#I'm procrastinating that sooooo hard right now

[maahtigor]

so uh,, I found a ripped piece of paper on the floor and thought "oh cool!!! i'm gonna doodle in that!!!" and uh.,

slams this on the desk and skitters away at the speed of light

[mintwithchoco]

hello there. how is everyone doing? :)

sooooo the year is almost over, and once again, this blog is dryer than my cat's litter. i couldn't really keep my promise from last year LMAO

although my lack of attention to this blog have a reason, i still feel really sad about it, especially when i'm under the pressure of three commissions that i promised myself to finish within this year. so, to the people that have commissioned me their stories, i'm so sorry that i'm taking so long and i very much appreciate your patience and support that you have given to me. <3

as i said in an ask before, i got a way better job than my previous in the middle of this year and i have moved to a different city, which is why a lot of my time have been spent towards work and my irl socials. life is going better for me at least, and that's all that i ever want.

it seems that a lot have changed in our writing community. there's more writers now, stories are being published like almost every single day and the community is growing bigger and bigger each day. as one of the first few writers here, i'm very glad to see where we are right now and i'm excited to see a lot more developments.

goals for next year? same as ever, write more, post more and try not to procrastinate. this post is just another rant of mine and an apology for all of my commissioners. once again, i'm so sorry for the lack of updates and if you're wondering, i'm still working hard on these stories and projects, so please look forward to it. thank you so much for all of your support!

from the bottom of my heart, i wish you all a merry christmas and a very happy holiday! <3

[hideyseek]

2, 7, 9, and 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12!

MWAH CRAB ILY THANKS IM ABOUT TO BE SO. FUCKING LONGWINDED. *reads the questions* I'M ABOUT TO REPLY IN SINGLE SENTENCES FOR POSSIBLY THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.

from asks for writers to procrastinate working on your wips

2. Decriscribe [sic] your wip/one of your wips in the format of “_ + =__”

hmmm i was hoping i could come up with a funny one but none of my current wips are particularly lighthearted. let's say that the arthurcobb fic could be described as: being on the run + being painfully in love with your best friend whose wife just died = having sex with him in various motels while both of you pretend it's something it's not :3

7. Post Any sentence from your wip

There’s a figure standing in the middle of the bridge, railing falling away from him on either side, silhouetted by a nearby park lamp. (from draft 2 of mini heist!au)

ok it got long after this. putting a readmore.

9. What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

OH. OHOHOHO. jk back to being longwinded! sooooo many!!! two towns is probably the longest-running one, the premise of this is "haiji's dad dies before the ekiden, and right after the ekiden, haiji goes home." i want to write sooo badly about grief in a family that does not know how to talk about anything important, and also about that discordant feeling of living at home as a young adult, and also about the repercussions of a husband's sudden death in a marriage that has been faltering for years, and also about the feeling of working toward something for years with this belief in the certainty of a fixed set of potential outcomes and then to, right at the end, have it all pulled out from under you. but really this is a fic about "what if haiji spent his whole life defining himself against his dad's idea of him and then unexpectedly his dad stopped being around to have an idea of him?" augh fuck i wanna write it so bad right now but it will be HARD WORK and i do not want to do hard work! and honestly it's fine to wait, if narrative!fic taking literally like 4 years has taught me anything, it's that i might as well just wait until i become more skilled and it'll be a more painless process overall.

12. ️Not a question, just a second kudos to send.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 when i saw this ask come in i was like ???? what the fuck is 12. but i know it now!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LOVING AND APPRECIATING YOU!

