#I'm not talking about like. feminine trans women just starting on their transition

[cool-ultrakill-url]

At this point I think my ideal gender presentation would be to look transfem butch-esque. Idk is that weird to say lol? Asking for y'all's point of view on this.

I don't wanna demean transfem transitions since, well, this is a transmasc speaking here. I just really like how a lot of more androgynous transfem people look. Like the general silhouette, the way clothes fit on them, the way they do makeup (if they wear any) and how their hair looks when they've just grown it out. It looks really cool to me. I'm an androgyne/multigender/??? and the fem part of me aches to look like That. I would be so much more comfortable with the Woman™ side of my gender if I did...

[ghelgheli]

i would actually like to hear more of your thoughts on whipping girl, whenever you feel ready enough to talk about it. i've only ever heard positive recommendations for it. i was thinking of reading it. i've read one or two introductory 101 texts on transmisogyny as well as some medium/substack posts, and always looking to read more as a tme person. ty!

thanks for asking! I'm gonna try to be concise because I'm stuck on my phone for the month, but here are my thoughts on whipping girl:

serano is at her strongest in the book in three areas: manifestations of transmisogyny in media (e.g. how trans caricatures pervade movies), the history of medical institutions developing a pathology of transsexuality (like the diagnostics of blanchard et al. or how trans people seeking healthcare were and continue to be forced into acting out prescribed expressions and manufacturing memories), and the construction of her own transition narrative (telling the reader what it was like for her to grow up desiring femininity in a way that confused her, the experience of crossdressing, the effects of hrt for her)

whenever she's just sticking to this, I think she effectively communicates a lot that the unaware reader could benefit from—even many trans women/transfems/tma people who are otherwise in tune with the history of medicalized transsexualism and our popular depictions could probably benefit from her own personal narrative, by nature of how variegated our experiences can be.

unfortunately I think the book fails at its primary—stated—goal, which is to theorize about transmisogyny. in the big picture this is a bifurcated failure:

on one branch of her argument, she remains committed to there being something biologically essential/innate about gender. this manifests thru multiple claims: that we have "innate inclinations" toward masculinity/femininity and "subconscious sex" rather than what I believe, which is that the latter are constructed categories imposed on different matrices of behaviour/expression/desire in different cultural contexts; that there is "definitely a biological component to gender" (close paraphrase) after a discussion of how she believes E and T tend to affect people (thus equivocating gender with dominant hormones!); that we have such a thing as "physical sex" which is the composition of our culturally decided "sex characteristics" (don't ask me how the dividing line is drawn) even as she says we should stop using "biological sex" as a term; that there is "no harm" in agreeing that "sex" is largely bimodal with some exceptions; that social constructionism is necessarily erasure of transsexual experiences in early childhood... altogether she is unwilling to relinquish arguments about the partial "innateness" of femininity/masculinity and gender. this is at tension with her admission on several occasions that these are neither culturally/geographically nor temporally stable concepts! but that doesn't seem to be a line she can follow thru on.

on another, intertwining branch, she engages in what I think is a deep and widespread mistake in the theorizing of transmisogyny: reducing it (mechanistically) to what she calls effemimania* or essentially anti-femininity. it is her stated thesis at the start that masculinity is universally preferred to femininity. she doesn't offer a definition of either term until one of the final chapters, where she defines them as the behaviours and expressions associated with a particular gender. but I think this reduction just misunderstands transmisogyny. it is even in tension with an observation she makes early on, that trans women are often punished for their perceived masculinity! but again, this is a thought she seems unable or unwilling to follow thru with.

my problem with the thesis is that masculinity and femininity do not float free of gender—it is not possible to speak of their valuation in the abstract. anyone who grew up as a masculine cis girl and never "grew out" of that "phase" can attest to the violence wrought upon expressions of masculinity from women. and this applies doubly so to the subjects of transmisogyny! not only are we punished for any perceived bleed-through of masculinity from our supposed "underlying male selves", those of us who are willingly masculine and thriving as mascs are punished for our failure to conform to the rules of the normative womanhood that is imposed on us (just as we are punished for any willing femininity as "false" and predatory upon cis womanhood—observe that transmisogyny is reactive degendering in every case!).

on both branches serano makes only perfunctory remarks about the intersections with race, class, and colonialism. "sex" as such was made to only be accessible to the "civilized", most of all the white european! for a racialized person and particularly a Black person navigating gender the waters are just not the same; the signifiers of sex neither available in the same way, nor granted the same medical legitimacy. what is the "physical sex" of someone who is de-sexed altogether? how can gender have a "biologically innate" component when its expressions between the bourgeoisie and the working class are at total odds with one another? this all goes for the masculine/feminine distinctions as well. what sense is there in the claim that we have innately masculine/feminine inclinations when globally (and transmisogyny has been made global!) what is feminine and masculine can be very nearly mirrored? nor is "masculinity is always considered superior to femininity" innocent of obviating race. transmisogynoir adds yet further degendering thru the coercive masculinization of someone as a Black woman—masculinization as punishment, again!

and as a final point, the account fails to be materialist. there is no attempt to place transmisogyny in its role as an instrument of political economy or, as jules gill-peterson might say, as a tool of statecraft. it is just a psychological response to the way the world is, as far as serano has anything to say about it. but how did the world become that way, and why?? serano's solution, the abolition of what she calls gender entitlement, is naive to the fact that gender entitlement is necessary to the maintenance of the capitalist state, which is structured thru patriarchy and built on colonialism. it is not possible to reskin this into something innocuous!

this is why I cannot recommend whipping girl as a work about transmisogyny except at the most shallow level. it could be a helpful critical read, but imo, it is just wrong about transmisogyny.

[befemininenow]

My coming out as a trans lesbian. (A message to my followers.)

Yes, everyone. I am "gay", or should I say, I'm a lesbian.

This may come as a shock to some of you since I would talk about "hot men" and even make captions about attracting hunks and whatnot. If you notice an absurd amount of those kind of captions surfacing this past week until now, that's because I was dealing with comphet, short for compulsive heterosexuality. In reality, I do not like men nor am I attracted to masculinity.

