#I'm not sure if I explained myself properly! I'm not very knowledgeable on how to talk about this subject but I tried

[dunmeshistash]

Something about the demon, the Winged Lion, made me think he could be a (fallen?) angel. The infinite energy dimension would then, of course be heaven. Made sense the elves didn't want people binding angels and sucking power out of heaven! I don't know where Kui would've gone with this, but I've wanted to see Japanese takes on biblical stuff ever since Neon Genesis Evangelion.

I think since everything in Dungeon Meshi is very intertwined with "nature" there isn't much of "divine" in that sense of a heaven or hell, after all Demon is just one of the names people call him doesn't mean he's our concept of a Demon.

I don't think anything in that sense would fit within the Dungeon Meshi universe, the demon's dimension couldn't be considered heaven because it is completely different from our universe, humans don't go there when they die and nothing indicates some sort of "creator god" inhabits that universe, when the demon first got into their dimension their world already existed so he's not god in that sense either nor a sort of angel since the whole dimension he comes from is made of "him". Magic in that world is part of nature so his powers are part of (a twisted) nature and not part of the divine? Although for some people nature is divine but I'm talking about divine in the biblical sense I guess, not that I understand much about that.

So it's not that the demon is divine in my opinion it's that it's nature is alien to ours, it's a different existence.

The Winged Lion is considered a Deity for the Golden Kingdom people so it's not like there isn't anything linking him to that (he also gave them visions of Laios and a prophecy to send them to him right?) plus the name "Demon" itself and at the end he does suck up everyone into his dimension so they would have every wish granted and that sounds a lot like a heaven of sorts, so I'm not saying there's nothing there but hopefully you get what I meant? Nothing against that reading tho.

If you wanna see anime takes on biblical stuff (angels demons satan etc) maybe you'd like to check Devilman Crybaby that was fun to watch for me (look at a trigger list if you're squeamish tho, it's R18 and lots of fucked up stuff happen)

Or idk that Jesus anime (I haven't watched)

[bonefall]

Not sure if this is the place to ask or if I should go to Bonebabble, but ooh, Dungeon Meshi mention! I love what you said about low-empathy and apathy, I think I’ll use that in ny own characters.

I wanted to ask why you think Shuro is autistic. I’ve seen a lot of people say it so there must be a reason why, but I don’t think it’s really obvious to me? Like with Laios, autism/neurodivergence is so integral to his story, so it’s deeply obvious. I love the way he’s written! But we don’t see a lot of Shuro, so I’d like to hear more of why people see the tism in him.

@bonebabbles is the better place to send these in the future but it's chill! The vibe right now's loose since we're all coming down from the heaviness of Mooncourse lmao

Honestly, I feel a little 'tism in a lot of the cast of Dungeon Meshi. As a very autistic writer myself, it kind of has a vibe like it was written by someone who's autistic and so it gets peppered into all of her characters. It's something I notice a lot in my own art, too.

But like, when it comes to Toshiro... I can't stop thinking about him. He makes me want to chew the furniture. With every passing day I become less normal about him.

glossary because I had a lot of thoughts about Toshiro Dungeon Meshi i guess. Oh my god this got long

He reminds me of some people I know

His culture clash is very relatable to me in an autistic way

He has a rigid commitment to his values and morals

Miscellaneous Autism Moments

THE LAIOS FIGHT

in conclusion

He reminds me of some people I know

He reminds me of certain autistic men I've met from affluent families. The type who both is taught to repress and mask their own traits, yet also not to be incredibly mindful of the emotions of other people. Because of their status, they don't have to learn how to work out interpersonal conflict because the majority of the people around them are servants or family. People who would never go away if they didn't like you.

So, his vassals have to learn to talk to him and how to carry out his orders. Not the other way around. As a result, Toshiro has a bit of unearned confidence about his leadership abilities and communication skills. NOT in a way that is smug, DO NOT misunderstand me; just in a way that overestimates his own judgement. Maybe he has encyclopedic knowledge for talking to other nobles offscreen, but when it came to his own team, he was ignoring a lot of the good advice they gave him about taking breaks.

Yes, Toshiro is from a high-context culture-- but his communication issues are bad with everyone.

ESPECIALLY his vassals, people he calls family, from the same exact culture as him. They're worried about him, most of them are desperate for acknowledgement, they'd do anything for him, and he doesn't address this until AFTER his brawl with Laios!

His culture clash is very relatable to me in an autistic way

Toshiro knew he was going somewhere that was going to be a melting pot of mostly western cultures. He knew the manners were going to be different, and he came alone, not in a group where he was only interacting with his own people.

Yet he NEVER adjusted his own social behavior.

I'm American and my partner is British. When I first went, I had no idea why they were offering me so much tea. I thought I was being polite by following them into the kitchen, thinking they wanted to move the conversation over there. My partner quickly fixed this by explaining that when someone offers you tea, they're taking a short pause in the lull of a conversation to be a good host.

I am autistic. What someone else might have just figured out through getting an awkward look, I had to be told directly. There are a lot of little things like that.

Toshiro feels like what would happen if the opposite was happening, an autistic person from a high-context culture coming to a low-context culture. He can't properly express discomfort. It's not JUST Laios, King of Autism, that he's having issues talking to. Neither Marcille nor Chilchuck know that "Shuro" is a mispronunciation, and they had no clue that he disliked Laios THIS much.

I even think it's kinda telling that Toshiro felt the most comfortable with Falin out of the rest of the party. The hyper-empathetic autistic girl who goes out of her way to accommodate others.

He has a rigid commitment to his values and morals

A strict, uncompromising moral compass is a hallmark of autism. It's everything Toshiro does!!

When Falin was eaten, he bolted off to assemble the best team he could think of. He believes that love is sacrifice, so he pushes his body and his family to the limit to try and prove how much he loves Falin. Chilchuck freaks out when he finds out that Laios told him about the dark magic, because "HE'S THE WORST PERSON TO TELL!"

LIKE, YEAH! HE SURE IS!

Maizuru also explains that from a very young age, he's been incredibly compliant. He never asks for anything, he's always been a bit sickly and uninterested in eating. He always tries to be on his very best behavior, even if that means not asking for accommodations he might actually need.

In fact, the only food he seems to LIKE eating is what Maizuru makes him. To the point where she ended up getting pulled into the kitchen even when she was on a "mission." Senshi makes a cute comment that it's "love" that Maizuru puts into those meals, but... what if it's actually because she knows the textures and flavors he likes?

Miscellaneous Autism Moments

There's so many little moments that are so incredibly autistic to me.

He sees Falin with a bug and he proposes right on the spot. The other characters are like, "oh that's just how they act in the east" but no the fuck it is not. They don't even know "Shuro" is a mispronunciation, how the hell do they know anything about eastern courting traditions?

I know EXACTLY what happened. I'm beaming you this information directly from the truth.

Toshiro was TOLD that you're supposed to 1. make your proposals a surprise, and 2. you will know the right one when you see them, and NO ONE elaborated any further because he comes from a high context culture. He popped that question the first time both of those boxes were ticked off.

In coming from a high context culture, what he does is strictly follow rules and conditions he was taught.

And that's absolutely why he handed Laios that bell. Because he does care about him and the party, and he's taught that doing these acts of service is a show of that... and he didn't even think ahead to the fact the bell was going to be ringing constantly.

And yet. In spite of that, he ALWAYS keeps it near him.

Before it clicked and I realized why, I used to think Toshiro was kind of an asshole for running off to get his vassals without even telling Marcille and Laios about his plan. Like... how could you not know they were going to do something drastic? The three of them were the Falin Fan Club and he was the most normal member of it. It's so obvious to me that Laios (brother) and Marcille (""Gal Pal"") were going to get themselves in danger.

So how could you just run off like that without telling them? Even if lack of supplies meant they couldn't go back in, how could you just leave them worried sick in the town, thinking you abandoned Falin?

And then it hit me. The man just has low empathy.

There WAS no malice, just like how there wasn't malice in how he was pushing him and his vassals to the limits, just like how there was never malice against Laios. It simply didn't occur to him like that.

He's never been taught to consider the thoughts and feelings of others very deeply and they don't come naturally. He's still compassionate. There's a reason all of his vassals love him!

But THAT'S WHY he never put himself in Laios' shoes, or anyone else's. Empathy does not come naturally to him. All of his good behavior is as a result of his moral code, NOT empathy.

So with that said, why does he love Falin so much? Aside from the wonderful, positive traits he lists when he's asked? I mean, what's really deep down at the core of why he finds these things so lovely?

