#I'm not talking about like. feminine trans women just starting on their transition

[cool-ultrakill-url]

At this point I think my ideal gender presentation would be to look transfem butch-esque. Idk is that weird to say lol? Asking for y'all's point of view on this.

I don't wanna demean transfem transitions since, well, this is a transmasc speaking here. I just really like how a lot of more androgynous transfem people look. Like the general silhouette, the way clothes fit on them, the way they do makeup (if they wear any) and how their hair looks when they've just grown it out. It looks really cool to me. I'm an androgyne/multigender/??? and the fem part of me aches to look like That. I would be so much more comfortable with the Woman™ side of my gender if I did...

[genderqueerdykes]

there really is a cultural pressure for transmascs & men to detransition, and it comes from all sides. it comes from the queer community too, not just terfs and cishet transphobes.

it took me a while to realize why transphobic people and transandrophobic queers utterly despise trans guys & mascs who are over the age of like 25- it's because it pisses them right off that we've resisted their attempts to make us detransition. it makes them so angry to see they were unable to groom that person into a life of self-shame and repression. it really seems like MOST people believe that trans men will just detransition eventually in life? people NEVER think about older trans men, only teenage trans boys and trans men in their very early twenties.

when i was involved with my local punk scene i was addressed with condescension, almost everyone around me didn't accept transmasculinity as a legitimate identity and thought that we would've transitioned by now in life. i encountered folks who would talk about transmasculinity with subtle disgust that made me feel like i was doing something wrong, and people who expressed overt disgust, saying in plain english that they were disgusted by breasts and vaginas because they were gay men. all along the way i was literally mocked for not having a penis, and one of my roommates started treating me differently once they found out i didn't have one (because they were attracted to me)

i've been on T for 9 years, and been out as a trans man for a bit longer than that, and i noticed as i've aged i've also attracted a lot of folks who have tried to deter me from identifying as a trans man, either through directly telling me that trans men are inherently dangerous, or by implying that women or another gender are safer, quieter, calmer, "less traumatizing to be around," etc. one of my exes told me they were terrified to date me (despite literally going out of their way to do so for over half a year) because they were scared i would be transphobic to them because i'm a transmasculine lesbian.

i received pressure from online friends to either detransition and become an intersex butch woman, or to something feminine adjacent or nonbinary. for years i dealt with a few friends who kept subtly hinting that i should stop identifying as a trans man or trans masc because of how awful transmascs are- going as far as to sending me screenshots of transmascs speaking, complaining about them and calling them whiny, annoying. talking about how all transmascs are entitled, how all transmascs take things too personally, how we complain too much, and so on.

people make no effort to make space for transmascs and men. i met 0 transmascs in my local punk community that i was able to stay in contact with. none. i met a few in passing but none that actually were introduced to me in a capacity where i could actually try to befriend them. it really felt like other punks in the scene were desperately trying to keep the transmascs apart at times. excuses were made as to why i couldn't hang out with other transmascs i liked, but i was constantly being forced to befriend transphobic cis gay men and transandrophobic transfemmes who outwardly expressed hatred and disgust of us. it really felt like it was on purpose... almost as if other members of this community wanted our attention, but never wanted us to give each other attention or a sense of community. like we were objects, not people to be included in the community for real. satellite friends, if you will.

i'll be honest with you. i was at my lowest at this point. i realized i wasn't just a trans man and that i'm a genderqueer person who experiences multiple genders, including womanhood and an "other" gender, which was great. however now i was being forced to completely stuff down being a man for the sake of other people. instead of folks telling me they'd rather not hang out with transmascs, folks rather just attempted to guilt me for identifying as such in the hopes i'd stop identifying that way. i was being told daily that trans men and mascs are inherently violent and terrible to be around. i was in discord servers where transmascs were being kicked constantly for getting even slightly upset about transandrophobia, or being unfairly targeted by staff.

it's violence, but nobody wants to call it that. i pulled myself out of there and am now able to contact other transmascs and trans men who are proud of who they are and have elevated me back into a headspace where it's okay to truly be myself. just keep in mind that if you feel like you're in that situation, you're not alone. people who attempt to groom others are often very subtle it's not always up front. they will start slipping in hateful sentiments very slowly and make you feel like maybe they're the ones who are actually right.

it feels good to be an almost 32 year old trans guy. there's nothing to be ashamed about there. people project their feelings on to my gender and that has nothing to do with me. it has nothing to do with you, either. people will just project on to you for whatever reason- hatred is usually the motivator there. if you encounter folks who keep trying to badger you out of identifying as your gender, no matter who you are, transmasc, transfemme, transneutral, trans anything- they are not good for you. they are not your friends. they do not accept you as you are and you deserve so much better.

[ghelgheli]

i would actually like to hear more of your thoughts on whipping girl, whenever you feel ready enough to talk about it. i've only ever heard positive recommendations for it. i was thinking of reading it. i've read one or two introductory 101 texts on transmisogyny as well as some medium/substack posts, and always looking to read more as a tme person. ty!

thanks for asking! I'm gonna try to be concise because I'm stuck on my phone for the month, but here are my thoughts on whipping girl:

serano is at her strongest in the book in three areas: manifestations of transmisogyny in media (e.g. how trans caricatures pervade movies), the history of medical institutions developing a pathology of transsexuality (like the diagnostics of blanchard et al. or how trans people seeking healthcare were and continue to be forced into acting out prescribed expressions and manufacturing memories), and the construction of her own transition narrative (telling the reader what it was like for her to grow up desiring femininity in a way that confused her, the experience of crossdressing, the effects of hrt for her)

whenever she's just sticking to this, I think she effectively communicates a lot that the unaware reader could benefit from—even many trans women/transfems/tma people who are otherwise in tune with the history of medicalized transsexualism and our popular depictions could probably benefit from her own personal narrative, by nature of how variegated our experiences can be.

