#I'm now very invested in these characters

[jiminiecrickets]

KILLER? I BARELY KNOW HER! FUSHIGURO TOJI / M!READER

summary. shadows of your past catch up to you – but you're the strongest, and there's nothing you can't handle.

wc. 5.5k

tags. smut | top reader, bottom toji. mentions of underage drinking. sorcerer + teacher reader, enemies-to-lovers (with extra steps), sorta sugar baby toji/rich reader, doggystyle + missionary, mentions of exhibitionism + filming, unprotected sex, brief degradation (r. receiving), brief breeding kink, implied shower sex

notes. every dark-haired male jjk character deserves a silly and illogically powerful best friend with whom they have romantic tension :3 you're him. literally.

The pleasant chime of the doorbell echoes throughout your home. You're not expecting anyone.

You know you should be careful. In fact, you shouldn't be staring at the back of the front door at all. Opening it would ruin the carefully put-together façade of the closed-curtain windows and dark rooms.

Maybe you're tired, and you forget, moving on instinct. Maybe you're bored.

Maybe you're hopeful.

The door inches open, and a man looks up from where he'd been staring listlessly at the flower-spotted bushes lining the patch of green between the entrance and the driveway. His hands are shoved into the pockets of his sweatpants, and his eyes are dark, flickering with an emotion you can't quite catch before it flutters away.

"Toji?" you say, the surprise in your voice teetering on warmth. "Hey..."

"Hey," he replies – exhales, really, something like a hum. He reaches up by his shoulder, the action too familiar for you not to stiffen, but he just rubs the back of his neck, stretching out the cricks of his body. "So. New place, huh?"

Your hand rests behind the door. He knows better than to expect it to be empty. "Old, technically. It was my first property purchase."

He tilts his head. "Yeah? When did you get it?"

"Fifteen. A birthday present for myself – a gift for surviving another year of high school. And curses, I guess. Surviving them was way worse because getting their blood in my mouth made me want to die."

He scoffs, and the raised scar over the corner of his lips shifts with his amusement. "Fifteen... And what does a teenager do with a house?"

You shrug. "Drink. Party. Pirate movies. The usual."

"Hah. Sounds like you were a fun kid." Toji scuffs the toe of his sandals against the ground absently. Then he rolls his neck and sighs. "Look, I didn't come all the way here to talk history. Long-ass way out, too, so just let me in."

Lifting an eyebrow, you give him a once-over that feels keener than it should be. "Are you here to kill me?"

"What, you think I'm here for that bounty? Who do you think I am?"

"Don't blame me. You seem very well aware of it."

"Isn't worth the effort for the price. 'Sides, you've given me more than that over the years, haven't you? I like to keep my options open, and it seems to me like it's a better investment to keep you alive."

"You talk as if you could kill me at all," you mutter, a little disdainfully, but it dissipates swiftly when Toji cracks a smirk, so familiar and entwined deeply with your favourite memories. The breeze stirs lightly, and Toji's hair ruffles, almost blue in the sunlight.

"Couldn't I? You're the one who runs away."

"Yeah, after immobilising you. Not a lot of fun to be had if you're dead as a doornail. Say – how deep are you in the jujutsu world? You must be rusty. I'd be willing to help you train."

"You'd help me kill your fellow sorcerers?" He chuckles and arches a brow. "I'll have you know I'm looking at a contract worth thirty million from a bunch of religious crazies."

"Peanuts." You wave a dismissive hand. "Now that I mention it, I'm getting complacent, too... I could use the challenge. Keep in contact with me and I'll pay you double."

"You're paying me to use my body?"

"Your words, not mine."

He holds your gaze steadily for a while, and despite his airy voice, his eyes are thoughtful. "Let's not talk business on your doorstep. Lost your manners, have you?"

Finally, your shoulders loosen, and the tension in your body vanishes. With a soft chuckle, you pull the door open further and step aside. "Don't make me regret this."

"Please," he says, slipping out of his sandals and into your home. "You never do."

Zenin. Fushiguro. The Sorcerer Killer. All of his names, all of his history, and yet, to you, he is just your baby – your Toji. It'd be embarrassing if he cared enough to be embarrassed, he thinks as you draw him into a rib-shattering hug. Instead, he feels smug.

Before that Gojo kid, there was you. It wasn't a position you were born for – like the kid was – but you trained your way up and eventually found yourself most suited for the role, all but waltzing into it – because what youth wouldn't want to be number one? It was almost gross, your selflessness and single-minded ambition, and Toji knew how that sort of mindset made the people in power feel. They commissioned him for your death at one point, after all.

It was fun. You were both so young: dancing around each other's weapons as if it was all a stage, chasing each other's clues like a couple of dogs running after a bone. Still – you were society's best, the cream of the crop, and for you to be his, of all people, was a selfish triumph he indulged in too many times to count.

His hands creep up beneath your baggy shirt as he leans up to kiss you, tongue slipping between your lips to share in the taste of some expensive whisky he can't name. He hums – a low, rumbling sound, like a tiger chuffing – as his fingers bump over thick, warm muscle.

Blood and bone. That's what you all are, when it comes down to it.

"You should wear tighter clothes," he murmurs against your lips. "Less to grab in a fight."

The backs of his thighs press into the edge of the kitchen bench, where a forgotten glass of water sits – the remnant of your half-hearted attempt at being a good host while his lips found your neck.

You huff. "A 'fight', huh? I wasn't expecting one."

"You should always expect a fight. While you're at it, always expect to lose. Stops you from being disappointed."

"Sounds pessimistic."

"That's the price we pay for being good at what we do."

"As if you pay for anything, Toji."

He chuckles. He drops the hem of your shirt before sliding his palms up your chest – what a tease – and cupping your face. His hands are warm, callused, thrumming with lifeblood. He sweeps his thumb absently over your cheek, committing every pore of your face to memory. You have the urge to pull away, look down, like a schoolboy with a crush – but Toji's hands are firm.

"C'mon, at least look me in the eye before we kick this off. You that ashamed of me?"

Startled, your gaze flicks up to his. Instead of the half-wry look you expect, he smirks and pulls you in to meet his lips. His fingers interlace loosely at the nape of your neck, caging you in place, and you have no choice but to bend to his whim.

"Stupid," you mutter against his lips, mostly to yourself. "Stop playing with my feelings, Toji – that's manipulative. You're breaking my heart here."

Rather than pulling away himself, he pushes you away, a palm flat on your chest but without any real power. It remains there as he leans back against the stone countertop. "My bad, baby. It's just funny."

"Funnier than you calling this," you gesture between your chests, "something to 'kick off' after... how many years? If you weren't all over me seconds ago, I'd think you came over for a beer and a game."

He lifts his hands in teasing surrender at your accusatory tone. "All right. We'll fuck, then. Maybe include some heavy petting for the B-roll, if you're up for it. Sound good?"

You cross your arms over your chest and muster up a suitable amount of annoyance for a glare. Toji finds it hard to take you seriously – what with your dumb jokes and ridiculous inclination towards flashy fighting – so to him, it's more of a pout. "So, you got lonely without me, huh? Yeah, nah. We're not filming ourselves."

"Hm." It's not a yes, but it's not a disagreement, either. "Why not? It'd be hot."

"I'm a teacher, Toji," you remind him, clicking your tongue when he shrugs, one hand on his hip. "I don't want that kind of thing to exist. If it got out..."

"So you are ashamed of me," he mutters. He steps forward to grab your hands when you start to protest, visibly distressed. He snickers. "Kidding, kidding. Fuck, it's fun to play with you. You don't care about the other one, then? The one from the abandoned restaurant?"

"Well—" Your breath stutters when Toji absently compares hand sizes and laces your fingers together. You watch as he aligns four of his fingers against your ring finger specifically, one at a time as if comparing again, but this time...

"Well?" he prompts, his grin broadening. His shaggy hair falls across his eyes as he tilts his head.

"Well, I don't look like I did ten years ago, and as far as I know, my face isn't in it..." All logic scatters like leaves in the wind when he looks up at you through his lashes, that playful, pretty smirk of his tugging at your heartstrings just right. It's like the years never passed. You swallow. "I-It was different," you finish lamely.

Toji's eyes flicker down to your lips. With a flick of his wrist, he twists a hand in your collar and tugs you down so that your faces are inches apart. Your chests collide roughly. He doesn't seem to care, his gaze trained on you with a heavy, smoky intensity. "Fine. If you won't let me film it, you better make it memorable. I'll decide later if it was worth coming here for."

