#I'm putting this here too because I feel it's important

[murdockcastleslut]

𝔒𝔣𝔣 𝔗𝔬𝔭𝔦𝔠

synopsis: y/n is an up and coming influencer, who has established her own with thriving youtube channel and podcast. when she releases a new episode with her new co-host and special guests, things get messy.

a rafe cameron smau! |part eight| part nine |part ten|

a/n: This is a long one for you guys :) thank you to @ivysprophecy @kimoralov3 for letting me annoy the shit out of you as i bounce ideas off of y'all.

Off Topic Official Transcript

12:30 

Cleo: so Rafe, you did a recent shoot with loewe. 

Y/n: [you bite your lip subtly] oh my god yeah, i remember hearing Sarah talk about it. you looked really good. 

Rafe: oh yeah? [he raises his eyebrow] thank you. it was really fun, the crew and photographer were great. i’ve always wanted to do a shoot with them and i was so grateful when i got the chance. 

Rafe: i know it’s yalls’ podcast but if you could work with any brand, which would it be? 

Cleo: easy, easy man. either gucci or miu miu. 

Y/n: i think for me it would probably be ysl or prada. 

Rafe: yeah, you’d be a prada girl? [he asks cockily]

Y/n: yeah, haven’t you seen me rock a pair of prada sunnies. i always serve face. [you smile and then give a model face to him and cleo] 

Cleo: that is correct. my girl always looks good, especially in prada. 

Rafe: oh, i have no doubt. [he smiles at you brightly]

26:45

Y/n: [laughing at something Rafe said before hand]

Cleo:[smirks] so rafe, we have this recurring segment of this show called “be mine” and it’s where we ask the guest, what’s their ideal type or what they are looking for in a relationship.

Y/n: [stops laughing and is subtly looking at Cleo with bewilderment] 

Cleo: and since we don’t have more than one guest today, y/n will share with you! 

Y/n: [looks at Cleo with a look of confusion] i will? 

Cleo:[gives her look] 

Y/n: i guess i will be today. 

Rafe: [chuckles at your reaction] i have only been in two really serious relationships and they were both totally different experiences. the first person i'm really good friends with still but that relationship taught me all the things i did want like someone adventurous, kind, and someone who can communicate. in this life we live in the media. i never wanna be the last person to know something about my partner. i think from my last relationship we were very private and i didn’t really mind it but sometimes i wanted to share cute photos of them… [he shifts in the chair and manspreads a bit]

Cleo: [she looks at you and gives you a smirk at the mention at photography]

Rafe (continued): especially since i really like film photography and really i couldn’t share my photos, so i wanna find someone who's comfortable with that for sure. and by no means do i think i am perfect, i think i got somethings to work on but those are just somethings that are really important to me. [he finishes speaking and looks at you for your reaction.]

Cleo: [is smirking in her seat] damn model boy knows what he wants. 

Rafe: [laughs] sometimes if you want something you just gotta put it out there. [he shrugs and smirks]

Cleo: ya know y/n here loves film photography? has a whole account dedicated to it too.

Y/n: [your eyes blunge out hoping she’d be quiet] yeah, i do but it’s nothing. 

Rafe: [smirks and leans forward and places his elbow on the chair arm and places his chin on his knuckles] it’s not, nothing. it’s cute, sweetheart. [he gives you a kind smile] so, what are you looking for? [he points with his chin to you]

Y/n: um… i agree with a lot of what race has to say. i especially feel the same about communication, in my last relationship there was a really big lack of it and that along with cheating was the end of our relationship. 

Rafe: [frowns at the mention that you have been cheated on]

Y/n: So now i think i need someone who is willing to take things slowly and understand that it takes me a second to trust their intentions. but i also really want someone who likes to travel because i love traveling and seeing new places. also my friends have to give the stamp of approval because they are everything to me. [you smile at cleo]

Y/n: but my ideal type, i don’t know, tall, kind, intelligent, passionate, empathetic, and i don’t think it would hurt anyone if he was pretty on the eyes either.[you smile widely] 

Rafe: i think it's really raw and real of you to talk about trust in that way because i feel the same way. 

Cleo: you two have a lot in common huh? 

y/n's phone

taglist: @ivysprophecy @kimoralov3 @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account @charli123456789 @wearemadeofstardust0 @frankoceanluvr11 1 @harrys-housewife @urbrunettebombshell @mayhapsnini i @psychicnatural @aariahnaa @rafeycameronsgf @laniirackssss @cl4uus @honk4emoboyz

[riddles-n-games]

Hey guys, I've been seeing another rift going on in the fandom regarding TGG and TIG characters, so I've decided to make a statement that can hopefully make things more cohesive.

I understand that not everyone likes the new spin-off and honestly, I'm considering just stopping after GU. Personally, I don't have anything against the characters of TGG but my problem is that they sound too much like our old mains. However, that's not their fault. It's the author's. There's nothing wrong with JLB wanting to expand the TIG universe but it is problematic when you are repeating the same character arcs of the old characters that are also present and interacting with these new mains. The problem that we face is the fact while even in The Naturals there are similar characters, they are divided by different series. However, that is not going on here with TIG and TGG. TGG is a continuation of TIG and our TIG characters are still present. Heck, one of our old mains is a player and a love interest here to one of the new mains. And therein lies the issue. When you have a connected series, it's important to have distinguished characters with different voices, not carbon copies.

What I expected for TGG characters was that she would move from the character tropes we've seen already in the series and come up with new ones. I mean, come on, she's a psychology major, we bring that up so often but what's the point when she keeps going in circles and never brings up anything new? I pointed a lot of this out pre-read because I already correctly guessed where this was going within just a few pages of reveal. Don't get me wrong, if she wanted to, she could do it but it doesn't feel like she has new plans or plots. Be honest with yourselves and don't just praise because she's your favorite author. You can be a reader, a fan, and a respectful critic all at the same time. Don't lower your expectations just because they can't deliver every time.

