her feeling drunk.
“That feels so fucking good.” She mewled, unsure if she wanted his mouth to keep her quiet or his chest.
"Shh..." Harry hushed her, his voice low and warning. "You have to be quiet, baby. Know it’s loud but y’don’t want anyone t’hear you." As much as he liked that idea, he knew his girl. That was something they’d need to work up to. Just feeling her dripping down his knuckles as he fingerfucked her was shocking enough, so he was more than pleased with this. His face nuzzled against her neck, his stubble scratching her sensitive skin. "Wrap your arms around my neck. Lean back against the wall."
Putting her trust in him was easy, or maybe it was the pent up sexual tension she hadn’t been able to release all trip as she did as he asked. The position made it look like a couple drunkenly making out, but his hand angled the farthest from the dancing drunk crowd was working slowly under her skirt.
Harry took advantage of her new position, his fingers slowly sliding in and out of her as his thumb continued to rub against her center. He felt her squirm against him, her arms tightening around his neck as she buried her face in his chest once more to muffle her moans. "Good girl... keepin’ so quiet for me... " He praised, his fingers picking up pace as he fought to keep himself calm. He glanced around quickly, making sure no one was paying attention to them, before he gently tugged her leg up, resting it on his hip.
The man had been good this whole trip. He’d played by her rules, trying his best to keep prolonged eye contact to a minimum, not leaning into her too much, not touching her, trying to act as he had in the past- but it was borderline impossible. Not with the way he felt about her. He wanted to rub all over her like a cat, wanted to wake up with her in the pretty room with the balcony and be the one to order her morning coffee. He was so tired of being good. In all honesty, the man didn’t care who found out anymore, not when being with her felt like this. Her little cunt gushing over his digits, dripping down the back of his hand as he curled his fingers just so.
"You're soaking through to my wrist..." Harry growled lowly, his other arm banded around her waist to keep her upright as her knees grew weak. He could feel her tensing up, her breath hitching as her body grew warmer. "Want you t’let go for me, love..." He curled his fingers one more time, pressing against her spot over and over as he rubbed his thumb in tight circles over her clit. Her whole body shuddered against him, her legs trembling as she tried to hold herself up. "You’re right there, baby. Can feel it. Let it go for me, my sweet girl... "
Harry buried his face in her hair as he felt her clamp down around his fingers, her body trembling slightly as she came silently against his hand. Her nails dug painfully into his shoulders as she bit down on his chest to keep quiet, her whimper muffled against his skin as she rode out her high. He held her leg tightly against his hip, his arm around her waist the only thing keeping her upright as her body shook with her orgasm. His fingers remained buried inside her, his fingertips gently stroking against her spot as he kept her on edge, prolonging her orgasm the best he could.
Pulling her face up, he dragged her mouth back to his. Their kiss was sloppy and desperate, Harry's tongue pushing into her mouth as he devoured her whimpers, groaning in response as he felt her cunt clenching rhythmically around his fingers. One of his favorite feelings, his favorite tastes. The only ways it could be better would be with his tongue on her clit or his cock inside of her. His hand shifted, tangling in her hair, holding her head still as he ate at her mouth, swallowing her noises as he kept his fingers buried inside her trembling pussy.
"Shh, baby... I've got you... " Harry cooed, his voice low as he gently worked her down. Slowly removing his fingers, he brought them to his mouth and licked her taste off of them before he lowered her leg back down to the ground.
“We’re telling him. Tomorrow.” He mumbled, wiping his spit soaked fingers on his shorts. “I’m not spending the rest of this trip with you not in my bed because he’s gonna have a fuckin’ tantrum. He’ll get it over, baby.”
Looking down at her, his eyes softened significantly as he gazed at her flushed face and messy hair. "You're staying in my bed tonight. I’ve gone long enough without it. Everything else, we’ll figure out in the morning."
#jarofstyles#harry styles one shot#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles smut#harry writing#harry styles imagine#harry drabble#harry styles blurb#harry styles writing#harry styles au#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfics#harry styles fanfictions#harry smut#harry fluff#harry angst#harry styles fluff#harry styles angst#bbf#brothers best friend
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Escape III
Bruna Vilamala x Eriksson!Reader
Summary: You visit Barcelona
"Looking good," Frido whistled as she slumped next to you in the stands," Looking to trade Germany for Spain?" She wiggled her brows.
"Everyone's abandoning ship," You shrugged," Jill's gone to City, Obi's running off to Bayern. Who knows?"
"Wait, seriously?" Frido looked at you in shock. "I was only joking but you're actually thinking about it?"
You shrugged again. "I'm only looking, getting a lay of the land and stuff. But it's warm here."
"And it's got Bruna."
You grinned. "And it's got Bruna."
"You're so in love with her, you make me sick. You're just like Magda."
"Take it back!" You pretended to gag. "I never want to hear those words again!"
Frido flashed you a grin. "Why don't you go to Bayern like Obi? Nice little sister reunion."
"There's better chance of me going back to Sweden."
"You're going back to Sweden?"
You looked over at the barrier and stood, shaking your head. "No, baby." You cupped Bruna's face. "I was just telling Frido that I'd rather play in Sweden again then join the same club as Magda."
Bruna laughed. "You could use Pernille as a buffer?"
"Magda would get me while I was sleeping. No, it would be much safer is I just came to Barca with you."
You leaned over the barrier to peck her lips. When you pulled away, she was blushing and reached up to keep your hands on her cheeks.
"Really?"
"We're already in talks. I thought about following Jill but I don't think I want to stay that far from you, baby. I told you, I want to be mushy with you like Magda and Pernille are...just...as far from them as possible."
"I'd like that," Bruna said," Are you still coming to the afterparty?"
"Yes. Go, baby, you've only got so long to rest before the second half. Score a goal for me, okay?"
Bruna did.
Half an hour into the second half, she scored from the edge of the box and celebrated by pointing up to where you were sitting and blew a kiss.
"Gross," Frido said," God, you and Magda are definitely sisters. You're always so lovey-dovey with your girlfriends."
"Stop comparing me to Magda!"
Frido must have been getting tips from your sister on how to annoy because she didn't let up until Ingrid dragged her off to the bar at the afterparty.
You nursed your own drink as Bruna sat in your lap, resting her head on your shoulder. You weren't that familiar with her teammates bar Jana so you were happy to let the conversation wash over you.
"I heard you're in talks with Barca?" Keira asked.
You shrugged. "Yeah, looking for something a bit different. Wolfsburg isn't going to be the same next year so I'm going to get out now."
"I heard that City was interested."
"They were. Jill's trying to vouch for them but Barcelona's got good weather and Bruna. It's a no-brainer really."
You felt Bruna grin against your shoulder, leaving soft featherlight kisses to the exposed skin.
"Well, if she keeps scoring like she did earlier then you need to transfer now because, wow, that was class."
You grinned. "I'll keep that in mind. We'll see what your club says."
"You're staying," Bruna whispered with certainty as the conversation moved on," I know you are."
"You're so certain, baby," You tutted," What makes you so sure?"
Bruna fixed you with a pointed look but only really managed to look like a disgruntled kitten. You'd seen angrier looks from Pernille, whose good books you perpetually lived in.
"One of the trainers broke the news that you'd already signed. He thought that I knew."
"Damnit," You said with an eye roll," There goes my surprise. Do I still get points for it?" You winked at her and Bruna laughed, pulling you into a soft kiss even though you were surrounded by her teammates.
"I guess so. When do you start?"
"After the summer," You replied," I'm going to finish off my last season at Wolfsburg and then fly over for preseason with you."
"You could start sending your stuff over now."
You laughed. "Slow your roll there, babe. I still need stuff at my place in Germany. Besides, Magda and Pernille are coming over next week. I didn't want them to be suspicious."
"Are you going to tell your sister?" Bruna asked as she relaxed more on your lap, stealing kisses whenever she could.
"She didn't let me know about her move to Bayern. I found out through Twitter."
"You could be the bigger person."
"Eww, no, gross! I want to stoop to her level! Hell, I want to get lower than her level! In fact, I want to play limbo with her level!"
Bruna giggled. "I think I understand why you and Magda fight as much as you do."
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Fetch (Shifter! Tf141 x Male! Reader)
Chapter 4 of Good Doggy
Masterlist
Tw - Drunk Assholes (inspired by real stories from me :)), Slight blood warning, Language (its a COD fanfic??), OKAY SO LIKE I GUESS SLIGHT SUGGESTIVE STUFF?? I WANTED TO MAKE IT LONGER. A SMALL SCENE OF NSFW BUT NOTHING TOO DEEP BUT STILL PUTTING A WARNING, ITS IN BETWEEN THE NSFW GRAPHICS. Gaz has a praise kink.
Beta Reader/Editor - @letmelickyoureyeballs
Updated: 3/5/2024
The bar is filled. It’s a Friday night, of course it is but you hate it. You don’t like dealing with assholes. Not after the conversation with Maya.
“I cannot serve you anymore. If you don’t decide to leave I will call the cops.” The man in front of you shouts profanity after profanity, angered by the law. Humans were stupid that way. “Here’s a water.” You slam it down, annoyed.
Idiots. Drunken idiots.
Yeah by Usher starts playing. The club you worked at was loud, you have ear plugs in just so you wouldn’t be overstimulated by everything, but you could still hear enough.