—

Toji should have known you were serious when you pulled the bedframe about six inches out from the wall. He'd laughed at first, insulting you for such uptight behaviour regarding something as boring as walls, but you'd just dragged him to the bed with a roll of your eyes.

With how loud he was moaning, you could only be glad that he didn't find you at your apartment property.

"Toji," you breathe, your gaze trapped on the tight, firm ass ricocheting off your hips. Your grip tightens. "Toji."

"Fuuuck," he drawls as his cock throbs, prying his eyes open to narrow them at you over his shoulder. Lust has turned the usual green of them nearly black. "What?" he bites out.

"I missed you. Missed this. Fuck, baby, you're so fucking tight."

He lets out a throaty chuckle, turning back around to rest his head on his forearms. With a shift of your hips, your cock punches his prostate, over and over, and his eyes roll back briefly, a pleased groan rumbling from the depths of his stomach. His dick pulses and swings uselessly between his muscular thighs.

"M-Men are all the same," he grumbles. You click your tongue, though you don't miss the way an involuntary moan makes him stutter.

"Awful way to greet an old friend, you know. I thought you were smarter than that. Try being nicer," you slam your hips forward, making his eyes fly open with a gasp, "and you'll get what you want."

His skin prickles when you glide a warm hand up his side and come to rest it upon his shoulder, holding him down with just enough strength to make his muscles flex to fight it. Your thumb rubs little circles into the back of his neck, tracing the dips of his shoulders until you find what you're looking for. You dig into the taut muscle, making him wince.

"Stressed?" you hum, and your voice is gentle. Gentler than he deserves. "Is it money problems again?"

Something like guilt stirs in his belly, but a well-angled thrust has his thoughts unravelling. "No."

"No?"

"No," he repeats. You hum in response and don't push the matter further.

Your hand lifts from his shoulder, and already he can feel the stiffness returning. Damn those God-hands of yours. He finds himself arching back, bracing against the bed, in an effort to return your hands to their rightful place.

You hush him sweetly, pressing your chest to his back and burying your face in the crook of his neck. The angle has the shaft of your heavy cock pressed right up against his prostate and his body jolts with the fiery burn of pleasure, his knuckles turning white as he fists the sheets. "No need to chase me anymore. Not going anywhere. 'M right here, baby."

Toji manages to scoff, and his voice is steadier than he expects. "Not chasin' you, asshole."

"Yeah? Then what do you call showing up at my door as you did, unannounced?"

"Welfare check."

You roll your eyes. "I hate you."

You punctuate your sentence by yanking his hips back on your cock, the wet squelch of lube and precome making him shudder. Despite the rough treatment, a moan tumbles from his lips, and he laughs, loose and breathy.

"Fuck me like it, then," he dares, knocking his temple gently against yours.

One hand lifts to card through his hair. He groans softly as your nails scrape his scalp, but his eyes fly wide open as you grab a fistful and tug, wrenching him up to kneel. He sinks his teeth into his lower lip as you wrap your hand around his leaking cock, jerking him off at the same pace as you fuck into him – he swears he sees stars as your thumb and index finger twist roughly around his swollen tip. His cock squelches in your fist, bubbles of precome sliding down his tip and smearing across your palm.

"Fucker," he snarls, ceasing his split second of flailing to grip your hip and thigh. You'd consider it painful if you hadn't also had the pleasure of being stabbed, slashed, shot, and bitten. "Nngh – so fuckin' big—"

"Going back on our word, are we, honey?" you say slyly, twisting your fist up and down his wet cock. "Tsk, tsk, Toji... so forgetful. I'd say you're getting old."

You glide a fingernail up the line of his vein, making his hips stutter and forcing another curse to slip from his lips, and you dig the tip of your finger roughly into his leaking slit. He moans and his back arches against your hold as your throbbing cock easily slides deep into him, the harsh, rapid smack of your balls against his ass almost disorienting.

He shudders. The heat of his body pulls his skin too tight, makes his tongue heavy and clumsy. Your hands are not quite soft – years of weapons training and hand-to-hand combat would do that to someone – but they're sweet on him. Loving, nearly. Your warmth softens the rub of calluses and tough scar tissue, and Toji learns them anew.

"C'mon, baby... want you to talk to me. Love your pretty little sounds." You end the sentence in a whisper, patting his stomach with the absent sort of friendliness you had as a youth. You never shied away from touching him, rewarding him with your weight draped over his shoulders or entwining your fingers when he did something that pleased you.

That familiar feeling jolts him back to reality. He glances your way – perhaps to say something, but he doesn't remember what about – and you capture his lips with yours, tilting your head and running your tongue over his lower lip.

He keeps them sealed, airtight.

You groan into the kiss and nip at him pleadingly, because you'd have to break Toji's jaw to get him to open up – and you couldn't do that to your favourite killer. Your name falling from his lips like a prayer is too sweet to pass up on.

Eventually, with enough petting and kisses, Toji relents, if only to see you perk up like a puppy tossed a bone. He groans softly as you explore his mouth, tongue curling around his and gliding over his teeth.

Your breath is hot and sweet against his, your lips shockingly gentle despite the quick and steady pace of your hips bouncing off his ass. He jolts every time your cockhead kisses his prostate, swollen and sensitive from your unrelenting pace. His dick bobs, dark red and pulsing hotly in your palm, and he groans like an injured animal. It's almost desperate.

Your shaft drags against his slick walls, which clench with a rippling squeeze as if he's trying to milk you dry. With each hungry snap of your hips, your tip punches the breath out of his lungs. His vision blots out, and he swears he can feel your cock in his damn throat.

Without warning, and without a word, he comes, his expression going lax with pleasure as he releases thick ropes onto his stomach. It's four hard spurts and two weaker pulses, the slow, measured tugs of your wrist twisting in a way that has his thick thighs trembling.

You coo softly, and Toji's face is uncharacteristically warm. Little kisses drift their way up his shoulder and neck and he sighs softly, eyes shut and head tilted back against your shoulder. You press your palm against his chest to feel the heart thudding beneath his ribs, the rise and fall with each shallow breath.

You cup his chest and squeeze.

He cracks an eye open, disapproval furrowing his brows. In response, you grin cheekily and nip at his earlobe as you smooth your fingers through his hair – a silent apology for being so rough.

To his credit, he lets it go. Doesn't even smack you for being an ass. He does, however, clamp down punishingly around your cock when he pulls off, making you hiss at the scrape. It bobs and you shiver at the cold air.

Thoughtfully, Toji glances down at it, still hard as rock and curving upwards towards your stomach. He reaches for it.

Your eyes widen when he slips a nail under the edge of the condom. "Wh-What are you doing?"

"Don't sound so scared. I know we're both safe. Said ya missed me, right?" He grins, dark and sharp, with eyes half-lidded – almost coy. "I'll let you finish inside me. For old times' sake."

"Contract-sanctioned stalking? I thought better of you, Toji." Despite your flippant words, your breath hitches, and Toji's grin widens. He tugs the slick condom off and tosses it aside – without even tying it up, the bastard – and before you can grumble about it, he grabs your jaw, forcing you to look at him, and presses his lips to yours.

You groan softly as he parts his lips and allows you in. He shifts closer, his knee between yours, and grabs your hand. He brings it down between your bodies.

"Baby..." you whisper as he wraps your hand around your lengths, pressed together. He is hot and velvety in your palm.

"Mm." The sound is deep and content, and he blinks up at you slowly like a cat. "I know. I want it."

Then, slinging his arm loosely around your shoulders, he pulls you down with him.

You barely manage to catch yourself before crushing him, your instincts and reflexes dulled by familiarity and a dreamy languor. Not that you think he'd mind – not with that grin.

Toji spreads his knees and hooks his calves around your thighs. He guides your cock into him again, and he rumbles out a pleased moan as it buries itself hilt-deep into his slick warmth.

His head falls back against the pillows as you press your hips flush against his ass. "Ah, shit..."

"You good, baby?" you murmur, swallowing harshly as his gummy walls flutter tightly around you, as if he can lock you inside forever. Your dick twitches.

"Mmh, fuck, jus' sensitive. Move."

It's only natural that you obey.

Toji feels hotter now that you don't have the layer of plastic to contend with – hotter, wetter, hungrier. You thrust shallowly at first, but as his moans grow louder – less restrained – you allow yourself to move tip-to-base, deep and dirty the way he used to like it. Seems he still does. The rim of his puffy asshole catches on the ridge of your cockhead and his nails rake down your shoulders and back, leaving stinging raised lines in their wake.