The trouble is that when you go back to TFG, in the acknowledgments, she herself wrote she wasn't sure there was going to be a third book. And now look, suddenly two books were announced a month or two after she released the last book of the trilogy which introduced our mains and not the most fashionably. I do believe she had ideas but I don't think they were the best fleshed out. You have to realize that just reading TGG, how many of you recognized the obvious plots, the romantic subplots, the character arcs, and even the semi-hidden plots just getting to the halfway point? And how many of you said, hey, wait a minute, we've had this plotline before? You did, didn't you? I want to give Jennifer the benefit of the doubt but I truly think she is in over her head because I don't believe she quite thought that this is how long the series would go.

In fact, I think that she is making more trouble for herself in trying multi POV for this new series when really I think it should have just been Gray taking over. It would have allowed us to see how he's grown especially after the heartache and mental health issues he's had to go through to get here. It felt like the obvious next step, even the summary for TGG made it sound like that. However, the only thing that seems new to me is the hypersexual atmosphere which also makes no sense to me because teens may go through attraction but that doesn't mean they're horny all the time and anyone who's gone through puberty can attest to that. So I ask again, like one reviewer on Goodreads put, were the romantic moments in the room with us? 12 hours is not love or romance, it's lust, that's it. Couldn't summarize it clearer. If she wanted to make it better, it could have been that she made the book stretch over a series of weeks which is why I wonder what the heck will happen to any character development if this book series is done in like 3 days?

As I said, a lot of things feel very repetitive, the plot, word choice, thought processes, quotes and sayings, etc. We are in a loop. She's in a loop. I think that the best thing JLB could have done is leave TIG alone for a few years after TFG, make a new series or whatever works outside this series she wanted to, give herself time to truly see if she has new stories to tell for TIG by writing a spin-off and then come back to give us that content. Because it's really telling how forced things have been in the last two books, even here with GU and I really think this empire is toppling. As they say, quality over quantity and thoughtful than full of thoughts that are just a variation of one another. That's what makes me think more and more she should have left it at TFG.

Thank you for reading and I hope this gives a new perspective that can help you see some things more clearly.

[idontlikeem]

hi! i'd like to talk about losing. you don't have to read this if you don't want to, but i wanted to write it, and guess what, it's my blog. i just like this team a lot and i'm feeling a little maudlin about my guys and a little sick to fucking death of the shit i'm seeing all over kingdom come from 'fans'. so here we are.

So You Became A Fan Of A Living Legend But The Hockey Team Is Bad: a commentary.

look. this is not the most fun i've ever had watching hockey, and i'm quite sure a lot of people feel the same way. the penguins are bad this season! they were bad last season too, but there's something very special about the extent to which they are shit right now. and those are not fun games to watch.

but here's the thing: who cares.

like, idk. there's so much god damn negativity surrounding this team and its performance right now, and i'm guilty of contributing to it as well, because yeah of course i'd rather watch a team win in decisive fashion most nights. of course i'd rather dream about may and june and the stanley cup. of course i want to watch that happen again for my favorite players. like, duh.

but. it's probably not going to. not if these players get what they want, which is to play together on this team until they're ready to retire.

and you know what? that's fine. if they're fine with it, who on earth am i to not be?

i think we all have the same reaction when we see idiots online saying things like 'sid doesn't deserve this trade him to a contender'. and that's because we are smarter and more refined fans who understand that what sidney crosby DESERVES is to select how and where and when his career ends. is it on a team that sucks? then that means being here is more important to him than getting that fourth cup. staying with geno and kris and the penguins as a whole, never putting on another NHL logo, is more significant to him personally than another victory. and isn't that special? isn't that worth celebrating?

of course we know all of that because we're better at being fans than the uncles online who are writing weird fanfic in their heads. but. guess what that comes with:

losing.

and losing badly, in the case of this season.

i am here to tell you that sitting and bitching about it helps no one. right now, what we have to watch and celebrate is our favorite players still playing at a high level. they're still doing cool stuff on the ice. and they're doing it TOGETHER. this is what they wanted. so your options are either to hate it and sit in negativity about it each and every game, OR readjust your mindset and learn to enjoy what we have while we have it.

we are watching myth-making happen live. we are watching living legends play hockey. this is a privilege and an honor and it's not something most fanbases get EVER. and we have two! can you believe it?

there are things i would have rather seen done differently over the last couple of years. as far back as 2019 there were moves i disagreed with and changes that could have been made that perhaps could have extended their window. and of course the 2022 series against the rangers, that was a very good team that got hit by injuries at the absolute worst possible time, and probably that was their last chance as a core to compete. it's frustrating to watch that stuff happen when you have no control over it.

the pittsburgh penguins were high-end competitors and contenders for seventeen years straight. that's insane and unheard of in this league. they're not anymore. and the price you pay for almost two decades of dominance is...being bad. when you're competing you trade prospects and draft picks for win-now players. sometimes those work out, most of the time they don't. with the amount of winning this team has done, even the trades that didn't work were worth it, because it meant they were trying.

there are no fanbases who are going to feel bad for penguins fans right now. that's also why we're getting so much attention from the national media. people aren't used to this team being as bad as it is, and people like watching downfalls. that's fine. most of those fans have never watched their team win, and most of them never will. so if their joy is coming from sidney crosby's team being bad....well, love and light, you know?

and we shouldn't feel bad for ourselves either. this is what happens. this is how it goes. this is the price for the band staying together.

i dunno, guys. this is a disjointed rant. it's just so effing hard to be kicked in the nuts everywhere you go with unrelenting negativity. it's on twitter it's in the articles and yes, it's here too. but if you can't be a fan of a team when they're bad, then i'm sorry but you're not a fan of the team (or certain players), you're a fan of winning. and NO team wins all the time every year. that's not how sports work.

we are lucky. at least, i feel lucky! don't you? gosh, sidney crosby scored his 600th career goal tonight. evgeni malkin is over 500 goals on his career. can you believe that? it's amazing to watch.

and it's going to be over in less than two years. do we really want to waste it by wishcasting something that's not going to happen instead of enjoying what we DO have?

if the media bums you out, don't listen. don't read the articles. don't go on twitter. dry your tears on the stanley cup banners that sid and geno hung up—there are three to choose from!

