#I'm sick and exhausted
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WEâRE GETTING THE NEWSREADER SEASON 3 DATE TOMORROW AND A TRAILER ON FRIDAY HELENDALE NATION RISE UUUUPPP!!!!
^ me about all of this
#i shouldn't be awake its 5am#I'm sick and exhausted#and we know this trailer is going to be FJOAKAHFNFJD#NOT READY#EXCITED BUT NOT READY#The Newsreader#anonymous
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You know what the most frustrating thing about DAV criticism is at the moment? It's that I do in fact have criticisms. Quite a few, actually. It's a Bioware game, of course I have criticisms. No one I've spoken to or whose posts I've seen thinks it's perfect or above criticism. But the thing is, Iâand I imagine a lot of other firmly positive blogsâknow that if I share any of those criticisms, if I make posts discussing them and talk about the game's flaws, I will immediately be inundated by people using those complaints to insist that the whole game is garbage and the writing is bad and Bioware's a terrible studio who can't make good games and DAI (of all fucking games) was so much better and blah blah blah blah. I know that because it's happened every goddamn time I've made a less-than-positive post about DAV. And I don't have the energy to deal with that! The endless stream of bad faith criticism wears me down and having to constantly stop to defend a game I like when I'm trying to discuss its flaws because if I don't (and frankly half the time even if I do) people will use my posts to claim the whole game is garbage is exhausting, and fandom is supposed to be fun. So I can't discuss DAV's flaws on tumblr if I want to avoid that, and it is infuriating. I see people bitching about toxic positivity and people refusing to acknowledge the game's flaws, and I really want those people to take a second to consider: do the game's fans ignore its flaws and refuse to accept that anything about it is bad? Or have you created an environment that is so toxic that no one who likes the game wants to risk getting your attention by mentioning what's bad about it and they respond more aggressively than is warranted to even genuine critique in an attempt to ward you off? Because there will always be assholes who claim that genuine problems are Fine, Actually, Stop Being Such A Baby... but if people can't address the game's flaws in public without immediately getting dragged into five different arguments about how it is in fact ultimately a really solid game, they're not going to do it no matter how much they recognise those flaws.
#I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A MEANINGFUL DISCUSSION ABOUT THE GAME'S FLAWS WITH MY FRIENDS#but the thing is i can only do that with friends who ALSO LIKE THE GAME if i don't want to be constantly dragged into defending it#so there are friends i just straight up can't talk to about it even re things we all agree are flaws#because it's exhausting! it is EXHAUSTING constantly having to defend a thing even while trying to criticize it#so now i literally only discuss the game's flaws in private conversation with people who i know really like it#because i'm sick of this fandom's constant negativity and i'm not going to be dragged into more arguments about it
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PoisonđŠ¸đ§ď¸
got the feels and wanted to write about it
Ship: Old!Logan Howlett x Mutant!Fem!Reader đŠ¸
Rating: 13+
Wordcount: 786
Warnings: disease, injury, blood, aging, kind of age gap? (they're roughly the same age but reader doesn't show it), grief
Your nose scrunched as it was hit by the all-too familiar scent that followed Logan like a shadow. Acrid, sharp, deadly. Seeped into his blood from his metallic bones, poisoning him. Killing him. Leeching his life and healing mutation to where he was a husk of the X-Man he once was.
It was 29 years to the day since youâd met him. When he'd woken up, terrified, on that chrome stretcher and nearly choked you to death. The blood flowing through his thick arms pumping by your ears and only proving what youâd hypothesized: his blood wasnât normal.
Loganâs blood ran thicker than every other personâs. Tasted more metallic, more iron in his blood than the rest of the mutants that filled Charles Xavierâs mansion. You had always found Loganâs blood to be tricky to manipulate. Whether it be to stimulate his healing or to form the thick ichor to your desire, it just didnât want to cooperate.
That same difficulty faced you now as you kneeled in front of your and Loganâs shared bed. The room rattled as another freight train barreled by outside. Dusty picture frames swinging on rusted walls, bottles of medication bouncing on wire shelves, creaking bed groaning under Loganâs weight.