“Why do you have a mask on?” He's irritated already which means that this conversation will not end well. You usually strive to give your coworkers the assholes, not caring that he'll have to deal with it.
"It's to stay safe, I don't want to get sick-"
The man cuts you off and you debate on spitting in his drink, "That's not gonna keep you safe, the only way to stay safe is to build your immune system." He keeps yelling, and some spit leaves his mouth. You place down the menu in front of him as he keeps yelling, "That's the only way to stay safe, not a stupid mask!"
You walk away, going to your coworker and telling him to get his order cause if you do you'll be fired. You instead went over to the list of music that was going to play and put on a favorite song of yours, not caring for some disgruntled noise from other patrons as you bobbed your head to the beat, distracting yourself from the day you had.
"Ye lik' this song mo gaol?" It's the familiar accent and the way the hairs on your arms stand makes you more irritated. It was roughly 1 a.m. and most people would be tired. You'd reckon it would start slowly down in 20 minutes, which meant you could get some work done.
You turned to face Soap.
"I'd hope so, I chose it." You tell him as you get closer to him. "You still stalking me?"
"Ah'ahmnot a stalker, juist wanted a drink." He smiles boyishly, as if he wasn't Sergeant John ``Soap" MacTavish with more confirmed kills than unconfirmed.
"At the bar I work at?"
"Juist a coincidence"
"I'd prefer it if you didn't lie to me." You told him while you mixed a drink. "You obviously have something for me."
"A'm in loue wi' ye"
"Not possible." You tell him, interrupting his "confession". You set the drink down in front of him. "$13" You tell him the price.
"I didnae orda a drink?" He looked cheeky, and you wished some part of you didn't find him attractive. But he looks up at you and you can't help but imagine other scenarios, particularly some where you're both naked.
"Well you can either pay for the drink and drink it, or pay for the drink and I'll drink it and talk with you some more." Soap immediately puts down two 20s.
"Th' rest can go to mah bartender." You slip the extra cash into your pocket, going to your POS system and breaking out for your thirty minute break that was required. You grabbed the drink on the counter and left your work area, Soap following behind like a puppy. You found a booth in the corner most people avoided. Sitting down at what could fit five others at most. Your mind goes back to Maya, who’s probably taking care of Icarus, your dog, and Marigold, her familiar. Maya worked as well, but it was an in-house job where she dealt with customers in need of assistance.
"You hurt our feelin`s earlier," He says first as you take a sip of the drink you made. "Hae we dane something tae offend ye?"
"Don't want to get your hopes up." You tell him, "I'm not one for soulmates."
"So ye know?"
"Of course I do. You reek of wolf." He starts to sniff himself and you want to laugh at how ridiculous it looks. "You wouldn't be able to smell it. And it's not a bad smell, just obnoxious cause there's four of you."
"So ye aren't human."
"Nope, never was."
"What are ye?" You never felt shame in what you were. Didn't feel shame in general, it took Maya for you to start walking around in clothes.
But you didn't want to tell him.
"None of your business."
Gaz knows that Price is going to talk about the bloodshed in the morning. He knows that Price already knows but doesn't care to stop it tonight. Price is just too drunk, Ghost doesn’t care, and Soap is who knows where. It wasn’t like he killed humans tonight, just some animals that were definitely going to get the town's attention (He might’ve killed a bear) but not the hunters.
He's decorated in blood and he loves it. It soothes some messed-up part of him. His teeth still have specks of flesh in it, that he licks clean
He smells you. Heavenly you. You who smells like some plant burning. He didn't understand it, but he loved it.
You're next to Soap, and Soap has the biggest grin as you walk together.
Though you probably don't see it as together. You probably see it as him stalking you, but you don't seem to have your usual air of distaste. You have sunglasses on, something he hates cause he can't stare at them. Your mask is black, and you also have a hood on. You look perfect, he just wishes you were in his bedroom.
Preferably naked and-
Nope.
He kind of hates it at the same time though. Soap getting so close to you, still determined to find a way to be with you. Soap didn't lose hope, not like Gaz did. But he'd be damned if he didn't do something. He lets out a growl, standing menacingly as he runs forward, towards both of you, knocking Soap down as he growls at him, his teeth snapping. If Gaz doesn't get to be happy, Soap shouldn't either.
He just wasn't expecting your reaction.
"Get off him." He followed your command, staring up at you and following your eyes when you bent down to be eye level with him. "God you are so..."
"Cute." Your voice gets higher as you gently rub behind his ears, the blood not bothering you at all. Gaz almost forgets how you looked at him earlier, your words that cut him melted away and he just thinks he has a chance.
You loved dogs, who wouldn't? Even if that dog was actually a grown (hot) man.
"Look who's such a pretty boy." You kept rubbing his head as Soap just stared in shock. "Such a handsome boy, who did you eat?" You coo at Gaz, who leans into your touch and praise, enjoying everything about this moment. Gaz has to take a moment to remember himself, that the praise you give him is nothing.
But he can't help but imagine scenarios in a different setting.
NSFW Start
It's such a simple setting. In his room, the lights are low. He's flushed, shirtless and on the floor, while you sit above him.
"Can't you be a good boy for me?" You lick your lip before biting it, you stare at him, your eyes actually showing, looking at him with lust and love. A perfect combination, and your lips, god, you were perfect for him. "Come on, you know you want to." You lower your shorts and Gaz gulps, he stares at your cock, mesmerized.
"You're hungry for it, aren't you whore?"
NSFW End
"Arr ye fecken' kidding me?" Soap says, breaking the peaceful moment, and Gaz's daydream. "A' it took wis a wolf fur ye to lik' us?"
"I still don't like you all, but dogs are always a great company." You keep petting him, Gaz's eyes closing slightly, and Soap sits up.
"Ah can do that toh." His accent gets thicker as he rushes to grab your hand, forcing it away from Gaz and instead putting it in his hair. Which was mostly shaved on the sides.
"You aren't a cute puppy right now." You yank your hand away.
"He's fooken' bloody!"
Gaz licks your face, and you slightly smile.
----
NEXT
Listen, hating people is one thing but I could never hate a dog, let alone a wolf. Reader still doesn't feel comfortable around the boys, but he does like the dogs.
#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#simon riley x male reader#john soap mactavish#captain john price#john price#john mactavish x reader#john price x reader#john soap mactavish x you#johnny soap mactavish#soap x male reader#soap x reader#kyle garrick x reader#kyle garrick#kyle gaz garrick#gaz x male reader#gaz x reader#captain john price x you#price x reader#shifter tf141#tf141#tf141 x reader#tf141 x male reader#task force 141 x reader#task force 141#tf141 smut#tf141 x reader#tf 141 x reader#tf 141
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Do you have any headcanons about the Ghoul's cum? Is it an unusual color, taste, or texture? Is it radioactive? If you look at it under a microscope, do the sperm cells look mutated? Can he get someone pregnant? If he cums inside someone, are there any side effects?
I feel like my answer to this shouldn't start with "I have actually given much thought to what ghoul cum would be like", and it shouldn't be as long as it is, Anon, but here we go:
I headcanon that being a ghoul does make you infertile, especially as a man...early on. Radiation is a massive sperm-killer so I think all the human sperm would be wiped out pretty damn quick. But I think if you manage to stay alive long enough into the ghoulification process (which can be instantaneous or can be drawn out over years and years), your boys could possibly adjust and "heal" from being so damaged by the radiation and start producing sperm again. In the lore of the games, there are records of ghouls reproducing with one another (though it is not elaborated on at all and is apparently rare), so why would it be out of the realm of possibility (in the Fallout universe) that they could reproduce with healthy humans?
I think it would take the right human, the right ghoul, and the right conditions (my heart says 'radstorm', but I know how deeply corny that is), but I do think it's possible for some ghouls to get women pregnant.
I don't think their sperm themselves would necessarily be remarkable under a microscope; sperm having multiple heads/tails, no head/tail, and other malformations already exists in human men, and the number of them visible in a sample is used as an indicator of sperm quality. I think, that close, a sample from a ghoul would just look like a sample from a regular man with poor quality sperm.
The semen would be very radioactive after a few years, especially if you had sexual contact with an older ghoul or a still-sentient glowing one like Jason Bright or Oswald the Outrageous. I think it has a bit of a strangely-colored hue and I think it's thicker in consistency than before. You will absolutely get sick from it (especially if you swallow it) if you don't properly prep with Rad-X. Expect all the traditional symptoms of radiation sickness (fever, fatigue/fainting, confusion, vomiting, red inflammation and burns in the places you had direct physical contact, bleeding from the nose/mouth, unusual bruising) if you don't, and have Radaway ready for afterwards. What's the stuff for if not saving us from ourselves?
When a ghoul cums inside you, you can absolutely taste it, like you rested a nickle on the back of your tongue. You'll really hate it at first, but eventually you'll come to tolerate, even like it. Try not to let them "shoot up the club" every single time, though, since it'll probably leave you incredibly raw and sore. It's also long-accepted ghoul-fucker canon that your sentient ghoul lover cumming inside of/all over you can hide your scent from feral ghouls.
When I tell you that shit would taste so bad, I'm not even sure I have the proper words for what I think it would be like. Sort of like licking a battery combined with the bitter, acidic flavor of bile (and also the taste of semen, which doesn't exactly taste great anyway). You'll probably try to be sexy and brave and at least let your ghoul lover cum on your tongue once, but trust me when I say you'll never offer again. Especially since their regenerative abilities make them cum buckets every single time.
