#I'm ordering it tomorrow would have done it today but am indecisive as of from where to order it

[a-study-in-dante]

Started my fourth Annie Ernaux book of 2023 today. I don't know what's this grasp she holds on my ability to read lately but I mean apart from her works I only feel like reading Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar and. Well.

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in: October 11th, 2023 🎀

So I was wat more productive then I had thought i would be given the exhaustion I felt from jet lag. I am proud of what I got done! However, I only slept about 2 hours, and it was broken sleep at that so I am not exactly feeling top of my game at the moment. We'll see what my energy allows me to complete today.

🩷 What I Ate, Oct 11th -

Brunch/Lunch - Spaghetti with meat sauce and ground turkey, topped with grated parmesean

Dinner - Turkey & Roast Beef bagel sandwich with avocado, 1 slice muenster cheese, 1 slice cheddar cheese, and a small side of potato chips.

Snack - a half bowl of spaghetti with ground turkey and meat sauce

Extra - 4 cups of coffee, each with one sweet n low and a splash of French vanilla creamer

I actually cooked which is odd for me as I typically don't have energy. My goal for today is to cook a batch of ground beef for taco bowls!

🩷 Personal Achivements, Oct 11th -

Washed bed sheets + pillowcases

Did the dishes

Maintained Duolingo streak (1 lesson)

Maintained Busuu streak (3 lessons)

Video called with my boyfriend twice

Made a shopping list for langaueh tracker/bullet journal (purchased at 1am because Amazon prime big deals were ending and I wanted to save some money)

Made a schedule/routine for working out next week

Cooked myself a real meal

Swept kitchen and disinfected/wiped down counters in kitchen

showered + morning skincare

🩷 Academic Achievements, Oct 11th -

Completed and submitted lifecycle nutrition chart

submitted and passed lab 7 anatomy pre lab

submitted discussion post + replies for nutr discussion 3

I feel quite proud of yesterday! Let's hope today I can tackle some more stuff on my todo list!

🩷 Personal ToDo, Oct 12th -

cook ground beef for taco bowls (leftovers!!)

wash dirty laundry

put away all clean laundry

therapy appointment

video call boyfriend

morning + night skincare

morning + night journal (?)

do 2 duolingo lessons

do 2 busuu lessons

complete/continue genki I lesson one

type up draft for upcoming blog post(s?)

🩷 Academic ToDo, Oct 12th -

Chapter 9 Notes Psyc

Quiz Chapter 9 Psyc

Culinary chapter 10 Quiz

Consumer Debt Inventiry assignment

Using Credit personal finance assignment

I've put a lot on my to-do list for today, but if I can even get a third of each list done, I will still be very proud of myself. Productivity should not come at the cost of my own well-being. Maybe I'll take a nap today? My boyfriend thinks it's a good idea, but I'm not a big fan of naps regardless of the situation. We shall see.

I took complete advantage of the prime big deals on Amazon and ordered some new workout clothes, some hair accessories, a set of silk pillowcases, and supplies for my bullet journal language tracker/planner. I even bought this cute little journal that's made specifically for fitness and health tracking, as a little side thing of mine to help keep me going! It comes with stickers and already set up pages, so hopefully, it proves to be useful!

I may or may not have made an Ulta order for some makeup using my afterpay account as well, because as it gets colder outside I'm starting to want to wear makeup for fun again. I'm not typically drawn to full beat looks but in the winter I love going all out with my makeup looks, whether I'm doing a more grunge goth emo look or a soft coquette girly look and everything in between. I love makeup as a form of self expression!

May or may not buy some more skincare as well, I'm just trying to decrease the amount of stuff in my skincare cart on the shopping app but it's so hard choosing what to get now and what to wait on!! I'm super indecisive too so that intensified the struggle.