You held a clean rag to a shotgun blast in Loganâs gut. His blood had soaked through two others just like it, now lying in the dented bucket at your feet. A vein in your neck strained as you focused on healing the wound.
âItâs no use, doll. Iâll be fine,â Logan grunted. He tried to wave you off with a withered hand. You smacked it away from your face. A low hum rumbled his chest.
âShut up, old man,â you said. That earned a rough chuckle from his chapped lips. You glanced up at him from where you knelt between his knees.
If pure reverence was an expression, what painted Loganâs face in broad strokes fit the bill. Crows feet bunched around his hazel eyes, smile lines deepend by his close-lipped smirk, graying eyebrows turned up at the edges. He ran a calloused hand along your unaged cheek.
âBeautiful as the day I met you,â he whispered softly. Grief struck you in the chest like a wooden stake.Â
It wasnât fair. Loganâs adamantium skeleton sucked the life from him, making him age and decay, while you remained the same. Wrinkle-less, youthful, bright-eyed. You would pump your youth into him if you could.Â
But you couldnât.
All you could do was prevent the inevitable. Prevent what once seemed impossible, yet hung over you like a thick fog.
Logan ran his thumb under your eye, collecting a tear that spilled from your clouded eyes. You blinked up at him as a thick lump formed in your throat. Words unspoken passed between the two of you. Adoration, understanding, sorrow. Leaking from the hot tears spilling from your eyes and into Loganâs leathery skin.Â
âI love you,â you breathed into his palm. You gave it one last attempt, healing the wound in his stomach. You could just barely feel the edges closing and the skin knitting together. The ligaments running through your neck and shoulder tensed under the effort.
âLove you too, doll,â he replied, using the hand not on your cheek to smooth down your strained muscles. Thinning fingers ran down your shoulder, passing over his borrowed flannel and your bare skin, then wrapped around the hand held to his gut. He laced the digits with yours, âGive it up. Iâll heal the old-fashioned way.â
A sigh rattled your lungs, anguish pooling in your chest like an oil spill. You let Logan drag your hand away from his stomach and to his face. Your crimson-stained fingers traced along the tough skin of his jaw.
âAlways taking care of me,â he mumbled. Kind eyes ran across your pained expression.Â
He tucked his fingers under your chin and brought your mouth to his. Plump, full lips met chapped skin. You poured your devotion into the kiss, licking into Loganâs mouth and clutching at his white tank top. His fingers dug in your silken hair.
It wasnât perfect. It never was, when it came to Logan. Nearly thirty years of being together had taught you that fact. He was messy, rude, rough around the edges. Not to mention metal-clawed and built like a fridge.
And yet, despite it all, he was yours. You woke up next to him every morning, went to bed with him every night, much like youâd done ever since you met. Your lives were so intertwined it was hard to tell where you stopped and he began.
You knew, decades after Logan was gone, youâd treasure your intimate connection like nothing else.
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#wolverine#hugh jackman#logan howlett#wolverine fanfic#logan 2017#wolverine x reader#logan howlett fanfic#logan howlett x reader#f!reader#old!logan howlett x mutant!reader#i got the sadness brain worms and wanted to write this#have some ANGST because i'm sick and exhausted
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scribbly scrappoes -_-
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i got so mad at myself after seeing good art last night that i slept literally all day out of exhaustion#well it might be because i'm still a bit sick. GRRR!!! i wanna believe theres something special about my art just like other peoples art...#something people come to my drawings for...or at least that's..what i'll aim for..I WANT 2025 TO BE GOOD!!!!#it's funny to feel kinda angry like a cartoon character instead of just lyin on the ground in despair tho. this year has been very despairy#but i've also had a lot of fun drawing. And have received a lot of nice tags. Thank You <3
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#mine#doctor who#dwedit#david tennant#freema agyeman#haven't giffed this part in a while!#when i was driving home today i felt so exhausted#and i have a feeling i'm gonna come down with a cold later this week ;__;#last year i think i lasted until november before i got sick sighhh#i'm listening to gallifrey war room 2 though!!! absolutely loving it#i also finished the once and future story with ten and missy and the paternoster gang#i loved it!!! ten and missy were a delight together!!!!#ok bye good night friends
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a couple more snuggle bros doodles cuz i am still cold and sleepy
#super mario bros#smb#mario and luigi#dreamyart#i like drawing them being clingy and affectionate Can you tell#semi unrelated but i've just been fucking exhausted everything sucks right now and i'm getting sick all the time#but at least i have bros#haha... anyway#thanks for everyone's love on my art it means a lot ;_;
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Hello it's 3:30am and I started thinking about a really niche amphibia fandom thing (it was the baby sasha edits. again.) and I laughed so hard I threw up, coughed so hard my throat and lungs hurt, and now I'm typing this with out looking because I'm so dizzy I have little specks of light floating around my vision.