[hihopelessromantics]

OOOH! Definitely interested in your wips. Would love to hear more about these in particular (whichever one(s) you feel like sharing)

(also yes definitely still happily stuck inside this fandom bubble)

will indulge!!! (This is long but it's good to organize my thoughts lol)

I straight up forgot to put the name of this one lol. Meliodas doing dangerous antics is part of my Through the Wall sequel fic, called "Stakeout" which is the one where I have him cooking. I tried to mix in some humor with the angst here. It's basically Stigma Meliodas if Nakaba didn't nerf his intellegence. This one, I'll be feeding you guys soon!! Because I plan to try to finish Through the Wall this Thanksgiving Break, since I started it last thanksgiving break (ambitious I know, but imagine the poetism if I pull it off!) and Stakeout is farther along in its completion than that one. Stakeout is about Meliodas looking out for the TC and his brother from the opposite of the war. The first part is him deciding to try to get them dinner after seeing how worn-down they are, and the second . . . well, he can't exactly leave Zeldris to watch over both the Vampire and Demon Realms all by his lonesome, right? I'm actually really excited for you and @7-ratsinatrenchcoat to see this one in particular when it's finished because I tried to channel the melizabeth energy I liked in your work

This one is named such not cause I wanna name it something bulky (it has a better name! that's the exclusive lore lol) but I'm commited not to spoiling the plot twists in this one. This is gonna be my main gift to this fandom, a spiced up psychological horror rewrite of the whole show with original elizabeths and original adventures for the first and second season (that one is a backstory with Liz!) Plot point collaboration welcome. A bunch of season one, and the plot tiwsts, I made with my good friend zeldriszezinho, and I'm pretty antsy and excited to finally get around to it and present him with the result of our hard work, haha. I actually have a lot of senarios planned both in detail and loosely, just not written down. I'm currently procrastinating on Season 1 Pt. 2 because it's literally 5 or so arcs of content, one for all the sins, and uh. mental energy. So I'm trying to finish up a lot of small projects first just so my mind isn't everywhere. I can't remember if you've seen what I've posted on it so far but here's the masterpost and season one part one! It's on tumblr too! but I went ahead and pressed the space bar like 4 times every indent so it would be normally formatted on A03 sooooo https://archiveofourown.org/works/48567730 https://archiveofourown.org/works/48611485/chapters/122618557

3. Ironically, think Rings was another one inspired by you - it's old, almost 8 months by now, and the only reason I haven't published it yet is the second ellie spiraled out of control into her own adventure and I haven't had the time because I've been word vomiting so many other projects into existence. it's half meme format, half usual writing. The second ellie's meme story is complete and the third's just needs its wrapping up of its actual plot, which is simple: an arrogant man thinks his bride is secretly a nutcase, but feels pressured into marrying her because medival times, because she's a sweet and intellegent woman running an orphanage all by herself, and technically he can't do better, and because it would look disasterously on the both of them and destroy his carefully crafted persona if they somehow couldn't make this community-arranged marriage work. So he's "putting up with her quirks." Including the ancient what-looks-like-wedding-rings she wears around her neck, and the fact she genuinely thinks her one-that-got-away lover sold a prized possession to demons. (the significance of these rings is in the stories of the previous two elizabeths). Well. Actually. He steals them while she's distracted with wedding planning. It doesn't go well for him from there.

Let me know your opinion: should I try finishing the third ellie and then publishing it? I can always go back and make a full story out of "purple ring" ellie + friends later.

Basically, the purple ring's story is as thus: Meliodas decides he needs to rest, "REALLY rest", since his emotional stress is beginning to affect his demon biology in a bad way, and voluntarily coma-tizes himself for a while. He wakes some time later only to find out Elizabeth and her new 'family' have been considering him as their good luck charm. (Maybe even more than one Elizabeth has passed by now. Probably the apothecary he visits figures out what Meliodas meant to do and goes to fetch him, too late, and looks after him . . . see, that could be a whole OTHER story in itself. anyway.) He's a "good luck charm" because his demon aura has been disgusing the magical signature of her druid family, not that they've figured this out. Meliodas tries to get up and run away with an injured Ellie but surprise surprise he hasn't quite recovered from what his body and mind has been through, and the combination of that and the drugs has left him critcially weakened. He actually collapses falls down a small cliff with her. Ellie assures him they've gotten far enough to shake off the people who are searching for her, that it's okay. Moreover, she understands more or less what he's going through, since she lost her leg a while back. They reuinte with Ellie's little "siblings," druid children the family has rescued along their journey.