Godspeed, ghoul fuckers. We wouldn't do it if we weren't willing to risk a little rad exposure, right?
#ghoul biology#cooper howard#the ghoul#cooper howard smut#cooper howard headcanons#jason bright#oswald the outrageous#fallout ghoul#john hancock#hancock fo4#edward deegan#dean domino#charon fo3#gob fo3#desmond lockheart#raul tejada#rotface fnv#harland fnv#vault tec rep#eddie winter#kent connolly#ghoulcy#vaultghoul#submission#fallout lore
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Lovesick 2014 versus Lovesick 2024
Rebooting the OG BL, Thailand? Are you sure that's wise?
I don't think anyone is ready for the depths I'm about to go to. But the gauntlet was thrown and comparisons must be made.
Generally when an IP is being remade by a different country I try to cut it slack and evaluate based on fresh eyes and different standards. But this is an actual reboot, not a reinterpretation.
Challenge accepted, Thailand.
A tiny bit of background......
I was one of those who watched Lovesick (LS14 aka the original) early on in my BL journey. No, not when it was airing, but the BL cut when it was first put up on YT (or maybe it was grey first?) hard subbed by fans way back before Netflix picked it up (and then dropped it). So yeah, it's been a while. and I LOVED it. I've rewatched it MULTIPLE times.
I like YA narratives and I enjoy high school BL and that is probably all Lovesick's fault. But nostalgia is a toxic emotion, so I'm trying to give the reboot (LS24 aka the new version) some credit.
But for those who don't know Love Sick is The Original Thai BL. Do not argue. It just is.
The plan is to do a general round up and comparison of broad aspects of script, filming, and acting at the very end, but as it airs I decided to do a "watch off." You ready?
And now......
Boys in Blue Shorts
LS24 Episode 1 versus LS14-s1 Episodes 1, 2, 3, 4
They did a smart thing tailoring the whole thing down to just the BL thread from the original. And removing the opening party sequence is definitely a win.
However, with less time spent on all the ensemble characters in the opening three episodes, it’s a lot harder to keep such a large cast of characters straight (irony), especially the music club.
Also they materially damage the evolution of Noh & Phun's romance by losing the actual first sleepover and the "eating out with the girls" scenes, which really bonded the two boys in friendship prior to the "water fight crash into me" romantic beginning. By skipping to just the first flush of romance, PhunNoh feels rushed.
* UPDATE!! Spies report in that a lot of the stuff I complain about missing in the 2024 version is in the uncut version on iQIYI. (Which is longer by as much as 25%!) So I am rewatching it there and updating this post accordingly.
We got the entire arc of their first brush with love in just episode one of LS24. Which comes off as fast and cliffs-notes esk. However, it's more in line with modern Thai BL (which is rarely slow burn) and also more sexy and physical, less intimate and emotional.
I've never liked the first two episodes of LS14, but episodes 3 & 4 are killer. Not to mention important to the plot and to the history of Thai BL.
In the end, because the cutting floor choices impacted the weight and emotional resonance of the main romance thread, I’m (still) going to give this one to the original. But you absolutely must watch the uncut version of the new version, it makes a massive difference.
2014 wins (but only just)
LS24 Episode 2 versus LS14-s1 Episodes 5, 6, 7
The "Phun sick at Noh's house" is a lot more flirtatious in the new version but I missed the shoulder in the car and Noh snapping at Aim from the original. But I like Noh choosing to be a bolster pillow and offering himself (rather than being coerced), and the near kiss is better in the new version.
The new version also makes Phun more pitiable, like he sees Noh as a place/person of refuge. I like that a lot better for his character (and queerness).
Making Aim’s quandary (and personality flaws) nested in an actual queer crises (similar to Phun's) is a better tactic for sympathy, so this second ep really got me with some nice modernizations.
Phun freezing Noh out strikes hard in both versions but we lost Noh's identity crisis and Phun's crisis of conscience this time around.
The "letting go of the hand" is more powerful in the original, but it was also pretty good in the new one.
I hate to do this but, I have to......
2024 wins
I say this knowing that the hand in the bookstore is and forever will be one of the most iconic moments in BL history.
If you disagree with me you can, literally, talk to the hand.
LS24 Episode 3 versus LS14-s1 Episodes 8, 9, 10
The drunken confession, kiss, and the escape to the beach.
No kiss in the new version (which is WILD), but the old version hardly counted either.
In 2024 they have to make Phun have a long term crush and Noh be softer over gay feels to compensate for a tighter timeframe. These changes I don’t mind, but it does modernize the BLness of it all.
I really like that Phun was questioning his own sexuality when he initially asked Noh to fake date, and that the real reason was that he was testing himself. That is, frankly, more realistic to a queer coming of age, and makes the fake dating plot lest stupid. And it makes Phun a more likable character.
The shouting confessions in the new version were really cute too. As was the crying.
But I’m sad that we got no kiss and no back hug or chin down hug.
The original is so much more poignant, and so much more messy and so much more teenage about everything.
I cried in the original and I didn’t in the reboot.
"If it takes no time at all to fall in love, why does it hurt so bad to say goodbye?"
Whatever way that script is translated, it’s a great line.
Ep 10 from 2014 is a real dud tho.
Argh! What to do? This one is a draw.
No winner.
An interesting thing about this show i never thought about during my many watches of the original: Phun has a harder time, even though he brought it on himself, partly because Noh is accustomed to being like where Phun is not. Phun, as the rich kid, is used to being envied and admired even respected. But not genuinely liked. The fact that Noh genuinely liked him for him (and not what he has) is a huge reason he can't let go.
I think the newer version showcases Phun's character in general a lot better than the original, and yeah I do think that is partly a superior actor this time around. Sorry, White.
LS24 Episode 4 versus LS14-s1 EPisodes 11, 12 & LS14-s2 Episodes 1, 2
Earn loans the money and sports day commences.
Necklace drama and Phun’s jealousy, especially in the council room, is better in the new version. It’s just more vicious and petty and appropriate to teenagers. Plus a proper kabedon.
I did miss the face touch, forehead kiss, and “we don’t actually belong to each another” line.
Argh that was SUCH are great line.
Not to mention the iconic standing in the street:
But, again, the opening eps of season 2 back in 2015 were very much not good, so condensing them down is an improvement.
Decisions, decisions.
No I can't, it's a draw again.
No winner.
LS24 Episode 5 versus LS14-s2 Episodes 2, 3, 4
Sports day continues, Phun thwarts Earn, the overalls scene du jour.
Earn, the original, remains one of the greatest queer role models ever put into a BL. There is just no contest, sorry not sorry.
He is the King.
The new version has a public shoulder lean plus and epic "MINE" glare. You know I love a claiming.
But the big after party is much better in the old version.
But the switch of Golf’s character to Grace and the reason she left the school is absolutely genius and possibly my favorite change that has been made in the new series so far.
Oh but I really LOVE the drunken bathtub scene in the original.
This is a hard call.
But I simply must give it to the original. (Super props on Gracie tho, nice call 2024.)
2014 wins
LS24 Episode 6 versus LS14-s2 Episodes 5, 6, 7, 8, 8, 10
This new version speaks out loud more of the angst and messiness. The original let that simmer and be shown more than it was told. Interesting twist on the video evidence.
(I love the tiny side couple of tough kid + the dork of the music club. Nice little ship, that.)
And...... We’re done with the beach visit already? The original took 4 eps! Which definitely could’ve been condensed down. Still no sunrise after sleeping in lawn chairs, no confession no nothing. Also lost one of the most iconic lines in all BL by leaving that section out.
It’s a terrible feeling, not knowing where the line is between us.
It’s so good. Hard to forgive the new version for losing it. Not to mention there's no Noh calling Earn to ask for his advice and Earn being torn over what to do with a bisexual crisis. Also "morning kiss krab."
But episode 9 of the original is entirely unnecessary and large chunks of 8 and 10 are as well. I can’t believe I entirely blocked out forgot about the singing competition. I mean, this is me, I always fast-forward through most of the singing stuff, but I forgot this whole part of season two.
Again, I lament the loss of iconic moments from the original script more than anything else, but because of the sheer quantity of superfluous flack in the original, and the fact that the new Phun is the prettiest pouty baby, this point has to go to the new version.
2024 wins
LS24 Episode 7 versus LS14-s2 Episodes 11, 12, 13, 14
New Phun’s bitch face really is exceptional. I kind of enjoy everybody ribbing the two of them because they have no idea what’s actually going on.
End of the auditions and the “repairing the couch Earn flirts” scene. Phun v jelly. I do like the way Earn puts it in this one, basically “I can’t fight against you if you don’t even know what you’re fighting for.” AKA you aren’t a worthy opponent.
He’s nicer in this version. In the original, the confrontation between these two was much nastier.
I love how Noh consciously winds Phun up in this version. It was really nice to see Noh get a bit of his own back. Of course Phun is sulky about it. He didn’t deserve to be rewarded with Noh’s confession but at least he didn’t let it just rest there, but gave his own back. We lost the problematic “not gay” line in the new version, which is very good. BUT we also lost the original shouting “I like you” across the court for all the nongs to overhear. Which is sad. Plus new version has much less Pete. Original ep 12 was epic.
We lost the phone flirting from the original, which was very cute. So I did very much miss that.
The party at Noh’s.