Pride fills your chest, inflates your ego. An infamous assassin, the Sorcerer Killer, spread wide and inviting with his cheeks all flushed – he's certainly given you a thousand little deaths. You grip the meat of his ass and lift his hips off the mattress, fucking into his wet heat at a new angle that has him shouting your name.

Maybe it's because you can see his face – see all the pretty cock-drunk expressions that wash over his features – that you find yourself chasing the precipice of release embarrassingly fast. He locks his legs around your waist, thick and muscular, and you want to laugh at the absurdity of it.

Why would you ever want to leave?

"Toji," you grunt, panting softly. "'M gonna..." Your breath fans against his sweat-slick skin, making him shiver and arch into your touch. He cups the back of your neck as you nibble and suck dark bruises into his tanned skin, his lashes fluttering as you shift his thighs on your lap and leave far too many deep red hickeys printed on his skin. You even scatter a few across his collarbones and chest, and you're only pleased when he looks like he was mauled by a bear.

He pants softly, his bitten moans making your cock throb even harder. Fuck, you're so hard – the shape of your teeth printed into his skin for all to see makes you prouder than you'd ever admit. You trace the marks gently with your fingertips and Toji's chest stutters.

Gazing up at you with lidded, unfocussed eyes, he laughs, freer than he had since you met him earlier. Your heavy cock plunges into his stretched hole, again and again and again like you're trying to make him take, and your grip on one of his thighs is tight enough to leave red crescents. He grasps your face, turning it down towards him, and offers a sleazy, roguish grin, breathless. His eyes trace the cut of your cheeks, the curve of your lips.

"You look less stupid than usual. S'all you're good for, ain't it? Fucking me nice an' deep with that fat cock of yours – f-fuck. S'mine, yeah? All mine?"

You shudder and groan, bone-deep, and Toji can feel the heavy throbbing of your cock leaking inside him. The slick feeling of you against his walls builds a hot ball of arousal in his lower belly. Your chest heaves against his and your stomach tenses, familiar planes of muscle firm against his hand. Excitement roars through him like a wildfire – eager and keening.

He yanks you down for a devouring kiss as you come, catapulting off the precipice into white bliss. You gasp into it. His ass clenches around you with his own release as he moans, his soft walls stroking you and sucking you in.

He's so fucking warm, so fucking wet. His body is slick with sweat and he shoves his tongue into your mouth like a man starved. Maybe he is. You groan, low and pleased, and his thighs tighten around you like a cage, possessive in his hungry, unyielding embrace.

Spilling into him is heaven. You've died and ascended, you're certain of it. He drinks you deep, as if he was made for it, and lets his head fall back against the pillows with a less-than-steady sigh as your balls tighten and pulse hotly against his skin. Dragging it out, you grind your hips into his ass in lazy circles, huffing and puffing against his throat as if you've run a marathon. Your fingers graze his own, fluttering in a way that seems almost... uncertain.

Hah. As if you knew what that word meant. You were unshakeable, infallible. The strongest. You'd hold onto that title for as long as you could; the burden was heavy.

Rather disappointingly, you don't choose to hold his hands. They glide down his waist and hips, making him shiver, and you slowly pull out, the solid but gentle grip on his thighs never wavering. You set him down as if he was made of glass and his body twitches as thick come leaks from his stretched hole, dripping and pooling white below his ass.

He tosses a lazy arm over his eyes, bending one knee and bracing against the bed. Another hot gush of come. "Ah, f-fuck... shit. You still come like a truck..."

Your gaze, once so dark and sultry as if you were about to eat him alive, now snaps to him, wide and kind and so embarrassed that Toji can't help but crack a grin.

"Sorry, sorry! I didn't hurt you, did I?"

He rolls his eyes. "Other than the hickeys, no. Wouldn'ta minded it anyway," he adds slyly, peering out from within the shadow of his arm. "Pretty hot when you get creative."

Shuffling off of the bed with a soft chuckle, you pick up the discarded condom and toss it in the bin. You pull open the wardrobe with a flex of a wall of muscles that Toji watches keenly, spreading his knees to eye you through them. His tongue darts out to wet his lower lip.

"Y'know, I was thinking," you begin suddenly, rifling through clothes and drawers.

"You can do that?"

"Shut up. I was thinking about you – your situation."

He closes his eyes and sinks back into your bed. "When'd you have the time? Not while you were fucking me, I hope."

"Just listen, Toji." You turn around, washcloth in one hand and a pile of clothes in the other. Dark, but loose and unremarkable – as he prefers it. You toss the clothes at the bottom of the bed and disappear into the adjoining bathroom, raising your voice as the faucet squeaks on. "I was wondering if you'd wanna... you know – catch up. Or at least let me help you."

You continue, "I could find you a place in a better school zone, get you set up legitimately. Honestly, actually, you wouldn't even need to work. You could just focus on your family and I'd take care of the rest."

Toji sits up, ignoring the pinch of pain and the mess between his legs. It'll ache later, so he'll deal with it later. "What?"

"I said—"

"Yeah, yeah, heard you the first time. But why?" He lowers his voice as you return to him and begin to clean him up. He meets your eyes and his mouth takes on the beginning slant of a smirk. "My ass that good, huh? You want me to be your sugar baby?"

Heat floods your cheeks. "You're not that hot, Toji. Don't get ahead of yourself."

"Wasn't talking about my face. Still – it's not like you to beg me to go on the straight and narrow. What's with that?"

"At the risk of sounding humiliatingly sappy after sex," you sigh, sitting back and dropping the cloth aside, "I still care about you. A whole fucking lot. I only want good things for you, Toji, and I have all this excess wealth that I can't donate fast enough, so if I can change just two more lives – I'd beg for the chance."

The desire to change lives without ending others'. He can understand the sentiment.

"What would you want from me?"

For a moment, you're taken aback by the tiredness in his voice. You blink. "Nothing? Like I said, the money would just vanish into a charity otherwise. Well – maybe I'd like to be invited over on the weekends, and maybe drop off-slash-pick up itty-bitty Megumi every so often. He's that age, right? Oh – and you gotta let me into the kitchen. I make a mean lasagne. Wonder if the boy would like it..."

He snorts. "That's a lot of conditions."

"Well, I am offering to let you live like a plump and happy housewife, so..."

He's quiet for a while, his hair falling over his eyes in a way that blocks your view of his face. You toss a rolled-up towel at his head, and he catches it without looking.

He lowers the towel. "You... don't seem to care that I left you."

"No, I didn't at all care that my friend dropped off the face of the earth without warning." You cross your arms and scoff, the smile slipping from your face. "I only heard about what happened months after you vanished, and by that time, there was nothing I could do to search for you. I had too many people looking at me to dig up old underground contacts and not enough time to comb through the country myself. You could have talked to me, you know," you say, your voice softening. "I would never turn you away."

He shrugs, noncommittal. "It's like you said – too many people looking at you. Would be alarming if I came strolling up to your door, wouldn't it?"

"You did today," you point out.

"Yeah, when there's a bounty on your head. I could be killing you right now."

You scoff, though the hint of a smile flickers across your lips. "You're impossible. But fair point. Just... think it over, okay? Come find me after all this bounty business is over and done with. You know where I live."

Toji chuckles softly, and he accepts your offered hand. You lead him to the large bathroom and he threads his towel over the rod next to what must be yours. He stares longer than he should, but the sight of the two towels beside each other – his green, yours blue – forms a lump in his throat that's hard to swallow around. His heartbeat quickens.

The sound of water hitting the tiles fills the bathroom. He raises his voice over it. "Hey."

Glancing over, your arm shimmering with water droplets from where it rests against the faucet handle, you tilt your head wordlessly.

"I should be picking up the kid in a couple of hours," he explains, "at six. As far as he and the childcare know, I work a normal nine-to-five like the rest of 'em. You could go."

Your eyes widen, and you let out an endeared laugh. "Toji, Megumi doesn't know who I am. The last time we met, he was a newborn. I'm not about to give everyone a heart attack by showing up on your behalf."

"It wouldn't be on my behalf, dumbass." His tone borders between disparaging and fond. "I'd go with you."