unfortunately I think the book fails at its primary—stated—goal, which is to theorize about transmisogyny. in the big picture this is a bifurcated failure:

on one branch of her argument, she remains committed to there being something biologically essential/innate about gender. this manifests thru multiple claims: that we have "innate inclinations" toward masculinity/femininity and "subconscious sex" rather than what I believe, which is that the latter are constructed categories imposed on different matrices of behaviour/expression/desire in different cultural contexts; that there is "definitely a biological component to gender" (close paraphrase) after a discussion of how she believes E and T tend to affect people (thus equivocating gender with dominant hormones!); that we have such a thing as "physical sex" which is the composition of our culturally decided "sex characteristics" (don't ask me how the dividing line is drawn) even as she says we should stop using "biological sex" as a term; that there is "no harm" in agreeing that "sex" is largely bimodal with some exceptions; that social constructionism is necessarily erasure of transsexual experiences in early childhood... altogether she is unwilling to relinquish arguments about the partial "innateness" of femininity/masculinity and gender. this is at tension with her admission on several occasions that these are neither culturally/geographically nor temporally stable concepts! but that doesn't seem to be a line she can follow thru on.

on another, intertwining branch, she engages in what I think is a deep and widespread mistake in the theorizing of transmisogyny: reducing it (mechanistically) to what she calls effemimania* or essentially anti-femininity. it is her stated thesis at the start that masculinity is universally preferred to femininity. she doesn't offer a definition of either term until one of the final chapters, where she defines them as the behaviours and expressions associated with a particular gender. but I think this reduction just misunderstands transmisogyny. it is even in tension with an observation she makes early on, that trans women are often punished for their perceived masculinity! but again, this is a thought she seems unable or unwilling to follow thru with.

my problem with the thesis is that masculinity and femininity do not float free of gender—it is not possible to speak of their valuation in the abstract. anyone who grew up as a masculine cis girl and never "grew out" of that "phase" can attest to the violence wrought upon expressions of masculinity from women. and this applies doubly so to the subjects of transmisogyny! not only are we punished for any perceived bleed-through of masculinity from our supposed "underlying male selves", those of us who are willingly masculine and thriving as mascs are punished for our failure to conform to the rules of the normative womanhood that is imposed on us (just as we are punished for any willing femininity as "false" and predatory upon cis womanhood—observe that transmisogyny is reactive degendering in every case!).

on both branches serano makes only perfunctory remarks about the intersections with race, class, and colonialism. "sex" as such was made to only be accessible to the "civilized", most of all the white european! for a racialized person and particularly a Black person navigating gender the waters are just not the same; the signifiers of sex neither available in the same way, nor granted the same medical legitimacy. what is the "physical sex" of someone who is de-sexed altogether? how can gender have a "biologically innate" component when its expressions between the bourgeoisie and the working class are at total odds with one another? this all goes for the masculine/feminine distinctions as well. what sense is there in the claim that we have innately masculine/feminine inclinations when globally (and transmisogyny has been made global!) what is feminine and masculine can be very nearly mirrored? nor is "masculinity is always considered superior to femininity" innocent of obviating race. transmisogynoir adds yet further degendering thru the coercive masculinization of someone as a Black woman—masculinization as punishment, again!

and as a final point, the account fails to be materialist. there is no attempt to place transmisogyny in its role as an instrument of political economy or, as jules gill-peterson might say, as a tool of statecraft. it is just a psychological response to the way the world is, as far as serano has anything to say about it. but how did the world become that way, and why?? serano's solution, the abolition of what she calls gender entitlement, is naive to the fact that gender entitlement is necessary to the maintenance of the capitalist state, which is structured thru patriarchy and built on colonialism. it is not possible to reskin this into something innocuous!

this is why I cannot recommend whipping girl as a work about transmisogyny except at the most shallow level. it could be a helpful critical read, but imo, it is just wrong about transmisogyny.

[befemininenow]

My coming out as a trans lesbian. (A message to my followers.)

Yes, everyone. I am "gay", or should I say, I'm a lesbian.

This may come as a shock to some of you since I would talk about "hot men" and even make captions about attracting hunks and whatnot. If you notice an absurd amount of those kind of captions surfacing this past week until now, that's because I was dealing with comphet, short for compulsive heterosexuality. In reality, I do not like men nor am I attracted to masculinity.

Why until now? One, it’s because I wanted to wait for the right time to come out and it was coincidentally on Lesbian Visibility Day. Two, it’s something I've been questioning ever since I found out I was trans. This didn’t happen in a day or two. It’s been years and I would have thought I was just pansexual. However, I was not sure whether I genuinely liked boys or if I just liked their validation. It turns out it's only the latter and I was questioning whether I was really gay or just gynosexual. I admit that getting positive reception from them turned me on and I could see the kindness and affection they displayed towards other women (something that really made me euphoric). But the moment you would place me next them for more, say, intimacy (I'm trying to keep it PG), I felt that spark turn off. Don't even get me started when they're bare or worse, send me D-picks (it's so nasty).

Now, I've never did any of that IRL. But, I've tried to interact with them through social sites. Not just in Tumblr, but in other sites like Grindr. If you ever think of creating a Grindr to meet, don't bother. It's hot garbage! All of them were chasers and not a single one was attractive. Only one "guy" seemed to be "cute"; it was a femboy, who was commencing their transition into a woman. Those were the only men I thought I was attracted to, but the reality is: I was only attracted to their femininity, but not their body or intimacy. Femboys are still men and I'm not attracted to men.

That got me questioning: Am I really only liking people for their femininity or do I genuinely only like girls? To make a long story short, I've never felt so much better than imagining myself being the lovely girl... of another girl! I always loved women as a guy, but now that I'm about to transition, being into women as a girl feels so right for me! No more comphet for me!

I know this is not the norm on these kind of blogs as the majority tend to be attracted to masculinity. However, I do want to say that even trans lesbians exist on the feminization scene. That leads me to tell all of you for the next update: You won't be seeing anymore new straight trans girl captions after the first few days of the next month. That's why you saw those kind of captions bombard my blog these past few days. It's just my way of saying "Let me just get it done with". I'm actually glad you enjoyed them, but I just don't feel any connection to those kind of captions anymore. I'll try to upload them when I can since I've been busier than usual.

Anyways, I'm happy you read this very long post. Even if you're not a lesbian, I hope this note at least gives you an insight on not keeping your true feelings locked any longer. Everyone deserves to be themselves. You should too.

Sincerely, Nikki.

[genderkoolaid]

Examples of transandrophobia: i've seen sections of Leslie Feinberg's piece "Sisterhood: Make it Real" passed around this site for literally years, and TODAY was the first time that I saw the whole thing and learned that ze called out cisfeminists in it for getting rid of trans men the second they started transitioning. Like I always thought it was a good piece but I had literally NO IDEA that it talked about trans men because that part was never included in posts about it, even when those posts were calling out cisfeminism for being transphobic. I'm just gobsmacked tbh

This is a great point!

