#I'm not used to using normal colours god damn

[mncxbe]

I believe Ur requests are open rn, so can I request bad men (pls include jouno I'm so down bad for him rn 😭) taking Ur V card? How would they act, etc yk?

Anyhow, Ur writing is beautiful and I wish you a good day/night 🤍

tysm anon^^ you're really sweet and yes ofc I can write for that. hope you like it♡♡

also the way I resisted including my fav dilfs I cannot. internal battle fr

°☆○

First time♡

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊, 𝑪𝒉𝒖𝒚𝒂, 𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒐, 𝑻𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: smut♡/ itty bitty fluff

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊

bro does not go easy on you just because it's your first time

he will be gentle at first until you get used to his size and all but after that he'll edge and overstimulate you until you're a babbling mess under him♡

wants to be on top so he can see your pretty face

doesn't really care about the whole making the first time special. every time should be equally special^^ so don't expect anything too fancy

for aftercare you cuddle

"Shit baby. Look at you taking me so well" he praised, leaning in to place a chaste kiss on your tear stained cheeks.

It's only been half an hour since the two of you got in bed but your boyfriend had you cumming countless times already. Legs wrapped loosely around his waist, your glossy eyes rolled back in your skull as you pleaded him to stop.

But how could he stop when you were chanting his name like a prayer with each of his thrusts?

A heartfelt chuckle rolled past his lips as his thumb pressed on your aching clit, rubbing gentle circles on it.

"What was that bella? Want me to stop? Can't have that until you cum one more time. You can do it f'me yea?" he cooed, smiling down at you.

You only nodded in response, too fucked out to form a coherent thought. And so your sweet boyfriend kept rolling his hips against yours, reaching your sweetest spots until your high washed over you again; leaving you panting softly.

When he eventually pulled out, Dazai rolled to the side and slid his arms around you, pulling you flush against his frame. The sheets were damped by your sweat, cold against your skin.

"Was it good bella? Did you enjoy yourself?" he asked, nuzzling his head in the crook of your neck.

You sighed deeply, feeling your breath slowly return to its normal rhythm.

"If I liked it? God damn you Osamu it was amazing" you smiled, kissing his damp forehead. "I love you"

"I love you too baby" he whispered softly, smiling contently. Not long after you both fell asleep, relishing each other's embrace.

𝑪𝒉𝒖𝒚𝒂

he's so gentle and caring

puts his whole chuyussy into it; there will be scented candles, silky sheets and he probably buys you a fancy lingerie set

takes his time with you with foreplay and when you actually do it he's so tender. holds your hand. constantly asks if you're ok

he does not stop until you cum at least twice

"Good girl. You're taking me so well baby"

for aftercare you either take a warm bath together or share a glass of wine while you debrief the sex; what you like and dislike and what he should do different next time

overall an amazing experience

The sweet, syrupy scent of the candles placed on the nightstand lulled you into a blissed out state. Your gaze was hazy as you took in the imagine of your boyfriend underneath you, ruby coloured locks standing out against the pearly white sheets.

Chuya's thumb gently caressed yours as he gave your hand a reassuring squeeze.

"You feeling good princess?" he hummed, watercolour gaze carefully observing your expressions.

You rolled your hips against his at a steady pace, meeting his thrusts; and nodded, a sultry smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

At first your boyfriend wasn't too keen on letting you be on top. After all, it was your special night. Why would you have to work for it? But after coaxing two orgasms out of you he finally agreed and helped you straddle him before burying his cock deep inside you again.

As for now you were chasing your high again, manicured nails softly grazing the skin of his chest as you let your head fall back and mewled so sweetly for him.

"Chuu..." you began, struggling to keep your pace but failing miserably. Chuya's free hand came to rest on your hip, guiding your movements.

"That's it baby you can do it. Just a bit more ok?" he groaned and squeezed your hip.

After you both came and you stumbled off him, laying on the damp sheets beneath, Chuya let out a mellow laughter.

"You did so good baby. Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Yea, I did. And you?"

"Obviously" His fingers brushed a few stray strands of hair from your face; he couldn't help but smile when he saw the content expression on your face, a mask of pure bliss.

"How about we take a bath sweetheart? Sounds good?"

You only nodded in response, eyes shutting tight as you shifted closer to him. Your boyfriend rested his hand on your head, gently caressing your hair.

"Okay then. I'll go get the tub ready"

𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒐

just like Dazai he likes to overtsimulate you but he's a bit more gentle

the fact that he picks up on your reactions- hitched breaths and heartbeat- helps him adjust his pace

the perfect mix of praise and degradation sjsjjs

loves to hear you moan

any position is good for him. as long as you feel comfortable

for aftercare you just cuddle♡

Jouno could feel your heartbeat spike as he pushed himself deeper inside you. You were so sweet and warm; he was utterly entranced.

"Ah fuck Sai" you mewled, causing your boyfriend to shudder lightly, his strong arms threatening to give out. You made him so weak.

You've both been at it for a good while but Jouno showed no sign of stopping. And how could he when your walls were wrapping around him like a vise, milking him of all he's worth? The pretty pleas and mewls that rolled past your lips were like music for his ears, a sweet symphony just for him, that only added to the cocktail of pleasure.

But of course he couldn't let you see the effect you had on him, so he picked up the pace, causing your eyelids to flutter shut.

"What a pretty doll I have. I could swear this ain't your first time judging by how well you take this dick" he chuckled, relishing the feeling of your velvety walls fluttering around him. "Shit baby. You gonna cum again? You like it when I talk to you like that don't ya?"

"Y-yea" you babbled out, fingers sliding to the nape of his neck as you pulled him in for a sloppy kiss.

A small groan left Jouno's throat as you both reached your high, the tight knot in your abdomen snapping into a delicious pool of heat.

Your boyfriend gently rested his forehead against yours, mumbling sweet praises until you both regained your breaths.

After a few seconds he tried to roll to the side but you quickly wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him back on top of you.

"Just stay like this for a bit. It feels nice" you hummed sleepily against his shoulder, earning a soft sigh from your partner.

"As you wish baby" he smiled, his lithe fingers finding your, loosely interlocking with them.

𝑻𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂

another gentle boy; when I tell you he's more nervous than you

Tachi really wants to make your first time special so he asks you 1000 times if you're sure you wanna do it

takes his time with foreplay and when you get to do it he takes it slow. maybe a bit too slow. he just doesn't wanna hurt you

but as soon as you tell him you're good he'll pick up the pace

please for the love of God praise him

he whimpers (sources: trust me bro)

for aftercare he brews you a cup of tea and you talk about how you felt

"But you sure you felt good right? Right??"

"You sure you're ready sweet thing?" asked your boyfriend with a concerned expression.

"Yea. I am, don't worry about it. I just need you so badly" you whispered in response and he nodded, slowly pushing himself inside you.

And oh you felt divine. Tachihara couldn't contain the loud groan that fell from his lips when he bottomed out and slowly started moving, rocking his hips against yours in a steady rhythm.

"You ok there pretty?" he asked, taking in your features; you looked so beautiful sprawled beneath him like this, silky hair a tangled mess from all the foreplay.

You bit your lip and nodded in response as you urged him to pick up the pace; and naturally he did.

Soon after you were both panting, His eyes were shut tight, mouth slightly agape as he whispered sweet nothings against the shell of your ear.

"You're so good f'me sweetie. You feel like heaven." he said in a sultry voice between sweet moans and whimpers and you swore you could've came just by the sight of his blissed out expression. Your boyfriend's hands worshipped every inch of your heated skin, fingertips slowly tracing down your body to rub little circles on your puffy clit.

"Baby wait wait I'm-" you attempted to protest but were cut off by his gentle touch.

"Shh sweet thing it's ok. Need ya to cum f'me like a good girl"

The moment he spoke those words a wave of pleasure washed over you, causing your thighs to squeeze his narrow waist.

Nails digging into the plush skin of your hips Tachihara let out a groan, thrusting a few more times before releasing his cum deep inside you.

"God that was..." he sighed, eyelids fluttering shut for a moment as he took a deep breath in. When he opened them again and saw the mess the two of you made, his cum dripping down your thighs as you desperately squeezed them together he got out of the bed and rushed to the bathroom to bring you a towel.

"Here you go babe. Lemme clean you up" he smiled gently, brushing the puffy material against your sensitive skin. "Was it good?"

"Of course it was babe" you replied, returning his smile "But I could use some sleep now"

"As you wish"

He slid back underneath the covers, arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he nuzzled his head against the nape of your neck.

"You were amazing darling. I'm so happy I got to be your first" he hummed, sending warm tingles down your spine.

What did you ever do to deserve someone as sweet as him?

[knockyasocksoff2022]

BSD Skillswap HCs

I'm going to write some one-shots for these later.

PORT MAFIA

MORI

Scared when Elise disappears

Wondering where the hell she went

Thinks he’s sick or has been poisoned

(because when his energy is drained it’s hard to keep her around)

Can suddenly feel all of his subordinated abilities.