In the original, this has probably the best sequence of scripting in BL history. (Noh & Golf through the door) Where Noh talks about what it means to truly love somebody.
Mostly because they cut that bit out in the new version, I’m afraid I have to give this one to the original.
2014 wins
LS24 Episode 8 versus LS14-s2 Episodes 15, 16
The clip is discovered, the after effects of the party, the showering with Ohm, and the confrontation over Aim.
Okay so the post it love note of sweetness is better in 2024.
The Per/Win story arc never interested me in 2014 and I’m not enjoying it in 2024 either. But Mick & Ohm are better in 2024. Nong Mick is a standout character, and a brilliant glow up in this version. Confident little shit (affectionate).
Helpful boyfriend Phun was darling. The bits where they are together as a couple really are the best. It’s when the rest of the world intrudes that things goes south.
I absolutely loved Aim's confrontation with her mother in the new version. It was stellar. And something that would never have been depicted 10 years ago.
Ah those classic high school trials and tribulations when your boyfriend has footage of your girlfriend with another girl. We’ve all been there.
Honestly, this is a much more messy and much better break up for Aim and Phun. More dramatic and more public. I like that change.
All that said we lost Earn and the rejection in the theater. Still this one was an easy call:
2024 wins
(How crazy, by the way, that as I type this: Ngern is opposite Oat OF ALL PEOPLE in Fourever You, Pineare and Sammy are ALSO in that show, August is finally in a leading role in a different remake, Addicted Heroin, Gunsmile is BACK in a cameo and this is the show he returned too away from GMMTV. We live in wild times.)
The Leader Board
2014 = 4 points
2024 = 3 points
(source)
#Love Sick#lovesick#Love sick 2024#Love Sick 2014#the great love sick off#thai bl#the original thai bl#letting go of the hand#PhunNoh
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UNTITLED N°1 !! demon dean
(gif from pinterest, credits to the owner)
tw ⭒ minors dni, SMUT, dirty talk, dean x f!reader, did i already said this is demon dean shit???? i am vibrating on another level istg, fingering (f. receiving), sex toys (vibrator), spanking, oral (m. receiving), p in v, public space, unprotected sex, etc.
a/n ⭒ ian i swear i'll hunt you down for giving me ideas EVERY FUCKING DAY and yeah, implicit the fact of the lipgloss stuff i wrote for jason but a bit different here, it's 1 am and i'm going back home from a party so prob no proof read, shhhh
words count ⭒ 2.505 (at this point i don't even dream of doing something short)
dean was changed since the last time you saw him, right before he received the mark of cain and way before he turned into a damn demon, sam and you looked for him for days until you stumbled with him outside of a night club which wasn't the best situation to find the guy who was supposed to be your boyfriend, the one that once treated you like the most important thing on his life and now only thought of you as another one night stand.
and what are you doing at a night club? well, long night and almost no sleep so you decided to take baby for a ride and maybe look for dean and here you are, standing in front of him while you fight the urge to punch him right across the face when you notice the lipstick smudges he has all over his jaw and neck "you're fucking amazing, dean" the sarcasm that drips from your voice seems to amuse him, dean grins at you with arms crossed over his chest as he walks closer "looks like you can't remember you shouldn't take the things that don't belong to you, sweetheart" he ignores your annoyance completely, walking around you with heavy steps almost as if he was a predator and you were a sick little animal to hunt and torture.
"yeah? i couldn't care less, what the hell are you doing here?" right behind the club the parking lot is almost empty, the led lights drawing shades on your bodies and the muffled music being almost completely hushed by your voice "having fun, can't a man have fun with a bunch of pretty girls? or are you getting jealous?" he has always had a smart mouth but this time his words do hurt a little but they also fuel your anger "you're being an ass, dean" words come out as a growl, avoiding his question because he already knows the answer damn well, it doesn't take humanity to understand that she loved the dean she used to know and that this dean only made her remember him but here again, he couldn't care less about your feelings right now.
"and you're being a pain in the ass, darling" he'll reply once he's in front of you, a devilish smirk on his lips at the same time he leans in making your heart rush because even with dean being a demon there was still an ounce of the man you loved and that minimal part of him still wanted you and only you, it was enough for it to take over and make you notice the glimpse of desire he had, a growing need to press his lips on yours and pin you against the impala, the same one that has already been the place for a good amount of the times you've let yourself melt into each other's touch and oh, if the evil side of dean hasn't used those memories to get off to your vulnerable image when you tremble under your lover. the way he stands so close to you, how he looks at your lips and licks his owns makes you shiver, making your lips part before he gives into your dean's needs; his lips are over yours, a bruising kiss as his hands grip your waist roughly, his touch making you moan from the pain his hands inflicted on your flesh.
once he pulled back you were panting and dean was living for that, his hand ran until it was on your neck "i think i have something in mind that you could enjoy, i miss someone misses fucking you dumb..." he whispers while tilting your head up to make you look up at him, green eyes fixed on yours made feel hypnotized until the point you walked to the passenger seat as dean got behind the steering wheel, the sigh making you even more hungry because the way he drove always made things to you. dean made the engine roar, pulling into the road until you both were sure it was safe to start anything. dean leaned to your side, his arm going behind your sit until he was able to reach a small vibrator he had used before with you, one of your road adventures from the past "are you gonna be good for me?" his voice was filled with a hint of what felt like mischief but also that cockiness that was part of him, you knew that maybe this wasn't the best idea, you should be the one driving to take dean back to the bunker but you mind was full of the bunch of memories of your boyfriend's dick deep inside of you and that was enough to make you forget any other responsability for at least a while, it had been a good long time since the last time you had any kind of sexual interaction thanks to him so, why not take the chance? so you nodded at him, lips pressed in a thin line as you waited for his next move.
there's a smirk on dean's face as he drives single handled, twisting the small vibrator between his fingers, dropping it on your thigh while you shift on your seat "sit pretty and spread those pretty legs of yours for me" he orders simply and you obey, legs spread enough for him to reach with his hand, undoing your belt and buttons before he slides two fingers under your clothes, starting to caress you slowly, torturing he plays with your clit circling over it before he pinches it softly making you moan shamelessly "fuck, dean..." you mutter when one of your hands goes to grab his wrist to make him stop when his fingers circle a bit faster "oh, you're being a little killjoy" he taunts with a click of his tongue but he takes his hand off you to grab the toy, turning it on just to slide it until he's able to press it against your sensitive bud, the vibrations making you gasp and hold onto the leather seat "just as slutty as always, aren't you? bet you've been dreaming about being fucked by me a lot lately" words making you moan and buck your hips, your eyes fixed on his movements when dean takes his hand away again, fingers coated on your wetness which he licks while glacing at you, the action only making you squirm in need of his mouth on you "and also as sweet as always, mhm, i could pull over and eat your pussy but i have other things in mind... close your legs, baby, and don't even think you can cum before i say you can."
with your legs closed the vibrator was pressed a little harder on your clit, it makes you sigh and whimper in the five eternal minutes it takes dean to find a good place to pull over, behind a small bar. he opens the door, getting to the back seat and sitting there, legs spread and his arms across the back of the seat "aren't you gonna come here, baby?" he asks teasingly, of course he was asking you to walk yourself out of the car and to the back seat, shaky legs and overstimulated, cursing him on your mind but still growing needier so when you get off the car and open the back door you can't help but bite your lip when dean is there undoing his belt and taking it off slowly with his eyes glued to you "come here and lay on my lap, sweetheart" he takes your hand in his, pulling you in taking advantage of your weak legs to make you lay on his lap, tummy flat over the seat while your hips rest over his legs when he closes the door before his hand stops on your ass, stroking you softly as he started to pull your jeans down slowly exposing your silky panties, chuckling lowly at the sight of the wet spot between your legs where the vibrator was still making you squirm and moan "so fucking wet, mhm? thought you would be harder to break down... such a easy whore" dean's voice is as rough and low as all the times you've found yourself so needy and hot for him, the big difference was that right now he was indeed a big bad wolf about to eat you alive.
every thought was erased of your head as soon as you felt his belt comming down to hit your ass, making you moan as dean's free hand snaked between your thighs to pull off the vibrator "oh, the little girl enjoys being spanked? you have a pretty sick mind, huh, you like being treated as a slut?" another spank falls on your rear, making you squirm and hold back a loud whimper before you nod "i love it... when you treat me like that" you moan, your reaction brings a wide grin to his face as he lets the leather belt fall again on your ass, the red marks of it standing over your skin as a sing of the way it would bruise by the morning, fuel for dean to keep it up until your cheeks were all red, your hips up with your ass on the air and your eyes teary from how much you needed him "god... dean, please" you beg and he growls at your voice.