Later ~ the main organizers of their group are shocked to return to their isolated cabin to find that not only have all the children survived the winter, and possible clashes with whoever's been hunting them for decades, but there's one extra child! And a talking cow. (I haven't decided whether some of these people are semi-antagonsists.) Meliodas's condition never improves (angst angst <3) but he takes up the task of looking after the kids alongside Elizabeth anyway- especially when she and the others are gone, working or otherwise. Oftentimes he and the spunky talking cow go on adventures in the forest or in town, collecting herbs or materials for crafts and toys. She carries him, Hawk-style. I can't remember her name but it was a silly one, and he saves her life once with his wings. He's also fought away intruders once while the 'adults' weren't home with Full Counter, being able to stand for long enough to use it before collapsing.

In this iteration, Meliodas recieves his ring from his new 'siblings' as they say that "it's the same color as the magic you used to protect us." Referring to the times he's used his demon magic around the house, and, unknowingly, to the fact his very presence has been the only thing keeping them safe from raiders on more than one occasion. Throughout it all Meliodas struggles with having to be the one cared for for once, and not being able to be the muscle of this group that so clearly would benefit from him being his 'usual' self. While his siblings think he's a genuine gift from God, and are more than happy to look after him as he does them, trading stories between them and cuddling up like he truly belongs, adult members of the family never take a shine to him and resent him somewhat, even perrfering when he was comatose. There's more (and more angst) but I should probably say less.

4. (TW: this one gets DARK with the demon brothers angst) modern fantasy ireland boarding school au" is actually another gift for @gh0stofyesterday, who can't escape me, from back in like feburary or something lol. It's an angsty modern-day genderqueer demon brothers and genderqueer elizabeth. Basically Meliodas tricks his snooty father into letting him and his brother (who's not technically old enough but academically girlboss yourself outta that condundrum zeldris) go to boarding school in his deceased mother's home country, where Meliodas plans to study interior design (he's gonna design the boar hat himself <3) and, against his father's wishes, join the gymnastic team. Little does he know that his online friends in his tween gymnastics discord server or whatever (The TC) are also going to end up there. ( I have the scene where they realize he's not the snooty daughter of the DK ceo and actually their Captain planned out already actually. they realize it when he beats the snot out of some guy that chases zeldris through the gymnasium lol).

Other plot points include! Elizabeth and Meliodas have a secret online romance as "Study buddies" and plan to perform a ceremony to use whatever their magic is unsealed to share a bit of that magic with each other, as a kind of marriage ceremony (peak 14 year old romance lol). Meliodas and Zeldris learn (originally Irish) sign language in order to communicate without their father snooping. Cusack and Chandler deal with being technical slaves to the Demon King and attempt to parent their protegees in more important ways than teaching them fencing, keeping their secrets, and buying them things. Gelda explains she never cuddles with her sisters for emotional support, Zel and Mel feel sorry for her . . . then figure out they are touch-starved and probably need therapy for that too. Hot springs date. Zel discovers Mel has been cuddling him while laying on his side specifically because there are fresh child abuse wounds across his back. Meliodas commandeers his gymnastics coach's coaching authority and starts an underground fencing ring upon being told he can't do that (we go to school in a castle! c'mon!). Zeldris tries to deal with a ginger-haired kid who seems equally hellbent on being his friend as he is his school rival. Depending on how dark I'm gonna make this, you might even get to see a prolouge where Zeldris forgoes a plan to murder - suicide his brother following his mother's funeral after meeting a small Gelda at the playground. Oh, and the DK having to fidgit uncomfortably in court. This one is basically a for-fun daydream, but a pal volunteed to beta it for me so it will eventually get written up for you all!