"Wh—?" Your throat bobs harshly. The shower seems forgotten, and Toji pushes you backwards into it with a palm on your chest because he's not about to waste the water. It pours onto your head, your hair beginning to stick to your face, and it still doesn't seem to register. A smile pulls at his lips as he reaches for your body wash, scanning the label while your brain putters out and short-circuits.

You didn't expect an answer that soon.

"You heard me," he says coolly, as if this is a normal Tuesday for him. He squirts a dab of body wash onto his palm. "Isn't this what you asked for? In my opinion, it's not that fun. I get a lot of women chattin' me up while we wait. Awkward as hell since I can't be rude or they might tell their kids, and then their kids won't like Megumi... ah, it's a big deal. You being there will help. You love to talk, so you can do it for me. Good game plan, right?"

"Toji, I..."

"The fact that I'm talking more than you worries me."

"You said pick-up's at six, right?" you say suddenly, the glint in your eyes intensifying.

He arches a brow, glancing up at you. "Yeah."

"That means we have an hour." You lean in, trapping him against the glass of the shower. There's a hint of mania in your gaze, starved with a vehement zeal. "I'm gonna fuck you, now."

His eyes widen. A feral grin spreads across his face. He laughs against your throat and moans when you press your thumb roughly into one of the many hickeys littering his neck and chest. "You're crazy. Fuckin' crazy – oi."

It's disturbingly easy for you to lift him by his thighs and press him against the cool glass. His skin prickles as he grips your shoulders and mutters, his breath mingling with yours: "If you drop me, I'll kill you."

"Promise?" you ask with a breathless grin.

He crushes his lips to yours. No one else gets the privilege of taking your little deaths.

[beedreamscape]

This has to be the last thing I say on C3 finale because otherwise, I will not stop, it simply baffles me in its mediocrity. And obviously, this will be negative, if you loved it, good for you, this is my takeaway as someone who loved this campaign and was severely let down.

This finale changes everything that came before and not for good, better yet, it emphasizes all the faults in the structure of what c3 tried to be, it made most of the campaign feel like a true exercise in futility — How far can we go in a campaign that is meandering and unsatisfying? How long can we have the same discussion over and over and over again despite everyone knowing how this will end? How long can we drag out characters that don't change without anyone noticing? (spoiler everyone noticed)

Can't say I was emotionally invested in the finale because I tapped out back in the 70s, came back for Aeor/Downfall shenanigans, and left again. But in experiencing the finale something became clear to me:

THIS STORY NEEDED TO BE SHORTER.

WITH ANOTHER PARTY AT THE HELM.

If the objective from the very conception of C3 was to wipe out the gods, that had to be clear from the very start. And it wasn't clear, at all — not in the characters, not in the starting city, not in theme. This was a completely different campaign at the start! That clarity was what made Calamity so great, it was short and precise, and every pc SERVICED THE THEME, filled with hubris and contempt, not to mention the setting.

Even Ludinus went in circles for convenience of the campaign length and became a weaker opponent for it, more of a nuisance than a villain. The threat he posed at episode 50 was much stronger than now at 120 something. The battle against Otohan was more nail-biting and emotionally engaging than fighting Ludinus and Predathos, a god eater!!!!

This campaign would've benefited from three to four acts instead of one overarching objective like the past campaigns because urgency is the name of the game and we can't carry urgency for 70 episodes straight (and they didn't).

The constant inclusion of the other parties made it clear how easy it was to detach BH from the story, how easy and fun it was for them to tell it through another party's eyes (one of the main reasons why I walked away back when I did, but that's more of a personal preference).

Which is not to say Bells Hell's didn't deserve a long story! They could very well have existed in a more intimate campaign which these characters were clearly built for! Their premises begged for closer looks in slow moments, something tragicomical, exploration of the inner world while developing MARQUET and its microcosm of injustice and politics which was left in the dust mid-campaign (pun intended).

And I'm not suggesting this just for our enjoyment, I know it's them playing and their enjoyment comes first blah blah, though this is a multi-million company therefore their jobs but this would contribute to their enjoyment! You could see several moments in the campaign how tapped out they felt and acted. I doubt it was "fun" discussing the gods situation ad naseaum, trudging through landscapes they barely cared about, with empty arcs.

I could nitpick every fault I see in the finale but it would be pointless, these issues have been dragged from ages ago and poor character matching, and now this is a culmination of everything and it barely fazes me anymore.

(And yeah it's their game and it's "free", but that doesn't undermine its weight as a story, stories were made be analyzed, and it was a poorly structured one no matter how much I still like and admire them as people.)

WHICH is not to say I had no fun at all ever, I did! several times! and that's what makes me upset, it could've been great instead is just meh.

[xechu]

a/n: A bit of a long post, but I thought I'd share some character notes I have of Sukuna from my au 'Cross My Heart'. I don't foresee myself writing anything that is related to Sukuna's past before him meeting reader, which is why I thought it would be nice to release some notes just to give him some more depth. This will have some little fun facts about Jin as well since they're twins. As you might be able to tell, I'm a bit invested in this au right now. But I am trying to work on my other fics, so you might not see anything else come out for CMH this upcoming week. x

tw: 18+ mdni, suggestive themes, mature themes, complicated family dynamics, death

cmh!sukuna - growing up & teen years

Their mother has always been out of the picture so it was just Wasuke, Jin, and Sukuna. Wasuke never mentioned much about their mother, it always seemed to be a sore topic. All they know is she's no longer alive.

Sukuna had always been kind of troubled as a kid and well into his teens. Finance has been tight growing up, so Jin and Sukuna had to work odd jobs since they were 13 until they were of legal working age, which then they would be on an actual payroll working minimum wage jobs.

Uraume knew both Jin and Sukuna since elementary school, but they have always been a little closer with Sukuna. They didn't attend the same high school as they attended another school in a different district, but they were still in contact with Sukuna.

In high school, Jin was the nerd, and Sukuna was just an edgelord that all the girls found very mysterious and alluring. Sukuna's height skyrocketed during this time as well, so he just naturally stood out. He was popular not because he aspired or tried to be - it just happened.

Given his physique, some teachers would also try to recruit him into sport teams, but Sukuna said no, because he had to work part-time after school.

Jin and Sukuna never talked to each other much. Even though they were in the same high school. People didn't even realize they were related because of how different they looked, until graduation when some students saw them taking pictures together with Wasuke.

Sukuna looks a lot like Wasuke, and Jin looks a lot like their mother.

There was a bit of resentment between the two brothers growing up, because Sukuna thought Jin was spineless, whereas Jin thought Sukuna was selfish.

To be honest, both Sukuna and Jin had a difficult time expressing their thoughts and feelings because Wasuke was pretty harsh on the boys growing up, but he also had a lot on his plate as a single father. Given Wasuke's curt nature, he didn't really know how to nurture children and did only what he thought was right.

Sukuna was easily agitated and explosive, versus Jin who bottled everything up and could be a bit reclused when things got too overwhelming.

Kaori and Jin were high school sweethearts. They met in the debate club during Jin's sophomore year. Kaori is one year older than Jin. Jin was not the argumentative type, but he decided to step out of his comfort zone, and try something new. Seeing how Jin is now, it's hard to believe he was incredibly shy in high school. Kaori had a lot to do with him being more expressive with his feelings and really getting him out of his shell.

cmh!sukuna - college days

Left home shortly after high school graduation. He got into a huge fight with Wasuke, because Sukuna wanted to go into trades instead of university. Jin was accepted into a prestigious ivy league university on full scholarship.

Wasuke had found Sukuna's acceptance letter to the same university in the bin, after Sukuna lied and said he didn't get accepted. Wasuke went into an explosive fit - he couldn't understand why his son was settling for 'less' and told him with that mentality he will amount to nothing.

Though Sukuna left home at 18 and seemingly hated his brother, he never changed his telephone number just in case one day Jin needed him.

College was when Sukuna really began to let loose and felt the full experience of freedom.

Lost his virginity to some random TA in his college, he couldn't even remember her name or face, until she approached him one day out of the blue and thought she was pregnant. They went to a health clinic and it turned out to be a false alarm. The TA wanted to continue the relationship on the down-low, but Sukuna dropped it.

Sukuna met Yorozu during his first year of college. Her band was prepping for a college event - they did a cover of ‘Smile Like You Mean It’ by The Killers, which initially piqued Sukuna’s interest

Yorozu and Sukuna hit it off quite well, it had a lot to do with their approach to life, and to be honest they were both kind of troubled at the time.