CoNfUsEd

Then he realises that he had Fukuzawa’s ability 

But wait, they’re the wrong ones

And then Chuuya comes to him ranting about how a sleezy mackerel did something to him

and it all makes sense

CHUUYA 

I know that transferring a God from one vessel to another is prob hella complex

Just don’t think too hard about it

It’s the ~ magic ~ of  ~ L O V E

falling from mid-air

No longer feeling the thrum of Arahabaki

Bro finally gets a break from the constant ache to cause destruction.

He takes off his gloves

But puts them right back on when he realises what that means

He doesn’t want to go around nullifying people’s abilities accidently

KAJII

Getting blown up by one of his bombs and it hurts him

But then he heals really quickly in a flurry of butterflies

Surprisingly, very calm

Does a quick scientific method to  figure out what the hell happened

Scared for Akiko when he realises 

because he does in fact have a crush on her

He worries she’ll get hurt or hurt someone else

He starts running to the Agency

AKUTAGAWA

Rashoumon goes in the middle of a fight

A fight with Atsushi, no less

Then suddenly he’s a tiger

He pAnIcS

He’s trying to hide the pAnIc

It’s not working

They’re both terrified

And trying they're very desperate best not to show the other that they are

They keep fighting

“Cuz damn if I don’t keep my promises

I said I’d fight you

So I will!”

Also, I’m extra mad at you for whatever you did!

“B-but I didn’t do anything!”

"DaMn JiNkO, you’re so incompetent you can’t even hold onto your own ability."

“Hey! We both switched, don't act like you’re better than me!”

“Think of it like Rashoumon . . . but in reverse. Byakko isn’t a gun or spear, but a massive shield!”

“You gave this . . . thing a name?”

“Yeah, so what? She may be an ability, but she deserves a name, just like Elise.”

TACHIHARA

He’s sparing with Gin when he suddenly flickers out of sight

He sees the snow but Gin doesn’t

He immediately recognises Tanizkai’s ability

“How could I forget it after he almost decapitated our entire organisation?”

But why tf would I have suddenly got Tanizaki’s ability

“And do I still have mine?”

Then he starts figuring it out

He uses it to his advantage during the sparring match

Because he figures I can’t solve this right now 

so I might as well make the best of it

He thinks there’s a cool kind of power in knowing your invisible

“You can do basically anything you want!”

ARMED DETECTIVE AGENCY

FUKUZAWA

Gets jump scared when Elise appears in his office

So confused

She’s like “I’m yours now.”

He’s like “nO, you are NOT.”

“Of course I am, you do love Stupid Rintarou, don’t you?”

“Y-yes . . .? Normally I’d say so without question, but I have a bad feeling about where this is going.”

She explains what happened, because as an ability she has an understanding of it

He’s a little shaken

But he likes her so he becomes chill with it

He does know however that his employees won’t be chill with loosing their abilities

He hides Elise in his office with a colouring book he had bought for her

Constantly reminding himself that this is temporary

“I’m a grown man with employees working under me, I must remain calm”

He actually loves Elise, even if he doesn’t spoil her as visibly as Mori does

As soon as the ADA realises (yet the employees still haven’t realised who some of them have swapped with and what it means 😉) he’s like “I’ve got to call O- Mori-dono”

“Why?” They’re all immediately suspicious

“To let him know this is not in any way our doing of course.”

“Oh, yes, of course.”

He and Mori are like “I was just about to call you!”

“Ougai, come get your feral child!”

“Yes, I’d like her back as much as you, but shockingly, we have larger problems.

He tells him that the PM members have the ADA members abilities

dun Dun DUN!!!

DAZAI

Knows what’s going on at once

He’s thrilled!

“I can fly!”

“I can jump off the roof and scare the crap out of Atsushi!”

“Oh wait, but now I can't jump to my death anymore, stupid automatic activation ability.”

But he’s always worried for Chuuya

b/c Chuuya is used to having his ability

He doesn’t want Chuuya to be hurt

He also thinks it’s funny as hell

Because he’s a little shit

He wants them to all get their original abilities back

But he FULLY intends to take advantage of this while he can

Chuuya calls him like “WTF did you do to me mackerel!”

Then Mori explains and Chuuya calls Dazai to rant about how he “can’t believe a piece of garbage like “shitty” Dazai is my soulmate!”

KUNIKIDA

After he sees everyone’s ability is messed up he tries to make something with his book but it doesn’t work

He wonders who he swapped with because he doesn't feel any different

He starts trying to do other abilities (reminds me of that once scene where he’s buy Atsushi’s bedside after the fight on the ship and he’s trying to show Atsushi that he’s calm and ready for anything and is doing martial arts to the air or whatever) and none of them work

Then he gives up and decides he should ask around if any of his underground sources know what’s going on

He’s trying to call it and the phone is doing stuff without him touching it

He’s like OHHHH

 . . . shite

Goes to get check up on katai before he loses his mind of boredom and sadness without his computer skills

KATAI

He never uses paper so he doesn’t notice he’s gained a new ability

But he does notice that his computer has stopped listening to him

He’s confused and distraught

He thinks he’s lost the only quality of his that matters

But he’s far too emotional and lazy to inquire so he just starts to mope in depression

Luckily Kunikida is there within 30 minutes to “save” him

AKIKO

She doesn’t notice until she has to treat Tanizaki 

b/c he stabbed himself by mistake when he magnetised a scissor to him

He explained it that he just dropped it

b/c he didn’t want to admit what happened b/c he was to freaked out

She starts dismembering him when and then realises😬😰😶

Oof size large

Tanizaki starts panicking and unintentionally flinging her metal tools everywhere, injuring both of them.

Yosano immediately knows he swapped with Tachihara but has no time to be amused

They speedrun like every ability to figure out who she swapped with

“Try levitating something!”

“Here touch Tanizaki, see if it makes him stop!”

In the end, it’s Kajii who comes to them because he likes Yosano and wants her to be safe.

So he shows up just in time and Yosano shows him how to heal her and Tanizaki.

ATSUSHI

Suddenly he’s no longer a tiger, but a human

And tendrils are coming out of his clothes

He’s scared because he can’t regenerate now

And he’s scared for Aku 

b/c Aku doesn’t know how to defend himself using the tiger

He wants to stop fighting

But at the same time, he pushes to his highest potential (it makes him exhilarated, and maybe something else . . .) because he knows Aku will just regenerate

Aku’s teaching how to use Rashoumon while they’re fighting

“Not like that, idiot!”

“It requires finesse!”

“As base a creature as you doesn’t deserve her*!”

*rashoumon is a referred to with s female somewhere in the manga/light novels I think

“Slice with the edge, imbecile!”

“Don’t use your body weight, you brute! Let Rashoumon do it for you!”

“How can’t you grasp something so simple!”

“Stab, not slash, you stupid oaf! And send tendrils out remotely. You don’t have enough technical skill for that, weretiger. Your specialities lie in brute strength and maximum destruction. Use that! Don’t try and fight with your weakness, deliberately doing so sets you up for failure. Only a fool sets himself up for failure. Don’t be a fool, weretiger!”

They’re still arguing to cover their fear

Yeah, it’s really just them showing off how well they know each other

Eventually, the others find them.

KYOUKA

doesn’t notice at first

Then Kenji comes in and male blond Demon Snow is trailing behind him

He’s completely unaware

It’s so cute

Kyouka doesn't want to tell him 

so she experimentally lifts Kuni’s desk 

and when she can easily do so, Kenji’s like “Wow, you’re so strong Kyouka!”

She’s like “Yeah *_* We swapped abilities.”

He turns around and notices

He loves Demon Snow

Kyouka kind of wants to give it to him

Even though it’s the last piece of her mother, it still brings painful memories

He tells her she should keep it.

All smiles

“It was your Mum’s gift to YOU. You can use her to help others and make her your own. Just please, give her a chance, for me okay.”

[sol-consort]

Yeah, hi me again, dragon age girl. Unfortunately I have to tell you that I think I wanna squirt straight on that bald dude's head, even though I'm 128% sure it's gonna end badly because I was watching edits of them (and accidentally spoiled myself I'm pretty sure😐) and they're all angsty so I think he's gonna betray me in some way. But oh well, I love a doomed lovers moment. I can't wait to complain and cry about it later.

"I wanna squirt straight on that bald dude's head" - Anon, 2024.

When I tell you this line alone convinced me to go install the game and try it out because there is no way boiled egg of a man could ever pull this tremendously

And oh.

Oh.

Was I wrong.

I never thought I liked assertive passive-aggressive men until now...damn. The way he so causally takes your hand and does what he does. No explanation. Eggboi kinda hot.

But then, out of the corner of my eye, I glimpsed the most amazing perfect pair of tits to ever exist, and my brain did a complete factory reset.

FORGET BALDIE BASICS I WANT HIM I WANT TO SUCK ON HIS—

God. What a big juicy personality. I bet his heart is just as massive. They're staring at me, I just can't stop looking. Don't ask me what colour anything is idk man his eyes were purple maybe uhhh milk

BUT ALSO...also there is the hot ruggish knight woman whom I want to protect me and carry me to safety in her arms <3 also let me ride her thigh, the armour stays ON during smooch sex.