[birchlane]

friday, oct. 6

8:00PM - alright i am trying something new today. i decided to start a journal/write about my day. even if it's small entry, i think it will be good for me to write, wind down, and reflect on my day. my true intentions for this is not to get noticed haha, but more so to distract myself from bad habits, and also just to have something to do other than doom scroll. hoping this helps with my bad habits. ( i'm jer^ing off too much is what i really mean lol)

tbh i don't even know where to begin. i'd like to start off by mentioning that i have been so stressed these days. i started a new job because i quit my other one so suddenly bc it was a SHIt job. could not stand working there anymore. i you've ever worked in food YOU KNOW how shit it is. no breaks ever and constantly on ur feet all day. my manager was a c^nt (sorry) (not rlly, she was a bitch) god forbid i take a fucking break bc "cUstOmeRs coMe FiRsT" i just walked out, out of frustration. then it sucked bc i realized later it might've been a bad decision but there was nooooooo way i was going back. my pride is way to high. haha i managed to pull thru for like a month tho. been like DIRT poor and started selling my shit to be able to make it by and pay rent.

school has also been another stress, iv'e been kind of lacking and im finding myself procrastinating a lot. which is really bad bc my school has been so patient with me haha i can't afford to fail. on top of that i'm dealing with an ex bf that i had signed a lease with. my life is sooooo shit right now and i really don't know how i'm pulling thru. also forgot to mention that when i moved out, i signed a lease for student housing in august, which my other lease w/ my ex doesn't end until oct. so i'm paying rent for 2 apartments, all because my ex is a pain in the ass and doesn't care. but y'all have no idea how urgently i needed to get out. which i don't have time to get into ATM bc that's a whole shit show in it's self.

ALSOOOOOOO i started dating a new guy who i am so happy to be with, (call me a slut idc, but maybe i'll get more into details when i have time...i'll have to talk about my feelings about it and if this is even right) but it has been so hard for me to find a balance with all this shit that has been going on. i'm trying my best but i really want to cry and SCREAM. love this new guy i'm dating but damn this man is sooooooo clingy. anyways i'm just rambling haha. iv'e got to cut this entry short because i have plans to see my new mans today. didn't even get to do homework. feeling totally unproductive. whyyyyyy am i like this.

[pocket-size-cthulhu]

Sometimes even i have a hard time remembering that my ADHD is more than just a silly goofy little thing about me and is an actual disability

So here's a thread of cute little jokes/excuses i make about ADHD and their dark side 🙃

(disclaimer: i am In Therapy!! And if you relate to this and you're not, i definitely recommend therapy!)

*

Lol sorry i'm acting sooooo crazy I'm just bouncing off the walls ✌️🤪

i am aware i am interrupting you. I am aware i am annoying you. I am aware I'm acting like a child. I wish i could stop and I'm worried about our relationship but i can't stop, and I'm excruciatingly embarrassed about it

*

Hang on can you repeat that? I am having the hardest time focusing. Bees in my brain haha 🐝

I am trying as hard as i possibly can to listen to you but no information can stick to my brain right now. The wheels are spinning but there's no traction. I want to pay attention but I'm not getting any of this and I'm embarrassed about it

*

Omg I'm so sorry i totally forgot to text you back!

I didn't forget. I thought about it multiple times every day that i didn't do it. I was overwhelmed by the prospect of making decisions. It's just a text and i feel so silly for fearing and procrastinating it. It's just easier to tell you i forgot than to explain how much i wanted to be a good friend and respond in a timely way, but couldn't. It's embarrassing.

*

Oh man that book sounds so interesting! Wish i was capable of reading books lol, too bad I'm an illiterate ADHD adult 😂

I don't have the attention span to do literally anything, even things i actually want to do. It's beyond frustrating and embarrassing. I used to read like crazy and now i can't even get through a long article online. Feels like my brain is atrophying and i hate it with a burning passion.

*

Oh gosh i totally forgot that thing was coming up

This time i did forget. I forget a lot of things. You wouldn't believe the late fees, the cancellation fees, the buying fresh produce over and over that never gets eaten, the rushing and running late and the stress of constantly forgetting things. As an adult you have to manage your own schedule and I'm next to incapable of doing that. I feel like a child and it's insanely embarrassing

*

Sorry I'm late!