"down. on your knees" he is quick to command, making you kneel on the floor, sitting all pretty and obedient between his legs as he undoes his jeans, pulling them down with his boxers making your mouth water at how hard his dick was in front of you "open that pretty mouth of yours, i want to fuck your face" the amount of dirty words turning you, leaning in you place your hands on his thighs while your tongue runs over his lenght tasting him and moaning softly at the way dean is looking at you. the growl he lets out when your lips are wrapped around his tip is gutural, his left hand going to grab a handful of your hair while you suck on him, tiny licks on him that leave your lips shiny from his precum "never thought a slut could look as pretty as you, mhm, those lips all pretty and shiny for me" he says in a low and raspy tone before he pulls your head by your hair, pressing his cock between your lips to make you swallow him right before he starts to move you, his hands making you bob your head causing you to gag and choke. your eyes are closed but it doesn't stop a few tears from falling from your eyes while dean pushes his dick into your mouth, throat fucking you between growls and moans of pure pleasure, smirking each time you gag and chuckling when he lets you pull away to breath but it doesn't take you too much until you're again looking to put his dick into your mouth "oh, baby so hungry... a needy whore that loves choking on my cock"
you whine when dean pulls you away from him, his hand grips your hair to bring you back to his lap but this time he makes you sit with your back pressed against his chest "i need to fuck that sweet pussy of yours, sweetheart, wanna see you ride me like a fucktoy" he whispers into your ear before making you lean forward, your ass perfectly pressed against him and a nice view of your hips and waist when he lifts you up and pulls your panties to the side before pushing his dick inside your snug walls in a rough thrust "so damn thight... gonna make you scream, baby" dean growls while his hands hold your waist to urge you to start moving.
at first you're just grinding your hips against his, feeling his dick moving inside of you in a way that made you moan softly but the need building inside your tummy made your movements change into quick and sloppy hops while you held yourself on the front seats, tits bouncing and your ass slapping against his body "that's a good bunny, fucking yourself on my cock like a good slut" a low moan escapes his lips and his hands are sliding under your black top, lifting the fabric until his hands are squeezing your breasts "you know how i love it when you're not wearing anything under your shirts? love this perfect tits of yours" you moan when his fingers are toying with your nipples at the same time he decides to move his hips to meet your movements, making him reach deeper inside of you.
anyone who came out of the bar sober enough could see what was going out inside of the impala, the sight of you bouncing with your eyes closed and mouth open as you moaned loudly enough to be heard if someone came closer to the car, it only turned you on more and it showed in the way your pussy clenched around dean like a vice, his strokes only going faster and harder when your legs started to fail you to keep on bouncing on him "who would have thought you would like to be seen getting fucked like a whore, mhm, you enjoy the way everyone knows you're getting dicked down so good, baby?" and you nod, your moans making it hard for you to speak properly, dean is laughing at you and it's humillating but it also makes you hornier "dean... i need to cum, please" your pleas are met with a hard squeeze on your tits and a hard thrust "really, bunny?" he asks with a smirk, hands back on your waist before he leans in to press a kiss on your back "do it, baby, cum all over my cock" and it takes you nothing, your pussy is squeezing him hard making a dark growl escape him and you're about to ask him to fill you up when dean lifts you, sitting you on his lap " 'm not filling your greedy pussy, love, not like you deserve it" he grunts, his hand around his dick as he strokes himself.
dean growls behind you, he's fisting his cock and moving his hand using your wetness to make his task easier and the lewd sounds make you eager to feel his hot load wherever he wants to put it on you "mhm, want me to cum on your dirty body, slut?" he asks with a smirk as his hand slows down for a bit "yes, please..." you say softly and it's the only thing dean needs before he cums behind you, white streaks painting your back and ass as he bites your shoulder harshly "there you go, huh... such a nasty whore" dean mutters on your neck, kissing your skin and nibbling on it "the best fuck i've had lately"
#mara's thoughts#dean winchester#dean winchester smut#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester imagine#dean winchester x f!reader#dean winchester x you#dean winchester x female!reader#supernatural
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You’re Losing Me x Carlos Sainz
“Stop.. you’re losing me..”
Taglist: @morgan108 @diary-of-jj @shea-theodore @pitchandgrid @wifemase @hal3ynicol3 @alicerubyfloyd @nicanicksnica @formulafootballfan
Word count: 3.3k
To be added to the rest of the series click here -> 🌌
You say, "I don't understand" and I say, "I know you don't"
We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't
Remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light
Now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time
“I don’t understand what the problem is.” Carlos sighed, rubbing at his face in frustration. You’d been at each other’s throats for forty five minutes now, and over something so trivial. What had begun as him (forgetting to do the dishes? Change the laundry?) had spiraled into an outright argument over him not helping around the house, to him being out so late all the time now. “I know you don’t.” You had muttered, shaking your head with a sigh of your own.
“I can’t do this right now, I told Lando I’d meet him for dinner.” Carlos spoke, his curt reply signaling he was done with the argument, with the entire conversation. He grabbed his keys and walked out of the kitchen without another word as you stood there watching him go.
This is how things always went as of late—at least, that’s what it feels like. It’s always just another small bump in the road, one that you would get over. Always something that wouldn’t stop you from being happy again. Now, though, it seemed like nothing was going to fix things between the two of you. Small bumps are fine until you look back and realize there’s so many, the road is no longer driveable.
As you shut the kitchen light off and walk into the living room, you pause. It was one of yours and Carlos’s favorite rooms in the house because of how the light shone through the windows, illuminating the room in a soft glow when the sun set. Dusk was setting in now as you took a seat on the couch, the room falling into darkness as you sat there by yourself wondering if it was finally time to end it or not.
Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?
I'm getting tired even for a phoenix
Always risin' from the ashes
Mendin' all her gashes
You might just have dealt the final blow
It wasn’t even the big things that made you wonder. No, it was the stupid stuff. The small things you wished so badly you could convince yourself to put up with. You knew what the two of you had was special, could feel it in your very being, but it was beginning to not be love anymore. It was tiring, you were tired. Your mother always told you that you reminded her of a phoenix, always picking yourself up and mending your own wounds, never letting anyone help you because you could do it yourself. Times like these, you wish she was wrong.
You didn’t know why Carlos would rather sneak around and lie than just be honest with you. Maybe it was a pride thing. Charles, bless him, had been the one to accidently fill you in on what Carlos has been doing behind your back. He didn’t even mean to, but when he asked if you were at the club with Carlos last week because he thought he’d seen you with his teammate, it was the final blow. You weren’t at the club. You had been at home. You had been waiting on him because he told you he was stopping by his parents house. He had told you not to wait up for him. It started making you wonder what else he’s been lying about and how long he’s gotten away with it.
Every mornin' I glared at you with storms in my eyes
How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?
I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick
My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick
It was five am when Carlos’s alarm went off, making you roll over and glare at him as he slept. Lately, it’s like you aren't even in a relationship anymore. You sighed as you got up, moving to the kitchen and knowing he’d get up in a minute to get ready for his morning run.
As you cooked yourself something to eat you heard him moving around in your room. The footsteps you’d once longed for around the house had become ghostly, the antithesis of what it once was. You dread the sound of them approaching.
It wasn’t like this came out of nowhere, you had sent him signals and tried talking to him to let him know that things between you needed fixing or changing but, he always brushed them off, brushed you off. You were starting to turn into a shell of yourself the longer you stayed in this relationship and dealt with everything alone.
“Love you.” He mumbled, nothing more than a force of habit, grabbing a water bottle and leaving. He knew that things weren’t okay. You knew he knew, and he knew you knew he knew, and on and on and on until the end of time. It didn’t matter what you both knew, though, because he wasn’t ready to admit that out loud that the love you two had was long gone now. The both of you were just going through the motions and with how shitty the season was going he wasn’t ready to lose the one semi good thing he had left going for him.
And the air is thick with loss and indecision
I know my pain is such an imposition
Now, you're running down the hallway
And you know what they all say
"You don't know what you got until it's gone"
The house was heavy sad and you were running out of options. The confusion and grief that came along with the thought of having to leave the man you loved for the last seven years was hard. Harder than hard. Some kind of word that hasn’t been invented yet, hard. You know that your pain and problems weren't easy to deal with, but hell—he isn’t exactly Mr. Emotionally Intelligent, either. It just made you feel guilty that you were feeling this way and maybe that was the reason Carlos was pulling away.
So you did what any normal person would do, you called your mom and asked if you could come stay for the weekend. You needed to get away for a while, clear your head and figure out what you needed to do for yourself and there was no better place to do that than home. You packed a weekend bag and left after Carlos headed to Baku. The time you spent with your mother was eye opening. She had given you advice that you oh so badly needed to hear.
“Why do you keep letting him treat you this way?” she asked you, nudged a cup of tea an inch closer to you. “This is not the way someone who loves you should treat you.”
She was right, it wasn't how you were supposed to be treated. So it was no surprise to hear from Carlos when he got back and noticed you were gone, you’d left him a note on the fridge but apparently that wasn’t good enough. He didn’t realize all the things you usually did for him until you weren’t there to do them. Like help with laundry, cooking dinner and cleaning. Of course his mother raised him right but that didn’t mean he still wasn’t a guy who got comfortable with how things were.
My heart won't start anymore (Stop 'cause you're losing me)
My heart won't start anymore (Stop 'cause you're losing me)
You didn’t go to a lot of races, had your own career and your own life that was more than the title of girlfriend, but Barcelona was one you always attended. Things hadn’t gotten any better, but you still wanted to be there to support him—even if you knew it was going to be the last time. You stood next to Blanca, listened to her gush about her upcoming wedding, about the flowers and the dress and the table runners. You didn’t have the heart to tell her you’d have to miss it.
“Have you two got your outfits together yet? I know my brother can be pretty forgetful sometimes” Blanca asked, looking over at you with a happy smile. You did your best to give her a smile back, Carlos hadn’t mentioned it, but you didn’t want to burst her bubble. “I’ll remind him tonight, I’m sure you’re going to look absolutely beautiful.” You meant that, even if you aren’t going to be there to see her in person.