Thats all for today! I'll make sure to update you lovelies tonight/tomorrow!

til next time, lovelies 🩷

[paradise-creator]

Hellooo!! I love love LOVE the diamond box matchup you did!! You're amazing!! Your blog is incredible!! Now I'm here for a romantic haven box Haikyuu matchup pls🥺

Appearance: My name is Kay! She/her, black, straight, 5'1, I have a slightly athletic & curvy-ish figure (lol idk), short-ish hair(like mid-neck), dark brown eyes, shoe size 9, I like to dress comfy so I'm always in oversized hoodies, sweatpants, sneakers, sweatshirts and shorts. I like colorful clothes too, high waisted jeans and shorts and boots. I'm not very fashionable but I try lol.

Personality:

Basics: infp-t, Hufflepuff, Taurus sun, scorpio moon, sanguine, chaotic good, ambivert.

Some positive traits: I'm optimistic, friendly, energetic, organized, enthusiastic, observant, happy, open-minded, loving, encouraging and inquisitive!!

Some negative traits: I'm annoying, perfectionist, insecure, forgetful, easily distracted, kinda lazy, argumentative, too nice at times and clingy.

I love learning new things!! Currently I'm learning Korean, how to draw, how to paint and songs on the saxophone.

When I'm up for it, I love fun physical activity!! Going for a hike, going to the gym, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, going camping and etc :D

Although I love going out, nothing beats lazy days at home. I can spend hours by myself and still be happy. When alone I usually sleep or watch a movie/anime or practice my drawing or saxophone or try and learn something new!

I have a horrible memory and can never remember important dates 😭 I've forgotten my own birthday a few times (rip) so people can get mad at me for missing appointments, forgetting birthdays and other important days. I try my best to organize everything necessary on my phone calendar so I can be reminded.

I love seeing people happy! Nothing can fulfill my day more than knowing I put a smile on someone's face! I usually try my best to help out anyone who needs it and to the best of my ability! This has led to me getting taken advantage of in the past but I can't help but try and make others happy. I've developed a thicker skin and some trust issues as I've grown up because of it.

I love hyping my friends/family up!! Do you need a boost in confidence? Here I am, ready to help you remember the absolute king/queen/royalty that you are!! I'm usually very energetic and enthusiastic about many things and I love spreading positivity around!!

My love language is physical touch! So touch is very important to me in my relationships. Though I am insecure so I tend to think that I smother the people I care about with too much affection idk lol. I live for hugs and cuddles and hand holding 👉🏿👈🏿 but because of that I feel like I'm very clingy and annoying skskfksjd

I'm introverted in nature so although I mean usually full of energy and love making new friends, I can't do it for too long lol. My social battery runs out really fast and I have to hide away and recharge before I can be fully social again, otherwise I won't be my best self. I treasure personal time and understand when people need time for themselves too.

I love spontaneity!! I love living in the moment and doing stuff just for the hell of it!! Wanna go on a road trip? Dance in the rain? Build houses for charity? Go to McDonald's at 2am? Go on a long walk? SIGN ME UP!!

I can also be lazy and unmotivated to do stuff. If something doesn't interest me, I'd find myself incapable of doing it or I'd do it with great difficulty. I'm one of those 'do something when inspiration/motivation hits you otherwise it'll be absolute shit' types.

But when I do have motivation/inspiration that's when my perfectionism comes in and I have to do it in the best possible way and anything less is an insult to me, my family, my ancestors and descendants lmaoo. Unfortunately I subconsciously set a very high bar for myself which can be overwhelming and stressful but when I manage to produce work of that quality, it's very satisfying and rewarding jshkshdhsj

I have more to add but I feel like this is getting way too long 💀 lemme just move to the next section heheheh

Hobbies: I LOVE listening to music, learning new things, watching movies/anime, sleeping, reading, writing, playing saxophone (I'm still learning tho lol), swimming, drawing, journaling, making friends, and cooking!

My music taste: any type of rock (punk rock, grunge, j-rock, metal), pop, KPOP, RnB, jazz, dubstep, lofi hip hop, rap, trap, krnb, anime OP's and bangers from: Elvis, the beach boys, Queen, Khalid, Ateez, Harry styles, Kendrick Lamar, p!atd, mcr, fallout boy, Nirvana, BTS, mxmtoon, Marianas trench, twenty one pilots, stray kids, Jay Park, crush, Dreamcatcher, Skrillex, MJ, troye sivan etc

Fun facts:

I'm more of a cat person but I live dogs and think they're adorable!!