Flip a coin. I'm either late because i forgot it was happening until the last second, or because i couldn't stop thinking about it for two hours and couldn't do anything else in that time so i started getting ready super early and figured "i have a ton of time, no need to rush" and didn't realize that time was passing until i realized i was late. Time blindness is ridiculous.

*

Why is it so unreasonably hard to keep a house clean? Seriously it's like it's got itself dirty the minute i finish cleaning 😒 you'd think it would have some manners amirite?

My understanding of cause and effect, and my ability to do repetitive tasks without the payoff of having "finished" them, are both extremely limited. I know when my house is messy, when i run out of clean laundry, when the garbage starts to stink, when i run out of clean dishes. It's not good for my mental state. But "staying on top of the house chores" is basically a pipe dream for me. Every time i open the cupboard to find it empty with no dishes in it, it fills me with shame and stress and paralysis.

*

ADHD is the most embarrassing thing you can possibly have. I get on Google like "help I'm scared of emails" and Google is like "oh you have 'brain of a literal six year old' disease. Have you tried using a planner" lmaooo

Like, all of this, but actually embarrassing. Thoroughly, endlessly embarrassing and shame-inducing.

*

Why am I so tired? Lol i literally don't even do anything.

Seriously why am I so tired? Why does my exhaustion keep me from doing things i like? Or from trying something new, even something as simple as a new movie or hanging out with a new friend? Why is life so much more exhausting and difficult for me to deal with than it seems to be for other people? How do people live like this? I'm barely staying afloat.

***

I'm so glad for my diagnosis so that i know that these things are products of my disability and not just moral failings.

I'm so glad I'm in therapy to help me reframe some of this and not be so shame-filled all the time.

I love joking about ADHD (how else are we supposed to cope?) but i think it's also important to highlight how it is actually a disability, even though it's embarrassing. As far as i know there aren't many standard accommodations for people with ADHD out there; you kinda have to self-advocate. But if it were more widely talked about and understood, maybe there would be standard accommodations so things could be easier for us. Medication is an amazing accommodation but it's by far not the only thing we need.

Anyway i hope this was validating to some of you. If every day is just swimming in a swamp of shame and burnout for you, you're not alone. Let's all get therapy, learn about our needs and get accommodations babes 💛

[literali1110]

Thanks @poppypickle for the tag! Started a new post because the other threads were getting long, hope that's ok!

Name or preferred nickname: Li (nickname just because my real name is pretty rare)

Pronouns: she/her

What's the story behind your username: some weird combination of my name and the word Literally 😅 I actually wanted it to sound more like Literary because I made it up before posting my first fic but literali fit better with my name. Sometimes I wish I could change it but...it's probably too late now! 1110 is my bday :)

General location: Eastern hemisphere. How's that for general? ;P

Tell us something cool about you in real life: my background is in science and I'm starting a new job soon I'm pretty excited about working on developing a gene therapy drug!

Favorite Chenford moment: this is hard but I think I'm going to be cliche and say the moment he saves her in 2x11 just because of how he's holding on to her for dear life. And just the whole arc of him feeling responsible for what happened to her - GOLD.

Here are some of my first thoughts I shared on a chat after I saw that episode:

"OMG the rookie 2x11 WOW I already knew what the storyline was but to actually see it - the way they had no music at the end/just lucy singing 🥺

And then TIM was the one who found her and got her out and preformered CPR including MOUTH TO MOUTH (which I'm pretty sure you're not really supposed to do anymore so that was totally for the drama/fans) and then she was sobbing and he HELD HER, I wish could hear what he was saying to her there, and the he stayed by her bed the WHOLE night 😍😍😍 "

Moment that made you start shipping them: I started watching already knowing about the ship and I binged the show in about a week (thru 3x04 I think) but I don't think I really saw them with potential to be a couple (at least not at that moment in time) in the very beginning - Tim was, well, an ass, for a while. But then Lucy stood up to him with Isabel and I think 1x20 is when I really felt more strongly about them as a couple. In S2 their relationship definitely felt like it was in a new place and let's talk about 2x03 THE BET because that, I feel, is a HUGE sign from the writers that Chenford was going to be a thing. The looks she gives him in the episode? Please.