Lastly, my toxic trait is that I simply cannot play a game without creating the most gorgeous barbie-esque doll of a character. Pretty ladies all around! Brown hair my beloved. I clearly have a type but shhh

LOOK AT HER MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT. My pretty doll! My bratz girlie!! A snotty noble human who's completely ignorant of the way of the world but thinks she knows it all + doesn't want to be here and would rather be back home in her privileged cushy life sipping on margaritas in pool parties, but forced to be the hero against her will. So she pretends to care and says what others want to hear.

I plan for her not to take anything seriously until the realisation of how dire this situation is, all the deaths and tragedies, make her have a change of heart and actually tries to help and save others. Becoming more jaded with time and losing that innocent naivety and arrogance.

Oh and double blade rouge bc dagger go swoosh swoosh aka she doesn't wanna carry a sword (it might break a nail) and never cared much for bows (splinters might make her fingertips calloused) and can't do magic for shit (magic?? HERESY! BURN THE WITCH NOW <- most normal aristocratic family teaching)

Sp daggers/theif bc she may or may not have used to lock pick her mother's sweets box as kid to steal candy, but we don't talk about that...or how the dress she's wearing rn is her older sister's, she took it from her closest without permission. Aka, why the blood splatters are okay with her.

[sanchezsimp]

Here are my random Rick Sanchez headcanons because why not!

TW: mentions of self harm !!

- He cries himself the fuck to sleep every night. If he doesn't, then he drinks until he's asleep, or works on a project. He can't just lay there, he'll overthink and get no rest.

- He often has nightmares about Diane or Morty

- He likes musicals. Because I say so.

- Have you seen how he likes his cereal?? I imagine he likes his coffee hella sugary too- With too much creamer, whipped cream, and rainbow sprinkles on top!

- He totally met and had a crush on Ford Pines. I know I ship them, but I headcanon that when they knew each other, Ford never actually returned that feeling. (I could probably elaborate on some of my Ford headcanons later... Oh! Maybe I can make another post of my headcanons for when they knew each other?) And they broke up (as friends) when Ford decided that Rick is, not only an asshole, but fucking insane.

- More on that last one-- I imagine that Rick would often have revenge fantasies about Prime. Constantly imagining the pain he wanted to inflict on him in graphic detail. (I headcanon that at some point, Ford found out somehow and was horrified.)

- He only stays still when he's overthinking. Otherwise, he's constantly stimming or making stupid noises (whenever he's not talking or occupying himself). He gets extremely fucking bored. He needs constant stimulation, always needs to be doin' something.

- He has scars on his arm and cuts frequently. He cuts in shame of how he's lost his wife, and in shame of the fact that he cares for Morty, because he's so afraid of losing him... And he cuts because it's him who killed her. Not him-him, of course, but I imagine he also holds himself responsible because it WAS himself... in a way. Does this make sense to ya?

- He has to resist the urge to rip his fucking face apart every time he looks in a mirror. Because he doesn't see himself anymore. He sees Prime. And it hurts.

- He HATES mirrors.

- I imagine that sometimes when he's drunk, he's more affectionate to Morty in a rather unsettling way. Like, he'll hug him and praise him, and Morty would be just confused as fuck (at first anyways, until he gets used to it lmao).

- He has green eyes. It just... makes sense to me? I dunno, maybe I'll talk more about my RaM eye colour headcanons later.

- I headcanon that he got like, some sort of crazy hair removal on his pits- 'cause he had a lot in Lawnmower Dog, and in the past in comics (like Flesh Curtains... some of it anyways. Their inconsistency with his hair bothers me.), then never again. Unfortunately. GOD, I miss that hair. (I'm so normal I swear-)

- He knows damn well he looks strange, and there is no actual reason. He's aware he's just a character, and so there is no real WHY he looks like that, it's just character design. And he's fine with that.

- He likes cute things. He just... likes cute things. He adores Morty and he adores adorable animals! I headcanon he has a soft spot for cats specifically. This is also based off of how he had Mr. Frundles and his only defense was "It was cute! FUCK!"

That's all for now- I'll post more of this if this doesn't flop, lol

Thanks for readin'!! And don't hesitate to ask for my random headcanons of other characters or fandoms, I'll be happy to write 'em!!

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

Free Rhys Darby ASMR Sources

So @hang-on-lil-tomato got me thinking with their post about Stede Story Time, I did all this research into all the Rhys Darby works and I realised I should probably compile it in case other folks are looking for the same things.

So yeah, I mean, Rhys doesn't do audio books as of yet, but man would that be amazing if he did. So for those of you who want to hear some good 'ol Rhys Darby voice, here's some sources. Please feel free to message me if you have more. ! I'd love to add them, and I'll tag ya :D

---

Rhys Darby as Stede Bonnet Youtube Compilations

Stede say'd Ed for a full Minute by justagaycatboy

Stede Bonnet being a bitch for 4 + mins by Rae Hamilton-Vargo

Stede Bonnet being the crew's dad for almost 4 minutes by grim weaper

Stede Bonnet screaming for 2 minutes 15 seconds by "Our Flag Means Death"

Stede Bonnet cursing for almost a whole minute by Murder Turtle

----

TV or Mini Series

Rhys Darby in Japan (Freevee on Amazon)

So as someone who lived in Japan for a bit, this series is really really fun. It's awkward, and funny and it's almost all Rhys Darby as he's narrating and living the whole damn thing. There are quotes from this show that I use in my every day life, I love it so much.

Short Poppies (Freevee on Amazon)

Considering most of the characters in this show are in fact Rhys Darby, it's a great way to hear his very colourful range. I haven't seen all the episodes, but I find it quite endearing.

Intrepid Journeys (Rwanda) (Youtube/nzonscreen.com)

Ty @hang-on-lil-tomato and @meanmisscharles for this recommendation! I haven't watched it yet but here's the description:

"This Intrepid Journey sees comedian Rhys Darby taking an OE to the landlocked African country of Rwanda. Darby makes a bunch of friends in the markets of capital city Kigali, then heads on a jungle adventure. Far from the New York office of his Flight of the Conchords character Murray, he searches for critically endangered mountain gorillas. Darby is guided by François — a personable and entertaining park ranger, fluent in primate dialect — whose aping gives Darby a run for his money in gorilla impersonation. Darby is quietened by a sombre genocide memorial, and a 200 kilogram silverback."

Stand up

These are pretty self explanatory, wanna hear Rhys Darby talk for an hour or so? Stand ups the way to do it, all the voices you could want and no one interrupting him.

Rhys Darby I'm A Fighter Jet Rhys Darby: This Way Spaceship It's Rhys Darby Night Mystic Timebird

Youtube Shorts/Channels

Rhys' Youtube Channel featuring stand up shorts, sketches, Rhys' playing games and other fun stuff like "The Alone Rangers". All stuff I have to dive into, thanks again @hang-on-lil-tomato!

Movies

Love Birds (Included with Prime Video)

So if you follow @celluloidbroomcloset you have probably heard of Love Birds, and as someone who is totally normal for Rhys Darby, and loves birds and used to do rescue work, I have to day this movie is adorable. It's a really cute love story, and good god Rhys is hot AF. He and Sally Hawkins have amazing chemistry, and you get lots of good Rhys voice...in a romantic setting. I apologize ahead of time to any of you who lose your soul to this movie.

Coming & Going(Freevee)

So I haven't seen this one personally, so I can't speak to it (it's on my list for this week actually!) so I'll update this once I do.. but in the mean time, here's the description:

"When Lee (Rhys Darby), a young, skilled OBGYN who lacks confidence with women, suffers a minor injury that temporarily lands him in a wheelchair, he meets Alex (Sasha Alexander), the girl of his dreams. Convinced she has only paid attention to him because he's in that chair, he stays in it to win her affections well after his injury has healed."

Podcasts

The Cryptid Factor

You're gonna hear more than just Rhys, you'll hear from Dan Schreiber and Buttons (not ofmd buttons) and some other folks occasionally but you get to hear Rhys in his element, which is awesome because he is the goofy nerdy man we all know and love. The Cryptid Factor on Apple Podcasts

You can also go to their patreon and subscribe for free there-- the paid versions have video footage from a lot of shows and some other cool perks including stickers and book clubs and such.