I have four piercings and I plan on getting more soon!!

I'm a night owl, and get super grumpy in the mornings especially when woken up unexpectedly >:/

Although I love making friends, I only have like 1/2 super close friends and like 20+ acquaintances lol

I want to get a tattoo soon but idk what to get :(

I'm super addicted to coffee (rip) and if I don't take some for some time (like a week) I'll get the worst migraines and I won't feel better until I drink some coffee 😭

That's it!! I hope i wrote enough stuff!! Did I leave anything out? If you need more pls tell me and I'll send another ask :D Take your time!! I'm in no rush. I'll patiently wait even though you get writers block or have a large amount of asks 😌 pls stay safe and healthy!! Drink lots of water, sleep well and have an amazing day/night!! 💙✨

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ɴᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ

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Hello and Welcome my Starlight!

The Haven box includes:

- Match up

- Sun drop

- Journal of Feelings

- 3 am shenanigans

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

I'd match you up with

Sugawara Koushi, Vice-captain of Karasuno

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Sun drops

- OKAY so like, as I read your description I thought of Akaashi or Yaku or Sugawara

- Me being the indecisive author I am had trouble picking

- But then I remembered that you loved to do spontaneous things.

- And that's when I realized that Sugawara is THE ONE

- You two would be deemed the "3 am couple"

- Or in the team it would be "Epitome of Chaos"

- He takes care of you

- He will alway remind you that you don't need to be perfect

- Insecurities? BE GONE

- Nagativity? BE GONE

- That's basically his motto

- He is both your mom and partner in Crime

- did I mention he will take care of you?

- CUDDLES AND KISSES FOR DAYS

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Journal of feelings

- Once this man realizes that you LOVE physical affection. He will give it to you. EVERYTIME HE SEES YOU

Kay entered the gym to watch her boyfriend play. She tried sneaking in and so far it has been great. She thought she was off the hook but then felt a familiar arms wrapped around her waist. "I found you~" Sugawara said with a smile.

- You both would often plan pranks and majority of the times, it would succeed

"Okay okay, so what are we doing today?" Kay asked the silver haired male. "Oh~ maybe we can scare Asahi or anyone for that matter with a beetle?" Sugawara suggested. "That's--no," Kay responded.

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3 am shenanigans

It’s 3 am in the morning. Almost everyone is fast asleep or in their homes, well almost. The night sky is littered with diamond in the sky. The streets were silent but it was comforting. A few people walked here and there. And a few cars passes by there and here. “What are we doing up so late?” A silver haired man said as he yawned. “We’ll be going to Mc Donald’s! What else?” The female responded as she smiled at him. “Is it even open at this time?” He asked. “Koushi, darling, it is open,” Kay, the lover of our beloved silvered male man said as she smiled. Sugawara chuckled and held her hand, the smile on his face was evident. “You know, we should be sleeping by now right?” He said as he pulled her closer. “And so what? I wasn’t planning on sleeping early! I slept the whole day yesterday and missed the chance to hang out with you,” The girl responded.

A small blush appeared on the male’s face and he giggled. “That’s very sweet bu-“ He was about to say but was silenced by the girl. “That was very sweet but we could’ve done this later on or tomorrow. Well, sorry to break it to you, Love. But, we are here,” She said as she pulled the male inside the fast food chain. And soon enough, the two got their orders and enjoyed their meal. “I don’t know why but this hits different,” Kay said as she eat a French fry. “It really does. Especially since you are here,” Sugawara stated as he patted her head. Now, she was the one blushing. As the two chatted, the other customers and staff glanced at them every now and then. None of them were annoyed at their interactions. On the contrary, they enjoyed watching them,

Some felt envious of their relationship. Some dreamt to have something like that. And others remembered the times of old. The two were so sweet, it’s almost too much. Laughter and chattering echoed through the building from both the couple and the people around them. Then they were dub the “3 am couple” as the two would often venture in that restaurant at 3 am in the morning.