Honestly more people need to read that full chapter. There's a lot of really good points.

Amongst other things, Leslie talks about how "women good men bad" is poor feminism:

Of course, as a result of the oppression women face growing up in such a violently anti-woman environment, some women draw a line between women as allies and men as enemies. While it’s understandable that an individual might do so out of fear, this approach fails as theory. It lumps John Brown and John D. Rockefeller together as enemies and Sojourner Truth and Margaret Thatcher together as allies. This view of who to trust and who to dread will not keep women safe or keep the movement on course.

How feminine men are victims of gender oppression:

The oppression of feminine men is an important one to me, since I consider drag queens to be my sisters. I’ve heard women criticize drag queens for “mocking women’s oppression” by imitating femininity to an extreme, just as I’ve been told that I am imitating men. Feminists are justifiably angry at women’s oppression - so am I! I believe, however, that those who denounce drag queens aim their criticism at the wrong people. This misunderstanding doesn’t take gender oppression into account. For instance, to criticize male-to-female drag performers, but leave out a discussion of gender oppression, lumps drag queen RuPaul together with men like actor John Wayne! RuPaul is a victim of gender oppression, as well as of racism.

How masculine women are assumed to know less about gender oppression:

But I grew up very masculine, so the complex and powerful set of skills that feminine girls developed to walk safely through the world were useless to me. I had to learn a very different set of skills, many of them martial. While we both grew up as girls, our experiences were dissimilar because our gender expressions were very different. Masculine girls and women face terrible condemnation and brutality including sexual violence - for crossing the boundary of what is “acceptable” female expression. But masculine women are not assumed to have a very high consciousness about fighting women’s oppression, since we are thought to be imitating men.

And as you said, how trans men deserve access to women's and lesbian's spaces without having their transmasculinity ignored or seen as being butch-in-denial:

And our female-to-male transsexual brothers have a right to feel welcome at women’s movement events or lesbian bars. However, that shouldn’t feed into to misconception that all female-to-male transsexuals were butches who just couldn’t deal with their oppression as lesbians. If that were true, then why does a large percentage of post-transition transsexual men identify as gay and bisexual, which may have placed them in a heterosexual or bisexual status before their transition? There are transsexual men who did help build the women’s and lesbian communities, and still have a large base of friends there. They should enjoy the support of women on their journey. Doesn’t everyone want their friends around them at a time of great change? And women could learn a great deal about what it means to be a man or a woman from sharing the lessons of transition.

Not that "trans women belong in feminism" wouldn't be a good point on its own, but people's selectivity with which parts of that chapter they share definitely warrant scrutiny.

[sebaztianlovesgeek]

Why I don't like the trans woman Vil headcanon

You probably saw my repost of another person talking about this but I wanted to rant about it by myself so here we go.

Before you start calling me transphobic, I'm not angry BECAUSE he's being headcanoned as trans (I actually headcanon him as trans myself, but as a trans man) and at the end of the day he's just a fictional character and it doesn't really matter so do whatever the hell you want.

That being said, a huge part of Vil's characters is not liking gender roles/stereotypes

This scene with him and Epel speaks for itself:

Why is this a problem? Well the main reason I'm seeing a lot of people headcanon him as a trans woman is because he is feminine-

My reaction:

Ah yes because feminine men totally cannot exist! They HAVE to be a trans woman! Same with tomboys they have to be trans men! Oh my god-

I want to clarify I'm not blaming trans people for this, in fact I've seen mainly trans people in the twst wonderland fandom call this out and mainly non trans people headcanon Vil as a trans woman.

To be fair, a lot of trans people started out as masculine "women" or feminine "men" before they realised they were trans, but that doesn't mean ALL feminine and masculine men and women are trans (or at least not transitioning to be the opposite gender I have met plenty of masculine trans women and feminine trans men)

Like the post I reposted said, if Vil truly WERE a trans woman, s/he'd probably be a tomboy, because a huge part of Vil's character IS 👏🏻BREAKING 👏🏻GENDER 👏🏻ROLES!

A lot of the trans male friends I have who also like Twisted Wonderland look up to Vil, because they want to break male gender roles and pass enough to be seen as a feminine guy and not a woman (what I mean by that is when trans men are feminine and like wearing dresses and stuff they are often a bit too afraid to do it due to social dysphoria and being misgendered so they usually wait until they begin passing more to wear/do more feminine things, its sad)

So when said trans male friends see the other twisted wonderland say Vil HAS TO BE A WOMAN just because he's feminine it makes them upset, they think they aren't "trans enough" and that to be a "true man" they must conform to male gender roles so they can be "trans enough"

The same goes with female characters who are masculine, trans women who are tomboys could be happy that a woman in media they watch is more masculine like them, but when people start headcanoning said woman as a trans man, it could make the trans women upset

I'm not saying headcanoning certain characters as trans is a bad thing, do whatever the hell you want, I'm not the type to get angry over fictional fun, I scoff at people wishing death upon proshippers because yeah its gross but at the end of the day its just fiction and the person behind it are often just a weird pre teen, I barely even make "call out posts" about these types of fandom stuff but subjects like being transgender often hit home for me because I have many trans friends and a few trans relatives whom I worry about because I know dysphoria can often make people think unhealthy and suicidal thoughts, so I'm just concerned about the harm certain headcanons could cause

[velvetvexations]

(someone should correct me if I get anything wrong about forcemasc and autoandrophilia)

The thing about autoandrophilia and autogynephilia is that they're extremely basic concepts. The idea of fetishizing becoming a man or a woman a very simple idea. Using it as a basis to "explain" trans people is dumb and wrong but that both cis people and trans people would have kinks that fit that definition is neither surprising nor should it be scandalous. Forcemasc is often tagged transandrophilia because it literally is fetishizing taking on aspects of masculinity from a theoretical starting point of non-masculinity, regardless of if "beginning as something other than a man" is how one conceptualizes their transness out of kink. Forcefem kink likewise fits the definition of autogynephilia, but isn't used because, while transmascs also get routinely accused of what is in essence autoandrophilia, that specific word is used less, and so autogynephilia has a more viscerally negative reaction even though it's obviously also fetishizing transitioning and the act of becoming and/or being a woman.