[limeekak]

Amaya has always been one of the most important people to Corvus. He was trained by her and she always made sure to keep him close to her and Gren.

And he always felt very happy about that. Her presence was always comforting and he always preferred them to be side by side on certain occasions, especially events and the like.

And with that, he also knew that sometimes she could be "too protective" of the people she loves. So now he's pacing back and forth in front of a door that would lead straight to her.

Soren tried to tell him, "It can't be that bad" trying to reassure him.

And indeed, it might not be, he knew she would be there for him on any occasion. But he still felt nervous.

He took a deep breath and entered the room, his hands behind his back. He forced a nervous smile.

She was standing next to Janai, but as soon as she saw the look on Corvus' face, she signaled.

'I'll go there with him'

Corvus doesn't even have time to say anything when she drags him out. She bumps into Soren, who is waiting at the door, leaning against the wall.

She looks confusedly at him and at Corvus. He swallows dryly. 'Can we go somewhere more private?' Corvus signals and calls Soren to come along. She nods suspiciously.

They walk to a quieter place, but Soren prefers to wait further away, leaving the two of them alone.

'Spit it out,' she gestures.

He swallows dryly and shifts his weight from one foot to the other, "so... Soren and I are together," he feels like burying himself underground, it was so embarrassing. "I felt you had to be one of the first people to know, so..."

He hasn't even finished speaking when she suddenly hugs him. He gives her a relieved hug back.

'You weren't the best at hiding it,' they laugh as she pulls away. 'I knew from the start, from when you decided to join the royal guard.'

He feels his face flush, and he looks away shyly.

She puts her hand on his shoulder, making him look up.

'I want to give him a message,' she winks.

he interrupts her, "please don't" he begs.

She just smiles and pulls him with her.

They approach, and Soren stands up, noticing them coming.

He freezes on the spot, noticing Amaya's intimidating aura.

'I'm very happy for you both' she smiles, 'but If you hurt him... I'll kill you with one hand' she glares at him.

He swallows dryly, nervously. "O-okay... I-" he doesn't finish when she hugs him tightly, pulling Corvus together.

They laugh and she walks away, smiling again. 'I'm glad you two are together'

Soren thanks her, feeling that a part of his soul has gone.

"it could be worse" he laughs.

something simple to pass the time :) i'm still embarrassed to write and post, I'm not used to it but anyways 😭 I usually translate the fics, since english is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes </3

Just got inspired by @just-a-fun post! link here

edit: I changed a little thing because I thought the dialogue was a bit dry 😭

[fyeahnix]

Ok lemme talk about this season of Arcane, the ending, and most importantly, Sevika. If you don't want spoilers, back away now but I'm leaving this open because people have a tendency to not open or read my posts with read more cuts after them 🙃

[SPOILERS BELOW]

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First off, I will say that I like Arcane a lot. Like a LOT. I've watched the first season 4 times (rarely do I watch anything more than once) and I think it's a masterclass in adult animation. Fortiche really put everything into this series.

That being said...

While I did like season 2, I don't think it was enough. Animation wise it was phenomenal, writing wise...I think it could have been better. As I've learned through doing research for my Sevika fics, the League of Legends universe, lore, and worldbuilding is fucking MASSIVE and even if I don't give two shits about that community or game, I have to give it props in that department because they really put a ton of work into it to make it feel alive. Maps? Short stories? Timelines? Race and culture? Apex could never...

That ofc is why it's hard for me to say that the writing is amazing. We had far too many characters to keep track of in season 2 with far too many plot threads to finish in two seasons. I think ideally, this series should have been 3 seasons instead of 2. Acts 1 and 2 could have been its own season, and Act 3 could have been its own season. If not that, then at least one more episode per act would have helped a lot. Things just progressed and wrapped up far too quickly for my liking.

Also not a huge fan of how quickly video game related media tends to dip into the whole timeline and multidimensional business. It def works well for some games but here? Idk I guess it was bound to happen given some League character's abilities, but the stakes just elevated far too quickly for me. Not a fan of Viktor becoming one of the main antagonists at all, and DEFINITELY not a fan of the conflict between Piltover and Zaun being sidelined for an "enemy of my enemy is my friend" thing with the war against the Noxians. It makes sense, I just wish "war with the Noxians" came at a later date so we could focus on the twin cities.

And speaking of the generational conflict between Piltover and Zaun, let's talk about Sevika.

As I said before, Sevika is the most qualified person to become the leader of Zaun and I stand by that even after the ending. But first....what about her found family? Isha sacrificed herself and Sevika gets no on-screen reaction? The last two episodes just progressed SOOOO FAST that we and some of the characters didn't even have time to breathe. Did Sevika even get time to mourn for Isha? What about Jinx, who is now gone? Sevika barely even encountered Vander! I would have loved to see some of the aftermath there because I think season 1 did a better job of allowing characters time to process their emotions and grief, even if the pacing was still kinda fast. It was acceptable!

I am sad af she didn't get more lines, but remember, Sevika has always been a side character in this series. An important side character but a side character no less. The promo shot of her now feels like...what was the point? (more on that in a sec) but considering how many characters and plot points and plot threads they had to account for, I am not surprised she didn't get more screen time. Hell, Vi and Caitlyn didn't even get a chance to have a full conversation on eveything that happened and Caitlyn didn't even apologize on screen. The fuck bro.

Now about Sevika's ending....I am very happy she isn't dead. Like dawg, you have no fucking idea how happy I am about it. SHE FUCKING LIVED. But....

I am seeing some people saying they're not happy or they're confused or that her ending doesn't make sense. And I just disagree with those points. Let me explain why.