As Carlos pulled the car back into the garage after the race it was almost routine, he’d get out, take his helmet and stuff off before walking over and giving you a hug. You hang on a beat longer than normal, soak it all up—his hair and his smell and his skin and his arms. “I’m going to go grab my things,” you mumbled, motioning him to his waiting family before moving off to go grab your things. You didn’t plan on standing around for any longer than necessary. Each passing moment is nothing more than another opportunity for your heart to break.
How long could we be a sad song
'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?
I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy
And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier
Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me
I'm the best thing at this party (You're losing me)
And I wouldn't marry me either
A pathological people pleaser
Who only wanted you to see her
Your relationship, if it can still be called that, seems to long outlive its expiration. You don’t know how much longer it can go on like this, all the uncertainty. It felt like nothing but a sad song stuck on repeat, something that you couldn’t come back from. There had been times where the both of you got this way in the past but you were able to bring the relationship back to life but this time?
This time things were too far gone.
You had given him nothing but endless empathy everytime Ferrari screwed him over, everytime the media pulled quotes from their ass, everytime someone twitter blamed him for someone else’s mistakes. It was always you there for him. You were the only one fighting for him, right front and center when he had a bad race or when strategies didn’t work out, everything.
Yet, it was for nothing.
“Don’t ignore me Carlos, please,” you said softly, but the crack in your voice is clear. You’re at a party—Lando’s, drug here against your will, against your better judgment. You knew he needed to let loose, but all you wanted was to talk to him. You knew you had to instigate, that he’d ignore you all evening if you didn’t.
He was still losing you.
Everybody talks about the seven year curse. You never saw it coming, even if it was staring you square in the face.
1. You stop being curious about each other
First, it was the little things. No more questions, no more answers. You didn’t spend your time telling him about your favorite breakfast foods and he didn’t spend his time asking. Years came and went, and you thought it was endearing that there weren’t questions, that it was proof your relationship was strong. He knew you like the back of his hand, you’d told yourself.
2. You start keeping secrets from each other
The secrets, though, that’s a new development. A few months ago, he never would’ve sat at the table with his phone face down, never would’ve leaned away from you when he typed or managed to spend time with Lando even when Lando wasn’t in town.
3. You’re spending less meaningful time together
It’s hard to spend time with someone who’s never around, who never wants to be around. That’s all there is to say about that.
4. You start taking each other for granted
It was no secret Carlos had taken you for granted. Everyone knew it, they could see it anytime the two were together. You were at his beck and call, his personal chef, his maid and his housekeeper and his butler. His trainer and his assistant and whatever else he might possibly need.
5. You don’t discuss your goals anymore
You stopped wondering if he would ever propose two years ago. Well, you told yourself you stopped wondering. Everytime he asked you to go out or suggested you dress up nice or acted even the slightest bit weird, you were bouncy at the idea of him on one knee.
6. You’re drowning in criticism
What was harder than accepting you were never going to be his wife, maybe, was coming to terms with the fact that everyone else wanted it more than you. Seven years is a long time. It hung over both of your heads like a storm cloud of implication. You wondered if he ever planned on marrying you, or if the last seven years have been nothing but fun to him.
And lastly
7. You have no fight left
If you still had any fight left in you, you wouldn’t be googling the seven year curse while he silently sat at the other end of the sofa. You remember the moment you lost it, that last little bit of fight and fire. You remember it easier than you remember what it felt like to be in love with him.
You had shaken your head as Carmen sent another article of some “close friend” talking about how the media was portraying you as a pathological people pleaser. It hurt. Sure, you knew marriage wouldn’t fix everything but it was the fact you didn’t feel wanted or appreciated anymore that finally broke the walls down like a wrecking ball.
Carlos looked over at you watching you shake your head and pocketed your phone. “What’s that about?” He asked, he could tell something was bothering you and he had an inkling of what it could be, but, he wasn’t going to bring it up. If he did, that would make things real.
“Nothing, just… just Carmen sending me another article. I wouldn’t marry me either, you know? Since I’m such a pathological people pleaser,” you looked at him, waiting to see what he’d say. But when the room fell into heavy silence and he just continued to look at you, all you could do was give a curt nod and purse your lips as you got up off the couch and walked upstairs. You couldn’t stand looking at him anymore if he wasn’t going to fight for the relationship you two had.
Sure, you may have been a people pleaser, but that’s just who you were. You liked helping, liked making people happy. But the one thing you wanted most of all? You only wanted Carlos to see you, to see that you’ve been there for him through everything. Not as a complacent stand-in girlfriend, but to mean something to him like you used to back when.
And I'm fading, thinkin'
"Do something, babe, say something" (Say something)
"Lose something, babe, risk something" (You're losing me)
"Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing)
"To believe, unless you're choosing me"
Two weeks had gone by and all you could think about was begging him to do something, to say something, anything, to you about how he was feeling. Give up his pride to show he still cared and loved you like you had loved him. It was his choice to make, you couldn’t force him to love you. He had to choose, all he had to do was choose.
But when he didn’t, you took it as a sign. Stop kicking a dead horse, pick yourself up and get on with your life. If he won’t then someone else will. Slowly but surely, every time he left for a race you’d pack up more things and ship them to your parents house. It took a bit longer than you figured it would but when you’ve spent seven years living with someone you realize just how much of your life is grounded in one place.
Once you had gotten all that you had, you stood in front of the dresser mirror looking at the necklace that you had on, remembering the memory of Carlos giving it to you when you both were teenagers. Your fingers play with it and it brings tears to your eyes to reach behind your neck and unclasp it. This would be the first and last time you ever took it off since being gifted it. As you held it in your hand, all crumpled and ready to be tangled, it made you realize that this was real, you were taking the step and finally walking away like you should have when all of this first started. You grabbed your bag off the bed and sat the necklace down on his nightstand knowing he’d find it whenever he got home. Taking one last look around the room you walked out and closed the door behind you, leaving the house key on the kitchen counter as you passed.
A necklace and a house key. The only implication that you were ever here, that you never would be again.
You're losing me
Stop (Stop, stop), you're losing me
Stop (Stop, stop), you're losing me
I can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore
Carlos didn’t realize it until it was too late. He had unlocked the front door and the house was eerily quiet and cold. He frowned, set his bags down and realized you must’ve gone out. He checked his phone to make sure he didn’t miss a text from you letting him know, but there was nothing. No text, no call, nothing. It confused him even more as he shut the door and walked further into the house.
He paused when he entered the living room, everything looked normal until he sat his hands on the back of the couch making him pull his hands back in confusion, the fluffy blanket you always had laid there was gone. That made him look around the room even closer, quickly noticing the books and candles you had on the coffee table were no longer there. The pictures above the fireplace were gone, every single trace of you ever being in the house was no longer there.
He skipped half the steps on the way up the staircase, through the hallway and into your room; empty and cold, like the rest of the place. He moved over to the closet swinging the door open, his breath catching in his throat when he saw your side totally bare and empty. The dresser drawers matched.
But he noticed something out of the corner of his eye, laying on his nightstand. As he walked over the tears started pooling in his eyes as he picked the item up, it was the necklace he had given you when you both were sixteen. He had gotten it for you, wanting to show how much he loved and appreciated you. Holding it now just signified how much he had fucked up. You had never taken it off, no matter how many fights you two had gone through over the years. Never. Not until now.
You had given him so many signs that he blatantly ignored or brushed off thinking you would always continue to be there for him despite him acting the way he was.
And now?
The relationship that was so full of love had died and he couldn’t find any way to bring it back to life.
He finally lost you and it was completely his own undoing.
#imagine#formula 1#series#midnightsseries#midnights song drabbles#you’re losing me#carlos sainz imagine#carlos sainz x reader#formula one x reader
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My latino boyfriend is always making fun of me about how uncultured I am and I'll admit, I come from a pretty basic white family. But while my boyfriend seems playful about it, I think his family judges me a lot for it. And from the little spanish I know, I could pick up that they don't really seem to like me too much. So I was pretty surprised when his mother invited me to their family gathering. But when I got there, my boyfriend wasn't there, but everyone has been treating me really nice- saying I'll fit right into the family. Seems odd to me though, maybe I misread them?
Even though everyone is very nice to you, you feel extremely uncomfortable. Yes, compared to your friend's family, pretty much everyone is uncultured. The townhouse looks like it was just photographed in Architectural Digest. Whereas your friend's Argentine mother would never allow such vulgarity. Incredibly, the family is only here a few weeks a year…. But such a luxury….
They all speak English as if they were born in Oxford. Okay, most of them studied there. But as soon as they want you to miss something, they immediately switch to French. That you understand and speak a little Spanish, they have already noticed. The risk that you could understand them when they speak Spanish is too great.
The mother asks you to take a seat at the coffee table. You sit down and take a cupcake. The butler asks you what he can bring you to drink. You actually want to say, "A tea, please". But without being able to control it, you reply, "A beer, mate." What the hell was that? You didn't say that. You look around in fear. But instead of looking reprimanded, everyone smiles at each other in satisfaction. Fuck, how are you sitting here at the table? You've slid down with your legs wide apart and are lying on the Louis Quinze sofa more than you're sitting. The butler brings a bottle of beer and a crystal glass. You take the bottle, drink a big gulp and burp. "Hehehe, that was a good one" you say laughing with your mouth full after eating half a cupcake in one sitting.