Well... Falin and Laios are not all that different from each other, to the point where Toshiro gets gently ribbed in a bonus chapter about how if one of them was a girl, Shuro might have loved Laios instead. He waxes poetic about the ways she's different from most women, how she's not afraid of things like insects, her compassion, her face, her laugh.

These are all things Laios does too (in fact in one of the panels where Toshiro is appreciating Falin, she's trying to check if a caterpillar is a male or female), but Falin's personality expresses in a more subdued and introverted way. Closer to how Toshiro is, as a person. So... I think it's because he relates to her.

To both Touden siblings. But Laios makes him see things he doesn't want to.

THE LAIOS FIGHT

We established that Toshiro has a strict commitment to his values, he probably has low empathy, and even taking his cultural differences into account he's bad at communicating.

So then, why was one of his complaints against Laios' obliviousness that he "knows he doesn't mean anything by it, and that makes it worse"? Isn't that kinda specific when you think about it?

If you're neurodivergent, I want you to think back to points in time where you dealt with people who have the same issues you do. Autism, ADHD, PTSD, DID, whatever. Did you ever have a moment where they did something harmless or mildly inconvenient, definitely as a result of the same exact thing you have, and you just... HATED it?

You HATED it even more than you would anyone else doing the same thing. You probably know your response was disproportionate. But YOU don't do that THING they did. Or if you do that, it's less bad somehow. Or you used to do that but don't anymore and it reminds you of when you did.

If you're reflective, you might have realized it might be internalized ableism. I feel like that's a huge part of why Toshiro finds Laios SO. ANNOYING. Laios is like this stupid, idiot, blundering caricature of things Toshiro has been taught to avoid, which violate his moral code. Shuro comes from a place of so many more rules and subtle cues, and it's like Laios doesn't respect any of them.

What STARTS this fight, causes Laios to finally hit back after being smacked, shoved, and shouted at, is being told "YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY."

It's so obviously wrong! Laios, who ran back into a dungeon immediately? Who Toshiro himself called rash? This is NOT a logical conclusion to make about Laios or his party. I think it came from frustration that Laios "does things the wrong way." That it's projection, stemming from that low empathy.

He's not like Kabru in the same chapter, who's desperately trying to get a read on Laios' inner workings and failing. Shuro's just extrapolating his own feelings onto him, because he's recognizing that same "sense" within him. If TOSHIRO didn't follow the rules he sets down for himself, that's not "taking it seriously."

Toshiro follows the rules. Laios does not.

...and Laios is FREE.

He's open and honest in a way Toshiro can never be, not as a noble, not as an easterner, and not as an autistic man. Hell, Laios was ALSO a noble, he gave that up! Threw that away, and then came back to his village and took Falin away from it. If Laios is acting like an idiot, he's acting like an idiot who does everything Toshiro has ever wanted to do. Laios cannot mask and Toshiro resents that.

One of the things Toshiro even explicitly says he HATES about Laios is the fact he's willing to be a burden on other people. Maizuru said earlier that he's NEVER made a "selfish request" before-- but Laios can just open his mouth and ask for help, feeling no shame, just as he did in this chapter when he asked him not to tell the Island Lord about the dark magic.

And then, after they literally come to blows, Toshiro tells Laios some incredibly brutal things, revealing he's NEVER been his friend and he has resented him this whole time. This actually sits with Laios well into the later chapters, but the fight ends and then they're just CHATTING FRIENDLY LIKE IT DIDN'T MATTER.

More honestly than ever before, because Toshiro is returning the effort. He eats some food (the narrative's metaphor for making connections). He thanks his vassals for the first time. He talks about how he wishes he'd told Falin about all the things he adored about her when he still had the chance.

I have to take the panels of his response right out of the manga actually because this little expression here is so subtle, but so meaningful.

(Read <- <- <- that way)

Look at the way that when Laios makes that genuine movement, assuring him with passion that he will be making sure Falin receives this message, Toshiro's gut response is annoyance. But then it softens and he pauses, like he's reconsidering what his response is going to be.

To admit that he envies "this side of Laios" is also admitting that the earlier fight was based on envy.

Laios was like this the WHOLE time. Making these grand speeches about his plans, what his party's been doing, how Toshiro needs to eat something and take a nap. He's ALWAYS been like this. It was Toshiro's mindset that changed.

In conclusion

Something I really like about Dungeon Meshi is HOW MANY of its characters can be read as autistic. Laios is just the most obvious one, with his special interest in monsters and inability to read social cues being central to the plot. His is a more "well known" expression of autism-- it's rare you get characters whose masking is central to their characters.

But it's really refreshing to see characters like Kabru, Falin, and Toshiro. Autistic people are rare enough in popular media to begin with, but we NEVER get characters whose autism intersects with their trauma, gender, and culture quite like these three.

[alexandraisyes]

I really want to thank you.

I've learned a lot about psychology and mental health from your blog. And it's helped me change how I talk about disorders a lot (not calling people and characters sociopaths/psychopaths/narcassists when they're a bad person, not making jokes about schizophrenia, stopping saying "im delusional", etc.) And honestly its not even that hard to do once I understand the why of it. Why should I call villains sociopaths automatically? Because obviously that villainizes Aspd. And then it just- clicks in my brain and yeah, for some things (especially the delusional one because I hear people say it all the time) I have to remind myself and correct myself, but just changing my way of thinking helps what I say

It also isn't even kind of an inconvenience?? Like sure, for soem things I have to figure out what to say instead, but tbh that just makes me think deeper on what actually is going on. Not demonizing disorders actually is helping my own mental health, its nice

Plus, you've actually helped me discover my love for psychology. Learning how the brain works is really interesting! And I want to help people. Plus I'm learning in a way that doesn't cause my anxiety. I have issues with seeing things that I relate to and automatically worrying that I have that disorder or whatever, and it's defiently getting better, but also the way you explain things doesn't trigger that warning alarm in my brain. It's straight forward, and often you're talking about things I don't even kind of relate too, which both helps me learn about how other people's brains work and let's me learn without worrying about myself

anyway- uhh TLDR that was just a lengthy way to say that your explanations and things have educated me and I really enjoy reading them (sometimes I physically can't bring myself to because they're long, but most of the time I can!!!)

Thank youuu. You've helped me learn more about others and myself <3

I have been marinating this in my mind for the past day, trying to figure out how to express how lovely of a feeling this brings me. I'm not exactly the emotional sort, so the immediate shock and then elation has long since passed, but the contentedness remains.

I cannot properly express the gratitude I feel, towards you and the universe, from this message. This is the kind of impact I've wanted to have on the world since I was very young. I would sit in my room as a little girl and daydream that I would write a novel or sing a song that was so expressive about pain and clarity and yes, psychology, although I didn't know the word for it, that it would shift people's mentalities, and make them understand why compassion is important. And reach the people who needed to hear it, and help them deal with their own hurt, and their own trauma, and let my words be a sort of healing factor in people's lives.

Never once did I ever think I'd achieve that through a tumblr blog.

And I have such a small amount of reach, such a small amount of influence in the grand scheme of things, but pebbles can cause landsides.

It's such a profound feeling to know that you have accomplished what you set out to do in even just a handful of people. That you have made a real difference to the net positive, like you've always wanted to. Everyone wants to leave a lasting legacy, an impression on people, that's just human nature, and some people will reach and reach and reach for that legacy and never be satisfied.

And I'm about to start getting really philosophical, so I'll cut it off here with a thank you. Thank you for telling me this. Thank you for letting me know that I have made a difference. I don't exactly have a sense of self for this knowledge to fall back on (a rather unfortunate consequence of my disorder), but I will cherish it regardless. Despite the fact that I have always wanted to make a difference, it never crossed my mind that I may actually reach that goal one day.

I'm glad my writings have helped you.

[archetypal-archivist]

Azul-Yutu Thoughts 0.2

Because I have brain rot and I'm enjoying myself, haha. (A bit of house-keeping, two name changes: Fior -> Fiore and Morry -> Mori). World belongs to @yuri-is-online, give their stuff a read, it's very good.

School continues on for Yutu, his first year friends, Mori and Fiore, and his second year friends, Sav and Thrush. After the disaster with the professor of defense failing to protect his charges, Crewel's nixed most field trips off school campus, which has some of the second and third years (who were next in line for trips) going a little stir crazy. Naturally, Sav is among them and he's making that Yutu's problem.