Aliens Like Us

Thank you @hang-on-lil-tomato for this one! I hadn't found it before

General Reference to Works

Here's some overall guides to his various voice works (thank you again to @hang-on-lil-tomato )

--- Anyway -- hope that helps with your Rhys Darby very normalness :D

[robotsrawesome64]

ohhh please can you do cod match up for me?? i'm female, german, 27, aquarius and work as an artist and project manager at an agency specialised in classical music. at work i'm very organized, detail oriented and efficient, but in private i like to slow things down. i guess you could say i have two personalities: at work i like getting things done and have no problem arguing with people, but in private i literally hate calling the doctor's office lol.

it's very hard for me to take my brain off work and usually only achieve that by getting engrossed in a show or painting. i like cooking, not so much baking. my hobbies are reading, going for walks (how very german of me), playing with my cat. i can be very funny, but i am more introverted and a very good listener. my love language is acts of service.

my cod favourites are price, ghost and könig, but at the moment i'm leaning more towards könig.

thank you very much and lots of kisses 😍

and I AGREE::: (shorter and sweet ones now SORRYYt_t Cue some HCs/drabbley things:)

 @/fairypurgatory on pin & @/jolvelyn on twt [art]

W: Intimidating newer man in your house O God, dark if you think about it (sprinkle sprinkle glitter sparkles on the war criminal), abrupt end

◈ Okay. Neighbour. Neighbour König. (AARRURURURURURU GET MARRIED GET MARRIED GET- GET--)

◈ After many sweet-talkings outside your respective doors, y'all had a date due at your place. If you cooked for him- omigod. Social expectations be damned, the clear thought and skill behind it… When he looked back up at you, eyes boring into yours, you were half worried you'd bought a serial killer home? (Which I mean, technically yes, don't ask too much about his job history-) But no, his ridiculously intense, maliciously-coded gaze was that one of determined enrapturement. ◈ It was an amusing juxtaposition to see him meet your cat. Tough guy, tryna be smooth, leaning on the side of the doorframe.. Before his intense focus was interrupted by something fluffy and he hit his head and almost cried. He's not the best with animals, but after enough visits they become casually inseparable, and a key part of the cuddle pile. If your cat wasn't spoiled already they were now. Hey, the pair of you aren't half bad at taking care of something.

◈ Doubly fell in love with you when he saw you popping off at work. He got called in for something important you left at home, god forbid, but of course he had your back, emergency key and all. He knows all too well the importance of things needing to go to plan. But forgive him if he just stared in awe like a motherfucker seeing you go off on someone.

◈ Oh, don't you worry. When your teeth are clenching looking down at your practice's phone number for that long overdue appointment- it's right there, just a click away,- König will snatch it from you. Mixed feelings, perhaps his confidence a little infantilizing, but… it's like a vice is undoubtedly unclamped as he waddles away with the dreaded compressed waiting room music (as if it was a totally normal thing to do). He'd confirm any details prior bending over behind you, rubbing your shoulder and cooing in your ear about it. Because of course you can do it, darling, but he's always there~…

◈ Takes great smug pride in a)taking care of you, if that's something you want- and b)being with you. Uh, yeah, the badass work-focused bigshot is his? And putty in his arms? That's right. So proud of showing you off to others at any possible convenience. 'Tries' to be subtle about it. Keyword 'tries'.

◈ He needs a break too. Proudly, toxic-masculinely denies any interest at first, but would ultimately happily waste away binging something with you. Colours and shapes reflecting off the TV onto his narrow, goofy lil' glasses, eyebrows slightly furrowed in focus as he guillibly complains about some ragebait. Uses you as a human weighted blanket laid on him, supporting your back with his chest.

◈ König's a prevalent yapper during whatever you do together. He plans as much as you'll allow, whisking you off for dinners, lunches- all expenses paid (or halfsies). Or elaborate hiking trails he insists you join him on, though sometimes he likes to choose the ones with tricky bits as an excuse to help or carry you.

[todds-rwby-liveblog]

I NEED TO DISSECT THAT SEQUENCE UNDER A MICROSCOPEOREN S NADJSDLKS:DS I love just. I already mentioned the voice acting and the model comparisons before but OH MY GOHOHOHOHOOD. The Atlas designs really do feel like matured versions of their Beacon counterparts I am SHOOKETH that was so fucking GOOD I VLOE UP Also I'm just now noticing the shot contrast between the Beacon girls posing the offers and the Atlas girls rejecting them. The focuses on their mouths and the deceptiveness of what they're offering at first contrasted with the eye closeups and the determination/soul that comes with them. It makes me so god-damned EMO

And also Can I just

BLAKE PULLING OUT GAMBOL SHROUD'S KATANA RIGHT AS SHE SAYS "MY LIFE." THIS WEAPON HAS BEEN WITH HER THROUGH EVERYTHING. THE WHITE FANG THROUGH ADAM THROUGH HER STRUGGLES WITH HER PARENTS THROUGH TO THE HEALING SHE GOT THROUGH MEETING RWY AND YANG. FRAMING THE GOLDEN MEND RIGHT IN THE CENTRE OF THE FRAME/LIGHT. AND BC EVERYTHING ELSE IS PURPLE LIKE THAT IT JUST STANDS OUT SO MUCH EVEN THOUGH IT'S SO TINY. THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THAT MEND ON THAT BLADE IS SO FUCKING KEY TO BLAKE AS A CHARACTER. OH MY FUCKING GOD. EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO BERSERK OVER THIS. FUCKING HELL THIS WAS GORGEOUSLY DONE.

The way Yang doesn't lash out or gets aggressive but just. She's being firm but also tries to be a guide to her younger self. She knows that the way she was normally taught would be either through rushing into it and finding out the hard way or from... Tai! And that method is not ideal to say the least. He tries but pushes her in the wrong way, with a lot of insults involved in some form (lost a brain cell along with that arm, your semblance is a temper tantrum, groaning at her hesitance at wearing her arm for the first time, I wanted a better goodbye than a letter etc.). I feel like she's using this opportunity to be the type of guide she's always wanted to be for others (namely Ruby) but also the kind she wishes she had for herself in life. Her life's always set her up to be a risk-taker and rush into things head on (all the way down to her semblance) and I'm realy happy that, in a way, she's finally taking the time to tell herself that what she really needed was to slow the fuck down. It's so fucking sad but also so good I'm OUGHHGHGH. The difference between Yang and Tai is empathy and it means the world.

Weiss' section oh god Weiss' section. Her speech has been sung about to death by now but it's just so iconic of her tbh. But can I just say I freaking LOVE the way she just has so much SASS. Honestly the best way to shut down pre-Beacon Weiss is with her own poison. But a detail I spotted that I really enjoy that's kinda hard to focus on at first cus big camera movement is her head movements when she say "I am" that was peak sass. I love that so fuckin much here it is timestamped: https://youtu.be/8eoazsK1n8k?t=103

But fr tho, I love the way she points her sword right at younger Weiss' nose like that.

Also the differences in the two's silhouettes and colours is some of my favourites, I love the contrast between the white laced with that tiny bit of red for rebellion and really faded Blue, only to over time gradually gain much bolder, more vibrant colours and a bigger form. Her v1 design is my favourite shape-wise still but if this isn't a massive parallel to how Blake's designs have evolved over the years idk what is.

Also I love the way she looks so confident when she plants Myrtenaster in the ground. Reminds me of Arma Gigas planting its sword to the ground in this context. She really reclaimed it so fucking hard in this scene I am going to blow up

Like look at them and tell me which one is the stronger individual here. Bro

Framing Ruby like this

FOUL. VILE. EVIL EVIL EVIL.

Single spotlight of silver light. With the Indomitable scene, the track Miracle, the talk with Maria, her mom... from her eyes, everything rests on her and it all starts with those fuckass iris pigments. Qrow told her she was destined for the life of a warrior but oh god why did it have to be like this. She's completely overtaken by her failure to her legacy as a continuation of a literal fucking myth in so many different ways I'm gonna snap

[st-asya]

Okay, so my passion is whatever my current hyperfixation is and commenting something everyone has already commented. Here we go.

•••

Pilot

1. Things did not go as planned...

Love the way the colour of the font switches to red instead of staying some basic white as the rest of the text, cause my life always does the same, metaphorically speaking, when shit happens (well if somebody typed everything that happens in my life). It's like honey, red means passion and your passion (one more) is turning every single thing in your life to shit when you wanna change something really bad, so imma change the colour for you not to forget that you're gonna fuck something up. Right off the bat, symbolic. Red is my fav colour btw, wonder why (it's, as fall out boy said, a sign (×5) indeed).

2. Pirate bard (?) sounds pretty nice (and beautiful), I already like Frenchie.

3. The "what we're about do will be perilous" speech.

(Why did I instantly think about Lord Farquaad, what's wrong with me?)

And oh my God, the whole bit where Stede talks to the crew is borderline ptsd-loaded flashback, cause I used to work as a teacher so I had to talk to the kids ofc and say something to a class full of students who looked at me the exact same way.

4. Wee John's raised hand and saying that they gotta talk about whatever they're gonna take part in and Stede's enthusiastic yes, damn that hit too close to home. These kinda students are a blessing, btw

5. "We talk it through as a..." and the reluctant ass "crewwwww", my ptsd horrors persist, but so do I. That's the exact same experience I had at work, there's no difference.

6. "Keep it straight if you can" (they couldn't, in fact, keep it straight). Love the way there's a place for choice, cause it's not an order, it's a pretty mild (gentlemanly, see what I did there, huh?) request. Love the way it's not strictly needed (and completely forgotten as the story goes on).

7. Lucius's face expressions throughout the ep are my normal face expressions, wonder why people don't usually think I'm friendly and always ready to chat actually (that's prolly cause they can't read my mind, that's on them duh).

8. "I'll be your robber here today", we all fell for him right this instant, didn't we?

It reminds me of the time I worked as a shop assistant (my career choices are a mess, I know), cause essentially that's who I was, I just had to word it slightly differently so customers would give us their money willingly.