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Author's note

I'm so so sorry for the long wait! This week has been hectic. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this matchup~ and thanks for requesting!

[leelee10898]

Fast cars & Freedom: who do you love? (11/?)

Ok.. it took me longer to get this done than I liked but here it is... A second paternity test, and the guys lay it on thr table. What will Ellie do now? Catch up HERE, also if you would like to be added to the tags, drop a line.

Pairings: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Raiting: Mature. Ccontains nsfw situations.

“Seriously, you're fucking with me right?” Ellie snapped.  “I wish I was Ellie, but we have to retest.” Logan sighed. “Shit, my phone.  I need to go get my phone.” she shot up running for the door. Of course something like this would happen, that was just her luck. Her thoughts now on Colt, who she was sure was flipping out. She got to her purse grabbing her phone.  17 missed calls she thought, all from Colt, except 1 that was the Drs office. As if on cue her phone started buzzing in her hand. It was Colt.

E: Colt? Whats going on?

C: Where the hell have you been ellie? I've been calling you non stop.

E: we're at the track with Logan.

C: Did you get the call from the Dr? He says we can be re tested today but we have to be there by 4.

Ellie looks down at her phone

E: 4? Its 3:30 Colt. And  that's all the way across town in traffic.  How are we supposed to get there by then?

C: Looks like you or Logan are going to have to channel your criminal driving.  I'm on my way to the office, I'll see you there.

Logan and Stacie ran up, her dad, sally and Luca joining them. “Whats going on?” Logan questioned. “That was Colt. The Doctor said we can be re tested today, but we have to be there by 4.” Logans eyes went wide as he took note of the time.  “I can get us there.” Logan stated confidently “lets go.”

Ellie asked Stacie to take her car and meet them at the office, her dad and Sallie heading home.  Ellie hooked Lucas car seat in Logan's car quickly and they set out for the office. 20 minutes to go, the panic starting to set in.

Logan grabbed her hand, trying to calm her down.  “You ok back there Luca?” he shouted back checking on Luca.

“This is fun!” Luca squealed, Ellie shook her head, Logan just chuckled. She definitely had speed in her blood, that's for sure.

They pulled up to the office with five minutes to spare. Colt stood next to his bike. “I was afraid you weren't going to make it.” he gave Logan a cocky smirk.  “Come on Kaneko, you know better than that.”

Ellie grabbed Luca from her car seat, she immediately ran to Colt throwing her arms out. “Hey princess, I missed you.” he wrapped her in a hug as he lifted her off the ground.

They walked into the building, being taken right into the back. Logan and Colt going first. Colt held Luca while they swabbed her mouth. The doctor told them they would be sending it off for testing right away, the new lab turnaround was 2 to 4 weeks for dna testing,  however with the amount of labs that would be flooding in it could take longer.

They walked out of the office finding Stacie waiting for them with Ellies car. Luca was complaining she was hungry so they decided to get something to eat.  Colt had a customer picking up a car who had a custom job done that he had to be there for, so Ellie said she would catch up with him later that week. Ellie dropped stacie off at work and headed to meet Logan at the restaurant. He already had a table waiting for them when they arrived.

After ordering and finally eating, Luca was content playing on Ellies phone. “Ellie I need to talk to you about something important.” She could sense the seriousness in his tone.

“Ok, but quietly please.” she nodded towards Luca.

“Ellie, i'm pretty sure you know how I feel about you. You were the first and only girl I ever loved. But being with you and luca these past few weeks, well it made me realize that I want a family. I'm ready to settle down.” She took a deep breath, she wasn't expecting that. “Logan” She let out a long sigh. “I dont think thats a good idea right now.”

“I know, with the divorce and all. But really Ellie, I'm not getting any younger. I'm willing to wait, but.” He hesitated. Ellie reached out giving his hand a squeeze “I understand Logan. I do not want you to put your life on pause because I'm indecisive. If someone comes along that you think could lead somewhere, see how it goes.”