Toji and Shiu came into the picture shortly after, they met Yorozu during an elective course they all shared, and somehow the four of them all came together as a group even though they were from vastly different fields of studies. Toji and Shiu have known each other for a long time.

Yorozu's area of study - music (4 year), Shiu's area of study - international business (4 year), Toji's area of study - exercise science (3 year), Sukuna's area of study - automotive technician (apprenticeship program, 2 years)

cmh!sukuna - 20's, up to when he went to jail

When Sukuna was 21, he received a phone call from Jin. Wasuke passed away very abruptly. He came home from work one night and said that he had a headache, went to bed early and never woke up.

After going through Wasuke's stuff, they accidentally broke one of Wasuke's picture frames. The framed photo was from their high school graduation. Sukuna never saw the photo before, but Wasuke wore a big smile, one that Sukuna had never seen growing up. And when he looked closely, he could see that his father's gaze was actually on him in that photo.

On the back of the photo, Wasuke wrote a note to his late wife. "They grew up well. I tried my best though it would have been better if you were around, but they still managed to pave a path for themselves despite my shortcomings as their father. Jin is very much like you, while Ryomen reminds me much of myself. They are truly both our children. I am proud of them. I miss you, but the three of us are doing fine."

That revelation with the photo really fucked Sukuna up. That's when he also patched things up with Jin.

Jin graduated at 22 from an ivy league business school, and had this ambition of becoming an entrepreneur. At this point, Sukuna had already been working as a full-time mechanic for two years. Jin approached Sukuna with the idea and that's when they kickstarted their garage business.

The first year was quite difficult, but then afterwards it started picking up, eventually by their fifth year, business was booming. Jin was able to get married to Kaori, and bought a house to start their family. Sukuna bought two condos, and continued living his life of work hard, play hard, and just enjoying a commitment-free life.

Patching up his relationship with Jin and starting a business really saved Sukuna's life - and that's why he has so much respect for Jin and the business. It definitely curbed down his edginess and he felt less troubled, but he's far from a saint and knows there's still a lot he needs to work on.

A few months later, the altercation with the bad business deal happened and Sukuna went to jail for two and a half years.

Toji, Shiu, and Yorozu would occasionally visit him in jail

Jin and Kaori would visit Sukuna too, but Sukuna was the one to tell Jin and Kaori not to visit when they found out she was pregnant. "Don't worry about me, take care of the kid. I don't want a pregnant woman coming in and out of jail like that. I'll see you both and the kid when I'm out."

Writing © xechu - please do not redistribute, translate, or repost any of my works.

[fantasybuff3186]

Daddycop thoughts

So I didnt make posts about the s6 episodes and well I didnt intend to because thats not what I do here but Daddycop was such a great episode I had to talk about it because gosh I am in love. So much development for more than one character in one episode and I adore it so lets go, obviously spoilers below.

To start of I love that they addressed Sabrina's sadness over chloe leaving and to see that scene where shes watching the stuff chloe posts. Its nice to see that the sadness she would undoubtedly have felt was addressed. It was also really nice to see the reactions of the rest of the group, they were slow to accept which makes so much sense. I also like that Sabrina took accountability and didnt expect instant forgiveness. Also Girl fought off Lila and like that is so huge!!!!!! I love that so much, she was guilty but she fought it off and I admire that about her so much. Sabrina is now one of my favourite characters along with Zoe and I love the development she got. Sabrina is not just a henchman anymore or related to Chloe and I am loving that so so much.

In general, I love this new direction miraculous is going aka where other characters are focused on, the writers are genuinely improving. This feels like a proper show now, not just Marinette's show and while I adore Marinette and really did not mind the Marinette focus earlier, its nice to see the other characters' develop. I am glad I stuck around. I also love Miss hound's new outfit and it shows her growth. Her new civillian design though well not really a fan but I can love with it I suppose. I still dont like it but I can live with it. Now onto Zoe

Zoe was a character I found sweet and I didn't mind her inclusion and was glad to see that she got the bee miraculous but before this episode, she was well just there. I love that focus on her liking Marinette but she honestly was pretty bland, a nice person but bland without much development. I guess there is that growth of her learning to be herself but it was one episode so not that impactful for me, but today well she's definitely my favourite.

Although in a way I feel like she sort of filled Marinette's role usually because Marinette is the one who usually gies above and beyond so while I do find her attempts to include Sabrina it did feel like Marinette again so that was odd. I still love Zoe and I love the focus she got but it feels a little odd seeing her pay attention and not Marinette, it feels like shes taking Marinette's place for some reason that she is well just a more measured Marinette without well the excitement and relatability of Marinette but the post credits scene, makes me really eager to see what they do. Shes not my top favourite character, but that return of someone from her past well I am invested and I cannot wait to see what happens.

I love Zoe but I'm hoping theres more differences other than Zoe being a calmer Marinette to well in a way make up for well Marinette struggling. Also in regards to Zoe's design I like her hair and the skirt is a great change and I'm really hoping they expand on Sabrina and Zoe's relationship. I want to see development in their relationship and perhaps a ship, though that is very much optional.

At the core though I really want to see more Zoe and Sabrina interactions. It would be nice to see Sabrina bond with the others too but I want Zoe to be the closest friend to Sabrina. Usually its Marinette who is everyone friend so this time I want to see Marinette not be the key player which she already isnt in this episode which I loved. Now onto Marinette, my absolute favourite character. well maybe more like Adrinette because well Marinette wasnt the focus in this episode.

Marinette is still Marinette and I love that so much, she wasnt the focus but seeing the subtle development and her just being Marinette well I love that for her. Honestly I dont have much to say for Marinette this episode except that I felt so bad for Sabrina. The Adrinette though, gosh its adorable and I love that so much they're just the sweetest and get sweeter with every episode. Also Adrien is just such a great boyfriend, like he said no to Marinette and he was so considerate about other people, in a way this just proves how essential Adrien is for Marinette, he grounds her and she needs that because its very obvious how lost in her head she gets and how she needs a reality check sometimes which he gives. Granted she didnt listen because she was too strung up on her plans but I love the attempt and Adrien firmly refusing. I really am growing to appreciate Adrien more.

I waited for them to get together, the Adrinette side and they finally are and I'm not being disappointed at all. Like they are my babies and I adore it. On that note, unpopular opinion but I actually like ladynoir platonically and its so much more of a joy watching them now. Miraculous just turned out the way I desired and I am so happy. I also really like that one of the final scenes was Adrinette and while people hate the changes, I kind of like it. Anyway I'm happy and cant wait for what comes next. Maybe I'll do a thoughts post on Werepapas too later who knows but yeah basically I would rate this episode 10/10.

Thank you for reading if you made it!

[scribeofmorpheus]

everyday i learn more about joplin, everyday i wish they just cancelled veilguard or took longer to make the joplin project they envisioned.

i think i'm just gonna put all the blame on anthem atp.

[article link]

if they were in such a rush to make me5, why didn't they just go ahead with that project and then make da4 after--if the funds allowed for it?! i bought the artbook and that literally just made me go down a spiral.

like... this hurts me so much man.

[link to video where comment is from]

[alongtidesoflight]

so here's my honest thoughts on dragon age: the veilguard, after ~40 hours of playing. i finished the main quest after having finished all companion quests and major faction quests. just to clear up what content i saw, i played as an elven transmasc rook who is a member of the lords of fortune. he romanced lucanis (although after finishing the game i'm now leaning towards taash). i don't know what's happening in playthroughs that have a different race, gender identity, romance or faction going on.

full spoilers ahead, i mean it. don't read further if you want to avoid them. i don't want complaining about it in my asks.

oh and also, if you're worried because of a few negative reviews online i can comfort you by saying don't give a fuck about a certain big name youtuber who is very much tied to bethesda franchises giving this a negative review. i'll explain why.

i'm starting off with the things i liked

the game looks really pretty. i was worried it wouldn't feel like thedas anymore (with them trying to "focus on northern thedas only" i thought they'd make a clear cut in environmental design. they do and they don't. it's complicated. i'll elaborate on it when talking about the negative stuff). anyway it does. minrathous feels like kirkwall. treviso enchanted me like the winter palace did. the hossberg wetlands reminded me of the hinterlands and a couple other inquisition maps. arlathan looked like... arlathan. the crossroads were different, but familiar. overall i like the way it looks and feels. it's thedas, with a twist. it's a good one, and gives everything a solid but unique feel.