I posted something earlier today about it, but again, as people don't open my read mores, I'll repost it here:

We absolutely do not know how much time passed between the war and the final few shots of the season. So Sevika joins the council. I DO NOT THINK she would do this unless there's a good reason for it, and that's why I'm guessing she will be Zaun's ambassador on the council. That war probably significantly changed the relationship between Piltover and Zaun and while old wounds will take more than a fucking war to heal, her being on the council now means she directly has a say in Zaun's future. Remember, the council was literally about to hand Zaun their independence before Jinx blew it up, and Mel was in support of it. As I said before, Sevika is respected down there at a bare minimum with all the factions. She would know better than anyone how to lead Zaun at this point. So yeah I get the hesitation, but it makes sense in my eyes. And it makes it likely that Sevika could show up again in a future League animation, if not become a whole champion.

I like her ending. I am sorry but it just makes fucking sense. Sevika is extremely loyal to her home and her people of Zaun. We've seen that time and time again. She was willing to go to war and die for those people not just against Piltover but also the Noxians, so why on fucking earth would anyone believe she's making a bad choice here?

She is now in the best possible position anyone in Zaun could be to advocate for their independence and support their growth. She knows the chem barons and brought them to peace, she gained the respect of the Firelights with Scar leading them in Ekko's absence, and she even got the Jinxers together with them before the Noxian attack on Zaun. Sevika has experience, she has the ear of the people, she knows what it's like down there, she is made to lead and help advocate for them!!!!

Believe me I get that whole "changing things from the inside" angle doesn't work more often than not, but this doesn't feel like "changing from the inside," it feels like "let me advocate for my people's actual independence so we have a starting point to become self sufficient." Again, Piltover was literally about to let Zaun gain their independence, and while none of the previous council members that agreed to it are there, Mel is/was. Who's to say she didn't help negotiate for Sevika to sit on the council and start (or complete!) the Zaun independence process before she left for Noxus? I can't imagine Sevika would just show up to the table and sit there if she didn't have a damn good reason. Like come on now. This woman has seen first-hand what Piltover is capable of and does not like them nor looks like she wants to be there. But she's seen what Piltover has done to her people first-hand, and after learning from both Vander and Silco, this is how she feels she can best protect her people.

She IS the new leader of Zaun and their ambassador at the council.

And lastly, we've been told that some characters will be returning in future League animations. Mel seems like an absolute given, but what about Sevika? Zaun's story is only just beginning, and yeah they said they'd like to branch out to other regions, that doesn't mean a cameo or maybe another medium can't be used to continue that story (a book, perhaps??).

Anyway yeah those are my thoughts...

[discordantwords]

Thank you so much for the tag @therealsaintscully!

How many works do you have on ao3? 48! 30 for BBC Sherlock and 18 for The X-Files.

What’s your total word count? 924,659 (whoa, that's a lot of words)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? (Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea White Knight Incidents with Dogs, Curious and Otherwise Another Auld Lang Syne The Dead Detective

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I try to. I'm not always as on top of it as I intend to be. I find comments tremendously meaningful and I at times get emotional while reading them. They are important to me. I reread them often.

I often fear that I'm a poor conversationalist and overthink my responses, which can tend to freeze me up.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Most of my long fics have happy endings.

The Pillar upon Which England Rests is my ode to Mrs. Hudson. As she and John are grieving Sherlock's fall, she tells John all about how she and Sherlock first met. I don't think of it as a particularly sad story, but I suppose that ending counts as angsty, as Sherlock's eventual return is not addressed in the story.

I guess the shorter, more horrorish ones have angsty (or at least uneasy) endings.

Nothing Happened in Belarus has S4 Sherlock, in the throes of his breakdown, somehow briefly traveling through time and encountering S1 John, who cares for him. It's a brief reprieve for him in the midst of a personal hell, but there is no resolution. When he returns to his own time, he is still forced to face what's coming next.

At the end of Leaves, Sherlock and John have either successfully defeated the bloodthirsty plant that has invaded their flat, or they're being digested by it. I leave that decision up to the reader. :)

The Web has Sherlock returned from his time away and reunited with John, but there is a part of him that will always remain haunted and deeply paranoid.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Most of them, heh. I like to leave my characters in a good place after putting them through hell.

I guess I'd have to say White Knight? I still get a little giddy when I think about the way Sherlock proposes at the end of that one, and how happy and free they both are after the crushing weight of misunderstandings and grief has fallen away.

Whirlwind has a pretty joyful ending, too.

Do you write crossovers?

I haven't written a crossover, but I have done a few fusion fics. The Dead Detective is a fusion with Jumpin' Jack Flash. Whirlwind is a fusion with Twister. Out There is a fusion with The X-Files.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really. Most responses on AO3 have been warm and supportive. I have gotten a few unnecessarily vicious comments on some of my ficlets here on Tumblr, but I do my best to ignore those.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Most of my smut tends to be of the R-rated variety, because I'm frankly just not very good at writing it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, sort of, but I don't believe it was done maliciously and I don't intend to call attention to it.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not. I'm open to the idea, but I honestly don't know if I'm cut out for it. I think my tendency to wing things and my utter lack of a consistent writing schedule would drive a potential writing partner mad.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

Mulder and Scully were my first true fandom love. I love Sherlock and John equally as much, if not more.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

There are quite a few WIPs on my hard drive that may never see the light of day. As far as posted fics, my Sherlock/Knight Rider fusion probably won't be finished.

What are your writing strengths?

I like to think that I'm pretty good at capturing character mannerisms, and writing from a perspective that lets the reader feel what the POV character is feeling.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not all that impressed with my smut writing abilities.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I steer clear of it. Although Google translate can be helpful, IMO there are too many opportunities to make embarrassing or inadvertently offensive mistakes.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The X-Files

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I really enjoy the character dynamics between Hannibal/Will in Hannibal and Lestat/Louis in Interview with the Vampire. I think I'd have a harder time getting into their heads than I do with Sherlock and John, so I'll probably just continue admiring them from afar for now.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

This is such a hard question! I'm probably proudest of the work that went into Out There, but I have a huge soft spot for The Pillar upon Which England Rests and (Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea.