Why until now? One, it’s because I wanted to wait for the right time to come out and it was coincidentally on Lesbian Visibility Day. Two, it’s something I've been questioning ever since I found out I was trans. This didn’t happen in a day or two. It’s been years and I would have thought I was just pansexual. However, I was not sure whether I genuinely liked boys or if I just liked their validation. It turns out it's only the latter and I was questioning whether I was really gay or just gynosexual. I admit that getting positive reception from them turned me on and I could see the kindness and affection they displayed towards other women (something that really made me euphoric). But the moment you would place me next them for more, say, intimacy (I'm trying to keep it PG), I felt that spark turn off. Don't even get me started when they're bare or worse, send me D-picks (it's so nasty).

Now, I've never did any of that IRL. But, I've tried to interact with them through social sites. Not just in Tumblr, but in other sites like Grindr. If you ever think of creating a Grindr to meet, don't bother. It's hot garbage! All of them were chasers and not a single one was attractive. Only one "guy" seemed to be "cute"; it was a femboy, who was commencing their transition into a woman. Those were the only men I thought I was attracted to, but the reality is: I was only attracted to their femininity, but not their body or intimacy. Femboys are still men and I'm not attracted to men.

That got me questioning: Am I really only liking people for their femininity or do I genuinely only like girls? To make a long story short, I've never felt so much better than imagining myself being the lovely girl... of another girl! I always loved women as a guy, but now that I'm about to transition, being into women as a girl feels so right for me! No more comphet for me!

I know this is not the norm on these kind of blogs as the majority tend to be attracted to masculinity. However, I do want to say that even trans lesbians exist on the feminization scene. That leads me to tell all of you for the next update: You won't be seeing anymore new straight trans girl captions after the first few days of the next month. That's why you saw those kind of captions bombard my blog these past few days. It's just my way of saying "Let me just get it done with". I'm actually glad you enjoyed them, but I just don't feel any connection to those kind of captions anymore. I'll try to upload them when I can since I've been busier than usual.

Anyways, I'm happy you read this very long post. Even if you're not a lesbian, I hope this note at least gives you an insight on not keeping your true feelings locked any longer. Everyone deserves to be themselves. You should too.

Sincerely, Nikki.

[sebaztianlovesgeek]

Why I don't like the trans woman Vil headcanon

You probably saw my repost of another person talking about this but I wanted to rant about it by myself so here we go.

Before you start calling me transphobic, I'm not angry BECAUSE he's being headcanoned as trans (I actually headcanon him as trans myself, but as a trans man) and at the end of the day he's just a fictional character and it doesn't really matter so do whatever the hell you want.

That being said, a huge part of Vil's characters is not liking gender roles/stereotypes

This scene with him and Epel speaks for itself:

Why is this a problem? Well the main reason I'm seeing a lot of people headcanon him as a trans woman is because he is feminine-

My reaction:

Ah yes because feminine men totally cannot exist! They HAVE to be a trans woman! Same with tomboys they have to be trans men! Oh my god-

I want to clarify I'm not blaming trans people for this, in fact I've seen mainly trans people in the twst wonderland fandom call this out and mainly non trans people headcanon Vil as a trans woman.

To be fair, a lot of trans people started out as masculine "women" or feminine "men" before they realised they were trans, but that doesn't mean ALL feminine and masculine men and women are trans (or at least not transitioning to be the opposite gender I have met plenty of masculine trans women and feminine trans men)

Like the post I reposted said, if Vil truly WERE a trans woman, s/he'd probably be a tomboy, because a huge part of Vil's character IS 👏🏻BREAKING 👏🏻GENDER 👏🏻ROLES!

A lot of the trans male friends I have who also like Twisted Wonderland look up to Vil, because they want to break male gender roles and pass enough to be seen as a feminine guy and not a woman (what I mean by that is when trans men are feminine and like wearing dresses and stuff they are often a bit too afraid to do it due to social dysphoria and being misgendered so they usually wait until they begin passing more to wear/do more feminine things, its sad)

So when said trans male friends see the other twisted wonderland say Vil HAS TO BE A WOMAN just because he's feminine it makes them upset, they think they aren't "trans enough" and that to be a "true man" they must conform to male gender roles so they can be "trans enough"

The same goes with female characters who are masculine, trans women who are tomboys could be happy that a woman in media they watch is more masculine like them, but when people start headcanoning said woman as a trans man, it could make the trans women upset

I'm not saying headcanoning certain characters as trans is a bad thing, do whatever the hell you want, I'm not the type to get angry over fictional fun, I scoff at people wishing death upon proshippers because yeah its gross but at the end of the day its just fiction and the person behind it are often just a weird pre teen, I barely even make "call out posts" about these types of fandom stuff but subjects like being transgender often hit home for me because I have many trans friends and a few trans relatives whom I worry about because I know dysphoria can often make people think unhealthy and suicidal thoughts, so I'm just concerned about the harm certain headcanons could cause

[smalltestaccount]

Since i missed international woman's day ill talk about this today, trans visibility day. As this was one of the events that convinced me to stay stealth irl for the past 6 years. Which I guess makes me one of those "invisible trans people".

The first time I experienced real misogyny (besides very minor comments) was when I was 14 and started my transition a few months prior.

As lunch was ending and everyone was leaving the cafeteria (pre-covid) and this kid, that i considered my friend, put his hand on my thigh and said:

"happy international woman's day, you're a girl now so this is okay".

Then he left. I mean It was clearly a joke, but i didnt really like it. I just headed to english class or something and then didn't talk about it till right now.

While this was probably not that big of a deal, after a few more small things like that I figured that if I didn't want more bs to happen I should just not let people know I'm transgender. So I've been stealth for the past 6 years.

Also its weird that this was one of the two times I've been been wished a happy international woman's day (why would you even say that? its not like the birthday of women)

Anyways I guess the point i want to make is that trans women experience misogyny and pretending like we don't is bullshit. If you want women to come forward about far more serious events than this you should try fostering an environment where all women feel comfortable coming forward not just those that meet your expectations of femininity.

sorry this isn't a "haha easter is the same day" posts, I'm not christian. I couldnt really build up the courage to talk about it on international womans day or during that drama with Matt Mullenweg. Not that this was exactly a big deal but its just hard to talk about being transfem when people just want to say shit like "welcome to being a woman". And this is one of the best times to talk about stuff like this. Also in the past few weeks months ive been feeling really alone in being trans.