Sav keeps wanting to hear about the time Yutu and the other firsties took down the blot monsters the foolish professor failed to defeat and Yutu is getting sick of it. He already knows where he messed up in his tactics, he doesn't need yet another break down of how it all went, the first three times were enough. Eventually, Yutu decides that if Sav wants to hear about battle, it might be good to hear from other people on campus as well.

He grabs Sav, Fiore, and Mori (who doesn't need much convincing) and parks them all outside for lunch near the old wishing well (where Epel used to sing). Thrush, sensing trouble, comes too and sits atop the well to listen in and watch for anyone coming by. Yutu explains that there's still a lot they have yet to learn about blot monsters; that whole 'replicating from a puddle' thing is just one such example. If they'd known that was a thing, perhaps the professor could have dealt with it properly.

As such, it'd only be prudent to hear about other experiences people have had with blot monsters. Their job, Yutu explains, is to divide and conquer, finding adult mages of a certain age who'd seen life before the apocalypse and have some combat experience. If they can, get their stories of combat, if they can't, it's just another data point. Namely, how many people have actually lived through a blot monster attack? What are the odds?

Everyone agrees to the plan and they split up, Thrush trailing after his brother, Sav running off to talk to his professors, Mori leaving for the infirmary, and Yutu... Not really sure where to go. See, Yutu kinda has another motive for this plan beyond gaining knowledge and getting Sav off his back- he wants to know more about what's out there and what his chances of survival are.

Having come to Twisted Wonderland against his will, Yutu knows his future is bleak and he doesn't really have a plan for what he wants to do after graduation. Life outside NRC is tough and with Crewel breathing down his neck, he's not sure he'd be allowed to leave the school grounds even if he wanted to. His only plan is a tentative wondering about the chance of killing his overblotted father for good so he can lay him to rest with his deceased parent, Yuu. And that means Yutu needs to find info on Azul... Which is easier said than done.

Jump cutting between the members of Yutu's group, first round is Thrush and Fiore finding a group of recent graduates who'd fought overblotted mages, the stressed 20-somethings sharing about how the Queendom of Hearts is nigh-unlivable and how their attempts to retrieve things from their old homes have all been failures. One of them mentions how they'd heard rumors about safe places, another mentions how there are stories of a dread queen in red with four loyal monsters who is laying waste to the Queendom.

Fiore is fascinated, having been born at NRC and never having traveled beyond the borders is what's allowed. Thrush is far more wary, asking if the stories about the dread queen are true. The oldest of the group admits that yes, they likely are, and that the dread queen is Riddle, an alumni of NRC who's magic could shut down the magic of others. The dread queen has a similar power, which is why encounters with that overblotted mage are so deadly. Thrush feels a shiver go down his spine at the thought.

Sav is talking with professor Trein, attempting to put some of Yutu's lessons on getting others to tell you things to use. Of course, he's butchering it slightly and Trein is the last person to try this on, so eventually Trein asks Sav to cut to the chase. Sheepish, Sav asks about what it's like to fight an overblotted mage and Trein sighs before detailing his experience covering the retreat from the Shaftlands.

See, the Shaftlands are haunted by the monster of one of his old students, Rook Hunt, who makes sure no one lives within the borders of what he considers to be his 'Queen's' territory. Who the queen is, no one knows, but only parts of the snowy North and the driest parts rugged deserts/plains are safe, too difficult for Rook to travel. Trein hesitates for a moment, recalling Vil, before moving on to talk about the actual fight and how deadly it was. The only reason he survived was because he stepped over the border and Rook stopped attacking.

Mori is in the infirmary, greeting the healers there by name, who ask him if he's there for his 'usual'. He turns them down, then goes to talk to the patients, asking them about what landed them in the infirmary. They confess having tempted the outskirts of Briar Valley, bringing aid and supplies to those still trapped behind the massive walls of thorns. You'd think a kingdom where the most dangerous mage was asleep instead of a blotted ghoul would be safe, but that's not even close to the case.

When attacked, mages default to using their magic to defeat other overblotted mages, which drives them into over-blotting too. Since Briar Valley has the highest concentration of mages, it's a very, very dangerous place. Camps of survivors exist on the outskirts where Draconia's sleep spell is weakest, but news from them is rare and often consists only of casualty reports. As for Castle Draconia? Forget it. Briar Valley's king is asleep and everyone hopes he stays that way. Mori listens to all this in silence.

Cut to Crewel and he's being brought up to speed by someone off camera, learning that Yutu and his friends are looking for information on overblotted mages and how others have fought them. He frowns, looking serious, before sweeping out of his/Crowley's office, speaking over his shoulder that he needs to go talk to someone. Camera pans around and we see Sam take Crewel's place in Crowley's old chair. Only now, Sam is a withered husk of what he once was: estimated age, over 80 years old. Cut to Yutu and we see him enter Octavinelle from the main entrance just as we see Crewel enter the mirror for the Octavinelle dorm.

Cut again to Thrush and Fiore and the duo are play-shoving each other in the halls as they head for dinner. Fiore comments that he wasn't aware that there were 'boss mode' overblot mages, Thrush pokes back that Fiore's been spending too much time with Mori if that's how he's thinking. At this point, a passing old man chimes and claims that yeah, Fiore has about the right of it- some blot monsters really are 'Boss level.' As in, they control other overblotted mages and monsters.

The old man explains that he's from the Sunset Savannah, which is relatively safe thanks to the actions of their second prince, Leona, who had sacrificed himself to save the land. See, the prince had smarts, had figured out that there's a source for all this nonsense: a group of super powerful beings called Phantoms, twisted ghouls of the Great Seven. And Leona? Leona died to kill one. Thrush points out that if this was true, then more people would know about it, but the old man points out that it's not the amount of people who know, it's who knows. And trust him, he says, the right people know.

Back to Sav, he comes up to Fiore and Thrush's table with a troubled look on his face. He sits down with his tray of food (something canned and reheated with a side of fresh vegetables) and explains what the professor of botany said to him: that there are no blot monsters in the Scalding Sands. Apparently there's some sort of 'master mage' who rules the territory and demands fealty of all who live there, attacking anyone who gets too close to the palace. Those who are disobedient will die, monster or not.

Thrush startles then admits that such a mage sounds a lot like a 'phantom', proceeding to describe what the old man from earlier had told him. This troubles Sav further and he wonders aloud why they were never taught about these phantoms and why no one ever put together a strike team to go deal with them. If this Leona could kill a phantom, why hasn't anyone else tried. Fiore is excited by the prospect, Thrush is wary, pointing out that there has to be a good reason and it likely has a lot to do with not getting anyone killed. Fiore wonders aloud if it wouldn't be worth it though, to save lives, Thrush dope-slaps his younger brother upside the head, and the table resolves into silence.

Mori hadn't made it to dinner and is instead buying some instant noodles from a vending machine in Ignihyde. He turns to look up at a camera peering down from the ceiling corner and he gives it a little wave and a smile. He then tells the camera that he's found his 'party' and they're doing reconnaissance on the overblot phantoms. Mori waits for a moment, as if hoping for a response, but he gets nothing. Then he shrugs, muttering to himself with a smile that he supposes 'he can't always be watching' before turning on his heel, heading for his room. Through the window, the moon is rising, casting dark shadows across Mori's retreating figure.

Yutu steps into Octavinelle and immediately feels at home- which conversely has a shiver running up his spine, putting him on edge. Feeling at home in a place he's only just now visiting? Yeah right. Wary, he steps forward, caught up in admiring the colorful reefs and underwater scenery as seen through the glass tunnel to the main lounge area. As he walks, however, Yutu notices that there's a lot of people here and many of them look deeply unhappy. Couples staring up at the water, hands plastered to the glass, ignoring each other entirely; children sat in a line watching the fish in utter silence; then faces, empty faces, scars and sharp teeth and rough patches of dry, picked-at skin... It hits Yutu that these people are all merfolk, civilians displaced by the apocalypse that made the seas unlivable.

Stumbling through this tableau of both natural beauty and grieving humanity, the camera arcs over Yutu's head to catch the glass ceiling before returning to focus on his gently sad expression- then it zooms in over his shoulder to a bar where Crewel sits, talking to the bar tender. Cut to Crewel, he's drinking something fruity while Jade, the bar tender, cuts up slices of apple for other people's drinks.