If anyone out there would like to share your thoughts on some of the things you've written, please do! I'll also tag @thetimemoves @arwamachine @raina-at @vulpesmellifera @iheardyou @totallysilvergirl @khorazir

[rosenfey]

"how you see yourself" meme

⊱ tagged by the dear @dekarios, thank you so much fray!

character: it's faerene, my oc, made in here. she's a self-insert, she looks like me. i gave her all the things i disliked about myself and now i love myself the way i am thanks to her.

style: a mix of cottagecore / dark academia / vintage / victorian fashion. we need to bring this shit back asap (though that won't stop me dressing like that either)

object: mushrooms but its more complex than that. i love the duality of life and death they represent!! springing up from something dead, death being a gate to something new!!! much like how we preserve the memories of our loved ones and people who lived in the past!!! we are never truly dead!!!! you cant kill a memory in a way that matters!!! just like fungus!!!

place: i was torn between a forest and a graveyard so this is an abandoned forest graveyard in my country!! forests / graveyards are truly the only two places other than inside where i truly feel sane. because they are quiet, there are no (alive) people around, and if they are, they don't tend to perceive me as much!!! and i love nature and how calm it is and graveyards often are surrounded by greenery and trees and its just!!! its a thing ive been doing ever since i was a child. i live both next to a forest AND a cemetery so thats where i always ran to when everything felt like too much.

animal: i was torn between this bunny and another bunny holding a scythe because lbr i am both a dainty pink lady AND can have a sharp weapon to walk around to assert dominance. :3c

song: eughhhh im a florence + the machine girl because her entire vibes and songs are just. running in my veins ever since i was 15. anyway. if i had to name specific songs it would be mainly from this album and it would be these: blinding, i'm not calling you a liar, my boy builds coffins, drumming song, rabbit heart (raise it up). i cant choose from those they are all equally me thats the end of the sentence.

job: i want to be a weird (very important) and off-putting (equally important) but also cute (super important) fey of the woods that can talk to the dead and plants and grows mushrooms in her weird af little garden. so i hope i am at least projecting some of those vibes irl.

food: baked potatoes. im a slav and you can pry those from my cold dead hands

colour: very specific shade of pink. like dusty pink. old pink. mushroom pink. pink you can see in the nature. earthy pink. but i also love love love autumn colours like toned down red, brown, and white.

⊱ tagging: [un]like this post to be added / removed.

@thanekrios﹒@lavampira﹒@euryalex﹒@starforger﹒@thefrostyshepard

@florbelles﹒@aldwirs﹒@pawnguild﹒@archonfurina﹒@ladyinthebluebox

@inafieldofdaisies﹒@feykiller﹒@zahra-hydris﹒@noughtomaton﹒@corvus-rose

@ferwynter﹒@melancholicrainstorm﹒@sylvthara﹒@katsigian﹒@rindemption

@vilnan﹒@eldensrings﹒@claudiawolf﹒@therapyvibes﹒@sibeal

@epheyang﹒@lotusfaebell﹒@anoramactir﹒@gallusneve﹒@lutebard

@brightaxe﹒@spectordameron﹒@merdruid﹒@lurakha﹒@lord-woolsley

@shaweetiehs﹒@corffiser﹒@thedeadthree﹒@quendiviner﹒@pinkfey

@azatas﹒@theviridianbunny﹒@heartfluttered

[utilitycaster]

You are right, popularity isn't that important but I'm glad anyway that f/f is the most popular in the CR fandom thanks to Imodna, because it's just nice for once!

You know what's funny is that I suppose I thought of Imodna in passing for this, but it wasn't a significant aspect of my consideration, nor was popularity, and it's depressing that you sent this question because it makes me fear we're stuck.

The ship I had in mind that I like is Dot/Cleo from Unend, which I think is really interesting and am frustrated that whenever it comes up in the Midst server the conversation just goes GOTH GF PINK GF GOTH GF PINK GF GOTH GF PINK GF with no discussion of who they are as people - how Cleo is canonically a nepo baby, but she actually is fantastic at her job of observation because she is warm and kind and genuinely interested in everything around her, and how Dot is hiding absolute terror and misery about everything but is also competent and helpful, and trying to shove them into aesthetic categories ignores all that.

The ship I had in mind I didn't like and which really set it off is that Neve/Bellara from DATV is pretty transparently an attempt to get Neve away from Lucanis, even though they'd both make each other miserable - ie, they're putting forth a Grumpy One Soft For Sunshine One ship to get rid of the women to make way for a ship that includes a man (regardless of what gender you're playing Rook, Lucanis is a man) and I realized that it was in many ways stunningly similar in tenor to Beau and Jester, or Vex and Keyleth, which were both ships that were popular among F/F shippers, and what does that say? I'm saddened by the fact that the ships I'm told by fandoms are beautiful and meaningful and at times harassed for saying aren't that great are, in the end, almost identical in structure to the ships people throw out to push the women of the story out of the way of an M/M or M/F ship. Like, doesn't that suck? Don't you want to do better? Isn't it pretty fucking miserable that any attempt to talk about treating female characters as complex and existing in canon in the work and actually being people with PREFERENCES and not some malleable nothing you can throw at anything to get the ship you want is met with passive aggression and petty popularity contests? Doesn't it make you furious, if you are a woman, that even in fiction - even in fantasy heroic fiction where women can save the world and break reality - everyone's first instinct towards female characters is to be like "lmao no you are not the person you say you are and want to be, you're the person I want you to be for my convenience"? Don't you want to stab the next person who decides that it's more important to climb to the top of the list on ao3 by sacrificing everything complex and thorny and difficult and interesting for a bigger number of fics that could be about literally any two people because there's nothing about the women they're about in them?