It's very arguable, though, that the dictionary definitions of autoandrophilia and autogynephilia can be taken at face value because it's whole conception and advancement are transphobic in nature. No one ever applies them to cis men and women, for instance, even though cis sissies should also fall under the category of autogynephilic. I believe there are people who self-identify as AGPs but I know nothing about them. You could go by that dictionary definition, but can you really do so neutrally or is just a poison word from the ground up? Autoandrophilia may be used by actual transphobes less, but it does get used, so some transmascs have chosen to do so on their end in spite of that. Presumably there are transmascs who are into forcemasc but don't like the term autoandrophilia and actively avoid it, too.

There are in fact transfems who do actually fetishize the concept of autogynephilia as well, of which I am one myself. The funny thing about that, though, is that while forcemasc tagged autoandrophilia is autoandrophilia, all transfem content I've seen to use AGP is closer to a form of autoandrophilia itself, getting off on how one's masculine features contrasts with societal standards of femininity. Like, to go all "ohhh I'm such an AGP freak >:3" you're not actually doing autogynephilia, you're getting off on the idea of theoretically not being a woman, which is the exact opposite of an actually "autogynephilic" kink.

AGP kink is an element of misgendering and detrans kink. For transmascs, as far as I can tell, misgendering and detrans kink usually takes the form of being an extension of misogyny kink, while for transfems it leans more towards things like trans supremacy. In both cases the idea is that both are, within the simulated kink scenario, applying cissexist bioessentialist ideas to revert trans women and trans men alike into sexual stereotypes of their AGAB, which is to say sexually aggressive dominant men and sexually weak submissive women. There are some transmasc trans supremacy doms, however. There are also a lot of submissive trans women into misgendering/detrans or kinks adjacent to those, for whom it goes into homophobia and sissy stuff, or just the general masochism of processing the pain that often comes with unwanted detransition.

I kinna got off on a tangent here, but I just like talking about kink. Ultimately it's within the rights of transmascs to use the word autoandrophilia if they want to because it is something that also gets thrown at them even if not always using that name (and often indeed using that name) while transfems are within their rights to not use it. Yes, I know this may be shocking, but the big conclusion here is "do what you like and let other people do what they like."

[dustbunnylair]

Hakari and Kirara Dating? Is Kirara a femboy? !Slight JJK Spoilers!

So if you are a part of the Jujutsu Kaisen fanbase then you probably understand what the title means. But, if you are not familiar with these Jujutsu Kaisen characters, I'll try to explain in short.

Kinji Hakari is a man around 18-22 years old, a third-year student who is currently suspended from Jujutsu High. His age is assumed by the average third-grade student ages in Japan, 17-19, but people assume he has been held back a bit because of his appearance. He's a gambler, which also made people assume his age.

Kirara Hoshi is an androgynous character and assumed transwoman/transfem, or also watered down to “femboy”, they are also a third-year student with Hakari (or according to them, “Kin”) who is currently taking a break from Jujutsu High because of Hakari’s absence. They are also assumed to be around 18-22 years old, I personally think they are about 19. Kirara is thought to be either a Demigirl (someone who feels their gender identity partially identifies with a feminine identity, but is not wholly binary, regardless of their assigned gender) a transwoman (MTF) or under the trans umbrella in general, because of the fact that they used to be a boy in junior high but later transitioned to dress more femininely. The image is shown below for proof:

Kirara and Hakari both do not like Jujutsu High due to its conservative members. Both of them have a very close or intimate relationship. Most of the fanbase has assumed they are dating, but then others deny that and think they are “really close best friends” huh, looks like the Jujutsu Kaisen fanbase has some patterns with its ships.

In my opinion, Kirara and Hakari are dating, it's just not explicitly stated. And before someone starts acting like a freakazoid because it's a “gay ship” and we all know shounen anime can't have gay ships, what would we ever do,the world is totally coming to an end because shounen animes are suddenly having implied lgbtqia+ characters?!

Yeah anyway, Hakari and Kirara are not a gay relationship. Why do I think this? Because Hakari has explicitly said he isn't into men. Images are shown below:

I'm not 100% that the above image is not a mistranslation so I'll show the image that I found which is of this panel:

I personally feel Gege will not open up about any shipping or characters of unknown genders within Jujutsu Kaisen, especially because Kirara isn’t the first to be an androgynous character, adding in Uraume. And if Gege does talk about characters' sexualities or genders, he’s probably going to A; pick which makes the fandom more pissed, seeing that he has killed off every likable or popular character, or B; not explicitly talk about it and just say it’s up for the fans interpretation.

The character here, Kirara, uses "Watashi," So them being trans is not completely impossible. “Watashi” is the Japanese neutral "I", appropriate in all contexts, used by men and women, in academia, business, retail, when talking to superiors or strangers or for official purposes. It is humble and formal. Women almost always uses this. And Panda says they are a "boy," because he remembers the earlier person, and in the official Jujutsu school (which is run by conservatives) records, they are registered as a boy.

I think in the Jujutsu Kaisen fandom and fanbase, there is a complete misunderstanding within Japanese media. Japan, and other Asian countries, are not as accepting of lgbtqia+, although other countries also aren’t currently such as America, etc. However, in America you can still easily get lgbtqia+ on screen or in television. However in Japan, it isn’t that easy, especially in Shounen Jump, they can actually get in trouble if they have an explicitly lgbtqia+ character in an anime/manga.

Gege Akutami has already gotten death threats for killing off characters, specifically Gojo, which is so incredibly harmful and is literally the reason why Japanese authors usually hide their identities and use different pen names. Currently, there is no confirmation on Uraume’s and Kirara’s genders. Hakari and Kirara’s relationship and whether certain characters within the show are a part of the lgbtqia+ community also remains unknown. For the time being, if a character is shown to have an unknown gender, or be attracted to the same gender it is implied. I personally don’t think it will ever be confirmed, and if it does get confirmed I think it’ll be when Jujutsu Kaisen is finished. The only implication from Gege himself is that he is a big reader of BL’s (Boys’ Love) however that doesn’t necessarily mean he would bring that into his own stories. 

However I think we should all be respectful towards people’s headcanons, if someone wants to headcanon that Uraume is nonbinary, Kirara is a transwoman, Hakari and Kirara are dating, or think that Gojo and Geto are soulmates I think they should be allowed to do so. The only time headcanoning is invalid is when it is problematic, influencing incest, pedophilia, toxic relationships, or contradicts canon, etc.