Logan sat there contemplating her words. “Thanks Ellie.” he finally spoke.

After they paid for their meal, Ellie took Luca home. She walked through the front door holding her sleeping child. Her dad and sally were sitting on the couch watching a movie, laughing and enjoying each other.  “Hey kiddo. Someone passed out huh?” Frank looked up from the tv screen. “Hey guys. Yep long day. I'm gonna put her in bed and crash myself. Back to work tomorrow.” She said goodnight, put Luca to bed and headed there herself.  

She put on her pajamas, and climbed into bed. She thought of her dad and Sally sitting on the couch, just enjoying being with each other. Her dad was happy, it was written all over his face and it made her happy for him. She thought about what Logan said at dinner, he was ready to settle down, but was she? She was divorcing Colt, was it fair to jump into something with Logan? Did she want to be with Logan or did she want Colt? She wasn't sure what she wanted that much was obvious, the thought of settling down, expanding her family and spending the rest of her life with someone who loved her and treated her well was all she ever dreamed of. She closed her eyes trying to escape her thoughts, after tossing and turning for a few hours she finally fell asleep.  

A a few days had gone by, she had just got off work when he phone rang, Darnells name flashed across the screen.

“Hello.” she answered. “Hey Ellie, its Darnell. I just wanted to let you know that Judge Mitchell scheduled a date for the hearing.” Ellies blood ran cold, it was one thing to file but another that it was actually happening. “oh, ok. Um when is it?

“The Thursday before labor day.” Ellie went silent, her heart pounding in her chest. “Thats. That's two weeks away.”

“Yes. She wanted to get it in before the holiday. It'll be done soon. Have a good weekend Ellie.”

“Yeah, you too Darrell.” Ellie hung up the phone, tears now falling. The Realization that Colt would be served soon hitting her like a ton of bricks. She calmed herself down enough to call her dad and make sure Luca was ok a little longer with him.

She started her car and made that all to familiar drive. She pulled up, trying her best to calm her nerves as she exited the car and walked through the open bay door.

“Were closed.” She heard a voice shout from under a car. “I'm not her for that.” she spoke, her voice carrying throughout the shop. Colt rolled out from under the car, standing up quickly.  “Hey. What are you doing her? Is Luca ok?” he wiped his greasy hands off, tossing the rag down on a nearby table.

“She fine. I came because I need to tell you something.” Colt arched his brow “Those words are never good.”

“Darnell called, the divorce has been scheduled.” she watched the expression on Colts face change to curiosity to a mixture  between hurt and anger. “When.” His tone colt and flat.

“Two weeks.” She looked to the floor. This was what she wanted, so why was it so damn hard to tell him?

“Two weeks?!” he shouted. He turned grabbing a tool and chucking it across the room. “Fuck!” He screamed, Ellie flinching. “I'm sorry Colt.” she squeaked out. His eyes widening as he turned to face her. “Oh you're sorry? You don't seem sorry to me Ellie. You didn't even give me a fucking chance. All I wanted was to be a family. You, me and Luca,” he ran his hands through his hair. “You just don't understand do you? I love you Ellie, I never stopped. Everything I did, was for you. The house, this garage, everything!”

“Colt I, I don't know what to say.” She was at a loss for words.

“I didn't want to be my dad. I wanted Luca to have both parents, together.  Now that will never happen.”

“Colt, we don't know that she's yours.” She regretted saying as soon as it left her mouth. It was like adding salt to the wound.

“Shes mine. I know in my heart she's mine, and even if she wasn't..” He shook his head. “You know what. You can have it all, everything. The house, the garage, all the money. All I want in this life is to be able to take care of you, and Luca. And if you won't let me do it at your side,  take everything.” he threw his hands up in the air, walking away.

“Colt.” she hollered after “Colt!” she followed him into to small apartment that used to be logan's loft.  “I can't see you right now Ellie. I think we probably should keep our distance until i cool down.” Colt had his back to her. Hands splayed out on the counter,  his breathing heavy. He was upset, very upset. “But the zoo, and Lucas first day of school.” She whimpered, holding back tears.