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The femslash bracket always depresses me. How many times do I have to see a couple of boring wonder bread straight girls, who are poorly written and probably only popular because of queerbaiting, beating out actual complex well written canon representation in the brackets?
#It's exhausting#I know critical role isn't everyone's jam but there are some beautiful lesbian slow burn romances in that show#And they're losing to fucking supercorp#Sorry to @ you supercorpers it's not personal I'm just so sick of this#And like I get it i would also let Katie McGrath step on me#But don't we deserve better?#Wlw#Anti-supercorp#Imodna#beauyasha#Idk what to tag this I'm just mad okay#Femslash bracket
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Destiel AU idea (again)
Dean is searching for a flat because he recently divorced Lisa. He wants one that is big and comfortable enough to welcome his children, Ben and Emma. It's been months since he started searching for one. Fortunately, Lisa is understanding enough to let him stay in their old house until he finds something.
They actually aren't in a hard and conflicted relationship right now, their marriage stopped because there wasn't love between them anymore. They still care about each other.
Dean knew he wasn't in love with Lisa anymore and he suspected the same for Lisa, but he was fine with it. Lisa though thought otherwise. She asked for divorce because she said that they both deserved to find love and be loved.
So, Dean is doing his umpteenth visit for a flat that he spotted on Internet. This one seems really nice and clean, his children will be able to have their own rooms. And the kitchen looks awesome with enough place for him to cook.
The real estate agent who give him the tour of the flat isn't bad either. He has blue eyes, which looks surreal, long and dark eyelashes that match his hair and his growing beard. Dean listens to him attentively and can't help but look right into his eyes when he speaks. Dean wants to confide in him and he does that naturally actually.
He tells him that he is sick to search for a home for his family. It's been months, and he's exhausted to be disappointed each time he thinks he found something. But at the same time, he wants his children to feel good in that new home so he is demanding.
That real estate agent, Castiel, is compassionate and doesn't understand why Dean doesn't find one with his solid, complete application. Castiel tells Dean that maybe it's because others real estate agents are struggling right now. There's a lot of people searching for a new home at this time of the year, so a lot of work. Castiel admits that he, himself, is buried in work all day long.
He works 6 days a week constantly. Since Dean is really attentive to what the man in front of him says, he notices that Castiel doesn't seem to have someone in his life to get back to. So, he goes for it. He asks Castiel if he wants to go and get a drink with him once they have finished the tour.
Castiel seems surprised by the offer and looks away. He fumbles with his pen and papers and puts them on the kitchen counter. He takes a deep breath. So, Dean fears his answer.
"Are you asking me on a d-" Castiel starts asking hesitantly.
"Yes." Dean cuts him, because he somehow fears that word. It sounds too official and he's still living with his ex. Plus, it's been a while for him.
"O - okay. Yeah." Castiel agrees, and neither of them is able to look at the other.