Like, really, what does it say that when I say "I feel like fandoms treat F/F as an afterthought and as between two entities that are less than people" multiple people decided the response was "ACTUALLY, some M/M ships are treated badly too? sounds like you hate women? here's a ship I know you openly think is bad and I'm going to send it?" I think of you, anon, in your passive-aggression here, the way I think of tradwifes. I'm not mad, I'm just sad you've gotten trapped in this mentality and this life of serving some goal that doesn't let women be people, and I hope you break free; but I must admit I'd do pretty much anything not to become like you.

[howlingday]

Love Signs

Sun: So, I'll see you later, right?

Blake: (Nods) See you.

Sun: (Walks out)

Ruby: (Gasps) UH OH~!

Blake: What?

Ruby: Somebody's in looove~!

Blake: Don't be ridiculous. Sun and I are just friends.

Ruby: Are you sure?

Blake: ...

--------------------------------------------------

Blake: (Laying on the couch) Uuuuuuuugh... This has been the worst day of my life...

Sun: (Walks in) Hey, Blake~!

Blake: (Smiles) Hey, Sun.

--------------------------------------------------

Yang: Ready to roll, Blake?

Blake: (Scroll buzzes) One sec... (Checks)

Sun: (Via scroll) LOL he does look like a banana

Blake: (Smiles) Okay, let's go.

--------------------------------------------------

Blake: ...You didn't drink the tea?

Sun: Nah... Banana tea was not a good idea. Dunno why I thought it'd be the one good thing that's banana-flavored that'd be good, but here we are.

Blake: You like bananas, but don't like banana flavors?

Sun: Yeah, yeah, I know it's weird.

Blake: I never said that. I just didn't know that about you. Is there a reason?

Sun: Well...

Blake: (Listens intently)

--------------------------------------------------

Sun: Whoa...

Blake: Yeah...

Sun: I didn't know they put you through that. Uh, you... You okay?

Blake: Yes, I am now. (Leans into him) Thank you for listening. I've never told this to anyone before, so I wasn't sure how you'd react.

Sun: Hey, it's me! I'm used to just about anything, so if you need someone to listen to you, just let me know!

Blake: Thank you.

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: I mean, you talk about him all the time.

Blake: N-No, I don't.

Weiss: Yes, you do. In fact, after your second date together, every time we tried to steer the conversation elsewhere, you kept gushing about that ruffian!

Yang: Ice Queen was about to shove a washcloth in your mouth to shut you up!

Blake: (Blushing) O-Oh...

--------------------------------------------------

Sun: (Reading)

Blake: (Reading, Looks to Sun)

Sun: (Looks to Blake, Smiles)

Blake: (Smiles) You hungry?

Sun: I could eat. (Closes book) You?

Blake: Same. This next part is going to take some energy to get through.

Sun: You could always skip it.

Blake: And miss something important?

Sun: Hey, if it's so important, they wouldn't make the part boring, right?

Blake: (Giggles) Maybe...

Sun: ...

Blake: ...

--------------------------------------------------

Blake: You should let your team know.

Sun: Ah, they're used to it-

Blake: Sun.

Sun: ...

Blake: ...

Sun: ...Okay, fine, I'll go ahead and let Neptune know. (Taps scroll) We're partners, after all.

Blake: (Raises brow) Then maybe you should act like it.

Sun: Oh, I'm sure they're fine- Oh, crap.

Blake: What?

Sun: Shoot, Neptune's asking for some help. Rain check?

Blake: I'll come with. Make sure everything is okay.

Sun: Sounds like a plan! Oh, and thanks for having my back.

Blake: Anytime, Sun.

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: And how is he compared to your last boyfriend?

Blake: (Shudders) There's no comparison. With A- I mean, my last boyfriend, everything was a minefield. Where we ate, what we did, everything we talked about. With Sun, everything is so much easier.

Ruby: Yeah, because you're in love.

Blake: WE ARE NOT-

--------------------------------------------------

Sun: And, uh, yeah... That was the last time I saw my cousin.

Blake: That sounds like it was hard for you.

Sun: Eh. I'm used to it. Besides, I'm pretty sure she understands.

Blake: I thought the same way, too, when I left my parents. (Puts hand on shoulder) And I think I still feel that way.

Sun: ...Thanks, Blake. (Smiles)

--------------------------------------------------

Blake: (Smiles at the beautiful day after rain)

Blake: (Sees yellow monkey towel)

Blake: (Notices light shining through clouds)

Blake: (Picks up banana during lunch)

Blake: ...Today is a good day.

--------------------------------------------------

Sun: So... What's this movie about?

Blake: It's about a fisherman who falls in love with a mermaid.

Sun: Huh! Sounds fun!

Blake: I've already seen it.

Sun: Then why are you watching it with me?

Blake: I thought it would be something we'd both enjoy.

Sun: Oh...

--------------------------------------------------

Blake: Hm... We should take the high road, through the trees.

Weiss: What? Why?

Sun: (Memory) Because the less we're seen, the more we see~!.

Blake: (In sync) Because the less we're seen, the more we see.

Weiss: ...You've been hanging around that scoundrel Wukong way too much.

--------------------------------------------------

Sun: Hey, Blake, wanna try out this-

--------------------------------------------------

Blake: ALRIGHT, I GET IT! (Huffs) So... What should I do?

Ruby: You need to let him know, get down on one knee, and-

Weiss: NO.

Ruby: Huh?!

Weiss: You don't need some big, extravagant showing to prove your feelings.

Ruby: B-But...

Weiss: Just accept that you're in love with him and accept the person you're becoming because of it.

Blake: The person I'm becoming?

Weiss: Think about who you were when you first met Sun, now think about who you are now that you're with him. Do you like the old you or the new you more?

Blake: I... I like who I am more than who I was.

Weiss: Then be that person. Be that person and be happy about the love you have for Sun. Just stop talking about him so much.

Yang: Aw~! Is Weiss Cream jealous~?

Weiss: I-I am not!

Ruby/Yang: AAAW~!

Weiss: SHUT UP~!