[smalltestaccount]

Since i missed international woman's day ill talk about this today, trans visibility day. As this was one of the events that convinced me to stay stealth irl for the past 6 years. Which I guess makes me one of those "invisible trans people".

The first time I experienced real misogyny (besides very minor comments) was when I was 14 and started my transition a few months prior.

As lunch was ending and everyone was leaving the cafeteria (pre-covid) and this kid, that i considered my friend, put his hand on my thigh and said:

"happy international woman's day, you're a girl now so this is okay".

Then he left. I mean It was clearly a joke, but i didnt really like it. I just headed to english class or something and then didn't talk about it till right now.

While this was probably not that big of a deal, after a few more small things like that I figured that if I didn't want more bs to happen I should just not let people know I'm transgender. So I've been stealth for the past 6 years.

Also its weird that this was one of the two times I've been been wished a happy international woman's day (why would you even say that? its not like the birthday of women)

Anyways I guess the point i want to make is that trans women experience misogyny and pretending like we don't is bullshit. If you want women to come forward about far more serious events than this you should try fostering an environment where all women feel comfortable coming forward not just those that meet your expectations of femininity.

sorry this isn't a "haha easter is the same day" posts, I'm not christian. I couldnt really build up the courage to talk about it on international womans day or during that drama with Matt Mullenweg. Not that this was exactly a big deal but its just hard to talk about being transfem when people just want to say shit like "welcome to being a woman". And this is one of the best times to talk about stuff like this. Also in the past few weeks months ive been feeling really alone in being trans.

[cator99]

not trying to start shit but if ur comfortable do you mind talking about your gender identity and transition / opinions cause the post about your coworker really got me thinking

Youre not starting shit dw. I think that if a man can blast roids be bald not shave think of femininity as personal humiliation be competitive and openly express attraction to females then I should be able to do all that while rejecting any of the pathologizing that happens based on the fact that I'm doing that while female. Ykwim. I think that the concept of "gender identity" is precisely that disturbing pathologization I'm referring to. When a male looks or lives how I do, it isn't ever seen as indicative of any internal misalignment... but for me it is? Stupid. But the thing is that there absolutely is a misalignment occuring– and I've had to realize it has nothing to do with me. The way I live signifies nothing about holding some sort of allegiance to the males who are generally the only ones utterly unquestioningly afforded the freedom to live this way because for them it is a freedom– and for females, living like this often takes immense amounts of courage. And when one wants OUT of it all... it's easier to approach this painful reality by simply performing mental magic, flipping the narrative and saying "ah! Suddenly my hatred for all of this Woman Stuff makes sense! I should have been a man all along!" That's great but after almost 15 years in this I've realized it is fucking loser shit to think that despising misogynistic expectations and restrictive gender roles makes one a man actually because well um because you said so... because only men crave dignity... because woman equals long hair and shaving legs and makeup and my socially-trained bodily hatred and desire for a life free from demeaning treatment on the basis of my femaleness is totally abnormal no women ever feel like this no women could possibly enjoy the thought having a hairy body or a beard or feel inspired by masculine aesthetics which are largely equated with strength confidence dignity social dominance and being in actual possession of a brain and personality so any desire to embody that and be seen by others as an actual human being instead of a member of the subjugated sex actually make one imbued with Real Maleness... right..... to be honest it just became so embarassing to think that I was a grown adult still acting like this shit made any sense. I don't have a gender identity. When I pass, I take on the status of undercover female. I'm not a male. Have y'all actually met any of them?? Like, for real??? Its like... Jesus christ... LOL. No. I like the way I live. I have sympathy for females lost in the gender sauce but it only goes so far when they're by and large fucking insane and homophobic. And sure I could talk about my transition but I ultimately see it as such a non-thing. I don't think of myself as having transitioned at all, because I was always like this more or less, it's just that now I have a few more hairs on my face and a deeper voice and none of it feels unnatural or strange or "trans" it just is what it is and was always going to be... and that will always be contextualized by my sex– how could I go on denying myself that? And letting it fester like a wound... Oh and also I eventually realized it's just way more dope to be a high-value hairy jacked dyke who accepts myself but keeps doing my thang & not give a fuck than it is to be a desperate delulu self-conscious passing-obsessed little wannabe-man lol

[genderqueerdykes]

I've probably spent too much time in online queer circles lately, but this has been bothering me for a while, and I wanted to get your take on it. The tma/tme dichotomy doesn't make any sense to me. I'm a perisex gender non-conforming post-transition trans man, but I actually like presenting feminine now, and if I were to be clean shaven and go outside in feminine clothing and/or makeup, I have no doubt people would think I'm a trans woman and treat me accordingly. I would be the subject of transmisogynistic treatment, which is the exact opposite of "transmisogyny exempt", the way people who use those terms seem to categorize me by virtue of being a trans man. It makes me hesitate to present how I want to, because I'd be ridiculed by both bigots and the trans community, both for being affected by transmisogyny and "not" being affected by it. I don't understand how those terms even came to exist and be taken seriously in the trans community, because it feels like terf talking points. I thought the community was better than this? What happened to solidarity, intersectionalism, and acceptance? I don't believe for a second that people who use tma/tme haven't considered feminine trans men, since that's one of the primary targets it's used to mock. Do you know what started all this and what we can do about it to bring the trans community back together again?

it just doesn't make sense because transmisogyny doesn't exist in a vacuum. it's weaponized against gay men, cis men, trans men, bi men, intersex people, nonbinary people, genderfluid people, genderqueer people, cis women, women in general... it affects a lot of people

as an intersex person who gets clocked as both a trans woman and trans man depending on the setting, transmisogyny really doesn't exist in a vacuum. as i increase the dose of my testosterone, more and more people assume i am a trans woman. it happens constantly no matter how i try to present. i am a trans woman. but that's not my only gender. this shit doesn't make any sense

the general public doesn't really know what a trans man is. shocker, i know. the online community is obsessed with trans men. meanwhile in real life, it's crickets. to the average queerphobe, trans women are what they picture in they head when they think of a trans person. they dont really know anything beyond that. some do, and they can be shittier than average. but in real life whenever someone does something transmisogynistic to you, they are almost always perceiving you as a trans woman no matter what your identity really is

also people are literally just using tme/tma to reinvent the afab/amab binary like. they're literally just asking you for what genitals you were born with. it's creepy and gross. that's all they care about it. "tme" to them means afab. "tma" to them means amab. don't fall for their trap. it's designed to figure out your agab and nothing more.