#I think my search for a flat is starting to make me insane#I'm sick of it#because I keep getting no as an answer#and I want to fucking settle in my own place#it's exhausting energetically and emotionally#so I might as well write about that#especially because during my last visit the real estate agent was not unpleasant to look at#he had blue eyes and long dark eyelashes#and my thought was 'babygirl'#would supernatural also have changed my taste concerning men?#in addition to my media consumption and my taste in music and my hobbies#and since I won't be able to ask him on a date#I might as well write about dean asking that to cas#I had this thought this morning in my bed#and instead of writing it with one eye closed because it was too soon#I recorded myself pitching this little au idea to me#it turned out to be a 5 min video#might do that little recording thing every time I have another idea#cause it's better than writing in a memo when your thoughts are going faster than you typing#destiel au#destiel fanfiction#destiel fanfic#destiel fic#writing fanfiction#destiel#deancas#castiel#dean winchester#my destiel fanfic
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in such a productive mood today i have written / researched so much for my essay + am happy with how it's going :)
#love when i'm super interested in what i'm doing bc i get so into it hehe#the other one was interesting too but i was getting sick of it since it was a portfolio#been so exhausting lately trying to finish my essays it feels like w the planning and researching stage at the end of the semester its been#going on for ages so its rly refreshing to move onto this essay and feel this way#diary#tiyas thoughts
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.
#i shouldnt have given him the keys#i should have asked to go with him#but i just...didn't want him here#every day he goes out I know he's going to drink#every time I try to be brave he just lies to my face#he's never yelled at me or hit me or anything#he's just so deeply miserable that its exhausting and I just want him to not be in the house for a little bit#he won't let anyone help him#he says Sorry Sorry I'm So Sorry ans nothing changes#nothing ever changes#im so sick of the word sorry#I'm sick of still caring and I can't stop caring#i can't even enjoy when he's not here cuz now I have to worry still#i hate how weak I am#i hate knowing that even if I was strong still nothing would change#he wants to be miserable and drunk and I can't help him cuz he doesn't want help#i'm so exahusted#and there's nothing i can do#i should delete this later#but I have to scream into the void at least a little#cuz I have to be better by the time everyone comes home so they don't have more to have to deal with
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Tomorrow. I will update Disillusioned tomorrow.
#disillusioned#i think i might go to bread I'm quite exhausted from feeling so sick today#but I only have like 1100 words left to edit so tomorrow should be it
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You know a lot of American anti-atheist sentiment derives directly from atheist organizations fighting Christian hegemony, right? Like the number one reason atheists are stereotyped as âangry evangelical atheistsâ isnât because some people are annoying on reddit, itâs because atheists and atheist organizations are constantly suing cities and schools and companies to get them to stop shoving their religion in everyoneâs face and people fucking hate us for it.
You would not believe how hard atheists have to fight to get city councils to stop opening meetings with Christian prayer, to stop high school sports events and graduations from including Christian imagery, to stop companies from coercing their employees into Christian prayers, to get towns to remove crosses from their town crests, to get government buildings and courthouses to take down their Christian monuments. Atheists have been fighting this fight constantly for decades.
And the reaction is always, always, incredibly vitriolic hatred and death threats from every conceivable quarter, including otherwise progressive and liberal people. Iâve seen high school students called âevilâ by their own state senators for trying to get prayer removed from their public school. Iâve seen city council members get death and rape threats for giving humanist invocations in place of prayer. It is always framed as âthose angry atheists trying to force their atheism on everyone elseâ. It is always framed as âoverly sensitive atheists getting angry if anyone even mentions religionâ. It is always framed as âatheists who canât just let people live their livesâ.
If atheists are vocal about fighting religious hegemony, then weâre angry bitter militant evangelical atheists. If weâre not, weâre cultural Christians who are supporting Christian hegemony. It canât be both, so which is it?
#i am just so fucking sick of being told i 'don't understand christian hegemony' or that atheists 'can't recognize it'#after DECADES of being villainized explicitly for fighting against it#it's exhausting and i'm done#i'm not in the mood to talk about this further rn so asks and additions will probably not be answered#atheism
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emotional sentimental little rant below the cut! i've got a bad cold and a lot of feelings on this friday night lmao
but okay i just want to say how it's been really really nice these last few months seeing so many new joe'marr/bengals blogs pop up and actively post and share stuff! i log on after work and i'm so used to being like 'oh i've gotta clip this interview or this game moment etc etc) and then i get on and see that other people have already done it! and they're getting shared and people are talking in the tags about how they're feeling about these wonderful boys and it matches what i'm thinking and feeling! there's fan art and fan vids and edits! there's over 50 (fifty!!!!) fics on ao3 now! (i remember when there were just 2!!!)