9. The leg crossing and uncrossing is just... Yeah. Idk how to elaborate, I just get it. Completely in character for the character, let's put it that way.

10. The arts and crafts bit is the school experience all over again, I cannot shake this feeling. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed being a teacher a great deal (that's exactly why I don't work as a teacher anymore, yeah).

11. Going from making dresses to being a pirate sounds precisely like my careers changing plans, really.

12. "Do you think Blackbeard's crew sews?" Holy shit, I'd love to see Izzy sew.

13. The mini speech about cats, why is Frenchie so adorable omg

14. Not killing your captain for the sake of hearing the story in full sounds like a solid idea, ngl

15. The complete collective aversion to Lucius's wooden boy voice pls. Turns out Stede stays alive only cuz the crew doesn't want to hear Lucius read, that's loyalty right there.

16. "I've made a mistake, I'm not a pirate, I'm an idiot". Well, omitting the pirate part, it's as relatable as it can possibly get. Ouch

17. Eye. No thoughts, just eye.

18. Stede hiding from the navy is me hiding from my problems, we've got the exact same style of solving them.

19. "It's always the quiet ones", cause usually it's the quiet ones who have to put up with all the shit there can possibly be and they're usually accused of being soft at the same time, I mean you cannot blame Stede for snapping, that's what Badminton deserved (I sound way too bloodthirsty, don't I...)

20. Oul's "might as well enjoy it while it lasts" speaks to me on more levels than I'd like to admit. I love Olu's levelheadedness (is this even a word)

21. I love the way all the flags are up there, it's important for everyone to be included, love this detail so much.

•••

So that's basically just a retelling of the plot with bits of my tho(ugh)ts, tried not to digress too much and not to make it way too personal (initially there were 31 points😅). I'm just genuinely curious to know what the dynamic of my perception of the series will look like at the end, so dear diary, 🎶be prepaaaaaaaared🎶

[radarchives]

IM SAYING LIKE they served so much cunt with the 2021 halloween fits and we went mostly downhill from there, could we perhaps get your thoughts on the rest of the set too, maybe which were your fav and least fav ones? 🥺👉👈 i could write a whole essay on them tbh i swear im normal about them

the halloween fits truly were everything. with the bunny fits one of the only events where looking at the bottom parts only made me break out in sweats half the time.

i'm not necessarily gonna rate them, but i'll give my thoughts.

so let's start

lucifer

solid outfit. the hat i'm okay with since it doesn't look like it's got a life of its own (hat that shall not be named). the zipper shoes however need to go, the white is not giving and certainly a choice for an almost all black outfit. even in white they'd look way better as dress boots with laces.

also love how they somehow managed to give lucifer even more pieces of clothing than usual, unquestionably a skill.

anyway i can't really complain about the outfit bc the card was drawn by the dilf hair lucifer artist. i forgive all mistakes for that.

mammon

it's giving shady vendor it's giving Dr.Facilier with the colour scheme. maybe a bit questionable that he isn't wearing any socks but. it's the horror outfit so maybe that checks out. i personally would've replaced the tie with a bunch of necklaces and have given the man some damn socks. i'd always give mammon at least 60% more jewelry in general that man should be dripping in it.

for me this one is the least exciting one out of the bunch, but i still like it.

leviathan

the jason mask??? the boots?? hands down this is one of the only times i am in love with obey me brand shoes bc these look GOOD (maybe it's just the obey me church stompers trauma talking). love love love the coat and i am also weirdly okay with the brown pants since they match the dried blood on the coat. the gloves are a bit unnecessary though.

satan

i both love and have my beef with this outfit. when i saw the dress i almost flipped my phone because finally!! the devs let a charcter aside from asmo be a bit more feminine looking! then i saw the bottom and went. hmmmm. i think i just don't like that he's wearing both a dress and dress pants (that have buttons on the side. ew) combined? i genuinely think the outfit would've been more cohesive if they either leaned more into the feminine side (dress closed a bit further down, tights, boots with a higher heel) or the more androgynous side (corset with lacing in the center, dress as more of a blouse, high waisted pants, bottom of the dress if kept more like an overskirt?)

asmo

he's perfect, he's beautiful, he looks like linda evangelista, he's a model

no questions asked. perfection. the spider theme/black widow theme is so fucking perfect for him. also the placement of the blood on his hands and sleeves? casually going insane over him they did him so well. definitely my favourite out of them all.

belphie

alright. i am conflicted about this one. because it's camp. no idea what made the devs give belphie a sexy nurse theme but i'm here for it. maybe not necessarily the executiion but still. the skeleton print is my arch nemesis. what in the hot topic fingerless emo gloves is going on here. love the little belt on his thigh but also. safety. hazard babes. he'd be getting poked by needles every step he takes. i don't even wanna look at the little bo peep ass looking shoes.

i would've loved the outfit even more if they'd given him a skirt instead of his little short shorts. maybe not a visually appealing one but definitely an amusing one.? like yeah it's ugly but yeah i also like it because it's silly.

beel

for a beel outfit? god tier. man always has to suffer from boring outfit syndrome, but this one is good as long as you keep your eyes trained on the upper part. the devs shortly released him from the yas girl give us nothing basement. we do not talk about the ginormous clown stompers on his feet though. it looks less camp than belphie's nurse outfit and i'm here for it.

[theclassyelfman]

A very niche discussion that I feel needs to be had

I am a natural redhead. I also have blue eyes. That gives me the rarest hair and eye colour combo in the world. My hair colour puts me in a group that makes up around 1-2% of the world's population (which is the same as the number of trans people btw).

People with red hair are constantly either fetishised or discriminated against just for a simple hair colour that is beyond our control. We have faced prejudice for this minor quality throughout history. We have been accused of witchcraft, turning into vampires, having "bad character" and were killed en masse for it. Conversely we were sometimes thought to bring luck and so made popular slaves and fetched a higher price. There have been many perceptions and practices that segregate us from others. People always have a different view of us. We are seen as otherworldly. We are dehumanised. All we are trying to do is exist.

Even now there is still discrimination against us. We are still stereotyped and bullied and objectified. Sure we may not be burned or drowned anymore, but we still take a lot of shit because people can't just view us as fellow human beings and treat us normally. I've personally faced constant ridicule and harassment throughout my school years for it. People who have never even known me felt compelled or justified to call me names on the street. I've had people follow me home and pick up gravel from driveways just to throw at me. These experiences started to make me despise the word "ginger" because that's what I constantly heard. It still triggers a reaction in me to this day. People have laughed at me and tripped me up and done all sorts just because of a damn hair colour. I started to despise my hair to the point I wanted to shave it all off or dye it to hide it. It took me years to finally embrace myself and find pride and love in myself.

I've even heard negative opinions in casual conversation. A lot of the girls in my school constantly liked to dye their hair. If it started to change colour in a way they didn't anticipate or want, they'd hope it wouldn't turn ginger with disgust or worry in their tone because god forbid right? That's such a horrible thing to be subject to. We're so unsightly that the possibility of looking like one of us is the worst outcome. Who would want to associate with us? We are hated just because we are different.

We can't even catch a break on the more positive side of the spectrum because we're then seen as exotic or divine. People have a fetish for us and seek us out because that's the one characteristic they care about to get them off. We're just a sex object. We can never be seen as anything past our hair. I'm so tired of it.

And why do people feel so comfortable in this behaviour? Why has it become so normalised? Why does it seem that no one's talking about it? I guess because we're such a small group, or perhaps it's also to do with the fact we're white and so we can take it right? We're the oppressors and you can't be racist or whatever against white people as some seem to stupidly believe. Maybe it's because we're not being routinely hunted down anymore. Whatever it is I'm just frustrated that no one seems to care. It's just looked over. It feels like this cycle is just going to continue and make our day to day lives miserable.

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

I know I know I know I am still in the middle of forgetting Ashville but someone made me so curious about 51 and 52 that I had to do an intermezzo.

Neil trying to split them to go each to their own domains, and then pendragon being like yes let's split up Britta stays with me lol.

Neil wanting to grab Britta to keep her with him and away from pendragon. 😭

Neil is so anxious, poor boy.

Uhoh. The shower went silent???

Miles daydreaming... But sir about what? 👀👀

Wait is this the same day? Because it sounds like Miles has been in office for a little bit? Or am I misunderstanding?

Johnny calling Miles your highness with sarcasm is so good.

Nara! Is she Miles's doorman now? What's been happening?

Miles is so casual about everything? Was his uptightness all because he didn't get laid?? You can't tell me him and Marcos didn't get it on now and then.

Miles is trying so hard, but this is all so complicated. Noooooo this is unbearable. I cannot deal with this awkwardness and Miles saying the wrong thing. It's too much, please I cannot handle secondhand embarrassment. Why would anyone want to be Prince?

What is happening right now??? Miles is being collected?

Okay not gonna lie, it's not that this episode isn't good so far, but I don't get the big deal with this episode. So far.

Johnny as senechal??? 😂😂 And primogen?? And Miles didn't even tell him beforehand?!? Why???

What???? These fucking princes, bunch of shitheads. I am so confused.

Wait praxis again?? Lmaoo is new haven going to be a revolving door of praxises? 😂

Not the rust coloured jacket!!! How dare they!