Blake: (Thinking about Sun, Smiling)

[anyroads]

I'm thinking about that post I saw recently that was about a guy who adopted a stray dog and had all these puppies he couldn't take care of and then OP's mom finally stepped in and helped get their adoptions sorted out and the point was that you can't just think "someone will take care of it" because you are also someone. It's been really cold here this week (freezing temperatures) and last night on my way home I saw a man lying on the sidewalk and everyone just... walked past him. Walked right past him. Most of them avoided looking at him. So I stopped and asked him if he was OK and it seemed like he was probably just really drunk and passing out but it was so cold he was going to be lucky to get away with hypothermia and frostbite and not actually freeze to death. (I also had no way of knowing whether he'd had a seizure or a cardiac episode etc. because he wasn't speaking clearly or coherently.) So I called an ambulance and as I was on the phone and waiting next to this man, people began to stop and try to help. At one point someone walked past and stopped to tell us they'd called an ambulance half an hour earlier. Once there were a few of us standing there and there was someone people could ask "what's going on?" from, one of the people who stopped to do so ran to the gym down the street and got a towel which we put under his head as a pillow as per the ambulance service's recommendation.

I waited as long as I could, laid my thick wide flannel scarf over him like a blanket for lack of anything better, and then left him with another person who had stopped (and was a social worker who had worked with people on the streets), went home which was around the corner, and came back with the spouse and a blanket. When we got back to the man's side there were three other people there also calling an ambulance because as it turned out, the social worker had entrusted someone else to stay with the passed out man when they had to go, and that person had entrusted one of the people now standing there, so in all that time someone had always been there with him. So now three people had called an ambulance, half an hour apart each, and the ETA was 1hr20min for an ambulance so we were expecting one to arrive soon. One of the people who was there lived in the building next to us so they ran upstairs to get more blankets and a hot water bottle. While they did, someone else showed up out of nowhere who had walked past a few minutes earlier and brought a blanket from home. When the ambulance finally showed up another person came running up and said they worked down the street and had called an ambulance TWO HOURS earlier and they were so glad it finally arrived.

And look, I could go off about the disaster the NHS currently is that it takes 2 hours for an ambulance to arrive for a case marked as high priority (which it was, as confirmed to me by the ambulance service). But my point here is this:

Two people had called for an ambulance in the hour before I did. That means this man was lying on the sidewalk for an hour in the freezing cold as most people kept walking past him, except for the few who called an ambulance and then left. And I don't expect anyone to be able to stay and wait for as long as it takes an ambulance to arrive when there's such a delay. But it's important that it was only when someone stopped and stood with him that others stopped too. Because like the OP of that other post said, most people don't realize they can be the someone who does something. But when they see another person be the someone, they feel more confident. It's reassuring knowing there's someone in charge who knows what to do and will tell you what to do and how to do it. And tbh I didn't know what to do. But I knew that emergency services would tell me. And I noticed immediately that as soon as I stood there with this man and became part of his situation, others started to do the same. Which is why I asked that social worker to stay with him and then pass the torch so someone was always with him.

And that's exactly my point: it's ok if you can't be the "someone" all by yourself but you can ask others to help too, and for them to do the same. By the time I came back with the spouse and the blanket, two more rounds of people had cycled through, but where most people walked past this man when I first saw him even though he'd been lying there for an hour, now there was a group of people around him even though its members kept changing - but because there was always someone there, someone else kept stopping and staying too. Where he was vulnerable and freezing when I first saw him, he now had almost half a dozen blankets over him and a hot water bottle. I honestly can't get over the thought that for a whole hour he was just lying there as he was, but as soon as people felt OK getting involved he was covered in multiple blankets.

Because most people need someone else to take the first step before they also do something. The person who brought down the hot water bottle asked me first whether or not they should. And for what it's worth, my answer was an enthusiastic "that's a great idea!" even though in my head I was thinking, "yeah no shit, how is that a question?" Because people are often uncertain or worry that their good intentions might backfire and they get wobbly in emergency situations or even just unfamiliar ones. And part of me wonders how much of the horrific online culture of dogpiling and assuming bad faith has conditioned people to worry, in real life situations, that their good intentions and attempts to help someone else will end up landing them in trouble. So even though in my head I was thinking that the question was crazy and this person should just DO the helpful thing, what came out of my mouth was encouragement and reassurance. Because that's what's actually helpful.

So this is just to say that after last night I've been thinking about that post about how anyone can be "someone" even you. Because it's not just about getting a job done - as soon as a person steps up to be the someone who does something about a situation, others follow much more easily. No one knew that at least two people had called an ambulance when this man had already been lying on the sidewalk for an hour in the freezing cold. But as soon as people got visibly involved, and stayed with him instead of walking away after calling the ambulance, more people did the same. As soon as one person covered him with a scarf and put a towel under his head, people started running to their homes around the corner to get him blankets. So the lesson of being "someone" is that it also helps other people be someone too.

[nagiseishirro]

— "Reo Nagi".

a reonagi fan fiction, if you couldn't tell, where nagi tries to buy a ring for reo.

pairings: mikage reo with nagi seishiro.

warnings: 1.1K word count, fluff, intended lower case, slight mention of reo in a wedding dress (nagi's thoughts), reonagi are alumni, proposal. it's fluff trust me :x

"bolded dialogue" = nagi's dialogue.

'what a hassle...' nagi thinks, but refuses to say aloud. because for reo, nothing is a hassle. because being with reo, isn't a hassle. because reo, is the furthest thing away from a hassle.

but everything else? nagi sighs internally—because it's a hassle to physically breathe harder. who knew buying a ring would be so difficult? should it be silver, or gold? plain, or fancy? cheap, expensive? matching or individual? the same shade as his skin or contrasting, elegant or simple, smooth or bumpy, with gems or withou—

"mister nagi?" he was harshly pulled out of his train of thoughts, but honestly, he couldn't be happier by it. thinking was too much of a hassle, he'd never had more than just video games or reo on his mind.

"mm?" nagi hums in response, the most efficient form of a reply. he needed to save energy to think. "have you made your choice?"

nagi sighs, mumbling out a soft "no..." to only receive a slightly impatient look on his attendant's face—nagi had been here for at least an hour. ...or three.