“I'll be there, I wouldn't miss that for her. I  will be cordial to you. But I won't be ok with it, I never will.”

Ellie hung her head in defeat, walking down the steps and then to her car. Colts words ringing in her ears. She grasped the steering wheel with a white knuckle grip, the tears streaming down her cheeks. She knew telling him was going to be rough, but she wasn't expecting the overload of emotions that came with it. She thought back to the day they took the brotherhood down.

****

She walked up to her house,  Colt had a loose end to tie up with Toby and ximena. The crew skipping town, laying low from the FBI. She crossed the front yard when Logan slid out of the shadows. “Logan? What are you doing here? I thought you left town.” her eyes darted around, assessing her surroundings. “I am, but I needed to see you first.” he came closer, closing the distance between them. “Look Ellie, I had every intention to apologize for dragging you into this. But now that I'm here, i'm not sorry.”

“You're not?” She looked at him confused.  

“No,” He shook his head. “If I didn't seek you out, I would have never met you. And though I may not have been the guy for you, I couldn't live in a world where I never knew you. You changed my life for the better Ellie.” he softly brushed the bruises on her face.

Ellie threw her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. “I don't want you to go, please don't go.” she sniffled. “Believe me Ellie, I don't want to, but I have to.  Go off to college, kick some ass. And remember I'll always be thinking of you.” She lifted her face, looking in his eyes. She pressed her lips against his, savoring the feeling one last time. “I hope this isn't goodbye forever. Promise me you'll stay safe.” she pulled back resting her head against his chest. “He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “I promise. Goodbye Ellie.” he took one last look at her before disappearing into the night.

She turned heading toward the house spotting colt standing there. “You kissed him.” He clenched his jaw. “You were spying on me? How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough. And no, I wasn't spying on you. I finished what I needed to and came back for you.”

Ellie hesitated at the door. Could she really give up everything she had worked for? Could she really skip out on her dream school for a life on the run with Colt?

“Colt. I don't think we should do this. We rushed into this, its crazy. We. We need to get an annulment.”

Colt stumbled back. “What? Ellie come on, We love each other.”

“I know, and i do love you Colt. I do but.”

“Its Logan isn't it? You wanted to be with him, I was a mistake.” he retorted.  

“No. Colt that's not-”

“Save it Ellie. Go live your life, I'll get an annulment.” he climbed on his bike.

Ellie felt sick to her stomach, what did she do? She was scared, she didn't want to lose him. “colt.” she called after him, he put his helmet on kicking his bike to life. “Colt. Colt, come back. Please.” it was to late, she watched his tail lights fade out of view. She was alone, truly and completely alone.

*******

She pulled into the driveway of her house,  she pulled her compact from her purse attempting to cover the evidence of her crying. She walked into the house to hear laughter.  Frank, sally and Luca sat around the table eating ice cream, having a good time. “Hey guys.” She peaked her head into the room. “Hey kiddo. Everything ok.” She gave her dad a half hearted smile.  “Yeah, everything's fine.”

“Will you give me a bath mommy? I'm all sticky.” Luca held her ice cream covered hands up. “Sure thing sweetpea.”

After bathing and getting Luca to bed, Ellie walked over to a box that was left unpacked. She pulled out a medium sized shoe box, removing the lid she pulled a few items out. A ticket stub from the drive in, a small cactus, a bullet necklace, some photos of the crew and the last two. A picture of Logan and her, taken after the pool game, the other of her and Colt at Prom. She laid the two in front of her, her eyes burning into the paper. What was she going to do?

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[seaborns]

Hi I'm weak for Sam/Josh want to write 25, 62, 78, or 145 for me?? (Off the second long prompt list you reblogged)

as promised i am writing little things for ALL OF THESE! here we go

25. “It’s simple really. Here, let me show you.” The chair creaks in protest as Sam edges next to Josh and starts typing, bringing up the email server. “I can’t believe you don’t know how to schedule appointments on here. You can’t rely on Donna for everything, you know.”