Okay but what is Miles's obsession with chopping people's arms off?

5 celerity actions??? Damn

Holy fuck. They are both absolute beasts this fight, like it's kind of scary actually.

He's trying to rip the guy's arms off??? I'm screaming!!! Reminds me of "is your weakest at the elbow or the shoulder?"

An sos from his fucking daughter???? Right now???? Can they never have a moment of peace???!? Fucking fuck.

Kabir!!! I totally forgot about Kabir!

Oh my God! New mechanic?? Seizing narrative control!?! That's cool!

Jesus christ!! That static was a fucking jump scare omg!!!

No little boy can survive....?!? Don't you dare touch Joey!!!! I will murder you.

This narrative control is crazy!!! So badass.

"my Joey" omg I'm gonna cry! 😭

Kabir is gone?????? Because she took narrative control??. Cruel but amazing.

"Baby?" Not the baby omg. 😭😭😭 Parents talking gentle about their children is my weakness.

The shower turns off and the sink begins to run? Why?

FESTER!! STOP! 😂😂😂😂

... Is that racist against toreador??

Can she even...? NEIL! How were you going to finish that sentence???

"I've done sex" clearly said by someone who has had sex... Clearly.

The way I cackled when Neil said that.

Neil just talking about how he likes that his family is closer and Britta is the glue. 😭

Fester! Don't you dare make Neil doubt that Britta loves him!!

What what what??? What is happening???? What is this conversation??? Neil's sire?? What? Fire?!? Molotov cocktail??? Fester Neil's sire??? I'm so confused?!?

He has some guts, just pulling her by the corset and starting to untie it. So fucking rude!

"it's just rational to let him help" suuuure Britta.

In front of a fucking mirror??? Pendragon is such a walking villain cliché.

Jan Petersen is Miles's sire right?

Also so far the only redeeming quality Pendragon has (aside from sexiness) is the way he says camarilla.

They're just having a normal conversation and I think oh this isn't so bad, but then he goes to brush his hands over her arms and touch her and I'm just squicked out! And forcing her to see her moon. GROSS!!!!

This man is using such classic abusive tactics of pulling her in, being semi nice, and then threatening her. Like what a piece of trash!

Don't you dare be disarmed by this girl desperately trying to save herself from meeting the sun!!!

He summoned her to the bathroom?!? Like dude you can just call her over she is like 15 feet away from you. You are such a piece of SHIT!

I hate pendragon. And I hate That part of me is still going 👀.

[littleshopofchaos]

So... here's my first attempt at third person in so many god damn years

its 2.5k words, its from Ashes To Ashes, the book I'm writing about the birth and history of Terraclaw

Its also a year in the making since ive had a years writers block and this is the first thing i've written over the course of a few days

Please let me know what you think?

@helathorloki @pheita @abalonetea @bardic-tales @caxycreations

In The Beginning

2500 BC

The journey of creation always has and always will be debated upon. That is just a matter of fact in life. You can wonder where we’re from, you can wonder who made us, but the reality of the situation is that something or someone definitely made us - and we all started somewhere, somehow. Some way. History has always had theories and facts about how the world was made and the religions that came alongside them to state their own beliefs. None of them particularly wrong, but none really right at all. The fact is nobody really knows, and that is the brilliant part.

But we’re not here to talk about Earth today. No you see, somewhere far beyond the Milky Way, far beyond the stars we dare to dream about; on the edge of reality, is a place where creation has yet to happen. A new world is meant to be born, for our stories to take place in this world. Thousands of years after the birth of Earth, a new star seems to have a new plan for itself and from the ashes of a dying star will come a new world, to rise and fall. To love, to cherish. The joy of creation knows no bounds.

Who made this star? Who made the world? Where are the Gods? Beliefs are what make us human, what make us whole and time will tell us what we want to know; what we want to hear.

Our first venture into history begins two thousand five hundred years before creation of the world we will come to know as Terraclaw. When creation was just getting started.

****

A scratch of a pen. Ink flowing as black as night onto yellowing, curled up paper. Darkness all around. Silence swarming and there is someone yawning, as if someone is bored. We see the vastness of space is in an orb and outside the orb, is a room. It looks like a theatre of sorts, with a table and chairs in the middle of the theatre.

Its all been abandoned. Except for a woman - long red hair, gorgeous green, sparkling eyes and lips so red you’d think she was bathing in blood. This woman is a God. Her name is Marcelina and she’s bored; waiting and wanting something to happen. She’s almost child-like; her curiosity that is. She is older than anything in this universe, something we humans cannot comprehend. She’s wearing a black one-piece suit, which has green scales on it. As if she’s trying to say she’s a fish, or a mermaid or…You get the idea. She’s not normal.

A light flickers on, illuminating the theatre. Marcelina was writing in the dark, but nobody knows what she was writing at the time. It’s something she tended to do at all times… just write. She looks over to the orb, a smile on her face like she’s finally decided what to do with herself. She knows what she wants. She wants to create. She wants her own world. And what a God wants, they get.

The theatre looks well kept, despite being abandoned. It looks like Marcelina has a fond spot in her heart for this place - the crystal chandeliers swing above Marcelina’s head, some of the seats in the theatre look worn out and the colours from the materials the seats were made from, have all but faded. There used to be life here. This used to be a wonderful place…so what happened?

So you may have noticed that what was written, was “A new star seems to have a new plan for itself and from the ashes of a dying star will come a new world, to rise and fall.” Well, the thing is. The Gods do exist, but many people believe they do not. They never really make themselves known and so you’ll come to see what happens when people begin to question it. For now though, we will see what the Gods get up to and how that will shape what will come to be.

Marcelina puts her hand on the orb, watching the stars and the other planets swirl around and dance like they know what they were made to do. Everyone has a time and a place and everything must go to plan… and then things just change. Life is unpredictable. Everyone is unpredictable.

Marcelina has had a rough life - who brought her into this world? Who made her? Where did she come from? The universe is infinite and so the possibilities are endless. But something has happened, something that has shaped her to be who she is today and there’s something cold and calculating in her features. She doesn’t want to make the same mistakes as those who came before her. She’s young, but also old at the same time. Nobody knows how old Marcelina and the other Gods are. Nobody dares to ask.

You don’t really want to fuck around and find out with a God, do you? Are you really gonna be the one brave enough? Or will you damn yourself to a hell beyond your mortal comprehension.

There is no wind in the theatre. No noise but the sound of Marcelina’s breathing. Slow at first; her breath catching in her throat as she concentrates. There is something on her mind. She spends an eternity thinking. Planning. She wants to make sure nothing goes wrong with her plan. Looking around her, she thinks she can fill this theatre back up again. There’s so much planning; so many worlds to create. The world she wants to create is just waiting for encouragement, shining brightly like a supernova.

Marcelina knows what she has to do. Her pale, skinny and yet bony hands caress the orb as if she’s Gollum trying to find the One Ring. She picks up the orb, clearing up the desk and waving her hand so it dissipates; the lights begin to dim and Marcelina slithers away into the darkness.

Somewhere, not too far away but through a pathway only a God can take, two more Gods saunter through seemingly endless winding hallways to finally reach an opening to reach a temple. A Pantheon. A male approaches the door first. Brown long locs fall down, way past his waist and his russet eyes are strikingly beautiful and captivating. He’s wearing a long toga that is not the traditional white that we know; but is made from a purple cloth that has the constellations sewn in gold, into the fabric. His shoes are almost slippers. Barely doing anything to protect his feet. But he seems comfortable at least.

“Emil.” A voice calls out to him.

He turns his head to find his sister, Halinka following in his footsteps. Her hair is shaved all around in a pixie-fashion and she’s wearing a lavender-scented cotton dress that has been dyed many colours, by the looks of how worn it is.

“Halinka. Is Marcelina on her way?” Emil’s voice is deep, strong. Could command an army if needs be.

“I assume so, brother. I assume so. Let’s head inside.”

Halinka pushes forward, ducking under her brother’s strong arms and heading inside.

Emil looks around and follows his sister in, sighing as he pulls the door shut with ease.

The temple is lined with altars and bronze statues; names worn away by the Gods and people who came before. The passage of time is immense and there are plenty of stories to tell that could be as equally as important as this one, but someone has to start somewhere. The temple, being what it is, is very much like a home as well. Prayer mats and tables with scrolls and yellowing books sit upon them, candles held up by magic that never extinguish the flame.

The rooms are impossibly large, stretching as far as the eye can see. And yet…it sounds like nobody is home. What could have happened here?.

Halinka reaches out with her right arm, closing her eyes and focusing. Magic flows at her finger tips that spread all around her. The lights brighten and laughter can be heard in the air. Not from Halinka… but from those who had been here years before. The ghosts of the past. Halinka is trying to bring them forward, to join them in this time, but she collapses to the floor. Exhausted.

Emil crouches down to help his sister up, his voice gentle and yet sad.

“Sister, you know that will not work. The past is in the past and what you’re doing is forbidden.”

“They deserve to be here.” Halinka chokes on a sob. “Why are we the only ones to survive?”