[cator99]

not trying to start shit but if ur comfortable do you mind talking about your gender identity and transition / opinions cause the post about your coworker really got me thinking

Youre not starting shit dw. I think that if a man can blast roids be bald not shave think of femininity as personal humiliation be competitive and openly express attraction to females then I should be able to do all that while rejecting any of the pathologizing that happens based on the fact that I'm doing that while female. Ykwim. I think that the concept of "gender identity" is precisely that disturbing pathologization I'm referring to. When a male looks or lives how I do, it isn't ever seen as indicative of any internal misalignment... but for me it is? Stupid. But the thing is that there absolutely is a misalignment occuring– and I've had to realize it has nothing to do with me. The way I live signifies nothing about holding some sort of allegiance to the males who are generally the only ones utterly unquestioningly afforded the freedom to live this way because for them it is a freedom– and for females, living like this often takes immense amounts of courage. And when one wants OUT of it all... it's easier to approach this painful reality by simply performing mental magic, flipping the narrative and saying "ah! Suddenly my hatred for all of this Woman Stuff makes sense! I should have been a man all along!" That's great but after almost 15 years in this I've realized it is fucking loser shit to think that despising misogynistic expectations and restrictive gender roles makes one a man actually because well um because you said so... because only men crave dignity... because woman equals long hair and shaving legs and makeup and my socially-trained bodily hatred and desire for a life free from demeaning treatment on the basis of my femaleness is totally abnormal no women ever feel like this no women could possibly enjoy the thought having a hairy body or a beard or feel inspired by masculine aesthetics which are largely equated with strength confidence dignity social dominance and being in actual possession of a brain and personality so any desire to embody that and be seen by others as an actual human being instead of a member of the subjugated sex actually make one imbued with Real Maleness... right..... to be honest it just became so embarassing to think that I was a grown adult still acting like this shit made any sense. I don't have a gender identity. When I pass, I take on the status of undercover female. I'm not a male. Have y'all actually met any of them?? Like, for real??? Its like... Jesus christ... LOL. No. I like the way I live. I have sympathy for females lost in the gender sauce but it only goes so far when they're by and large fucking insane and homophobic. And sure I could talk about my transition but I ultimately see it as such a non-thing. I don't think of myself as having transitioned at all, because I was always like this more or less, it's just that now I have a few more hairs on my face and a deeper voice and none of it feels unnatural or strange or "trans" it just is what it is and was always going to be... and that will always be contextualized by my sex– how could I go on denying myself that? And letting it fester like a wound... Oh and also I eventually realized it's just way more dope to be a high-value hairy jacked dyke who accepts myself but keeps doing my thang & not give a fuck than it is to be a desperate delulu self-conscious passing-obsessed little wannabe-man lol

[dustbunnylair]

Hakari and Kirara Dating? Is Kirara a femboy? !Slight JJK Spoilers!

So if you are a part of the Jujutsu Kaisen fanbase then you probably understand what the title means. But, if you are not familiar with these Jujutsu Kaisen characters, I'll try to explain in short.

Kinji Hakari is a man around 18-22 years old, a third-year student who is currently suspended from Jujutsu High. His age is assumed by the average third-grade student ages in Japan, 17-19, but people assume he has been held back a bit because of his appearance. He's a gambler, which also made people assume his age.

Kirara Hoshi is an androgynous character and assumed transwoman/transfem, or also watered down to “femboy”, they are also a third-year student with Hakari (or according to them, “Kin”) who is currently taking a break from Jujutsu High because of Hakari’s absence. They are also assumed to be around 18-22 years old, I personally think they are about 19. Kirara is thought to be either a Demigirl (someone who feels their gender identity partially identifies with a feminine identity, but is not wholly binary, regardless of their assigned gender) a transwoman (MTF) or under the trans umbrella in general, because of the fact that they used to be a boy in junior high but later transitioned to dress more femininely. The image is shown below for proof:

Kirara and Hakari both do not like Jujutsu High due to its conservative members. Both of them have a very close or intimate relationship. Most of the fanbase has assumed they are dating, but then others deny that and think they are “really close best friends” huh, looks like the Jujutsu Kaisen fanbase has some patterns with its ships.

In my opinion, Kirara and Hakari are dating, it's just not explicitly stated. And before someone starts acting like a freakazoid because it's a “gay ship” and we all know shounen anime can't have gay ships, what would we ever do,the world is totally coming to an end because shounen animes are suddenly having implied lgbtqia+ characters?!

Yeah anyway, Hakari and Kirara are not a gay relationship. Why do I think this? Because Hakari has explicitly said he isn't into men. Images are shown below:

I'm not 100% that the above image is not a mistranslation so I'll show the image that I found which is of this panel:

I personally feel Gege will not open up about any shipping or characters of unknown genders within Jujutsu Kaisen, especially because Kirara isn’t the first to be an androgynous character, adding in Uraume. And if Gege does talk about characters' sexualities or genders, he’s probably going to A; pick which makes the fandom more pissed, seeing that he has killed off every likable or popular character, or B; not explicitly talk about it and just say it’s up for the fans interpretation.

The character here, Kirara, uses "Watashi," So them being trans is not completely impossible. “Watashi” is the Japanese neutral "I", appropriate in all contexts, used by men and women, in academia, business, retail, when talking to superiors or strangers or for official purposes. It is humble and formal. Women almost always uses this. And Panda says they are a "boy," because he remembers the earlier person, and in the official Jujutsu school (which is run by conservatives) records, they are registered as a boy.

I think in the Jujutsu Kaisen fandom and fanbase, there is a complete misunderstanding within Japanese media. Japan, and other Asian countries, are not as accepting of lgbtqia+, although other countries also aren’t currently such as America, etc. However, in America you can still easily get lgbtqia+ on screen or in television. However in Japan, it isn’t that easy, especially in Shounen Jump, they can actually get in trouble if they have an explicitly lgbtqia+ character in an anime/manga.

Gege Akutami has already gotten death threats for killing off characters, specifically Gojo, which is so incredibly harmful and is literally the reason why Japanese authors usually hide their identities and use different pen names. Currently, there is no confirmation on Uraume’s and Kirara’s genders. Hakari and Kirara’s relationship and whether certain characters within the show are a part of the lgbtqia+ community also remains unknown. For the time being, if a character is shown to have an unknown gender, or be attracted to the same gender it is implied. I personally don’t think it will ever be confirmed, and if it does get confirmed I think it’ll be when Jujutsu Kaisen is finished. The only implication from Gege himself is that he is a big reader of BL’s (Boys’ Love) however that doesn’t necessarily mean he would bring that into his own stories. 

However I think we should all be respectful towards people’s headcanons, if someone wants to headcanon that Uraume is nonbinary, Kirara is a transwoman, Hakari and Kirara are dating, or think that Gojo and Geto are soulmates I think they should be allowed to do so. The only time headcanoning is invalid is when it is problematic, influencing incest, pedophilia, toxic relationships, or contradicts canon, etc.