"Tell me Steven, are you a native of London?" asks your friend's brother. "You be' your ass, pal," comes out of your mouth. "Bawn an' raised in Tottenham. An' call me Steve, mate" Fuck, you're from a village in Sussex. Why would you say something like that? "Interesting. But tell me Steve, how do you know my son?" asks the father. You'd like to say that he should actually know that you two play soccer together. But instead you say that you take care of the lawn mowing and stuff like that on their son's soccer team. "How interesting, we are looking for a new gardener for our house in the country. Would you be interested?" "You bet I would, ma'am. Anything's better than this crappy job. I'm getting sick and tired of this damn town, too." The brother of the guy who plays in the soccer club pulls out a piece of paper. "Here's our proposal. Could you start tomorrow?". All you see is the salary. Fuck, that's a lot of fucking money for a little lawn mowing and weeding. You don't think twice and sign it with your scrawly handwriting.
Can you remember that yesterday you were 22 years old, a hard-working student and a promising soccer player? Now you're tending the vegetable garden in a run-down country house in the middle of nowhere. None of the staff has ever seen the gentry here. And somehow no one here can really remember what they did before they started working here as a game warden, mechanic or janitor. Fuck, never mind. All hot men here with an irrepressible urge for hard, good and honest sex. Whatever you were doing before you came here, it must have been worse by far.
#male tf#muscle tf#reality change#muscle transformation#male transformation#age progression#revange tf
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Kerstin Casparij - SO LEAVE
YN.YL = Veronica Miedema
Kerstin Casparji = herself
———————————————————————
"No I'm not okay it's not right to me that you sign for a one year contract and then you say city didn't give you the right amount of game time or city's not good enough for me" Kerstin yelled
"But it's not good for me I left Arsenal because I was sick of constantly being compared to Viv all the time, so when I got a contract to city I was soo excited because you were here I ." I got interrupted
"Then why don't you sign the contract extension and stay here with me, get more game time from city and actually make it work for you" she said
"But I don't want it to work here at city I want to join Barca it's been a dream of mine to play at Barca and it would be an amazing opportunity for me. I would make a name for myself not just Vivianne miedema's little sister"
"Then leave, leave like you always do the second something doesn't go your way you leave SO LEAVE" she said staring dead at me then walked away to the spare room.
I didn't know what to do was it so hard for her to accept that I had and amazing opportunity for Barca. Did she not think I was good enough or did she only want me to stay so she could be with me at city. What do I do I thought.
Kerstin's pov:
The next day was awkward we didn't speak to each other at all we didn't take the same car to training which made it obvious to others we were arguing. Something I learnt about Veronica she wasn't one to give in and she was very good at the silent treatment. But if Ronni was gonna play the silent game so was i.
Everyone was around the breakfast room and was chatting away eating before warm up. I sat with Mary and a couple of the other girls whilst instead of have Ronnie next to me usually half asleep I watched her walk into the cafeteria and go sit with Hempo, Esme and Sandy. Hempo gave me a look as general confusion but I just shrugged it off not really want to talk to everyone about it and effect the team, I mean Ronnie can't avoid me forever we play right next to each other in games.
Veronica's POV
I was asked to go to one of the stuffs room that focus around our contracts and a payment and stuff like that. I was being payed quite a lot to play at city and that was really appreciated, I hadn't looked into the Barcelona contract deal and the payment, game time and stuff like that so I though maybe it was about my other option for clubs and Barcaldine included. Whilst walking there I saw some of the girls and started to walk over to them since I don't think I'm in a rush to get the the staffs room, until I saw Kerstin was there then immediately turned around that didn't go unnoticed by her. We don't usually argue but when we do it's big well bigger for us. I restarted to walk the staffs room and eventually got there. Knocking on the door then walking in to being greeted by the staff member
"Hello Veronica" he spoke whilst sitting down with a desktop facing in between were we sat across from on another and 5 pieces of paper spread out as well " I think you could take a guess about why your here and that's for you potential other contracts or your city contract" The staff member flip the sheets of paper over to reveal the other side that had the teams that were interested in me two including Manchester City and Barcelona "Now I know you have leaned toward going to Barca but there were other options like Bayern, Liverpool and one other one but I'm not sure how you'll feel about it but it's Arsenal and I know you've made it clear that your not interested in going back to the gunners team but they have offered the same amount of money and your expected to have more game time then beforehand, your contract would be for 2 years, city have a similar offer with more money, your currently being payed 300k but there contract has changed for 350k they would sign you for a 3 year contract deal"
"Ok So my former club Arsenal is telling us that I'll have more game time and the same amount of money when that exact same club said that the first time and I was completely overlooked and robbed, if you can't tell arsenal isn't an option" I say say looking very unimpressed with arsenal but trying to be more understanding
"Okay so no arsenal have you thought about Bayern and Liverpool" he moved the sheets of paper in front of me for a look
"Bayern are offering you the exact same contract as city did when you first joined, whilst Liverpool are only offering you 200k which is a step down so I'm not positive on you salary step down but it depends on what you want to do, your contract would include 2 years with them, now I'll get to Barcelona once you get let's say three out of the way and will leave it to Barcelona and another club to decide, I'm going to duck out for a second but I'll be back soon"
I was looking through the papers and immediately put Arsenal to the side along with Liverpool, I hadn't really thought of Bayern before I mean I've heard great thing from it and when Georgia and I hung out she spoke about how she enjoyed it so much but then again you really didn't feel like going somewhere people are going to still compare you to Viv, because Viv was fantastic at Bayern one of there former best players and almost everyone will expect you to be even better then her. I put Bayern to the side And look what's staring at me MANCHESTER CITY in bright blue writing, a pay up I would be put into the top 10 most expensive players not that I care about how much I'm worth but that's kinda cool to see people paying you so much that your in a top 10 most expensive with world class players, I guess it's back down to City and Barca.
"Ah I'm assuming your choosing between City and Barcelona, well what are you leaning towards" the man said walking through the door and taking his seat again
"Well I mean a Barcelona would be great to play at but now I think about it more and more I really do wanna give city a better try but I mean it is Barcelona so who knows the opportunities I could get you know" I say completely distraught on the decision
"Yes well depending on you feel with your salary your mind might change on Barcelona" he says looking at me after reading the city contract then the Barcelona contract"
Kerstin's pov
"Yeah I don't know Mary and now we're both giving each other the silent treatment and it's just not a fun feeling knowing your partner want to move away from you" I say looking down after explaining why Ronnie and I haven't been speaking
"Well if I'm being completely honest you should be happy she could possibly be going to Barcelona like she's just proving she and amazing player and plus I don't think she want to move away but she's doing to to benefit her career don't you think that's a good thing"
"Yeah but you know I'm really proud of her and happy for her but it's just not how I would have wanted our relationship to pan out and I don't know if I could do long distance and I don't wanna ruin our relationship"
"Your not going to ruin the relationship, she loves you and I'm pretty you love her"
"Okay but what do I do now, do I wait at home for her do I stay here, do I March in the office saying I am proud of you for getting an offer at Barca and I love you so take it" I say making weird voices
"Wait for her at her car and then talk to her"
"Okay I will" I say hugging Mary as she stands up
Veronica's POV
"So you're telling me a huge club that pays crazy amounts for play wants to change my pay from 300k to 150k and they want to quarter my game time and take me on a loan after my contract is up" I say looking at the man shocked
"Yes and if I'm being completely honest it is a huge step down and for you personally wouldn't be the step you should take" he responds "I know you have spoken to me about you city contract and your not positive on it but now that you've seen the other contracts including the Barca one maybe you would reconsider or maybe having a look at one of the other ones again"
"Yeah but I know this might be a biased question for you but what's the best step" I say hoping for a non biased answer considering he works under the Manchester City club name
"I say your best options are City, Bayern or Arsenal" He immediately answered
"Okay I'm not going back to arsenal but I'm rethinking Bayern again" I said out loud when really I was thinking to say it in my head
"So where declining Liverpool, Barcelona and Arsenal" he questions turning the desktop to face me more
"Yes" that was my final answer for those 3
"Now you can have a think about those two considering you have a lot more to think about now price range and game and also contract wise how long you gonna be there for "We can set up another meeting for maybe a week from today or you can send an email of your decision"
"Would it be fine to set up a meeting but cancel if I send an email"
"Of course, it was a pleasure doing this with you, I might say your quite professional" he shook my hand across his desk "I'll send the emails to your rejected clubs and keep a close eye if anything has been changed or has been offered"
"Thank you and I do very much appreciate it" I shook his hand back then exiting the room
That was not what I expected I expected to immediately accept Barcelonas offer but not after what I saw one that contract not at all. But now I'm stuck between to options again Manchester City or Bayern Munich.
A/N: Part two anyone ???? Or just leave it there also if I do, do a part two send request how it should end or comment i don’t care
#woso#netherlands#kerstin casparij#kerstin casparij x reader#bayern munich#barça femeni#arsenal wfc#manchester derby#manchester city#vivianne miedema
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Heart
Mapi Leon x Ingrid Engen x Child!Reader
Summary: They meet you in the hospital
"She's dying," The nurse says to Ingrid.
The club had arranged for the team to go to the local hospital a few weeks before Christmas to give out gifts to the sick kids. Ingrid had enjoyed it greatly, meeting the children and their parents but she still needed a moment to herself.