They both know why and neither wants to speak the forbidden truth. The harsh, cold truth.

Emil helps his sister to her feet and they walk towards an empty table, where they summon comfy, luxurious chairs and sit down and begin waiting for Marcelina. Neither of them know what to say to each other. They know what they want to say to Marcelina, they want to discuss what they’re all going to do to preserve the Gods - how they’re going to continue to create, to look after the world and have their own families.

“I don’t think Marcelina is going to take this well.” Emil says honestly.

“She’s going to have to.” Halinka replies solemnly, with a small smile. “You know we have to do something so there’s more of us. Not everyone is here, but there are more Gods that have fled to the very edges of the universes. We’ll find someone. We’ll band together and be a family again.”

If only it was as easy as that, Halinka. If only it was that easy.

Halinka waves her hand again, summoning a drink in a glass. She summons one for her brother too and he takes it gratefully. The two siblings have been over what they want to say to Marcelina for the past week, maybe even two. They know that Marcelina is unpredictable.

It seems however, that luck was on their side because Marcelina was in a good mood. She had something to talk to them about and she would listen to them in return…right?

Emil turns his head as Marcelina enters the temple, his eyes widening at the orb she has in his hand. His sister grabs his hand as if to calm him, if she could reach his thoughts.

Marcelina glides over, greeting her friends and gently placing the orb on a pedestal that she summons, onto the table. Emil and Halinka quickly share a concerned glance with one another, but change that to a smile upon greeting Marcelina.

“Marcelina, we have something to talk to you about.” Halinka says calmly, hugging her dear old friend.

“That’s good, because I have something to talk about to you too!” Marcelina pulls a chair out of thin air and sits down upon it, her chair next to Emil’s own.

“That orb holds a universe you know, I’d be careful if I were you.” Emil warns.

“I know what the orb holds, old friend. That’s why our friends trusted it to me. It’d be lost if it wasn’t for them.” Marcelina’s voice is cold for a moment before she warmly addresses Halinka. “So, why don’t you start first?”

There should have been people in the room when it happened. More people who could have helped, more people who could have understood where all three Gods were coming from. Emil was the one to tell Marcelina that they were thinking of bringing some of the Gods back home, to start some arranged marriages and produce children and bring more people back to the temple so they could create more worlds and start spreading their place amongst the stars, across the planets.

Marcelina didn’t want to hear that. She thought they were all cowards and if they wanted a partner or child, then they had the magic to do so. Marcelina thought that the Gods who fled and spread themselves across the universes, across the galaxies, were cowards who didn’t want to stay and fight. She believed that the ones who stayed, which meant Halinka, Emil and herself, were the only true survivors because they weren’t cowards.

Halinka didn’t want to argue because she knew it would ruin their relationships further and shatter their own reality. Emil didn’t want to lose Halinka, but they always knew Marcelina was a hard one to please.

“This is what you’ve been worried about? Keeping our bloodline? We should be creating worlds, we’re Gods! We should act like one!” Marcelina is calm… too calm. Her eyes are clearly full of fury and she reaches out for the orb.

“See this orb?” Marcelina continues. “This is where I’ll be creating my own world, my own universe for things to nurture, to grow, to expand as things should. It is their duty to fill this universe, not ours. The people and creatures of this universe will not be filled with cowards.”

“Marcelina.” Emil’s deep voice is soothing to the ear, but his face betrays him. He is hurt, he is hurting. He wants to solve the problem. He wants to keep her here. “It takes a long time for a universe, a planet even to start forming in the universe. We can achieve both our goals if you just help us reach out to those like us.”

“But why?” Marcelina asks, her voice full of confusion.

Probably the most famous question of all - why?. Why would Marcelina listen? Why should she listen? Why do they need to bring the Gods together again? She’s had it explained to her, but its like she knows nothing. She is a God and yet she doesn’t understand. Its a tale as old as time itself.

She’s not stupid, but she’s questioning everything she’s ever known. And maybe that’s a good thing.

“My brother is out there.” Marcelina snarls, her teeth catching on her lips. “Why would I want to confront my brother about what he’s done? He watched our loved ones die. How does he get to survive but not the others? How is that justified!?”

“Don’t let your world be born from hate, be it from love. Be it from the fact you know that to nurture this world, it needs love and support and everything else that comes with that.” Emil begs. “The family we lost would want you to know that too. Don’t you see that?”

Marcelina sighs, admitting defeat. She knows to be the better person, to not let her hatred blind her. She won’t forget this, but she’s not going to let it go as easy as Emil hopes it will be.

“What is it you want from me, old friend?” Marcelina asks calmly, a fake smile plastered upon her face. “I’m not going to be your messenger. You can come with me too, you know. This is your plan after all.”

Halinka laughs, shaking her head.

[bottomofthebellcurve]

Spoilers for Poor Things

Live blogging Poor Things as I'm watching it.

Poor Things is very weird but not quite in the ways I'd imagined. The vulgarity of it and the sheer number of tits has come as a surprise. There has been, just, so much sex. The visuals are constantly striking, with the colours, scenery and clothes, all just confusing the fuck out of my eyes.

The music is just insane, this must be the most nonsensical soundtrack album ever.

I started watching it this morning when Bella learned how to masturbate using an apple, I was sitting staring in confusion eating my cereal.

She is currently talking to an old woman about fucking Mark Ruffalo, who is doing the poshest accent ever, who is also just a weird creep. God I hope they throw him overboard. He just tried to murder the old woman.

My constant thought is "what the fuck is going on"

She's becoming gradually more eliquent as the film progresses.

Now she's doing sex work.

Mark Ruffalo just screamed the word cunt in Bella's face.

Bella's a socialist now.

Mark Ruffalo has gone insane.

God damn the clothes are pretty.

Also the first 41min is in black and white.

She's walking normally now.

Mark Ruffalo is being insane again.

Wow her/ her mum's husband is awful.

Here's me hoping for another murder...

Hey, I recognise the floors in her new house from the colour theory hospital

Hes trying to do genital mutilation

Well she's transplanted his brain into a goat... So still no murder :( nope I guessed wrong she put the goats brain in his head, obviously, so I guess she did murder him, yay?

This whole film has been the wildest piece of feminist media I've ever consumed.

What the fuck.

What. The. Fuck.

It was really uplifting

But also

What the fuck was that?

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Bon appétit for Part 1, you awful people. I've gone hardcore heavy for Zabel and this happened. Can we call ourselves Zabelles? Idk. I'm tired and sad that Colin is fictional. Goodnight tweam <3 ~ Belgianon

Being freshly moved-in to the house I’d bought with Colin was magical. The months we’d spent on paperwork, me handling the lion’s share since I wasn’t a police detective handling gnarly shit, felt like hurdles that were worth it to be here, finally. Both of us had put our stamp on the place, and seeing everything together in a delicate dance mirrored our relationship: Colin’s greys and blues with my little pops of colour here and there; his simplicity and craving for sleek corners, and my ornamental additions of vases, photos, and the odd Pixar trinket I’d slid in there quietly… it was heaven.

It also coincided with our six-year anniversary, and since we’d taken a huge step, I wanted to really show Colin how much I fucking loved him.

Are you home at the normal time tonight? X

Sure am, darling x

Oh, good x see you later ;)

I hopped in the shower, de-fuzzing every bit of myself I could reach (except for just a little bit where it mattered – I learned the hard way that a: I can’t take the pain of a Brazilian, and b: I can’t take the pain of the fuzz burn after said Brazilian, as much as Colin had enjoyed himself). Afterwards, I slathered myself in shea butter, put on a very slinky little bit of lace I’d bought to christen our new house in, and then covered it up with Colin’s police bomber jacket, and a pair of calf-length black socks. I would have gone full boots, but that would have been difficult to get off. Plus, the carpets were cream and brand new.

The pièce de résistance of my little outfit was in the safe in our shared office space. I punched in the combination and took out Colin’s handgun, removing all of the bullets immediately. Handguns made me feel just a little bit spicy… and I’d once read a spicy book about a lady with a gun kink, and I really wanted Colin to maybe try it out… he’d probably freak out, but no bullets… I fired the gun a couple of times to make sure there really was nothing in there, and then put the safety on out of habit. I also picked up his old police badge, and put it around my neck. God, it was sexy – even if I didn’t quite do sexy police detective as well as Colin did, it still had me almost dripping already.

Right on cue, the door downstairs opened, and Colin’s telltale routine of shoes off, coat off, keys in the pot, door locked, and “Honey, I’m home!” sounded. I grinned, moving to the bedroom where I sat on the armchair that faced the door. I played with a couple of positions: legs on the arms, legs crossed, one leg up… that was the one. One leg draped over the arm, the other sat normally, the gun against my thigh, Colin’s badge resting just a touch lower than my breasts… I was turning my damned self on.

Colin padded along the hallway.

“Sweetie?” he called. He stepped into the bedroom and turned on the light. And choked. “F-fuck.”

“Evening, detective,” I murmured, stroking the gun along my bare thigh.