[saintjosie]

hi!! fanfic writing person here again :D

i've been looking at a ton of stuff and first like. damn i didn't expect me headcanoning a character as transfem to lead me down a rabbit hole where i now 1. have loads of random knowledge on transfem issues and 2. have a massive amount of respect for transfem people and understanding of the differences in experience of different trans people. wonderful actually. your stuff has been super helpful tysm

actual question! how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles? do you think that's disrespectful? because like. wearing makeup, 'feminine' clothes, that kind of thing-- functionally no bearing on someone's womanhood. but those are, to my understanding, big hallmarks of transfem experiences. i don't want to say that wearing makeup or a dress makes her suddenly feel wonderful and pretty and solves all her woes, but i also don't want to downplay the significance of that experience. ideally, how do you think those should be balanced? basically how do i make her feminine without it seeming like a certain level of femininity is required to be trans.

generally, are there any experiences you think would be helpful to know? i'm writing a lot about her (currently two fics on different effects of HRT as an adult, and two on her gender being affirmed as a teen when she had taken basically no steps in her transition) so any insight is helpful. ideally what would you want portrayed in a non-transfem author writing a trans girl? idk!

i understand that these are very big asks so once again don't feel pressured to reply-- thank you regardless! generally looking at your content as a trans woman has been super helpful so thank you so much for sharing <3 best wishes!

"how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles?"

you cant! but why do you need to? a core part of the trans experience is experimenting with gender, stereotypical or not. so many trans fems (including myself) start off by leaning very hard into stereotypical femininity because they are things that many of us have not previously explored. and then a core part of that journey is learning that there is no right way to explore gender. i spent years leaning into being femme until i realized i was more comfortable with a little bit of fluidity and androgyny. i think the most authentic experience would be to have her explore femininity, stereotypical or not, and then eventually coming to terms with how she is a woman outside of stereotypical femininity. two experiences that i think might be a good way to introduce this concept is one, the gender affirming experience of being included as one of the girls. there's a lot of nuance to that experience that people dont necessarily consider. there is the self doubt of, oh am i really one of the girls or are they just humoring me? and also for some there is the need to feel like they need to confirm to expectations of femininity, and leaning too hard into it.

second, the experience of experiencing misogny for the first time. i specifically say misogny because a lot of trans women have face homophobia and transphobia before they experience misogyny that validates them as a woman and for many people there can be this sudden awareness of how different the world is when you move through it as a woman. there is your typical run of the mill, this guy is a dick misogny but then there is also that experience of facing internalized misogny from other women. the experience of being told by cis women how to engage with femininity because a lot of cis women haven't deconstructed that for themselves is an experience that can be particularly hurtful because it is infantilization and misogny that is also incredibly invalidating.

third, when youre talking about gender affirming experiences from pre-transition, there's a lot of nuance to those experience because while they are gender affirming, there is confliction too. for some theres the question of why do i like this? and you also have to consider that many times those experiences that happen to a person who sees themselves as a boy. there is a level of separation from the experience because they havent necessarily embraced transness yet, and if they have, theres tentativeness because being in your teens is all about forming identity.

if you can capture these experiences in your writing, then fantastic! but also these are hard to capture because often times it takes lived experience to write it with nuance. love these questions and happy to answer! good luck with your writing!

[edonee]

You asked yesterday for someone to explain what trans people mean when we say we do or don't feel like a gender or sex. My comment is too long to put in the replies to I'm answering here instead. I don't really think this will change your mind at all, but this is the best way I can explain what it feels like to be trans masculine.

Seeing myself and having others see me as a girl was painful. I felt a deep sense of wrongness when people called me "she" and when people described me as a girl. It sometimes made me throw up, it made me cry, it made me dissociate. When I transitioned and people called me "he" or "they", I felt an overwhelming amount of joy. I felt like they were seeing who I was, I felt right. I felt this deep sense of wrongness in relation to my body as well - I couldn't stand seeing my breasts, I couldn't stand having a period, I hated the way my face was shaped. I also often felt uncomfortable when doing things or wearing things considered traditionally feminine, but I think that was because I hated that people used those to associate me with being a girl. Now, I often enjoy wearing clothing or activities that fit feminine gender roles. My point is, my dysphoria and my experience of gender is almost entirely based on how I feel most aligned with the gender designation of man, and not at all aligned with the gender designation of woman - rather than what aspects of those gender roles I wanted to participate in.

I don't think there's one simple explanation as to what it means to feel like a woman or a man or any form of gender that does not fit within the binary. I personally believe that we all have unique experiences of gender, and most people's match up with how they are perceived by society, but others make them feel dysphoric. I honestly agree with the idea of gender abolition - as long as we don't divide people by sex either. It would be great if we could all just exist as people without these arbitrary categories acting as defining characteristics of who we are.

I can't answer if, in that hypothetical society where we don't have genders, I would still experience the dysphoria I've felt about my body. I don't know - I'm sorry. I get that there are a lot of confusing things in play when it comes to gender and trans people, and I think it's great that people like you want to understand, and I get that it can seem suspicious when there are some things that we can't answer.

But I don't think that those areas where there's a lack of clarity need to push you away from supporting trans people. We are not claiming to be trans for some manipulative agenda, or just very swept up in internalized misogyny. Most of us are people who suffered a lot trying to exist as the gender that society ascribed to our sex, and now that we've found another way to exist, we feel freer. I feel like a man because I don't feel wrong when I exist as a man. I don't feel like a woman because I felt wrong when I existed as a woman. I don't see what in that is a threat.

Thank you if you bothered to read all of this! Have a lovely evening.

Hi ^^ good morning, I just read this and I'm going to try to make my point as linear as possible. I want to start off by giving you a definition of sex and gender (just so that there's no confusion over what I'm talking about) I've simply taken the definitions from The World Health Organisation as I find those exhausting and agreeable enough:

Sex is defined as the different biological and physiological characteristics of males and females, such as reproductive organs, chromosomes, hormones, etc

Gender is defined as the (of course variable based on place, culture, and historical period) socially constructed characteristics of women and men – such as norms, roles and relationships of and between groups of women and men.