Crewel tells Jade that Yutu has been settling into Savanaclaw nicely, Jade hums, waiting for the real reason Crewel is here. The headmaster keeps making leading small talk about Yutu's investigation and his parentage before sighing, finally asking Jade if there's going to be any... Problems. Jade's knife slams hard through an apple, leaving a neat half behind as he murmurs that at last, the truth comes out. Jade stands to full height and tells Crewel that no, he won't have any problems with Yutu coming to talk to him. Indeed... (And here he looks over Crewel's head to Yutu, who's standing, shocked, behind the headmaster).

Azul was one of Jade's dearest friends. Yutu fights back a gasp, not wanting the vulnerability of shock, and Crewel spins in his seat at the sound. He goes to introduce Jade but Jade beats him to it, coming from around the bar to stand in front of Yutu, hand over his heart as he introduces himself, explaining his place as Azul's friend and longtime business partner. And- here Jade pauses, tilting his gaze up to look out the window to the sea beyond- he believes he and Yutu have a lot to talk about.

[softietrait]

this is for my black mutuals/followers.

HAIR HELP, PLEASE <3

i'm gonna open up a bit here.... i'm mixed (my dad is black, mother is white) and i did not grow up around my father or his family, only my mom and hers.(not bio mom though) -- my mom (who raised me, that's my mama!) did her best to make sure to learn how to do my hair through black family friends when i was younger who she'd pay to not only do my hair but teach her and show her how to care for my hair.

despite that, growing up, where i lived did not have all the resources i need to be able to really do my hair in a way that's beneficial for my hair type and thus my knowledge of how to do my OWN hair is kind of... minimal. i'm a bit ashamed to say that. i really want to do more protective styles on my natural hair because i don't want to cut it and want to grow it out. but i still want and need styles that would suit its type and things i can use/do to it and whatnot (if this makes sense. i apologize, i am so bad at explaining myself!)

even now, there's only about 2-3 places that are black-owned that i can go to in my town.... and they only popped up in the past couple of years?? so yes. i do now have the ability to go into town to a supply store at the least to help <3!

i'll put a picture of my hair in its natural state for reference. this took a lot for me to post and it's very personal, but i really need the help and i'm already in my 30s without knowing how to for real PROPERLY care for my hair beyond basics. that's already embarrassing :(

this is what my hair looks like down and in just tiny ponytails. nothing else! ^^ i don't currently have any pictures of when it's wet , i think, though. ALSO i'd really like help on how to style my edges effectively ;n; i've been trying for ages and here they look good in my opinion! but i want better ways to do them <33 thank you guys SOOOO MUCH!!

[ludoka]

Reflecting on how The Glass Scientists presents us with this conflict in which Jekyll divided his being into different parts that form a person in itself.

In how it is implied to us very emphatically that Hyde is emotions and impulses without filter or self-control. Parts that one is born with.

The imaginary Lanyon is a gentleman, right? It probably represents self-control and learned behavior. Things that one acquires over the years of living in a specific society or social group that has its own rules and laws. (which is why, I think, he feels like the antithesis of Hyde. While Edward is something natural and born, Lanyon is something artificial and imposed[I can't find a better word, so it stays there.])

Imaginary Frankenstein apparently represents passions and knowledge (I think) Normally I would be in favor of passions going hand in hand with emotion but in Jekyll's case, it is a little more complicated. Mainly because his passion is science without ties. Which, emotions can be restrictive or influential in scientific research.

I think, and here I may be making a big mistake, that Jekyll may be morality and/or ethics. I'm not sure how to properly defend or explain why I believe this. Broadly speaking, it is one of the characteristics of the human being that is quite important and can influence or restrict the rest of the characteristics. This does not mean that it does not conflict with the other characteristics. What's more, morals and ethics constantly conflict with emotions.

Simple example:

A piece of paper falls out of your pocket into a puddle of water. Emotionally you don't want to pick up that paper because "ew, gross, where did that water come from?" Your internal ethics tells you that you should pick it up because you are not in favor of littering public roads, so, morally, you pick up the paper without thinking too much and throw it in a nearby bin. Then it makes you emotionally writhe with disgust because "that water had a strange color and it has a horrible smell...and... OH GODS!! NOW THAT SMELL IS ON MY HAND!? NO NO NO. I HATE MY LIFE, I HATE MY LIFE DECISIONS AND I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS" And all of this can happen in a 5 second thought process.

And so it can happen with all parties. Morals and ethics can conflict with all other parties, even each other. It's part of being a person or adult, in most cases.

What I was getting at is that all these parts of Jekyll should sit in a mental room and come to an understanding. To be able to make that disastrous human being a functional adult. Because everyone there is failing in that one mission. Which is understandable because we all fail a little at that. *Cries as a responsible adult*

[my-corneroftheworld]

Child without love

Summary: Namor finds a marine biologist with the powers to control water and deep knowledge of the sea and is intrigued.

Word count: 560 words

Tags: no minors allowed, "water-bender" reader x Namor after the events from Wakanda forever, possessive Namor, mutant reader, asphyxiation, war, violence, harsh language, the usage of y/n, afab reader

Ps. I HAVE HAD THE WORSE WRITING BLOCK IN MY LIFE!!!!!!! I am really sorry for the wait. I am really grateful for all the support and I hope to make it up to you guys through my writing. This chapter is a bit short due to said writer's block but I will do better in the next chapter. As usual, I accept the constructive criticism below :)

Masterlist

Chapter 5

I felt small caresses on my cheek. Moving from my cheek to my lips. My eyes fluttered open, welcoming the beautiful sight of him facing me.

"Good morning," he said quietly. I smiled. He looked so soft and domestic in this light. As if everything else I've experienced here has been nothing but a strange dream. At this moment there's only me and him. "Good morning" I reply with a smile. He smiles but a moment of hesitation washes over his face and he sits up.

"What's wrong?" I ask. "Did I do something?"

He quickly shakes his head "No, not at all. But I am afraid that I have." he sighed. " I haven't courted you properly. I don't usually get overcome by passion as I did yesterday. I am sorry if I have done wrong by you"

"No, you haven't done anything wrong!" I sat up quickly at the accusation. "I wanted this. I'm not sure how you do things around here but where I am from the idea of sleeping with someone doesn't have to mean courtship unless both parties intend it to be" I explained. He looked at me briefly then stood up. "Then I will make my intention clear and court you properly."

I sat there for a moment, staring at him. Every neural function in my brain ceased. Courting me?! As in dating? Or borderline marriage?! I can't! Anxiety creeps in as I begin to reason with the idea of marrying an underwater king. He is kind and attentive but I know very little of his quirks and faults. It can't be healthy to have a romantic relationship with one's captor. I felt the mattress dip and looked up from my fidgeting fingers. He looked at me for a moment with slight worry in his expression, brought my hands into his, and after a short moment spoke.

"I know that this has been difficult for you, leaving your people and your way of life for something that is not your fault. I may be selfish to ask more of you but I can't help but want you near me. However, I will not force myself upon you. I only ask you to consider the possibility of not only making this your home in terms of location but also in terms of your heart."

I looked into his eyes, feeling comfort in their warm depths. It would be a lie to say I didn't feel drawn to him. It wasn’t just his beauty but his heart, his love, and his dedication to his people. It makes me want to do anything for his dreams and aspirations to become a reality. I reached out and held his cheek in my palms, he melted in my touch. I could feel the softness of his cheek and the roughness of his stubble graze me.

"I am struggling with all of this. I am not sure if my decisions are right or even reasonable. I mean sometimes I think I'm losing it. But one thing I am certain of. You being here somehow feels like home and I've only experienced that with one other entity"

He chuckled "the sea?" I joined him. "yea" He holds my hand near his cheek. "Then I will hold you like the waves you are so fond of, for as long as you need"

[elskamo]

Dafuq is happening with Ron? The Masterpost!

Hey all, sorry it's taking me a while to update you properly about what's going on IRL. There is... a lot that's been happening and some of it has taken me awhile to wrap my head around and figure out how to explain so please bare with me.

If you just want to know what's happening with my various blogs and accounts (on Tumblr that'd be this blog right here and @official-fresh-tv-blog) then feel free to skip to "My Fandom Situation" at the end of the post (hence the Total Drama tag attached). At some point I'll be updating the abouts on both blogs so if you CBA to read this then you can at least get a vague idea of what's changed when those update. You may also be able to kinda twig one of the main announcements from the tags as well.

I'm gonna put all this shit under the cut because it is LONG. As always if I forget to tag something please let me know so I can add it ASAP. And if you have any questions please don't be afraid to ask me outright.