combat is top tier. if you're a hardcore dragon age player you WILL miss the tactical aspect of it for a bit, but i promise you, once you're used to the way the combat works, you will be lapping that shit up. and once you get to ability combos you'll mourn the control you used to have over your companions in battle a bit less

the MAIN quest and its story. i expected worse, way worse. and for a while the game even had me tricked (harr harr you'll get it in a second) it is Really That Much Worse. but holy shit was it good. i walked away satisfied ngl.

your choices have SOLID weight. there's consequences, good AND bad. i got minrathous blighted, ruled over by venatori, and the leader of the shadow dragons ultimately died because of my decisions. i made those at the beginning and throughout the game. he died at the end. DAVRIN died because i didn't expect what i was saying to have that much weight. i thought i was in the clear. he had hero status. well turns out, your choices can still get your companions killed even if you do everything right. i fucking love him. he shouldn't have made that sacrifice just because i told him to do everything it takes once.

the inquisitor, morrigan and dorian being there, surprisingly. there's also negatives to this though, see below.

speaking of companions dying and the inquisitor playing a bigger role: the final quest feels like me2's suicide mission. i was blown away by it and the fact that i got to see the results of all my efforts playing out in front of me.

bioware are NOT trying to redeem solas. they love him as a character yes, but i wasn't forced to see any good in him. he betrays you. he fucked my rook over twice. he fucked him over right back, for good this time (the veil wasn't torn down, i anchored it by binding him to it, he's doomed to uphold it). but solas really lives up to his name as the trickster elven god. rip to all the people who grew really attached to him over the years.

varric died. if you like him that's probably as hard reading it as it was watching it. varric died and the game lies about it until the very end. when the realisation hits, it hurts. but in the very best way.

the amount of care they put into gender expression and trans identities this time around. (i'll add onto this with negative points as well too).

rook feels very much ingrained in the world of thedas. he doesn't ask questions that expose the player to lore through dialogue as if he's stepped foot into thedas for the first time. those conversations feel very solid and good. i hope other faction players got as much joy out of this as i did.

and the things i didn't like and boy there's a lot unfortunately

the music. let's just get that out of the way holy shit. it doesn't feel like it belongs in this universe. it gets so incredibly sci-fi-y at times you'd think it's taken straight from mass effect andromeda. there's not a single song unique to veilguard that i really enjoyed. it broke my immersion, real bad. hearing a busker play the tavern songs from inquisition on a lute right after i killed some venatori with wobbly bass songs playing in the background is just odd. weird tonal shift. don't like it. it's made for people who like flashy light-weight cinema.

tevinter nights is required reading. the podcasts are required listening exercises. the game is so fast paced, especially at the start, that there's no time to introduce you to characters and how much weight their names carry in-game. i would not have known who half these people are if i hadn't skimmed over tevinter nights. i'd care even less about them than i already did. there is no time to get properly attached to them. people will act as if you're talking to a legend personified and you'll be thinking man goddamn which chapter of tevinter night were they in again and what did they do???

there's a weird mismatch with the animations. you'll have beautifully fluid ones, like emmrich casting spells. and then you'll have rook's face animating in the most unnatural manner that's sorta reminiscent of mass effect andromeda's "my face is tired" addison, when their emotions SHOULD be landing with the player rn instead.

i'm not vibing with the art style. sometimes it works. most of the time it doesn't. at points i felt like i was watching tangled.

that also brings me to some of the dialogue. same issue. i am watching frozen. i am watching tangled. someone on the writer's team really likes the adorkable trope. bellara is its victim.

for all the talk about identity, bioware sure doesn't like theirs. the grey warden armor got a redesign again and it just makes them look like a generic army. i hate it lol

in general, i don't like the armor design. the wardrobe/appearances system is fine, but it's just not helping if all the armors are just... kinda bland or downight bad looking? and don't get me started on the lords of fortune armor. that is orientalism personified.

the world states should have been carried over, full stop. i know they said they didn't because they want to separate what happens in the north from what happens in the south, which... i could have lived with that. but the inquisitor sends you letters that keep you up to date on... the south of thedas. you learn that there's a blight again, that people are standing strong but it's difficult, denerim's fallen, the rulers are taking care of it, orlais is fighting and they're successful for a while, etc etc. what's good bioware. i thought we don't care about the south this time around. why are you feeding me so much boring generic information. if you're not gonna show any of it and just write letters, then carrying the world state over should not have been an issue. i have a game dev background. those few lines of code would not have broken your budget or pushed your engine's limits. fuck right off.

this gripe of mine carries over to all the cameos. as a lord of fortune you have to deal with isabela a lot. it's fun. i missed her. you get to go drinking with her and taash and bellara! also my hawke romanced her. she's not mentioned once. they had the opportunity to put a sentence or two about her in there with not a lot of effort, trust me.

when varric dies, all she has is a single line about it. for gold, for fortune, for varric. she only says it if you interact with her on your way to the final push. that's not mandatory.

morrigan is there. kieran isn't. the old god soul that mythal and then solas absorbed? who cares at this point, the gods are dead now and solas is locked away for eternity. i suppose? why is morrigan there. she feels unneeded. i wish they'd just left her down south, at least that way i wouldn't have had to witness her god awful redesign.

dorian at least feels as if he belongs in this story. the shadow dragons are a crucial part to protecting minrathous. he's also weirdly underutilised. isabela and morrigan had more lines than him in my playthrough.

on the topic of romance: bro that was underwhelming. no, genuinely. you know when romance picked up a bit? after the point of no return. i heard maybe two lines of companion banter about it before that. maybe i missed something which i honestly doubt, but romance did not play much of a role in lucanis's storyline. i saved his grandmother as he wished me to (and if you read tevinter nights you know she was rather abusive and their relationship not the healthiest) and told him to focus on his family. a reunified family my rook wasn't even introduced to as a partner at the end of all that.

really, do not buy this game if you're only in it for the romances. others might be better, lucanis's basically gave me nothing. except for an outing (the second coffee date i had with him, it was getting repetitive) all of it played out once i committed to the final quest. the sex scene was a fade to black. annoyingly right after davrin died. if you're looking for well paced and good spice, pick up something else. the sweet talk and the final goodbye were nice though.

for all the good the ever-presence of gender identity does, it is brought up in such a disruptive manner too. it doesn't even play out naturally if you CHOOSE the lines that are meant to be said. hearing the words trans and non-binary in this setting doesn't feel right, and i'm saying this as a trans guy. i think it could have been handled more gracefully. the amount of times my rook went "i'm a MAN" as if he's about to start drumming on his chest and roaring any second now got super nerve-grating. "i'm so glad you're into me... the me who is trans. remember?" just. tell me one trans person who'd talk like that to a person they've grown close with and are trying to romance. this game doesn't handle sexuality well, so all this hey my body might not look like the way you're expecting it to look talk amounts to nothing anyway. i feel about this the way i feel about krem: this is partial exposition to trans experiences... packaged up for cis consumption. the ONLY exception to that is interacting with taash. holy shit was all of that heartwarming and bro did it feel good and natural to talk to them about theirs and rook's gender.

rivain and nevarra are new locations added by veilguard. they're also incredibly underwhelming, small and constricted maps. rivain is a coastline with a few ruins. the hall of valor is a partial ruin nestled into a cave on a beach, with a fighting pit. isabela is there in her skimpy outfit commentating your pit fights. that's it. i'm sorry if you were looking for a bustling pirate cove or whatever. you're not gonna get it. the nevarran crypts btw are a long ass dungeon crawl. that's it.

speaking of maps. i thought people were being dramatic when they said you're gonna be fighting the same enemies on them again and again. i thought they were figure of speeching it. they're not. you WILL fight the same amount of enemies. in the same spot. every time you reload the map. best to stay on a map and clear out the enemies and do as much questing on that map as you can before leaving, because you WILL have to do it all over again once you return.

the three choices i made for my inquisitor didn't matter lol she didn't have to face solas and therefore couldn't stop him at any cost as she had sworn (maybe because my rook tricked solas into binding himself to the veil, there was also an option to fight him. would she have stepped in? who knows). blackwall wasn't mentioned. and either her using a small amount of her forces in the final fight was the reason the civilians of minrathous fared so well..... or it just didn't matter. ultimately i think she had very little impact on anything

[avoidmint]

While scouring the internet I noticed sometimes people like to make the Green Flavor Gadget from the one game cover into his brother? I liked the idea of an older brother for Gadget so I just made him bigger and fluffier. I have named him Sage and he would not approve of his lil bro's future boyfriend probably.