I want to start by addressing what you said at the very beginning of your argument: you said that people perceiving you as a girl distressed you even to the point of physical sickness, whereas getting gendered as a man made you feel seen as your true self. First, I want to say that your "true self" can't be the social classification of characteristics attributed to either sex. Gender is, by definition, purely constructed, therefore any identification with either gender comes from a personal sympathization with its elements and not from an innate connection to a system that is man-made and cannot therefore borne any biological bond. Secondly, I don't want to make a diagnosis out of your experience, but that simply sounds like an extreme result of growing up as a female. With the way girls are treated in every society it's no wonder that the passage from childhood to girlhood is burdensome. When a male child grows up he becomes a person, whereas a female grows to be a woman. Very trivially, the reason why I used to identify as non-binary when I was around 13-14 was that I felt too complex to fit into something as shallow and one-dimensional as womanhood. Of course I'm not saying that's why you specifically feel this way, as there could very well be another reason personal to you that has shaped your mind and put you in a psychological condition where you feel alienated from your body. But even in that case, the argument of transgenderism still doesn't hold up. Gender is not biological, so of course anyone can identify themselves in and out of it as they please, but that doesn't change two things:

1) the structure of it remains the same

2) a female who identifies as a man is still female and vice versa

You also go on and say that your experience with gender comes from feeling aligned to the “gender designation of men – rather than what aspects of those gender roles (you) want to participate in„

I find this definition quite feeble, as the "gender designation of men" is exactly equivalent to the gender roles linked to it, and nothing more. Again, I can't help but get the idea that the motive of your discomfort with femaleness stems from an underlying uneasiness with the poor way women are treated in a misogynistic society rather than an abstract and impractical affinity with the male sex.

Now, toward the end of your argument you hypothesized a world where gender has been erased, leaving sex as the only undeniable distinction between people, and you said:

"I can't answer if, in that hypothetical

society where we don't have

genders, I would still experience the

dysphoria l've felt about my body"

And, although I don't know you personally, I'm quite confident that the answer would be no. Feeling discontent over your body is not innate, it's learned (subconsciously or otherwise) through socialization. If you feel envy towards the male body and hatred towards your female body it is not because there's something inherently wrong with it, but rather because you aspire to the male gender class. Without sex discrimination & gender existing in the first place, there would be nothing that would make you resent your female body.

However, we clearly don't live in a word free of gender, so does that mean that we should endorse transgenderism for the sake of those people who suffer from dysphoria? The answer is no. Dysphoria is a direct result of gender, therefore the solution is to question the very construct of gender, and not to go through medical procedures to change one's sexual characteristics in order to "be your true self". Just like anorexia can't be cured by starving, but only by deconstructing the underlying fixation with thinness and body image. Not to mention the idea that gender is actually real is harmful to feminism. It does not only solidify gender stereotypes, and promote the definition of certain behaviors as either masculine or feminine, it also strips words away of their meaning, making the fight for female liberation a nebulous movement that stands up for the rights of – who exactly? Females? Anyone who identifies as female? Men who say they are women?

I'm genuinely sorry that there are people who suffer to the point that they want to be the opposite sex, but I refuse to advocate for the idea that you can be born into the wrong body. Believing that your body is wrong is a fucking miserable way to live, and it's also simply not true.

Let me know if you want to ask me anything else, have a good day

[femsolid]

There was a talk show on french TV the other day about trans parents and their children. One of the guests was a butch lesbian truck driver and her daughter. The show's host asked the daughter if there were any telltale sign that her mother was a man and the daughter said that her mom ("dad" she called her) had interests and hobbies that were traditionnaly associated with men. I still can't believe I have to hear this shit in 2023. The mother said that she just couldn't bear the thought of being a "masculine woman". She just could NOT be a masculine woman. No way. Being a butch lesbian was unacceptable to her. Therefore she had to be a man. She said she had nothing against masculine women, that she even fell in love with one, it just couldn't be her. But sitting there on the couch... she was exactly that. She was not feminine, she was not a man either, she was a butch lesbian. She just had to pretend (and make everyone pretend with her) that she was a straight man for her to be okay with who she was. And that was pretty sad. Because in the end it means she still isn't okay with who she is. An interesting thing she said was that she only started thinking of transitioning after she heard some french idiots use the word "queer" and she looked it up on the internet and discovered all the propaganda associated and then here she was, boom, a man. An online epiphany. I'm happy she found a way to let go of the pressure of femininity and hope she's happier this way, but the thought process behind it is so incredibly regressive, sexist and homophobic it's hard to stomach.

There was also a transbro invited with his daughter. She said that she and her little brother found out about their dad by discovering his secret instagram account on which he was pretending to be a woman. She also explained that since he had started his transition he was making his children's life a living hell at home. She justified and excused it by claiming he was going through female puberty. The father nodded with a big smile on his face. Haha cute and amusing. Apparently, his doctor told him that the hormones he's taking are turning him into a teenage girl. And teenage girls are annoying, emotional and irrational of course, we all know that, so voilà. The daughter of another transbro said the same thing, that her dad was going through his teenage girl phase and was therefore crying and screaming for no reason. The show's psychologist suprisingly intervened to say it had nothing to do with being female and everything to do with the artifical hormones intake causing mood swings. I would argue that narcissism and misogyny are at play as well.

Another interesting part was when they discussed the fact that trans identified parents have often fantasized about being a member of the opposite sex for a long time but their family on the other hand typically had no idea and is shocked when they discover it. The trans identifying person rushes everything because in their perception they've been waiting for a long time. So they're like: now you know! So pretend with me and be okay with it! But to the family it's completely sudden, so to be asked to forget about the person they know, stop using their name, be an unwilling witness to their sexual changes and be just fine with it is... an impossible task.

And on the topic of sexual changes there were discussions, initiated by the psychologist, about how disturbing it is for the children to become involved in their parents' sex lives. Because through talks of phalloplasties, vaginoplasties, estrogen to induce breast growth, etc, the parents are indeed making the children a part of their sex lives and all the (now adult) daughters agreed that it was uncomfortable to say the least. Like when your dad is recovering from turning his penis into a hole or getting fake breasts you're forced to become aware and part of it. It was interesting that only daughters were present as well. Of course all of them, no matter how uncomfortable, said we should support transitioning and that was the conclusion of the show. I didn't listen to everything because I was working at the same time but. Yeah. All in all, the usual.

[aoifereal]

Don't like venting about this stuff normally but I'm very frustrated by this, so. I saw a transfem butch complaining online about how being misgendered for being butch and the comments were sucks and the comments are full of people effectively saying "that's just how it is for butches, what did you expect?".