"this girl must be really important to you, for you to be slumping at the table for three hours straight? i bet a dime she's spending another three hours looking for wedding dresses on her part."

nagi almost choked. he'd completely forgot the people here were unaware he was dating a male, and a very attractive one at that. ...then again...

he stuffed his hands further into his pocket as if on cue, softly nestling the bottom half of his face into the collars of his hoodie in an attempt to hide the subtle flushes of red dusting his cheeks. "...yeah." nagi replied, pictures of his dear reo in a big puffy white dress brewing fresh in his brain. 'i've enough allowance for that.' nagi notes mentally for the first time ever.

he was pulled back into his train of thoughts, calculating the best fitting ring for reo through the process of elimination: silver, because reo has all the gold he could ever want. plain, because fancy is a daily occurrence in reo's life. cheapER, nagi needs money to buy that dress. matching, to remind reo that they're bound together. contrasting his skin shade, the world has to know he's taken. simple, this one's easy. and finally, smooth because one thing has to be straight.

nagi lifted a finger to point at two adjacent rings near the left of the glass box—one's a shining silver, simple, smooth, plain. and the other, the exact same. the best part? he didn't need to call reo for a loan.

"finally decided, i see?" the man looked like he could finally breathe, hands scrambling to collect the two solitaires.

the rings were tucked into a tiny white box each, both in the shape of a heart. nagi stuffed them into his pocket, "put them on my tab", and ran out.

83 messages from reo🤍💜.

there was a slight crinkle in the the corner of nagi's eyes—in the language of reading nagi, it's considered a smile.

—

nagi tapped his foot and fiddled with the rounded piece of alloy in his hoodie pocket, a little too much for his liking. it was draining his energy, and he needed that energy to down one knee for reo. he didnt like that he couldn't calm his veins.

"Seishiro!", was the voice that had nagi's head shooting up and forwards, to have him actually feel excitement in something. anything.

"reo!" nagi nudged forward just by the slightest centimetre. oops, he let his excitement slip. he gently dragged his thumb over what felt like a rough outline of a diamond in the rough.

"did you need something, sei?" reo flashed, curving his inner arm down to his abdomen and taking a playful bow. "i'm at your service, my treasure!"

'not that again...' nagi stuffed his face back into his collar, covering up the pink that lined his cheeks—but not the hue on his ears.

"....reo..." he mumbled. what was he so afraid of? "...i— wait, no. start over. ...um, reo... let's... let's—no, wait. again. i want reo to—wait, no, that doesn't sound right. reo, reo. reo reo reo reo...."

it was like watching nagi rehearse his lines in front of a mirror, taking the very big hassle of trying to perfect his tone when calling out reo's name. ...something he really, really, really should've done before asking to meet up.

"...sei...shiro..? are—"

"no, stop, don't say anything. ...um, yet. i need to think." nagi rambled on for about half a minute or so, incomprehensible string of syllables spewing out from his mouth faster than his fingers could tap on his phone. actually, maybe not as fast, but you get the point.

eventually, he ended up crashing down on the floor; on purpose. reo could've sworn his heart nearly hurled out his throat, but in all reality, it stopped beating for a second when his purple orbs landed on a silver, circular band mounting a perfectly cut diamond.

"...m— ....marry... me... ....reo."

nagi's head was tilted down, looking at the tread of the guy he had just proposed to's shoe. nagi was hardly interested in the pattern at all, but he really didn't want to look reo in the eye. ...then again, reo loves nagi. reo wouldn't reject him, right?

...

slowly, he tilted his head up, only to be met wide-eyed with a salty, familiarly warm feeling falling moist onto his cheek. nagi quickly stood up.

"re— reo..! wait, 'm sorry! if you don't want to it's totally fine with me, i didn't mean to— ommf...–"

the pressing warmth against his lips felt like drug to his senses. he'd been apart from it far too long. he wasn't even aware he'd missed this feeling so dang much.

reo slipped his hand into nagi's, gaps twining perfectly as his ring finger eased right into the ring nagi bought—it was the perfect size. reo was crying a little, but who wouldn't?

reo pulled away, the heat leaving both their lips had nagi in a small pout. "on one condition."

nagi's eyes widened, partly because he didn't think reo would actually accept, and also partly because he didn't think reo would agree on a condition—he thought he'd do it unconditionally! whatever, the moment's too good to think.

"i have to take your last name."

"mm." though, it did surprise nagi quite a bit. "...not quite how i envisioned it. i imagined that i'd be taking your name. Mikage Seishiro sounds nice."

"yeah, but Reo Nagi sounds better, right, my treasure?"

it really did.

"...okay, then... deal." this was the most energy he'd had ever poured into a nod. something tells reo that, the white haired genius would've accepted his offer anyway. and something tells the seishiro, that, reo would've accepted his proposal unconditionally.

┈

"...also, can you wear this at the wedding?" seishiro hands a bag to reo—a bag with puffy, white laces of a dress sticking out the top.

[pinksdoodles1]

professors will say shit like "i never put top marks" and never realize that they're basically admitting to being proud about none of their students ever succeeding. how do your own farts taste, huh?

[averlym]

ghostwriter (their grandma would tell them she'd lose half her soul)

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[kimtaegis]

Seeing you complain about not getting engagement every time you post while getting so many notes per post makes you seem so ungrateful. Do the people who engage not matter enough to you? My god. Makes me want to not engage.

without those very precious people whose support I can always count on I wouldn’t post at all anymore, they mean the world to me and I keep telling them that and express my gratitude towards them. I keep reading nice tags and asks over and over because they genuinely give me so much motivation and happiness.

why would you send such a message hours after I deleted my complaints where I even reflected that my negative feelings about it are a problem that goes way beyond tumblr and that I don’t know how to let go of them? and your first impulse was to make me feel even worse about it? that’s incredibly insensitive and I don’t think I even want people like that engaging with my work so by all means, don’t.

[moonchild-in-blue]

Oh.