My Health Situation

As I've mentioned before both my physical and mental health are utter shite that I barely get any help with. I have very little recollection of my childhood, especially before age 8 or so, as an adult when it comes to my dissociation I only lose a couple of days memory at most. Despite this I recently lost two whole months of my memory, hence my disappearance around late April/early May to late June/early July.

A couple of weeks ago I was finally able to speak to a doctor on video call about my mental health and to get a clearer picture on what my dissociation actually is. Given my background and anecdotal evidence from friends (but not family because they notice absolute fuck all) I'm pursuing a more up to date diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder which the doctor agreed is likely (as well as FINALLY getting an official C-PTSD diagnosis). In total honesty I've had my suspicions since around 2018/19 when friends started mentioning suspicious changes in my behaviour and voice as well as my apparent use of a completely different name at one point.

When I finally started interacting with other people who dissociate within the Total Drama fandom during the lockdown in 2020 I realised what might be happening and kept telling myself to reach out to other users but I was far too scared to say anything due to my own lack of knowledge on DID and Dissociation in general and my confusion about how I could possibly not know for so long. If there are any users with DID that are willing to reach out I'd really appreciate it, especially as I'm getting used to the various terminology and figuring out how to interact with the rest of the system, most of which understandably ignore me for the most part given some of my previous shitty and ignorant behaviour and reluctance to get properly diagnosed.

I still haven't told the family I am in touch with simply because they don't particularly give a shit about my mental health, they tend to just assume they know what's going on and run with that. The fact that zero people in my family noticed anything strange when other people around me did also put me off saying anything, right now I'm planning to wait until I have an official diagnosis but I may say something sooner.

I'm waiting on two appointments, one with the same doctor to catch up in September and one with a psychologist who'll have a deeper understanding of trauma and Dissociative issues. I'm also waiting to start new meds as mine have been completely overhauled, this means I'm currently having withdrawal symptoms coming off the old ones and when the new ones are finally ready I'll likely be a bit erratic for the first few weeks due to the side effects. Apologies in advance, I promise several people IRL have been informed and will be keeping an eye on me to make sure I'm okay until the meds kick in properly.

Following my two month memory lapse I also had Covid for the majority of July and am still kinda foggy now, which explains the rest of my absence. I'm not entirely sure what my physical health is like due to having lost my memory but my chronic pain doesn't seem to be flaring up at the moment at least, that being said I was having major problems with my chronic pain prior to my two month dissociative period.

On the plus side of things I finally have an appointment booked with a new NHS gender identity clinic in London so that I can get assessed to start Testosterone therapy! At the moment it's tentatively booked in for September 3rd however I've been told they may be able to move it to a different time slot if they can find one with one of their newer staff given how difficult it'll be for me to travel up there for the early morning (for context it takes about 3 hours to get to London from where I am in Dorset and another 3 hours to get back, most of the appointment slots are at 8 or 9am!)

My Home Situation

Absolute fuck all has changed with my home situation. I'm still stuck at the house where I was previously abused a lot and am not currently in a position where I can find a new place or move in with someone else. A couple of friends have offered to let me sofa surf back and forth between them if needed but I have no immediate long term plans.

I found out a couple days ago that Damien decided to make a post on my behalf venting about my home situation which I will now be deleting. Essentially while everyone in the household caught Covid last month my relationship with my Mum swung back to being quite abusive again and she threatened to kick me out. That being said, I will acknowledge she has genuinely been trying to understand my situation and be a better mother towards me since I became homeless the first time around back in 2018 and no physical abuse has taken place since then.

Right now it appears I'm safe but at the time Damien posted there appeared to be a very high chance that I was going to be kicked out and have nowhere to live. My mum hasn't brought up her threats again since Damien's vent post so hopefully we still have somewhere to stay for the time being.

My Money Situation

Leading on from my home situation, my money situation has worsened drastically. As many of you know I've been fighting a losing battle for years attempting to get my disability benefits back and since being made redundant twice I've been living solely off of the single component of Universal Credit which amounts to less than £400 a month to cover all my living expenses. My housing benefit is gone until I'm able to leave Mum's and I'm still waiting for my appeal to get the unfit for work/sick portion of my Universal Credit back.

My mum refuses to budge on the amount of money that I pay her to stay each month and she has recently been getting me to pay for more frivolous expenses like multiple takeaways because she hasn't been buying enough groceries and being ill has left the three of us unable to cook. Factor in other expenses like transport to get to appointments, the most basic phone bill I can get away with, and unexpected emergencies like my tech breaking and I'm no longer able to cover my living expenses at all and no longer have any savings money left to cushion the blow.

I'm now at a point where I'm in my overdraft every month and resorting to begging friends for loans to keep me afloat so I don't get charged. The situation with my health has not helped with being able to find work, either freelance or a permanent role, so unless I'm able to get money from things like my Ebay, Etsy, or Redbubble stores I don't have anything else coming in that can help me cover my most basic needs.

I'm doing my best to get back on track with job hunting as both the job centre and the local Restart program I've been forced to go onto are insisting I need to be applying for a certain amount of jobs per week and attending regular face to face appointments with them otherwise they'll take away my benefits. I've almost finished updating my CV and website and have a mandatory job fair I've been told to go to on Wednesday so hopefully I can find work again soon, but given my health situation and the fact that I shouldn't actually be working this may still be very difficult.

I know I post about this a lot and many of you have your own financial struggles but please if you're able to, donate to my Ko-Fi page or buy something from one of my stores. Even if you're not able to help me directly just sharing them with your friends/followers can make a huge difference!

My Fandom Situation

You may have noticed by now that my Etsy store has been closed for a few months and I've gone back to posting a lot more infrequently on my Tumblr, DeviantArt, and Archive of our Own accounts. I've also been letting asks pile up in my inbox. I'm attempting to catch up on my fandom stuff as fast as I can but obviously I'll be doing this around all the IRL stuff I'm dealing with.

For some reason a lot of the asks and messages I've been receiving have been straight up disappearing, right now I only have one ask on each blog and one private message to my knowledge, everything else has somehow gone. If when I post answers to both asks you don't see yours answered please feel free to send it again and I'll get to it as soon as I can! If it's something I'm not comfortable answering I'll say so outright so you know that I did receive and view your ask.

I have a massive backlog of fics and art I'm trying to finish off and post, again I'll get to these as and when I can before starting on any new projects. I've been keeping a spreadsheet of all the smaller pieces I want to work on for people to vote on once I've cleared my backlog. My larger projects will take a little (okay, a lot) more time to post.

I'll only be reopening my Etsy store once I'm certain I've got a handle on my health, as usual I'll only be accepting a few orders at a time and keeping the prices fairly cheap so they're more affordable for people that want to buy. As always, Redbubble is always active as is my Ebay account, though there are still a few products I need to update or upload on both platforms that aren't on there yet. If there's any art you'd like me to prioritise adding for you to purchase on Redbubble please feel free to reach out and let me know.

I'm going to be updating the about posts on both my Tumblr blogs soon to better reflect what they're for and who is posting. I'm currently planning on making the Ronnie Rambles tag my personal one instead of using it just to show which posts have been queued up ahead of time. The two alters that I've talked to will definitely have their own tags as well though I have no idea how often they'll be posting.

[bloomboxygo]

I'm curious to see how you feel about Yuya given, uh, everything. But I know that might be a bit frightening so feel free to do either Sora or Serena instead!

Well, first question and I already have a slammer on my hands. Can't say I didn't ask for this one, so it's best I get these thoughts out on Yuya. Later on I might do the other two. Get ready. Also spoiler warning.

General opinion/How much I care about them: Yuya's a character I found frustrating as the show went on, but it's not his fault. Amongst all the characters with missed potential, Yuya's one of the very few ones who felt complete, with the initial shut-ins, insecurities, and bullying building him up to life his own life and make his mark on the world how he knows best: making people smile with his Entertainment Dueling. And in the Miami Championship, he really started to come on its own and actually impressed me. Another thing that impressed me was the Z-ARC foreshadowing: regardless of execution, you cannot say they didn't have that idea at the start, or at least the core of it. Sure, the road was bumpy (learning the same lesson over and over? Common and overused complaint, but I can't disagree with it) but it did lead to a complete character at least, which I do find endearing at the core. It's the world around him later on that becomes the frustrating part. Especially the post Z-ARC part, it felt like the world itself bent to Yuya's goals, like the whole world will be destroyed if Yuya doesn't get his girl, like... Ugh. AGAIN, he's not entirely at fault for that. I do care for him and wish him very well (despite the frustrations) and proper, thorough therapy. Also for his mindmates. Also... I don't have a strong opinion on Berserk Yuya. It's... A berserk form that always wins. I already know what's the outcome.