And then came 2x11 and you already saw my thoughts on that above and I think by then I was fully on board the Chenford train! And of course reading all the great fic about them just made me love them and want them together even more!

Who you think will realize they have FEELINGS first:

I think I agree with what I've seen a lot of people say - that Tim will realize first (maybe when Lucy goes UC?) But he'll wait for Lucy to make the first move. And after her "confession" she seems pretty unaware of her feelings so we'll see when that happens...

Favorite character who isn’t Lucy or Tim:

Jackson or Angela.

But also Nyla!

And Kojo ❤️

Favorite Chenford headcanon:

I love that everyone decided they're going to have a daughter. I love that they have a dog together - I'm not sure if they're at the place where they take hikes together just yet but I'm sure Lucy dogsits sometimes and begs Tim for pictures.

They're gonna be surrogate parents to Tamara for the rest of her life.

They're gonna be aunt and uncle to angel and Wesley's kids and vice versa.

And they're never gonna stop trying to one up eachother, always challenging one another and setting up little pranks!

Do you write fics/make gifs/make vids/do something else cool? You’re awesome! Share your stuff:

I do have a few Chenford fics - I'm LiteraLi on AO3. I also have a few more ideas I'm working on, although I'm a slow writer and a procrastinator but I don't think you've seen the last of me yet!

Fic you’re rec’ing the most right now:

At the top, I gotta rec anything by @fromiftowhen and @universallongings . Then, anything by @farfarawaygirl @firstdegreefangirl @crose84 @toews-a-peek @jakelovesamy @asroarke and @poppypickle .

Special shout out to Beach Relaxation (A Guided Meditation by Tim Bradford) that @crose84 wrote in response to a promt for me - you must check it out, it's the sweetest thing ever!

But seriously there is sooooo much good fic out there and I'm sorry if I didn't mention anyone by name - just scroll through the chenford tag on AO3 and you'll be sure to find some amazing fic!!

Tag another Chenford fan to fill this out: @lupin72 who gets allllll the credit for introducing me to this ship!

And anyone who wants to do it!!

[mslubna]

I posted 35 times in 2021

22 posts created (63%)

13 posts reblogged (37%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.6 posts.

I added 13 tags in 2021

#relationships - 3 posts

#send help - 2 posts

#will you be my beginning my middle my end? - 1 posts

#thoughts scrambled - 1 posts

#love - 1 posts

#why i want to get married - 1 posts

#thesixthofthemonth - 1 posts

#breakup - 1 posts

#procrastinator success story - 1 posts

#feeling motivated - 1 posts

Longest Tag: 42 characters

#will you be my beginning my middle my end?

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

T-3d. Get ready for an emotional week 🥺

1 notes • Posted 2021-08-10 10:22:55 GMT

#4

3 notes • Posted 2021-10-15 10:56:17 GMT

#3

Question of the day:

Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end?

Still awestruck by yesterday’s movie’s soundtrack- can’t seem to get it out of my head (and also Melukis Senja by Budi Doremi. so so sooooo good!) Lara Jean overthinks too much which makes the song so suitable for her relationship with Peter. If you guys are meant to be together, even 50 years later, you’ll be by each other’s side. Dear the-Peter-to-my-LJ, if you’re lost, please look for the map that leads to me fast!