[saintjosie]

hi!! fanfic writing person here again :D

i've been looking at a ton of stuff and first like. damn i didn't expect me headcanoning a character as transfem to lead me down a rabbit hole where i now 1. have loads of random knowledge on transfem issues and 2. have a massive amount of respect for transfem people and understanding of the differences in experience of different trans people. wonderful actually. your stuff has been super helpful tysm

actual question! how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles? do you think that's disrespectful? because like. wearing makeup, 'feminine' clothes, that kind of thing-- functionally no bearing on someone's womanhood. but those are, to my understanding, big hallmarks of transfem experiences. i don't want to say that wearing makeup or a dress makes her suddenly feel wonderful and pretty and solves all her woes, but i also don't want to downplay the significance of that experience. ideally, how do you think those should be balanced? basically how do i make her feminine without it seeming like a certain level of femininity is required to be trans.

generally, are there any experiences you think would be helpful to know? i'm writing a lot about her (currently two fics on different effects of HRT as an adult, and two on her gender being affirmed as a teen when she had taken basically no steps in her transition) so any insight is helpful. ideally what would you want portrayed in a non-transfem author writing a trans girl? idk!

i understand that these are very big asks so once again don't feel pressured to reply-- thank you regardless! generally looking at your content as a trans woman has been super helpful so thank you so much for sharing <3 best wishes!

"how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles?"

you cant! but why do you need to? a core part of the trans experience is experimenting with gender, stereotypical or not. so many trans fems (including myself) start off by leaning very hard into stereotypical femininity because they are things that many of us have not previously explored. and then a core part of that journey is learning that there is no right way to explore gender. i spent years leaning into being femme until i realized i was more comfortable with a little bit of fluidity and androgyny. i think the most authentic experience would be to have her explore femininity, stereotypical or not, and then eventually coming to terms with how she is a woman outside of stereotypical femininity. two experiences that i think might be a good way to introduce this concept is one, the gender affirming experience of being included as one of the girls. there's a lot of nuance to that experience that people dont necessarily consider. there is the self doubt of, oh am i really one of the girls or are they just humoring me? and also for some there is the need to feel like they need to confirm to expectations of femininity, and leaning too hard into it.

second, the experience of experiencing misogny for the first time. i specifically say misogny because a lot of trans women have face homophobia and transphobia before they experience misogyny that validates them as a woman and for many people there can be this sudden awareness of how different the world is when you move through it as a woman. there is your typical run of the mill, this guy is a dick misogny but then there is also that experience of facing internalized misogny from other women. the experience of being told by cis women how to engage with femininity because a lot of cis women haven't deconstructed that for themselves is an experience that can be particularly hurtful because it is infantilization and misogny that is also incredibly invalidating.

third, when youre talking about gender affirming experiences from pre-transition, there's a lot of nuance to those experience because while they are gender affirming, there is confliction too. for some theres the question of why do i like this? and you also have to consider that many times those experiences that happen to a person who sees themselves as a boy. there is a level of separation from the experience because they havent necessarily embraced transness yet, and if they have, theres tentativeness because being in your teens is all about forming identity.

if you can capture these experiences in your writing, then fantastic! but also these are hard to capture because often times it takes lived experience to write it with nuance. love these questions and happy to answer! good luck with your writing!

[eva-does-its-best]

Transition (Part 2) Women

I don't have any problem admitting that the word Woman hurts me deeply, and I don't want to have anything to do with it.

To me Woman just evokes the adult world that time and time again rejects me because of my disabilities and my oddness. It evokes all the terfs, all the discourse thrown from all sides of this war, the mocking laughs that celebrate all our pain with pearly white teeth. It provokes my mind to remember all the radfem ideology and iconography that hurt us so deeply.

It evokes the otherness I felt with other women, both cis and trans. I did not belong in that word.

I never felt any form of meaningful connection to other trans women, just the fun of finding someone like me. I do remember mourning that I would never be or look cis, just like so many of you do, but I lost that through transition.

Every day I noticed more and more differences between me and other trans women, I knew our differences were big but the rift kept expanding more and more until I had to ask myself why, was I just wrong? was I doing it wrong?

I will say, trans men are to thank for my self-discovery, and I hope that burns the eyes and hands of all radfems trans and cis. There was a time where I started to talk to and follow more trans men, and I started having more and more feelings for them and crushes for them and their lives.

And so I imagined what it would be like being a trans man, it sounded so wonderful! And that is when I realized, being born a cis woman would not have made me happy, because if it did why did I imagine myself transitioning too in that world? Why did I imagine the joy of a short haircut, of my first binder, of starting T or getting top surgery? I had to rethink my whole identity.

Right, my identity, what did I want to transition into? Nothing. I just wanted to transition, I wanted to change, I wanted to do as I please with this body I ignored and loathed for so long, I wanted to be happy, transition IS my joy! I transition to trans, not to any form of cis. And a lot of binary trans women didn't like this, and the rift grew even more.

I'd rather be seen as a woman than a man, but I'd rather not be seen as anything at all. Not be assigned any gender at all. Just an ambiguous person, a trans, simply a trans.

I had finally found myself outside of the binary.

When people push me to go back to being a woman, I feel like I'm hanging from a chasm with blades pointed at me yelling at me to let go, to fall back into womanhood. Sometimes I feel weak and think about going back, about letting go and fall, but I cut those feelings off immediately, my life and transition had already been ruined by commodity, I would never fall for its sweet embrace again.

It's hard, but I am non-binary.

I still like girly things, I still have so much euphoria from clothes and dresses and looking feminine. But I reject the purple of womanhood and keep all my femininity and masculinity on the cozy pink of girlhood. These are my terms.

I am aware that partially I am using hrt recreationally, I don't find this negative. The changes it does to me every day do save my life, they do make me beyond happy, but that doesn't stop me from wanting more. Cis lvls of hormones are a small goal, I'd rather have more than the minimum.

If more estrogen makes me happier I will take it. If progesterone makes me happier I will take it. If doing injections instead of pills makes me feel more cathartic and marginalized, in tune with our recent history, I will do it. If DIY feels better I will give up the medical monitoring of my health. Call me an hrt junkie if you want, it does not bother me.

But it is one more aspect of my transition that some other trans women have been offended by.

In any case, I am not going back to being a woman, tho I do not have any resentment for that era of me.