Josh tries very hard not to notice Sam’s leg half-against and half-on top of his own. “But it’s so easy.” He has never paid less attention to the computer in his life.

“I know, but Donna won’t be around forever,” Sam says absently. “Here, put in your password.”

He turns the keyboard towards Josh and looks away. It takes Josh an embarrassingly long time to remember his login because his brain has become a machine chanting SAM SAM SAM, and when he finally gets it typed up his hands are shaking and he has to hide them under the table.

Sam goes through so dutifully, shows him how to click on the date and time and add the little boxes to his schedule, but he might as well have been explaining the historical intricacies of the Battle of Waterloo or the biological complications of trees for all Josh is listening. The only thing he hears for the better part of fifteen minutes is his own blood rushing in his ears and his heart beating like it’s trying to break down his ribcage. The world only returns to normal when Sam gets up and smiles at Josh. “There you go. Now you can stop blaming Donna when you forget to go places, right?”

Josh gives some nominal response, a “Yes” or a nod, and then Sam is gone and he slides low in his chair and covers his face with his hands. God.

“Oh, honey,” Donna says sympathetically from the doorway, and he jumps about three feet in the air.

“How long have you been standing there?” Josh swears and motions for her to come in, and she takes a chair and props her feet on the other one, ignoring his glare.

“About ten minutes.”

“That bad, huh?” he says glumly.

“Don’t look so upset,” she shrugs.

“Why not? It’s pretty hopeless.”

“Maybe you weren’t paying attention,” Donna says primly, “but I saw him smiling the whole time, you know.”

Despite himself, Josh looks up, and she’s grinning - a little teasing, but genuinely happy, too.

62. “We’re running low on time here.” Sam knows his voice is clipped, knows he sounded irritable and angry, but they’d been working for close to five hours on a speech that should have only been worth two at most. It was almost done, but then the interns had gotten to arguing about the last line, and it had all gone to hell from there. Nothing was worse than a lack of confidence because it caused a writer to second-guess every single thing they’d written, and straight out of college, these kids had whatever the opposite of confidence was. “Can we just pick a line, please? I don’t think it really matters whether the President says God bless you or not, and I think if you pick something else apart this entire speech is going to fall like a house of cards.”

“He’s speaking at a Muslim event,” one of the interns says scornfully, as if that means anything at this point, as if Sam is supposed to know what the hell she’s insinuating. As if his brain is supposed to still be functioning.”

“Muslims still believe in God, they just call Him something different,” he snaps back, and she shrinks away a little. Almost immediately he feels regret like a slap in the face.

Josh pushes his chair back and jerks his head towards the door. “Hey, Sam, you wanna step out for a sec?”

“No,” Sam glowers, shooting daggers at him with his eyes.

“It wasn’t really a question,” Josh says pointedly, rubbing the bridge of his nose, and Sam keeps their eye contact going, a challenge, all the way until they’re out of the room.

They duck into an alcove and Josh’s hand is on Sam’s arm, about as intimate as they can afford to get in public. “What’s wrong? You’re eating them alive out there, do you need to go home?”

Sam closes his eyes, just briefly, and imagines the point where Josh’s hand rests on his shoulder is shooting light and calm through his body. “No. I just... It’s frustrating to see them like this. They can write, that’s why they got this job, but they refuse to believe that they can.”

“That was you once, y’know.” Josh grins and the knot in Sam’s stomach unwinds itself a little.

“I was never that unsure,” he scoffs, and Josh just keeps smiling and lets their foreheads bump together until Sam returns the expression. “We shouldn’t do this, you know.”

“Come on, it’s almost midnight, there’s no one around.” Josh kisses him quick as a camera flashing, and when he pulls away Sam is wide-eyed and speechless. He just laughs. “Are you good now? Let’s get back in there before they delete the entire speech.” As he starts walking back, he turns like he thinks better of it, and his smile turns a little cocky. “You might want to try and look like you didn’t just get hit by a bus, they might start asking questions.”