She couldn't just keep the smile on her face when she saw the children walking with poles attached to wires or the little toddlers who had lost their hair due to chemo.
She had slipped into this hallway to get some respite, only to stumble across the only room that was filled.
Your room.
You've got a little placard hanging on your door, with your name written on it, covered with kitten stickers and smiley faces.
But you don't look smiley at all.
"Dying?" Ingrid echoes.
"Dying," The nurse replies," This is the cardiovascular wing."
"Her heart then?"
The nurse is solemn as she nods. "Her heart." There's silence and then," Would you like to go in and meet her?"
Ingrid's tempted to say no. You're tiny in your hospital bed and she's not even sure if you're older than five. It seems wrong for the nurse to say that you're dying.
"y/n?" The nurse says," This is Miss Ingrid."
"Hi, Miss Ingrid. Are you another doctor? Have you brought me my heart?"
Ingrid almost bursts into tears at the way you're looking at her. She shakes her head. "Sorry, honey," She says," I'm a footballer, not a doctor."
"That's okay," You say," Football's cool too."
Ingrid takes a seat at your bedside. "Very cool."
There's a solemnness in the ear as the nurse tinkers with some of the devices around you.
"Do you like football?"
You shrug. "I'm not allowed to play." You look down at your bedsheets. "I'm not allowed to because it'll make my heart go boom-boom too much. It's okay, I guess."
You look so sad by yourself and it makes Ingrid ask after your parents.
"I'm a..." Your brow furrows as you think of the word.
The nurse helps. "You're in care, aren't you?"
You brighten. "Uh-huh! My care worker's trying to find me a family so I can leave and wait for my new heart at home! I've been asking Santa so it should come soon!"
Ingrid's stomach drops. You're so small and so innocent and the one thing you've asked Santa for is a working heart. "I'm sure he's working very hard to get you that heart."
Ingrid very much hopes that the doctors are working very hard to get you a new heart.
"My heart now is alright," You continue," When I was littler and I was found at the fire station, I had a little hole in it that the doctors fixed but my heart was a little mean and didn't like the scar so it started going boom-boom wrong and now I've got to get a new one."
"I'm sure you'll get a new one very soon." Ingrid just knows that she's going to break down sobbing as soon as she's left, though she can't bring herself to walk out the door just yet.
"I hope so." You pull down your hospital gown to show the mess of wires connected to your body. "Because then I can get these out. They track my heart."
Ingrid spends the rest of her time at the hospital with you and, when she finally leaves, she knows immediately that she'll be back.
She brings Mapi her next few visits, warming both of you up to each other before she asks the question she knew she'd be asking the moment she walked out of your room.
Mapi is more than happy to fill in the required paperwork and spend the money to get your heart stuff into the apartment.
The day you come home with them is perfect.
Mapi brings you up on her back, careful of the little monitors that doctors have given you to track your heart clipped to your trousers. Ingrid opens the door.
You greet Bagheera and you sit in front of them on the floor.
They'd had your room ready for weeks now, just waiting for when you get home.
You're still weak and sickly but you're strong enough to wait for your hospital at home with them.
You take medication twice a day. They go into your room at night to check your monitor. You go everywhere with them, to training, to the shops, all the way to the beach and back.
You doze easily on Mapi, your arm splayed out as she runs soft fingers through your hair.
"What did the doctors say?" She asks softly as Ingrid re-enters the room.
You'd all just gotten back from your weekly check-up where they took scans and did tests on you that they had been waiting on everything to come back.
"The same as usual." Ingrid sounds defeated as she crouches by the sofa in front of you and Mapi. "She still needs a heart. She's stable enough for now. They're thinking about putting in a pacemaker or something called an ICD but those mean surgery. They said it could weaken her too much that if a heart comes along soon then she might not survive another operation."
Mapi's hand freezes in your hair. She wants to scream or maybe even cry. You're so little and already so sick.
"Is it bad," She says quietly," That I just want her to get a heart? I know that it means that another child will have to die so she can get it but..." Her throat closes up and she chokes out the words. "I don't care. I can't bring myself to care about that other child if it means she survives. I just can't. I know that we've only had her a few weeks and I know that the likelihood of her getting a heart is slim but...but-"
Mapi has to stop talking because tears are running down her face as she stares at you, so pliant and quiet on her chest as wires poke out from under your shirt to the little device that's checking your heart rate.
"I get it," Ingrid says," I want her to get that heart too."
For the most part, you're able to do exactly what other kids your age do but it all comes to a head the day of Patri's Christmas Eve party.
You're a bit more tired in the morning than usual and your whole appetite has tanked. You're a little shaky and your hands are super cold so you get put in a warm Christmas jumper and a hat and scarf for the walk to Patri's.
Ingrid and Mapi are loath to let you wander around Patri's apartment but you end up sitting in a group of the girls playing Uno and Keira lets you play on her team.
You're happy with them all but Mapi and Ingrid still hover nearby.
"How is she?" Alexia asks, sipping at the one alcoholic drink she's allowed herself tonight.
"The same," Mapi mutters back as Ingrid excuses herself to take a phone call from your doctor.
It's weird that he's calling so late but Ingrid will happily take a call from him at any time of day when it comes to you.
"I'm glad she's got you two," Alexia continues," She's such a sweet kid. God forbid anything like this happens to my kids."
Mapi smirks. "What? Seeing my kid's got you feeling all broody? Trying to copy me?"
Alexia rolls her eyes. "More like she's got Olga feeling broody. Honestly, they only met once."
"Olga's a bleeding heart," Mapi replies," You'd look cute with kids."
"You certainly do," Alexia compliments," You're more relaxed, you and Ingrid both. Are you going to adopt her?"
Mapi's face suddenly feels hot and she tears her gaze away from you for a moment. "I know it's early," She says," But we're already trying to sort out the paperwork. We're going to get through Christmas and see if a hea-"
Your monitor beats erratically, a loud sound that can be heard even over the music Patri's playing. You slump a little against Keira's side (much to her horror) and your eyes flutter closed for a moment.
Mapi barrels through everyone to get to you. You're still awake (barely) and your monitor displays that your heart is beating in an abnormal rhythm.
Mapi breathes out a sigh of relief. While not ideal, your heart does this sometimes and, just like now, it takes you a few minutes to go back to normal.
A crowd of the team have converged around you and you pathetically faceplant yourself into Mapi's neck with heavy, laboured breaths and grip fiercely onto her top.
"Great news!" Ingrid says as she enters the room before stopping as all eyes dart to her," What happened?"
"What news?" Mapi asks tentatively, still holding you close.
She's beaming again as she crouches down in front of you and rubs at your cheek. "Santa's brought you your heart."
"He's early!"
"He is!" Her eyes are a little wet as she puts your hat back on your head, pulling it down firmly. "How about we get to the hospital?"
You go into surgery within the next few hours.
When you wake up on Christmas morning, it's to Mapi and Ingrid at your bedside and a brand new heart from Santa.
#woso x reader#mapi leon x reader#mapi leon#ingrid engen x reader#ingrid engen#woso community#woso#woso fanfics#woso imagine
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Hey sickly anon here. I feel like I should explain myself a little. I was really worked up last night and just kinda sent that ask without any context and I know it must look like a troll ask.
I get that there is a lot of content focusing on thin readers/women(I don't much like those either)
It's not really that I'm super bothered by protrayals of different weight, it was just the phrasing that hit a nerve last night I think. I got sick in highschool and soon legitimately looked like a gaunt skeleton(still do tbh :/)
So not the cute desirable version of thin. More of the "is she terminal? poor thing.." To this day I get people doing horrified double-takes at me because of how I look so I guess it's slowly made me ultra sensitive about it.
And last night I had a guy get in my face and legit SCREAM because I couldn't process his return since he didn't have a receipt. And then had to do basically 3 people's jobs because 2 different coworkers decided to go to the club last night instead of work. A typical day in retail I guess.
So I get home and go straight to your blog because its a big comfort for me and I just kinda crumpled being reminded of my mess of a body.
But it wasn't really your fault. Like when you have a REALLY bad day and one more barely noteworthy little thing goes wrong/feels bad (like you drop your spoon or something) and you just McFricken lose it and can't stop the tears.
That was me last night lol. A little embarrassing in retrospec after I slept it off. I hope you don't think I was attacking you personally or anything. I was overwhelmed and just felt hurt and had to express myself somehow (did a terrible job of it I know lol. I was flustered.)
TL;DR: had a really bad day at work, getting reminded of my health condition and appearance was the last tiny nudge I needed to become a crybaby, cried about it, went to sleep, woke up feeling better and a little embarrassed I let it bother me so much.
Anyways, shenanigans aside I hope you have a good weekend :)
Hey, thanks for coming back to clarify, I preciate it. It’s no big deal, this is all a bunch of fictional stuff on the internet after all.
I grew up with a mother with severe eating disorders that put her in the ER multiple times. The way she views being fat as the ugliest thing you can be to the point she would rather die than be that way has become my inner voice for a long while and I’ve only just started to deal with my own eating disorder. The Fulgrim chubby chaser thing was just a fun meme that I was encouraging because so much of reader insert stuff has the “thigh gaps and running fingers through your hair, tiny cocktail dresses and picking you up” and it’s fun to pretend that maybe someone might like the way I look XD
And just because I answer a few asks about chubby people, they all exist in their own universe and it’s not like that’s canon. I have plenty others that don’t mention anything at all.
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