Anyways I immediately killed him off for the drama of Infinite killing Gadget's older brother alongside his friends but y'know-

[icewindandboringhorror]

recent things and such~

[yuseirra]

I'm so????

?????

No but Fatale really must be Kamiki and Aqua's song, I need the full song

There are two singers singing this op, what if that implies that it's the two boys that were the closest to Ai expressing their feelings towards her? Oh boy..; she really IS a fatale. She's got these boys hopelessly(in a literal sense) attached to her. I think there could be a reason why the op is a duet.

[tracle0]

a colourful comic sans intro :)

Been a little while coming now. Hope you enjoy!

[prettyholic7]

Ok so this may sound kinda random, but

I just got an idea for two Monster High OCs. What if there was a mananggal girl and a teke teke girl, and the teke teke girl just went dragging herself around asking people if they've seen her legs somewhere like she usually does and then she'd come across the manananggal girl who'd be like "Oh, I haven't seen them but you can use mine!" and then she'd just deattach her upper body and the teke teke girl would just stand there (not stand, but I can't remember a better word) looking perplexed and then they'd start hanging out and become besties.

[cipheredsong]

Don’t Ever Lose It: an essay on threads consistent for Vi throughout Arcane, and what it means to have and lose your place in the world through the loss of loved ones

for the first time in years I've gotten way too excited about a piece of media that isn't from my own head, and how do I engage with it? by writing an essay. academia has changed me irrevocably but I hope that someone else can also enjoy my descent into madness.

if I get the time, I have a paired essay planned for this regarding Caitlyn and grief, which I skimmed over here to remain focused on Vi's arc and character. warning: this post contains SPOILERS for act 1 of Arcane s2, as well as the whole of s1. buckle up kids, this is 3k words of me being one hell of a nerd. I've never posted something this long on tumblr before so let's all hope the formatting survives.

Vi as Her Family’s Protector

There are more than a few words to describe Vi at the beginning of Arcane — sister, leader, fighter, then criminal and ally. Protege and prodigy, who wins against men twice her size in fights where she is outnumbered. At the core of every fight, at the center of who she is, is “protector.” Vi has charged herself with this task, and been charged with it by outside forces as well: Vander, who warns her that her crew looks up to her; Powder, who adores her and follows her all but blindly. It is this central identity as a protector that Vi carries throughout the series, and it is this identity which is stripped from her by force in season two, disrupting her place in the world and the story.

The first time that the audience sees Vi, she is in that role as leader, executing a heist in Piltover with Mylo, Claggor, and Powder. The other three look up to her and follow her, and when the heist goes south and causes issues both at home and above, Vander is sure to remind her of her power.

[25:40 ep. 1 – Arcane s1 act 1]

He warns her that because of their willingness to follow, Vi is the one who bears the weight of responsibility for whatever she leads them into. This warning is filled with good intentions for all of their safety, but also unintentionally serves to instill in Vi a guilt over all that is to come. Vi becomes resolute in her desire to protect her family. She is, in fact, so steadfast in this desire that she nearly turns herself in to the Piltover enforcers when she learns of the trouble that her heist is causing, and the ultimatum that has been given to Vander. She believes that this would protect her family, and her actions also uphold another of Vander’s messages to her: that not every trouble can be solved with fists, because sometimes violence only serves to deepen divides and make situations irreversible. Vi is only stopped from turning herself in by Vander, who, at the last moment, shows up and takes her place.

This choice on Vander’s part, to, in turn, sacrifice himself for his family, is what leads up to the end of s1 act 1. It is also a choice which is nearly identical to Vi’s. There is a reason that Vi is sometimes seen as Vander’s protege, and it is because they step into similar roles. In the moments before his arrest and then capture by Silco, Vander tells Vi this:

[3:40 ep. 3 – Arcane s1 act 1]

Immediately after, he tells her to “protect the family.” He validates her choices while stepping in to take the fall, confirming for Vi that her choice to take this blow for her family was the right one. Again unintentionally, Vander, through the best of intentions to protect the children he has raised, has given Vi reason to believe that taking blows for others is the right thing to do, and that nothing is more important than family. She is young, and desperate, and in circumstances that feel dire, she has no chance to take in this lesson and parse through it. Instead, she takes it and flings herself into a rescue attempt. In the process of the rescue attempt, as a way to further protect her family, she insists that Powder stay behind.

It is this sequence of events that builds up to Powder’s attempt to intervene on her own, and the deaths of much of Vi’s family. Which is, of course, not to pin all of the blame on Vi, who was still a kid doing her best with what she’d been given — but Vi does eventually take much of the blame on herself for not protecting them, and especially for not protecting Powder, who she turns her back on at the worst possible moment. She spends years in prison thinking that her sister might be dead, and one of the first things she says when they’re reunited is that she tried to come back. She was a scared, grieving child, as was Powder, and the clash and blow between them were a mistake born of Vi’s fear and anger.

[33:55 ep. 6 – Arcane s1 act 2]

There’s a lot of significance to the points of contact in moments with Vi. Here, the way that she reaches out to hold her sister’s head is a parallel to the way that she struck her back in act 1. It’s also similar to how Vander held her face to tell her, in a moment of urgency, that she had a good heart, and how she held Powder’s face in scenes when she was younger. What she wants is her family back — a chance to be her sister’s protector again, because she never meant to give it up. Despite knowing that her sister has changed, she wants another chance for the two of them, because she believes that deep down the two of them have stayed the same, despite outwardly saying that they’ve both had to change. Her refusal to call her sister by “Jinx” is a mark of that. She holds onto that thread of family, and of having a good heart, hoping for her sister to be the same.

The tragedy of things is that while Jinx has changed in ways that have made her more independent, ways which are for the most part internal, Vi’s changes have predominantly been surface-level. Internally, there was little change that she could undergo while in prison, and she remains the hopeful protector, still trying to pick things back up from where she was forced to drop them years ago.

Vi and Caitlyn: Belief in a Good Heart

It’s both fortunate and another tragedy in the making for Vi that someone else is there to believe in her good heart — Caitlyn Kiramman. Caitlyn is a fresh viewpoint, someone with no prior experience with Vi, who nevertheless sees the good in her nearly immediately. By doing this, she both confirms Vi’s good heart for viewers as an outsider of sorts, and confirms it in a narrative sense confined within the bounds of the story: she is an enforcer who challenges Vi’s beliefs about and experiences with them, proving that Vi is willing to open up to those who reach out and overcome her biases. In turn, Caitlyn begins to overcome biases about Zaun’s residents by seeing Vi as more than the criminal that she was made out to be.

After Vi’s fight with Sevika, Caitlyn is there to pick her back up and look for help. Though Vi is hallucinating and exhausted, speaking to a younger Powder who isn’t there, it’s Caitlyn who responds to her, accepting an apology without a second thought, and insisting, just like Vander, on Vi’s good heart. Regardless of Vi’s intentions, Caitlyn is open to not just an alliance with Vi, but to her as a person. Unwittingly, she calls back to multiple people that Vi lost a long time ago, and solidifies herself as a character who plays a major role in Vi’s sense of purpose and sense of herself. She draws on Vi’s grief over what she has lost, but also provides some hope in the form of reassurance that she hasn’t lost what makes her good.

[17:59 ep. 6 – Arcane s1 act 2]

Throughout all of Vi’s grief as she comes to terms with how her sister has changed, destroying what little is left of her family, there is someone there to tell her that she has a good heart in the form of Caitlyn. Though grief is present throughout much of Vi’s life, and holds tremendous weight in all of her decisions, she has time and time again had someone tell her that she is still on some semblance of the right path. If this is the course that Vander set her on, then Caitlyn has told her to stay that course.

This is true again when we reach season two, and Caitlyn has apparently spread the word of Vi’s good heart to the rest of the enforcers. It’s because of this insistence — that she has a good heart, that she’s one of the good ones, that she can do something to help people because of all the good inside of her — that Vi is persuaded to join Caitlyn’s strike team as an enforcer herself. In fact, in this scene with Maddie, Vi once again has it confirmed for her that enforcers don’t always match her expectations. She expects to be subjected to a random search, or escorted off the property after a long night of drinking. Instead, Maddie talks about how Caitlyn has spoken highly of her, and how it’s “nice to know there are still good ones left” after some of the corruption — Marcus, previous Piltover sheriff — in the enforcers came to light.