That's so rude on so many levels. Do you think this trans butch doesn't know that people assumptions about gender? It's the same condescension that happens whenever a trans woman talks about women's issues, the same deep-rooted cissexism. People don't view trans women's womanhoods to be as real as cis womens womanhoods so they assume we can't possibly understand what it's like to have an experience a (in this case, butch) woman would have. It's the same logic that leads people to say "welcome to being a woman" as if a trans woman is not aware of misogyny and has not faced any real examples of it, despite trans women facing misogyny and transmisogny well before people start to acknowledge us as women.

Additionally, why do you think any trans person would need it explained to them that strangers will make gendered assumptions about you. That's our whole lives! I'm sure most trans butches had a more feminine phase (in the same way many cis butches conform to femininity for some time due to the extreme pressures placed on all women to) and even in those phases we are very aware of gendered assumptions! Because we have to be to stay safe in public!

In this same forum there's a post from a day ago where a (presumably cis, but what matters is that people will assume that because she didn't say) butch complains about the exact same thing and everyone in the comments is being nice to her and saying they understand and they're sorry that it sucks she's being misgendered. It's such naked transmisogny to immediately dismiss and condescend to a trans woman in a way that you do not do when you're talking to cis women.

One cis woman was going on and on about how some trans women find it nice when people are misogynistic towards them because it affirms their gender and why doesnt op just take a similar approach to butchphobia :). Now I do get the latter part of this a bit because I will say "it is because of my masculine lesbian swag" in my head when I get misgendered but it pisses me off when people suggest trans women like experiencing misogyny. Sometimes particularly early transition women joke about it because if you don't laugh you'll cry but facing misogyny isn't fun for anyone. Cis people fucking love this stuff though because it allows them to continue thinking of trans women as acceptable targets for misogyny.

Also full of people saying "you should just assert your womanhood when you get misgendered" which is crazy to me because it's dangerous for cis butches let alone transfem butches! That's insane advice to give someone and just shows you're checked out of reality. Women get killed over this shit dude. Or people not getting how misgendering is used as a patriarchal tool of control. Not understanding that a misgendering has a threat of violence behind it a significant portion of the time when you're a trans woman.

It's just all wild, and no listening to the several trans women trying to explain why the things they were saying were lacking in understanding. Very disappointing to see lesbians say this stuff.

[kithj]

Hey sorry for more talking, but since the conversation was happening about gender stuff, reminded me about my own and thought, "hm Kit would probably appreciate hearing this". So, wanted to say that you've helped me further figure out my own gender shit, like categorically have helped me a lot there. When Blood Choke first dropped I was still IDing as soft butch (and not as a gender), but that plus more specifically Lea have helped me figure out I'm genuinely butch (gender). Lea, you locking them in a way, was a huge huge help for me, particularly the partial transition (? dunno better wording) she/her Lea has. Had been stressing a ton at the time about my hormone levels, T specifically, and even crying because I know I couldn't do injections which would help keep it low without an antiandrogen, but seeing the idea of what Lea did, yeah if I didn't make my own T I would absolutely do that it sounds great. So, like has helped me further refine my identity, get more comfortable with my hormone levels and body (at least in some ways; now I have the unfortunate opposite worries about not being masc enough 🙃), and has just been a big help and made me understand myself and my butchness a lot better. Sorry if this is unwanted and TMI and so on, but wanted to say in hopes that it would make you happy to hear, that you've helped, with your characters and lesbian gender posts on the Blood Choke blog, a butch work through its imposter syndrome and shit :)

this is lovely to hear 🥺💕reasons like this are exactly why i chose to keep Lea written that way (there are a lot of butches out there that do exactly what she did, and there are others that continuously take T just because they want to and like it) and also why i eventually gravitated towards a project like Blood Choke.

it took me a long time to kind of "settle" in my butch identity as well, and it wasn't until i started reading older lesbian literature, where butchness is actually openly discussed and celebrated, that i really had that moment of realization. i wish i could read more, especially about transfem butches, but a lot of that stuff is just not easy to access, being out of print, never been digitized, etc etc.

the most well-known piece is probably Xanthra Philippa's "Don't call me mister, 'Cause I'm a TS Butch" from gendertrash from hell, in 1995.

i do think for a lot of people there's that initial hurdle of thinking butch = aesthetic, rather than an actual identity, which leads people to thinking they can't be butch, that they're not "allowed" because they don't look a certain way (aka skinny and white and perfectly androgynous at all times). and with trans women and transfems specifically, there's also this expectation for you to be highly feminine and to conform to cishetero ideals when you transition, and that pressure confines you into a very small box that, imo, takes a lot of courage to finally step out of.

i hope that in the future there will be more of us writing and being loud and visible for other people to see and realize they can be butch too :-)

[akajustmerry]

Hello. Can I respectfully ask you as someone who's from a country where we don't know or talk much about lgbt+ identities, why so many female born people identify as nonbinary instead of saying 'I'm a woman but I don't fit into nor do I want to fit into traditional gender roles/expectations'? Sorry if I said something not politically correct and you don't even have to answer this question but I'd appreciate if you did because I'm trying to understand this as a feminist lesbian woman and as someone who's speaking a language that doesn't have gendered pronouns and is very confused about all of this. It feels a bit like people rejecting their womanhood which is understandable but very sad to me as I've always found tomboys/butches/gender-confonforming women absolute badasses. I know being nonbinary has something to do with not feeling like a woman but I have never felt like a woman either... it's just something I am. I understand that some people have gender dysphoria. Is that the case with nonbinary people too?

hello ❤��� I'll start by saying that I can't speak for all nonbinary people, nor am I an expert in queer gender studies. I'm just speaking from my experience as a nonbinary person who grew up assigned female.

so, the simplest answer to the question of why assigned female people come out as nonbinary instead of living as butch/gnc women is because they are not women. similarly, if you asked a trans man why he wants to live as a man instead of living as a masculine woman, the answer is also because he is not a woman. in another way, it's like asking a lesbian why they won't just be with feminine men, the answer is because they're a lesbian.

non-binary people, whether assigned male or assigned female, have lots of reasons why we come out as nonbinary. many nonbinary people do experience dysphoria and many medically transition, and there are also many who don't do either. it's important to remember that being nonbinary isn't only a feeling. yes, many people feel alienated from their assigned gender, but most people still identify with it. trans people don't. you say that a woman is something you just are, well, being nonbinary is also something people just are and it's different for every nonbinary person. someone coming out as nonbinary is not purely a rejection but also embracing a way of existing.

in English, the most commonly used pronouns are gendered and so much of the language is gendered. Nonbinary people who primarily speak English often struggle to be acknowledged with accurate language reflective of who we are. So, for English speaking nonbinary people, insisting on non-gendered language is a fight for recognition, instead of normal.