And I am glad I did manage to retain my girlhood.

[sadlittleratboy]

I once said Tomura vaguely had she/they vibes to me on tiktok, back when I had one, and people ate me alive bc I listed his hair as a reason (and also bc I continued forward with using he/him pronouns throughout the video and I'm like...but that's the canon and I'm talking about something theoretical that I don't necessarily have a hard hc of, they/them Dabi is a different story lol) and people were like "thinking femininity is tied to long hair is transphobic and misogynist and blah blah" and it's like no you completely missed my point.

Firstly, I know that, because back when I was a girl and embracing my femininity in ways that I won't now that I identify as more masculine, I had short hair. I always had short hair. Androgynous girls with short hair lead me to the conclusion of being nonbinary.

Secondly it's not about the hair length, it's about the hair STYLE. Every transfem I've ever met started with that style or similar when it grew out. It's cute, it's fun, they're playing with long hair for the first time or even just in a new context.

It's also just about the general vibe. I listed elegance as a reason too, just the way he moves, but nobody considered how he's also so NOT elegant sometimes. It's the type of elegance he has, because there are so many different types. It's also int he way his so expressive. He shows so much on his face, which men tend to do in manga but it just feels different with Shigaraki. Again, I'm going on vibes.

Also being a nonbinary girl suits him because he'd be a total girlfailure, a loser girl, and I love that. Every transfem I knew was also a massive nerd. Most importantly I don't see him performing femininity in a traditional way. He is performing femininity by identifying as feminine and performing. He wouldn't change how he dresses or talks, he would simply realize that his identity isn't quite what he thought and run with it, because that's the kind of person he is. All those masculine codes brash actions like putting his feet up on overhaul's table to show dominance, and using ore, none of those things NEED to change because gender is so complex and that's FUN.

Again. This is mostly off vibes. I know a lot of people that think it/it's or other neopronouns suit him, and I can see that, especially with the way he dehumanizes himself (and with his stinky rat behavior, something a lot of nonbinary people, myself included, identify with), but that element actually makes me personally stray from that hc. Shigaraki dehumanizes himself in a negative way, and I think that's not good for him. Of course an argument can be made for that being the call all trans people have to be vaguely inhuman and monstrous in ways that only we really understand, so I don't think it's a bad hc at all.

I mean honestly he reads trans masc just as much. A lot of the league reads kind of trans because we tend to see ourselves in weird little outcasts. It's just a vibe a get from him. A lot of the she/theys I've met just also kind of have this "fuck gender and expectations, I'm doing my own thing over here".

Also there is of course the constant of Shigaraki chosing how he identifies himself and defying the expectations other people have placed on those identities. He's Shigaraki because he is, not because of AFO. That's his villain name because he connects to it. Despite all that he constantly gets deadnamed too. It's just...the vibes, the ability for anyone to read into anything what they want because their own experiences and it will fit because fiction is flexible (and even when it doesn't, does it matter?).

Anyway, his vibes, his masculine features and mannerisms along with the feminine ones and the feeling of being feminine even without having to conform to it (much like Magne did, and lots of people read her design as transphobic but tiger was literally there performing as a full transitioned man still comfortable with his feminine side, and it's like...all the trans women I know don't bother to shave and wear masculine clothes either occasionally or always even after starting hrt). It's finding a home within yourself as you slot the missing pieces into place and realize you find joy in different pronouns because they better describe you. Every trans person has their own wild ass journey and uses different ways to describe themselves with different things that bother them or don't and I think trans hc are fun for that very reason.

[edonee]

You asked yesterday for someone to explain what trans people mean when we say we do or don't feel like a gender or sex. My comment is too long to put in the replies to I'm answering here instead. I don't really think this will change your mind at all, but this is the best way I can explain what it feels like to be trans masculine.

Seeing myself and having others see me as a girl was painful. I felt a deep sense of wrongness when people called me "she" and when people described me as a girl. It sometimes made me throw up, it made me cry, it made me dissociate. When I transitioned and people called me "he" or "they", I felt an overwhelming amount of joy. I felt like they were seeing who I was, I felt right. I felt this deep sense of wrongness in relation to my body as well - I couldn't stand seeing my breasts, I couldn't stand having a period, I hated the way my face was shaped. I also often felt uncomfortable when doing things or wearing things considered traditionally feminine, but I think that was because I hated that people used those to associate me with being a girl. Now, I often enjoy wearing clothing or activities that fit feminine gender roles. My point is, my dysphoria and my experience of gender is almost entirely based on how I feel most aligned with the gender designation of man, and not at all aligned with the gender designation of woman - rather than what aspects of those gender roles I wanted to participate in.

I don't think there's one simple explanation as to what it means to feel like a woman or a man or any form of gender that does not fit within the binary. I personally believe that we all have unique experiences of gender, and most people's match up with how they are perceived by society, but others make them feel dysphoric. I honestly agree with the idea of gender abolition - as long as we don't divide people by sex either. It would be great if we could all just exist as people without these arbitrary categories acting as defining characteristics of who we are.

I can't answer if, in that hypothetical society where we don't have genders, I would still experience the dysphoria I've felt about my body. I don't know - I'm sorry. I get that there are a lot of confusing things in play when it comes to gender and trans people, and I think it's great that people like you want to understand, and I get that it can seem suspicious when there are some things that we can't answer.

But I don't think that those areas where there's a lack of clarity need to push you away from supporting trans people. We are not claiming to be trans for some manipulative agenda, or just very swept up in internalized misogyny. Most of us are people who suffered a lot trying to exist as the gender that society ascribed to our sex, and now that we've found another way to exist, we feel freer. I feel like a man because I don't feel wrong when I exist as a man. I don't feel like a woman because I felt wrong when I existed as a woman. I don't see what in that is a threat.

Thank you if you bothered to read all of this! Have a lovely evening.

Hi ^^ good morning, I just read this and I'm going to try to make my point as linear as possible. I want to start off by giving you a definition of sex and gender (just so that there's no confusion over what I'm talking about) I've simply taken the definitions from The World Health Organisation as I find those exhausting and agreeable enough:

Sex is defined as the different biological and physiological characteristics of males and females, such as reproductive organs, chromosomes, hormones, etc

Gender is defined as the (of course variable based on place, culture, and historical period) socially constructed characteristics of women and men – such as norms, roles and relationships of and between groups of women and men.