and it's just so lovely to see. how this little community has grown over the years. i can't help thinking back to when it was just me and nacs. and how we'd talk about these boys all the time. and how sad we were that no one else seemed to care. sure, there would always be joe posting, and don't get me wrong, i love him. but there's so much MORE to talk about! so many more stories and narratives to tell besides joe being hot (lmao). and finally it's happening! and i know nacs would be thrilled. i still go back and re-read old conversations and we'd get so excited talking about crazy joe'marr moments or tee being adorable or yoshi being ridiculous. and now that stuff is all over my dash with all kinds of people contributing their thoughts. and i love it i love it. i wish he were here to see this đ
so yeah, i guess i just wanna say thank you to everyone who's been contributing lately! the newer people and of course my few beloved mutuals who have been there with me from almost the beginning. i spend way too much time on here but i enjoy it (most of it at least lmao) because of all of you <3
#and like i know that people will likely leave the fandom if we keep losing lol#which is only natural and i understand it. some people are gone already and i miss their content everyday.#but i'm going to enjoy this time because i really wasn't sure it'd ever happen??#boy i'm emotional tonight!!!! i think it's because i'm sick and exhausted and on a lot of cold medicine! sorry about all this! whoops!
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i have. too many things to do.
#and of course what i WANT to do is write fanfic and read the ten different books i want to read and make art just for fun#and also be a couch potato and watch youtube videos for a couple hours with no guilt#but i was sick for a week and that's a week's worth of missed classes and homework i'm now trying to catch up on#in addition to new stuff#and i was already falling a bit behind in a couple classes because they don't have enough structure for me#and like. i'm managing. i'm getting stuff done.#but it's exhausting to know that tomorrow when i only have to go to one class i will be spending all day on homework#....i need to not tell myself that. i need to build in space for breaks or i will burn myself out#i do not want to be at risk of burnout in the first month of school with an intentionally very low courseload#this is just. so frustrating and stressful#and i'm coping. but i wish i didn't have to#vent#school stress#stars rambles#i am somewhat grateful that needing something to wind down from homework with has made me excited to write fic for the first time in months#but the downside of that is that i do not have enough time right now
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when did phil say he was sick during the antwerp show ? :(
It wasn't antwerp! I've read reports from people who went to Warsaw yesterday who said he was a little off and that someone from production even gave him a water at some point and Dan was picking up the slack and like checking on him a lot during the second half of the show. Which is fully understandable, considering they've done three nights in a row and we gotta remember that besides being out of practice of doing stage shows, Phil's health isn't what it used to be, and as much as he likes to tell us he's doing fine, he's just recovered from something life threatening, yk? Besides, he's a chronically ill girly, I know the feeling.... and he has a cracked rib??? like SHIT man, that's some insane perseverance on his part, and I suspect it's mostly cause he doesn't want us to be disappointed.
I do wish (maybe a little selfishly for my own piece of mind) that they rethink/shorten the stunts on this show a little as time goes on.... I mean I'm sure they know what they're doing and they prepared for it, I just worry a little is all, cause these idiots came up with a crazy schedule and it's like... yes you wanna make us happy but at some point you'll run out of steam!
I don't want this to come off as infantilizing cause I know it irks people (it irks me too!) like I know they're both adults and make their own choices, it's just stressful to watch and I've seen them stretch themselves too thin every tour and start looking like zombies and I don't think it's at all necessary to have that much physical stuff when they're not getting any younger
#dnp#opinion#titspoilers#I guess?#did I spoil anything idk#either way#the show seems very fun but I did hear reports that the boxing segment is a little too long for the elaborate coreograpjhy#and I appreciate it I do but is it really necessary?#luckily the tour barely started I'm sure it will keep changing (as they themselves said during the q&a) and they might tone shit down#as funny as the enthusiastic humping was in antwerp it was the first night#anyway anon we have no proof that Phil is sick at all and that's not what I said we're just pointing out that he seems exhausted already#I'm sure Dan is happy to pick up the slack and help his princess down from tvs tho asksd I'm sure he doesn't mind#I need Phil to take care of himself pls
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