Nonbinary isn't one identity, it's an umbrella term for trans people who don't identify as men or women. Some people are nonbinary because they aren't traditionally their assigned gender. Some people come out as nonbinary because of spiritual or cultural reasons. Some people come out as nonbinary because of their relationship to their sexuality. Some people come out as nonbinary on their way to becoming trans men or trans women. Some people are nonbinary because they simply don't want to be anything else. That's a key part of it too. Being nonbinary isn't about what you aren't, it's about what you want.

Speaking for myself, I realised I was nonbinary because I was just me. I didn't want to be a man or a woman, I wanted to just be me and that's how I felt my whole life. I used to as a kid make up stories about being an alien and tell everyone I was an alien right up until I was 14 and looking back I feel like this was me trying to communicate how I felt so outside of what I was meant to and I loved it.

Speaking also only for myself, I don't "reject" being a woman. I understand that is a part of me, but I consider it a part of my gender in the way that eggs go into a cake, it's one ingredient, not the meal. No one calls cake "eggs". You can argue a cake is eggs in the same way you can argue a nonbinary person is their assigned gender. Or to put it another way, it's like arguing that glass is sand.

I want to warn you that making the argument that nonbinary people who were assigned female are sad women who reject womanhood is an argument frequently made by transphobic people who try to make their bigotry sound like feminism. be very careful. In truth, feminism has always been about achieving equity for people of all genders, including trans people. you do not have to understand every trans person's gender to respect them.

hope this answers your questions ❤️

[smalltestaccount]

okay i think ive come to the conclusion that i dont really fit in with most other trans women, like personality wise, and thats okay. Like i think recently a lot of trans women, not just on tumblr, have been making me think i have to be kinky and bizarre or something, be blasé about transitioning or gender roles, or even just like be okay with some borderline harassing behavior. Its okay if that is you (except the harassing behavior some of yall need to work on that), but like thats not really me. Acting this way just makes me feel bad. Just ignoring that Im a total straightedge, that im like a 1 on the Kinsey scale now. Ever since i was like 11 my biggest desire is just like being a normal cis girl. I always am happiest embracing basic American femininity, and i only just re-realized this after after it helped me get out of a depressive episode (along with antidepressants and an increased estrogen dose). I don't care if im "enforcing gender roles", because i fucking love female gender roles (in modern American culture) cause they make me feel like not-a-piece-of-shit. Also i don't strictly adhere to many anyways. And i just don't think terfs would have any issues with cis girls who love the color pink, flowers, being boy crazy, and dreaming about being a mother. So like why should I feel like its wrong to like that stuff? I don't think there is anything wrong with it. And you know if you don't have that relationship with gender that is fine, you need to do what makes you happy, that's why feminism exists. I'm just saying I don't want to pretend like my personality is something that really just makes me uncomfortable.

I dont like when people here imply being a trans woman entails being sexual cause like i just want to be normal and that stereotype is harmful, especially to transgender children who are really likley to be targeted for some kind of sexual abuse because theyre trans and being trans is already sexualized more than it needs to be. Adults can navigate that to some extent, but not kids; I couldnt really navigate that when i started transitioning in middle school and im lucky it only stayed online. Trying to even somewhat fit in with tumblrs idea of trans women has made me encounter tranny porn on my dash and whenever i post images of myself I'm followed by gross accounts that just reblog that stuff . A lot of trans women don't hate it, because sex work is very much as part of the trans community. But honestly, seeing trans women be treated in those ways just makes me feel bad for the actresses and sick about myself and very dysphoric.

Im not saying that you cant express kinkiness and hyper-sexuality, because I dont want to dictate how you act any more than i want you to be dictated on how I act. But I also want to encourage thoughfulness in what you say. Saying you, yourself, is kinky and weird, is not that same as saying trans *girls* are kinky and weird. In the same way I'm not going to reblog tradwife content, I don't think its productive to make an "all tgirls be kinky" post. You shouldn't try to paint that image of other trans women.

As its the first day of june I'll just tie it up by saying that not all trans people fit into one personality and if you want to show support its best not to suggest trans women all act a certain way, and please don't think talking about "gock" is a good way to show support. This isn't a "kink at pride" discourse post in the very slightest cause I don't, and never have, given any shits about that, cause I've never been to pride. This is just me talking about how I fit into the trans community.

Im Alexa and I'm going to reblog and post shit i like, not what other people like or expect. That Includes not doing tummy tuesday cause i really only briefly did it out of fomo and peer pressure. And please don't say things about me that you wouldnt say about other women

[sapphire-heart-tippy]

CW: vent, transphobia, anon hate, anger inducing

Already blocked that transphobic anon, and I know I shouldn't let them bother me, but it's pushed me to the limit

The amount of hatred and transphobia I both get and see from others is disheartening.

The treatment you get whether you're born female or present female or feminine in any way regardless of your sex or gender is horrible. If you're a cis woman, if you're a feminine cis man, if you're a trans masc who hasn't/doesn't want to transition (or still very much enjoys being feminine), if you're trans fem, if you're any type of feminine whatsoever.

When I was a child, I was taught that I was born evil because I was born with a vagina and uterus. I'm still told that to this day.

I still suffer from misogyny, I still have "women's health issues", I still get treated poorly, I still get talked over, I still have my intelligence questioned, and I do not pass as a man at all nor do I really want to. Now I suffer from transphobia alongside it.

I don't even want to be a man or a woman. I want to be my own thing. And I am my own thing.

People get angry with me for the trans thing, for the masc thing, for the nonbinary thing, for the vagina-having thing, for the androgyne thing, for every single thing about me.

So I get transphobia from cishet people angry that I'm trans even though I don't "look the part", and who call me "they" or "she", no matter how many times I politely ask for them to call me "he". Then question my intelligence because I was born with a uterus.

And I get transphobia from fellow queer people who think that I'm evil and go "why can't you just be a girl? Why can't you just be a feminine nonbinary who uses she/they? Why do you have to be a traitor?" Then question my competence because of my labels and pronouns.