A ship I love: Eh... Not much of a shipper myself, but... Fruitshipping is fine, valid and canon, but frustrating because of reasons above which I also explained in my "Yuzu's Exhaustive, Exhausting Elegy". Again, not Yuya's fault here but Yuzu kind of destroying her own self for him just in a writing sense doesn't sit well for me. Even still, they have a fun dynamic and the support they show each other (even while separated by plot) is very much welcome.

A non-romantic relationship that I love: Aight, no complaints with this one YUYA | GONGENZAKA (sorry, don't remember the shipping name). What a fun dynamic the two have together, it's more than clear that they're besties and Gongenzaka's had a huge hand in supporting Yuya as well. There isn't much depth, but it's wholesome and solid the whole way through. I also really like the concept of two best friends having totally opposite Dueling styles, and in some way or another, approaching and learning more about each other's style (though Yuya learning the Heavystrong style was entirely out of my mind, and perhaps someone else's in a fanfic. The opposite happened though.)

The NOTP: Once again, no strong opinions on that one. If I find it weird enough, I'm simply not going to bother with it. I don't really have one that sticks out to me.

An idea for a fanfiction I would like to write/read about them: If I ever get the willpower and knowledge to properly write such a concept, a Spirit World fic when Yuya and Gongenzaka end up being Superheavy Samurai Prodigy Wakaushi and Brave Masurawo respectively would be great. Already shared an idea, IIRC, of these two things being statues that the Superheavies built in honor of their Master and his best friend.

Something that makes me think of them:

You weirdos.

More specifically, the people in the ARC-V fandom. Whenever I see all these super excited posts about the world and characters that the show offered, I can't help but feel your love for Yuya. Like... It seems everyone loves Yuya in this fandom and I can't help but feel like a bit of an outcast sometimes, considering how conflicted I am on him. I don't want to deny you of any fun. I know you're having the time of your lives with a show that gave me headaches, and while I still get shivers from time to time regarding my own experience... Thanks to you, I learned to bear it and make something positive out of it all. Perhaps not letting anyone hinder you, and encouraging yourself to make your own mark and make people happy, is what makes me think of Yuya, so you guys are a part of that.

I know I've mostly shifted to Radiant Dawn these days (Micaiah has claimed my mind with all her woes, and Tibarn with his Stone Cold entrances, and I just want to understand it all), but thanks for making me having a wonderful time here.

[grayscale-kaleidoscope]

It's not surprising that being sick brings up a lot of old Stuff. I don't know where to start with it, just, yeah. Rambling.

I know that when I was very young, being sick was a guarantee to have positive caretaking attention. Primarily from my mom, but it was also a rare time for my dad to show some concern too (in a joking "What's wrong, you feeling puny?" way, but it's more than I got from him otherwise.)

As I got older, I didn't have the knowledge or words to explain "not feeling well" from psychosomatic symptoms, so I claimed it was all physical illness. Of course, my mom became very critical of my claims--no fever, no visual abnormalities anywhere, sounding normal. It was a fight every time I wanted to stay home from something, and when I "won" it was because she ran out of patience and couldn't physically make me go anywhere.

My senior year in high school, she was working again and I drove myself to and from school. She left the house very early in the morning, so she wasn't there to make sure I got myself to school.

My attendance got real bad.

I was struggling through my mental illness stuff, which manifested as insomnia, migraines, nausea, and IBS. I felt "sick" all the time. She eventually took me to a GI specialist who said there was nothing actually wrong with me, and had I considered eating more vegetables to deal with the stomach upset? (I was heavily restricting at the time but still overweight so. Yay fatphobia.)

My attendance got so bad that the school threatened to not let me graduate, despite having enough credits to do so the previous year. I was only going to school to graduate with "my class."

My mom and I started to fight a lot around that time, partially because I was planning on moving in with now-husband. I can't count the number of times she shrilly yelled "How do you expect to survive in the adult world if you can't even get yourself to school?! Employers aren't going to put up with this!"

And I know, I was a struggling adolescent with very little meaningful support. I was doing my best but my mental health was eating me alive, and there was no one I could go to for help with that. It was such a hard time, and I was largely alone with it.

But still, every time I'm "properly" sick, I feel so on edge, ready to defend myself and my symptoms. This is real, I don't feel well. I'm sick, just let me be.

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: Scam or No Scam, Cats, Gothmas Phase 1 Begins

Wednesday I was dragged out of a particularly interesting supernatural adventure dream by a different person calling to tray to get me to move out of my apartment. It was 10AM, less than two hours into what was already a short sleep cycle. I started my Do Not Call List banishing chant and he hung up. (Saturday's asshole was a woman.

In my exhaustion I could not remember the block number code before a person who could have either been a Medicare person or a medicare scammer called me. I had to engage them in a long dialog to tell which, which was unusual. Scammers are usually faster and more transparent. This one had enough information about who she was calling to keep me on the line, because medicare makes a ton of annoying and intrusive early sleep cycle calls including one last week trying to talk me into a home inspection I don't need or want. I can't afford to accidentally block Medicare, so I needed to trick her into disambiguating. she sounded a lot like last week's lady. Very similar voice, identical regional accent, but her background sound was slightly off. Her reason for calling was plausible. I did my usual thing where I make them tell me my own details, which she could do, but so did the try to make me move person that had just called, so I'm guessing an online registry or bought data base. No social security number or other id number though.

Then she tried to talk me into going to get my medicare card out so she could "verify my information was correct." Me, internally: Aha! Got her! So I pressed her on why she needed me to do that when she could just read me what's in her computer and I could say if it was correct or not. She tried the hard sell. I hung up. Very tricksey, she was. Sometimes real medicare wants proof I'm me, but I can also get them to mail me things or call them back on an official line I verify myself.

I am annoying as fuck to the endless people from assorted departments and subcontractors and what have you, because I don't trust shit. I know the scripts for the annoying flock of intrusive mandatory wake me up phone calls Medicare does. Every time a new department or service contacts me they get the third degree because I get so many identity theft attempt phone calls. I once hung up on the same new bullshit hassle call thing multiple times a week for approximately three months, because instead of properly identifying themselves as medicare and explaining immediately what they wanted, they started a long byzantine thing that sounded like half sales pitch and half identity theft fishing and after the first time I wasted five minutes of sleep trying to play scam or no scam and getting no straight answers as to what they actually wanted, I would recognize the opening sentences and hang right up. I didn't block them because they were ambiguous. I figured if it were actually important they'd contact me and tell me what they wanted instead of wasting my time. Eventually, I got a frantic sounding lady was like "This is medicare. Please don't hang up, it's important." And then she actually told me why she was calling specifically and demonstrated and actual knowledge of who she was calling. It was real. I've no idea why they were trying to sound like scammers when the thing was something straightforward we were able to clear up in less time than their opener took before I gave up on it the first time they called.

If this thing Wednesday morning was real, bet I'll get a letter. Betting it's not though. I am 95% sure it was a scammer who was doing a well above average job at mimicking medicare.

…And then I got a couple more calls spaced to prevent REM sleep for medical things. Sigh. So I started out tired. People still have not remembered how to drive with other cars on the roads particularly at dusk and i nearly saw a car T-Boned when I stopped at the bank drivethru ATM, but the car stopped inches from the driver side door. There were lines everywhere. There were cars and people everywhere. It was so loud and crowded at the grocery that every baby and toddler under the age of four that we saw started screaming because it was so overwhelming and we didn't blame them.

We ended up skipping two stops and going back to my place the fast way. Poor New Millennial was waiting in the dark as i haven't gotten them a key yet and spaced turning on the Millennial Signal lights before I went out. Goth Millennial had alerted them we were coming but running late and had pizza making stuff for dinner. We all worked together to square things away and while we were waiting for thing to cook, we were sitting quietly in the living room chatting.

There was a moth that had gotten in! Imagine the excitement amounst the feline population of the apartment. The Imperial couple were so excited that they hunted it together in the living room. This is a thing that does not happen. Tavy loves catching bugs, but his balance issues mean he basically has to corner something against the screen where it is damaged or confused enough not to fly away. Livia is, of course, a first rate hunter of any and all live prey that foolishly enters her domain, so even though New Millennial was right there on the sofa, she went right past. She managed to damage the wing, which meant Tavy had a chance! He could hunt too! He ended up having the best time hunting it. Meanwhile, Livia spotted a Live Thing on the Porch, so she got really into menacing whatever it was, then they both sat on the widow bench to watch outside things and wonder what that noise was, which is a thing he does when visitors are here, but she doesn't normally do because she has to turn her back on the Visitors. So Brave!