Sam follows him and really, truly does his best to keep the stupid look from lingering. It’s a little hard to explain to go completely from pissed-off superior to heart-eyes idiot, but Josh keeps kicking him under the table and he can’t entirely be held responsible for the perma-grin glued to his face, even when they decide they want to rewrite the first line. The goddamn first line.

He is a patient man and that kiss is proof that his efforts do not go unrewarded.

78. “Just please be my best friend right now, and not the person I confessed my love to.” Sam’s voice is crackly but broken at the other end of the line, and Josh is lost for words as he clutches the receiver. “I just - I don’t know where to go now. I don’t have my job at Gage Whitney anymore, I don’t have Lisa, I - you’re the only one I’ve got. And this job, I dropped everything to work it. I don’t even have that anymore.”

Josh swallows. “You wanna get drunk,” he asks, quiet, because he doesn’t have anything else to offer that could help.

“Yes,” Sam responds immediately.

They meet at the only bar in the Iowa town and order beer after beer, and they don’t talk. Neither of them could have imagined that Sam would get fired. He worked harder than anyone else because he genuinely loved writing, loved to find that perfect combination of words that would get the message across in just the right way. 

But then Bartlet had delivered an answer Sam had written that the campaign management wasn’t too happy with and tanked completely in the polls in Iowa. And Sam had woken up this morning and gotten breakfast and been fired by the end of it. “There’s no place for idealism in politics today, kid,” they’d told him. Like he was some 25-year-old right out of college.

The story only comes out after coaxing, and Sam downs a vodka shot right after like he wants to burn it out of his mouth. He looks so dejected, and so alone, sitting at the bar with his tie undone and his eyes downcast. Josh walks him home and remembers the last time they did this, how it ended with words tumbling out of Sam’s mouth and months of not talking, of indecision and a silence that wouldn’t stop until a street corner in New York. When he meets Sam’s eyes, they’re sad and he knows that he’s thinking of it too.

Even though Josh said he’d be Sam’s best friend tonight, he thinks it’s possible to be more than one thing at once. So he leans forward and meets his mouth, soft, like checking up on him. Like touching base, and Sam replies in kind, in the way that means safe and yes and here, and even though their best-laid plans are crashing down, it means they can start again from scratch.

145. “Are you okay?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because you’re wearing two different shoes.”

Josh grimaces. “Am I? Donna thinks she’s real funny, doesn’t she?” he yells, and as she walks by she flips him off. He grumbles and lets his head fall back to his arms.

“Why don’t you go home, go to bed?” Sam offers, leaning against the doorframe. “I can finish your calls.”

“No, it’s...” With what seems like great difficulty, Josh lifts his head again, although he doesn’t open his eyes. “I have to meet with Hyatt today. He’s so close to coming to our side on the corn and feed growth bill, and the vote is tomorrow.”

Sam tilts his head to the side. “When’s the last time you ate a meal that didn’t come from a restaurant?” When he’s met with silence, he adds, “When’s the last time you slept at home?” and he can tell Josh is doing math in his head. 

“Three and a half days ago,” the reply finally comes. “I’ve just - we need this to pass, we need the farm vote and the primaries are getting so close.”

“I’ve been said to be remarkably persuasive when I want to be,” Sam suggests. “And also, I was home last night and got my eight hours in.”

It’s obvious that Josh is on the verge of protesting, but then - miraculously - he closes his mouth. “You’d do that?”

“Sure,” Sam shrugs. “What time do I have to meet him?”

“In -” Josh glances at his watch. “Two hours.”

Shit. He has a meeting. Ginger can reschedule it, and he nods like there’s no problem. “Go sleep. I’ll come over after I’m done and make you dinner, yeah?”

The expression on Josh’s face is practically beatific. “Have I ever told you you’re the best?” 

“Yeah, but you should do it more often.” In a flash, Josh is up and packing his bag, and he’s about to leave before Sam catches him. “Wait, Josh. Your shoes.”

He pauses, then scowls, and Donna’s laughter can be heard from the room over.