And they both call me "girl" then get angry at me for saying, "hey that makes me feel dysphoric please stop." And they claim "but I was using it in a gender neutral way!!! People say 'dude' all the time!!!"

I don't say "dude" or "girl" at people unless I know for sure that they're okay with it, because it's called respect.

How about we all just stop thinking in the binary please. I'm not a binary person. I use binary descriptors but I'm very clearly nonbinary. I mean that to the fullest extent.

I'm a mascfem androgyne who wants to have both sets of genitals. Yes I'm technically "trans masc" and like to use masculine descriptors and even call myself gay and achillean. But that doesn't mean I'm strictly binary, especially not whatever binary is being thrown around right now.

I'm very thankful and glad I have friends who support me, but unfortunately there are so many people who want me to just be a girl again.

So yeah, I get stressed out whenever I get messages and anons from people who spew their hatred of anything trans masculine then say "oh by the way I'm not being transphobic :)"

Yes you are.

You're being putrid to a stranger because of this thing you made up in your head.

I'm going to block the next person, I don't care how long we've been friends, who posts anything hateful about any queer identity. I've already blocked plenty of transphobic, biphobic, enbyphobic, and acephobic people.

Please just respect others' identities. Yes, you can go "ugh that's so stupid and lame" in your head, but please do not spiral out of control and start hating individuals over it.

[nekoning]

I want to speak in support of transfems, as someone who is TME that embodies some of the arguments used to deflect acknowledging transmasc privilege. I want to start by saying that nothing I'm going to say is something transfems haven't said before and that you should prioritize listening to transfem voices.

Just to give context, for most of my life I was a masculine, non-passing transmasc, now I'm a visibly gnc agender person who's been 2 years on T, but what is important is:

There has not been a single stage in my transition journey where I have not been more privileged than transfems.

Not when I was pre-T, not when I was masc, not now that I'm gnc and sometimes get read as transfem, never.

I can only speak from my experience, but I will use it to deconstruct a few of the most common arguments used by TME people to criticize TMA people that speak out about transmisogyny.

1) “Transmasc people face the same level of oppression, any disagreement to this is an attempt at dividing us”

(CW: mentions of SA and murder)

Believe me, I know oppression. For another context i live in Latin America, where if you've paid attention to statistics about transphobia, it gets pretty bad here. Transmascs I know have had heartbreaking life stories, a lot of them have suffered SA, a few became sex workers to survive, that and more transphobia transmascs have talked about before.

Not too long ago, I was in a candlelit vigil with other transmascs, mourning the murder of Ever, a trans man who suffered violence, was killed and dismembered. He was treated as a woman in the news like in most cases here, a lot of us wondered if we could be next.

That same day I saw a post about transmasc privilege. My first knee-jerk reaction was to feel defensive, how could I get told that in that moment? how could anyone think we're privileged? A lot of transmascs are having that reaction now, the problem is you're staying with that reaction instead of listening.

You think what transfems are saying is that you stand with cis men at the top, hand in hand, only rewarded and not faced with any harm. That is not what they are saying, what they are pointing out is that even if we're both at the bottom, transmascs are one step above, 10 cents above, it is not wrong to point out that difference, it's fair.

I could go on and on with anecdotes about how other transmasc people and I suffer, and yet, none of it will erase that privilege. It’s in the name that appears in my ID and CV, it's in the way masculinity is favored in comparison to femininity, it's in how the community's response to my suffering will most often be open arms instead of being harassed, called pedophile or rapist, being banned and more of what happens to transfems, it's structural, it's patriarchy.

Everyone has a duty to recognize in which ways they are privileged. It is the duty of transmasc people to recognize that, even though the little privilege they have is not enough to protect them from transphobes and cisnormativity, it is enough to be weaponized against transfems if they choose to do so. The same way that even if a cis man is the best of allies and is discriminated by other aspects of his identity, he still holds more privilege than women.

We have to be aware of this privilege not because there is an “oppression olympics”, but because it's necessary if we want to use it in favor of transfems and not against them.

If you think transfems speaking out about the mistreatment they face is what is destroying unity, you're wrong. it's your lack of solidarity that is.

2) “GNC or feminine transmascs suffer the same treatment, so everyone is affected by transmisogyny”

I'm very fluid in my gender expression and nowadays I pass most of the time as a man. Sometimes I get read as transfem by strangers and get harassed, because of this I've started to become anxious about going outside.

And that is kind of the point, I started getting treated worse when read as transfem, in no other stage of my transition, not even when I didn't pass at all and was very masc, was I ever treated this harshly. And you know what? it's still not as bad as what transfems go through.

Because it's occasional and accidental, it's not even directed towards me really, the oppressive system in place doesn't have me as a target. Some other transmascs will give me the side-eye for being feminine, still not as bad. Some people will misgender me, see me as a cis woman, still not as bad, cis women ARE more privileged than trans women. If something happens to me, I can reach out to my safety net and be supported.

Maybe you should ask trans women what happens to them when they reach out for help, what happens when they speak out about what happens to them. I can't claim to be just as oppressed when the bullets just graze me, they are taking the direct hit and you are not protecting them.

3) “We don't know the reality of transmasc oppression. There is not enough data about us yet to make these claims”

That fact infuriates me as much as it infuriates you, I wish we were studied more, because it is true that sometimes our experiences are undermined. However, despite that, I don't need statistics to know that transfems are telling the truth, because it's how patriarchy works. They are women, I am not. We are both trans but stand in different sides of the spectrum, patriarchy punishes moving towards their side.

If you're still old enough to remember, what was one of the most common things cis men would tell women when they would speak about the oppression they faced? "show me the statistics." Don't do that to trans women, even when we both know it's unfair that the statistics don't exist, don't. Believe trans women, it's as simple as that. I don't need statistics to believe them because we have decades of history as proof.

To end this, Sylvia Rivera and many more transfems fought to get their voices heard despite the rest of the community trying to silence them, the same thing is happening now.

When will you listen? when will you contribute to making the community safe for trans women? If you want an united queer community, strong enough to fight against cisnormativity and patriarchy, then you need to make your choice between defensiveness and solidarity, I already made mine. And please hurry, because transfems really need us right now.

There is much more everyone should know about transmisogyny, but you have to hear it from them, they are the experts, read books and articles made by transfems, listen to what transfems are saying on this site, listen to the transfems in your community, be there for them.

edit: i can't believe i have to say it again, these are my experiences only, not speaking for everyone, and still, personal experiences are one thing, a systematic, structured oppression is another, it changes nothing.