[19:54 ep. 1 – Arcane s2 act 1]

In these stills, we can see Vi’s trepidation, her reluctance to believe this, and possibly also surprise that Caitlyn would say these things about her after she left the night before when offered a badge. There is an aspect of potential manipulation at play from Caitlyn, as we have no evidence that Vi actually enlisted herself (she did just refuse a badge) — Caitlyn’s grief, and subsequent manipulation and how she herself is manipulated, are a major factor in act one of season two, and cannot be ignored. However, for the purposes of focusing on Vi at the moment, that manipulation must be treated more simply, and the nuances of it left for another essay. It can be left at this: Caitlyn is not currently emotionally stable, nor is she the same person that she was in season one, and this, in turn, has an impact on Vi.

Regardless of her hesitations, Vi joins the strike team. She is ready and willing to fight her sister, even if she hasn’t given up all of her hope — she holds on, still, to that idea of having a good heart and using it to protect others.

Rather than focusing on her own good heart, though, Vi begins to hesitate because she questions Caitlyn’s. Implicit rather than explicit is Caitlyn’s own good heart, shown through her trust in Vi and her questioning of Piltover’s authority and decision making in season one. Vi has previously been given good reason to believe that Caitlyn will act with the general good of people, regardless of their status or citizenship, in mind. Caitlyn has been Vi’s new cornerstone of belief, both in Vi’s good, and in there being good in the world to count on. With the advent of season two, and Caitlyn’s own grief, all of that belief in good is shaken.

In the third episode of season two, we see Vi begging Caitlyn to see reason, and to still maintain her own good heart, though not through such straightforward words. What Vi asks of Caitlyn is for her not to change. It’s just unfortunate that this moment of immense grief makes it impossible not to change. Though some theories suggest that Caitlyn’s sigh is because the ensuing kiss is another manipulation, there’s an equal chance that it is because Caitlyn herself knows that what Vi asks is impossible, whether she might want to give that assurance to her or not. She has already changed, and she cannot stop herself from changing, but knowing how to convey that in such a tense moment is difficult under the best of circumstances, and she has been handed, instead, the worst of them.

Vi herself may already know that Caitlyn is changing — she steps between Caitlyn and Heenot in the previous scene, sensing potential violence, and she knows that Caitlyn before her mother’s death would not have been so aggressive. She has reason to ask Caitlyn to talk to her, and to make this request.

[8:15 ep. 3 – Arcane s2 act 1]

Vi’s face is desperate in this still where she asks Caitlyn to make her this promise. The kiss that they share is desperate, on both sides — see Caitlyn’s hesitation, the moment that lingers between them, the way that Vi so quickly drops her guard to reach out. In some ways, Caitlyn’s response, the way that she could well know the inevitability of her own change, stands in stark contrast to Vi’s arc. Vi is so resistant to becoming something other than the protector that even in the midst of tremendous change for Piltover, Zaun, and everyone within them, she is trying to stay the same. She can’t let go of the things that have changed, and this includes her sister, despite her claims otherwise. She is in her role of protector at this very moment, trying desperately to protect the Caitlyn who convinced her that there were still ways to be good in this world, and simultaneously protecting Jinx: the Caitlyn who Vi first met would not have been so ready to kill her without hesitation.

Vi Without a Person to Protect

Vi’s continued belief in her sister becomes evident when we see when Vi won’t let Caitlyn take the shot in episode three of season two. Moments before, Caitlyn shoots Jinx’s gun out of the hand of the child protecting Jinx, so clearly her aim isn’t actually in question. Notably, though, Vi had no power over that shot, and may not have even known that Caitlyn was about to fire: her eyes never left what was directly in front of her, and all she sees is this child’s determination to protect Jinx. There can be more than one influence at play: multiple possible influences here could be Vi’s continued hesitance to kill Jinx, her fears of Caitlyn’s change, and what she sees in Isha, as the series credits name the child.

Vi’s feelings toward Jinx have genuinely changed, even if she still holds onto some hope. Vi specifically says that her sister is gone, and she does seem to believe something like that — but all she has ever known is that she was supposed to protect that family. She was protecting Powder from a very young age, even if she wasn’t alone in the task. Now she’s faced with a child, a child who could be just like she or Powder was when they were young. Vi’s protective focus has first and foremost been on that younger version of her sister, and she hasn’t been able to get to know Jinx as she is now. The desperation of a protective child has to be a moment that shakes her, and makes her question what she’s doing now — if she has abandoned who she is, if she has changed just as Caitlyn is changing. Because of both of those things, she has reason to fear that this could go wrong, and that she’s recreating the things that hurt her all over again.

At the time which Vi stops Caitlyn from taking the next shot, Vi, despite herself, must see something of who she and her sister used to be in the child. She still can’t quite let that past go, and odds are that she’s thinking of more than just Isha when she turns to Caitlyn.

[26:35 ep. 3 – Arcane s2 act 1]

Certain aspects of Vi’s protectiveness have transitioned to focus on Caitlyn, which can be seen in just how badly she wants Caitlyn to retain her own good heart, and, in more visibly evident ways, how her first priority when Sevika triggers the setup that Jinx has been working on is to grab Caitlyn. She may be questioning Caitlyn’s decisions, but she has her back, and has no intention of leaving someone alone again. Just as Caitlyn was there for her when she was struggling through her own form of grief, she clearly intends to be there for Caitlyn as best she can. 

[27:31  ep. 3 – Arcane s2 act 1]

And that’s what makes it all the more heartbreaking when the aftermath of the scene finally hits, when Vi and Caitlyn are alone together again, and all chance of taking out Jinx is gone. In that moment, Caitlyn doesn’t see Vi’s good heart anymore, and Vi has just had her view of Caitlyn’s own goodness at the very least altered, if not shattered.

In that moment, Vi is the one who is left alone. Her form of grief and Caitlyn’s form of grief clash in ways which make their differences too difficult to reconcile; things like class differences, which could be overlooked when it was just the two of them together, become much more complicated when Caitlyn holds so much power and is filled with so much anger. Caitlyn hurting Vi is quite possibly a snap impulse, something she will regret when she has more time to think about it — but it also directly parallels, for Vi and for viewers, how Vi hurt her sister and left her behind. And because she was the one to stop Caitlyn from taking the shot, given the way that Vi has responded to events like this before, it seems plausible that there is some part of her which will believe it to be her own fault.

In the intro of the new season, Vi smudges over the tattoo on her cheek, the tattoo which, in a more literal sense, is a part of identifying her — when Maddie finds her in episode one of season two, and Vi asks how she knew who she was, Maddie says it’s “written on [her] face.” The combination of the intro, the focus on Vi’s good heart and how she is identified, and the scene in episode three where Vi is left entirely alone, suggests that Vi’s identity is being changed and blurred, whether she likes it or not. Her ability to protect has been compromised by the fact that in her desperation, she left herself unguarded, thinking that she was safe with the people she had chosen to let in. She has clung to her identity this whole time, finding it at the center of all her relationships. Left alone, she has effectively been robbed of all the impact of the good heart that so many people have insisted is her best trait, and left with those physical capabilities that she uses as a form of protection, which explains why she might turn to the pit fighter arc depicted in trailers for season two.  Now that she is on her own, she will need to find something new, or a way to adapt, but she sets out by doing the only thing she still knows: fighting her way through.

Vi cannot protect everyone, and she has just taken a literal and metaphorical blow from the one person she was still vulnerable with. Throughout the series, there has been an emphasis on her good heart and the way in which she protects people, which, while physically effective, often causes further strife down the line. To the people Vi meets, her good heart is considered valuable, and yet it has only brought her pain. Her identity has been torn away from her in a way that collapses her entire existence, because the one stable thing left to her was her connection with Caitlyn, however new it might be. As of the end of act one of season two, we see Vi cut loose and adrift, and we can only hope that we will see her overcome grief again, and perhaps finally learn to accept her own change in a changing world.

[mymarifae]

wao... the real herta herself? in the flesh and everything. what the fuck

[banapricot]

Remember when Gintoki had a nightmare about carrying a dying soldier on his back through a field of corpses and one the corpses voiced all his doubts and self-depricating thoughts about how he never managed to protect anything anyway and it would be easier to just give up after he saw the Harusame take away Shinpachi and Kagura when he left them alone on a job cause he was hungover and in a shit mood (due to the depression)?

[kanerallels]

Listen I absolutely love autumn but the only down side is that every year I absolutely lose my mind over who to be for Halloween

[amelikos]

Explorers backstory.. soon.