Goth Millennials got great pictures which I will post when I have them.

After dinner, Goth Millennial did crafter surgery on poor Geoff Peterson Jr. who is starting to come apart. He's a fifteen year old cheap plastic skeleton and these things happen. They redressed him and were taking him outside when his bottom half came off. I was like, we should try displaying him like that as a Beetlejuice tribute, so we are experimenting with that.

Meanwhile, New Millennial put the plastic cloth we are trying this year on the widow bench and secured the Halloween trees against cat panic. Prezzies started arriving this week, so they displayed them there as is the custom. None of the other decorations were up, but this was a lot for us given the givens.

[frostbite-the-bat]

okay i know im like constantly busy with a billion drawing projects at once - or rather not doing them and starting new things, lol - but i wanted to ask people how they do commissions.

i have a very small idea of how bank accounts and such work - and i've asked my mom about me possibly doing art online for commissions, but she told me i'd need to do it through the family account (aka my dad's account - and we know i have a shitty relationship with him) or i'd have to make my own. however, i'd need to make enough monthly or have a job to be able to keep the account up, at least here in my country.

i am 19 years old and i have never ever in my life been allowed to work with my own money, i don't even know how cards work properly and i don't even have an allowance, i just get money as gifts sometimes and then i hoard that for the very rare times i want to buy something in person.

if i do commissions online, i do them for gifted things such as discord nitro and steam games. (can run into issues, can't refund - had this happen in the past but the client was an genuine asshole human being) however i just cannot receive money on it's own in any way, nor can i buy anything online myself. (my parent don't like buying stuff online in general, mostly because of shipping and such.)

and like, ever since i was very young i've been told to lie and hurrdurr just make a secret paypal or something but... i wanna know how all of this works? i've never been taught anything in my life, and i know very little from my (highkey abusive) high school i just got out of. i have like no leads in life and while i still live safely with my parents, i want to leave one day EVENTUALLY, of course. slowly but surely, y'know? but when i'm living with them not being taught anything i basically cannot do shit. it's kind of a bad idea to ask people online for advice about shit like this but, genuinely asking just...

how does this stuff work?? how do you guys do commissions outside of gifted things like steam games/cards and such like i mentioned earlier. it confuses me so much. i am too scared to go behind my mom's back and i want to know more about these things to see if i can explain it to her and do it in some way because i see people doing all this often in secret and i just don't get it.

not sure if i'd open up art commissions like so anyway, but i'd just like to have the knowledge on this in-case it's ever needed... and just having more knowledge in life is good, y'know? anyways no this isn't an emergency post i just want to know how this works.

[zeondraws]

Hm I am having thoughts about my bus lore, mainly about why the busses were in this planetary lab to begin with and where their creators came from.

For the humanoids storyline they are usually very important figures from Zeons System, where Ester is the homeplanet (and the planetary labs would orbit nearby), the humanoids created the planetary lab with their advanced knowledge and complex trading routes between different civilisations.

These figures are... well it is hard to explain for me, tho this means I need to find a way to explain them.

They're not really gods or anything, atleast the story doesn't focus on gods, more like individuals that have been granted abilities which they can use to protect the planet Ester and keep traditions that have been carried across generations.

Current humanoids usually protect Ester from invaders, who want to steal something from their planetary labs or try to "take over the universe" for the 638384828 time.

These humanoids are not looking to seek control of everything that exists, they mostly stay within their own home and take care of everyone who resides there.

It is hard to explain what kind of political system they'd have on Ester, because I'm not sure if I can compare it with anything duo to my limited knowledge on this topic. Tho I think there is a government who is more on the social side of things, trying to keep everyone equal or atleast have all voices heard, to avoid any bad events that could occur from capitalistic planets like earth. (They'd probably avoid having a capitalistic system in the first place)

But either way I shall try to explain where these humanoids originated from (hopefully I didn't forget too much I took a small break from writing this to go to the toilet)

The current humanoids were kidnapped from earth, the previous protectors or "chosen" ones from Ester/Zeons System, chose them to continue their legacy.

What kind of legacy? I am currently starting to figure it out, because back then I always daydreamed of these story plots just to randomly escape from reality and imagine powerful beings that could do alot of cool things. Yknow, stuff younger people with ocs think about maybe, I haven't been in any OC or art circles when I was younger. I completely missed out on that chaos. So I am just assuming here

These humanoids contribute to the existence of a very ancient civilisation, which does not exist anymore in their original form, but they live through the new chosen beings and the other living beings that are being protected. But just to clarify, these ancient beings actually don't live inside any beings but they probably exist somewhere in the realms of life and death. But the more ancient the civilisation was from the current ome, the less recognisable it might be. Even the current humanoids have no clue of the first civilisation that started this string of events.

Usually you can tell that they belong to this ancient tree of chosen ones/civilisations by their advanced technology or powers.

For example you'd see a penguin with a weird chameleon like tail (I implimented this because young me used to draw some animals with weird rainbow tails, as a homage to myself I guess? Don't know how to explain it) and this frigging penguin literally builts robots, that assist him and fight against any invaders. And these chosen ones like to keep alot of the natural habitats that exist on their home olanets intact, as they want to properly coexist woth nature.

Another ancient technology are staffs which help them move in space and also move planets. (I still have to flesh this out a bit, tho I can say I am not aiming to be 100% realistic, I want to have fun with this and not break my head trying to write some sci fi story and animate it, I am only one person that can only do so much)

And uuh I think the oldest chosen beings known somewhat looked like wyverns, atleast one of them got chosen to try and protect their solar system and also to keep the chain of new chosen ones. Since this has to continue otherwise they wouldn't be able to continue their existence. Maybe makes not so much sense rn but I'll get there when I have time to work on this part more. These wyverns would choose some other animals that chose other animals.. (komodo dragon > chetah > penguin > humanoid-ish > humanoid > human (crazy ik) > bus (omg))

I think there would be many occasions from long ago where the chosen ones would've been life that didn't occur organically, and were mostly robots or other beings. These beings would help boost the technological advancement of this chain and help the next organic ones be able to thrive and also don't need to harm the natural world around them too much... but we'll further discuss this at another point

it is getting late for me so I will write down keywords to write about so that I don't forget, these drafts are more like a "sketch", because they're all very rough thoughts to try and get my thoughts together for this world. it's like the first sketch of a drawing you make

..

Scientists > who study the chosen ones to pinpoint their origins and their correlation with nature and why they benefit their surroundings in comparison to other industrialised civilisations

The chosen ones > I obv have to find a better name, these ones protect their home planets and their home system. They often own technology that seems impossible to construct for other beings. And they often have physical powers that they use for protection, some can fly, they also can sing in many different ways, also able to mimic music/sound very well after some training! (This one is very apparent for the recent humanoids, these use sounds and music for communication, through the music you can try and find clues about their past. The music has alot of different undertones we can't hear, the music is a big distraction for invaders)

their powers are limited, some only have certain months where they can use these powers to the fullest and some can use them whenever, but if they use it all in one short moment (to fight off huge invasions) their feathersxhair, skin, eyes and anything else they might have turns pale, white or grey

indicating they are drained of power, and are very very vulnerable, it is often here when invaders try to strike them, so that they can't regenerate their powers and most likely die

The family tree > mostly showcasing who ws chosen and who might be chosen in the future, the current ones can't really see who might be the next one, it is why it took R5 (one of the chosen humanoids) so long to finally do his deed that he had to carry on. He didn't know that it were busses tho

Busses? > Whom of the busses would be it? I was thinking of Edwins daughter that has yet to be developed but she doesn't play a major role in the main story plot, as a matter of fact she won't be born in a long while when events take place!

And a chosen one as previously mentioned doesn't have to be from organic origin, the busses were manmade but were gifted AIs and accidentally were able to spread out on a planet and built a new society that will carry on the legacy and ultimately give this legacy to another civilisation

Also been wondering about the correlation between R5 and Plock, one random thoughtsl was if Plock was R5 and R5 would merely try to make sure that the busses succeed and that he can do his deed

but I am unsure

[chellyisacreampuff]

Wednesday, 16 Oct, FallA Week 3

Due to the Sports Day on Monday, all the Monday classes were shifted to Wednesday. I dunno why, it just is. According to the Academic calender. So first I had the Intro to Global Issues class, the human part, for two periods. Rushing as usual, so I only quickly ate this little matcha anpan mochi (matcha mochi stuffed with red bean). Was pretty nice, the matcha flavour was unique, 3/5.

