#I'm over thinking

[catless-and-covenless]

Cr was home waiting for me! Which was really nice. It’s felt like half a decade since he’s been home waiting for me. And with his new changes he’s not quite as bony so it felt nice laying in his lap and trying to smother myself out of being a gooey mess.

But after the past few days…it felt nice to be a mess for once. To be all melted and soft and no hard edges. And…start dissecting things. I don’t think…it was exactly the action. It was more so…the follow through. “I would do almost anything you ask.” And it was true. I’m just really lucky to be around such truthful boys. And he sent a heart after I got home safe.

I want to know what everything means but I don’t want to ask. I know it’s stupid. I know I can just ask. I know it’s normal after a good date to send a heart. But does that technically mean we’rre dating? Or was it just a date? I mean I said there would be another one and he didn’t deny it? Why is this so multi-step? I wish I was like Cr or Ca who just jumped. Who saw what they wanted and just grabbed it. But I don’t know if he knows about N yet. Or if that’s a conversation that I bring up or N does? Or G does? Who starts that talk? Am I overstepping by not? Or am I a bad friend because I didn’t bring it up?

And Ca listened to me about the day! I think? I’m pretty sure. It’s so nice having her in my car or pocket. Like a pokemon. A carry around friend. And I’m pretty sure she agreed to grill G for me? I can’t speak car signals but I think that was an agreement.

But I completely understand Cr. Especially after what he’s been through. His privacy is even more important to him now. And he was in my house for three months. And we value privacy more than most.

We warded everything. And made sure it was safe and protected. But also saw some numbers? Patterns and numbers and things a little out of my scope. So I’m going to research but I may have to invite the MBoM over to my apartment later….or the woods if we need to include some someone else.

I just want her to behave. I don’t want-

I don’t know what I want but I know I don’t want a bad mess.

Maybe that’s also why I’ve been avoiding whatever Cr wants to say about N. If it’s important N will tell me himself. I just don’t want to..if it’s bad I don’t want to know. And he is so sweet. So kind and nervous. And funny. It’s so nice to be wanted for me and not for anything else. It’s nice knowing there’s a boy out there that likes me for me besides Cr. And it felt really nice to teach. It has started to feel less painful, less bad, less taboo to do it with someone.

I may need to find some of my older books just to hand them off to him. I am glad he’s doing research. That’s good. That means I have a good student who has a good head on his shoulders. And he’s aware of the risks. I may be able to hand him another hex soon. But I want to keep it minimal for right now. Make sure he’s not too tempted to go around and hurt people by accident. I never want him to feel the way I did. To put him in that position.

He will have a good craft. I will make sure of it. He’s my apprentice. Which means it’s my duty to make sure he’s safe and prepared. To watch and help him grow like a sunflower. And after what he mentioned of the bruises. I have more than a good idea of what I’m giving him next. And I need to figure out if he’s close to his roots. Where his lineage is from. It will be stronger than my roots.

A lot on my to-do lists for my favorite apprentice.

Who is also my teacher? I know I was hyper focused on making sure he didn’t think I was a bad student. I did much better at fighting dirty techniques than the regular moves. There’s so much more to think through than I thought. But I guess it is like dancing? Anticipating and moving and knowing the steps. Once I get the steps down I should be good, right? To follow the rhythms.

I don’t want to be a burden again. I don’t want anyone to feel like I will slow them down. I want to hold my own. And I will be so happy forever and grateful that N is trying to give me those tools. Now just to make sure I don’t freeze up when I need to use them.

Although I am a little confused. I thought Cr had something making him nervous about N but I saw the way he hugged N. I don’t understand how he could want to maybe make a move on someone he’s so hesitant about. But then again maybe that’s just something wrong with me. But I was happy. That means whatever it is isn’t too big. And I like my boys being happy and around each other. And maybe selfishly it means that N won’t be a good/best friend to Cr but fwb? Although it would add another string to this web of talks we need to have with G and N?

I definitely need to take headache medicine. I’m overthinking things.

Now just to gather all my courage and ask Mami about the Br’s and tell her about G and that I went on a date.

This may be my last post.

[salamispots]

it got turned into a 17" x14" pillow instead haha

[lesbianwyllravengard]

I want more female characters who are just so bad at comforting others. Not for lack of trying or caring, they just get so so awkward when someone's upset, and they try to repeat things they've heard even if it doesn't necessarily apply to the situation, or they accidentally say the wrong thing and make it worse. If someone cries they panic and throw every single comfort technique down at once and it only helps because it's such bizarre behaviour

This post is for all women including trans women and op loves trans women. Terfs kill yourselves

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

hero/villain showdown but one of them has a spontaneous medical emergency and the battle gets put on hold while their archnemesis drives them to Urgent Care

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The Wizard Cowboy War (Wizboys VS Cowards) continues on.

[hinamie]

quick megumi style study

[palarien]

sketched this out at jury duty actually

[egophiliac]

don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12

[title]

“May I rest my weary head on your shoulder?” (insp.)

In the Mood for Love (2000), Rafiki (2018), Cold War (2018), Your Name Engraved Herein (2020), But I’m a Cheerleader (1999), Moonlight (2016), Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019), And Then We Danced (2019), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004), My Own Private Idaho (1991), Anatomy of a Fall (2023), Lovesong (2016), God’s Own Country (2017), The Handmaiden (2016), Notorious (1946)

[cozymodeonpoint]

senshi fans: learning how to make nutritious meals for themselves

laios fans: down bad

marcille fans: lesbianism

chilchuck fans: putting that man in situations

[starmonsterrr]

[ * Never felt more free in my life ]

[hinamie]

in spite of everything, I had fun <3

[ariadne-mouse]

I feel fandom would get along a lot better if there was mutual understanding that liking a character, agreeing with a character, and thinking the character is well constructed/executed are all separate (if often overlapping) positions, each with their separate tastes and subjectivities. Also: character portrayals are intended to make the audience feel things; this is separate from (if often overlapping with) analyzing/appreciating their actions and role in the story.

[salamispots]

speedrunning a bday gift for bb nephew hjdfgjh

[jpg-of-dorian-slay]

everytime nat tries to help ben she gets it wrong. she insists on the trial being two thirds majority, so they have to keep voting and eventually find him guilty. she tries to keep him alive which only puts him through more pain. she mercy kills him and literally the next fucking day people show up that would have rescued them if his fucking head hadn't been on a spike.

i love her so much, she is so fucking kind and so determined to do the right thing and the universe (or the wilderness or whatever) keeps fucking her over so it's no fucking wonder she ends up the way she does.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

How much longer 'til your luck runs out?

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