I want to start by addressing what you said at the very beginning of your argument: you said that people perceiving you as a girl distressed you even to the point of physical sickness, whereas getting gendered as a man made you feel seen as your true self. First, I want to say that your "true self" can't be the social classification of characteristics attributed to either sex. Gender is, by definition, purely constructed, therefore any identification with either gender comes from a personal sympathization with its elements and not from an innate connection to a system that is man-made and cannot therefore borne any biological bond. Secondly, I don't want to make a diagnosis out of your experience, but that simply sounds like an extreme result of growing up as a female. With the way girls are treated in every society it's no wonder that the passage from childhood to girlhood is burdensome. When a male child grows up he becomes a person, whereas a female grows to be a woman. Very trivially, the reason why I used to identify as non-binary when I was around 13-14 was that I felt too complex to fit into something as shallow and one-dimensional as womanhood. Of course I'm not saying that's why you specifically feel this way, as there could very well be another reason personal to you that has shaped your mind and put you in a psychological condition where you feel alienated from your body. But even in that case, the argument of transgenderism still doesn't hold up. Gender is not biological, so of course anyone can identify themselves in and out of it as they please, but that doesn't change two things:

1) the structure of it remains the same

2) a female who identifies as a man is still female and vice versa

You also go on and say that your experience with gender comes from feeling aligned to the “gender designation of men – rather than what aspects of those gender roles (you) want to participate in„

I find this definition quite feeble, as the "gender designation of men" is exactly equivalent to the gender roles linked to it, and nothing more. Again, I can't help but get the idea that the motive of your discomfort with femaleness stems from an underlying uneasiness with the poor way women are treated in a misogynistic society rather than an abstract and impractical affinity with the male sex.

Now, toward the end of your argument you hypothesized a world where gender has been erased, leaving sex as the only undeniable distinction between people, and you said:

"I can't answer if, in that hypothetical

society where we don't have

genders, I would still experience the

dysphoria l've felt about my body"

And, although I don't know you personally, I'm quite confident that the answer would be no. Feeling discontent over your body is not innate, it's learned (subconsciously or otherwise) through socialization. If you feel envy towards the male body and hatred towards your female body it is not because there's something inherently wrong with it, but rather because you aspire to the male gender class. Without sex discrimination & gender existing in the first place, there would be nothing that would make you resent your female body.

However, we clearly don't live in a word free of gender, so does that mean that we should endorse transgenderism for the sake of those people who suffer from dysphoria? The answer is no. Dysphoria is a direct result of gender, therefore the solution is to question the very construct of gender, and not to go through medical procedures to change one's sexual characteristics in order to "be your true self". Just like anorexia can't be cured by starving, but only by deconstructing the underlying fixation with thinness and body image. Not to mention the idea that gender is actually real is harmful to feminism. It does not only solidify gender stereotypes, and promote the definition of certain behaviors as either masculine or feminine, it also strips words away of their meaning, making the fight for female liberation a nebulous movement that stands up for the rights of – who exactly? Females? Anyone who identifies as female? Men who say they are women?

I'm genuinely sorry that there are people who suffer to the point that they want to be the opposite sex, but I refuse to advocate for the idea that you can be born into the wrong body. Believing that your body is wrong is a fucking miserable way to live, and it's also simply not true.

Let me know if you want to ask me anything else, have a good day

[femsolid]

There was a talk show on french TV the other day about trans parents and their children. One of the guests was a butch lesbian truck driver and her daughter. The show's host asked the daughter if there were any telltale sign that her mother was a man and the daughter said that her mom ("dad" she called her) had interests and hobbies that were traditionnaly associated with men. I still can't believe I have to hear this shit in 2023. The mother said that she just couldn't bear the thought of being a "masculine woman". She just could NOT be a masculine woman. No way. Being a butch lesbian was unacceptable to her. Therefore she had to be a man. She said she had nothing against masculine women, that she even fell in love with one, it just couldn't be her. But sitting there on the couch... she was exactly that. She was not feminine, she was not a man either, she was a butch lesbian. She just had to pretend (and make everyone pretend with her) that she was a straight man for her to be okay with who she was. And that was pretty sad. Because in the end it means she still isn't okay with who she is. An interesting thing she said was that she only started thinking of transitioning after she heard some french idiots use the word "queer" and she looked it up on the internet and discovered all the propaganda associated and then here she was, boom, a man. An online epiphany. I'm happy she found a way to let go of the pressure of femininity and hope she's happier this way, but the thought process behind it is so incredibly regressive, sexist and homophobic it's hard to stomach.

There was also a transbro invited with his daughter. She said that she and her little brother found out about their dad by discovering his secret instagram account on which he was pretending to be a woman. She also explained that since he had started his transition he was making his children's life a living hell at home. She justified and excused it by claiming he was going through female puberty. The father nodded with a big smile on his face. Haha cute and amusing. Apparently, his doctor told him that the hormones he's taking are turning him into a teenage girl. And teenage girls are annoying, emotional and irrational of course, we all know that, so voilà. The daughter of another transbro said the same thing, that her dad was going through his teenage girl phase and was therefore crying and screaming for no reason. The show's psychologist suprisingly intervened to say it had nothing to do with being female and everything to do with the artifical hormones intake causing mood swings. I would argue that narcissism and misogyny are at play as well.

Another interesting part was when they discussed the fact that trans identified parents have often fantasized about being a member of the opposite sex for a long time but their family on the other hand typically had no idea and is shocked when they discover it. The trans identifying person rushes everything because in their perception they've been waiting for a long time. So they're like: now you know! So pretend with me and be okay with it! But to the family it's completely sudden, so to be asked to forget about the person they know, stop using their name, be an unwilling witness to their sexual changes and be just fine with it is... an impossible task.

And on the topic of sexual changes there were discussions, initiated by the psychologist, about how disturbing it is for the children to become involved in their parents' sex lives. Because through talks of phalloplasties, vaginoplasties, estrogen to induce breast growth, etc, the parents are indeed making the children a part of their sex lives and all the (now adult) daughters agreed that it was uncomfortable to say the least. Like when your dad is recovering from turning his penis into a hole or getting fake breasts you're forced to become aware and part of it. It was interesting that only daughters were present as well. Of course all of them, no matter how uncomfortable, said we should support transitioning and that was the conclusion of the show. I didn't listen to everything because I was working at the same time but. Yeah. All in all, the usual.