The class was so super boring. At first we just had to introduce ourselves and say why we're interested in the course and what we want to learn from it... And then the lecturer kept talking about what he's done and what he's interested in.... And then he kept talking about the most basic things, basically saying nothing... And then we were supposed to form small groups and discuss what are "global issues" for us... It's really boring and felt so useless...

After that class I was just snacking a baked sweet potato, as it's just goated and I felt like I should eat something in the break. After that we had Vertebrate Evolution, my absolute favourite. I love the prof. Today he was bashing us for at least half an hour, that barely noone did the homework properly and that noone thinks by themselves and just repeats everything from the lecture, without giving new input. I got full points for the homework. So I just listened in to his rant, lol. I guess I'm the only one who paid attention when he explained the assignment so much in depth.... And then he was talking about how he didn't like academia work when he was a student, until he randomly discovered a topic that he was so hooked into, that he didn't do anything else anymore than studying that, lol. And all that with his great Scottish humour. Honestly, I would even just go to this class because it's so entertaining - but I even get new knowledge and credit points from it! Lol. Only after more than half of the class did we come to the topic of chordates...

After class, I had decided to check out a new restaurant. Mostly just because the name caught my attention. It's called Dorf, lol (it means village in German). I got myself delicious garlic chicken rice for 830 ¥, the garlic taste was great.

After that I went home to sleep for a bit. The summer is also slowly going to slumber....

Then I had to wake up first to do the homework for Renewable energy class - summarising the last online lecture -.- I really hate this type of homework because it's so useless and you learn exactly zero from it. It's not even good for repetition. Snacking on these Japanese fake Oreos while working on it.

Also in the evening, more like night, at 11:30pm, we wanted to meet up online with our global issues group to finalise the presentation slides for that waste dump landslide incident in Sri Lanka. While working on it, I totally forgot to upload my renewable energy assignment.... So I only remembered after the deadline. They did allow submission after deadline, so I uploaded it, but I'm not sure if they won't let it count at all, if there's minus points, if they don't do anything at all... I really have no idea. Guess I'll see. At least I did finish two assignments though.

Then just made myself some very quick small dinner, with rice, yogurt, sausage, and that little that remained from my avocado... And then had another snack, some sweet potato pie dessert. There's some dough somewhere, but it's mostly sweet potato paste, and I really liked it, though it's definitely too sweet, 4/5.

Slept late but

Did two homeworks

Good food

Some sleep in the afternoon

Entertaining Vertebrate Evolution class

Nice!

[timelineofdarkness]

John, Honest-by-Half

There used to be this Malkavian called Honest John. You may have encountered him at the Sanitarium before Mariana closed it down. He ran that nameless antique shop that sold cursed weapons. Also, that gun shop that sold cursed weapons. He was an infernalist. Happened on that bit of information purely by chance. A member of my clan, Keith Mann, was having a sexy party at his studio. There were a bunch of statues affixed with adult toys. You can fill in the rest. Anyhow, a couple of us wake up the next night feeling roooough. I check the group chat, they tell me to go talk to Nyx immediately. Nyx tells me it's a demonic parasite and she's gotta shove this branch of something up my ass to purge it before it grows up and Xenomorphs itself out of me. I suppose I got off light paying her a major boon for it, but it's hard not to be a little sore about it.

So after I get myself cleaned out I start thinking about who was there, and it's the usual suspects except for this one Hollywood actor who seems out of place at a random Seattle party. I started thinking about different ways somebody could wear a famous face for a night. Eventually, we gather enough evidence to determine that John's been consorting with a demon. Delivering final death to an infernalist is a little above my pay grade, but Nananua is usually down to kill something, so we traded a boon for a pile of ashes, mission complete.

Or it would be. This is a good time to mention that John always claimed to be one of a set of identical triplets, each also named Honest John, or more properly "John, Honest by Half". I'd dismissed it as Malkavian nonsense, when, in truth, it was Malkavian Nonsense. They were some sort of cloned personality. I don't know if it was an actual hive mind, but it was the same man three times, which explained how he could simultaneously be at the Sanitarium, the antique shop, and the gun shop. We had visited the antique shop and seen where he kept his good stuff. Once you go past the front room, there's this kitchen full of Coca-Cola memorabilia. Inside the fridge (also Coca-Cola-Themed) is a secret passage to a room full of melee weapons. Swords, axes, pretty sure I saw some nunchaku. All of them cursed. That is probably why they were all free. After Nan killed him, we went back to the pawn shop and found it empty-ish. It was full of traps, and there seemed to be a dead miscreant hanging from one such trap. The body came in handy when we noticed the first Claymore mine. I'll spare you the gory details, but neither the memorabilia nor the remains of the young mortal survived the encounter. After that, we visited the gun shop, operated by a very unliving Honest John.

Once we confirmed the triplet theory, we called an Alistar in on protocol, and in case that demon got aggressive. She had this unearthly beauty, like Tilda Swinton, but more so, if that makes sense. She helped us to take down the second John and went with us to the demon's grove to finish the thing. The demon killed the last one himself and left, seemingly bored of tempting and harassing us. You'll forgive me if I don't name him here, but I also trust that one as well-informed as yourself already knows far more than I'm telling you.

Yes, that was the reason I hyperfocused on demonology for three weeks, and the knowledge you shared has been invaluable on more than one occasion.

T.T

[s-wave-entertainment]

Well, you asked-

For the record, I selected "too morally ambiguous to give an answer." I've thought really hard about J in the last couple of weeks (largely because my feelings about her after ep. 8 were so goddamn convoluted that I still don't know how I feel about her) and I've come to a couple of conclusions that ultimately end up in feeling... bad, for her. So hear me out:

J is a resigned antagonist.

She did bad shit, was extremely shitty to N, and definitely stood on the wrong side of history. But your honor, I have reason to believe she didn't necessarily want to.

The episode 8 exchange she had with V gave us some insight into her I think, particularly the lines "It tricked you! If I promised you anything, it tricked me too." And also "You know there's no escape, even in DEATH!" So offbthe bat, I assume two things:

1) J was initially under the belief that maybe they'll be returned to earth (assuming she didn't know that Earth was gone), or that they'll be spared if they did their jobs properly. Through prolonged interaction/possible dialogue, she probably began to realize that no, they weren't getting away with this, and she was being lied to/tricked. This leads to the second piece of knowledge:

2) I hesitate to think that J was just *okay* with helping the Solver, and tried to get away from it herself several times. But not following orders (refusing to kill) only hurt her by overheating, it didn't matter where she went on the planet because it could still find her, and even dying - to worker drone or uh. Otherwise - had her waking up right back under it's control, under its command. Finally acknowledging she had no way to run, no way to get away from it, she dropped her reservations and began to display the loyalty we see in her throughout the series.

Now I also have an additional headcanon here, so take this bit with a grain of salt, but in ep. 2, N claims that J "was getting orders from *someone.*" I'm sure at this point we all agree it was the Solver, but I argue that she didn't always know that. Me personally, I think all 3 disassembly drones suffered amnesia when they landed on C9. This has relevance, I promise, because if J was the head honcho and was receiving orders from someone, there's very few people I think she would just Listen To without having proof that they were somehow higher in command than her. The Solver could prove that by hurting her, yes, but we know that its main tactic isn't physical harm, rather manipulation. And with the knowledge that the Solver can impersonate voices to a t, I argue that so long as J was still under a degree of amnesia, the Solver could have been using Tessa's voice in J's head. This way J obeys without question; but eventually she put the pieces together that something was wrong, and yadda yadda yadda, already said this part. I also have a little analysis on J that I'm not quite sure how to reword (sorry bestie I'm cramming to try to finish assignments before my finals next week) but I do have the conversation where I tried to explain myself to my wonderful boyfriend, which I will place here for your consideration:

In conclusion, J was manipulated like the rest of them until she put the pieces together and realized that something wasn't right - but every time she tried to run, she just woke up right back at square one. Silently resigned, she decided to stand with the Solver in hopes of protecting herself. Maybe she got enjoyment out of it, maybe she didn't. I'm still figuring that part out.

Rb and all that jazz