Sometimes, you get what you've always been wishing for And most times, it's not on your deadline, that's alright I was worn out and jaded from trying on people to love But you fit so well When they ask why, I can never explain But a symphony played when you told me your name And I took that as a sign Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be mine? Sometimes, it's hard to see what the future holds And most times, it feels like a steep climb, and that's alright There's magic in details, the tender small gestures of love And the way they all add up When they ask why, I can never explain But a symphony played when you told me your name And it sounded like a sign Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be mine? Five years later, and I'm still yours Ten years later, and I'm still yours Fifty years later, and I'm still your beginning and middle and end Five years later, and I'm still yours Ten years later, and I'm still yours Fifty years later, and I'm still your beginning and middle and end Beginning and middle and end (Oh) Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? (Oh) Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? (Oh) Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? (Oh) Will you be mine?

4 notes • Posted 2021-02-14 14:35:32 GMT

#2

So uh this guy whom I knew had a crush on me is trying his luck…? I think. Let’s name him N. He’s a friend of HH and I really don’t wanna give this guy any false hopes. Well, I’ve always had the suspicion but when I told HH about it, he said that it wasn’t the case (my instincts are usually right). The suspicion intensified when N suddenly confronted me just a few months ago about what happened a few years back and yea… all was in check. Anyway, N’s inviting me to do a weekend activity together but I’m pretty sure it’ll be with all of HH’s friends as well (and also am confident that he actually just wants only the two of us but no way jose) and it’s gonna be so awkward, plus the fact that I really don’t wanna give this guy false hopes. It’s getting kinda obvious since he’s been inviting me for a few weeks straight already and now that I’ve had a long time to think about it, from the start actually, I don’t think that it’s a good idea. I mean, I don’t know his nawaitu, maybe he really is just trying to be friends with me. I think it’s not a good idea also because I’m still trying to move on and I’m pretty sure that being surrounded by his circle would only make me melancholic and burst into tears. I know this because it’s what happened when Aqil came over for an ice-skating session and I ended up crying about A haha boy did he panic. Aaaand also when I hanged out with Shira last time and I ended up crying about HH in the middle of AEON’s food court, and throughout the journey back. I’ve never cried in front of her throughout our friendship because I was usually the stronger one and I think even she freaked out. Definitely not something that I wanna sign up for. But in spirit of friendship? I did kinda sorta agreed to becoming friends with him cuz I did owe him back then but hmmm idk man. I hate being tangled up in unnecessary drama and I obviously don’t want to have any beef with HH’s circle or anything. I’m pretty sure HH wouldn’t mind me going though lol. I think it’s best for me to not accept N’s invitations. But how do I do it without hurting his feelings?

Maybe I’m just overthinking everything.

5 notes • Posted 2021-10-06 17:39:57 GMT

#1

Emptiness and Numbness- It’s ok if you forget me

My colleague shared this song called ‘It’s ok if you forget me’ by Astrid S (a Norwegian singer) with me the other day and commented on how good the song is. Now, if you know me, I’m the type that appreciates the music along with the lyrics. I can’t help but cry when I heard the song. I was deeply affected by the breakup and it didn’t seem like it to the other party. Another colleague added that that was how she felt after her own breakup... numb and empty. 

Is that how you felt? Like our relationship meant nothing at all to you? I don’t know how to react now after learning this side of a breakup. I feel like a bad person wanting you to feel as devastated as I was, but I have to accept the ugly truth that everyone’s different. I just hope that I at least mean something to you... or at least just let me believe in that even if it’s not the truth. 

Two weeks and I wait 'til the feeling hits Maybe I just haven't let it sink in For three years, we were living together Held me like you'd hold me forever Didn't think that heartbreak would feel like this

From everything to nothing at all From every day to never at all And everyone says that I should be sad Is it normal that

I don't feel sorry for myself Care if your hands touch somebody else Wouldn't get jealous if you're happy It's okay if you forget me I don't feel empty now that you're gone Does that mean it didn't mean nothing at all? But I'll tell you what the worst is It's the way it doesn't hurt When I wish it did

Patience is the thing that I learned from you That some things can feel wrong even though they're true Went through all the hard times together Kept me calm when I'd lose my temper I'm just really grateful that I had you

Ah, here comes the waterfall again. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. 

5 notes • Posted 2021-02-28 10:11:34 GMT

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