“That’s government-issued property,” Colin muttered, running a hand through perfect hair. I lifted the gun. “I could arrest you for misuse…”

“Is that a promise, detective?” As dirty as it felt, I aimed the gun at him. A little trickle of fear ran down his spine, and I saw the bob of his throat as he swallowed. But then, he spied the lack of magazine, and smirked. Holding his hands up a touch, he stepped into the bedroom fully. “Or are you going to make me wait here all night long?”

“Depends,” Colin replied, pushing his hands into his pockets. Dominant… just what I really wanted. “The only crime you’re committing right now is the way you’re holding my gun.”

“This old thing?” I brought the barrel to my lips and almost kissed it. Colin’s bottom lip wobbled. I stood, moving to him.

“My jacket, too… you are being bad today, huh?” He traced the lapel of the bomber, fingers moving to my chest. “The fuck did I do to deserve you, hmm?”

I didn’t see him pull out the handcuffs he obviously kept on him for obvious reasons, but in one very sexy, very gorgeous, very fluid movement, he turned me around and cuffed one wrist to the foot of the bed, his mouth claiming mine in a kiss that both crushed me and left me desperate for more. And when he did step back, I tried to grab his suit jacket, but he was too fast.

“Colin! Please, baby, come back – you can take it all off me…”

“Who says I want to?” Colin said matter-of-factly, as though he wasn’t straining real fucking hard against the front of his trousers. He removed his jacket, and his tie, which he wrapped around one gorgeous, veined hand. “And who says I want to hear your bad little mouth talk, hmm?” He turned back to me, tracing my lips with his thumb. “Or maybe I don’t want you to be able to see what I’m going to do to you… my little felon.”

“You could choke me with it,” I replied, looking up at him. “But then, what will those hands do, hmm?” Colin chuckled, shaking his head. He kissed me again, crawling over me. He undid his trousers, watching me for a second. He traced the gold metal of his badge which was still around my throat.

“Impersonating an officer, too… the list really is endless with you tonight, isn’t it?”

Before I could reply, Colin attacked my skin, peppering little bites all over my chest, down to my stomach, peeling the thin lace from my ass so slowly, I nearly kicked him in the head to get him to go faster. I didn’t need to worry, though, because as soon as my ass was bare, he had his mouth on me, his tongue relentless as he pushed me towards a peak I didn’t realise I was already so close to. Colin slipped two fingers into me, and it was enough to send me crashing into my first orgasm of the night. Colin picked up the gun, my juices still on his fingers. He held it perfectly, those gorgeous fingers resting just so. With the dark look in his eye, he could have been a mob boss. An enforcer. The little smirk that pulled at his lip nearly made me come a second time.

“This shit turns you on?” I couldn’t reply.  I knew what I wanted him to do with it, but I didn’t really know how to vocalise it without sounding completely psychotic. He dropped the gun and shed his shirt, picking it back up as he crawled over me. He traced it along my bare skin, the cold metal making me shudder. “Six years together and there’s so much I don’t know about you…”

“C-Colin –“ I arched my back against him. “This was m-meant to be your surprise –“

“Mmm,” he murmured, pushing the gun against my temple. “And it is a surprise… Six years and you still find new ways to make me want to destroy you…”

Coming from a man who’d been practically landlord off-white the first time we’d had sex, this turned on the jet streams. I shivered. He grinned.

“Get a fucking move on then,” I breathed, my voice barely working. I hadn’t seen him do it, but the bastard had managed to shuffle his trousers down, so when he slid into me right to the fucking hilt, I wasn’t ready, and the noise I made confused the life out of me. Colin started his assault, the gun still in his hand as he pushed up and looked down at me, giving me a view of a muscular chest that I couldn’t touch because I was cuffed on one side. But the rhythm he set was punishing and relentless, and I could barely keep control of anything at all. He ran a hand through his hair again, pulling it from its usual style, returning his gaze on mine.

“Eyes open, baby girl,” he murmured. “I wanna see you fall apart…”

I felt a sense of beautiful panicked ecstasy start to build up in my abdomen again, the gun’s metal again by my head. It felt dangerous, and Colin looked dangerous as he dipped his head, maintaining the rhythm he’d set, the sounds absolutely deliciously sinful. Before I could fully comprehend, I saw stars, and my body snapped so much that I left the bed for a second. Colin must have come at the same time, because I felt his teeth against my chest, followed by a delicate series of kisses that trailed upwards this time, covering my jaw, and finally my lips. Soft, chaste kisses that were his come-down.

“I love you,” I breathed. “I love you so much.”

“I love you more, darling,” he murmured.

After a quick shower together, we ate some dinner and curled up on the sofa. Colin fell asleep, of course, and so when his phone vibrated softly beside him, I answered it, thinking it might be important. But it was my phone, actually, and a number I didn’t recognise.

If you want to know what Colin really gets up to when he’s on those stakeouts, come meet me at Castle Green tomorrow morning at 10am. I’ll approach you. Don’t reply to this number. It’ll get us both into trouble.

I frowned. My heart started to race as I read the text again. I was about to wake up Colin, but a second text came through.

And don’t tell Colin. He’s in deep shit and if he knows, he’ll follow you and you’ll both be dead.

My heart went into overdrive. What the fuck had my wonderful man gotten himself into?!

tweam, we have MORE 👁️🫦👁️

[vole-mon-amour]

I think the misunderstanding about making gifs (that it's not actually easy and takes a lot of time) might come that people use online sites to make shitty quality gifs with no editing, spawn like 10-20 of them in a day & call it proper editing. 'Don't you see? It's gifs. What could possible take you 9 hours to edit one gifset? And more than a day?? Impossible!'

Try sorting out 1300 screencaps by hand, adding them to photoshop from different folders that you sorted them into, going through a complicated process of editing each and every single one gif by hand so the colouring looks *at least* decent, try matching the size to tumblr's constantly changing dash (my new pain tbh) and the file size (gifs get twice as big after sharpening).

Then try to make the captions look pretty, your edit to appear in the tags while trying no to let people reblog the wrong edit (reposting the edit 5-10 times? tumblr thinks it's normal) and then get, like, 2-3 reblogs and 10-15 likes.

And all that gif makers are doing in their free time and at absolutely no charge. You get the finished product for free & you can't even show appreciation for the editor by hitting that reblog button so more people see it.

I've been working with graphic for fun since I was a teen. When i stumbled upon a project I needed for IRL, but it was way above my skill level, I had to pay for it. Even the person I was paying for the job told me that the entire graphic design is no easy talk, especially on a higher level. They, of course, got the job done, but they were literally working in a big company and doing all that work for quite a large amount of money.

I don't think any gif maker should be stressing about getting so little feedback and getting discouraged from making gifs from that little amount of feedback. I also don't think that because several big blogs see and reblog their gifs and those edits get 10-20k and more notes should mean that there are gif makers that deserve less attention and appreciation because those big blogs didn't notice them.

Please appreciate your gif makers and graphic editors. Please reblog our edits. Please stop seeing it as a two minute job. Please.

P.S.: I'm scared to think about how much time people that make great fan videos about their favs and ships spend. Especially longer videos. God damn it.

[divinityunleashed]

"Epic Rap Battles of Divinity!"

"Purple Heart!"

"VS"

"Goku Black!"

"Begin!"

BGM: Hyperdimension Neptunia V - One, Two, Three

"You're seriously approaching me, mortal? You're worthless even with your return, you were just second rate trash try to mess with this divinity? It's pointless when all you seem to know is how to chug pudding like a fatass."

"It's crazy to think that you used to be the mascot for this writer I didn't need to transform into a Super Saiyan in order to beat you four against one yet still you went down, it's honestly appalling that despite all your accomplishments you still excel at losing."

"How's the sister doing? Oh wait, she vanished trapped in a pocket of reality that you sent her to, how tragic and now you claim you're back to normal but clearly you're damned so get on with your verse before your presence leaves me bored."

"That's right, I was the mascot for our writer, well before you without me, he wouldn't of thought to come back to present you they don't call it Neptunia without 'Neptune' and that's the truth to think you can just walk in unannounced is so uncouth."

"You claim that you didn't need to transform to beat us yet you needed it to beat the one whose body you stole, hilarious you're all talk, you claim to wield the power of the gods but couldn't get your boyfriend to preserve the goods."

"Now run on back to Zamasu like an obedient pet because let's be honest, you beating me is an impossible bet declaring your project to destroy all mortals in the universe yet only one was all that was needed to guarantee your erasure."

"How about this, the beautiful colour of a true god!"

"My very being towers above all, all things, the whole universe! while yours is nothing more than a tantrum, not even worth. you should learn when to quit while you're ahead because after I'm finished here, you'll be left with immense dread."

"Now stay still and face your demise at the hands of divine fury and have a taste of divinity so rich you'll fall prematurely!"

Goku Black fired a projectile towards Purple Heart and engulfed her in smoke, but when she was revealed, her Next Generation form took her place.

"Sorry, but I'm not about to lose to someone like you."

"I'm next generation, the future of games in every world and now I'm about to send you back to the otherworld with the power of my friends besides me, I will prevail but all you will do is succumb to fate and fail."

"Together with the wishes of the people of Gold Third I will defeat you and ensure that peace is preserved now it's time to win this battle and deliver retributions and destroy all of your delusions."